My Life as you know it

2017-07-02T22:06:00.000-04:00

First Blog post in a while. Life in my world has changed drastically since my last post. I am no longer married, I no longer own a dental practice and currently building a new career as a Real Estate Agent. It's slightly uncomfortable writing all this because as I read over some of my past blogs, my life seemed perfect(perfect family, kids, business) Now I'm learning to create a new version of family, career and self love! Stay tuned!

No more Vlogging....life update.

2014-05-20T07:33:00.004-04:00

Haven't posted on here in a while. It's amazing how life can have so many bumps and turns. I have completely stopped documenting my life via youtube, and have thrown myself entirely into the business and our family.

It's hard to believe how fast time flew. It seems like yesterday I was ready to give birth. In a few weeks Lex will be 2 years old. As much as I wanted to hold on to my little baby, he grew up faster than I wanted to. I know, he's only two but that baby stage is over. He was such a perfect little baby! Calm, peaceful, sweet and well behaved. He's still all those things but a little more feisty, he has to keep up with his sister after all. Mila will be starting school this year and is really grown into such a little lady.

The past 2 years have been such a roller coaster. Lots of learning, lots of growing and lots of letting go of things that our out of my control. Hardship really helps you grow. It has opened my eyes about who is going to be there for me, who will use me, who will help me and who will uplift me. Here we are year 2014 and I'm on a mission to spend more time with my kids and enjoy this summer! We have worked hard enough and deserve a little break.

My in-laws are coming to town soon, and I'm going to make it my mission to make positive memories as a family.

Baby update and Wisdom

2012-08-09T13:55:00.001-04:00

Every challenge a person goes through is beneficial for their development and growth. In that moment of difficulty that person might assume many reasons for what is happening to them. Once that person has owned up to their faults, the emotions have settled, and the pain subsided the real reason is revealed.

Some people can't handle that process and try to distract themselves from the issue and therefore never learn a lesson, or process that experience. This is extremely unhealthy. I guess depending on the severity and the length of that challenge the longer you need to process it.

I see many people who live their lives who believe they don't have any issues but their actions speak louder than words. Alcohol, illegal/perscription drugs, pornography, cigaretes, and food are not solutions. These things only make more problems and after a while you notice your life is out of control and wonder why?!

Don't run away from problems, embrace them, learn to work through them. And watch yourself grow!

Going to the Doctor

2012-08-06T12:32:00.001-04:00

About to take the kids to the doctor. It breaks my heart watching Lex cry so much from being sick! Mila is handling it pretty well, what a tough cookie!

Posted my watch me shrink update, lets just say the results are surprising considering how I've been eating this past week!

This morning I've already downed 2 cups of blueberries to detox and now working on my vegan soup! I feel sick also and hope with a raw diet I will clear up soon!

Taking everyone to the Doctor!

2012-08-06T12:27:00.001-04:00

About to take the kids to the doctor's. It breaks my heart watching Lex cry so much from discomfort! Mila is handling it pretty well though, My tough little cookie!

Posted my watch me shrink update, lets just say the results are surprising considering how I've been eating this past week!

This morning I've already downed 2 cups of blueberries to detox and now working on my vegan soup! I feel sick also and hope with a raw diet I will clear up soon!

Weekend fun!

2012-08-04T22:17:00.001-04:00

Here's the outfit I wore out to one of my favorite restaurants! It was a wonderful Birthday Celebration!

It felt so good to get out of the house, get all dressed up, and socialize with adults!

I splurged by eating a perfect center cut steak paired with potato gratin, it was fabulous!! All the hard times we go through seem like a breeze when you pair them with good ones!

Hardest time in my Life!

2012-07-31T09:40:00.001-04:00

Another restless night and the list of things to do keeps growing! Getting ready for yet another meeting in 10 minutes and have so much on my mind!

After finding a few minutes to myself to think, I would say this is by far the hardest time in my life!

