Don't Break My Stethoscope

marbles

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:56:00 +0000

this might be my last long holiday that i can truly enjoy before ~~hell started~~ fifth year comes and at a blink of an eye i'll be at my first posting as an HO ~~hyperventilating in the closet.~~

i think i might have been too naive when i said this holiday are to be enjoyed. for once, i will have to spend the first 3weeks if not more of my holiday rotting away at college practically with nothing to do other than repeating the mindless daily routines of eating, sleeping and be bored to death from doing nothing.

interestingly, due to my intense boredom i did attempted several time to do a much needed revision. but can't make myself to commit fully. i mean why should i? i've worked my ass off to earn this holiday. why should i make myself jump back to the books as soon as the exam finished?

then it hit me, well sadie (my housemate which i adore so much with love) hit me - not in the literal sense of course but still, it gave out a loud pang; she ask a basic question from my third year and i stuttered. and to think it is something i had taught her previously!!

i believe i might be over reacting, if i say i had an anxiety attack there and then when my mind went blank and i failed to answer her. and to think that i am not the one who will be having her professional exam the next day! and for f--k sake i'm on holiday, there is no reason for me to panic!

but i did panic, but i think i manage to maintain my composure.

i think.

f--k.

come to think about it,i don't think i am panicking because i can't answer her, it might be more because i am embarrassed cause you know i did taught her that once before, but to be fair it's been awhile since i revised it, i'm panicking because i'm imagining myself being on her shoes in the future still trying to remember/understand the most basic theory the day before the big exam.

i'm psyching myself isn't it? i'm the worst.

and to think the bf who is currently on his study week prepping for his final hurdle in medical school concurred confirms it, ~~i have lost my marbles~~ that my anxiety attack is not baseless.

first step to the 2013 red robe: know your own strength and admit your weakness.

i guess now it is time to face it and work at it.

so connie, goodbye holiday? i hate my brain sometimes.

T________________T

that 2013 red robe.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:43:00 +0000

after all these years of sleepless nights, i finally made it. it took me awhile but i did reach the beginning of the end. yours truly is officially a final year medical student *throws confetti* !!

to more sleepless nights to come and all the ugliness that comes with it.

but first, the much earn HOLIDAY!

second extraction.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000

the date had been confirm. i'm gonna spend my christmas weekend being a chipmunk. and not even a cute one. a mutated half puffy face chipmunk FML.

and to make matter worse, even though the procedure will be done by a specialist, my whole extraction procedure will be observe by the fourth year dental CLASS. but i doubt it'll be the whole 60 of them but definitely more than 10, i'm sure. but still. so basically i'm gonna be a guinea pig. RATS!

T________________________T

lets just hope this time it'll be quicker, less painful than the last one and i don't have a bat in my cave!

Oh! and at least i get to enjoy my birthday (18th December, thank you very much) the week before *hint people, HUGE EFFING HINT!*

le sigh. why can't the freaking tooth come off by itself like when i'm 6.

~~counting days.~~

wisdom break

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 15:13:00 +0000

today officially marked day 5 post wisdom tooth extraction. the doc was kind enough to give me a long weekend to recuperate from the traumatizing 1 hour procedure, which was longer than normal especially i was only extracting one, ONE bloody tooth out. i mean other people who get 4 out at once can get in done in less than 30min. and before you get on your high horse and start trashing the doc, it wasn't their fault but my stupid tooth was the one who complicates things. as the roots had to grow at a 90 degree angle and it had to lie so damn comfortably on top of my facial nerve canal, which if you don't know makes the whole procedure quite risky as i may have a high chance of developing paraesthesia/numbness on my cheek/jaw, which i fortunately did not thank you god!

the whole procedure was not that bad actually. mine was done under local anaesthesia (LA), so i was conscious through out the whole thing. i had my gum cut open, and a very small part of the bone near the tooth was drilled to make way for the instrument and i tell you that was nothing. the tough part is when they pulled the tooth out. god damn i was in tears and i am not ashamed to shed it then and mine was so closed to the nerve so it hurt like bitch. after numerous try and me almost get off the chair and split, they finally divide the crown and win the most painful tug of war with the roots. i ended up having 3 stitches.

