Cherry's Little Secret

The burden is on you now...

2016-05-29T17:32:00.000+01:00

So how does one start a rant about an old flame. You could say he was my first love, but our relationship was anything but filled with love, you will soon get to realise I never truly loved him and from how he treated me you will soon clearly see why he never did.

I guess you need a back story to fully understand why I feel the way I do about this guy, I have come across a few guys that weren't pleasant in my time and he's up there with them.

I was young and naive he was the first serious thing I had. It started all innocent and cute as one does at 17 years old filled with hormones and dreams of the perfect boyfriend. We actually went to the same school when we were kids yada yada yada, *yawn*. This is all really irrelevant in all honesty, the first year was the honeymoon period I guess. So lets fast forward past that and the short period when I moved to uni we broke up got back together blah blah blah.

So things were good for a while I can't exactly pin point when things started to turn to shit but I guess it started around the halfway point in 2nd year going towards 3rd year. Shit got rocky I moved back home we saw each other less and less with his job. We argued a lot, I was extremely paranoid because he went out with the guys a lot without me, his excuse "you live so far away we can't do this stuff in the week". Now I look back now and I realised why I was so paranoid, he always spoke about other girls when he had been out, he had friends who clearly had no respect for me or a censor on their mouths about women, they were bad influences always encouraging talking about shit to do with girls etc. I never felt appreciated, in fact this shit got a whole lot worse when I started to lose weight...

I started getting fit and the weight just melted off at the beginning, it was great my boyfriend
supported me we worked out together, running on weekends sit ups together etc. Shit got extreme everyone told me how great I looked, he never once made me feel good about myself he always just told me I had to lose more weight. He looked at lad mags of women told me he wanted me to look like her or that porn star blah blah. Basically it was not good enough, it got extreme he even controlled what I ate, whatever his mum cooked me he would take shit off my plate and load it onto his. He was shallow, manipulative and selfish, in fact this is almost parallel to the 50 shades of grey but this shit happened before it even became a concept for a novel, as you will find out next..

Then onto the bedroom what started out as two innocent people turned into violence and hate sex to nicely put it. I could tell he hated me, the way he treated me in the bedroom was probably the worst part for me, he bought shit loads of s&m stuff, most of it I hated, yet he would always talk me into it in the end, even when I said no. He called me derogatory names, treated
me like I was an actual dog, basically I was there to follow orders and I felt cheap, unloved and most of the time I just zoned it out because frankly I hated every second, he enjoyed making me hurt, nipple clamps, butt plugs, riding crops, i didn't enjoy any of it but again he just talked himself into getting what he wanted. Even if i said no it wouldn't have mattered because he was the dominator and I was the submissive and everything he said had to go.

Maybe I was an idiot to have stayed 6 years with him after describing that shit to you but I guess I was so low and so attached because I was naive to think he actually cared for me, he used to get into fights a lot when a guy would look at me or talk to me. But looking back now I think that was just his instincts protecting what belonged to him, he didn't give a rats ass about me on an emotional level. I knew this because at some point in the relationship I would tell him I loved him and he stopped responding. We actually broke up and got back together every week and he made no secret he stopped loving me, but yet we still kept getting back together.
Now for those who have never been in this position you can not possibly understand what it's like to be conflicted like this, I should have felt hatred towards him but as soon we broke up I felt lost and lonely and vulnerable.

The fights started out as me doing the typical sulky girlfriend and not talking etc. then it turned into actual shouting matches and him throwing glass at the wall next to me, banging on the door, him pulling me out the bed to leave. He never once hit me, I even challenged him to a few times but he never would, but I was trembling like a leaf, as most my life I've not had a man in the house, so a man yelling terrifies me it doesn't matter who that is.

Friends I confided in (I never told anyone about the way he treated me in the bedroom or the violent outbursts he had, this is the first time I am actually talking about it all) told me I should end it permanently but I just couldn't, I'd always run back, never him and he would pretend it's a bad idea but I know he did it really because he liked to see me upset and beg for us to get back together, so he would always eventually agree to it. I realise now why, I had conflicts at home, I constantly relied on him as an escape from my own home, hence why I clung onto him.

Things went from shitty to really shitty it was July 2012, I distinctly remember this because it was my 21st birthday and we had decided to go on our first holiday to Amsterdam to celebrate. He was getting stressed out a week beforehand saying "i don't even wanna go now" having random outbursts, i put it down to his impatience, he got annoyed easily at stupid things. Things were great in Amsterdam, in fact I think it was too perfect, and you know what they say, usually when a guy is more affectionate than usual, its usually suspicious, however this wasn't alarm bells for me, I just put this down to weed and being on holiday.

We come back from Amsterdam a couple days later we are speaking on fb, I don't exactly remember now how it happened it's hazy and I guess my subconscious wants to permanently block this out of my memory, but somehow he told me on fb messenger he had cheated on me.

We all know the first step to acceptance is denial, I didn't believe him, I thought it was just a way to get back at me for being a bad girlfriend, I kept asking questions he told me everything. I found out he did this shit a week before we left for Amsterdam to add insult to injury he did this when he went out with the guys in my part of London in my local bar I had introduced to him. I was so stunned, I felt nothing, I couldn't cry, I couldn't be angry, I literally was numb, I guess that was my coping mechanism. It took a few days but then it got bad I had crying fits, insomnia and I was going insane coming to terms he did what he swore to me he never would do.

I knew then that was it, I ended it we were done. I was so proud of myself, I went to Bristol to spend time with my girl got stoned for a week. But it didn't last long I spoke to a few people and they actually told me you guys should try again and make it work, 5 years is a long time to throw away, people make mistakes, if its one time then it can be forgiven.

I thought about it, at the same time he begged and begged and swore to me he wouldn't do it again. I was still adamant with my decision and I still felt nothing towards him, but I said ok lets try one more time. Shit went amazing for a while, I simmered down on the paranoia, psycho girlfriend thing and I thought thats it, we planned to move out together etc. That very same summer July 2013 he did it again, however I didn't hear about it straight away he left it for months. Instead of being sorry, he blamed me for everything told me he did what he did to even the score with the people I had been with at uni, despite our separation, he called me a slut (Ironic don't ya think?) He also blamed me for not going to his grandmothers funeral, like that had some profound effect on our relationship, despite me being there for him when he was mourning.
You can guess what happened next I left him the week it was our 6 year anniversary. I never looked back, never second guessed my decision, I should have stuck with my guns and left the first time he fucked about.

