On Another Note

The Lessons I Wasn't Expecting When I Wasn't Expecting a Pandemic

2020-04-12T21:09:00.001-04:00

Were you expecting a pandemic.  I certainly was not.  Life was going along fine, relatively speaking.  And then, all of a sudden it wasn't.

Over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot and learning a lot.  And when I need to process something, I often write it out.  Usually it starts with a list.  And this time is no different.

There are so many opinions and complaints and accusations and questions and ... well, there's another never-ending list.  All of it is really too much for my brain to handle.  

But these are some of the things I've found to be important lessons for me in the past few weeks - some humorous, some not.  They are listed in no particular order.

I cannot allow the chaos to overwhelm me.  Yes, things are completely upside down and changing at lightning speed some days, but this season is only what I allow it to be.  It will not be chaos for me.
Other people matter.  The changes, the distancing, the masks, the extra cleaning, the stay-at-home orders ... it's not all about me!  It's to protect others as well.
As much as I still feel like I will, I will not suffocate in my mask.  Oy vey!
Fresh air is a gift and I will claim it!  Just because I have to stay at home, doesn't mean I have to stay inside.
Always be prepared.  I will continue to keep my running grocery list.  I will not let it get too long.  I will shop on a regular basis, in normal amounts, and I will not hoard, as tempting as that might be.
Having stock in any internet or social media company would be a fabulous game plan right about now.  Knowing what I actually do own stock in might also be something good to learn.
Teachers STILL do not get paid enough and I am eternally grateful that my teen does not need my help or prompting with her school work.
Healthcare workers are more than doctors and nurses - the list is endless and they are all immensely valuable.
Essential workers should wear capes and carry magic wands.  All of them.
Farmers and food production workers and the logistical people to get all the things to all the places should additionally have crowns.
As should anyone volunteering to do anything for anyone.  And sparkles.  They should have sparkles.
My children should recognize who the essential workers are and tap into those fields.
There are always rules.  Whether I agree with them or not.  "Give unto Caeser what is is Caeser's" applies to more than just taxes and I will do my best to follow the rules.
And there will always be people that don't.  But, as my friend, Helen, would have said:  Not my circus; not my monkeys.
I'm really glad Helen isn't here to live all of this.
She would also tell me to keep looking for the magic.
It doesn't matter how this virus arrived - to this country or to this community.  Honestly, it just does not.  It is here and that is that.  I will not place blame.  I will not expect anyone to fix it or prevent it.  It will probably never really leave.  I will pray for health and safety and deliverance from the inconveniences and deal with this as I deal with everything else:  one step at a time.  
The news is not my friend.  I will not be sucked in.  In fact, I will resolve to continue to not indulge any more than necessary to function as a citizen.
I'm glad I kept some of the "old school" amusements from entering the garage sale closet ... puzzles, the Wii, tabletop ping pong, Bananagrams ... we forget how good the good stuff can be sometimes.
There will always be something to complain about and someone to do it.  I will attempt not to be a complainer.  Or an accuser.  Or the one to judge.  This is not what I was made for.
There are people out there that are sick with various illnesses.  Really sick.  I thank God that it is not currently me or those I love.
There are people that are out of work.  I thank God that I am still working my two jobs.
Distanced does not have to equal isolation.  I can be creative.  Meet in a parking lot.  Say hello to my neighbor from the sidewalk.  Drive to my brothers' house and wave from the car.  Send a video.  Mail a card.  Host a Zoom call.  Use the endless array of technology I have for something good - staying connected!
I can visit multiple churches in one day!  
My youngest daughter is a pretty great quarantine partner.  But she wins at all of the games.
I really miss my other kids and my granddaughter.  But I will leave my worries with God.
Just because I'm not headed to the beach, doesn't mean that I can't paint my toenails and break out the sandals.
Prepping for the day is a priority.  I need to take the shower and get dressed and do my devotional and stay on my regular schedule wherever possible.  Routine is my key to survival.
As is flexibility.  Oh my.  I need to stay flexible.
I have fabulous employers and co-workers and teammates and mentors.  Fab.U.Lous.
An old favorite quote I am using more:  "This too shall pass."
A new favorite quote that I hope to be using less:  "I have never been so busy accomplishing so little."
This slower social time is a great time to reflect on what is important to me.  
I really need to have 3 months of living expenses saved at all times.
I hope I am teaching my children love and kindness and life skills - not fear or dread or ungratefulness.
Spreading love is a whole lot more rewarding (and fun!) than spreading fear.  
I can be cautious without being in a panic or being anxious.  Worry does nothing good for me.
I can help people.  Always.  With nothing more than what I have.
And there is so much creativity out there!  That certainly wasn't cancelled!  WOW!  We have a pretty great world out there if I just open my eyes to see it! 
However, I need more music from the balconies.  Thank you.
Online core workouts aren't so bad when a friend is leading.  Eventually I will get through one in it's entirety. 
People may think I'm crazy using my essential oils and DIYs, but that's OK.  I was the same once.  But I'm still not eating that natural peanut butter my mom sold in the health food store when I was a kid.  A line must be drawn somewhere.
Community is necessary.  Connections are vital.  Old and new.
Gratitude is something I will never perfect and need to keep practicing.  Daily.  Hourly.
There are people that are lonely.  Even when they pretend not to be.  I pray I can encourage even one.
There are old friends that will always be with me ... even when they are not.  And sometimes they will "show up" in surprising and mysterious and miraculous ways.
My family is my lifeline ... I would be so empty without them.
I also have great neighbors that take the time to be sure everything is OK.
I am so thankful that I am not the one making the big decisions.  May God bless those that are with His wisdom and compassion.  And may He bless me with the ability to accept the decisions made.
God has my back.  Always and forever.  No matter what I go through or what is going on around me, He is there with me, He will provide exactly what I need, and I will never be alone. 

Now, the question is:  how will these lessons change me for the better?

Just a Bench Warmer

2020-01-12T12:28:00.000-05:00

To all of the bench warmers in the games of life ...

I know. I get it. Being a bench warmer is not fun. Not fun for the warmer to sit. Not fun for the parent to watch and feel and hear about. (Um ... proud parent of three varsity bench warmers right here, thank you!) And, I daresay, not even fun for the coach that can never make everyone happy no matter who they put out there.

We all want to be seen doing great things! But sometimes that is not the way it is. It just can't be. And, really, that is OK!! Because there are some excellent lessons we can learn from sitting on the sidelines.

So let me tell you what I see from where I sit behind you.

I see YOU.

