Jesus' General

Ten Alternatives To Apologizing For Koran Burnings

2012-02-28T00:03:00.001-05:00

As Afghanistan exploded over news that the American military burned seized Korans, the OBAMUNIST USURPER responded in his typical fashion--he apologized like the America-hating foreigner he his.

Thankfully, the true patriots of the GOP are not allowing him to get a way with it. Indeed, they've come up with a list of ten ways in which a Republican president would have responded differently to Afghan concerns:

Invade Iran.
Drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
Lower taxes for those who make more than $250,000 a year.
Make transvaginal probing a requirement to buy ladies shoes.
Require insurance companies to cover the costs of hiring priests to serve as school nurses.
Declare "American Hoggers" to be the "Official Tee Vee Show of the United States."
Restore property rights stolen by the socialist, Abraham Lincoln, after the War of Northern Aggression.
Privatize Congress.
Change name of "arabic numerals" to "freedom numerals"
Create a special visa for anyone willing to put their little Mexican into an Arizona Sheriff's mouth.

Let America Be America Again

2012-02-27T00:05:00.003-05:00

My Inner Frenchman was surprised to see a guvmint blog linking to a Langston Hughes poem. And it being Unheartlandishly-Hued History Month, he demanded that I publish it here. God damned commie.

Let America Be America Again
by Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

Single Not-Men Senators Unqualified to Discuss Contraception

2012-02-24T00:24:00.001-05:00

Sen. Michael Baumgartner
Washington State Senate
Candidate for US Senate

Dear Sen. Baumgartner,

Thank you for so eloquently stating what should be obvious to everyone: U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell is "not qualified to talk on the issue [availability of contraceptives] because she isn't married."

Unmarried women are incapable of understanding the implications of allowing wide-spread, or even any, access to contraception. Without the benefit of a husband's wisdom, it is better that they leave such discussions to Catholic Bishops and others who have greater expertise in sexual matters.

I've got to go now. Ofjoshua is waiting to hear my decision regarding her pap smear.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Now for something completely different.

I know how designers feel when they see their clothes at the Oscars.

Reader Ben sent me the following email:

Dear General,

I was watching this week's episode of Hoarders (chalk it up to weird, totally heterosexual, guilty pleasure TV) when I spotted something that only registered as an indicator in that too-fast-for-consciousness pattern matching part of my brain. I paused and went back and there it was, Republican Jesus on a hoody. I can't make out the text but maybe you can. Or not. In any case I thought you might want to know of a
sighting out in the wild. Two images are attached.

--Ben

I'd have preferred "American Hoggers," but, this is the biggest thing that's happened to me since they printed my name in the phonebook. It's the kind of spontaneous publicity that makes people. I bet it's enough to finally get my name in the Yellow Pages!

Blah

2012-02-22T22:50:00.004-05:00

I'm tired, sick, and clueless tonight. Go look at the pictures at Bag News Notes or check out this warriorly portrait of Rick Santorum..

A Resolution for the Republican National Convention

2012-02-22T00:13:00.002-05:00

As a true patriot and a godfearing patriarch, I'm excitedly waiting for March 3rd to arrive. That's the day when I get to cast my vote for Rick Santorum at the Washington State Republican caucuses.

But that's not I'll be doing. I also plan to be elected to the county Republican caucus and state Republican convention where I'll introduce the following resolution:

WHEREAS: the traditional American family, composed of a righteously authoritarian husband, and a subservient wife and children, thrived for nearly 6000 years after Adam first corrected Eve with a strap fashioned from stegosaurus hide.

WHEREAS: in more recent years, unholy advocates of the twin evils of egalitarianism and rationalism convinced modern not-men that they are their own masters, capable of making their own decisions in regard to their lives and their bodies.

WHEREAS: greedy purveyors of Bradshawian conveyance wear have tempted our not-men to don mobility gear, allowing them to desert the righteous toil of the hearth for the promise of careers and preferred accounts at Chico's.

WHEREAS: wicked man-hating femislamunistfascist-inspired magazines like Cosmopolitan and Tiger Beat have intentionally distorted not-men perceptions of what is considered normal in regard to masculine body proportions.

WHEREAS: every day, millions of lonely ova-Americans die unfulfilled after being chemically or otherwise prevented from consummating their love.

WHEREAS: every day, trillions of spermatazoan-Americans die from head injuries caused by violent collisions with latex.

WHEREAS: our current government, led by an unheartlandishly hued, secretly Amish man, commands insurers to cover contraception but not other medicines and other devices that encourage procreation.