After broke up, time went by we became civil, hung out a bit. Just before I went to Thailand in 2014 we had this deep convo, he was depressed, he missed me, he was jealous I was going to Thailand and he still loved me. (Beauty of manipulation tell the girl what you think she wants to hear). But you see that ship has long sailed, I have no feelings. But every so often he disappears then comes back in contact and frankly I have got to the point now in life where I have clarity and realised, what happened to me wasn't out of love, it was just a massive ball of fucked up.

At the end of the day he didn't try hard enough, he never heard my cries when I needed someone when I had tough shit going on, he told me I was exaggerating life couldn't of been that bad at home. he blamed me for everything.

Now this same guy, 3 years later, waltz' back in again, trying to meet up when I was in England, I blocked him, he starts snap chatting me, I ignored, I post snaps he watches them all *blocks* stalks me on instagram *blocks*. Now I don't know about you but if you think somehow he still loves me, then it must be some weird, twisted, fucked up kind of love. How I see it I was merely arm candy and something to fuck his frustrations out on, I had no worth or value except to be used for his pleasure. So no he wasn't my first love and in hindsight I wish my naivety didn't cloud my judgment. It taught me many valuable lessons about life but I regret wasting a whole 6 years finding them out.

Weight loss update!

2015-05-09T13:47:00.002+01:00

So if you follow me on social media and my other blog you will be aware that I have been on a weight loss journey since I returned home to London, well I have now left London and have been happily living in Korea for just over 3 weeks (already?!) time is flying!!! (more on my exploits in Korea here.) I can safely say this place is bloody amazing!!! I put weight back on because for 3 weeks I haven't worked out (1 week before leaving for Korea and the first two weeks in Korea). I have so far done 5 days of workouts, a day out cycling for a couple of hours and eating a Korean diet & clean eating (pretty much the same thing). I did have a binge of bad foods in the first week here, jam on toast for breakfast, chocolate at one point as there was a huge halloween pack of mini american chocolates that got devoured everyday, plus I did go out had a few beers, ate quite a hefty amount of unclean food in one sitting. But after that its been good, I'm usually eating fish and/or eggs mainly and sometimes chicken, with lots of vegetables and not even a full portion of brown rice and some wholemeal bread for breakfast. I have had my cheat days too but I don't count those as they are well needed! I've had no need to use butter or oil (not even coconut oil!) but I have yet to find coconut oil anywhere, but never fear I'm still getting my healthy fats through fish and seaweed and plain yogurt!

Moving onto the reason I'm writing this post, I have lost 3kg since my medical check which was just over a week ago which is absolute madness! I'm doing nothing crazy just eating right and exercising. I sadly don't have a pair of calipers with me and the ones I did own weren't the best, so I'm waiting to get paid so I can order a good set to keep track of my body fat. But I've been measuring and its been good results!!! I can also see in photos I don't look as chubby as I did in Thailand which is a good sign for such little time, better results than the 3 months I spent working out and TRYING to eat clean in London (carbs are my enemy). Without further ado, here's my results!

Thigh- 61cm (lost 3cm) (total lost: 3+ 3.5= 6.5cm)
Neck- 36cm (lost 1cm) (total: 1+1= 2cm)
Forearm- 25.5cm (lost 0cm) (total: 0 + 1.5cm)
Waist- 91cm (lost 4.5cm) (total: 4.5+ 7.5= 12cm)
Chest- 109 cm (lost 1.5cm) (total:1.5+ 3.5= 5cm)
Hips- 104cm (lost 6cm) (total: 6+9= 15cm )
Arm- 38cm (+2cm) (total lost: -2cm)
Calf- 36cm (1cm) (total: 1+ 3= 4cm)

Happy Hump Day week 10

2015-03-25T21:46:00.001+00:00

So today, I weighed myself after plucking up the well needed courage and i've lost 0.4kg since 18 days ago, now that was a little disheartening but because I did measure my body and saw real progress thats the only thing that hasn't made my motivation drop to rock bottom. I cant say I'm not a little disappointed about it I had lost a whole stone in 1 month, this time 3 years ago, but then I also didn't have an arse this firm or thighs and arms this strong before (or started at a considerably larger fat percentage before). So I did a bit of research and put it down to muscle gain balancing out the fat loss. I haven't beaten myself up about it too much, because at the end of the day, I'm seeing progress in my measurements, alarm bells should be ringing if in 10 weeks I haven't seen progress whatsoever. Weight is just a number it doesn't reflect your fitness level whatsoever.

My motivation hasn't dropped whatsoever which I am surprised about, I guess its because I adore hooping and the only way I can do hooping is at the park a 10 minute bike ride away or a 30 minute walk. HIIT is a mere 12 minutes long, 5 days a week so really there is no excuse not to do it.

If there is one positive thing I can take from today is the fact I have noticed I am so much stronger than I was this time 3 years when I had dropped down to a UK12. I can do pushups on my knees with ease, normal pushups (just about), and planks which was my biggest problem!! Also, I can squat and lunge very low now (need to up the weight now) and noticed I'm more flexible and I have not experienced any muscle cramps since Thailand. Woo!!!

Slow and steady always wins the race, just have to keep my goal in mind!

Week 9 Progress!!!!!

2015-03-21T19:35:00.001+00:00

So I've measured myself 18 days ago, I don't know why I did not measure myself 9 weeks ago (I do really, I had let myself go quite a bit, I could't face to see how much fat I had gained)

I wasn't going to measure my weight and fat percentage for another month, but seeing the progress I've had after 18 days I'm going to brave it tomorrow!

Thigh- 64cm (lost 3.5cm)
Neck- 37cm (lost 1cm)
Forearm- 25.5cm (lost 1.5cm)
Waist- 95.5cm (lost 7.5cm)
Chest- 110.5cm (lost 3.5cm)
Hips- 110cm (lost 9cm)
Arm- 36cm (2cm)
Calf- 37cm (3cm)

I say that calls for a celebration!!! That's motherf****ing progress and there was me getting down about how slow my progress is coming along but after 18 days theres that much noticeable difference, give it 3 months i'm gonna look fabulous!

