old blog

For Something Different

2015-07-22T23:04:00.002-07:00

I've decided to start a whole new blog. Change is nice.

You can find my current work at www.playthinker.blogspot.com

art project 60

2015-07-18T21:25:00.001-07:00

The Man Who Did Something

2015-07-16T10:16:00.001-07:00

Seth was on the sun deck when he heard the clanking and decided to go around to the front of the house to investigate.

It was a small brown-skinned girl who looked about the age of three, running through the front field, shirtless with unkempt hair. The clanking came from the bell that was attached to the dog collar around her neck.

Seth suspected she came from Inland Forest where people had built large huts and set up tents and made traps to catch the animals. Why a forest person would wear a collar, he could only speculate.

He rushed toward the girl and when he got close enough, she bit him in the thigh. He could've gotten angry. Instead he took a deep breath of the clearest air in the country and, as he did so, his heart swelled huge.

The girl began to sob, for both her legs were bleeding. Unbeknownst to Seth, she had tried to glean aid and comfort from her oldest brother in the forest, but he had only yelled at her to shut up and kicked her in the stomach. Seth crouched down to speak with her in soft tones and whispers, and when he knew enough trust had been established, he gently removed the collar that had been chafing her. He took her inside to draw a bath, and when the blood was washed off, he wrapped her in a towel still warm from the dryer.

She wouldn't speak much, so he gave her paper and markers. Soon his fridge was full of her handiwork and it gave him all the more joy. "Carry on, my little angel, as fast or as slow as you'd like."

art project 59b

2015-07-08T23:38:00.002-07:00

A Week at Watch Lake, BC

2015-07-06T23:57:00.000-07:00

The children and I arrived at supper time. The thunder rolled when we got out of my car and there was the faint smell of campfire—smoke that probably drifted from across the lake somewhere.

I offered to set the table and we had hamburgers, but not the kind you're thinking about. We used mashed potatoes instead of buns. I accidentally laid an extra place setting and didn't notice until we all sat down, so I said it was for Mr. Nobody.

The next day we drove along a bumpy road, got waylaid by a herd of cattle, and ended up at a beautiful ranch for Canada Day celebrations. There were lots of people. Trevor got the runs, though, and we had to leave early. "This is the worst day of my life!" he said. It's like that for kids, you know, if they've never experienced diarrhea before.

On Thursday, my Dad drove me to the emergency room at the hospital because I had an eye infection that wasn't improving. During the ride, he spewed out negativity. You'd think I'd be prepared for it by now, but I wasn't. When I'm not prepared, I listen quietly and assume the person needs to vent. And when I am prepared, I like to either change the subject or use some of the empathy techniques I learned at Trinity Western University, depending on what the negativity is about.

You may have guessed by now that my parents live on the waterfront. A mama Goldeneye and her six babies came by a few times. I liked watching the babies dive into the water and pop up again. My children would stand on the dock with their nets to catch minnows and when seven ducks paddled over they got bread from the kitchen and tossed in little chunks, chanting, "Eat! Eat! Eat!"

That's something about Watch Lake: all the birds. At one point, an osprey flew above, later a gull, and on the water there was a greeb as well as a loon.

On Friday we went to another ranch. A lady named Ann, who looks like she's in her early sixties, works it all by herself. She's got chickens, sheep, goats, two friendly dogs, and two highland ponies. The marsh is full of black tadpoles right now. They're fat and most of them have only two legs.

Ann let us feed the baby goats and lamb with bottles and I think that was my favorite part. Later we sat inside her house and drank tea. "For the longest time, I had only three hummingbirds coming around, but now there are five." She talked about Africa with my Dad, who can be quite charming, and she connected with my Mom on the topic of Tao Chi. I didn't say anything at all. I'm not sure why. As for the children, they were antsy.

I can't remember which day we took the boat out, but it was a good time.

On our final night, I was tucking Trevor into bed and he said, "I'm lucky I get to sleep with you." Then he looked at the quilt with the pattern of zigzag snakes, and commented on one of the diamonds (a space between the zigzags). "If you turn it, it looks like a square, but squares are actually diamonds."

And, finally, to end a lovely stay, I met a soft-eyed doe during my walk. She let me get real close; I could almost reach out and touch her.

Expectations and Challenges

2015-06-29T22:45:00.001-07:00

When I rely on other people to give me a sense of worth, sooner or later I'm going to get sorely disappointed.

I need reminding.

Usually it's best to have low expectations of people. After all, they are humans which means they're beautiful but they're going to do stupid things. They're going to break their promises, show off, focus on themselves too much, speak insults, etc. I think it's easier for me to remain unruffled if I have it in my mind ahead of time that they're not going to behave the way I would like. This helps me, at least occasionally, to focus on what I can do for them rather than what they can do for me. I like living that way.

A side note: I found this was much easier to do before I had babies. Now that they're older and I've got my shit together, I think I'm returning to it. And now I have a better idea of how to take care of myself, so I feel relieved about that.

I'm still learning how to challenge people to be the best version of themselves while having low expectations of them at the same time. On the surface it seems like those two maxims can't go together, but I think there's a Way.

