Stephanie Chasing Boston

Beliefs...

2013-09-15T11:22:00.001-07:00

Our beliefs are formed by the stories we tell ourselves. These beliefs are developed in us at an early age somewhere from around birth to the age of six years. Coming from South Georgia, I was brought up with beliefs that over the past few years with all the traveling I have done definitely have been broadened. I have learned basically that life is simply a game of beliefs...

I believe the essence of who we are is something that can never be taken from us.

Passion speaks louder and longer than any other voice spoken I have learned. My vision is clear now to see this a mile away, and when its seen its respected and people in this world will try and take it from you. I speak to people and I say to stand strong, and I do not mean disrespectfully, although I have reached my limits in life a time or so, but maintain your composure and simply be! This piece of you can't be taken or broken unless you allow it because its deep within your soul! So be Strong!

I will always believe that women are the strength of the world.

Women have children, manage jobs, husbands, among all other types of things in life. But when women display traits of ambition and power it comes with a cost. Trust me on this one too... When we step out and show we can do as much or more than men we pay a penalty. I've learned this well since I put my dreams out to the world. I have learned some very valuable lessons on this and I have a few good friends that have learned the same. It all boils down to that out of balance life most people have when they see someone who has achieved something. They want to take it away, but ultimately it does nothing but make them unhappy, because it doesn't hurt me at all. I am happy with being me! This is self destruction at its best baby! Find peace of mind its the happiest place on earth I assure ya...

I believe sharing your strength with people is therapy to your soul.

I have found that life is an exam for us and if we pass it we develop a strength to pass along. If you are greedy with it, and do not share it you will only hurt yourself. I have discovered life is to be given to others, we can't take anything when we go. The way I look at things with my life is the most valuable thing I have is my strength and I say all the time I am a sucker who gives so much to people who say they need things. So now I have found this out about myself I do all I can to share my strength and help others because it not only helps them but it helps me...

Focus on what YOU want!

My beliefs are that focus is the key role to attaining anything. I focused my life on running and I have ran for the past 11 to 12 years now. Overcoming many obstacles placed and many critical eyes. I haven't placed any focus on those critics, and I still do not today. I am focused on me, my motto in life is you do you and I will do me... Best advice I can give!

Impossible is NOTHING!

I took a leap of faith this year and made a change with my job. I am now running a gym in small town GA and I hear it often that I can't run, I can't lift I can't do this I can't do that. My response back to people in a sharp voice is always this, don't say you can't do anything... I spent 2 months of my life in a coma and 2 months of my life in a wheelchair with no hopes of ever walking again and I run 26.2 miles for fun! So of course my beliefs to my bones are IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!!!

Balance in life creates so much happiness

I believe only from experience that when your life balances out happiness is the outcome. When I say this I mean, if you are doing work you dislike with your running or working out that is still out of balance. Or if you are married and you can't balance home, work, child, and running it isn't balanced. Its all give and take. When you find balance harmony in life is created and life happens the way it is supposed to I have found. I was in a marriage that I didn't do the give and take, I let my dream of a marathon over take my family and I did work in a job that was too stressful that I must use the word "HATED" to go to every morning. Balance out your life by eliminating unneeded stress. Weather it is in your job, distancing yourself from friends, changing places you go, whatever makes you feel better.... Another big trust me on this one!

Be willing to play big in your own life story.

I believe it takes a big leap of faith to reach your dreams. As I say over and over being from a small town you don't have much opportunity, so make some... Dream big and go after it, be willing to risk it all and know without any doubt it is happening! Willingness is an important commodity in life. Always be willing to do what it takes to make your dreams a reality!

Unity is the best thing in the world

When you step back far enough in life and see humanity as ONE, you see we are all the same. My beliefs have changed over the past few years on this only because growing up small town as I say a lot I was taught one thing and traveling the world has taught me another. Diversity is amazing! I absolutely love walking down the streets of a town and people surrounding me speaking another language and having another skin tone as me. I wasn't exposed to this as a child and it wasn't talked about even... Its a beautiful thing to me, and being in Boston in April during the bombings taught me such a lesson on unity. When those bombings occured there were 6000 runners left on that trail of all different nations in this world. The people of Boston took those runners in their homes or gave them rides to where they needed to go to find safety. Color, religion, or what language they spoke wasn't an issue, they united as ONE! I was so proud to be an American that day!

Faith is your superpower

I believe, I believe, I believe! Say it over and over.... It will take you everywhere you want to go!

A Goal and a journey may equal the same thing

My goals have always been a number one priority for me. It took meeting some significant people in my life to help me realize my true mission. I realized my goal and this journey were the same. Once I become so detached from the obsession of it I saw how beautiful it really was and I can see the path so clearly...

Don't dwell in the past, in fact never look back

I believe the past is the past, and the most significant thing about a day is the ability to turn the page...

Do what you love

The definition of morality is doing what you enjoy in life and doing so in a way that's not interfering with anyone else's right to do the same. My beliefs are to empower people to do their absolute best don't discourage anyone from doing anything it will come back to haunt you.

Let your passion for what you love drive you and not your ego

Ego is a demon. When I speak I always mention this. I believe the ego driven mind is demonic. It's where jealousy, hatred, envy and prejudice is derived... Keep your mind clear!

Finding time for prayer or meditation is a necessity in life

I believe in time alone. I say it every day to people I run in the mornings to meditate through my day. Its my church, time for prayer, meditation, time for thoughts of my own...

Intuition was given to us to trust, its an all natural thing

I believe in myself and my intuition so much now. Here's a thought for ya, if prayers are you speaking with your God then intuition is your God speaking back to you. Trust it. Believe me when I say this because I personally would've had a lot less heart ache in my own life if I had only listened to my own way back when....

Ending my entry I want to say my beliefs are strong in my life and always have been. They have taken me from the pits of death to the finish line of the marathon and they only will take me further in life... Keep your faith strong and live your life exactly as you set out to... Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!

Thinking Outside my Box

2013-09-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sitting at my desk this week my boss walks up to me and hands me a list I had prepared for him to review of ideas, suggestions, and my thoughts for our company. As he hands this to me he smiles and remarks, you definitely think outside of your box. When he said this I grinned and replied back with my whit "what box"? When he said this I had thoughts flood my mind. Thoughts from my childhood, my accident, my training and what my mission really means to me now I'm in my 30's...

My thinking outside the box began through my years of looking to find normal again. I've said a few times before that I grew up in a small town in South Georgia and to the traditional family. My parents had expectations for me like their own life. Well I'm unsure if it was my massive blow to the head in 93 or what it was but I had my own line I walked and never followed what others expected me to do. In other words, I was called the rebellious child on a regular. My accident occurred in 93 and it instilled more determination and stubbornness than I had even before all this happened. When I say determination I mean I was determined to be normal again. My parents and friends would show me empathy and say things to me like its ok, look at what you've been through you can take your time. When people would say these compassionate things to me it was nice to hear and I did appreciate them, but all I really heard was do what makes you happy because I was the one walking strange and felt so abnormal. I still hear this inner voice when people say things such as this. I believe in giving your best at anything and not expecting less because of a difficult situation. I believe this even more since I have overcome what I have and I know what we are capable of without using a crutch. In fact, I was offered when I came home from the hospital to be put on disability from the state because of my brain injury and I refused after my mom explained in detail to me how it will always follow me through my life. When she explained all this I refused because it was important to be that I was normal again, and I didn't want to be labeled abnormal the rest of my life.

The expectations I've had for myself have always been high since those days. I have trained hard all my life to succeed in every area. In weightlifting in running and my career. Just until this year have I found myself feeling more content and successful with it all and I've been active for 20 years. Some of the things that have made me feel this way are people coming in my life, walking out of my life and of course being a part of the Boston bombings in April have lead me to this exact place I am today. When I should have felt this feeling a long long time ago. I met with a friend of mine a few weeks ago. She was in Boston when the tragic event happened and she's stood by me through most of my heartaches and complaining of training and I consider her not only my coach but my mentor and honestly a best friend to me now. She mentioned something to me that resignated with my soul and made so much sense to my life. She said we can't always be in marathon training Stephanie, and you always have been. Take a look at life and enjoy this, you've worked hard take a step back and embrace life a little.

I took a run the next day after our talk and pondered over what we spoke of. All I could think of was how right on she really was and how relevant she was to my story. I speak a lot of this feeling of purpose I have had since Boston and even the people who have appeared in my life that tell me more each day of the importance of that normal I was searching for so long ago. I decided on that run and also after speaking with my coach that I would wait on all of my training for a few more months and continue speaking and encouraging children and athletes as I have been doing. This feeling I have felt has been my intuition speaking to me and I am reforming back to my out of the box thinking that I have always had with it and breaking from my norm. I think sometimes we forget that or think we don’t have the right to step outside of our lines because we will loose what we have worked so hard to obtain, when really I believe it is a path to enlightenment for our life that can make our dreams that much brighter.

