Counseling in Santa Barbara

Don't Miss Out!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 05 Aug 2013 02:07:00 +0000

This is a special post just for those of you who have email subscriptions for this blog. I have moved my whole blog over to my website, and this will be the last post on this site. Therefore, it will be the last emailed post you will receive -- unless you go to my website and sign up for either: email subscription or RSS feed delivery. Just click right here!

I very much appreciate having had you with me up to now. I started writing my blog in 2009. I hope you'll decide to continue on with me. It will just take you a minute to sign up. I've written a few posts over at my website that you've missed out on, so if you'd like to catch up, just click here.

Whether you continue on with me or not, I wish you the best for your future!

See you over at my new blog site,

Linda

My Santa Barbara Counseling Blog is Moving!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 02:01:00 +0000

Life seems to be so often about change. Some change feels instantly good, but other changes can be a bit challenging. Change is how we grow!

I have loved writing this blog on Google's Blogger, since the Spring of 2009, and I thank all of you for going on this journey with me. You've been wonderful traveling companions!

I've decided that now is the right time to move my blog over to my website. This will enable people to read the posts and then easily move back and forth throughout my website, for further information on how I do Counseling in Santa Barbara.

This change will be a process, as is almost all change. While in this process, the automatic emailing and RSS feed for my posts will be interrupted. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this will cause you. I think when the bugs all get worked out, you'll be happy with the change.

In the meantime, just click here: Counseling in Santa Barbara blog. to read my new posts. While you're there, you can scan back through a few of the older posts that are already there (In time, they will all be moved over.), or move around throughout my website. Until I am able to get it so that you can subscribe on my website blog, I would be glad to forward my new posts to you, if you send an email request to me at linda@counselinginsb.com/

Thank you for your patience, and continued interest in the information and thoughts I bring to you through my blog. I would love to have you share your comments with me, either here, or in emails to linda@counselinginsb.com

I'm continuing on with my journey to connect with you on a regular basis, and I hope you'll continue to travel with me!

Until next time,

Linda

One Reason Why Women's Stress Levels Are So High!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 15:00:00 +0000

So many of the women that I see in my Santa Barbara office are struggling with way too much stress! A common theme that seems to come up almost every time, whether these clients work outside the home or not, is that they put others' needs way before their own.

As women, we are socialized from a very young age to always be focused on the needs of others. "Be nice, be polite, be helpful." These are the messages we get, whether spoken or unspoken. There's nothing wrong with this, up to a point. When we don't recognize and honor our own needs, though, there's a problem!

If a woman has young children, of course their needs have to be met first, but it's critical that she doesn't dismiss her own needs. Too many moms just keep going and going until they're staggering under the weight of their unmet needs. They wonder why they're feeling close to tears much of the time, frustrated, and so tired they can barely think straight.

Particularly for moms with babies or young kids, it's absolutely necessary to have a good support system -- and use it. These moms need to know that they can still take time for themselves without everything falling apart!

Even for women whose children are much older, or for those who have never had children, this lack of attention to their own needs is still a big problem. I've worked with many women who feel guilty anytime they do anything for themselves.

This often continues into the workplace. It might be their bosses, co-workers, or even their employees whose needs are considered to the detriment of their own. This can lead to burnout at some point.

Women can not keep giving and giving without becoming empty. This emptiness takes many forms, such as: depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, and frustration! They're different symptoms of stress!

As women, we have to take responsibility for our own well-being! We must make the choices that best support us. Only in this way, can we truly be there for others. We need to lower our stress by increasing our self-care and nurturing in a variety of ways.

Stay tuned for more on this subject!

Until next time,

Linda

Quote of the Week (7/3/13)

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:00:00 +0000

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden, when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring."

by Oscar Wilde

*Photo credit goes to Peggy Brockman

Until next time,

Linda

Summertime Joy!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 15:00:00 +0000

I hope you spend some time today doing something magical -- something that brings you joy! Each day we're given is a gift, and it's important to celebrate it.

So many times, I've had clients tell me that they used to love playing a musical instrument, or creating some type of art, or dancing to some favorite songs, or planting a flower garden, full of bright colors.

