Chronic Migraine Warrior

Mommy Migraine, Infant Colic

2012-02-27T15:00:00.000-06:00

A recent study suggests that there's an increased risk of infant colic in mothers with migraines. Amy Gelfand, M.D., from the University of California in San Francisco, and colleagues analyzed data from 154 mothers at their infant's 2-month-old well-child visit. "Mothers with a history of migraine were more than two-and-a-half times more likely to have a baby with colic than mothers who didn't have migraine," said study author Dr. Amy Gelfand. Based on this data, the study authors found that

Infants with a maternal history of migraine were significantly more likely to have colic than those without maternal history of migraine (28.6% vs. 11.1%, prevalence ratio 2.6 (1.2-5.5), p=0.02)... Infants with paternal history of migraine had a trend toward higher prevalence of colic (22.2% vs. 9.5%, prevalence ration 2.3 (0.6-9.4), p=0.24) (Infant Colic Is Associated with Maternal Migraine, abstract).

Infantile colic is "a condition in which an otherwise healthy baby cries or displays symptoms of distress (cramping, moaning, etc) frequently and for extended periods, without any discernible reason." One of the common colic remedies is known as the "five S's system" by Dr. Harvey Karp: swaddling, side-lying, shushing sounds, swinging / swaying, and sucking.

One theory that has surfaced is that colic may be an early manifestation of Migraine. People that are prone to Migraine react to overstimulation in different ways throughout their lives, and colic may be the way infants experience Migraine. With that being a possibility, some steps that can be taken to try to help soothe your colicky infant include: turning down loud music, decreasing stimulation, keeping a strict routine, and/or retreating to a dark, quiet room (note that these are common ways in dealing with migraines as adults). It may also be beneficial to keep a "colic / crying diary" to track colic flare-ups, anything that seems to calm the baby, and so forth (again, similar to an adult Migraineur's "headache diary").

While it is far too early to make many assumptions based on this research, it does provide another clue into the evolution of Migraine throughout an individual's life, and possible non-medication strategies that help some adult Migraineurs to try to relieve a colicky baby.

Ash Wednesday

2012-02-22T18:30:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone has a blessed Ash Wednesday.

Today marks the first day of the Season of Lent, so I thought I'd do somewhat of a Lenten series. I haven't been feeling up to going to church in longer than I care to think about, and I'm behind on listening to them online; so I think this will help me to stay focused on the true reason for the Season of Lent.

Ash Wednesday is a somber day of reflection on what needs to change in our lives, in order to be fully Christian. The ashes are "a sign of humility before God, a symbol of mourning and sorrow at the death that sin brings to the world... [which] prefigures the mourning at the death of Jesus, but also places the worshiper in a position to realize the consequences of sin" (The Season of Lent). We are reminded that we are all sinners and need to repent. The attitude of penitence is reflected in the Lord's prayer: "And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us" (Luke 11:4, KJV).

Ashes are applied to each person's forehead in the sign of the cross, as the words, "Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return" (Genesis 3:19) or "Turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel" (Mark 1:15) are spoken. This symbolizes our mortality and our need for ongoing repentance, and reminds us of the day when we will stand before God and be judged. It represents the follower of Christ entering into a season of examination and abstinence, in order to deepen our relationship with the Lord.

I know that there are a lot of things that I need to do this Lenten Season, in order to better align myself with God. I pray that He guide me, and help give me the strength and courage to go on this journey.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10)

Migraine Brain

2012-02-21T16:30:00.000-06:00

I've been fighting an ongoing battle with Migraine brain (I've actually been working on this post for about a week, but forgot to get it posted... how ironic!), which is often called "brain fog" (brain fog can be a symptom of several other chronic illnesses, including Fibromyalgia and sleep disorders). Symptoms of brain fog often include:

Difficulty concentrating and/or processing
Searching for thoughts and/or words

I'm actually doing significantly better with these changes... of course, it's taken me over 3 years to get to the point I'm at now. There are times that I see glimpses of the old witty, intelligent me. Other times, though, I can't even follow a simple conversation or read a short article. This brain fog can present itself during any or all of the phases of a Migraine attack.

Brain fog can be incredibly frustrating, discouraging, and disheartening. Especially when we were once very good at doing these tasks before our chronic illness, we can feel inadequate or even like we are a failure. It's so exhausting to have to try so hard to concentrate on something. This can be yet another aspect of chronic illness that others have difficulty understanding because we may sometimes struggle with things that come easily for them.

Thankfully, there are some tips and tricks that we can use to help make life with brain fog a bit more manageable.

Plan Ahead: This means something completely different to me, in the context of chronic illness. I used to plan ahead for everything. I had lists, and always planned out my day, week, month, year... life. I used to always be busy, but was the queen of procrastinating on writing papers and such (in college)...

Now, though, I can't know how well I'm going to feel or when I'll be able to actually complete tasks on my lists. I still keep those lists (so I don't forget... and because I feel a sense of accomplishment, when I can cross something off of a list), but they're ongoing lists. If some things need done by a specific date, I have that written down; and I try to prioritize things, so I know what to tackle when I do feel up to it. But, the lists I have now are much less restrictive because of the uncertainty of chronic pain.

I try to start things long before I feel like I need to, so that I can (hopefully) get it completed and not have that last-minute panic. For example, I started wrapping Christmas gifts early to mid-November... I got a lot of it finished. Then a migraine hit that lasted for several weeks, leaving me unable to do anything productive. Luckily, I wasn't too far behind - because I'd started so far ahead of time.

Starting ahead of time also allows for having to re-do tasks, which I have to do much more frequently now. For example, writing a blog post typically has to be done in small chunks of time, so it's a lot choppier than I like. I proofread and edit a lot, but even that has to be done in chunks. So, there's often a bumpiness that I dislike in my writing... but, I'm having to work with what I can do.

