Dirty Knees

3 Years

2011-09-25T18:10:00.006-05:00

Today marks 3 years.

3 Years of bliss.

3 Years of miracles.

3 Years of awe.

3 Years of

...fear.

3 Years of New Beginnings

3 Years of new members of family.

3 Years of Surprises!

3 Years of

...mourning.

3 Years of Blessings

3 Years of Celebration

3 Years of laughter ...

...through tears.

3 Years ago I went into labor. Don't mind my reminiscing... 3 Years ago I had spent a whole month in the hospital awaiting 2 beautiful girls to be born one healthy, one that might live just 6 hours.

3 Years ago, I gave birth. Alone. No cries, no squeals, no relief.

Silence

3 Years ago I saw with a blink of an eye, my daughter who had breathe, be whisked away only to "live 6 hours".

3 Years ago I was handed my healthy daughter, cradled in my arms, lifeless.

Breathless.

Gone.

But REAL.

3 Years ago, my breathing daughter lived 24 hours instead of 6.

3 Years ago, my breathless daughter pushed for her sister to live.

and died for her.

3 Years ago, little did we know, that our breathing daughter was made to show Jesus.

Not for just 6 hours.

Miracle after Miracle, Our breathing daughter witnessed Jesus to YOU. To the world.

Grief after Grief, our breathless daughter witnessed Jesus.

What a Miracle...

Today we celebrate both Breath and Breathless.

We celebrate our 3 year old Veiyah living here in presence.

We celebrate our 3 year old Aderah living here in spirit.

Happy Birthday Veiyah Jaielle and Aderah Psalm!

Do you see how many Glorious days outweigh the Grieving days?

This is who Jesus is.

This is who our Father God is.

This year marks 3 years of our ever changing lives.

And this year marks Jeremy's 34th Birthday with the gift of our 2 miracles.

What a day to celebrate LIFE!

As Veiyah LIVES here and shows us Aderah everyday,

Aderah lives with Jesus and shows Him Veiyah everyday.

Aderah is real.

Aderah is more alive than Veiyah.

Though we continue to miss her sweet face, I can only imagine what God has done with her.

Just as He is doing with Veiyah.

Remember that this life is just a different life. We have a chance at MORE life after here on earth. Jesus is that chance. So maybe give Him one.

3 more years, Here we come!

No matter what...

"We commend you, Sir, for wearing your helmet..."

2011-06-06T13:09:00.009-05:00

"We commend you, Sir, for wearing your helmet..."

were the Dr.'s words to Jeremy, Saturday night.

Jeremy was in a motorcycle accident this last weekend. The bike caught some gravel as he was turning right on 42nd St and Edgewood. His body went under his bike as he was already up to the speed of 30 MPH. Praising the Lord that Jeremy WAS wearing a helmet. I cannot emphasize enough how this saved his life, and how all should take serious heed. Jeremy was in shock and got back up on his bike and rode it home after people stopped and asked if they could help. He didn't realize the severeness of his injuries until, I believe, yesterday evening. I took him to the Emergency room Saturday night and he was there until 4am on intense pain killers and fluids through an IV. From his shoulder down to his shin, on his right side, he is wrapped with gauze and burn netting. He has road rash (I would call it burn, rather) mostly, but his elbow lost quite a bit of tissue and they are calling it a bone injury. His knee is cut very deep. They couldn't stitch anything because they said it would just be "torture" at this point.

The Dr.'s ordered that Jeremy be on bed rest for a week, at home. I am changing his dressings, giving his meds, and making sure he can get up and get to the bathroom as that is the only reason he can/should move. Last night it took me 2.5 hours to change his dressings and it was complete agony. I soaked his wounds with soap and water and tried to take everything off ever so gently. Jeremy bit down hard and took it a lot better than I ever would have been able to, but he was in the worst pain of his life. It was so hard, as his wife to not only watch, but be the one doing it TO him.

As this is all happening, our 2 older girls are upstairs preparing Veiyah's pump ready for her nightly feeding, and her syringes washed for her nightly meds. Veiyah was out of her "norm" last night and spent most of the evening screaming. She knew things were different and wasn't taking it well. This, in turn, had major affects on all of our stress levels. I was then an hour late on getting her meds drawn, and 45 minutes late on getting them administered.

Our family works as a great team. But we are under tremendous stress right now with such things happening. Please keep us all in your prayers, but specifically Jeremy. He is in a lot of pain, constantly. He does have pain medication, but it is definitely even short of a mask. With such harsh outside/raw wounds, nothing can take away that immense pain except for time.

There was something very special that happened about 2 hours before Jeremy's accident. We were waiting at a restaurant for Jer to arrive, and Madi said, "Mom, sometimes when I think of Daddy riding his bike, I get a feeling that he's going to get into a wreck, and it really scares me." I told Madi what I've always believed in my heart, that "sometimes that's how God prompts us to pray." Selah looked at her sister and said, "Didi, (her nickname for Madi) are you praying?"

"Yes."

2 hours later Jeremy walked through the doors with blood stained, ripped, dirty clothes and gravel stuck inside the right side of his whole body.

Alive.

We appreciate all of you so much. Thank you again and always for your constant thoughts and prayers for our family. We seem to have quite the target on our backs, and we are ready to be freed of it at ANY time.

Like my Mom used to say to me every time I got in my car, went out with my friends, or even went to sleep at night...

"Angels, Angels, Angels!!"

God protect us.

Be with us.

Hold us together.

Carry us through these deserts.

Amen.

Francine Rivers Contest!

2011-04-04T09:34:00.004-05:00

I never do this! But this is one thing I'm very passionate about!! Francine Rivers introduced me to reading. I hated books! Well, I never even gave them a chance till my Mom made me start reading the "Mark of the Lion" series. So, I am going to try to win :) but also give you all the chance to enter this amazing contest and enjoy her every story.

Thank you Francine, for this opportunity to win, but to also get your name out to show the world your talent!

Today is the last day to enter for a chance to win a complete Francine Rivers library and to download the free e-book Leota's Garden: http://www.tyndale.com/blog/?p=1042. Let's celebrate 100,000 fans!

Tyndale House Publishers - Christian Fiction, Nonfiction, Children's Books and Bibles
www.tyndale.com

Home

2011-03-16T15:26:00.018-05:00

Our family has been home now for almost a month now. Veiyah is doing well with her recovery. It does take about a month and a half for her chest plate to heal, so her mobility is limited. But for the most part she looks great and has been doing well. Over the last couple of weeks she developed a cough, fever, and had been throwing up. She saw the doctor and the diagnosis was croup. This was good news in a way because her lungs were clear and it did not appear that she had developed RSV. Please still be praying for recovery as she has been through so much lately and deserves to feel well for a change.

Coming home from the hospital is great, but it also takes time to recover. Since we have been home we have dealt with some sickness and back pain. So the transition home was not the greatest but beats being in the hospital any day. We did get some meals brought to use by people from our church which was a huge blessing. Thank you to everyone who contributed. We also want to say thanks to our church River of Life and to the Erica Kate foundation for offering us support during this time. There were also many individuals who helped out in so many ways and we thank you all. Through such a trying time for our family we were truly blessed and it made the ordeal much more bearable. We also want to thank everyone who prayed for Veiyah and for our family. Having people praying for us as we face these trials is the ultimate blessing and words can not express how grateful we are for everyone’s consideration and diligence in prayer.

We are hopeful that this spring and summer will bring a time of normalcy and peace for Veiyah and our family. We would appreciate your continued prayers for her health as well as continued grace on our entire family as continue our journey with Veiyah trying our best to give her the best quality of life possible.

Here are some pictures from V's latest journey. She has been sick since then, with croup. Nasty stuff going around out there! Remember to wash your hands!!

Just minutes out of surgery...

It was a long and hard wait...

Just oxygen finally, but LOTS of it!!

She knows more than you think! She's on her way to the general floor after a week and a half in the ICU!

Mom finally gets to hold her baby girl after 12 days!

Guess What?!?! I get to go home!! (March 4,2011)

Silly V at HOME!

Thank you all so much for praying us through this time. Every time Vay goes through these things, we go into survival mode. For some reason, the computer becomes null and void now days. It used to keep me going. I am going to start a specific Facebook page for Vay since that is the only place I really frequent. I am very busy with homeschooling the girls and taking care of my special needs daughter. I did all of my updates there the whole time. I'm so sorry if I missed you. You can find me on Facebook under Ani Lunsford Karg. That's where it's easiest to do from my mobile. Thank you all for understanding, and thank you all for your tremendous support and love through all of this. xoxo and God Bless You!!

Needed Knees

2011-02-12T20:06:00.027-06:00

I know it's been way too long that you've all heard from us. I've always said, no news is good news.

I can promise you this has been a good thing.

but...

It's time for some news.

Vay went in for an exploratory catheter procedure on Thursday Feb 10, to check her SVC, (the vein that brings the blood from her head/neck and arm into her heart) and her pulmonary arteries seeing if they have grown at all, all to see what further action they want to take with her shunts while waiting for her new heart. The cath would see if there were any blockages or if there were any blood vessels around the shunt that may have started to narrow or close.

Dr. Divikar told us he would be out to tell us if he was going to do anything if he saw any of the above.

We waited for about 3 hours and got the page to come talk to the Dr. After doing the exploratory part, he met with Cardiologist, Dr. Reinking and Surgeon, Dr. Davis to discuss the options. He did say there were things he could have done while he was in there. The SVC WAS occluded but still open so he COULD have ballooned that, the vessels around the shunt, or maybe even used a stint to open up those areas. Overall, he said doing those things just would have bought her a couple months of better/slightly higher saturation's. So after talking with the other Dr.'s, they decided that wasn't the best solution.

He explained because her oxygen saturation's are so low, that her body tries to protect the most vital organs which are her brain and her heart. and the body sends most of the oxygen to those areas. So her extremities, like hands and feet, as well as other organs, are not getting the blood that they need and over time that can be dangerous, as it can lead to organ failure. He also said that since the SVC was so closed, the blood from her head doesn't drain as well. That combined with low oxygen sats, are what have been causing headaches, fits and her biting her little fingers till they bleed open wounds.

So, all 3 Dr.'s decided that Vay needs to have surgery right away to put in a larger sized shunt.

Liiiitle deeper...The shunts she has now are 2 years old and don't allow enough blood flow to get to the lungs. She has 2 blood vessels that the shunts connect to, and as the blood vessels have been growing, the areas that are not connected to the shunt, pull away from the shunt and narrow, which also decreases the amount of blood flow through the shunt. This causes the vessels to not be straight, which, once again, decreases the amount of blood flow that would normally flow through those vessels.

We stayed over night to watch her very low saturations, but were told we could leave the next day. We were able to spend a whole week with our Vay before her big day.

Today, we went into Pre-op. Veiyah got weighed, measured, leg cuffed, heel poked, blood drawn and didn't like one bit of it. But there are always smiles from our V...

The final thing we had to do today was wait for V's surgeon to come and tell us what he at least plans on doing, that is until he gets in there to make sure.

Here it is, and then

...a little piece of Mama's mind

When cardiology finally approved and gave their blessing for Vay's surgery to go on tomorrow, Dr. Davis explained how he will first be opening her chest, and that will probably take the longest. Scar tissue has been in the making for 2 years now and sometimes that can take hours to get through. He's a very precise Dr., and we appreciate that. You never know, though, it could take as little as 20 minutes. AS wonderful as that sounds, I prefer precise to timely.

Wouldn't you?

When he gets in, by snipping the wires that have brought Vay's chest back together many times, then breaking her sternum to open her rib cage, he will see what Vay's heart has in store for him.

(I can tell you what it's had in store for our family...but that's another update)

What he wants to do is snip one old shunt, since there is hardly any blood flow through it anyway, and connect a new larger one, elsewhere. He will be putting Veiyah on the by-pass machine so that her heart is not in charge of her oxygen. As far as we know, today, he will not stop V's heart tomorrow.

Small breath

Dr. Davis will put the shunt where he see's fit and then he and his team of Dr.'s, Cardiologists, Anesthesiologists, everyone who cares that my daughter makes it out of that room alive,

will sit...

and wait...

To make sure that her saturation's stay around 75-85. To make sure that her heart still beats.

To fulfill their promise to the family that just entrusted their daughters soul with.

To make sure she stays alive.

Too many times.

