Occasional Rants, Raves, and Praise

A New Year's Resolution: Living life Unscheduled

2012-01-03T06:55:00.000-08:00

Good morning! (well it is here anyway) I have spent the last weeks writing and rewriting posts for this blog and then not being satisfied with them they almost always end up in the trash. My last attempt was just a "year in review" post and my finger might still make it to the publish button on that one. Why do I keep scrapping posts? Well it has a lot to do with Blogging Intentionally but it also has to do with my scattered brain.

Christmas.. well actually all the holidays even going back to Thanksgiving, tends to be my favorite season. I love to give gifts, love to craft, love to cook, and for the most part love all the social activities that come along with the holidays. I know that I run on pure adrenaline and caffeine for weeks on end just to maintain my sanity. This year I started the season with a nice detox cleanse which I will credit with the fact that I stayed fairly healthy for the entire holiday season in spite of my children catching colds, stomach bugs, and the like. The good health did nothing to help my brain focus though. I couldn't pull together a complete thought for the life of me.

At some point I was talking with someone who said they were feeling holiday stress, or pressure for lack of a better word. It's not a negative stress, but it's a self-imposed pressure that we put on ourselves to get all the stuff we want to finish, well.. finished! She reminded herself (and me as well) that there's no point in stressing over it because we've done this a million times and eventually God takes over and everything gets done that needs to be done. We just need ed to stop trying to do it all.

She was right. I know that as soon as I stopped trying to get stuff done, things were done. I really wanted to make some pillows for gifts this year. It wasn't something that I would stress over, and it wasn't a necessity in celebrating Christ's birthday for me to finish these gifts. It was, however, my heart's desire. A week before Christmas they still weren't complete. And by complete, I mean I hadn't started them at all. I told myself that I would wait and if I was blessed with the time to sit and make them then I would be grateful. And if not then I would be giving the recipients fudge for Christmas instead. I wasn't going to TRY to make time for them. I was just going to wait until the time arrived.

Guess what? About 3 days before Christmas I was able to sit down on a quiet late night and sew all five pillows. And they turned out better than any gift I've made in the past ten years. (So good that I almost kept one of them for myself, lol!!)

I could go on with other examples, but the main point here is that I find myself "TRYING" too much. Trying to get something done. Trying to make time for something. Trying to relax. Trying to check off things on a to-do list. Trying to stick to a schedule.

Well in 2012 I'm giving it all up. I'm not going to try to accomplish everything. I'm going to live with purpose and I'm not going just lay around giving up on life.. but I'm not going to strive for certain things. It's my goal to wake up every morning with a mental list still, but it will be a list of possibilities not of obligation. Then as the day goes on, with each hour I'm given it will be more like a "Look guys! We finished math early so we can do art class now!" to the kids, or "Hey, I have a free hour, I can bake cookies for Michael to take to work!"... or read a book... or call a friend... or do the dishes.. (and because of THIS I'll still sound excited over the dishes :-) ) I'm going to summarize the day by being happy with what I accomplished, not looking at a schedule that I wasn't able to keep. I'm going to make a "Look what we did today list" rather than make a "Things we won't actually get done to-do list". Call it a glass half full attitude.

I know that some of you function best with a scheduled to-do list. Some of my best friends do. Guess what? I don't. I've tried for years and at the end of the day when I see that half-finished list I feel half-successful. Why would I try, no better yet, why would I strive to put myself in that over-achieving mold? Why can't I count each hour as it comes and fill it with something that needs to be done, or fill it with something that is just nothing but pure blessing and joy rather than having to rush through something at 2:00 so that I can then in turn be cranky about something I have to do at 2:45?

I understand that some times certain things take priority, but if I'm realistic with myself then I'll remember that at the end of my life I will not reflect upon how many things were accomplished on my daily to-do list. And if the end of my life were to come tomorrow I would hate for my kids to grow up remembering that Mom was stressed out the day before she died because she was trying to do the dirty dishes piling up and trying to declutter in the living room. I would hope that they would remember me sitting down within the pile of books they dumped off the bookshelf and reading them a story because that's what I chose to fill the next half hour with rather than move on to the next thing on a list.

Lists are great. To help me remember stuff. But they are bad at making me feel like I'm not meeting my own expectations of what I should be trying to get done. My new lists are going to be short and sweet. I will not assume that because many are motivated by organized schedules, I need to put myself under time constraints while life goes on without me. I will have a short list of necessities: (appointments, etc) and then I'll keep going with my as-needed routines but then I'll have a second "list".. a mental list of all the things that are exciting possibilities. Projects that we can do for school. Rooms that could be arranged or re-organized. A cuddle on a couch. A fort built in the livingroom. A book that could be read. A friend that could be visited. I won't rush through one to get to the next. And if there is no next I will never count it as a wasted day because whatever that first thing was must have been pretty awesome if I was able to spend the whole day doing it. I will not be stressed over meeting or not meeting a scheduled routine. Life is too short for that. Trying to meet self-imposed deadlines for life is silly.

I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my list at the end of the day and felt like a failure. Or how often I've told a friend "well I've been trying to get this done, it's on my schedule every day"... but then life happens and the next thing on the list arrives and I have to leave it undone or half done. Well maybe that's because I was prioritizing something when in truth I should have just laid it in God's lap and let him rank it's priority.

I will not waste any more time Trying to get stuff done when I think it should be done.. because if I just give it all to Him and stop trying He'll bless each hour with what really should be done.

It's sort of like living life as if you're on a perpetual vacation. I don't know about you but when I'm on vacation, I take care of my basic requirements.. and then fill in the rest of the days with sunshine, fellowship and fun.. knowing that my days at the beach are limited. And then when it's over I find myself in awe of all the ways I've been blessed by it.

Christmas was excellent for me. Huge things were accomplished. But not because I tried to get stuff done, or not because my calendar/dayplanner told me it was time to do them. Because I stopped trying to schedule life and just waited for God to show me the hour to do things. And the few things that weren't accomplished? Meh. The world didn't end without them being done. Guess what? I think God knew that it wouldn't.

Doing the rotten jobs

2011-11-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

It's not every day that you get a smack-in-the-face, Ah-Ha moment that denounces all the emotions you've been carrying for days. I don't know how often it happens to you, but I myself don't experience it as a part of everyday life. In fact, it's something that usually has to be sought out and prayed about.

Recently I spent a few days being truly ugly. One might not have noticed it if one wasn't looking closely. (Or maybe if you ask the people I live with they would disagree with that, lol!) I was spending hours of my day with an awful attitude. And I knew exactly who to blame for it.

Everyone.

Not specific enough for you? Well one of the people was my husband. I know that it sounds redundant, I mean don't we all blame our husbands for too much of our own emotional state? Well while I was standing at the sink rinsing dishes one night I found myself thinking "Why can't he just serve me? We're supposed to serve others, why can't he just serve me for once?"

I was so close to saying it out loud. I was ready to toss the dishcloth in the sink and storm the living room in a mad rush, declaring how much easier life would be if he would just jump on board and turn the tv off, put the kids to bed and help me fold laundry. Because he's supposed to serve.

Gratefully I played it out in my mind first.. being guilty of a talent that has helped me fight out arguments until I've won in every way possible, I always tend to strategize before such conflict. I predicted what he would retaliate with, and how he would point out the ways that I don't serve him. "Well now that's ridiculous." I said to myself, "I serve him constantly without complaining. I cook for him, I clean up, I care for our children, I give him all sorts of thoughtful gifts, I'm affectionate..."

And then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I know they say that God is a gentle god and He never smacks you in the face with reality, but this one felt like he reached down and smacked me in the back of the head.

Those are all the ways I like to serve. I'm ok with doing all those. Some of them relate to my love languages, some are my spiritual gifts, and some things I'm just doing because I want the end result. For example, my husband could care less about a clean house. He'd rather have a happy family with a tv he could hear clearly but be surrounded by clutter. The clutter doesn't bother me. So technically when I clean up, I'm doing it for ME. That's not serving him in any way.

So here was my realization. We are called to serve others. The hard truth?

A good servant's service extends even to the jobs that he hates.

Yuck. I did not want to think about this. Surely this was NOT a battle I wanted to start after all. It was true enough that Michael was only serving me in the ways that he wanted to serve... but I am surely more guilty of this charge than he is. I can't think of a single time where whenever given the choice I have chosen a role that I disliked, that I was bad at even, with the sole purpose of serving someone else.

I know I'm not alone in this. Over the past months there seems to be a trend in messages and sermons that I've encountered. That trend pertains to the topic of spiritual gifts. Everyone seems to be intent on encouraging people to "use their spiritual gifts" or "don't waste your gifts"...

Well I'm going to argue that true service to God doesn't always come in an opportunity to use a gift. Yes, it comes natural to me to help people, to encourage, to see a need and meet it. Yes, that seems like that's what I'm good at so of course the Lord would be best to use me like that. Right? Or maybe. Just maybe I could be better used doing something that I'm awful at. Isn't that just a strange thought? Maybe being bad at something shouldn't be used as an excuse for not doing it.

I think that people must remember that above all we are called to do what God wants us to. We may have a gift, but we are NOT instructed to just go around hunting for a way to use it. The gifts are given in order to bless the Lord, not just to fill a role in a modern church. When He has a time and purpose for our gifts HE will lead us to it. We need to seek Him.

If you're anything like me, you're thinking that this is just plain annoying. I don't like to do things I'm awful at. I'd rather perform in an area of my expertise.