I see you show up - for each practice, for each game.
I see you proudly wear the uniform.
I see you braid your teammates' hair.
I see you warm up with the entire team.
I see your skill and enthusiasm.
I see you hold each others' hands in unity.
I see you gather in the huddle.
I see you watching each play.
I see you carry the water bottles and pick up equipment.
I see you grab the shoulders of a team mate that is down on herself for the last play she made and make her look you in the eyes as you encourage her to get back out there and play it again.
I see the high fives and pats on the backs.
I see you cheer and yell and jump and clap and stomp your feet for those not sitting with you.
I see you experience the highs and lows of the game.
I see the respect you show to your teammates and your coach.
I see you persist.
I see you continue.

I see YOU.

Your day may or may not come on the court or the field, but you are learning much needed and sought-after life skills on that bench whether you realize it or not.

You are loved and needed by your teammates and your coach. You are all members of the same team. So you just get on out there, choose your seat, own that bench, and be fabulously spectacular doing it!

Because even if no one else does, your biggest fans see a magnificent YOU!

2019-09-11T21:39:00.000-04:00

This morning while schools and businesses and churches and survivors may have been having a moment of silence or attending a ceremony of remembrance, I was kayaking on a nearby lake with a friend.  I am about to be brutally vulnerable here.

Kayaking with a friend may not seem like a big deal to most.  But it is for me.  Over the past 15 years or so I have become emotionally homebound.  I'm sure that's not a real term, but I that is how I can best describe it.  Unless I am out doing something with my kids, it is mentally and emotionally easier for me to stay at home, away from social activities, that it is to go out and do something with friends.

You may have invited me somewhere in the past and I've said no.  It's not necessarily that I don't want to ... most of the time I do in my heart!  You all do such fun things and visit such fabulous places!  It's just that I feel like I can't.  I can't because I have to catch up on the chores.  I can't because the kids need a ride.  I can't because I'm afraid to leave my kids.  I can't because I need to be close in case something happens.  I can't because I worry about every little "what if".  I can't because it keeps the peace.

I recognize that this is some form of anxiety.  I get that.  But it doesn't change the fact that it just is whatever it is.

I am trying harder.  I am trying to say yes to more invites and no to my insecurities.  I am trying to say yes to my God-given desires and no to the voice inside me that tells me I'm not worth enough to have joy.  I am trying to say yes to showing my kids that we're all going to be OK - separate apart or together - and no to the fear that has held me hostage for so long.

I am a long way from where I want to be.  But today, on this day of remembrance, I remember from where I have come.  And right now I am where I need to be.  So, please be patient with me ... God isn't finished with me yet.

Love Your Face

2018-02-10T10:44:00.002-05:00

Love Your Face

We all want to look and feel beautiful. And what is the first thing people see when looking at us … our face! So it makes sense that we should take care of it the best we can. We need to love our face!

The first way to care for your skin is to find out the type of skin you have: oily, normal/combination, dry, sensitive or sun-damaged. Tip: most of us have combination skin - some of our skin is oily while some of it is dry. No matter your type, knowing makes taking care of it much easier. And a skin care routine doesn’t have to take long … the process I use below takes less than 5 minutes!

Step 1: Cleanse

Cleansing your face is so important to healthy skin! If all you can do is take care of your face at the end of the day, your skin will thank you. Trust me. Make getting the day’s dirt and makeup off part of your bedtime routine and teach your daughters the same. When they are 40 they will thank you! 😉 Just like the rest of your body, your skin needs the opportunity to rest, breathe, and regenerate!

Keep cleansing simple. Find a toxin-free cleanser, that your skin responds well to and stick with it. The ART Gentle Cleanser or the Orange Blossom Facial Wash are both fantastic choices if you are still searching. If you are a DIY’er, you can even cleanse your skin with things you normally eat, like milk or yogurt, or with natural oils! And adding essential oils like Lavender and/or Frankincense is the equivalent to adding super powers!

Some basic tips:

Do not cleanse too often. Most experts agree you only need to wash your face at night to remove dirt, makeup, and sunscreen, all which can clog pores.
In the morning, a splash of warm water is all you need unless you have super oily skin. If so, you may need to cleanse again. Remember to use warm water: hot or cold water can cause broken capillaries.
The area around your eyes is delicate so be sure to remove eye makeup gently with a makeup remover. You can also use olive oil or coconut oil as natural eye makeup removers. Want a super easy trick: try these Seedlings Baby Wipes!
If you have dry skin, consider cleansing with a cold cream. You can easily make your own with the recipe below. Simply apply the cream and wipe off. No water needed.
Most women, however, prefer using warm water to loosen dirt and clogged pores. Use a bit of cleanser then rinse.

Step 2: Exfoliate

Exfoliation is the step many people skip but when done properly, you will notice an almost immediate difference. How often is a personal preference. Again, know your own skin. It should never look red or irritated, but rather refreshed, after you scrub.

Exfoliation does not have to be expensive or complicated. You can buy a great scrub, such as Young Living’s Mint Satin Facial Scrub, or you can make your own. Adding essential oils can make your favorite scrub even more fabulous!

You can also use a washcloth (part of my evening routine), a natural sponge (part of my morning routine), or a bath pouf. Again, you can use only warm water or place a dab of your favorite scrub on your exfoliating tool of choice and massage skin in a circular motion. After a quick rinse, the dry, dead skin is erased.

I tend to combine steps one and two in the evening … I use an oil or oil-based cream to remove dirt and makeup and then use a warm, wet washcloth to remove it. In the morning, I use a natural sponge with only water in my shower and it’s just enough to freshen up my face from its overnight sleepy state.

Step 3: Moisturize

A basic rule of beauty is that if you have dry skin, you should invest in a good moisturizer. Consider trying the ART Intensive Moisturizer if you don’t already have a non-toxic favorite.

How much should you moisturize? Again, listen to your skin. When it is tight, it's crying out for moisture and on the flip side, over-moisturizing can clog pores.

Making your own? Nothing beats a good oil! Try extra virgin coconut oil, olive oil, sweet almond oil, or jojoba oil. Again, adding your favorite essential oil will only enhance your moisturizer and bless your skin!

There are many women that like to also use a facial serum. I just like the word … sounds like magic for my face! Try out this Essential Beauty Serum or make your own!

My facial serum recipe base contains equal parts of Raspberry, Grapeseed, and Apricot oils and then I mix in Lavender and Frankincense essential oils for their fantastic skin benefits. Research which oils might be best for you. There are more essential oil recommendations in the Cold Cream recipe below.

So, a quick recap:

Cleanse
Exfoliate
Moisturize

You can’t get much simpler than that but this basic routine is an effective way to support and enhance that gorgeous face of yours! Go ahead … make your face happy!