Too many times have we given our consent, written our names with our daughters blood. Too many times have we said good-bye to this once ONE egg, then 2, then 1 again, then 1 again. See if you can understand that. One egg was two souls, then one was our Aderah whom we watched fly home, then that last one was one too many Veiyah's. Where we kissed her forehead good-bye one more time, hoping to smell that forehead again, when she was returned to us.

When Veiyah is (because she will be) stable, Dr. Davis will wire her bones back together and glue her skin in preparation of healing.

This will all be done while Veiyah sleeps peacefully.

Sweetly.

Dreaming of her Mama and Daddy. Of her Didi and Sissy...

of her Father who holds her in His hand, and her twin sister in the other.

Tonight our little (to us) family gathered around Vay, taking turns holding her and kissing her sweetest cheeks. We then began talking to her and telling her how much of a joy she is to each and all of us.

We cried,
we trembled,
we remembered...

2 years ago almost to the day when she literally fought for each breath.

We also pleaded with our God to bring Veiyah safely back to us. To give us more time with our precious, sweet, funny, silly, Miracle Girl~

We know we have all of you, V's Knees, so we once again ask you to fall down.

Let your knees bruise with dirt.

For Veiyah.

For Life.

And we thank you,

forever.

Madi made a video to go along with the first song playing on our new playlist, that's by one of our dear friends, and has been so heavily on our hearts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aufFXBL16UU Isn't she amazing? (Remember to mute or pause the Ipod at the very bottom of this page)

*PS. Please feel free to take any pictures. One picture particularly, we'd love to see all over Facebook. The last one, so that Vay is prayed for. Thank you friends~

To friends and family of the Kargs~

2010-07-29T12:56:00.005-05:00

Hello!

This is Ani's sister, Sarah. I just wanted to let you all know that our family is putting on a Benefit Grill Out for the Karg family THIS Sunday, Aug 1st, from 1pm - 5pm at Monty's Cafe, owned by our brother, JJay. Monty's is located in Cedar Rapids, IA at 2010 Sylvia Ave Ne (off Center Point Rd just North of I-380 Overpass). There will be a live DJ, performances by MOvMNT Dance Company, Monty's Burgers, and lots of people who love the Kargs!

Many from out of town have asked for a way to donate online, which is why we have now linked a "Donate" Button at the top right sidebar of this blog. Thank you in advance for all of your support.

If you do not own a paypal account please send your donation to:

Monty's Cafe & Catering
C/O Veiyah Karg Benefit
2010 Sylvia Ave Ne, #A
Cedar Rapids, IA 52402

You have all been an amazing support for Jeremy and Ani and their sweet girls. Thank you for your constant prayers and love towards this amazing family.
We would love to see you all at Monty's this Sunday!

God Bless You,
~Sarah Blickens

Remember the Swishers?

2010-07-22T17:14:00.006-05:00

Remember ...that it was July 2008, when we found out about our baby girls being monoamniotic and that Veiyah had a heart defect?

Remember ...that it was the same month and year we found out that our good friend back home in Idaho had just found out that he had pancreatic cancer?

Remember ...that there is a town called "Swisher" that we pass every time we take V to the University?

Remember ...that I felt like that was God giving me an easy way to remember to pray for our friends Eric and Lori Swisher and there family?

Did you know that God has been performing Miracles for BOTH of our families since that time?

You may not remember, that Eric was supposed to die within just a few months

...but God had other plans.

You probably DO remember that Veiyah was supposed to die within just a few hours of birth

...but God had other plans.

Did you remember it's July again? Just 2 years later...

WILL you remember, please, to pray for Eric's family right now?

This man, that I remember as a little girl, who was an elder at our church, who's wife was my piano teacher, who was not even as old as my Daddy, who's kids were great friends with my siblings and I, who was blessed with 2 whole years and then some to, A).Enjoy his family and for his family to enjoy him, and to be blessed to have him another day. B).To show God's Will and not our own, the Dr's, or statistics.

His will.

Today, we remember Eric Swisher. A very strong man, indeed. Who knew it wasn't his time and spoke those words 2 years ago. But as of late... had a peace in knowing that now it was.

Thank you all for praying for and remembering Eric during the last 2 years. Whether it was when I mentioned him in my blog, or if you wrote his name down, or if you knew him personally.

Why does God have us pray if statistics say that Eric was destined to die in the near months after he was diagnosed? Because he didn't die in the "near" defined by the Dr's. He died in God's timing. And that's what we prayed for...

God's will and His timing.

Thank you Lord for that "extra" time. It was not "extra" to you...

It just was.

To Eric's wife Lori, his Sons Nate & Nick, his daughter Natalie, his daughter-in-law, Nate's wife, DeSha, and his 2 grandkids, Nate's children, Amaris (9) & Noah (7), We love you. We are standing with you. We miss Eric so much more than ever now, but look forward to seeing him perfectly healed in eternity with Jesus.

We will remember him always~

Decision Made Part 2 (In Jer's Words)

2010-06-19T01:17:00.003-05:00

Jeremy here. I wanted to put down my perspective as well, on our decision to move forward with getting Veiyah on the transplant list.

When we met with the doctor a week and half ago to discuss the transplant process, in my mind the decision had already been made that she would be placed on the list. We were told a transplant was the only option left, so that left no room for decisions to be made, right? Wrong. We were told at the meeting that we had to make the decision and give consent for the transplant process. For a few days after that I tried not to think about it too much and just let it sink in.

Those few days I found myself slipping down into a depression. Then one day I was talking to Ani about everything and I said something that we both had not really given any thought to before.

Right now Veiyah is doing great.

She is growing physically and her personality is really starting to shine. She laughs so much and smiles at everyone when they walk by. She is in physical therapy and so is starting to move around a lot when laid on the floor and is even doing very well sitting up on her own.

So in discussing the transplant option with Ani, I made the comment that if she is on the list we could get a call at any time letting us know that a heart is available. And that during the transplant there was a real risk that Veiyah could not survive. So here we were with a decision, do we continue on as is with Veiyah doing great, knowing she could live many more years with her current situation. Or do we put her on the transplant list and maybe lose her in months or a year whenever a heart becomes available.

Realizing that aspect of the decision we faced hit us hard, and also changed our minds that the transplant option was a given. I struggled for several days trying to come to a logical conclusion on what to do. With either option the outcome could be good.

Or it could not.

I had no idea how each option would play out, and so in my mind there was no logical way to make this decision. I am a very logical person and like to think things through thoroughly before making any decision. So this predicament was killing me.

The gravity of making an incorrect choice was weighing me down, especially considering the stakes. I have been through a lot of difficult trying times with Veiyah. Last week struggling with this decision was one of them.

A week ago today I was again trying to logically work through this decision. I finally broke down and came to a realization. There was no way for me to make this decision. Not knowing the future excludes me from being able to choose the path that is best for Veiyah. So now what? The hospital was waiting for us to tell them what to do.

Ani and I were sitting around the table with kids trying to talk things through. As we were talking and as I was explaining that we could not make this decision, something dawned on me.

We don’t have to make this decision.

We know Someone who knows the future and what is best for Veiyah. So why not let Him make the decision? So that is exactly what we are doing. We are leaving all decisions regarding Veiyah’s life and health in the hands of God. No matter the outcome of Veiyah’s journey here on earth, we will trust that what happens is His will. So how did that realization affect our decision to place Veiyah on the transplant list?

Simple, if we did not place Veiyah on the transplant list for personal selfish reasons, we would in fact be limiting what God was able to do.

By having her on the list it gives God the opportunity to have that happen if that is what is best for her. And if there are different surgical options that become available for Veiyah in the future as she grows, having her on the list will not exclude her from those options. So we made the decision that would leave every possible avenue open to God to work through as He deems fit. I did not want to do anything that would get in God’s way of working out the best through Veiyah.

There was some relief coming to this conclusion as a family. We decided to sleep on it and make sure we still felt the same way the next day. We did, and so I called the hospital and informed them of our decision.

Later that day we sat down as a family and prayed. We laid out before God the reason for our decision, that we wanted Him to dictate how Veiyah’s life would proceed as He created her and saved her. We told Him of our first wish,

that Veiyah would be completely healed.

And that no matter what she has to go through we want her around as long as possible.

We also put our trust in God in the reality of the situation with having Veiyah on the transplant list. Deciding, that if we get a call that a heart is available for her that we will take that as God’s will and will not second guess our decision at that time.

I believe that our family made the right decision for the right reasons. So we take comfort in the fact that the decision making process is complete. We feel peace about the decision itself, but now are still faced with the cold hard reality of the transplant process.

Please continue to pray for Veiyah and our family as we continue on this journey. Thanks for everyone who prayed last week as we battled through this process.

Jer

Fear (Not)

2010-06-17T10:56:00.012-05:00

Madi was so excited when I came out of my bedroom. She was all showered and her room was clean, bed made, and she had the best story to tell me. "Mom! There was an earwig in the bathroom, and GUESS WHAT I DID?!"

"Oh my GOSH, did you kill it Madi????" I was so excited that she had gotten so brave!

"NO WAY!" She looked at me like I was crazy. "I grabbed my towel, stepped out of the shower onto the toilet, and climbed up onto the counter and ....MOM! I jumped from the counter all the way out to the hallway!!!"

"Oh. I thought you were going to tell me a success story..."

"That IS a success story, Mom! I got away!!!!"

I stopped right there, as she walked off proudly. Hmm.

To her, that WAS a success!

To me, there was still an earwig on the loose in the bathroom...hopefully in the bathroom by then...

Instantly, I thought of the word FEAR. I used to shake when I saw a bug. Until I became a Mom that is, and I still shake, but you won't see it. Unless you can see through me and see my heart beating over 120 bpm. and my teeth clenched so tight I'm in danger of lock jaw.

Fear is not just a feeling. It is something that you must speak against. Fear is a spirit. It is mean, it is frigid, and it is out to get you till you stay in that bed forever. Till you avoid everything that is natural in life.

...Till you say no to something that can save someone's life. Till you are only thinking of what would be good for you, and not for her...

Madi found a whole obstacle course to get away from this fear of an earwig. I don't blame her! I bet you don't either.

But that fear, if I wouldn't have gone in and found it and smashed it, would follow her in her mind forever. Going to the bathroom wouldn't be such an easy task anymore. Because she left that fear, there.

Jeremy and I have decided to re-visit our fear. Face to Face. Mano-a-mano.

We've gotten a lot of feedback from all of you. We so appreciate all of it, especially the success stories, the "what happened" in your life or someone you know's life, and especially the prayers.

All of that, and of course what happened with Madi, helped us make the hardest decision we've faced yet. One would think it's an easy decision, because it's what sounds best. But we felt like we were placed with a God decision. It's like Veiyah's life was in our hands.

We had to put her life in God's hands. In order to do that, we had to let go of our own feelings and wants. Of having Veiyah with us for however long WE want. ...But how would WE know how long that would be? We have no way of knowing God's timing. A heart transplant is her best chance at life, and that decision is made for Veiyah and from God.

We will be taking V down to the University today, to have all of her lab draws and for us to meet with a social worker. People have to know that we will take care of such a precious gift. Hearts just don't come out of nowhere.

They come out of someone else's Veiyah.

For that, we will already pray for this family who will, in fact, lose their child with an O blood type heart one day, no matter what decision we would make. We pray for their healing and peace, and we pray for their days until then. To embrace life with their little one. To have amazing times. For God's grace and mercy to be upon them.

So, we take a(nother) step of faith. We, like I said in our last post, let the Great Conductor, conduct Veiyah's life. Not us.

Fear, you can't have us.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:2-3 NLT

God is the Ultimate Composer

2010-06-08T11:20:00.018-05:00

So, here we are. It's taken a lot of energy to come to this blog, sign in and post this update that Jeremy so willingly and greatly wrote. It's amazing how much 2 (actually 2.5) meetings can take out of you.

On May 10th we were scheduled for an appointment with Dr. Davis, Veiyah's heart surgeon. May 9th was Mothers Day, and Jeremy and the girls wanted to help me relax before the "big day" as we call them. They ARE big. Meeting with a surgeon about anything to do with your child is big in itself.

So, Jeremy got a hotel room for us to relax in, swim and feel a little special. It had a jacuzzi in the room and it was very much needed. Yes, I know....jacuzzi should just mean Jeremy and I, right? ;) Being that it was heart shaped... hmmmm

...But this also meant that we didn't have to walk the girls down to the pool which was much more relaxing for me, and they got to splash around in a tub shaped like a heart! Pretty cool for 2 princesses. ...They'd kill me if they saw that I called them princesses.

