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The Big Bang Theory - 5x05 - The Russian Rocket Reaction

2012-01-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

1
00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,348
It's from
Game of Thrones.

2
00:00:08,662 --> 00:00:09,894
What do you think?

3
00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:11,797
I don't know.

4
00:00:11,799 --> 00:00:14,533
If we're going to start
a fantasy sword collection--

5
00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:17,536
and I've long thought
we should--

6
00:00:17,538 --> 00:00:19,737
is this really
the sword to start with?

7
00:00:19,739 --> 00:00:21,456
What did you
have in mind?

8
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:25,794
Well, off the top of my head,
I'd have to go with Excalibur.

9
00:00:25,796 --> 00:00:28,580
It gives you the right
to rule England.

10
00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:31,383
It would be a replica
of a movie prop.

11
00:00:31,385 --> 00:00:33,552
Fair enough.

12
00:00:33,554 --> 00:00:36,972
It'd give you the right to rule
a replica of England.

13
00:00:36,974 --> 00:00:39,274
Well, they don't have
an Excalibur here,

14
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:40,976
so what do you want to do?

15
00:00:40,978 --> 00:00:43,662
Mm. Tough decision.

16
00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:46,281
There's no weaponry from
Lord of the Rings

17
00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:49,767
forged in a Chinese sweatshop?

18
00:00:49,769 --> 00:00:52,871
Just Bilbo Baggins' sword
over there.

19
00:00:52,873 --> 00:00:57,459
Two grown men with a hobbit's
dagger; wouldn't we look silly?

20
00:00:59,328 --> 00:01:00,612
Okay, let's go for it.

21
00:01:00,614 --> 00:01:02,631
Oh, I see
you guys have

22
00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:03,732
found my little treasure.

23
00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:05,500
Yeah.

24
00:01:05,502 --> 00:01:06,835
It's okay, I guess.

25
00:01:06,837 --> 00:01:08,453
Okay? It's magnificent.

26
00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:10,222
Buh-buh-buh-buh!

27
00:01:12,058 --> 00:01:13,625
What do you want for it?

28
00:01:13,627 --> 00:01:15,894
Oh, it's hard to put
a price on something

29
00:01:15,896 --> 00:01:18,547
that's a copy of something
that was on pay cable.

30
00:01:19,515 --> 00:01:21,933
But for my friends,
let's say 250?

31
00:01:21,935 --> 00:01:24,186
Oh, that's pretty steep.

32
00:01:24,188 --> 00:01:25,253
Well, it's a limited edition.

33
00:01:25,255 --> 00:01:28,490
They only made 8,000
of these bad boys.

34
00:01:28,492 --> 00:01:29,941
Only 8,000?

35
00:01:29,943 --> 00:01:32,077
We're wasting precious time.
Buy it.

36
00:01:32,079 --> 00:01:33,912
Hang on.

37
00:01:33,914 --> 00:01:35,980
Can you do any better?

38
00:01:35,982 --> 00:01:37,282
Are you kidding?

39
00:01:37,284 --> 00:01:39,034
I'm already giving you
the friends and family discount.

40
00:01:39,036 --> 00:01:40,168
Oh, did you hear that?

41
00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:41,670
We're getting the friends
and family discount.

42
00:01:41,672 --> 00:01:44,105
We are honored
and we will take it.

43
00:01:44,107 --> 00:01:45,323
Slow down.

44
00:01:45,325 --> 00:01:46,625
Two hundred.

45
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:47,626
What are you doing?

46
00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:49,377
250 is already the
discounted price.

47
00:01:49,379 --> 00:01:51,296
Will you shut up?

48
00:01:51,298 --> 00:01:52,464
Tell you what, I'll go 235.

49
00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:53,882
Nope. Maybe another time.

50
00:01:53,884 --> 00:01:55,784
Okay, 225-- my final offer.

51
00:01:55,786 --> 00:01:58,470
Take it, take it.

52
00:01:58,472 --> 00:02:00,305
Two hundred.

53
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:02,057
Man, you're killing me!

54
00:02:02,059 --> 00:02:04,442
Killing you?
I can't breathe.

55
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:07,545
210, and I'm losing money.

56
00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:10,398
Oh, now, we can't let him lose
money, Leonard. I'm so sorry.

57
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,568
210 and you throw in
the Iron Man helmet.

58
00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:14,736
Are you crazy?

59
00:02:14,738 --> 00:02:16,371
That helmet's signed
by Robert Downey Jr.

60
00:02:16,373 --> 00:02:17,572
So?

61
00:02:17,574 --> 00:02:19,357
Okay, if you're
going to question

62
00:02:19,359 --> 00:02:21,927
the importance of an actor's
signature on a plastic helmet

63
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:23,828
from a movie
based on a comic book,

64
00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:27,565
then all of our lives
have no meaning!

65
00:02:30,586 --> 00:02:32,137
Okay, fine.

66
00:02:32,139 --> 00:02:33,471
Just the sword, 210.

67
00:02:33,473 --> 00:02:35,040
Thank you.

68
00:02:35,042 --> 00:02:36,508
I can eat meat this week.

69
00:02:38,427 --> 00:02:39,427
See that?

70
00:02:39,429 --> 00:02:40,729
I just saved us 40 bucks.

71
00:02:40,731 --> 00:02:43,064
I've long said, what you
lack in academic knowledge

72
00:02:43,066 --> 00:02:45,767
you make up for
in street smarts.

73
00:02:45,769 --> 00:02:46,884
You want me to wrap it?

74
00:02:46,886 --> 00:02:47,885
No, it's okay.

75
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:49,738
I'm gonna stab my friend
in the chest.

76
00:02:50,856 --> 00:02:52,774
Hey, Stuart.

77
00:02:52,776 --> 00:02:53,842
Ah, hey, Wil.

78
00:02:53,844 --> 00:02:57,162
Hello, Wil Wheaton.

79
00:02:57,164 --> 00:02:59,080
Hi, Sheldon.

80
00:02:59,082 --> 00:03:00,115
Nice sword.

81
00:03:00,117 --> 00:03:02,117
It's part of
my sword collection.

82
00:03:02,119 --> 00:03:04,536
- Do you have a sword collection?
- No.

83
00:03:04,538 --> 00:03:07,455
I'm not surprised.

84
00:03:07,457 --> 00:03:09,924
Here's the
Batman 612

85
00:03:09,926 --> 00:03:12,427
with the Jim Lee alternate
cover that you wanted.

86
00:03:12,429 --> 00:03:14,296
Awesome. What do I owe you?

87
00:03:14,298 --> 00:03:15,096
40 bucks.

88
00:03:15,098 --> 00:03:16,131
Good deal.

89
00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,432
Sucker.

90
00:03:17,434 --> 00:03:19,968
Didn't even ask for the
friends and family discount.

91
00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:21,770
Hey, I'm having a party
at my house on Friday,

92
00:03:21,772 --> 00:03:23,254
and I was hoping
you would stop by.

93
00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:24,522
Will there be
girls there?

94
00:03:24,524 --> 00:03:25,473
Yeah, of course.

95
00:03:25,475 --> 00:03:28,810
'Cause there
wasn't last time.

96
00:03:28,812 --> 00:03:31,780
There will be girls.

97
00:03:31,782 --> 00:03:34,482
You guys are invited
if you want to come by.

98
00:03:34,484 --> 00:03:36,100
Thank you.

99
00:03:36,102 --> 00:03:37,101
All right, great.

100
00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:38,620
Later.

101
00:03:40,489 --> 00:03:42,273
I see what you're doing.

102
00:03:42,275 --> 00:03:43,958
You accept
an invitation

103
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,177
to a party at the home
of my sworn enemy,

104
00:03:46,179 --> 00:03:47,912
he tells everyone we're
going to be there,

105
00:03:47,914 --> 00:03:49,781
and when we don't show,
he looks the fool.

106
00:03:49,783 --> 00:03:51,166
Fiendishly clever.

107
00:03:52,668 --> 00:03:54,336
I was actually
thinking about going.

108
00:03:54,338 --> 00:03:57,555
And then declaring
the party a fiasco

109
00:03:57,557 --> 00:03:59,391
and storming out,
leaving him humiliated

110
00:03:59,393 --> 00:04:00,809
in front of his guests.

111
00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:02,777
Love it.

112
00:04:02,779 --> 00:04:06,715
No, I was gonna grab Raj and
Howard and have a good time.

113
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:09,601
Oh, great, more guys.

114
00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:13,071
It's gonna be another
Wil Wheaton sausage-fest.

115
00:04:14,139 --> 00:04:17,742
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

116
00:04:17,744 --> 00:04:21,079
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

117
00:04:21,081 --> 00:04:22,697
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

118
00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:25,233
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

119
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:27,919
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

120
00:04:27,921 --> 00:04:30,572
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

121
00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,490
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

122
00:04:32,492 --> 00:04:33,642
♪ Bang! ♪

123
00:04:33,643 --> 00:04:36,343
The Big Bang Theory 5x05
The Russian Rocket Reaction
Original Air Date on October 13, 2011

124
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,994
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

125
00:04:39,006 --> 00:04:41,318
Sheldon, can you
grab me a water?

126
00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:42,901
Possibly.

127
00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:44,512
Can you or can't you?

128
00:04:44,513 --> 00:04:46,146
It's not that simple, Leonard.

129
00:04:46,148 --> 00:04:48,732
It never is, is it?

130
00:04:48,734 --> 00:04:49,900
SHELDON:
At this moment,

131
00:04:49,902 --> 00:04:52,019
our relationship exists

132
00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:54,188
in two mutually
contradictory states.

133
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:58,609
Until you either do not go
or go to Wil Wheaton's party,

134
00:04:58,611 --> 00:05:02,029
you are simultaneously my friend
and not my friend.

135
00:05:03,498 --> 00:05:05,115
I'm characterizing
this phenomenon

136
00:05:05,117 --> 00:05:08,252
as Schrodinger's Friendship.

137
00:05:08,254 --> 00:05:11,088
Got it. Can I have my water?

138
00:05:11,090 --> 00:05:12,373
Of course.

139
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:14,658
Now get it yourself,
you traitor.

140
00:05:16,494 --> 00:05:19,713
Wait, what is going on?

141
00:05:19,715 --> 00:05:21,098
In case you have forgotten,

142
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,666
Schrodinger's cat is
a thought experiment...

143
00:05:22,668 --> 00:05:24,167
No, no, I didn't forget.

144
00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:27,104
Um, there's this cat in a box
and until you open it,

145
00:05:27,106 --> 00:05:28,939
it's either
dead or alive or both.

146
00:05:29,858 --> 00:05:31,525
Although, back in Nebraska,
our cat got stuck

147
00:05:31,527 --> 00:05:34,194
in my brother's camp trunk,
and we did not need to open it

148
00:05:34,196 --> 00:05:36,814
to know there was all kinds
of dead cat in there.

149
00:05:37,983 --> 00:05:39,850
Homespun stories,
knowledge of physics

150
00:05:39,852 --> 00:05:41,201
and a bosom that defies it.

151
00:05:41,203 --> 00:05:43,153
You're the whole package,
aren't you?

152
00:05:45,123 --> 00:05:46,991
Sorry I'm late.

153
00:05:46,993 --> 00:05:48,792
Uh, I got great news.

154
00:05:48,794 --> 00:05:50,911
NASA picked my team's design

155
00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:53,530
for the deep field
space telescope that's going on

156
00:05:53,532 --> 00:05:55,249
the International Space Station
this spring.

157
00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:57,084
(all murmur excitedly)

158
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,686
Howie, that's wonderful!

159
00:05:58,688 --> 00:05:59,687
Congratulations!

160
00:05:59,689 --> 00:06:00,888
It gets better.

161
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:03,057
Someone has to go up
with the telescope

162
00:06:03,059 --> 00:06:07,811
as a payload specialist,
and guess who that someone is.

163
00:06:07,813 --> 00:06:10,414
Muhammad Li.

164
00:06:11,215 --> 00:06:13,550
Who's Muhammad Li?

165
00:06:13,552 --> 00:06:16,353
Muhammad is the most common
first name in the world,

166
00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:17,988
Li, the most common surname.

167
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:19,490
As I didn't know the answer,

168
00:06:19,492 --> 00:06:21,825
I thought that gave me
a mathematical edge.

169
00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:24,061
It's me, Sheldon.

170
00:06:24,063 --> 00:06:24,962
It's me.

171
00:06:24,964 --> 00:06:26,396
I'm going up in space!

172
00:06:26,398 --> 00:06:28,565
Technically, I'm an astronaut.

173
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:30,451
(all murmur excitedly)
That's amazing!

174
00:06:30,453 --> 00:06:32,069
(chuckles)
Hang on a second.

175
00:06:32,071 --> 00:06:33,954
NASA doesn't have
a shuttle anymore.

176
00:06:33,956 --> 00:06:35,906
How are you going
to get up there?

177
00:06:35,908 --> 00:06:37,041
Oh, well, it's really cool.

178
00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:39,093
You fly to Moscow,
they take you out to Kazakhstan,

179
00:06:39,095 --> 00:06:41,929
and then you get into a Russian
Soyuz rocket which shoots you

180
00:06:41,931 --> 00:06:43,263
into a low earth orbit.

181
00:06:43,265 --> 00:06:45,883
Or just sits there on the launch
pad because the Kazakhi mafia

182
00:06:45,885 --> 00:06:47,968
sold the rocket fuel
on the black market.

183
00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:52,222
Are those Russian rockets safe?

184
00:06:52,224 --> 00:06:54,641
Well, I mean, safe as it
can be when it was built

185
00:06:54,643 --> 00:06:56,810
by the good folks who
brought you Chernobyl.

186
00:06:58,697 --> 00:07:01,098
I'd like to propose a toast.

187
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,767
The dream to go up into space
is one we all share,

188
00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:06,036
and Howard's making that
a reality.

189
00:07:06,038 --> 00:07:07,488
We're all very proud of you.

190
00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:08,956
ALL:
Cheers.

191
00:07:10,441 --> 00:07:11,658
That was a lovely toast.

192
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:12,960
Kudos.
Thank you.

193
00:07:12,962 --> 00:07:14,912
Simultaneously, a festival
of cloying clichés.

194
00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:16,964
You sicken me.

195
00:07:24,672 --> 00:07:26,140
You're really quiet.

196
00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:27,791
Is everything okay?

197
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:29,843
Fine.

198
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,565
Just a little tired.

199
00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:36,800
I hope not too tired,
because I'm feeling

200
00:07:36,802 --> 00:07:39,136
particularly masculine
right now.

201
00:07:40,355 --> 00:07:43,306
All systems go,
if you catch my drift.

202
00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:46,910
I always catch your drift.

203
00:07:46,912 --> 00:07:49,747
All right, well, something's
obviously bugging you.

204
00:07:49,749 --> 00:07:50,948
What is it?

205
00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:53,000
I just can't believe
you signed up

206
00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:55,252
for the space program
without even talking to me.

207
00:07:55,254 --> 00:07:58,288
Oh, I get it.

208
00:07:58,290 --> 00:08:00,591
You're worried about me.

209
00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:02,376
That is so sweet.

210
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:07,931
You know, there's a saying
we have at NASA.

211
00:08:10,101 --> 00:08:13,170
What makes
the right stuff so right

212
00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:16,223
is that it always comes home.

213
00:08:17,725 --> 00:08:20,027
Just stop talking, Howard.

214
00:08:21,863 --> 00:08:23,447
This isn't the reaction
I expected

215
00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:25,849
when I told you
I was gonna be an astronaut.

216
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:28,235
What did you think
was going to happen?

217
00:08:28,237 --> 00:08:30,404
Honestly? Sex.

218
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,857
Howard.

219
00:08:33,859 --> 00:08:35,876
Do you realize
what a big deal this is?

220
00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:39,630
What an honor it is to be
chosen to go into space?

221
00:08:39,632 --> 00:08:41,031
Yeah, I get it.

222
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,333
I just wish you included me
in the decision.

223
00:08:43,335 --> 00:08:45,368
We're supposed
to be partners.

224
00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:47,304
We're supposed
to be a team.

225
00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:51,091
I'm sorry. You're right.

226
00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:54,645
Okay, let's try this again.

227
00:08:54,647 --> 00:08:58,315
Bernadette, an opportunity
has come up

228
00:08:58,317 --> 00:09:03,270
that impacts both of us,
and I'd like to discuss it.

229
00:09:04,772 --> 00:09:06,556
Okay.

230
00:09:06,558 --> 00:09:09,059
I've been offered
a chance to go up

231
00:09:09,061 --> 00:09:13,063
to the International
Space Station for three weeks.

232
00:09:13,065 --> 00:09:14,915
What are your thoughts on that?

233
00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:18,001
Well, first of all, thank you

234
00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,871
for including me
in the decision-making process.

235
00:09:20,873 --> 00:09:23,257
Hey, we're a team.

236
00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:24,258
(chuckles)

237
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:25,792
So, what do you think?

238
00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:27,594
No.

239
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:29,680
No?

240
00:09:29,682 --> 00:09:31,465
No.

241
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:34,685
Why not?

242
00:09:36,437 --> 00:09:39,606
Howard, my father
was a police officer.

243
00:09:39,608 --> 00:09:41,758
We never knew
from one night to the next

244
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,694
if he was going
to come home alive.

245
00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:45,112
It was horrible.

