Cara's Closet

Have you missed me?

2015-01-28T10:28:00.003-06:00

Just a quick note to let you know that I'm back on the blogging train, just at a different station! Woo Hoo! Or should I say Choo-Choo!?! Make tracks to Hanging Off The Edge.

(And I promise, it's not a train themed blog. It's general musings about my life including clothing, books and monthly baby updates).

Learning to Let Go

2014-09-30T07:30:00.000-05:00

When I was 10, our family was planning to go on a multi-week road trip which covered roughly 7500km, hitting 6 provinces. In preparation, I demanded a detailed itinerary.

And I mean detailed.

In the end, I settled for a general schedule of where we were going to spend each night. I came across that sheet of paper a few weeks ago, and still felt a little cheated that I didn't have more details, like where we would stop for lunch, and where we'd need to fill up the car with gas.

Some people may say control freak, I say "invested in expectation and surprise management".

Ok, control freak.

It's never bothered me. I've been constantly mocked by my family for this (though my parents are both compulsive list makers and spreadsheet-ers, so I'm not falling that far from the family tree), ridiculed by my friends for this, and it may even cause the occasional rift between Scott and I. It's just never been a characteristic about myself I've wanted, and, therefore, needed to change.

But I should have known the need for change was coming.

It started in the first trimester when I sheepishly corrected my boss that my due date wasn't in October, when the workflow in my office slows, but rather right in the middle of September when all hell breaks loose in our department. She smiled weakly and said: "it looks like you've learned your first lesson as a parent: babies tend to set their own schedules"

Then in my second trimester, I furiously scribbled notes in our prenatal class when our instructor was explaining how to maintain a sense of control throughout the labour process, when you may feel that everything is out of your control. And as I scribbled down her list, I found myself already taking her advice: controlling my focus, controlling my movement and controlling my breath.

Finally, in my third trimester, I found myself in a modified seated fold position at prenatal yoga, being told to visualize the supports I would need to be flexible and accommodating of all the events of labour that I could not control. I may have envisioned the only way for me to be that flexible and accommodating was to have the Road Runner drop an anvil on my head.

It was starting to become fairly obvious that this control freak was going to have to learn to let go.

Sometimes letting go means letting someone else be in control. Sometimes letting go means bracing yourself for what's to come, without trying to influence it. Sometimes letting go means surrendering the perfect vision in your head of what you want your life to be.

In my case, letting go means saying goodbye to this blog.

Cara's Closet has carefully moderated a public view of my life when in reality there was much spinning out of control. It's been my safe haven for nearly 5 years. I have grown a lot in those 5 years, and attempted to have the blog grow and change along with me, to varying degrees of success. I'm not necessarily done with blogging: I'm likely to carve out a little spot somewhere else on the internet. As scary as change is for this control freak blogger, I'm looking forward to having a chance to start fresh and see where this new adventure takes me.

This time, I'm going to try to leave my detailed itinerary behind.

Week One

2014-09-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the world, Charlotte!

You were born on Tuesday, September 16th.

I could tell you the trauma of 25 hours of labour after having only 2 hours of sleep, ending up with synthetic hormones being pumped into my body as I lay bedridden (the opposite of what I had wanted for my labour), followed by some physical trauma in delivery that ended up leaving me bedridden once again a few days after getting home. I could tell you the frustration and confusion over your inability to eat for a number of days, keeping us stuck in the hospital for an extra day, being constantly told what the previous nurse or consultant had said was wrong and we were wrong for listening to them, and then having constant contact with the local public health department once we were discharged all because you were a "lazy eater" who then became insatiably hungry within 48 hours of getting home. I could tell you the terrible things I uttered about you as I waited for labour to start, fought through contractions, and struggled to get you to wake up enough to eat... and to get you back to sleep at night.

But if there is only so much space in my brain for memories at this time, I would much rather remember the way you look like a baby monkey when you get burped, how excited your cousins were to first meet you, how you'd cuddle with your head on my shoulder, and how Scott has completely taken to his role as "dad" (making me wonder if maybe he should be the one getting the year off to be with you).

There will be plenty of moments of frustration in your future, and lots of pain. That's just part of life on this planet. But there will also be moments of joy and love. And together, let's agree to remember those.

Week 40

2014-09-10T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 40 weeks. Yes, I'm still here. Yes, I will hit everyone that makes some sort of comment about when the baby will get here. Kid will get here when the kid gets here. My to-do list is getting done, and that's all I care about right now.

How big is baby: The size of a squirmy rock.

Best moment of the week: Honestly? I told Scott that it was playing video games with him Saturday night, but it was Sunday when I went into Babies'R'Us to see if I could get a price adjustment on one item I bought the other week that went on sale this last weekend, and they not only adjusted the price of it, but found a few other price adjustments as well. I don't know whether I'm more pumped about the $60 I saved, or the fact they definitely went above and beyond!

Food cravings: Ketchup chips. Olives. Not together.

Symptoms: Insomnia, joint pain and swelling, oh my! My body suuuucked this week. All I can say is thank goodness I wasn't working. I can't go a day without a nap and my exercise ball.

