Dear world of parents who just became educators: Don't panic.

2020-03-18T22:32:00.004-07:00

World of parents who just became educators: I see you flipping out.

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I have the unique experience of being both a teacher (middle school, science) and having been raised home schooled. I was educated by a non-teacher parent, and I got a great education. (Seriously, you can do this)

I have some things I really want you to know:

Don’t expect yourselves to come up with 7.5 hours of education a day. When you are only educating 1-6 students, education takes less time. There are transitions, and behavioral issues that come up in a school that aren’t going to waste your time. It takes far less time to refocus 4 kids than it does to refocus 30. When I was home schooled in high school, even with a heavy workload, I often finished my schoolwork for the day by noon.
This isn’t forever! They’ll be okay. You don’t have to plan for their whole educational life, you just need to keep their brains limber. If you mess this up, it’s just a small portion of their educational career. Don’t let fear paralyze you.

Image Credit: Edublox

Focus on reading, writing, and arithmetic(No matter how old they are) This is an awesome opportunity to reinforce the basics! If you send them back to their teachers with grade level reading abilities, a fluidity with numbers, and writing that is legible and logical, their teachers will be eternally grateful and your students will have a new confidence in school.

Reading: If your child is struggling in any subject, chances are their reading level is part of their struggle. This year, I had a large percent of students fail a test question that I knew they knew the answer to. Upon investigation among the students involved, it came to light that they missed it because the question contained the word "abundant" and they did not know what that meant so they were unable to understand the question to answer it! The only way they will truly improve their vocabulary is if they expose themselves repeatedly to an excessive amount of words in the context of engaging stories, so that they gain an internal understanding of these higher level words. They will achieve a better reading level by reading LOTS of books that INTEREST them, so don’t force them to read Dickens. Make times in the day where the only option they have is reading: they pick the book, but reading is the only activity. Don’t be afraid to make it last a while(an hour at a time is not too much). Make them earn technology back, if you have to.
Writing: When asked to demonstrate their learning, most students struggle with expressing their thoughts in detailed paragraphs(again, I’m talking even middle school grades and upwards). This is a skill they need. It is a skill they should have conquered by 4th grade, and yet most haven’t. Have them “journal” a daily paragraph on their opinions, thoughts about the news, arguments as to why pizza is better than spaghetti, summaries or comparisons of Netflix shows...ANYTHING. Give them a topic and demand a daily paragraph out of them. Let them do the easy topics with you so that they can address the difficult concepts with me. (Note: If they're not in 3rd grade, 3 sentence paragraphs are not sufficient anymore. Every statement should be justified. 6 sentences is not uncommon. Look up RACE writing strategies, or CER for science as models of paragraph writing)
Arithmetic: Can I tell you something? Odds are, your middle school and high school students don’t know their division and multiplication tables. (Seriously!) Maybe they learned them, once upon a time, but they have long since forgotten them. They’re trying to learn pre-algebra and above, and they’re getting hung up on 7x9, rather than the algebraic principals or differentiating between densities of substances. They can’t learn new material if all of their brain power is used up on simple math. Bribe them. Threaten them. Do what is necessary to insist they learn their math facts(Please! Have you ever seen your child read an analogue clock? Most of my students get stuck when it comes to reading the minutes because it requires the 5x tables to be known)

(Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Think of this as a “study abroad” opportunity for your kids. Instead of traveling, they have the opportunity to broaden their studies! After you’ve reinforced the basics, turn to inquiry based-learning. There are two methods that can be used separately or in tandem.

Make them teach you. You don't have to be the Sage on the Stage. In fact, you've been parenting long enough to know that when you try to be the sage on the stage, they stop listening. Instead of accepting the weight of teaching your student about a specific historic event or science concept, give them a subject you expect them to teach you. Have them make a poster, pamphlet, children's book, a Tik Tok, a movie or slide show.*(Please see my note at the bottom on internet use) Tell them to come up with and complete a science fair project with the materials in the house. Give them an expected timeline for a finished project(You might even break it down for them. IE: I expect 3 slides to be done by ____ and then 3 by ____). Send them to the internet and tell them you look forward to what they will teach you, and stand by and watch them grow. They will learn great skills about utilizing search engines, and manipulating word/slide programs, editing programs, etc. I’ve done this with my own students and often they teach themselves so much more on the topic than I was planning to teach because they accidentally get interested and “over-research” their topic. They’ll also be learning much needed self-management and problem solving skills.
Let them choose what they learn. Ask them what they want to learn. If they have a random question ("Why are there little holes in the bread?") send them off to discover their own answers instead of explaining it to them. We may not be teaching that concept in 6th grade science (or whatever grade your child is in) but it is not going to hurt to let them experience the freedom of curiosity and discovery. So what, if the life cycle of a butterfly is below their grade level? We call that Reinforcement. So what, if momentum of a roller coaster is above their grade level? We call that Enrichment. So what if it's something random like cooking, knitting, coding, building a trebuchet in the backyard, or stop-motion movies? If they are self-motivated to learn, and the materials are available, go with it! As much as possible(and as safety allows) let them do it themselves. There are so many skills and concepts that students learn on accident when they are "just playing around" with a project. They might accidentally internalize the concept of momentum while building a marble roller coaster, which will make the concept "just click" when their physics teacher introduces the academic concepts and equations to them in the near or distant future. Education is best built on background experiences, so let them delve into experiences. Let them realize that education is kind of fun. (It's actually the homework/tests they hate) Schools are such a highly populated learning environment that personalized learning opportunities are few and far between even when teachers try their hardest. Seize the opportunity to give your child some control in their education during this time.

Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Let them be bored.
Let them doodle on scratch paper, and teach themselves origami. Send them outside without WiFi to discover the joys of dirt, or following ants, let them build forts, or catapults. Let them watch clouds drift by, and come up with rules for their own games. Play and boredom is SO important for the brain and modern kids aren’t getting enough of it! Let’s face it, MANY of science’s great discoveries came from either being outside or being given too much time to think. Let your kids have the chance to bore themselves to their own genius.
Don't be ashamed of technology. This may seem in direct contradiction to the point above, but it's more about balance. And sanity. Sometimes, you, as an adult, need a break. Sometimes, them watching an educational show on Netflix actually has academic merit, wedging little facts and songs into their brains that may help later. (Also, you can get Schoolhouse Multiplication Rock on Amazon...cough cough math facts cough cough cough!!!) Exercising on whatever gaming console is a good thing. Learning to compete playfully with each other is a good thing. YouTube, while it holds a whole lot of wasted time, also has MANY redeeming educational videos. It has art lessons. It has astronauts. It has Rube Goldberg Machines. It has yoga and dance lessons. A well-monitored YouTube can be AMAZINGLY educational. Brainpop, Plum Landing, Study Jams, PHET, Prodigy Math, and other educational websites are FANTASTIC resources with simulations and helpful games. Code.org and Codecombat.com will teach your kids coding through games, which is useful, because it forces your students to practice cause and effect thinking. Even if they don't design the next big app, it will help them academically to learn to think through a problem! There are math game websites, there are logic websites. There are free or cheap apps that can be used to teach everything from languages(Duolingo), to reading(Hooked on Phonics), to problem solving(Zoombinis). USE THEM. They are minimal brain work for you, and extra brain practice for your kids.
Use everyday moments. Have them measure out the ingredients for you. Most students struggle with fractions, and this is a real life reinforcement. Let them be in charge of making a meal (Maybe start with breakfast or lunch, they're easier). Have them follow the directions on the back of the mac and cheese box. Have them read the meat thermometer for you. Have them cut the veggies. Have them help you repair a leak. Let them help/watch you trouble shoot a household problem that comes up. Show them how to use a screwdriver and hammer safely. Teach your teens how to change a tire or the oil, or put on snow chains. Teach any child who can reach the washer(even with a step stool) how to do the laundry from start to finish (seriously, I went to college with students who didn't know how to do what my 5 year old can do on his own with a step stool). Make your teen pay some of your bills online, while you guide from behind their chair. Send your teen out to teach his younger brother something the teen does well. These are all incredibly valuable learning opportunities that busy families don't often get.
It's okay to blow off a day. No one is going to mark your kid absent or call you to provide a doctor's note. If your plan/schedule goes out the window, and everyone just brain rots for a day, maybe it's what you needed as a family. Don't beat yourself up. You'll have other days.
Don't let random internet strangers like me boss you around or shame you. I'm giving tips with the best intentions, but I don't know you or your family like you do. And maybe that one mom with the perfect schedule and the amazing Pinterest "summer camp" projects actually is doing all of the stuff she's posting(and... maybe she's not), but you shouldn't beat yourself up if it's more stressful than helpful. If something a random internet stranger says doesn't work for you, don't burden yourself with guilt. You know your family, and you're the one responsible for making sure you survive them and they survive you, do what's right for you!

I originally started this post as just a quick Facebook status, and then I realized I had too much to say. I've just spent the day watching parents panic on social media, and the main thing I want you to take away from this is: Don't panic. Take advantage of the opportunities you can, enjoy what you can, survive what you must, but don't worry about the teachers judging you for what you accomplish during this time. I can't speak for the rest of the teachers, but I'm just going to assume you did your best and be glad that everyone survived each other!

*A note about technology and the internet: PLEASE, no matter what the child's age(toddler or teen), do not give them unlimited, unsupervised access to the internet or social media. Even the most innocent of children can stumble across dark zones of the internet, and the less innocent ones know how to discreetly change the tabs to something else and erase viewing history when they hear your footsteps coming down the hall. I know you may think, "Not my sweetheart, she's too young..." or "he's a good student" but I've taught with Chromebooks in the classroom for 5 years now. You wouldn't leave them unattended at the beach, if you knew there was a possibility of rip tides. There are rip tides on the internet. NO child should be allowed privacy on the internet. Have them do their research with the computer on the dining room table, screen facing towards the heavily trafficked part of the room, and glance over their shoulders regularly.

Valentine's Thoughts from an Annoyingly Single Person...

2015-02-14T09:40:00.002-08:00

I understand that there are so many legitimate marital battles that I am fortunate not to have to overcome, due to the fact that I am single. In fact, I'm that obstinately single person who occasionally likes to gloat about it to my married friends. Even without my stating it though, I sometimes see a married person look longingly upon my single status and recall "the single good ol' days" when they didn't have to struggle with compromises, or what real love looks like; when they had never spontaneously burst into a seemingly random, knock down, tear down arguments over minor things that hold convoluted major meanings to one or both of the parties.

I love the lack of complication my marital status brings to my life. I cherish the ability to be entirely inconsiderate of others in my decisions about home, dreams, time, and finances. I try to be polite, and socially acceptable about it, but if we're being honest: I am that annoyingly satisfied, perpetually single person.

Would you like to know what can drive this annoyingly single person mad with jealousy?

❥ Next time we're hanging out, answer that phone call at work from your spouse, who is calling from the grocery store, wondering if you need anything picked up while he is there. Or wondering if you would like him to just pick something for dinner up on the way home from work tonight.

❥ In conversation, tell the story about the disaster of the burst pipe that left the both of you knee deep in water, and bailing, sopping, squeegee-ing for dear life together. Get into the obscene details about how one you was dialing for help, while the other ran outside to find the shut-off valve. Be cruel, and explain that only one person of this partnership is missing some work today to wait for the plumber to show up during work hours.

❥ Or, your spouse could be sick sometime, and you could mention needing to drop by the store to pick up medicine and soup on the way home. Make sure you do so in that nonchalant tone that says while you would really rather go straight home, you don't mind doing this, because you know the act will be reciprocated when you catch the very same cold next week.

