tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020Fri, 13 Sep 2024 01:35:21 +0000Type 1Type 2crazypsychosisramblingstigmaA Blog Worth the Price of Admission...http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)Blogger65125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-4192658007857283864Sat, 05 Feb 2011 16:43:00 +00002011-02-05T08:43:53.579-08:00I have a friend with whom I frequently discuss being bipolar.  She seems to think I am overly sensitive to the fact that I am because I don't disclose it readily to people.  She thinks it should be no big deal.  Well, it is and it isn't.  I choose not to share it for a variety reasons, the primary one being that it isn't really anyone's business...I don't need to make excuses http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-have-friend-with-whom-i-frequently.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6306695108922084005Sat, 25 Dec 2010 18:12:00 +00002010-12-25T10:12:06.208-08:00It's been a long time since I've done any writing, as you can tell.   I'm a firm believer that I should have something worth sharing, rather than just blithering on about whatever little detail is stuck in my head.  So many people do that in their blogs...can't say I am all that wild about reading about someone moaning over their laundry and how long it took to do it and they're http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2010/12/been-long-time.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-4010112214630791460Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:12:00 +00002010-03-06T06:12:59.083-08:00It's been a long time since I've blogged.  I go on these hiatuses when I feel uninspired.  Lately, I've had some stuff on my mind, but have hesitated writing about it.  I can't hold back anymore, but I'll give a brief update before I get down to the heart of things. I've reacted well to the change in anti-depressants.  I'm taking 90mg of Cymbalta only now, and from all http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2010/03/frustration.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6735454575725221131Fri, 29 Jan 2010 12:56:00 +00002010-01-29T04:56:28.739-08:00Wow, the month has really gotten away from me.  Not too much has gone on, other than a change in my antidepressants.  Dr. Tween switched my Zoloft to Cymbalta, so I'm currently weaning off one and adding in the other.  I'll be completely off the Zoloft by the end of next week.  I have only noticed a tiny difference.  I still get very drowsy, but it's a little later in thehttp://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2010/01/wow-month-has-really-gotten-away-from.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6353511658899969372Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:03:00 +00002010-01-02T06:18:31.948-08:00Earlier this week, I struggled with some breakthrough depression.  It lasted about 3 days, but in that time, it laid me pretty low.  I didn't want to get out of bed.  Were it not for the fact I had to take my Aunt somewhere, I would have stayed there.  I only started feeling better yesterday.  It's a strange thing to have happen.  Everything is going along status quohttp://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2010/01/break-through-depression.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-3494753058897965991Fri, 01 Jan 2010 18:05:00 +00002010-01-01T10:18:48.421-08:00Here we are beginning another year.  I think everyone has a sense of changed perspective at the turn of a year, nevermind the fact that nothing has really changed.  It's just the next day after the last.  I think we all just feel like we have a fresh start, and who doesn't like that? I know I am happy to drop kick 2009's ass into the past and tell it to http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2010/01/welcome-2010.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6162715844315981198Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:13:00 +00002009-12-29T07:13:17.438-08:00Yesterday, I allowed my kids to have McDonalds for lunch.  It's not too very often they get to have it.  When we're out running errands and they've been exceptionally good, I will indulge them.  Problem is, they always want to go in and eat in the restaurant and then play on the playground they have there.  I do not want to go inside and be around other people, I definitely dohttp://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/why-cant-you-just-act-like-you-dont.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-4599577166545584866Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:29:00 +00002009-12-24T07:42:14.613-08:00Things had gotten pretty lean over here because the State has not sent me a disability payment since October.  Not a great thing to happen right before Christmas.  I've had a disability application pending with the Social Security Administration since August.  For anyone who doesn't know, it is a very slow process, that usually involves two denials, two appeals hearings http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/sometimes-good-things-happen.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6406351005985489515Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:35:00 +00002009-12-23T07:48:14.401-08:00After yesterday's installment of my ongoing pity-party regarding my medication, I woke up this morning feeling really good.  I do have a tendency to be impatient, and it hasn't quite been 30 days since my doctor increased my dosage of Wellbutrin.  Now, does this mean I will feel this way from here on out, or even all day long?  Not necessarily.  It does make me feel the need http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/maybe-i-should-just-shut-up-and-wait.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-8032246217853023793Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:43:00 +00002009-12-22T09:43:10.533-08:00I still have issues with my many meds.  Which I just realized I haven't taken today.  I better go do that.  Ok, I'm back.  I find I have been doing that a lot lately...forgetting to take them at my normal time, which is usually somewhere around 6:30a, but no later than 7:30a.  Right now, it's 9:03a.  The other day, it was 11:30a when I realized I hadn't taken them, http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/medication-blues-part-9000.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6081093333742868496Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:13:00 +00002009-12-13T06:15:22.618-08:00I have plans to meet a good friend of mine for coffee today.  I haven't seen her since about April or May.  We talk through IM or Facebook here and there, but nothing more than the quick hello or how are you.  That pretty much sums up my interaction with all my friends.  When you're a parent of young children, you have very limited time to spend on friendships as it is.&nbsphttp://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/friendships-and-bipolar.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-7774070600918850634Sat, 12 Dec 2009 16:21:00 +00002009-12-12T08:30:18.950-08:00As I've mentioned before, I have three young children.  My oldest is in second grade, my middle child is in Kindergarten, and my youngest will be 4 this month.  They are all so special in different ways, as you would expect any proud mother to say.  I will say all the typical things, they are very beautiful, extremely smart, and more amazing than any other children on the http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/bipolar-parent.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-4347677515937349044Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:58:00 +00002009-12-09T05:58:54.152-08:00Every time I see my psychiatrist, she asks me to rate how I've been feeling on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best I can possibly feel (without being manic, I assume).  