T_____________T

other than that i think the other painful part is post extraction when, i should have taken my painkiller earlier on before the LA wears off cause it took a while before it takes action and i was in agony for more than an hour before the pain subside. i was throwing the biggest bitch fit ever and even tries to convince my dental friend (the one who pull my tooth out) to give me another painkiller cause i thought the one i had was not strong enough then. but then by evening, the painkiller works and i even had strawberry sundae and cold porridge at mcdonald with the boyfriend :)

the swelling was horrible the next few days, it makes me look like marlon brando as the godfather. the only thing i can eat was yogurt, jelly, ice cream, mash potato, and cold porridge. everything leaks, it was a mess! the worst part is since i'm taking forever to finish up a meal, i literally get hungry soon after i finish 'em!

T_____________T

at day 5 swelling was not so noticeable, but there is this yellow-greenish bruise patch on my lower cheek which i think can be covered up using light makeup. also i still have a very limited mouth opening so chewing is still quite a task. as far as dental hygiene concern, i had no problem using the mouth rinse that they provide on day 1, i mean as long as you took your painkiller and not rinse soon after the procedure, and i think i started brushing my teeth the day after cause i can't stand it. *OCD*

and to top it all off, i ended up pulling the OTHER tooth cause the one that i intended to pull was infected and i had to go through a course of antibiotic before getting it out AGAIN in a few weeks time and i don't want to waste my time going there for nothing so like an IDIOT i go ahead and pull this one out. *facepalm*

to think that i am gonna go through all of this again. le sigh. i am in ~~knee~~ chin deep now can't back down anymore. the only consolation is the next one will be done by a specialist since the other tooth is lying even deeper into the facial nerve canal than this one. so that's gonna be fun *cries hysterically*

phew, that's a long one. ~~that's what she said.~~

~~the godmother signing off!~~

rash decision

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 13:49:00 +0000

after many years of complaining, bitching and in the end still tolerating the discomfort cause by my wisdom tooth i finally made a decision to pull one of it out, for now. i had made an appointment for the procedure and i'm gonna stop being a baby, grow a pair and just do it.

and for rest of it, as only 2 bottom one erupted, the pair above MIA, maybe next time or NEVER. getting one removed is just all i can handle for now.

oh, and the cool thing about this is, i had to do it for free, yay! and it is gonna be done by one of my best friend so i'm practically the guinea pig, yay? hahaha ~~help me god. I AM TOTALLY KIDDING!~~ but seriously, there will still be people supervising this and based on her track record i think i'm in good hand :)

maybe i can get Popsicle afterward as a reward like old times? non-sugary one of course, like an ice cube or a dozen.

OH, WHO AM I KIDDING I'M REGRETTING THIS ALREADY!!!

MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE DENTIST!!!

when..

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:03:00 +0000

the registrars (postgrad doc) that were assigned to be under the same team as you were unfortunately the biggest dickhead ever just keep calm and well carry the fuck on. cause heck they are not gonna be the one who's gonna evaluate you at the end of the day. just find another registrar who are willing to sincerely teach you or better went straight ahead and pester your specialist/consultant.

problem solve.

bones.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:41:00 +0000

haven't been posting anything lately cause i was getting too self conscious about what i'm about to write and ended up not writing anything at all. there, i've said it. this time i'm not even gonna use the oh, hey i'm a medical student and thus i won't have time to entertain this pathetic blog of mine card. ~~cause i'm pretty sure nobody'll be reading this anymore other than the ridiculous spammer (if that is even human!!) on my shoutbox HA-HA.~~

but i'm not apologizing. yes, i'm not.

cause sometimes being an over-analytical, obsessing bitch that actually stop for a~~longfucking~~while before i decided to speak out will ensure that i'll wont get into any trouble or attracts any unnecessary drama. i have enough drama from back home, the house and school. so much so i was getting pretty sick of all of it :(

and i thought keeping distance is enough. le sigh. i gotta find a better defense mechanism than walking away ain't i? like, stop whining like a bitch, bite my tongue and get on with dear life.

sooooo, i've numbed out is that a bad thing?