Cold Cream Recipe

1 T jojoba oil

8 T virgin coconut oil (solid)

Several drops of your favorite essential oil or combination of oils

(Great choices for skin care are: Lavender, Frankincense, Cardamom, Roman Chamomile, Eucalyptus Globulous, Lemongrass, Neroli.

Gently warm the jojoba and coconut oil in a saucepan over low heat until completely melted.
Remove from heat and let cool for 10 minutes.
Add several drops of the essential oil. (Do not add while first mixture is hot as this will decrease the effectiveness of the essential oils.)
Whisk until mixture thickens.
Pour mixture into a glass jar with cover. Refrigerate for 1 hour.
Can be used cold or at room temperature.

Traditionally, cold cream is applied in a thick layer over the face and then wiped off with a cotton pad; repeat as necessary to remove all dirt and makeup. Some women prefer the washcloth method: apply a thick layer then remove with a warm, wet washcloth. Massaging the face with the washcloth acts as a natural exfoliant.

Cold cream works best on combination or dry skin but can make oily skin feel greasy.

My War Room

2015-10-25T19:28:00.001-04:00

Have you seen the recent movie War Room? First, I highly recommend it if you haven't. Second, prepare to leave the theater (or your couch) with your mind on (among other things) "where can I create my own?"

I've been thinking about it off and on for a few weeks. An unused closet, as featured in the film, would be ideal ... small, private, quiet, almost secretive. But in my reality, that is not practical. Mainly because I don't have an unused closet. I don't even have a real closet for my own clothes, one downfall of an older home. Oh, we have closets: one in each bedroom and one near the front door. They are small, however. And since my husband has a professional wardrobe in our bedroom closet, I have delegated my own clothing live at the opposite end of the house in the "attic", as we call it. It's no a big deal, but no closet War Room here.

Which kept me pondering. I have an office space that I share with the kids. Thought about cleaning and rearranging in there a bit, but honestly, the computers would have been a distraction and a temptation (not to mention the amount of physical labor involved). More pondering. I could use my daughter's room ... the daughter that is newly off to college. Nope. She only just left. Not an option as of yet. Ponder some more. Maybe I can just create a prayer caddie and take it from place to place ... to my recliner in the living room, to the patio in the summer, to the porch in the early spring or late fall. But then I couldn't get away from the television, or post things on the walls, or count on nice weather. Pondering over for a while.

Until , in the bedroom the other day, my eyes fell on the vanity. It was always in the guest room in this, my grandmother's home. It used to sit near the large window on the opposite wall and was home to a fluorescent-lit, double-sided mirror ... do you remember those ... one side is a normal mirror and the other shows every wrinkle and pore a bit larger than life? (Just like this! https://www.etsy.com/listing/253339652/1960s-retro-general-electric-lighted?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=light%20up%20mirrors&ref=sr_gallery_2). I loved sitting in front of that mirror when I was little, pretending I was grown-up and making myself beautiful.

Now I am grown-up, or so I'm told, and during the years that we have lived here, the guest room is now the master and the vanity has become home to my socks and slips and other unmentionables. The vintage lamps remain and I sit in the chair to pull on my nylons on Sunday mornings, but that's about it. I rarely sit there to do my hair, or makeup, or anything else that a vanity was intended for. Hmmm ... I wonder ...

Add my Bible, some Sharpies, some Post-Its, a couple of prayer books and devotionals, a notebook, candles, a few of my favorite things ... I've got my war room. At least for now. I'll have to retrain brain to find my Bible here ... or get another one ... since I'm used to doing my morning devotional over breakfast downstairs. This, however, may create some better prayer habits without the other morning distractions. And it's not entirely private, but it's quiet and relatively cozy. (Wait, I should add a blanket.)

So, now that my war "room" is complete, I think I've got some praying and growing to do. And who knows, maybe some more thoughts to blog.

You Will Never Understand

2015-10-18T16:36:00.001-04:00

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ~ Elizabeth Stone

That feeling comes often for me, but so very much this week. I don't know that, you - my child, my flesh, my blood, my heart - will ever understand.

You will never know how much I prayed for you.

You will never be able to explain why I will save your baby teeth and that first lock of hair until the day that I die.

You will never comprehend that though I pretended to know all, I really knew nothing. Nothing.

You will never figure out that I will never tire of taking your photo because I fear that I will forget all of your precious moments as I grow old.

You will never perceive how much I regret showing any little disappointment in or impatience with you - in reality, I was only seeing that in myself.

You will never see how sad I am about the time I wasted doing things I thought were important (but truly were not) instead of spending more time just being with you.

You will never be aware of the number of tears I have cried for you.

You will never believe that your accomplishments are secretly mine.

You will never understand that your pain is my pain - only magnified by a thousand; that your heartbreaks are also mine.

You will never recognize that all I want is to take that pain and the memory of it from you forever.

You will never grasp that your fears, your anxieties, your regrets are my own failures in guiding, teaching, raising you.

You will never make sense of how I wish I would have done some things so differently.

You will never begin to even fathom that my true joy is found in yours.

You will never realize how different and yet how similar you and I really are.

You will never take in how earth shattering it was for me to let go of your hand as you learned to take your first steps, or let you leave for your first day of Kindergarten, or watch you go on that last day of high school ... never mind leaving you at college.

Oh, and college ... how it kills me to not have gone myself only because I don't know how to help you through this new world.

My child, you will never understand any of this. Never. Until your heart is walking around outside of your body. Only then will you understand and know how very much I love you ...

Forever and for always.

Forgive Once

2015-09-01T20:59:00.003-04:00

I’ve been asked … repeatedly … how I do what I do; how I keep going; how I’ve gotten through the past several years. I don’t really have much of an answer right there, on the spot – I rarely do. So I usually just get all self-conscious and nervous and smile and say something like “It’s all God, not me” or “just one day at a time, that’s all I can do”.

But I think I found a better answer as I was finishing a novel this week. The author wrote perfectly what’s in my heart but I can never seem to get out of my mouth.

This. This is, for the most part, my “secret”:

… the memory of a conversation with Frank floated into her awareness. “But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?” she had asked him. “You’ve had so much strife but you’re always happy. How do you do it?”

“I choose to,” he said. “I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened … or I can forgive and forget.”

“But it’s not that easy.”

He smiled that Frank smile. “Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things. … I would have to make a list, a very, very long list and make sure I hated the people on it the right amount. That I did a very proper job of hating, too. … No,” – his voice became sober – “we always have a choice. All of us.”

~ from The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

So that’s it. Somewhere along the way I decided that it was too exhausting to spend my time remembering all the bad things. I choose to forgive the people, the circumstances, the pain and move on.

I try. I’m not always successful … not even close to always … but it is something I strive for and, with God’s help, I’m able to achieve for the most part.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t remember, or that I don’t hurt when I do, but I don’t like to dwell there anymore. At the moment, I’m choosing the here and now; praying and working toward a better day ahead.