When I ask them how long it's been since they've done any of those things, they often say they don't have any idea. They tell me they just don't have the time anymore. They're too busy earning a living, taking care of their home, meeting the needs of their kids and/or elderly parents. Sometimes it's literally been years since they've taken time to do something that used to bring them such joy!

It doesn't have to be a big block of time. Just spending half an hour, on a regular basis, doing something that feeds your soul, can pay amazing dividends! When my clients begin to put those activities back in their lives, they can't believe how much happier and more relaxed they become.

Please start reconnecting to the part of you that feels joyful. Summertime is a great time to make this change. Do it for yourself, and for all who love you!

Until next time,

Linda

Quote of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." Elbert Hubbard

One Secret to Lowering Stress!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Mindfulness -- "being in the moment" -- is a big focus of many articles and lectures on stress management these days. Lots of books have, also, been written on this as a good option for avoiding overwhelm and lowering our stress! Experts use a myriad of ways to try and get the point across to us. Why is all of that necessary?

It's necessary, because as adults we're constantly told that we need to learn to multitask. We're told that the better we are at multitasking, the more productive we will be. "Doing" is much valued in the workplace, and in our larger Western culture. Is it any wonder that we've too often forgotten how to just "be?"

We knew at one point. All of us knew how to "be in the moment!" We knew when we were kids, when we were totally immersed in whatever had captured our attention. Unless kids live in a specific situation that makes them vulnerable to stress, they're usually pretty good at being relaxed. We could learn some valuable lessons from them!

I love this picture! It perfectly illustrates what I'm talking about. These kids aren't struggling with attempts to divide their attention. They are both very focused on watching the sand particles drift from the shovel back down to the beach. They have "being in the moment" down pat!

Let's see if we can recapture what we knew instinctively as children. We need to give ourselves opportunities every day to simply "be." Our stress will go down. Our health will improve. And.... our enjoyment of life will automatically go way up! Are you willing to give it a try?

Until next time,

Linda

Quote of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Why Are We So Harsh and Impatient with Ourselves?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Most of us are far less patient with ourselves than we are with almost anyone else. Why is that? Why do we have so much difficulty being loving to ourselves?

Joan Borysenko put a post on her Facebook page Saturday morning, 6/15/13, that I loved. She talked about the need to be gentle and kind with ourselves when we make a mistake, and encouraged us to think of ourselves with compassion.

I believe we try to do the best we can at any given moment. We don't intentionally mess up! If we could be encouraging rather than self-critical, we would lower our level of stress tremendously!

Please try just for one day to be gentle, loving, and kind to yourself, and see how you feel at the end of the day. No matter what happens during the day, support yourself like you would a dear friend! Imagine putting your arm around someone you love and speaking with them gently, reassuring them when things start to go wrong. You know how to do that for others.

Now try doing it for yourself! If you notice a big difference in how you feel, why not try it for another day -- and then another, and another. All change is a process, and changing self-talk takes time, but it's so worth it. You are worth being treated with love and gentleness!!

Until next time,

Linda

The Images We Carry in Our Minds

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Tue, 28 May 2013 15:00:00 +0000

When you think of yourself, what image comes to your mind? Do you see yourself through loving eyes? All too often, our mental images are very self-critical. We look at ourselves in the mirror, and instantly see what we categorize as "our flaws." That image and identity gets locked in our minds!

This is particularly true for women. We look at ourselves and see the less than perfect body, the hair that's either too curly or too straight, the circles under our eyes, the smile (or worry) lines, the double chin, and on and on...

We're teaching our children subtle lessons any time we make self-critical comments, or frown at our images in the mirror, or don't want our pictures taken until we lose "those extra pounds." What if we taught our children to be self-accepting by the examples we set for them? What if we learned to appreciate our smiles, our sparkling eyes, our bodies that take us through the day?

Even more importantly, what if we learned to "see," and really value, what's inside our outer packages? What if we began to think of ourselves as generous spirits, and loving hearts? What a difference that would make!