Gender: Female

What I’m looking forward to: Just being done with this whole pregnancy thing. I know, cliché. Plus, I'm barely past my due date, I'm still carrying on a fairly normal daily life, and I haven't had any major complications over the last 9 months, what right do I have to complain? On the other hand, I really only settled into this whole pregnancy thing around week 29 and that didn't last long. I think I've been ready to be done being pregnant since the day I found out.

What I miss: Being able to maneuver this body. Organizing the kitchen turned into discovering a leak in our sink, which turned into discovering wood rot in our counter, which unveiled a second leak, all of which are repairable, but we need to install shut-off valves under our sink before we can do anything else. Based on all the "How To" videos, it's something I can easily do... if I could fit under there. I'm also officially not "organizing" anything else because sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss.

Husband perspective: (poking at my stomach impatiently, prodding the kid out...) Wait, why is the butt on that side of the stomach, and the feet on the other? Are you telling me the kid has, like, human parts?

Week 39

2014-09-03T09:14:00.002-05:00

How far along: 39 weeks

How big is baby: Apparently we're at watermelon stage. Either a small watermelon or a mini watermelon in terms of weight. But the amount of space this kid takes up? No one is saying anything.

Best moment of the week: The weekend was pretty great -- a good balance of social and productive. With the car seat installed, and the major plumbing done in the basement, I'm feeling pretty confident about how life is going.

Food cravings: I allowed myself to eat a little decadently at work, since it was my last week and the last time I'd be eating some of the awesome locally sourced baked goods. Didn't get my cheese croissant though... but I've got my girls on it.

Symptoms: anxiety-induced insomnia. Every night between 3 and 4 I'm panicking about something. Usually work. Let's hope that being done work stops that (not likely). Simply moving to the couch seems to work, for some reason.

Gender: Girl. Though we're working on improving our boy names.

What I’m looking forward to: I snuck back into work Tuesday morning to meet with my exchange and visiting students (literally "Hi, nice to actually meet you, enjoyed working with you over summer, goodbye!"), so when this goes live, I should be having my first day of actually sleeping in. Here's hoping it's in bed and not the couch.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back. Sleeping on my stomach. Sleeping in bed. Ya, ya, I know. If I think it's bad now...

Husband perspective: (is too busy being thrown off by the fact I'm not leaving for work in the morning to provide amusing soundbites. Once he has mastered bringing his office keys instead of our shed keys to work, then we will return to weekly soundbites)

Week 38

2014-08-27T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 38 weeks

How big is baby: A pineapple (had it), leak (had it), rhubarb (which varies GREATLY in size) or pumpkin (no! no! no! Pumpkins are big!)

Best moment of the week: Without a doubt Friday's baby shower. It was overwhelming in such a good way. I was expecting maybe a dozen people, a card and a gift card, but there were about 30 people popping in and out, and entire pack-n-play full of gifts. Plus, they had even arranged a ride home for me and all the gifts. I was beyond touched, and truly grateful to work with such great people (and they don't even read this blog, so you know they must be great). Plus, (and these are unrelated), my treadmill and my piano were both delivered this week, so I finally feel like my house is complete.

Food cravings: Nothing really in particular.

Symptoms: General discomfort and a lot of exhaustion.

Gender: Female

What I’m looking forward to: Being done work. I haven't really had a "summer break," so I really just want the opportunity to relax for a day or two. Of course, there is a lot that I have to get done too, but since Little Lima Bean is likely to be late, I think I can likely do both.

What I miss: Carrying things at waist height. Seriously, I went to help carry a few light things to the car when helping my parents move this past weekend, and I just couldn't figure out how to physically carry it.

Husband perspective: There's just a lot still to do. (yes, we've hit "exasperated" here)

Week 37

2014-08-20T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 37 weeks. Apparently, we've met the minimum requirements of being term (depending on who you talk to).

How big is baby: The length of swiss chard. And again, they use a long but light vegetable, which just makes me grumpy because this belly is HEAVY.

Best moment of the week: Friday was pretty great. It was the first day off where I set my schedule. I slept in (partially because I barely slept at night), went for a pedicure, did some shopping, and while we had scheduled a date night, it was 40 degrees (104 Fahrenheit), and I couldn't step outside without Braxton-Hicks kicking in, so we ordered in pizza, got a few things done in the house, and then had a Target date once the weather cooled a bit.

Food cravings: Chicken wings. We may have got some from the pizza place on Friday. They weren't great but that's the nice thing about my cravings... if they last longer than 5 minutes, they're easily satisfied by subpar options.

Symptoms: Still very itchy. I may or may not be panicking a lot lately. We realized partway through the week that we aren't going to meet our goal of having that bathroom done before the baby is born unless we get some help... but we kind of have to wait for people who are willing to help to, um, figure out their life first. So in other words, the bathroom won't be done before baby is born.

Gender: Still mostly girl. I'm also nearing the point where I've decided on a name. Scott's still keeping options open.

What I’m looking forward to: I was accidentally sent an email which read: "To everyone except Cara" at work, which leads me to believe I should wear something pretty to work on Friday. I'm assuming it's related to the same person telling me to go out and register for baby stuff already.