Super happy as always! :)

Stronger than yesterday

2015-03-20T20:02:00.002+00:00

Well hello my lovelies!!

Today has been fab f***ing-tastic. Had another hard core day hooping, cycling and of course Interval training. It's been intense and tonight, oh boy am I going to sleep like a baby!! The amount of calories I've burnt today is hard to get my head round, I've done over 2 hours of hooping alone, 20 minutes of cycling (10 mins to the park, 10 mins back) and my usual 12 minutes of training. It's insane I can spend that much time hoop dancing, it's not without it's drawbacks though, my hands are bruised and swollen again as well as my arms aching and bruised from doing arm to elbow spins. It's all worth the pain though, because today I've cracked a move I've wanted to do since I started taking an interest in hooping and that's waist to lasso, I'm so chuffed there's no words to explain my happiness, but I need to work on it because it's still hit and miss, but with practice it will just come. Super chuffed is an understatement I tell you!!!

I genuinely am so happy with how things are going :) positivity all the way!! Today was the last day of week 9. I found out there's only 2 weeks left of HIIT Max :( but not to worry bodyRock.tv always have stuff to follow which is why I love working out to them.

Oh yeah the total solar eclipse was beautiful but only because I managed to watch a live stream online, otherwise I would have been extremely disappointed looking at the skies of London. Yay for the Internet!

Lots of love. Peace x

Korean Interview/ Fitness Progress

2015-03-19T09:10:00.001+00:00

So guys, I just had my first South Korean school skype interview for the city Gwangju, I found out the school is private :P I'll be teaching Kindergarten + Elementary! I am praying with all my might that I got this job, Gwangju is a city I really would love to live in and the school sounds amazing!!! All I can do is wait for a response now.

I also woke up this morning that pooch has shrunk!!! After one day of extreme exercise (I went all out 3 hours of hooping, 20 minutes of cycling with a load of slopes and my 12 minute HIIT Session) its shrunk!!!!!!! It's not disappeared but by god it has gone down!!!! This is what keeps me motivated every day!

Today has started so brilliantly, now its time for my religious routine of caffeine and some breakfast, I'm thinking clean pancakes to celebrate such a positive start to the day. Let's hope it continues!

See you on the flipside, sending positive vibes from London! Peace out x

Just go with the flow

2015-03-18T19:10:00.005+00:00

Well Hellooooooo!!!!!

If you haven't guessed by the flow reference this is going to be a post solely on hooping and how my first day went!! You can probably gather I am in a particularly vivacious mood today!!! That my friend is because, I got my hula hoop in the post, in all its gorgeous blue and silver glory. (See pics below) I got a bit Kodak happy ;).

You wonder why I am pleased you ask?? Because this awesome weighted fitness/beginner hoop cost me a mere £20 on the ol' Amazon with FREE P&P!!!! Hoops at 42" and the fact you can dismantle it into 6 and downsize it to a 38" (that's 2 hoops in one!) should cost me a good £60 maybe? I've seen other hoops like this but they are only made in the US, not in anything bigger than a 38" (what can I say I'm tall, tall beginners need large hula hoops too!!) so these are very hard to come by and expensive to ship and make (damn my tall genes!).

So that's why it's amazing! Plus it's beautiful I can't really ask better than that, this thing doesn't weigh much to travel with and is easy to transport which is why its so fabulous!!

Of course I've been itching to get that hoop spinning, so naturally as soon as it got here I jumped on my bike and cycled 10 mins away to the park!

I got into the center of the field stuck my headphones in and I was gone, I left the world behind as soon as that hoop was around my hips and that music started playing in my ears. I must say its therapeutic, I was fluffing about trying out Isolations, stuff I've done before and stuff I've never done before and just going with the flow (as the title suggests). I was gone for a good 3 hours just moving to the music (apparently 30 minutes a day should suffice) and in that time I re-awoke certain muscle memories, as soon as Sia- Chandelier, that was it, it came so naturally again.

I also managed to teach myself Lassos and elbow spins, I kept trying to learn getting the hoop off my hips into lasso's and getting it from Lasso's back to my hips but right now I'm not there yet, I really wanna be able to vortex :P (sorry if these terms don't make sense just give them a google).

Anywho, the aftermath at the moment is not so great my right hand has swollen because of bruising due to the hoop (this is normal) and my core feels worked, which is just fucking amazing!! I don't know if I will be so optimistic tomorrow, but no amount of bruising is gonna stop day 2 tomorrow!!! Today is not even over yet I still have to do today's HIIT session. Cycling, hooping and HIIT, this fat is just gonna melt off!!!

One love, MWAH! x

Hey there Delilah :)

2015-03-16T22:46:00.003+00:00

So i've had a pretty average day today, then things just turned to shit in the evening, I had my dad completely lose his shit (not an understatement, raging makes a better word to describe it) down the phone in several different episodes to me over menial shit (stuff normal people don't rage over). I'm not a sensitive person, but recently things have been making me tearful and anything can easily set off the water works (I hate you mother nature). Today has been no exception, usually I just get angry but at the moment its tear inducing instead (I hate having a vagina at times).

So I started week 9 today and the workout helps a lot with emotional build up of any kind for me. Putting on some leggings I can only just about squeeze into usually have loosened up, I can successfully squat and lunge in them with no danger of tearing them at the seems :D. I wouldn't say my ass is the issue (its getting more lifted, larger, rounder and more luscious as the days go on...) more my lower abs or lack of in my case more of a pooch, but what I have come to notice today is its reduced down in size a bit, which again has turned my day around. My hoop was dispatched today which means any day this week It will arrive and I can banish the bastard belly pooch away from absville forever!!!

Another whirlwind day successfully turned around by fitness and my health journey!!! This is what makes sweating, aching, pushing through burning workouts worth it!!!

I'm not 100% as happy as I usually am, just because of hormones but I am a lot better than earlier. Success!!!!

My Hooping Playlist

2015-03-15T22:44:00.004+00:00

After doing some research into music great for hooping i combined peoples suggestions with my own tastes and came up with my own diverse selection of hooping music, all compiled into a playlist, when I get a chance I will try and compile all of these into a youtube playlist or even better a spotify one!!!

But I havent had time to day so for the mean time I've attached pictures of what it contains so far! Enjoy!!