246
00:09:45,114 --> 00:09:48,198
And I don't want to live
that way with you.

247
00:09:50,818 --> 00:09:57,124
Hey, my father abandoned me
and my mother when I was 11.

248
00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,376
We never saw him again.

249
00:09:59,378 --> 00:10:01,778
Oh, boo-hoo,
you're not going to space!

250
00:10:06,617 --> 00:10:09,586
Pretty cool about
Howard, huh?

251
00:10:09,588 --> 00:10:11,722
Don't talk to me as if
nothing's happened between us.

252
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:13,140
And yes, it sure is, buddy.

253
00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:18,679
For God's sake, will you stop
with the Schroer stuff.

254
00:10:18,681 --> 00:10:20,898
Would you prefer
a simpler application

255
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,349
of Heisenberg's
uncertainty principle,

256
00:10:22,351 --> 00:10:23,400
in which I could either

257
00:10:23,402 --> 00:10:25,652
know where you are
or whether I like you,

258
00:10:25,654 --> 00:10:27,304
but not both?

259
00:10:27,306 --> 00:10:30,507
You never stop
talking, do you?

260
00:10:31,976 --> 00:10:33,660
I don't understand.

261
00:10:33,662 --> 00:10:34,778
What differences
does it make

262
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,313
if Leonard goes to
Wil Wheaton's party?

263
00:10:36,315 --> 00:10:38,699
Wil Wheaton is
Sheldon's mortal enemy.

264
00:10:38,701 --> 00:10:39,866
Mortal enemy?

265
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:41,668
Mm-hmm.
Sheldon, I know you're a bit

266
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,203
of a left-handed
monkey wrench, but...

267
00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:46,990
you really have a mortal enemy?

268
00:10:46,992 --> 00:10:49,343
In fact, I have 61 of them.

269
00:10:50,178 --> 00:10:52,129
Would you like to see the list?

270
00:10:52,131 --> 00:10:54,097
Oh, say no, say no,
say no, say no.

271
00:10:54,099 --> 00:10:55,866
You just got off the list.

272
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:57,768
Would you like back on it?

273
00:10:58,603 --> 00:11:01,004
This'll just take a moment.

274
00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:04,274
It's on a five and a
quarter inch floppy.

275
00:11:10,315 --> 00:11:11,531
A floppy disk?

276
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:15,118
Well, I started the
list when I was nine.

277
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,354
How did Wil Wheaton
get on the list?

278
00:11:17,356 --> 00:11:18,872
- Oh! Oh, God!
- Oh! Come on!

279
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:22,209
As a child,
I loved Wesley Crusher,

280
00:11:22,211 --> 00:11:24,294
Wil Wheaton's character
on Star Trek.

281
00:11:24,296 --> 00:11:28,031
So, I drove for hours
by bus to a Star Trek convention

282
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,133
at which Wil Wheaton
was scheduled to appear,

283
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:33,036
so that I could get my Wesley
Crusher action figure signed.

284
00:11:33,038 --> 00:11:34,972
But he never
showed, because

285
00:11:34,974 --> 00:11:37,090
apparently,
it was cooler for him

286
00:11:37,092 --> 00:11:40,193
to be the lower-left corner
on Hollywood Squares.

287
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,563
Oh, damn!

288
00:11:43,565 --> 00:11:45,082
The floppy failed.

289
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:46,183
Well,

290
00:11:46,185 --> 00:11:48,218
whoever was in charge
of quality control

291
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:50,604
at the Verbatim Corporation
in 1989,

292
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:53,824
congratulations,
you just made the list.

293
00:11:57,245 --> 00:11:59,262
Howard?

294
00:11:59,264 --> 00:12:01,448
Change your
mind about sex?

295
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:05,235
I'm still mad,
but I'll do it.

296
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:07,738
No, I've just
been thinking.

297
00:12:09,007 --> 00:12:11,408
It doesn't matter
if I'm afraid for your safety.

298
00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:13,243
I don't want
to be the person

299
00:12:13,245 --> 00:12:15,262
who stands between you
and your dreams.

300
00:12:15,264 --> 00:12:16,713
Really?

301
00:12:16,715 --> 00:12:18,131
Really.

302
00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:20,267
If going into space means
that much to you,

303
00:12:20,269 --> 00:12:22,135
I will never say
another word about it.

304
00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:23,720
Thank you.

305
00:12:23,722 --> 00:12:25,272
I love you.

306
00:12:25,274 --> 00:12:27,257
I love you, too.

307
00:12:30,528 --> 00:12:32,479
So, sex now?

308
00:12:32,481 --> 00:12:34,114
Okay.

309
00:12:34,116 --> 00:12:35,982
I just forgot
to brush my teeth.

310
00:12:35,984 --> 00:12:38,151
I'll be right back.

311
00:12:40,321 --> 00:12:42,539
(rhythm and blues playing)

312
00:12:44,442 --> 00:12:47,610
♪ Oh, baby ♪

313
00:12:53,885 --> 00:12:56,420
♪ I'm ♪

314
00:12:56,422 --> 00:12:58,889
♪ I'm not in love with you... ♪

315
00:12:58,891 --> 00:13:03,143
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Over my dead body
my son goes into outer space!

316
00:13:06,514 --> 00:13:09,015
I'm ready.

317
00:13:12,466 --> 00:13:13,785
Wait, let me see
if I got this right.

318
00:13:13,786 --> 00:13:14,986
You actually asked Bernadette

319
00:13:14,988 --> 00:13:16,671
to leave your house
in the middle of the night?

320
00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:18,072
What choice did I have?

321
00:13:18,074 --> 00:13:19,456
She went behind my back

322
00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:21,476
and turned my own mother
against me.

323
00:13:21,478 --> 00:13:24,145
Wow. You're not only
our first astronaut.

324
00:13:24,147 --> 00:13:27,398
You're also the first one
of us to kick a girl out of bed.

325
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:31,819
You're like a rock star.

326
00:13:31,821 --> 00:13:34,138
Little bit.

327
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:37,241
I hate to say it,
but she did kind of betray you.

328
00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:38,910
Interesting.

329
00:13:38,912 --> 00:13:42,947
You see betrayal in others,
but not yourself.

330
00:13:42,949 --> 00:13:47,285
Going to Wheaton's party
is not betraying you.

331
00:13:47,287 --> 00:13:49,620
Oh, of course you would have
to believe that.

332
00:13:49,622 --> 00:13:51,706
Evil always thinks
it's doing right.

333
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,158
"Excuse me, Stormtrooper.

334
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,460
These are the droids
you're looking for."

335
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,931
I'm going to a party.

336
00:13:59,933 --> 00:14:04,569
I'm not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO
over to the empire!

337
00:14:06,188 --> 00:14:08,356
Not yet.

338
00:14:09,575 --> 00:14:10,708
So, what's gonna happen next?

339
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,676
Are you and Bernadette going
to break up?

340
00:14:12,678 --> 00:14:13,778
I don't know.

341
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,479
If we're going
to get back together,

342
00:14:15,481 --> 00:14:17,398
she's going to have
to apologize and accept

343
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,785
that I'm a grown man
who can make his own decisions.

344
00:14:20,787 --> 00:14:22,370
Then she's going to have
to convince your mother

345
00:14:22,372 --> 00:14:23,538
to let you go into space.

346
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:25,189
Obviously.

347
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:29,577
I had no choice.

348
00:14:29,579 --> 00:14:31,412
I had to tell
his mother.

349
00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:33,664
He can't go to space.

350
00:14:33,666 --> 00:14:38,052
He's like a baby bird.

351
00:14:38,054 --> 00:14:40,755
Do you know
he once got an asthma attack

352
00:14:40,757 --> 00:14:44,058
from reading an old library
book?

353
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,810
You're kidding.

354
00:14:45,812 --> 00:14:47,812
No, I was there that day.

355
00:14:47,814 --> 00:14:50,982
Sheldon threw his back out
handing him that book.

356
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,485
I don't know
what I'm going to do.

357
00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:56,437
I don't want
to break up over this.

358
00:14:56,439 --> 00:14:58,606
Okay, why don't you just
tell him you made a mistake?

359
00:14:58,608 --> 00:15:01,325
Do you guys think
it was a mistake?

360
00:15:01,327 --> 00:15:03,361
Am I the bad guy in this?

361
00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:05,529
It's not for
us to judge.

362
00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:07,865
We're just here to provide
comfort and support

363
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:09,033
while you come to grips

364
00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:11,085
with what a despicable thing
you've done.

365
00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:15,089
Oh, God, you're right.

366
00:15:15,091 --> 00:15:20,127
I took our love and threw it
under his bus-sized mother.

367
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:24,265
I need to apologize.

368
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:26,434
Well, that-that's good.
I'm glad you came to that.

369
00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:29,687
But before you do, let me just
ask you a big picture question.

370
00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:30,471
What?

371
00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:32,640
Are you

372
00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:37,228
100% positive you love and want
to marry Howard Wolowitz?

373
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,697
I do, with all my heart.

374
00:15:39,699 --> 00:15:40,931
(clicks tongue)
Got it.

375
00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:43,367
Just had to check.

376
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,371
He's great.

377
00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:52,543
All right, Sheldon.

378
00:15:52,545 --> 00:15:53,794
We're going to Wil's.

379
00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:55,413
This is your
last chance.

380
00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:58,449
No, Leonard,
this is your last chance.

381
00:15:58,451 --> 00:15:59,884
One day,

382
00:15:59,886 --> 00:16:02,420
a historian is going
to come to you and say,

383
00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:05,389
"Is it true you were friends
with Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"

384
00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:08,259
And you're going to have
to choke back a hot sob

385
00:16:08,261 --> 00:16:09,560
of regret and humiliation

386
00:16:09,562 --> 00:16:11,812
as you mumble,
"I was, but

387
00:16:11,814 --> 00:16:14,682
"I chose to go to a party thrown
by the one kid

388
00:16:14,684 --> 00:16:17,018
from Stand By Me
that no one remembers."

389
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,689
You want to drive?

390
00:16:21,691 --> 00:16:23,891
Sure.

391
00:16:23,893 --> 00:16:26,110
(door closes)

392
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,496
Hey, Sheldon?

393
00:16:28,498 --> 00:16:31,165
Oh, good. You picked me,
you picked me.

394
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,751
No, I just got a
text from Stuart.

395
00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:35,619
Brent Spiner is
at the party.

396
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,954
Brent Spiner?

397
00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:38,756
Yes.

398
00:16:38,758 --> 00:16:41,125
I don't care.

399
00:16:41,127 --> 00:16:43,077
Really?

400
00:16:43,079 --> 00:16:44,295
Brent Spiner,

401
00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:46,297
Mr. Data himself.
You love him.

402
00:16:46,299 --> 00:16:50,167
I did, but I think I've kind of
outgrown Star Trek.

403
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,672
You know, stock characters,

404
00:16:55,674 --> 00:16:57,942
ludicrous plots, "beam me up."

405
00:16:57,944 --> 00:16:59,977
What a load of hooey.

406
00:16:59,979 --> 00:17:01,395
I'm going.

407
00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:03,364
Live long and
prosper, Sheldon.

408
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,199
Yeah, even that.
You look like a dork.

409
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:12,073
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, Bernadette's here!

410
00:17:12,075 --> 00:17:14,075
Tell her I'm not home!

411
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:16,077
What kind of a schmuck play
is that?!

412
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,495
She can hear you shouting!

413
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,032
Can we talk?

414
00:17:22,034 --> 00:17:24,668
You can. I have nothing to say.

415
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,921
All right.

416
00:17:26,923 --> 00:17:29,006
I just wanted to tell you

417
00:17:29,008 --> 00:17:31,142
I'm sorry I said something
to your mother.

418
00:17:31,144 --> 00:17:33,594
I was gonna tell her eventually,

419
00:17:33,596 --> 00:17:35,763
but you went behind my back.

420
00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:37,598
I know. I'm sorry.

421
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,100
I got scared.

422
00:17:39,102 --> 00:17:40,484
If you're gonna love me,

423
00:17:40,486 --> 00:17:42,737
you're gonna have to
love the whole package:

424
00:17:42,739 --> 00:17:46,524
the tenderhearted poet
and the crazy daredevil.

425
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,744
I know.

426
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:52,196
Well, don't say it if
you're not gonna mean it,

427
00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:54,665
'cause I'm not just gonna
stop with the space station.

428
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:58,085
Yeah, I want to go to the
Moon, I want to go to Mars.

429
00:17:58,087 --> 00:18:01,872
I want to take a one-man sub to
the lowest depths of the ocean.

430
00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:03,124
Really?

431
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:05,676
You got seasick
on Pirates of the Caribbean.

432
00:18:06,845 --> 00:18:11,132
Well, those big kids
were rocking it.

433
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:15,803
I just did what I did
because I love you so much,

434
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:19,089
and the thought of losing you
is more than I can handle.

435
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:20,591
Really?

436
00:18:20,593 --> 00:18:22,476
You're my soul mate.

437
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,697
This is where you kiss me.

438
00:18:26,699 --> 00:18:28,899
Right, right. (laughs)

439
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,437
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Make up all you want!

440
00:18:33,439 --> 00:18:36,824
Your tuchis is not
leaving this planet!

441
00:18:43,184 --> 00:18:45,521
Hey, you know
that beautiful actress who plays

442
00:18:45,522 --> 00:18:47,439
the Borg Queen in First Contact?

443
00:18:47,441 --> 00:18:51,026
- Yeah.
- Well, I just met her gynecologist!

444
00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:55,497
What are you doing here?

445
00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,449
Fighting for our friendship.

446
00:18:57,451 --> 00:18:59,584
As peculiar and annoying
as you can be,

447
00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:01,286
you're still my little buddy.

448
00:19:01,288 --> 00:19:03,872
I'm not going
to let that end here tonight.

449
00:19:03,874 --> 00:19:08,293
Now put down that drink, let's
meet Brent Spiner and go home.

450
00:19:08,295 --> 00:19:10,061
Hey, Sheldon,
I'm so glad you made it.

451
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:11,846
I found something
I think you might like.

452
00:19:11,848 --> 00:19:15,416
What I'd like is for him
to have a more depressing home.

453
00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:18,019
This is quite lovely.

454
00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:19,804
This is for you.

455
00:19:19,806 --> 00:19:23,692
An original mint-in-package
Wesley Crusher action figure.

456
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,527
I remembered your story
about the time you went

457
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:27,145
to a convention
when you were a kid

458
00:19:27,147 --> 00:19:28,730
to get one signed,
and I didn't show up.

459
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,264
Look at what I wrote.

460
00:19:30,266 --> 00:19:34,869
"To Sheldon, sorry
this took so long.

461
00:19:34,871 --> 00:19:36,237
Your friend, Wil Wheaton""

462
00:19:36,239 --> 00:19:38,657
It's my last one.

463
00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:40,325
I want you to have it.

464
00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:45,997
Look, everyone.
Wil Wheaton is my friend!

465
00:19:48,050 --> 00:19:50,218
Oh, wow.

466
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:52,754
I haven't seen one
of these in years.

467
00:19:54,507 --> 00:19:56,675
Remember how we used
to make these things look

468
00:19:56,677 --> 00:19:58,677
like they were masturbating?

469
00:19:58,679 --> 00:20:01,229
Brent Spiner, what
have you done?!

470
00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:03,348
That was an original
mint-in-package

471
00:20:03,350 --> 00:20:04,683
Wesley Crusher
action figure

472
00:20:04,685 --> 00:20:06,901
signed by my close personal
friend, Wil Wheaton.

473
00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:08,186
Sorry, Slim.

474
00:20:08,188 --> 00:20:10,522
I've got some Mr. Data dolls
in the trunk of my car.

475
00:20:10,524 --> 00:20:12,140
You want me
to sign one for you?

476
00:20:12,142 --> 00:20:14,492
You've already signed
something, Brent Spiner.

477
00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:16,695
Your name on my list.

478
00:20:19,448 --> 00:20:21,533
From this moment on,
you are my mortal enemy.

479
00:20:21,535 --> 00:20:25,286
Don't worry. It doesn't take
up a whole lot of your time.

480
00:20:25,288 --> 00:20:27,338
Come on, buddy.

481
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:29,624
Let's not waste another
second on this loser.

482
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:33,344
Love your house.

483
00:20:33,346 --> 00:20:35,213
Can we get autographed dolls?

484
00:20:35,215 --> 00:20:36,548
Sure.

485
00:20:37,283 --> 00:20:39,384
20 bucks.

486
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,438
Ten.

487
00:20:44,907 --> 00:20:47,058
$18.

488
00:20:47,060 --> 00:20:47,942
$12.

489
00:20:47,944 --> 00:20:48,727
$16.

490
00:20:48,729 --> 00:20:50,145
Two for $30.

491
00:20:50,147 --> 00:20:52,346
And you come
to my birthday party.

492
00:20:53,616 --> 00:20:55,516
Done.