What I miss: Days off. I've officially used up the vacation time I needed to use up, and I've started training my replacement. Going back to working 5 days a week after a month of 3-4 day work weeks is rough.

Husband perspective: (after reading about what happens in this, the 37th week): "Baby is just boring. How much time should I give the kid to impress me after it's born?"

36 weeks

2014-08-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 36 weeks

How big is baby: Size of romaine lettuce apparently. But heavier.

Best moment of the week: Last week was the feeling of productivity. This week was the feeling of knowing my limits. Friday night was my dad's retirement party back home, meaning getting up early Saturday to drive back to the city for the two weddings we were invited to. Cinderella's carriage may have turned into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight, but I knew to leave the last reception long before then. Sure, Sunday was still spent on the couch, but it was closer to "relaxing" than "recovering"

Food cravings: Nothing in particular. I've been going more for salty than sweet, but that could be a reaction to the increased water intake I've been forcing on myself, since the days here are getting stupid hot.

Symptoms: So much itchiness. Stretching skin = itchiness. Stress = itchiness. Spending a busy weekend eating whatever we can grab on the go (meaning usually chemical laden foods) = itchiness.

Gender: Girl. For the most part.

What I’m looking forward to: Three years ago, at Scott's bachelor party, the boys all made bets on when we would have our first kid, if it would be a boy or girl, and what it's name would be. a friend mentioned it when we announced we were pregnant, but I forgot about it until we were at that friend's wedding and he brought it up again. I believe it's been safely stored in the safe at my brother-in-law's business, and I'm really interested to see what people thought.

What I miss: The confidence to dress myself without comparing myself to an animal. The dress for my dad's retirement party made me feel like a hippo. The dress I wore for the weddings made me feel like a snake before digesting a meal. As fewer and fewer articles of clothing fit, it's harder to get dressed. Feeling good about what I'm wearing is likely not going to happen for sometime.

Husband perspective: C: how are you not stressed? I'm scratching my skin to death I'm so stressed. S: I'm scratching my brain to death?

Week 35

2014-08-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 35 weeks

How big is baby: Small spaghetti squash. So in other words, the kid is now big enough to NOT fit in my crockpot. (cues Chili's jingle).

Best moment of the week: Having a very productive weekend. We finally did our baby registry (at two stores), I washed all our windows, and after discovering that the paint that was going to patch up a few holes in the upstairs office matched at night, but not during the day, painted a whole room in an afternoon. Yes, I realize I brought in my mom to paint the nursery, and then a month later painted a different room myself, but the motto was "doable and passable" this time. And I have higher standards for my baby.

Food cravings: What I wouldn't give for a good rye and coke. Two guys were talking about rye on the bus the other day, and I nearly took them both out. Other than that, waffles from a local chain, but one of these days I might just buy the jam they stick on top, because that's really where it's at.

Symptoms: Still not sleeping well. Partially caused by, and partially cause for the other major symptom of the week: Niagara Falls levels of tears. Daily. Sometimes over very legitimate things (like a comment my sister made). Sometimes over very unimportant things (like not actually remembering the comment my sister made). Remember how I spent the second trimester screaming from the rooftops: "I AM NOT A DELICATE FLOWER"? Turns out third trimester Cara very much is a delicate flower.

Gender: Totally girl.

What I’m looking forward to: a day where I feel like I have a modicum of control in my life (and to every person out there with a kid who knows I will never have a feeling of control in my life again... shhhh... we're filing this one under "lies we tell ourselves to make it through" and any comment to the contrary will result in Niagara Falls levels of tears.)

What I miss: I made the mistake of going back through this blog's archives this week. A year ago, I would have picked apart every thing on my body, whether there was an issue there or not. There must have been some body dysmorphia going on because wowzers, I did not recognize the body I was looking at. Still, I miss the body that I remember it being, and the body that is presented in the pictures. Mostly just miss the ability to, I don't know, fit into things?

Husband perspective: Who is the March of Dimes and why do they think they have any authority over pregnancy and babies? Oh, FDR was behind it? Then I can get behind it too.

Week 34

2014-07-30T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 34 weeks

How big is baby: Whatever the fruit/vegetable comparison is, I feel much larger than it.

Best moment of the week: This was the weekend of friends. Friends over for supper... friends meeting up for breakfast

Food cravings: Watermelon.

Symptoms: Sleep is becoming a huge issue. Even if I get 8 hours, they're not restful.

Gender: Daily, I get asked "When are you due?" followed by "What are you having?" My instinct is always "Mid-September" and "A baby" because boy or girl is so little of a concern of mine I forget that's what they're really asking, but I think they still find my answer a little insulting. Right now, I think it's a girl, but *shrug* each has its advantages and disadvantages (and I'm finding myself really wishing my 5-year-old theory that puberty is a time when we switch genders was right... give me a baby girl, but dear god, I don't now what I'd do with a teenage girl).

What I’m looking forward to: The long weekend. I have at least one day off every week for the next 3 weeks (and then sadly my final two weeks are full weeks, and unless the baby is actively trying to escape me, or my doctor insists, there's no way I get a break those two weeks), and I'm finding I'm needing the extra down time. Granted, work wouldn't be so crazy if I wasn't trying to fit 5 days of work into 4 days. But hopefully, I'll take advantage of my coworkers offers to help out, and learn to resist my martyr complex.

