Ayca Topal

Wicked

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:23:00 +0000

I haven't written about my London revelations here but I can't help but mention the musical Wicked which has touched me deeply. Below is a small piece of what you'll get once you step inside this down-to-earth tale.

"Poe"tic Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:21:00 +0000

   Take this kiss upon the brow!
   And, in parting from you now,
   Thus much let me avow--
   You are not wrong, who deem
   That my days have been a dream;
   Yet if hope has flown away
   In a night, or in a day,
   In a vision, or in none,
   Is it therefore the less gone?
   All that we see or seem
   Is but a dream within a dream.

   I stand amid the roar
   Of a surf-tormented shore,
   And I hold within my hand
   Grains of the golden sand--
   How few! yet how they creep
   Through my fingers to the deep,
   While I weep--while I weep!
   O God! can I not grasp
   Them with a tighter clasp?
   O God! can I not save
   One from the pitiless wave?
   Is all that we see or seem
   But a dream within a dream?

   Edgar Allan Poe

are you happy? think again.

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:54:00 +0000

Nobel laureate and founder of behavioral economics Daniel Kahneman reveals how our "experiencing selves" and our "remembering selves" perceive happiness differently. This new insight has profound implications for economics, public policy and our own self-awareness.

numbed in london

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:26:00 +0000

I've been meaning to write for so long on so many topics... My illness today is the reason I have the time to write today, and my illness is again the reason I forgot everything I wanted to write about. So you can stop reading if you expect to be showered with huge drops of knowledge, this is going to be a short stream of consciousness.

My illness... That's the only thing I can think of now, and not because I suffer or anything. The funny thing is I don't. I misused my body last week, fooling around on cold cold London streets for days and nights... I have a thing for open air, and when I get the chance to be outdoors, I don't stop till I collapse. Well, I did, with a sore throat. The weird thing is, I feel perfectly fine except this sore throat which doesn't let me speak or swallow. That's frustrating, aren't these illnesses supposed to come as packages of symptoms with fever, headache, cough, fatigue etc? You normally hurt all over, pain becomes the center of the world, blurs your vision, and you gain your conscious back only when you nicely recover? Not to complain, but I don't have any of those so I sit home and wait for recovery with eyes wide open, feeling bad at rejecting invitations because I have an excess of will, energy and excitation despite my inability to speak at the moment. All I can do is murmur... and except all the good wishes... and attention... and care... and delicious stuff... and listen to my favorite songs... and drift into dreams... hımm...

Sonisphere Festival / Turkey

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 11:41:00 +0000

I'm out of words...

LeCool Istanbul

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:56:00 +0000

For those who don't know yet, LeCool has an Istanbul section since Nov2006. Check it out before going out.

I believe I can fly

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 17:27:00 +0000

Dear Diary,

I have less than 20 hours till my departure for London... RIGHT ON TIME. I don't have the words to explain my need to unplug and simply fly away. I don't have the words to explain the awakening I now feel deep in my long-asleep cells. I don't have the words to explain the beauty before my eyes when I look at the rest of the world. The rest of the world is shining, at 20°C. The sun is literally up again.

But why this much relief when nothing was wrong with being here?

Assume you are writing on a napkin with a pen. If you are not fast enough, the tip of the pen gets stuck into the fibers and there you have a naughty ink stain. If you leave the tip too long on the stain, the ink keeps flowing and the stain spreads its darkness further, eventually wetting and tearing the napkin off. But, if you don't get stuck too long into the fiber holes, your pen keeps flowing instead of the ink, and you can have a neat piece like this:

So the napkin, and this place, is perfectly fine. This post is about the energy-sucking fiber holes that people get stuck in time. You have to lift the pen up, and I have to take tomorrow's flight to avoid dark stains and keep on writing something neat that shines.

Smiles,
Ayça

angel on earth

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:39:00 +0000

Monument Inscription, Hamburg, 2009

the aztecs used cacao beans as currency

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:15:00 +0000

Chocolate museum, Barcelona, 2009

♫

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 07:53:00 +0000

I can't believe I'm doing this. I certainly don't believe in Valentine's Day, or its cutie hearts, pink presents etc, but I really feel like celebrating love on this incredibly beautiful morning. So here you go,

Love & Be Loved!

default you

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 05:51:00 +0000

What is your default mood? I mean, when nothing is bothering you much or making you happy, when things are sort of OK, what do you feel? Maybe on a lazy leisure weekend... maybe at point zero... or when there is sadly no laughter or crying left anymore... what do you feel when you just flow? Who do you become when you are not in the process of becoming something else? Just curious.