BE IT RESOLVED: that the Republican National Committee assist in returning not-men to their proper traditional roles by demanding the prohibition of trade in ladies footwear.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED: that the Republican National Committee end the tyranny of the bedroom laugh by demanding that insurance companies provide the wives of traditionally-minded men with coverage for 3-D glasses capable of no less than 5X magnification to be used for procreational purposes.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED: that the Republican National Committee recognize that the part of sex when the wife vomits inhibits a traditional husband's willingness to achieve the procreative moment and that the RNC therefore demand that insurance companies provide anti-nausea drug coverage for procreative purposes.

I can't do this alone. There is always the possibility that they won't accept resolutions at the precinct caucuses or that I may not be elected to the county caucus or the state convention. If that happens I need you to propose this or a similar resolution at your caucus or convention.

Yeah, I know what your thinking. The party will probably include planks like this in the platform regardless of whether we act or not. That's likely true, but we shouldn't leave it to chance. Ask yourself, "would Jesus sit quietly, hoping His will would be done?" Heck no, He'd propose the resolution and then miraculously stuff the ballot boxes--just like Karl Rove.

A tip of the ol' helmet to LitBrit for the 3-D glasses idea.

Turning Boys Into Men

2012-02-21T00:24:00.000-05:00

Winnie reports on local man-building activities in my hometown paper:

Orson participated in a Klondike Derby with seven scouts on Friday and Saturday. They camped overnight at Camp Fife. The young men and their leaders participated in several different learning activities and contests. One very different twist on the snowball throwing contest was that the snowballs had to be replaced with rocks since there was no snow for the snowballs.

Our Little Babeu

2012-02-20T02:36:00.003-05:00

Elsewhere: Godfearing Teaparty-American Sheriff Paul Babeu offers a Mexican national a deal he can't refuse.

Department of Book Reports: Chickens

2012-02-18T18:13:00.001-05:00

It's getting to be Gardening season again, and I've heard folks talking about adding Chickens. I have stocked up on a few titles (sorry! Barnyard in Your Backyard sold before this post!) Not only will chickens add to your Nitrate content, also, you would have eggs! Chickens in Your Backyard is a very good beginner guide, and Raising Poultry is much more in-depth and technical. My favorite title is Hen and the Art of Chicken Maintenance, which will charm anyone considering keeping yard birds.

Chickens in Your Backyard has it's own "Stuff Found In Books" entry on the bookstores FB page, and Raising Poultry has some old news clippings tucked in.

Awesome Local Author News: Jeff Billingame has won the NAACP Image Award for his biography of Jesse Owens, I Love to Run (Enslow, $23.95) The book is published by an academic/library press, and I can't find a way to offer it for sale. You'd be best to buy direct from the publisher and not the Evil Empire who wants $28-30 some dollars for it. That's how they roll. It's unfortunate that I cannot carry a local author's book in my store. These situations are like text book sales. Perhaps I might could find you a copy at a greater price than you can get it from the source, but I'd rather you click and help keep that publisher going.

What's on your nightstand this week?

The Day I Gave God's Secret Handshake at a Campaign Rally.

2012-02-17T00:33:00.001-05:00

Back when I was a young buck private, I worked on Rep. Gunn McKay's campaign to retake the seat he lost to Jim Hansen. Now, I know what you're thinking: Gunn was a Demislamunistofascist. I guess that's true in a technical sense, but he was a Utah Democrat--you know, in truth, his heart belonged to God's Own Party.

Heck, he always said the only reason he was a Democrat was because the Church divided up its membership between the parties when Utah was gunning for statehood. The Prophet commanded his branch of the McKays to be Demoncrats and David O. McKay's side of the family to be Republicans. (It was always good to sneak David O. McKay's name in because he was perhaps the most beloved prophet of all time--well, next to Joseph Smith).

And he proved his conservative credentials by his actions. I remember one day, we went to the local Mongolian barbecue joint to meet with leaders of Ogden's minority community. Pastor Coates, who led the city's largest black congregation had to leave early to catch a plane, so we spent the last part of the meeting speaking to a Latina who was running a voter registration project.

Gunn got immediately to the point, noting that he "really respected 'you Hispanics' because you save your money and start new businesses." "You're not like the Blacks," he continued, "the minute they get a little money, they pool it together a buy a new Cadillac." She excused herself right after that. I guess she had a plane to catch too.

So you see, he may have called himself a Democrat, but he was conservative to the core.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about the time I accidentally slipped someone the "Sure Sign of the Nail" at a campaign event. For those of you who don't know what that is. It's the secret handshake you have to give to God before he'll let you into Heaven. It is taught to faithful Mormons during secret temple ceremonies. You can read more about it, here.