What I miss: Having a better read on whether I'm getting emotional (ie: angry) for a legitimate reason, or whether the hormones are just getting to me. We had our windows installed on Friday, and anytime we came across an issue over the weekend, we joked "that's what happens when you're the last installation before a summer weekend." But then once we discovered we were saying that A LOT, I felt my blood pressure rise, my head start to pound and my eyes start to water (every emotion comes out as tears for me -- regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not). Scott tends to under-react to major problems, so I can never tell if it's all in my mind or whether it's something worth acting on, in comparison to him. I hate having to spend the time debating whether I am angry for legitimate reasons, or whether my anger just the raging of a pregnant hormonal woman (or worse, that I'll be angry for legitimate reasons but people will brush it off as hormonal raging). Sadly, this time it was a legitimate reason to be angry (but still made Scott approve the email prior to hitting send to make sure the hormonal rage stayed in check).

Husband perspective: Stressed. Mostly because you keep screaming: "34 weeks" at me. But also just stressed.

Week 33

2014-07-23T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 33 weeks

How big is baby: I've read the size of a jicama, or the weight of a dorian fruit, and I have decided that our grocery stores are not giving us enough produce options because I have no idea what either of those are

Best moment of the week: Getting to be part of the interview process for my mat leave replacement. I feel for our HR department -- there are 7 of us going on mat leave within weeks of each other. Why, yes, it was the coldest winter on record since 1898... why do you ask?

Food cravings: All things sweet. And of course, I ran out of watermelon, strawberries and raspberries -- the "treats" I allow myself -- before the weekend started. Fortunately, I happened upon a sale on cherries... all is now good in the world.

Symptoms: Oh my goodness the migraines. I know that they are VERY short lived in the grand scheme of things, especially now that I know the warning signs and how to treat them (See fuzzies. Take 2 Tylenol. Drink as much water and eat whatever food seems palatable. Take a walk. 30 minutes later I'm "fine"... but fully expect to spend the evening sleeping on the couch). But, knock on wood, it's been a record number of days since the last one, so maybe I'm doing something right!

Gender: In fetus form, definitely male. But when I think that this fetus will be a baby in the next 5-9 weeks, I picture a girl.

What I’m looking forward to: We have a busy couple of weekends coming up, with out of town family and friends visiting, and also giving our in town family and friends an excuse to visit as well.

What I miss: Being allowed to smile without social commentary. I can't really complain about this one too much but I feel definitely weird because this week everyone is commenting: "Oh wow, you must be doing well! You're so smiley!" I've always been smiley. Even when I'm having a bad day, I know how to put a smile on, so I'm weirded out when people suddenly expect this huge personality alteration to take place. That being said, I am rocking the third trimester. Everyone told me that the 2nd trimester was the best, but honestly, I'm not minding the third. It's got it's challenges -- like some maternity clothes no longer fitting, the heartburn, the ease with which I tire -- but I've finally figured out my limits, and why it's important to stick with them.

Husband perspective: (on the doctor suggesting this kid is on schedule to be born on time or possibly early) "Our kid will be George Michael punctual, amazing on the wood block!" (Context)

Week 32

2014-07-16T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 32 weeks

How big is baby: the ever trendy length of kale. Also, in the words of my doctor, I'm "Super Pregnant" because the kid is now measuring back on track. 6 weeks of growth in 3 weeks isn't necessarily a super power I want to keep using though...

Best moment of the week: Super productive Saturday.

Food cravings: All things sweet. After waking up with a migraine following a day of terrible eating (it's not eating ice cream TWICE if one time it was technically frozen yogurt...), we decided to cut out the treats. If I'm hungry enough to eat, I'm hungry enough to eat something with nutritional value.

Symptoms: Sleep is a bit of an issue. Heartburn seems to be on and off. Other than a massive migraine on Sunday, a pretty good week.

Gender: Girl. Yup, every 8 weeks I change my mind.

What I’m looking forward to: Getting the nursery set up. As you can see, my mom was in and painted for us (I let Scott paint pictures, not walls. He lets me paint walls, but not use a ladder. We needed to bring in outside help for this one), so that's one giant step accomplished... thanks Mom :)

What I miss: Using ladders? No. I have no regrets about not being the one to paint that room. I miss some of my pretty shoes that I've decided just to not let myself wear.

Husband perspective: I have nothing new to say (as he frantically tries to play through all his 3DS games in the remaining 8-10 weeks)

Week 31

2014-07-09T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 31 weeks

How big is baby: Apparently pineapple? Don't know if that's weight or height, or if it includes the green spike-ys or what.

Best moment of the week: I kind of feel like Scott would be upset if I didn't say our anniversary. Granted, I'm writing this up a little early so we can actually celebrate our anniversary, but if I say it will be good, it will be good, right?

Food cravings: Nothing crazy. I want Pizza Pops but who doesn't immediately want to dig into a box when they buy it?