Now, this appointment was scheduled for a long time. We knew it was at 9am so we had no reason to think otherwise. No reason to make sure we answer our phone. No reason to make sure our phone is CHARGED! (Things to do in future) So, we all get up and go, get there on time for once in our last 2 years of University appointments. Jeremy grabbed my hand as usual when he sees me nervous. Then, there she (yes, she..not he) walked slowly down the hallway, with a face of ...regret, empathy, ...bad news.

The Dr was stuck in airports coming from GERMANY! WHAT? Maybe when the appointment was made, it would be a good idea next time to say, here is your appointment time, but please be prepared for anything as the Dr. will be just flying in from GERMANY that weekend. ...Am I right?

So, we were forced to wait another WEEK. Let me tell you, stomachs tend to turn when you are waiting for such things.

And baby girls get pretty sleepy...

We finally got there that next Monday with Dr Davis PRESENT. Jeremy's family was in town, so the girls stayed with them, but we took Veiyah.

Dr. Davis told us that the Glenn surgery is no longer an option. That he really feels like the outcome of that would only be "devastating". That the only thing he feels might work for Veiyah, is yes, a transplant. Then he went on to tell us that we need to really embrace life...enjoy Veiyah...

We do enjoy Veiyah.

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT?

...Because he is only a man. He cannot tell us if this will work. God has given this man the abilities that have saved our daughters life time and time again. But he takes no credit. He is a humble man and does say thank you when we tell him what a great job he does. But he is an honest, humble, just another man in this world. He can't ultimately save Veiyah. God has orchestrated her life thus far, not the Dr's.

So, our Mighty God has yet another concert to conduct. We will watch in awe with every raw emotion that His instruments resound.

And we give you the details. Details that even we aren't sure of, but might give you a peek into Veiyah's future...

Last Friday, we met with the cardiologist who oversees the pediatric transplant program at the University of Iowa Hospital. As we learned from the chief pediatric surgeon, we already knew that all reconstructive options for Veiyah’s heart had been ruled out as viable options for her at this time due to the high pressures in her pulmonary arteries. So we knew that a heart transplant was her only option going into this meeting.

We met with the doctor for about 2 hours. He had several pieces of information that he was required to cover with us, including statistics on survivability rates over the years. We also covered a lot of information regarding the process of qualifying for the transplant list, what status she may be at on the list, and what to expect during and after the transplant. The meeting itself was very informative and we learned a lot of information. I will cover a few aspects of what we learned as I understand them.

Before Veiyah could be placed on the transplant list, the hospital will have to qualify her through our insurance company to make sure they will cover it. Veiyah also qualifies for Medicaid as she is considered to be handicapped due to her heart condition. So that insurance may come into play as well.

The next step in the qualification process is that Veiyah has to have blood work done. I don’t fully understand this, but Veiyah could have certain antibodies in her body that would not be compatible with certain hearts, even if the blood types match. So that information has to be ascertained at the start of the process.

Veiyah has a blood type of O. According to the doctor about 40% of all people have this blood type. This blood type is a universal donor type, but as a possible recipient, Veiyah can only receive a heart that is also type O. This limits the potential hearts that Veiyah could qualify for.

The doctors would need to determine what status Veiyah would be on the list. The highest status is 1a which is usually for people who are very sick. This status can also apply to people who are taking a certain type of heart medication as a specified dosage. Veiyah is currently not taking this type of medication but as part of this process the doctors are going to review her situation and determine if she should be on it. The next status is 1b. Veiyah may qualify for this status depending on her weight and what percentile she falls in. After that is status 2, which at this point would seem to be where she would be placed at.

Possible donor hearts for Veiyah can be 20% less than or 50% greater than the current size of her heart. Which puts the age of possible donors about 1 to 5 years old.

There is a panel of several doctors who will review Veiyah’s situation and make the final determination as to whether she qualifies. If any doctor does not agree that she should be on the list, then she can’t be. If Veiyah does qualify for the list, the antibody information, blood type, size, weight, location, and status are fed into a national database. When a donor heart becomes available, the database searches for matches based on these factors within a certain geographical range from the donor. After removing the heart from the donor, it has to be placed in the recipient within 4 hours, so location is key.

If a match was found for Veiyah, a surgeon from the University would fly to the donor to inspect the heart and make sure it is viable for a transplant. If it is, we would receive a call and would immediately have to bring Veiyah down to the hospital. Once there she would be prepped for surgery while the donor heart was being transported to the hospital. As soon as it was close, Veiyah would be put on bypass and prepared to be ready to immediately have the heart inserted. From what we know, the heart would have to be placed in backwards to match with how her heart is currently situated. The procedure would be complicated and risky due to her anatomy, but the surgeon did say he thought he could do it. Which is a positive thing. After a transplant the typical recovery time in the hospital is 2 weeks, but we were told for Veiyah it would likely be 4 weeks.

I will not get into the details of post transplant care and medication. But at a high level, the average life of a transplanted heart is 10 years, while there are cases of people who have made it over 20 years. After that, additional transplants are required. Veiyah would likely be placed at the 1b or 2 status. Given that there are only 250 heart transplants done a year, and that there are currently 2 other kids at this hospital with blood type of O waiting for a heart, it could be years before a heart would be available. In that time Veiyah would likely have to have another surgery to increase the size of her shunts, and possible catheter procedures to balloon the SVC.

So there is the raw data. It was good to get this information, however, after leaving the meeting the reality of what we were discussing and facing hit us, and it felt like, yet another kick to the gut. And now the real kicker, Ani and I have to make a decision as to whether we want Veiyah placed on the heart transplant list. Right now Veiyah is doing well, and she could live for many years with the occasional surgery to increase the size of her shunts. But each of those surgeries is risky, and the end result is the status quo. Which means her blood oxygen level would stay in the 70s and low 80s. Over time this situation can lead to blood clots and strokes. Not to mention that her growth and development will continue to be hindered due to lower than normal oxygen to her brain and organs. So it seems on the surface that it would be an easy decision to go the heart transplant route. However, once she is on the list if a heart is available then its go time and we don’t have the time then to make any decisions. So we decide now how we want to proceed. The dilemma is that if we don’t put her on the transplant list she could live many more years in her current state. But if she undergoes a transplant soon, she could die during that procedure. So Ani and I are faced with a decision right now that impacts the life of our daughter, not knowing anything that the future holds. Sorry, but no parent should have to do that. But we have to, and we are going to be making that decision in the next week.

I still cannot comprehend my little baby girl having her heart cut out and replaced with another one from a small girl or boy who has passed away. How does one even pray in this situation? How can I pray for my daughter to get a heart which will improve her chance at life, when that means that another life has to end in order for that to happen? I can’t. No life is greater than another. I will continue to pray for complete healing, and anything after that I will leave to God.

I can’t express in words the emotional, physical, and even spiritual strain that Ani and I are both under right now. We both feel close to breaking. Most days it is all we can do to just zombie through the day. ...God please give us a break.

If you choose to pray for our family, please focus first on Veiyah as she is the one living this trial day to day. My heart breaks daily knowing that this is her life, that she will be hindered by her physical condition for her entire life, which most likely will be shorter than normal. I only find hope in the fact that this life is not the end for her, and that one day she will have a new perfect body in eternity. Please also pray for Ani and I, that we make the correct decisions regarding Veiyah’s medical care. And that we would start to feel the burden of this decision and Veiyah’s reality lift from us. We really need the peace of the Holy Spirit to fall on us, displacing fear, uncertainty, anxiety, and depression. Thanks as always for your prayer.

A hope we hold onto for now...Please listen with Veiyah in mind and in heart. Also, say a prayer for Jeremy and I and our 2 older precious girls...as this is our life to the tee and as we hope for what is to come.

CHD Calendar 2010
Designed by Heidi Schmidt
With all proceeds to the
American Heart Association.

Veiyah was the the Month of May. Very fitting as we went through most of these things during May.

Waiting to Exhale

2010-04-20T16:19:00.012-05:00

Hi Everyone! Well, it's been a little while. Luckily, for me, just a little over a month...but it seems so much longer. Since V's last hospitalization, things have been great! She came home and was so much better within a few days! We knew, though, that she had a heart catheter procedure coming up in exactly one month. This catheter would be more of a risk, as they wanted a good look at her pulmonary arteries. In order to get a good look, they had to go in with the cath that is almost the same size as a shunt, THROUGH one of her shunts. This blocks blood flow that she normally receives and relies on.

Veiyah hasn't been so great around people lately. ...Do ya blame her?

This last cath was pretty hard on me as a Mommy. Knowing she is having not only what's called "white coat syndrome", which is a fear of Dr's or nurses etc., but is also having anxiety around anyone who walks through our front door...including family. :( So, when we took her in for her pre-screen she knew right away where we were. Daddy has his way of getting V's full and divided attention and she was mesmerized by his silliness. This is one of my favorite pics now...

So they decided that day to skip her weight, height, blood pressures and also her lab draws. They decided to take our word for it, that she was healthy, and wait till she was asleep in the cath lab to do anything. The next morning we took her in and she, again, knew where we were and that she was going to get picked on. We took her in to be with her while they put her under. In the past, Veiyah has just sat there and played with the gas mask and fell asleep quietly. This time that was not the case. My baby girl looked like she was fighting for LIFE. She looked at me like, ummmm HELLO MOM! Do you see what these people are doing to me? STOP THEM!

All I could do was sing to her while I cried myself. Trying to keep her calm, I hid my tears, but hearing her scream through that mask was like watching someone suffocate her. No joke.

She finally fell asleep but it was during a cry, so she had a worried look on her face that slowly relaxed...but I walked out of that room an absolute MESS. I knew she was going to be okay, because I trust these Docs so much! I also trust God with the Dr's! ;) It was just so hard to watch her fear. I wish she understood that what was happening wasn't going to hurt...that even Mommy wanted some! ...heart mom's...am I right? ;)

Instead of posting lots of pics of Veiyah in recovery, I decided to post a picture of her on her way there that shows her as normal as can be, and on her way home as normal as can be! Because honestly, that is what we praise God for each time. That we leave with the same Veiyah we went in with. She may be a little more tired, but that sun is hitting her just right...precious.

I still wonder when the day will come when we will be able to exhale. We left the hospital and were told that they wanted to have a conference about Veiyah in TWO (2) Mondays. That's too long to wait for any answers! Well, that Monday just came. I'm going to hand the mic over to Jer now. He's so smart~ :) This will explain what they found with this last cath and what they discussed at the Veiyah conference. Afterward, I posted a couple pictures of Madi and Selah on Easter morning. They are so amazing. They are such rock stars when it comes to this stuff....and to how they choose their outfits for such an occasion as Easter. :)

Hey Family and Friends,

Jer Here. I'll explain what I can, as we still didn't get a clear answer yet.

The next “normal” heart surgery that Veiyah should undergo given her heart structure is what is known as the Glenn procedure (Glenn Procedure). This procedure was attempted on Veiyah last year but failed. We were told that the reason it failed was because her pulmonary arteries were small and so the pressures in those arteries were high, which was not conducive to the way blood moved through the heart and lungs after the Glenn procedure. So the Glenn was reversed and an additional shunt was added at that time to get enough blood flow to the lungs.

After the last cath this last month, we were told that the size of Veiyah’s pulmonary arteries was good. At that time there was no mention of the pressures in those arteries, and so it was assumed that because the size was good that the pressures were also good. The other item of note from that cath was that her SVC (Superior vena cava) had again almost completely closed. This was the area that had to be ballooned in a cath back in October. The SVC being and staying open is critical in order for the Glenn procedure to be successful, so there was concern noted at that time regarding that. There were several other options discussed at that time but no decisions were to be made until the entire heart and surgery teams could meet to discuss them.

Yesterday we heard from our chief cardiologist regarding the conference on Veiyah that took place yesterday. Unfortunately there was not a consensus from the entire team on the approach to take. One approach that the cardiology team had considered, which was a hybrid Fontan surgery (Google it), was rejected by the chief surgeon. Another option would be to try the Glenn procedure again and try to do something to keep the SVC from shutting. The chief cardiologist was wary of that solution for 2 reasons. First, after the Glenn failed the first time, the doctors were not 100% sure of the reason. The suspect was the size and pressure in the pulmonary arteries, but they were not certain. Because they were not certain of the cause of the failure, they are unsure how safe a second attempt would be. The second reason is that we were told that the pressures measured in the pulmonary arteries during the last cath were still high. We were not aware of that until now. Veiyah’s pressures were measured at a 16 which is higher than they'd like, with 8-12 being normal pressure for her age/size. So that was a concern with trying the Glenn again. The final option discussed was to add another shunt and/or replace the existing shunts with larger sizes. Veiyah would then be placed on the heart transplant list as non-critical. Meaning it would be a long time before she would get a heart. The shunt procedure would be a stop gap to get more oxygen in her blood until she could get a transplant.