Do you have the existential blues pressing hard on your shoulders and making you focus on the phrase "life sucks"?

Do you find this world too funny to care about?
Do you refer to your past life for giving you inspiration on what you should think and feel?
Do you worry about what the future has in stock for you?
Do you actively start looking for the next big thing in your life?
Do you find chores to keep you busy and numb? or hang out with the gang?
Do you become careless and narcissistic?
Do you spread your love around and become one with the universe?
Do you think it's time you have a child? or suicide?

...

definition of a good life - JK Rowling at Harvard Commencement

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 12:13:00 +0000

you should stay and you should go

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:18:00 +0000

Settlement... I've been staying within the borders of my own country for more than two months now. That's the normalcy if you are not uber-rich or if you are not working at an uber-global company. Because of my company, it's not my normalcy. I signed my contract with no marked desire to travel across borders like a wild cat, but the first two days of my business life I was in Ireland. The next two weeks, I was in London. Third week, I finally arrived at my office in Istanbul, stayed there for a whole day to meet with my colleagues and the next day, before I knew it, I was in Spain for a whole week of sales conference...

Travelling has become an urge for me within the past two years. The need rises and itches me. When people ask me where I'd rather be at some point in time, I think of an airplane. Above the clouds. Close to moon. Close to sun. Even its dream is like a deep breath. I even find silly reasons to go to the airport and just be close to departure gates. It's not just meeting new people, regular sightseeing or the joy of culture shocks... All details in the whole experience are gold for me. My travels have become the very milestones of my life, marking the end of one era and the beginning of the next. That's how my history is divided, and that's what I expect of the future.

At this point, as for clarification,

Yes, I watched Up in the Air and yes it did appeal to me very much,
No, I haven't become a little spoiled girl who finds it hard to put together a proper life in one place,
No, I am not trying to escape from some dark past life that bugs me at my origin country,
No, I am not trying to escape from the uncommon texture of this country either,
No, I don't feel as if I belong nowhere, on the contrary, I feel as if I belong everywhere.

But I've been here for a while now. And settlement feels... addictive as well. People you know start expecting to see you weekly or bi-weekly, no more "I'm here for the weekend, let's meet"s, they just pop into your house with a couple of drinks. Your plans are readily made for you. And people-you-don't-know-yet are more inclined to meet and jump into your life, assured with your presence. Apart from your exponentially growing social circle and sustainable private life, you invest in yourself by taking up long-term hobbies, making longer commitments, embracing your customized home as a place to live and not just a place to stay. Then you look out the window to see planes go by... Watching your alternate reality fly away, watching yourself let go of all the choices and lives that you could have had, but didn't, simply because you chose to stay... A few failed attempts taken in wrong directions keep you further away from the exit sign. But the trade-offs and if's accumulate on your shoulders and make it harder for you to breathe, especially when it's time to go home in the evenings, you run short of air. And it never gets any better, in time you only get more scared, fearing all the sacrifices you have done so far to stay, and afraid that, in a moment of enlightenment, your emotional & fiscal investment will dissipate. But as you stay on the ground, you loose sight of the bigger picture, and you tend forget. You forget what your essentials were, and slowly drown in customized details.

wonders of the human brain: extreme ironing

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 16:51:00 +0000

Extreme Ironing is "the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt". Humanity mesmerizes me...

formspring - ask me anything

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 12:22:00 +0000

There is a fun website called formspring.me where people can ask you questions anonymously. I created an account about two weeks ago and below you can find my answers to give you an idea. These 100+ questions are either from the system, friends or anonymous people. Nothing serious, but it's still worth a peak.