❥ Have a bad day at work, and come home to someone who is legally obligated to listen to your rant for at least a few minutes, and will likely at least pretend to sympathize with you.

❥Work for 14 hours every day for multiple days in a row, and come home to the fridge still, somehow, magically having edible food in it.

❥ Go on some stupid, boring road trip(like that doctor's visit in Santa Maria), where you take turns driving, having someone to share meals with along the way, argue over music choices, and end up with a couple of entertaining adventures shared out of the blasted thing.

❥Come home to clean, unfolded laundry on the couch. A big, huge pile of laundry that may actually irritate you, because it's eating the couch alive, and was seemingly left for you to fold. Laundry that, when last you thought about it, was dirty.

❥Forget to mail a bill in, only to later learn that your spouse noticed it on the counter and did it for you.

You see, I have noticed that many "til-death-do-us-part roommates" hit a point of frustration occasionally. They get into the marriage, and then start feeling like they are having to do more than their fair share, or that the spouse is not living up to promises, spoken or assumed. And then, holidays like Valentine's day and anniversaries push them into that dark, bitter place...because it's not all that they had dreamed. Maybe they are muttering to themselves how much easier it would have been to stay single. It's true, marriage is a lot of work, and I am in no way belittling those feelings and causes of resentment that can crop up in a marriage.

I am not saying sweep the issues under the rug and pretend to be Hallmark happily-ever-after, but I am saying that there are some parts that are really nice.

Whatever side of the marital status check boxes you are on, the other side always has some pretty attractive offers. What I want to point out to all of those married sorts in my life is this: sometimes you're really lucky to have that other person.

Maybe you have forgotten. Or maybe you married before really hitting the level of adult life that happens once the "fun and fancy-free" version of grown-up doesn't really work anymore. When you're a single adult, everything is up to you. When someone in you relationship forgets to pay a bill: it was you. When someone in your relationship needs to pick up medicine and food because someone in your relationship is so sick they just don't have the energy to do either, but needs both in order to feel better, both of those someones are you, and the job may or may not actually happen. When you need to make a decision between seemingly similar options that you know could have unknown, extremely crucial effects on your future, you only have your gut to go on. When someone lets the house turn to a complete, unkempt disaster, the person you have to be mad at for falling down on the job is-you guessed it-you! I love my life, however I admit: I live two basic categories of life(home and career) with all of my heart and energy to achieve fantastic levels of mediocrity in both. Both arenas demand tons of energy and thought, and often, getting things accomplished looks very similar to a triage at a disaster site. I am not saying these things to garner pity, just to point out those little things that have great value.

Valentines, maybe your other half really is falling down on the job. Maybe they are only doing 2 out of the 200 things they are supposed to be doing in their half of shared life. Maybe your expectations are set too high, and the list should only be 100. Either way, they are there. Doing 2 things. 2 things that you would have had to do yourself if they weren't there. And if this year is one of those bitter valentines years for you, maybe take a moment to appreciate those little things that you roommate-for-life does that you don't have to.

While I take the day to enjoy the fantastic feeling of being completely without obligations on this Hallmark holiday, I challenge the couples to take a moment to revel in those simple, almost unnoticeable things that make the annoyingly happy single person jealous of your non-singleness.

Balloons: A tale of Morals and Passion

2015-01-09T21:17:00.002-08:00

A couple years ago, I was volunteering at Vacation Bible School. I was scanning through journals recently, and came across this entertaining story that occurred during that time.

During this particular summer, for VBS, I ran the 1st-3rd learning station, which is where emphasis on learning the verse and how the verse applies in life.

Every day, we unscrambled the words verse (I had two sets of the verse in different colors that I scattered-every word in the verse on individual flash cards-all over the floor. The two teams would have to try to find the correct colored cards and put it completely together before the other team). After both teams had assembled their verses, we would discuss the hard words in the verse(1st-3rd graders do not know what the word "among" means), why some words are there, and overall, make sure everybody understands the meaning of the verse.

Courtesy of Google's free to use images.

After this, I also tried to incorporate an extra game that reinforced some key idea from the verse in it, in hopes that it will help the meaning of the verse to stick in mind. On Tuesday, the verse was Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." The emphasis was on trusting God. It is a very simple concept, but sometimes, children-who tend to trust everyone-have a difficult time understanding the real meaning of trust.

So, I did an awful thing to them. I broke their trust a little. I told the kids that the team that got the most whole balloons in their bags by relaying the balloons to the 2 leaders per team that held the bag would win. Every unpopped balloon counted as a point. The thing I did not tell the kids was that back when the group entered the room, I pulled one leader aside, handed that leader a thumb tack, and told her it was her job to pop any balloon that came to her.

And with great excitement, the game began. The children raced fervently, performing their tasks as they toted a balloon to their team's bag, and as each game progressed, the kids slowly caught on that the popping was not accidental.

Courtesy of Google's free to use images

There was anguish, shock and betrayal in their eyes before they gathered their wits about themselves and began shouting to each other, "Don't take the balloon to him! Not to him! He'll pop it!" At the end of the game, we went into the classroom and counted the balloons and had a discussion that often had to include forgiveness of the poor "bad guy" leader. Most of the discussions went a lot like this one, but only one kid finished the discussion the way this one finished:

"So... one of the leaders kept popping your balloons, and one of the leaders did not pop any. Which leader are you more likely to give balloons to?"

THAT ONE!

"Why?"

Cuz she didn't pop the balloons!

"So she proved herself trustworthy?"

Yes!

"Because his popping of the balloons wasn't good for you, was it? People earn our trust by doing things that are good for us. What are some things that God has done for us that lets us know we can trust him?"

And one boy piped up adamantly, casting a glare to the supposedly forgiven leader,

"God didn't pop my balloons, either!"

And so ended the moral of the day,

Courtesy of Google's free to use images

Cast all your cares upon God, for he is not a balloon popper...

1 thing for the 1st day of the 1st month of 2015

2015-01-01T11:37:00.001-08:00

1. How often do you get to eat the first strawberry of the year on the first day of the year? Odd. Tasty, but odd!

Quilting, as told by the pieces.

2014-12-29T18:05:00.002-08:00

Adoption is like making a quilt, if you view the quilt making from the point of view of the fabric:

There were once these various whole, uniquely designed pieces of fabric. Different colors, different textures, different grains, different fibers, different weaves, different vibes, but they were each part of their own bolt. Bundled with their own cloth, then some thing happened, and they were separated from the bolt, cut, ripped, torn.

Something happened, and they were all now pieces. All the pieces were then gathered up and arranged and rearranged, pressed, and bound together with thread. This seems like a good idea, because as scraps and pieces, we are all lost, but as quilts, we hope to be beautiful.

People like to skip to admiring a beautiful product, but they forget the point of view of the fabric.

That binding fabric together with thread requires extra support, pressing with heat, and continual piercing with needles as they try to fill the holes, close the gaps, create a unity that had not previously been imagined by the fabrics on the bolts, and may not feel instantly natural to the pieces. Quilts have to be reinforced because blankets with that many seams are more susceptible to tears. They have to be handled with care, because something with that much intricate work put into it is more easily damaged by a careless visitor.

Quilts can be exquisitely beautiful because of the careful arrangement of fabrics from a variety of sources, because of the delicate skill required to create balance, and the time and work needed to turn small, seemingly random pieces into a big, cohesive, intentional blanket. In that beauty, it is easy for observers to forget the feelings of the fabrics that were first turned into pieces and then arranged, rearranged, ironed, pinned, pierced, bound, and trimmed to create a blanket that hopefully turns out beautifully.

The fabric endures so much more to become a quilt than it generally does to become a comforter.

Adoption can be a beautiful thing. However, because it is dealing with small pieces being patched together, it can also be an arduous, tedious, fragile, and sensitive task for families that become quilts.

Even if they eventually become strikingly beautiful quilts someday, all of the pieces, experience -and often silently recall- the overwhelming task of going from fabric, to pieces, to quilt.

Adoption is never a simple project.

(All images taken from Google's Free to Share image collection.)

Lessons Learned So Far: Teaching, Year 3, Entry 1

2014-12-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

Since I have had many visitors lately, it only seems fair that I write the blog I should have written months ago.

Year 3 has a bit of a twist, because I changed schools, which means relearning many of the things I had already learned at the last school!

1. The teacher and the classroom are symbiotic creatures. We're lichen. This is something I had begun to understand a little at my last school, because my classroom and I were getting along so well. In my work, that classroom was my right arm. I knew how it worked, I knew the trouble spots, and I knew it better than my students. Changing schools to a new classroom has got me missing my right arm a little. We're starting to grow on each other, though. (I think I just heard some science nerds giggle...but maybe it was just me.)

2. Culture matters. I know we all say it, and we all recite it in our BTSA and credentialing essays, but it's still kind of jarring to actually come across the evidence. I moved from one low income school to another low income school, both with similar social issues, and similar household statistics. They are extremely different students. The school itself is extremely different. Even the culture of colleagues has its own beat to learn(There: Teachers used more last names of colleagues when discussing things amongst other teachers, here: First names, almost always. I'm still playing the matching game of which first name goes to the last name I learned from listening to students discuss their teachers!) Often it's the little things that baffle you in the change, such as at the old school the borrow pencils couldn't have erasers on them, the students would destroy them, at the new school the students can handle the erasers on the pencils, but will thrash the large spare erasers left on the table. Why the difference? I. Seriously. Don't. Know.!!! What is the psychology here?!

3. BTSA still sucks. But it's not as scary as it used to be. I think perhaps that lowers my efficiency in it. All I know is that any small dregs of fascination I once had with it are gone now. If it was a toy, it'd be in the Goodwill box already!

4. The "Are you a sub?" question returns upon changing schools. Dang, I had just finally put that question to bed with the students at the last school!

5. Old technology. New technology. They'll both steamroll your day someday. Whether it's the computer that fondly recalls the debut of Oregon Trail as the good ol' days, or the shiny new projector that experiences epileptic fits when it sees light on the screen, it's always best to be ready to teach that lesson in a more creative fashion if necessary!

6. Students like control. Gasp! What?! I know, "Thanks for that, Señora Obvioso!" But rather than just complain about the obvious, sometimes it's good to establish that this fact regularly causes problems, and try to work it into a few solutions. I have tried the whole, "You will stay in this classroom as long as it takes until you tell me what was wrong about your behavior." (Oh goody, a show down) And believe me, some of those students would have spent their summer vacation in my classroom if I didn't find a way out of that corner I painted myself in.

7. Give them better ultimatums. Let's face it, if you're being held late individually by the teacher, odds are, you're already in a lose-lose situation, and one "lose" option allows you to brag about your resilience to your friends when the teacher finally has to let you go to the next class. However, give a student the option in the form of "Lose&Win or Lose&Lose", and you'll find the student in a more reasonable mood. Example: "You're staying 10 seconds late if you can tell me what was wrong with your choice earlier, or a full minute if you can't." No coercing, no pleading, just the facts. (I have a timer. I use it obsessively. They know it will be an exact minute.) Either way, you're staying, one way lets you shorten the stay and get on with your life. I tried this one week. Kids who would have gladly waited 15-45 minutes to stick it to me with my previous approach will fess up with full details in 10 seconds.

