Foreign object in muddy water

Homeschooling = Lots of waiting

2017-12-18T12:21:00.002-08:00

At the moment, I’m in my car. Waiting for my son to finish his 1 hour art class. My daughter is with me too as she’s not feeling well. This is a common scenario for homeschool parents. 1 hour is sometimes good for doing some fast grocery shopping if the store is not too far or have a nice coffee/snack by yourself if there’s a coffee place nearby. But sometimes we just wait in the car because the school doesn’t have a waiting room and we’re too far from our home.

I guess I could have found an art class nearer to my house but this seems to be one of the better art studios and it’s a vendor of our charter school. This is not too bad of a drive either. Another kids class is about an hour’s commute due to rush hour traffic and it’s 4 hours long. I wised up fast and used that time to meet with friends who live nearby, and do grocery shopping.

Of course we can always teach art class at home but I find that I spend most of our time already on other subjects. Plus I’m not that great in art. You should see my ceramic work. Is it a vase? Or a wavy bowl? So, like other homeschool parent, we outsource classes we can’t teach effectively. Since my kids are younger, their outsourced classes are mostly extra curricular or PE. We also have an intense foreign language program that they are plugged into. But all those classes means lots of driving and waiting.

Rush for ES meeting!

2017-01-16T22:08:00.001-08:00

12 o'clock. That's our appointment time tomorrow. Every month, we have to meet up with our ES (Educational Specialist) that is part of our homeschool charter school program. The best part about being part of that program is we get our kids school paperwork nice and neat, resources like field trips and the money. We get about $1k every school term to spend on curriculum or classes/tutors. So, most of us use it on classes which subjects that we can't teach at home like gymnastics, forest classes, horse riding, etc. Sometimes, it's for classes that gives us Moms a break from the kids - like the homeschool co-op classes. In this area, we have two big homeschool co-op classes which is filled with subjects for various grades. If I can get two of my kids at the same time, then that's a really sweet bonus for me. For this term, we decide to forgo that because some of the other classes took most of the cash resource away.

Back to the ES meeting. This is a visit for us to let the school know that the kids are learning. We tell her what we covered then give samples for each subject for each child. Because a month goes by, sometimes I forget what we've done so I have to look at the books and present to her our best work. I got more organized this time around, and created a folder tonight for both kids with samples to present to her. I think this is the second folder I've done, but this time it's better, it has three labels! In this case, I don't go around trying to find stuff. I also found out that in a month, we actually can spend quite some time on one subject matter. There's a lot of discussions, videos, field trips and reading on one topic so the samples are not as varied as I would like. Plus we spend a lot of time on chinese language homework which doesn't really count for the school. Luckily our ES seems to understand that. Different ES has different personalities so we had our growing pains but as a whole, we've managed to get to a good understanding.

So, today I made sure we have all our samples ready and finish up whatever subject matter we don't have samples on. I know a lot of families are like ours so it's pretty normal. So, if you're thinking of going our route, my tip - 12 o'clock. It's always good to have the morning free.

Our reasons for homeschooling

2017-01-14T14:26:00.002-08:00

We've been homeschooling since my daughter was born. Aside from teaching her the basics like potty training, we thought her ASL, Mandarin, Malay and English. From there, teaching maths, social studies and language arts wasn't that difficult. However, I do get anxiety attacks about how well I'm doing as a homeschool parent. Facebook doesn't help either, especially when I see my friends super smart kids who seems to be far ahead of my kids. So, I'd like to list out my reasons for homeschooling just to remind myself why I'm doing this :

1 - Bonding time - We spend a lot of time together so we're quite close. Yes, we all fight too and learn how to make up. I learn what discipline techniques work, and what doesn't. Every day is a gift to me. I went to a boarding school when I was 16, and before boarding school, our daily life was busy from morning to night. My school was usually from 6am (I had to take a private bus and it's about an hour's drive) to about 2pm, then I have to go to Islamic school for about two hours. I'll go home to an empty house coz both my parents were working. When we do meet to talk, they're tired, I was tired...it weren't the best conversation. My parents work hard for us to have a good life and I totally get that but my Mom passed away when she's pretty young and it makes family time more precious for me.