***

what am i doing? : orthopaedic 101. day 1 and i'm in the ot for major surgery. it was brutal. the sight of bone being saw, drill, hammered, nuts & bolts, wires, and leg bended on the most unnatural position traumatized me. but i was equally amused though. fine, actually i'm not quite sure on what to feel still. there's still 8weeks to go, this feeling might change.

time to go off, day 2 till uhm everyday of the posting is morning rounds. taa!

***

raping the replay button: pumped out kicks - foster the people.

my lazy days.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 16:12:00 +0000

i love in between postings. no reading to catch up, no unfilled logbooks to worry about. just the lappy, the bed, and you being utterly lazy.

anaesthesiology posting start tomorrow. 2weeks of compact craziness.

le sigh, i detest the stone cold OT.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 13:40:00 +0000

there's a fine line between being friendly and being creepy.

you just cross that line buddy. i'm officially crept out.

i sincerely wish for the sack of your reputation, all of that is not you but some idiot trying to make you look bad instead.

the world is a twisted place.

it's like ohemgee

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 12:58:00 +0000

i don't think i'll ever get used to when the most random people come up to me and say 'oh hey, btw i read you're blog' cause you know it's a rare, no seriously rrrrrrrraaarrrrreeeeeeee like if i'm an animal, i'll be like the one on the verge of extinction #win.

but dear people-that-i-know-you-but-i-didn't-know-you're-reading-my-blog-people or you, uhm thank you for reading my crappy blog *insert cute face here* haha.

i swear i'll try to tune down the emo-nest. oh well, i guess now i need more brain fart post then.

on the other hand, i'm so glad that i'm never too specific when i'm mentioning somebody especially when i'm being bitchy. you'll never know how somebody would use your words against you.

************

i'm tired, my back hurt, i'm sleepy, i have reading to catch up to, i need to churn out a presentation for my cwu, i have ssm to worry about, i have short case to be nervous about, i need multiple droids of myself to go about and do all these. i need a break, i need a freaking life.

i'm being cranky, i just need a nap.

*abrupt end, bye*

Lesson #1

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 12:12:00 +0000

so i heard rumour from the grapevine that apparently being a wonderwomen is not enough. people are expecting you to be more than that. being a bystander is frowned upon and growing an extra appendage is a necessity.

well some people are born to be a leader, but some just want to survive juggling 423198935589 stuff on their two hands.

for now i'm just getting the hang of not to slip up and step onto anybody's toes.

there's nothing wrong with that.

almost 2

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 17:49:00 +0000

it has been that long and yet here i am looking through your pictures and still manage to cry my eyes out.

i forgot about it sometimes, but when i don't, the pain still have the same intensity as it always been.

time may heal in some cases. unfortunately in this case, it does not.

if you're here, still, i swear i'll smack you hard in the head for doing this to me.

i still miss you, miss you dearly kid.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 14:16:00 +0000

Finish my study plan for the day EARLY! a rare occasion for the very busy triad a.k.a 3 in 1 posting i'm in now.

i feel accomplish :)

for those people who've been touting that 4th year medical school is the honeymoon year, well FUCK YOU. ehem, pardon my uncalled profanity. but seriously.
the postings are undeniably interesting but trying to cram a subspeciality subjects within 3weeks require way too many functioning brain cells that i can only pray i have enough of wtf.