I was standing there with Gunn, looking for influential people I wanted him to meet, when a rather rotund, sweaty, middle-aged man came up, grabbed my hand, and introduced himself to me. I was caught a bit off guard and botched the handshake--the tip of my index finger landed on his wrist at the place one would take a pulse. It was the sure sign of the nail.

The man's face immediately lit up, and while nodding his head vigorously, he shifted the position of his index finger to match mine. As I looked into his eyes, I felt a connection. It was the kind of bond I suppose a french resistance fighter must have felt when his declaration of "the chair is against the wall" was met with "John has a long mustache." We were both Heavenly Father's secret agents, sent on a mission to infiltrate the gentile Democrats and turn their hearts against welfare and gun control.

I suspect that if you attend a Republican caucus in the coming months, you'll see people flashing Sure Signs of the Nail like gang signs at a Skrewdriver concert.

More Tales of the Sad Sorry Plight of the White Hetero Male

2012-02-16T00:29:00.000-05:00

The good, godfearing conservatives at "View From The Right" are holding a very enlightening discussion about the sad sorry plight of the white hetero male.

Proudly white patriot Patrick H. shares a story to which all us conservative-Americans can relate. People accuse him of being a racist simply because he believes that the unheatlandishly-hued are predisposed by their very nature to commit crimes:

I do not hate black people and I do not use derogatory language when referring to black people. However, after reading your blog and other similar blogs, I have come to believe: (1) that black people disproportionately engage in violent crimes and behavior; (2) some of this disproportionate behavior is intentionally directed at whites; (3) that the media has engaged in an intentional news blackout of black criminality; (4) that civil rights and other related laws imposed integration in all spheres of life to the detriment of both black and white people (and are unconstitutional); and (5) perhaps most controversially, that white females' voluntary association with black males in a romantic relationship exposes these white females to severe and imminent danger.

Nemo Quivedit echos what Patrick had to say. Although he swears he is not a racist, he lost his friends and a lucrative gig in the entertainment industry because he dared say that Black people were better citizens under Jim Crow.

I have worked in the entertainment industry since the early 1990s. A few years ago, when I had a Facebook account, I made the mistake of expressing there an opinion on the right of people freely to associate. I did not advocate separate drinking fountains for whites and coloreds, nor did I express my wish that the public schools could be once again segregated by race. I did not reminisce fondly about the happy, watermelon-munching, spiritual-hollering Negro slaves of plantations of the Old South, nor did I speak longingly of the joys of lynching or the burning cross. What I did do was opine that Title II of the Civil rights Act of 1964 be rescinded (along with subsequent legislation) allowing owners of privately owned accommodations to resume their traditional liberty to refuse admittance, service, and/or membership to anyone they wish. I made the further error of contrasting the current rates of black crime, black illegitimate birth, the overall state of black America, and black-white relations in general with those that preceded the end of legal segregation in America. And then to top it all off I added that so-called gay marriage was not only philosophically absurd and biologically ludicrous but that legislation enshrining sodomy as a civil right would prove to be as destructive and unjust as has the corpus of race-based civil rights law that preceded it.

It's hard to be a white Christian hetero man in America today. We are persecuted at every step. All we have left is the Senate, the House, the corporate boards, and those hogger shows on cable teevee. Who knows how long that'll last.

Pastor Anderson and Dr. Dino featured in Upcoming Documentary

2012-02-14T23:05:00.002-05:00

Later this year, Framing the World Productions, will release "After the Tribulation," a film featuring:

- HD video footage of Pastor [Steven L.] Anderson preaching at Faithful Word Baptist Church
- Exclusive telephone interview with Kent ["Dr. Dino"] Hovind from prison
- Pastor Anderson speaking to a religion class at Arizona State University about the tribulation, rapture, etc.
- Interviews with Pastor Roger Jimenez and Pastor Steven L Anderson

Paul Wittenberger is directing the documentary. You may remember his earlier film, "What in the World Are They Spraying," which exposed a plot by climate scientists to re-engineer our genetics by laying chemtrails in our atmosphere.

FDR, Satan, and the Conference of Catholic Bishops Walk into a Bar

2012-02-14T00:38:00.000-05:00

Hillsdale College professor of Western Heritage Paul A. Rahe is angry at the Conference of Catholic Bishops. It's not because he disagrees with their demand that Catholic universities be exempt from laws requiring them to provide contraceptive coverage in their employee insurance plans. No, it's because they didn't object "to the fact that Catholic employers and corporations, large and small, owned wholly or partially by Roman Catholics will be required to do the same."

