Noclue

It’s Mrs Tryppe speaking

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:31:00 +0000

I have a wonderful understanding with my local abattoir. They know I order a huge sack of raw tripe every month and go and collect it in it’s see through dustbin bag while the contents are still warm.

I come home and cut it into 1/2lb portions which I freeze and Raki has this most days as well as a top up tin of meat as well as her human pet’s cooked vegetables. She is a very happy healthy (albeit smelly farting) doggy – she eats well and she adores tripe.

So it’s customary for me to telephone the abattoir once a month and say “Good morning, its Devonshire Dumpling here. I would like to order a 12 lb bag of raw tripe for me to collect next Saturday? Thank you so much! See you about 10.30”

So you might understand exactly how I ended up to be feeling very demoralised this morning when I telephoned my order as normal but spoke to a strange voice who answered me and then proceeded to politely ask me to 'hold the line for a few seconds', but he did not bother to cover the mouthpiece and was heard to shout “Bert – its Mrs Tripe on the phone. We got enough tripe for 'er for Saturday?”

Mrs Tripe indeed! Mrs - bloody - Tripe! I am apparently well known to this business for my custom and acknowledged for the amount of money that I spend with them BUT am I known by my own surname?oh no...to them I am known as "Mrs Tripe"

Currently I am having a very personal Hyacinth ~~Bucket~~ Bouquet moment.

The Monday Sunday roast lunch

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:48:00 +0000

My earlier post refers.

Somehow it did not taste half as good as it would have tasted yesterday.

(I am going to moan about this for weeks)

What a complete disaster of a "man"

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:05:00 +0000

I watched the Remembrance Day service on TV yesterday and was very disgusted to see our esteemed leader not bother to bow his head after laying his wreath.

It is an automatic gesture for me to always do so – if I am walking or driving and pass a hearse I nod my head downwards. Whether I know the person or not I do always honour and respect their passing. Many other pedestrians or motorists do the self same thing too I notice. Some genuflect but the majority of us simply briefly nod in a way of acknowledging someone’s life and their passing and wishing them well on their journey, or on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month we acknowledge the ultimate sacrifice that so many of them made far too soon and so many years ago by way of bowing our heads in thought and prayer for two minutes, wherever we are.

War has touched almost everyone’s life by way of a premature death. Be that of a grandparent, a parent, a family member, a husband or wife or a child or their sibling – be it any war from the past up until the current. Be it a boyfriend or a fiancé or even an unknown person whose empty shell passes you en route to their final destination, or even a cold marble piece of stone that epitomises thousands of faceless human beings, but their supreme sacrifice should be at least be worthy of at least a brief nod, surely?

When you govern and when you are in charge you are unfortunately always in the spotlight. I am in no way surprised that today all the media have noticed the fact that Comrade Brown could not be arsed to bow in honour of the dead's ultimate sacrifice and No 10 (trying to achieve a damage limitation exercise) are excusing the fact that he “probably forgot” Forgot? Forgot???

Whether you rule a Country or are in charge of a Government of that Country your face is shown and how you honour the dead of your Country on behalf of all those citizens who you represent is shared with millions via TV – our esteemed unelected arrogant leader could not be arsed to bow his head in acknowledgement or to honour the dead and gave them all the disrespect that no dead person ever should deserve. Especially all those who gave their lives years ago to ultimately to put him in a position of employment that he cherishes today.

The lowest form of insult to give to the dead is from a person who we never voted for, wanted, or want who acts on the behalf of the whole of the UK. Comrade Brown – at least sometime today remember how to bow your head…in shame.

Eerie sea mist this morning

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:57:00 +0000

No hills, hardly any trees, no rooftops – just a swirling clammy and very cold sea mist.

What should be a view like this:-

Is currently a view like this :-

And driving is at best hazardous because using car lights reflects the glare straight back into your eyes. Mind you, when this lot lifts it should be a glorious day.

The Yanks are after our chocolate!

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:02:00 +0000

Dairy Milk maker Cadbury will face a hostile takeover bid from US food giant Kraft tomorrow, reports the papers.

I can't stand the American's idea of chocolate which is tastless (unless you like plastic flavours) When it comes to Cadbury's chocolate it started off in Birmingham in 1824 and should forever remain British owned.

Oh, the angst

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:17:00 +0000

Ok Ironside, try this.........

At the bottom of Kippers posts is the date and "comments", click on comments and it will open a box with all current comments. Go to the bottom of those comments and you will see the blank comment box. So, type what you want to and then type in the ever changing word verification that you'll also see.