Symptoms: The heat is getting to me. Especially since our air conditioner died Friday night. We hit about 40 / 104 degrees on Saturday, factoring in humidity. I suddenly understand where the term "Melt Down" came from. Fortunately, the a/c was fixed by Monday evening. Phew.

Gender: Starting to feel that swing toward a girl... yup... it's been almost 8 weeks at boy...

What I’m looking forward to: Doctor's appointment on Thursday. It's sad that I consider going to the doctor almost akin to vacation, but at this time of year, I'm run off my feet.

What I miss: The treadmill. After weeks of going to the gym at lunch, having my hips seize up partway through the afternoon, and being a lump of potato on the couch, I decided maybe I shouldn't be running a mile on a treadmill at 7 months pregnant. I switched over to the AMT (adaptive motion trainer), and while it is a closely related cousin to the elliptical, I was at least pleasantly surprised at how challenging of a work out it was, and then surprised again the next day when I still had full use of my body. Hmmm maybe I should have made the switch much earlier.... Now there's only one AMT at our gym so we'll see if I keep lucking out and getting it. But running? Running still has my heart....

Husband perspective: The baby scared me this morning. I went to hug you good morning, and it high-fived me. It was weird.

Week 30

2014-07-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 30 weeks

How big is baby: Some say cucumber. Others say butternut squash. I say "Hey, we've had both of those before"

Best moment of the week: It was one of those weeks where I was able to get A LOT accomplished at work

Food cravings: Cherries, but apparently that's just a summer symptom!

Symptoms: oh my goodness the inability to sleep. And my belly button hurts. Still an "innie" but at this point, I'd take an "outie" if it means less searing pain. Oh, and having some torn muscles / ligaments from dashing madly about in the rain in inappropriate shoes.

Gender: Mostly boy.

What I’m looking forward to: Yoga tonight. Hopefully, that will help both the sleep and the sore body (but maybe not the belly button)

What I miss: the ability to move my body.

Husband perspective: The baby seems shy around me, because he knows I want to flash a flashlight at him (and because he has a tendency to stop wiggling around whenever Scott's in the room).

29 Weeks

2014-06-24T22:24:00.002-05:00

How far along: 29 weeks

How big is baby: Actually growing! I mean, not that obsessively measuring... but he definitely hit a growth spurt mid-week. Of course a coworker had to comment on it: "Oh wow! The alien sure spread overnight!" Yup. Spread. She sure knows how to make a pregnant woman feel attractive. But ya, I've run out of vegetable comparisons

Best moment of the week: When my almost 2 year old nephew was lounging on me, and Minkus kicked him in the back, so he turned around and patted the baby. I tried to explain that his cousin was in there, but he was very clear that he knew his cousins (he then listed them), and then patted it again and said "soup" which is what he had been eating for supper. Everyone's got something to say about the belly....

Food cravings: Nothing specific this week. I'm still on a fruit / vegetable kick.

Symptoms: One night, back pain woke me up, and there's the occasional day of heartburn, oh and the killer migraine (but that was more stress-related) but overall, I'm settling into this whole pregnant thing. I've decided pregnancy is like a road trip where you're excited for it to happen, excited for the first 1/2 hour, and then you realize how long it's going to take, and how uncomfortable it is, and then eventually you just sort of settle into it and it's fine.

Gender: Still predominantly boy, but I'm getting waves of girl. I told my sister when she was pregnant with her first, that I was going to refer to her kid as a boy before "he" was born, and then "she" would be female once she was born. Starting to feel that way with this kid (of mine, not hers. I'm with her daughter on this... her third is a kitten).

What I’m looking forward to: Buying a frigging stroller. The search has NOT been fun, and I just want to win at it.

What I miss: Having a good day at the gym and being able to enjoy it. I had a particularly good run one day, but the comments of people I ran into on the way in and way out of the gym pretty much ruined it. I have taken ample precautions -- not running alone, reducing my speed, monitoring my heart rate, keeping myself hydrated, walking at the slightest suggestion of discomfort -- but the simple idea of a pregnant woman not having her ass firmly parked on the couch? That's outrageous!

Husband perspective:
Scott: can I get you something?
Cara: Aw, thanks! Milk. Lots of milk. Apparently, we're at the stage where the kid's bones are going from soft to hard.
Scott: like a taco?

28 Weeks

2014-06-18T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 28 weeks

How big is baby: According to the internet, 14"... which is the size of screen I'm typing on right now. That might explain why my stomach is starting to feel very cramped. Then again, the doctor told me yesterday Minkus (as we are calling him this week) is measuring a little scary small, and I'm torn between chanting "grow grow grow" to my belly, and thinking "seriously? He's supposed to get bigger than this?"

Best moment of the week: I think we had a really great Father's day. Right, Scott? Even with my lackluster lemon chicken? And my "ooops! I forgot! And didn't follow the recipe apple crisp?" It's all about keeping the bar low.

Food cravings: ALL OF THE FRUIT! With Minkus being a bit of a shrimp, lots of nutrient rich foods will likely do him good, so I'll be indulging in this craving.

Symptoms: Crazy dreams. Like wake Scott up in the middle of the night to comfort me crazy.

Gender: Despite dreams of having a girl (named Kate, after the Ben Folds Five song, who I then abandon minutes after birth), we're using primarily the male pronoun.