AND to add to my frustration, i can't never seem to see the bloody fundus well with the bloody opthalmoscope! GAH.

finished study plan my ass, i'm gonna be sleeping late again.
so much for feeling accomplish.

blanket

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 20 May 2011 15:38:00 +0000

my headset is my security blanket.

to be able to choose to drown out the unwanted noise made me feel in control.

so many things had not been going according to plan lately.

i need something that i can control. for my sanity,

or not.

i'm weird, am i?

~~THE week: imma go nuts going through everything over and over again. i can't stop it's like i'm obsessed and i need to be obsessed!~~

Happy Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Sat, 07 May 2011 22:24:00 +0000

thank you for always be there for me mom.
i love you.

sanitize, sanitise, sanitize

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Wed, 04 May 2011 06:44:00 +0000

i have a fever, a sore throat that made my voice sounded like a shemale and now a flu that made me feel like my whole brain had liquefied and slowly dripping out from my nose. wtf. but i am being a responsible sick little sucker, i sanitize my hands every time after i sneeze, or basically after i touch my nose, mouth or everything in general cause i am OCD like that.

and on top of all of this, i have to go to a meeting that i could not afford to miss, not even if i have an MC to back me up. oh, i do hope the meeting wouldn't last long cause i would terribly misses my bed :(

on a brighter note, the sky is clear today. i hope there won't be any rain.

~~downing insane amount of warm fluid. cause i need my voice back!~~

le sick

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Sun, 01 May 2011 10:30:00 +0000

i'm ending week 3 with sore throat, cough and fever. ~~hooray.~~

but somehow for once in the past few weeks or so, i am feeling way better :)

as far as not being able to go home as soon as i expected, i'm still bitter about the matter it's true. but i'm trying to look everything in a much more positive view as i could not afford being sick and pessimistic at the same time, right?

right.

prescriptions:

T. Paracetamol 500mg BD
Fluid nourishment.
Bed rest PRN.
cont. observation.
stop obsessing.

lol i'm drifting. kbai.

~~week 3. killing off fever with my mind.~~

i'm feeling like a kid.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 09:57:00 +0000

the first week was tough, but i think i've been coping with things well. the unpredictable mood swings is very much nerve wrecking. Getting the most weirdest cases on my bed is making me lose some sleep time. le sigh.

the coughing came at the worst timing ever, if it weren't for the fact that i almost lost my voice from it i wouldn't waste my energy to walk all the to the other end of the hospital to buy the much needed cough syrup. which out of the whole being so goddamn tired from the lack of sleep and such, i ended up accidentally bought the one for little kids and i only notice it when i've opened the screw top AND drank the cherry flavoured cough syrup!

but it was all good though, cough was slightly better now i was barking like a dog no more and voice was not gone. at least i have that now.

~~week 2, better. but the future scares me. i wanna go home.~~

trying hard to make myself believe

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 05:13:00 +0000

...that a day can only be the one of the worst day of your life if you let it be one.

i'm trying very hard to brush off the insults and reply with a smile. it's so unhealthy.
sometimes i wonder if they are there for the sole purpose of crushing your spirits. cause one can only have a certain limit of handling daily insults.

now it is time to test the how strong is my mental insults shield. wtf.

~~week 1, i want my superman!~~

dear god, please bend my road straight. thank you.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 03:16:00 +0000

had to go back to KL on Thursday. too soon. home haven't quite sink in to me and yet i already had to leave it cause of some stupid decision i've made. too ridiculous to even worth to be mention.
but then again maybe this is what i need every year to keep reminding me that i'm not the brightest one out there and that i need to work extra hard to get what i want.
in some way i'm glad that this happen, weird. but yes i do indeed felt that way. nowadays i felt like life felt more natural when i screw up or some shit happen. my life, felt like were never meant to go on a straight road fml. i felt all messed up sometimes, and i always gone all jealous and shit over somebody else's perfect, carefree life but in a way i gotten more appreciative to that small good thing in my life like the family, the bf, the friends and random kind strangers.
i'm glad that i can still deal with most of these stupid shit myself and haven't go bananapeshit. like i said, i prob gotten used to it so much i've become immune to my stupid shit. though i sometimes couldn't fathom why i did what i did. it's crazy.
sharing is so not my favourite option to vent cause frankly if all you can offer me is 'aww, i'm sorry', 'i feel bad for you', or other unhelpful similar shit please, don't. i have enough of them to go around forever.