We always have a choice. All of us. My choice is to forgive.

He Is Holding Me Together

2015-01-03T17:25:00.002-05:00

I’ve read about choosing a "word for the year" for several years now, but have never done it. Until a couple of days ago. The word I chose is not a typical word … or even a word that I would have had in my vocabulary until recently. Let me briefly explain.

This last year and a half ... actually, the last several years ... have been particularly difficult for me. Through the fear and the trials and the disappointments I have tried to cling to the promises of God and have been blessed endlessly by the love of family and friends. The days ahead are still uncertain … as for any of us, I suppose ... but I will continue on the best I can with what He gives me.

Over the past week or so, I’ve been touched by a particular Bible verse and a friend sent me the link below to add a little more food for thought. So this year … at least the beginning of it … I am claiming Colossians 1:17 (in Him ALL things hold together) as my verse and LAMININ as my word. Yes, laminin.

You’ll have to Google it … you have to SEE it to understand … like Louie Giglio did in his video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0-NPPIeeRk&feature=youtu.be

This year I will remember: My Lord truly is holding me together, in more ways than I can even begin to imagine.

Erika L. Smith, M.O.M.

2014-08-21T20:20:00.004-04:00

I'm a medical receptionist by profession. Today I answered a phone call from a pharmaceutical rep who requested to speak with an MD, or an NP, or a PA, or an LPN. Of course, because it's my job, all of the above were currently with patients unable to take the call so I offered to take a message or give a fax number that she could send any updated information to. She asked what my position was. My reply: "I am just the receptionist." She was very kind and said, "You are not JUST the receptionist. You are the front office point of contact and you are very good at your job." Unwilling to accept the praise, I laughed and said, "Well, I have no letters behind my name, unless you count M.O.M." To which she in turn laughed and we went in a totally different direction with our conversation before hanging up.

Later in the day, my 17-year-old daughter texted me from work. "I've had a bad day. Wanna bring me supper tonight and eat down here with me?" Sigh ... I still had to get through the rest of my workday, get groceries, make requested dinner, and a billion and one other things that M.O.M.s have to take care of. It really would be nice to just go home to a quiet house and just BE for a few hours, especially since no one else would be home. But for whatever reason, I didn't make excuses and simply agreed. I didn't think much of it at the time.

I got through the rest of my workday, went to the grocery store, came home, put the groceries away, made dinner (homemade chocolate chip pancakes as requested), packed the picnic basket, and headed to Daughter's workplace ... in a "raining cats and dogs" "beware of flash floods" thunderstorm, mind you. Again, still not thinking much of it at the time.

Daughter works at the local old-fashioned soda fountain, less than a mile from home. There was only one other co-worker there tonight and a family with two young children. I set up our dinner on a table in the back and we began to eat. The young mother walked by and said "That is just the cutest thing." Or something like that. Me, never being one to come up with a good comment when I need one, said, "Sometimes you just gotta be a mom."

I watched the young family as we were eating, as Daughter filled me in on her teenage drama-filled day. And later I thought of a thousand ways I could have responded to that young mother. I should have said:

TREASURE every minute ... they grow up way too fast. And when your mother or any other mother tells you this, BELIEVE her.

Take the TIME to be with your babies when they ask, because the asking happens less and less with each passing year.

It breaks my heart to tell you that someday your little girl WILL NOT WANT to come here for ice cream with you. She will not want to play checkers at the table with you and her daddy and her little brother. She'd rather be with her friends. ACCEPT the invitation when it is given. Even if you have a thousand reasons not to.

LISTEN to that little boy of yours ... his crazy tales, his lame jokes, his young fears ... he needs to know that his mama will always listen ... to the little things that will evolve into bigger things as he grows.

And HE WILL GROW. Until he is taller than you are. And you cannot wrestle him to the carpet anymore just to prove you can. Because you can't.

BE with your babies when you are with them. It is hard. Inexplicably hard. Mamas have so much to do, so much to worry about. But see them. Hear them. Feel them. Just for a few minutes ... until they run off to do something else and leave you to clean up the sticky ice cream from the table.

Always say goodbye or tuck them in at night with a KISS and a HUG. Even if they protest. and always say "I LOVE YOU." A lot. Every day. Even if one of you is angry with the other. Sticky ice cream on the couch and broken curfews and hurtful words cannot negate your love. Make sure they know that. ALWAYS.

TIME IS SHORT, mama. Trust me on this. Know that the day will come when you are taking THE LAST FIRST day of school pictures outside the front door and you are wondering where these 13 years went and what next year at this same time is going to bring as you are leaving her at college.

TRUST ME, young mama. This I know.

But this I also know is part of being a M.O.M. It's part of the process, part of the joy and the pain. But mostly the joy, even when it is joyful sadness. (Trust me, that's true, too.)

The above-mentioned pharmaceutical rep plans to call the office back tomorrow. I hope I'm the one to answer her call. I'm going to re-introduce myself as Erika L. Smith, M.O.M. ... and maybe the front office personnel that is really good at her job.

Flames in the Darkness

2014-08-12T21:02:00.001-04:00

The world is saddened today by the death of Robin Williams. His apparent suicide finds us among a multitude of opinions and emotions. It is difficult to understand how someone who can portray such profound thinking and bring out so much joy in others can struggle so with the demons of the dark ... the demons that we are just not comfortable speaking of.

I have so many thoughts regarding depression and alcoholism and my heart teters between those who suffer those demons and those left in the wake of either one. I struggle with my spiritual beliefs and the world's view of right and wrong.

In her blog today, Ann Voskamp described depression as "a room engulfed in flames and you can’t breathe for the sooty smoke smothering you limp — and suicide is deciding there is no way but to jump straight out of the burning building."
(Full article at http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/08/what-the-church-christians-need-to-know-about-suicide-mental-health/)

In another blog I read tonight, Shawna Morrissey describes this enlightening moment years after her uncle's suicide: "My family was watching a documentary on the 9/11 terrorist attacks and for the first time, I saw footage of someone jumping from the window of one of the twin towers. All at once, I understood what Jay’s bishop had meant. The person was not jumping from the building to die, but rather to escape the intense and consuming flames. Nobody would accuse that person of being selfish or of giving up on life."
(Full article at http://eatthinkbemerry.com/2014/06/a-perspective-on-suicide/)

Wow. To feel that heat ... to feel that fear ... to feel that despair of no hope. There's my enlightening moment. It's only by the grace of God that I have only seen those flames from a distance; only felt their slight warmth; and have always been able to escape to safety.