Dealing with an active toddler, crying(sick) infant, active dog, business, house, self and relationships is not an easy task. Will there be moments where things are not perfect, absolutely! To have people remind me of that is priceless. All our friends who have multiple kids have warned us that having 2 kids is the hardest! Managing to give everyone attention and trying to set up a business is incredibly hard! It's nice to talk to people who are/have been in the same boat and know that all will be OK! Sometimes I beat myself up for letting things drop or let things get out of control but that's life. Life isn't perfect, everyone makes mistakes, have hardships, and lots of priorities the key is to pick yourself up, learn, and keep moving forward with grace!

Trying to manage relationships during this time is super hard. Seeing the way people react/ treat you and judge you during difficult time is also a huge lesson! No one can truly understand this but its nice to have compassion from people who have been through something similar!

I have huge expectations for things and sometimes when I fail it's hard to acknowledge you're mistakes and disappointments! I am thankful that I have this innate ability to learn from my mistakes and truly turn a negative into a positive!

This week is off a bit because poor Lex is fighting a cold. I am starting to feel sick also. Can't wait for my sister to get here to start helping out! I can't imagine not having any kind of help at all!

Huge thank you for all of you who have called/ messaged me and given me tremendous amount of support and understanding! XOXO

Here's my latest weight loss update!

NEED SOME SLEEP but GYM bound!

2012-07-26T10:05:00.001-04:00

Had a really rough night! Baby slept all day yesterday and at night decided to party it up! I think I might have gotten a total of 4 hours of sleep :( I'm not going to complain though because I had a wonderful dinner last night with my husband! That bit of freedom was just what we needed to relax and clear our mind of all the stress and uncertainty!

We have selected our contractor, signed off on tons of paperwork and slowly moving forward with the build out! Definitely feel like a huge load is lifted but there is still much to do!

All this responsibility and obligation is not easy but I feel like I am learning so much about myself as we tackle all these hardships! I love growing as a person. It's not easy but totally worth it!

Heading to the gym now to acquire some energy and work off that amazing French food!

Here's my latest video! Enjoy!

What a MORNING!! I need a BREAK!!

2012-07-23T13:13:00.001-04:00

Thank goodness I work from home! Today has been super busy and I can't get a moment to sit down and relax.

I was hoping to squeeze in some time for the gym but everything kind of hit me all at once!

To start, all this new pile of paperwork that needs to be filled out for the office was sitting there waiting to get processed. Then a phone meeting with our architect, landlord, finance guy and then finalizing things with contractor! There some critical decissions that need to be made and I have no brain power to evaluate our options because I'm so sleep deprived! In between I am changing diapers, feeding Lex and trying to relay info to Pavel.

I have my sister helping out but it's still seems like to much to handle. I just want to get out of the house and clear my head, but I doubt that opportunity will come because that pile of paperwork is still waiting for me!

Here's my last weeks weigh in if you're curious to see how I'm doing as far as weight loss is concerned. If time permits I would like to post today's weigh in but we shall see!

Weight Loss Sabotage from HUBBY!

2012-07-11T10:12:00.001-04:00

Ok so I had a really good week as far as weight loss goes! Check out my video below to find out how much I lost! I do have to say I think my hubby is trying to sabotage my efforts though!

You guys know how much I love sweets so what does he do, bake cakes!!! That's right the man decides to tempt me with his amazing cakes! Either he is trying to keep me plump or testing my will power! LOL Well my will power is not that strong so I do cave in but I'm practicing portion control! He does make one amazing Napoleon Russian Cake! Oh and the other day he offers me ice cream! Seriously this is not funny! I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger :)

In my video I share some of my weight loss rules I live by to help me shed the pounds and keep them off! Enjoy!

My ANXIETY Attack!

2012-07-09T13:32:00.005-04:00

This huge overwhelming feeling of "I can't handle the pressure" took over me the other night! Tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably. I had these huge expectations as a mother, wife, sister, friend and business owner! Trying to take care of everything seemed unbearable. The main reason for my breakdown was because of Mila!