To end this entry I will give some advice I have learned in my journey. Dare to live and not feel that you must always be in control of the narrative because we are not. Follow your own story as it unfolds before your eyes with curiosity and awe. Keep pushing boundaries in life, take those risk and encourage everyone to unleash their own darkness. Share your strengths and stop following the path you are supposed to take and make your own way. Zig when others zag and forge your trail to your dream.... The best advice I give almost daily is Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP.....

Process

2013-09-08T17:40:00.001-07:00

I talk and think of value in life almost every day. I have had quite an awakening over the past few years in my life that have made me feel value more than ever. I've taken a few different steps and I believe every step I have taken have all been in the proper direction for me. When I say I have had an awakening I truly believe my eyes have become conscious of life in ways that I saw many years ago but my vision was clouded by my teenage years and other different events in life. As I embarked on my Boston journey I have rediscovered this vision.

I had an opportunity to speak to a group this morning on surviving my accident and never giving up in life but what I found myself speaking on most was the value of life. I spoke of how we never know what the next second of our life holds. For me it was one second bee bopping out on the town with some friends as a child and the next second I recalled nurses picking me up off the hospital floor and realizing I couldn't walk anymore. This is what I mean when I think value... Then I move 20 years later to standing at a marathon watching people run to their dream, a finish line of all finish lines The Boston Marathon, and the next second hearing screams and seeing faces of distress because someone blows up that dream. This is another good classification I have had of value in my life. Everything that has shown up in my life since that Boston event I see from the perspective of it is teaching me and leading me to share more of my story of survival in life.

After I spoke with the group I headed back home. On my drive home I had a chance to reflect back to all the information I gave. I spoke to everyone on this purposeful feeling that has come over me within the past few years. I let them all know that following my dreams of running and getting into Boston has lead me to this area of life. I encouraged them all to follow their own dreams weather it is running, working out, writing or just being the mom, follow it with all the passion they have in their heart. It does take sacrifice and it will take facing giants along that path but in the end you will feel completely fulfilled. As people began asking me questions on hard times I had faced in my life I actually didn't tear up, I didn't let emotion take over me like I have in the past. I held my head up high and began speaking directly from the heart. I explained, those obstacles we all face characterize us. The moment I fell on that floor and realized I couldn't walk defined me in one way and the moment I heard those bombs go off in Boston in April defined me in other ways. I have learned to recognize and pay attention to these events, and I see they were all sequences in the process of this purpose.

To end this entry I want to say I have always believed my life will go in the right direction simply because of my faith. It took different circumstances to enlighten my mind to the lesson that our life is given to us simply to give away. I feel that if I can use my life to encourage and motivate by sharing my strength, it is the greatest blessing I could have been given. But importantly I want to say, I believe this same faith will take me straight to another big dream I have had for such a long time, my Boston Marathon Finish line.... "Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP"....

Image

2013-08-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

Body image is how I look right??? NO! Body image to me is something I believe that constantly changes based on how we feel. This is especially true for us women. The reason I feel such a need to talk about this is I speak with women almost daily who have what I call a body image disorder. First off I want to say our body image does not define who we are. In fact some of the ugliest people I have ever known were beauty queens. Today beauty to me is characterized in so many wrong ways. My illustration of beauty has always been a smile, and the person wearing that smile I have never cared what size they were because a smile to me always represented happiness which creates beauty. But we are constantly bombarded by media that promotes body image as something outside ourselves. You only have to turn the TV on for five minutes to hear the message that if we look a certain way, we too, can have that stellar-looking partner hanging off our arm or that perfect dream job. In fact, all we have to do is buy the advertised shampoo, get the right hair, attain the correct weight, and all the love, success, and glory we desire will follow! The problem with this excessive focus on externals or how we look is that it takes us away from our internal felt sense of what has true value and meaning for us. When people move away from their truth they become dis-empowered. It is really dis-empowering to be in a constant battle with your own body.

I am speaking from experience when I say all of this. Growing up I was always the skinny girl. I had to drink high calorie drinks to gain an ounce, my grandpa would joke with me and say if the wind blew too hard it would pick you up and carry you away. I always had the lowest self esteem of any of my friends because of this. Not to mention I had an older sister who was gorgeous and built beautifully. After my car accident I was even smaller, I think when I came home from the hospital I was under 100 pounds, and as everyone knows being a teenager is hard already but when you do not have the killer body all the other girls in your class have it leaves you with terrible self esteem issues.

Going into college I picked up weight lifting and then power lifting from there that made me develop massive muscle in my legs and shoulders. Well wouldn't ya know this was a bad thing also. I was ridiculed then for looking "butch" by my sister and many others. But this did not stop my obsession with weightlifting, because I was madly in love with the stuff and while all the wild parties were going on you would usually find me cooped up in the gym lifting. I went on to meet my now x husband at one of those gyms and we dated for four long years before getting married. We shared a love of training together until we got married and as the story goes with most relationships it all went down hill after that. I continued to do my lifting and running after I got married even through my pregnancy to overcome the body issue disorders I had established from my childhood of being paper thin. My husband had lost the passion to do these activities with me and said I had become completely obsessive with it all. I felt if I was the fit, hot wife we would have the best marriage. The marriage ended shortly after I completed my first marathon due to infidelity with a woman that was not the fit, hot type of woman I would say. But my point is there is more to body image disorders than just being overweight and opinions are different.

Today I still maintain an extremely active lifestyle. I have also over the past two years taken up some fitness modeling and I receive texts, calls, and emails often on help to get involved in this. In all honesty the only thing I tell people is I put one foot in front of the other and worked to get here. I always encourage them to do it, but I also let them know what comes along with it. Which is, you are putting your image out there for everyone to look at so be ready to hear the good and also have ears to hear the bad. I have learned so much more on image by doing these photos, I spoke with a modeling agent who gave me some excellent advice that I took to heart and I give that same advice to people who ask me. Keep your head on straight when you do photos and remember who your real character is when taking any photo and what exactly you are looking to achieve because those pictures can always come back to hurt you. The main reason I got started in doing any photo was to promote my fitness and running but most of all to give inspiration to Never Give Up, but like I have said in the past no matter what type of impact you are trying to make on the world there will be people there to try and drag you down. What I have found is its about image when it comes to that too, these individuals are unhappy people and unhappy with their own image by looking at mine. Its a very good thing I developed the quality that I don't give a damn and that I stay persistent in being exactly who I have set out to be!

To end this entry I will say that everything that happens to us is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. We are all beautiful no matter what weight, height, or color we are! Overcoming my low self esteem and learning to love myself was the best and smartest thing I could have ever done for me because it gave me so much inner peace which I believe is true beauty...

My Mile

2013-08-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

A mile in the dictionary has a few definitions. However throughout the years, I can describe a mile in many ways...

I have had my dream of The Boston Marathon for quite a long time. I remember back in 2006 after completing my first marathon saying to my coach "Boston is next baby". This journey to Boston hasn't been an easy road. Its been rough, rocky and I've had several meltdowns to figure out how to sustain myself and stay afloat. Although I have had many roadblocks and several setbacks through these years, I've gained wisdom as well as received so many clues from life on my sense of actual purpose from following this dream. Life's circumstances have definitely not gone the way I had them planned. Unfortunately, the pattern of life does not necessarily go as we always plan. Rather than wondering about or questioning these directions I've learned to accept the fact that there is a path before me and it will help me achieve this goal, only with a little more value.

As I get older older, this past of mine gets clearer to me. I understand more of it everyday and I do not question or regret anything about it anymore. My beliefs have always been that every person has a true purpose in life. I remember questioning this purpose when I was younger and I have even asked why I was still alive. I recall going over past events with my running coach Frank and he couldn't believe the things I have experienced in my life but he always reassured me there was a reason for it all. Today I know more of what this reason means than anything in my life. I hear my inner voice speaking to me almost daily, and I have to confess I have heard this voice or drive before but apparently I wasn't ready to recognize it then. But the events I've experienced make it all vivid.

Every week I meet someone who impacts my life in a way that is unbelievable. Ten years ago or even four years ago if you knew me you would have seen a complete train wreck. I allowed people to dictate my life and I had no clue at all what life was really about, even after all I had experienced. I had an interview with a magazine this week on the power of sharing your strengths with people and it was amazing. When I sat down with this lady she really had no clue to why they assigned her to my story. She began asking me things on my running and I would always respond but then I started speaking to her more on my accident and certain sequences of my life in the past years. We sat there for hours talking. She was astonished of the things I was saying to her. But I have to admit also that most of these things have been pretty astonishing or unbelievable to me. We were both in tears by the end of this interview. These tears I shed today are more happiness and grateful tears than the tears I shed years before.

How did I reach this point in my life??? I would say after not qualifying for The Boston Marathon in December different things began to happen and I recognized their relevance. Then of all things when I was in Boston in April and the bombings happened it made such a difference on the outlook I had on my life of running. I honestly believe that after that day I actually let go of all the tight grips I had on my life and my heart opened up to more peace of mind and I embraced life for a change.