But it's not about me. It's not even really about my husband. It's about how I can serve God, by serving the people around me. If it were about me I would sense a need somewhere.. and I would lift the person in prayer. I would bring a hot meal. I would send an encouraging note. But maybe God would have me do something different. Maybe God would have me physically step in to care for a sick person. (not my strength) Maybe God would have me extend a hug to a stranger. (definitely not my strength)

So how could I be better serving my husband? I'm not even really sure yet. But I'm sure I could stop thinking of what I think is a good idea for him. What about you? How could you be better serving your husband? Would he prefer you buy crunchy peanut butter instead of creamy? Would he prefer that you just gave up on housework and stared at the tv with him for a couple hours each night? Is he like my husband and would rather have quality time than a gift or something done for him? Would he really like you to hold his hand the next time you're walking into the store together? Or would he love for you to give up on a gourmet healthy meal for one night and actually give him the junk food that he craves as a treat?

There are many different ways that you can serve. If you've ever wished that maybe your husband would step out of his comfort zone and serve you in a different way then you understand the frustration from where this post came. Imagine God and the way he must feel when we try to serve Him and love Him in our own way. I challenge you to stop loving your husband in YOUR love language and start trying to love him in the language that he'd like to receive love in. Start serving people with an open mind. Start seeking the Lord and allowing Him to direct you in how to serve. Stop making it about you. Be selfless. Be a servant. That's what I need to do anyway.

If you want to learn more about spiritual gifts, check out Romans 12 or 1 Corinthians 12 among others.

Love Collage, aka Christmas is coming!!!

2011-09-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

Now, don't shoot the messenger but there are only 95 days until Christmas. That sounds like a lot? Well I'm here to tell you it isn't. Not if you make homemade/handmade gifts it isn't. You need to start looking for ideas now. This particular idea isn't one that I made for a Christmas gift (although it might morph into one for a grandparent at some point in time) but I thought it was a perfect, inexpensive idea that anyone could easily use as such.

I'd like to take credit for this idea but I originally spotted this on pinterest. (Do you have a pinterest account? If so, then follow me! And I'll follow you! I love great ideas!... just ask my husband who says that I pin everything.) The inspiration photo is HERE.

Michael and I both have birthdays in August, and we also have our wedding anniversary in August. This year was admittedly a neglectful one. When one is in the process of building a house, one tends to sacrifice all gifts in order to buy such things as fixtures and lightbulbs. That's not to say that I didn't give Michael a gift. I just tried to get very creative with it. We took the following pictures and made a collage out of them.

After Aidan and I took these pictures, and more than just these by the way but about a hundred to get the ones I thought would work, I put them into a frame, carefully making a collage out of them. I wanted a fairly small frame and I just purchased a landscape frame at Walmart and I think between printing the pictures and the frame itself this whole gift cost under $5. This is the finished product, as featured on Michael's work desk:

I did have to piece it together slightly using background pieces in certain corners, cropping here and there. I loved how it turned out though. And I didn't hear complaints from the husband either, although he knows better than to question a handmade gift, lol!

Thanks for looking and I hope that you get inspired in some way!

If you don't know what Pinterest is, it's a site dedicated to organizing favorite things. When you sign up for an account you can designate certain "bulletin" boards to pin your favorite links, pictures, places etc. to. The best part is that it allows you to pin a picture with the link, not just a link. It gives a great online home to your "favorites" rather than having them saved on one computer or having to filter down through a list of links to figure out what you want. Looking at the pictures gives you instant knowledge if something is what you're looking for. You can re-pin someone else's favorites, or you can install a "Pin It" button in your browser, allowing you to pin anything you like. If this sounds interesting to you, let me know and I can send an invite to your email.

A Vintage Affair

2011-07-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Just recently my niece Sarah got married. Isn't she beautiful?

This niece of mine had a vision for a vintage wedding. Her dress was custom made by a seamstress friend, as were all the bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dress. Sarah's vision was a fully detailed on so she knew exactly what she wanted. She had almost 2 months to plan this vintage wedding while working around the timing of military leaves and a tornado and this is what she managed to accomplish:

A beautiful, God-honoring ceremony under a white tent surrounded by green scenery.

A photo-booth manned by a photography friend, equipped with old doors for a backdrop and vintage props.

So that handsome guests like the young man above could ham it up for their future photographical enjoyment. (theirs will be in black and white though)

A suitcase for cards, next to the gift table, with other pieces of old furniture scattered around.

Her grandmother's wedding gown displayed, along with vintage pictures of family.

A dessert reception that was displayed on classic old tables with what seemed like endless vintage platters and plates.

Antique cars to transport the wedding party.

Hand stamped antiqued tags with table names (instead of numbers) displayed on an antique hutch.

Varying centerpieces of vintage table cloths and runners, stacks of old books tied with raffia and the table name on a tag. The floral arrangements were in mason jars and consisted of some purchased and many harvested flowers from a friend's yard. Both the bouquets on the tables and carried by the wedding party were arranged by a friend who does beautiful bridal work.

But one of my very favorite things she was able to pull off was the couple above. (my little miss V and my great-nephew Eli) They handed out roses and looked just plain darling. They definitely were the best looking couple at the event.

Well.... maybe these two were a close second, lol! Congratulations Jordan and Sarah! I love you guys!

Broken but Priceless

2011-07-13T03:14:00.000-07:00

In my recent absence there have been a few blogs that I've been keeping up with, most of them are my "real life" friends. I love them and couldn't bear to not pop in semi-regularly to smile at what their children are doing, pray for them in their challenges, and learn about what God has been doing in their lives. I have forsaken most of my creative inspiration, or "fluff" blogs as I like to call them, simply because they didn't offer much meat to my blog diet. That's not to say that I go without creative inspiration though. I read a blog called Chatting At The Sky for example and this particular page that I'm linking to was entirely inspiring.

Emily Freeman is the blog author and she has quite a few similar interests as me. She writes for Compassion International, which I am a firm supporter of. She loves her family to pieces. I also love my family to pieces. She writes for Dayspring, and I love many of the Dayspring lines. But what really gets to me is her heart for the arts, or more specifically encouraging people to find an artistic outlet. This is something that I firmly agree with, mostly because we are made in the image of a creative God.

Emily's article has to be read as a whole for my post to make sense so please go do so. I'll wait. Just don't get too lost in her wonderful blog to forget that I'm here...

***crickets chirping***

Oh. You're back. Fabulous!

My favorite part of the whole article is the line "We may admire your wholeness, but we can touch your brokenness". She's telling people not to wait until they are whole, and sure of themselves to create something. Not to wait until they are "ready" to share something that they've made, or written, or drawn or imagined. She's making the point that sometimes being able to relate to someone and have whatever they've made speak to our specific pain or a challenge we're facing is more valuable than seeing something beautiful and "perfect" that we've created.

My friend Trina and I were sort of discussing the value of showing our brokenness recently. We sat around a campfire and chuckled over the idea that someone might think that we have it "all together" and that we are calm and collected, our house is clean and perfect, or our family is ideal. We can laugh at this because we both know how far it is from truth. We've seen each others struggles and seen real life happening. And yet we both would love to only blog about the good things. We'd love to only rejoice in the beauty and stray from writing or creating things that might represent a funk or a sad time in our lives. I know that I personally have a hard time thinking that I could do anything but depress someone by writing about my struggles.

But then if I recall about how easily a new friend can be needlessly intimidated by all the perfection she sees on my blog then I can remember that I'm not in this alone. There are people who not only will be able to see my imperfections, but also see that they are not the only broken ones. Maybe something I write about my struggles will help them through their own.

On a grander scale, not only are we often more valuable to friends when we're broken but consider our Lord. Being completed by ourselves we are worthless. We're unable to be saved, and we're unable to glorify God. But to be broken, to be torn apart and losing parts of ourselves, is of the highest value. Practically priceless to us. There is no price that could ever be paid for that brokenness because with it comes the sweetest gift.

Because we have been broken, He can mend us. Because we surrender all the broken second-rate parts of ourselves he can replace those empty gaps with Him. And that is something that we can never exchange for. He has paid the highest price, giving his son to us as a Savior and absorbing all the nasty sides, all the broken rotten pieces of us.

Does it make sense? Not really. If you're a parent you can imagine that sort of selfless love but still our human nature thinks we should repay Him, if we could. But really, we can make an offering. We can offer all that is left, the other broken pieces that are left. We can offer ourselves broken so that he can rebuild us. He can do that if we're broken. If we're broken we have value to Him. Unbroken we have absolutely nothing to offer.

See if you can follow me here. As artists, if we're broken we can be used by Him. We can tell the heartwrenching story of how we were saved. We can write about how deep the depths were. We can paint a picture of the wreckage. We can sing about how our heart is crying.. and then we can sing about how we still have hope because of a Savior who loves us. A Savior who has taken over for us, who carries our burdens while we walk through the troubles, who has become a part of us...

Emily says "We may admire your wholeness, but we can touch your brokenness". If Christ is a part of you, then not only can someone admire your wholeness after you're completed by Him and wonder of it.. But they can actually touch your brokenness when you choose to let them. And in touching your brokenness they in turn are touching He who is a part of you now. They can touch the one who will mend you.

And all of a sudden you, the cracked and chipped worthless broken piece of art, have worth because the one who is within you is priceless and you have pleased Him.

As the clay is in the potters hand to fashion it at his pleasure: so man is in the hand of him that made him, to render to them as liketh him best. Ecc 33:13

Flowers, created by a creative God, being arranged by the hands of an artist, my dear friend Trina.

