Cool Zebras

New Cards!

2012-01-24T20:31:00.002-06:00

I made some new cards for my etsy shop out of some of my photography prints. Kind of fun to combine two of my loves in one!

I Vaguely Remember When I Was Funny

2012-01-14T07:14:00.005-06:00

So my plan of packing up the kids' toys was thwarted by a barfing preschooler. Darn Friday the 13th anyway...though I'm insanely grateful that vomiting is the worst that Friday the Thirteenth threw our way.

If I'm totally honest, Friday the 13th hasn't ever really been that bad. At the very least, it hasn't been remarkably bad since I can't remember anything.

Once the kids toys were packed up, my plan for yesterday included using our new Family Y membership. Swimming is my preferred activity so far (surprising, considering my size) but Mother Nature arrived to make swimming-at the very least-awkward for the next few days. Perhaps D's illness was a sort of good thing in that respect. (I have to say she is pretty much the most agreeable sick person ever.)

I took the Bigs to the Y while Ms. D was at her home school co-op preschool on Wednesday. The 3 of us pretended to play racquetball and we stunk up the place with our bad skillz. Both Bigs took a ball each to the face so at least it was even. Next on our non-aquatic agenda will be basketball. I'm taking bets on the number of bruises received during that first session.

I'm reading the Twilight series. I'm sort of embarrassed to admit I love the books. If I had been a teenager when these books came out I'd definitely be a groupie. I find Edward's character more interesting than the character of Jacob thus far (I'm just into reading Eclipse). Edward has to sacrifice more. The restraint he (especially he) and Bella have to exercise is smoldering. The non-sex scenes are hotter than any sex scene by far. If only we realized that when we were in those shoes!?!

Hey! Nothing like rambling blog posts! No wonder I have no readers! :) It's okay, I kind of like talking to myself.

Very Superstitious and Tangential

2012-01-13T07:19:00.004-06:00

I can admit it, the number 13 freaks me out. It's stupid and silly and idontcarebecausethatsjusthowiam. If I remember during the day that it is Friday the 13th I get a little wigged out. Most of the time I forget. I think.

Today I'm going to pretend it's just Friday. The last Friday of my Bigs' Winter break. We're going to spend at least part of the day packing up the majority of my kids' toys. They've shown lack of consideration of the value of most of their things. They have 4,379,579,895 toys between the three of them and it shows that they have too many because so many end up broken. The broken toys are mourned for 2.3 seconds before they're forgotten because they have so many others to play with (and break).

The most responsible kid is Miss M which is good since she's the oldest. She should be, and in truth, she takes pretty good care of most of her things most of the time.

My son is terrible about taking care of his things. Some of the problem, I know, is caused because he has dyslexia. Dyslexia makes organization difficult. Another issue is that he finds taking things apart fascinating. It can take a toll on the pocketbook. It stinks also because he feels terrible after the thing is broken but he seems helpless to stop himself.
Then there is the little one. So far, most of her toys are pretty indestructible just because she's little still and the toys are made more sturdy. I still worry that she has so many toys around her she sees no value in them.
So my plan includes packing up most of my kids' toys. After a week of proving they can take care of and put away 5 toys each, they can list another 5 toys they'd like back. Until they can't list any more toys because they can't remember what they had. If they can't remember what they had, those toys are GONE.
These kids are too important to me. Entitlement is not something they should be feeling. I want to teach my kids to be grateful for even small things in life. Tomorrow it could be gone.

I like to think of them as anti-accidents

2012-01-11T07:45:00.001-06:00

It's Still 2011, RIGHT?

2012-01-06T07:09:00.005-06:00

I'm not sure how it happened but Halloween rolled right into Thanksgiving and before I knew it we were doing our traditional early hour countdown to the new year with the kids.

My new year so far has been consumed with hours in a courthouse and a courtroom as a potential juror in a criminal case. After 3 days of voir dire I was excused and the panel of 14 jurors were seated. I was both relieved and disappointed. The trial will be long and disturbing. There were hints of how disturbing it would be during jury questioning. I'm probably lucky I don't have to serve on the jury. But it's still a little disappointing too. It would have been interesting to be involved in the justice system and being a part of that. Though I can also admit that 3 days of waiting, sitting, and answering questions was also very draining. I can't imagine how I'd have felt after 2 or more weeks of a trial.