Right now the chief surgeon is reviewing all of the data from Veiyah’s past surgeries and tests. He wanted to do this on his own without the differing opinions from the rest of the team. In the end, it comes down to a surgical decision on how to proceed, and so it is his call to make. He should then be meeting with us to discuss the options and how to proceed. Prayer is needed to give this man wisdom and direct him on how to proceed. Veiyah’s life has and will be again literally in his hands.

Regardless of what approach is taken with Veiyah, the issue with the pressures in her pulmonary arteries will continue to be a problem. We were told that in a normal baby these pressures at an early age are usually high, but then gradually go down. Veiyah’s never went down to a normal level, maybe due to being born premature and/or the stress her heart underwent during multiple surgeries and procedures. Not to mention only half of her heart is functional. The reason for the high pressure is likely due to the artery walls not being flexible enough. As she grows, more blood needs to move through those arteries, and if they are not flexible enough then the pressure remains high or can increase. So this is another area in which prayer is needed.

Finally, the rest of our family needs prayer during the next months. It is extremely stressful to not have a clear promising approach for Veiyah. It is also extremely discouraging to see our little baby girl undergo these ordeals. Every day of her life is a struggle for life. If I could take her place in all of this I would. I don’t believe as humans our mental, physical, and emotional states are supposed to be able to endure such trials. God created us for a different purpose. So we really need prayer for Ani and myself as well as for Madi and Selah. Aderah is doing just fine, so no need to pray for her. Pray that during these times we will be able to grasp the big picture of our existence. That we would be able to displace fear with faith. Because saying that and doing that are 2 very different things.

Sicky V part 3,4,5 & 6!

2010-03-07T11:35:00.006-06:00

The Bad News is,

1. We've been here since Tuesday afternoon.

2. Veiyah has continued to throw up, spike fevers, and pretty much hate life.

The good news is,

1. She is able to keep some food down now, and we just have to play it by ear.

2. She smiles when she has Tylenol or Motrin in her. She even acts silly!

3. They stopped her fluids yesterday because her face was swelled with fluid. This is good because it means she is well hydrated enough to come off!

4. She may not be able to keep every feeding down right now, but we are used to that at home! We have tons of towels, receiving blankets or whatever is at hand to deal with her vomiting at HOME. We are so thankful that she was taken in and given fluids, that we WOULDN'T have been able to give her at home.

5. V was discharged today! 5.5 days and we're outta here!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and please continue to pray for her continued healing at home. She is still coughing quite a bit, but we will ride this out at home. Veiyah has reminded us, yes we sometimes need reminding of how precious her life is. How delicate she is and reminded us of WHY we DO keep her at home. We went out twice this last month to public places. I'm not blaming our choice, but I do know that I won't be making that same choice next RSV season. We are excited for Spring to get here, but we will be waiting till about May to even think of taking Veiyah out to any public place. We go to Dr appt's, we go to my Mom's house, and that's it. Even that can be too much on her, but we also can't shelter HER or OURSELVES!!!! Winter months are longer than they've ever been for us.

Church is out of the question. Grocery shopping goes with OUT Veiyah and a lot of times, with out US. With Jeremy working, and me Home Schooling my girls plus being Veiyah's nurse all day long every day, we have a lot of times opted to have Hy-Vee (local grocery store) deliver our goods!! Let me tell you how much stress this has taken off of our family!! Yes, there is a $20 delivery fee and they are literally around the corner from us. I don't look at it as a delivery fee. Someone is SHOPPING for my family and then bringing it to us. I'm gladly paying $20 for that!!!!

Okay, enough justifying my family for not taking Veiyah anywhere during the RSV months. Plus, my Dr's would have my head. ....Don't know what good that'd do them, but....

;)

After a week of Jeremy spiking fevers up to 104, and STILL battling them, Me taking care of V at the hospital, my family stepping up, as usual, to help with my kids, my NEIGHBORS stepping up as well, Madi being an amazing help keeping me company and helping the nurses and I calm Veiyah, my van being in the shop so there was no chance of Jeremy going anywhere even if he wanted to, I decided to go get my family yesterday (Saturday). We used some tax money (hoping the transmission is not out on the van ;))to get a hotel last night. It's the same hotel we always get, but the girls LOVE it. We slept wonderfully, the nurses URGED us to go, one of the cardiologists even bought me a people magazine and told me I could NOT read it in Veiyah's hospital room. ;) I'm so thankful for my daughters Dr's. They are incredible and they always make us all feel like we are at "home" while we're there. They are our "people". When we need something, or if Veiyah is the least bit in distress, they are at her bedside or calling us and asking us what they can do. We are ever so thankful for each and everyone of them. The nurses were incredible once again, and we thank you guys so much! This may not have been an open heart surgery, but they all know as well as I do, that anything with V, is complicated. That anything can be an emergency. As hard as that is, we are okay with it. We are thankful that Veiyah is so well taken care of and taken seriously.

We love you guys all so much! We've had an awesome (almost) year home with our miracle girl! She is so very precious to us and we can't get enough of her. So, as we face another open heart surgery once again this Spring/Summer, we know that Veiyah has thousands of knees on the ground praying for her, lifting her up. Be blessed you guys! You have blessed us tremendously!!!

Love,
Ani

P.S. Aren't those last 2 pictures of V's hats so cute?!?! I have to introduce to you, Katy. She has made all of V's hats so far, and these were particularly made for Heart Month, CHD week, and Valentines Day. The pink one, she named the "Aderah Hat", The white one is the "Veiyah Hat".

I have no words.

Katy's Etsy shop link is: Daisy Mae Hats

Be sure to check her out!! xoxo

Sicky V Part 2

2010-03-04T02:11:00.001-06:00

So we are still here, staying another night at the U. Veiyah's temp has stayed down with Tylenol and Motrin. Her oxygen sats have stayed in the mid 70's due to blow by oxygen, but she is non-stop coughing, throwing up, and just all around crabby. She looks so so tired. I finally asked if we could give her some Benadryl (sp) and they were just fine with that, so that's been given a few times today. I think the longest she slept at a time was an hour and a half, which is great, but at night, that's not very long at all. (It's 2am, excuse my awful punctuation)

It was such a long day. With Jer at home with a very high temp, he cannot be here. PERIOD. Poor guy is all by himself. I feel so torn. I need to take care of both of my babies!!! ;) Love you babe! xoxo

So Madi and I tried to get out a few times today. We went upstairs to a nice little "diner" for lunch inside the hospital. It was still very loud though, so it wasn't much "rest". We came back and Child Life came and asked Madi if she'd like to go to the Salon to get her hair played with and her nails done, some pretty tattoos and all! She had a blast, so that was good for her. I'm sure this isn't what she felt like doing all week...but she's so awesome you guys! I honestly have the best daughters ever. And I'll totally win that argument, so don't go there. ;) just kiiiiiddddinggggg!

So, they decided to keep her to make sure she got her feeds down and to keep her on fluids till she did. Wellll, it's not going so well. I tried to be more sporadic during the day, and so she did a little better, but that was like 20 cc's at a time!!! I tried to up it and it all came out. :( So, I'm thinkin' we'll be here at least another night. Honestly, I feel better knowing she's HERE and doing this, though as hard as it is on the family right now.

My prayer requests include a few things. For full restoration to Veiyah's upper chest. That it will clear up and she will be able to eat again with no throwing up. That her agitation will ease up and she will be able to rest.

For Jeremy, as he is alone at home, missing work due to his fever being high pretty much all day long and a terrible cold/cough. Our van is in the shop, so we only have one car, and that car is HERE. He is feeling very torn. He wants to be here for Veiyah and for us, but he also feels like he needs to be at work, and it is tugging at him constantly. His company has always been amazing to him, so I know that they understand. Please pray that Jeremy will begin to heal and get enough rest. For his nerves to calm and his worries to be at peace. So that he knows he is doing what's best for himself by being home and the best for Veiyah by not being here.

For Selah as she is being tossed around from home to Aunt Sarah's. She does so great, but I know that she worries about Veiyah.

For Madi to know how thankful I am for her during this time, and that she'll embrace this time, as I know she already has.

Lastly, for myself. I was the second (Selah being 1st) to catch this virus. I am still coughing and going into coughing fits where I am having to use my inhaler to breathe. Not so great while I'm at the hospital trying to get Veiyah better from what we both have/had. I really believe that this is the last part of it for me, so it's just getting all the gunk out. This is a nasty virus and I hear it is going around, let's pray it stops QUICKLY!

Also, one more favor. Jeremy's Grandma Norma fell yesterday and broke her hip. She is in her 80's and lost her husband, Jer's Grandfather, about 4-6 years ago.(??) She does great on her own, but is just that, on her own. She had to have hip replacement surgery yesterday morning. What a huge shock to her! We are praying for you Grandma! For full restoration and complete healing~ You are so strong, and we know that...but rest! Don't try to be too strong. ;) Thanks everyone for lifting her up in prayer with us.

Looks like our family is being hit pretty hard. We really appreciate you guys always rallying around us and standing with us.

Will keep you posted! I'll get some pics up here soon too, as I know those are way more fun than just updates! :)

We love you guys! You are all incredible~

xoxo
ani

Sicky V

2010-03-03T00:57:00.000-06:00

Veiyah was admitted to the University this afternoon. I almost called 911 but we crammed oxygen in the back of the car and took off. Her temp was up to 104 when we got here, her sats sitting at 63-65. She is coughing a lot and throwing up at every feeding. We've all been sick this week at our home. I went on a cleaning spree and it didn't help much. Jeremy is very sick and is home resting. I am here with my big helper Madi, staying with V. She is getting fluids and Tylenol and Ibuprofen to help with her fevers. She came down to 100.3 and now is resting and down to 98.9!! I was already giving Tylenol every 4 hours, and we also were doing blow by oxygen, but it wasn't enough at home. The fluid is definitely helping.

I will be updating as to how she is doing and what they find. Asking for all of your prayers! We're looking at surgery soon. Trying the Glenn again, and she needs to be well for any surgery. Pray there is no infection. Surgery is hopefully set for late spring/early summer. Let's keep it that way V!!!!

Thanks everyone! Miss you all!!

xoxo
ani

Miracle on V Street ~ The Christmas Special :)

2009-12-17T14:57:00.007-06:00

Wow! Why didn't Christmas come this fast when I was a kid? I know you all feel the same.

Is there a customer service number??

Veiyah will be 15 months old on December 25th, Christmas Day. Jeremy and I have been reminiscing about what we were doing last year. Today, last year, was 3 days after V's GI surgery that tacked down her intestines, when she coded and came once again, to near death.

Alarms screamed and my hands went immediately, instead of to V, over my other childrens ears. Mother bear kicked in fast and I huddled us 3 together with their eyes focused on me while Dr's rushed in around V. "K guys, we're gonna pray for Veiyah right now, K?" I remember it so clearly!! My girls had fear in their eyes, but they also were ready to join hands and plead with Jesus to heal their baby sister. As they squeezed their eyes tight and I searched for words besides Oh God, Oh Jesus, and Help, A Dr. came behind me and asked if she could help with the girls. She promised to get them to a peaceful room and put on a Christmas movie. They whisked my kids away and I felt the need to follow just to make sure they knew I was always behind them.

I stood by the wall by V's door and my back slid down the wall as I blacked out for a quick moment. Nurses were around and they helped me up, handed me water, and took care of me like they were my mother/sisters.

The morning began with Jeremy leaving at 7am for work. I was woken at about 7:20 from a phone call from Jer. He was on the side of the freeway, broken down. He asked me to check on V because he went up to her room before he left and she had been having some kind of an episode. He felt guilty leaving, but the nurses assured him that she was then fine, and urged him on to work. So, thinking that V was probably okay or they would have called me down at the hospital room we were staying in, I called, got confirmation that she was, and packed up the girls to go rescue Jer. It was a blizzard outside. A tow truck picked up Jer and his car and I met him at the shop. He then took us BACK to the hospital and he went BACK to work. What a morning already! With-IN 2 hours, Jeremy was rushing back to the hospital while I had to call him screaming that V was getting bagged and basically CPR, that her heart rate was at 30 bpm and her sats at a mere 50.

