Is this it?

2013-02-13T14:44:00.001-04:00

Today I got THE CALL!! It is the call that I have been waiting on for years. A 10 month old baby girl is available for Adoption and they called me. I am so very nervous. I want this to be it so bad!!! I am so in love and I haven't even seen her yet. Please God let this be it. Let her be mine. PLEASE

Where do I belong?

2012-09-10T20:18:00.001-04:00

I have no idea where I belong these days. That makes me sad. I used to feel like I belonged with my Adoption friends but since I have been waiting so long I feel really out of place there. Then I used to feel like I belonged with my mommy friends, now almost every one of them is adding to their family while I am at a standstill. I don't feel like I belong with them anymore either :(. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I have absolutely no idea.

Wordless Wednesday! I love this little face

2012-09-05T23:20:00.000-04:00

Approaching the four year mark!

2012-09-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

It's almost four years since I started on the Adoption process and still no match. It's a little over 3 years since I have been approved to adopt and still no calls, no letters, no emails. This hurts so much more than I am willing to admit to anyone. Is it so wrong for me to want to expand my family? My heart breaks a little every-time one of my friends announce that they are expecting or post a photo of their new baby. I am happy for them, yes I am ecstatic that someone I know will soon, or just had a new addition, BUT it is like a stab deep in the heart to know I have been waiting this long.

I was initially told that the wait would be about 6 months. Seriously? I know that everyone moves at their own pace 'round these parts' but this is really pushing my patience. Is a Children's home so much better than my own home? I am an excellent mother to my daughter and I have so much love to share. I am done waiting! I will give my SW a call tomorrow because I need answers dammit! I have been but on the back burner long enough.

My heart is heavy and my eyes are filled with tears as I type this post. I have been changed so much since I have known the love that only a child can give to his/her mother and it pains me to know that my infertility struggles might never allow me to have another baby.

Wordless Wednesday : I have a Two year old, when did that happen

2012-07-25T17:50:00.000-04:00

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Wordless Wednesday : Then and now :)

2012-03-21T15:26:00.002-04:00

Trying Something new~

2011-10-15T21:18:00.002-04:00

I have recently opened an Etsy Shop! It's the first time for me doing anything like this and I hope that I am able to do well. Maybe, who knows right? Anything is possible! I was so nervous to open the shop and then I was equally as nervous to give the link to my friends. I kept wondering, what if they think that I am selling a load of crap. Well so far I have had a couple views and some likes which is good! No sales yet but that will take time. I am so excited about this because I love to Crochet!! I have some new ideas for fabric headbands and hairbows too, so very soon I will be putting some more items up!

Here is my cutie pie!

2011-07-14T18:55:00.002-04:00

She looks like such a big girl here doesn't she?

Happy Birthday Sahara!!

2011-07-10T21:18:00.007-04:00

Can you believe it? A year has gone already! Happy Birthday my sweet Sahara. On Sunday July 11th 2010 at 3:26 p.m. I was blessed with the love of my life. I can still remember all of the emotions that I was feeling while I was in the operating room. The most intense feeling that I had was fear, fear that something had gone terribly wrong. It feels like I was only just meeting Sahara and now she is one. I am so excited and yet I am still so sad. My baby isn't a baby anymore and it breaks my heart.

Seeing you on the Ultrasound. The Dr. was explaining to me what was where but I swear I couldn't understand what he was showing me when he said Girl lol!

Holding you for the first time

1 Day old!

1 Week Old. You were the tiniest thing

You always used to make the silliest faces

I love this early photo of us!

What you looking at mommy!

Aww my Cutie pie!

At 1 year old you can now:

Walk independently, actually you have been doing this since 10 months old

You are always running or climbing

Your cousin Tyeisha's hair is your favorite toy. You love to pull it even though I hold your hands and say no

You can say Mum mum (mummy) but you prefer to call me Nana (despite me pleading with you to call me mummy!) you say Dada, Truck, Bird, Cat among others

You are still fighting me with the bottle and you refuse most things that I give you to eat, but you love Broccoli (weird huh?)