Use Resources / Tools: I always have my phone with me; which means that I always have my calendar, a calculator, contact with others, among other things. I can write reminder notes to myself - including alarms for taking my daily medication (that I keep in a medication box), and ideas / things that come up in my head. I can help track how I'm feeling and such for the day, so that it's easier for me to enter into my health calendar.

One of the most powerful resources we have is our computers. Especially if you're trying to read on your computer or tablet, take advantage of different options available to make it easier on you (including: changing the font size and/or color, adjusting the screen brightness).

Ask for Help: I have trouble with this one! I'm getting better at it, but I still hate needing to ask for help. There are a lot of times that I can't figure out even the most simple things, I can't follow the most basic and simple conversation, I just can't make sense of anything at all. It's humbling, but also very embarrassing. I used to be so good at these things, and now I can't always do them because I have trouble concentrating and/or processing.

Hopefully, your family and friends will understand that you have these processing difficulties, and not make you feel bad about the moments you deal with. It helps tremendously, knowing that your family and friends will help you work through the brain fog, without making you feel inadequate or embarrassed.

Have a Sense of Humor: First, accept that you can't always concentrate and process as you once did. Then, work toward having a sense of humor about these situations. Being able to giggle about such situations as needing to re-read the same sentence so many times before understanding it can help to decrease the stress you feel about having brain fog.

Postdrome

2012-02-13T20:00:00.000-06:00

POSTDROME (aka. migraine hangover) is the last stage of a Migraine attack that some Migraineurs experience, once the headache pain has subsided. The postdrome symptoms may continue for several hours or even days. Symptoms of this postdrome may include:

Fatigue
Weakness
Irritability
Mood changes (e.g., anxious, depressed)
Scalp tenderness
Cognitive and concentration difficulties
Feeling "hungover"
Head pain

My postdrome experience really is feeling "hungover" from everything that having a Migraine attack entails, but I also have a medication hangover from the meds I take for my worst migraines. Having both of these at the same time is rough. It's taxing on my body, and my mind starts to wonder when the next attack will be. I think I experience all of the above symptoms, though I believe my irritability is worse during the prodrome phase. Even my hair hurts. It's incredibly exhausting.

I'd like to add that it's just as annoying to tell a Migraineur experiencing postdrome symptoms that you've also had hangovers... as it is to tell a Migraineneur that you get headaches, too. They're NOT the same! NOT even close to the same! Now, I've never actually had a hangover from drinking too much alcohol... but when you get a hangover from drinking too much, that's YOUR choice and YOUR mistake - if you don't want a hangover, don't drink so much... simple! Getting a hangover from a Migraine attack is out of a Migraineur's hands... we know it's coming, but there's nothing we can do to prevent it.

Headache does NOT equal Migraine attack.
Migraine hangover does NOT equal hangover from drinking too much alcohol.

Prodrome

2012-02-13T17:00:00.000-06:00

I'm starting to recognize some signs that I might get a migraine (usually the following day or so)...

PRODROME (aka. premonitory phase, pre-headache) is the first stage of a Migraine attack (I've written about this further in Premonitory Symptoms, and more information can be found here and here). However, not all Migraineurs will experience this phase, and the Migraineurs that do may not experience it with each attack and/or may not recognize the often subtly symptoms / warning signs. Some symptoms of prodrome may include:

Appetite changes and/or cravings
Cognition and concentration difficulties (such as, having difficulty finding words and/or speaking)
Cold extremities
Bowel changes (e.g., constipation, diarrhea)
Excitement / hyperactivity
Mood changes (e.g., irritable, depressed, impatient)
Fatigue
Frequent urination
Memory changes
Weakness
Excessive yawning

My prodrome experience includes most of the above: cravings (specifically for breakfast foods), frequent yawning, irritability, and / or being more talkative (maybe like an energy rush - not sure, since I've only just recently recognized this one). Closer to the head pain onset, I sometimes get mumbly in my communication, and my ears feel full and/or hot. I have a constant sinus congestion / post-nasal drip problem going on - could be a combination of allergies and something with my migraines... not sure.

I think that it's important to try NOT to jump to conclusions, when interacting with other people (I'm not good at this, in practice... but, I'm working on it). For example, relating to Migraineurs:

Frequent yawning does NOT necessarily mean that someone is tired and/or bored.
Cravings do NOT necessarily mean that someone is pregnant.
Talkativeness does NOT necessarily mean that someone is cured or otherwise over the chronic illness.

Stormy Seas

2012-02-10T13:35:00.000-06:00

Just a word of warning I'm dealing with a migraine (though it has eased up a bit for the time it took to write this post... now, it's returning), so this may or may not be coherent.

Two devotionals (they are short, and worth a read) from the blog, Inward/Outward, that I read have hit the nail on the head yesterday and today.

Yesterday's was titled, What Your Body Knows (by Patrice Vecchione). A portion of this short devotional really popped out at me: "The body needs to relax to float. If you're stiff and afraid, the water will not hold you well and you'll flail and splash.... But if you have faith in the floating, faith in the water, alliances are made from that."

I have to say that I'm the one that either stiffens up or splashes and flails, in the midst of the storms of life. I don't relax / float well. I need to learn to trust more. To let go...

Today's is titled, First Lesson (by Phillip Booth). It is a great poem that fits how I'm feeling just perfectly. It ends with:

Remember when fear cramps your heart what I told you:
Lie gently and wide to the light-year stars,
Lie back and the sea will hold you.

The poem says to relax and lean back, allowing the sea to hold you. "A dead man's float is face down," but we are told to lie face-up in the midst of fear because we "will dive and swim soon enough."