493
00:20:55,518 --> 00:20:59,518
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net

The Big Bang Theory - 5x04 - The Wiggly Finger Catalyst

2012-01-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,774
"The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss covered door.
dungeon:(城堡內的)土牢, 地牢
moss:苔蘚; 地衣[C][U]
2
00:00:04,775 --> 00:00:07,242
"You manage to open it
only to find yourself
3
00:00:07,244 --> 00:00:10,045
"face-to-face with a hideous,
foul-smelling,
hideous:醜陋的; 可怕的; 駭人聽聞的
foul-smelling:臭氣
4
00:00:10,047 --> 00:00:11,730
moss-covered ogre."
ogre:食人魔鬼; 怪物
5
00:00:11,732 --> 00:00:13,865
What do you do?
6
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,768
I say, "Hey, Ma,
what's for dinner?"
7
00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:21,656
Seventeen.
8
00:00:21,658 --> 00:00:25,660
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.
9
00:00:26,412 --> 00:00:29,498
By the way, I liked it, too.
10
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,784
How go the wedding plans,
Howard?
11
00:00:32,786 --> 00:00:34,753
Great.
We spent five hours last night
12
00:00:34,755 --> 00:00:36,505
at Macy's registering for gifts.
13
00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:37,956
Looks like I'm finally going
to have
14
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,791
that darling little earthenware
asparagus dish
earthenware:陶器; 土器[U]
asparagus:【植】蘆筍, 龍須菜, 石刁柏[U]
15
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:40,959
I've always wanted.
16
00:00:40,961 --> 00:00:42,460
See, this is the good thing
17
00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:45,096
about having a girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
18
00:00:45,098 --> 00:00:47,799
I can spend my nights
doing whatever I want.
19
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,701
You mean like playing nerd games
with us
20
00:00:49,703 --> 00:00:53,137
and then taking
a suspiciously long shower?
suspiciously:猜疑地; 疑心很深地
21
00:00:55,825 --> 00:00:58,026
Maybe.
22
00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:01,646
We enter the dungeon.
23
00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:03,448
You see a dragon.
24
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,951
Really? So we're playing
Dungeons & Dragons
25
00:01:05,953 --> 00:01:08,670
and we walk into a dungeon
and see a dragon?
26
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:12,173
Isn't that a little
on the nose?
27
00:01:12,175 --> 00:01:14,709
When you play Chutes and
Ladders, do you complain
28
00:01:14,711 --> 00:01:17,045
about all the chutes
and all the ladders?
29
00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:21,349
Are you gonna eat
that whole pie?
30
00:01:21,351 --> 00:01:23,635
Maybe. Why not?
31
00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:26,671
Who do I have in my life
to watch my figure for?
32
00:01:27,974 --> 00:01:30,058
Oh, God, did you watch
Bridget Jones again?
33
00:01:30,977 --> 00:01:33,728
No, it's just that
everybody's got someone.
34
00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,364
Sheldon's with Amy,
Howard's getting married,
35
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:37,849
you're dating my sister.
36
00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:39,484
Now that Howard's
getting married,
37
00:01:39,486 --> 00:01:42,186
maybe he'll inflate one of
his old girlfriends for you.
inflate:使充氣; 使膨脹[(+with)]
38
00:01:43,522 --> 00:01:45,240
You know who I blame
for my loneliness?
39
00:01:45,242 --> 00:01:46,524
The United States of America.
40
00:01:46,526 --> 00:01:49,544
Your movies and your TV shows
promised streets paved
paved:鋪滿; 密佈[H][(+with)]
41
00:01:49,546 --> 00:01:52,998
with beautiful blonde women
with big bazongas.
bazongas:breasts
42
00:01:53,966 --> 00:01:56,585
Eat another pie,
you'll have your own bazongas.
43
00:01:57,503 --> 00:01:58,703
That's cruel.
44
00:01:58,705 --> 00:02:00,422
You know it goes
straight to my hips.
45
00:02:01,474 --> 00:02:02,974
Gentlemen, please focus.
46
00:02:02,976 --> 00:02:05,477
You're facing
a fire-breathing dragon.
fire-breathing:噴火
47
00:02:05,479 --> 00:02:07,145
I don't know if I want
to play anymore.
48
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:09,931
Because you don't have
a girlfriend?
49
00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:11,566
Well, good Lord,
if that becomes a reason not
50
00:02:11,568 --> 00:02:14,603
to play Dungeons & Dragons, this
game's in serious trouble.
51
00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:19,107
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:19,109 --> 00:02:22,577
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:24,279
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:02:24,281 --> 00:02:26,564
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:02:26,566 --> 00:02:29,284
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:02:29,286 --> 00:02:32,087
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:33,626
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:02:33,627 --> 00:02:34,338
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:02:34,339 --> 00:02:37,839
The Big Bang Theory 5x03
The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
Original Air Date on September 29, 2011
60
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,340
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:45,640
Now, I assume we use
this same wax later on
62
00:02:45,641 --> 00:02:47,941
to neaten up
each other's bikini regions.
neaten:整理
63
00:02:47,943 --> 00:02:51,111
Yeah, my bikini region
is fine.
64
00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:53,463
Who's shocked? I'm not.
65
00:02:55,032 --> 00:02:56,233
(giggles)
66
00:02:56,235 --> 00:02:58,601
So, Bernadette, how's the
wedding planning going?
67
00:02:58,603 --> 00:03:00,954
And I'm not asking
as a prospective bridesmaid.
prospective:預期的, 盼望中的; 未來的; 即將發生的[Z]...
bridesmaid:女儐相[C]
68
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:03,490
Pick me! Pick me!
69
00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:08,295
We went cake-tasting yesterday.
70
00:03:08,297 --> 00:03:09,612
Raj came along.
71
00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:12,949
He cried and ate half
the samples.
72
00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:15,085
Oh, the poor guy's so lonely.
73
00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:16,920
We should set him up
with someone.
74
00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:20,456
You know, I met
a really cute girl at work.
75
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:23,393
She's married to a guy
in one of our drug trials.
76
00:03:24,395 --> 00:03:26,112
Well, hello?
77
00:03:26,114 --> 00:03:27,530
She's married.
78
00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:29,316
Yeah, but her husband is in
79
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:31,301
serious congestive
heart failure,
congestive:【醫】充血的
heart failure:心臟衰竭; 心臟麻痺; 心臟停跳
80
00:03:31,303 --> 00:03:36,489
and a little birdie told me
he's in the placebo group.
placebo:安慰劑; 寬心丸
81
00:03:38,142 --> 00:03:40,610
Okay, so future
grief-stricken widow
grief-stricken:極度悲傷的
82
00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:42,162
is the one to beat.
83
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,366
Are we ready to order?
84
00:03:46,368 --> 00:03:47,334
One moment.
85
00:03:47,336 --> 00:03:49,202
I'm conducting
an experiment.
86
00:03:49,204 --> 00:03:53,173
With Dungeons
& Dragons dice?
87
00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:56,960
Yes. From here on in,
I've decided
88
00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:59,829
to make all trivial decisions
with a throw of the dice,
89
00:03:59,831 --> 00:04:01,181
thus freeing up my mind
90
00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:04,768
do what it does best--
enlighten and amaze.
91
00:04:05,936 --> 00:04:10,357
Page 14,
item seven.
92
00:04:10,359 --> 00:04:11,891
So, what's for dinner?
93
00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:15,061
A side of corn
succotash.
94
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:17,280
Hmm. Interesting.
95
00:04:17,282 --> 00:04:20,516
Um, Howard, can I see you
for a minute, please?
96
00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,819
I don't want to show any more
of your friends
97
00:04:22,821 --> 00:04:26,156
how I can fit
in the booster seats.
98
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:29,192
Uh, no, that's not it.
Just come with me, please.
99
00:04:30,861 --> 00:04:34,197
Let's see what I'll be washing
that succotash down with.
succotash:【美】豆煮玉米
100
00:04:37,084 --> 00:04:38,885
A pitcher of margaritas.
pitcher:大水罐, 水壺
101
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,756
Do you really want that?
102
00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:44,224
That's the great thing.
103
00:04:44,226 --> 00:04:45,558
It doesn't matter.
104
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,145
My mind is freed up to think
about more important things.
105
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:51,014
What's it thinking
about now?
106
00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:53,433
Hamburgers and lemonade.
107
00:04:54,602 --> 00:04:58,071
Um, Raj, there's someone
I want you to meet.
108
00:04:58,073 --> 00:05:00,607
This is my friend Emily.
I know her from my spin class.
spin:【美】【俚】跳舞
109
00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:06,479
Raj, relax.
She can't hear you. She's deaf.
110
00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:11,734
Emily, this is
our friend Raj.
111
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,537
Oh!
112
00:05:14,539 --> 00:05:17,573
Look at you guys
just hitting it off.
113
00:05:17,575 --> 00:05:19,242
I am so good.
114
00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,599
Hi.
115
00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:30,420
She says, "It's
nice to meet you""
116
00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:31,638
Does she really mean that
117
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,356
or was she signing it
sarcastically?
118
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:39,028
Raj says it's nice
to meet you, too.
119
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,448
She says she has to go
back to her family,
120
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,650
but Penny has her
number if you want
121
00:05:43,652 --> 00:05:45,535
to text her and
get together.
122
00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:47,770
Okay, I'm going to play it cool.
123
00:05:47,772 --> 00:05:52,208
Tell her,
"Maybe. Whatever, babe."
124
00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:56,129
He'll text you.
125
00:05:58,666 --> 00:06:01,384
Look at that. I have a date.
126
00:06:01,386 --> 00:06:02,952
I love America again.
127
00:06:06,674 --> 00:06:08,308
And now for dessert...
128
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:11,294
Come on, hot fudge sundae,
come on, hot fudge sundae.
129
00:06:11,296 --> 00:06:13,313
Bam!
That's what I'm talking about!
130
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:18,651
Okay, as soon
as she gets here,
131
00:06:18,653 --> 00:06:20,353
so she knows
I'm cool with it,
132
00:06:20,355 --> 00:06:22,655
I'm going to make a joke
about her being deaf.
133
00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:29,279
I was thinking, "Hey,
did you hear the one about...?
134
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:31,147
Oh, no, I bet you didn't."
135
00:06:33,284 --> 00:06:37,420
Maybe we should revisit
your lonely fat guy plan.
136
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:39,422
Oh, she's here.
137
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:42,625
No joke.
138
00:06:46,881 --> 00:06:48,481
She says she's sorry
she's late.
139
00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:49,933
Tell her
it doesn't matter.
140
00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:53,019
Tell her, her eyes shimmer
like opalescent lilies
141
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:57,273
in the lake of the palace
of the celestial maidens.
142
00:06:58,392 --> 00:06:59,943
Really?
143
00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,895
That's the first thing
you want to say?
144
00:07:01,897 --> 00:07:03,646
I worked on it all night.
Use it.
145
00:07:03,648 --> 00:07:05,732
Look, I don't know the
sign for opalescent.
146
00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:06,866
Then spell it.
147
00:07:06,868 --> 00:07:08,234
I don't know how to spell it.
148
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:10,019
You're blowing this for me!
149
00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:13,740
He likes your eyes.
150
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:16,192
You're making me sound
like a caveman.
caveman:史前石器時代的穴居人
151
00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:19,412
She says, "Thank you.
You have nice eyes, too."
152
00:07:19,414 --> 00:07:22,081
Really? Ask her how many
children she wants,
153
00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:25,385
and whatever number she says,
say, "Me, too."
154
00:07:28,205 --> 00:07:29,722
No.
155
00:07:29,724 --> 00:07:32,725
Fine. Tell her I have a deep,
sexy voice
156
00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:34,677
like James Earl Jones.
157
00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:38,515
She doesn't know what James
Earl Jones sounds like.
158
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:41,818
Great.
Then she won't know I'm lying.
159
00:07:43,938 --> 00:07:46,990
Let's see, what else
can I tell you about me
160
00:07:46,992 --> 00:07:51,327
that would make you
like me?
161
00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:52,779
Ooh, I love music.
162
00:07:54,114 --> 00:07:55,748
Do you love music?
163
00:07:55,750 --> 00:08:00,036
You really want
to ask her that?
164
00:08:00,038 --> 00:08:02,839
You're right.
Everyone loves music.
165
00:08:04,842 --> 00:08:07,427
She says, "Do you play
an instrument?"
166
00:08:07,429 --> 00:08:09,078
No,
167
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,430
but when I was
six years old,
168
00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:12,465
I tried to start
a boy band called
169
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:15,218
Frankie Goes
to Bollywood.
170
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,590
But I couldn't get
any other boys to join,
171
00:08:20,592 --> 00:08:22,559
so my parents asked
the servants
172
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:25,028
to be my backup dancers.
173
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,429
Wait, when you sign
"servants,"
174
00:08:26,431 --> 00:08:27,614
don't sign it
like I'm bragging.
brag:吹牛, 自吹, 自誇[(+about/of)]
175
00:08:27,616 --> 00:08:29,482
Sign it in a way
that I sound humble
176
00:08:29,484 --> 00:08:34,537
with just a hint of
"That's right, I had servants."
servant:僕人, 佣人, 雇工
177
00:08:35,405 --> 00:08:37,457
Do you hear yourself
178
00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:41,210
Yes, but she doesn't.
So get signing, hand monkey.
179
00:08:44,965 --> 00:08:49,618
I think I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus every day.
180
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,137
And then on Christmas morning,
181
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,056
under the tree is
a little puppy
182
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:56,308
with a red ribbon.
ribbon:緞帶; 絲帶; 飾帶[U][C]
183
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,426
(chuckles)
184
00:08:57,428 --> 00:08:58,677
What are you doing?
185
00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,846
Texting Bernadette that
I'm gonna be late.
186
00:09:01,464 --> 00:09:02,648
Dude, what is she saying?
187
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,517
It's a funny story
about a puppy.
188
00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:06,135
Just smile and laugh.
189
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:07,820
(chuckles)
190
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:10,739
- Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- What? Why?
191
00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:12,942
The puppy died-- it
choked on a doll head.
192
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:14,527
Sad face, sad face!
193
00:09:17,614 --> 00:09:19,865
It's a little hard
to see with the city lights,
194
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:23,485
but that W-shaped constellation
is Cassiopeia.
constellation:星座; 星座區域[C]
Cassiopeia:【天】仙后座
195
00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:26,655
And she was the mother
of Andromeda who's over there.
Andromeda:【天】仙女座
196
00:09:27,924 --> 00:09:30,876
Look, pretty stars.
197
00:09:33,513 --> 00:09:36,999
This is her car.
198
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,551
She hopes she can see you again
sometime.
199
00:09:38,553 --> 00:09:40,302
Good, good.
200
00:09:40,304 --> 00:09:41,937
Oh, boy,
201
00:09:41,939 --> 00:09:42,888
help me out here.
202
00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:44,673
Does she want me
to kiss her or not?
203
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:47,342
I speak sign language,
I don't read minds.
204
00:09:47,344 --> 00:09:48,561
If you were me,
would you kiss her?
205
00:09:48,563 --> 00:09:51,013
Yeah, but I'm a make out king.
206
00:10:00,657 --> 00:10:04,193
I was so smooth
on that date.
207
00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:06,712
You? I made
you smooth.
208
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,080
You were an idiot.
209
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:09,548
Whatever, dude.
She kissed me.
210
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,133
It might've been
on your lips,
211
00:10:11,135 --> 00:10:12,418
but it was my kiss.
212
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:14,887
Oh, fine. Let's agree
she kissed both of us.
213
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:18,207
Okay.
214
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:26,522
Mustache is looking good
there, Sheldon.
Mustache:髭, 小鬍子
215
00:10:29,581 --> 00:10:31,132
Don't thank me.
Thank the dice.
216
00:10:31,134 --> 00:10:34,585
They told me what percentage
of my face to shave.
217
00:10:34,587 --> 00:10:36,387
Why are you still doing this?
218
00:10:36,389 --> 00:10:37,838
Because it's working.
219
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,473
In the past few weeks,
220
00:10:39,475 --> 00:10:41,342
unburdened by
trivial decisions,
221
00:10:41,344 --> 00:10:43,177
I've co-authored
two papers
222
00:10:43,179 --> 00:10:44,261
in notable peer-reviewed
journals,
223
00:10:44,263 --> 00:10:46,981
and I'm close to
figuring out why
224
00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:48,399
the Large Hadron
Collider has yet
Hadron:【物】強子(由物質粒子的虧子所組成)
Collider:對撞機
225
00:10:48,401 --> 00:10:50,684
to isolate the Higgs
boson particle.
Higgs boson:希格斯玻色子
particle:微粒; 顆粒[(+of)]
226
00:10:50,686 --> 00:10:53,053
You left out,
got chafed testicles

227
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:55,656
because you no longer
wear underpants.

228
00:10:58,393 --> 00:11:01,562
The dice giveth
and the dice taketh away.