I am NOT advocating that suicide is ever a good choice. Life is too PRECIOUS. There is HOPE and HELP no matter how deep into the darkness we lie ... even when the demons convince us otherwise. I'm just saying that these articles, and others, have given me a different perspective on the pain and loneliness and fear one must feel when making the decision that suicide is the only "good" thing left.

I have no expert opinion on the subject - spiritual, medical, or any otherwise. I am just another person with a saddened heart at the loss of so many precious lives. And I am pointing no fingers except at myself. If there is anything good to come out of this public loss, I would hope that we could all just be more aware. That we could take off the mask of perfection and know that others are wearing it, too - hiding their darkness from those around them. That we could be more compassionate to one another. And that we could endeavor to be LIGHT and HOPE to those that daily face their demons in the wretched darkness.

Hope

2014-02-08T21:27:00.002-05:00

It's been a very long time since I've blogged. My life hasn't been what I thought it should have been at this point in the game. For the most part, I've been knocked down and feeling defeated and therefore, I haven't been willing to put much of myself out there. But in this, this eve of my 41st year, I'm beginning to truly feel hopeful again.

My natural personality is that of an optimist. I tend to want to see the best in people, even the worst of them. I tend to look for the good that might come from a bad situation. And I certainly don't worry about the weather report on the evening news. I'm simply just a "the glass is half full" kind of girl.

Could that be part of the reason I can be so easily hurt? Maybe. I don't know. But I do know during the past few years, my natural optimism has been greatly tested. Even in my search for the good, the bad just kept rearing its ugly head. It is so very hard to be hopeful in times of testing. It is so very hard to hold on to what you believe in when most everyone around you is hinting that you could be wrong.

I don't know why I've made the choice I've made thus far. But right now, at this moment, I am praying that because I've held on tight to that one small thing ... that tiny shred of hope ... that my "maybe" is finally going to win out over the world's "no".

So listen to that whisper. Tell the world "no!" And hold on to HOPE.

The Joy Dare - March's Gifts

2012-04-15T15:52:00.000-04:00

The Joy Dare is given by Ann Voskamp,

author of One Thousand Gifts and the blog A Holy Experience.

The Joy Dare - February's Gifts

2012-04-15T15:50:00.001-04:00

The Joy Dare is given by Ann Voskamp,

author of One Thousand Gifts and the blog A Holy Experience.

The Joy Dare - January's Gifts

2012-04-15T15:45:00.000-04:00

The Joy Dare is given by Ann Voskamp,
author of One Thousand Gifts and the blog A Holy Experience.

It's All Under Control

2012-02-09T15:47:00.000-05:00

My sister was admitted to the hospital today for her stem cell transplant. Her husband and our mother are with her ... several states away. And I feel like I should be there, too. If not for my sister, at least for my mom. She's so tired. But she wouldn't be anywhere else.

But God sent us all a message today. My sister sent this picture of the room she will be staying in. Instead of your typical, bland hospital room, she and my mom walked into a room with butterflies, birds, and flowers painted all over the walls. (And it has a view to boot! See that sunshine?!?!) It's one of the only decorated rooms, according to the staff. It was donated by the Association for Support of Children with Cancer. And since the children are now located in another area of the hospital, adults are now being blessed by this donation.

Informational Tidbit #1: My sister adores butterflies. She has for years. And they've become her cancer symbol ... her symbol of hope. And even though her poor groom would prefer to never see another one in their home, she is even incorporating them into their ceremony this spring for their renewal of vows.

Informational Tidbit #2: My mother adores flowers and plants. Her gardens are beautiful. Her house is full of them. She has the greenest thumb I know, after my grandmother.

So ... my mother and I are taking this room as a sign. A sign from God. Reminding us that He's right there. Reminding me that even though I'm not there to take care of both of them, He is. And He's got it all under control.

Frugal Living - Grocery Shopping

2012-02-01T14:46:00.000-05:00

Many people think frugal living is just about saving money. There is also a theory that TIME IS MONEY. I have several techniques to try to save both.

After bills, much of our take-home income is spent on purchases, most of which seems to be groceries, so let’s concentrate there for now.

Keep a grocery list … a continually running list on the fridge of items that need to be replenished. This includes the gallon of milk that was just emptied or the bag of flour that was just opened. Because it’s not so convenient to make a quick trip to the store when you’re in need of a new bar of soap to shower with, right? Write down each item as you use it up or open it up. I even break my list up into sub-lists by store. Make your life extremely easy and write your list in the order you'll find your items in the store! Do what you have to do to make it easy and fun: write on pretty papers or with pretty pens! I have some monthly list pads that my hubby bought for me once. I switch them on the 1st of each month so it's never boring! Just use the list … love the list.

Stop shopping daily, or even weekly. While some items like fresh produce and eggs need to be restocked more frequently, other items do not. Buy what you need for at least two weeks at a time. The more you go, the more you spend. Use the list ... love the list (see above).

Put a limit on couponing. Wait! Please hear me out … Yes, you can save oodles of money with coupons, but it takes a LOT of time to save a LOT of money. I do not have a lot of time and what I do have I do not want to pour into couponing. And in reality, buying items that I normally wouldn’t use isn’t really saving me anything. And neither is stocking up on multiple items that are just sitting on a shelf. My grandfather will tell you, “It’s not a good deal if you don’t need it.” So, use coupons only for items you would normally purchase, for items that are already on sale, or for those items that you’d like to splurge on once-in-a while.

Shop wisely. Use your farmer’s markets in season and bulk food stores – the produce is better and bulk is generally less expensive and healthier. Shop at discount stores like Aldi – for most items, brand doesn’t mean better and often the only difference is in the packaging. Use sales flyers – view these on-line and even save the cost of a Sunday paper! Make a list of sale items that match-up with your coupons and grocery list. Use the list ... love the list. (Have I mentioned the list?)

Do it yourself. Make your own cup of coffee – invest in a Keurig (and the refillable filter!) if you must. Pack your lunch – it doesn’t take long. Limit junk food and pre-packaged items. Baby carrots are easy, but more expensive than cutting up your own, which isn't terribly difficult. (Then again, time is money so choose your battles.) Cook your own dinner – cooking and eating as a family is SO important, and not just for the wallet.

There's so much more that can be done. But you have to find what works for you and your family. Maybe I'll share some other ideas another time!

Just remember, frugal doesn’t mean cheap or poor … it just means smart.

It's Real

2012-01-17T21:10:00.001-05:00

Today, I was commenting to a friend about an "impending" fear I have. She had various encouraging comments but one was a quote that she had heard earlier today ... I hope I have it right ... "Do you believe that what you really believe is really real?"

Tonight, not long after that conversation, my teenage daughter and I were surprised by a call from a former friend of hers. I say former because some things happened during the last school year that drove them apart.