Please, make a decision right now, to begin looking at yourself with loving eyes and an accepting mind. Start erasing those old, negative tapes. It's a process of change, and will take time. If done, though, it will free up a lot of energy, and will allow you to move through your day with grace, and a renewed zest for life! That's what we want for all of the world's children, so let's lead the way!!

Until next time,

Linda

Is Sleep Evading You?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:00:00 +0000

We all struggle at times with sleep problems. If you have a pattern of not being able to get to sleep, or not being able to stay asleep, though, it's time to give it some serious thought. None of us are able to perform optimally when we haven't had adequate sleep the night before.

Feeling overwhelmed with stress can have a huge impact on the quality of our sleep. If that's something you know you need help with, please pick up the phone and call a therapist. Many of us specialize in helping you find healthy ways to manage your stress. If you're in California, and would like to connect with me, I can be reached here.

There are other things that contribute to insomnia. Caffeine is a real problem for many people. If you have a sensitivity to caffeine, you may want to gradually cut out caffeine from your diet. Most of us can benefit from not having caffeine after mid-day. Think about how much caffeine you're consuming. It's not just in coffee. There are many sources of caffeine.

Some people think that alcohol relaxes them and helps them to sleep better. That isn't true. It might initially help you get to sleep, but it interferes with the quality of sleep. If you're interested in more information, read this article from WebMD. Some people use alcohol to self-medicate, rather than getting at the root of what's bothering them. Therapy can help you find other healthier ways to increase your well-being.

There are many ways to improve the quality of your sleep. Lowering the stimulus around you the last hour or two before bed helps. (Turn off the t.v. and computer, and lower the lights.) Don't have a t.v. in your bedroom, or a desk and computer. (The bedroom is for sex and sleeping only.) Make sure your room is dark - no nightlights or lighted digital clocks. If you're sensitive to sudden noise, use a white noise machine to mask any unexpected sounds. Develop a bedtime routine, that your follow nightly. Those are just a few of the things that can make a big difference. (* I'll be writing a more thorough article on sleep in the next few weeks that you will be able to find on my website -- stay tuned for that.)

Don't give up and go through life being tired all the time! Sleep deprivation takes a big toll on us in many serious ways. If you need help, empower yourself to ask for it. In the meantime, making the changes that I've mentioned can make a big difference, if done consistently. Sweet dreams!

Until next time,

Linda

How Easy Is It for You to Venture into the Unknown?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 13 May 2013 22:21:00 +0000

As anyone, who knows me very well, could tell you, I don't have a very big comfort zone with anything technical! I keep having to challenge my limited area of comfort in order to grow, both personally and professionally. I think it's probably the same for most of you. As long as we stay on the same tried-and-true path, we limit ourselves.

I've had Skype on my computer for quite awhile, and I've loved it for being able to "visit" with loved ones who are far away. It's wonderful to be able to see them, when we're talking. I've, also, read about people who use Skype for business, but I've steered clear of that. I told myself that I didn't want to try it, because...

I finally wound up in a situation in which two of my clients were going to be out of the area, but wanted to still have their sessions. We discussed doing phone sessions, but I knew I would miss being able to see the non-verbal communication -- body language, facial expressions, etc. I suggested giving Skype a try. Both thought that was a great idea! The first session was this morning, and it worked wonderfully. We got a lot accomplished, and agreed to use Skype again when it's needed. The other client's session will be later this week.

I felt liberated by discovering that this was a very good option when face-to-face sessions aren't possible. It was exciting and energizing for me! I love helping people, and now I've found another way to do it1

I'm wondering if there's any particular way you're keeping yourself limited by staying carefully within your comfort zone. Think about how freeing it will be when you challenge your fear, and step away from the narrow path you've been on. There are lessons to be learned, and new paths to create! Give it a try!! It can open a whole new world for you!!

Until next time,

Linda

Relearning How to Say "No"

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Thu, 09 May 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Why is it that we keep having to relearn things that we thought we already knew? I probably shouldn't make assumptions here, but I've talked to enough people, and read enough articles, to feel fairly certain that I'm not the only one with this problem. Circumstances change, and we change, and all of a sudden we find ourselves back at the same learning place again.