Four Months Later I Return

2011-07-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

Four months ago I read a post on a blog that I read regularly. I'm not going to link it here because really what it said was irrelevant. What was relevant was that it made me reconsider how I write. I didn't really think much of it when I read it but it stewed in my brain for the next few days. I started to weigh the value of my time here on my blog. I realized that I'm in a season of life that requires both my physical and mental presence at all times. I truly shouldn't commit myself to a blog.

Throughout the days following this revelation I started to ponder what my blog presence should be. I wondered what it should look like, or whether I should just be removing my blog altogether. There came an evaluation of what I had been writing lately. I prayed about it. It didn't take long for me to realize that there was a problem with not only my lack of commitment, but also with the content of my posts.

I have to stop here and say that I don't regret anything I've ever posted, or even think that anything was wrong with my past posts. What I had realized is that there were many posts that I hadn't consulted God about at all. I'm not talking about pictureful posts either. I'm talking about posts that started out like this:

Me thinking: This is something that I've realized lately. I should share it on my blog. People could benefit from this. type, type, type..... finished! What a great post!!!!

Notice something there? I had written what might have been a great post, sometimes even quoting scripture. I knew that everything I wrote was biblically sound. I knew that it was truthful and I was happy with it. It was, however, written because an idea had popped into my head. I did it spontaneously, didn't consult the Lord first or even take a day to pray about it before posting it or writing it.

So if you haven't gathered this by now, all of this resulted in me abandoning this little corner of the internet for some time. Four months to be exact. I didn't start out with the idea that it would be four months. I just figured that I would take time off until I felt at peace with coming back.

Recently I've felt led to return here. I have had some answers come to me about my life commitments. I realize that I'm not supposed to blog much right now. As tempting as it is to grow my blog audience, this isn't the time. I'm not meant to be in business. I'm not meant to feel obligated to post every day or two. I'm meant to be a wife and a mother. I have plenty of wifing and mothering to do. (I'm aware that I made that word up) I often will share something here that I feel will help someone, but do you know what? The people I need to be helping are at home. They aren't found out in blog world.

My kids need me more than blogworld does. That's the bottom line. Just because I think of something I want to write about doesn't mean I have the freedom to do so. Now I'm at peace with returning here, but it's clear to me that I need to make the posts a luxury, not a necessity. I will post rarely. I will not be taking time away from my family to do so. I will use my posts as my personal hobby. Would I make it a point to take myself out for coffee 4 times a week? No, because I truly can't spare that hour and a half out of my day for fun.. not four times a week anyway. Can I spare it once a week? Sometimes. Once a month? Probably. But the problem is, I need to think of it as taking it out of the "me time" budget. Not the "household time" budget. Because there is ALWAYS something more important in the household time budget that I could be doing. I will only take time out of my personal budget to blog. We've made the decision for me to stay at home now. I am not working outside the home. I'm not going to replace that time that I've regained by spending it blogging. I'll alot myself a certain amount of time per month to spend it on "me" and if blogging trumps painting my nails or getting together with my girlfriends then I'll do it. But if not then the post that is rattling around in my brain may have to wait until next week. It's that simple.

So if I'm not going to post often... they'd better be quality. So you can bet that every post will be prayed over. And if I want to post a little picture or a quick link I can do that too.. but I have to make sure my kids are tucked in bed to do it, meaning I'll have to get up early in the morning and do it.

So let's recap. My priorities rank as follows. 1. God, 2. Husband, 3. Children... ........... and coming in at #472 is my blog. It's as simple as that.

I'm at peace with this. And I feel released to blog here again. This place is a rare treat for me now rather than an obligation or a place where I blog for attention.

Father God, you are so good and have blessed me in so many ways, both in life and in internet life. I praise you for all you've taught me. Please guide my fingers as they type and help me to post about topics that glorify you. Please help me keep my priorities in check, and please use this blog to reach even just one single person who may need to hear from someone who is in the same season. Please help me to be a better wife and mother to my family. I ask this in the name of Jesus who is my Savior, Amen.

Some thoughts

2011-03-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

First of all I have to confess that I missed my check in for this week. I didn't mean to. I was supposed to check in to let my other 3in30 cohorts know how I'm doing. Of course I didn't. Because when I read the instructions apparently I missed the part about how we're supposed to check in on Fridays. I, in my own little pea brain, assumed that we would check in at the end of the first full week of March.. Here I am a homeschooler and I can't read directions. Go figure.

For what it's worth, I'm doing well at the bedtime goal. I'm not perfect with it but I'm doing well. The times that I've been up past ten are the nights when I've fallen asleep at 7:00 in the evening and then woke back up. I know. I'm pathetic. But we were all sick here and as soon as I sat down to read the kids a story we'd all pass out together. The good news is that we're all coming out of our sickness, slowly but surely.

I truly haven't been feeling sorry for myself over all of this flu garbage mostly because I know people who have bigger challenges ahead of them. It seems like there is a lot of sadness, a lot of sickness, and a lot of loss affecting people right now. There's a discussion posted on one of the online communities I'm a part of in which some of the women were talking about when sorrow and desperation leads to questioning God.

I can sympathize with those feelings because I do understand how it feels to hurt. I could see how when someone is crying over the premature loss of a loved one, they can feel abandoned. I could understand anger. I know that when I don't understand the "why" behind things I get frustrated. So let's review: Loss, hurt, sadness, abandonment, anger and then frustration.

On the message board there were some comments and questions about the "why's" behind awful things like the death of a child or a loved one with cancer. Some people guessed Satan. Others guessed science.

It didn't seem like anyone wanted to "blame" God. I guess I understood why. It's hard to understand how the Lord that we know, the loving God that we've been taught about could allow such awfulness.

But there is a major problem with not "blaming" God... it means you don't believe that God is all powerful. If you believe that science is at fault.. well then you don't believe that God is more powerful than science. If you believe that this is Satan's fault... well then you don't believe that God is more powerful than Satan. You don't believe that God has chosen your beginning and your end. You don't believe that God knows each of your days, your moments, your seconds.

What's that? You do believe that He is all-powerful? Oh good. Well me too. So that means that while God might not be "killing and harming" people and innocent children, he is allowing it to happen. And THERE is the problem.

We have a hard time accepting and trusting God that if He allows something awful that He has worthwhile reason. Because in our human mind there is NO good reason for cancer. No good reason for a miscarriage. No good reason for deadly accidents, natural disasters, childhood diseases.

But remember, our human minds and hearts will never ever be able to fully understand the workings of the Lord. He has never guaranteed a painless existence. In fact, as believers we are to expect persecution. We are to expect death. We are to expect mourning. We are also to expect mercy, love, kindness, grace, forgiveness and the comfort that comes from knowing our fate is to be with Him someday. But we are not to fully understand Him.

1 Corinthians 1:25 reads "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength" Doesn't that sum it all up?

Remember when you were a kid and your parents made a decision that you didn't understand? I don't know about you but there were several times when I would be so upset because I was sure they were wrong in their decision. I couldn't for the life of me understand why they wouldn't do what I thought they should. In retrospect, they were looking at a much bigger picture than I was. Couple that with the fact that they had my best interest in mind instead of just what I wanted or what I felt I needed. I know that there were times that they had to make a tough call, do things that might hurt a little, but the bottom line was that they were parenting an immature, emotionally-charged child.

We are HIS immature emotionally charged children. We feel so strongly. And we can even be blessed with wisdom. But we never see the big picture and we would almost always let emotions influence our decisions. He doesn't do that. He is the Father who always sees what has to happen, even if it means making a decision that might hurt us.

I don't believe that He rejoices in our suffering. I do believe it pleases him when we find comfort in Him in spite of our suffering. I believe that times of suffering can be opportunities for surrender. I also believe that we are refined by each and every time we are driven to our knees in prayer. He is truly a great God, full of mercy and always in control. Nothing slips through the cracks and happens without his knowledge.

So here is a flipside of this. God allows something bad, for whatever reason. It will happen, it's part of life. And all those factors I spoke about earlier: Loss, hurt, sadness, abandonment, anger and then frustration, they can and probably will happen too. Picture each of these factors as a bullet hole in the shield of armor that the Lord has provided you with. If you get stuck in this state for too long, without trying to plug the holes with the Word of God, prayer, fellowship, and worship then what will you be left with? Just holes. And those holes are where Satan can reach you. The enemy isn't in control of your life. But he'll be more than willing to prey upon you when your armor is damaged. I wouldn't allow doubt or questioning to take root by asking for understanding that you probably aren't capable of receiving. I wouldn't try to point out to God why a loved one shouldn't have died, as he knows everything about the situation. It's a waste of time and those holes in your armor stay wide open beckoning for the enemy to creep in. Don't give Satan that window. Instead ask for comfort and peace. Ask for guidance. Ask for strength.

This has become rather longwinded but the topic had been on my heart since reading some of this particular discussion and what I really wanted to post was this: If you believe in Him, do it courageously. Don't try to wimp out and make Him sound like some lovey-dovey humanized sweetheart of a God. Declare Him sovereign over life, death, sickness, health, war, peace, satan, people... all of the universe which He created. Worship Him and praise Him for all that you are blessed with. And when your heart is aching and you can't begin to picture what your world will look like without the loved one that has died.. just remember that He knows. He loves you and knows what your every tomorrow holds, so trust Him and let Him be your comfort.

He can handle it. They don't call him the Almighty for nothing.

One Last Hurrah!!!

2011-02-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

I truly have no reason for this post.. well no real reason anyway. It's more just a "Well I'm awake, and nobody else is (at least for the next five minutes) so why not write a blog post?"

The thing is, for the past week my nights have been occupied by sick kids. They still aren't well, but now I'm sick too. Why is it that they never want to coddle me when I'm sick? In fact they have very little mercy towards me. I'm sure I could dig deep and come up with a spiritual teaching moment on the selfishness of little children and how that can translate into adulthood. But please don't expect me to.