Why did the Catholic Church balk at extending its objection to contraceptive coverage to Catholic business owners and shareholders? Well, Dr. Rahe says it's because:

In the 1930s, the majority of the bishops, priests, and nuns sold their souls to the devil, and they did so with the best of intentions. In their concern for the suffering of those out of work and destitute, they wholeheartedly embraced the New Deal. They gloried in the fact that Franklin Delano Roosevelt made Frances Perkins – a devout Anglo-Catholic laywoman who belonged to the Episcopalian Church but retreated on occasion to a Catholic convent – Secretary of Labor and the first member of her sex to be awarded a cabinet post. And they welcomed Social Security – which was her handiwork. They did not stop to ponder whether public provision in this regard would subvert the moral principle that children are responsible for the well-being of their parents. They did not stop to consider whether this measure would reduce the incentives for procreation and nourish the temptation to think of sexual intercourse as an indoor sport. They did not stop to think.

Yes, the evil bastards defied God by supporting programs to help lazy-assed poor people.

Shocking Report: Iran Deploying IUDs

2012-02-13T00:04:00.001-05:00

***JESUS' GENERAL EXCLUSIVE***
MUST CREDIT JESUS' GENERAL!!!!!

According to sources close to House GOP leadership, the House and Senate Republican caucuses are scrambling to craft a war resolution after learning that Iran is deploying intrauterine devices (IUDs) against the U.S. "This is the gravest threat our country has faced since the introduction of fluorescent lighting," noted one highly placed Fox News executive. "It's an existential threat. Gosh, I hope we go nuclear," he continued.

Evidence of Iran's IUD ambitions was delivered in a report presented to the caucuses by the CIA and Conference of Catholic Bishops on Friday. The report included intelligence photos of IUD production facilities throughout Iran.

This satellite photo taken in northern Iran appears to show a very large IUD on the grounds of Ghaemshahr Prophylactic Works #2. It is unclear why the Iranians would produce such a large IUD, but reportedly, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is concerned that Iran "has rediscovered ancient Nephilim technology and has launched some kind of unholy 'Goliath' project.

One section of the report describes a secret meeting of Iran's Guardian Council at which President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad detailed his plan to use IUDs to destroy the American Family. "We have Obama and Planned Parenthood working with us," he boasted, "soon, Alabama will be ours."

Following the secret meeting, billboards like this one touting IUDs as the "Fruit of Our Revolution" sprang up in Tehran and Isfahan.

Leaving nothing to chance, the CIA and Catholic Bishops brought Colin Powell in to brief the caucuses. "He set the stage for the last war," noted one highly placed Halliburton lieutenant, "we're hoping he can work his magic again."

Developing...

Update: The Dallas Morning News has linked to my scoop. I bet the New York Times will ignore it.

The Day the Church Rebuked Mom

2012-02-10T00:36:00.000-05:00

Mom was rebellious in her youth. Looking back, it's hard to square the mother I remember as a small child with the pious Mormon woman my teens.

The mom of my youth drank liquor and dated bikers, criminals, and junkies. I recall her riding on the back of a Harley holding on tightly to a man with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve and a Christmas when the police took our toys as evidence from a burglary.

I remember a drunken Daddy Dale, my first stepfather, dragging me to the toilet to watch him vomit, and his warning about how liquor did that to you. And I remember bawling when I was told he had gone to Heaven by way of Ogden's 25th Street and a hot shot, probably intentional, of heroin.

Mom cried for weeks after that, until one night, when her "Doctrine and Covenants," one of the four standard scriptural works of Mormonism, fell from the shelf and opened to a scripture that changed her life. I don't recall which scripture it was, only that it mentioned the Celestial Kingdom, the highest "state of glory" in the Mormon Heaven. It's the place where families come together and become Gods of their own universes.

Our lives changed after that. We read the Book of Mormon as a family every morning, and every Saturday we'd drive 70 miles to Temple Square to watch "Man's Search for Happiness," a BYU produced film about Grandpa dying and going to the Celestial Kingdom. It scared the hell out of me, but I guess it's what Heavenly Father wanted me to see.

But being pious in our personal lives wasn't enough, not in a small, solidly-Mormon town like Tremonton. Mom's sinful ways had placed her outside the community of the faithful. She was viewed with suspicion, or at least she believed she was. She was desperate to gain full acceptance again.

To do so, she had to be better than pious; she had to be perfect. She did all the right things. She only dated men she met through the LDS group for unmarrieds, "The Sociables." She asked for church callings. And, perhaps most importantly, she attended Cleon Skousen's lectures on why Mormons must root out communists among us.