My big kids are on school break this week and still next week. I am hoping that we will pack some fun into next week since my jury duty put a damper on activities this week.

My husband has a "big" birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. It was my hope to have a party for him, but time escaped me. Maybe this summer we can host a belated party. Also? I'm not sure how it happened that this birthday is coming up for him because I'm only 2 years younger than him and I'm still 29.

Yesterday it was 50 degrees in Minnesota. In January. Crazy. I took the kids out for a bike ride and had to keep reminding them to stay out of the mud (I know, I'm a total buzz kill). It also reminded me how out of shape, fat and unhealthy I have become. I may be purchasing a Family Y membership on Monday. I hope. I'd like to go swim laps and work into other activities as I get more in shape. We shall see.

I'm out of practice blogging. This is my weak attempt at posting something.

Perhaps the next days will provide inspiration again.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:54:00.007-06:00

From our family to yours. May your holidays be blessed.

Traditions and the Benefits of Leaving the Lens Behind

2011-12-22T06:03:00.003-06:00

When our children were born my husband and I carried on some traditions that our (mostly my) parents had started with us as children. We carve pumpkins and bake pumpkin seeds and we seek eggs left by the Easter Bunny.

We also started several of our own traditions over the years.

Every New Year's Eve we have appetizers, have a countdown at around 6 o'clock and spray one another with silly string and pop poppers. We drink "champagne" from fancy stemmed plastic glasses. We dance. We put the kids to bed and wake them up minutes before midnight so they can watch the ball drop with us on TV.

Our Christmas tradition includes an evening ride through the city to marvel at the variety and abundance of light displays. We laugh at some weak attempts but concede that at least they tried. We laugh at the exuberance of other displays but concede that at least they were passionate. The kids are always pajama-clad for the trip. Most years we pop popcorn and sip water from reusable bottles. (Not so this year...there was a time crunch.) Our circuit includes some known hot-spots that are usually fancy displays yearly. It also includes a house that happens to include Santa himself. He hands out candy canes and asks the kids what they want for Christmas. (This year he snubbed Craig and I for candy canes, but he usually gave us parents one as well.)

This year was so fun with D. We heard hardly a peep from her while we toured some of the regular neighborhoods. She was taking it all in with wide-eyed wonder. Craig drove the van onto Santa's street and pulled off to the side. D erupted with cheers as she spotted Santa across the street. I had brought our camera on the ride, anticipating a photo op with Santa, but when we exited the van I made the decision to leave the camera behind. We were the third family standing on the sidewalk in front of Santa's temporary home. The kids happened to know another family there so they were distracted as they waited. Suddenly, it was their turn to see him. He asked M, then K, then D what each wanted for Christmas. D was literally awe-struck. She had a wide, dimpled smile and a wondrous expression. I'm convinced if I had brought the camera out I would have been too focused on taking photos to have really taken in D's expression.

Just another reminder that I need to live life on the other side of the lens sometimes.

Cub Scout Cake Auction

2011-12-21T10:56:00.000-06:00

I had big plans to post a photo of K Man with his cake too, but I apparently can't upload more than one photo right now. Sigh. Anywho. K Man and I made this cake for his Cub Scout auction and it sold for $20. Much better than last year's cake which brought only $5.
(Not so Wordless Wednesday.)

We Should All Have Hats Like This

2011-12-14T23:17:00.002-06:00

This Title Has Nothing to do With This Post

2011-12-13T07:50:00.004-06:00

Today is a big day in many ways. It shouldn't be, I suppose, but it just struck me that it kind of is whether I want it to be or not.

My mom is having surgery on her second eye (and last one, because she only has 2 eyes now) to remove cataracts. My dad had the same surgery just a few weeks ago and it's still hard to get used to seeing him without glasses. I hope the outcome is as great for my mom as it has been for my dad. I'm so happy that they can see so well and no longer need (or will probably no longer need!) glasses. I've joked with them that they might wish they couldn't see ME so clearly. It's probably very scary to see me with such clarity.