When we find ourselves in the midst of stormy seas, the last thing we think to do is to relax. We instinctively tense up and fight against the waves... easily being overtaken with anxiety and fear. But, we can take refuge by anchoring ourselves to the solid rock of God.

I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.
Psalms 42:7-8 (NLT)

Our faith anchors our souls to the solid rock of God, so that, no matter what happens, our God will continue to provide for us (in His way and His time). "... Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary" (Hebrews 6:18-19, NLT).

So, regardless of how sunny or stormy our life may be, we are to "...trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge" (Psalms 62:8, NLT).

Okay, I'm signing off (for real, this time) because this migraine is worsening. I'm grateful I had the ability and short-term, minor relief to be able to write this post (regardless of how coherent it actually is). I'm holding the words of these devotionals and scripture close...

Migraine Pattern

2012-02-10T13:00:00.000-06:00

I know I've been absent from the blog-o-sphere lately. I guess I just needed a break from it.

I've been dealing with my migraine pattern changing, yet again. After I had my neurostimulator implanted (December 2010), my migraines started coming in a new pattern, where I would have a chunk of "good" days and then a chunk of really bad days. My good days have progressively gotten better, but they seem to be random. The bad days are just as bad and frequent, but now they're coming one or two days at a time. So, I may have a good day, followed by a horrible day, followed by a day or two of migraine hangover / postdrome / recovery. So, it makes for an extremely bumpy ride.

It's taken me a few days to get this post written. Of course, just before I get it posted, the above-mentioned migraine pattern change was proven not to be lasting. I'm on day 3 of this migraine (I took my meds on day 1, and can't take any more until at least tomorrow because I've maxed out the days I can use it this week... not hard when the max is only 2), so I'm only online long enough to get this posted (I'm sick of having all of these "almost finished" posts hanging over my head). So, hopefully this one will pass soon, and I can return to both real life and the blogging world...

Neuro-Stim Procedure

2012-01-18T13:45:00.000-06:00

The Doctors TV discussed the Neuro-Stim Procedure for Migraine treatment with Dr. Kenneth Reed today. If you follow this link, you can scroll to the bottom and watch 2 different videos from the show (Warning: the left one is pretty graphic). This is the procedure I had done in December 2010 (it was definitely surreal watching the video about what some of the things they did during my surgery).

More information can be found here. Also, the Reed Migraine Center has a website set up with more information, including upcoming Get Your Life Back seminars.

I Will... in 2012

2012-01-13T22:55:00.000-06:00

I don't like making new year's resolutions. But, I think the new year is as good a time as any to take some time to pause for a moment... reviewing the previous year's ups and downs, and then to re-prioritize and commit to things you can do to improve your life in the coming year.

I will do my daily journaling devotional - so far this has been very good for me. The devotional I have is very short per day, but it allows me to reflect on it and then journal about it. It's an easy step to get myself back into reading and writing more.
I will express more gratitude - to God, others, and myself.
I will develop a healthy sleep schedule - getting up and going to bed closer to the same times (and more reasonable) daily.
I will write more frequently - for my blog, my journal, and my other writing endeavors.
I will incorporate exercise into my daily routine, even if it's only stretching.
I will maintain a healthy diet and cook more frequently - including trying new recipes.
I will celebrate (rather than discount) the goals I reach and achievements I make, regardless of how "large or small" they are.
I will continue to seek out the best treatment possible to help me manage my chronic pain.
I will schedule a digital sabbatical (even if only for an hour or two at a time).
I will use my "Something for Jesus to Do" (SFJTD) box to write out things that I need to turn over to God - once I write it out and place it into the box, it is out of my hands (just as I must let go of the worry to God, the piece of paper is to be completely released... I throw them away or burn them, as the box fills... without re-reading what I'd written).
I will continue to find ways of being kinder to myself... learning coping strategies, treating myself with the same kindness I treat others, avoiding toxic relationships and disrespectful people, accepting that some days will be better than others (but keeping faith that the good days will come).
I will apologize less for things that are out of my control - I'm really bad about this, especially with my husband.

But, most of all... I will continue to seek God with all of my heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

Kari Bailey at Patient Endurance poses these questions, as one pauses to consider life changes and priorities:

“What do you want your life to stand for this year? What purpose do you want to fulfill? What is most important in your life right now? Who and what are you going to give the majority of your time to this year? What is your vision for your immediate future? What are you hoping and dreaming God will do for you and your family this year? What do you want changed in your life? Where do you want to be this time next year?"

I love these questions, but they definitely call for more thought and attention than I have to give right now. I'm going to write them down, respond to each question, and then honestly assess my answers.

Blessings!

Giving Myself Props

2012-01-11T22:30:00.000-06:00

Today, I have to give myself some props... I took advantage of the beautiful weather we had today (it was in the mid-60s today... tomorrow is only supposed to be in the mid-40s), and took myself for a walk. Now, some may not understand the magnitude of this feat, but I'm proud of myself. Not only have I been struggling to find the motivation to "get moving," but I also haven't been feeling well enough to do much. To be fair, the sun was brutal and I'm still not doing very well. But, I did it!!!

I just have to figure out how to get some sort of exercise into my routine... I haven't figured that out yet, but I took a good step forward today.

Public Health Advisory: Mix-Up of Opiate Products

2012-01-10T12:30:00.000-06:00

A public health advisory regarding potential safety risk with opiate products has been issued:

FDA is advising healthcare professionals and patients of a potential problem with opiate products manufactured and packaged for Endo Pharmaceuticals by Novartis Consumer Health at its Lincoln, Nebraska manufacturing site. Due to problems that occurred when these products were packaged and labeled at the site, tablets from one product type may have carried over into packaging of another product. This could result in a stray pill of one medicine ending up in the bottle of another product.