8. Make it their problem. You may remember from previous LLSF entries, I have borrow pencils. Big, fat finishing pencils, this year from Lowes (I like these especially because they have the motto "Never stop improving" printed on all of them. Good statement for a classroom). I have magnets strapped to them. They get 5 new ones stuck to the board every quarter (The old ones are removed). If someone forgets to bring one back, then they only have 4 spares until the end of the quarter. If someone bites them until they're nasty, then they have bitten pencils until the end of the quarter. If someone saws a hole midway through the pencil (I have no idea how that was done), it is what it is. The regular borrowers learn, if they want a pencil available, they better put it back; if they want a nice pencil tomorrow, they better not destroy it today. It's their problem. If something goes awry, it is not my job to fix it, and thus, there is no point in messing with the pencils to mess with me when you're cranky. The next part is the part I'm really getting better at this year: when something does go amiss, gently remind them that it would be great for the class if the pencil found its way back. I'm not going to yell at you if you took it accidentally, because it's not my problem. Everybody knows it went missing in 5th period yesterday. If you don't want to look like "the class that made it so we only have 4 pencils", it might be a good idea to bring it back. For the first time ever, we got a perfect score (all 5 pencils made it to the end of the quarter) by the 2nd quarter this year. It took until the 4th quarter last year.

9. The kids you really want to scream at are the kids who really want you to scream at them. This one goes back to #6. Control. If they can get you to lose your cool, then you are in no more control than they are. They have proven that you are just as unstable as they feel. They knew they couldn't lean on you for support all along, because you're irrational. There are some specific students who really feel the need to test this every stinking day. If you give in, and raise your voice, you're finally entering a battle that they can win. They know all the tricks. They have all the perfect button pushing lines on speed dial (and they know they work, they've tested them out on their parents ahead of time). Let's face it, they're kids. They're just flat out better at irrational shouting matches. At some point, your reason will kick in and remind you this is idiotic, and force you to back down. The odds of the student's reason debilitating them in such a battle is extremely low. Don't go there. Send them out instead!

10. Children forget that they are good at learning. Children are the best learners in the world. They pick things up with an alacrity that is the envy of everyone who misses that ability, and yet we have several generation of children that are scared to learn, because successful learning has been defined as something completely unattainable. People have a lot of negative things to say about Common Core. And to be honest, there are a lot of negative things about Common Core (although, often the actual negative things and the spoken negative things are not in the same neighborhood), but before everybody gets up in arms and starts defending the "good ol' days" let's recall that the good ol' days as they stand now are pretty sucky. The last system of education had become a place solely of telling kids to sit down, shut up, you don't know anything, here's what you need to memorize to be considered smart. There are actual official directions (IN POSTERS AND BOOKS) that warn teachers not to let students play with ideas, don't let them share ideas without teacher approval first, or take guesses and try them out, experiment, or come to their own answers through logic, because- much like Thomas Edison- they might not get the answer right the first time. Don't let them think it out; it's dangerous! This is the classroom the students have learned how to learn in, and so as science does its little tap dance of glee over being told by the Common Core that the students need to learn to "figure something out through experimentation" the students' eyes grow wide with panic. You give them a situation, tell them to make a prediction about the outcome and their mouths go dry. How are they supposed to know? You never told them the outcome. This is terrifying to them. However, give them lots of chances to play with things, to work things out, to be the ones who hit upon the answer before their peers, and you'll see them start to realize something: Thinking is fun. It's just a very slow awakening process, and I have to remember to be patient, and give gentle nudges as I wait for them to be brave enough to try something (cotton, coal, wire...anything!) until a light bulb comes on.

11. Ask more questions. Whether it's in a disciplinary situation, helping with student understanding of a concept, or even when greeting a student in the morning, questions are important. Asking someone a question implies that they already have important information stored up, ready to access. Too often, as a teacher, I assume I probably already know the source of the confusion or problem. Too often, I end up wasting a lot of time trying to explain the molecular description of density, when a student really understood all that, she just wanted to know how to pronounce "molecular." Too often, students assume that they are completely, and hopelessly lost, and when I ask questions to figure out what they already understand, they realize they did understand it, they just didn't think it could be that simple. Too often, I assume that a student is just in a meddling, cantankerous mood, when I finally find out that the student's parent got arrested last night, and the student is just overpoweringly concerned about the rumors flying about campus.

12. When you tell the students to stack their chairs on the table before they go, maybe make sure that everyone understands what that actually means. We have special chairs that allow you to rest the seat of the chair on top of the table, while the legs dangle underneath the table. It's great. Make sure, however, that you do not assume that because there are 35 students doing it correctly in the room, that the one new student will look around and do as they do. If you do, you will wind up with 35 chairs neatly tucked onto the table, and one chair literally sitting (feet and all) on the top of a table, looking out over its peers, wondering why all the other chairs in the room are so short...

Dead Fields

2014-10-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

At first glance, it looks like death. Grayish brown, still, parched, rustling.
If stepped on, it might crunch, crumble, and blow away.
It's 100 varieties of brown and 3 shades of brownish green lingering through.
Scarred. Mottled with marks of existence.

The display of desolation would present perfectly if not for the stubborn spurts of life.
We originated from migration, dust, from poverty clashed with ingenuity - sparking hope.
We grew up with dust in our eyes, wind parching our lips. Particles of studies settling in our pores, the statistics of failure.
And yet we stay. We grow under a demanding sun. We hope against popular odds.
We know that in a dead field there is unseen life. We know that where there is nothing vitality can hide beneath the surface.
Dig in and churn, there is abundance, just add water. Delve deeper and fortune courses under the ugliest crust.

The spirit of our home reaches back to our founders. Reaches back to the assurance that despite all appearances, encountering nothing is a catalyst for success.

So we stay with dust filled lungs and souls because endurance, hope, and effort were our founders. Though it is brown, still and parched, we are the life that defies the first glance.

Again.

2014-04-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

Things happen too fast. I can already feel I've made a mistake. Try to recover. Move faster. I see the bar flying towards me. I latch on to it a split second too late. The loop is badly timed. Off rhythm, wrong momentum. The dismount is doomed, however there is nothing to do but follow through. Try to save it. Throw more power to my toes. I can't save it. THUD, slap! My entire body meets the floor in one solid contact. I can always hear the sound of my disastrous landing just slightly before the vibrations rattle through my teeth. In that split second, I wait as all of the air retreats from me.

Time always slows down and speeds up at the same time right after a mistake. The shouts of my coach start catching up from my ears to my brain, as if to make up for lost time, they swirl repeatedly, overlapping her current shouts, as I wait for my chest cavity to expand again. To allow air to return.

"....More power... ....faster.... ankles together... snap feet... ... straight legs!" She glances me over for obvious injury and then barks: "Again!"

For most of my childhood, I was in gymnastics. Looking back, I gained a great amount of life training through the years of gymnastics training.

Recently, what remains loudest in my mind is the constant memory of failing as I crashed against the mat, having to get up and do some sort of penitence in the form of conditioning, and then attempting the same task again. It may sound awful for this to be a vivid childhood memory, but it really isn't. It is actually an empowering memory.

The uneven bars terrified me. And thrilled me. I was afraid of heights even at the beginning. I remember crying in terror the first time my coach told me to jump from one bar to the other. I remember crying the second time, too. And then, I remember overcoming that insurmountable objective. Breaking past a mental barrier with physical achievement. Shortly after the first terrifying success, the uneven bars became my favorite event, even though it still often terrified me. The more terrifying the risk, the more satisfying the success. With the right skills, I could fly. The flying is not what resonates most with me right now, though.

This month, what resonates loudest with me is smacking down against that thick, blue gym mat. The endless hours of blistered hands, and exhausted breathing, tingling fingers, flying, flailing, falling, waiting for the air to enter the lungs again, and the shout, "Again!" Ripped blisters, limbs scuffed red, chalked hands, deep breaths, pensive stares at the blasted uneven bars, recitation of errors and corrections, repeat task, crash! Again!...and Again! And again.

True, in gymnastics, I learned how to fly, but what turned out to be more useful than learning a "long hang kip" was learning how to fail. What I learned was that I could withstand pain I had never previously imagined, I could overcome exhaustion that seemed overwhelming, I could eventually rise up from every painful landing.The best lesson I carried away with me was: Again. Even after I so badly wanted to quit and go home, I could not accept defeat.

There, as a 9 year old, I developed an intuitive understanding about grown-up life. Sometimes when you miss your grasp, move too slowly, lack the strength, sometimes even though you tremble with exhaustion, your blisters have ripped out, when things are continually crashing to the ground, and when feel you can no longer breathe, you have to listen to the insistent shout, "Again!" You have to get up. You have to do it again and do it better. The only other alternative is to quit, exhausted, injured, frustrated, and sore with nothing to show for it all.

And so, during those times in adult life, while I sit with my head in my hands, sore, exhausted, feeling as if the air is being knocked out of me, my mind drifts back to sinking into that blue gym mat again and again, ripped up, waiting for the air to come back, because it will come back, mustering strength to get up and hearing the distant shout, "Again!" Except, now I'm the only one in the room.

The shout comes from within, "Again!"And so up I get, to try it again, and try it better, because defeat is not an option in life.

And once I've learned these acrobatics, I'll move onto harder ones, because, like gymnastics, that's kind of the point of life. It wouldn't be any fun without something challenging you to expand the brink of your ability.

And so with a huff and a limp, I draw a slow breath, pull myself up, eye the task that keeps knocking me down and mutter: Again.

Lessons Learned So Far: Teaching, Year 2, Entry 2

2014-02-21T20:31:00.000-08:00

What a classroom looks like when you move classrooms entirely on a Thursday night. Blurry vision intentionally incorporated into photo.

39. Talk less. Designate the task, give the directions, assign the roles, and turn them loose. It works a lot better than lecture lessons.

40. Use fewer tones. Have a happy tone, have a directions tone, have a last warning tone, but leave the drama tones to the theater. Kids are easy panic triggers. If your tone becomes higher, faster and frustrated, you lose them to panic before the message is transferred. In discipline, keep the matter of fact tone, go lower, not higher, pace words evenly.

41. Blame the system. You don't have to do it because I say so, you need to do it because this is the way the classroom works, and I don't want to send you out, but if you break the classroom system, I have to... Suddenly, it's just the machine works of the classroom and school, no longer an evil teacher being mean and unreasonable. It never seems to phase them that the system you blame is the system you created...

42. Sometimes, clearly spelled out mercy works better than harsh punishments.

43. End the class every period by telling them to, "Get out... and have a good day!" and eventually, whenever they leave your classroom or presence, they'll make sure to wish you a good day before they leave every time. It's nice. Say it a minimum of 6 times a day, and get wished it a minimum of 100 times a day.

44. Students are entirely different people when in entirely different teachers' classrooms. 'Nuff sed.

45. Narrow in on one classroom management area at a time. If you feel you need to improve the class exit procedure, do that, but make that your baby. If you try to fix 7 different management issues, you'll be scattered and frustrated, and so will the students. If you focus harshly on training one item for a week, and then make a new focus next week, while maintaining last week, the students will learn what is expected better than trying to demand two new procedures at once.

46. The teacher needs as much classroom routine practice as the students do. Making sure that the students push their chairs under the tables every time they get up takes as much out of you to remember to enforce regularly, as it does for them to remember to do it regularly. (Hence lesson #45)

47. Blame yourself. True, there are things that you cannot take credit for (Some kids will never study or do homework), however if the thing is, "This class just won't be quiet."or something of the like, blaming the students only gives you the excuse to quit trying, blaming the yourself makes you start looking for sources of the issue, and strategies that can curb the problem before is starts.

What happens when you listen to student ideas for the door decoration.