Various circumstances have occurred especially recently that gave me a true realization of myself. One instance recently I can tell you of is sitting in the beauty shop, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in years. We sit down and begin talking about our children and she asks me out of the blue some questions on seizures. She knew I had dealt with them and she had been diagnosed with an illness causing her to have them now. As she was talking I could hardly hold my tears back. I knew immediately the strength and experience that I developed from that tough road in my life so long ago was inspiring her life and this made me happy.

The next event recently was the weekend of my 35th birthday I had a photo shoot with a tennis wear company in Atlanta for their catalog. The reason I got this job was because the guy who owns this company contacted me after reading my blog and noticing I had a brain injury as a child. The day of our shoot his phone begins to ring and he glances over and said I'm going to have to go pick up my son. It wasn't an issue at all to me because I scooted up to Starbucks for coffee. He pulls back up shortly after and says he can just pick me up from there so I bounced in his car ready to head back. At the very moment I got in his car I'd like to say I experienced that exact realization or voice or whatever you describe it as. I looked in his back seat and his son was back there. His son was 8 years old and I realized then why he was interested in me for his tennis wear. His son suffered a brain injury after receiving immunizations at a year old. As I glanced back at the child myntears began again but I held them off with every bit of strength I had in me. I looked at his son at 8 years old and it was exactly how I layed in my hospital bed when I was in a coma. Grinding my teeth, and clinching your arms up, and he even had a feeding tube. His grandmother fed his lunch to him after we walked in their home, I stared over at her doing this and remembered my nurses doing the same for me as a child. I wasn't at all scared to hold his hand or talk to him in fact I even held him and they took a picture of us. Experiencing something this unique the day before I turned 35 years of age meant the absolute world to me. The dad was very stressed initially but as I instantly bonded with his son and family I could see and feel the calmness in him and I gave him my best advice. This is life, and every bit of our lives are not easy but accept things you know you can't change and enjoy it. Embrace every part of it, because this happened to him for a reason and everything will work out. Seeing calmness in his face gave me contentment and the best birthday gift I had ever received! A realization of what I had to be thankful for!

I was doing speed work on the track last week. I was running around this track and noticed a lady that was walking it, the friends that were with me said this is her third time at the track. Well if you know me I walk up to her doing a recovery jog and say hey girl I hear this is your third trip up here and that's pretty bad ass! She looks at me and smiles and says yes I am trying to loose some weight because my husband may be coming home soon. I said oh really, that's cool, I am so proud of you, where is he at, I was thinking she was gonna say he was overseas or out of state or something. She then looked at me sharply and said he's in Sheppard's hospital with a broken neck and they say he may never walk again. When she said this to me speed work was the last thing I had on my mind! I could not believe what I was hearing. I said oh really, well you see this girl right here running on this track? She was told that same thing and I just did six 800 meters! I turned and went to my car and got her one of my Never Give Up cards and started encouraging her more. When she walked away she said thank you with tears in her eyes and my heart absolutely melted and I loved this feeling of value to someone else.

To end my entry I want to say value every individual that steps in your life. These people are all relevant to your life story and your dream. I've learned that life isn't just about what you can have or do, for the first time in my life I believe I can actually see and I see my purpose clearly and I will honor this! Never Give Up, Never Give in, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Training Report...

2013-08-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

My training has been good the last few weeks. Exciting is what I should say, I have still been using my new trainer for my workouts and he is a fully certified crossfit trainer and is always throwing up new ideas for me. I enjoy working with him and I chose him because he trains and works with a few fitness models I know of in the Macon Area. He has gotten me ready for a photo shoot I had a few weeks ago for a tennis wear company. The focus for me was not to be too bulky for this look and he helped me achieve that. He will continue to work with me more on a few other projects I have going on and I have found that he and I work good together.

My running has been going really good too. The heat has been brutal but I have continued to do it, and since I have changed jobs I have been doing more of my running at home because I have been traveling and I just have more time for it and I have a lot less stress in my life. I haven't done any racing lately, and I am proud of myself for following through with what I said I would do, which is not burn myself out with racing this year. I have narrowed my marathons for trying to qualify for Boston down to a few races, but still haven't decided which I want yet and I have a few people checking out one or two that I keep leaning toward. I have been working with my first marathon coach Frank more this year than ever, he has retired from his job and wanted to work with me. I enjoy working with him because it takes me back to where I started and I realize I have came such a long way but he also keeps me in focus of where I am going. I have the most respect for him and we work very well together, he is like family to me.

The next few weeks for me is marathon training baby. I will begin my marathon training in the middle of this month and call me a goober but this makes me one happy mama and always has!

35 Things I’m Happy I Learned By Age 35

2013-07-29T04:28:00.000-07:00

I thought it appropriate to compile a list of the most valuable wisdom I’ve cultivated on my journey to 35. My twenty-something self would’ve never believed that I would be happily welcoming 35; but then again, I hadn’t yet gained most of these insights until I entered my thirties. As I aligned with the truths below I saw my life begin to transform into a healthy, inspiring life full of love, deepening friendships, adventure, and most of all a fulfilling life of purpose. Turns out 35 isn’t scary; 35 is PRIMETIME baby!

1. I have actually learned to pay attention to life... People come into your life for a purpose. Each day I come in contact with people that make an impact on my life. The 20 something me would say get the heck out of here to some of these people I meet but now I have reached 35 I can say I realize the purpose of each individual and some are good, and some I see are definitely not so good but it does teach me and I am glad I am a much more mellow me. hehehe (and those of you who know me from those younger days I hope not to hear of any of those non mellow years.lmao)

2. I have learned faith is the biggest key to life. When I speak with people I tell them to only rely on their faith and believe. I always tell them of a story of a few times that I believe defined me well. I was given an opportunity to participate with a race and meet some running hero's of mine who inspired me over the years. I didn't think twice of it, I knew I could handle it and I believed with only $100 in my pocket. I had never flown a day in my life and I got on a plane and flew to Miami and participated with this race and was fully sponsored the whole time I was there. Everything worked out as planned and I had a fantastic time. I knew in my heart it was a certainty and I let my faith take me there and didn't let any doubt of loosing my job or not having money affect me!

3. I learned to listen... Before learning this strategy, I was married and I can remember clearly my husband saying things to me that I never paid any attention at all to until the night he told me he didn't love me anymore and loved someone else. So now I am older and much wiser I believe in listening to everyone as well as listening to every experience that takes place in life. Most of all as I've been on my journey to Boston I've learned to listen to my setbacks, they lead you where you are to go...

4. I have learned to accept my own responsibilities. Ultimately we are only responsible for our own character and can't build anyone else's, although I have tried many times through my 20 somethings to do this and did find it is not possible.

5. I have learned what trust really means. Trusting my dreams, trusting my path in life, and trusting myself means more to me now than anything ever.

6. Fear is my motivator.... I have faced many giants in the past few years and I can happily say I remained one strong gal through each of them. I learned not only to face those fears but tackle them head on and they have empowered and liberated me in ways unimaginable. Stay Strong! Be Strong! It's all worth it even if its hard for a little while.

7. You Define You. We are not solely defined by our circumstances or our history, in fact we can reinvent ourselves many times over. That 20 something Stephanie couldn't grasp this fact, and I allowed so many boyfriends and toxic friends to dictate my life. It took me to only a few years ago to realize Hey I control me... WTH??? lol

8. No Borders, No Boundaries. When I was asked to go to the race I spoke of I had never flown in my lifetime, never been to the Atlanta Airport, barely had I ever been out of the state of Georgia. But none of that stopped me. I said yes, and then figured it out. The only boundaries to your growth and experiences are those you mentally put up, or those you allow others to put upon you. Since this event I can say I have traveled and visited 3 states in one weekend and this is definitely the lifestyle I love and the lifestyle I will have! I absolutely love traveling and sharing my strength with people all over the globe!

9. I learned that exercise is always a good idea. Exercise and running have been therapy for me, and when I speak with people I always recommend this to them. It has gotten me through many a hard times in my life I call it my Prozac. When my friends ask for encouragement from me the first thing I say to them is get your *ss on that road baby;) lol

10. Your life doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. I learned this through hard relationships with friends, boyfriends and found that I am most happy with me. I am unique and I love me because there's no one on this planet that can be me...

11. I learned not to take things so personally. This is something the 20 something me definitely wouldn't do. In my 20's you could say I was definitely a "Hell Cat"! I had to realize that the one that angers you controls you, and I consider myself to be way more laid back now days with things. Probably too laid back with some things...

12. I realized that it was in fact true that if you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas... This is a lesson my father drilled in my head as a teenager, and I hate to say it has taken me to the age of 35 to actually realize OMG he knows what he is talking about! Relationships of any kind should help you, not hurt you. I learned to spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like minded. Trust your gut instincts immediately when you meet people. I say this all the time surround yourself with people who will bring you up in life not drag your * ss down...

13. Your presence is seen a mile away! I have learned that if you maintain a positive and honest outlook on life it can be spotted immediately. I work with people now that have passions that I can see before they even open my door and I have the utmost respect for people such as this!