If you guys have anymore suggestions please let me know :)

Motherfucking progress!!!

2015-03-15T21:08:00.001+00:00

Before I start my ramble for today, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all you lovely bunch! I hope you have shown your appreciation in some form for that special woman who brought you into this world!

So I start week 9 tomorrow of HIIT and this week hooping begins (when the damn hoop arrives).
So as you may know my progress is slower and I know exactly what the culprit is, now the other day I was feeling down (emotions all over the place anyways, bloody hormones!) because progress is slow and its frustrating as hell! But something today changed my view on my body....

I put on a fur coat that was tight on me when I got back from Thailand, now there's extra room around my bust, arms and torso. This changed my thinking immediately just because I am so impatient I haven't cut myself any slack and I'm mad at myself and the past month every Friday, Saturday and Sunday my clean regime goes out the window (hence the slower progress), this is down to many factors and without trying to play the blame game, these occurrences have only occurred when I've been with friends for those days.

Now theres times when I would say that were justified, but other times I feel were just pure disregard and lack of respect for my health regimen. So I'm avoiding every situation now where this may occur, sorry but I value my health more than eating bad food and jeopardising my progress (yes, i'm gonna be that guy). I'm determined to get back down to a size 12 again and so far I've probably made it back to a size 16, maybe a 14/16? Size is just a number I cant stress that enough, it doesn't define you, but I don't fit into any clothes I have, I'm limited on what I can wear from my wardrobe, and I can't afford to buy new clothes for every time I put on weight. I need to be more self aware of my body, It's not a vanity thing, its a health thing and a body confidence thing.

Anyways, I'm super chuffed I have learnt that things are getting there and maybe the slower path is better because I am not so strict on myself, that I have completely cut out things I know I will crave, now I'm not saying I eat this stuff on a regular but I'm trying to limit my intake as much as self restraint can allow me, therefore I'm not left craving foods instead I have a little of something now and again rather than over consuming everyday and not exercising (a major difference).

I took this pic today now, my double chin has yet to go but It's getting there but my cheek bones are becoming more and more apparent which makes me so pleased!!! Just one of the few things that are apparent at the moment that I'm progressing :D (view pic below).

I think I'm in love....

2015-03-14T22:41:00.002+00:00

...with hooping!!! (come on what did you think I meant?)

So yes after the realisation I had the other day and more and more obsessing online over it I can safely say I think hooping is the love I have been looking for, (reasons mentioned in my last blog).

I have gone full blown hooping obsessed!! So I've ordered a gorgeous weighted blue and silver 44" hoop that can be taken apart in 6 pieces and down sized as I progress, and means yes I am taking it across the world with me :). But the more and more i look into hooping the more and more I think I should also pay to get a hoop that is also light weight and thinner for other tricks. Now the predicament now is whether I fork out £67 out of my credit card to get a stunning collapsible 38" rechargeable LED hoop. (see vid below), or order a £25 non led dance hoop. Every ounce of me wants the LED for obvious reasons and the fact its on sale at an affordable price makes me want it more (LED Hoops retail anything from just under £70+). Decisions, decisions....

So I'm dying of anticipation for this hoop to arrive, as you may or may not know since I returned from Thailand a whole 6kg heavier (i was already a whole stone heavier then I used to be before I left!!!) I have been training and just finished week 8, this hooping thing has not only got me more excited about having a new way to shred some fat and lose my tummy, but the sheer fact I can do this whilst having fun and maybe one day looking awesome whilst doing it!!! Don't get me wrong I love my High Intensity Interval Training, I get to lift weights and I have seen progress already, but the progress is slower than usual and this may be down to the fact I am not still being active enough throughout the day. So the new way I think this will help me is to get a hoop, jump on the bicycle get down to the park, stick on my ipod and hoop as well as upkeep the HIIT 5 days a week. I'm growing impatient as my progress in strength is growing and my legs have toned and my butt looks fabulous, but my stomach by now should have shifted more than it has, which in all honesty is p*ssing me right off! Last time I trained I dropped a whole stone in a month!!! It's the end of month 2 and results that I have at the moment are noticeable just not as drastic as last time :(

My strive for perfection and how I rekindled the passion I lost as a teenager

2015-03-14T16:22:00.003+00:00

So if you know me well I have always been this person whose always full of energy, some say crazy, I say eccentric ;).

Not many people know but I've strived since a little girl to perform, I love everything to do with performing. I used to sing a lot at home (yep proper mic and all), in primary school in front of the class, I've performed at Croydon Fairfield halls, I took part in every school play possible (I even got lead role as Sita in a play about Rama and Sita), had a keen interest in dancing (I took dance and singing classes for a while), my life ambition as a child was to be a singer, I went to choir club after school and trained with the vocal coach of Girls Aloud as a teenager, I did cheerleading at university, I did street dancing classes, I bought the pussycat doll dance DVD's, I will use any excuse to sing karaoke and my guilty pleasure is using the karaoke app on my ipad (shhhh...). Don't even get me started on musical instruments, as a kid I wanted to learn violin and flute. I can play recorder (does that even count?) I taught myself to play some piano, some guitar, some bass and a very minute bit of drums. What can I say, I've done everything!!!

I was a very energetic happy confident child, I wanted to participate in many extra curricular activities such as gymnastics, ballet etc. (to think where I could be now if I had got given those opportunities). *sigh* But some things have changed...

Along with growing up, my dreams were left in my childhood, my confidence peeked and dropped a lot through life and I became a realist, I've got no ambition to be a singer anymore (I said I enjoyed it, I never said I could sing), however being this creative person that I am, It wasn't long before I had to find new ways to express myself (tattoos, piercings, my apparel are great but I felt like something was missing). Pole dancing, burlesque dancing, street dancing, I've dabbled in it all, but never stuck at any of them. I still kept searching for that thing I am missing, that flare of passion that makes me want to get up everyday.

A couple of years ago, I heard of a fire troupe called "the fuel girls", at that time I was also dabbling in alternative modelling and had a keen interest in admiring and idolising suicide girls and FRONT magazine models. They were what got me into researching and looking into fire performing and such. I looked into classes they were so expensive I could never afford them, so i looked into alternatives, I came across poi!