I honestly just remembered all of this last night as Jer reminded me. I only have windows of memory..if anything at all.

Madi has a very distinct but kinda funny memory. She remembers the Dr's rushing in and she remembers going to watch the movie. She remembers that she didn't like the movie the Dr put on, and that the Dr. handed the girls gauze to wipe their tears. Madi wouldn't have it. Gauze isn't used to wipe tears! She got up and grabbed some paper towels and gave one to Selah and threw their gauze away.

Now, how silly is that. Honestly, I sit here and type that out and I honestly just smile. Madi took care of her little sister. She knew what they needed and wasn't afraid to change the small things to make them more comfortable. I so appreciate this silly memory. It's not silly to her. It's a VIVID memory. If that's all she really thinks about when she goes back to that day, then Praise God!!! I'd rather her remember Gauze than being in the middle of Grey's Anatomy's ER.

As the nurses waited and watched with me, Veiyah's heart-rate began to slowly rise. Her o2 sats came up and the machines quieted. The head Dr on the floor that day was so reassuring and helpful. He had a thick accent, but I loved listening to such intelligence, so i tried my hardest to understand every word. I thank God for these people to this day, and will for the rest of my life. They took time out to explain things that I probably couldn't really comprehend. They felt that I deserved to know it even if I didn't get it! I wasn't shut out, laughed out of the room, left to wonder anything at all. I'll never forget that Dr's face. Now for his name...... that's another thing all together.

Jeremy arrived and we held each other tight, all of us. God, what else?? We had NO idea how much else. We still don't. But as someone wrote in an article about us, we live for right here, right now.

The Erika Kate Foundation has been amazing to us. Last year around this time, we learned of them and were struggling to make a house payment. EKF stepped in and helped us pay our mortgage! Then, the next year helped over and over again with lodging. We are so grateful to them and so blessed by their family. They lost their sweet Erika when she was 4 years old. They then started a foundation to be available to families financially as they go through these seasons of being in the hospital, missing work, missing bills, all because of stress or whatever may come your way. Rich Maynard is the founder of EKF and also the Father to Erika Kate. A writer, which happened to be Erika's Aunt, called us for an over the phone interview. We were nervous as of how that would go. To bring up old memories...to a woman we've never met...on speaker phone. :) It couldn't have gone any smoother. Carol was so warm and welcoming. She heard our hearts, and we heard hers. So, a couple of weeks later, we had an article posted on their website! If you'd like to read it, please do. Then take some time to check out their website.

The Erika Kate Foundation

They have helped sooo many families like ours. They have done some AMAZING things. I'm telling you, something awesome happens in hearts that have been through these times. A nurse came to my house the other day, she was new. I told her that she looked so familiar to me. We couldn't figure out what it was!! Near the middle of the visit, she shared with me that her daughter has down syndrome. At the end of the visit, she told me that she thinks that all of us, with these special children, will always recognize each other. We see each others hearts, and we see it in the eyes. I definitely believe this to be true.

So, the day after V was born, the nurses and Dr's gave her no hope as they started to hand her to me to die in my arms. She was restored.

And I counted every minute that she was alive.

I remember saying thing to Jer such as, "Hey! It's been 13 hours and she's still here!!" I was so excited for each minute, hour, then days, and months, then in December, then February, more times to celebrate her grasping life!

...and now it's been over a year! God is so good.

So as we celebrate this Christmas Season, the birth of our Lord Jesus, I challenge you to remember HIM. In all of the chaos that goes on, in all of the doubt that we have if He's even real, I challenge you to take that chance. Why not? What do you have to lose? Nothing. If there is no God, then you lose nothing. If there is God, you gain. I will never stop saying Merry Christmas to those whom it may offend. Because that is the Holiday that I celebrate. That is the Jesus that saved my daughter. That is the Jesus who is holding my other daughter with the same exact DNA as V. Remember, 1 egg, 2 souls. THEN it split after nearly 2 weeks of being one. If that doesn't strike you, then I have nothing. I am nothing. Only God can show you the Truth.

Merry CHRISTmas my friends! Whatever you celebrate, be blessed! But always remember the reason for Christmas. I know there are reasons for other holidays around this time. But that's why they are called different things. Remember what CHRISTMAS is all about.

Here are a few Christmas pictures! I will be adding all of our family pics and V's 1 year pics w/out Christmas edited into them after the new year. They were all in the fall, so I had to play! :)

I'll close and say what I said in my last post, that yes, I will get copyrighted. ;)

Take time to notice the miracles you are asking for that just might be happening all around you...you might be surprised at what a "miracle" really is! Then remember to give God the glory for it, for it came from no other~

I wish this would come out bigger, maybe if you click on it you can see it fully. If not, the quote says:

“No matter how difficult the challenge, when we spread our wings of faith and allow the winds of God's spirit to lift us, no obstacle is too great to overcome.”

Pictures taken by the One and Only Awesome, Heidi Schmidt @ EllieJoSchmidt on Carepages.

Home and Healthy!

2009-11-05T01:16:00.005-06:00

We are home and healthy for now! Thank you all for your prayers even during the unknown times. I know I say this a lot but whenever we have such a traumatic thing happen, we go into survival mode, and honestly into a fog. First of all, we didn't have a computer at the hospital this time. My Mom wanted to bring mine to me, but she also had my kids and the hospital was urging us to not let the kids visit with all the germs, flu, H1N1 going around. So, it was just me and my phone and the slowest computer in the world in the waiting room.

Excuse that I haven't updated #2: We got home and dropped everything. Including ourselves. I kid you not, I don't even remember getting home. We were there for 3 nights, in the same clothes, sleeping on chairs. I don't think WE even realized we were there.

But enough excuses! I'm writing now and that's all that matters, right? Just agree with me in front of my face k? You can yell at me under your breath when we're done here. ;)

So, V decided that she wanted to cooperate with every.single.test.done. Her Echo, EKG, Chest Xray, AND Cath procedure all looked great! They DID, however, have to go in and balloon that artery that was obstructed again. So, they would have had to do the cath soon anyway. Dr. Divikar, who is the cath Dr, said though, that he doesn't recommenced anymore caths. That next time V is in distress, we move right along to surgery. Be it the Glenn or putting her on a list, it's just time. I have a feeling that they may try the Glenn again before going for the transplant. They strongly believe in keeping the heart you have for as long as you can. For me, though, with the way things went with the last Glenn, I'm almost more open to a transplant! The Glenn almost killed Veiyah in February if you remember. Read HERE and on for a glimpse at why I worry about the "G" word.

Dr. Divikar said that her pulmonary arteries have grown quite significantly since February tho, and that her pressures are good. His opinion is definitely pointing toward the Glenn.

Veiyah went in on Friday around noon for the Cath. She recovered pretty good, but they did end up giving her a one time dose of morphine to keep her comfortable. She's so big now and she needs to lie flat for 6 hours after the cath. That girl was awake and ready for her Karate class that we haven't even signed her up for within the 2nd hour! So the morphine kicked in and she was happy...

Only for a little while though, since the nurses decided it was time for the H1N1 shot and the flu shot! :O! It's not her (the nurse's) fault, though. We had THAT moment only to give that shot. Getting the H1N1 Vaccine is as hard as it is to get my kids to do their school work everyday! Wait...HARDER! Yah, so the nurse had to bring someone up from the pharmacy to give the shot. The nurse couldn't even TOUCH the syringe!! WHAT? Okay, that better be a hospital rule and not a government run system.....hmmmm.

We ended up staying one more night to watch her with no oxygen to make sure that we weren't missing anything. She did so well that night so we were able to go home Saturday afternoon.

V's Awesome Night! (Sorry I get carried away on Picnik Photo Editor)

Whew! What a whirlwind! I mean, who just rushes to the hospital on a Wednesday evening in an ambulance going 90mph only to have every test come out "fine"?

Oh yeah...

Veiyah.

"V".

And maybe I'm not (once again) giving God enough credit here. Did we WANT something to be wrong? Of course we always want answers. When there are none, it feels like a waste of time, energy, and even prayers!

No prayer is wasted my friends.

Every prayer you put up for V last week (or has it been 2...wow) did not go unheard or unanswered. If anything, it's the complete OPPOSITE! If you think anything like I do, I want to hear, "this" is what's going on. She is sick and we need to do "such and such". So I ask for prayer and then "what's going on" gets MIRACULOUSLY healed?!

So who's to say that didn't happen on the ambulance ride down? Is that not a miracle? Who's to say it's not?

I truly with my whole heart believe that if we are asking God to do something in His will and in His time, He wants us to SEE his grace and mercy. Do we always notice it? Maybe not.

Take time to notice the miracles you are asking for that just might be happening all around you...you might be surprised at what a "miracle" really is! Then remember to give God the glory for it, for it came from no other~

(should i copy write that last paragraph?) ;) sooo deep~

Ahhhh, how I love V's Dirty Knees. Thank you so much for being so faithful to my family as prayer warriors, friends, and awesome support. I think I will tag this blog, make a label for it that says NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. ;) Then you guys will just know that we are doing GREAT (Veiyah wise ;)) and that I'll update when my mind slows down a little bit. :) Sound good? Good. (not asking for permission)

V FIX! (And Hay-Day with Picnik!)

We are again inpatient....and impatient for that matter!

2009-10-22T23:35:00.004-05:00

Ahhh, Dry Humor...U know you love it! (Title) (I have to love it in these times, it's the only way I get by sometimes.)

Veiyah has been very fussy for the last week. I, Ani, took her in to check for an ear infection and Dr. Rick found nothing but maybe sore gums from teething. On Tuesday night, V had quite the fit, ended up throwing up, and I hooked her up to the monitor and got her heart rate at 170 (Very high for V's heart) and her blood oxygen saturations at 67. V also turned blue during this time. She settled down and I knew she had a well check up the next day anyway, so left it alone. We got to our local pediatricians office to do some immunizations and V had another episode of turning blue, high heart rate and low o2 sats. V made Dr nervous so he called the University. So, no immunizations that day. They ordered her an EKG later that day at St Lukes w Heart specialist Dr Zittergruen, whom actually diagnosed V while in Utero. Then known as baby A. :) (Fun fact for the day) We arrived at St Lukes and Veiyah was fine. We went back to the room and V started coughing, crying, turning blue and then threw up. Her HR went up and her o2 sats dropped to 54. Dr. Called the U w/out even doing the EKG and U requested her be life flighted to Iowa City ASAP. No helicopters were available fast enough so they rushed her by Ambulance while on oxygen. I was able to ride along while Jer followed. V calmed down on the way there thx to the oxygen, and they were able to perform several tests including the EKG, Echo, and chest Xray in the ER. We were admitted while they watched V over night. She desatted 3 or 4 times in the night, but at 5am she had a full on episode. Drs now want to perform yet another (3rd in 1.5 months) cath procedure which will show her shunts much better than the echo can do. Tomorrow morning (Friday October 23, she will once again be put under general anesthesia and intubated first thing in the morning. Thought process is, is that this could be the early signs of outgrowing her shunts since she has now doubled in size since they were placed last February. If that is the case we have a few options that will be discussed. We will keep you updated as we are updated.

Thank you for your prayers as we continue to face these scary times with our baby girl. She is quite amazing and the Dr that first saw her when she was first born, Dr. Edens, made it clear of just that. As optimistic as he may be, he had lost hope for V long ago. It amazes him each time he sees her. Truth is, as cute and amazing as V is, she isn't the one amazing Dr Edens! Jesus is showing Himself through our daughter everyday she has breath.

All our love~

The Kargs

PS. I don't have my laptop here as I didn't intend on coming here. It is way out at my Mom's house which is even further than my own. So I have no pictures to show you as I am on the hospital computer and they won't let me save pictures to the computer to upload.

I HAVE to apologize for not getting out V's 1st year pics yet and also birthday party and Aderah's balloon ceremony video. It's been so hectic and honestly, just emotional. I promise to get things going here again soon. Just get me out of here, and I swear I'll get right on it!! ;)

Veiyah's Miracle

2009-09-28T21:02:00.001-05:00

Over this past weekend we celebrated Veiyah’s 1st birthday. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the reason that we were able to do so.