What I’m looking forward to: Getting a LOT done next weekend. Hee hee... poor Scott. He doesn't know this yet.

What I miss: Energy levels are falling off again. It's likely because it's been a crazy week at work. We have three major "happenings" in June, and usually they are spread out. This time, they all kind of fell right at the same time and in very close proximity to needing time off for doctor's appointments and blood tests (when this post goes live, I'll be doing my glucose tolerance test... yay?).

Husband perspective: So the kid is no longer covered in werewolf hair? Where did it go? Are you peeing it out?

Week 27

2014-06-11T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 27 weeks. Either the first week of my third trimester, or as I prefer, the last week of second trimester.

How big is baby: I believe I read the cucumber in length now? I'm too tired to look it up.

Best moment of the week: It's been a busy week... we set up the crib, took an extended weekend trip down to the States for shopping, got to meet the one and only Beth (who is the exactly as sweet and friendly as she is on the internet. We both forgot to take pictures, landing us in the territory of "bad bloggers" but perhaps that lands us in the territory of "friends"), and as I'm posting this, we just came back from a musical tribute to Scott's late boss which exposed the baby's embryonic ears to swing, blues and funk. As exhausting as it all was, it was great to still feel like I can do a lot.

Food cravings: We're on the post-road trip hang over, where all I want is vegetables, and then the minute they are in front of me, I just want candy. I forgot how addicting Spree (not available in Canada) is.

Symptoms: Swelling. Turns out 7 hours in a car thinking "I'm hydrating fairly well, right?" generally means not being able to slip my rings off before getting into the hotel pool. Fortunately, huge amounts of water and a lot of walking helped. Then again, two days of walking around shopping centres did a number on my hips and knees. Also, I have officially seen every bathroom at the Albertville Premium Outlets, and the Mall of America. Including the swanky MOA bathroom hidden on the second floor (I seriously stole some of the paper towel because it was so impressively thick).

Gender: Boy. Possibly because we agreed to buy one "boy" outfit and one "girl" outfit, and the "boy" one is crazy adorable (fortunately, the kid will end up wearing both because, really, how is "racoon" a "boy" thing and "mouse" a "girl" thing? Friggin' Adorable transcends gender constructs).

What I’m looking forward to: Getting back to routine. I'm not a great traveller (I may have been so anxious to get home that I blew through Fargo, our scheduled stop. Sadly, we needed to fill up with gas in Grand Forks, so Scott insisted we eat). I like a steady schedule, where I know what to expect, and if there are unexpected circumstances I can simply adapt as needed. When I don't have a routine, and there are unexpected circumstances... oy.

What I miss: Hot tubs. I'll fully admit to dangling my feet into the warm, bubbling water.

Husband perspective: [The trip] was an interesting taste of life to come, because we did have some of the hassle of having a kid (because Cara had to pee all the time, and because she was always in pain), but there was a burst of cute from the baby pant’s store. That's what they're called, right? You can re-arrange these words to make them a sentence, right?

Week 26

2014-06-04T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 26 weeks... and one day. Apparently they moved my due date on me? I realize 24 hours make very little difference when a kid is like "ya, I'll come out when I'm good and ready" but I still had to tell myself to breathe for a minute.

How big is baby: Green onion. Didn't we already have this?

Best moment of the week: A co-worker stopped me in the hallway to ask how the pregnancy was going, and when I said my standard : "No major complaints" (which I've learned it an acceptable alternative to effervescing with joy), she said: "You look very comfortable being pregnant. I see you moving around without any pain or effort." As I'm now obviously pregnant, I've been getting a lot more comments, most of them intended as compliments, but this was the first one that really made me feel special, like I was more than just a belly.

Food cravings: Fruit. Namely in wine. The next weekend we're home, I'm attempting to make a non-alcoholic version

Symptoms: Weird dreams, focusing around guilt I know I don't need to feel. Apparently I'm weirdly upset that we had to turn down an invitation to see my in-law's new cabin this last weekend, because we had our last prenatal class. Not that I wanted to go this weekend, I just felt guilty that we couldn't.

Gender: Boy. My nephew was super adorable this last weekend, so I wouldn't mind a little him... so long as he looks less like my brother-in-law and more like my husband.

What I’m looking forward to: Getting new clothes. I'm down to 1 pair of shorts, which is, by far, no where near enough.

What I miss: Actual alone time. I would love just one hour where I could just step out of my body and feel "normal" without someone dancing on my bladder, or judo chopping me in the ribs.

Husband perspective: "The baby goes from looking weird to normal to cramped. Ya, he's looking about as happy as you"

25 Weeks (or "when we start training")

2014-05-28T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 25 weeks

How big is baby: Length of a zucchini, which is scary for anyone who grew up with a garden full of zucchini, and happened to go away on vacation during harvest... those things can GROW!

Best moment of the week: After taking a more relaxed approach to the weekend, I was actually able to play with my niece and nephew... including picking them up and tossing them over my shoulder. It wasn't until after the gym on Tuesday that my joints went "Really? You think you can do that?"