Last summer I started up poi, I bought my first pair which had LED's in, I watched Youtube videos taught myself stuff, then I bought a poi book that teaches you different techniques of poi spinning. I worked on this for a while and then I went to Thailand. I took my poi with me but never had the time anymore to practice, then I found out one of my friends I trained with in Thailand also was a poi spinner, this got me passionate we performed a routine for the talent show, (she even taught me a new move) but I still felt such a novice, I admired how good she was and me being a very impatient person got bored of trying to learn new moves I couldn't master.

As time went on my interest in poi dwindled, then one day I picked them back up because travelling to Koh Samui seeing fire performers got me inspired again! I practiced now and again not as often as the beginning but stepping back and leaving them for a while and coming back to it had somehow made something click, because the one move I had been trying to master for so long just happened, I dunno how but my muscle memory changed and It worked!!

The lightbulb moment.

At present, I've taken a break from poi again, I just feel like I need to step back again because I'm progressively getting frustrated with not being able to do new moves. But then something amazing happened and I had an epiphany, just like I had this great life changing moment, when realising all along my life calling was teaching and everything in my life had pointed to becoming a teacher.

It suddenly dawned on me what other new skills I could try and teach myself, it hit me as a kid how good I had gotten with a hula hoop, I used to hoop on my legs, waist, neck, arms, I could toss and catch etc. It never really occurred to me that hooping (dancing and hula hooping) could be something I would love, whats awesome about hooping is, I could integrate all the things I loved into one thing, performing, dancing and fitness!! Theres even some hoop moves that replicate poi (weaves etc.)

So here I am, trawling the internet on every video and website on hooping. I just ordered my first weighted travel hoop, dying in anticipation for it to arrive! This is going to be the beginning of a new beautiful journey!!!

One day I would like to proudly perform at this standard!

Nightmares and Negativity

2015-03-11T06:01:00.003+00:00

So Its 5.29am precisely as I start writing this, I've been awake for 2 hours if not longer because I was abruptly awoken out of my sleep, heart racing, disorientated, the lot!! So yeah I just experienced a nightmare, some reason lately since I've been back to London, there's been an increase in frequency of nightmares, before these episodes I can gladly say I don't remember the last time I had such graphic fear driven nightmares (I don't even remember when I had one full stop) I really wish I knew what the cause is to these nightmares, because in all honesty, I'm finding it hard to deal with them. I'm constantly having restless nights too.

Anyways as you do, once you're awake first instinct is to check your phone and do a little surfing online. I come online to facebook to be met with a status from a so-called friend bashing me about 2 hours earlier (whilst i was long asleep). Now this wouldn't of bothered me so much if it wasn't for these various reasons:

1. I've known her since about 12 years old.
2. She was coming across 'holier than thou' as if somehow writing a status about something so trivial I had written, would make it look like she's standing up for some sort of cruel injustice.
3. The fact she posted a facebook status about me full stop. (I'm not some girl you just happen to have befriended on fb through some weird twist of fate)
4. The fact this status then entails others to comment in agreeance on how I'm this monster, I've been wrongfully made out to be (isn't that some weird fucked up way of bullying?)

Now the old me would have gone in guns blazing, 10,000 statuses of cursing, sarcasm and retaliation. But I again realised that would just wind me up more, get me nowhere and probably start world war 3!

So I decided to be the better person, I sent her a message, this to be precise:

"I would appreciate it if you don't write a status making a dig about the way i worded something i posted, using the words "real" and "man" in the same sentence is justified when referring to pictures that are pieced together of different people, or do you think someone with Gerard Butlers face, Justin Bieber's hair, Ronaldo's legs is a real human being? That stuff you were talking about only has any meaning when you aren't posting about it on a status bashing someone else, that alone defeats the purpose of your status. Im disappointed that I've known you a very long time that you would resort to something so childish. Hence why i deleted you. No doubt you will write a status about this too. Remember just how negative you come across when you post statuses about people who you call "friends" and how that makes you look. You can tell yourself that you are standing up for your beliefs but posting a status about it is hardly admiral, lets be honest. The admiral thing to have done is to have messaged me about it if you had an issue with it, which you shouldn't because if you knew me at all, which i thought you did, you know I'm not that judgmental person, you just painted a bad image of on your status. Im Sorry but I've had enough witnessing all the negativity you post about others. I hope you realise that posting on fb is how you start conflicts rather than solving anything. I wish you all the best."

Now I'm not pretending that I wasn't p*ssed off to the complete maximum (the sheer audacity) but at least (well i hope) I tried to come across as positively as one can do when they are fuming. Plus being someone I've known a while I think she needs to see from another perspective, what she is constantly doing to people she calls her friends. Plus I have every right to defend myself!

Whats amazing is after writing that, I feel at peace. So yeah, positivity does goes a long way! You can get angry its just how you express that anger, it will either make you or break you.

Peace x

Cherry's back from the dead!

2015-03-10T20:40:00.002+00:00

My bad...

So yeah I went AWOL for over a year to be precise (oops..), sorry about that guys, my heads been a mess. I had graduated from uni, I put on loads of weight, I was in a dark place for a very long time, my long term relationship had ended after 6 years and I had no idea what to do with my life or what I wanted to do with my degree.

Then this miracle happened, I won a competition abroad to train in Thailand and work as as a qualified TEFL teacher, there's more on that if you check out my travel blog here.

Cue the violins...

Anyway, the real reason why I'm here is to have a bit of a bitch and moan and just to update you lot on my life, obviously a lot has happened over a year so, I'm going to try my best to compact this down as much as possible.

This is mainly going to focus on why I'm blogging again and that is because I have put a SHIT ton of weight over the past year and this is not me being a girl about it and moaning because I put on a couple of kilos. I'm talking from a UK size 12 to a UK size 18!!! I was fully aware after dissertation I was packing the pounds on, but in all honesty I had no time to eat at home, sleep a lot or leave my seat in the university library. I was really depressed and had started locking myself in my room at weekends and drinking everyday to cope (this was for various reasons, mainly because I was back on the dating scene and every bloke I thought was decent turned out to stamp on my heart on top of the stress of dissertation deadlines). I had come across one guy who was so manipulative and controlling, me being so vulnerable at the time, lets just say he really milked that situation.