The following products are included:

Opana ER (oxymorphone hydrochloride) Extended-Release Tablets CII
Opana (oxymorphone hydrochloride) CII
Oxymorphone hydrochloride Tablets CII
PERCOCET (oxycodone hydrochloride and acetaminophen USP) Tablets CII
PERCODAN (oxycodone hydrochloride and aspirin, USP) Tablets CII
ENDOCET (oxycodone hydrochloride and acetaminophen USP) Tablets CII
ENDODAN (oxycodone hydrochloride and aspirin, USP) Tablets CII
MORPHINE SULFATE Extended-Release Tablets CII
ZYDONE (hydrocodone bitartrate/acetaminophen tablets, USP) CIII

Please be sure to check the contents of your prescriptions carefully. All of the pills in the bottle should look the same. If the pills don't look like what you normally take or if you find any pills that are different in shape, size, color, or markings, take them to your pharmacist right away.

Endo Pharmaceuticals has provided a visual guide of the affected drugs that you can download if you would like to double check the tablets in your prescription: Endo Pharmaceuticals Opioid Guide.

Drug Recall: Excedrin, NoDoz, Bufferin, Gas-X

2012-01-09T11:30:00.000-06:00

Due to concerns about broken or incorrect tablets winding up in pill bottles, Novartis is voluntarily recalling some bottles of Excedrin, NoDoz, Gas-X Prevention, and Bufferin.

According to the Novartis website:

Novartis Consumer Health (NCH) is voluntarily recalling all lots of select bottle sizes of Excedrin® and NoDoz® products with expiry dates of December 20, 2014 or earlier as well as Bufferin® and Gas-X® Prevention® products with expiry dates of December 20, 2013 or earlier, in the United States.

More information about the recall (including the full list of recalled products) and how you can obtain a refund for any of these products that you may have already purchased, you can visit the Novartis OTC Consumer Product Update Website.

A Year in Review (2011)

2012-01-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

Well, 2011 is officially over, and I've already been having a rough start to the new year. But, I'd like to take a look back at what last year held. My memory stinks, so I'm relying a lot on previous blog posts... but this will also help me, when I'm trying to do my scrapbook (yay).

I know that last year was filled with plenty of pain, guilt, and frustration... but, I'm trying to remember it in a more positive light. Last year was a year of... CHANGE, and change isn't always bad. I know that change is always occurring, but last year just seemed to be filled with a lot of big changes for us.

Recovered from neurostimulator implant surgery.
Dad's 1955 Chevy in Dallas car show (a dream we've shared since I was little).
Attended 4-week church class (Reinventing Your Life).
Surprise birthday party for my Mom.
Participated in WEGO Health's Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge (HAWMC) in April - 30 posts in 30 days.
Brother-in-law ordained.
Jeremy started new job (in Texas).
Moved back to Texas.
A dear friend's son died within minutes of birth.
Participated in Invisible Illness Week in September.
Attended National Headache Foundation (NHF) Conference.
Participated in WEGO Health's National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM) in November - 30 posts in 30 days.
Helped plan sister's wedding (will continue to do until wedding in June 2012).
Able to participate in Christmas get-togethers with family and friends (even if cut short or a bit blurry from my migraine meds, I enjoyed myself).

I did more awareness actions this year, which I plan to continue. I've made it a point to participate in health activist writing challenges, spread the word about initiatives of some different groups (including AHDA, NHF, MRF), attend a NHF conference, and to participate in national awareness initiatives (including National Pain Awareness Month, Invisible Illness Week, Migraine Awareness Week).

So, farewell to 2011!

Holiday Wrap-Up

2011-12-29T22:30:00.000-06:00

I really love this book-tree!

Our Christmas "marathon" is officially over. And, it's now time to start the holiday recovery.

Last week, we were able to have some friends over for dinner one evening. It was nice to be able to sit and catch up with them, over a delicious (and easy to prepare) meal.

We divided Christmas Eve day into more bite-size pieces... see, I'm trying to work on pacing. The morning was spent with Jeremy and my sister preparing a dish for the family lunch. Then, we spent a few hours with my extended family. We left early because the gift opening part of the get together was just too much for me... there are a lot of kids, which translated into a lot of noise and chaos. We spent a few hours taking it easy at home, and then we went to church with both sets of parents. It had been a full day, so we went home and crashed.

Christmas Day brought a different story... I woke up feeling miserable. I took my migraine/pain medicine before we even left the apartment. We spent the first part of the day with my immediate family (including siblings and my brother's twin girls), and the latter part of the day was spent with Jeremy's parents. Despite feeling drugged, I enjoyed myself. We each received some great gifts. But, we really enjoyed watching everyone open the gifts we got them, and simply spending time with our families.

The day after Christmas was another day of celebration. We went and spent time with my grandparents (on my mom's side). We had a good time - visiting, eating, and exchanging gifts. Jeremy and I left early, so that we could spend some time with his entire family (including his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew). It's so much fun watching kids open gifts and play with new toys. I was starting to have more trouble with my head, and the extra noise (from an excited almost 4 year old) and harsh lights made things worse. Again, we ended up going home and crashing, after a long day.

The following day, one of my best friends came over for a visit. We had a great time catching up, and re-living past adventures that we've had. It was so great to see her... to visit and laugh with her.

Overall, it was a SUCCESSFUL holiday week. Jeremy was (as usual) my biggest cheerleader, which really helped me to feel better about how I was doing with all of the added activity. I think we both enjoyed ourselves, but we're glad it's behind us for a little while.

I have some holiday photos that I want to get uploaded, but I haven't gotten to it yet. I'll see what I can do about getting them together and posting some here...

Journey to Christmas: Knowing Our Christ

2011-12-28T23:45:00.000-06:00

This is Part V of "Journey to Christmas"

"A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord—
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.