48. If a student in your class has good study habits, a strong understanding of how to behave appropriately in a classroom, how to talk to peers, how to treat teachers, or any sort of thing that would make a person want to say, "He's such a good student!" then you probably need to thank their teacher in the grade level before yours, because no person is naturally a good student, it's a vocation that must be taught. (Parents deserve a lot of credit too, but even "good parents" have kids who act out in a classroom because mommy's not looking right now)

49. Teach some of your students how to run your classroom technology! You never know when you're going to have sub whose highest technological skill is using a touch-tone phone, and will be completely incapable of running the slides you left for class, let alone be able to turn on a projector or unlock the computer when it falls asleep.

50. Hinging on #49, whenever possible, grab your squirreliest kid and throw him onto running the slides for the day, or queuing up the videos. He'll pay better attention, feel important and necessary, learn technology, and maybe actually remember what happened in class that day! (And, you'll know exactly when he's goofing off, because that's when the slides on the projector screen will start fritzing out... :-/ )

51. If you work on a subject for a really long time, so long that you as a teacher want to vomit if you have to hear or speak the word "inertia" again, and work on it in several different ways, making the students work the concept out in writing, lab practice, reasoning, discussions... you'll be relieved when the unit is over. The zinger is, you'll fall out of your seat in shock when 3 months later, you explain how satellites stay in orbit, and the students raise their hands and say, "Isn't that just using Newton's 1st law of motion?" Suddenly, hearing the word "inertia" will make you want to kiss someone.

52. Really, really, really invest in the classroom relationship. Own up to your mistakes when you make them, or they'll never stop holding them against you. Don't burn bridges by losing your cool. Don't insult the way a student is doing something, because then you have insulted the way their brains and hearts work, which is who they are.

53. Appeal to the ideal side of the student, even if you only see it every once in a while. Point out the good attributes that you catch sight of in them and tell them that's who they really are, because, at this stage in their life, they really have no clue who they are. Take advantage of their confusion and nudge them towards their best sides.

54. Let them cry. They do that. Especially during adolescent years. Acknowledge that they feel hurt. Expecting them to suck it up and soldier soullessly through their trials is unreasonable. Allowing them to take a moment to cry it out, and then jump back into life, lets them acknowledge the issue, and then acknowledge that there is life outside of that issue.

55. They know when you're just trying to pass the time. They sense when you're unprepared. They may never say anything (though often they will), but they know. Every time. You can see it in their eyes.

56. They can be really, really sweet and helpful. And that's nice. Even though, sometimes you'll spend an hour outside of class time trying to undo something they good spiritedly "helped" you with, the good spirit is still rewarding to see.

57. They break your heart. The thing that makes you reevaluate whether or not you can keep doing this vocation is not the piles of paperwork, hassles from coworkers, the long hours, the parents, the piles of homework, or the adolescent behavior... the thing that makes you really wonder if you can keep doing the job is the heartbreak. With over a hundred little souls, every day, laying claim to some small portion of your heart, the odds are high that a few of them will fall down so hard that they shatter that portion of heart that they were clinging to. Odds are at some point you will have to find some alone time to overcome the heartbreak.

The Letter: We.

2014-02-03T18:53:00.002-08:00

I had a rough day today. I've had worse. But, my goodness, I have had so many better days, too.

This made picking up the mail and finding this envelope that much sweeter.

I have received correspondence from a combination of 5 Compassion students since 2008. That's a lot of letters! Off the top of my head, I can think of 3-4 letters that have truly threatened to make me cry for one reason or another. And it has been a while since those times.

So it surprised me, when I read through 9 year old Alex's brief letter-penned for him by his older brother-when my lower lip trembled a little at the end of it.

You see, Alex lives with his Grandmother and his 6 siblings in Haiti. He is the youngest, and every letter, one of his older siblings does the writing for him.

So, for the first time in my Compassion experience, sponsorship has been an extremely strong family affair.

The rest of his letter is phrased, "He greets you" "He thanks you" "He..." He.

And then...

We love you so much.

We.

All 8 of them.

That's a lot of love to feel rain down on a soul, especially at the end of a rough day.

Especially from people I have never met. I don't even know what his family looks like.

I could tell you about all the good I can do for someone living in poverty, how easy and inexpensive it is to help someone who needs it. I could tell you that you should consider reaching into someone else's life to help make it better.

But not today.

Today, I am going to be selfish.

Today, I am telling you about a little boy and his family, who wrote a letter to someone who needed it. About a little boy who reached into someone's else's life and helped make it better without even realizing it. A little boy whose Christmas money was spent on a pair of shoes, but could still afford to to improve my life.

Sponsorship shouldn't be about what I get out of it,

but today I am going to share a little truth:

sometimes they're the ones sponsoring me.

Today's smile was brought to you by "The Letter: We."

The Nativity.

2013-12-23T08:55:00.002-08:00

I was in Target a few nights ago, picking up some last minute lab supplies for my students.

Having found my items, I wandered through the holiday supplies, just to see what was there.

As I paused to read a stocking stuffer label more closely, two women near my age conversed casually, and the topic caught my attention, so I pretended to read a while longer.

"You know those little holiday displays some people keep in their homes? Like, under the tree, or next to it? You know, the wooden ones. I think they are really cute. I was thinking I might want to get one this year..." Seeing her friend still wasn't following her topic yet, the woman went on, "They're, like, in a little barn, with an angel or a star over it."

I wanted to help, but then I would have to admit I had been listening.

"Well," The first woman continued, "I found one I like, it's really expensive, but I like it better because you can take the baby out of its cradle."

The women rounded to the next aisle, and I didn't feel like being creepy enough to find something to "read" on the next aisle, too. I needed to stop dawdling, anyway. I checked out.

I drove home, a little entertained by the description I had overheard.

Nativity. How strange that something dearer and more Christmas to me than Santa and the tree, something I played with during childhood was so novel, so unfamiliar to these women of a similar age. At first, I pondered the contradiction. They knew the scene, but not the story. It seemed absurd. I wanted to know what she thought the display represented.

Then, as I drove home, another thought struck me.

That was how it went the first time.

There was a cute baby, cradled by a manger, possibly in something like a little barn. What an odd display. And like the women that I shamelessly eavesdropped upon, most of the world didn't register the significance of the absurd little event.

The shepherds that were guided to the manger did not know to call it "The Nativity" either. They too sought out a savior that they didn't understand.

How did they describe the view they came upon?

It is tempting for those of us who know the story by heart to scoff at the obvious ignorance of the unindoctrinated about the nativity... We want to get caught up in our Christmas snobbery.

but wasn't that the point of the nativity?

Like these women in the store, there was an unnatural draw to this baby in a humbled situation.

Wasn't Jesus born for those who did not yet know him? The unindoctrinated, too?

Jesus pursued those who knew little, leaving the well studied to their own snobbery.

We like to focus really hard on a baby in a manger at Christmas time. Too hard, at times. I think it is because it is safe. What an innocent, nonthreatening picture: a sleeping baby. We want to focus on shiny stars, and pretty carols, hushed tones, and lullabies, cuddling, and cuteness. What an oversimplification of Christian life.

And perhaps, the woman at the store unknowingly tapped on some wisdom: We need a nativity display that allows us to take the baby out of the manger. Jesus doesn't belong in the manger.

There were many at the time who would have been perfectly happy to let that baby lie in the manger permanently. Unfortunately for them, the baby moved, escaped, grew up, overturned tax tables, talked to prostitutes, defended women, fed multitudes, provided wine for the party, demanded people walk on water, crawled willingly to his death, and rose effortlessly to come back for us. To put it shortly, he didn't stay cute and containable for long. The baby that left the manger set the bar for living faithfully much higher than crooning praises and gazing adoringly upon his sweet, sleeping face.

And maybe, sometimes, that's why we like to leave the baby in the barn.

When it comes right down to it, Christ didn't come to fulfill the ideologies built up by the deeply religious, those who knew all the stories. He didn't come to fulfill the ideologies of those who revere the glittery, shiny, fragile version of the Nativity. Christ was born in a humble place, to fulfill the longing of the unstudied, the aching, the unclean-those who could only describe him as "That baby in the barn." Those who dearly wanted to be able to take the baby out of the manger and hold him close.

That baby could have been born in a palace, or temple, in the Most Holy of Holies within the temple, had God willed the story to go that way. If he had, multitudes would have been happier with the story of the birth of the savior. God likes to crush our preformed ideas of "how it should go" because our ideas cannot compare, or even remotely encompass the amazing story that happens when God shows us how the story really goes.

Christmas was just the beginning of another chapter of God's fantastic story...and in the beginning of any story, no one really knows what is going on besides the author. We need to remember that it is alright for people not to understand. Just like the first Christmas, there were lots of people who didn't understand what the the fuss was about. And it's important that we don't shut people out or shoot them down, just because they don't have the all the Sunday school answers. Thankfully, God doesn't do that to us! Interest starts with curiosity, and curiosity has to be rewarded.

I'm glad I had to make that one more stop that night.

There were 3 things I needed to take with me out Target that night:

1. The reminder that it's okay for us to allow Christmas to be humble. More than just okay, it's beautiful.

2. Christmas would be worthless if the baby never left the manger, just like Easter wouldn't matter with the savior never left the cross, and it's important to think of Christmas as the beginning, rather than the focal point.

3. File folders. Good thing I needed those, because I never had the first two items on my shopping list.

Fortunate

2013-11-24T22:22:00.001-08:00

"So, are you out the door at the clock today, or are you hanging around to get work done?"

My coworker asks at lunch the Friday before the school break finally arrives.

"Out the door!" I respond, "I have stuff to do!"

"Errands?"

"No, I'm headed to the coast."

"Niiice, the beach!"

"Meh, the beach may happen, but I'm not much for the beach. I told my Grandad I'd visit, and they just happen to live near the beach."

A pause happens.

I expect to hear something about how cute or quaint it is that I would use vacation time to visit grandparents.

The pause extends long enough to become thoughtful.

"You're fortunate, you know."

The normally jocular tone has turned completely pensive,

"Not too many adults still get to visit their grandparents."

And now it's my turn to take a pensive pause.

It doesn't feel right to go into great detail for my coworker about how fortunate is too brief of a statement.

Sometimes I get busy, and distracted from this fortune. Even during the times I am careless though, I am still greatly blessed.

But it's nice to be reminded of what I am.

So I nod.

"Yes, very fortunate."

Balance.

2013-11-03T08:41:00.000-08:00

When I was in high school, my youth pastor drew a diagram. It was a bulls eye. Relationships are arranged like the target symbol.

The center of the target, the bulls eye, is where you are. It's a tight spot, not a lot of room for many others. The next ring would be your close friends and family. It's still a smaller space, but it can fit a few more people. These are the few who you trust with your most precious cargo and your most morbid confessions. The next ring are your fun friends, the ones who are great to be around, you spend time with them, but you wouldn't necessarily ask them to help you with something too personal, or share too much with them, but it's a larger number of people. These rings go all the way out to acquaintances. His point was, not everyone you know can be on the same level of friendship. There is just not enough room or time to make that work, and it's okay to have the few who you trust more than others. In fact, it is wise. You would not want some of those acquaintances on the outside ring sitting by your side during nerve wracking doctor's appointments or other such sensitive moments.

Balance.

This simile obviously made sense to me, as it still crosses my mind over 10 years after the illustration.

It was perhaps the first time that I considered balance in life without connecting that balance to equal shares. It was probably the crack in the icy shell that had shielded me from the revelation of balance of time within life.