But, still, that was not enough. She had to raise her children in a way that would avoid the community's judgement. Anything we did could be perceived as evidence that she had not fully embraced the Gospel. After all, the sins of the father, or in her case, the mother...

Over the next few years, she wielded the Great and Terrible Spatula of Redemption and other child training implements with righteous vigor until we were finally whipped into shape.

By then, she had married her fourth husband/ This time, as the Prophet commands, it was a temple ceremony. My new dad served as the ward's (congregation's) second counselor to the bishop. Mom was finally back in the community's good graces.

Then one day, she received a call from the Stake President (A stake is a collection of wards. It's comparable to a Catholic diocese, and the stake president is like a Catholic bishop). He asked her to organize a stake fireside for adults. These were events where the faithful would gather to hear an invited speaker speak on a "faith promoting" topic.

She was very honored to be assigned such a responsibility. It meant she'd finally "made it."

Mom did her research, and somehow found a black Mormon man who wanted to speak about his desire to "hold the priesthood," a right given to every white Mormon male at the age of 12. This was in the mid-Seventies, when the Church's refusal to grant the priesthood to blacks was becoming a big issue.

The speaker came and delivered a very passionate speech about how much he desired the priesthood and why Blacks should not be denied it. From all accounts it was a very moving bit of oratory. Perhaps too moving, because immediately afterward, the visibly angry stake president approached Mom and told her that she should make no plans for the week. He needed to set up a meeting with her.

We held a reception at our house after the fireside. It wasn't a very happy affair. Only a handful of people attended. All were family friends. None of the usual people you'd expect at such things, the stake presidency, high councilmen, bishops, relief society leadership, etc, were there.

Mom was consumed by worry. Had she unwittingly sinned against the Church by inviting such a controversial speaker? Couldn't others see that this man's desperate longing for the priesthood was a testament to the sacred power of the holy calling?

I was in my early teens, and although I held the priesthood, such questions didn't interest me. I was more interested in the black man and his family. I had never been this close to actual black people. Sure, I'd seen them during our infrequent trips to Ogden, but only at a distance. Now they were right here in my house.

I couldn't resist touching the kids' hair and wondering how their mother could look so white. Surely she couldn't be Caucasian. Intermarriage is a sin, isn't it?

I asked Mom and my step dad about the wife later. The question made them very uncomfortable. I did not get an answer. Instead, my stepfather quickly shot mom an accusatory look before asking me if I had fed the chickens. That was my signal to leave. He knew the mention of farm work would clear the room of kids.

Mom had her meeting with the Stake President a few days later. It did not go well for her. He chastised her for bringing a rebellious spirit into the church and commanded her to fast and pray for forgiveness.

She fasted for days and prayed for weeks, but forgiveness, at least from the local Church establishment, was slow to come. She was once again an outsider, and she remained so until that day in 1978, when God changed His mind about black people.

[Reproductive] Freedom is Slavery

2012-02-09T00:41:00.002-05:00

Sister Housewife preaches it like a man:

THE IDEA that public discouragement of contraception forces people to have children does not stand up to reason. No society in history has ever forced its citizens to engage in intimate relations. Public discouragement of “birth control” does, however, inevitably force a people to remain conscious of its procreative power and, thus, its destiny as a people. Furthermore, it encourages the individual in the habit of self control, which is the basis of all advanced cultures and of any society worth living in. Without self control, there is little of civilized beauty. Interior illuminations, great art, arresting architecture, monuments of philosophical or literary thought, revelations of divine wisdom – these come from societies that prize self control.

Reproductive freedom is enslavement and darkness. Without self control, there is decay. Let’s call a spade a spade. Birth control, lavishly available and widely used, makes a people stupid. It produces ennui and vacuity. Birth control is not just about children. It’s about the spiritual and intellectual temper of a people.

Dr. Dino on Ron Paul, Jews, and "Pinky and the Brain"

2012-02-08T00:01:00.001-05:00

Great news from God's favorite anti-sitzpinkling pastor, Steven L. Anderson. Kent "Dr. Dino" Hovind (or as the hacks like to call him, "Prisoner #06452-017") sent Pastor A an email from his home at USP Jesup.

Dr. Dino is working hard and sounds very happy. And why wouldn't he be. After all, as he triumphantly declares, "America is the "plucked eagle" of Dan. 7," and soon (7 years), Jesus is coming to defeat the "Pinky and the Brain type folks who wish to take over the world."