Let's start at the beginning ... this girl moved into our school district from the neighboring one. She came from a hurting home and moved down the street with her mother. My daughter befriended her and for a while, they were very good friends. We welcomed her into our home and I tried to do what I could. I knew the family didn't have much and as I sat at one of their volleyball games, I noticed that she could really use a new pair of sneakers. At the time, it was easier for me to give her cash than to take the time to take her shopping. I did nothing more ... I didn't even think to pray for her ... at least not that I can remember. And that makes me sad.

(Note to self: next time TAKE THE TIME ... and PRAY)

As we all know, there is a LOT of drama in high school, maybe more so between girls. And this friendship was no exception. I did my best to support the situation while letting them try to sort things out on their own. And then the threats of physical harm began. Toward my daughter and a few of her friends ... both male and female. Thankfully, that's all they were ... threats. And thankfully, the administration took care of everything necessary at the time. And at the end of the school year, this girl moved back across the district line. We saw her once at the movie theater this fall. My daughter was worried. I tried to ease the fear and make light of it. And then I never really thought of her again.

(Note to self: next time, DON'T forget)

Thankfully, God did not forget her. She called us tonight ... us ... my daughter AND me. She wanted to apologize for everything that she did and said last spring. You see, she recently tried to commit suicide by overdosing. She said that she had a lot of time to think during her recovery and she thought about us and the other kids involved. And she just wanted to apologize and thank us for being kind to her.

(Note to self: ALWAYS be kind)

We just do not comprehend the implications of what we do and say every day. I did nothing more than open my home to this girl while she was here and give her some cash to buy some sneakers. But she remembered. And maybe those small kindnesses will be paid forward to someone else when she is in the position to do so.

Moral of the story: Don't give up on your teenagers or their friends or their "frenemies" ... don't ever give up. You just don't know what God is going to do with them ... or you.

Now, back to that question: Do I believe that what I really believe is really real? I sure do! Because God didn't have to save that girl. He didn't have to turn her heart around. And He certainly didn't have to lay it on her heart to call us and apologize and thank us! But He did.

(Note to self: tonight, don't forget to THANK HIM!)

A Little Story

2012-01-08T17:04:00.000-05:00

So has Not Me ever lived in your house? How about Somebody? Or maybe Nobody at all? Seriously, I must have at least one other person living here besides my husband, our three children, and the two cats.

I did not write the following story - the original author is unknown. But I first discovered it on a poster that used to hang in my father's office at home and it applies to my life as a mom ... specifically yesterday ... and most other days of the week. But that's beside the point ...

"This is a story about four people named EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, and NOBODY. There was an important job to be done and EVERYBODY was sure that SOMEBODY would do it. ANYBODY could have done it, but NOBODY did it. SOMEBODY got angry about that because it was EVERYBODY'S job. EVERYBODY thought ANYBODY could do it, but NOBODY realized that EVERYBODY wouldn't do it. It ended up that EVERYBODY blamed SOMEBODY when NOBODY did what ANYBODY could have done."

Now I believe that I am correct stating that NOBODY wants to clean up the grape juice that he/she spilled. But really, could EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY please help a mama out?

"In everything give thanks."
1 Thessalonians 5:18a (NKJ)

Lord, thank you for the grape juice all over the kitchen. It reminds me that I am blessed both with children and homemade juice to nourish them. Amen.

Tearing Down the Walls

2012-01-07T12:34:00.006-05:00

Photo by Me

I don't do New Year's Resolutions. As noble as they are intended to be, they've never worked for me, as I suspect might be the case for many. But this year, I really do want to do something new for me ... something to better myself.

"Tear Down the Walls". That's my New Year's phrase, if you will. I already know how to build them ... all too well. But according to the Bible there is a time for everything.

A Time for Everything

~ Ecclesiastes 3 ~

(in the version of me)

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to harvest,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to turn away,

6 a time to search and a time to lose,

a time to keep and a time to throw a way,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

So I think 2012 is the time to tear down some of my walls ... to let some things out ... to let some others in ... to stop hiding ... to set sail ... to discover new shores.

"One does not discover new lands

without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."

~ Andre Gide

There are so many things I'd like to do different this year ... I'd like to organize, de-clutter, and redecorate parts of our home. I'd like to blog more frequently and bless someone by my words. I'd like to be more creative and find a passion again.

On a more personal level ... a more important level ... I'd like to get rid of some of those walls ... some of those bricks ... most of which are probably stones of fears. I need to. They aren't serving me the way that I thought they might. They aren't serving anyone else, for that matter. And they certainly aren't serving God.

I'd like to spend more quality time with my family and friends (my husband, my kids, my parents, my grandparents, my siblings, my old high school friends ... the list goes on). I'd like to share my feelings and thoughts. I'd like to share my fears and my dreams. I'd like to share my frustrations and my joys. I'd like to spend some fun money. I'd like to rediscover who I really am. I'd like to spend some time enjoying life ... heck, enjoying ME!

There are three things that I've started in in January to help me do all of this.

1. First, I've taken the Joy Dare as introduced by Ann Voskamp. I've begun several times writing down things I'm grateful for. Sometimes I give up within a few days, sometimes it takes a bit longer. This time, though, maybe with an approach that includes my camera, I might be able to do this for the entire year! I anticipate that I'll I miss a day here or there on paper, or on film, but I'm telling myself that it's OK ... just as long as I remember that I have 1,000+ things to be thankful for each and every day.

2. Next, I've printed out the 2012 Declutter and Organize Calendar. I am a bit OCD about organization and keeping things clutter-free. However, I also have a husband, 3 children, and 2 cats that do not share this need for order. And, truth be told, I do let things build up and get overwhelmed with how to get rid of some things. A small daily "to-do" will hopefully help me along my desire to have "a place for everything and everything in it's place" ... and maybe ease my OCD a bit along the way. (Let it go, Erika, let it go ...)

3. My third endeavor involves a more direct approach to "tearing down my walls". After agonizing over the $40 cost, I took the plunge and signed up for an on-line class of sorts: Scrapbook Life Journal with Stephanie Ackerman. It's meant to help me "make time to take time to reflect on [my life], journal [my] thoughts, take more pictures of [MYSELF] and enjoy the little moments in life that often get forgotten in [my] busy, hustle bustle life & world." I'm excited to get into my paper crafting supplies again - it's been way too long. And hopefully, God-willing, I'll find me and Him again in the process.

I'll try to share some of my enlightenment with you along my journey. And that's what it is ... "It's a journey, not a destination", as my good doctor/boss often states. So one thing I have to remember is something else Stephanie Ackerman mentioned in her first e-mail: "It took you a long time to get there so things are not going to change overnight." This is going to be a process ... tearing down my walls ... but I pray in the end, I will be happy with the me I have found.

