Dave's Books

Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:20:00 +0000

As Holy Week begins, not least of my emotions is gratitude. Thankfulness for this God that came down from Heaven to save me; that emptied Himself, and took the form of a slave, to give me eternal life. And for you too; if Jesus knew that you yourself were the only person that would ever be saved by His passion and death, He would still do it. Each of us individually is worth all that He endured. Remember this, the next time you feel insignificant or invisible: the same God that created the world and everything in it feels that you yourself are worth all that He did!

My life changed when I began concentrating on thankfulness in my morning prayers. Each day I try to focus on all I have to be thankful for. I always run out of time; my blessings overwhelm my ability to count them. Consciously feeling gratitude makes a tremendous difference in my life. It helps correct my natural tendency to focus on everything that's wrong. I hope it's made me more positive and easier to be around.

My blessings come in three kinds:

First are the big-ticket items, the ones so huge they tend to fade into the background; my family, the Church, the faith, living in the United States, God's love for me, the angels and saints.... Like I said, my blessings overflow my time to count them.
Second are the daily benefits, whatever happened yesterday or today: recovering from a cold, surviving another day at work, reading a good book, the coming of springtime
Third is the hardest. St. Paul tells us to give thanks for everything ("Always rejoice. Pray without ceasing. In all things give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you all." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). "All things" is unqualified. I have to give thanks for the very things I really don't want to be thankful for. The battle I lost at work; my dog's sore back; the temptations I suffer; the hurt inflicted on me by others, and the hurt I inflict on others. All these come under God's providence. And a funny thing happens when I truly give thanks for these difficulties: their sting is lessened, and my trust in God increases.

Most of all, gratitude is one of the best gifts we can offer God for all He has given to us. When we thank God, we acknowledge our dependence on Him and give Him glory. Remember the ten lepers who were healed? Only one of those ten took the time to thank Jesus for that tremendous gift. I am most deeply and humbly grateful to God for the opportunity to pray to Him every day.

The brazen serpent and the image of sin

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 01:25:00 +0000

This past Tuesday (i.e., Tuesday of the 5th week of Lent), the first reading is the brazen serpent from Numbers.

Numbers 4:6-10:

Wherefore the Lord sent among the people fiery serpents, which bit them and killed many of them. Upon which they came to Moses, and said: We have sinned, because we have spoken against the Lord and thee: pray that he may take away these serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. And the Lord said to him: Make brazen serpent, and set it up for a sign: whosoever being struck shall look on it, shall live. Moses therefore made a brazen serpent, and set it up for a sign: which when they that were bitten looked upon, they were healed.

My pastor made two points that fascinated me. First: the people were healed by looking at the image of what made them sicken and die. Second: we are redeemed by looking at (i.e. believing in) Christ on the Cross: the very image of what makes us sicken and die: sin. 2 Corinthians 5:21: "Him, who knew no sin, he hath made sin for us, that we might be made the justice of God in him."

Christ took on all of our sins on the cross; Christ on the Cross made Himself the very image of all the sins that ever were/will be committed.

This idea clarified for me somewhat the whole question of the crucifixion. Why did Jesus have to die in that way? By making himself the image of all sin, He caused His death to become the death of all sin.

Then I took this idea in a whole new direction. If the Passion of Christ is how Christ made Himself the image of all sin, then what happened to Christ in the Passion is what happens to our souls when we sin.

Christ was mocked by the soldiers who said, "Hail the King of the Jews". All sin is rooted in pride; when we sin, we make ourselves our own king; we refuse to serve the Lord (our true King) and serve our own desires. This "kingship" over ourselves is a mockery, just as crude and shocking as the soldiers' mockery of Christ.

Christ wore a bloody crown of thorns. In sinning we crown ourselves king of our soul. This crown claws into our soul just as Christ's crown clawed into his skull.

Christ was scourged at the pillar; sin lashes our souls just as cruelly. Each sin marks our soul just as each stripe marked our Lord's flesh.

So the next time sin speaks to you (and sin does speak to all of us; in this life we will not escape temptation), remember what the Enemy wants. Our adversary doesn't want you to be like God; he doesn't want you to be happy, or experience pleasure, or be free. He wants you to be in constant torment (just like the torment he himself experiences). And even in this life, such constant torment is the natural result of sin.

So by sinning, we crucify ourselves. What do we do when we turn away from sin, beg forgiveness from the Lord, and live our lives in Him? Do we not share in His resurrection?

"abortion is the great evil of our age"

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:52:00 +0000

Such is the reaction of Americans United for Life to the passing of the health care bill. Their e-mail alert is very eloquent. Since I can't find it on their website I will repeat most of it below:

After the last week of such intense work to try to keep funding and mandates for abortion out of health care, capped by the sudden collapse of “the Stupak bloc” which led to Sunday night’s tragic vote in favor of pro-abortion health care, the question on everyone’s minds right now is: what’s next? So I’d like to take a minute to tell you about AUL’s plans.

But first let me begin with a tremendous thank you for your support in the firestorm of this last week. The overwhelming response AUL received was deeply meaningful to the entire AUL team and a great encouragement. You are partners with us, so we work knowing that we are a team in the effort.

Together, we were able to really dig in during the lead up to the vote. AUL Action's “Life Counts” campaign was so significant that the New York Times and Politico both featured it.

I spent all of Saturday and much of Sunday at the Capitol while the AUL legal team was working at our offices near the White House and another part of our team was on the Hill making sure that the remaining “undecideds” had AUL’s legal analysis. In fact, the Washington Examiner ran an oped by our Sr. VP, Bill Saunders, about the Executive Order which was cited on the floor of the House by Congressman Sensenbrenner.