Food cravings: For the most part, sweets. I'm sustaining cravings, so now it finally makes sense to add something to the grocery list because, chances are, when we buy it, I will still be craving it. I consider that a good thing.

Symptoms: Braxton-Hicks... yay? I like to think of myself as a bit of an athlete so I appreciate the need to train. But can't I train on my own schedule? I spent a good portion of an hour standing at my desk working one day, because that was the only way my stomach would relax.

Gender: Is it misandry if I go with boy because this kid is annoying me this week and boys are more annoying?

What I’m looking forward to: We booked our hotel this week for our little getaway. No where fancy or exotic, but it'll be nice to get away and spoil myself a bit.

What I miss: Honestly? This week it's living in an apartment. Working up the energy to tackle the garden this weekend.

Husband perspective: She can react to light?! Through skin?! She has x-ray vision!

Week 24

2014-05-21T08:30:00.001-05:00

How far along: 24 weeks

How big is baby: length of an ear of corn (apparently an ear of corn is 30cm/12"?)

Best moment of the week: Incomes tax returns came in. Typically getting money back means that you paid too much over the year, but we were eligible for a lot of tax breaks this year, because of the new house and our province's tuition rebate program, we ended up with some pretty sweet cheques. Sweeter than expected. We paid off our car loan, have a nice bundle of cash for the bathroom renovations, and the remainder will likely cover the baby's "start up" expenses. That feeling of financial security only tends to last for a fleeting moment, but we enjoyed it! (And we may have gone out for supper and ate so much my poor innie belly button became an outie for the night)

Food cravings: If we have sugary treats at home, it's salt I want. If we have salty treats, I want sugar.

Symptoms: This week was overwhelming and exhausting. I can't even tell where the physical exhaustion started, the mental exhaustion continued and the emotional exhaustion ended. Not a day went by without a complete meltdown. After a "rage coma" (Scott's term for when I apparently unloaded on my mother and sister and don't really remember it... err... sorry Mom & Deb), we sat down and re-evaluated our "goals" for the summer that align a little more with my current abilities, and hopefully that will accommodate those days when my projects that don't get finished when I want them to, either because my body gives out on me (ugh, far too common) or when life gets in the way. And of course, within a day of working at my (new) speed, I was actually able to accomplish more than I set out to begin with.

Gender: I can only envision this child as male at around 15 years old, when he's got that snarly attitude, hair in need of a cut (and style), and spends his time alone in his room with his computer. But that image alone might be what gets me set on this being a boy (at least Scott wants me to try using the male pronoun in reference to the baby at least half as often as I use a female pronoun).

What I’m looking forward to: Playing in the yard with the kid next summer. We have a wooden trunk we'd been using as a table at the apartment, because the table that came with our patio set didn't fit on our balcony. Now that we have the space for that table, that trunk is just waiting to be filled with a bunch of balls and toys! I'm also excited for this weekend - we have friends coming to see us, giving us the much needed excuse of clearing our calendars of any obligations for a day or two so we can just relax and visit.

What I miss: the childhood concept of "home". When you go "home" to your parents, even as an adult, there is a comfort about knowing that if something goes wrong, it's in their capable hands. There's a lot of pressure, as we move towards becoming parents, to be able to portray that same sense of comfort and control to our kid, when we are realizing how little we really know about being "adults" and even less about being "parents". It makes me want to retreat back "home"... only my parents are currently selling "home" to be closer to the grandkids. While I know that will make it easier to turn to my parents when I do need help and guidance, it's still hard to acknowledge that the four walls and roof that symbolized that comfort and care for the last 12 years is going to change.

Husband perspective: I didn't realize how big the baby was already. In my mind, it's still just a little fist, when really, it's like Andre the Giant's fist. (For the record, the kid is bigger than Andre the Giant's fist).

Black and White Spring

2014-05-19T07:30:00.000-05:00

I told you black and white were my main colours in my current wardrobe!

I've had this skirt for a decade now. I bought it when the style was to have a weirdly long torso, so the skirt fit at the hips and flared just below them. Ya, I don't know either. In any event, I've been taking it in and in and in as waistlines raised to (currently believed to be) more flattering levels.

And now, I'm wearing it even higher to accommodate, or, as I wanted to do that day, camouflage the bump. There is something that makes me feel that much more human when I'm able to wear familiar clothes (just like how I feel so much less whale-like when I wear any of the non-maternity clothes I bought a size or two up... it's just a mind trick, but it works).

But when it comes to footwear, I'm totally ALL about playing that pregnant card and wearing my Tom's as OFTEN as humanly possible.

Week 23

2014-05-14T07:30:00.000-05:00

How far along: 23 weeks

How big is baby: Eggplant or green onion in length.

Best moment of the week: This is going to sound terrible, but the sick day I took yesterday. I woke up dizzy and nauseous, so spent most of the day sleeping.