Photo by Hallie Sochia

2011-11-18T20:37:00.000-05:00

Photo by Dan Smith

"A child fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty." ~ Unknown

We were blessed with a new nephew this week. I haven't met him yet ... but I ache to. As much as I know that I'm finished having children (and am completely at peace with that decision), there's just something about holding a newborn that is so precious, so beautiful. It makes my heart swell.

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world...I leaned in...and kissed him and my world cracked open." ~ Unknown

When I fell in love and married, at the ripe old age of 18, I couldn't imagine loving anyone more. That just couldn't be possible.

A little over six years later, we were blessed with our firstborn daughter. And though different, the love I felt couldn't have been greater. When I learned I was expecting our second child, I worried and feared that I wouldn't be able to love him like his older sister. I was so wrong. My heart grew in love the moment he was born. As our final baby arrived, our second daughter, the lesson was learned all over again.

"To have a child, is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~ Unknown

So when my nephew was born on Tuesday, the first baby to his parents, I wondered if they felt the same. I suspect maybe so. Maybe we all do at times. And then I wondered why. Why do we think there isn't enough love to go around?

There are lots of reasons, one would suppose, that we worry about love ... about loving and being loved. Too many sad reasons to explore.

"The best and most beautiful things can not be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller

But my biggest revelation (as I'm over-analyzing all of this while praying this baby through his arrival) was realizing that maybe all the love we all need in this big ol' world is already here, has always been here. Just waiting, waiting for us to open our tiny hearts so it can become part of us, dwell within us. Waiting for us to take it in and then give it away. Waiting for us to share it, with anyone, with everyone. Waiting for us to come to the realization that when we share it, Love grows even more.

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." ~ Unknown

So, today I will open my heart. Today I will let myself be loved. Today I will love another ... and another ... and another ... and another. And tomorrow, I pray, I will do it all again.

Will you?

"Beloved, let us love one another ..." ~ 1 John 4:7a

The Tooth Fairy

2011-10-05T19:50:00.000-04:00

My 10 year old son lost a tooth on Wednesday. The Tooth Fairy simply forgot to come. Thursday brought a family emergency. The Tooth Fairy was too worried and forgot to come. On Friday and Saturday, we were out of town. The Tooth Fairy, again, just forgot to come. On Sunday, my son reminded me gently, in his precious, precious way. The Tooth Fairy ... she still had her head in the muck of her life and forgot to come.

The Tooth Fairy finally remembered my boy on Monday night. She came before he was asleep, however, and offered him double what she usually gives. And when she asked, he handed over the tooth with a big, strong hug ... and a sly little grin.

My little man. So loving. So forgiving.

I pray that the Tooth Fairy can overcome this season of forgetfulness, because she really hates letting her children down.

Waves

2011-09-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

I was recently told that the "wake" I create touches more people that I could imagine. I'm certain he meant that in a positive light.

But, tonight my waves could have drowned someone. Unfortunately, my family were the ones getting drenched. My stress, my frustrations, my fears, my failures ... usually all well-kept, nice and neat, inside ... just burst forth like a tsunami and rocked those innocently in my path. They never saw it coming - probably still have no clue what hit them.

My self-diagnosed "OCD" for control and organization and peace compiled with their lack of the same is wreaking havoc in my life ... and in theirs. Sometimes it seems that life would be easier for all if I would just be swept out to sea.

Bricks & Roses

2011-08-03T21:34:00.000-04:00

Oh, what a challenge I received today.

In a counseling session originally meant for my husband, our pastor turned to me and said that I need to allow God to take my walls away ... brick by brick ... even if it feels like they are being chiseled out of my chest.

Ouch.

OK, I freely admit I have walls.  BIG ones. I have built them myself - maybe with some help - and I've grown accustomed to them. I rather like them, actually. They make me feel safe and secure - hidden from harm - up high in my tower away from the dragons ... dragons of pain and disappointment and lonliness and distrust.

Then, in the very same conversation, he also told me that he pictures me as a tightly closed rosebud that God wants to see blossom ... to fully open and transform into a beautiful, living person.

Hmmmm. This is much harder to grasp.

I like roses, too, actually more so when they are closed. No, maybe just when they are beginning to open. Full of potential.    I have many flowers in my gardens. I even have two very small rose bushes. Neither one of them flourishes. It takes a special gardener to tend the roses. In this, I am not skilled.

Bricks ... and roses.

Apparently my walls aren't protecting me anymore.  If they were, wouldn't I be pain-free? Wouldn't I be content and happy and fearless and trusting? Wouldn't I be open to receive love ... and to give it?

And apparently, even though I see my self completley the opposite, God sees me as full of life and beauty.

So, God, maybe it's time. Maybe it's time that I let you use that chisel of yours ... gently, please? ... and take these bricks. (Have you already removed some in the last several days? It didn't hurt too much, I suppose.) And maybe, when the bricks come down, somewhere behind that wall I'll see the rose ... the one that was promised to be blossomed and beautiful and full of life.

"I will tear down the wall you have covered with whitewash and will level it to the ground so that its foundation will be laid bare. When it falls, you will be destroyed in it; and you will know that I am the LORD." ~Ezekiel 13:14

Welcome to Rock Bottom

2011-06-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

Normal people don't pray for a crisis. Or wish for one on a shooting star. Or ask for one from that genie in a bottle. Most days, people do everything in their human power to avoid it.

But things haven't been normal lately ... not for a long time. I needed change. Something big. So I began to pray. It was all I had left. (It should have been what I started with.) I prayed for change - in belief, in habit, in taste, in heart. I literally prayed for ROCK BOTTOM.

Because when you hit rock bottom, and survive it, the only place to go is UP.

Finally met those rocks face-to-face last weekend. They appeared in places and circumstances and timing that I never would have imagined and especially would not have chosen. But none-the-less, rocks are what we received.

And I wasn't standing on the rocks. Hadn't even fallen on them. I was being crushed. Like someone had piled those rocks right on top of my chest. I was terrified. Sick. Screaming with heartache.

Thankfully God has placed people in our path to help us over the rocks ... right from the first moment. Compassion. Kindness. Empathy. Resources. And multitudes of prayers. The love and support has been overwhelming. It's not surprising. But it is so very comforting.

Miracles continue to take place. Hearts are warming. Bad habits are crumbling ... in record time, mind you. And a family is beginning to be restored.

The road is long. It will be expensive and embarassing and inconvenient. But this is so much better than the alternatives.

This is our rock bottom. And for now, I am strangely at peace here and slowly making my way to the top.