Untitled

2015-06-27T13:19:00.001-07:00

pieces of neptune
slip through our fingers
and land in these insatiable places
where words do not meet
and voices lose their sound

i've been somewhere like this before
and our story is not over

composition 32

2015-06-21T02:04:00.001-07:00

It's been a while, I know

'cause I lost my place

I wanna see your face

I like my solitude

but I want to come unglued

Is there something up your sleeve?

What doubts arrive in the morning?

Is that you standing behind me?

I don't know why you're in my mind

I don't know why

You've been building there

You gonna let me see?

Walk me to your door

Amuse me a little more

Is that you standing behind me?

Tiny is Big

2015-06-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

Imagination Glows Brightly, Then There's Reality

2015-06-11T13:18:00.003-07:00

Kiss Me

2015-06-05T22:46:00.001-07:00

I straddle this homeward horse,

one leg dangling into a memory

the other into this present day

I come for your magic kisses

but they're not real, I say,

your lips are of legends

and I am a lump of clay

Kiss me anyway

Maybe

2015-06-03T23:22:00.001-07:00

Sapphire felt a round, spongy object in the grass. It was last week's hamburger. "You guys, I don't think this is the secret but maybe we can use it for something."

"That depends," said Sara. "How many pickles are on it?"

Sapphire was afraid to check.

Leigh noticed her hesitancy. "I'll do it. You'd think there'd only be one." The bun fell off as Sapphire handed it over.

"If there's more than two pickles on it, maybe I'll put it into Mom's soup," said Sara.

Leigh glanced at Sapphire. "Maybe means yes."

Sapphire said, "It does? Is this all in my head? Please help me. When is this soup thing going to happen?"

"Whenever the time arrives," said Leigh.

Sara leaned over to get a view of the hamburger. "Three! Perfect."

The Search

2015-05-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

The blue diamonds sparkled despite the sun not reaching them beneath the back patio steps.

"I—I think we can't go in there and get them," said Leigh.

"No?" said Sara.

"They look ready to go, but it would stir things up. It's too stressful for her and so many complications."

Meanwhile Sapphire was standing behind them. All she could do was let out some choking noises.

The two girls turned around and that's when it dawned on Leigh. "Urgh. You lied to me."

Sapphire gathered her words. "I'm sorry. It's true and also not true. I don't know how to explain."

"That's okay," said Sara. "It's like I often tried to tell you before. You don't need to apologize. We expect this sort of thing."

Sapphire dropped onto her hands and knees and began feeling around in the grass as if she were blind. "Leigh," she said, crying. "I can't find it."

"What are you looking for?"

"The secret."

Leigh knelt down beside her. "Don't give up."

Salmon Square

2015-05-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

with no written record
it's hard to remember oneself
or make sense of a man's process
except to know red,

natural tones having faded
into the distance

all that subjection and requirement
made a world glass-like
with blurry backgrounds
and on the rare occasion
a close-up arrest
almost like it's happening now

try
try
trying

art project 59a

2015-05-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

Inside My Teenage Mind

2015-05-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

You have your driver's license this year. It means I see less of you when I'd rather be with you as often as possible. I don't want you to know this. Loving you in the depths that I do, the risk doesn't seem worth it right now. Teenage romantic relationships don't usually endure and if I get into something with you then I want it to last. Besides, I don't know if the feeling is mutual. Probably not.

The ache.

Eventually you get your first apartment. I admit it to myself I want to come over every day, but I know it's unlikely to happen. You're busy living. Socializing, partying. Things to do, places to see, plenty of other girls to hang out with.

How can I try to see you more without you discovering I have this terrible wonderful crush on you? I know! I have a crush on your roommate. Sure, that's it. A good excuse.

This is ridiculous.

You're interested in my creativity and, for me, this means you're also interested in my heart and how I see the world. The more you compliment me on my sweetness, the more generous and kind I want to become, and it is this lovely upward cycle.

But I am a closed flower, unsure of how and when to open without getting burnt by the sun. I sense you're trying to help me with this, but neither of us has gotten the secret. Or should I say the secret has not yet gotten us? Sometimes it feels like we're getting closer.

This will all become memories for me. The kind that get tucked in deep where they stay protected, no matter how fierce the storm of madness.

Boy, Trampoline, Book

2015-05-17T23:43:00.002-07:00

I've been trampolining often because our little guy, Trevor, really likes it. He is five. A week or so ago when the weather was cooler he asked if he could watch me do some flips and I was wearing my hooded sweater so whenever I landed (usually on my butt) my hood would go up over my head, covering my eyes. He laughed.

Yesterday he had several soccer balls on there and he said, "You can't touch the balls, Mom." But, of course, they rolled and bounced into us and there were so many we couldn't avoid them. There was a pink ball in the mix as well, one of those that you sometimes see inside large cage-like containers in department stores, but it wasn't ours which means it must've come over the hedge from the neighbor's yard. I think Kevin threw it back over later.

Trevor likes to dare me to double-bounce him as high as I can, and he shows me his tricks which sometimes include his pants falling off. One of his favorites to play with me is 'Ring Around the Rosie' and sometimes his sister, Tamara, jumps with us and we play trampoline tag.