He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Righteousness will be his belt
and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them." (Isaiah 11:1-6)

"And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:
“ Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them." (Luke 2:1-20)

Nothing was ready on the first Christmas - Mary and Joseph were a young, unprepared couple; the Christ-child was born in a dirty barn; the lowly shepards were there to witness the birth. Nothing was prepared or ready... and, we don't have to be completely "ready" before doing what God is calling us to do. He wants to dwell in the midst of the muck of our lives. So, even though we might feel like we must have everything in order and "just right" before we do God's calling, we don't. He'll take us from wherever we are, however we are.

On that first Christmas, nothing was ready and that night didn't change a single thing in the reality of the world that night... except for the people. The people were changed that night. And, we're meant to allow Christ to change us.

Lord, there is so much darkness in this world - pain, grief, broken relationships, and so forth. Please let the light of Christ shine on the darkness in me and the world.

Migraine Research Foundation: Matching Donations

2011-12-26T23:30:00.000-06:00

http://migraineresearchfoundation.org/

Thanks to the generosity of an anonymous donor, all new donations made (to the Migraine Research Foundation, MRF) this last week of the year, December 26-31st,will be matched dollar-for-dollar! That means your gift of any amount will double its value to MRF!

Your donation strengthens our mission to invest in critical new research -- the only way to prevent migraine, develop effective treatments, and cure it! With your help, we can continue our fight to end the debilitating pain of migraine and help the 1 in 4 American families affected by this disease.

Since all of our costs are underwritten, 100% of your donation goes to fund research and support sufferers!

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Journey to Christmas: The Sounding Joy

2011-12-24T12:00:00.000-06:00

This is Part IV of "Journey to Christmas"

The Sounding Joy (12/18/11)

Okay, so this day's sermon wasn't online... I think it was mostly (or all?) a music-filled service. So, I'd like to share a song that I love for the holidays. This song is simply AMAZING! I'll just let it speak for itself... I hope that everyone has a safe and merry Christmas!

http://youtu.be/OExXItDyWEY

Where's the Line to See Jesus by Becky Kelley

Christmas time was approaching; the snow was starting to fall,
Shoppers choosing their presents, people filling the mall,
Children waiting for Santa with excitement and glee,
A little boy tugged my sweater, looked up and asked me,

Where's the line to see Jesus?
Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday,
Why don't we see Him more?

As I stood in amazement at this message profound,
I looked down to thank him, he was nowhere around.
The little boy at the mall might as well have had wings
As the tears filled my eyes, I thought I heard him say,

Chorus:
Where's the line to see Jesus?
Is He here at the store?
If Christmas time is His birthday,
Why don't we see Him more?
Where's the line to see Jesus?
He was born for me.
Santa Claus brought me presents,
But Christ gave His life for me.

In the blink of an eye, at the sound of His trump,
We'll all stand in line at His throne.
Every knee shall bow down, every tongue will confess,
That Jesus Christ is Lord.

[Chorus]

Stay tuned for Part V (Knowing Our Christ) of "Journey to Christmas"

Journey to Christmas: Knowing Our Part

2011-12-23T22:30:00.000-06:00

This is Part III of "Journey to Christmas"

Knowing Our Part (12/11/11)

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. (Luke 1:26-38)

Mary was a young girl that had a set of expectations, hopes, and dreams (a path) for her life. But, with one brief moment / interchange with the angel, all of these things were gone and she was told that she would have God's baby (and the world would have expectations of this baby). Mary was "most perplexed" (i.e., freaked out) by the news that the angel brought her.

Her life was turned upside down / completely changed... she was now faced with the path that God lay before her, a life that she had not chosen. But, amidst all of the change and chaos, Mary said, "Here I am, a servant of the Lord. Let it be with me not according to my way, not to my desire, not to my plan, not to my list of right and wrong, but let it be according to God."

The Christ-child didn't just change Mary's life... he changed everyone's lives. That's the Christmas story... an encounter witht he Christ-child is supposed to change us - to change the way we think things should be, the way we want to organize things, the paths that we've set out for ourselves, and the journey that we've picked for out lives. When we encounter the love, grace, and forgiveness of the Christ-child, we're supposed to say, "Here I am, a servant of the Lord. Put me on whatever journey / path you want. Put me in whatever circumstance you want. I'm not going to try to do things my way, I'm going to do them your way, God.. not my way, but your way."

Christmas is supposed to change, and we're supposed to be different because of it. If we really find the truth in Christmas (the joy, hope, peace, and love), we can't keep going down the same path we've always been on... we can't keep living life the way we want to... we can't keep assuming that we have the right answers and that we know what's best... we have to change in the face of the light of Christ, and say with humility, hope, and joy: "I'm scared to death to not do things my way, God. I'm perplexed at how I can possibly live life on your journey instead of my own. But here I am, a servant of the Lord, send me."

Mary wasn't "qualified," per se. But, she had a willingness, an open heart to do things God's way, not hers. That's what God is looking for! He's not looking for us to be perfect. He's not trying to call those that have it all figured out. He's interested in those that are willing to say, "I'm scared to death. I'm perplexed. But here I am, a servant of the Lord... use me."

"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

All of the chaos and busyness of life tends to get in the way of us being as open and willing as Mary was. We get uncomfortable with all of the complexity and change around us that we become rigid. It's engrained in us that we're supposed to have all the right answers, but we forget that God is the only one that does. We become so commited to the path that we've set for ourselves that the idea of getting off that path and doing something different (even if it's an angel telling us to do so) seems crazy to us. Even when God brings opportunities to us, we're often too busy on our own paths that we don't even see God's path / opportunity right in front of us. We mustn't let the opportunities to be the light and the hope of Christ slip right by us because we're so caught up in thinking we have so much to do and that we have all the right answers.