Now - regarding an identity, type Ironside and then your password. You already have both.

Then click on "publish your comment" - I think word verification may be confusing you. That sorts out Kippers but not Angus as I don't think he uses word verification. There again, Angus always needs sorting out!

One very clean car

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:18:00 +0000

The cleaning included the inside windows, windscreen, part of steering wheel and all the roof and upholstery. Gone are the dried stalactites of mud courtesy of Raki yesterday.

It was an excellent way to spend my Sunday bum up or as a contortionist cleaning inside roof of car and everything else with Raki acting as a patrolling forewoman trying to guard her mud treasures.

Raki is not amused as gone are her favourite scents of mud which comprised of rabbit, sheep and cow shit and even her car duvet has been washed and everything currently smells of lavender. In consequence she has gone off to her bed in a big sulk and she is going to make me well and truly suffer for my sins for the next few days.

I really must find a large dustbin bag to carry with me as the next time when we are both out and it rains I am going to stuff her into it and bring her home trussed and bundled up inside.

Pssst? Ironside?

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:38:00 +0000

I don’t think you look at the waffle box all that often but Kippers Dickie has left a message for you.

He has not advertised the link to his own blog on his message but he can be found HERE if you would like to venture your bum over and pay him a visit.

(anyone else who has not read his blog really should !)

Bird=1, Hadron Collider=0

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:05:00 +0000

CERN'S Large Hadron Collider has once again been shut down. No helium leak or dodgy magnets this time, either.

The culprit? A speck of bread, which officials believe was once a part of a baguette thought to have been dropped by a low flying bird.

I’m just sitting back and waiting for the jokes or one liners to start. But just think of the consequences if it had dropped a low flying turd.

Sunday lunch !

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:03:00 +0000

Guess who the idiot is who totally forgot to get her joint of beef out of the freezer?

I prepared the spuds, the spinach, the carrots and the parsnips last thing last night but I clean forgot all about getting the meat out of the freezer until about five minutes ago. No way will I defrost it in the microwave so I now have a slab of rock hard meat that is laughing sarcastically at me.

Nothing is going to be far nicer or more enjoyable than my current thoughts of a succulent Sunday roast lunch which is now going to comprise of ...egg and chips (with a side dressing of tomato sauce) and I think I'm going to 'pass' on the spinach, carrots and parsnips as optional extras.

The very proud old boy network

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 10:25:00 +0000

Driving back from shopping this morning I saw a small line of mobility chairs each operated by local old boys who I recognised except that today they are out full of spit and polish, with new haircuts and all freshly shaven and no part of them looked out of place or in need of attention.

Resplendent in their grey flannels, wearing different coloured berets - and blue, grey or green blazers, and all wearing polished medals that reflected on their mirror like shoes, these second world war vets were slowly and very discreetly making their way down to the Towns memorial. I am only too thankful that it is not raining for them today. Rain would not be kind to these elderly men’s health especially when today none of them are out wearing their daily winter clothes.

I know that many of them will be calling in for a pint at a very local pub on their way back home to reminisce and have a drink in memory of so many fallen comrades, and there will be a tot of rum, brandy or whisky waiting for them from an ‘anonymous local person’ because I created a tab last night and left sufficient money so that they can all have a drink.

I was so very lucky because all my family survived the war but as it is only me left, I still continue the family tradition of remembering those millions who fought and died which makes my world a far better place to live in than it probably would have been. I owe these men a drink – it’s the very least that I can do.

Remembrance Sunday

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:23:00 +0000

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Mud bath

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I took Raki to the beach and I was enjoying watching the distant ominously dark clouds chucking down rain onto the hills. Enjoying it that is until I realised that the clouds were hurtling towards me at speed and I was in the open with no shelter and my car was half a mile away.

By the time we got back to my dogmobile we were both wet, cold, dishevelled, miserable and Raki consisted of mud on four legs. She hopped up into the boot on her side of the bars that keeps her safe from her human owner and we set off back to base camp.

But half way home she stood up and shook herself which resulted in the car interior and the back of my neck being speckled with mud. Awe, bless.

We got home and Harry greeted us with his customary "hello? hello!" then continued his repertoir with "oh dear! Dear, deary me" and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that point, so I laughed to spite myself.

Tomorrow I'll be crying when I have to clean the cars interior.

Automatic doors

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:35:00 +0000

Am I the only idiot that catches herself saying a polite thank you to them when they automatically open up for me?