Food cravings: Eggo waffles for about an hour last week. Not any waffles. Just Eggos or nothing. I settled on nothing. Right now, feta cheese, because we rarely have any, but we bought some on Friday for a recipe we were taking to a barbecue on Sunday

Symptoms: Self-induced: back pain. Ok, Cara, don't kill it at the gym on a Friday and expect to rake a yard and keep up with toddlers on a Saturday AND be able to get off a couch on Sunday. Not self-induced: despite drinking 72-84 ounces of water a day, moisturizing daily and gaining weight slowly and steadily, I still managed to get stretch marks. These white lightening bolts are all over my hips, thighs and presumably butt (I didn't have the heart to look and will be avoiding the mirror beside my shower for the next year). Harumph. "Badge of honour" my ass.

Gender: Still a girl. Trying to open my mind to the possibility of a boy, again.

What I’m looking forward to: Raking the lawn next spring, when I don't have an aching back, and the neighbours aren't peering through their curtains to see "The New Neighbours," and then bringing over baby stuff and asking when we're due the minute they spot the belly, before we've even been introduced. Raking the lawn next spring is going to be so much easier both physically and mentally.

What I miss: The ability to do stuff. Again. Seriously, nothing is more of a kick in the pants than having to take a break from raking, only to find yourself watching people frame and drywall your basement. You know what never seemed fun until all of a sudden you're not allowed to do it?

Husband perspective: I'm content just waiting for the baby to be a baby. I don't notice a whole lot of the right now (I scowl at him... must be nice)

Black and White

2014-05-12T07:30:00.000-05:00

Easiest way to build an interchangeable wardrobe? Stick to basic colour schemes. For me, this means black and white. Easy to add pops of colour, if needed, but it's not always needed.

This dress is striped, but with shift in the line pattern down the front. But add a topping dress, and it gives the illusion of a checkerboard. Obviously, I had to add the checkerboard socks... but those were hidden by boots.

Week 22

2014-05-07T07:30:00.000-05:00

(I heard that collective hesitation when seeing this post... don't worry, I'm not going to call anyone out in this post for well-intentioned comments that irritate me... it was a better week)

How far along: 22 weeks

How big is baby: length of a spaghetti squash (now you get why Scott was freaking out about spaghetti squash two weeks ago)

Best moment of the week: We had a great Saturday. We bought a crib (Davinci Highland in chestnut and natural) and some lawn and garden stuff. I had a nap, and then we went to our friends' house for supper, games (which I won... yes!!) and a movie.

Food cravings: Peanut butter, but that's not unusual for me, ever.

Symptoms: Aches. Everything aches. That's it, starting yoga again. Also fits of wakefulness in the middle of the night.

Gender: Girl. I am realizing I'm going to have to gear my brain back up to the possibility of a boy, or at least be prepared to embarrass him when he brings his first date home for supper that I referred to him as "baby girl" through the whole second trimester.

What I’m looking forward to: Seriously? Getting work done on the basement bathroom. There aren't any major milestones coming up in baby world (I switch to an obstetrician in 6 weeks? The crib should be here by then?), so I'm enjoying being able to concentrate on other things for a while. While I've never renovated a bathroom, or planned a garden, they seem like much less "invasion of the body snatchers" to me. (Scott informs me that I haven't seen Invasion of the Body snatchers, so I shouldn't make that comment).

What I miss: A glass of wine on the deck on a nice day. Fortunately, we haven't had many nice days. Also, having jackets that button up. Unfortunately, we haven't had many nice (jacket-less) days.

Husband perspective: I'm really excited for boy/girl 8 years from now, when I can ruin the kids life and play Dungeons & Dragons with him/her. Lightning bolt. Lightning bolt.

Making Time For Me: April

2014-05-05T07:30:00.000-05:00

I kind of forgot about my new year's resolution this month, until I was writing up last Wednesday's post. Oh ya, I would likely feel less like I'd lost myself if I'd remembered to make time for myself.

It's hard to remember to do that when in public I'm forced to spend most of my time talking about this 54% of a human, while the 100% of me that still does most of what I've always done all while growing a baby becomes practically invisible or at least significantly less interesting (or reduced to simply a vessel with no intellectual value when dealing with people who just point and giggle at the belly whenever I'm trying to explain something to them).

But at the end of the day, I can't control what others say or do but I can control what I do.

Last Sunday was a rough day where I spent most of it in tears (and not just hormone-fueled mood-swing tears). I figured a good night sleep was what I'd need to pull myself out of it. But I woke up Monday feeling no better. I skipped my coffee break that day because I didn't want to pass my bad mood onto anyone else, or have them say or do something that made me feel any worse. By lunch, I wanted to retreat away from everyone. The closest you can do that in an open concept office in a downtown public campus is to go to the gym. At least on a treadmill, I can put on my earphones and pretend no one is staring at the belly bouncing up and down with each step (do bellies bounce? I don't know).

The more I ran, the better I felt. The better I felt, the better I ran. And by the end of my mile (which was even a decent time, considering the lack of training I've been doing, and the extra 16 pounds I'm carrying), I was smiling. Sure, the baby was very hard to ignore as I ran (she likes to use my bladder as her own personal treadmill), and yes, there are physical benefits for her when I exercise, but it was my legs carrying me the distance that mattered in that moment.

I made it to the gym three times last week, a record since getting pregnant. Not all trips were as successful -- no available treadmills on one day, my body just refusing to let me run on another -- but I stayed the course each day, because those 60 minutes? Those are all mine.