A few years later, this concept grew again for me. I was spending all of my time studying, attending labs and classes, taking field trips, and studying for tests. I was driving myself insane. I was isolating myself, and sinking into depression because of it. Finally, on a whim of a breaking point, I looked at my textbooks one Sunday morning and said, "I'm done." For the rest of my undergrad career, I did not do school stress on Sundays. Balance. I realized, as long as I allowed it to happen, all of my days would be consumed by stress and fret. Deciding on one day that was off limits meant that I had to make better use of the time that was not off limits, work harder on Saturdays, and in between classes on weekdays. It meant no longer having to face "study guilt" on Sundays when I failed to get around to studying, because I no longer had any intention of studying. It meant peace. Reviewing priorities. Liking myself. Enjoying life. It meant balance.

Through the years I have worked in different areas. As an adult out of school, work is addicting. It is a place with structure and ritual, much like school once was. It can eat a person alive. It tried to eat me alive. In each new environment, I again had to relearn to set boundaries that created balance. It's okay to take overtime, but there has to be a limit. There is no shame in saying no when that early morning phone call comes. Balance. It means deciding to make better lunch decisions a few times a week so as to not be physically torn down. It means learning which conversations to take part in and which ones to fall silent in, to prevent from being emotionally torn down. It means remembering that there are relationships in my life that are more important than the ones I try to establish with my colleagues, and that just because I am socially worn out from working with people all day does not mean that my need for meaningful social time with the real relationships in my life has been met. It means actively insuring that I don't get so distracted and filled up by work fluff, that I forget to lay the foundations of life. Making sure I don't attend the company Christmas party and then forget to actually celebrate Christmas with those I love. It means instigating balance, sometimes by force.

And now, stepping into a career, I find a new level of balance must be learned. In a job, I can clock out and go home, leave the issues next to the clock and pick them up on my way back in. In a career, I have a harder time finding the border between home and work. In a job, if you get fired, you move on to the next job and learn a new skill set. In a career, you have laid down so much official training, that to moving to another career would require pausing for more education before being able to apply to be a rookie in another field. When I worked jobs, there was never any point in time that I found cause to stay behind unpaid and work a little longer. In a career, it comes down to my reputation, which has often mean staying 3-5 hours late on a regular basis to make sure everything runs smoothly every day. Combine that with having been in school last year, and I can easily admit: there was no balance last year, only survival.

So here I am, learning a new level of balance. It makes sense to me. In school, with every grade, in gymnastics, with every level, in karate, with every belt, in band, with every music piece mastered, there was always another challenge to overtake, another improvement to make. It is the same thing with learning to apply balance to life, there is always a new level to learn. Whether it is balance within family, school, friendships, activities, finances, jobs, careers, every new situation requires new balancing skills.

This year, I am actively focusing on some areas to improve my balance. I want to read books for fun again. Leave work before the sun sets more often. Go for walks and bike rides. Spend time with people who will still care about me in a couple of years. Write more often. Take naps with my cat. Take better care of my garden. Travel more. Eat better. Play a lot more games, and crack a lot more jokes around kitchen tables. I want to intentionally invest in the parts of my life that matter most to me.

This year, I want to balance better.

The time change is today. You have an extra hour. How's your balance?

Lessons Learned So Far: Teaching-Year 2, Entry 1

2013-10-20T00:30:00.000-07:00

1. You're never fully dressed without a smile.........Unless they are seriously in trouble. If you're always good humored and smiling, then the moment the straight face appears, the fear sets in. Very handy.

2. Don't judge books by covers: Some of your most fantastic textbooks will have gum and poorly rendered drawings of things that the book wasn't originally intended to teach. Some kids present as excellent students, and yet will do no homework, pay very little attention, flunk tests, and put gum in your books. Some students will look like they're in an open-eyed coma, and come out super genius whenever their names get pulled, test scores come back, and homework gets turned in.

3. Never trust the schedule. Never. Not for one minute. Never. Never. Never.

4. No matter how thoroughly you have thought through a plan or system, until you test it on people, you will still never get all the kinks thought out ahead of time.

5. Teaching students sitting in desks is a very different process than teaching students seated at lab tables.

6. It's visibly filthier to have carpet flooring than linoleum.

7. The Promethean board is awesome.

8. Apparently, you can have too many student aides. Never would have dreamed it.

9. 8th graders can break marbles, even at table level. Seriously, it happened.

10. Someone will always attempt to steal the lab equipment. I don't know why, because we only use cheap lab materials. Hopefully, it'll be one of the broken items.

11. When purchasing a skateboard, buy one with metal axles, not plastic. 8th grades can break those, too.

12. 8th graders are capable of more than they let on. They are capable of more than they understand. They are capable of achieving high goals, if they are given the careful framework to get them there, and you refuse to ever doubt your expectations.

13. Whether they have to take the CST or the SBAC- at the end of the year, they still have to know science and how to think. That's a big enough task to worry about.

14. OneDirection is not as cool anymore. This makes using tricks from last year's slides work less. Darn pop culture.

15. Matter of fact works way better than frustration when dealing with discipline moments.

16. Crack down on unwanted behaviors fast.

17. Don't over help. If they need a pencil, remind them that they know where the borrow pencils are. Don't get it for them. Or else they'll just wait for you to do it next time, too.

18. You're part of their transition to adulthood, make sure you're an effective part. Junior high is the beginning of child to adult mutation. They have to learn about appropriate behavior in the work environment. It starts with junior high teachers, if we insist on it.

19. Put a line in the hallway and expect students to be in it before they enter the classroom. Their brains work soooooo much better that way.

20. Require the first five minutes of class to be silent work, and then go to the mat for the silence. It's amazing how much the behavior and focus improves if they have to practice containing themselves for 5 minutes every day (Also, they get their homework copied down much faster).

21. Simple rubrics are the most wonderful things in the world. Make some. Make them broad enough that they apply to multiple assignments, but narrow enough that when someone wants to argue the grade, there is a rule sheet to reference. Teach them how to rubric themselves. Show them to the parents. Quality, performance, attitude and metacognition improve. Arguments, excuses, and grading time decrease.

22. Teaching is more than informational. Teaching requires to see individuals. Teaching requires knowing when to reach out and offer help, and when to allow problems to resolve themselves. Teaching is knowing when to do a student a favor, and when to do them a favor by not doing them a favor. It requires knowing where to draw the lines. Knowing which student needs nothing more than a fist bump and nod in the hallway, and which one needs to hear, "Are you okay?" Teaching is figuring out what each individual defines as respecting them as people. Teaching is hard.

23. The moment you call the tech guy in is the moment the projector will get jostled by a careless kid and magically start working. If you're lucky. Otherwise, the tech guy will actually make there, jostle it himself, and then look at you quizzically, as if you didn't try every useful and useless trick in the book first.

24. Sticky notes are like 20 dollar bills. It's handy to have a stack of them, and they disappear fast.

25. If you like your prep, remember, next year you could easily get moved from 7th period prep to 4th period.

26. Fourth period prep makes for an optimum restroom break.

27. Dang...

28. Love your librarian. You don't realize how valuable she is until she disappears for a few weeks.

29. The food shack across the street sells large fountain drinks with the "good ice" for a dollar. Pepsi products!

30. The second year is leaps and bounds better than the first.

31. BTSA's main reason for existing is to suck the life out of the minimal amount of free time you have.

32. Science fair. It's a love hate relationship. You have to drive the students into their projects by using pitchforks and torches, and then the students chase you down during every single one of your spare moments to talk about the projects non-stop, asking questions you've already given them notes on(and they usually forget to remind you which project they're working on, which can make listening very interesting), but they weren't listening to the directions at that time because they hadn't picked a project yet. But then... they are talking to a teacher about science, during which time they ask questions, and there's a spark in their eyes that says "Sometimes science is really fun!"...and then you think: I love science fair...even though it tries to eat me alive.

33. Don't let that one kid who loves to waste time use the pencil sharpener. Especially if he is also borrowing your pencil. Enough said.

34. The second year can still be really difficult and overwhelming at times.

35. Instruction for English Learners changes severely when their Native language is not Spanish.

36. Sometimes, when school is out, you have to learn to step back and say: No...today I am not a teacher. I am not spending the whole day grading things, or working something out on the computer for Monday. Today I am going for a walk, taking a nap, doing my Bible study, hanging with friends...any thing but teacher stuff.

37. Sometimes you still have to be a teacher, and sometimes you talk above mentioned friends in to grading things with you.

38. When you plan a lab, carefully set it up, plan out all the steps, decide how to divide the students, decide how much of the lab you will guide and how much they will, decide what they will write on their papers, what they will turn in, buy all of the materials necessary, plus extras. That way, on lab day, while you are sitting under a table during a surprise earthquake drill during half a period, you can sit and think about preparation. And you'll wonder why you forget that drills always seem to coincide with lab days...

Darkness

2013-10-13T00:30:00.000-07:00

Friendly warning: This post deals with darker emotions. Proceed at your own risk.

It’s like my whole chest has been bound in iron, and no matter how many deep breaths I take, something deep inside me is still asphyxiating. It’s like I’m being held under water, and no matter how hard I kick, how much my lungs burn and muscles ache, I can’t reach the surface; I don’t die, but I’m getting too tired to keep thrashing. It’s like everyone else’s soul is a burlap sack, sometimes empty, and sometimes filled with butterflies, and mine is filled with wet sand. It takes all my energy to get me and my bag of sand moving, let alone participate in life. Even when I get my soul off the ground, I can only pretend to be able to carry it for a short time before collapsing again. It’s as if everything but my brain has been given anesthetic, and all my brain can seem to process are my damages and failures, my insufficiencies. It’s knowing I have important things to do, but being unable to break myself away from staring into nothingness long enough to prevent myself from ruining my own life. It’s the despair of knowing I am ruining my own life. It’s having the desperate need to shriek uncontrollably, and lacking the strength to do so. It’s finding out that even when I muster up the courage and strength to scream, it doesn’t make the feeling go away. It’s feeling like I am rotting from the inside out. And, drawing from an illustration made in Unshaken, it’s feeling as if I’m trapped in a dark elevator shaft alone under the rubble of a collapsed hotel, and knowing that

no one can come to rescue me.

It’s all of those things, and then the understanding that these feelings aren’t changing…perhaps they will never end.

So, I try to fake it. I can’t imagine a way to express those feelings, I can’t bear the thought of dealing with people after trying to share those feelings, I don’t want to burden someone I love with my darkness. I force smiles, and avoid eye contact. I deflect questions with distracting humor, or redirecting questions, or flippant responses. I make myself insanely busy. I have moments where I hide in a quiet place. I find secret, harmful ways to deal with the darkness alone.

Depression.

I hate talking about it. I hate admitting to having struggled with it. I hate the stigma the very word carries. I hate how flippantly it is used. I hate how people try to use it interchangeably with trivial words, like “sad,” “disappointed” and “blue.”

Depression is not sadness. It’s not a mood. It’s engulfing, raging, oppressive darkness. It’s sneaky.

People who struggle with depression can often feel like they are the only broken ones. People who bear this omnipresent darkness usually keep it a secret.

I am relieved to say that I am not currently dealing with it myself, but I remember how it felt. I remember feeling like I was the only one who knew this darkness. I also remember well intentioned people mistaking it for the blues, encouraging me to “just cheer up, tomorrow will be a better day.” I remember knowing a despairing feeling as I thought about the fact that tomorrow would not likely be a better day after all: it would likely be the same kind of day that every day has been for the past several months. I remember only partially enjoying the “up moments” in that period of time, because I had learned from pattern that they would only crash down again, and the darkness would hurt more after having almost felt normal for a few hours. I remember feeling like a ghost while being with my friends or family, watching them have a good time, and only being able to watch, not feel it.