Questions Answered

What are you most excited about right now?

boarding my flight in 36 hours. yes, I've been counting.

bunun amacı ne?

bunun amacı yok

Six packs don't impress you? Come on.. I'm a guy and even I'm impressed by them..

ehehe, no, really, I think they are too muscular

When will people be happy?

happiness is just a positive mood that has become popular within the recent ages, so I have questions about whether it is the ultimate aim of humanity. Realistically, people will never be happy all at the same time, just looking from the feasibility perspective. If you asked me about persons, I would say that they become happy when they are assured of their own special quality, provided it comes with assurances of security.

Kalemin ucu hep sivri midir?

çoğu zaman

sahne korkun var mı?

hayır

as a woman are you addicted to shopping?

I used to hate it until the last few years, now I like shopping a lot when I'm in the mood, but no, I'm not addicted at all

what doesn't impress you much that you think impress other people?

money, iq, six packs, silence

do you find the world to be kind of funny, kind of sad or kind of mad? you have to choose only one.

funny

do you sleep well or is it hard for you to get a fully relaxing sleep?

I sleep VERY well :)

you were planning to go to japan??

yes, hopefully in april

101. soru geliyor o zaman:).Yeryüzünün en büyük şakası nedir?

insanın kendine ve yeryüzüne uyumsuz olması

Burada sana soruların soruları cevaplamaktan ne zaman bıkacağını düşünüyorsun?

henüz bıkmadım ama 100. soruya gelirsem iyidir diye düşünüyordum, bu 100. soru :)

Yalnız hissettiğin zamanlarda ne yaparsın? İlle hüzünlü bir yalnızlıktan bahsetmiyorum. Genel olarak.

eğer yalnız olmak benim tercihimse tadını çıkarırım, tek başıma gitmeyi sevdiğim yerlere gidip tek başıma yapmayı sevdiğim şeyleri yaparım. benim tercihim değilse biraz melankoliden sonra yalnızlıktan kurtulmanın bi çaresini bulurum.

Who was the best teacher you've ever had?

I had a lot of good ones, but the best is... edhem eldem.

what are "laugh" and "cry" in your opinion?

laugh = ahahahaha or ehehehehe
cry = yihaaaa! or sniff sniff

Hapisteyken mutlu olmak sizce olası mı?

zor ama olası... dışarda itibarı olmayan biriyken gidip de bir şekilde koğuş ağası olursan mutlusundur mesela.

Her kelimenin her insanda farklı bir iklim yaratma hüneri vardır. Senin içinde en ılıman iklimi yaratan kelime nedir?

müşkülpesent

if you had to judge people based on their body language, what would you watch out for first?

lame versions of crooked smiles accompanied by supposedly-mysterious narrowed eyes

If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?

last year

İnsanları mı seviyorsun yoksa onlarla olan ilişkilerini mi?

insanları sevip onlarla olan ilişkilerimi nasıl sevmeyebilirim veya insanları sevmeyip onlarla olan ilişkilerimi nasıl sevebilirim ki?

If you had not your present job, which job would you prefer?

could be psychologist, consultant, professor, cognitive scientist etc, you get the idea...

Sence neden insanlar düzgün kullanamasa da ingilizce sormaya devam ediyorlar soruları?

vardır bi bildikleri, rahmetli yoda'nın da grameri pek parlak değildi...

ok. are you at war with yourself in order that you work in this company? if not, no problem?

I don't work in companies that I don't agree with

Have you ever thought a company goes against your ideas about political?

yes

if you were born now, which language would you be learnt?

I would rather learn a language in which words are written as they are pronounced so Turkish is a good choice

If you could go back in time 10 years and tell your younger self something, what would it be?

the best is yet to come

if you were a famous painter, what picture striped you of her office would you paint? suppose that you regreted being famous person.

I'm not sure if I'm getting the question right but I'll try my best. If I was a famous painter who regretted being famous, I wouldn't be going out much to avoid the crowd, so I would paint my office in such a way that the whole decoration would make me feel as if I was outside (with the same mindset that built Palau de la Música Catalana).

Who's the most famous person you've met?

can't decide which one is more famous: dave mustain & eric schmidt

favorite birthday present?

gameboy

what are you doing right now? :)

answering a question

Has there been a one that got away?

I'm not the "you don't know what you got till it's gone" type, so I don't think it would make a difference if the answer was yes or no, but if you really need to know, no.

What kind of music can you just not stand to listen to?

acid jazz

What was your worst travel experience?