I tried to get a recent picture but photographing an active baby is HARD work but I will keep trying.

This year has gone by too quickly! Please slow down a bit! Please

Testing! Testing!

2011-06-22T08:06:00.004-04:00

Do I still have any followers that are still actually reading? I know that I have been severely lacking on updating this blog but I never thought that being a mom let alone a single mom while also WAHM would be so time consuming. I apologize for the lack of posts and I will try to do alot better from now on. In more exciting news, the love of my life will be one year old in exactly 19 days!!! Woot

Wordless Wednesday! What?

2011-06-22T08:05:00.002-04:00

Wordless Wednesday! Vintage Sahara

2011-06-08T13:32:00.002-04:00

Wordless Wednesday!!! I'm gonna get you

2011-05-17T22:19:00.002-04:00

Why does this keep happening?

2011-02-27T08:51:00.002-04:00

I am really beginning to be a real slacker when it comes to blogging. I hate that this is the reason for me to be here again. I lost someone very important to me this morning. I lost me precious Jean Molly. I called her my grandmother but she wasn't a blood relative, but that was never important. She was my refuge, she was my savior when things were going horribly wrong in my life. She raised me. I lived with er for so many years. My mother had six of of and she couldn't manage us all and my father, well he couldn't have cared any less about us. I could talk to her about anything. Now she is gone who will I have now. Today would've been a week that she was in hospital. Today is two weeks after she turned 77. Today is the day that i lost another piece of myself. Sahara wasn't feeling too well and I only got to see her yesterday afternoon. She was asking for me for the entire week. My sisters said that she was probably holding on to see me. When I saw her she was swollen from head to head. I knew that that wasn't good. She could barely breathe and she couldn't talk. She was a diabetic and she had horrible blood pressure and she was blind. I tried to help as much as I could but it just wasn't enough.......

Baby Girl isn't feeling so well

2011-02-11T14:12:00.003-04:00

I took Sahara to the Pediatrician this morning because this cold that she has was getting to me. She wasn't eating and had just stating to tug at her left ear. Well I found out that she has a slight ear infection. Hopefully this medication will work and she will be all better very soon. Poor baby girl.

The food strike continues....

2011-02-09T18:21:00.002-04:00

Sahara is still refusing to eat. I tried the cup again today and no matter what I tried she wouldn't take it. I have such a stubborn girl on my hands here. I need help! Is there anything that I can do or should I just chalk it up to sore gums (she is teething again and has the cold) and try to ride it out. She has been very cranky these past couple days and she nurses ALL THE TIME!!! I just want these two teeth to bust through so that my baby girl won't be so miserable anymore.

This may seem silly to some.....

2011-02-08T15:00:00.003-04:00

But, for months I have been trying to get Sahara to take the bottle but she just wouldn't. I even had to take her to my 6 week post natal appointment so I eventually gave up on that. For the past three days she hasn't been eating at all, she will only breastfeed, and I kept wondering if she was getting enough so I decided to boil her some oats and try feeding her from an Avent cup that I had. At first she wouldn't take it so I took the cap off (I guess it felt strange to her) and sat her on my lap and fed her like a big girl and can you believe it she drank 5 ounces!!!! Woot woot!!!! Yay for progress. I am so excited!! I just hope that I didn't just jinx myself by typing this.

Can you believe it?

2011-02-02T19:11:00.002-04:00

My little miracle will be 7 months old next Friday! She is growing up way too fast for me. I wish that time would just slow down a bit. I get so emotional when I think about her and all of the new things that she does everyday. I love her so much, I never knew that I could love so deeply and openly. I thank God for her daily. She is such a blessing. She is definitely proof of a miracle. Sahara has gone from a tiny little baby to a little person with a personality. She is sleeping at this very moment and she looks so very peaceful. God I love her!!