dear god, how much more bends on my road anyway? i'm getting weary you see.

stereotypes.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 08:05:00 +0000

exam week is finally O.V.E.R and i'm home. Finally!

so enough talking about exam. for a thing that brought crazy amount of stress to me i think i've given the issue way to many credit by even ranting about it countless amount of time in this blog. i think by the amount of rant posts regarding all the exams that i've been through, i might have single handedly contribute and reaffirm the stereotypes that life as a medical student only revolve around exams and thus we are a creatures that never sleeps, always have a thick, heavy medical book within an arm reach, our sole conversation topics are only of medical related that we practically fluent in greek and latin, clinically half-blind/blind without our glasses, a walking medical encyclopedia and our definition of fun is a game of pin the name of the muscles on the cadaver a la pin the tail on the donkey , and many, many more!

wtf i sounds like i'm on nuclear meltdown ~~(too soon?~~) or something. but seriously other than the part where we are clinically half-blind without our glasses and the thick medical book within an arm reach (can't help it, cause i do live in the hostel where i was surrounded by my books) i don't actually fit into the venn diagram of a stereotypical medical student. as much as i wish i was in that venn diagram ~~cause then i won't have to be so stress out about exams cause i'm a freakin' medical encyclopedia!~~ i honestly think that none of the medical student can actually fit into that stereotypes perfectly, so far.

yeah we do stress a lot on our exam, some more than other *coughpointselfcough* but we still do go out for a movie, go for a date and other stuffs like..., oh good lord i can't think of anymore. k lah donwan to explain myself already not like i'm obligated to do so oso.

wtfabruptending.

T____________________T

by the frequency that i blog which evidently infrequent (i'm sorry!!!11), i wonder is anybody really out there reading this blog other than the spammer. cause i got to ask, what is your medical student stereotypes?

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:45:00 +0000

mind freaking fucked.

what is ugly to you?

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 03:55:00 +0000

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of you face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

Roald Dahl - The Twits.

so think beautiful fellow Homo sapiens for we are created equally.

love ♥

*****

i miss putting out my random, rambling thoughts out here. my thoughts are running so fast recently and i'm getting tired/old to catch them in typing. all is left is the intangible bits and pieces that is so confusing even to me.

kitty kat.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 14:20:00 +0000

everybody know i'm a dog person. but this kitty cat is just so hard to resist.

one of my few unhealthy obsession.

call me crazy but drinking water poured from my HK water bottle with my HK mug feels awesome.

i don't need coffee, i got HK water!

pout baby, pout.

noreply@blogger.com (CoNnie) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 08:44:00 +0000

i do believe the reason people got misled into thinking i'm getting skinnier by the day as oppose of the unfortunate ugly truth is because of, for no reason my lips are getting how should i say this, getting poutier (pouty-er? does such word even exist? anyway, you catch my drift) by the day and ended up distorting the face : lip ratio hence lead to the aforementioned deceit.

but of course me being a girl would of course never pass up on such a rare complement XD and i guess the current trends of donning 2 size bigger than your actual clothing size a la the Olsen twin is helpful in maintaining that deceit and of course concealing everybody's worst enemy = the love handle.

le sigh.

but baby seriously in such state of nothing-to-be-happy-about study week, it's good to know being a pouty sourpuss is not all that bad.

my, my i do tend to ramble nonsense when i'm not suppose to.

right,study week! le sigh.

time to take a nosedive into the my sea of notes.

toodles.