I thought I had how to say "No" down pretty pat. It's a really important skill to learn. I work with clients all the time on how to give themselves permission to put their own priorities first. I was surprised when I realized that I was holding onto some things that were no longer working for me. I was feeling like I didn't have a choice.

I came home from dealing with my mom's final illness and then her death, feeling pretty exhausted. I knew instinctively that I needed to really rest and build up my energies again. I had only been home a couple days, when I came down with a virus. That was good information on how depleted I was. My immune system wasn't strong enough at that point to fight off germs. Stress really depresses the immune system!

The other day, I started thinking about the last couple years, and how taxing they've been with serious family illnesses and a lot of added responsibility for both my husband and me, in dealing with elderly parents and their needs. As I thought about all of that, I realized that I needed to really look at how I spend my time and energy.

That brought me to the point of knowing that there were some commitments that I needed to let go, at least for now. Making a decision, and then following through with whatever action is needed, can feel a bit daunting sometimes, but I was determined.

The relief you feel after you have taken action is so profound. I did follow through with the decisions I had made, and now, I've made space (both literally and figuratively) to bring new, enriching things into my life. Is there anything you need to let go? Is there anything that you've been considering doing, because someone asked you to please do it -- but you really don't want to? Maybe you need to relearn how to say, "NO" too!

Until next time,

Linda

A Loved One's End of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:12:00 +0000

In my last post, I talked about being involved with end of life issues with my mom. Her health had deteriorated sharply, and I went up to be with her on April 16th. She took her last breath at 8 a.m. on April 23rd. During those last few days, she was often unresponsive, due to the heavy medication used to keep her pain at bay. The first few days I was there, though, she had moments of awareness, which allowed her to know that we were all there for her.

My brother, sister, and I spent many hours at her bedside throughout the week. We were there to help soothe her, and to advocate for her if the need arose. She was in a facility with many other elderly people, and the nurses were busy with all of their varied responsibilities. We took it upon ourselves to keep track of when her medications were due, and to make sure that they were given as close to on time as possible. We, also, reminded them when other comfort measures were required. We were polite and considerate about making our requests, but we were determined to make whatever time our mom had left, have as much quality as possible.

During the last hour of her life, my brother and his wife, my sister and her son, and my husband and I were all with her. We were there to help birth her into whatever comes after death. We talked softly to her and stroked her face. We assured her that we loved her, and we would all be okay -- that she could relax and let go of the struggle she had been waging. We told her that all of her loved ones who had gone on before her, would be there to greet her. As she took that last breath, her face relaxed and she looked at peace!

My mom had spent a lifetime being anxious. She could finally put her worry and emotional pain aside. The last 15 or so years, she had struggled with varied health issues too. Her biggest problem was Rheumatoid Arthritis, and all the pain and suffering that comes with that. Her physical pain was, also, finally left behind.

Our whole family is grateful that she is no longer suffering. I'm sure the grief will come later, but for now, our main emotion is one of a deep gratitude that her spirit is free, and she's no longer tied to her fearful mind and tormented body.

Every family, at one time or another, must deal with the death of a loved one. It helps so much if each person is able to communicate their individual needs, and is able to respond with compassion and caring to the needs of the other family members. That way no one feels alone with the burden of this emotional time.

Be well, and be sure to let your loved ones know how much you care about them!

Until next time,

Linda

Back in Touch!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 00:09:00 +0000

It has been a really long time since I've written a post, and I wonder if you've been wondering where I disappeared to. Life has been busy, and I've just "dropped the ball" on this blog. Sometimes it seems like we all juggle a lot of responsibilities (balls), and we need to occasionally put one or more down. That happened with my posting. Some of you are connected with me on Facebook, where I have a business page called: Linda Menesez, Counseling in Santa Barbara, and see my posts on there. For others of you, this may be the only way we connect.

I would love to know what some of your main concerns are at this time. I've heard from some of you through Facebook, and I know that you're dealing with problem family interactions and relationships, depression and anxiety, anger issues, parenting, caregiving, and stress management. Life presents us with so many opportunities to learn!

Right now, I'm dealing with my mother's end of life. She's been ill for some time, but her health has taken a sharp decline the last couple weeks. We have Hospice in to help make whatever time she has left more comfortable, but as a family, we're also all very involved in supporting her through this part of her life.