I pray that we might have the eyes and the ears of a child. That we might finally come to understand that there's more... more to this life... more to Christmas than just a day. It's about seizing the opportunities in front of us and saying (like Mary), "Lord, here I am, your servant, use me."

Stay tuned for Part IV (The Sounding Joy) of "Journey to Christmas"

Journey to Christmas: Knowing Our Preparation

2011-12-23T14:30:00.000-06:00

This is Part II of "Journey to Christmas"

Knowing Our Preparation (12/4/11)

God wants so much more for us than all of the hype, to-do lists, planning, and other chaos of the holiday season. Christmas is not just a birthday party or memorial for Jesus - it's so much more.

God didn't send His son, so that on December 26 we can just go on living the way we have been (or living how we lived back in November) - He doesn't want us to go back to "business as usual." Christmas is supposed to be about a change... about something happening in our lives and in our hearts, so that we wake up on December 26 different than we were on December 24. We should be able to make a list for the things that will change because we remember Christ has been born unto us... and we must hold ourselves accountable to that list.

God wants Christmas to change our lives and our hearts. But, it takes intentional preparation to get what God wants for us. First, we must recognize / realize that we need a change... that we need something different (see Part I). Then, we must do some things intentionally so that we can prepare ourselves and the world for what Christ wants to do.

OURSELVES

In Mark 1:1-8, there's a description of how we can prepare so that Christmas can really make a difference and transform our lives... and perhaps even the world around us with Jesus Christ as change-agent. In Mark, the people came out of the woodwork and into the wilderness to repent of their sins, to admit that they'd fallen short, and to so aloud and publicly, "I can't live this life successfully on my own... I need help," and then to be claimed, forgiven, and loved by a God who said, "I'll always be there for you."

John the Baptist Prepares the Way
The beginning of the good news about Jesus the Messiah, the Son of God, as it is written in Isaiah the prophet: “I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way”— “a voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.’” And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River. John wore clothing made of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. And this was his message: “After me comes the one more powerful than I, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” (Mark 1:1-8)

We must repent...

of all those times we believed we were good enough on our own
of all those times we think we have all the answers
of all those times we think we're better than somebody else or that we've got the right way of doing something and sombody else doesn't

We must repent and admit that we can't do it by ourselves... we need God. Because, how can God even begin to give us a gift of something wonderful, something changing, something dynamic... if we don't think we need anything?

When times are good and we feel like we have all the answers and like we have it all figured out, Christmas may just go by unnoticed because we don't think we need the gift of Christ. But, when we realize how inadequate we really are, how we don't really have any of the answers, and how much we really can't do... the gift of Christ means so much and makes such a difference.

Individually, we must prepare ourselves by making room for the needs that we have. We have to admit that we need a gift, so that when the gift comes, it means something to us and it does something for us. In preparation, we must ask ourselves...

Are we admitting to it (i.e., our sins, need for God's help)?
Are we asking for forgiveness?
Are we talking about our shortcomings?

THE WORLD

But, Christmas isn't really about us (as individuals) - Christ came to change the world. We are responsible for preparing the world for the coming of the Christ child... preparing them to receive the good news of Jesus Christ... by helping others to be ready to understand and to know that Christ can make a difference for them, too.

"A voice of one calling: 'In the wilderness prepare the way for the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God [make straight the paths of our God]. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.'" (Isaiah 40:3-5)

Our world is full of valleys / pits / ditches - where people live so deep down that they can't see the light, no matter how bright it is. We are to reach out to those that suffer from depression, physical pain, loneliness, oppression, discrimination, etc... It's our job to raise these people up... to look for those people that the world has pushed down (those that have been told they're not good enough / they're wrong / they don't fit in)... and to pull them up and make the ground more level, so that they might see the light of Christ.

Our world is also full of mountains, where some people live so high up on mountains (thinking they've got it all figured out...) that they won't see the light either.

The glory of the Lord will be revealed for ALL to see.

Christmas is about getting the world ready to see the glory of Christ's love. We're supposed to prepare the way by making a highway (straight, narrow, directly to Christ), to knock down any barrier / burden / or ditch between every single person, and to develop an understanding of how unconditionally loved and accepted they are by God.

Ultimately, when we allow Christmas to be about the world around us (rather than about ourselves), it becomes about letting others journey to Christ along side us.

THE SEASON OF ADVENT

The season of Advent has come to be celebrated as a time of expectation and anticipation. There is a hope that comes with the season, as we anticipate a King who will come and rule with peace, justice, and righteousness. But, part of the expectation that comes with the anticipation is a judgment on sin. The world will be called to accountability before God. However, we must remember that we are contributors to the sin of this world, and we will be held to the same judgment and accountability as "the rest of the world." As the prophet Amos warned, "Woe unto you that desire the day of the Lord! to what end is it for you? the day of the Lord is darkness, and not light. As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him. Shall not the day of the Lord be darkness, and not light? even very dark, and no brightness in it?" (Amos 5:18-20).

Still, the season of Advent is celebrated as a time of expectation and anticipation, a longing for God to restore all things and vindicate the righteous. Thus, during Advent, we also anticipate the Second Coming of Christ. Thus, we begin the journey (as the disciples did) with the anticipation and joy of Advent, which slowly fades into the realization (and subsequent repentance) of the sins that we have made... leading to the awful reality of Good Friday. And, it is through this realization that we can be ready to receive the Good News on Resurrection Sunday.

The Parable of the Ten Virgins expresses the spirit of Advent well (Matthew 25:1-13). The ten virgins await the coming of the bridegroom, with joy and anticipation. And, yet, the parable provides a warning of the need for preparation.