Mila was super sick last week and this huge sadness came over me when I couldn't hug her or comfort her because of fear that the baby will get sick. My husband has been doing a great job giving her attention but I had guilt because the baby demanded more attention from me and I didn't give much back to Mila.

The guilt grew so strong that I started to think I was a horrible mother! Why did I beat myself up like this!? The pooch also has been neglected by me and the guilt for not showing him love also has been eating at me! At night when everyone is as sleep, I make rounds hugging everyone and telling them how much I love them and how much I miss them!

Although, I know my husband has been trying so hard to keep everything in balance but since I can't actually contribute to taking care of everyone has been creating this anxiety inside!

After going through some baby blues after having Mila I definitely wanted to avoid it this time around by being in sunshine, working out, going out, and having a great support system. Having 2 kids is definitely a challenge along with building a business that requires so many decisions made.

I didn't have a relationship with my mother growing up and I vowed to have one with Mila! Having this huge change take place is really painful! How am I ever going to grow my relationship with her when the baby needs me soo much!?

Mila has been misbehaving so much lately and I've been extra stern with her to the point where it seems there's more negative energy focused on her instead of positive. My husband would take over but it seemed as though she wouldn't listen to him.

I knew I was losing control of the situation and kind of didn't want to deal with it. Yesterday all these feelings, experiences and emotions collided within.

At that point I wanted to be selfish, and run away from all that responsibility. At that point I realized why I never wanted to have kids, so I would never have to give up my selfish ways. Once you have kids, everything you do revolves around them! I cried and vented to my husband how I don't want to do this anymore. Being a great husband he let me pout like a baby, gave me tons of hugs and said that everything is going to be ok.

In the morning the clear headed Kristina thought how silly it was of me to think of running away, and how we have it made! These wonderful Kids NEED us, love us and bring so much meaning to our life! Even though sometimes it does get challenging with discipline and giving everyone the right amount of attention we are truly blessed with the family we have! No one said it would be easy, but the reward of being parents is so wonderful! These little monkies will always love us!

2 WEEK Baby UPDATE

2012-06-29T14:02:00.001-04:00

Time is definitely flying by way too fast! Although I am tired and sleep deprived I've been trying to savor every moment with my son.

I can't even describe the love that I have for him! I was so worried I wouldn't love him as much as Mila but that is so silly to me now that I look into his deep blue eyes and my heart melts!

Now new worries are settling in, for example: I don't want my daughter feeling left out so I am trying harder to squeeze in mommy daughter time. Definitely not easy but trying to keep it a priority. Since I never had that bond with my mom I strive to have an amazing relationship with my daughter.

It's amazing how when I first had Mila I would be home with her all day and that would be my only focus. Now I have to focus on Mila, baby, dog, business transactions, house, and cooking. I have no idea how people with more than 2 kids get it done. I do have to say that I have an amazing helper with me this summer that's helping me stay sane by helping around the house. My sister is a true blessing to me. I don't know how I would manage with out her! She tidies up, plays with Mila and walks the pooch. I am truly grateful for her amazing help!

I never knew what it meant to have family help until now!

Anyways, here's our 2 week baby update! Enjoy! And Subscribe!!!

Weight loss Road blocks!

2012-06-26T20:11:00.002-04:00

Since giving birth I have been dying to start working out and eating well just so I can feel like my old self faster! This past week I started my weight loss vlog on youtube..so check it out if you get a chance.

I have a long way to go to get back to my pre-baby body but I am optimistic and as long as I keep eating well, moving and sleeping I should be ok.

The problem is, with a new born it's a bit of a challenge to sleep since he wakes me every 3-4 hours and sometimes wants to party all night! When I don't sleep enough my body is out of whack and just craves junk food through out the day. Luckily I don't have very much junk but I do tend to over eat anyways. So the battle to get enough sleep to stick to a healthy diet is on.