14. Find work you love to do. I have finally learned to overcome my fears and follow my true purposes of life by giving up a job that added negativity to my life. My beliefs are that if you experience negativity in one area of your life it overflows in other areas. It feels amazing to go into a job each day that I actually love, I just hate that it took me to the age of 35 to realize this, but I also do not believe in regret not regret, I will only look at it all as a learning experience. “The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they enjoy most.”

15. There is no point in comparing yourself to others; we are all on our own unique journey. Man this one was hard for me to attain through the 20's. I didn't see my own beauty and listened to criticism from everyone. Now that I have reached 35, I have also reached a fact of life that everyone is beautiful, and who the heck am I to judge? I judge no one, in fact being unique is wonderful to me because I grew up in a small area where everyone was the same!

16. Don’t look for an amazing person to come into your life. Be the amazing person! Here's a good lesson I learned through some rough times with what I call the regular dirtbag type boyfriends. I've had them cheat, lie, spit in my face, lock me out of my own house, stand me up, steal from me, toy with my feelings, and most of all break my freakin heart into! But the lesson I can say I have happily achieved from it all is, heck I am the amazing one here!!!! Hahaha

17. Change is one of the few things that remains constant. Welcome it. Since I've become receptive to change in my life things have began to change for the better for me. Change is inevitable in life so we all must learn to roll with it and I roll well now days!

18. I let it all go... Learning to let go was the best thing I could've ever done. I let go of caring to be #1 all the time, I let go of always wanting to be right, and I let go of trying to be in control. I guess I just said I chilled the heck out!

19. I realized determination and persistence are essential qualities in life and not just what I've always been told were my aggravating ways. Growing up if I got something in my mind to do it stayed there until it was done. This drove my family and friends crazy, and I even see this quality in my son. I am grateful for these qualities now days because they have taken me places in my life and will only take me exactly where I want to be!

20. Let your passions be your guide. This is a lesson I learned by falling in love with running and fitness. I would get up early on Saturday mornings in my early 20's to go lift heavy weight, and today at 35 I am still getting up early to run and lift weights but the weight factor has changed slightly... lol. This is my passions in life and it has lead me directly to a life of value I am happy with.

21. When someone you love enters the room, let your face speak what’s in your heart. As I have gotten older I have definitely learned to read faces well and dishonestly is one I read extremely well now days. Be real with everyone!

22. When you feel like you’re on the verge of an epic meltdown, smile! Just something I had to learn from dealing with the public for so long, its a hard job but it unfortunately has to be done. Besides your smile can make somes day brighter!

23. Don’t let sincere relationships drift away. If you find a kindred spirit, hang on tight. It is hard to find someone of honor and who actually cares for your feelings. I send my friends texts all the time letting them know I miss them if they are across the world or across town.

24. I have learned that the younger generation tend to see things in black and white. Experience lets you see the grey. I love the older generation!

25. This is a good lesson I have learned...Dorks are more fun! I love to laugh at myself and be crazy with those non-uptight People. I get called crazy on a regular but it is who I am... I've learned it's always important to have fun and be silly. The funnier and sillier, the happier.

26. Don’t talk about people. This is a pet peeve of mine, I hate to be around people who dog others out. Like I have said before who the heck are we to judge? Don't hate congratulate! Don’t gossip. Just don’t. It eats away at your soul, and it’s poisoning another one. If you only have friends that gossip, go meet some new people but stay the heck away from me! Lol

27. Just because I think I have something to say doesn’t mean I should say it. This is another big one the 20 something me would never do! Sometimes, the best thing to do or say in a situation, is absolutely nothing, smile and walk away!

28. I learned to fall in love with coffee. So my secret is out, I am a coffee junkie. I love the stuff, although when I was younger I hated it and I didn't begin drinking it until I was 30. Now I can't go a day without it.

29. Think—really think—before you hit that “Update” button on Facebook. Facebook is something that has gotten absolutely huge and can get out of hand, and tacky. No one likes to see dirty pictures, or read filthy messages on news feeds. I learned to restrict or block people from my facebook and it was like completely eliminating a problem. Yayyyy Problem solved. In fact, before I hire anyone I check out their facebook page it's like taking a glance into their life...

30. I learned to never fight fire with fire. It’s not worth the energy or destruction, I have learned to pick things up and walk away. A negative person or negative attitude is waisted energy and I would rather use my energy on my runs!

31. Discover independence. True independence is achieved when you’re no longer dependent on anyone else. Being a single mom has definitely shown me my independence but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. Independence is scarce but totally ROCKS!

32. I have learned in my years to keep a journal. When I had my accident my family kept a journal of events that occurred when I was in the hospital. Those journals are priceless to me! I cherish them and have even been asked to sale a video I have of me learning to walk again that I have kept. So I highly recommend keeping a journal to look back on.

33. Budget time. Prioritize where time is spent. Time can be spent faster than money and it can be wasted just as much as money can. In my view, time is more precious than money, and this is something I learned by working in the dental profession for so long by working on a time schedule. Then of course with my marathoning time.

34. I've learned that success with anything comes at a cost- no matter what type of impact you may be trying to make on the world, good or bad there's always going to be someone trying to drag you down or climb over you to get to the top. We all have naysayers, doubters, or haters. Their words may hurt us, haunt us, and tickle our insecurities. The important thing in life, is to take from it, learn from it, and carry on. I can only say from experience success comes from doing what you love, and working at it daily. This may hurt your ears to read but I could give a shit less what anyone thinks about or says about me and what I do! Another hard lesson learned right here, but has anyone stopped me:) lol

35. The most important lesson learned through my years is to Never Give Up on my dreams. I have dreamed for so long of the things I have been doing the past few years and I still have many dreams to achieve that I will get accomplished. I am doing these things simply because I have Never Given Up on much of anything in my lifetime! A big dream of mine was answered this week that I've wanted for 20 years. I have dreamed of walking the halls of the hospital I learned to walk again at since the day I walked out of those doors. I received a letter asking me if I was interested in coming to this hospital and speaking on Never Giving Up. I am so very thankful for a gift like this for my 35th birthday!

To end my entry I want to say that at 35 years of age I have learned that my life has been a beautiful struggle, and I am happy every bit of it was given to me. I believe getting older is something to celebrate. Life is such an amazing gift and I will embrace every piece of my 35th year. Never Give Up, Never Give In, Never Stop Trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!

The time is now...

2013-07-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

As 35 is steadily creeping up on me I have so many things in my life changing, but that I can say I am very thankful for. These changes although may seem drastic I haven't once observed them in this way. I have only looked to them as part of the process to fulfill this journey of my life.

I've had some type of journey most all of my life. Growing up it was the journey of acceptance with friends, family or basically anyone in this small area. Then adolescence came and I embarked on the journey that instilled the values, enthusiasm, and massive ambitions for life I have. I do remember times when I wondered exactly what and why I had all these feelings within me. I didn't understand what was creating these feelings and what I should do to change them or even if I should.

It sounds like a cliche' to say this but one day I finally realized something about my life that changed me. It finally downed on me to listen. Not only to voices speaking to me, but to the experiences I was having and that I have had. The first experience I evaluated was my job. This is a job I have had for 10 years. For 10 years I have gone to a job I have dreaded and not enjoyed. I felt no passion for this occupation, but most of all I felt of no value to the job whatsoever. I decided to take a leap of faith and do something that I felt would be an expression of the values that I have learned from past experiences. I have taken a job in the fitness industry. I have always had a strong drive for an active lifestyle since 1993. I haven't let anyone or anything break my focus for this passion and I have encountered some really rough people and circumstances. My ambition and love I have for my running and fitness was instilled in me through life changing events and therefore they will always be meaningful to me and I feel it will be an excellent area for me to use what I have learned to help others.

I have always believed every person has a purpose in life. Now that I have been working in this industry I realize more each day why I kept this passion and love for my fitness so close to me. I had so many signs a long time ago of this and I have questioned my life purpose always but today it is evident to me that every struggle I went through was to inspire people to achieve more and be all they can, and understand what is possible. Every day I've connected with someone and helped them by using things I know about life and things I have learned. This has always been something I have done well with, and there are no doubts in my mind that this opportunity isn't in line with my true purpose of life. I feel in harmony with things in my life now. In fact, people walk in my life daily and add significance and this makes me so happy. But most of all I finally feel of value to something and someone because I believe living on purpose is what truly gives us all our strength.

To end this entry I will add I have found that purpose in life I believe is to know your values and then be in integrity with them. When you realize what you stand for and do what you believe in, your sense of self worth and confidence becomes limitless....

Training Recap...

2013-07-16T08:35:00.001-07:00

Training has been good for me lately. I have been consistent with things and done so well with not being over obsessive. In the summer I like to just do basic running and pick a marathon for the fall and build up my base training through the hot months. I am still in base training and I have incorporated a few other changes in training and in my job that has made things a whole lot easier.