Mostly, however, I remember feeling alone. And irreparable. And crazy. Why couldn’t I just buck up? Why couldn’t I conjured enough faith, pray hard enough, repent loudly enough for the darkness to go away?

That’s particularly something Christians have to struggle against. There are many within the faith who would like to point the finger at the faith of the sufferer, shake their heads at the need for psychology, or anti-depressants. Christians who need these things get convinced they should feel ashamed of their lesser faith.

But Jesus knew the feeling. “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” I know I have not been crucified, or felt the burden of all of humanity’s sin upon me, but I also know that I have heard my soul cry out a similar phrase. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” (Psalm 22:1-2) Jesus felt a deeper darkness than I ever have. Part of me believes that these phrases were recorded for us: the ones who brush against an inner darkness for a long extent of time, sometimes repeatedly throughout life, the ones who feel isolated by this darkness.

It is ridiculous that anyone can think that people who struggle with depression are of a weaker faith. It takes an enormous faith to dwell in a dark and lonely place for so long and still maintain a belief in a god who is still worth following--to believe in a God who loves you, when you cannot fathom loving yourself. The kind of faith that can stand to “be still and know” through that kind of inner death is the same kind of faith that walks on water. Read through the Bible. Look at the prophets and heroes of faith. A high percentage of them battled with the inner darkness as well. It’s right there, right smack dab in the middle of their amazing life stories. I don’t think it is a coincidence that so many people God used in great ways also struggled with depression.

I have never been more secure in the fact that my God is a great and powerful God than when I had nothing but paralyzing emptiness. That knowledge remains with me even after the darkness faded.

That’s right: it fades. One way or another, we survive. Sometimes-No-Usually, we need help to survive, whether it is family support, medical support, psychological support, or all of it, and there is no shame in any of it, no matter what some self appointed authorities on faith might say. No matter what that accusing voice in the back of my own mind says.

And after the darkness fades, I am aware that it could come back someday, and I need to be prepared to deal with it again, but I also know that I survived it. There is a certain level of strength that comes from that knowledge. It’s a strength that I never knew before.

I have already confided in you that I hate bringing this topic up in public. So, why, you may ask, did I write such a long confession? Two reasons.

One: Perhaps if people who have never experienced the darkness read the brief summary of how the darkness feels, they will be less likely to make themselves a part of the burden for those in the midst of darkness.

Two: People who are in the midst of darkness or may someday be in the midst of it need to know that darkness is not forever. Perhaps if people who have made it through darkness talked about it while they are on the upside of the battle, then people who struggle with it will feel less alone…less crazy, more able to talk about it with someone they can trust. People who are asphyxiating no matter how deeply they breathe need to know. They need to know that it’s not shameful. It does not have to be fatal.

If you have felt the darkness, are feeling it now, or have family members who deal with it (because it is genetic), you need to know: You are not a burden. You are carrying a burden, but that burden, that darkness, is not who you are. Don’t bear it alone.

It’s okay to looked a trusted person in the eye and respond, “Broken.” When they ask, “How are you feeling today?” It’s okay to ask someone to hold your hand in the midst of the darkness.

You would be surprised how many people have brushed against that darkness, too.

Fallen Short

2013-10-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

(Romans 3:23)

Almost everyone recognizes this verse. We teach it to our toddlers. Those of us who have grown up in the church, AWANAs, Sunday School, VBS... we know it by heart.

The teacher in me needs to step out of this indoctrination for a moment and ask a question. Does anyone see anything wrong with this quotation? Yes, Jimmy? That's right: it's not a complete sentence! There is no capital letter, which means there is something that comes before it, and there is no punctuation, which means that there is something that comes after it.

I challenge you, quick, before you grab your Bibles or skip on over to Biblegateway.com, what is the whole idea that this excerpt has been chopped out of the middle of? Don't know off of the top of your head? I didn't either. However, when I was assigned to look up 3:23 and read it, just 23, seeing it in the middle of a paragraph bothered me... so I read the whole thing.

Ladies and gentleman, a paragraph from Romans 3:

¹⁹Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. ²⁰Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

²¹But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, ²²even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on allwho believe. For there is no difference; ²³for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, ²⁶ to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.²⁷Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith. ²⁸Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.

Now, I understand that the whole paragraph is awfully big for a toddler to memorize, but isn't "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" awfully heavy? Especially without the good part of the story? We don't let our kids go to movies with scary scenes, but they can memorize "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." and then follow it up with, "For the wages of sin is death;" (Romans 6:23a) (Yet another verse with suspicious punctuation warning all that we shortened because it was too big, and in turn made it too heavy by cutting out the wordy redemption part. In this one, we didn't just clip a verse out of a paragraph, we clipped a phrase out of a verse!)

I remember not liking those verses for as long as I have memorized them. I still sigh and roll my eyes as I hear them being taught to the new generation of guilt ridden followers. They only made me feel dirty, shameful. What a horrible use of the Bible. In their entirety, they were supposed to make me feel blessed and treasured.

As adults, we mentally clip scriptures regularly as often as our subconscious feels the need to beat us down. We bask in our failures and forget the parts that glorify God's overcoming them. We need to be focusing on the whole story to be able to battle when our subconscious starts clipping the good parts out. After all, since when did any story lover stop in the middle of the chaos and trial portion of the book, and decide to move on to something else? Never. We cling to the story until the redemption, the rescue, the victory comes through.

We need the whole story.

Romans 6: 21-23

What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life inChrist Jesus our Lord.

Romans 3:22-23

This righteousness is given through faith inJesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Because we are all too aware of our sins and falling short. We know without needing to be told that we carry death within us. What we really need to memorize, carry with us, be reminded of regularly is the rest of the story.

"but the gift of God is eternal life inChrist Jesus our Lord."

"all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. "

As for toddlers memorizing things, if they are not mature enough to handle the size of: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life inChrist Jesus our Lord." or all of Romans 3:22-23, then maybe we ought to reconsider whether they are mature enough to handle the weight of, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and "For the wages of sin is death"

It scares us, because rule followers are easier to raise and control, but I truly believe that in a room of adults, we'd rather be locked in with the grace believers than the rule followers. Maybe grace is what needs to be drilled in from toddlerhood, rather than fear and insufficiency.

Because what is the point of learning about death and failure, if we do not learn about life, grace, and the glory of God?

If we do not learn both parts, then by clipping verses and redemption ideas apart, this is an area in which we have truly fallen short for both ourselves and our toddlers.

Follow the shadows

2013-09-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

I exist when the shadows lean to the West.

And depart when they yearn for the East.

I remain when the sun leaves our hemisphere.

And wander off when it comes too close.

I'm the storm that overcomes senseless chaos.

And the stillness that listens to rain.

I embark on a path among wild saplings.

But leave the forest when trees are found.

I start alone but travel among many.

I end alone, then begin again.

I follow the shadows and find the saplings.

I heed the sun, and search for the trees.

Is That Supposed to Be a Picket Fence?

2013-07-27T12:59:00.001-07:00


(This is not my picture, but when I thought about going to take a picture of a lovely house and picket fence, I realized the neighbors might get creeped out...thanks Google Images)

Growing up, everyone has a basic idea of what life will be like when they are "grown up." We hear even little children talk about, "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry so-and-so..." and "My house will look like..." It's a natural process for children, and honestly, it's just plain cute. It's interesting how this process starts in everyone so young, this drive to achieve the American middle class dream. I started calling these the "Picket fence" dreams, because a house, a spouse, a dog, some kids, a yard, and a picket fence to keep it all in seems to be the most common picture of middle class success and happiness. It may not be everyone's personal dream picture, but we all know and recognize those picket fence dreams of how we thought our lives were supposed to go, or the pattern we think others expect our lives to follow, way back when we were solidifying our versions of "right" and "wrong" "good" and "bad" in our childhood psyches. They all lend to the pattern and timeline people feel their lives should follow, if they are doing it right.
As a whole, picket fence dreams are not necessarily wrong. They can be sweet and positive things. The problem comes when picket fences don't mesh with someone's personal dreams. Sometimes those two ideals conflict uncompromisingly. Then there is the other, very real issue: Picket fence dreams cannot always be happily accomplished by sheer effort and force of will. Sometimes life does not land that way. Sometimes we are left feeling insufficient.

     The truth of the matter is, I have no picket fence around my yard. I didn't follow a path that led to a yard with a picket fence. I might never live that picket fence life. The hardest truth I had to learn about this is that I like my fence free life. I like the adventure that a less than typical path has allowed me. For the longest time, I felt that I needed to explain, justify, or just feel insufficient and shuffle off to a corner over the fact that I did not marry right out of school, I have no children, I have no house, I did not settle into a career straight out of school, I have no dog in my yard, I have no prospective leads that may lead to that life, and (here's the zinger) I do not have those things because I did not choose those things. I did not choose those things because my priorities were and are different. That last part was the hardest part for me to understand fully.

       I am in the life I am in now not because I am insufficient at life in general, but because it is the life I am best suited to live right now.

      It's like this: In the beginning, we are all given this box of materials with no directions inside.

We grow up, looking around, observing others, listening to other people's descriptions of what they did with their own box of materials. What we see is that everybody used their materials to build picket fences and beautiful lives. Some of us decide those lives and picket fences are so great, that we decide to build similar ones of our own, and this thrills us. Another set of us decide that because that is what everyone did with their box of materials, this must be what that box of materials is for, and so we dutifully decide to build picket fences just like them. As we try to do so, we develop resentment towards our awkward, lopsided, ugly fences and also the people who built beautiful fences.

For the latter half of us, the main error is assuming that this is what everyone did with their box of materials. The reason we do this is because cute homes and picket fences are the most visible, recognizable constructions from similar boxes of materials. We fail to realize that the people who built zoos, airplanes, boats, bridges, restaurants, hang gliders, museums, and bike paths also started with similar boxes of materials. They just looked into their box, looked at the houses and picket fences around them, and said, "That's cool, but I can't sail to Iceland on a picket fence...and I think I'd rather go sailing." or, "This would make a fantastic elephant cage! Let's go find an elephant!!!"

I personally failed to see those things, because first, I didn't realize they started with boxes too, and second, people who decide to build airplanes with their boxes typically do not park their airplanes in the neighborhood for little kids who are trying to decide what to do with this seemingly random box of materials to notice. Third, while the boxes of materials may be similar, I made the mistake of assuming that everybody's box is identical. They are not. Not at all. It can be very frustrating for a person to try to work a propeller into the creation of a picket fence, but sometimes, they try anyway.

In the end, we all build something. We all get splinters, smash our thumbs, and run into problems, no matter what we end up building. The difference is, the people who really looked at their boxes to see what the materials actually inspire and then look themselves to see what their souls are built for, end up building quality products that they love, and the splinters, smashed thumbs, and broken pieces are just minor details in their stories of success, because they loved building it. The people who take their boxes and try to force them into what they think everyone else thinks they must create, end up with half-hearted excuses for picket fences or airplanes, splinters that fester enough to cause gangrene, an unexplainable sense of shame, and an unshakeable aura of bitterness.

It's not wrong to build a cute home and a picket fence, if that's what your box and your soul agree on.

It's also not wrong, quirky, or absurd to end up building an airplane, zoo, tree house, boat, or whatever, instead, if that's what makes your particular soul dance. What matters is this: Whatever you end up building, will you be happy or bitter about the splinters you suffered while building it?

Quaint, I know, but it has taken a long time for me to reach and fully accept this weird little epiphany of mine.