Veiyah was born on September 25th and was immediately taken to bay 1 of the NICU, which is for babies who are in critical condition. Early in the morning on September 26th, Ani and I were woken by a nurse. We were both staying in the delivery recovery room at the time. We were told that Veiyah was having issues in the NICU and that the doctors wanted to see us. As we were walking to Veiyah’s room in the NICU, we turned a corner and saw her room from a distance. There were doctors and nurses filling the room and in the hallway around her room. As we approached the room, a doctor looked at us with tears in her eyes and told us that they were losing Veiyah. On the wall above Veiyah’s bed there were numerous monitors that were tracking her vitals. These monitors have upper and lower limits for each vital sign, and if those limits are breached an alarm will sound. When we walked into Veiyah’s room multiple alarms were sounding. The doctor explained that they had tried giving Veiyah several medications to make her heart beat stronger, but that none of them were working. Her vitals were falling, and the doctors did not have anything else they could do for her.

This point in the story is critical, because I want to make it clear the severity of the situation that we found ourselves. We were in the room with arguably the best doctors in the state. Trained and experienced to save babies lives. In a University hospital that was on the cutting edge of medicine and treatment options. And these doctors were telling us that Veiyah was dying. They asked us if we wanted to hold her while she passed away, and in a place of shock and disbelief we said yes. Ani sat down in a rocking chair and I sat in a chair next to her. A pillow was placed on Ani’s lap and the nurses and doctors prepared to un-hook Veiyah from all of the monitoring cords, so that we could hold her without having to deal with those. The doctors and nurses at this hospital don’t give up, so when I witnessed these events I knew that in their minds there was no hope for Veiyah. They had exercised all of their wisdom, skill, and treatment options to save her, and nothing had worked.

I want to remind everyone of Veiyah’s middle name. It is Jaielle, which is a unique way to spell the name Jael. In most translations this name means “mountain goat”, which at first glance would seem like a strange middle name for a little girl. But we also found translations where this name means “God’s Power”, and that is the reason we chose it. So Ani and I are sitting in the NICU waiting for our daughter to be handed to us so she could pass away in our arms. At this time her vitals were still dropping and the monitors were still screaming. Ani started to pray out loud, she spoke out the name Jaielle, and stated that we believed in God’s Power. In that very moment the monitors stopped screaming, Veiyahs vitals began to rise, and every person in the room stopped in their tracks and stared at the monitors. Doctors and nurses alike had wide eyes and mouths wide open. We quickly told them to stop unhooking Veiyah. Everyone quietly stared at the monitors in disbelief, waiting to see what would happen next. Veiyah’s vitals continued to rise into an acceptable range, and remained stable. Ani and I stayed in her room until the doctors were satisfied that she was stable. They could offer us no explanation as to why Veiyah had recovered from the brink of death, and why things had turned around so suddenly.

I can’t remember what I was thinking or feeling at this time. I think I was in shock and the full gravity of what had just happened did not hit me until later. In the last year I have thought often of the events of that night. Some may argue that Veiyah’s recovery was due to something other than the prayer that was cried out. I can find no other explanation other then at the exact time Ani prayed out loud, the healing hand of God reached down and sustained and restored Veiyah’s life. The best doctors in the best hospital could not save her life, but the healing power of the Lord could.

Over the last year I have also questioned many times why God would answer our prayer for Veiyah, but did not answer our prayers to save Aderah. I honestly do not have the answer to that, and while I am on this earth I may never understand. But that does not take anything away from the miracle that is Veiyah’s life. In the last year she has undergone 9 medical procedures – 4 open heart surgeries, a stomach surgery, a G tube surgery, an exploratory catheter procedure, and 2 corrective catheter procedures. She has received amazing medical care, but I also see God’s amazing hand upon her life. He saved her life that night a year ago, and all the glory goes to Him for that. I believe that Veiyah’s life already has, and will continue to be, an amazing testimony of God’s power, love, and grace. One year ago in a little hospital room in Iowa, the power of God fell on Veiyah and restored her life. She is just a small girl, but I believe that this was a miracle of Biblical proportions, and demonstrates unequivocally the existence, power, love, grace, and saving power of an almightily God. I will always be thankful for that miracle, for the opportunity to spend time with my daughter here on earth. The events of that night one year ago have changed my life. I can no longer question His existence, or the power and depth of his love, forgiveness, and grace. I hope that this story will have a similar impact on people who hear it. Thanks for reading.

On a lighter note, Veiyah’s middle name turned out to fit her better then we thought. She has very strong legs, and loves to kick, just like a mountain goat!

The blood is Flowing!

2009-09-22T00:42:00.008-05:00

Yesterday they focused on getting through those veins that are occluded (or blocked). This was a very focused procedure. They ended up burning through what they found as old blood, not scar tissue. This made it quite a bit easier than they had predicted. They then ballooned the veins, and it went GREAT! They didn't have to put ANY stints in! Instead of what was predicted to be a 6-8 hr procedure, Veiyah was in the cath lab for a total of 3 hours!!! That included putting her to sleep (slightly) to put in an IV, putting her on general anesthetics and inserting her lines, and then completing the ballooning and getting the blood flowing. She went up to recovery and we sat for about a half hour to an hour. She woke up really fast this time, went down to her room and we were gone by 7pm. Praise God!! The Dr said that the blood is flowing GREAT now and that we can wait to do any major things until her sats start to slowly go down. We will go back in 4 weeks to make sure they are still ballooned pretty well, and then HOPEFULLY have the rest of this year off! Wouldn't that be awesome?

Dr. Divikar is a fantastic Dr. and we trusted that he would really know what he was doing. Above all, though, we trust God and knew that HE really knew what HE was doing. ;)

Tomorrow is V's and Aderah's Birthday! It's Jeremy's birthday too! Selah's is on Saturday and well, yes, my weekend is booked. Can't wait to post the big V's Birthday post with her 1 year pictures! My friend Heidi took them and they are absolutely incredible. SO excited to show you!

This is the day before at her pre-screen~

Notice her shirt..."Delight yourself in the Lord"...V needs to pick out her outfits to go with her mood, yes? ;)

Here are some procedure pics...What do you know, she comes out of another procedure and is holding her own bottle and drinking the whole thing! We are seeing more and more milestones everyday! :)

xoxo

More V's! Where are YOU seeing V's that make you think of Veiyah? Carolyn was about to eat an onion ring!! Hope it was yummy! :) Thank you so much Carolyn in New Jersey!!

The girls saw these cookies at the bank and yelled MOM it's a V!!! ;)

I just today, received an email from one of V's Knees, Tara. She came across an article and even though it is supposed to be in shape of a heart, she saw it as a V! I see all hearts as V's. :) Thank you Tara in Missouri!!

Tribute Video to Aderah Psalm

2009-09-18T04:04:00.011-05:00

Aderah was a mono amniotic (momo) twin, to our daughter, Veiyah. They were in a dangerous pregnancy only sharing one sac, same amniotic fluid, and same blood flow. The scare was that they would get their umbilical cords tangled and knotted and eventually cut off oxygen to each other. We didn't get that far. Instead, we found out that Aderah's twin Veiyah had a heart defect and may not live. I was admitted to the hospital in August of 2008. On August 29th, 2008 while monitoring the twins’ heartbeats, Aderah's heart (Supposedly the healthy twin) went into SVT. (Super Ventricular Tachycardia) Her heart was racing at 320 bpm. This went off and on until September 5, when it decided to stay that way. I was in labor and delivery being constantly monitored and finally given a drug called Digoxin to hopefully slow down Aderah's heart. On September 10, 2008, Aderah went into full on heart failure.

Still hopeful for the meds to work, even adding one called Flecanaid, Aderah's heart fluttered like a butterfly and her body and head swelled with fluid. Aderah Psalm finally rested at 5:45pm that night. Her sister Veiyah lived through the trauma of losing her sister, whom shared every needed thing in the womb with her. One week later exactly, Aderah still inside of me, Veiyah wasn't getting enough blood flow and oxygen to her brain. Aderah was still getting it, even though not needed. Our only option was to do a blood transfusion to Veiyah's brain while she was still in utero. It was so very risky. Within a few hours she was doing great, tho. One week later, again exactly, my water broke. I was only 30 weeks 3 days. I labored from 6am on September 24th till 2:38am September 25th, 2008 ...Jeremy (Daddy's) birthday. I gave birth, naturally, (but with an epidural, only way to have any sanity what so ever) to Veiyah first at 2:28am and heard nothing. She was taken from me after I saw her for one brief moment but again heard nothing, to the NICU. Aderah was born 10 minutes later @ 2:38am. Silence. My husband didn't make it on time, my family didn't make it on time. I was alone. I looked away when Aderah was taken out of me. Jeremy showed up when everything was already done. It was shocking. It was as if nothing had ever happened. Aderah was brought to us an hour later in the most beautiful dress. She was perfect. 1 day later the Dr's told us Veiyah was dying. They had no more hope for her. Everything in her body was shutting down. They were handing her body to me to die in my arms.

...Veiyah will be 1-year-old September 25th, 2009. She has been through many heart surgeries, a stomach surgery, cath procedures to balloon her heart, and now faces a heart transplant. This is just the beginning of our journey this last year. All this, and guess what? God is SO good. We wouldn't have made it this far without Him, without our faith in Him to carry us through.

If you don't know Jesus personally, and want to experience real LIFE, He is waiting for you. He's knocking on the door of your heart. Just let Him in. Give Him your heart. Believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died on the cross with OUR sin on his shoulders. Ever hurt? Ever Grieve? Ever feel so down that it is so absolutely painful? Jesus didn't just feel physical pain from thorns in His head, Spears in his side, Whips on his body and back, nails pounded into his wrists and feet. He felt every hurt that you have ever felt and MORE, because He felt everyone's hurt. Hurt stems from sin. He felt the fall of man. He WAS SIN on that cross. Think of your deepest hurt. He felt it times billions. So that what? So that OUR sins would then be washed clean. That by believing in Him and His Father, we will be forgiven and join Him one day, and those we have lost to the sin of death, with His Father in the most Perfect NEW place. We will stand in awe of the God that saved each and everyone's soul, that believed in Him and lived FOR Him.

God is good. Don't let a moment pass you by. Don't think you have time to think of it later. He is coming back for his BRIDE. YOU.

We love you Aderah Psalm Karg. We honor your death on earth one year ago, and your birth into heaven. What a glorious Birthday you must be having. Thank you for letting me carry you for as long as I did. Thank you Jesus, for choosing me to carry her. I am so very honored.

Please remember that there are pictures of Aderah at the end of this tribute. If you don't wish to see these pictures, you can either just watch a little bit, or you can choose to not watch at all. No hard feelings. It is a hard thing to do. I did soften the pictures to make them more "likable".

Thank you to EVERYONE who called me, who emailed, who left me messages on Twitter or Facebook, for taking moments of silence...(wow!) for us last Thursday on Aderah's one year death anniversary. You all mean the world to us. Also, every comment you leave is such a comfort to us. Please leave us a comment here so that we can come back one day and remember how lifted up we have always been. We love you all so much!

xoxo ani

*Remember to turn off my blog music under "Worship and Lullabies" to hear the music that goes with the video. It is on the right hand side panel in a playlist box! Also, you can watch the video below in full screen by clicking on the right hand bottom square!*

In Honor of Aderah Psalm from Daddy

2009-09-10T10:20:00.004-05:00

One year ago, September 10th 2008, my daughter Aderah Psalm Karg went to meet her Creator. Below is the letter that I wrote to Aderah that was read at her funeral. Please take a moment to read this, to reflect on her life, and to honor her memory. Aderah, I love you and I miss you so much. ~Daddy

Aderah Psalm Karg is alive, much more alive than anyone here today. She is and always will be my daughter, and is as much a part of my family as my other children. She is also as much a part of this extended family as any of your children. I challenge you to consider your own children, and to give Aderah the same level of respect, admiration, honor, and remembrance as you would give them.