Today is also my parents' oldest grandchild's tenth birthday. When he was born, I was about 2 months pregnant with Miss M. My sister-in-law had to have an unplanned c-section a little earlier than planned because the amniotic fluid was leaking somehow. He was also breech, so he apparently just really wanted to be force-ably evicted like my children. I was disappointed to hear that she had to have a c-section because I was hoping for some straight talk about what I was really in for with labor. Hahahahahahaha! I should have been asking her what the c-section was really like since Miss M turned into an emergent c-section instead of the drug-free, possibly agonizing, labor and delivery I had been imagining for 41 weeks.

My brother's oldest boy turning 10 years old makes me realize my own oldest will be 10 in just 7 months. Maybe a long ways away, but when the time goes as quickly as it continues to fly, the day will be here sooner than I am ready. Then it will be gone and I'll be lamenting that she's turning 13, then 16, and then she'll be out on her own. Ten years old, the kids are definitely more than half-way grown.

Every year that passes I love to learn more about who my kids are and who they are becoming. I still miss the babies that they were. I try to mesh the two selves of my kids by telling them the funny and quirky things they said and did when they were smaller. They love to hear the stories and I love their reactions to hearing the stories.

I'm still not certain I won't try to stick them in the freezer one of these days. When they invent the time machine I'm going to have several days and years that I want to revisit.

Holiday Haiku

2011-12-08T07:06:00.003-06:00

Christmas is coming.
I'm pretty sure I'll be nuts
before it's over.

My kids are fighting.
Santa threats never have worked.
They just do not care.

Probably a sign
that they have way too much stuff.
We should really purge.

I'm going to try
to remember the reason
we celebrate this.

*********************

Winter Wonderland-First "Real" Snowfall of the Season

2011-12-07T08:31:00.000-06:00

Random Thoughts #56

2011-11-28T07:13:00.002-06:00

When we put our family Christmas tree up yesterday it marked the end of my Christmas tree decorating for 2011. Every year for the last several years, I've decorated trees for a local charity. This year I decorated 2 six-foot trees (one with my family, all handmade ornaments and one with 2 friends). Miss M, K Man and I each designed a mini-tree to be auctioned off. Last I saw, K Man's sports-themed tree was selling for $100. Miss M had a butterfly theme, and I had an Angry Birds theme. It was fun, but I am glad to be done for another year!
Miss M was my date for the opening night gala this year. We had fun dressing up and hanging out together. She is already asking to go again next year even though it's just a bunch of adults eating and standing around talking to one another. She's much more social than I am.
The kids all helped decorate our family tree, which was nice. I remember being inside decorating by myself while the kids were outside playing together. Not the most fun. This year was really nice and the kids were excited. Our tree is covered in ornaments that mean something to one or more of us. It's truly a family tree.
Too late, I thought that a great Christmas present for our family would have been a membership to the Y or to the local athletic club. I'm listing things on craigslist in hopes of decluttering and also making some extra money. Perhaps by January I will have sold enough clutter to consider a membership.
I'm trying to forget that my class reunion is coming up this summer, though no one seems willing to plan the thing. I've done some things, but I have no idea what to do to plan a reunion and also I have a shit-ton of other commitments.
I'm hoping to write more here and make more for my etsy shop. We shall see. Something has to give I suppose.

Change of Perspective

2011-11-08T07:09:00.003-06:00

When I was a kid, I'd lay upside-down in a chair or off the sofa, feet stretched over the back of the furniture, chin up and hair dangling to the floor. My kids do the same sort of thing. I don't remember when I stopped doing it. I'm not sure what the allure was and is with seeing the world upside-down. Perhaps it's just the temporary change of perspective.

I remember inverting my world and imagining walking on the ceiling. I'd step over the top of the doorway, which should have seemed awkward but just seemed a part of the change. In my mind I'd continue throughout the house, experiencing our home in a unique way. I don't recall ever thinking it was weird that I was doing this.

It seemed like it reset my perspective in the right-side-up world.

The upside-down world had few obstacles. There were light fixtures, the occasional ceiling fan and those doorway things I had to step over, but other than that the "floors" were remarkably and refreshingly clear. I'm sure this isn't what I thought I was enjoying then, but hindsight is another perspective.