Anyways back then I must have been a 14 approaching a 16. Then I won this competition thinking not to worry it will sort itself out go to Asia, eat asian food, lose weight :D During TEFL training yes I genuinely think I dropped a few pounds but it all started to pile on again when It ended :( I left England already at an overweight 89KG (which already had been the heaviest I had ever weighed), I returned back to London weighing a good 95KG.

Coming home...

Well I came back to London after experiencing more ups and downs than a yo yo in Thailand and I knew I had put on some weight but the realisation didn't hit me until I tried to put on clothes I missed wearing... It quickly dawned on me how much weight I had put on. The good news is, I was determined before getting back to London to lose this body fat I had gained.

Pushing to the limits...

I got straight back on the clean eating and 5 day High Intensity Interval Training and at first it was fucking hard! I'm no going to lie, being pumped full of oil, refined sugars and processed food for 4 months and then going cold turkey is pretty hardcore!! It was a fucking struggle, I had mood swings because I missed certain foods, I would still give in to cravings, I hated myself in all honesty, I had left myself get that big and that weak and not even realise.

The silver lining....

So finally we get to the good part, that was 8 weeks ago now I started the process, I still go through the struggles of cravings now and again, but I have progressed!! I'm stronger, I've lost girth all over my body. Now i'm not saying that I am satisfied, I am far from it! But I am still so determined and seeing notiecable progress in reps etc. feels fucking amazing. I can gladly say I have dropped one dress size already, so I'm now back to square one where I started my fitness journey 3 years ago!! But I also forgot the uzz i get from working out and reaching a goal and seeing changes in my body.

Which leads me onto...

The Epiphany...

During this journey so far, I've noticed a change in myself I decided along with the food that doesn't belong in my diet, nor does negative behaviours. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but the changes in my mood and thinking has changed also, I'm a lot happier, I'm more comfortable with myself, I find joy in seeing others happy. Sometimes I do get hit with the emotional stick (beaten with it more like) but we all have ups and downs and how you deal and recover from it is important. I literally had an epiphany, just when I thought I couldn't be anymore positive, I was hit with this thought that totally blew my mind, when I say a thought I mean like a feeling but with more purpose. (I probably sound like i'm talking c***) It's just very hard to explain. It happened and I am astounded things could get this good.

Until the next one...

To end this ramble, these blog posts will be more of a regular thing now... I want to jot down my fitness journey and anything else that is blog worthy in all honesty!!!

Be prepared for more positivity coming your way.

Peace! x

Famous Makeup Haul

2014-01-19T00:39:00.001+00:00

As you guys know me by now, I love a bargain and I love dupes. I am all for high end brands too, but being a student I hardly have any money to splurge. So I discovered this brand Famous cosmetics, they were in superdrug stores at one point and I remember them but every time I wanted to purchase something, everything was cleared out off their shelves because of popularity, this was before they re branded. Anyways I discovered their website and everything on their website is on special offer (if i had the money i would have purchased all the blushes, their palettes, compact mirror and all their facial products). I'm really obsessed with blushers and bronzers at the moment. So i purchased all their baked bronzers and shimmer bricks.

As can been their package is amazing, its a gorgeous reflective mirror effect screw top lid with a leopard print design on. The leopard print seems to be universal across most of their packaging. So stylish and absolutely lovely to carry in your purse and whip out for everyone to admire!

Inside you can see there a built in mirror, they do come with mini brushes in each i haven't really tested them out, they are cheapo things but soft and not scratchy so could be used just for on the go. There used to be another shade of these but unfortunately it got discontinued. But they could easily be dupes for MAC Mineralise Skin Finishes.

Bali

Miami

Hawaii

Swatches of all 3 baked bronzers

As you can see the swatches show how pigmented they are Hawaii is slightly on the orange side but can be used as a blusher rather than an all over face bronzer but could work great on deeper skins in that way. These swatches don't have glitter in them they have a lovely finish and are shimmery but not over the top. just as long as you use the products sparingly. Miami is very faint so can be used all over the face like a M.A.C MSF. These will leave a dewy finish so would not be ideal for contouring or if you have oily skin.

I'm so in love with these shimmer bricks, for one, they are great dupes of the Bobbi Brown Shimmer Bricks, secondly the shimmer bricks are versatile and there's so many colours packed in each the possibilities are endless with these you can pick and choose which colour you want to use and they can be used for eye shadows as well as for the cheeks. Therefore, it is great for travelling as you can grab one of these and save carrying a load of products, plus the mirrors are great for touch ups. I love the look of the compacts I think they look really attractive, older generations may not like it but that would be down to personal preference, if you aren't liking the packaging these could easily be depotted and no one would know ;).

Again with these and as the name of the products imply, they are shimmery and they are very pigmented so be cautious when dipping your brushes into these as your face will look like a disco ball if you pick up too much product. They blend out beautifully though and give a subtle hint of colour to the cheeks, its great if you love a dewy finish, and eliminates the need for an illuminator/highlighter on your cheek bones. I also love the names of their products as they are named after Famous people just like the brand name, I think its a nice touch.

Swatches of them separately and sweeped together shown below:

Lady Shimmer Brick


Lady Shimmer Swatches

Rihanna Shimmer Brick

Rihanna Shimmer Swatches

Mariah Shimmer Brick

Mariah Shimmer Swatches

Beyonce Shimmer Brick

Beyonce Shimmer Swatches

I love the brand and the quality of makeup is superb, I will purchase again, I am even thinking about buying some of their blushes and palettes for a friend.
Overall the products are pigmented and silky, they are also not dusty, so you wont be wasting product. Highly recommended for beginners and anyone who loves shimmery cheek products without glitter or obvious shimmer. Definitely comparable to high end products!

Products can be purchased from here.

Below is a link to my youtube Xmas haul video which features these beauties! Enjoy!

£1/$1 Lime Crime Poisonberry Dupe Lipstick!!!!

2014-01-05T15:29:00.000+00:00

Hi guys so today I bring you like the name is suggesting a dupe for only £1/$1 depending on what country you are in. As we all know Lime Crime create magnificent lipsticks, I myself own 3 as they came as a set. But I have had my eye on the babette, geradium and the one i have wanted the most is Poisonberry since it was released. I decided I was going to purchase Poisonberry out of my xmas money but I found myself coming into the predicament that to buy it off a UK website including p&p costs a whopping £16 and I did not have much cash going spare, so i decided not to rest until i found some dupes for them, I founds some close dupes for babette and geradium (they aren't too hard to find) but they were not close enough for me. I then came across the posionberry dupe on a youtubers page that goes by the name of "shyfacediva".
I liked her comparison and review, so I went ahead and bought myself the dupe.