Although he's reluctant to participate in the "dog and pony show we see on TV every 4 years [that] is to elect a president of the board of directors for a huge private corporation named UNITED STATES," he's endorsing a candidate:

I would love to see someone who at least partly understands and attempts to obey the original constitution as ratified in 1791.The only one CLOSE to fitting that category is Ron Paul. I'd ignore the media and the 'republican leadership' and go for him IF I was voting for that corp pres.

Why Ron Paul? Well:

He understands that the const. is supreme NOT congress, NOT the court, and NOT the pres!

And, as Dr. Dino notes, Ron Paul doesn't pray those "Jew prayers" like other politicians do:

maybe they [Court, Congress, and President of the "huge private corporation named UNITED STATES"] prayed the Kol Nidri prayer?

"Huh," you might be asking yourself. Well,

I covered that in a post last year on kenthovindblog.com.

Oh yeah, the hypothetical conversation with God and a Rabbi:

God: Go ask the rabbi, Son (Matthew 23: 7-8).

KH [Kent Hovind]: Ok Lord… Excuse me, sir. I don’t speak Hebrew but you folks sure seem to be excited and zealous about what you’re singing! What’s going on here?

Rabbi (RA): Oh, we’re excited all right! This is the first night of Yom Kippur. Many millions all over the world celebrate this time. Tonight we are all reciting the Kol Nidrei (Maariv) prayer. It is the first basic level of the five levels of our soul. The Kol Nidrei chant inspires emotional ecstasy as we recite it three times to this soul stirring melody. Everyone really gets excited as they pray and dance!

KH: I can see that! What does the prayer say?

RA: It basically says that we are entering into an agreement with God that any oath, vow or pledge we take for the next twelve months shall be null, void, extinct, naught, and non-existent.

KH: Wow! Sort of like advance permission to lie?

RA: We don’t like to be that blunt but, yes, that’s what it amounts to.

KH: Is this how politicians, judges and even people on the witness stand can lie or not keep their oath to defend the Constitution and still sleep at night?

RA: Exactly! The oath is meaningless because of the Kol Nidrei prayer. It only lasts twelve months though. We have to do it again each year about this time.

KH: That’s sounds like what the Pharisees and scribes did in Mark 7:11. They could break the law and still feel justified before God....

RA: We take our cue from Solomon. He broke his vows to God, so it’s OK.

KH: Have you seen how Solomon turned out?

RA: Yes, but we are different. We’re happy the way things are. Just leave us alone. (Mark 5:17). We are not open to discussion about it.

KH: OK, it’s your life. I’ll see you judgment day and God will sort it all out.

God: I sure will, Son. I sure will. (Matthew 12:36) They have fooled themselves into thinking they have power to forgive their own sin. They think they are God! (Genesis 3:5) Does that answer your question about how they can lie and still sleep?

OK, that clears it up. It's obvious why Dr. Dino endorsed Ron Paul. He must be studying with the Teutonic Heritage Appreciation Society that runs C-Block. Great bunch of guys.

We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet

2012-02-07T00:13:00.000-05:00

The good saints at Main Street Plaza, pointed me to a great site about the Prophet, Joseph Smith's, 34 wives. I haven't had time to read through all of the short biographical portraits, but the few I have read make me want to sing out the words of that old Mormon hymn, "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet."

A couple, like the story 16 year old Fanny Alger, also cued up a second hymn, "Come Come Ye Saints" on my internal jukebox. "Gird up your loins," indeed:

At the time, Fanny was living in the Smith home, perhaps helping Emma with house work and the children. Ann Eliza Webb recalls, “Mrs. Smith had an adopted daughter, a very pretty, pleasing young girl, about seventeen years old. She was extremely fond of her; no mother could be more devoted, and their affection for each other was a constant object of remark, so absorbing and genuine did it seem”.

Joseph kept his marriage to Fanny out of the view of the public, and his wife Emma. Chauncey Webb recounts Emma’s later discovery of the relationship: “Emma was furious, and drove the girl, who was unable to conceal the consequences of her celestial relation with the prophet, out of her house”.

I feel very bad for Joseph's first wife, Emma. She was so obviously in Satan's grip, resisting "The Principle" as she did.

Of course, Joseph couldn't allow such behavior from one of his wives. He was a prophet, by jiminy, and he responded much like the prophets of old:

On August 22nd Clayton recorded: “President Joseph told me that he had difficulty with E[mma] yesterday. She rode up to Woodworths with him and called while he came to the Temple. When he returned she was demanding the gold watch of F[lora]. He reproved her for her evil treatment. On their return home she abused him much and also when he got home. He had to use harsh measures to put a stop to her abuse but finally succeeded.”