229
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:05,166
Is Raj out
with Emily again?
230
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:07,168
Yeah, every night
for the last month.
231
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,253
Wow, can't believe
he has a girlfriend.
232
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:12,623
Me neither.
233
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:16,910
Here's some other fun news
on the Raj/Emily front.
234
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:20,347
He gave her a pair of diamond
earrings and leased her a car.
235
00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:21,765
You're kidding.
236
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:23,717
You think she's taking
advantage of him?
237
00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:24,935
Oh, of course not.
238
00:11:24,937 --> 00:11:26,637
She wouldn't do
something like that.
239
00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:28,355
She's deaf.
240
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:33,310
Deaf women can't be
gold diggers?
241
00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:35,396
Handicapped people
are nice, Leonard.
242
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:37,698
Everyone knows that.
243
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,735
Yeah, I actually
have information about Raj
244
00:11:41,737 --> 00:11:43,821
that would be helpful
with this discussion.
245
00:11:47,492 --> 00:11:50,544
Could you tell us?
246
00:11:50,546 --> 00:11:52,746
Let's see.
247
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,800
Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
248
00:11:58,003 --> 00:11:59,336
Wait, hang on.
249
00:11:59,338 --> 00:12:00,721
Doubles.
Roll again.
250
00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:05,342
Okay, get this.
251
00:12:07,262 --> 00:12:09,563
It doesn't matter if
he's showering her with gifts,
shower:大量地給予; 傾注[(+on/with)]
252
00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:12,799
because the Koothrappalis
are vastly wealthy.
253
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,019
What do you mean
"vastly wealthy"?
254
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:17,321
Well, "wealthy" means
a lot of money.
255
00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:18,522
"Vastly" means even more.
256
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:20,858
I'm not sure
what's tripping you up.
257
00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:24,028
Look, I know they have money.
I don't think it's that much.
258
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:25,312
No, you're wrong.
259
00:12:25,314 --> 00:12:27,981
As you know, a few years ago,
I achieved one of
260
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:30,618
my lesser dreams
and became a notary public.
notary public:公證人(之全名稱)
261
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:32,086
Well, from
time to time,
262
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:35,623
I notarize
banking documents for Raj.
notarize:對...公證
263
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:40,327
The Koothrappalis aren't just
rich, they're Richie Rich rich.
264
00:12:41,546 --> 00:12:43,464
Well, so how much is that?
265
00:12:43,466 --> 00:12:47,218
About halfway between
Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
266
00:12:48,103 --> 00:12:49,069
What the hell?
267
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:50,688
The last time
we went to the zoo,
268
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,357
that son of a bitch
made me buy him a churro.
269
00:12:53,359 --> 00:12:55,893
Listen, guys, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be rude,
270
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:59,480
but I need to go call Raj's
sister, who I love so much.
271
00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,867
So vastly much.
272
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:10,708
Okay, so he's got money,
and it's a few gifts and a car.
273
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,793
And she got him to pay off
all her credit cards.
pay off:清償
274
00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:15,696
What? He paid off
her credit cards?
275
00:13:15,698 --> 00:13:18,632
Damn it, I could've dated Raj
for a couple months.
276
00:13:20,218 --> 00:13:22,469
But I-I wouldn't have, because
I'm not that kind of girl.
277
00:13:22,471 --> 00:13:24,305
We should really talk to Raj.
278
00:13:24,307 --> 00:13:27,141
He's not going to listen,
he's in love.
279
00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:28,842
Can't figure out what to do?
280
00:13:28,844 --> 00:13:31,061
I remember those days.
281
00:13:31,063 --> 00:13:34,398
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to...
282
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,483
stay right here.
283
00:13:39,604 --> 00:13:41,238
Yeah, this is a bad idea.
284
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,439
- We should go.
- No.
285
00:13:42,441 --> 00:13:44,074
I'm the one that
introduced him to her.
286
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:45,609
I've got to
say something.
287
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:50,080
Wow.
288
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,900
You're engaged
to my friend.
289
00:13:53,902 --> 00:13:56,236
Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind
where I get my motor running,
290
00:13:56,238 --> 00:13:59,406
as long as I park
in the right garage.
291
00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:04,244
I can't believe
you're engaged to my friend.
292
00:14:06,047 --> 00:14:07,831
(whispers):
Oh, here she comes.
293
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,234
Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick
can't hear you.
294
00:14:14,973 --> 00:14:16,006
Hi.
295
00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:17,691
Oh, hey, hi.
296
00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:18,776
Nice to see you.
297
00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:22,112
Um, can we talk
to you about Raj?
298
00:14:23,248 --> 00:14:24,782
She says, "Sure,
what about him""
299
00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:27,368
Okay, um, gosh,
how do I start?
300
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,104
Um, see, Raj is
kind of naive.
301
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:33,540
I mean, he hasn't dated
a whole lot of women.
302
00:14:33,542 --> 00:14:37,411
And I'm concerned that,
without meaning to,
303
00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:38,962
you might be
taking advantage of him.
304
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:41,615
You know, by letting him buy you
a bunch of expensive things.
305
00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:42,716
And I-I...
306
00:14:42,718 --> 00:14:44,468
Howard, focus.
307
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,836
Tell her what I'm saying.
308
00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:46,837
Right.
309
00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,639
Are you a gold digger or not?
310
00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:52,509
Oh, uh, something,
something,
311
00:14:52,511 --> 00:14:54,411
who the something do
you think you are?
312
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:55,979
Mind your own
something business
313
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:58,682
and go something
yourself.
314
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,351
(chuckles):
Oh.
315
00:15:00,353 --> 00:15:02,736
Wait, I got
this now.
316
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,973
I'm so mad at you!
317
00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,108
Okay, wait...
318
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,077
How dare you ambush my
girlfriend at the gym!
ambush:埋伏; 伏擊[U][C]
319
00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,745
We didn't mean
for it to be an ambush.
320
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:15,582
Just, it's kind of impossible
not to sneak up on deaf people.

321
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:19,253
And hey, since when
are you so chatty?

322
00:15:19,255 --> 00:15:20,487
I'm hammered.

323
00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:21,955
Raj, come here.

324
00:15:21,957 --> 00:15:24,875
This girl is trouble.

325
00:15:24,877 --> 00:15:26,593
I mean, what kind of
relationship is it

326
00:15:26,595 --> 00:15:29,129
where you buy her gifts
and she gives you sex?

327
00:15:29,131 --> 00:15:31,932
The best one I ever had!

328
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,268
Okay, come on.

329
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:35,803
You know you
can do better.

330
00:15:35,805 --> 00:15:38,338
Aha.

331
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,973
I see what's going on here.

332
00:15:39,975 --> 00:15:43,060
You and I had
our crazy night together,

333
00:15:43,062 --> 00:15:45,813
and now you can't stand
to see me with another woman.

334
00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:47,698
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's okay.

335
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,433
I can't get mad
at your feelings.

336
00:15:49,435 --> 00:15:50,701
I don't have feelings.

337
00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:51,685
Yeah, that's good.

338
00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:53,787
Keep telling
yourself that.

339
00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:57,624
He is cuter
now that I know he's rich.

340
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:04,197
I have a surprise
for you.

341
00:16:04,199 --> 00:16:05,466
Cover your eyes.

342
00:16:07,385 --> 00:16:09,753
Open them.

343
00:16:19,097 --> 00:16:21,348
It's a real ruby.

344
00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,151
It was a little
expensive,

345
00:16:24,153 --> 00:16:28,021
but no one can put
a price on love.

346
00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:31,492
Although, the people at Cartier
took a pretty good shot at it.

347
00:16:33,361 --> 00:16:35,529
(Skype ringtone playing)

348
00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:39,416
Oh, Mummy, Daddy.

349
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:40,784
What a nice surprise.

350
00:16:40,786 --> 00:16:44,471
No, it's not a nice surprise,
it's a bad surprise.

351
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,573
Penny called us.

352
00:16:46,575 --> 00:16:47,674
Penny?

353
00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:49,059
She told us
you're spending all our money

354
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:50,227
on your new girlfriend.

355
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:53,597
I just got her a
couple of things.

356
00:16:53,599 --> 00:16:55,782
She gives me things, too.

357
00:16:55,784 --> 00:16:56,967
Yeah, yeah, I'm
a gynecologist.

358
00:16:56,969 --> 00:16:59,670
I know exactly
what she gives you.

359
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:04,107
You need to find a nice
Indian girl from a good family.

360
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:06,426
If you keep seeing this woman,
you're cut off.

361
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:09,413
What? You're going to make me
choose between the woman I love

362
00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:13,484
and the money I... have
very strong feelings for?

363
00:17:13,486 --> 00:17:15,452
It's up to you.

364
00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:19,389
Well, I choose love.

365
00:17:19,391 --> 00:17:21,074
(scoffs)
You're an idiot.

366
00:17:23,211 --> 00:17:25,412
Love doesn't last.

367
00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:35,055
Well, he's going to
find out eventually.

368
00:17:35,057 --> 00:17:36,557
Think about it.

369
00:17:41,896 --> 00:17:46,483
My parents are making me
choose between money and you.

370
00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,852
I choose you.

371
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:54,107
No, I think we'll have
to return the car.

372
00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,494
And that necklace,
yeah, that, too.

373
00:17:57,496 --> 00:17:59,663
But none of those
things matter,

374
00:17:59,665 --> 00:18:02,366
because we have
something better.

375
00:18:02,368 --> 00:18:04,484
We have love.

376
00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:17,698
Oh, Penny, I
hurt so bad.

377
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,299
I know, I know.

378
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,301
Sometimes I put
the TV on mute

379
00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:23,520
just to pretend
she's still with me.

380
00:18:29,644 --> 00:18:33,363
But I can't watch the closed
captioning without crying.

381
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:37,851
Oh, I'm so sorry.

382
00:18:37,853 --> 00:18:39,853
I wish I could
make you feel better.

383
00:18:39,855 --> 00:18:41,572
Seriously?

384
00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:43,707
I'm heartbroken and
you're hitting on me?

385
00:18:43,709 --> 00:18:45,409
What?! No!

386
00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:47,911
Look, Penny,
you're great,

387
00:18:47,913 --> 00:18:50,130
but I had a long talk
with my parents,

388
00:18:50,132 --> 00:18:53,917
and they said if I date an
Indian girl, I get a Maserati.

389
00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:00,985
Mmm.

390
00:19:00,986 --> 00:19:02,186
Oh, cheesecake,

391
00:19:02,188 --> 00:19:03,720
you're just as good as a woman,

392
00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:05,656
even though I can't
have sex with you.

393
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:09,660
Try throwing it in the microwave
for a few seconds.

394
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:17,868
Should I use the rest room
or wait until we get home?

395
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:20,587
Come on, papa needs
to void his bladder.

396
00:19:20,589 --> 00:19:23,674
Oh, that's not what you want
to see after three buttermilks.

397
00:19:25,093 --> 00:19:26,260
Here you go, boys.

398
00:19:26,262 --> 00:19:28,078
I'll pick it up
when you're ready.

399
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,429
Thanks for dinner,
buddy.

400
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:31,215
Yeah, real big of you.

401
00:19:31,217 --> 00:19:33,200
Hurry, hurry, hurry.

402
00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,293
Oh, and don't cheap
out on the tip.

403
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:36,711
We all know
you're loaded now.

404
00:19:36,713 --> 00:19:40,713
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net

The Big Bang Theory - 5x03 - The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