I wonder what, if anything, my kids are imagining when they invert their worlds for those moments. Are they resetting their perspectives too?

This time of year always catches me in a downward slump. The light and warmth dwindle. I find myself more and more anxious about interactions with people. My mind creates negative feedback where there most likely is none. If at all possible, I avoid meetings and interactions. This almost never is possible at this time of year. My stomach churns before each meeting.

Perhaps I need to see the world upside-down again.

Flying in Dreams

2011-11-01T07:34:00.003-05:00

I had a dream yesterday morning. It was one of those light sleep dreams that occur when you fall back asleep after you hit the snooze button. These are 10-minute stretches of dreaming which are usually the only dreams I ever remember.

This dream was vivid. Colors, even the sensation of movement, stayed with me long after I woke for the final time. I don't recall how the dream began, but I was floating or flying in our bedroom. It was exactly how I would imagine a person having a near-death experience would feel and I recall even having that thought while I was dreaming. I flew around the room a bit then decided to try to fly through the patio door. I was successful flying through the glass and angled down to look into our dining room window. It was brightly lit and I looked in and saw my kids playing, but they were younger than they are now.

I ventured higher in the air and saw the city, lit up at night. I remember wanting to visit certain people. Some I was successful in visiting, others I couldn't get my body to steer toward.

The alarm pierced my dream. I fumbled to hit the snooze button and settled back into the pillow.

I was in a doctor's office or scientist's lab. They wanted to see if I could really float and fly. Within seconds I was airborne again. Flying this time in New York, flying over oceans, peninsulas. There were woodsy areas. There was a house, clearly under construction, wrapped in pink. It stood at the point on an island. Construction workers moved around it, busily undistracted by my presence.

I could feel the wind in my hair. My clothes pushed against my skin. Small areas of my clothes flapped behind me.

Suddenly I knew that I needed to land. I landed and found my husband in the trees.

The alarm blared again.

How To Ensure You Don't Have To Buy A New Pet

2011-10-27T07:19:00.002-05:00

My two older children have been lobbying for a new pet for years.

We have an old cat that I inherited from my college roommate. I was never really a cat person, but I had to admit "our" cat grew on me quickly after we got her. She was very social, greeting anyone who came in our tiny apartment. She let us hold her, touch her paws, mess with her. I trained her to sit, then lay down for treats. I had her trained for a while to come when she was called. She's too old to perform these tricks anymore. She could still do them but she has no desire to humor us. She's 15 years old now, which is old, but not necessarily the end of life for a cat. I know some live until their twenties. (Don't tell my husband that! He's merely (and sometimes barely) tolerated our cat for many, many years now.)

Several months ago we branched into having fish. We're terrible fish owners. The fish kill numbers due to our family's purchases will probably be reported to the ASPCA soon. We took a break from fish for a little while (with the exception of 2 very brave glo-fish, one of which is so thin we marvel that it still lives)(I'll probably find the thing belly-up now.) but just last week restocked our tank and the Betta bowl.

But I never had pets growing up, and I know that fish are a pretty sad substitute for pets that can cuddle and play. (FINE, I had fish once in a while. Fish kind of suck as pets for the most part.) Did I mention we have a CAT?

When I took the kids to the pet store to re-establish our fish colony, I knew they would see the other pets available there. I knew I'd get the whining for a different pet, a more fun pet.

K settled on a hamster within moments of stepping in the door. Um, I guess at least it is small.

M found the kittens up for adoption and changed her mind about which one she wanted at least 4 times.

Did I mention WE HAVE A CAT?

SHE'S SITTING RIGHT HERE ON THE ARM OF THE CHAIR WHILE I'M TRYING TO TYPE.

Now she's not because I had the gall to try to pick the eye boogers out of her eyes.

ANYWHO! WE HAVE A CAT ALREADY!

And she poops and pees in random spots and drives my husband insane on a daily basis. She used to poop on the carpet in my room if she thought I was out too late at night. (After I graduated from college I moved back in with my parents for a while...) Then she was fine for many years and in the last year or two she's started eliminating in inappropriate places again. It's frustrating to say the least.

I know the kids are attracted to the adorable kitties at the pet store. I think they're cute too, but the kitties grow up and shit and piss on your new carpet.