Stay tuned for Part III (Knowing Our Part) of "Journey to Christmas"

Journey to Christmas: Knowing Our Need

2011-12-22T15:30:00.000-06:00

Keller UMC

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it to church at all this Advent season. I'm grateful that my church posts the full-length sermons online, so I've been trying to listen to and reflect on them (I'm a little behind, but that's just how it goes sometimes). So, I thought I'd share some of what was included in the sermons, as well as my own thoughts and reflections on them.

Advent is a season of preparation. It is a time of celebration, preparation, and anticipation. Christ has come, He is present in the world today, and He will come again.

Knowing Our Need (11/27/11)

We must consider what it might look like to really think of ourselves as clay, in the hands of the Master Potter. He is an artist, seeing something fantastic in the lump of clay that we are. But, it's a process / journey to be molded from a lump of clay into a beautiful finished piece... a masterpiece.

Each year, the birth of Christ is to be experienced as a real (rather than just a memorial) event - the birth of Christ can mean new life in Christ, if we allow it to. Christmas-time is a time to remember that God is still at work in our lives - He is not done with us. Each year, He forms / molds / shapes us in new ways, slowly transforming our lumpy clay-ness into a beautiful masterpiece.

But, even a Master Potter needs good clay. We must be ready... ready to allow Him to shape us. Sometimes, we find ourselves too hard, dry, rigid... believing that we're okay the way we are and don't need work - OR - too soft and wet... believing that we're too busy and/or think that we're not good for much of anything (not worthy). Thankfully, God is willing to work with anything. Even if we are too hard or soft, we can never get to a point where God is unwilling to work on us. But, we should try to make ourselves ready for Him to shape us.

We have a need to be molded / shaped, but we must realize / recognize that we both deserve and need God to shape us... to change us. We must know that there's a need to change, and then really believe and expect that something really will change. When you assume and expect nothing to change, not much changes.

Especially around the holidays, our lives can get so busy, distracted, and chaotic that we forget where we were going; but God doesn't want us to "just get through it," He wants so much more... but we have to be ready.

"Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you! As when fire sets twigs ablaze and causes water to boil, come down to make your name known to your enemies and cause the nations to quake before you! For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. You come to the help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways. But when we continued to sin against them, you were angry. How then can we be saved? All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. No one calls on your name or strives to lay hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us and have given us over to our sins. Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people." (Isaiah 64:1-9)

Stay tuned for Part II (Knowing Our Preparation) of "Journey to Christmas"

My First Cyborg-iversary

2011-12-22T10:00:00.000-06:00

One year ago, today, I had a neurostimulator permanently implanted. My family and I had such high hopes that the stimulator would be the answer to our prayers - to help me better control my chronic migraines... leading to a more 'normal' life. Unfortunately, the stimulator hasn't helped as much as we'd all hoped for and expected (including my doctor).

I don't regret having it implanted, but I wish it provided more relief than it has. When I had my stimulator trial (a few months before the permanent implant), I was able to do a lot of things that I couldn't do before (including eating / drinking trigger foods / drinks, spending time outside in the sunlight without wearing sunglasses, etc...). I haven't really been able to do much of those things, since then. We're not sure why it seems less effective, now that I have the permanent one - it even baffles my doctor.

I think the stimulator has made my 'good' days better, even if it may or may not have decreased the intensity / duration / frequency of my migraines. Just the simple fact that it's made my 'good' days better makes it worth keeping. So, I'm definitely not ready to give up on the stimulator. My doctor and I will keep adjusting things and trying to get it to work as well as possible for me.

My experience with the stimulator has also given me some great opportunities to come into contact with some great individuals - sharing with them a possible way to help treat their chronic migraines. It's been great to be able to share my experience with others, and to make some great friends along the way.

Thankful for Friendship

2011-12-15T19:30:00.000-06:00

Willow Tree "Forget-Me-Not"
Holding thoughts of you closely -
she represents timeless friendship
and love that spans any distance.

Yesterday, I received a gift from a dear friend that I met through the online chronic Migraine community. She's one of the sweetest, strongest, and most loving people I've ever known. Since the first time I came across her blog (almost a year ago), I've felt a strange bond with her... though our journeys are different, we understand each other in a special way. And, it's been my pleasure to get to know her more, and to communicate with one another through emails, texts, etc... perhaps, one day, our paths will cross and we'll have a chance to meet. I cherish this beautiful friendship, and I'm thankful for the heartfelt gift

It has reminded me that I still have friends out there that care... these friendships may not look like previous friendships I've had (especially since I haven't met most of these wonderful ladies), but I feel much closer to many of them than I do to some people I've known for years (and in person). There's nothing better than knowing that there's someone else out there that cares for you... someone that keeps you in their thoughts, their prayers, their heart. I'm so blessed!

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

The Gift of Uncertainty

2011-12-15T01:30:00.000-06:00

The Gift of Uncertainty

I've written about the difficulty of not knowing, but I'm trying to view uncertainty as more of a gift than a curse. As I was searching for an image for my previous blog post, I came across a website that included a great article, "The Gift of Uncertainty," by Preston Parrish.

One of the many things it addressed is why God doesn't reveal His master plan to us... why He only reveals life one step at a time. Simply put, "we can trust God and His plans for our lives; He just can't always trust us!" We are very impatient beings. If we knew the grand plan upfront, what would keep us from doing things prematurely? On the other hand, we are lazy beings... we may drag our heals and procrastinate on taking the next step in God's plan because it might be uncomfortable. But, there are other reasons that God doesn't reveal the whole plan to us upfront.

God wants to spend time with us. He's our loving Father, and He wants to be intimately involved in our lives... He wants us to get to know Him, as He knows us. If He were to lay out the whole plan upfront, we would have no need to return to Him for guidance... no need to build a relationship with Him. By laying things out step-by-step, He offers us the opportunity to have an intimate relationship with Him. He wants to walk through life with us, not just hand us a map and step out of our lives.