I did manage to make it to the gym a few times in the last week which I've been craving like crazy! It's amazing how different this pregnancy was compared to Mila's. I worked out, ate well and now my body is ready to snap back! I am slightly worried it wont shrink down as fast as I want but I am still optimistic. I just keep telling myself to focus on good eating, exercising, and sleeping!

My husbands birthday was this weekend and I did splurge on cake...I didn't gain weight just stayed the same during those 2 days of cake eating bliss! lol Other than that I've been pretty good. Eating tons of fruits, veggies and whole grains! I tried to be a vegetarian to lose weight but I have had some super healthy turkey from whole foods so I guess I'm not exclusively vegetarian.

Anyways...here's my first vlog on weight loss....enjoy :)

Guess how much weight I lost!

2012-06-19T14:22:00.001-04:00

Started eating my vegetarian diet now that the pregnacy is over. My hubby made me a veggie burger with avocado, tomato, spinach and ketchup on Chalah roll. It was absolutely delicious! With a healthy diet, exercise and breastfeeding I'm hoping to get back in shape in no time! You wont believe how much weight I lost. In a week I lost 16 lbs. so currently I'm 163!!Yay for weight loss!
Looking forward to posting my first weightloss video next week so stay tuned! Here's a little postpartum update!

We're Home, mini update

2012-06-15T12:06:00.001-04:00

Here's a quick update while I try to find time to put all the footage together for "Labor Part 2" I hope to have that finished by tonight so stay tuned!

After delivery I was tired but still super energetic. Pavel on the other hand was Done. He had shut down. Although he has been an amazing coach and guide for me during labor he needed to rest, we all did.

Last night I urged the Doctors to dismiss us so we can go home. I really don't like hospitals and wanted to be with my family.

We got home around 8:30pm last night and I do have to say it was a bit stressful. My house was a mess, Mila was all over the place, the dog was super curious to find out what we brought home and super hyper. Since I really haven't slept since Tuesday night I was looking forward to getting some rest...yeah right! That did not happen and so Today I am running on Empty!

After delivery I had this amazing energy but now I just feel all beat up! I am going to find time to sleep while Lex sleeps and hopefully finish up my labor video tonight! Thanks for all your support and love! You have no idea how much it means to our Family! XOXO

Subscribe for all the latest videos, weightloss blog coming soon!!

https://www.youtube.com/realhousewifeofboca

LAST day of PREGNANCY?!

2012-06-12T04:41:00.001-04:00

Early start to June 12, 2012

Went to sleep around 10:30pm and got woken up by some serious pain around 2:40am. At first I thought it was just my bladder but after a quick bathroom break it was evident that a contraction was upon me. This was my first contraction but on a different level than the baby ones I've been having last week.

What do contractions feel like you may wonder. They can be different but for the most part it feels like a menstrual cramps. The contractions are so much stronger now because I can't sleep through it anymore. I'm also getting this dull, aching pain in my lower back as baby's head presses against my spine.

My mind is racing as I type this blog because I'm not sure this is the real thing yet and I'm still concerned about my cervix not opening up. Doc checked it yesterday morning and it was still closed. My water has not broken yet either. Oh boy here comes another one(time4:34am) trying to focus on my breathing!

So far the contractions have been between 8-10 min for the last 2 hours. I want this baby to come but now I'm flooded with emotion about my life changing. Why must I be so emotional..lol Thoughts of an epidural were also on my mind...will they mess it up this time too?? Will have shooting pain in my brain for a week after? Will I be able to get up after? Or will it be smooth sailing this time around? Will I have a good experience with this delivery? What if this is false alarm?? All these unknowns are annoying! Trying to put my faith in God. Here come another(time 4:44am)

My husband has been super supportive, giving me back rubs and reminding me to breathe. I feel bad because I know he needs rest and gave him some space. I need one of us focused, alert, level headed and I need him to truly be there for me when I can't take it anymore!

Some how some way I fell asleep and this morning my contractions have spaced out again. Gosh for sure I thought I was in labor. When will this show get on the road?! Super tired!