Don't ever let too much time go by without out letting the people who mean the most to you, know that you love them. Each day, and each person is so precious! Celebrate your blessings!

Until next time,

Linda

The Power of the Moment for This Tiny, Hummingbird!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 20:25:00 +0000

A few days ago I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. My husband came in and stood looking out our kitchen window at our pond. I watched as his smile of enjoyment turned to a frown of concern. All of a sudden, he was pulling me over to look out the window with him.

There stuck in a very large, very powerful spider web was a frantically struggling hummingbird! We rushed out to try and rescue him. My husband took a quick second to take this picture, before pulling the struggling bird out of the web. Even though he had been pulled to safety, this tiny bird held in my husband's hand, was far from being able to fly!

As Jerry held him, the bird was completely immobile. I don't know whether he was so still, because he was afraid, or exhausted, or unable to move with the stickiness encasing him -- or if he knew we were trying to help him. The more he had struggled initially, the more entangled he had become in the sticky web! (If you enlarge the picture, you will see the way the web had pulled feathers from him.)

My husband kept encouraging me to pull harder on the sticky web. My fingers were shaking, because I was afraid of hurting such a tiny creature, afraid of breaking a wing! Jerry said that we had to get every last bit of the web off, or the bird would be unable to fly. His fingers seemed to work better than mine at freeing him from his imprisonment. Before long, the last strands of the web were gone. My husband held him gently for one minute more in the circle of his hands, and spoke softly to him. Then lifting his hands up high, he opened them flat, and this tiny, fragile hummingbird immediately took flight -- looking very strong, and very free, as he quickly disappeared from our sight!

What if we hadn't been home, or if my husband hadn't picked that very moment to look out our kitchen window? For that hummingbird, it was a crucial time! He would not have been able to struggle in that web for very long on his own, before exhaustion overtook him.

Each moment is so precious, so full of opportunities to create magic! Be aware. Keep your eyes, mind and heart open. You just never know when you might be given a powerful moment!

Until next time,

Linda

* Photo credit -- and rescuing credit -- goes to my husband, Jerry!*

October Is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Almost two years ago, I wrote a 4 part series on domestic violence. I wish I could say that the violence has diminished since then, but it hasn't. I want to run that series again, so that hopefully others who need the information will have it. Victims of domestic violence can be women or men, of all ages, all races, and all economic and educational levels. We think of abuse as being physical, but it can also take other forms, such as emotional, verbal, and sexual. The scars don't always show on the outside. Being loved by someone should not be painful!

If you know anyone who might be suffering abuse from a loved one right now, please find a safe way to share these articles with them. Here are the links to all 4 parts of the series: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4. This violence can be inter-generational. The children who live in violent homes are learning very dangerous lessons which can impact their lives for many years to come, and these same lessons may some day be handed down to their children. It needs to stop! Please help spread the information.

No one deserves to be abused!

Until next time,

Linda

People with Amazing Spirits, and the Gifts They Share

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 22:51:00 +0000

Do you know someone who is really special? Someone who touches your heart in a very deep way.

I've had many people come into my life, who I have instinctively known were meant to be there. They've had exquisite gifts to share with me.

They've had a way of looking at life that was so wise and loving! I've felt enriched just by being in their presence.

Sometimes those connections were fleeting, and all too soon gone. Other times, I've been lucky enough to have them with me for a long time.

There are so many amazing spirits that honor us with their presence throughout our lives! They come in the guise of everyday people: neighbors, co-workers, friends, family members, etc. They touch our souls in meaningful ways. They teach us, lead us, nurture us, and sometimes help us heal.

It's important that we live our lives with awareness, so that we don't miss the gift of what they've come to share. Honor them by being really present for your shared time! You have no way of knowing how long they'll be there.

Rest assured that you'll change for having known them. You'll never be the same. Even when they're gone, you will retain bits of their wisdom, their warmth, their generosity of spirit. Part of them will always be with you! Celebrate their gifts, even as you give your own gifts to those whose lives you touch! We all have something to share with the world!