(Thanks, Google)

Now, I'm off to find a hang-gliding okapi to add to my flying treehouse zoo-restaurant thing, but I'll leave you with this sticky note:

What's in your box? What's in your soul? What are you building? Are your splinters worth it?

Is your picket fence an airplane?

Dear Me,

2013-06-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

Dear 2 year old Me, accepting that cookie from Granny may have been one of the better judgment calls of your entire life, both before and after the cookie incident.

Dear Toddler I used to be, way to go with the earring campaign, I still appreciate you for that.

Dear 3 year old Me, there are somethings you will never understand. There are somethings that you will, eventually.

Dear 4 year old, the brothers never tame down.

Dear 5 year old Self, good move at the fair. As the years go by, you will dig, and search, and study, and strain to understand what it means to be to be a good Christian. You will try to be really great, really deep, really intellectual. You will dabble in legalism, you will try to buy your salvation with works. You will struggle to understand what the most important goal is as a Christian for years only to come to the conclusion that the simple theology you had when you made the decision originally was the best one all along. Also, eventually, you do learn that "Disciple" is not just another word for "Leveled-Up Christian." It doesn't really work like a video game. Maybe you didn't need to hold a big tent revival for your 3 year old brother on his bunk bed that night, though. He's still got some time to mature a little.

Dear 6 year old Self, you don't end up becoming a trash truck driver, but it's okay, because in the long run, you don't really regret it. You do, however, do your fair share of dealing with garbage-both figuratively and literally- and you learn not to be so squeamish about it.

Dear 7 year old, braces are more than just teeth jewelry. As much as you think you might like them, you really won't find them as pleasant as they look.

Dear 8 year old Me, someday, you are going to have a portable, wireless phone that can send and receive messages like a pager, plays music, has a calculator, clock, and a build in digital camera that can transmit pictures to other people's phones, has games on it, has a digital address book. AND, it will be yours and yours alone, and here's the real mind blowing thing: it will be small enough to fit in your pocket, and almost everyone will have one (even some 8 year olds). Seriously.

Dear 9 year old with an "all day headgear," it's only for a short span of time. There are far more painful, longer lasting, humiliating experiences that will make this one almost forgettable. On a side note, you're not going to be an Olympic Gymnast. You're too tall, and while you've got determination, it's just not going to be enough. The good news is, in a few years, you'll get your weekends back, and sleepovers are so much fun. Plus, all that time in gymnastics really gives you the mental training you'll need later, and your left ankle will click for years to come.

Dear 10 year old Me, I know you really want it, but you will never be mainstream normal. I mean it. You will always be slightly off, easy to pick out as a little odd. Let's face it, you started off as a redhead, and that was just the beginning. Before you do anything drastic though, I should tell you that this is okay. It takes you a while to come around to this conclusion, but eventually, you will realize how much you enjoy your abnormal self, how many people value your abnormalities, how very few people are normal, and how weird those normal people are. Raising those goats is really going to do a lot of character building for you. Tamagotchis really are a quickly passing phase, and though Digimon are off brand knock offs, Digimon actually end up being more fun as well as cheaper. Jonathon Taylor Thomas doesn't get many acting gigs after the Lion King. The Hansen Brothers disappear quickly, and do not manage to make "homeschooled" a cool thing to be before they go.

Dear 11 year old I used to be, moving is not the end of the world, some of your current friendships won't even be worth the trip across town to maintain. Friendships change. Some aren't meant to be forever. Things are going to get rocky, but you'll come out strong. God will never abandon you. Be nicer to your sister. You'll regret not being nicer to her once your common sense comes back.

Dear 12 year old Self, you will never get your braces off! Just kidding. You will, but it's going to be a while, and it won't be before they take your picture for your driver's license. Sorry. In general, I'd tell you to tone it down a little in the exuberance department, but since you're in junior high, I doubt you'll listen. The TV show "Martial Law" isn't going to last very long, nobody is going to remember it, and it will be pretty much impossible to find on DVDs later(media which you have yet to learn about). By the way, in a very short time, Video Tapes will be replaced with DVDs. Cassettes and VHS will be obsolete very soon. That's just the beginning, after a while TVs will only be 3-5" deep, and TV antennas will be pretty much useless.

Dear 14 year old Me: you emotionally survive the Algebra class at the junior college by the skin of your teeth, but gradewise, with an A. Not bad, hot shot! Sure, it scares the crud out of you, but completing this class is the reason you will know you can make it through much harder classes later on. Later on, you will no longer have your mommy there marching you back into class while you want to run away; you'll have to march yourself in.

Dear 15 year old Me, if you ever become that interpreter missionary with the beautifully adventurous, international life, it is not in the next decade. You also do not become a dentist or veterinarian. Because you swore you'd never be something boring, I know this may shock you, but eventually you become a teacher. I know this disappoints you right now, because you cannot think of any occupation more boring than a teacher. It's probably of little consolation right now, but it really isn't boring. If it helps, you do at some point drive an ambulance before this happens.

Dear 16 year old, when all those people and professionals tell you the acne will go away around the time you are 25, they are idiots. It gets worse. You learn to deal with it, and that your personal value doesn't rest on your complexion.

Dear scared 17 year old, nothing turns out as disastrous as you worry it will.

Dear 18 year old me, adult life is great. It's not any easier, but it's at least a different kind of difficult.

Dear polite 19 year old, when everything in your gut says, "Rooming with that girl is a horrible idea, don't agree to it." just be rude right up front about it and tell her you don't want to room with her. It will save you a whole year of energy in rudeness. You learn a lot from it, but it's a high price to pay. Also, guys who mock you in front of your friends aren't worth the heartbreak, no matter how cool and dreamy they are.

Dear college graduate, your degree means very little to employers, you don't end up pursuing the career you thought you would, and your life training wheels just fell off on the downhill slope. Throw your feet up, hold your handle bars straight and steady, shout, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" so that everyone thinks you're brave instead of just shrieking, and then be ready to tuck and roll. You will discover, however, that you've got quality friends.

Dear 22 year old Me, go visit Granny every weekend. Cancel other plans, stay longer, eat more nasty food, ask more questions, sit in a room and enjoy the silence of reading and potato chips together a few extra times, rent more foreign movies, drink more tea, stay up late with her, and get up early, complete more crossword puzzles, memorize the way she smells, the way she smiles, and the way she laughs, and the way her eyes look when she's thinking deep thoughts, actually try to answer the deep questions she challenges you with, go to her favorite restaurant more often.

Dear 23 year old Self, you are not invincible. No amount of planning, rule following, sheer force of will, or strategic steps can outwit freak accidents. There are some crashes you don't bounce back from as easily as previous ones. This next part is really going to suck. I wish I could tell you how to avoid it, but I'm not sure I've figured out how you can. I'm not sure I really would tell you, anyway. Right now you will not believe that the good things you gain out of this will be worth it, but looking back, you will.

Dear 24 year old Self, you will get better, maybe not in the way you expect, but your life is not ruined. You only think so, because you think you know what it is supposed to look like. Life does not have to look like the "Happily ever after" you planned in order for it to be good. You cannot "work harder" at healing and speed things up, that only happens in the movies.

Dear 26 year old Me, don't chicken out.

Dear Me, I don't know what advice I will have for me right now in a few years. I do know that I survived all those other years making those mistakes, and growing from them. As much as I wish I could go back and set myself straight, or encourage myself with knowledge from the future, I was unable to, and yet somehow you still made it through. I'm going to attribute that to God's love and protection, and the love, support and understanding of family and friends. I wrote this for you right now, because sometimes you need the pieces strung together to see how it all worked out. Sometimes you forget too easily, and maybe someday, when you feel less positive about life, you'll need a reminder and I want to leave this here for you just in case. God is the same God, whether you are 3, 5, 17, 22, or 63 and you are fortunate to have family and friends who love, support, and forgive you.
Enjoy the life you have currently whatever it is, because looking back, it was never all bad.
Don't forget.

The secret to growing a beautiful garden almost effortlessly...

2013-04-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

First, you must start by planting sunflower seeds, the world's easiest plant to grow, in your gravel. Be sure to mix the gravel with soil mixture. Enjoy neighbor's appreciation of your gorgeous flowers. Do this a year before this year's garden.

Second, you must let the sunflowers run their course, dry out, become horrible eyesores, ignore glares and pointed comments from neighbors. Let the birds pick at their carcasses. Only remove the stalks when the park manager starts discussing 14 day notices. Do nothing else.

The following year, notice that seedlings are starting to come up, throw a little water their way every once in a while.

One energetic weekend while a friend is visiting, purchase some tomatoes, and potted annuals. Recruit the friend to do half the work of planting. Water sporadically, because life is chaotic, and you like playing garden success roulette.

Wait for the fairies to come. Leave often, stay away for long extents of time.

You will know they have been there because the hose might be coiled properly, or uncoiled from its last position.

You may also notice some quality irrigation work appear, or that someone has picked your ripe strawberries and placed them in your fridge.

Sometimes, they will rearrange your tomato plants so that they rest properly against their cages.

Also, a good sign that the fairies have been visiting is that the earth is no longer crackled and dusty like you left it.

As it turns out, the trick to a beautiful garden is easy: leave it to the fairies.

Where they come from, I am not exactly certain. I have my suspicions that they have something to do with the family tooth fairy and friends. What I do know is, when I mentioned that I had figured out who the Big Hairy Tooth Fairy was, the tooth fairy stopped coming...so... if anyone asks, I am ABSOLUTELY bewildered as to where these garden fairies come from. Completely clueless. Baffled.

All I know is that I sure think garden fairies are great.

Lessons learned so far: Teaching, entry 3

2013-04-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

41. Junior high students will do nearly anything for an ink stamp on their paper! Tell them you will give them extra credit for turning in their homework on time, nothing. Give them a stamp on their pages to mark their extra credit, and suddenly every student is clamoring, "Where's my stamp? How do I get a stamp?" and homework turn in rate increases by 60%.

42. Buy cheap stamps. Certain junior high students will steal your stamper no matter where you put it. Especially if it was expensive. Twice.

43. Returning after spring break is like going to the zoo and finding out it's your job to potty train 20 monkeys all at once with time limit of 50 minutes. Expect to be pelted by lots of poop.

44. They grow up. Right in front of you. Not just height, either. Sure, sometimes, you'll turn around and say, "Hey, wait a minute, weren't we the same height yesterday?" Other times you'll look at them and see the eager, bright eyed, quick to please children, desperate for all the attention you can give. Most of the time you'll look at them and see the surly teenagers they intend to be for the next 2-12 years. But, every rare once in a while, you'll see them make a selfless decision, use common sense, deal with a frustrating situation with maturity, use integrity, or show great responsibility, and for that moment you are privileged to see what fantastic adults they might someday be. That's a beautiful moment.

45. You should brag on them. Especially in front of them. Every chance you get. To other students, other teachers, their parents, other kids' parents, your parents. Some students don't have many people in their lives who brag on them for anything, let alone education. Some students have parents who brag on them, but you know kids at their age: what do their parents really know?

46. Even though you'll despise yourself for it every time you do it, tie the current ridiculous heart throb boy bands(currently OneDirection/Justin Bieber) into every concept possible. Something with that much passion behind it, whether loved or hated, will be remembered.

47. Notice every little change for the better, even if it's not yet enough.

48. Learn a long list of positive adjectives and use them often. "You put the erasers away? Have I mentioned how fantastic you are, today? Oh, well then, you're stinking fantastic, thank you! I really appreciate that!"