I did manage to get my 40 pregnancy update video uploaded if you haven't seen it here it is:

Tired of being Pregnant!

2012-06-09T21:22:00.001-04:00

Feeling tired of being pregnant is an understatement! Due date is at midnight and I'm still here!!! Ughhh!!! Anything could happen tonight though so I'm still optimistic. During Mila's pregnancy my water broke at the stroke of midnight on her due date! So maybe I'll have the same go down tonight!? Also, I do have to say my contractions are picking up and getting stronger I just hope i don't have to wait another week!! This weekend definitely made another trip to the mall and in particular Sephora! I love eye shadow sooo much!! Why must there be such wonderful products out there?! Here's my video on what I bought....

Sleepless Night but No Baby Yet! All packed & ready to go though!!

2012-06-07T16:27:00.001-04:00

Last night was a practice run of a sleepless night! Except instead of one baby keeping us up at night it was 2! Lex was on the move and so was Mila. Around 2 Mila decides to hop in our bed and starts having conversations with us. I couldn't sleep as it was because Lex was super active so I gave into talking to Mila. Surprisingly Pavel was not annoyed but also amused! Today I thought for sure I'd be dying from exhaustion but surprisingly I found energy to finish packing for the hospital! Here's what I packed and here's a few photos of us hanging out in the last 2 days! Enjoy!!

Time is running out!

2012-05-31T14:49:00.001-04:00

Had a rough morning yesterday! Hubby tried to feed me vitamins on an empty stomach and it all came up! Luckily I was able to turn my day around and find the energy to work out run errands, take care of house projects, schedule more meetings etc.

Today has been pretty much the same. Gym, target, home depot and just wrapped up mulching our 9 palm trees....all the neighbors driving by looking at me like I was crazy lugging around these massive bags of mulch! LOL I hope all this movement helps me get this baby here on time.

Here's my to do list, from what I can remember:

Pay the hospital
pack hospital bag
install car seat
pay bills
hire contractor
Clean, cook, organize...blah

Here's how i've been able to stay calm the last few months...shopping. Finally got my Naked 2 from sephora along with some other things! Check it out :)

I want this baby out!!!

2012-05-29T20:33:00.001-04:00

So patience is growing thin and exhaustion is at its peak! I wish I could say I can kick up my feet and relax, but there is sooooo much to do!!! How can anyone do this with multiple kids?! I seriously need a nanny, maid and a personal assistant..LOL Any takers?!

Taking care of a puppy, a 3 year old, setting up the office, taking care of the house, bills, cooking, finding time to work out, etc. I can't keep up lately!!!....typing this was overwhelming...LOL
Usually I have no problem with decision making, taking care of things and running errands but I physically can't do it anymore!

Anyways, we've given some thought about upgrading my car back to a big one because I feel a sedan is not cutting it anymore for our growing family. I personally feel like there is not enough space for just me but then again I'm carrying around like 40 extra pounds! We have to decide fast because time is running out! We still have some major decisions to make as far as the practice goes so those need to be made this week and I have no brain power to do that! HELP!?

Also, just a mental note we still need to start paying the hospital bill otherwise we can get outrageous fees if we don't pay the flat rate prior to delivery...ugh!

I am soooo scared of labor though...i can't wait for it to be over and start healing and my brain to start forgetting! Also, looking forward to starting my weight loss journey :D I will be documenting it all on my youtube channel, if you haven't subscribed yet, please take a moment to show me some love! If you want to lose weight with me I think this would be a great motivator for anyone!

Here's my pregnancy update for week 38 and the link to my channel! Enjoy!

Perfect weekend!

2012-05-27T21:35:00.001-04:00

What a fabulous long weekend! We've been totally living it up since baby can literally drop any day now! I can honestly say I'm having the best weekend before baby!

To sum up:

Spent half a day shopping with my best friend for clothes and make up! Yes I know its weird I shopped for clothes because I'm not going to stay this size for very much longer but it was still fun! Then went to dinner with some of Pavel's co-workers to one of my favorite Restaurants YOLO. I love meeting new people but lately I haven't been in the mood to do so because I'm so worked up over office, baby and tons of things to get done before baby. I sucked it up and went, why not its good food and who knows how life will be after newborn.