2012-01-17T05:49:00.000-08:00

1
00:00:01,420 --> 00:00:02,735
Who wants the
last dumpling?
2
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,086
Ooh, me!
3
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:05,454
Penny, a moment.
4
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,539
We just had Thai food.
5
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,459
In that culture,
the last morsel is called
morsel:(食物的)一口, 一片[C][(+of)]
6
00:00:10,461 --> 00:00:13,629
the "greng jie" piece,
and it is reserved for
7
00:00:13,631 --> 00:00:16,765
the most important
and valued member of the group.
8
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:25,774
Thank you all
for this high honor.
9
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:30,646
I've seen pictures
of your mother; keep eating.
10
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,570
All right, honey, if we're gonna
make the movie, we should go.
11
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,159
This may be hard
for you to hear,
12
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:47,246
but when I say "honey,"
I mean my fiancée.
13
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,084
Yeah, well, now it means her.
14
00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:55,804
It's okay if he
wants to come.
15
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,423
Fine. But next time,
we get a sitter.
sitter:代人臨時照看孩子的人
16
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,977
All right, I got to go to work.
I'll walk down with you.
17
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,228
Wait.
18
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,131
Which is closer to the new
train store in Monrovia,
19
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:08,317
the movie theater
or The Cheesecake Factory?
20
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,402
Neither of them are close.
21
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,404
Oh, well, then I guess
it doesn't matter which one
22
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,322
of you drives me.
23
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:14,773
Let's play a fun guessing game
24
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,491
to see who gets to take me.
25
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:19,862
All right, this four-letter word
describes either
26
00:01:19,864 --> 00:01:23,782
a printer's type size
or a compulsion to eat dirt.
compulsion:(被)強迫, (被)強制[U][+to-v...
27
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,534
Okay, I'm not driving him.
28
00:01:25,536 --> 00:01:27,953
Penny, don't give up,
you can get this.
29
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,675
Aren't you going
with Sheldon?
30
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,962
No, I have no interest
in model trains,
31
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:40,716
stores that sell them, nor
their heartbreaking clientele.
clientele:(總稱)訴訟委託人; 顧客
32
00:01:40,718 --> 00:01:41,934
Oh.
33
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:45,137
Well, I have
some work to do, so...
34
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,905
I can't imagine
that would disturb me.
35
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,207
Carry on.
36
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:51,610
Okay.
37
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,862
Wouldn't you be
more comfortable at home?
38
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,952
Not really, no.
39
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,154
All righty then.
40
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,373
Guess I'll just
get started.
41
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,792
Leonard, please. I don't need
the running commentary.
42
00:02:08,077 --> 00:02:11,713
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:15,050
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,701
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
45
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,221
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,890
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:24,576
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,478
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,430
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:31,955
The Big Bang Theory 5x03
The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
Original Air Date on September 29, 2011
51
00:02:31,956 --> 00:02:35,456
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
52
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,721
(sighs softly)
53
00:02:55,158 --> 00:02:56,841
- Amy?
- Yo.
54
00:02:58,416 --> 00:02:59,194
You okay?
55
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:01,095
Oh, sure.
56
00:03:01,896 --> 00:03:04,031
I thought you were reading.
57
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,949
I was.
58
00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:08,702
Now I'm thinking about
what I read.
59
00:03:20,832 --> 00:03:22,232
You all right, Leonard?
60
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,551
You seem very uncomfortable.
61
00:03:24,553 --> 00:03:27,638
I-I'm fine.
62
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,556
Should I go?
63
00:03:29,558 --> 00:03:31,975
I've been told sometimes
I overstay my welcome.
64
00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:35,162
Wha... who told you that?
65
00:03:35,164 --> 00:03:39,566
Well, most recently
my gynecologist.
gynecologist:婦科醫生
66
00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:47,307
Well, you stay
as long as you'd like.
67
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:48,859
I'm glad to hear you say that,
68
00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:51,912
because I'm having
a wonderful time.
69
00:03:51,914 --> 00:03:52,996
(chuckles)
70
00:03:52,998 --> 00:03:56,750
I said the same thing
to my gynecologist.
71
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:03,507
What are you going to get
at the train store, Sheldon?
72
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,459
Oh, I'm not
buying anything.
73
00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:07,494
They're having a lecture.
74
00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:09,596
"H-O gauge railroading.
gauge:標準尺寸, 標準規格[U][C]
75
00:04:09,598 --> 00:04:13,216
Half the size of O-gauge,
but twice the fun."
76
00:04:13,218 --> 00:04:16,603
Very controversial topic.
controversial:爭論的; 可疑的
77
00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:18,505
Which side do you come down on?
78
00:04:18,507 --> 00:04:20,607
I'll let you know after tonight.
79
00:04:20,609 --> 00:04:23,310
Unlike some people,
I'm going in with an open mind.
80
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:25,195
Who am I kidding?
81
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:28,348
Of course we all know
it's O-gauge or no gauge.
82
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:32,536
Can you believe grown men sit
around and play with toy trains?
83
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,788
That's pretty big talk
for a man
84
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:38,041
with a closet full of magic
tricks at his mother's house.
85
00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:42,079
First of all, they're not
tricks, they're illusions.
86
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,247
And...
87
00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:46,800
secondly, when we get
married, they're all going up
88
00:04:46,802 --> 00:04:49,636
in the attic so you can have
that closet for clothes.
attic:頂樓, 閣樓; 頂樓房間[C]
89
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:52,556
Why would I keep clothes
at your mother's house?
90
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,224
Well, don't think
of it that way.
91
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,376
Once we move in,
it'll be our house.
92
00:04:56,378 --> 00:04:57,844
Is she moving out?
93
00:04:57,846 --> 00:04:59,212
Why would
she move out?
94
00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:00,981
It's her house.
95
00:05:00,983 --> 00:05:03,383
Hang on.
96
00:05:03,385 --> 00:05:06,570
You seriously think I'm going
to live with your mother?
97
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,188
Howard, I think
I can help here.
98
00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:10,824
Yes, Bernadette,
that's exactly what he thinks.
99
00:05:10,826 --> 00:05:11,942
Why not?
100
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,027
It's a great house,
plenty of room,
101
00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:16,113
and if we have kids,
Mom's there to help.
102
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,998
You know, en she tells "The
Three Little Pigs" story,
103
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,785
she actually has hair
on her chinny-chin-chin.
104
00:05:21,787 --> 00:05:24,287
I'm not gonna live
with your mother.
105
00:05:24,289 --> 00:05:27,073
Not now, not ever.
106
00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:30,761
Wow, someone obviously
has some mommy issues.
107
00:05:32,797 --> 00:05:34,414
Raj, take me home.
108
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:36,850
Don't listen to her.
Go to the movie theater.
109
00:05:36,852 --> 00:05:38,218
Take me home now.
110
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:39,186
Movie theater!
111
00:05:39,188 --> 00:05:40,187
(groans)
112
00:05:40,189 --> 00:05:42,722
Okay, everybody
calm down.
113
00:05:42,724 --> 00:05:44,391
There is a simple
solution here.
114
00:05:44,393 --> 00:05:45,976
Raj, take me to the train store,
115
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,278
and then I don't care
what you people do.
116
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,237
How was your shower?
117
00:05:57,239 --> 00:06:00,607
It was good, good.
118
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:03,877
Just out of curiosity, what time
do you usually go to bed?
119
00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,212
Oh, I'm up all night.
120
00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:06,963
I'm like a possum.
possum:【動】負鼠
121
00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:11,685
Boy, you were not liked
in high school, were you?
122
00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:13,203
Not really.
123
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:15,055
- Is that my yearbook?
- Mm-hmm.
124
00:06:15,057 --> 00:06:17,224
"Dear Leonard,
you're really good at science.
125
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:20,927
Maybe one day you'll come up
with a cure for being a dork."
dork:【俚】呆子, 笨蛋
126
00:06:20,929 --> 00:06:23,430
Well, it wasn't spray-painting
a lightning bolt
127
00:06:23,432 --> 00:06:26,566
on my briefcase,
I can tell you that.
128
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,984
If it makes you feel any better,
129
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:30,237
the only person who signed
my yearbook was my mother.
130
00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:32,172
- Aw.
- "Dear Amy,
131
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,774
"Self-respect and a hymen
are better than friends and fun.
hymen:【解】處女膜
132
00:06:34,776 --> 00:06:36,109
Love, Mom."
133
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:40,480
Well, you can add
Jerry's Junction
134
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:42,082
to the list of train stores
135
00:06:42,084 --> 00:06:45,485
Sheldon Cooper will never
set foot in again.
136
00:06:45,487 --> 00:06:48,104
Rough night, Casey Jones?
137
00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:49,873
You don't know
the half of it.
138
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:51,258
It was billed
139
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:54,211
as a lively give-and-take on
the merits of model train sizes.
give-and-take:交談, 意見交換
merits:長處, 優點[C]
140
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,763
But it was actually a setup
to intimidate
intimidate:威嚇; 脅迫
141
00:06:56,765 --> 00:07:00,350
weak-minded spineless rubes
into buying H-O starter sets.
spineless:沒有骨氣的; 懦弱的
rubes:【美】【口】(初到城市的)鄉巴佬, 土包子
142
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:01,468
What's in the bag?
143
00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:04,888
I don't want to talk about it.
144
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,774
But it's not a spine,
I'll tell you that.
spine:骨氣, 勇氣[U], 脊柱, 脊椎[C]
145
00:07:07,776 --> 00:07:10,443
Well, I had a delightful
evening, Leonard.
146
00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:11,778
We should do this
again sometime.
147
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,813
Ah, sure.
That'd be nice.
148
00:07:13,815 --> 00:07:14,898
Glad to hear it.
149
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,683
I need someone to accompany me
to the wedding
150
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,902
of Dr. Moranelli
and Dr. Gustufson this Friday.
151
00:07:18,904 --> 00:07:20,537
They're kind of
the Brad and Angelina
152
00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:22,522
of the primatology department.
primatology:靈長類動物學
153
00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:23,957
Wouldn't you rather
bring Sheldon?
154
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:27,444
I would, but the last wedding
we went to was a disaster.
155
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,880
He behaved like a child
the entire time.
156
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,214
Not my fault.
157
00:07:31,216 --> 00:07:34,467
You said there'd be
other scientists there my age.
158
00:07:38,222 --> 00:07:39,806
Doesn't matter.
You're out, he's in.
159
00:07:39,808 --> 00:07:42,259
No date to the prom,
two dates to a wedding.
promenade:【美】(高中或大學畢業前夕舉辦的正式)舞會(簡稱prom)
160
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:45,345
Hmm, how times change.
161
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:51,351
(singsongy): Ha-ha, you have
to go to a wedding.
162
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,389
(doorbell rings)
163
00:07:56,391 --> 00:07:57,390
WOLOWITZ:
I'll get it!
164
00:07:57,392 --> 00:07:58,558
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Could you get it?!
165
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,993
I just said
I'm getting it!
166
00:07:59,995 --> 00:08:01,394
Fine, I'll get it!
167
00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:04,030
I got it!
168
00:08:04,865 --> 00:08:06,616
Oh, hi.
169
00:08:06,618 --> 00:08:07,867
Hey.
170
00:08:07,869 --> 00:08:09,336
I don't want to fight.
171
00:08:09,338 --> 00:08:11,454
I was just surprised
when you sprung
172
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:13,340
the whole living-with-your-mom
stuff on me.
173
00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:17,761
Yeah, well, I'm sorry I
didn't run it by you first.
174
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,879
MRS. WOLOWITZ: I don't know who
you're talking to,
175
00:08:19,881 --> 00:08:20,914
but in or out!
176
00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:23,984
We don't need bugs!
177
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:26,186
The bugs
only come here
178
00:08:26,188 --> 00:08:28,388
because you're
their queen!
179
00:08:31,142 --> 00:08:33,443
Listen, how about this.
180
00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,362
Before we make any
kind of decision
181
00:08:35,364 --> 00:08:37,697
about where we live,
we have a trial run.
182
00:08:37,699 --> 00:08:39,699
Stay here for a weekend,
see what it's like.
183
00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:41,701
And your mom would be
okay with that?
184
00:08:41,703 --> 00:08:42,986
Sure she would.
185
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:45,605
Ma, do you mind if Bernadette
stays here this weekend?!
186
00:08:45,607 --> 00:08:48,325
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Hey, if she's willing to
give the milk away for free,
187
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,493
who am I to say no?!
188
00:08:52,747 --> 00:08:55,582
See? She's
good with it.
189
00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:58,117
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Frankly, after all
your sleepovers
190
00:08:58,119 --> 00:09:02,005
with the little brown boy,
a girl is a big relief!
191
00:09:13,474 --> 00:09:16,677
All these years,
I've been so wrong.
192
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:20,714
The tinier the train,
the more concentrated the fun.
193
00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,486
You're a brain scientist.
194
00:09:26,488 --> 00:09:28,555
Can you explain to me
why a brilliant man
195
00:09:28,557 --> 00:09:29,889
likes playing
with toy trains?
196
00:09:29,891 --> 00:09:32,576
Not without cutting
his head open, no.
197
00:09:34,078 --> 00:09:36,496
How about making my
eyes like Cleopatra?
Cleopatra:克利歐佩特拉(古埃及豔后)
198
00:09:36,498 --> 00:09:38,448
Really? For a wedding?
199
00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:39,783
Perhaps you're right.
200
00:09:39,785 --> 00:09:41,401
My cheekbones and
beckoning pelvis
beckoning:吸引; 引誘
pelvis:【解】骨盆
201
00:09:41,403 --> 00:09:44,037
already have a certain "hello
sailor" quality to them.
202
00:09:45,039 --> 00:09:46,923
Ready.
203
00:09:46,925 --> 00:09:49,426
Aw.
204
00:09:49,428 --> 00:09:51,211
So handsome.
205
00:09:51,213 --> 00:09:53,346
Like James Bond.
206
00:09:53,348 --> 00:09:57,350
He's better than James Bond,
because he's tinier.
207
00:09:58,136 --> 00:10:00,704
I got you this
to give to me.
208
00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:03,940
Oh, sweetie,
guests don't normally
209
00:10:03,942 --> 00:10:05,442
wear corsages to a wedding.
corsages:胸前花飾
210
00:10:05,444 --> 00:10:06,977
That's more of a prom thing.
211
00:10:06,979 --> 00:10:08,195
I never went to my prom.
212
00:10:08,197 --> 00:10:09,946
My mom paid my cousin
to take me,
213
00:10:09,948 --> 00:10:13,033
but he just used the money
to buy drugs.
214
00:10:13,035 --> 00:10:15,652
Put the corsage on her.
215
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:24,795
When you're done copping a
feel, that goes on my wrist.
216
00:10:27,948 --> 00:10:29,483
(high-pitched):
All aboard!
217
00:10:29,485 --> 00:10:32,135
Woo-woo!
218
00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:33,837
(normal voice):
It's official.
219
00:10:33,839 --> 00:10:36,223
I'm an H-O trainiac.
220
00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:42,295
So, dinner
went nice.
221
00:10:42,297 --> 00:10:44,147
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
222
00:10:44,149 --> 00:10:48,935
Does your mother always
cut your meat for you?
223
00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:52,272
Only when it's fatty.
224
00:10:53,608 --> 00:10:55,192
Well, don't be jealous, babe.
225
00:10:55,194 --> 00:10:57,577
Someday you'll get to cut it
for me.
226
00:10:57,579 --> 00:10:59,579
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Bernadette!
227
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:03,416
I found the extra head for the
Waterpik if you want to use it!
Waterpik:噴水潔齒器(商品名)
228
00:11:03,418 --> 00:11:05,752
I'm okay, Mrs. Wolowitz.
229
00:11:05,754 --> 00:11:06,986
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
You sure?!
230
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:10,590
I just squirted half a
brisket outta my teeth!
squirted:噴射, 注射
231
00:11:10,592 --> 00:11:13,426
Hey, Ma, how about
a little privacy?!
232
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:15,662
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Oh, I know what that means!
233
00:11:15,664 --> 00:11:17,464
Hubba-hubba!
234
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:19,666
Oh, God.
235
00:11:19,668 --> 00:11:21,802
Relax, it'll be fine.
236
00:11:21,804 --> 00:11:23,436
Okay.
237
00:11:23,438 --> 00:11:26,139
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Let me know when
you're done canoodling!
canoodling:愛撫
238
00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:28,441
Mommy needs a foot rub!
239
00:11:32,063 --> 00:11:34,331
♪ ♪
240
00:11:45,076 --> 00:11:46,877
Would you like to dance?
241
00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:48,295
No, thank you.
242
00:11:48,297 --> 00:11:50,463
I'm really not
much of a dancer.
243
00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:53,333
You're not exactly
winning any trophies
trophies:戰利品; 勝利紀念品; 獎品[C]
244
00:11:53,335 --> 00:11:55,385
as a conversationalist, either.
245
00:11:57,555 --> 00:12:00,006
I'm sorry.
246
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:01,541
The bride and groom
seem happy.
247
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,376
AMY:
Why shouldn't they be?
248
00:12:03,378 --> 00:12:04,978
They have a feverish night of
249
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:07,097
socially-approved
copulation ahead of them.
copulation:交配; 交尾
250
00:12:09,183 --> 00:12:11,434
In some cultures, we'd stand
outside of their bedroom
251
00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:13,403
cheering as they
achieved orgasm.
orgasm:性高潮
252
00:12:13,405 --> 00:12:15,722
That sounds like
a late night,
253
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,608
and I have work in
the morning, so...
254
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,894
Leonard, you may
not have noticed,
255
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:23,363
but I am being
a delight here.
256
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,900
And you're not holding up
your end of the evening.
257
00:12:26,902 --> 00:12:29,502
Oh, sorry. This wedding
just reminds me
258
00:12:29,504 --> 00:12:33,123
of my kinda-sorta girlfriend
9,000 miles away.
259
00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:35,909
I have a kinda-sorta boyfriend
who's playing with a model train
260
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:38,845
right now, you don't hear me
bitching about it.
261
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:44,250
Leonard, a word of advice--
moody self-obsession

262
00:12:44,252 --> 00:12:46,636
is only attractive in men
who can play guitar

263
00:12:46,638 --> 00:12:48,972
and are considerably
taller than you.

264
00:12:48,974 --> 00:12:50,674
I'm not moody.

265
00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:51,942
I'm fun.

266
00:12:51,944 --> 00:12:54,861
You have any evidence
to support that statement?

267
00:12:54,863 --> 00:12:57,697
Well, hey, I'm just as
much fun as you are.

268
00:12:57,699 --> 00:13:00,617
Really? Are you willing to draw
a mustache on your finger

269
00:13:00,619 --> 00:13:03,286
as a conversational icebreaker?

270
00:13:03,288 --> 00:13:06,239
I am.

271
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:10,460
Okay, fine, what
do you suggest?

272
00:13:10,462 --> 00:13:12,445
♪ ♪

273
00:13:12,447 --> 00:13:14,280
We just had a lovely meal,

274
00:13:14,282 --> 00:13:18,051
the band... is on fire...

275
00:13:18,053 --> 00:13:20,119
and you're sitting
next to a beautiful woman

276
00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:21,838
wearing whorish makeup.

277
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:25,124
Why don't we head out
on the dance floor

278
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:27,560
and see if I can sweat
through these dress shields.

279
00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:31,047
Once again, I-I'm really
not much of a dancer.

280
00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:32,565
Don't worry...

281
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:35,185
I'll lead.

282
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:37,437
("The Chicken Dance" playing)

283
00:13:59,543 --> 00:14:02,762
(imitating lightsaber)

284
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,133
Howard?

285
00:14:07,135 --> 00:14:09,886
(imitates lightsaber
turning off)

286
00:14:09,888 --> 00:14:11,521
Ready for bed?

287
00:14:11,523 --> 00:14:13,940
No. I need to brush my teeth,
but your moth's

288
00:14:13,942 --> 00:14:16,175
been in the bathroom
for, like, an hour.

289
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:20,730
Oh. Yeah, she sometimes has problems
doing her business. Hang on.

290
00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,148
Ma, give up!

291
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:25,118
Tonight's
not your night!

292
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,288
MRS. WOLOWITZ: You don't know that!
I just sat down!

293
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,123
WOLOWITZ:
Come on, take a break!

294
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:32,275
Bernadette needs
to brush her teeth!

295
00:14:32,277 --> 00:14:34,310
MRS. WOLOWITZ: She can come in
and brush her teeth!

296
00:14:34,312 --> 00:14:37,247
I'm not embarrassed!

297
00:14:37,249 --> 00:14:39,549
Problem solved.

298
00:14:41,035 --> 00:14:43,720
No, it's not.
I'm not going in there.

299
00:14:43,722 --> 00:14:44,971
Oh, come on, honey.

300
00:14:44,973 --> 00:14:47,057
She's just sitting in there
reading a magazine.

301
00:14:47,059 --> 00:14:48,258
You can't see anything.

302
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,093
I go in all the time.

303
00:14:50,095 --> 00:14:51,644
(chuckles)

304
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:54,664
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Ha! The eagle has landed!

305
00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:56,833
(toilet flushing)

306
00:14:58,019 --> 00:15:00,737
And we have splashdown.

307
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:02,522
(clears throat)

308
00:15:02,524 --> 00:15:05,775
Wait here, I'm gonna
go light a candle.

309
00:15:05,777 --> 00:15:09,412
And then we make
passionate love.

310
00:15:15,402 --> 00:15:17,003
There we go, last floor.

311
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,755
I just can't figure
out what happened.

312
00:15:18,757 --> 00:15:21,758
I put my left leg in,
I took my left leg out,

313
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:26,129
I put my left leg in, and
something just snapped.

314
00:15:26,131 --> 00:15:28,965
The hokey pokey
is a young man's game.

315
00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:31,434
(chuckles)
I did have a great time.

316
00:15:31,436 --> 00:15:32,769
Thank you for reminding me

317
00:15:32,771 --> 00:15:35,271
it's okay to have fun
once in a while.

318
00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:36,756
You're welcome.

319
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,858
And also for breaking
the head off the ice swan

320
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:40,777
so I could hold it against
my pulled groin.

321
00:15:40,779 --> 00:15:42,479
I excel

322
00:15:42,481 --> 00:15:45,431
at spatial reasoning, and I had
a hunch that the graceful slope

323
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,151
of its neck would cradle
your genitals nicely.

324
00:15:49,286 --> 00:15:52,572
Well, okay.
Again, thank you.

325
00:15:52,574 --> 00:15:55,241
And again, you're welcome.

326
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,495
Want to come in?

327
00:15:58,497 --> 00:16:00,163
No, thanks.
I'm gonna head home.

328
00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:02,332
'Kay. Well, good night.

329
00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:04,968
Good night.

330
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:13,292
Ames, hi.
How was the wedding?

331
00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:18,314
Great. Until I accidentally made
Leonard fall in love with me.

332
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:22,485
Come in, let's talk.

333
00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:25,939
Do you want a
glass of wine?

334
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:28,408
Wine is one of the reasons
I'm in this fix.

335
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,859
That and this dang pelvis.

336
00:16:32,029 --> 00:16:34,681
Okay, I'm sorry,
what exactly happened?

337
00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:36,933
The inevitable--
he was lonely and vulnerable

338
00:16:36,935 --> 00:16:38,434
from missing his girlfriend,

339
00:16:38,436 --> 00:16:39,652
while I was charming,

340
00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:41,721
supportive and,
let's face it, in this dress,

341
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:45,358
the perfect combination
of Madonna and whore.

342
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,111
Oh, God,
did he make a move on you?

343
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:49,896
No, but it's only
a matter of time.

344
00:16:49,898 --> 00:16:52,582
How could I have not
seen this coming?

345
00:16:52,584 --> 00:16:56,703
Now I'm gonna have to break
the little sad sack's heart.

346
00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:59,455
- Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
- Oh, Penny,

347
00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,342
much as I would treasure
knowing that the two of us had

348
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:04,010
been defiled by the same man,

349
00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:06,012
Leonard just doesn't get
my motor running.

350
00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:11,351
So, um, what are
you gonna do?