My beliefs have always been that if you experience negativity in one area of your life it overflows into other areas. This can affect anything from training to home life. I have been holding off on a step I was planning to make for a few months now. I was offered an opportunity at the first of the year that I shrugged my shoulders at because I was fearful to make a big transition. I reevaluated my life after my last trip I took and after I received some advice from a friend of mine on this trip that made such an impact on me that when I got home I decided I did want to make this change. Something in my mind said to me the time was NOW!

As far as my training I have been knee deep in it and have had excellent people come into my life to assist me with jobs that have came my way. I have met a trainer that is fully certified in the type of training I am working to get and has been helping me to get in the shape I need for a project I will be doing next month. Through all of this transition I have learned that as an excellent friend of mine always tells me if you are passionately patient good things do occur in your life. I had to realize that some of these roadblocks I was up against were to summons me to the proper path I should be on related to my true purpose in life. This purpose will ultimately help me get to those streets of Boston I have complete faith of this!

To end this entry I will leave you with some advice I have learned when it comes to achieving this important goal. When you find you cannot move forward there is always your left and your right which could be excellent options to lead us to this all important goal. Stay strong and face all your fears and challenges head on! Happy Running!!!

Learning to let go

2013-07-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

I am happy that today I am at a wonderful place in my life where I finally see things as I wish I had a long time ago. I can say that today I truly love myself and I am able to love life as it is. I took a look at myself a few years ago after I had one of a hundred breakups with an old boyfriend and said Stephanie you know what you want in your life are you ready to follow this passion full force? I chose to make a substantial contribution and investment in my life after that moment to help me achieve the things I wanted and to transform myself into the person I want to be but mostly into this person I knew I was. But to reach this place I did have to learn to let go of countless pieces of negativity that was pulling me down.

We climb all kinds of ladders in life to reach our happiness. I've been climbing my own ladder for a while now. It took me years to reveal the journey I had been through and also took me years to reveal what I wanted but I always knew in my heart it was there and I haven't let anything take that from me. Through doing the activities and work I do I have had to take a glimpse back to that place I reached a few years ago and learn how I let go. I had a long conversation today with a good friend and instead of me doing the encouragement I was getting it. I have been ranting all day of how people try to drag other people down when they believe they are one step ahead of them. It's such a bitter pill for me to swallow when I have to deal with these types of individuals simply because as a friend of mine says we all have to crawl before we walk and the mission I am on has nothing at all to do with competing with anything. Through my years of struggle and hard knocks I have learned a lot about people. I have learned because of difficult situations with people that the majority of the time they could care less what kind of impact you are trying to make if it doesn't involve them. I do not expect everyone to understand what my mission is because most of the people that trash what I do are those that have no courage at all to achieve their own dream so they look to grab yours pull you down and take over. This is just how it goes especially with women. For some reason women are taught from a young age to take a back seat and deflect praise and especially not give any praise to other women.

I refuse to be that type of woman ever! Stephanie is in competition with no one and what I do I do with every bit of passion and commitment that I achieved by going down an extremely hard road as a child. I have found something that makes me feel good and resignates my soul and my enthusiasm. I speak with some women who completely understand this about me and get it and I say it a lot but being in a small area you do not come across many people who understand your purpose. Luckily I’ve empowered myself by not accepting what people say and do as my future and certainly not letting an opinion define me. I learned a long time ago that it is a wonderful thing to have the confidence and guts to go in the opposite direction as what everyone says. I have taken criticism all my life when it comes to my active lifestyle because most people do not really understand the value of life. I learned to let go of most of the negative people in my life and accept that they are who they are and I won't chose that for my life. The best advice I give to young girls and even women my age is be extremely cautious of who you bring in your life. Toxic people are no fun, and I absolutely admire the friends I have that hold their heads high and do not judge and trash people.

To end my entry I will say this, when you find a passion in your heart your motivation to be all you can be comes to you effortless. No matter what your dreams are do not settle or become stagnant and most of all do not let the hatred in this world define you. We define ourselves, and go out and be exactly who you set out to be...

My Weekend Recap...

2013-07-05T19:12:00.002-07:00

I had an awesome running weekend. I took a road trip to Atlanta this past week to spend some time with my brother and to get ready for the Peachtree Road Race. The race was on Thursday, July 4th so I went to the expo on Tuesday and Wednesday to do some networking and watch some of the seminars that were being held by the professional athletes coming in. I got to connect with some of my running friends there as well as met many new runners. On Wednesday I headed out to Piedmont Park for a morning run, it probably rained all day Wednesday with flash flood warnings all over the television, and the temps were in the mid 70's. Last year when I did this race it was at least 100 degrees, and extremely humid but I raced it all the way through paying no attention to the sights and spectators.

This year The Peachtree Road Race was a different story. I was getting texts and emails from a lot of my runner friends asking if the race had been canceled, but there was no way this race would ever be canceled. This is the largest 10k in the United States, with 60,000 entrants and The Atlanta Track Club takes pride in doing an excellent job with everything associated with this race. Thursday July 4th approached, I woke up at 4:30ish that morning and it was only misting outside and no lightening. I was in Wave B so I got ready, ate and headed to the Marta station at 6 a.m. When I get to the Marta it was backed up so there was a bus there to take the runners waiting on to the beginning. I get to the race extra early since I took this bus, and I headed out to my wave. The rain began to fall as I was standing waiting for my wave to start at 7:30. As the rain came down on my head I glanced around at the runners all dressed in their funky costumes and I said to myself I will enjoy this run today.

Last year I mentioned I raced through without paying too much attention to the beautiful scenery. This year I am so glad I enjoyed every moment of it. I was blessed on the course with holy water, I ran with The Hulk Hogan (a runner dressed as him at least) and I got to meet some military guys as I ran and chatted. I paid attention to the spectators along side the road who were standing in the rain cheering us all on. As we ran up one of the last hills which is close to Sheppard's hospital I glanced over and saw the patients they had lined up in wheelchairs to watch us. This sent chills down my spine, but also gave me such a sense of accomplishment for my life but more of a feeling of pure gratitude for what I was doing at that moment.

To end my entry I can say I had a fabulous weekend spending time with friends, family and doing exactly what I love which is following my dreams and enjoying every moment...

Putting my passion in the drivers seat...

2013-06-29T07:16:00.001-07:00

I took a run this afternoon to clear my head. I have made some transitions in my life and needed to put some of my thoughts together on them all. As I have been going through this journey I am on I have gained a lot of wisdom about myself and many different clues on establishing and living the purpose driven life.

Running and being active have remained a true passion of mine for a long time. I have kept my love and desire for these things very close to my heart and always pursued more with them. When obstacles have appeared in my life and I wanted to throw in the towel and quit I have always been able to turn to these things to help me get through. This is my definition of a dream! This drive I have helped me rediscover the true courage that I had so long ago. My beliefs are that a dream, vision, a goal and a desire are all feature components for anything in your life.

My life up until recently I feel has been a blueprint designed by my family, friends, and even strangers. I came to realize a few years ago I had let society mold my life and I wasn't fulfilling my potential. I live in a small southern area of the world and stepping outside of that typical routine everyone else follows is unusual and makes you that dreaded word "Different". I always had such a fear of that dreaded word growing up, and finally I broke free from those social expectations. I am no longer scared of being different. Difference is beauty to me. For years and years I didn't comprehend my own beauty. I had a huge scar of my neck from a tracheotomy and scars on my chest from chest tubes and all down my leg. At 34 years old I can now see that is my beauty, its a difference that makes me special. I believe that breaking free from those social beliefs were the best thing I could have done because I have complete inner peace with myself now.

Upon reaching this place in my life, I realize there is no one else who can write the story of my life and its meaning. I'm seeing more than ever before I can actually add true value to this world without letting fear stand in my path. I am so happy to have reached this place in my life where I can finally fulfill my true potential. I have decided to follow my dreams further and do more of what I love to do, which is help and inspire others.

To end my entry I'd like to give a piece of encouragement and some crucial advice. A true passion in your heart for what it is you love will carry you further in life than anything. So I say keep those dreams close to your heart and never let anyone try to hinder them. Stay humble, hold your values tight, and when you hear the good guys finish last pay no attention at all! Its such a false statement, stay strong in life! Last but not least, Never give up, Never give in, Never stop trying, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!

The Road to Success is Always Under Construction

2013-06-19T04:29:00.000-07:00

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Life is not no much a matter of position as of disposition.
The best vitamin for making friends, B-1.
If you don’t care where you’re going any road will get you there.
A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.
He who throws mud loses ground.
Nobody raises his own reputation by lowering others.
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
Ideas won’t work unless you do.
The future is purchased by the present.
One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time.
A hard thing about business is minding your own.

He who forgives ends the quarrel.
Children need more models than critics.
Frogs have it easy, They can eat what bugs them.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime.
If the going gets easy you may be going downhill.
Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise.
The best labor saving device is doing it tomorrow.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
Failure is the path of least persistence.
Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough.
Patience is counting down without blasting off.
Have a backbone not a wishbone.
Some folks won’t look up until they are flat on their backs.
If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
Friend – One who knows all about you and likes you just the same.
Money talks and often just says, “Good-bye”.