Also, I was surprised to find out an old friend and his wife moved literally like 5 min from us! I made sure we all met up and since I had a babysitter we all went to my other favorite restaurant Mimosa! Can I just tell you how much food I ate this weekend! I think I gained like 5 lbs just from 2 days...LOL

Something I haven't done in a while was be spontaneous, after dinner we all decided to go to movies to see "What to expect when you're expecting" It was so wonderful to wing the plans and go with the flow. It's been a while since we lived like this. I knew I had to see this film before I popped. So glad I did but it kind of scared me a bit as it was a reminder of what I had to go through to get this baby out. Overall the movie was great!

Sunday morning came, this means church but we decided to sleep in. For those of you who don't have kids sleeping in means, you wake up at 9am..LOL My sister made sure we got that extra 2 hours of sleep and then we hustled to the beach! What an amazing day and perfect weather!

Most people have a day off tomorrow but my hubby has to work. I'm slightly upset over it but I also have tons of errands and decisions to make on his behalf so I guess it's all good.

Here's my latest video! Let me you know what you think of this red lipstick I found! Enjoy! XOXO

37 Weeks pregnant! Tons to do!

2012-05-23T21:14:00.001-04:00

Starting of the week busy as ever! With only 3 weeks to go until the arrival of our son, now more than ever does the to do list seem larger than life!

Today we're getting a new fence built in and I'm super excited but at the same time that creates more work for us! After the fence we need to do some landscaping to bring the backyard back to its beautiful state!

Got the practice to think about also as we shop around for a contractor. I'm pretty good at reading people but at the same time I'm not myself lately so hopefully we pick a good one who won't rip us off!

Westill have to decide whether Mila will be startin a new school in the fall, we toured a few and still have to decide.

Mila's skating is wrapping up and I'm still debating whether to sign her up for more or just take a mini break since it will be hard for me to haul both kids to the rink at the same time.

Dog training is wrapping up but I still feel like we need a lot more with the dog so I'm not sure where to go from here with the pup.

I still have to organize my office and get it up to par for baby's arrival. I feel super spaced out and hoping to do it little by little especially since I don't have much time left. Poor kid, I definitely feel like this time around I'm not as concerned with much since I've been through it before.

I have to pack my hospital bag, ehh not looking forward to that. It's not as exciting as packing for a vacation...

Pavel and I need to decide how he's going to take time off to lend me a hand at least for the first week after delivery. Taking a pay cut will definitely hurt but hey it will be worth it.

Oh I almost forgot, we have to start paying the hospital...gosh it seems the bills are never ending!

Here's my latest video on my pregnancy! Enjoy and don't forget to subscribe! Once baby is born I will be documenting my journey as I lose the baby LBS!

In-laws ups downs, & good times!

2012-05-19T11:38:00.001-04:00

As you may know, we had our in-laws visiting us from upstate New York! People don't always get along and since I'm pregnant I knew this trip would speed up my labor. Haven't given birth yet but definitely noticed a lot more contractions this week.

The last night with my in-laws was pretty interesting, Pavel and I wanted to do something special for them since it was in fact their vacation. We decided to take them to Tatiana's Restaurant and Cabaret Show. This place is quite pricey but we thought it was definitely worth experiencing. There was some hesitation from them, which makes me wonder why is it that when new experiences are being offered to the older generation they are scared and super negative? Is that with every culture? Why such retaliation when the kids are treating you? Did they forget how to have fun? Are they stuck in a box and can't see beyond it? I mean you're on vacation shouldn't you at least experience something new? With tons of Drama building up to the dinner and show we finally made it and surprisingly everyone had a good time. Although Pavel and I tried to get the in-laws on the dance floor at least one dance we failed. Funny thing is Pavel and I enjoyed a few songs even though there was a baby between us, we felt proud to loosen up and still be young and adventurous. And trust me it being this size and still trying to dance with a huge smile on my face made me even more confident. The night ended very well, everyone was happy with the food, show, music and entertainment!