I have been MIA

2011-01-07T14:38:00.002-04:00

I have been missing from blog land for a while! So many things have happened since I was gone. Where do I start? Okay here goes, Sahara now has four teeth, wow! She got four teeth in two months! She is now an awesome roller, she rolls from left to right and right to left. She is trying desperately to get on her knees, which of course means that she has mastered balancing her weight on her arms! Her hair is now long enough for ponytails!! She is a little chubby girl too, she is now wearing 12 month dresses and will be six months old next Tuesday!!! She is still breastfeeding, no bottle for this girl (no matter how many times I try so I just gave up on that) She recognizes voices and she can watch things from a distance (and follow them too)She hasn't taken to solids too well, she will eat maybe twice every two weeks or so, I got her ears pierced and she loves to go for long walks. Her is the picture that I took today for her Visa. This took almost 45 to get.

Wow!

2010-11-24T22:06:00.002-04:00

Time is moving at an alarming rate. I just realized that one year ago today I found out that I was pregnant. Oh how time flies. If only I could get this adoption process moving. A fire needs to be lit under my Social Worker. She is by far one of the most annoying people I have ever met. This process is becoming very frustrating and I am trying my very best not to give up but it seems like she is just dragging along waiting for my time to be up. She knows that she told me that the application will only be good for two years and still!! Yet 'they' are always on t.v. pleading with people to come forward to adopt which totally pissess me off. Come on lady Sahara needs a brother or a sister.

My baby girl is a babbler!

2010-11-22T23:50:00.002-04:00

I am not so sure that babbler is even a word but that's what she is! Sahara is very 'talkative' these days. She is always going "Da da da de da da da" She loves the sounds of her voice or maybe the new noises are very funny to her because whenever she hears herself she always busts out laughing. Boy oh boy I forgot how active a baby could be. No sooner than I put Sahara on my bed or in her playpen on her back does she flip over onto her stomach. She is fast. She also does this little motion, I guess I could call it 'swimming' where she moves forward on her tummy. Still no teeth yet, but I can see the shape of then through her gums and she bites down really hard on EVERYTHING!!!Especially my nipples. She still won't take the bottle (even though I only give her breast milk which I expressed) and I tried her on rice cereal which was a huge fail!!!! Oh well the pediatrician said I can exclusively breastfeed her up until six months! I know I know I am starting to ramble. Well I think that's it for now. It's 11:59 p.m. here and again I am not sleepy at all. This is really becoming a problem now!!!

Wordless Wednesday/ Sahara has a New Pal!!

2010-11-17T07:08:00.002-04:00

Sahara has the cold!!

2010-11-16T12:40:00.001-04:00

Sahara woke up yesterday morning with a very stuffy nose and the cutest little cough. I didn't think that she could be any fussier than she already was but I was wrong!!! She was crying all the time, wanting me to hold and and never put her down because she would scream for bloody murder. I called her pediatrician to find out if to bring her in ( I Know some people will say for a cold Lana) but I hate to see my baby miserable, I just can't take it. She told me it isn't really necessary and told me the name of a cough syrup to try. I must say that that she isn't as fussy anymore and it is actually helping her to sleep which in turn lets me sleep too! Let me tell you something. A nap after three days of no sleep is very refreshing. Let's hope that this cold goes away very soon.

It's Official!!!

2010-11-12T11:38:00.002-04:00

Sahara is officially teething!! Her pediatrician confirmed it today, and it isn't one two, it's two teeth, can you believe it!!! She is getting so big!

Sahara has a new 'Thing'

2010-11-10T19:09:00.002-04:00

Whenever I leave her in my room to go the the bathroom, cook or anything else she watches me leave and starts bawling. It just breaks my heart. It's like she understands that I am leaving her alone for a while. So now I try to wait until she is asleep to do most of my chores (which doesn't give me much time, because this child hardly ever naps and when she does it's hardly ever for more than 10-15 minutes) She has me totally jumping through hoops for her! God I love this little girl!!!!

My Journey