49. Don't let them get away with stuff. Just because you're being all warm and fuzzy doesn't mean they get to disrupt the class or ignore procedures. Demand perfection, at least then they might achieve acceptable.

50. KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING! Did you ask that student to stop clicking his pen 3 times today? How many times did you ask him yesterday? Last week? It seems frivolous, but it matters.

51. Come up with a system that works with your brain. You can try everyone else's systems, but if you don't adapt them to your brain, you won't use them, and then you'll just be disorganized and ticked off. It may be a perfect system for Mr. So and So, but if it doesn't work for you and you can't adapt it, it's crap, get rid of it.

52. Try stuff. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the semester, quarter, week, or day. If something could use improvement and you come up with or hear an idea you think has merit, don't save it for next year. Plan a little, find the perfect moment, explain what's going to happen, and then do it. If it works, dance for joy. If it doesn't work, try it again. If it doesn't work again, adapt it a little, try it again. After that, maybe set it aside for more tinkering at a later date.

53. Stick with new things. Don't just try it once and then throw it out if it went bad. If you introduce something new, the students will balk because "we've never done this before!" Explain it clearly and confidently. Give it a week. Let them understand classroom=ship, students=crew, teacher=captain, mutiny is not an option, plank walking and keelhauling are, though. Usually, they catch on and even appreciate it, after they have learned that no amount of kicking and screaming will be rewarded.

54. They have to try the kicking and screaming thing every time just to make sure it won't work this time.

55. Remember to love them. This may sound funny, but honestly, sometimes they will drive you to the brink of insanity, and if you forget that you love them, you'll start to hate them. You knew when you signed up that junior high students are crazy people. If you love the crazy people, they're easier to tolerate when they're about to push you over the edge.

56. Always, always, always, always, always, ALWAYS have your OBJECTIVE, subject specific vocabulary, standards, and EL standards in prime condition, posted visibly and ready for superintendent inspection. The day you don't have one of those items in prime condition will be the day 5 people from the superintendents' office will decide to sit in your room for 2.5 periods and take lots of notes.

57. Bring Cadbury Cream eggs to the office ladies. Office ladies control a lot. They have many opportunities to giveth and taketh away. They like chocolate. And Cadbury eggs are only 4 weight watcher points, so they won't hate you for bringing a treat they can't have.

58. Don't leave your Cadbury's in the car. If you do, though, the office ladies will still appreciate them, lopsided and all.
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60. When the maintenance people back their golf cart into its parking spot 12 feet from the classroom door, it sounds like the distant ring of the fire alarm (which, if you recall from entry 1, can barely be heard in this classroom). Even though they know it's the golf cart, they'll still protest multiple times: "We're all going to burn to a crisp while everyone else is out standing in the soccer field talking to each other!!!!" The scary thing is, they're actually more upset that other students might be socializing without them than they are about the idea of being burnt "to a crisp." Oh, the junior high mindset... Be glad you are only surrounded by it, and no long have to live in it!

I don't have time to shower.

2013-03-08T21:35:00.001-08:00

Send Febreeze.

Hopefully, most of you haven't noticed the smell(which might be solely because I haven't been around often enough for you to sniff).

TMI statement aside, just felt the need to spend a little bit of my procrastination time updating my blog. "I don't have time to shower!" is actually a thought I caught myself thinking recently. It stopped me in my tracks. What did I just think? Ridiculous! I love hot showers!

But, in reality, it's the truth. Between running from teaching, to running to credentialing classes, to doing homework, to mad dashes to the grocery store to find food for lunch, to grading homework, to doing homework, lessons plans, to observations, observation meetings, PLCs, CSTs, IEPs, SATs, CFAs, COIs, SOS!

My life has become such that I've found myself having to schedule my shower late into the wee hours of the morning, and having to force myself to actually maintain the appointment, rather than crawling directly into bed. That is the kind of life I'm leading. Not only am I spending 40 hours a week with junior highers, I may be beginning to smell like them as well.

All in all, though, I would have to say I am surviving pretty well. While I am so crazy busy that my dishes could get the CPS called on me if I had kids, my laundry tempts me to order new clothes on Amazon, and other such absurdities, there is not the nauseating, meltdowning, hyperventilating panic that I have experienced in the past due to high stress. I know my students. I have a feel for the school works. I'm comfortable in my classroom, the school disciplinary measures, and in my teacher self. My students are usually improving, and when they aren't, they aren't far from the other 8th grade students' performances.

Suggest that I am not making enough time for something, should be doing something better, paying more attention to this or that, or that I should devote more time to something else, and rest assured, I will cease to speak to you until at least summer, but the balance, while precarious and exhausted to it's full capabilities, is not currently a death defying act. I sleep without stress induced terrors, I wake without nerve induced nausea, I usually eat lunch every day... I am surviving with my soul in tact.

So, just in case you were wondering. That's how life's going right now. Good. Busy. I miss my friends and my hobbies, and nap time, but the blessings are bountiful, the learning overfloweth, and someday, I will again have time to stand in the shower until the hot water runs completely out. Until then, I'll pay close attention to my schedule so as not to forget such important appointments, and increase my stores of deodorant and baby wipes just in case.

If you're praying for me, thanks. It helps.

Lessons learned so far: Teaching, entry 2

2013-02-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

21. Take all drills seriously. Really, really.

22. You can't please everybody, when you're working on practicing academic skills, someone will whine about not doing enough labs. When you get a really cool lab going, someone will whine for worksheets. (Worksheets?!)

23.They'll call every single bluff you make, so you have to make every single bluff they call. Be cool with that.

24. You can get tired of chilli beans for lunch. If you assign lunch detention though, odds are you won't wind up eating the chilli, and then you can pack chilli 3 days in a row, and only actually have to eat it once. Problem solved... ish?

25. Student aides are still great.

26. Shower wall paneling is not the same material as whiteboard. It just looks like it. It writes like it, too. However, it does NOT erase like it. (This is mainly the reason student aides are great)

27. When you make the students do classwork during a drill while they sit under their desks, your reputation as a mean teacher grows rapidly. Own it.

28. Paper is evil. When you need to print on it, it will not be there. When you need to use your desk, it will hold the desk hostage in large masses until you file it.

29. It is easy to get total participation in a "Thumbs Up" question, if the question is either "Thumbs up if you hate Mondays" "Thumbs up if you didn't want to get out of bed this morning" or "Thumbs up if you are happy it's Friday."

30. #29, though started somewhat in a goofy mood actually works really well for jump starting a halfhearted class or focusing an overly energetic class. Go figure.

31. Candy works if #30 fails.

32. If you ask students if they brought you homework as they walk through the door daily and incessantly, eventually some of them will crack and bring it in. Go figure.

33. If you tell students that every time you see a mechanical pencil "a little part of my soul dies" you'll notice more mechanical pencils appear in the days to come. You will also notice students raise their mechanical pencils, look you in the eye, and click it with a maniacal eyebrow wiggle. Learn to love maniacs, and replenish your soul often.

34. Always review your seating chart. There are some that will never give up trying to sit in the worst partnership combo possible, so you should never give up checking that chart vindictively.

35. Whether or not they know, every public schooled student wants to be homeschooled in some way. They want you to stop at their desk, lean over, smile, and ask them how they are doing. They want to be able to mold their lessons into something that intrigues them individually. They want to be trusted to be responsible with their work, while being offered occasional support/nagging. They want to be given choices in their learning. While they are comfortable with the ease of worksheets, they really want to to be forced to think, even if it takes a lot of force to get them there. They want someone to look them in the eyes and say, "You struggle with this? There's nothing wrong with you, it just means you need a new angle of approach, try this one." They want someone to be intentionally proud of their achievements based on who they are, not how they compare to their class. In relation to that, they want you to be individually aware of when they do not succeed, and they want you to expect better of them, individually. That's a lot of work. It's worth it, though.

36. Any lab you bring in that the students can eat in the end will ensure full enthusiasm and participation from the students.

37. Any lab that should not be eaten at the end will probably end up in their mouths anyway.

38. In a lab involving icing, you do not need to worry about spills, or sticky surfaces. Junior high students have ways to insure not a lick of it goes to waste.

39. Something to consider: If a drop of icing falls on the floor, a junior high student may actually lick the floor. Use this information however it may sway you.

40. Students who understand your lesson quickly at the first exposure make your job easy. Students who completely don't get it, get frustrated to tears, need the concept explained seven different ways, make you give up so many minutes and meals of your "student-free" time explaining it one more time, and then, one day, finally get it, make your job rewarding.

Lessons learned so far: Teaching

2013-01-09T17:37:00.001-08:00

1. Always have handfuls of activity ideas that can be applied to practically any subject. Because standing there on a day when the assembly is canceled, with 15-30 minutes to spare and no actual activity planned for this slot of time is really awkward. (Bonus tidbit: "Quiz, Quiz, Trade" is an almost entirely fool proof back-up trick)

2. No plan is fool proof.

3. Put homework instructions at the beginning of class. Fire alarms go off frequently

4. You can't hear the fire alarm. They're working on that. It makes you look really bad, though.

5. Junior high students are generally incapable of thinking of cause and effect if it extends beyond the next 30 seconds. You have to put a pair of consequences in place for them, one that happens in the next 30 seconds, and the real one.

6. Junior high students do not believe there are consequences for anything. And if there are, they are for other people. Especially other junior high students.

7. If a junior high student was told that he must stop talking, or his dominant hand would be cut off, there would be a lot of new lefties in the world, and a few new righties. (Please refer to lessons 5 and 6)

8. You don't have to read every piece of homework.

9. You cannot be a private tutor to every student in the class, during class. You have to make it worth their while to take instruction as a group, partly by stepping up the entertainment value, and partly by letting them learn the hard lessons a few times.

10. Junior high students have extremely short memories. It means that when things didn't go right in a lesson, the next day is nearly entirely a clean slate.

11. There are 2 kinds of trouble-makers: The attention-seekers and the power seekers.

12. Catch the attention seekers doing right, give them special jobs so that you can praise them.
Give the power seekers duties. If that doesn't work, get them out of the room long enough for you to get the rest of the class in the right rhythm so power isn't as easy to seize.

13. Don't underestimate the power of choices. "You have the option to work cooperatively with your teammates, or be sent out and work on the same project alone. Please make the best decision." works WAAAAAY better than "Work with your team now."

14. Don't sit on chocolate chips. They melt.

15. Get a student aide. It's great.

16. Call parents. Early and often.

17. Never forget yard duty week.

18. Very few lessons will actually be able to be completed during Red Ribbon Week.

19. Ask a lot of questions, in class and out.

20. Don't tell the kids there are dead bodies in the filing room that connects your room to 2 other classrooms. It really bothers them when the lights go on in there and silhouettes start moving around silently behind the frosted window.

Gluten free: Elephant Bar Update

2013-01-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have noticed that many people are searching on Google for "Gluten Free Elephant Bar" and they keep finding my old post. Elephant Bar is a place that changes their menu and dishes often, so my old post is out dated.

More recently, the Elephant Bar has placed 2 gluten free options on their regular menu: Fire-Grilled Lemon Garlic Chicken Breast, and Fire-Grilled Rainbow Trout. These are found somewhere near the back of the menu. I had the chicken last time. It was very good. You'll have to ask someone else about the fish, as I really do not like fish.

As they state on their menu, you should definitely let them know about your sensitivity so that they can take special precautions.

Also, make sure your information is up to date. What is gluten free at the Elephant Bar today (January 4, 2013) may not be gluten free tomorrow, and I am in no way affiliated with Elephant Bar, I don't have the inside track, and I am not a doctor. Make sure you are doing what is best for you.

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