2 - Lots of learning - the basic stuff like math, language arts, science, art and social studies are pretty straightforward at this early grades. But the best part is that since the kids have more free time, we're able to take lots of extra curricular classes like choir, gymnastics, ballet, Mandarin. Mandarin is quite intense for us because we're a non-Mandarin speaking family so the extra time we have to study helps a lot. They are also learning how to read Arabic now and coding (computer have their own language too). Later on, I'm thinking they can take up Malay and Spanish.

3 - Flexibility - we can start studying anytime of the day and anywhere. There's no rush to go to school except a few of the classes we have. We can go on holidays/trips whenever we want though since we do have extra curricular activities, we just have to worry about re-scheduling those but on a whole, it's much easier than explaining to a school.

4 - Individual passions - This is a big reason for me, however, since my kids are still young, my biggest job is give or expose them to as many options or experiences as I can now. Learning many languages is a part of that. As they grow, I hope they will find things/fields of study that they love, and we will explore that as much as we can.

4 - Faith - One of the usual main reason for homeschooling is religious. However, for our family, it's more of a bonus but not the main reason. As muslims we pray 5 times a day. It's easier for them to see how and when I do it. They're pretty young so they're learning all the time on how to do it. Since it's all in Arabic, there's a lot of memorization involved so we're taking it a step at a time.

5 - Focus on building personal strengths - it's hard to work at home. Over time, the kids have improved in learning how to study by themselves. They also go to classes and listen to lectures but when they're at home, they have so many distractions. I find that the older they are, the easier for them to focus. We don't study for long hours anyway, and take many mini breaks.

Living in the Bay Area is wonderful for homeschoolers. There's quite a lot of us, and many different groups too. We're lucky to be have co-op classes for homeschoolers available, activities and park playdates. So, if you have any questions about homeschooling...email me and I'll be happy to help.

Ah...now after writing out this list..I feel refreshed. :)

Feet surgery - praying for enough cartilage.

2017-01-07T12:31:00.001-08:00

Being a stay at home/homeschooling Mom, I tried putting off surgery for my foot for some time. My foot pain had increased dramatically the last five years and I pushed it off as the physical exertion of what my work entails. My doctor at that time gave me a wrong diagnosis and referred me to a podiatrist who pegged it as simple arthritis and not being able to do anything about it. After a few years, and seeing Kurt more independent, I changed doctors and she referred me to another podiatrist who told me that I had foot trauma (which I did in my 20's) and over the years, bone spurs have started growing due to the micro-fracture. Since the kids are a bit older, and I don't have much time to lose, I booked a surgery right away. Turns out, my other foot had a bone anomaly in it too which the podiatrist suggest to take out at the same time. Yup, that means, I have to have surgery on both feet.

My biggest issue was lack of cartilage. If I don't have any, then the docs have to put in a silicon cushion between the joints because we can't grow cartilage. That's one of the reasons why we shrink as we get older. I always thought that Glucosamine can help but she says there's no studies backing that up - which is true. Here's a good link about the future of cartilage growth and it's got to do with cells and maybe 3D printing. :)

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2014/09/researchers-take-up-challenge-of-reviving-cartilage.html

So, I went into the surgery center at 5:30am, fill in the forms and met up with all the doctors/surgeon assistant/nurses/anesthesiologist that are going to be in the surgical room with me. The funniest part for me was my attempt to be awake throughout the surgery. I was awake for both my c-sections so I figured it's going to be same with this one. Well, I was under a twilight anesthesia, and the moment that mask was on me, I was out. I woke up from a dream with a nurse calling my name about 2 hours and 30 minutes later. It felt like a moment. Then I saw my two bandaged feet, and they had just started to throb. I learnt fast that I had to ask for pain killers (from my c-section experience) and this nurse gave me a pill right away which helped especially since I was driven straight home afterwards. The nurse called Kevin in, and he brought the kids. The kids had these scared expressions on their faces but it's good for them to see that Mom is not a robot, and that overall, I was fine.

After two days of bed-rest, the whole family went to my post op appointment. I thought it'll be cool for the kids to see the scars (I think I got that from my late Mom), and to see what a podiatrist does. When the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was scared to look especially when I saw how much dried blood was on it but I couldn't close my eyes in front of the kids. Plus I always told the kids to be brave when they have owies. Man, the scars are huge! They criss-cross each other, and looked like what Frankenstein has on his head. My feet was all yellow from iodine which Kurt asked about, and my skin on the right feet had black/blue bruises all over it. It was impressive. Brigitta thought the whole thing was pretty neat, and I loved that my podiatrist was a woman because Brigitta told me a few years back that she thought only men are doctors. On that day too, my podiatrist was wearing a very pretty dress, probably on a way to an event later but it's a bonus to me if a job allows one to wear anything we feel good in.