I can't recall any bad experiences. I sometimes find myself in extremely dangerous/tricky situations when travelling but I wouldn't call them bad :)

bir önceki tune on your mind kimden? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_Will_Tear_Us_Apart#Covers ayrıca bugünki tune on your mind nedir?

joy division'dandı. bugün aklımda "les paul - vaya con dios" vardı.

What was the worst concert you went to?

bob dylan @O2

If you could only listen to one song for the next month, which would it be?

yumeji's theme. it's my concentration song.

bir önceki soruya verdiğin cevabın "if you want to test a woman's character, give her gold" diye alternatif bir cevabı olabilir mi?

Kadın paragöz değil ama yine de karaktersizse benim için sorun değil diyorsan neden olmasın

What was the best advice you've ever received?

if you want to test a man's character, give him power

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it?

cashmere

:) suppose that you were about to die and you had to say a sentence that changes people's life. what would it be?

you have one hour to deactive the bomb

What do you like the most about yourself/ least about yourself?

the love I have for myself and for life / being too selective on some issues, thus keeping up the search for too long

If you lived B.C,what picture on wall in cave would you do? But picture that tells your feelings and thinkings about future to another people.

nice one :) If I had to paint a picture about my feelings and thoughts about the future I would leave my part of the wall blank. If I were to paint casually, it would be a combination of a human figure and the sun. Back then I wouldn't stand out in the crowd :)

Why do we fall in love?

there are different kinds of love so there are different reasons as to why we fall in love. let's discuss if you have a particular case in mind...

ayça mail attım neden cevap vermiyosun?

cevap vermem için yeterli neden olmadığı veya cevap vermemem için yeterli neden olduğu için olabilir mesela... ama şu an inboxımda cevaplanmamış bir mail görünmüyor, check the address.

How can you possibly know what I (would) want to know?

empathy

What did you dream about last night?

you wouldn't want to know :)

if you were to choose a another major what would it be?

psychology, sociology, cinema, music, history, law, international relations and computer engineering. I want them all.

how much of your personality do you think these answers reveal?

a negligible portion

your major interests?

psychology, sociology, cinema, music, travelling

can I record your voice?

depends on who you are and what I'm saying

what part of your life would you want to live again?

I wouldn't mind repeating the last 5 years

If you could go on a road trip with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?

Latin America with Che

If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?

it would be anyone

sen çocukken lord of the rings mi okuyodun?

12-13 yaşlarındayken evet

google işleri nasıl gidiyor :) by mevlana

iyi güzel hoş :)

ayca, karı (snow:) neden sevmiyosun? by mevlana

kar iyidir ama kar fırtınasını ve soğuğu sevmiyorum. neden? taksi bulamadığım için, kayıp düşmemek için kasarken bacaklarım ağrıdığı için, rahat rahat dışarda takılamadığım için, görüş alanımı kısıtladığı için, beni kazaklara boğduğu için, serotonin seviyeme katkıda bulunmadığı için vs vs...

What was your favorite book as a child?

treasure island + robinson crusoe + the lord of the rings

Do you know or can you guess who asks which question?

some I know (they tell me), but I don't try to guess if I don't. if people want to stay anonymous, why would I want otherwise.

Dün akşam nerdeydin? :)

tiyatrodaydım

Would you kindly tell us your feelings about Istanbul?

well, I hate it today, there's a snow storm and everyone's stuck at home. this city has a corrupt beauty which doesn't appeal to me.

Bana ne zaman kahve ısmarlıcaksın :P by senel

60 yaşına geldiğimde alırım sana kahveni

What's one thing you own that you should probably throw away, but never will?

cassettes

Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?

pirates

Akşamların nasıl geçiyor ? by senel

akşamdan akşama değişiyor

Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

no broken bones yet

bu öğle Gloria'nın önünde seni gördüm.

bu bir soru mu :)

What's your favorite movie quote?

you talkin' to me?

What's one food you'll never eat again?

black pudding

What's your dream car?