351
00:17:11,353 --> 00:17:14,270
Do you want me to talk
to Leonard, let him down easy?

352
00:17:14,272 --> 00:17:16,639
No. I'll let him have tonight.

353
00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:17,724
Then in the morning,

354
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,526
I'll send him an e-mail
letting him know

355
00:17:19,528 --> 00:17:22,111
this body is never
gonna be his wonderland.

356
00:17:23,614 --> 00:17:26,766
I mean, frankly, you've got
a better shot than he does.

357
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:37,944
Leonard.

358
00:17:37,946 --> 00:17:39,412
Check it out.

359
00:17:39,414 --> 00:17:41,614
I bought an N-gauge locomotive.

360
00:17:41,616 --> 00:17:43,716
Half the size of H-O.

361
00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:47,220
Look, it fits in my mouth.

362
00:17:47,222 --> 00:17:49,556
Sounds like you
had a great night.

363
00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:51,624
(muffled):
I did.

364
00:17:51,626 --> 00:17:54,561
- How was yours?
- Not bad. I had a lot more fun

365
00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,295
with Amy than I
thought I would.

366
00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,681
What exact
do you mean by that?

367
00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,266
Well, it turns out
she really knows

368
00:18:00,268 --> 00:18:03,019
how to help a guy loosen up
and have a good time.

369
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:07,023
Although, truth be told, my
groin's a little worse for wear.

370
00:18:07,858 --> 00:18:10,159
Ow!

371
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,746
Why did you do that?

372
00:18:13,748 --> 00:18:17,250
To send a message:
she is not for you.

373
00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:18,651
What?

374
00:18:18,653 --> 00:18:20,003
Not for you!

375
00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:37,601
Good morning, handsome.

376
00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:40,420
Morning, Mom.

377
00:18:41,723 --> 00:18:43,607
It's me.

378
00:18:45,727 --> 00:18:49,429
Yes, it is, and you're
so pretty in the morning.

379
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:53,100
Your mom and I
made you breakfast.

380
00:18:53,102 --> 00:18:54,485
(laughs)
Oh, wow.

381
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:56,704
So you guys are getting along?

382
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,322
Yeah, I guess.

383
00:18:58,324 --> 00:19:00,107
We're very different
people, Howard,

384
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:02,943
so communication's
a little tricky.

385
00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:04,829
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Does he like the pancakes?!

386
00:19:04,831 --> 00:19:07,131
He didn't try them yet!

387
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,285
Is there any butter?

388
00:19:11,287 --> 00:19:13,304
- It's butter-flavored syrup.
- Oh.

389
00:19:13,306 --> 00:19:14,972
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
So, what's the word?!

390
00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:17,224
He wants butter!

391
00:19:18,527 --> 00:19:20,761
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
It's butter-flavored syrup!

392
00:19:20,763 --> 00:19:23,430
I just told him that!

393
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:30,771
I don't need any butter.

394
00:19:30,773 --> 00:19:34,191
If you want butter,
I'll get you butter.

395
00:19:37,696 --> 00:19:39,613
Well, I guess
I'll cut these by myself.

396
00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:43,615
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net

The Big Bang Theory - 5x02 - The Infestation Hypothesis

2012-01-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

1
00:00:04,456 --> 00:00:05,475
What are you doing?
2
00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:08,010
Oh, uh, Priya's calling
in a few minutes on Skype,
3
00:00:08,011 --> 00:00:10,178
and we are gonna have
a dinner date.
4
00:00:12,014 --> 00:00:14,482
It's 8:00 in the morning
in Mumbai.
5
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:16,634
How can she have dinner?
6
00:00:16,636 --> 00:00:17,685
Fine, whatever.
7
00:00:17,687 --> 00:00:19,070
Priya will be having breakfast.
8
00:00:19,072 --> 00:00:22,306
All right, so technically
it's not a dinner date.
9
00:00:22,308 --> 00:00:25,826
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.
10
00:00:25,828 --> 00:00:27,912
But if you did,
you'd open yourself
11
00:00:27,914 --> 00:00:29,647
to peer-based mocking, such as,
12
00:00:29,649 --> 00:00:33,201
"Hey, Leonard, how was your
dinfast with Priya last night?"
13
00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:35,119
That doesn't sound like mocking.
14
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,038
You didn't let me finish.
15
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,090
Dinfast.
16
00:00:39,092 --> 00:00:41,158
Are those soy-based candles?
17
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,710
I don't know. Why?
18
00:00:42,712 --> 00:00:45,630
Paraffin candles
may contain carcinogens.
19
00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:47,998
Unless lung cancer
is the ambiance
20
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,468
you were going for
at your dinfast.
21
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,803
Dinfast.
22
00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:55,389
Listen, I don't
want to be rude,
23
00:00:55,391 --> 00:00:57,275
but Priya's gonna be
calling any minute, so...
24
00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:59,143
Oh, yes, Priya.
25
00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:03,147
Leonard, you know
I make a point of
26
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:06,033
never interfering
in your personal affairs.
27
00:01:08,353 --> 00:01:11,105
Yes, I've always
admired that about you.
28
00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:12,540
As well you should.
29
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,825
But I'm going to make
an exception here.
30
00:01:14,827 --> 00:01:16,494
Oh, good.
31
00:01:16,496 --> 00:01:20,815
Priya has moved back to India
to pursue her law career.
32
00:01:20,817 --> 00:01:22,533
Instead of
desperately trying
33
00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:26,654
to keep this intercontinental
relationship alive,
34
00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:30,708
you could use that time
to take up a hobby.
35
00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:33,060
A hobby?
36
00:01:33,062 --> 00:01:34,395
Yes.
37
00:01:34,397 --> 00:01:37,648
I read recently
about a fellow in Kansas
38
00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:40,234
with an enormous
ball of twine.
39
00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:45,122
I bet you could give him
a run for his money.
40
00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:48,326
You know, some people
might say that it's great
41
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:50,561
that we're trying to make
things work long distance.
42
00:01:50,563 --> 00:01:51,862
They'd say
things like,
43
00:01:51,864 --> 00:01:54,865
"Love is stronger than
the miles between you""
44
00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:59,620
When I rise to power,
those people will be sterilized.
45
00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:02,740
You video-chat with
Amy all the time.
46
00:02:02,742 --> 00:02:04,125
How is this different?
47
00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:05,626
Don't you like Amy?
48
00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:07,411
Of course I like Amy.
49
00:02:07,413 --> 00:02:08,713
Well, there's the difference.
50
00:02:10,749 --> 00:02:11,915
(Skype ringtone playing)
51
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,251
Excuse me,
that's Priya.
52
00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:15,436
Hi, Leonard.
53
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:16,437
Hey, honey.
54
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:17,638
I miss you.
55
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:18,839
Oh, I miss you, too.
56
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:21,175
I miss the old days
when your romantic partners
57
00:02:21,177 --> 00:02:23,227
could be returned
to the video store.
58
00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:28,399
Thanks for
letting me stay here
59
00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:30,434
while Leonard
Skypes with his girlfriend.
60
00:02:30,436 --> 00:02:32,069
Oh, it's no problem.
61
00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,788
It's actually kind of nice.
62
00:02:33,790 --> 00:02:35,439
You reading, me reading.
63
00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:38,108
We're like an old
married couple.
64
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,411
If we were
an old married couple,
65
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:44,065
the wife would serve
iced tea and snickerdoodles.
66
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:48,002
I don't have iced tea
and snickerdoodles.
67
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:52,256
A good wife
would go to the store.
68
00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:55,643
I want a divorce.
69
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,645
Good. On the way
to see the lawyer,
70
00:02:57,647 --> 00:02:59,513
pick up some tea and cookies.
71
00:03:00,349 --> 00:03:03,584
(both chuckle)
72
00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:07,271
I must say,
I am enjoying your new chair.
73
00:03:07,273 --> 00:03:08,639
It's great,
isn't it?
74
00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:09,640
It is.
75
00:03:09,642 --> 00:03:10,941
Aligns the lumbar,
76
00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:14,362
cradles the coccyx,
balances the buttocks.
coccyx 【解】尾骨
buttocks (常複數)屁股; 船尾
77
00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:16,781
This is a chair
worthy of the name.
78
00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:17,865
What name?
79
00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:21,185
Chair.
80
00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:24,705
Oh, all right, well,
I'm glad you like it.
81
00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:26,507
I mean, I still can't
get over the fact
82
00:03:26,509 --> 00:03:27,875
someone just
threw it away.
83
00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:31,379
What?
84
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:32,830
Yeah, it was just
sitting on the street.
85
00:03:32,832 --> 00:03:35,015
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks
to help me get it up here.
86
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:36,717
(groans)
87
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:40,688
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
88
00:03:40,690 --> 00:03:42,523
What is wrong?
89
00:03:42,525 --> 00:03:45,008
I've been sitting in garbage!
90
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:47,545
Sheldon, take it easy.
91
00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:50,364
You take it easy! I need
to use your shower.
92
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:55,453
I went into this marriage
with so much hope.
93
00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:59,507
There's a wet Band-Aid
on the shower floor!
94
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:07,081
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

95
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:10,434
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

96
00:04:10,436 --> 00:04:12,052
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

97
00:04:12,054 --> 00:04:14,588
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

98
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:17,258
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

99
00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:19,927
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

100
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:21,846
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

101
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:23,814
♪ Bang! ♪

102
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,339
The Big Bang Theory 5x02
The Infestation Hypothesis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011

103
00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:30,840
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

104
00:04:32,584 --> 00:04:34,148
This is fun.

105
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:37,350
I've never used a hydraulic
thermoforming press before.

106
00:04:37,352 --> 00:04:38,685
Pretty sweet, huh?

107
00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:42,574
This little baby set
the university back 175 grand.

108
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:43,624
That's three minutes.

109
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:45,009
Should we see what we got?

110
00:04:45,011 --> 00:04:46,027
Hang on.

111
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:46,834
(machine hissing)

112
00:04:46,835 --> 00:04:47,867
Oh, yeah.

113
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:51,054
This is one good-looking panini.

114
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:53,642
Hand me the tuna melt.

115
00:04:53,644 --> 00:04:54,660
Yep.

116
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,830
Thank you.

117
00:04:57,832 --> 00:04:59,114
(machine hissing)

118
00:04:59,116 --> 00:05:02,451
How's it going with
the long-distance love affair?

119
00:05:02,453 --> 00:05:04,253
Not easy, but we're
making it work.

120
00:05:04,255 --> 00:05:06,872
(machine hisses loudly)

121
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,508
When you say "making it work,"
does that include

122
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,094
doing the cyber nasty?

123
00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:13,212
What?

124
00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:15,798
You know,
the virtual pickle tickle.

125
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,052
The digital...
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow. ♪

126
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,971
Come on, dude.

127
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,722
This is my sister
you're talking about.

128
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,025
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk
at her through a webcam

129
00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:28,343
has got to be easier
for you to deal with

130
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:30,396
than him actually
touching her with it.

131
00:05:31,681 --> 00:05:33,198
There's no junk jiggling.

132
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,516
We just talk.

133
00:05:34,518 --> 00:05:36,368
Are you sane?

134
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,654
With high-speed Internet,
you have at your fingertips

135
00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:40,406
the greatest advancement
in the field of sex

136
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:43,392
since the invention
of the washcloth.

137
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,245
I can't do that.

138
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:48,080
(chuckles)
Well, if you don't,

139
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:51,583
you're gonna lose Priya
to some fancy guy in a turban

140
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,503
who grew up with
Kama Sutra coloring books.

141
00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:56,872
How can you
be so racist?

142
00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,091
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.

143
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,093
Oh, Leonard, good.

144
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,227
There you are.

145
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:05,230
I need you to check my head
for chair lice.

146
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:09,051
I did it last night,
I'm not doing it again.

147
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:11,770
Just his head, right?

148
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:15,240
I don't want
to talk about it.

149
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,944
You didn't catch bugs
from Penny's chair.

150
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,362
Yes, I did.

151
00:06:20,364 --> 00:06:22,698
And now they're cavorting
at the base of my hair follicles

152
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:26,235
like dancing hippies
at the Redwood National Forest.

153
00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:29,571
Sheldon, you do this
all the time.

154
00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:31,707
You fixate on some crazy idea

155
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:33,509
and then blow it
way out of proportion.

156
00:06:33,511 --> 00:06:35,711
Name one time
I've ever done that.

157
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:41,266
How about when you put
GPS trackers in your garbage

158
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,185
because you were convinced
North Korean spies

159
00:06:43,187 --> 00:06:45,154
were stealing your doodles?

160
00:06:46,222 --> 00:06:49,458
The chicken nuggets you were
sure were human nuggets.

161
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,643
The strangely-shaped cloud

162
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,313
that was following you
around town.

163
00:06:55,765 --> 00:06:57,733
The time you put on
my shirt by mistake

164
00:06:57,735 --> 00:07:00,536
and were convinced
you'd started growing again.

165
00:07:00,538 --> 00:07:02,538
I said, "Name one."

166
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,907
You really need to work on
your listening skills.

167
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,612
Penny.

168
00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:12,464
Penny. Penny.

169
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,967
Yello.

170
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:17,136
You need to remove that
chair from the building.

171
00:07:17,138 --> 00:07:18,804
It's a health hazard.

172
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,639
Okay, relax.
I took off the slipcovers,

173
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,641
had them dry-cleaned and then
fumigated the cushions.

174
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,209
Really?

175
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,644
Yeah. It's cleaner
than my couch.

176
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,313
Found half a Hot Pocket
in there.

177
00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:36,622
It certainly looks okay.

178
00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:40,609
Has a strong toxic
chemical smell.

179
00:07:40,611 --> 00:07:42,277
That's reassuring.

180
00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:45,197
Why don't you give
it a try, Sheldon?

181
00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:49,034
All right.

182
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:56,258
(sighs softly)

183
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,477
It is a comfortable chair.

184
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,630
Why don't you just admit
you overreacted?

185
00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:03,549
No, thank you.

186
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,392
(insects chittering)

187
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,064
(gasps)

188
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,152
(door slams)

189
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:26,839
It's like living with
a Chihuahua.

190
00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:30,358
Penny.

191
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,878
Penny. Penny.

192
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,130
What's up, buttercup?

193
00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:37,216
You have to get rid
of the chair.

194
00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:38,734
Nope.

195
00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,888
Penny.

196
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,423
Penny. Penny.

197
00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:47,142
What's the word, hummingbird?

198
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:51,313
For your safety,
please wait in my apartment

199
00:08:51,315 --> 00:08:53,899
as I call the authorities
so they may remove

200
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,901
the chair of death.

201
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,570
No.

202
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:01,607
Penny!

203
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,391
Penny! Penny!

204
00:09:03,393 --> 00:09:06,945
What's the gist, physicist?

205
00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:12,734
Under my authority
as a self-appointed member

206
00:09:12,736 --> 00:09:15,087
of the Centers for
Disease Control street team...

207
00:09:16,405 --> 00:09:18,290
...these premises are condemned.

208
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:20,342
(stutters)

209
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:25,413
As a man with a keen
sense of style,

210
00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:29,384
I must tell you, that chair
does not work with the room.

211
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:33,972
Penny!

212
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,224
Penny!

213
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,409
(screams)

214
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,930
Penny.

215
00:09:48,114 --> 00:09:49,926
So, here we are.

216
00:09:49,927 --> 00:09:51,293
Back in bed together.

217
00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:54,380
Yep, here we are.

218
00:09:56,249 --> 00:09:57,349
(clears throat)

219
00:09:57,351 --> 00:10:00,586
Okay, so I-I guess
I'll just jump right in.

220
00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:01,887
All right.

221
00:10:03,723 --> 00:10:07,943
Uh, you're a naughty girl.

222
00:10:09,079 --> 00:10:14,250
And-And, uh, I-I want
to punish you with my love?

223
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,404
What?

224
00:10:18,406 --> 00:10:20,055
Not good?

225
00:10:20,057 --> 00:10:21,957
That's terrible. Try again.

226
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:22,958
Okay.

227
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,745
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.

228
00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:29,715
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.

229
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:32,117
You're...

230
00:10:32,119 --> 00:10:35,287
You're a-a dirty girl?

231
00:10:35,289 --> 00:10:37,139
Oh, yes.

232
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:38,641
Yes, I am.

233
00:10:38,643 --> 00:10:39,642
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.

234
00:10:39,644 --> 00:10:42,344
You're a, you're a...

235
00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:45,064
You're a-a dirty...

236
00:10:45,066 --> 00:10:47,633
disgusting...

237
00:10:47,635 --> 00:10:49,902
revolting girl.

238
00:10:49,904 --> 00:10:52,855
Ugh!

239
00:10:52,857 --> 00:10:55,557
God, Leonard, stop talking.

240
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,693
Why don't you just give me
five minutes?

241
00:10:57,695 --> 00:11:00,779
I'll Google how to do this.
I'll call you right back.

242
00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:03,816
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet
and do what I tell you.

243
00:11:03,818 --> 00:11:06,368
Okay, like usual. Good.

244
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:08,337
Take off your shirt.

245
00:11:08,339 --> 00:11:11,707
All rightie. Shirt coming off.

246
00:11:14,294 --> 00:11:17,763
Ta-da! Man nipples. (chuckles)

247
00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:19,164
I said be quiet.

248
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:21,216
Yes, ma'am.