My doc said that I was very lucky to have a lot more cartilage than she expected. She managed to pop my joints in place, at great difficulty too because the bone spurs had started to grow underneath my big toe and not just on top as we thought. So she had to take those out too (from the top of my foot..imagine that). That was my right foot. My left foot had some thing going on but I didn't really understand fully...I just knew she got the bone spur out too. It's less extensive than my right.

I know have to wear a boot on my right and post op shoe on my left until she takes out stitches in two weeks time. My biggest problem right now is to rest as much as possible while homeschooling the kids. I figured worse comes to worse, they'll just skip a few classes till I'm ready to drive. Okay..I need to get some rest now. The pain does get to me at times, and I'm trying to stay off the narcotics.

Stay healthy!

Arrival - good movie date

2017-01-02T22:13:00.000-08:00

With two young kids, it takes sometimes, a superhuman effort to have some couple time with one's spouse. At the moment, we are a host family to a high school student. She's living with us for a year, and we have now the freedom to have last minute dates if she's hanging out at home. Yesterday night, I thought that we should catch the early show for Arrival. I appreciate that the movie theaters have the early morning prices. Movies can be pricey dates nowadays. Popcorn and sodas are equivalent to a full meal. But I do appreciate that they have Starbucks drinks at the movies too. Makes me feel more classy. Though once, the "barrista" totally ruined my drink and I had to tell her how to make it..so that decreased my feelings of being pampered. Yes, Starbucks drinks make me feel a little bit pampered and classy...so do most of the coffee boutique places..I don't know why.

Back to the movies. So, our neighbors were raving about Arrival. Rotten Tomatoes (RT) gave it a high rating. I originally wanted to see Passengers coz I have a girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence but RT gave it such a low ratings, I've decided to spend our precious dollars on a well-reviewed movie instead. With our exchange student keeping an eye on the kiddos, we practically ran out (partly coz we were late) and reached the theaters just in time. I noticed that there a lot of Indians going to the movies, there's just a huge wave of immigrants in Silicon Valley, and Indians make a big percentage of that. Where we live, there's not many Indians which also probably explains the lower API scores. Anyway, since I don't have a normal office job, it takes me aback sometimes on how unique the Bay Area is in terms of diversity. Different areas will have different majority races now. Santa Clara seems to have more Indians. Cupertino more Chinese and San Jose because it's so big, has many pockets of different races. Willow Glen (middle San Jose) has more Caucasians, Berryessa (North East San Jose) has more Chinese/Vietnamese, Alum Rock (East San Jose) has more Latinos..and so on.

Did I lose track again? Arrival..great movie. Made me tear up a bit, think and wonder, and suspend my belief of logic for a few hours. Great movie for couples because you can discuss this with your spouse for a good while after it's done. Go watch it.

I'm back or at least trying..

2017-01-01T00:58:00.002-08:00

The illegal fireworks have been booming outside since the clock stroke midnight. The kids are all tired out from staying up till midnight and Brigitta is fighting a virus. They're fast asleep now and won't be disturbed.

It's 2017. The kids are older. I'm still so busy. My last post was in 2012 I believe. Facebook was my respite. I could write shortly, to the point and place pictures- then bam! my friends are updated. It's easy to update compared to this blog. But I find that writing here is like being with an old friend even though if I'm the only reader of my own thoughts.

So, I'm making a promise to myself that I'll pick up this virtual pen again and write again in FOMW. It's a resolution I guess though I really do not like cliches.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope to find a better app to write my blogs on. Using Google Plus app is terrible! Now I remember why I gave up on it. Any suggestions will be helpful.

Did I complain about toys?

2012-06-02T22:04:00.001-07:00

I managed to sell some toys the last couple of days. Things I know we won't need again and too big to give away to family as they all live long distance (even Kevin's side). It's nice to have some cash rolling in, and some space cleared out. Some of the toys especially for the infant are quite large. Actually some of them were not toys but things that helps the parents with the baby like bath tubs or bouncers. Maybe I have a soul of a hoarder though coz when I felt so upset about letting these things go. I wish I have enough space for the things that will bring me back the memories. Photos are nice but to have that thing to touch, smell (Kurt's walker was made of wood), it just kills me to let them go.