God’s retirement plan is out of this world.
A good example is the best sermon.
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.
Well done! is better than, Well said!
Minds are like parachutes – they function only when open.
Live as you wish your kids would.
Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion.
If you can laugh at it then you can live with it.
People don’t fail, they give up.
When looking for faults use a mirror, not a telescope.
Smile, it takes only 13 muscles; A frown takes 64.
Kindness, a language deaf people can hear and blind can see.
Heaviest thing to carry – a grudge. A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
A small leak can sink a great ship.
You can’t direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Tact is the ability to see others as they wish to be seen.
A bad conscience has a very good memory.
One thing you can give and still keep – is your word.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out...

Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.
Make friends before you need them.
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
Success is … more attitude than aptitude.
Our favorite attitude should be gratitude.
The greatest of all faults is to imagine you have none.
Too many of us speak twice before we think.
Some people develop eye strain looking for trouble.
Everyone has 20/20 hindsight.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death.
It is no crime not to be perfect.
If others have sinned you need not mention it.
No man knows less than the man who knows it all.
Patience carries a lot of wait.
One who lacks courage to start has already finished.
A quitter never wins, A winner never quits.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Break a bad habit – Drop it.
Don’t learn safety rules simply by accident.

Past failures are guideposts for future success.
There is no right way to do a wrong thing.
There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
If your dreams turn to dust…vacuum.
Money is a good servant but is a cruel master.
Seek joy in what you give not in what you get.
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Success comes in cans Failure comes in can’ts.
Anger is one letter short of danger Greatest remedy for anger is delay.
2/3 of promotion is motion.
Having a sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

Courage

2013-06-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

Driving home from work today I had a hundred thoughts rambling through my head. The biggest part of this thinking was related to courage. I believe courage can mean several things to people. I have been studying lately on a few people, people who have touched my life in several ways but simply inspired me. It is a fact courage made each of these people who they are, and it makes each of us in life who we are. I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't mustard up courage to survive through struggles in my life, and every person I know has this courage and strength about them and yet it seems to be such a scarce thing to come across. Courage to me is standing up for yourself and what you believe in. It means holding onto the passions you have without letting people or things in life knock you down. Courage is knowing you can do something and doing it without having a clue to how it will be done.

I spoke with a person yesterday who happens to be a great friend to me who has dealt with addiction and was seeking my encouragement. As she was telling me the horrible things some people were saying to her I stopped her mid sentence and told her when people say those things to you and you know they aren't true rise above it! If we accept nasty opinions from people who have never had the courage to go through hard things in life or stand up for their own passions we are only limiting ourselves! She agreed with what I was saying to her and realized she has the courage to do whatever she wants! Those types of people who discourage or try and break you down are people I have learned who fall into that scarce category. When I experience those negative individuals I simply laugh because at this point in my life I consider myself bullet proof and no one will break me if I haven't already been broken! Those negative comments I hear almost daily I rise above and do not dare let it saturate my soul because I know what's in my heart and I do what I do with passion and commitment!

This is the advice I give everyone who comes to me! I will say it again as I've said time and time before. It took me reaching skid row in my life to appreciate and know my value and worth but now that I know this about myself no one will ever make me feel any different.... Looking back on ole Skid Row now I see so clearly that it was the best place I could have gone because most people in that situation never get out. That situation drove ambition straight in my veins that will carry me exactly where I want to go in my life.

To end this entry I want to say that life is a wonderful thing and we should all enjoy it with the courage we were blessed with but most of all without unnecessary negativity!

Believe in Yourself

2013-06-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Believe in yourself and you can achieve
Things you never thought possible
Believe in yourself and you can discover
New talents hidden inside you

Believe in yourself and you can reach
New highs that you thought immeasureable
Believe in yourself and you can elucidate
The problem that defy every solution

Believe in yourself and you can tackle
The hardest of all situations
Believe in yourself and you can make
The complicated things seem simple

Believe in yourself and you can enjoy
The beauty of the nature's creation
Believe in yourself and you can learn
Skill of gaining knowledge from experience

Believe in yourself and you can discern
New depths in your life
Believe in yourself and you can perform
Way beyond your expectations

Believe in your aim and work towards it
With elation, determination and dedication
Believe in yourself and you will feel blessed
As you are a very special creation!

Training Recap

2013-06-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

So training lately has been going actually nice. I have done a lot of different modifications to it that I have been happy with. I was looking at doing a marathon possibly in September to try and qualify for Boston again but I have thought twice about that and began focusing on something different. Another change I have made is with my diet and I am not a big changer with my eating pattern usually at all. I was taught how to eat properly along time ago by one of my best friends who is a nutritionist and I don't believe in yo yo dieting especially when you run or train. I had to learn the hard way with that situation that dieting and running or lifting doesn't work at all. The big change I made was I have been practicing a more vegetarian eating style. I decided to do this after a trip I took to Vermont and speaking with some professional runners who have achieved a lot with their running and they swear by this eating habit. I am four weeks into this plan and I have been doing very well with it.

My training has been mostly heat training. I am proud to say I have backed off of the gym and resisted the urge to go as often and lift the heavy weights and my energy levels are better and my running is much easier also. I asked my coach to find me a good Boston Qualifier and he is researching this but I also ask people when I travel this question a lot and they give me different answers. I am still in search of the perfect race but my focus at this point is just building back up my base and speed safely. I haven't done any racing and I am not interested in doing any right now. I have been working so much and training I would rather just wait on doing those for right now, although I have been helping a few different people get involved with running. Other than this my life has been quiet and I have been enjoying the nice weather with my son. I will be doing some traveling in the next few weeks to do some running and then some racing in North Georgia. I have also been cast to do a few different photos for a business in Atlanta this month possibly so I am going to enjoy the quiet time I do have.

Support When Needed....

2013-06-08T11:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I have had the opportunity to spend the morning with my son relaxing. I didn't do any racing or any traveling because I have been focusing on my training more to get with my Boston Schedule. I have been working online a lot and speaking with different people in all areas of the world sharing my message to them. Last night I was contacted by a woman that absolutely astonished me!

At first this woman seemed to be like any normal woman, just asking questions of my story and how she can contact me for more information. I immediately responded to her with all she wanted and she submitted me a video that simply took my breath away! As I watched her video my eyes filled with tears because I recalled being in that same situation this woman was once in but the difference is she is paralyzed from the waist down now for the rest of her life. Our similarities were that she was also given little chances of survival, she pulled through that, she was also told she would never walk again or move her arms again and she now has a metal rod in her arm and can move them and she can also walk between the parallel bars with someone behind her. Her name is Maria and she is a Pre K teacher from a small town like me in Georgia.

Maria gave me her cell phone number and I had to call her to talk after seeing the photos and watching her video. She kept saying to me you are amazing I am so glad you will open up and talk to me about all of this and try to help me. I thanked her, then she said I have so many problems finding people that will connect with me about tragedy in their life. I told her it took me many years to overcome my fears of the opinions of others and stepping outside of this small town comfort zone. But once I realized I was actually the strongest person I knew and my story was a huge help to everyone I found joy in my life I'd never had before! She went on to tell me more of herself and how happy she was, but she kept going back to how she wanted to get involved with the racing I do to participate with her children. She couldn't get her insurance to help her any on getting another chair and the one she was trying to purchase at the moment she couldn't afford. Hearing all of this makes me furious! My full time job is a dental office manager and I deal with insurance companies on a daily basis. I hear the most outrageous reasons for the denial of dental work all the time. But since I have been working with friends and people from everywhere with the racing that are disabled I am hearing it goes the same way with health insurances. There are different stipulations on dental insurances I have learned over the years, with missing tooth clauses or possibly a waiting period. But to hear that health insurances put these same stipulations on something like this is out of this world crazy! These are our legs, our way of moving, most people will never know how it feels to not be able to walk again and have to depend on a chair to move you around. If you want to do something positive like do a local 5k or 10k with your children in a wheelchair that can support you I feel it should be covered without any exceptions!

This brings to mind another issue I have experienced in my past I have never spoke of. When I was going through my divorce I was living on what I tell people was absolute SKID ROW! I had no money at all to eat and did I mention I had a child. I was working full time, and I had a house I was paying for and a car and my son was still in diapers at that time. My ex-husband wasn't paying any child support to me then and I refused to let that house be foreclosed on. I was not going out like that, I haven't given up on much in my life and hearing that bastard tell me I wouldn't be able to handle it all made me push even harder. I reached a point where I was paying my bills but they were falling behind because I was on such a fixed income and I wouldn't ask for any help from anyone because I didn't want people to know the situation. Finally I swallowed my pride and went to my bank after I received the first foreclosure notice. I applied for help with a grant for single mothers losing their home or for just financial assistance for me and my son and I was denied this! I didn't have time to argue over it because I was still in and out of court with my husband and working so much so I just struggled and got through that tough situation in life! But the point is that I worked, and I see many people daily that are capable of working, get things handed to them without being denied anything. So when I hear my friends or disabled people that actually wish to do something good in life by spending time with their children at a race get denied healthcare it breaks my heart!