I'm fascinated by the wisdom that can be gleaned from a five-year-old. Last night I read a tongue-twister, Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss. At the very beginning the fox holds a sign that reads "Take it SLOWLY. This Book is Dangerous!" Trevor giggled and said, "It's not dangerous. It's only a book!"

It's not your usual berry.

2015-05-14T11:15:00.002-07:00

River Occurrence

2015-05-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

there are times for salmon
when deep water refuges become prisons
i don't know how or why
but i like it when i see them free
glinting silver while they jump

as bears know
there's an art to catching a leaping salmon
putting paws in certain places
waiting for a pinnacle moment
to sink teeth into scales
puncture pinkish red flesh
savor the scent of fish blood
that squeezes, pours into rapids

if i were to watch it from a riverbank
i'd be enthralled
but i still hope, foolishly
for a day when there's no such thing
as killing

Opening the Package

2015-05-12T11:08:00.001-07:00

Sapphire returned with three boxes of batteries—one purple, one gray, one pink.

"Those will last you a long time. Nicely done," said Leigh. "You going to stay?"

Sapphire sat down next to her and played around with the loose piece of brown paper. "Here," she said.

Leigh took hold of it. "Sapphire?"

"Yeah?"

"Forget the gutter and the top of the roof," she said. "I want you to go higher." She unwrapped the package slowly as if it were the finest pleasure, a delicate work of art she was afraid to break, and when she got around to lifting the box flaps, hundreds of dark octagon-shaped objects the size of quarters burst through the opening. They ricocheted from the ceiling and walls, bouncing off the girls and coming back again.

"What's happening?" asked Leigh.

"This is familiar," said Sapphire. "I call them the blockers, but I don't know if they even have a name."

"Why would we get a package full of blockers?" asked Leigh.

"The actual contents of the package are still in the box, I think," said Sapphire. "At the very bottom, probably. Too many blockers in the way."

Leigh shielded her face with her arm and knocked a small load of blockers aside with her elbow, reached in and said, "Found it."

"That's it!" Sapphire said. "How did you do that? Oh my God!"

On Top of the Roof

2015-05-07T23:35:00.001-07:00

Leigh took off her pink scarf and draped it over the back of the couch. The house was quiet save for the hum of the refrigerator around the corner. "You can tell me what you want."

Sapphire thought for a moment. "I need to know what you can do and then I can tell you what's working and what's not." Her speech was guarded and she didn't want it to be, but she put the package onto the coffee table anyway, then brooded.

Finally she said, "I can't help but wonder why you're waiting."

Leigh drew the package closer to herself and began to run her fingers along the top.

Sapphire smiled drowsily. "Okay, that's good. What about the edges?"

She pulled down her scarf and dragged it over the left edge of the package.

"No, that's not it."

Leigh considered mentioning a knife or some scissors but thought better of it. She knew Sapphire liked doing things the long way so she turned the package over and read the first part of the return address: 889 Estuary Place. "I think," she said, "There's something about your frame of mind. It's good, but I don't know how to put this. It's in the gutter."

"Oh. Yes. Except it's a much better place than a gutter. More like the top of a roof."

Leigh noticed a loose piece of brown paper and started to pull it gently open. "I want to peek," they both said at once.

But Sapphire's phone began beeping with text notifications. "There's a bunch of people trying to get us to hang out with them."

"They want both of us to go?!"

"I think so."

"Do you want to?"

"No," she said. "I'd rather meet up with Sara. Maybe she'll give us cookies." She got up and headed for the front door. "I've got to leave. I just remembered I need to buy some batteries."

"So we'll get back to this package later??"

"I don't know," she said.

My Favorites Thus Far

2015-05-04T23:11:00.001-07:00

When I look back at my writings, I enjoy reading the poetry and fiction more than the others. I've put together a list of my stories, the ones I like most.

Blither Blather and the Plant

The Sound of Crying

Remnants and a Handbag

In Solitudinem

The Stroganoff Painting

At the Jeffersons

In Mr. Eisan's Office

The Stairs

My Kitchen

Rusty's Workbench

A Glowing Encounter

composition 31 - Lullaby

2015-05-02T00:30:00.002-07:00

art project 59

2015-04-29T14:01:00.002-07:00

Yesterday at Lonsdale Quay

2015-04-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

The people on the skytrain looked bored and tired. I sat beside my cousin who seemed more mellow than usual, dressed all in black, yawning occasionally. She had mentioned a couple of nights prior that she would corrupt me by taking me to Vancouver (I had told her I wanted to get out more). I think she thinks I am still much less wild than her. We're both wild, if you ask me. It's just that we are two different kinds of wild.

It was alright to get out of my art cave and go somewhere different. I was more fascinated by her than by the market or the sea bus. She became my adventure. Why the sudden change in her personality? What was it about the framed picture of a mermaid that mesmerized her? Why did she think that taking me into a sex shoppe would corrupt me? Was that a subtle change in her perception that I noticed? I realized there's so much more I could learn about her and we're both hoping to do more outings like this together.

I almost forgot to tell you. I bought a hat.