Feral youths – murdering, cowardly scum

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:55:00 +0000

Is it not high time that this Government (and subsequent Governments) abandoned the ineffectual “human rights act” and brought back some heavyweight sentencing for the scum that rule out towns and cities? These scum have no respect for law-abiding citizens human rights but as soon as they are caught and sentenced start to wail loudly about “their” human rights.

With malice aforethought, these scum set out to maim, injure, kill, terrorise, desecrate damage and their human rights should be therefore considered exempt.

Please do not plead human rights regarding the fact that they often cannot be named and shamed. Please do not plead human rights when expecting a cushy jail sentence (if there’s one at all) and then belly aching that human rights insist they should have a rather nice accommodation and the luxuries included as well as their rights to vote……

So, sod this human rights act as it has been twisted far beyond its original aims and it is consistently being abused. Why not bring back the stocks? Let someone spend 7-14 days from dawn to dusk in stocks in the middle of a town. Let them be abused. Let their faces be shown and known. Keep them in the local nick overnight and then the next morning take them back to the stocks.

Bring back a borstal run my ex military where those serving time have a hard sharp lesson – somehow the law must be changed to reflect that crime does not pay. Right now it does. No wonder this Country has become a lawless society as there is no deterrent to committing any crime and those who commit them have the human rights act on their side.

What has brought on this rant? It’s the news of a woman in devon dying in a fire that was caused by a firework being pushed through her letterbox by kids. The woman managed to save her son but at the cost of her own life.

I am sure the kid’s aim was to frighten rather than murder but at the end of the day it was murder. To deliberately enter a property and walk up to the door with a firework and push it through the letterbox shows intent and malice – therefore when the thug is caught (as the thug will be) then please don’t tell me as a juvenile he cannot be named or shamed or punished. It would be a grave miscarriage of justice if the thug did not have the full weight of the law around his/her scrawny neck. Some law breaker has to create a precedent and I hope it starts right now.

Kill Bill Teddy

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:45:00 +0000

Raki is back to normal today and intent on killing her new teddy bear.

Loves to decapitate teddies, as is her want. You have not yet seen her prized collection of decapitated teddy bears.

Prefers to hide her treasure where her human pet can't find it and turf it out as well as my sleeping carcass as well as my mattress out of the bed at 3am when she decides to find teddy to play with.
(btw, the carpet is not that awful colour that has come out on the pic)

I have no answer to Raki. I can't reason with Raki and she won't learn that when I am rudely woken up between 2-4am by her leaping on my stomach and proceeding to feed my gasping for air open mouth with a teddy bear that will in any way endear me to loving her any more than I already do.

How bloody much??

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:35:00 +0000

Oh, I cannot believe a letter that I received this morning from my new dental practise. It gives me appointment dates for January for three fillings and a brillo pad clean and includes the cost of my forthcoming treatment, a mere £ 84 I have to somehow find out of my meagre unemployment benefit. If that was not bad enough the letter goes on to give me a cost of £440 for a ceramic crown or £350 for a porcelain-bonded crown and an appointment to have one or the other fitted. In consequence, I have just shit myself!

Now, try as I might I cannot find a NHS dentist here where you pay a percentage of the fee so I had no choice but to go private.

Currently I have a stub of a tooth complete with temporary filling that is already prepared for a crown to be fitted and ceramic or porcelain is going to clash something chronic with its white gold neighbour crown innit?

But back to the ridiculous cost of a crown makes me wonder if I should extract my offending molar by way of pliers or mole grips after getting suitable rat-arsed beforehand. But knowing my luck I would only pull the wrong one out.

The Dumpling is really feeling very down in the mouth today.

Google dashboard

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:33:00 +0000

Google launched what it calls Google Dashboard - a tool giving Google users a single view of all of the data associated with their Google accounts.

The Dashboard is being touted as a way for users to, at a glance, see information about their Web usage, email usage and more when they are logged into Google services such as Gmail, YouTube and Google Calendar. The dashboard will let users delete information as well, a move that could help to address privacy concerns that have been raised surrounding Google's collection of so much data about its users' online habits.

I had to do a search to find this and if you want to have a look to your dashboard and how to use the information the link is HERE and the idiots guide is below.

One night down, two to go

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:35:00 +0000

How are all the animal owning bloggers getting on with their local fireworks terrifying their pets? Raki survived the first night but there’s a couple more nights to go which might even drag out until Sunday night, depending on whether it rains or not.

Loving the photos some of you have shared on your blogs showing the weird and wonderful temporary accommodation for their pets. Who cares what it looks like providing that it works is my motto, and my choice of a weird shaped ill-fitting tablecloth seemed to do the trick.