Just a few minutes ago, I felt so sad that I just sat down for a minute, covered my face with my hands and give a small little sob. I remembered that I needed to reply to an email I got from a buyer saying her baby loves the items I sold to her. I suddenly had an image of Kurt walking fast with his walker with a huge smile on his face. He loves that thing too. It just hits me that I will never have that moment again. He's growing so fast that it felt like he only took a few days to walk which probably it did. That first year for a parent is so tough yet amazing. This little human that need our help to do everything even for some parents, to help them learn how to drink, eat and poop. I miss it, I miss baby Kurt and baby Brigitta..now I have a toddler Kurt and preschool Brigitta. I love seeing the new things they learn but I wish they grow a bit more slowly so I can savor it and them a bit more.

Toys toys everywhere

2012-05-22T09:29:00.001-07:00

I always was a little bit horrified by the amount of toys people (even my sis) have for their kids. As you can probably guess, this was before I have the two little ones.

Well, this morning, I really looked at my living room and realized that the whole place has toys everywhere. I have a small living room which also combines with the dining room so it's even more overwhelming.

But now I realized why this is so. Aside from all the developmental doo-dah that the manufacturers said the kids will enjoy. (they're kids, they will learn something even if you give them a stick), I realized it gives me a bit of time. Each toy lasts about 5 mins tops. Let's say I need 30 mins to cook, that's 6 different toys. I would also need time to go to the loo, shower and eat. So, yes you can imagine the mountain of toys i have in my house (and garage coz I rotate the toys).

Ah well, at least I'm rest assured that they're super developed mentally. ;)

T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

Oh anakku! (o my child!)

2012-05-08T09:55:00.001-07:00

I think my kids are going to be smarter than me. They're already smarter then I was at their age.

A few days ago, Kurt peered in his box of treasures aka the fridge, and started gesturing that he wants something. I asked,' is it yogurt?' And he nodded while signing yogurt. When I picked his yogurt up (kids yogurt) he shook his head and started pointing and grunting. I was a bit puzzled but then realized he wanted MY yogurt that's hidden a bit behind other stuff - the cup is bigger, more colorful, a different brand. I didn't know that he knows it's yogurt. So I took it out and he nodded vigorously. I wouldn't have minded much except that it's the last cup left in the fridge, the little turkey!

Then Brigitta and I were talking one day and she was making a doll jump. I said, 'lompat' which is jump in Malay. She said it then i said, 'tian' which I believed was jump in Mandarin. She stopped, looked at me with this annoyed look and said strongly, 'No, it's TIAO!'. I laughed and said, 'oops, tiao'. Being corrected by a 3 yr old. What's next?

I guess I need to step up my game to keep up with these guys. :)

Haniza
T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

Poem- A weary mind

2012-04-30T15:11:00.001-07:00

Why do I feel so down?
When the sky is so blue
And the sun shines so bright
And nothing is wrong

I have a roof over my head
I have enough food to eat
I should feel fine and at peace
But im all broody

It's funny how your mind
Is so powerful that it makes me feel
That its been raining for weeks
That the sun will never come out

To not feel that I am loved
When logically I know I am
To want to be cocooned
And run away...from myself

This is temporary I reminded myself
It's even a good thing, an education
To empathize with the others
Who see no end in this weariness

We are human after all
With our weaknesses
Our frailty, our anger, our anguish
Our depression

T$ypIng ftom iPhone..(but not driving)

What to do?

2012-04-26T11:27:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking of starting a new business as soon as Kurt is a little bit more independent. Right now, he still needs a lot of attention. I figure next year would be good when he turns 2.

The thing is I'm racking my poor overtired sleep deprived brain on what to do. I even got a few books for ideas from the library but am too tired to read them at the end of the day. Instead I do laundry while vegging in front of the tv.

I can't even think of getting a normal job even part time. Having kids kinda spoiled me, i want something that I really love or something that makes me grow. I want my kids to feel inspired when they see me. It's funny, growing up, all I wanted was my parents to be proud of me, now it's my kids. Life is messy (esp with kids) and complicated and amazing. I hope my afterlife will be as or more enriching. Or maybe it'll just be eternal peace.