I don't have a dream car

Yemek yapmayi biliyor musun sen?

evet, hatta son günlerde pek bir hamaratlaştım üstünüze afiyet :)

extroverted introvert nasil bisi ola ki? Cumle icinde kullansakta bu sefil okuyucu kitlesi anlasa?

kısaca yer, zaman ve izleyici kitlesine bağlı olarak iki uç arasında gidip geliyorum demektir. daha detaylı bilgi için örneklerle açıkliycam ben sana kimliği belirli insan :)

Issiz bir adaya dusersen kafana takacagin 3 sey :)

böcekimsiler & yanımda olmayan insan+eşyalar & kurtarma ekibinin neden bu kadar geciktiği

Did the fortuneteller tell you anything shocking?

she turned out to be an astrologist and told me that I'll start learning a new language in a week's time (guess which one), and that I'll get another proposal in a month.

Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?

I hope there is and I hope these intelligent aliens are intelligent enough not to judge us by our intelligence.

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

"3 ninjas" series

ayça senin boyun kaç? by mevlana

1.67 ama topukla beraber 1.80'e ulaştığım oluyor :)

Son okuduğun kitap nedir? Beğendin mi? by basaky

derren brown - tricks of the mind - hastasıyım :)

Don't you know that you can adjust the noise level on Facebook?

actually I do, thanks for the suggestion though, I don't like noise much, but still, noise is what facebook is about

which tune is on your mind today?

love, love will tear us apart, again, love, love will...

Burdaki ilk Türkçe soruyu sorabilir miyim? Sordum. by henihazbay

soramazsın çünkü Türkçe üçüncü soru bu :)

Ethan Hawke? Wow, I'm surprised to hear that! May I ask why Ethan Hawke? :) by basaky

Three reasons. First, there is a naive & troubled & deviant side to all characters he plays which I believe to be stemming from his own personality. Second, he cares a lot about the famous Chelsea Hotel. Three, look at him :)

How are your new boots? by basaky

Never tried them on because I keep forgetting them in the office :D

The best TV serials ever? by basaky

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!

if you could meet one actor / actress who would it be?

ethan hawke

why twitter?

because it collects everything in one place and is not as noisy as friendfeed or facebook. and very few of my friends are on twitter so it is rather an individual space for me

Kultur Baskenti konserlerinden birine gittin mi? Gittiysen, nasildi? by basaky

ahaha, yok onun yerine bir fasıla gittim, soğuktan ve kırolardan uzak göbek attım

Hayatta en çok sevdiğin şey insalar olduğuna göre, kalabalıklar mı yalnızlıklar mı?

dahil olmaktan mutluluk duyacağım kalabalıklar > yalnızlıklar > anlamsız kalabalıklar

What is the joy in answering questions? by serdarc

questions help you discover, define and expose, thus, actualize yourself :)

are you an extrovert or introvert?

extroverted introvert I guess...

What's your favorite drink?

hazelnut liqueur

think of your best day in 2009, where were you?

barcelona montjuic

tantuni vs ciğer

tantuni

What 3 things do you think will become obsolete in the next ten years?

iphone - desktop calendars - phone chargers

is it your natural eyes or contact lens

natural

seaside trip or ski trip?

both

most handsome guy on earth?

chris cornell

Do u sometimes behave like a spoilt cat?

never. mrrrr.

Latin America or Japan? by basaky

Latin America!

What would you do if you won the lottery? by basaky

buy an unlimited airline ticket, or better, I'd buy a plane, and donate the rest

What's Your Most Favorite Thing In The World?‎ by basaky

people

Are you the favourite person of anybody? by basaky

yes :)

favorite music?

sound of church bells

what is the best thing about a roadtrip?

non-stop music

How often do you use the word "zira"?

as often as I feel old!

Do you have a lot of free time?

sometimes yes, sometimes no :)

* What is the meaning of life? * Do we even exist? * Do people have free will?

define meaning.
I exist, I don't know about you.
no, there is no free will.

how do you feel now?

sleepy...

define yourself in one word

ayca

who is your hero (can be a co-worker :))

no one :)

Coke or Pepsi?

neither

depression goes global

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:01:00 +0000

"The clinical presentation of depression and anxiety is a function not only of patients' ethnocultural backgrounds, but of the structure of the healthcare system they find themselves in and the diagnostic categories and concepts they encounter in mass media and in dialogue with family, friends and clinicians," Kirmayer wrote in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. In a globalising world, all of these factors are in "constant transaction and transformation across boundaries of race, culture, class, and nation". In other words, cultural beliefs about depression and the self are malleable and responsive to messages exported from one culture to another.