249
00:11:21,218 --> 00:11:23,835
Now take off your shorts.

250
00:11:23,837 --> 00:11:27,222
Taking shorts off.

251
00:11:28,642 --> 00:11:30,342
There we go.

252
00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:33,228
Naked, naked, naked!

253
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,730
Wonderful.

254
00:11:34,732 --> 00:11:36,649
Now I'll take off my clothes.

255
00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:39,335
Cool.

256
00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:46,575
Uh-oh!

257
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:50,045
Here I am, baby.

258
00:11:50,047 --> 00:11:52,147
You miss these?

259
00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:53,982
Oh, damn it!

260
00:11:53,984 --> 00:11:55,651
Oh, Leonard! Already?

261
00:11:55,653 --> 00:11:57,886
No, no! No-no-no!

262
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:03,308
The screen froze.

263
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,394
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.

264
00:12:05,396 --> 00:12:06,829
Fine.

265
00:12:13,436 --> 00:12:17,406
So, how are your mom and dad?

266
00:12:17,408 --> 00:12:20,025
Yeah, I really don't want to
talk about my parents now.

267
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:21,893
Yeah. Sure, sure.

268
00:12:23,329 --> 00:12:24,730
SHELDON:
If your video's frozen,

269
00:12:24,732 --> 00:12:28,917
try resetting
the TCP/IP stack.

270
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,285
Oh...!

271
00:12:31,504 --> 00:12:33,539
I didn't even think of that.
Thanks.

272
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:35,541
You're welcome.
Please let me know when

273
00:12:35,543 --> 00:12:37,092
you and your girlfriend
are done

274
00:12:37,094 --> 00:12:39,094
hogging the bandwidth
for your self-abuse.

275
00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:43,298
I'm trying to stream
a movie on Netflix in here.

276
00:12:44,517 --> 00:12:46,235
Five, six, seven, eight.

277
00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:49,421
♪ Tall and tan and young
and lovely ♪

278
00:12:49,423 --> 00:12:53,025
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪

279
00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:56,945
♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes... ♪

280
00:12:56,947 --> 00:12:59,832
SHELDON (knocking):
Amy? Amy? Amy?

281
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,284
♪ Oh... ♪

282
00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:11,376
You are aware that your
ritualistic knocking behavior is

283
00:13:11,378 --> 00:13:12,978
symptomatic of obsessive/
compulsive disorder?

284
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,447
Is not.

285
00:13:15,449 --> 00:13:17,049
Is not, is not.

286
00:13:18,117 --> 00:13:20,502
Denial. Denial, denial.
Come in.

287
00:13:20,504 --> 00:13:22,387
Thank you.

288
00:13:22,389 --> 00:13:23,972
Would you like to hear me play

289
00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:25,808
a bossa nova standard
on the harp?

290
00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:27,676
No.

291
00:13:27,678 --> 00:13:29,011
How about the theme song

292
00:13:29,013 --> 00:13:31,129
to the classic television show
Diff'rent Strokes?

293
00:13:31,131 --> 00:13:33,232
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat... ♪

294
00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,566
No.

295
00:13:36,302 --> 00:13:39,321
Well, that's every song
I know. What's up?

296
00:13:39,323 --> 00:13:42,157
You're good friends with Penny,
right?

297
00:13:42,159 --> 00:13:45,143
Best friends, besties, BFFs,
peas in a pod,

298
00:13:45,145 --> 00:13:48,080
sisters who would share
traveling pants. Go on.

299
00:13:48,082 --> 00:13:49,981
I was hoping

300
00:13:49,983 --> 00:13:53,585
she might listen to you
about the dangers

301
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:56,221
of owning unhygienic
furniture.

302
00:13:56,223 --> 00:13:59,424
For general educational
purposes, or has she acquired

303
00:13:59,426 --> 00:14:01,326
a bar stool dipped in cholera?

304
00:14:01,328 --> 00:14:05,180
Cholera is water-borne.
You're mocking me.

305
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:07,516
Yes, I am.

306
00:14:07,518 --> 00:14:10,235
Penny has dragged a chair in
off the street

307
00:14:10,237 --> 00:14:12,671
whose unknown provenance
jeopardizes

308
00:14:12,673 --> 00:14:13,672
the health and welfare

309
00:14:13,674 --> 00:14:15,524
of every resident in
our building.

310
00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:18,677
Sheldon, just because you have
a focus on cleanliness

311
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:19,695
bordering on the psychotic

312
00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,864
doesn't mean
I have to participate.

313
00:14:21,866 --> 00:14:25,434
All right, name your price.

314
00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:31,106
Kiss me where I've never
been kissed before.

315
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:36,011
You mean like Salt Lake City?

316
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,881
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.

317
00:14:38,883 --> 00:14:40,282
Thank you.

318
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:42,501
Will you listen to me
play my harp now?

319
00:14:42,503 --> 00:14:45,087
No. I dislike the sound
of the harp.

320
00:14:45,089 --> 00:14:48,106
Its overuse in classic
television sitcoms

321
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,308
always makes me think

322
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:52,311
I'm going to experience
an episode from my past.

323
00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:53,512
(plays glissando)

324
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:55,213
I'm sorry, Mommy.
Don't be mad at me.

325
00:14:55,215 --> 00:14:56,949
Don't do that!

326
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:02,154
I don't know about this, Howard.

327
00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:03,872
What? You're having
trouble

328
00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:05,574
with the long-distance
lovemaking.

329
00:15:05,576 --> 00:15:07,609
This is your answer.

330
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:08,861
There are two
interfaces

331
00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,195
that simulate
a human mouth.

332
00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:12,915
You have one,
Priya has one in India.

333
00:15:12,917 --> 00:15:14,583
When you move your lips
and tongue on yours,

334
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:17,286
it transmits exactly
what you're doing to hers.

335
00:15:17,288 --> 00:15:19,571
See? Internet kissing.

336
00:15:27,079 --> 00:15:28,630
Give it a try.

337
00:15:28,632 --> 00:15:31,350
I don't think so.

338
00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:34,019
I'll try it.

339
00:15:38,758 --> 00:15:40,425
Like this?

340
00:15:40,427 --> 00:15:43,428
Almost. Really get
your tongue in there.

341
00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:45,263
to activate the motion sensor.

342
00:15:45,265 --> 00:15:48,317
Like this?

343
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,736
Close. Really French it.

344
00:15:59,212 --> 00:16:00,295
Better?

345
00:16:00,297 --> 00:16:02,998
Yeah, you got it, you got it.

346
00:16:04,784 --> 00:16:08,119
I'm impressed.
This is very lifelike.

347
00:16:08,121 --> 00:16:11,173
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!

348
00:16:11,175 --> 00:16:13,842
I-I nibbled.
I was being playful.

349
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:18,430
Why do you have to make
everything weird?

350
00:16:18,432 --> 00:16:19,681
Sorry.

351
00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:25,637
Better?

352
00:16:25,639 --> 00:16:27,189
Oh, yeah.

353
00:16:33,646 --> 00:16:35,280
Pretty cool, huh?

354
00:16:35,282 --> 00:16:38,316
Probably would cost, like,
200 bucks in a store.

355
00:16:38,318 --> 00:16:39,785
I do appreciate
a bargain.

356
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:43,422
This entire ensemble once
belonged to my dead grandmother.

357
00:16:43,424 --> 00:16:44,373
You're kidding.

358
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,591
Everything except bra
and panties.

359
00:16:46,593 --> 00:16:50,879
And they're a leopard-spotted
secret I share with Victoria.

360
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:53,632
And now me.

361
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:57,335
I just have one question
about the chair.

362
00:16:57,337 --> 00:16:58,720
And what's that?

363
00:16:58,722 --> 00:17:01,974
Aren't you worried about it
being unhygienic?

364
00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:06,177
No, it's completely fine...

365
00:17:06,179 --> 00:17:09,931
Hmm. I get it.

366
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:10,983
Sheldon sent you.

367
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:12,200
He put you up to this.

368
00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:13,485
- No, he didn't.
- Really?

369
00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,455
Yes, he did.
He absolutely did.

370
00:17:16,457 --> 00:17:20,008
My God, Amy, that's really
crappy of you.

371
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:21,359
It is?

372
00:17:21,361 --> 00:17:23,962
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you
to manipulate me?

373
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,363
I thought you were my friend.

374
00:17:25,365 --> 00:17:28,050
No, I am your friend.
Please don't be mad at me.

375
00:17:28,052 --> 00:17:29,051
I can't even believe this.

376
00:17:29,053 --> 00:17:30,702
You know, maybe you
should just go.

377
00:17:30,704 --> 00:17:33,526
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I take it all back! Look!

378
00:17:33,527 --> 00:17:35,236
I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your
chair.

379
00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:36,642
There's nothing wrong
with it. It's a great chair.

380
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:39,711
Please let me continue
to be part of your world.

381
00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:41,379
Ow!

382
00:17:41,381 --> 00:17:42,748
What's wrong?

383
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:45,100
Something in the chair's
biting my tushy.

384
00:17:45,102 --> 00:17:46,384
It's not important. Ow!

385
00:17:46,386 --> 00:17:48,236
Wait. Get up, get up!

386
00:17:49,105 --> 00:17:58,730
(both screaming)

387
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,066
Swear you won't tell
Sheldon what happened!

388
00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:02,501
I swear!

389
00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:06,237
(screaming)

390
00:18:06,239 --> 00:18:08,573
Can I tell my doctor?
I'm probably gonna need shots!

391
00:18:08,575 --> 00:18:10,425
Yeah, sure!

392
00:18:10,427 --> 00:18:12,994
(screaming continues)

393
00:18:20,561 --> 00:18:23,058
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured
this thing out.

394
00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:24,425
Oh, Leonard, listen...

395
00:18:24,427 --> 00:18:26,277
No, you listen!
You're my woman,

396
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,812
and I'm gonna
make you feel things

397
00:18:27,814 --> 00:18:29,948
you have never felt before.

398
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:31,733
Leonard...

399
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,067
That's right, say my name...

400
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:34,786
and beg me for more, 'cause...

401
00:18:34,788 --> 00:18:38,172
I'm gonna give it to you.

402
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:41,626
My parents are here.

403
00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:47,131
Hello, Leonard...

404
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:50,835
if I may also
say your name.

405
00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:57,809
Check it out.
Free chair.

406
00:18:57,811 --> 00:18:59,260
Yeah.

407
00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:01,729
Hey, you know, if this was in
Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,

408
00:19:01,731 --> 00:19:04,465
I wouldn't wind up sitting on
the floor all the time.

409
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,985
On three?

410
00:19:08,187 --> 00:19:09,270
(chuckles)

411
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:11,439
Three!
Three!

412
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:15,326
What kind of idiot throws away
a terrific chair like this?