It's late and I'm tired. And sick. No deep thoughts coming from this brain.

The only thing that's really on my heart right now (besides the chocolate cake that's beckoning me from the fridge) is the devotion that I read today. I'm reading Streams in the Desert and today's devotion ended with a word picture of Martin Luther's and to paraphrase it, he talked about how our life and happenings are like words in a printing press that have been set. To look at it the words make no sense because they would read backwards.. but when complete the words are printed and culminate into something collective that can be read and that fit together.

Well I can relate to that. While a work in progress the typeset of my life would make no sense. But I know that when I truly live after this life it will all make sense. I don't need to see the full picture, to see the words in context of the grand novel that is my life. God wrote that novel and He knows how the words fit together on the page.

Clear as mud? As I said it's late.

Which means that I'm signing off to attempt an hour of sleep before the next sick child awakes. Don't expect any late night posts from me in the future, in fact consider this my last hurrah in a way. For the month of March I have committed to the 3in30 challenge and will thereby be in bed early. As in ten o'clock. ish. I know that's not early for some of you. But we still maintain quite the late schedule from my working days, hardly ever starting our after-dinner-routine until around 8:00. Ten o'clock is going to mean really putting the rush on to get what we want accomplished in the evenings and still have time to relax. Plus nights are the rare times of silence and privacy around here.

Someone out there is advising me to get up earlier for more silence and privacy, I'm sure. That would defeat my purpose of sleeping more though. I want to get more sleep. And I want to still have hours of great time with my husband in the evenings. I want it all.

Besides if you think my post-midnight blogging is incoherent you should see my pre-9AM blogging. It's ugly I tell you. Ugly.

March 3 in 30 Challenge - Goals

2011-02-26T23:33:00.000-08:00

I've been catching up on some of my blog reading recently, and one of my very favorite blogs is he{art}, where Sherry showcases how the Lord is working in her life, her family, and her artistic inspiration. She has given me some great ideas as of late, and this idea is one of them. I'm going to sign up for one of the challenges she's participating in, called "3 in 30".

This challenge is meant to knock goals off your "to-do" list, but in a smaller scale. This is good for me because while I'm a big fan of lists in general, I tend to be intimidated by them and don't function well at actually tackling the things on my lists.. maybe it's my rebellion against schedule. Or maybe it's just that I have too many things on my list. Or maybe I need accountability.

This challenge may very well help me.

So here are my 3 goals to accomplish in 30 days. (The month of March)

#1. Lose 5 or more pounds. This really isn't a huge goal, I know. But honestly, with my dear sweet husband working so hard to stay with his P90x plan.. the proper thing for me to do would be to support him. Unfortunately I'm not convicted enough to want to diet myself. What am I convicted to do? Well blog and participate in challenges of course!! So if I feel convicted to lose a handful of pounds because of this list then I'll in turn become subconsciously more supportive of him. Do you see where I'm going with this? Plus I could of course use the weight lost.

I'm not a fan of diets in general so my plan of attack on this is to eat a little less (I've been consuming almost exactly what a nursing mom should consume if not looking to lose weight, according to sparkpeople, so I'm going to aim at cutting about 300 calories off my consumption) and I'm going to exercise a little more. This is insanely hard right now because I refuse to pay for a gym membership, but it's 14 degrees and there's a foot of snow on the ground. I also have no success with workout dvds. There isn't enough privacy around here to accomplish them unless I want to add diaper changing and hurdling around a 3 year old into the routine. So I'm going to at least attempt a walk a few times a week. Hopefully my dear sweet husband (are you reading this?) will agree with this idea because I'd like to have at least 3 hours of time each week with nobody else around me anyway.

#2 on my list is to write a letter or card to someone, actually two letters each week. That's right, I'm going to break out a good old fashioned pen and paper. I am disgruntled by the cutting of cursive out of many public school curriculums. That's one advantage of homeschooling is that I can keep cursive and I plan on teaching my kids good penmanship. Just because so much is done on computers, doesn't mean that handwriting should be devalued. So not only am I going to write a couple of notes to people each week, but I am going to attempt to write them in strict cursive, none of the half & half handwriting that I usually use. Perhaps I'll even use proper English. Ah, who are we kidding that ain't a gonna happen. Ha!!

#3 on my list is... go to bed by 10:00pm. This will be the hardest. I have a feeling I might as well resign to the fact that there will be days when it won't happen. (I know that we hardly ever are home from prayer and praise in time to be tucked in by ten.) But I'm going to try. It's a necessity.

So that's it. I have a few more days before this challenge officially begins. Pray for me. I'll probably need it. If you feel convicted to join in then jump on over to the 3 in 30 home post and follow the directions to grab the button, etc.

Relationships: Not My Area of Expertise

2011-02-23T23:50:00.000-08:00

I truly hope you're not clicking on this blog post hoping that I'm giving priceless tips for a successful romance. Because I'm not. Honestly you really don't want my tips because anyone will tell you that my idea of romance looks something like a car ride to walmart to buy lightbulbs. Yup. I've got no game. But enough about me.

What's on my mind is something more like what relationships are built upon, or rather the point at which they cross that line between a surface relationship and a solid, true relationship. What would your guess be? Is it after a certain period of time? Is it sharing a bunch of experiences together? Is it being likeminded and like-goaled? (I'm fully aware that isn't a word)

Well. I think I have some insight here. I think I know, or rather I may have figured at least a little of it out. And to top it off, if it's true, then I may just know how to A. improve some of the relationships I'm already in.. and B. try to build some new relationships that are better grounded.

It all started when I was reading Trina's blog post about her Facebook fast in which she tells a few of the majorly adventageous reasons her fast was successful. I found myself caught up in thought over her idea that Facebook presents some poor quality communication. It wasn't that I was in disagreement, but I still struggled with the "why" behind it, and I knew that my reasons for why it was true weren't the same as her reasons. (She cites lack of voice tone, facial expression, etc. among others which is entirely true also.)

At first I thought, "Traci you're just being rebellious because of your personal love of the written word." And I tried to drop it. And it just didn't drop. So I found myself thinking about it some more. So I started praying about it. And thinking of some of the spectacular friendships that I've managed to forge with a handful of lovely ladies first over an online community I'm a part of.. and now maintain via Facebook. And admittedly I'm not the one that they call to come over and help them paint their living room on a whim since we're states apart, but I could very well be the one they'd email or send a message to when their heart is broken or they're having a rough time.

So why is it that I can boldly declare some of these online relationships more real than some relationships that I've made in real life?

The answer? (You're waiting, breathless with anticipation aren't you?)

It's vulnerability. That's what exists with these women. They know me, they know things about me that I've shared with barely anyone else. They've heard my fears and I've heard theirs. I know what was on their hearts when their husband cheated, or their son married the girl they wouldn't have chosen, or when they were forced to face their fears and re-enter the workforce after years of being at home, or their best friend died. I've shed heartfelt tears for these women. I know that they have done the same for me. And I know that when we've lost one of our own we've cried together.

I've sat at my cold, non-human computer screen and busted into tears reading the news that a second one of these friends has passed. I've felt that loss in such a real, heart aching way that it's hard for me to believe that I never had the chance to meet the woman. And when my daughter wears that sweater now I still feel the loss. I can remember notes that she wrote me that encouraged me in ways that nobody else could have.

And what's the reason that nobody else could have? Because I had been VULNERABLE with her, in ways that I hadn't with others. My guard was dropped; my walls were crumbled. I wasn't staying on the surface, very much the opposite actually. I know why. It wasn't on purpose, or because it's healthy and truthful. It's because it's anonymous. Even if she judges me or gossips about me who is she going to tell? It's fabulous really, it's real friendship without the fears of rejection.

But the thing is, the really sad thing, is that it proves how unreal most of my other "real life" relationships are. And it showed me exactly why. There is a lack of vulnerability.

So I guess here is where I'm convicted. I need to be more real. I need to be more vulnerable. I'm not saying I need to spend every waking facebook post whining about my latest papercut or running down my husband because he doesn't notice my haircut. *disclaimer: he actually did notice my haircut* It means that I need to make an effort to post more than just the shiny "God gave me a perfect life" posts. Because it's inaccurate and it's the F word. No, not THAT F word. Jeesh people. I'm talking about Fake. I'm sure that everyone wants to see me "like" something or hear about how I made the best cookies that day, or my kids did the cutest thing. But what if I actually take the chance to share something a little more human, or better yet chat at them and let them know that my heart is aching over something similar to what they're walking through? Let's face it, life's not all rainbows and butterflies.

This isn't just about Facebook either. It's real life. I need to share more than the surface stuff. I need to ask for prayer when I need it. I need to go to someone when I'm having a hard time dealing with something. I have friends who have probably dealt with that something already and who could encourage me. And our relationship could majorly grow from me being real enough to admit that I have issues. Or that I'm hurting. Or that I'm insane.

Well, they probably already know that.

I'm not an image oriented person.. but I have struggles with being too private. And I'm comfortable with being private. But sometimes privacy creates walls that not only hold everything in place, but also prevent growth.

On the flip side of all this, what could come of me being more real? Well, yes there is a chance that the receiving party could judge me, could form less than optimal opinions of me, or could break my trust. But then again it could prove fruitful, in that she could all of a sudden feel at ease herself to become more open. And low and behold our friendship could move to the next level.