The challenge GSK faced in the Japanese market was formidable. The nation did have a clinical diagnosis of depression - utsubyo - but it was nothing like the US version: it described an illness as devastating and as stigmatising as schizophrenia. Worse, at least for the sales prospects of antidepressants in Japan, it was rare. Most other states of melancholy were not considered illnesses in Japan. Indeed, the experience of prolonged, deep sadness was often considered to be a jibyo, a personal hardship that builds character. To make paroxetine a hit, it would not be enough to corner the small market for people diagnosed with utsubyo. As Kirmayer realised, GSK intended to influence the Japanese understanding of sadness and depression at the deepest level.

Which is exactly what GSK appears to have accomplished. Promoting depression as a kokoro no kaze - "a cold of the soul" - GSK managed to popularise the diagnosis. In the first year on the market, sales of paroxetine in Japan brought in $100 million. By 2005, they were approaching $350 million and rising quickly.

Giving depression stiff competition is the PTSD diagnosis. It has only been "official" since 1980, when it entered the American Psychiatric Association'sDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but it has had a meteoric rise. Western counsellors now use it worldwide after natural disasters, wars and genocides. According to Allan Young, a medical anthropologist at McGill, the spread of PTSD as a diagnosis worldwide may be the "greatest success story of globalisation".

Giathra Fernando, a psychologist at California State University, Los Angeles, also found culturally distinct psychological reactions to trauma in post-tsunami Sri Lanka. By and large, Sri Lankans didn't report pathological reactions in line with the internal states making up most of the west's PTSD checklist (hyperarousal, emotional numbing and the like). Rather, they tended to see the negative consequences of tragic events in terms of damage to social relationships. Fernando's research showed the people who continued to suffer were those who had become isolated from their social network or who were not fulfilling their role in kinship groups. Thus Sri Lankans conceived the tsunami damage as occurring not inside their minds but outside, in the social environment.

Many researchers who found culturally distinct expressions of trauma worry whether counsellors can be effective if they don't know the local idioms of distress. Arthur Kleinman, a medical anthropologist at Harvard University, says that although most disasters do not occur in the west, "we come in and pathologise their reactions. We say 'you don't know how to live with this situation'. We take their cultural narratives and impose ours. It's a terrible example of dehumanising people.

From NewScientist

maria mena

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 12:09:00 +0000

where is johnny going?

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 01:44:00 +0000

Ever read those happy-go-lucky forward emails or walked into the self-help section of any bookstore? Then you must be familiar with the reign of the motivation boosters singing Go Johnny Go Go at the top of its lungs. It goes something like this:

"Quitting is the fastest way to screw up your life. And yet, so many people are doing it. And they do it for a reason: because it’s easy. It’s far more easy to abandon your goals then to stick with them. It’s easier to find excuses than to do work. It’s easier to blame it on the “life got in the way” than to actually make your dreams alive.

I’ve been there too. I was one of those lazy quitters and I must tell you: I didn’t feel well at all. On the surface, it’s easiest to quit, that’s true. It’s easy to be lazy and wait for things to happen instead of pushing the world to make them happen for you. But deep down, quitting is more like a disease. A chronic type of pain which is slowly eating you up.

This is how I started to fight quitting. By realizing it’s a disease, something that will literally make me ill. Have you noticed how lazy people have headaches? That’s not by hazard, I can tell you. Being a quitter will work against your normal physiology, it will stop some natural processes, creating whirls of free, unused energy, which will most likely transform into body imbalances. Which we also call illnesses."

It's part of a nice article afterall. All motivational pat-on-the-backs; be it films, books, articles, males or females; true or fake; serve an inherintly good purpose. They want to make you who you want to be. Before you start listening to "The Eye of the Tiger", I have a couple of questions.

Why do you want to become who you want to be?
Do you have a clear sense of who you are now, so that you can come up with the right action plan to take you from A(who you are) to B(whom you'll become)?
Will motivation really work regardless of your choice?