The dupe itself is by Kleancolor and is called the Kleancolor Everlasting Lipstick in shade "Fiesta".

My initial thoughts on this lipstick is the packaging, we all know its nowhere near as beautiful as a lime crime lipstick packaging but what it lacks in packaging it makes up for in the lipstick.

The lipstick has a glossy finish like no lipstick i have ever seen before on the lips mimicking the lime crime version.

The scent is of an artificial cherry smell but I rather like it!!! It tastes not too bad, like cherries then slightly like perfume, but this does not bother me, (I've experienced bitter tasting lipsticks from higher end brands like UD).

The lipstick is extremely moisturising (like no other lipstick i have ever used) and even when drinking and eating it stayed on alright instead of completely being ruined. But due to the finish of this lipstick you will have to expect re-application.

My only niggle about the packaging is even when the bullet has been twisted completely down it is still exposed (see picture above) and when replacing its lid, it can be easily damaged, so you have to be extra careful. (see youtube video link below to see what I mean).

I purchased the lipstick from ebay on xmas day (link is in the description bar of my youtube video) and it arrived 2 days after xmas!! This lipstick came from America, i was extremely shocked about how fast it arrived!!!! Not even stuff I have ordered from the UK have arrived yet at that point!

Below are some swatches of the lipstick, the swatch on the top is of 1 layer and the swatch below it is after 3 layers. The lipstick is extremely pigmented and buildable.

With flash


without flash

I can safely say I have fallen in love with this lipstick and the brand itself offers a vast range of colours, I will definitely be purchasing more of these amazing lipsticks!

This is what it looks like on my lips unfortunately, my camera seems to turn gorgeous Burgundies into a more red tone rather than staying true to its purple tones, but you can get an idea of the texture on the lips.

Here's my quick review on the product on my youtube!!

Enjoy!!

Cherry x

My NYE Makeup Look

2014-01-03T02:54:00.001+00:00

Hi guys HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! So i know I havent written a post in a while (since last year to be precise lol) i have been so busy with university amd i still am, due to this being my final year. I am glad to say I only have 3 months of uni when i return, but no rest for me as I have to start my dissertation.

However, I have given myself some slack and I went out for NYE with friends upto London to watch the fireworks. This is the makeup look I did:

Products used:

FACE:- Foundation: L'oreal Lumi Magique in "Golden linen"

Concealer: Rimmel Wake Me up Concealer

Blush: Milani Baked Blush in "coralina"

Contour powder: Bourjois Delice de Poudre Bronzing Powder in "Tanned"

Lipstick: MAC Viva Glam Gaga 1 & 2

Eyebrows: hd Brows palette

EYES:- Eye Primer: Sleek Primer Palette-Silver

Transition crease colour Manly 120 palette: Matte warm reddy brown

Outer V colour/crease: Urban Decay eyeshadow in "Blackout"

Lid colour: Urban Decay eyeshadow in "Evidence"

Gel Eyeliner: Shu Uemera Painting liner in black

Mascara: Maybelline the colossal volum express in "black"

Brow Bone Highlight: Urban Decay "Virgin:

LIPS:- Lipstick: MAC Viva Glam Gaga 1 & 2

These are the nails I did as i was eager to try out the illamasqua nail polish I was given but I also wanted something really sparkly in aid of NYE.

Barry m polish in "Amythist glitter" & Illamasqua polish in "jo'mina"

My Winter Skincare/Foundation Routine!

2013-12-02T14:22:00.001+00:00

Hi guys so i was requested to do a foundation routine from a friend and I thought face prepping should also be included because no-one just applies foundation. Below is one of my lates vids go check it out!!!

Enjoy!!!

Cherry x

My makeup collection

2013-11-27T23:51:00.001+00:00

I have had many requests over a few months on an update on my makeup collection. So I have posted 2 videos,1 showing all my makeup collection and the other is specifically linked at my lipstick and lip products collection.

So without further avail, you can watch them below.

Enjoy!

Cherry x

STYLE HAUL PARTNERSHIP!

2013-11-25T23:07:00.005+00:00

Hi guys im so very excited to let you know, I've now upgraded from the basic youtube partnership to a style haul partnership! I was emailed a request from them last week, I read through their e contract they sent me and signed it, I then today received a copy of the contract back confirming they have approved my channel!

This is great news I now will have more incentives than with youtube, I am extremely excited about this new venture I have been approached about and will speak more on it once I have properly started!

I just want to thank you all for the continuous support and interest in my videos and now my posts.

I started my channel January 2011 and have grown since then trememdously in views and subbers. If there is any requests on vids you want to see then let me know!

Love and kisses

Cherry xx

Halloween Special Effects Makeup

2013-11-02T12:18:00.001+00:00

So I was pretty broke this year so I decided as I do not have much money to not buy a costume. Instead I bought a few bits and bobs to create a gruesome zombie look. All i needed was some cheap halloween makeup, liquid latex, and fake blood. I been having so much fun creating all these gorey wounds and stuff im gonna start doing gruesome special effects videos on youtube. It doesnt have to be halloween you can just use these, you can use it for fun, april fools day and anything else you can think of.

The Smile Bright Atlanta Home Teeth Whitening Kit

2013-10-25T16:22:00.002+01:00

I recently won a competition with the company Smile Bright Atlanta they sent me their home teeth whitening kit worth $99. I received the package above after a month as they were posted from the US. The items included in the pack are shown below.

Contents:

UV Light with batteries
Mouth Guard
Teeth Whitening gel (which activates with the UV Light)
Instructions
Purchase information
Teeth Chart so you can compare the current colour of your teeth

The instructions are very detailed and easy to follow so it was impossible to make mistakes. The gel they provided is a very large amount as you use very little for the actual process.

On the chart above the more stained teeth i.e. my fangs on my top and bottom jaw were an 8. The rest of my teeth ie. the front on bot bottom and top jaw were much lighter in clour ranking at a 6.

This is the process that took place, i followed the instructions, I had to apply a spaghetti width amount of the gel on both the top and bottom trays place in my mouth, then place the uv light over the top.