And then the best part? Think about the most awesome relationship I can have (sorry Michael, this one's not about you) and that's the one with Jesus Christ. If I'm not vulnerable with God, and I try to hold up my walls where will that lead? The idea is senseless because He of all people knows everything already, but let's just say I refuse to share my heart with Him willingly. Let's say I keep a little moat around the castle where I keep the bigger, scarier fears and dreams. Do you know what that means? It means that I have not truly surrendered my heart or myself to Christ. Scary thought isn't it? If we aren't broken then how can He put us back together with the binding glue of his grace? I have to quote Hebrews 2:16-18 here.

For indeed He does not give aid to angels, but He does give aid to the seed of Abraham. Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.

He wasn't here to help the angels. He wasn't sent to save the perfect, the strong. He was sent to save the broken, the weak, the helpless... should I be too proud to stand, or better yet fall to my knees and cry out the truth so that I can be blessed enough to fully receive his grace? It would mean rejecting what would be the best relationship I could ever be a part of.

So here's to being vulnerable. Here's to letting my guard down. And here's to being real everywhere. On Facebook. At the grocery store. In the living room. At church. In mourning. In my happiest of moments. In the sunshine. On the rainy days. On my darkest days. Because as Trina has pointed out, my time is too valuable to waste on bad quality facebook relationships... and it definitely is too valuable to waste on bad quality relationships in real life.

To read my own thoughts on unwanted facebook side effects read about My Other Relationship.

For Those Who Are Overwhelmed...

2011-02-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I posted this on my facebook account with the intent to post it here also... but it never happened. Well I'm posting it now, because this same verse is once again providing me comfort.

Isaiah 43

Fear not, for I have redeemed you, O Israel;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your god,

the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.

You are precious in my eyes, and honored,

and I love you.

If the waters your're wading through seem like they're going to sweep you away, take heart in knowing that He's in control of both the waters and the wader.. He has called YOU by name and YOU are His. Look to Him and see what love and sacrifice he offers in Jesus. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to be strong. We don't even have to be good people. He meets us when we call, he expects our weakness, and he loves us through our sins. He gave his son in sacrifice for a world of people who will never deserve it. The only thing he asks of us is that we trust him with everything that we are, that we are His. It doesn't make the hard times easier.. just better, less overwhelming, giving comfort... and giving us hope - the kind of hope that only comes from knowing that when this life ends, a much better life begins.

I have called you by name, and you are mine.

Apparently I've been keeping secrets from CJ

2011-01-30T13:46:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a baby boy named Caleb Jack. Caleb Jack liked to cuddle and smile. He also liked to explore.

"What's that?" Caleb asked his mama, who of course understood gurgle language.

"What's what?" Answered Mama.

"That thing I feel kicking around down there?" replied Caleb.

"Oh that. Those are called feet. You have two of them. They're sort of important." She informed him wisely.

"I want to see them!!!" Caleb proclaimed loudly with a whine in his voice.

So his mama helped him to sit up so that he could get a better view.

"Wow! How long have you known about these and never told me? Didn't you think it was strange that they were there." Caleb asked.

"Your whole life. And no. In fact I would have been disturbed had they not been there." chuckled Mama.

"Well I suppose I can forgive you. You can take pictures now if you want. I'm just going to drool on them for a bit."

Mama grabbed her phone and obliged him, but not before whispering "I love you Caleb."

"I love you too Mama."

Things I've discovered... about me.

2011-01-21T23:17:00.000-08:00

This season of life that I'm in doesn't allow for much activity. Strike that. It doesn't allow for much that requires two hands, which includes blogging. It does however allow for plenty of time for reflection. Because when one is feeding a baby one has plenty of time for reflection. And this post is simply a list of things I've discovered over the last few months.

I have an incredible love for my baby. Caleb Jack and I share a connection. I know that may seem obvious since he's my child and I always love my children. But there's something... unique about how God has worked in our relationship. Everything that we've been through together, the challenging way that he entered the world, may have served to bring us closer. Or maybe it made me more grateful for the tiny life that was entrusted to me. Maybe it's just because he's so darn cute. He brings me such joy. But I'm a different mother than I was before he was born.

Which brings me to the next item on my list: Parents need to enjoy their kids. Sounds like a no brainer right? Wrong. I know that it's not a no brainer because I had a brain for my first five years of motherhood, yet I still didn't figure it out. I guess I thought people had kids and parenthood itself was an awesome enjoyable experience. I guess I thought that the good stuff was just supposed to happen. But it's not that simple. Parents have to purposefully look for things to enjoy. If they don't then they'll miss it. All of it. So every little giggle will be chalked up to noise instead of an opportunity to giggle themselves. Every time their kids come up with some crazy fun scheme they'll see it as a distraction to their schedule instead of a chance to make a memory. Oh heck, let's just drop the third person and go right to the "me" of the matter.

I need to enjoy my kids. It wasn't really until Caleb that I realized this. I would have told you that I was doing smashingly before I had the opportunity to spend so much solitary time with him. I started appreciating the snuggling. I started enjoying the gurgles. Then the smiles came. And they were amazing. And I started to realize that I'd been... busy before. I'd thought the smiles were cute. But I hadn't stared at them in wonder every chance I had. I hadn't taken every opportunity to smile back at that smiling baby, to delight in those smiles the way the baby delighted in smiling at me.

Which brings me to the next change. I am seeing things clearer. This may sound extreme but something has changed within me. I think that God has worked me over, and all of a sudden I notice things I haven't noticed before, things that my kids are doing and saying... friendships that have been neglected... yada yada yada. Maybe it's because I was so self absorbed during the pregnancy and birth that when it was all over the haze sort of cleared. On top of that I feel like my emotions are ridiculously stronger. But maybe that's just because I'm getting older. And it seems that as of late some of the loose ends of life seem to be easily tied together. In other words, I feel like I've been able to see the wider picture, see how God is working on a grander scheme rather than just wonder at specific happenings.

I need to be thrilled that my kids are kids. Confused by that statement? I figured out that I spend too much time frustrated by Aidan and Vivi not taking things seriously, not rushing to put their boots on before church, not walking steadily and straight at the grocery store, playing with their food, not being quiet... you get the picture. In reality, I want them to do all this stuff. I want them to be silly. I want them to be kids. Because the minute they stop having fun, it means that the seriousness of life has occurred to them.

Right now they don't know true pain. And I praise God for it. They've never experienced real sorrow or grief. They are physically healthy. They do not live in fear. They've never been betrayed or abandoned. They have a safe home and food to eat. Nobody has ever tried to hurt them.

They are innocent. And I would like to try to remember that and be grateful for it all those times when I tell them to SSHHHHH!!! Every time I get frustrated because Aidan is singing a song into his toothbrush like a microphone instead of promptly brushing his teeth I'll remember that I really do want him to be a child. Each time Vivi covers the living room floor with every blanket she can find right before company comes I'll remember how sweet it is that she thinks everyone would enjoy a picnic on the floor with her. Or at least I'll try.

And on a final note: I'm going to try to waste less time. There are a lot of ways to waste time. And I want to do less of all of them. Every time I argue with someone over something irrelevant I'm wasting time. Every time I am silent rather than offer an encouraging word I'm wasting time. Each hour that I spend during the day being negative or grumpy is wasted. I'm going to clean when I need to, but I'm not going to ever pretend that cleaning is more important than the people I love. I'm going to teach my kids but I'm going to take every opportunity to have fun with them as well. I want to kiss my husband more. Maybe even in front of other people. (those of you who know me are gasping right now because that's not my personality at all.) I'm going to tell people that I love them. I want to spend hours in conversation with them.

There are a million things that take up my time. I don't want the end of my life to arrive and for me to think that there were many many times where I had simply wasted moments that could have been invested in something worthwhile. In the people I love. In the Saviour who loves me.

So these are just of the few of the things I've pondered lately. Random. And a little bit "New-Years-Resolutionish" But hey, just remember that I have a 3 children under the age of six. My mind isn't supposed to always make sense.

A Christmas craft with the kids!

2010-12-20T23:41:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't paid attention, Martha Stewart makes these adorable little felt mice for candy canes... they really are cute. Unfortunately I don't have an abundance of felts, especially not in Christmas colors. And I wasn't about to buy some just for our homeschool. But I do happen to have a lot of scrapbook paper. (Imagine that!) So we improvised.

Martha also gives a pattern. And we didn't use it. Just free handed a mouse body and cut it out. And then cut out a piece for the ears that was sort of an elongated peanut shape. Then cut slits in the body to stick the candy cane in and put a piece of scotch tape over it to hold it. And then cut slits in the head part for the ear piece to slide in. The nose is just a little shiny sticker.. but you could draw one just like we did the beady eyes.. or even make one out of paper.

Fun Fun! They were such a quick craft. And they hang on the tree upside down like a possum afterwards, lol!!!

Some Christmas Gifts

2010-12-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

I've been busy making gifts as of late and haven't really taken the time to post pictures. These are some altered art necklaces that I made for people. I made a lot more but don't want to post them all yet. The three on the left are made from washers that I decorated and then glazed over with Crystal Effects which works as a sort of epoxy. Then I put bails on the back and put them on chains. The one on the right is actually a watch face. They are available to buy, or you could find an old one to recycle I suppose but this one is nice and small. (one inch) They can be filled/decorated in any way, put a picture in, or whatever.

These are glass domino pendants. I used the same technique as I described above.

This Winnie the Pooh necklace was one that I made for my SS secret santa this year. She seemed to like it, I'm so glad!

In case you were wondering about my materials, Crystal Effects is a Stampin' Up product. If you don't have a rep to order from, and want to try it, I can refer you to mine. The designs on the pendants vary between scrapbook papers that I had on hand, printed graphics that I downloaded from etsy artists, and others include free clipart. Not so much on these, but others I ended up sketching and chalking myself.