Some of the prophet's later wives also rejected The Principle. Fourteen year old Helen Mar Kimball, was one of them, at least initially:

In 1843 Apostle Heber C. Kimball had an important talk with his only daughter, fourteen-year-old Helen Mar. She wrote: “Without any preliminaries [my Father] asked me if I would believe him if he told me that it was right for married men to take other wives...The first impulse was anger...my sensibilities were painfully touched. I felt such a sense of personal injury and displeasure; for to mention such a thing to me I thought altogether unworthy of my father, and as quick as he spoke, I replied to him, short and emphatically, ‘No I wouldn’t!’...This was the first time that I ever openly manifested anger towards him...Then he commenced talking seriously and reasoned and explained the principle, and why it was again to be established upon the earth. [This] had a similar effect to a sudden shock of a small earthquake.”

Helen's mother was also moved by Satan's whisperings:

The next morning Joseph visited the Kimball home. "[He explained] the principle of Celestial marrage...After which he said to me, ‘If you will take this step, it will ensure your eternal salvation & exaltation and that of your father’s household & all of your kindred.[‘] This promise was so great that I willingly gave myself to purchase so glorious a reward. None but God & his angels could see my mother’s bleeding heart-when Joseph asked her if she was willing...She had witnessed the sufferings of others, who were older & who better understood the step they were taking, & to see her child, who had scarcely seen her fifteenth summer, following in the same thorny path, in her mind she saw the misery which was as sure to come...; but it was all hidden from me.”

But Lucifer's work was for naught. Helen married the Prophet Joseph, and eventually grew to understand the importance of plural marriage:

I learned that plural marriage is a celestial principle, and saw... the necessity of obedience to those who hold the priesthood, and the danger of rebelling against or speaking lightly of the Lord’s annointed”

God Damned Commie America

2012-02-06T10:03:00.002-05:00

There's nothing more communist than jobs, America, and hope.

Red Robin Burgers' Penis Surprise

2012-02-06T00:38:00.003-05:00

OfJoshua and I took the family out to Red Robin to celebrate baby Jesus' first touchdown day. As always, my grandson went straight to the claw games and immediately nabbed a stuffed prize (see photo below).

I'm not sure what it's supposed to be, but for some reason, it excites me. Makes me want to go out, drive my Dodge Ram Truck, shoot firearms, and bomb Iran.

Department of Book Reports: Everybody Loves Our Towns

2012-02-04T18:10:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd talk about a couple books set in towns I love, but you don't need to be a fan to fall in love with these volumes. First up, Everybody Loves Our Town: An Oral History of Grunge by Mark Yarm (Crown, $25) Mark Yarm is a former editor at Blender and spent 2 years researching and conducting 250 interviews to give a remarkable history of a pre-Starbucks, pre-Microsoft Seattle, a time and music that ended too soon. Chuck Palahniuk's Cult blog has an interview with Yarm about the bands and of course, Courtney Love.

This book has some great never-before published photos, like Soundgarden in 1994 and Candlebox impersonating you know who in 1995.

Wildwood by Colin Meloy and illustrated by Carson Ellis (HarperCollins, $17.99) Wildwood is a real place, an Impassable Wilderness in Portland, OR. Colin Meloy, the lead singer for the Decemberists and his wife Carson Ellis have crafted a modern fairytale in a city wilderness. A wilderness no one has ever returned from. But when Prue McKeel's little brother is kidnapped by crows she and her friend Curtis must journey into this land of magic and danger to rescue him.

State of Delaware Names Apostle

2012-02-03T00:36:00.000-05:00

Last week, the Delaware House of Representatives put aside such trivial matters as economic recovery and education funding to perform the more important work of passing this tribute:

Tribute. Be it known to all that the House of Representatives recognizes Dr. C. Peter Wagner As an Apostle For the Occasion of Commissioning Apostles in the State of Delaware.

On this special day of the Commissioning Service, we honor Dr. C. Peter Wagner for his many years of faithful service to the Lord of Heaven and Earth, and the advancement of His Kingdom.

'These things says He who is holy, He who is true, He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens: I know your works. See I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it." Rev. 3:7.'

The House of Representatives extends its sincere congratulations and directs this tribute to be presented on this 19th day of January 2012.

(Signed) Robert F. Gilligan, Speaker of the House
Richard L. Puffer, Chief Clerk of the House
Representative Daniel B., Short, Sponsor

Republican Jesus Joins Team Romney

2012-02-02T00:27:00.005-05:00

Now for something completely different.