Alma Mater

2011-04-06T10:58:00.007-04:00

"There’s a land of rushing water

where once a forest grew

And the dark trees trailed their branches

in the river’s dusky hue.

There the BEAVERS built their houses

in confidence serene.

And the sunset was the orange

and the forest was the green."

That's my high school's alma mater - Beaver River Central School. The home of the Beavers. When I was a kid, I was never impressed with our school colors or our mascot - not very impressive in some eyes. But something changes when one graduates. If my blood wasn't orange then, it certainly is now.

I attended BRCS from Kindergarten straight up through my senior year. I never knew another school, another building, other teachers, other programs. Beaver River was my life. It still is.

You see, in addition to my siblings and me, my husband graduated from there ... as did his siblings, and my parents, and two of my grandparents. A third grandparent even received an honorary diploma there several years ago since he wasn't able to finish high school due to his service in WWII. One grandfather and my father each served on the Board of Education in past years. Today, my three children attend the school and my husband and sister-in-law are two of their excellent teachers.

So you see, I really do bleed orange.

I realize all schools are facing challenges right now. Budget cuts are everywhere. But it always hurts more when it hits home. Yesterday, home was hit.

Notifications were made to 19 faculty and staff that their positions will likely be cut. Nine others were told that their positions would be cut to half-time. That's 25 adults losing their job or significantly taking a cut in their salary. 25 may not sound like a lot to you. For us, a school with less than 1000 students, that's HUGE! Roughly a third.

You see, we live in a very rural community. Our school houses K-12 in one building. And because of our rural locale, this school is an integral part of our daily lives in this community. This school is not just a school. This school is our home, the students and staff our family.

And what happens when your family is attacked? You fight. You fight to protect and to save. You give all you got.

I don't "got" much. (That's the way a lot of us talk around here.) "We don't got much." But today I have my words. My thoughts. My prayers. So that's what I'll give.

Today I wrote my first letter to the editor, my first letters to my government officials and agencies. This is not me. And it's not something I should be proud of (the fact that I've never done it before). But my family is hurt and I need to fight. I don't know if my words will be read. I don't know if they will be "heard" or understood or considered. But I need to do something, right?

To Whom it May Concern:

That’s such a cliché … to whom it may concern. Especially when it seems the concern isn’t there. Which is the reason for this letter.

I am writing to you regarding the impending crises of the Beaver River Central School community. I realize that school districts everywhere are facing some of the same situations. But I am asking you to use your position and your voice to help us; those of us here in a small community in northern New York that most of your colleagues have never even heard of.

I am proud to be a Beaver River graduate, as are my husband, my siblings, my parents, and my grandparents. Our three children now attend Beaver River and my husband and sister-in-law are two of their excellent teachers.

Because of the size of the size of our community, Beaver River in an integral part of our daily lives. Much of our social life revolves around the school. Concerts, sporting events, benefits, and various other activities.

One such event that will forever remain in my heart concerns my immediate family in particular. Last fall, I was planning a benefit to raise money for medical expenses for my sister who was going through chemotherapy in Virginia. Less that one week before the benefit was to be held, my sister had a cardiac arrest and my brother and I immediately left with our father to be by her side. (My mother was already there.) My husband and sister-in-law graciously stepped in to finish organizing the benefit in my absence. But more importantly, countless teachers and other Beaver River staff members stepped in right along side of them. So many helped plan and organize and set-up and serve the meal and count the money and contact winners of the silent auction. They did not have to do this. It was not their family in need. But in a way it was, because we ARE family in this district. And that’s what family does: they support each other in times of need.

There are less than 1000 students K-12, but that doesn’t mean we have less heart or less need. Our students, faculty, and staff are just as important as any other.

As it stands now, approximately 25 faculty and staff have been notified that their position will be cut either entirely or to half-time. 25 – that’s roughly the equivalent of our entire elementary teaching staff. We are losing administrators, teachers, assistants, and support staff; from elementary, middle school, and high school; in all program areas, including the core courses.

Our school is losing excellent educators. Our community is losing friends, family, and tax-payers. The economic ripple effect of this will be never-ending and far-reaching.

More importantly, though, our students are losing favorite teachers and mentors and programs that they love. Music, art, ag, and tech classes, sports – they may be the “extras” that can be most easily cut, but for some of our children, they are the incentive for going to school in the first place, the one thing that they feel they are good at or find enjoyable.

I remember over 20 years ago, being involved in a student “sit-in” in the pool lobby of Beaver River. The budget must have been in a similar state and our entire sports program was threatened. I was too young at the time to really understand, but now as I look back, someone noticed us. Someone took another look, a harder look. Someone took the time and energy to find another way. Someone helped us to keep the sports program that we so dearly loved.

We need someone again. We need to be re-assessed. We need to be taken off the “wealthy” list, because anyone knowing this area even a little bit knows that is not the case. I realize this takes more money that the state does not seem to have. But the effects would be so worthwhile. Stop spending money in useless places and put the money where it matters. (For instance, no one in the north country needed a grant study to learn that if more maple trees were tapped, maple producers could earn more money. A five-minute conversation with any local maple producer would have given the same results.) Someone somewhere can make the decision to use our money more wisely. Someone needs to step up and do the right thing and stop worrying about political agendas.

There are so many other places that cuts can be made. Please don’t make them in our education system. Our children need us to support their future … they ARE our future.

Please be that person or organization or government official. Please help save our teachers and our staff and our programs. Please help our community. Save our school.

Sincerely,

Erika L. Smith
Beaver River Family Member

Our students are also stepping up. The support I've seen come from them in the last 24 hours has been amazing! Signs, banners, posters, streamers. Their motto has become SOS ... Save Our School. So many wore white T-shirts today decorated with those letters - my kids included. The most amazing ones also mentioned on the back that "our God is greater" than all of this. And He is. We need to remember that. We need to count on that.

There was one shirt, though, that made me sad as I saw streams of them in the hallways this morning. One high school boy had the SOS on his shirt just like the others, only his first "S" stood for "sink". My own heart sank reading it. Given all the emotion he must have seen yesterday, I can't imagine what kind of heart he must have to make and wear that.

I wanted to ask him what his dream was to be when he grew up. Then I wanted to tell him that the teachers he sits with every day had a dream, too. Their dream was to become a teacher, his teacher, and to touch the hearts of kids just like him. To touch their hearts and train their minds. To teach and guide and mentor and encourage them to become everything they want to be. To reach for their dream!

I hope someone will be bolder than I was this morning. I hope someone will gently encourage him to reconsider his statement. And I hope that he does.

Because these teachers, these administrators, these assistants and other support staff ... their all feeling like their dream has been ripped out of their hearts.

Save Our School. And if you don't live here in our district, do something to save yours.