I had to do 2 sessions back to back of 30 mins each. I did have to stop for 2 minutes to empty my mouth then reapply the gel to the trays as it was getting uncomfortable (it sates u can do this in the instructions) Once done i rinsed my mouth out and they felt sensitive for a short period but this did not last longer then about 30 mins. My teeth are actually very strong a week later no sensitivty what so ever.

I forgot to take a before picture but as you can see the results speak for themselves. I am going to do another sessions in a couple of days to whiten the other more stubbornly stained teeth.

I am very impressed by the kit so easy to follow and you get plenty of whitening gel, but when i do run out I shall be purchaing a refill of the gel (if needs be).

You can purchase this product from here for $99 they do despatch worldwid. If you follow them on instagram at smilebright_atlanta they always have discount codes on offer.

You can watch my video review of this kit below

My First Impressions on the GHD Shimmering Silver Gift Set from Lookfantastic.com

2013-10-19T17:07:00.003+01:00

GHD Shimmering Silver gift set from lookfantastic.com £89
Available in a selection of other colours (prices will vary)

I have always been a sceptic of GHD straighteners which is why it took me so long to finally purchase one.

The price is very high for these particular hair straighteners.
I thought straighteners pretty much worked the same as long as you paid a decent amount for them, for me that's in around from £30 -£50.

I soon came to realise that's not the case because of the texture of my hair it is prone to frizzing up and going bushy very quickly, just from a hint of moisture in the air. I for so long bought many different lotions and potions to put in my hair which temporarily tamed the unruly mane but after a while it would soon go back to its old ways.

Even with my Remington pearl straighteners (which i still adore) they are great are giving straight hair (or so i thought) but after 1-2 hours my hair would be a bushy mane again.
I think those straighteners are glorious because they speed up quick and beep just like GHD's and go upto a very high heat temperature of 235 degree celcius. (I was continuously straightening on 210 degrees as my heat protectant spray only protected upto that temperature) Even so my hair would return to its bushy ways.

Then one day I saw there was an offer on lookfantastic.com for a mere £89 (RRP £135) so I did my research and asked all my girlfriends about GHD and all of them except one sceptic highly recommended it. So I ordered them and they arrived the next working day for no extra cost! I absolutely adore this website I have made a second order already to purchase the new gorgeous Limited Edition Beloved Tangle Teezer (they match my GHD's!!!)


Limited Edition Tangle Teezer £15.00 from lookfantastic.com

Anyways when i received my GHD's I was so impressed with how well it was packaged and how beautifully presented it was in its box. It comes with a heat proof roll mat and pouch with a seperator in the middle of the pounch so the wires dont get singed.

When i opened the box :P

When I first tried out the starighteners I was impressed the irons glided through my hair, nothing like anything i have experienced before and was very quick because I only needed to run it through one time. My hair looked even better then before I used the irons my hair was extremely soft, straight and shiny. I however was a little worried about the smell that was coming from the straighteners but I put this down to being brand new straighteners.

Verdict:
My hair was smooth and sleek all day even going out in the rain. The curls i tested were also impressive they held their form and didnt drop and also had great bounce and shine to them without feeling crispy. (I would be careful when styling as the irons do get extremely hot)

Pros:

Hair is left in great condition
Hair holds its curls/straight style extremely well
Quick heat up time
Quick styling time
Light to hold
Long cord
Glides through hair
2 year warranty
Comes in many limited edition colours/patterns

Cons:

RRP is overpriced in my opinion
No heat varying settings
Can get very hot
Loads of fakes available online (buy from a reputable dealer and check bar codes and serial number on ghd website)
Sets vary with what you get with the styler so you may have to buy a heatproof mat/bag seperately.

Friday night treat

2013-10-18T18:53:00.001+01:00

It's Friday which calls for my cheat day. I fancied some Oreos so I popped to poundland naturally I had forgotten to bring cash. So I just bought a load of stuff so I can use my card. I went a little over board on the naughty food but I haven't eaten all of it there's plenty left for future cheat days. This is my secret stash ;) I know what people are like in my house. I'm gonna stash it somewhere out of sight and out of mind so I won't be tempted when I get onto week 2 of my 30 day challenge next week.

Chocolate assortment

My Review on the Foreo Luna Mini

2013-10-18T17:14:00.001+01:00

Please note I bought this item at a discounted price to review from BzzAgent.co.uk but does not affect my opinion on this item.

At first lets talk about price, I think the retail price of £99 is steep for this device, but at the same time u get what you pay for. The battery charge time and life is amazing and you don't need to buy replacement heads (compared to competitors) so you save dosh in that respect. The range of colours are fun and there is a colour for everyone.

The feel of it is soft, easy to grip and easy to control even when wet and covered in soap. Its compact and easy to transport. It's fully submersible so u can use in the bath or shower. There's 2 sides and settings to suit even the most sensitive of skin and can be used on spot prone skin.

When I first used the product I immediately noticed how quick the process was and thought maybe my face wasn't clean enough after only 1 minute use. But after rinsing my face I noticed how soft and supple my skin looked it also looked fresh and glowing. After persistent use twice a day for a week I noticed the small spots I had on my forehead for as long as I can remember has greatly reduced enormously down to a mere couple of spots and my face was banished of dry patches.

At first I was sceptical of the product as it didn't feel like I had cleaned my face but the results speak for themselves I am very impressed by the item as it can be used with your favourite cleanser (just as long as it's not grainy or has bits in)

To conclude it worked wonders on my skin although not very problematic it still reduced great results in such a short time. I haven't tried its competitors but it sure has lived up to its promise in my experience. The instructions provided could be a little clearer as there was some confusion but this was rectified as theirs a downloadable manual on the Foreo website with a more detailed instructions guide. I also wouldn't pay full price personally as a student I think it's pricey even though this range is aimed at younger skin. But if you have the money spare and willing to try a new experience to healthier looking skin I say give it a try!

35% off discount code: Z1RSz5
expires 31 december 2013
Discount code can only be used on the Foreo Website (link below).

Items can be purchased from:
www.foreo.com
www.harveynichols.com
www.selfridges.com

What came in my package

Charging via USB

VIEW MY REVIEW HERE ON THE FOREO LUNA MINI!