The hardware all came from etsy. I was able to order the glass tiles, bails and necklaces from different etsy stores and get pretty good deals because of buying in bulk.

Peek-A-Boo!!!!!

2010-11-14T19:03:00.000-08:00

I see you.....

Vivi's First Date

2010-11-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Because she felt a little left out and the little princess doesn't like feeling left out, Vivi-Ann requested a date of her own. Her big brother had taken me out for a night on the town and Vivi wanted her Daddy to do the same for her.

Say Chhheeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssseeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

They're off! She was so proud of herself!

She chose Applebees for her restaurant, which is good because not too many restaurants are Vivi-friendly. She's sort of like a beautiful tornado. You love to sit and stare at her but you know that at some point you should take cover because you're liable to be hit with flying debris.

After dinner they went to Walmart and shopped together.

At the end of the night they looked as happy as when they left for their date, as this self portrait shows.

Aren't they adorable? I think so too. And it truly was a great idea, because every girl's first date should be with her daddy.

Aidan's first date

2010-10-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Aidan remembered that he had promised me a date. (his father and I go on dates, and I do believe that the young man was concerned that he was missing out on something fun) So he instructed me to wear something nice, which for me translated into wearing a maternity dress and leggings even though I'm no longer pregnant, and he'd wear a tie.

He was quite dapper, although I don't know where the backpack and apple became relevant. Maybe he's confusing his first date with his first day at school? Handsome just the same.

Of course I was thrilled to be escorted by such a fine fellow.

Lest you think we were too sophisticated to make fish faces at each other, we were not.

He took me to the restaurant that his father and I have enjoyed on many of our dates. He even opened the car door for me, made me take his arm while walking across the street... he was the perfect gentleman.

The food was as delicious as always, and even though he did order macaroni and cheese because he likes to stay true to his roots like that, he did partake in an appetizer with me. Bruschetta. And he even analyzed the flavors and detected red pepper all on his own. What can I say, we're breeding foodies around here!

At the end of the night he asked me out on a second date. Of course I said yes...

Who could say no to those blue eyes?

not for the faint of stomach

2010-10-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

I did it. I took the little dude to the Dr. Rockstar about his cough/choke. The coughing started about three weeks ago and I really thought it would have cleared up by now. I was more concerned about that than about the periodic vomit that was accompanying the coughs. It wasn't like he threw up every time he coughed. Sometimes he just choked on his own tongue it seemed.

A trip to Dr. Rockstar reassured me that Caleb was not sick, or at least didn't have a cold or anything. But after watching the baby vomit on him in a projectile fashion three times while he was holding him... let's just say it didn't take him long to suggest a closer look.

So after taking a few good sips of barium they were able to spot no blockages (thank goodness) but it was indeed acid reflux. Who knew that acid reflux was hereditary? Well I was unaware. And my husband has absolutely awful acid reflux.

So when Dr. Rockstar called me from his cell phone on a Friday night (had to throw that in there to emphasize his nickname) and informed me that he had called in a week's worth of antacid to our pharmacy, we of course picked up the prescription.

And then when it came time to give him the medicine I dawdled. I think I just wondered, how much of this vomiting was just normal baby spit up? I mean, is it worth it to give him medicine over it? (I don't like to give unnecessary medicine to anyone, not only tiny babies) I set aside those thoughts and gave him the medicine.

We gave him the first dose before bed one night. Then I fed him. And put him in his bassinet. And we waited.

And waited.

And you know what I heard? Crickets. Literally nothing. No coughing. No vomiting. No gagging and choking. And no crying.

He slept six hours.

It was so nice to not have to worry about whether I'd wake up every time he choked, or to change his soaked clothes six times each night. (And when I say soaked, I mean it. We had taken to using a burp BLANKET, because a regular cloth wasn't big enough to keep the burper or the burpee dry)

So we gave him a second dose in the morning. And for once the poor little dude didn't cry whenever he wasn't nursing or cuddled by me. I was able to put him in his swing and have him look around and be peaceful.

Needless to say I'm going to stop doubting Dr. Rockstar. Because his judgment has been spot-on thus far. Caleb still fusses when there's something wrong, and he will still eat every 3-4 hours at night most of the time I'm sure. But at least he's not awake from discomfort and swallowing his own vomit constantly.

As for treatment, the good doctor wants to reevaluate in a week. (Can't leave anyone on an antacid for too long) And we'll go from there.

Some Favorite Products

2010-09-22T00:11:00.000-07:00

Since I really don't want to bore anyone to death with only baby oriented posts I thought I'd throw together a quick post with a few of my very favorite crafty products.

First of all I'll tell you about a product called Diamond Glaze. I have been planning my Christmas gifts. I know, I'm insane. But I have some awesome projects planned and this glaze is called a dimensional adhesive. It's an amazing glaze that not only dries hard and solid, but it is thick and when it says it's dimensional it means it doesn't spread out like a normal watery glue, but it stays thickand creates a "glass" over it. Very cool. Since I'm not going to give away any clues to what my Christmas projects are, I'll give you a link to another cool way you could use this product. This Glass Tile Pendant or how about pendants like THESE or you could hand paint some coasters or something with a pattern like THIS and then glaze them. Wouldn't they be fabulous? Great ideas, I know. And not one of them is actually what I'm making any of you for Christmas so if you're on my gift list then stop guessing what you're getting.

Another product that I love right now is Stickles. Or would Stickles be the plural form? Who knows, don't ask me, I only majored in English for a while.. anyhoo, Stickles rock. They are fantastic for card making, scrapbooking, you name it. They aren't your average glitter-glue either. They don't dry incredibly thick or gooey. They are just perfect. You can take a regular patterned paper and dot on glitter just where you want it, instantly making it perfectly enhanced. You can add whilte glitter on a Christmas card to make the snow shine in spots. You can use Stickles to embellish pine cones and then hang them as ornaments on a tree.

And they come in great colors, too. I didn't have extensive stickles experience until my secret santa sent me some last year and I've been hooked since. It's definitely a great addition to my scrap cabinet.

Another favorite craft product of mine now is Glimmer Mist. It's not really a glitter but it falls in the same family. You can use it with your paper crafts and it literally mists on a shiny, faintly glittery sheen. It's hard to explain but it's really awesome. When properly applied it can definitely add some great effect. Think the kind of shine that a dusting of bronzer can give the skin. It's delicate. And it's worth the purchase if you're a card maker, for sure.

Well, I've given you my three favorite craft products of the moment. Add them to your wish list if you happen to love all things crafty!

Revisited

2010-09-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

Since it's rather hard to post as much as I would like during this season, what with my hands occupied by diapers, burp cloths and a squirmy little newborn who doesn't appreciate me typing while he nurses, I decided to read back through my archives and find posts that give me perspective on life... and then re-post them. Here is my Letter to My Seventeen Year Old Self. Re-reading it reminded me of where I've been, and then to compound it with my experiences over the last nine months of pregnancy, it's easy for me to get a reality check from it.

And as an accompanying apology for my lack of blogging, I'll give you a peace offering in the form of a very cute baby boy:

Mercy All The Way (part 3)

2010-09-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

So there I am, sitting in a room at the birthing center, text messaging anyone who should be aware of the fact that I was going to have a baby that night. Michael seemed a little shocked, which really how shocked could he possibly have been at the idea of having a baby when he knew he had a wife with a huge belly who was just 37 weeks. But apparently he didn't expect to have a baby that day.

Here is where Dr. Blondie comes back into the picture. Since she is a general practice doctor, and the dr I had with my other kids not only didn't practice at that hospital but also was no longer a provider under my insurance, I wanted Dr. Blondie to be the baby's doctor. Well when they called her she apparently had some hesitation and reconsidered. She had a hunch that if there were complications related to the antibody we would need a pediatrician who had a lot of experience with this rare problem. She placed a call to the top pediatrician at the hospital (we'll call him Dr. Rockstar) and explained my pregnancy to him. She knew he wasn't accepting any more newborn patients at the moment, but she was hoping for an exception.

It turns out that Dr. Rockstar was actually covering another doctor's week of being the on-call pediatrician at the hospital... even though he stopped his own on-call rotation last year. So he was happy to step in, especially considering that he was more experienced doctor when it comes to antibodies and the like.

So Dr. Rockstar became my baby's pediatrician.

With all our ducks in a row it was time to have a baby. I wasn't scared. Even with the baby's lack of action in the lungs I still wasn't afraid because I could feel the baby's kicks just as strong as ever and it was comforting. They started the whole process after giving me a chance to shower and the arrival of my husband. It was around dinner time when they gave me my i.v. and I'll skip all the lovely details of being checked a million times for dilation and how the epidural wasn't nearly as strong as it could have been.

Instead I'll skip right to the fact that at around 11:00 that night I started pushing and at 11:05 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who we named Caleb Jack.

His lungs were certainly healthy and we could tell that by the way he yelled out at us. Then he quieted down and looked around as if trying to figure out what planet he had landed on.

Dr. Rockstar discovered that Caleb's blood sugar was dangerously low (because of my gestational diabetes) and that he was tongue tied so he couldn't take a bottle or nurse. He put an IV in his arm to be sure that he could give him something to raise his sugar at a second's notice.

Caleb drank sugar water at first, as a temporary precaution and then by the time his blood sugar dropped again Dr. Rockstar had us give him formula a tiny bit at a time from a little cup. It took some time to get him in a safe zone, but we finally did by the following day. Dr. Rockstar asked me to start trying to nurse, knowing that since Caleb's tongue was tied downand he couldn't suck that it would be pretty much impossible. But he wanted to at least get him used to the comforting aspect and the idea of nursing. Since my milk hadn't come in anyway and it was purely for practice purposes. I still had to cup-feed him formula after every nursing because if he didn't get a good amount of milk his blood sugar would drop all over again.