But right now, I need to brainstorm even when I'm changing a diaper full of poop. ( not fun when its cloth diapering)

Haniza

How do you cut a durian?

2012-04-16T23:06:00.001-07:00

Just now while walking back to the car after shopping at the nearest asian grocery store, a lady stopped me and while pointing in my cart asked how do I eat that. I glanced down to where she's pointing, it was my Thai durian. She said she always wanted to try but not sure how to open it. I told her how I do it (with a serrated knife), she asked me if its a fruit and if its sweet, I affirmed to both questions and said its like yogurt and pudding. I'm just amazed that she's adventurous to try such a dangerous looking thing. I didn't tell her that though and I also didn't tell her about the smell...frozen durian doesn't smell as pungent as a fresh one.

Reaching 40 ...yay!

2012-04-13T23:30:00.003-07:00

I don't usually do anything for my birthdays but reaching 40 is a big deal for anyone. The thing I enjoy most is hanging out with my family and friends so we did a little potluck, got a cake and just hung out.

Me with K. Faridah the cakemaker.

Salman, Kyle and Adam

Pooi Yin, Sugitha and her daughter, Wani, Ayesha and Jasmine

We got tons of toys for the kids

Sheilla, K. Izzah, Azleena and K. Radziah

Brigitta cut herself before the party started, we didn't know what exactly happened but I'm glad we have a First Aid kit nearby.

Me, Daiana the new MIDA Director, Enola and Johanna. Daiana is my age and all this while the MIDA Director is usually someone much older.

Challenge Nation 2012 San Jose

2012-03-26T22:28:00.002-07:00

I can't believe it. I actually finished a race while walking/jogging through downtown San Jose and pushing a stroller at the same time. It took us about nearly 2 hours to finish. Today I woke up feeling achy all over and my muscles straining. Everytime I take a step down the stairs, I yelped in agony. But, I am proud of what I've done, not sure if I'll do it again in a heartbeat..let me heal first before I answer. ha ha.

Anyway, the race is called Challenge Nation, it's like Amazing race without the cameras and the million bucks. We have to finish 10 out of 12 challenges by figuring out clues, going to the location, take photos as proof then race back to the starting point to get our standing. To be frank, Emma and her hubby solved the clues for us, we then just followed her lead. There were about 160 teams and we were #60. Not bad for a team that has to push 4 kids around.

Below are photos from our challenges. Kevin and I were teamed with Emma (who is our team captain). Her hubby and a friend made out the other team, they were #4 and won a prize. :) They said that when they came in, it was so quiet they were confused. By the time we arrived, the whole place was buzzing.

Brigitta is so confused I bet. You can see Emma's stroller at the corner.

This was a tough photo to take..we had to feed each other while taking our own photo. Brigitta enjoyed my donut.

We were stumbling around like fools on this one.

We had to take a photo with a person that has a sports item on whose team didn't come from California. We were the third person to ask if we can take photos with this poor guy. He was so fed up that he said no at first, but then he said okay..for the kids. We had to show we're playing football coz it's a Philadelphia Eagles shirt he had on.

Acting like firemen.

Statue of Jack Daniels

Trying to spell SJC in front of one of the oldest buildings in San Jose

Being firemen again. Kurt is in the stroller.

Acting Presidential, we were posing in front of a memorial of JFK. There were homeless guys all over this memorial, the poor guys just duck down when we took the photo.

The two teams. Isn't Emma's daughter adorable?

After the race, we decided that the kids should have some fun so took them for some swinging time.

Review playmobil pool 4858

2012-03-23T13:00:00.001-07:00

I got this during a toys r us playmobil sale. The details on it are amazing. I spent about an hour putting this altogether. Didn't realize that I have to put together the landscaping too. Lol! When i was putting the tiny flowers amongst the plastic foliage I thought that someone put a lot of love in the design. It was further affirmed when I put on the tiny stickers for the book and sunscreen.

The best part about this pool is that we can put water in it. The shower shoots out water too if you press the blue pump at the side. Nice way to teach kids about water pressure.

My daughter is 3 and she loves to play with this. I have a one year old who loves to take it apart so this toy is best when her brother is down for a nap. He also tends to put everything in his mouth so lots of choking hazards here.

Btw, there's no electronics so no batteries. Yay!

Ilham painting

2012-03-23T11:12:00.001-07:00

Ilham had her first case of pinkeye a few days ago so am staying at home instead of going to school.