So when my kids asked for these new pets I made a deal. If they can get their rooms cleaned up and keep them clean for one year I will buy them their hamster/cat/dog/whatever.

No chance that will happen. I'm golden.

Fall Beauty

2011-10-26T07:26:00.003-05:00

Searching For the Best Pumpkin

2011-10-24T07:27:00.003-05:00

Anxiety, Business and Friends Edition

2011-10-17T07:23:00.003-05:00

It's never comfortable. I've known most of my friends for at least 8 years now and yet meeting them anywhere for anything still makes my stomach do flip-flops. I force myself to go, knowing that it will be mostly okay once I get there. If there are several people at the gathering, I'm proud of myself for speaking up even a few times.

Anxiety is pretty sucky. I'm not sure what it is that my brain thinks will happen when I get together with friends, but I suppose it's my imagination running without reason. I think they'll be thinking how fat I've gotten. (And I don't blame them, I think it's terrible and I've lost control of my body.) I think they'll look at the pimples on my face and cringe in disgust. I think they'll be bored with my anecdotes.

I'm better on paper, as they say.

The very thought of meeting someone new is nerve-wracking, which is somewhat counter-intuitive to running a photography business.

The anticipation of the session is exciting. Then the hour before the session is scheduled to start my stomach clenches and my hands shake. This continues until the first 10 minutes of the session are complete. After those initial minutes the confidence breaks through. I know what I'm doing and I know I do it well. The clients are looking to me for guidance. I'm the expert.

It's been similar with every new job I started. At the beginning, when I didn't know the ropes, I was quiet and nervous. As time passed and I learned my jobs better I was confident and vocal. Each photography session is like a new job, accelerated. Months are passed in minutes.

I hate how my hands tremble at the beginning of a session. I hate how my voice trembles like my hands. I hate how insecure and uncertain I appear at the start of the session.

By the end of the (approximately) hour-long session I feel in-control. I wish I felt like that at the beginning of the session.

Diagnosed: Or, I'm Pretty Much Always Right

2011-10-14T07:09:00.002-05:00

If you read my post yesterday you know I've been worrying about my Boy.

Moms KNOW when things are wrong. I've especially known with my son. He had several ear infections as a baby. The nurses would shake their heads and humor me but it was clear they thought I was an over-reactive mother. Every time I brought him in he had an ear infection. I just knew.

So my husband and I went to the Mayo Clinic yesterday morning to find out the results of the K Man's 4-hour tests.

Things we learned:

Our son is very intelligent. (No kidding! I knew that!)

He's exceptionally brilliant with verbal skills. (When he talks nonstop? Thanks Captain Obvious!)

Math skills? Average. Math word problems? Exceptional.

We were told that they diagnose disabilities when intelligence scores and skill scores differ by 15 points or more. K's intelligence and spelling scores differed by 40 points.

What does this mean? It means he is extraordinarily intelligent. It also means that when it comes to spelling and writing, he has a block.

Dyslexia is a term that Mayo no longer uses. Too general. Too broad. K's disorder is something to do with writing. The technical term escapes me, as it did the physician who had to check his notes. It's new terminology. It narrows the diagnosis.

I'm both relieved and sad. I knew there was something going on with him. I KNEW he was sooooo smart. Now we'll learn together how to teach differently.

Have I mentioned that I love the heck out of this kid?

Possible Answers and Probable Questions

2011-10-13T07:19:00.005-05:00

I'm anxious this morning.

My mom is coming out to our house to babysit the three kids. Craig is going to take some time off from work. I will drive to the Mayo Clinic by myself, ride the elevator up and check in at a desk as K Man's mom.

The Mayo Clinic can be intimidating I suppose. I grew up here, mostly. Doctors don't seem that special to me. I could have been a doctor. I didn't want to be one. It's a job; a career. Just like any other. Yes, it takes more training than many choices. But I've met several physicians who probably should have chosen a different vocation. I know myself and I can be cranky. My bedside manner probably would have been crappy at best.

Mayo tries to provide a welcoming atmosphere. In the Gonda building there is a grand piano. Most of the time, there is someone sitting there playing a tune. Sometimes that person is accompanied by someone who sings. Tuesday, there was even a woman who brought her ukulele and sang. People pause and listen if they have time. I had plenty of time while K endured 4 hours of testing.