I'm not much for frilly pink organizations, but you got to give the godly not-men at the Susan G. Komen Foundation a lot of credit for their honesty.

Screenshot of the Komen.org website taken at about 11:00 PDT, Feb. 1, 2012:

Where No Dachshund Has Gone Before

2012-02-01T00:41:00.001-05:00

Dr. Patrick L. Wooden, Sr.
Upper Room Church of God in Christ
National Organization for Marriage

Dear Pastor Wooden,

As a fellow warrior in the battle against homosexualism, I thought I knew everything there was to know about it. I mean, hey, like you, I think about homosexualist sex every waking and sleeping moment. But after listening to your interview on the Michael Signorile show, I realized that I still have a lot to learn.

Your statements alerted me to homosexualist problems and actions I never dreamed were possible. I was particularly shocked to learn (at about 4:45 in recording):

[Same sex spelunking in the cave of shame] is going to lead a grown man in his 50s or such to wear a diaper or a quote, butt plug, end of quote, just to contain their bowels.

and (at about 8:04):

I've talked about the practice of fisting, where one man takes his fist and puts it into the orifice of the man up to his forearm and in some case up to the armpit.

Although Mr. Signorile disputed your claims--I don't think he's fully committed to the heterosexual lifestyle--I'm convinced you were speaking the truth. I know for a fact that a man can shove a hell of a lot of things up his cave of shame.

Like you, I won't name names or provide other kinds of secular evidence, but there's a guy in my militia who fell on a dachshund, and the damned thing went all the way up his butt. All you could feel if you reached down there was the very tip of his tail.

A dachshund is a pretty damned big thing to have stuffed up your cave of shame. And it hurts like hell even if it's muzzled and has little lubed-up booties covering its claws...uh...or so my militia trooper tells me.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Col. Cletis might send you a note if he hears that I wrote you. He's a compulsive liar. Don't believe a god damned word he says. uh, The, uh, guy fell on the dachshund, dammit. And besides, I was drunk, and Sheila, our militia morale ewe, was angry with me.

Elsewhere: Partial transcript of the interview.

Recording of full interview:

Ron Paul is Proudly White; He Just Doesn't Like to Talk About It

2012-01-31T00:10:00.000-05:00

Talking Points Memislamunistofascists thinks it caught Ron Paul in a lie. Citing Paul's secretary, they say he wasn't being truthful when he claimed he wasn't responsible for his own newsletters:

It was his newsletter, and it was under his name, so he always got to see the final product. . . . He would proof it,” said Renae Hathway, a former secretary in Paul’s company and a supporter of the Texas congressman.

What TPM fails to consider is that both Paul and his secretary may be telling the truth. Perhaps Paul reviewed the newsletters and told the editor to replace the words "blacks" and "Jews" with "Nigras" and "Hebes." If the editor failed to make such changes, Paul is not responsible for the final product.

Still, some proudly white Americans are concerned that Paul isn't as proudly white as he could be. Teutonic heritage enthusiast Commander Bill White is one of them:

I have kept quiet about the Ron Paul campaign for a while, because I didn't see any need to say anything that would cause any trouble. However, reading the latest release from his campaign spokesman, I am compelled to tell the truth about Ron Paul's extensive involvement in white nationalism.

Both Congressman Paul and his aides regularly meet with members of the Stormfront set, American Renaissance, the Institute for Historic Review, and others at the Tara Thai restaurant in Arlington, Virginia, usually on Wednesdays. This is part of a dinner that was originally organized by Pat Buchanan, Sam Francis and Joe Sobran, and has since been mostly taken over by the Council of Conservative Citizens.

I have attended these dinners, seen Paul and his aides there, and been invited to his offices in Washington to discuss policy.

For his spokesman to call white racialism a "small ideology" and claim white activists are "wasting their money" trying to influence Paul is ridiculous. Paul is a white nationalist of the Stormfront type who has always kept his racial views and his views about world Judaism quiet because of his political position.

I don't know that it is necessarily good for Paul to "expose" this. However, he really is someone with extensive ties to white nationalism and for him to deny that in the belief he will be more respectable by denying it is outrageous -- and I hate seeing people in the press who denounce racialism merely because they think it is not fashionable.

Bill White, Commander
American National Socialist Workers Party

Godfearing Legislator Urges Lawmakers to Hang OB/GYNs

2012-01-30T00:44:00.000-05:00

North Carolina Rep. Larry Pittman writes:

If murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) are actually executed, it will at least have the deterrent effect upon them. For my money, we should go back to public hangings, which would be more of a deterrent to others, as well.