Reaching forty

2012-03-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

The need to escape roars Maybe to the mountains Where the air is pure And the ground is white It's also for the kids, the loves of my life Part of my package of time's passage And time off for my husband My best friend of 10 years The journey was rough as if reminding me Of my own early beginnings It took a long time to get to where we want But when we arrived, it was exactly what we needed The trees with it's heavy burden Of white snow and ice Reminds me of old, ancient people Whose spines curved down with time In another, my minds eye sees A mother and her child Funny how nature can reflect Like a mirror of your soul I have reached a momentous mark I'm still alive at forty and chugging along Feeling blessed with life more than ever before So I pray to have many more years To achieve my many dreams To be with my loves and dear ones And in another's breath to wish that my next life To be with my family and have similar joy Haniza Zainal Abidin-Schlosser

Getting her mermaid on

2012-02-29T08:11:00.001-08:00

It's been a very dry winter so she got pretty excited to be able to wear her mermaid boots and umbrella at last.

Next baseball champ?

2012-02-29T08:09:00.001-08:00

At the back of our house.

Sleeping bag

2012-02-17T12:40:00.001-08:00

Spring has arrived

2012-02-17T10:55:00.001-08:00

These are beautiful trees but gives me a total headache from allergies.

Kurt in his car

2012-02-17T10:53:00.001-08:00

Kurt and Brigitta's birthday party

2012-01-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

These photos were taken from the birthday party we made for both kids, since their birthdays are only a month apart. A month and a day to be exact. So, we decided to go all out and made a big party out of it. We chose "under the sea" theme, and it was actually coz we're excited about the Air Swimmers. :) We wanted to play with it..ha ha. But anyway, we enjoyed decorating the whole room with the theme and we also found a great catering company from this event.

Brigitta's Chinese new year performance

2012-01-26T21:21:00.001-08:00

This is at her preschool, and they put on a show for the parents. She was ok at first but then in the middle, stopped and sat with me. :)

Stay at home Mom Work blues

2012-01-24T21:35:00.001-08:00

It might be hormones talking here but I think ex employees of fortune 500 companies (or maybe any company) will have a tough time being a stay at home Mom.

At work, I had tons of support, company perks, everything I do is acknowledged, I get tons of praises or criticisms, and at the end of every year, there's 180 degrees reviews so that I can better myself at every aspect. At home it's different. Actually, I'm already at peace with me being a stay at home mom. We see the benefits already with the kids even only after a few years, and on the whole, I feel so blessed that one of us could do this for our kids. I guess I'm just feeling the blues coz we just finished wrapping up a big birthday bash that I had thought about/planned for the last couple of months. The theme was under the sea and I was trying to be creative without spending too much.

During the party, everyone seemed to be amazed at the work we've done. We worked till about 11pm the night before and then a few hours before the party with the help of our neighbours. But today, a couple of days after, I'm left with a big mess to clean up at the house and just feel let down. I was really happy on that day, it was like sharing a big vision, a piece of artwork with everyone. But now that the 'art' is gone, no one seems to appreciate it was ever there. Well, that's not true, my friend, Kathleen wrote on my FB wall that she loved the party and it was amazing. I guess I just wanted to hear from more people. Plus, now I think about all the bad things that I forgot to do or not able to finish for the party (like forgetting to give out the party favor bags until half of my guests has left) which just leaves me exasperated at myself. Do I sound whiny?

I think I feel a bit down too after hearing Kevin talked about work and the things he's doing and all the interaction he's getting from that. I missed that. Being an employee, one gets so many feedback from a lot of different people. Being a stay at home Mom is lonely, even when we meet other Moms for playgroups but what we do at home with the kids, no one really knows what we do. No one gives us feedback if we're doing right or wrong on every little thing. I sometimes feel I'm working blind.

Writing does help though. But even then, it's still not a two way street..well, maybe unless you're like Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat Pray Love). I'm referring to the part where she writes questions in her notebook and then she says the answers will come to her. Ah well, maybe some stay at home parent will read this and realized that he/she is not the only one that feels this way. I wonder if it would have been easier if I never worked before. If I had kids right after college. Maybe that challenge would be imagining what I would have become if I did.

BTW, I do realize working parents also have their challenges. This is just from my perspective as a stay at home Mom. I think this is just one of those challenges in life, ups and downs and today for me at least, is down.

-Haniza-