Seven Day Conceptual Relationship

Happy Anniversary

2011-04-01T09:37:00.000-04:00

Two years ago today Zach and I began our ten day capsule relationship and then so much more.

We met recently and caught up on the past 18 months of not speaking.

For half of a second, I thought that today would be great to have the 'chance run-in' he had written into the original script, but I think we both know that we can't go back.

Who holds the real 'truth'?

2010-04-29T10:26:00.000-04:00

In every kind of relationship, there are always multiple versions of truth. One person remembers an incident in their one way while another will have their memory changed by something as simple as an emotional trigger. I have been reading Zach's responses to me and thinking about my own responses to past events and realize that these are the reason that he and I cannot reconcile, post-project. His idea of truth is not mine. His idea of the bond of trust is not mine. We do not share the common memory of these most basic ideas, therefore leaving us on opposite sides of the fence.

The other major conclusion I came to is about my investment in art. In making this project an art piece I placed very high expectations and investment into it because I AM an artist and this is how I work as an artist. I don't idly pass my time with an art piece as a hobby. The art, any art, becomes part of my identity. This is not the case for Zach. He never had the same investment and now I can understand why, when he left the project, it was so easy for him and so hard for me to grasp. I placed an unfair expectation on him that he would have the same artistic investment and caring for the project as me, just because that is how I work. It is not Zach's fault that he is not an artist and doesn't understand how much is at stake when invested in a project. It IS however, his fault that he handled his departure poorly.

Maybe forgiveness is one of those things people hold in different esteem as well. At this point, my arm is tired from holding out provisional olive branches. May he have a happy life with all things related to this project erased. For me, it is something I did that I will never regret, will always hold dear, but will also somewhere remain as an emotional black spot.

Thank you all.

Male vs. Female

2010-03-23T22:40:00.000-04:00

The battle of the sexes never ends. I have been paying careful attention in the last (almost) year to who has a visceral or emotional response to this project and I'm finding that the majority of the 'fans' are women. I'm wondering if this is because women feel social scripting or the pressure of socialization more acutely? Maybe it's because women can relate to the story told primarily from a female voice? I'd like to hear your responses to this question.

The recent slew of comments on burn magazine, ranging from attacking to supportive, supported this theory as well. The women who commented tended to be sympathetic to the project while many of the men (not all of course) couldn't get past technical talk. I am not trying to put people into their gender pockets here, but the observations can't be denied.

It should be noted that Zach refused to participate in support of the project on burn magazine and again refuse his responsibility to the project. In a statement, he wrote "you probably wouldn't like what I have to say anyways". He also doesn't want to meet on the one-year anniversary of the beginning of our project. It does not matter whether I feel positively or negatively about him, I am still proud of the work I invested and feel sorry for him for what he missed.

My final words on the subject are words of advice: don't mix business with pleasure, or in this case, reality with the fictional.

BURN Magazine

2010-03-14T12:08:00.001-04:00

The photo essay is posted on BURN Magazine's website NOW! Please check it out.

http://www.burnmagazine.org/

The challenge has been laid out

2010-03-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

If you re-read Zach's initial craigslist posting, it has a day for the couple to run into each other some time after the relationship ends. We began the project April 1st, 2009. I am proposing to him (and in public here) that he and I "run into" each other just as we are now for a real ending to the project. The ending as it exists now is falsified because we were still hanging out afterwards. In the present, Zach and I actually do not talk and I believe a 'chance' meeting would be more authentic and final. Let's see if he goes for it.

This idea comes from remembering anniversary dates, but more importantly from reading about Marina Abromovic's current performance piece at MOMA. After a goodbye ritual from her long time collaborator, Ulay, in 1988, they met again at her staring table at MOMA. They stared at each other, touched hands and a tear was streaming down her face. The idea of relationships being something that are organic, constantly changing, and only finalized by death is interesting to me.

Film+Love+Conceptual

2009-12-19T19:12:00.001-05:00

I just watched Paper Heart with Charlyne Yi and Michael Cera. It's a documentary about her quest for love and focusing on their real-life relationship. Two major things came to mind while watching it.