Often the first question in a time like this, is Why? When I first heard that Aderah had a heart condition, that is the first thing that came to me. I went through the emotions of anger and frustration, and I wanted an answer from God as to why this was happening. Since that time I have come to the realization that I may never have an answer that will satisfy my human intellect. I will always pray that God will reveal that to me, but even if He does not, I will always trust Him and trust that His ways are righteous and true. Ecclesiastes 11:5 says “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”

I never had the privilege of meeting my daughter Aderah here on earth. So I cannot talk about my memories and experiences with her. The visions that haunt me are of those experiences that I will not be able to share with her and those memories that will never be. I look at my beautiful daughters Madi and Selah that I have been blessed with and I think back to the wonderful times we have shared. And I look forward to the wonderful times we hope to share in the future. With Aderah, I will never be able to change her diaper, to have her grasp my finger. I will never be able to wrap her tightly in her blanket and fall asleep with her on my chest. I will never be able to watch her learn to crawl and to walk, to pick her up after scraping her knee. I will never be able to teach her to ride a bike, and to catch her at the end of a slide. I will never be able to watch her grow and learn new things. I will never get to experience her smile, and her cry, I will never get to make her laugh, and will never have the chance to comfort her. I will never be able to lay beside her as she sleeps and experience the peace and joy of being her father. I will never be able to experience her looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes, and saying yes to what she wants even though I had just said no. I will never get to experience her personality, to learn what she likes and does not. I will never be able to show her how to hit a golf ball or kick a soccer ball. I will never be able to take her to church, and to teach her about the Jesus. I will never get to experience her finding her own relationship with God.

I will never get to witness her adolescent, and turn back the boys who would surely flock to her. I will never be able to buy her a car, and then ground her from it for talking too long on the phone. I will never be able to walk her down the aisle to give her away. I will never be able to experience that precious wedding dance that only a father and daughter can share. I will never be able to experience the grand children she may have given me.

My heart breaks when I think of these things, but is also overjoyed to know that soon I will be with Aderah in eternity and we will be able to share experiences there that will make the experiences of this world pale in comparison.

One thing that comforts me is that I know that Aderah is in heaven right now, for Mathew 19:14 reads “Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” Even though Aderah passed away before birth, she was alive and was my child, as well as God’s child, from the time she was conceived.

Another thing that comforts me is that the grief and loss that I feel now is only temporary. It is promised in Revelation 7:17 “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

We serve a merciful God who is full of grace and comfort. In times like this I grasp to His promises of comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:5 says “For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. And Matthew 5:4 says “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Lord I pray that you bring your comfort to my family.

For Aderah’s sister Veiyah, who continues to struggle for life, I want to take hold of several promises of prayer from the bible. Matthew 18:20 says “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." John 14:13-14 says “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” Right now we are gathered in your name, and we pray for Veiyah, in Jesus name, that for the Father’s glory you will bring a miraculous restoration of life to her body. Amen.

A final word to my daughter Aderah. Aderah, I am grieving for the things that I will not be able to share with you on this earth. I leave you in the care of your creator and I know He will raise you in peace and happiness without any of the pain and heartache of this world. Know that I am your father, that I love you, and that someday we will have that dance.

Aderah, this is your psalm:

Psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be

Love,

Daddy

Ani is trying to get a slideshow together in honor of Aderah's first year. Please pray for her as she puts it together. Also, there will be pictures of Aderah in this slideshow at the very end, so you can choose to watch a little of it, or you can choose to not watch it at all. This is something that is really helping us, to show our daughter, to show our daughters together.

Thank you all so much for your amazing love and support today. We appreciate you all so much.

Heart Cath Procedure Results...Kind of.

2009-09-04T11:49:00.008-05:00

Jer here~

On Monday we took Veiyah down to the University for a pre-screening process. The doctors drew blood, did a physical exam, and explained what to expect from the cath procedure. At that time we were going into the procedure with the notion that the results would tell us if Veiyah was a candidate for a transplant, or if she needed to wait and grow, allowing her pulmonary arteries to get larger.

On Tuesday morning the procedure was done. The doctors had difficulty finding a pathway for the cath to get to her heart. They tried in both thighs and in her neck. They were finally able to get in through her thigh, but after the procedure she had issues with bleeding from all 3 areas. So she stayed in the recovery area for several hours trying to get the bleeding to stop. For the cath procedure they give her medication to thin out the blood, and she is also on a daily regiment of aspirin which has similar affects. So that was the main reason for the bleeding, which they finally were able to get under control.

Talking to the doctors and looking at the pictures from the cath was a struggle for both Ani and I. We both understood things differently, or maybe the doctors conveyed the information differently to both of us, as we had talked with them at separate times. But the jist of what they found is that the artery that brings blood back to Veiyah's heart from the upper part of the body was completely obstructed. This artery was detached and moved during the Glenn procedure, and then moved back to its original position when the Glenn was taken down. Those procedures were earlier this year. The obstruction is scar tissue and/or dried blood, either way a direct result of the previous surgeries. The body is an amazing thing, it adapted to this obstruction and found alternate pathways to get blood back into the heart. By looking at Veiyah's chest you can actually see a spider web of veins, we had no idea until now what those were. The problem with this situation is that in order for Veiyah to undergo any future heart surgeries, including a transplant, that main artery will need to un-obstructed.

That means that within the next several weeks she will be headed back to the cath lab. The plan on how to remove the obstruction will depend on what it looks like when the doctor gets in there. It could be a balloon procedure, or it could have to be removed with an instrument that burns through the obstruction. The doctor even mentioned to me that they can use high frequency sound waves to get through it. After doing that, a stint will be installed so that the artery does not close back down. There are several aspects of this procedure that make it riskier then the exploratory cath she just had. First, because Veiyah has had so many procedures and surgeries in her short life, access to her arteries is all but gone. That means that for this procedure they likely will have to enter the cath into her liver, and get to her heart that way. They may also try to get access to the artery through her collarbone, but that also can be tricky. Either approach is more complicated and more risky then going in through an artery in the leg. Second, this procedure involves cutting and opening an artery which is near the heart and lungs. So there is a risk that something could get cut that should not be, and the surgeons would have to open her chest to repair. The doctor told me this was a small risk, but made it sound to Ani like it was a large risk, so we aren't exactly sure. This is a procedure that despite the risk, has to happen in order for any future repairs or transplants are possible.

The doctors are also discussing the long term plan for Veiyah. Whether after the cath she should have more surgical repairs done to her heart, or if she should immediately be a candidate for a transplant. I honestly can't say what I hope to hear from the doctors. I find it impossible to pray for a transplant, because even though she would then have a healthy heart, that would involve the loss of another life. And without a transplant her heart muscle will eventually wear down. All I hope for is that my daughter lives and grows old. I will leave the HOW up to God. Please pray that God reveals his perfect plan to the doctors and to us.

Please pray for Veiyah's life and health during this next cath procedure, and for a miraculous outcome. Also please pray for our family, as every time we take our baby to the hospital our hearts break for her. I can't put into words the toll that is taken on us each time. But we trudge ahead, willing to sacrifice everything for this little miracle. Because we believe in her, believe in the amazing value of life, and believe that God is not done working in her. Please agree with us that God will continue to grow and prosper the miracle that He birthed in Veiyah.

Ani Here,

I wanted to ask for prayer for myself and my family this month. It's September! Veiyah will be 1 on the 25th! So hard to believe! Hallelujah!

On September 10, we will remember our sweet Aderah whom one year ago this day, Jesus perfected.

Everyday right now is a challenge. I struggle in remembering just yesterday. I'll struggle tomorrow remembering writing this. I fight it too much, and Jeremy tells me that it's natural, that God gave us this part of our brain as a blessing...so that we don't have too much to handle.

I am trying to get a post together, or 2 or 3 that will tell the story from the very beginning of my pregnancy till the day we laid Aderah's body in the ground. I didn't start really blogging until after that. Then I will do the rest another time, but I really want to do this in time for her day that she went to be with Jesus, or in time for the day she was birthed.

Be on the look-out! And please be on your Knees for us this month. It is a month of sorrow but also a month of celebration! If you remember, Veiyah and Aderah share Jeremy's birthday and then Selah's birthday is just 2 days later! What was up His sleeve? :) hmmmm.

Today was THE day!! (Well, now Yesterday...)

2009-08-17T23:47:00.006-05:00

Thank you all so much for praying for us these last few days knowing that we were going to be facing some hard answers come today.

Jeremy's parents came into town on Friday late afternoon. They come every year and it's always just TIME. :) As we have been anticipating the arrival of Monday, this visit has helped keep us occupied. Especially today, Monday. Today we went to a place called Planet X. Gramps and Gramma spoiled the kids of course, but we ALL just had a blast. We bowled, the girls jumped in cages, the girls rock climbed, Madi, Selah, Gramma and I did the bumper cars!! And oh yes, Madi and I did our first round of laser tag!!!!!! I really think my mind, soul, and spirit...not to mention my body, needed this kind of craziness. I felt like a KID! I haven't felt so carefree in such a long time. Thank you Lord for your little blessings.

I DID come in ....well....LAST in laser Tag, but GEEZ, why can't you just keep shooting? Why the heck do you have to wait for it to re-load? D-U-M-B.

Then came Miniature Golf. One of us had to be with Veiyah at all times. Since I had just gotten my cardio in for the day with Laser Tag, I decided I needed a breather. So off they went while I sat in the nice A/C. My Father-in-Law came to switch me places and I showed everyone who is the real Tiger Woods. ...Not really...i did awful. MADI though, geez that girl. Hole in ones all over the place. BUT she has quite the ego about it....so we'll have to work on that before she becomes like her Daddy in that area. ;)

We're golfing, nonchalantly, when IT happened. My phone rang. It was a 319-365 number. I missed it by 2 seconds, but KNEW it was the University. I motioned to everyone that it was THE call...and I walked out. It was Dr. Reinking. V's Cardiologist. I kept trying to call back but it was busy. Finally a Voicemail came through. Since I have it recorded, I will write what it said.

"Hi Jeremy and Ani, I was calling to let you know that we talk about Veiyah today in Conference...

The short story is that we'd like to do a Heart Cath. The reason for the Cath is to take some pictures where we would get a good look at the Pulmonary Arteries that go to both of Veiyah's Lungs, to see if they've been growing well with the shunts. we can't see them well enough by Echo to say if they've grown sufficiently. The other reason is to measure pressures in her PA's (Pulminary Arteries). Both of those findings will help us decide if Veiyah is a good enough candidate for the Glenn or if she's a good candidate for transplant. Right now the option of transplant is still on the table. If her PA's (Pulminary Arteries) look like they are a good size and her pressures are low, then she'd be a good Transplant candidate. And that might be a better route for her than a Glenn. But we'll kinda need the heart cath to decide that. I know this is a lot of info to leave on your voice mail, but I thought you'd want to know...I will try to give you a call in the morning."

So, I called him back RIGHT away! I basically said, Dr Ben, can you not beat around the bush for me here for just a minute? Is Transplant the way we WANT to go vs. the Glenn?

"Yes. We can only do so though, if her pressures are low and her PA's are a good size. Otherwise, we will probably not even do the Glenn, and instead place shunts in her heart for as long as it works."

Since Veiyah's heart is still functioning well for the time being, Veiyah, if the Cath comes back with low pressures and good sized PA's, will be placed on the Lower Risk Transplant List. This sounds upsetting to me, but you just never know. What if they have a heart in our area, and there are no babies in critical need of that heart at that time...then Veiyah would get that heart. Otherwise, she'd stay on that list until her heart begins to fail. When Veiyah is in heart failure, which we have NO idea of how long that will be with the muscle looking the way it does, she will be admitted to the University, put on an IV drip of Milrinone that basically does the pumping for her, and put on the Critical list for a heart.

So, did I sort of know what news was coming? Yes. It didn't stop me though, from breaking down in the front entrance of Planet X as well as on the phone with Dr. Ben. You mean to tell me that this Monday we've been waiting for wasn't just a thought in the back of my head that I pushed aside as ....well as a dream?? You mean to tell me that you all really got together for a conference today and talked about MY daughter, Veiyah? And you also mean to tell me that you all agree that if all things look good, that a TRANSPLANT is the way to go?

I'd like my money back, please.

I didn't sign up for this.

I'd like my life back, please.

I never asked for this.

...I'd like my mind back, please.

...I'd like my mind back, please.

...Did I just say that twice? My point exactly.

We will take V in next week from what we've heard, to get her heart cath done. Then we will proceed with either waiting for a heart...or making other decisions.

Thank you all for your prayers. We know God has a much bigger plan in this than we know right now. We are nervous but at the same time excited to see what work He has in store for our baby girl.

Keep Kneeling, Knees~ xoxo

For Now, here are some pick me up pictures from our fun and crazy day, before my heart lost it's steady, easy beat that I traded in for a pounding, racing drum...

The Snare will Break, and we WILL escape!!