Looking around, I see too many failed attempts around me, too many heads down and too much misery. It's a fact: sometimes motivation doesn't work. The attempts "to become" or to "quit quitting" fail... They fail not because "life sucks" or because of the reasons why we have a word in every language for "impossible". They fail because some people make an enormous effort to go the wrong way: the way that contradicts with who they really are and what makes their heart beat. Take any full-minded-but-half-hearted story and it will be more or less the same. People should stop taking the road to supposedly-fulfilling-destinations. It's the only way you'll ever find your own story. We keep forcing ourselves into being who we are not, forcing ourselves into sort-of-wanting what we really don't want with good but wrong intentions. When our choice is right we won't have to force ourselves at all. We won't have to bear with the price. We won't have to calculate the adequate amount of fairness involved. We won't be fooled with sticks and carrots. We will achieve the flow stage, synchronize our minds, body and hearts. When the choice is right, we won't even remember what quitting was.

valuation of life and immortality

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 12:01:00 +0000

a LECTURE from the "death" course of shelly kagan / Yale

The lecture begins with exploration of the question of whether it is desirable to live forever under the right circumstances, and then turns to consideration of some alternative theories of the nature of well-being. What makes a life worth living? One popular theory is hedonism, but the thought experiment of being on an "experience machine" suggests that this view may be inadequate.

truth should never be concealed ♪

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 12:10:00 +0000

Below is my summary of an article worth noting, The logic of indirect speech by Steven Pinker, Martin A. Nowak, and James J. Lee:

Indirect speech is inefficient, vulnerable to being misunderstood, and seemingly unnecessary. Yet politeness and other forms of indirectness in speech appear to be universal. We all play this game and may be offended at those who don’t, setting the stage for the hypocrisy and taboo in social life that are ubiquitously decried, yet ubiquitously obeyed. The reason people engage in these maneuvers in the first place (as opposed to saying what they mean clearly and succinctly) is still largely unexplained.

The first reason may be the logic of plausible deniability. In a simple case like bribing a police officer, the appeal of a veiled bribe is intuitively clear: If some officers are corrupt and would accept the bribe, but others are honest and might arrest the driver for bribery, an indirect bribe can be detected by the corrupt cop while not being blatant enough for the honest cop to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. A simple game-theoretic model can delineate the circumstances in which indirect speech is an optimal solution to this problem.

Second, when relationships are ambiguous, a divergent understanding between the parties can lead to the aversive emotion we call ‘‘awkwardness.’’ There are awkward moments in a workplace or university when an underling or student makes a transition from a subordinate (dominance) to something closer to a friend (communality). Good friends (communality) are advised not to engage in a business transaction (reciprocity), like the sale of a car or a house, which can endanger the friendship. The ambiguity between dominance and sex (a kind of communal relationship) is the battleground of sexual harassment conflicts, and the ambiguity between friendship and sex gives rise to the frisson of dating.

Third, when there are implications instead of blunt words, the speaker is given ‘‘the benefit of the doubt,’’ and the relationship can remain unchanged. The deniability, then, doesn’t have to be plausible, only possible. Humans employ several, mutually incompatible, modes of cooperation and, as a result, are extremely touchy about their relationships. Imagine that Harry says, ‘‘Would you like to come up and see my etchings?’’ and Sally demurs. There is little or no uncertainty about Harry’s intent, and none about Sally’s: Sally knows that she has turned down an overture, and Harry knows that she has turned down an overture. However, Sally doesn’t necessarily know that Harry knows; she might think to herself, ‘‘Maybe Harry thinks I’m naı¨ve.’’ In addition, Harry doesn’t necessarily know that Sally knows that he knows; he might think to himself, ‘‘Maybe Sally thinks I’m obtuse.’’ Although there is individual knowledge, there is no common knowledge, and they can maintain the fiction of friendship.

Also, people always behave as if they are playing to an audience. Overt propositions, may be transmitted perfectly along chains of gossipers (in the same way that other digital media, such as files of music or images, can be transmitted losslessly). According to this hypothesis, the deniability is plausible to the virtual audience, even if it is not particularly plausible to the hearer, and people tacitly consult the reactions of a virtual audience in retaining or switching relationship types.