One was the intense discomfort Michael Cera felt having his relationship under the scrutiny of the camera. I understood that emotion directly.

Secondly I was struck by the fact that Charlyne felt that she was supposed to feel love for Michael and she didn't which caused an enormous amount of guilt. It's like she felt a draw towards social scripting with a sense that love was something she was supposed to be feeling and she couldn't find her place in the script. She was talking to so many people in the film who did follow the love script and it seems to me as if it further implanted the idea that love was something she was supposed to be experiencing. I am struck by how she felt that she failed by not finding love when she felt it was supposed to happen.

I don't see their relationship as being conceptual but I do see it as being scripted, so I wonder if there is any difference between the two? These two are most definitely less accessible than Susan and Arin, but perhaps I'll reach out to one or both of them as well.

See the film and let me know what you think.

Thank you, again

2009-12-08T09:33:00.000-05:00

Thank you to Carolyn at Arcadia for having me as a guest in her class.

Thank you for Shelly at UArts for the same.

Thank you to Arin and Susan for being an amazing source of inspiration and conversation.

Over and out.

Dreams

2009-11-25T15:00:00.001-05:00

I often have dreams about people I am no longer in touch with because it is literally the only way I can communicate with them. In the case of Zach, I had one that was very close to reality. We were flying somewhere to talk about the project. He moved his seat from next to me to another seat across the aisle. It was at that moment I knew something was wrong and started peppering him with questions. It came out that there was a woman named Alice or Allison and he was moving to be with her and didn't want to work on the project anymore. It was at that point I fired him from the project (again). This scenario in my dream only echoes what happened in real life three months ago.

I think this appeared in my dream because I am about to speak in public about the project again next week. I haven't spoken in public about the project since Zach and I had our falling out and ceased communication. I am grappling with how exactly to talk about the project since the context of it has changed so much since my last talk in July where he was just away and I was just missing him.

I'd like to thank Arin Cromley of Four Eyed Monsters for an insightful comment he made to me in regards to conceptual relationships.

"Conceptual relationships are fun. Real relationships are good too. In a way there is no such thing as a relationship that isn't real, because what ever one might do for a conceptual relationship, they really are doing it, and then there really is a real relationship there."

really, go see this film

2009-11-10T06:31:00.001-05:00

Please watch the video podcasts if you had any interest in the project that Zach and I did. Arin and Susan had a different kind of conceptual relationship which lasted far longer and was more thoroughly documented, but I see many parallels between the creation of a creative project within the confines of a relationship and the blurred lines between the two. I also see a connection between the strife and emotional hardship it creates. Please check it out! These two are my heroes of the week!

A film falling under the category of a 'conceptual relationship'

2009-11-08T20:22:00.000-05:00

Four Eyed Monsters, 2005

I am surprised I had never heard of or seen this film before. I am really enjoying the dedication to the concept of the non-verbal relationship the two people made.

CAPSULE relationship talk at Arcadia University

2009-10-04T21:34:00.000-04:00

Department of Sociology, Anthropology and Criminal Justice

Arcardia University, Philadelphia, PA

Monday, December 7, 2009

7:00 PM

This event will feature Ellie Brown discussing the capsule relationship and the long and short term effects it had.

Numero 9: Plateform Magazine in French

2009-09-09T08:50:00.001-04:00

Numero 9

Shared via AddThis

Post 101

2009-09-05T23:22:00.000-04:00

It's funny that the 101st post is actually the start of a new era for the project. The 100s will be about the epilogue. They will address Zach's abandonment of the project and our relationship. The epilogue is about what happens when all relationships end and the bitterness, blame, regret and pain they almost always seem to encompass.

I am in full possession of the project and the route it takes now. There was so much time and work spent on the project, I refuse to abandon it. I want it to fly. At the same time, it's a constant reminder of something sweet that was left out to rot. Does anyone really want to go around promoting a book about yourself and an ex? Probably not. This is my current dilemma, but I think that the solution will be to talk about everything from now on. That is, from me answering the craigslist advertisement to the final phone call. It's now all sealed as part of the conceptual story turned real.