2009-08-14T19:18:00.002-05:00

Wow! What a week it has been since we took Veiyah in for breathing problems only to hear our cardiologist drop the "T" bomb. I guess I didn't realize for a few days that I was in shock from just hearing the words. I cried for the first night and next day...all day. Then I felt a numbness come over me...or maybe I didn't feel it...it just seems like that's what it was, now. Our girls were begging for some time out with Mom and Dad. So we made a spontaneous trip to Applebees and let them pick out whatever they wanted. I'm tempted to branch off and tell you what they got because they never cease to amaze me, but then I'll get off track. Well okay FINE, Geez, you are so demanding sometimes!! So they order Broccoli and Cheddar soup and SALAD. Yup, these are my crazy kids. But hey, I can't complain. I love that I feed them bad enough that they choose good food when we DO go out. ;) I'm totally kidding about me feeding them bad...well kind of kidding.

We ate, watched V play with her feet at the table..(such bad manners!) We let the girls get dessert for one of the first times at a restaurant. I hate getting desserts at restaurants after dinner...unless I'm out with friends and that's all we get. Otherwise, I'd rather stop at Wal-Mart on the way home and pick up some cheap ice cream and go home and eat it in front of the TV. So you see, it's not a health issue what so ever. Should it be?

So of course they had to get the chocolate chip cookie with ice cream and hot fudge on top. droooool... Don't you love those corky waitresses that bring more spoons and say, I brought these spoons for Mom and Dad just in case they want a bite...like really corky like. I just say... ohhhh nooooo, not this Mom!

Mom: Madi, sneak me the spoon under the table.

Madi: HERE YOU GO MOM!!!

Mom: MADI, SHHHH! Don't make me look bad!

Mom: Selah, I'm gonna look at you like we're talking, and you are going to put that bite into my mouth, k?

Okay, so none of that even happened. I dove right in!! Duh!!

So, we're getting ready to leave and I realized that my phone was missing. I had it out on my leg during dinner. My family goes on to tell me that they don't remember me bringing my phone in at all. PEOPLE, I brought my phone in! I was JUST playing Sudoku on it during dinnerrrrrrr... I mean, I was checking for traffic for on the way home! Do you all realize what little things it takes to make me go into freak out mode? Anxiety Attack Alert! My precious precious phone!

So what did I do? I looked at Jer and filled him in on how the waitress or the guy that was helping her STOLE my phone! This was a huge SCAM! Where's the manager? Jer track down the manager! I've looked EVERYWHERE. Last time I saw it, it was on my leg...so maybe I didn't feel them grab it when they were putting their hands under our table. ...wait. So, I finally got another phone to call it and well, it doesn't really matter where it was, does it? All that matters is that the waitress or her helper didn't steal it. So, quit asking me where it was. You probably already know anyway.

So we drive home and we are all SO full. I lay on the couch for about an hour just talkin' to Jer. I said to him, "Jer, did we really drive to Applebees tonight?" He looks at me with his wrinkled eye brow and gives me the "have you lost it?" question. Does he really have to ask?

In all seriousness, I DID forget the drive over there. I still don't remember it. I know we got there, and remember parts of the dinner, but even that was blurry. I couldn't decide if this has been happening all along, or if it was just since last Wednesdays news. My mind seems to shift gears when anything with Veiyah comes up. Not to say that I'm totally with it at ALL otherwise. Just more so not with it.

Since we found out last week, I have been telling family and people who called to check in, that it's so hard to even THINK about a new heart. For a couple of reasons. You're probably saying...ummm YEAH Ani! But let me tell you why just to get it off my chest. See, if they decide to do a heart transplant then that whole thing has it's own risks. First of all, her heart is backwards...on the correct side, but backwards. Second, all of her other organs are on the INcorrect side. So everything is connected the wrong way. Now let me tell you, we have some AMAZING Cardiologists, Surgeons, etc in the NATION here. So, I KNOW that these people would take this on just for pure "Watch me ROAR" kind of thing. And more power to them I say! If they think they have a good feeling about doing it and feel like it even CAN be done, then I trust them as they have shown me their amazing skills time and time again. Ultimately I trust God with the surgeons...but you get my drift.

Now, if they DON'T feel good about it and decide that Veiyah will just live with shunts the rest of her life, then that's a different story. EITHER WAY is bittersweet. With a new heart and the risks of her anatomy, rejecting the new heart, and many more, the risk of her NOT having the transplant is just as high or higher for us. Veiyah's heart is not well. She not only doesn't get good blood flow, but her heart muscle, like Jeremy explained last post, is like finger strands of muscle vs. a full ball of muscle. I think of putting my hand print into something like...dough or a foam mattress and looking at those finger prints to compare them to her heart muscle. Make a ball out of that dough, and there is a strong muscle. Put your fingers on that ball and press down and you get V's heart.

So the other choice besides a Transplant is to do surgery after surgery her whole life that will help her blood flow ....for as long as her heart functions off of that muscle. Period.

Do you get me? Transplant, although extremely risky, if successful she LIVES with a NEW and HEALTHY heart. Without, we give her what we can, to give her the fullest life for as long as she's here with us. Ouch. Did you feel that? I sure did. My stomach is on the floor with my heart.

I've also been expressing my doubts of V even getting a heart to those who have asked. I know a heart Mommy that has been waiting for a heart for her baby boy since last Christmas. Heart Failure till he found one. Do you know how many kids/people die just waiting for a heart? Do you know WHY? You think, well people die everyday...why aren't they getting hearts!? I thought the same thing. Organs are getting harder and harder to come by these days. Especially for babies and kids. Now, is that the most bittersweet thing you've ever heard or what?! Babies have to DIE to donate an organ. A family has to lose the most precious thing to them to donate their son/daughters organs. Not just anyone can donate either. This has to be some freak accident. These kids can't be sick and donate their organs. So basically, my friend Shari has been waiting since Christmas, for a family to get into some terrible accident or for something terrifying to happen to this small baby so that her dying son has a chance at life. Also, how bittersweet is it as well, that organs aren't easy to come by anymore because we as people are being more SAFE. We are putting our kids in car seats. Our kids are LIVING. That's AWESOME. ....but a sad sad thing for those who die waiting for an accident. Can you feel that emotion?

It overwhelms me.

Yesterday, August 13th, 2009, Shari's baby boy, Alex who is just 3 weeks older than Veiyah, received his heart. I woke up around 8am and got my email up and going to read that they got a call at 6:30am reporting that there is a heart available for Alex and to please come NOW. WOW! I can ONLY, for now anyway, Imagine what that phone call felt like. You anticipate for this day, for this phone call. Do you anticipate another family's loss? No way! So where there is JOY in this, there is sorrow as well. How incredible to feel such STRONG emotions at once. How confusing!!

Alex boy, we love you! We are SO happy that you got your heart and that everything is going SO well for you. You are a miracle!! An angel gave you his/her heart. Embrace it buddy!! Shari, I am so absolutely overcome with joy for you and your family. Your son has a NEW and HEALTHY heart! Praise God!! We pray for the family that has no feelings of joy today, but are at a complete loss. That don't understand "Why Me"?? I know those feelings. They hurt. I do know, though, that if Aderah was able to give something to give life to another beautiful soul, then I'd be SO grateful and blessed.

So you see, these emotions are quite huge. I had to ask my nurse if we went to the hospital last week or the week before. I know, it sounds to you that I am losing it. Well, you are wrong, cuz I'm not losing it. I lost it a LONG time ago. ;)

I'll leave you with this cute picture of Selah, sitting in the girls new chair that a neighbor so graciously gave to them. Thank you so much, Suzie! They LOVE it. She's so small with this laptop on her, but she's precious.

God has been showing me pictures of birds lately. So, while Selah represents a child like heart that Jesus is seeking in us, I'm trying to focus on what God wants to show me through ...well, birds. Sounds silly, but I do know that God will give us rest and to do that, He will use what's around us to teach us how to do so.

I found this verse, and I really believe it spoke to me. I believe that God showed me pictures of birds, so that I'd be curious, and I went to His word and studied it, and now I believe He has given me some insight.

Psalms 124:6-8
6 Blessed be the LORD, who hath not given us as a prey to their teeth. 7 Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

Maybe it's JUST for me. Meaning that if you don't see how it fits for me, just know that I do. I believe one day our souls will be escaped like a bird out of the snare of the fowlers. For our help is in the name of the Lord. He is watching over us, I have to remind myself of this constantly...and many times I fall short.

Thanks for reminding me, Lord...

Low down on Veiyah, from Jer

2009-08-05T19:56:00.006-05:00

Today Ani and I took Veiyah down to the University hospital due to her breathing issues. The problem was that she was retracting, which means that she is having difficulty breathing and so her chest muscles are working extra hard in order to get enough oxygen to the body. She has had this happen before and an increase to her heart and diuretic medications took care of the issue at that time. Her medications were increased last Friday and we have been waiting and watching since then to see if
they would help. Today Veiyah’s home nurse came and the retractions were not getting better and did seem a bit worse. She recommended we see our local pediatrician, but we opted to go to the University instead as they have the ability to perform a wider range of tests.

At the hospital Veiyah had a chest x-ray, EKG, and an echo. The chest x-ray was clear and she did not have a fever, so that ruled out any type of respiratory issues such as pneumonia or RSV. The doctors compared her EKG and echo to the last ones they had on her, and did not notice any significant differences. All of this was good to hear except for 2 things. First, it is frustrating to see Veiyah struggle with her breathing and notice her color being more “blue” then it should and not be able to determine a reason. The only thing the doctors could suggest was to change the timing of when we give her the diuretic medicine. The thought being that this may help any excess fluid from building up around her lungs which could help with her breathing. But this was just a suggestion and not a real answer to the problem. So we are going to try this for a couple of days and see how things go.

The second piece of discouraging/frustrating news was our discussion with the cardiologist regarding the echo. Although he did say her heart function and blood flow through the shunts was good and had not changed since the last one, he also let us in on a concern he had with Veiyah’s long term prognosis. He told us that he had concerns with how her heart muscle looked. He had been waiting for several months after her last surgery to see how the muscle would react and grow. He said that her heart muscle was not consistently strong throughout, but rather had finger like strands of muscle. This means there are parts of the heart muscle that are stronger and thicker then other parts. This may complicate or negate any of the structural surgeries that had initially been planned for Veiyah. If the heart muscle is not strong and consistent, then making structural changes may not be possible or beneficial. So the logical next step in this thought process would be a transplant. Talk about a kick to the gut. This path was something Ani and I knew was always a possibility, but when it becomes more of a reality it really hits home. The doctors couldn’t tell us much more then that. In two weeks that are going to discuss Veiyah’s situation with the rest of their team, which includes surgeons and transplant doctors. Until then we will not have an idea of what we face and what our options are.

I would first ask for you to join our family in prayer for complete healing for Veiyah. If God chooses not to heal her, I would ask for you to pray for Veiyah’s health, her peace, and for God’s perfect plan for her life to be manifested in the face of fear and uncertainty. Also pray for our family over the next couple of weeks, that we would feel God’s peace and find His understanding in the midst of the trials we face.

Ani here~ Can't let an update go by without some V love~ She is getting so big! She is 17lbs 1/2 oz. She loves to talk and smile and roll to her sides...G-tube gets in the way of rolling to her tummy. We will go mid-August to get her tube changed to a small button that will sit right on top of her belly. This should be soo much easier.

Veiyah is teething! She has 2 little scratchy bumps on her bottom gums that are THANKFULLY coming in now. She has been hurtin' but is quite the trooper. LOOOVES her finger. Must.Get.Video.Uploaded.

The Linn County Heart Walk is this Saturday. I was hoping to go and still hope to if V is feeling okay. This of course depends on her breathing that day. We hope to become more and more a part of making people aware of CHD.

Thank you all for your patience with us on updates. I will say that No News WAS Good News. It will continue to be too...but we have a hunch it won't be long. It's all in His time.

Enjoy my beautiful girls. ...Oh and my handsome husband...isn't he amazing? :) <3

Veiyah looking WAY too cute in her little hat she received from Katy. Thank you so much. I love putting this hat on her. SO cute. So sweet.

There's that finger!

She's about to rub her nose. How perfect is this?

V LOVES being outside on the Hammock with Daddy. We have been spending quite a bit of time out in our own little back yard. It's safe, it's close...it's home.

No really, she DOES love it outside. Promise. ...;)

Daddy and his girl~

Today waiting for her chest Xray. She didn't make a peep through the xray. It was hilarious. She smiled the whole time. Techs were amazed! hehe Love doing that to people with V! :)

Madi and Selah had to get some shots last month. They didn't know it till the way there! Mean Mommy!!! But I turned into Best Mommy EVA when we pulled into Chuck E. Cheese afterwards with their cousin.