Until next time,

Linda

* Part of this post was copied from one that I wrote recently on Facebook. It was written in response to the death of a longtime family friend who recently lost her battle with cancer. She approached death with calmness, love, and grace. Her spirit deeply touched the lives of all who came to be with her in those final days. I believe she is somewhere gently looking down with love, to comfort all the lives she touched along her way. *

Are the People in Your Life Enriching It -- or Causing You Heartache?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 18:53:00 +0000

Do you want a life of peace and tranquility? Most of us do, but sometimes we have a hard time figuring out how to create that peacefulness.

What helps you feel calm and at peace? Creating an island of emotional safety around us is important. We need a haven to retreat to for rest and rejuvenation when the world feels too chaotic and overwhelming.

Are there people in your life, who by their very presence help create this haven for you? If so, you are blessed. They enrich your world!

If there are people close to you who feel prickly and unsafe, ask yourself why you are choosing to keep them there. You have no power to change them. You can not make others be more kind, gentle, or supportive. If there's a pattern of cruelty and unkindness in someone, it won't change unless that person wants it to change.

Who do you want around you? You have the power to choose! If they're too often hurtful, you can choose to let them go.

Until next time,

Linda

Are You Happy?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:18:00 +0000

How do we create happiness? When you throw a tiny rock into water, the ripples spread out into ever widening circles.

It's no different with the individual choices that we make in our daily lives. Each choice spreads out to color our lives in increasingly wider circles of sorrow or happiness.

What do you need to do to bring more happiness into your life? It helps to make a list of 3 or 4 things that you could begin to do differently. Too big a list can feel overwhelming.

When you have your list, break down each item into 2 or 3 small steps that you can start doing right away. For instance, if you know that one way you would be happier is if you got more exercise, then what would help you do that? Three small steps might be to 1) buy some good exercise shoes, 2) create an exercise journal or diary, 3) make a decision to go for a short, brisk walk tomorrow morning.

Each person's list, and their individual steps for each item will be different. The important element is to take action -- now! Don't wait for your life to magically change. It isn't likely to happen.

What do you need to do? Take that first step today!

Until next time,

Linda

* I would love to hear what you're going to start doing to increase your happiness! You can leave a comment here, or email me at linda@counselinginsb.com Thanks!

Do You Value the Gift of Life Each Day?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 20:48:00 +0000

We all feel so much sorrow over the terrible tragedy that took place in Aurora, Colorado, and we send our prayers to those personally affected by it. So many lives were lost, and many more lives will never be the same. It breaks our hearts to think about this violence, and the traumatic aftermath.

At the same time, we need to learn from it. It's important to understand that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. We need to be living our lives each day in love and gratitude for the many blessings we've been given. We need to let those we care about know how very important they are to us, and we need to let them know often. We need to keep a grateful heart for the gift of each day. We're so blessed to wake up in the morning and be able to breathe in the freshness of a new day. None of us know when we, or any of our loved ones, will breathe that last breath.

Let's not get tripped up by the petty things. Small disappointments, or minor arguments, can darken our focus, and begin to lead us down a path of negativity. Everyone's days contain a mixture of ups and downs. Let's celebrate the ups, and gently let the downs go. The small downs aren't worth our attention anyway.

Value the gift of each day you're given, and make it count. Find ways to touch others with your love and acceptance. Let's all do our part to begin healing some of the pain we're feeling right now.

Until next time,

Linda

Why Not Create Small, Nurturing Spots around your Home and Yard?

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 23:55:00 +0000

We all can feel battered and bruised by life at times! It can be wonderfully soothing to have small, nurturing areas where we can relax and be comforted.

My husband created just such a spot for us! It's a garden area sheltered by a tall fence on two sides, and our house on the third side. Overhead, the lath gives partial shade to the more vulnerable flowers, like orchids. It's filled with a variety of plants, various sized seashells and rocks, driftwood, and even a birdhouse. It's not at all visible until someone walks around the side of the house. It's hidden, like a "Secret Garden." Going out there with a book and something to drink, then settling into a chair, feels relaxing!