As for the antibody, his blood was drawn and tested for various things, various times. Dr. Rockstar really was a rockstar when it came to the care of my child. He was incredibly fond of Caleb and took every precaution to make sure everything was normal. Caleb's organs were all healthy and the anti-body seemed to no longer be a threat although we were told the testing would happen periodically for a while just to be sure.

Dr. Rockstar came in and sat for a while each day we were at the hospital, explaining stuff to me. During these visits he advised that we keep Caleb very anti-social for first few months with no unnecessary contact with people because while his organs were good, his blood was unhealthy. His immune system was exhausted and his reticulocyte count was high, meaning he was breaking down red cells too quickly which meant we'd have to watch for jaundice. So Dr. Rockstar wanted us to become germophobes until the baby had a chance to become healthy again and his immune system was strong enough to hold its own.

Normally I dislike being a germophobe. Something about that level of paranoia stresses me. In this case however, I truly knew that Dr. Rockstar had the best intentions. He did not want to see someone give my newborn a regular common cold and have it turn into a case of pneumonia that was fatal, or on the less dramatic level just have to pump the poor baby up with medicines at such a young age.

So I agreed. They discharged us and I took my little pumpkin home, with orders to return for blood work in two days. Then he turned into a real pumpkin. The following day when we took him to have his tongue fixed he was yellow. But at least he took an immediate interest in nursing after having full use of his tongue.

He was bright orange/yellow by the time we took him in. And his bilirubin levels were indeed too elevated. They readmitted us and put him under the UV lights.

Dr. Rockstar came and checked in constantly. He was so on top of things. And he knew I was teetering on the edge of insanity over all of this too I think because he even gave me a big old hug at one point. I must have looked entirely exhausted and unstable. Kudos to the guy for having the tact not to tell me so.

By the following night we were able to take Caleb home again. The nurses were heartbroken to see him leave at this point because he had become a favorite, but they knew we were not heartbroken ourselves about it.

I've been back to see Dr. Rockstar since then and he is thrilled with Caleb's progress. We've chatted via phone also and he's just monitoring Caleb at this point. (In case you were wondering, he truly is the rockstar pediatrician. He does house calls, places phone calls to me in the evenings on occasion, gives out his cell number to parents... carries toys in his pockets, sugar free lolly pops, the works.)

So that's where we are right now, secluded but happy to be healthy. It seems odd to have a baby who has not yet been officially introduced to anyone other than his immediate family, but we know that the days of his social interaction are coming and until then we'll keep him in this nice little bubble we have at home.

Now it would be neglectful of me not to point out the hand of God in all of this. Had Dr. Blondie not looked so sweet in her picture I wouldn't have picked her office, thus never have had the excellent care of Dr. Brunette, or the watchful eye of Dr. Buffalo, and last but not least the incredible care of Dr. Rockstar. Think about it. Dr. Rockstar is NEVER on call any more. It was just a "coincidence" that another doctor decided to take vacation that week so Dr. Rockstar was asked to help out. Just a "coincidence" that my health started to waver that week and Dr. Brunette was cautious enough to induce. Just a "rare exception to the rule" that my S antibody didn't do true damage to Caleb.

But you see, there is no such thing as coincidence. Everywhere you see the word "coincidence" you might as well delete it and replace it with "God's hand". Nothing happens by chance. And that "rare exception"? That could be removed and replaced by "the power of prayer". Because God is the exception to any earthly rule, and we as his people have the privilege and sometimes even the responsibility to call upon Him to act. Sometimes it's even necessary to call upon him in order to be faithful, rather than accepting the human or scientific verdict laid out before us. The final verdict comes from the Lord, so do not accept substitutions. I have a sweet baby boy who is proof that God still answers prayer.

I'll end this little saga by giving you the part of the description of the name Caleb, which we did not even know until after we had officially named him.

Caleb, a companion of Moses and Joshua, was known for his astute powers of observation and fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds.

Hmmm... "Overwhelming odds"? Funny. That seems like a "coincidence" considering what the specialists said my Caleb would have to overcome in order to even be born.

Mercy All the Way (part 2)

2010-09-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

This post is the second part of a series and it tells part of the story of my most recent (3rd) pregnancy. Please read the other parts so you can get the whole story if you're interested.

Let's see, where were we? Ah yes. Driving to Buffalo.

I was fortunate enough to be accompanied by an excellent co-pilot (my niece Sarah) and my dreadfully annoying GPS on that first trip to Buffalo so it was a fairly smooth trip. Plus there was sunshine and unseasonably warm weather, so nice in fact that we had the sun roof open in celebration of it. The trip was also made manageable by a fellow named Tim Hortons and a lovely stroll through a mall. But that's besides the point.

The specialist at the perinatal center told me that there were very serious risks to this baby. The way it was worded was that the baby would probably start becoming anemic at around the 24 week mark. This anemia is representative of my body trying to kill off the fetus with antibodies that cross the placenta and attack the babies blood until its organs weakened and failed.

The treatment? They would do special ultrasounds in which they would measure the blood flow in the brain. Apparently it was the easiest way to observe anemia. They told me that when the baby starts to be in danger they would give the baby blood transfusions.

Ok, how on earth does THAT happen?

Oh. Ok, THAT happens by sticking a giant needle in my belly and into the umbilical cord, inserting blood into the baby via the cord. Sometimes they sedate the mother for this process. Let me tell you, they almost had to sedate me just explaining it to me. They would then follow up with more transfusions if needed until they could safely deliver. Anyhoo, that would be the plan of action when the anemia kicked in.

Do you notice that I just wrote "WHEN" the anemia kicked in. There was no if. I don't think that dear educated, experienced lady ever wanted me to have a glimpse of hope at any other outcome. She knew what was coming and she wanted me to be prepared for it.

She also wanted me to be prepared for other things. Like a scheduled caesarian section in Buffalo, a premature baby, and even better the popular BC.

She wanted me to sign the papers saying I'd have my tubes tied at the time of delivery because this problem gets worse with consecutive pregnancies.

"But I've never had a C-section..."

"Oh, we'd rather schedule a C-section and deliver you here after the transfusions so we can be prepared to give the baby a transfusion after birth."

"But I don't want my tubes tied, or at least I don't want to make that decision now!"

"Well I encourage you to consider it."

Jeesh. Let's just say Dr Buffalo might be an expert but she's like the dark cloud of doom. And she wanted to ultrasound me every 2 weeks. Oh my flying spaghetti monster. You want me to drive here every two weeks for this circus, are you crazy? Well apparently she was serious. She checked the baby that trip and everything was normal. And I left hoping the trip Sarah and I had planned to the mall would help sooth my ruffled feathers. It did. Although I almost ran a man over. But he wasn't a very cautious pedestrian and he was wearing a heavy parka on a very hot day. So go figure. I digress.

So fast forward back to my first appointment with Dr. Brunette. She did all the normal formalities and then finally sat down to chat with me heart-to-heart. It's in this conversation that I knew that I would love Dr. Brunette. You see, she scoffed at Dr. Buffalo's insistence upon tying my tubes. She felt it was a surgical procedure that was perhaps not only unneccessary but also risky. She also felt it was entirely possible for me to still deliver with her. She called Dr. Buffalo and expressed this desire to her, and they came to an agreement that they would both continue to see me until the dangers to the baby made it necessary for them to do otherwise.

Then she hung up the phone and said that we wouldn't be panicking, but instead would play this by ear and embrace the slight possibility that the antibody wouldn't affect the baby in any drastic way. Did I mention that I loved Dr. Brunette? And Dr. Blondie for referring me to her? And God for knowing that I needed this reassuring conversation?

The weeks and months passed. So did my appointments. Dr. Buffalo almost seemed disappointed when she didn't find anemia on the sonograms. The S-antibody was still in my blood, increasingly in fact. (She insisted on running the blood work two more times throughout the pregnancy) And the S antigen was in the baby's blood. But the baby seemed to be thriving, and wasn't nearly as anemic as they predicted. In fact the measurements that they took increased every time, but they were still well within range of normal blood flow, not anemic.

I remember at one point Dr. Buffalo came in and made me get back up on the bed so that she could take a second ultrasound after the first one of the appointment didn't show any problems. She would give me a funny smile that showed her dismay and then just tell me the good news. And schedule another appointment. It's a good thing I like road trips. Eventually she gave me the good news that I could extend the gaps between ultrasounds by a week, and at one point I even went a full month without seeing her.

Dr. Brunette was seeing me as regularly as normal, but that would soon change too. My gestational diabetes returned with this pregnancy and it was decided that part way through my third trimester I would start coming to the birthing center for non-stress tests twice a week. I have to say that I felt like the majority of my time was spent at some sort of appointment. My job was being sorely neglected, in fact I was barely there anymore.

The upside of the non-stress tests was that I became quite friendly with the maternity nurses, in fact I think I managed to know every single one of them, at least to know their names. There was another upside too. Twice a week I was able to relax in a quiet room and a comfortable bed where they would bring me iced tea or ice water and the occasional snack and I could just spend the time enjoying the sound of the baby's heart beat. The test itself wasn't too exciting but the quiet time was... well it was bonding in a way. And it reinforced the idea in my mind that the baby was indeed healthy in spite of Dr. Buffalo's predictions.

Towards the end of the pregnancy my blood pressure started to spike and that was slightly troubling but in general all was progressing without problems.