The paradigm illustration of common knowledge is the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes. When the boy called out, ‘‘The emperor is naked!’’ he was not telling the onlookers anything they didn’t already know. Yet he was conveying knowledge nonetheless: Now everyone knew that everyone else knew, and that everyone else knew that they knew, and so on, and that common knowledge licensed the people to challenge the dominance relationship commanded by the emperor. The moral for the present theory is that language is an efficient way of generating common knowledge. Indirect speech provides shared individual knowledge, whereas direct speech provides common knowledge, and relationships are maintained or nullified by common knowledge of the relationship type.

Istanbul Connection

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 09:21:00 +0000

It's way past midnight, there is a fresh-warm weather outside, elegant stars on the parliment night and I'm kind of drunk... This has been a night of Rocky-mode-on sports, lively Greek taverns, quality rock bands, and juicy food to make the ending right. A classic content Istanbul twilight makes you proud to be alive. I'm not a party-animal who only feels right only within the chatter and the crowd, but these get-togethers definetly meet a need somewhere in the famous pyramid of Maslow.

me & my best friends, Istanbul, 2009

Amen Break Drum Loop

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 21:31:00 +0000

"This fascinating, brilliant 20-minute video narrates the history of the "Amen Break," a six-second drum sample from the b-side of a chart-topping single from 1969. This sample was used extensively in early hiphop and sample-based music, and became the basis for drum & bass and jungle music - a six second clip that spawned several entire subcultures. Nate Harrison's 2004 video is a meditation on the ownership of culture, the nature of art and creativity, and the history of a remarkable music clip."

photos of home

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 19:48:00 +0000

eternal sunshine of the photographic mind

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 13:29:00 +0000

I keep dreaming of photos of people I've never met. It's been weeks... I'm in some of the photos myself with these strangers who seem to know me. And each time I wake up, I feel a sudden urge to take a few shots. I wouldn't mind if I was a passionate photographer or if I had due respect for photography, but I don't even have a single working camera. My manual + digital + video cameras are broken purely due to negligence and these broken guys are in Istanbul, far from my reach. I'm trying to attain some sort of meaning to this but interpretations are useless. I guess I'll get a functioning camera and see where this goes.

photos of Berlin Film Museum

because you are worth it!

noreply@blogger.com (Ayca) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 21:15:00 +0000

Beauty centers are out of this world. Despite how classy and shiny they look on the outside, they are run by bloody barbarians of uncivilized nations who want to strip you naked, burn your skin, and get your money for the bother.

Think about it... You go to a hair dresser for a mild haircut and suddenly you are surrounded by five people who "highly recommend" that you should do your hair this way and not the other. "All right" you say, "paint it, cut it, air it, oil it, cure it as you wish". With your naive permission, they loose control. Three combs start pulling your hair out, dominant hands wash it like you were a baby, scissors take on the stage and threaten the tips of your ears as they fly over your face, the best torturer in the room comes as close as one inch to your eyes and starts pulling your hairs out to "shape" your eyebrows, exaggerated compliments flood your ears as if you need a serious ego-boost, and I'm not even gonna mention what they do to your nails with that weird machinery. When these evil people slow down after three hours to leave you in a hot oven so that the chemicals on your hair do their ruthless job, you look at the pieces of your own hair on the ground, gather the pieces of your courage left to look in the mirror and meet your alien self. Your head is wrapped in aluminum foil. And stripes of blonde hair stick out from this aluminum foil when you were supposed to be a brunette. Speechless, you ignore numerous flirtatious conversation attempts, wait for a new pair of dominant hands to wash you like a baby and resist the unbearable heat on your precious skin that dries out your brand new self.

You might be relieved now that the nightmare seems to be over but this is just the beginning. There is more than just a classic hair dresser in a beauty center. You've got epilation where you pay thousands of dollars to get laser rays penetrating all over your body for a smoother feel. You've got face therapies where you get hot steam blowing in your face, making it impossible to breathe. You've got NASA-like steam rooms where you go in a cloudy room with blue lights on at 50C, and sit around with strangers in towels until you all choke to death. You've got massage saloons that you actually pay someone to get you naked and caress you from head to toe. And at the far end of the spectrum, you've got plastic surgery waiting to slash you into pieces. Desperate to feel beautiful, you spend your money, your body and your soul, all because you are worth it.