Temporary emergency measures now in place

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:37:00 +0000

Happy to report that my mud hut’s dining table is currently sporting a neat little duvet/tent arrangement. It thoughtfully includes draping part of the tent over one dining chair thus creating a tunnel for easy ingress/egress for a spaniel.

The top of the table will also house a very large birdcage containing Harry (who has also been thoughtfully included by way of a blackout shroud) and both will be in operation during dusk to almost midnight for the next four – yes four nights – Harry gets his home moved and Raki has her secret pastel coloured nuclear fallout shelter to plonk her arse under.

My portable submarine crash dive alarm sounds at dusk tonight so let battle commence. I am prepared!

It's not exactly a Budweiser ad, is it?

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:10:00 +0000

.....but quite clever all the same. This is the new Guinness advert that will soon be shown on the TV. It makes me wonder why they went to all this trouble to create a waterfall – or did the moral get somehow lost on me?

Anyhow, I do love a Guinness. I always have and I always will and I do not care if it is draught, bottled, or canned or original as a Guinness is always a Guinness – that is unless, of course, you turn one into a depth charge.

Memories of depth charges will haunt me until my dying day as my friends and my pub landlord like to take any/every opportunity to keep me reminded of my actions after 2 pints of depth charges one fateful day ten years ago.

If I shared the secret for my long-term embarrassment here, I would never live it down with my fellow bloggers. In consequence, it is better to keep this haunting memory as a very personal thingy, you understand? (hint: its to do with a pint of guinness reduced by two mouthfulls and a schooner of port plonked in - glass and all)

But, Guinness has done well with this ad (whatever it really stands for) but they have a long way to go to achieve the quality of the Budweiser adverts. There again, Guinness is a beautiful drink and the Bud brand is simply like drinking gnats pee.

A pointless, ridiculous waste of life

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:09:00 +0000

The daily fail reports that 5 soldiers died today, at the hands of a rogue Afghan policeman who shot them whilst they were drinking tea in their compound.

The first British war with Afghanistan was in 1839 and we did not win it then, and neither will we win in 2009/2010/2011 etc

We have British men and women fighting out there with lack of resources and equipment armed with a great deal of bravery fighting a war that the British people did not want that warmongers Blair and Bush lied and sexed up so called "proof" to drag us into.

Fight these soldiers certainly do - and immense bravery they certainly have. But so many dead and for such a futile reason which was to fill the ego of two heads of state and to blame the Taliban for everything (including latterly proven to be false blame) and to blatantly ignore the people who took to the streets and asked “please talk first before you take us into a war”

When will any Government recognise that polls show the general public is 89% in favour of pulling out of this ridiculous unachieving war? With religion there is always a small minority that fights dirty to get itself heard, but this was not our war in the first place; it never was our war.

So, let's bring our troops back home now. It's high time that they all came back home, alive and not cruelly maimed or brought home in body bags, as 170 years later we are still getting nowhere fast.

Just to jog your memories

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:53:00 +0000

For those drowned out, flooded out, who are battling against gales and storms and tempests; and who are cold and wet and miserable and waddling around in thick winter clothes which limits freedom of movement and makes the wearer look decidedly fat.

A little bit of THIS is what we need!

(and no, its not a bloody lightbulb!)

Its a load of old rubbish

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:35:00 +0000

Those environmental officers “who collect the household rubbish” are great people and you can set your clock to their weekly collection time. Most of us find that putting bags out the previous day only results in shredded torn bags and their contents strewn all over the road because the local cats have a field day, so we tend to put our bags out on the actual day.

Sure enough, at 11am pricissimo the dustcart trundles down the road so quite why the rubbish was collected at 7am this morning I really have no idea!

It’s caught a lot of us out. As to me - I’m taking myself out on a tip trip today. Its hard to contain my excitement really because there's nothing more exciting than to drive into the country where it’s open and windswept and pouring with rain and blowing a gale just to get rid of my rubbish. Maybe I’ll take a packed lunch and a thermos and make a day of it.

The unemployed and fuel poverty

devonshire.dumpling@googlemail.com (Devonshire Dumpling) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:19:00 +0000

<- this or is this? ->

A fuel poor household is one which cannot afford to keep adequately warm at reasonable cost, or when a household needs to spend more than 10% of their household income on all domestic fuel use including appliances to heat their home to an adequate level of warmth.

So, is it a Sunday roast (the only day of the week where I actually afford to eat a decent meal) or is it bloody egg and chips again and freezing my tits off just to save up to pay my impending gas bill?

Answers attached to a Red Cross hamper of food to arrive no later than Saturday. Thank you.