Now I'd like to take some time to tell you that this baby was prayed for so fervently that it would have been an oddity if anything had gone wrong with the pregnancy. I had such prayer warriors around me constantly that it made it easy to have a solid faith in He who is such a great protector. I knew that God was laying out a path for this baby, and I gained great comfort from that. I won't say that there were no days when doubt crept into my mind, but for the most part the people around me were used by the Lord to hold me strong.

On Monday just before I hit the 37 week mark I made my last trip to Dr. Buffalo and the dark cloud of doom herself was full of smiles as she wished me good luck. *she also asked me one last time to consider getting my tubes tied. I was starting to wonder if she scored some sort of commission for tubal ligation procedures*

Then Tuesday I went for a non-stress test. My blood pressure was quite elevated. Dr. Brunette was slightly concerned. She tested my urine and found it extremely high with protein. She decided to take some other samples and then on Friday the 27th she ordered an indepth ultrasound to check on the baby's status and development. Unfortunately there was no lung movement and that concerned her.

Because of the combined risks of the pregnancy: the antibody, diabetes and hypertension, and also being unsure if the pre-eclampsia was causing the lung issues, Dr. Brunette decided to induce labor...

To be continued.....

Mercy All The Way (part 1)

2010-09-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering how to write these next few posts because there so much to chronicle, and it's not just a matter of being able to leave stuff out here and there, because I really don't want to leave any of the last ten months out. So it looks like this will be a long and complicated post. Or wait, better yet it will be a series of posts. You don't have to read them if you don't want to, but I promise that if you do there will be such a sweet reward at the end of them.

Months and months ago I found out I was pregnant. This would be baby #3. It took some time adjusting to the idea, mostly because we knew that the baby would arrive midst house building, etc. But adjust we did. God's timing is, after all, perfect.

We started to plan, started to wonder whether it was a boy or girl and started to consider doctor choices. The doctor, and the birthing center that delivered my first two children would not be available for this birth. Not only was she no longer delivering babies, but no doctor at that birthing center was covered under our insurance. I started to become... stressed.

There, I said it. Not much stresses me. But when I have a doctor that I love dearly, who is like minded with me, and who I trust so much.. let's just say that the idea of closing that chapter just bothered me immensely.

But I put on my big-girl pants and went in search of the next Dr who would replace her. First I pondered local hospitals and birthing centers. The nearest hospital offered one Dr who was a provider for our insurance. I've heard some people say that they like him, but I've also heard others who have horror stories about him pressuring them into C-sections, ignoring their requests, misdiagnosing and even one good friend who ended up with a horrible infection because of him leaving stitches in her that were supposed to be removed. I really preferred a female doctor anyway so the decision was a no-brainer for me.

So I moved on to birthing centers farther away. Let's start out by saying that the birthing center where I had Aidan and Vivi was more like a retreat. It was very home-like with family centered rooms, bubble tubs, many types of labor coping mechanisms encouraged, etc. And then there was the staff. Nurses there drive from an hour away to be able to work at that center, and I've heard that it's difficult to get hired there. They hire the best and the nurses are extremely good at what they do. So when I found out I wouldn't be delivering at that center this time, I decided to find a similar center first, and then pick my doctor from amongst the ones who practiced there.

So I prayed about it, dare I say stressed over it a little, and then prayed some more. I finally picked one that's in the town that my husband works in. I figured it would be easy for him to meet me for appointments, and I mean it's not like a 40 minute drive is that bad when the most you ever really have to go is once a week for those last few weeks. (for those of you who know how this story ends, you're already laughing at this) So after I decided on the center I started searching the list of providers accepted by my insurance, and then I did what I swore I'd never do.

I looked at their website to see who looked the "nicest".

No kidding. I know, I'm an idiot.

But that's how I picked the office that I called and I'm here to tell you that God worked in all of this. Somehow He was there the day those pictures were taken. Because had I not thought that one looked really nice, and called then I never would have met a lovely lady who was incredibly influential with my medical care, but actually barely even ever treated me.

See this first Dr, we'll call her Dr. Blondie, she was awesome. I loved her. She was even pregnant herself so she could commiserate with all my pregnancy discomforts. We got along smashingly that first appointment or two. She ordered the full spectrum of blood work that is normal at the beginning.

And that's where it all started. It seems that I had an antibody in my blood, specifically the S antibody. You see, normal blood has what's called an S Factor. My blood does not. So with each progressing pregnancy my blood starts to recognize the foreign blood within me (the baby with the S Factor in its blood) as being a threat. Dr. Blondie was quick to call me in to chat.

She explained to me as well as she could about what consequences this antibody could have on the baby, and then let me know that she'd be referring me to the Perinatal Center at Childrens' Hospital in Buffalo. Which is 2 hours and 28 minutes from my house. Yay. But she advised me that they would be THE best to treat me for this particular problem... but no worries she said, "We of course would prefer that you deliver HERE instead of there, so we'll try to manage the rest of your care here."

*Sigh of relief at the idea of not having to drive almost 3 hours amongst painful contractions*

"Oh, but I did want to talk to you about transferring you to Dr. Brunette" (once again not her real name)

*mini-panic attack ensues due to information overload and my resistance to change*

Ok, so maybe that's a little melodramatic but I did stress at first. But Dr. Blondie had good reasoning. Since her own maternity leave would fall smack dab in the middle of what appeared to be my new-found-high-risk pregnancy, she felt it would be best to transfer me to her colleague who is not only more experienced in high risk gals, but also able to deliver via C-section should I need it. She also assured me that Dr. Brunette had a similar bedside manner, similar personality and similar philosophy in general. They're great friends.

"Ok, I'll deal" I think to myself. I can process this change. I mean, I have to right?

So off to Buffalo I went the following week.....

To be continued....

Dear Blog, I truly haven't missed you..

2010-08-11T17:53:00.000-07:00

It sounds rude doesn't it? I mean I've avoided blogging for almost 4 straight months, and yet I can honestly say I haven't missed it. I've still read my favorite blogs and I've certainly THOUGHT about blogging. It's just that over the last few months I've realized that there are some things that I don't need to say out loud. But I believe my blogging-fast has come to an end, so here I am, and here is my "catch up" post.

In the last 4 months I've: Become really ~~ridiculously huge~~ pregnant. Become increasingly cranky. Moved in with my parents so that we didn't have to sleep in a tent while our new house is being constructed. Gone camping. Been incredibly thankful for the miraculously healthy baby that's inside my belly...

Which brings me to my latest rant. Has anyone besides me noticed that parenting is one of the most polarizing topics that exists? In the last few months of pregnancy I've become incredibly aware of how many strong positions people have on the "right" way to do things, particularly how to "be pregnant" and "birth"... although most of the post birth positions that people take are just as strong.

Think I'm crazy? Put an avid natural homebirther in a room with a woman who has had an emergency c-section just in time to have her baby's breathing be resuscitated. You'll hear such strong emotionally loaded conversation that you'll wish you could hide under the carpet.

Or watch one woman appear to shrink after another woman makes her feel like she's less of a mother because she didn't choose a drug-free birth, or because she gave up on nursing after weeks of frustration of her baby not latching on properly.

Side note here that there's a fantastic post about this very topic at Stark Raving Mad Mommy.. click HERE to hear her take.

This incredible "I-know-the-right-way-to-mother" attitude is carried over into so many other aspects of motherhood, not just birthing. Some will tell you that a mom who wants to "raise her children" will stay home with them. Others will tell you that a "good mother/wife" will help support them financially. In the meantime there will be a quiet single mom seething at this debate because she knows that had her husband not walked out on their family she might be able to stay at home... but instead she's stuck working 8-5 while struggling to be both a good mom and the man of the house.

And let's not forget the spank-vs.-not spank debate, the wholesome foods-vs-convenience foods, the homeschooling-vs-public schooling debate... well you get the picture right?

There are a million of these topics. And we all know the "right" way to mother. The problem with this?

If we're constantly declaring to others that we know the "right way" then we are actively telling anyone else that they are doing things the "wrong way". Are there some mothers doing things the wrong way?

Certainly. Some are obviously abusive. Some are neglectful. Some aren't loving.

Then. Then there are others. They are the ones who are trying to do what they think is right for their family. They make specific decisions in regards to all these issues. Some are trying to be biblical. Others are sitting under the authority of their husbands, and trying to please him and do their best too. (for example I know a few women whose husbands are very against breastfeeding, who wouldn't hear of their wives staying home instead of working, etc.)

My point is that many of the women who you look at and say "they should be doing things differently"? They know their own circumstances. In fact I know it's hard to believe but they actually know more about their family than you do.

There comes a time, particularly in a Christian woman's life, when encouragement does not require belittling someone into taking your side. Often it can mean simply listening. Hugging. Praying. Speaking truth gently when it's inspired by the Lord and not by your human desire to show her the way.

Will there be times to express your opinions? Sure. When someone wonders why you do something a certain way, be sure to explain your reasoning. Explain. Don't debate and argue. Show grace and love.

The woman who's doing things the exact opposite of your choice? She's struggling too just like you are. She's striving to do her best. You might want to spend less time correcting what you see wrong in her choices and more time wondering what ways you can encourage her.

Being a mom is difficult. It's not an easy role. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't being truthful. We all have struggles, and the blessing of that is that it means there are always many ways to encourage one another rather than argue and debate.

Believe it or not, most of the hot-button topics that I mentioned above? There are moms on both sides of those fences who are amazingly loving, intelligent God-loving women who will raise healthy intelligent God-loving children. Get to know some of these women. You might learn something. You might make some great friends.