Do you have a spot like this at your home? It doesn't matter if it's inside or out. In the house, it can be a comfy chair, where you can curl up with a soft blanket over your lap, and gaze out the window at a favorite flower garden. It can be your bed, topped with colorful pillows and a puffy, down comforter, with books and framed pictures of loved ones on a tabletop nearby. It might be a quiet area with a piano or guitar, where you can get lost in the music that you love. What does matter, is that it feels like a haven!

If you don't have any small, nurturing spots readily available, why not create one today? Look around your home, or yard, for things that give you pleasure. Bring those things together in an arrangement that is pleasing to your eyes. When you feel stressed or in a down mood, retreat for a short time to your special spot. You'll feel soothed and comforted in no time!

If you have already created your own cozy spot, why not email me a note and a picture that I can share? You can reach me at: linda@counselinginsb.com

Until next time,

Linda

A Beautiful Morning in Santa Barbara!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 19:28:00 +0000

We had a beautiful snow-topped mountain scene to wake up to in Santa Barbara this morning! That doesn't often happen here, so it was quite a sight to behold! Unfortunately, it didn't last very long. Before noon, it was just a beautiful memory -- along with a great photo!

We are left with two choices. We can focus on the positive, which is the fact that it happened, or we can focus on the negative, which is that it was too fleeting -- here for such a short time and then gone. Which focus would you choose?

Life is like that! We have good things and bad things happen to us. They happen to all of us. None of us are exempt from the bad things. At least I don't know anyone who has led a totally charmed life!

What we all focus on becomes our reality. Our family has had a very hard year, with loved ones having serious illnesses, accidents, and injuries. Recently, we lost two family members -- one from old age and illness, one through a terrible accident.

We could focus on the various hardships, and have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. Or, we can focus on the blessings along the way, and be comforted by them.

I'll write a bit more about our personal story a little later. Right now, though, I just want to "focus" on the power we all have to shift our awareness. This change, in what we give our attention to, can change our very experience of life!

Do you need to make a shift? Are you making your life more difficult than it has to be? Could it be that you are missing the blessings, even in the midst of sorrows? Please give it some thought! I would love to think that this post might give those who read it some comfort.

Until next time,

Linda

* Photo Credit goes to my husband, Jerry Menesez

Make Space for Loving Friends and Family!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 22:22:00 +0000

What a lonely world it can be without friends and family that care about us! Our lives get so busy sometimes, that we may just put our heads down and keep pushing through our "To Do List."

We tell our friends and family that we're sorry, but we have too much to do. We tell them that we can't go here or there. We can't meet them for lunch, or take time to go see a movie, or go for a walk. We're just too busy!

What we really are telling them -- although maybe not in so many words -- is that we really have more important things to do. In effect, we're putting them (and our relationship with them) up on the shelf. They're supposed to wait patiently there, until we're ready to go "play."

What if all of a sudden we discover that we're out of time? What if it's too late for us to decide that we miss them, and want to reconnect? Sometimes people get tired of waiting for us to make space for them. They move onto other more available relationships. Sometimes a serious illness or injury happens, and the people we love are suddenly gone!

The important thing to remember is that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow! We all need to make space in our lives for the friends and family that love us. We shouldn't put them off until tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come!

We need to reach out now to let them know we care! Think about who you need to call or go see today. Then go do it!!

Until next time,

Linda

Create a Circle of Kindness Around You, Wherever You Go!

noreply@blogger.com (Linda M.) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:30:00 +0000

"Every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and often times we call a man cold, when he is only sad."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When we're on the outside looking in, we can form a perception that isn't very accurate. We might judge people as being unfriendly, when if the truth be known, they often are just shy or maybe struggling with some unshared sorrow.

What do we gain by rushing to judgement? We don't know others' realities, unless they feel safe enough to share their truths.

We need to extend an attitude of acceptance to all we come in contact with, unless they prove themselves undeserving. If we began to treat each other with gentleness, the loneliness and sorrow that so many feel would be greatly diminished.

People have an innate need to feel loved, cared about, and accepted! This is particularly true when they're sad, confused, or afraid.

Create a circle of kindness around you! You never know when you might be extending a lifeline of caring to someone, just when its needed the most!

Until next time,

Linda