I'm not sure what outcome I want from this testing. On one hand, he's completely normal and just needs to focus more on spelling and reading. He may just need to "grow up" a bit. On the other hand, he's suffering from a learning disability or two. He's been struggling and I've been pushing him even though he simply can't do what I'm asking him.

Either scenario is less-than ideal. If there are no disabilities found we're left to flounder and fight over reading and spelling homework. If there are disabilities found we have to figure out new approaches to teaching and learning.

It makes my heart hurt for my beautiful boy. We will all soldier on to find the answers we need. And I'll hug and kiss him every step of the way.

Downtown Rochester, MN

2011-10-12T06:58:00.001-05:00

Random Thoughts #56

2011-10-10T07:52:00.003-05:00

1. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but pimples suck. I'm ::cough cough:: 29 and still get pimples all the time. One of my friends once told me that it's actually a good thing to have oily skin because I will look younger longer than someone with dry skin. I'm pretty sure that's because I'll look like I'm a teenager because I have a zillion zits.

2. This week will both be busy and not busy. K Man has his testing for a learning disability this week. That day, and the two days following until we get the results, will be emotionally exhausting. The kids have swimming lessons, bells practice, preschool. The Bigs are on break so we'll try to squeeze some fun in somewhere. I have 3 photo sessions on Saturday.

3. I'm trying to update files for my photography. It takes much more time than it should because I worry about everything being just right. I know I'm under-charging at this point, but I also need to build up a professional portfolio. I also don't want to price my services out of the range of most families. I don't think that people should not be able to have great photos of their families because they have limited income. It's a tight-rope walk right now.

4. I miss blogging. But I feel like I have little time to blog lately.

Online Contacts!

2011-10-03T09:14:00.004-05:00

I had my first photo session brought about by Twitter last weekend. @MinnesotaJoY contacted me after I asked if anyone would be my first Twitter session and we met with her whole family last Saturday. I think we all had fun (maybe with the exception of the 16-year-old, but even she admitted it was a smidgeon fun by the end!).

My favorite photo of the session:

Some Answers, More Questions: ADHD or Learning Disability?

2011-09-29T07:11:00.002-05:00

The K Man had his first appointment on the road to figure out what is happening in his brain. Anyone who has met him can tell he is friendly, enthusiastic, intelligent and creative. This is the short list of positive things about my son.

We (I and his teachers) suspected ADHD. K Man is movement. Once he had ear tubes as a baby he started crawling and hasn't slowed down since. He talks a lot. A LOT. He can't sit for a meal at home. If there is a toy within foot reach he will fiddle with it until we move it out of reach. Conversely, he can sit for a church service and a funeral service with no issues.

He falls apart if you ask him to practice spelling. If he has math homework he does it with no issues and mostly gets the problems correct the first time. He's still getting help at school in reading and math. The math help at school puzzles me. Though he took a standardized test and scored below grade level in math, reading, vocabulary...etc, etc. When he brings the math worksheets home he does them with no fuss and gets the problems correct most of the time. Spelling and reading homework cause crying jags. Refusals to do homework. Family upset.

Initial diagnosis? He's borderline considered ADHD. I don't like the idea of medication so that is last resort. He may have a learning disability so we're testing for that in a few weeks. My suspicion is that he has a learning disability that causes him to act out. This boy is SO SMART. He's so creative. He has IDEAS. He's happy, friendly but unfocussed.

He's going to be tested for learning disabilities, which I suspect may be the real culprit here. I'm looking at dyslexia with a pointed glare.

It probably seems silly to most parents, the anxiety and stress behind seeking a diagnosis such as ADD or a learning disability, but I assure you it sucks rocks. My boy is my heart. I hate to think there is anything "wrong" with him. (If you think there is something wrong with him I'll arm wrestle you and I'll win.)

I recognize that this diagnosis is far better than something like cancer. Things are relative. We are lucky and not at the same time. Our kids are phenomenal. The appointments for K are because he is struggling with reading, spelling, vocabulary. He consistently transposes letters and numbers. It reeks of dyslexia in my mind. But I'm not a doctor.

The saga continues...