As I look back at this week there were ups and downs but somehow we got through it with out too many arguments. We all tried to be on our best behavior. Now they've taken off, I thought I'd have a moment to breathe but this morning Mila had her lessons and then I had to navigate the tree service people to rip out our gorgeous bushes and shrubs to make way for the fence. In a couple of hours I will be taking Simba to his classes. It's a never ending cycle. Which makes me worry, how in the world will I manage it all once Lex is born?! Trying not to think of the unknown and staying focused on what needs to be done at the moment. :)

Who's there for you when you feel like falling down?

2012-05-16T13:02:00.002-04:00

As I near and embrace the arrival of my son, my emotions are all over the place. It feels so wonderful knowing who will be there with me through thick and thin and who has barely checked in! I do have to say that there are certain people who are truly there for you when you're having a wonderful day and there for you when you're falling apart. And with this loving nature they will guide you back to those happy days! I consider myself to be one of those people(when I'm not pregnant), who will always be there for those close to me but lately I can barely be there for myself. That compassion is truly needed and is appreciated. I was heavily relying on certain people to help me cope. Either with watching Mila, to cleaning to having someone to talk. The reality is during those difficult times you see who abandons you and who hangs on.

It's so funny because when I was pregnant with Mila I didn't want anyone's help. I was the tough guy who wanted to do it all! How come I've become more dependant on people this time to help me out? Is it because I have a kid already? Is it because we're building an office? Is it because life is handing us a lot more responsibility? Regardless of which I definitely feel and know in my heart I can't manage everything on my own.

I do have a cranky side and I do have a loving side and lately its been more irritable than loving because of all the lovely symptoms of pregnancy(braxton hicks, memory loss, heart burn, exhaustion, weight gain etc). Sometimes I Just want to run away from myself, run away from how I feel. But that's not the reality! Reality is everything difficult in life brings something better! I want to thank everyone who has given me support and reached out to me and who's helped me along the way. Truly looking forward to holding my little baby and slowly crawling back to feeling normal again! I know for a fact that I can count on myself and that God is always there for me!

My Melt down on Mother's day...:(

2012-05-14T17:42:00.001-04:00

Melt down took place this weekend! Gosh can I just tell you how much I dislike all this hormone fluctuation! I WANT TO feel NORMAL again!!!

There are certain people that push my buttons and they were all under the same roof on Sunday!! Usually I get annoyed but this time I got angry and became a crying baby at the same time, on the day we're supposed to celebrate mothers!

I hate showing my emotions and I had no control over my tears when things were not going my way! I had an emotional breakdown! Started crying hysterically when my mom and mom-inlaw would not let me make my famous mashed potatoes. Yes, I consider my potatoes the best and they just didn't like my process. I huffed and puffed and threw threats at them saying "I'm going to make my own batch better than yours!" So silly now that I write it but this little incident got me to the break down where I just started crying and this overwhelming feeling of neglect settled in. THIS IS SOOO NOT ME!!! I don't cry when someone doesn't my way, I may get irritated but CRYING??? C'mon!!!

I was crying so hard and I don't think it was over potatoes but the fact that I just didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I was HUGE, I was HORMONAL, I had a hard time WALKING!!! I just wanted to feel normal and I wanted to feel LOVED!

Mom and Mom- inlaw saw me crying in the backyard and started hugging me which kind of felt weird because I'm not used to getting hugs from them and I hate showing my weakness to them. The worst part was my breakdown started a series of Braxton Hicks which didn't end until the middle of the night! Don't worry I was getting about 2-3 an hour. I definitely felt better today but I am soo tired from lack of sleep!

I am definitely better now. I just feel silly and kind of disappointed in me for crying like a baby!! But I guess crying never hurt anyone right? This pregnancy is making me into a pile of mush!!My