I've been giving myself a seven normally, since I've been doing better and not crying all the time or not interacting with my children like before.  Like I mentioned in my last post, I don't feel sad.  http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/on-scale-of-1-10.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-7003345863418255310Sat, 05 Dec 2009 13:47:00 +00002009-12-05T05:47:54.810-08:00I saw Dr. Tween yesterday for my monthly follow-up.  I had experienced no appreciable difference with the addition of the Wellbutrin last month, so we are doubling the dose this month.  I'm wondering with all these medications and the levels (I'm pretty much at the maximum doses of all of them) at what point will my brain actually explode?  Seriously, this just can't be good http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/12/how-long-until-my-brain-explodes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-1501475123505313337Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:40:00 +00002009-11-26T06:40:11.480-08:00The holidays are officially here.  Thanksgiving is actually my favorite holiday, but this year I am not so festive.  I am a little down because we are not in our house anymore.  Gone are our private traditions, my way of doing things, my own personal touches.  I find that I have to yield to someone else, which has never been my strong suit.  I suppose it should be a http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/holidays.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-5216434761972345123Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:39:00 +00002009-11-17T05:39:11.044-08:00Last week, I was unable to bear the waiting game I was playing.  I ended up sending another email to my friend, as my husband had suggested.  I said everything that I felt about her walking away from me, from what she didn't know about what happened, to my confusion, to my sorrow.  At the time I wrote it, it was just to get my feelings off my chest, a way of purging the&http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/unexpected-results.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-2821687726610786262Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:19:00 +00002009-11-11T05:19:33.680-08:00I'm sort of stuck on the same theme right now.  It's kind of hard to think about much else, at least in terms of what I am compelled to write about.  I'm not obsessing during my day, fortunately.  I spoke with my therapist about this last night.  He thought I might be premature in coming to the conclusion that I won't hear back from her after only four days.  He said http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/new-day-same-song.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-8076666912931544838Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:13:00 +00002009-11-10T05:54:15.047-08:00So it's been 3 days since I sent my email.  I am not sure how long I should wait, hoping for some sort of response.  I know that she doesn't always have time to get on the computer because her kids are frequently on it, and that often her computer(s) are not functional.  Hard part is there is just no way for me to know.  As the days pass though, I obviously begin to feel that http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/waiting.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-1595723605886737385Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:00:00 +00002009-11-08T07:00:56.778-08:00Yesterday was my best friend's birthday.  This is the friend who was with me when my psychotic episode began and she basically took off running.  I haven't had any contact with her since, and it's been 7 months now.  I have long contemplated writing her to try to explain what happened, to let her know that she shouldn't be afraid, that I didn't completely lose my mind.  Ihttp://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-best-friend-part-2.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-4437022136353889406Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:30:00 +00002009-11-05T16:30:40.804-08:00I've been absent for awhile.  Another case of Blogger's Block again, I guess.  I just haven't had much to say.  My life has been fairly hum-drum, nothing of note, no real problems nor insights to share.  I'm not one to sit at my computer and relate what kind of sandwich I had with which kind of savory mustard.  I know some people do, but I guess I'm not such a great http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/11/blocked-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6255694984116940682Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:03:00 +00002009-10-18T07:06:38.027-07:00I've been talking to my friend who is Bipolar.  It's been a good relationship for both of us, sharing our experience and feelings about the illness.  She's been in a state of depression not unlike the one I went through just a short time ago. She's been trapped on the sofa, listening to the clock tick; unable to function. Things have begun to change, however... She called me http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/10/friends-mania.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-1392249965710312477Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:56:00 +00002009-10-06T05:56:47.246-07:00I hate hard days.  Yesterday was especially challenging in a couple different ways.  It didn't help the downward trend I've been experiencing.  Now, on top of feeling sad I'm filled with dread and self-loathing.  It's almost impossible not to be driven to distraction by these feelings when it gets this way.  I'm filled with worry and disgust.  There is nothing I can http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/10/little-bit-about-everything.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-8971362982471382973Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:17:00 +00002009-10-04T07:17:52.094-07:00I haven't been writing a lot lately since I haven't really had much on my mind.  I still don't, really.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I just haven't really explored my thoughts and feelings, so they aren't well organized yet.  I started feeling kind of depressed yesterday, which has carried over to today, and I'm really not sure why.  It's disappointing too, which http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/10/depressive-without-cause.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-6529520049648860832Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:32:00 +00002009-09-29T05:32:45.274-07:00I've been feeling a little irritable lately.  Maybe even a little on the down side, now that I think about it.  It's not that there is anything wrong, I just don't feel like much is right.  The days have seemed to require a little more effort getting started.  Taking care of the kids has worn on me a little more than usual. I have been feeling very fatigued at about 4pm every http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/09/stir-crazy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509317000904293020.post-3994728877103561103Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:40:00 +00002009-09-12T07:42:12.129-07:00I didn't want to get into too many details yesterday for the reasons I stated, but in order to blog today, I have to get in a little deeper.  The problem I was trying not to discuss is Alcoholism.  A very close loved one of mine is an alcoholic.  Of late, we have had cause to examine our ailments together. While probably not a groundbreaking discovery, it is remarkable at how http://babuspolarus.blogspot.com/2009/09/parallels-between-bipolar-and.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Babus Polarus)