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net

The Big Bang Theory - 5x01 - The Skank Reflex Analysis

2012-01-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

1
00:00:00,048 --> 00:00:01,932
Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:05,031
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.
3
00:00:06,471 --> 00:00:09,505
You're moving
back to India?
4
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,096
What's going on?
5
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:18,547
(laughs)
6
00:00:18,549 --> 00:00:21,434
It's-It's not
what it looks like.
7
00:00:24,555 --> 00:00:27,073
What does it look like?
8
00:00:29,076 --> 00:00:32,778
It's not what it looks like.
9
00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:37,617
It's not what it looks like.
10
00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,285
What are you grinding about?
11
00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:42,505
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.
12
00:00:42,507 --> 00:00:44,123
She and Koothrappali
13
00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:46,342
emerge from your bedroom.
14
00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:49,879
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.
15
00:00:49,881 --> 00:00:55,101
The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."
16
00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:57,803
Just let it go, Sheldon.
17
00:00:57,805 --> 00:01:01,607
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.
18
00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:03,809
Now, knowing Penny,
19
00:01:03,811 --> 00:01:06,979
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.
20
00:01:06,981 --> 00:01:08,531
But...
21
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:10,266
since that's
what it looked like,
22
00:01:10,268 --> 00:01:13,519
we can rule that out.
23
00:01:13,521 --> 00:01:14,620
Let's put on
24
00:01:14,622 --> 00:01:17,623
our thinking cap, shall we?
25
00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:25,047
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.
26
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:26,749
Third World hygiene.
27
00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:30,119
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.
28
00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:31,721
Mm-hmm.
The procedure
29
00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:33,472
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait
30
00:01:33,474 --> 00:01:35,341
until the subject is asleep,
31
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:37,944
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.
32
00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:46,269
Yes, just like that.
33
00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:49,238
Penny could have been
34
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,741
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.
35
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,276
Oh, boy.
36
00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:55,328
That's a true blue friend.
37
00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:59,332
They slept together, Sherlock.
38
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:01,367
No, you weren't listening.
39
00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:04,787
She said
it's not what it looks like.
40
00:02:04,789 --> 00:02:07,206
She lied.
41
00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:12,295
Oh.
42
00:02:13,463 --> 00:02:16,849
Don't I look silly
sitting here wearing this?
43
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,887
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:02:21,889 --> 00:02:25,224
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:02:25,226 --> 00:02:26,926
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:02:26,928 --> 00:02:29,362
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:02:29,364 --> 00:02:32,064
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:02:32,066 --> 00:02:34,717
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:36,652
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:38,621
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:38,646 --> 00:02:42,146
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
52
00:02:42,171 --> 00:02:45,671
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,000
Hey.
54
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:53,834
Hey.
55
00:02:53,836 --> 00:02:55,836
Hey.
56
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,770
Hey.
57
00:03:06,415 --> 00:03:08,366
Leonard, is it awkward for you
58
00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:11,202
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse
59
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:13,070
with a woman you used to love
60
00:03:13,072 --> 00:03:15,706
in the very place
you lay your head?
61
00:03:17,793 --> 00:03:19,894
No, I'm fine with it.
62
00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:22,046
That sounds like sarcasm,
63
00:03:22,048 --> 00:03:24,081
but I'm going to disregard it,
64
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:26,801
because I have an agenda--
paintball.
65
00:03:26,803 --> 00:03:28,252
Specifically,
the interdepartmental
66
00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:29,687
tournament this weekend.
tournament 比賽; 錦標賽; 聯賽
67
00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:32,756
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,
68
00:03:32,758 --> 00:03:35,592
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.
69
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,061
Now, it goes
without saying
70
00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:39,013
that I would outrank
the three of you,
outrank 階級高於; 地位高於
71
00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:41,983
but the question remains,
by how much?
72
00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:43,234
Now,
73
00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:45,870
I don't see me
as some four-star general,
74
00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:47,788
back at HQ riding a desk
75
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,907
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.
76
00:03:49,909 --> 00:03:51,959
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,
Sergeant 陸軍中士; 海軍陸戰隊中士
77
00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:53,377
because that might lead you
78
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:55,746
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.
79
00:03:55,748 --> 00:03:58,282
This might take some thought.
As you were.
80
00:03:58,284 --> 00:04:00,051
What the hell is wrong with you?
81
00:04:00,053 --> 00:04:01,719
Yeah, how could
you do that?
82
00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:04,255
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.
83
00:04:04,257 --> 00:04:06,123
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out
84
00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:07,624
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.
85
00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:11,479
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,
86
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:13,097
that totally could have been me.
87
00:04:14,016 --> 00:04:16,100
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,
88
00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:19,153
and he might not even
have genitals!
89
00:04:19,155 --> 00:04:20,521
Why do you care so much?
90
00:04:20,523 --> 00:04:21,806
You're dating my sister,
91
00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:23,574
and Penny and I are in love.
92
00:04:23,576 --> 00:04:24,909
BOTH:
What?!
93
00:04:24,911 --> 00:04:28,162
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,
94
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:30,481
I've decided my rank
will be captain.
95
00:04:30,483 --> 00:04:33,334
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
96
00:04:33,336 --> 00:04:35,503
it's good enough for me.
97
00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:37,738
You're not in love with Penny.
98
00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,123
Yes, I am.
99
00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:43,044
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.
flowery arrows 用花裝飾的箭頭
100
00:04:43,046 --> 00:04:44,178
Who?
101
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,563
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
102
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:49,016
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.
103
00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:53,104
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.
104
00:04:53,106 --> 00:04:56,357
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.
105
00:04:57,342 --> 00:04:59,443
I'm sorry. What?!
106
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:02,480
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
107
00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:05,682
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."
108
00:05:07,018 --> 00:05:10,371
That could have been
about anyone.
109
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:12,689
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,
110
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:16,527
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.
111
00:05:17,329 --> 00:05:19,630
For the record,
I do have genitals.
112
00:05:20,865 --> 00:05:23,784
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.
113
00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:33,961
(groans)
114
00:05:34,763 --> 00:05:37,047
Well.
115
00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:39,266
(knocking)
116
00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:41,635
Oh. Coming.
117
00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:43,137
Yup, that's good.
118
00:05:43,139 --> 00:05:45,489
Wine glasses
should have handles.
119
00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:50,277
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.
120
00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,530
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get
121
00:05:52,532 --> 00:05:54,231
when you've had a few.
122
00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:56,016
You heard what I did?
123
00:05:56,018 --> 00:05:57,752
Well, I heard who you did.
124
00:05:57,754 --> 00:05:59,003
(grunts)
125
00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:01,705
Oh, my God,
126
00:06:01,707 --> 00:06:03,407
I screwed up everything.
127
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,009
I hurt Leonard.
128
00:06:05,011 --> 00:06:06,210
I hurt Raj.
129
00:06:06,212 --> 00:06:08,012
I mean, what is wrong with me?
130
00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:10,080
I feel like
two totally different people--
131
00:06:10,082 --> 00:06:13,300
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
132
00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:15,636
Don't be so hard on yourself.
133
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:18,472
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?
134
00:06:18,474 --> 00:06:19,440
No.
135
00:06:19,442 --> 00:06:20,757
She ruled Russia
136
00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,443
in the late 1700s,
and one night,
137
00:06:22,445 --> 00:06:24,261
when she was feeling
particularly randy,
randy【英】【口】好色的; 淫蕩的
138
00:06:24,263 --> 00:06:26,113
she used an intricate
system of pulleys
intricate:錯綜複雜的; 複雜精細的
pulleys:滑輪; 滑車
139
00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:29,083
to have intimate
relations with a horse.
intimate:親密的, 熟悉的[(+with)]
140
00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,652
I'm... I'm sorry.
141
00:06:31,654 --> 00:06:33,370
What does this have
to do with me?
142
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:36,407
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,
interspecies 異種
143
00:06:36,409 --> 00:06:38,959
and people still
call her "Great."
144
00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:40,444
I'm sure your
reputation can survive
145
00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:42,963
you shagging a
little Indian boy.
146
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:48,803
(knocking)
147
00:06:48,805 --> 00:06:50,337
(sighs)
148
00:06:52,174 --> 00:06:54,091
You jerk face!
149
00:06:55,427 --> 00:06:56,577
What did you tell Howard?!
150
00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:58,846
Did you say there was something
going on between us?
151
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:00,047
Because he thinks there is!
152
00:07:00,049 --> 00:07:02,516
He's completely freaking out!
153
00:07:02,518 --> 00:07:05,269
Please, come in.
154
00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:07,638
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...
155
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,741
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.
156
00:07:10,743 --> 00:07:14,512
I'm nice to everyone!
157
00:07:14,514 --> 00:07:16,413
I'm sorry.
158
00:07:16,415 --> 00:07:18,365
Damn right, you're sorry!
159
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:21,952
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!
160
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:24,922
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!
161
00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:27,007
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?
162
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:29,159
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!
163
00:07:29,161 --> 00:07:32,162
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!
164
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:37,501
You know, I've
done this before.
165
00:07:37,503 --> 00:07:39,019
In kindergarten,
166
00:07:39,021 --> 00:07:40,971
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,
167
00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:42,773
but by the time
my class got out there,
168
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:45,059
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
169
00:07:46,194 --> 00:07:47,344
So what did I do?
170
00:07:47,346 --> 00:07:48,979
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,
monkey bars【美】(供兒童攀爬遊戲的)猴架; 單槓
171
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:52,449
let all the boys see
my underpants.
172
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:53,734
You can't blame yourself.
173
00:07:53,736 --> 00:07:56,353
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,
174
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:59,022
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.
175
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:03,527
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."
176
00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:04,962
You know what?
177
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:06,547
Let's get out of here.
178
00:08:06,549 --> 00:08:07,831
Where are we going?
179
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,700
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.
180
00:08:09,702 --> 00:08:11,552
We may have to
drive awhile.
181
00:08:11,554 --> 00:08:13,420
(clears throat)
182
00:08:19,261 --> 00:08:22,680
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?
183
00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:25,015
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?
184
00:08:25,017 --> 00:08:26,150
Really?
185
00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:29,339
A best friend sleepover? Yay.
186
00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:32,740
Yeah, sure. Yay!
187
00:08:32,742 --> 00:08:34,608
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night
188
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,578
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.
189
00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,663
- Sounds great.
- Nope.
190
00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:42,666
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
191
00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:45,536
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.
192
00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:50,174
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
193
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:58,215
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap
194
00:08:58,217 --> 00:09:00,267
to play paintball?
195
00:09:00,269 --> 00:09:01,552
Who said that?
196
00:09:01,554 --> 00:09:03,771
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,
197
00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,723
but I can't see you.
198
00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:09,276
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
199
00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:11,145
Oh, there you are!
200
00:09:11,147 --> 00:09:13,096
Leonard,
201
00:09:13,098 --> 00:09:16,450
I know you're upset
about recent events, and
202
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:17,952
I have someone
here to help.
203
00:09:17,954 --> 00:09:19,620
I don't want
to talk to Amy.
204
00:09:19,622 --> 00:09:22,606
No, it's not Amy.
205
00:09:22,608 --> 00:09:24,575
Hello, dear.
206
00:09:24,577 --> 00:09:26,577
You called my mother?
207
00:09:26,579 --> 00:09:27,795
Oh, Leonard,
208
00:09:27,797 --> 00:09:30,748
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?
209
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:34,068
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.
210
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:36,053
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
211
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:38,439
Maddening.
212
00:09:39,791 --> 00:09:41,558
What's going on?
What do you want?
213
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,843
Sheldon informed me
214
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:45,062
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,
215
00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:46,497
and I'm here to help.
216
00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:48,999
That's so nice.
217
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:51,452
And we're back to the obvious.
218
00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:54,188
Now, what's up?
219
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:57,691
Well, uh... okay.
220
00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,743
Um...
221
00:09:59,745 --> 00:10:01,996
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.
222
00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:05,282
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,
223
00:10:05,284 --> 00:10:06,784
but I can't deal with the fact
224
00:10:06,786 --> 00:10:08,869
that she slept
with my friend Raj.
225
00:10:08,871 --> 00:10:11,154
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,
226
00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:13,624
who I've been going out with
for eight months,
227
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:15,092
is moving back to India.
228
00:10:15,094 --> 00:10:18,495
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.
229
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:20,014
I understand.
230
00:10:20,016 --> 00:10:21,665
Got any advice?
231
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,851
Yes. Buck up.
232
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:26,970
Excuse me.
233
00:10:26,972 --> 00:10:28,555
You're a world-renowned expert
234
00:10:28,557 --> 00:10:30,307
in parenting
and child development,
235
00:10:30,309 --> 00:10:32,342
and all you've got is "Buck up"?
236
00:10:32,344 --> 00:10:34,144
Sorry.
237
00:10:34,146 --> 00:10:35,863
Buck up, sissy pants.
238
00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:39,316
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.
239
00:10:39,318 --> 00:10:41,285
If you need any more help
from me,
240
00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:43,704
my books are available
on Amazon.
241
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:45,906
Logging off.
242
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:55,302
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.
243
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:59,522
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.
244
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:00,957
My turn.
245
00:11:05,863 --> 00:11:08,181
(sighs) You know,
I don't even know what the point
246
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,616
of me staying in L.A. is.
247
00:11:09,618 --> 00:11:12,369
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.
248
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,320
The closest I came
was last month,
249
00:11:14,322 --> 00:11:16,856
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.
250
00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:21,111
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.
251
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,830
I know, right?
252
00:11:23,832 --> 00:11:24,864
(sighs)
253
00:11:24,866 --> 00:11:27,033
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.
254
00:11:27,035 --> 00:11:29,135
No, I can't let
you do that.
255
00:11:29,137 --> 00:11:30,203
Why not?
256
00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:31,204
(knock on door)
257
00:11:31,206 --> 00:11:32,655
For the first
time ever,
258
00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,090
I have a thriving
social life.
259
00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:35,058
And no pressure,
260
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,311
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.
261
00:11:40,214 --> 00:11:41,214
Hi, Amy.
262
00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:42,432
Can I talk to Penny?
263
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:44,851
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?
264
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:49,355
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."
265
00:11:49,357 --> 00:11:51,274
How did you know I was here?
266
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,559
It's all over her
Facebook page.
267
00:11:57,397 --> 00:11:58,948
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom
268
00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:00,583
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.
269
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,503
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?
270
00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:08,407
So, hi.
271
00:12:08,409 --> 00:12:09,509
What's up?
272
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,594
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.
273
00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:13,680
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.
274
00:12:13,682 --> 00:12:15,515
Hall & Oates,
Katrina and the Waves
275
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,684
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
276
00:12:17,686 --> 00:12:19,552
(chuckles):
Oh.
277
00:12:19,554 --> 00:12:21,604
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...
278
00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:23,590
Aw, there's a thing.
279
00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:25,725
Look, honey, I was really drunk
280
00:12:25,727 --> 00:12:27,444
and made a huge mistake
last night.
281
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,112
We should've never
slept together.
282
00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:30,897
It's what ruins friendships.
283
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:33,149
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.
284
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:37,170
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.
285
00:12:38,706 --> 00:12:39,706
Come here.
286
00:12:39,708 --> 00:12:42,041
Just listen to me.
287
00:12:42,043 --> 00:12:44,661
I want to go back
to the way we were before.
288
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:46,329
You know, friends.
289
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:48,465
No sprinkles.
290
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:53,036
Oh.
291
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,137
All right.
292
00:12:54,139 --> 00:12:56,506
Thank you.
293
00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:58,624
(sighs)
294
00:12:58,626 --> 00:13:00,593
Well, uh...
(clears throat)
295
00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:05,482
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...
296
00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:14,190
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.
conventional sense 傳統意義上的
297
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:19,662
Oh, God.
298
00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:23,082
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?
299
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:25,585
No, no.
300
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,822
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,
301
00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:32,375
you-you asked if
I had protection.
302
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:33,760
Oh, you did, didn't you?
303
00:13:33,762 --> 00:13:35,678
Of course. I'm
always packing.
304
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,714
Anyway,
305
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:40,666
um, I had trouble
putting it on
306
00:13:40,668 --> 00:13:43,937
and you tried
to help and...
307
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,792
that was all
she wrote.
308
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:56,482
So, we didn't actually...
309
00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:57,483
I did.
310
00:13:57,485 --> 00:13:59,502
It was beautiful.
311
00:14:03,523 --> 00:14:04,741
Oh!
312
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,192
Penny, please,
please promise me
313
00:14:06,194 --> 00:14:07,660
you won't tell
anybody about this.
314
00:14:07,662 --> 00:14:09,195
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.
315
00:14:09,197 --> 00:14:11,164
Oh, good.
(exhales)
316
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:12,932
Um, can I tell
people that our love
317
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,217
burned too bright
and too quickly?
318
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:17,036
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?
319
00:14:17,038 --> 00:14:18,087
Sure.
320
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:19,806
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart
321
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:21,874
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""
322
00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:25,028
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?
323
00:14:26,547 --> 00:14:27,597
No.
324
00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:31,568
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?
325
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,189
Also no.
326
00:14:36,191 --> 00:14:37,407
Okay, just the
candle thing.
327
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,558
Yeah.
328
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,277
Cool.
329
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:43,413
All right... friend.
330
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,614
Hmm.
331
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:46,899
I'll see you around.
332
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:47,784
Okay.
333
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,721
Raj, wait.
334
00:14:55,742 --> 00:14:58,878
Thank you for being my friend.
335
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,746
Penny?
336
00:15:00,748 --> 00:15:01,931
Mm-hmm?
337
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,383
It's getting
beautiful again.
338
00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:09,555
All right, this is
a Google Earth view
339
00:15:09,557 --> 00:15:11,441
of the field
of battle.
340
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:12,692
I don't see anything.
341
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,811
Give it a
second to load.
342
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,595
Whenever you're
ready, AT&T!
343
00:15:16,597 --> 00:15:19,449
Okay, here we go.
344
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,035
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis
345
00:15:22,037 --> 00:15:23,403
and the Geology Department.
346
00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:26,239
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,
347
00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:30,660
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.
348
00:15:31,378 --> 00:15:32,629
That's our edge.
349
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:35,281
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,
350
00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:36,666
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards
351
00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:37,950
won't know what hit them!
352
00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:40,136
All right, let's move out.
353
00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:43,056
Hang on, Sheldon.
354
00:15:43,058 --> 00:15:46,926
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?
355
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:49,345
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors
356
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:51,347
about my fiancée.
357
00:15:51,349 --> 00:15:52,482
Screw you.
358
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,618
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.
359
00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:01,524
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.
360
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:03,326
What do you say
we just bag it?
361
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,078
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.
362
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,479
You can't quit.
363
00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:08,231
That's a court-
martial offense.
364
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,700
That's punishable by...
365
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:12,618
You can't quit.
366
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:16,339
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.
367
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:18,657
This is a game to you?
368
00:16:18,659 --> 00:16:21,928
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?
369
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:25,048
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?
370
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,667
Yes, no and no.
371
00:16:28,669 --> 00:16:29,969
Wait.
372
00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:34,774
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.
373
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:37,393
This mutiny
isn't your fault,
374
00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:39,345
it's mine.
375
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,531
I haven't earned these bars.
376
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,906
Although what I lack
in leadership,
377
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,326
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.
378
00:16:53,328 --> 00:16:55,361
Let it go, Sheldon.
379
00:16:55,363 --> 00:16:57,714
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.
380
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:58,715
No.
381
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:02,051
Jamba Juice is for heroes.
382
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:06,372
And that's what
we're going to be.
383
00:17:08,092 --> 00:17:09,425
What are you doing?
384
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:14,713
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
385
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,771
(people shouting in distance)
386
00:17:27,244 --> 00:17:31,280
Geology isn't a real science!
387
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,617
(paintball guns popping)
388
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:46,512
(popping ceases)
389
00:17:47,914 --> 00:17:51,384
Damn those sons
of bitches!
390
00:17:51,386 --> 00:17:52,935
Let's get 'em!
391
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,753
Eat paint!
392
00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:57,390
(yelling)
393
00:17:59,926 --> 00:18:01,944
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,
394
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:04,597
this will be when it started.
395
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:05,565
(paintball guns popping)
396
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:08,251
Ow!
397
00:18:09,369 --> 00:18:11,103
I'd like to
propose a toast
398
00:18:11,105 --> 00:18:14,707
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,
399
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:16,459
Captain Sheldon Cooper.
400
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:17,994
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
401
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,830
Excuse me.
It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
402
00:18:21,498 --> 00:18:22,948
With my last breath,
403
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:26,252
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.
404
00:18:26,854 --> 00:18:28,387
It's kind of a big deal.
405
00:18:28,389 --> 00:18:30,173
(knock on door)
406
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:33,142
Hi. You guys have a minute?
407
00:18:34,728 --> 00:18:36,962
Uh, yeah, sure.
408
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:38,598
Okay.
409
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,233
Um...
(clears throat)
410
00:18:40,235 --> 00:18:42,735
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize
411
00:18:42,737 --> 00:18:44,020
to the rest of you for,
412
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,906
you know, everything.
413
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,574
Please, Penny, let me.
(clears throat)
414
00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:53,362
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together
415
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,082
be just one of those
memories you have
416
00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:58,201
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue
417
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,303
or you're in the shower.
418
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:04,340
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?
419
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:11,714
Sorry. Go on.
420
00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:13,349
(clears throat)
421
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:16,135
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking
422
00:19:16,137 --> 00:19:19,105
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion
423
00:19:19,107 --> 00:19:21,023
I have to stop kidding myself.
424
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:23,109
I suck at acting.
425
00:19:23,111 --> 00:19:25,778
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.
426
00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:27,680
You're leaving?
427
00:19:27,682 --> 00:19:28,981
Yeah.
428
00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:30,950
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?
429
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:33,819
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.
430
00:19:33,821 --> 00:19:34,871
(cell phone ringing)
431
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,789
Oh, sorry. Hold on.
432
00:19:36,791 --> 00:19:38,241
Hello?
433
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:41,026
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,
434
00:19:41,028 --> 00:19:43,362
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...
435
00:19:43,364 --> 00:19:44,530
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.
436
00:19:44,532 --> 00:19:45,831
You're kidding.
437
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:46,799
Oh, my gosh.
438
00:19:46,801 --> 00:19:48,634
I can't believe it!
Really?!
439
00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:49,702
Oh, I'm so excited!
440
00:19:49,704 --> 00:19:50,670
Thank you!
441
00:19:50,672 --> 00:19:51,888
Thank you so much.
442
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,172
Okay, bye.
443
00:19:53,174 --> 00:19:54,674
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
444
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:55,858
I start Monday!
445
00:19:57,895 --> 00:19:59,595
What about Nebraska?
446
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:00,596
Oh, hell with Nebraska.
447
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:02,732
I'm gonna be a star!
448
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:03,799
(door closes)
449
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:06,235
sync, corrected by elderman
450
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,359
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?
451
00:20:23,752 --> 00:20:25,536
Ready to ride?
452
00:20:25,537 --> 00:20:27,287
I don't think
so, Mom.
453
00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:29,005
Not today.
454
00:20:29,007 --> 00:20:30,257
Oh, sweetie.
455
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:32,592
Hemorrhoids acting up again?
456
00:20:32,594 --> 00:20:34,744
You don't know the half of it.
457
00:20:34,746 --> 00:20:36,913
Oh, yes, I do.
458
00:20:36,915 --> 00:20:39,382
Try a dab of this.
459
00:20:40,918 --> 00:20:44,804
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"
460
00:20:44,806 --> 00:20:49,075
Now, the "H" is for "her."
461
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:54,581
I'm proud of you.
462
00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:55,515
Shh!
463
00:20:55,517 --> 00:20:56,683
Here comes
my joke.
464
00:20:56,685 --> 00:20:58,652
How you doing?
465
00:20:58,654 --> 00:21:02,272
Sittin' pretty.