I'm still trying to really let go of the fact that God is never going to give me the whole plan at once... or even a chunk of the plan. It's difficult to do. But, I believe that letting go of that can open me up to truly embrace my interactions with Him, the security of having such a loving God, and the mystery of His presence in my life. Releasing the desire to have the whole plan will allow me to focus on spending time with my loving Father... to build a closer relationship with Him... to "be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

There's a great part of the article, where the author writes about taking up a hobby (that he was horrible at), just so he could spend time with his Dad. He writes, "The whole point was to be with him; that was it! There was no other agenda... And sometimes, I think that might be the whole point of the water hazards and the sand traps that we have to go through. Sometimes I think that that might be the point of all the things that we have to lose in life along the way. Sometimes I think that the whole point is just to spend time with our Dad!" I love that! He wants us to spend precious time with Him. But, He's not going to just leave us without any direction...

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit work together to guide our steps, direct our paths, and help us avoid the obstacles of life... to bring us safely home. Ultimately, it's really all about living our best life here on earth and getting to Heaven to be with our Father. God may not have given us the whole plan, but he did give us a map and a destination... "Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). So, we are called to seek and follow God's instruction, and then continue to do the last thing He told us to do, until we receive His next instruction. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Image by vintageteaparty

All of this speaks to me, reminding me that I've been struggling so hard against the uncertainty, while I should be allowing God to grow patience (among many other lessons) during this season of my life. I must remember, above all, that I can trust Him... He is in control!

"Uncertainty is a quality to be cherished, therefore – if not for it, who would dare to undertake anything?" - Auguste de Villiers de L'Isle-Adam

"The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers." - Erich Fromm

"Embrace relational uncertainty. It's called romance. Embrace spiritual uncertainty. It's called mystery. Embrace occupational uncertainty. It's called destiny. Embrace emotional uncertainty. It's called joy. Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It's called revelation." - Mark Batterson, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day: How to Survive and Thrive When Opportunity Roars

Not Knowing

2011-12-12T14:30:00.000-06:00

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of living with chronic pain is simply not knowing. Not knowing when my headache will get worse. Not knowing whether my medications will help this time. Not knowing if I'll be able to attend an event. Not knowing how the pain will affect my life from day to day.

Unfortunately, I don't think that dealing with the uncertainty is going to improve or even get easier with time. Even in "good" times, when my migraines aren't completely out of control, it can be difficult to enjoy myself because there's always that little voice in my mind wondering when things will be bad again... when the next migraine will knock me down.

Right now, I'm trying to face this uncertainty in my life. I've been pacing myself, in order to make it through and actually enjoy the holidays. Besides the weekly migraine due to weather changes, I felt like I was actually doing alright (now that I think about it, though, I'd deal with a couple days of migraine pain, and then have to deal with the migraine "hangover"... just in time to start the prodrome of the next big one). Anyway, I was doing relatively well, but then I had a huge crash late in the day on Thanksgiving.

When this migraine hit, it hit HARD... perhaps some of the worst pain I can remember. But, the pain just kept going... and going... and going. I called my doctor, and he had me take a course of a corticosteroid, but I don't think it really did a whole lot. I took my normal migraine med (a narcotic painkiller) late last week (around day 10 of the migraine), and I was able to get out of the house a very little bit (you know, groceries and visit a little with family). These outings exhausted me, but I was going crazy being stuck inside the apartment.

The pain has eased up some, so it's not constant unbearable pain... but, I've been on a roller coaster ride (just at or below migraine-level... to well-above migraine-level) this past week. The pain would start to get a little better, giving me this (false) sense of hope that the migraine was finally breaking. But, even later that same day, the migraine pain returns full-force, and I wonder if / how long it's going to stay around this time. It's scary.

Each night, I say my prayers and (finally) get to sleep... hoping that the pain will be at a bearable level the following day. And, at least lately, I find myself disappointed, when I wake up to bad pain. It's frustrating and discouraging.

A bit of a tangent... The mind is so fascinating to me. Somehow, it "forgets" some of the most painful things we've encountered in our past. Our memories of bad times sometimes seem muddled, perhaps in an attempt by the mind to protect itself... by graying over the memories of how bad the pain was, how long it lasted, how much it affected us. And, yet, there's enough memory for our minds to worry about when the pain will return, when the pain will dissipate, how it will affect us.

Thanksgiving was over 2 weeks ago, and Christmas is in 2 weeks. I want so badly to be able to enjoy the holidays and spend time with my family. I'm trying to take things easy now, so that hopefully I can better manage my migraine pain through the holidays.

"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security." - John Allen Paulos

"Uncertainty is the refufe of hope." - Henri Frederic Amiel

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Holiday Wishes

2011-12-09T22:00:00.000-06:00

What are you wishing for this holiday season? I've found that living with chronic illness can change what's on your list of holiday wishes. Most of the things I'm wishing for are things that simply cannot be bought (I have some other stuff on my wish list, but I'm going to focus more on the things that cannot be purchased):

DIRECTION. I wish to have more direction in my life. I feel lost in a vicious cycle of pain. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know what God is calling me to do in the midst of these trials.

HEALTH. I wish to have my health better under control. Ultimately, I'd want my health back... no chronic migraines, no back and neck pain, no stomach problems... But, realistically, I'd just like to find ways to better manage these health issues.

COURAGE. I wish to have the strength and courage to keep going, even when things are bad... such as, when my pain levels are very high and it seems like the pain will never end. I want to have the courage to continually face my trials.

I've been BLESSED with so much already. I have a beyond-wonderful husband and family. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on my back. I have a merciful God that loves me unconditionally. What more could I really ask for?!

This post was written for the December 12, 2011 edition of the ChronicBabe Blog Carnival.