After speaking with Maria this morning my mind has been rolling with ways to help her and her family. My beliefs are that we all get through the tough times in our lives but we do all need some support sometimes to help us along. If it isn't financial we deserve to hear someone say everything will work out, stay strong... You got this! When I look at difficult issues today I remember myself in my wheelchair and I know I am bulletproof at this point and things aren't so difficult but not every person has reached this point in life. So my advice to end this entry is always share your strength with others, it makes such a difference!!!

As I remember...

2013-06-04T04:31:00.000-07:00

My life is amazing, as I am alive today to tell my story of it all. I have had many hard times, uncertainties, and even some permanent damage that I have learned to cope with. But I am grateful to be alive and share my message with the world.

20 years ago today my life changed in an instant. I was only 14 years old and involved in an automobile accident that was almost fatal. I suffered severe brain and lung injuries that caused me to fall into a deep coma for two months of my life while a ventilator was breathing for me.

Doctors had given me little chances of survival from this. My family pulled together and sat by my side day and night for two months. I finally showed signs of pulling through so I was moved to the rehabilitation center of this hospital. My doctors at that time let my parents know I would probably be a handicapped child the rest of my life so begin building ramps for our home. There isn't very much of that time I can remember and I believe this is a blessing because I was only 85 pounds and still being fed through a feeding tube in my stomach. But the day I can recall most clearly is a day I have seen flash through my mind since 1993. I was parked in front of the nurses station waiting to be taken to therapy by my nurses. My head tilted down to my shoulder with saliva running down my face from my mouth. I slowly lifted my head up and wiped my face off, I realized I was sitting in a wheelchair for Christ sakes. I remember unhooking that chair belt and trying to stand and falling on my face in the floor, realizing I couldn't walk. I was immediately picked up by my nurses frantically. This is the day an iron persistence and resolute determination to walk out of that hospital was developed in my mind and I did exactly that on October 8, 1993.

I have been reflecting back on all of this the past few weeks by watching videos, looking at photos, and reading my cards and I realize that there hasn't been one single day that this memory hasn't crossed my mind since 1993. It has driven me through life to get past many hard times but also kept me humble and let helped me appreciate every piece of life I have. My mission now as I am remembering all of these things is to use my life as a source of inspiration. To share my experiences of Never Giving Up when the risks are stacked against you. What I've learned most the past 20 years is everyone really is looking for an inspiration in their life. I have so many and have had so many through these years that have made such a difference in my own life. I have even asked myself sometimes if my accident hadn't occured that night how would my life turned out?

At least today I can proudly say I am a 34 year old marathon runner who lived two months of her life on a respirator in a coma. I had to learn to walk, write, swallow, and function mentally as a normal person again, and most importantly I NEVER GAVE UP! I do recognize this now as a series of events that has lead me to a powerful purpose in life that is very needed. If all my experiences can provide support I will feel complete in life. Although my memories are still extremely emotional to me and I have cried this whole entry in fact, I will continue to let them drive me daily and take me to places in life I should be. Because as Albert Einstein says "Only a life lived for others is worth living"...

AFFIRMATION

2013-06-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

“I am me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it – I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly to me. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am friendly and loving of myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

“I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am okay.”

Virginia Satir (American Psychologist & Educator 1916-1988)

Having A Strong Support System Means???

2013-05-15T17:37:00.001-07:00

My alarm sounded this morning at the usual time of 4:30 am for me to get up to begin my day. I live a hop and a skip away from my parents so getting my son to his grandparents isn't an issue. Actually the biggest issue I find is getting him up at this hour but he has been doing it for a while now and has become more accustomed to it. I got him down to my Mom's and put him back in bed with her and I scooted up the road for a morning run.

My first thoughts as I began running were of how thankful I was for the support I have now in my life. I went for so many years with little to no support for this love I have and I feel very gracious for the family and friends I have in my life now. As I ran on I continued thinking of how important support actually meant to us, not just single moms but any runner or athlete. When it comes to our training and competition having proper support from friends, family and even teammates can be so powerful in our lives. This is another lesson I have learned the hard way over my years of running and being an athletic woman.

Before the running boom hit like it has now, it was extremely strange to see a woman (OMG, and did I mention a mother) out running at all hours of the day, 4 am, noon, or even at dusk. I lived in a small town when I had my son back then that the majority of the women in this town didn't work out or run and were the normal stay home cook for the hubs and kids kind of mother. They never broke the standards of stepping out of that era. If someone knew you were doing something outside of this mold it was a catastrophe and the rumor mill began. Well, I am happy that I have always had a mind of my own, plus my passion to be active was developed from my near death experience so I never paid much attention to those standards and I broke those boundaries placed on women wide ass open in several different ways.

#1. I was a very active woman, and on top of this I was a power lifter with muscles from head to toe. It was never intimidating for me to walk up in a gym and work out in front of men. There isn't too much in this life that scares me anymore. Then #2, I began running and I ran through my pregnancy. People in this town I can remember would stop me on the road and tell me I should go home with that baby bump! Then after I delivered my son exactly 6 weeks later I knew I wanted to train for my first marathon! When I decided this I knew who I wanted to train me for this race and he was a black man. Well, I was the mom who juggled a job, husband and child to run and train for a race, so support was one thing that didn't come to me that well. I always heard things like "she's running wanting attention" from different people, even my husband at the time and his family. But the love and passion I have for this sport was too deep to let any of that stop me. No one really knew where my passion and drive came from for this sport and I didn't talk of it much at all back then. So my love and passion took me back to this place I am now that has plenty of support.

Having positive support is such an important thing to us runners and everyone really. When I am not running or racing I enjoy volunteering at races or with any sporting event. I do this just to provide fellow athletes with encouragement to help their confidence levels because I know how powerful it is. In fact, when I am injured I have found this to be the best medicine to stay focused and stay involved. When I have people come to me for advice about injuries I always encourage this to them. But any way you can find and keep some support I always recommend it. Surrounding yourself with good people that do not discourage your dreams is a good idea to keep too. One negative comment will discourage anyone, so I try to keep my distance from these types of people. I pay close attention to people and I do not want anyone in my life that will try and throw me off course with anything. I live a positive life and do not want any negative people or things in my life anymore. I have graduated from those stages in my life.

I am very thankful for all the supportive people in my life today. The best advice I can give beginner runners or athletes is to always be cautious of who you bring in your life and find your support system even if its those long runs all alone. The road is the best support I have ever had. It took me along time to realize how to live my life happy but now I that I know this tactic I will not look back....

Training Recap

2013-05-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

This is my first recap in quite a while. I haven't been doing any strategic training with my running since my marathon. I have raced this year a lot but I was warned by my coach and by a lot of my fitness friends to back off from racing as much to avoid more burnout. I was offered more photo shoot jobs so I focused in on the weightroom more for that. Most of the shoots I did were either a crossfit type shoot and I also did one that was an outdoor magazine type shoot, so they required me to look more buff than normal. Its never been really hard for me to gain muscle when I am diligent with my training in the gym. Now that I have reached this goal when I run I can surely tell why most runners are the lean mean machines they are. From the powerlifting I did at an early age my leg muscles are huge anyway but with the training I have been doing the last few months they have increased in size and I definately feel it on the road. I'm not at all worried about this though I will simply take it down a notch in the gym and back off because I realize I begin my training officially in the next 2 months and this mama is getting down to BIZ this year with training to get to Boston!

My Motivation

2013-05-09T19:34:00.001-07:00

As I am reaching my 20 year anniversary of my nearly fatal car accident on June 4th, I can't help but reflect back through the years on some of the things that I've gone through. I have had some hard lessons but they taught me value in life and I am very grateful that I persisted through those hard times and stood up tall when I was knocked down. I am happy with my life, and I am thankful for each and every event I have had. I do believe every path I've been down has gotten me to the journey I am on today. I have finally found the peace which I looked so long for in other places and it was inside myself the whole time. I've given up all the doubt in my heart and mind and I believe it is because I finally realize those times I had in my past were given to me to make me this strong woman I am now and there is nothing that will shake my foundation.

I am happy for all the people that have walked into my life and also happy for those who have walked out of my life and taught me the lessons I needed to know. I am thankful for the encouragement given over the years from friends, family and also thankful for all the negativity given from people, because it only drove me harder toward my goals in life. I will always believe whatever happens to us in life happens for a reason. When I look at different issues with life or different people suffering or even happy, I have found it to be my best quality to talk and connect with them simply because I can relate to both. I enjoy using my past life as a role model to encourage lives and make the difference they may need. I am most thankful I have finally found this peace and it is realizing that what happens to us in our life doesn't define us, its what I choose to do with it...

Self Love...