Two things are ringing in my head right now. One was Zach speaking in the audio from day nine about how someday we really will be seeing each other for the last time and how when that day arrived, I didn't know IT was the day. The very last thing I did on that day was hand him a copy of the book.

The other thing was how he was always unsettled about how we never had a real ending or real fighting in the conceptual relationship and now we switched to the real life goodbye which ironically has more fighting than either of us would ever have wished for and a real final goodbye. I guess the moral of the story is to watch what you wish for.

This ending is not surprising, but still heartbreakingly sad.

I wish Zach luck finding what it is he is looking for. I am looking forward to the new life of the project without him.

Video Pt. 3

2009-08-29T19:48:00.000-04:00

Thank you First Person Arts for posting this video!

Video Pt. 2

2009-08-29T19:42:00.000-04:00

From the First Person Arts Salon, July 8th 2009

The video is in three parts. Watch part 2 here.

Still Waiting

2009-08-24T14:00:00.001-04:00

That is, I am still waiting for the publications to come out in Burn magazine and Plateform magazine. First Person Arts Salon also has to post pt. 2 of the video on you tube. Patience is a virtue I hear.

For any future inquiries, I have taken over the project and will be the sole contact and exhibitor.

Everyone, give Zach a warm goodbye!

Maybe this relates in a distant sort of way

2009-08-09T10:04:00.001-04:00

Fatebook during the pafringe festival.

Where the virtual world spills out into the real.

As the Kinks sang.....

2009-07-22T16:22:00.001-04:00

So tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for yoooouuuuu.

Anaisa Nin from Seduction of the Minotaur (on scripting)

2009-07-19T17:33:00.001-04:00

"We may seem to forget a person, a place, a state of being, a past life, but meanwhile what we are doing is selecting a new cast for the reproduction of the same drama, seeking the closest reproduction of the same drama, seeking, the closest reproduction of the same drama, seeking the closest reproduction to the friend, the lover, or the husband we are striving to forget. And one day we open our eyes, and there we are caught in the same pattern repeating the same story."

Video Pt. 1

2009-07-16T22:02:00.001-04:00

It's not as horrifying as I thought it would be. Stay tuned for part 2.

Video

2009-07-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

I am expecting video from my First Person Arts Salon presentation to be posted tomorrow. I cringe to watch myself speak, but you may enjoy it (especially if you could not be there).

One month

2009-07-13T22:23:00.000-04:00

Zach left one month ago and I have not heard a peep from him. Granted, he is in the woods, I find it hard to imagine that there is no access to mail, landline or a trip into town to call or email.

This I suppose reinforces his original intent to END the capsule relationship when it was supposed to end. Perhaps this is his way of finding closure to the project.

Maybe one of these days he'll get in touch and comment back about this.

In the meantime, his presence is still sorely missed.

I am carrying on crafting new opportunities for the project which I suppose has a life of its own now and does not need him to help carry it.

A different kind of Capsule experience

2009-07-12T20:19:00.001-04:00

A man who lived on a plane for a month.

I think I am going to keep collecting examples of other types of capsule experiences here.

This website sort of amuses me

2009-07-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

It's taking my own private viewpoints on not having children to a whole new level. Excessive?

Thank you First Person Arts Salon

2009-07-09T09:01:00.000-04:00

Last night was my talk about the the project; the first public talk. I was nervous about how I was going to encompass such a huge project in 20 minutes, but it seemed to go well and also was well received. I thank all of you who were there and asked interesting questions.

I realized a few things. One is that the project is really strongly represented live because of it's anecdotal nature. The second is that Zach should have been there, period. Thirdly, I realized how very vulnerable I am talking about something so personal in public.

Here were some comments that were good, bad, funny, thought provoking:

-Have you talked to actors about how they keep themselves separated?

-How do you separate the art from life and documentary?

-You've been through a lot: do you need help?

-Would you consider making this into something like Tony and Tina's wedding? (NO WAY)

-Where did the baby go?

-Is Zach coming back and are you two going to continue the alternate ending?

-Do you often do projects of a performative nature like this?

......there were more great responses and a lot of people who seemed to be touched by the project. I know I am.