2013-05-04T17:45:00.002-07:00

Today I ran across an article a facebook friend of mine wrote that really disturbed me. She spoke of how she developed her drive for life through being ridiculed as a child for being overweight. This lady is a fitness model today and on top of this is an ironman. It has always bothered me so much to hear of anyone going through this especially us women. It is hard enough in my opinion being a woman in this world because we are expected to be perfect and when those perfections aren't met we become very self conscience. It took me reaching rock bottom in life to realize that I'd never be perfect and honestly I cannot say I want to be.

I speak with women and men almost daily who ask me questions or ask me for some type of training advice to lose weight or get fit fast. I do not train people anymore and I am certainly not a qualified dietician or nutritionist so I do not give out much advice on eating. I do however, tell people what I prefer and what works and has worked for me. I have always had trainers and coaches who have assisted me with my diet and training most all of my running career. I can usually tell right away which people who ask me are truly serious about losing weight. A lot of them will just say I will take this pill or that pill that will help me get rid of it. When I hear people say this I automatically think they have no self respect at all.

I spend most of my life in a gym or on a road running. I do not do this to lose weight or even to get big and buff. I do enjoy the way it makes me look but it is a therapy for me which has lead to my happiness. I do not believe that there is a quick fix to fast energy or weight loss. I take this subject serious because I have had loved ones get addicted to pills such as this and it is devastating. One of my best friends is a nutritionist and I remember many years ago running with her and talking over this subject. We always spoke of how against taking a stimulant we were and the side effects they had. But what really upsets me most of taking anything for a quick fix is the pressure some women feel to do this to be perfect. Like the article I read of my friends this morning. Its crazy how another persons opinion will make you do something stupid. Perfection, I have learned is finding a peace inside yourself. I can't say I have always been this way I mentioned it took me years to find this inner peace about myself. Now that I have found my peace I love myself and I could care less the thoughts of others and I recommend every women to find this peace about herself!

Below is an interesting article I asked my friend to write on some stimulants and the different effects they have on your body.

The Edge

Throughout the years, Athletes and fitness enthusiasts have tried to find that one formula to give them an edge against their competitor’s. A runner’s world is no different than any other athlete’s arena. Many competitors strive for perfection in their sport but fail to attain that goal they have set for their self. Day after day they rise early in the morning, put on their shoes and meet daybreak with the sound of their feet kissing the asphalt. They often, run on their lunch break to get in extra miles, instead of having lunch with their friends. They continue in an ongoing training regimen day after day in an effort to become the best in their sport. Unfortunately many athletes do not have the passion, persistent, and determination that is needed to see that success is about overcoming defeat and getting back up after you have been knocked down. As a result many athletes look for outside external means to create an edge for them in their sport. Many runners and athletes have tried a wide variety of stimulants in hopes of giving them that edge to help improve physical function and their mental state. Today I would like to address one commonly used stimulant for weight loss (Phentermine, adipex) that many runners and athletes use to gain an edge. Many athletes often feel they have hit a brick wall and unfortunately instead of redesigning their routine they take a stimulant to lose more weight so they will perform better. However this drug (adipex, phentermine), does not come without its risks and side effects.

* Shortness of breath, even with mild exertion

* Chest pain that can lead to syncope in some individuals

* Swelling in your feet and ankles

* Pounding of the heart or fluttering in your chest

* Confusion, irritability, unusual thoughts or behavior

* Sense of euphoria-which does not allow the athlete to train safely.

* Dangerously high blood pressure (severe headache, blurred vision, buzzing in your ears, anxiety, chest pain, shortness of breath, uneven heartbeats, seizure). These are some of the more severe side effects that one may experience while on these stimulants, (diet pills, adipex or phentermine). Some of the less serious side effects of phentermine are as follows:

* Feeling restless of hyperactive(active people often over train while they are using this stimulant)

* Headache, dizziness, tremors

* Sleep problems (insomnia)

* Dry mouth or an unpleasant taste in your mouth

* Diarrhea or upset stomach or gastrointestinal problems

* Increase or decrease interests in sex or even impotence with prolong use in some individuals.

There have been several documented cases of cardiovascular problems with individuals on diet stimulants. I would like to mention a few of these cases that were documented in a study on this type of stimulants.

* A young 37 year old woman admitted to the hospital after an episode of ventricular fibrillation. The patient was on being treated for mild weight issues and was taking phentermine. Her past medical history was flawless and it was suspected that her nearly fatal arrhythmia was attributed to the phentermine that she was taking.

* A 29 year old woman whom had only been taking the phentermine for 23 days developed fatal pulmonary hypertension. She did not smoke and no other health issues were listed.

In conclusion, I would like to state that there is no substitution for appropriate training and proper nutrition. However some athletes fail to acknowledge this and may turn to stimulants in search of the edge. Perhaps they feel they have obtained all they can from proper food intake, proper training and look for some help in dropping a few pounds to help them cut a few seconds off their mile. I would ask this athlete or fitness enthusiast to ask to ask their self-three questions:

* Is it safe

* Do the benefits outweigh the risks

* What are the long term Side effects

I am an avid runner and fitness enthusiast and wellness coach. I personally, have hit the brick wall on more than one occasion. Consequently, I reevaluated more diet, my training regime and my lifestyle stressors. I came to the conclusion that I could change and play around with these factors a lot safer than any drug or stimulant that was out there.

In the event that you hit a brick wall, or do not win the race that you train so hard to win. Remember we, become stronger from picking ourselves up when we fall down and sometimes we just have to climb over these walls with different techniques! God Speed to all the athletes and runners and when you hit the wall - try changing up your diet, your training technique, or training intensity- this trio will give you a much safer edge and a much greater reward.

Cyndee C. Smallwood

Valdosta B.S. Exercise Physiology

Certified Wellness Coach and owner 3-DBody-WorksFitnessTrainingLLC cyndeesmallwood@gmail.com 229-3255655

References:

NASM: Fourth Edition (Editors, Michael A. Clark, Scott C. Lucett, Brian G. Sutton) “ Wolters Kluwer “ Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

Essentials of Strength Training and Conditioning: Second Edition (Thomas R. Baechle, Roger W. Earle)

ESPN.com Special-“Drugs and Sports”

Drugs.com-“Phentermine Side Effects”

Fear Not

2013-04-30T08:49:00.003-07:00

I FEARED…

I feared being alone
Until I learned to like Myself…

I feared failure
Until I realized that I only Fail when I don’t try…

I feared success
Until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself…

I feared people’s opinions
Until I learned that people will have opinions about me anyway

I feared rejection
Until I learned to have faith in myself…

I feared pain
Until I learned that it’s necessary for growth…

I feared the truth
Until I saw the ugliness of lies…

I feared life
Until I experienced its beauty…

I feared my destiny
Until I reaized I had the power to change my life…

I feared hate
Until I realized it was nothing more than ignorance…

I feared love
Until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days…

I feared ridicule
Until I learned how to laugh at myself…

I feared getting old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day…

I feared the future
Until I realized that life just kept getting better…

I feared the past
Until I realized it could no longer hurt me…

I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty of the starlight…

I feared the light
Until I learned that the truth would give me so much strength…

I feared change
Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly…

What doesn't kill me...

2013-04-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

The quote what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is very inspirational and true for my life. I have experienced some life changing events as most people have, but I always said I would not let any of those break my spirit and make me a bitter person. When I began my marathon training years ago for my first marathon I started opening up more about the events I had experienced with my running coach. I truly can remember the exact road we were on when I told him I had been in a coma for two months as a child. He looked at me in disbelief and I told him I was serious, so we spoke more of it. I said to him Frank I know there has to be a reason I am still around after being that close to death. He said to me your purpose will slowly emerge to you Stephanie as you put one foot in front of the other and continue following your heart...

Those words he said to me have been more clear since this Boston tragedy. I have always believed in the saying everything happens in life for one reason or another. I'm not sure why anything like a bomb at the most prestigious marathon in the world, The Boston Marathon would happen. But I do ultimately believe I was in that location for a reason. Because as you may know my passion for Boston runs deep. I have had those roads of that marathon on my mind and in my heart for so many years. My passion is so strong simply because I have overcome so many obstacles and I believe it would be fantastic for someone like me to qualify to run a beautiful race such as this one. So when this happened this day my heart has poured out for those victims, and my mind has been working overdrive on how we should all unit and help with this.

I believe every single thing I have been through in my life has lead me to this today. I also believe the people I have come in contact with through this journey has lead me to this exact place. In my life I have gone through seasons where I longed to find my true purpose or even establish it. But I see it clearly now that this pain I went through so long ago has lead me to help these runners and innocent victims of this tragedy that day. These people's lives have completely been changed and they need emotional financial and physical help maybe the rest of their lives. I feel a bond to these people because I have experienced this same life changing event. I know that unknowing feeling, I remember those sleepless nights and those long days of wheeling around in a wheelchair at the age of 14. Most of all I remember those feelings of not knowing if I would ever be able to walk again.

All of these emotions have helped me work together with a group of people to develop a race and focus on raising money for this cause. I speak to people a lot of a push I have felt in my life to get things done, and I can say I have never felt this push more than I feel it now. The simple fact that I have a love for Boston so dearly and relating to the pain and suffering these people are going through shows me my purpose...