In the end, however, it came down to four votes. The bloc of Representatives led by Congressman Stupak, who had committed to casting a pro-life vote, failed to withstand the intense pressure from Speaker Pelosi and the President.

I cannot adequately express how heavy my heart was as I made my way back to the AUL office after Congressman Stupak’s press conference where he had announced that he cut an empty deal with the President.

When I arrived, however, I found our legal team already finishing up our newest piece of model legislation: a bill that would allow states to prohibit health plans offered through the Exchanges in their states from offering abortion coverage. I hope that encourages you as much as it did me!

We’ve already heard from legislators in Georgia and Kansas who want to get this legislation passed in their states. And let me assure you - we have more responses in the works, both on the state and the federal level. There is much more to come and a number of ways for us to respond pro-actively and aggressively. With AUL’s history working in the states with legislators across this country, and in the courts, we are uniquely positioned to respond to this new threat to Life. And we will.

On Monday, we spent some time together as a team, reviewing the events of the weekend; I told everyone assembled that we needed to focus on two central questions: What are we made of? And what do we believe?

The answer to the first question came in the form of that ready-to-roll piece of legislation. Our team may be tired, but we are relentless and we will press forward, creating a path toward restoring our culture of life.

The second question will keep us focused beyond this temporary setback. The answer is this: we believe that abortion is the great evil of our age. A surrender to complacency and discouragement is not an option. We are engaged in the great human rights struggle of our time. Our fight is waged with the abolitionist movement and the civil rights movement as our great heritage.

So let me conclude with a final reflection on that heritage. I had the privilege of beginning the day on Sunday at a non-denominational and bi-partisan service held in the Capitol Rotunda. It was awe-inspiring to sit in Statuary Hall, surrounded by statues of the great heroes of our history and the leaders of today.

The service was organized by a friend of mine and a friend of Life, Congressman Randy Forbes. We began by singing “Amazing Grace.”

This is a hymn that has deep meaning for many of us. I used it to sing my children to sleep all through the years when I paced the floor with restless babies. Those nights seemed endless then, but they are a sweet memory now.

Our times of challenge pass. History moves quickly and we have to seize the moment. “Amazing Grace” was written by the reformed slave-trader, John Newton, the friend and mentor of the great abolitionist, William Wilberforce. As I heard those beautiful words, sung a capella, in the soaring space of Statuary Hall, I knew a great peace about the day yet to unfold in front of us.

Of course the day ended in stunning disappointment. But Wilberforce and Newton knew those times too. Yet ultimately, they prevailed.

We have no promise that we will see the same triumphant outcome that they did. Although I believe that we will if we persevere.

A witness for confession

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:50:00 +0000

What can I say about confession that hasn't already been said? Protestant arguments against it are well known; so are the Catholic apologetics in its defense. Anyone who's interested can drown themselves in rhetoric and argument.

I'm not interested right now in continuing that debate. But I can witness for how confession has brought me closer to Jesus our Lord, in the hope that others will follow my path.

10 or 11 years ago when I first came back to the Church, I confessed maybe a few times a year. The sacramental grace that always accompanies confession did, in fact, pour out onto my soul; but it didn't find much root there. Twice or three times a year is not often enough to make a good confession; you just can't keep track of the multitude of sins.

I began to go more often. The more often I went, the more often I wanted to go. Confession became a focus point; it focused my mind on my serious habitual sins. I had become so enmeshed, so habituated in sin that for the longest time I didn't even realize I was sinning; after that, for the longest time I didn't think the sin meant very much. The more often I confessed, the more I became aware of how serious my situation was, how much God wanted to heal me, and how much I depended on Him as the doctor of my soul.

Now, I confess (almost) every week; certainly every other week. My most serious sin is by and large behind me; God's grace has lifted me from the darkness into His light. Frequent confession attunes me to ever-smaller promptings of sin. Once I was out from under the weight of habitual mortal sin, I become that much more aware of the smaller and subtler promptings of pride, sloth, and anger.

Along the way two analogies have helped me.

First is the classic comparison of confession to the doctor's office. If the Eucharist is spiritual food (feeding our soul in just the same way physical food feeds our bodies), confession is spiritual medicine. No matter how deep, how painful, how deep-rooted my sins, confession is powerful enough to uproot them and heal my suffering soul.

Second is the comparison of the sacraments to a blacksmith's forge. The Eucharist is the hammer; confession is the anvil; my soul is the iron to be shaped. The Holy Spirit is the fire, and God is the smith. The sacraments change the recipient's soul; they orient the soul towards God; lifting the soul from self-absorption into union with Him.

All you Catholics out there, faithful and lapsed: take advantage of this tremendous opportunity for an outpouring of God's grace. All you non-Catholics: the Church is open to you, as it always has been and ever will be.

Aquinas, Ambler, Dante, Connelly, Baur

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 01:55:00 +0000

I am a creature of habit. Especially during the work week, I do the same things at the same time almost every day. And I read books according to the time of day.

Over breakfast I read the Summa Theologica of St. Thomas. I'm in my third year of reading the Summa. Right now I'm in the middle of the "Second Part of the Second Part"; the Summa itself is in three parts, and the second part is itself divided into two parts. I'm reading the treatise about justice, specifically, "Question 77. Cheating, which is committed in buying and selling." Great stuff. It's hard to describe the peace and calm that come from reading St. Thomas, especially right after church and right before the work day starts.

Over lunch I usually read a work-related book, currently "The Object Primer: Agile Model-Driven Development with UML 2.0" by Scott Ambler. Next on my list is "Software Architecture in Practice" although I just noticed the 2nd edition is out, substantially updated over the 1st edition, which is what I have. Hmmm....

Over dinner I'm reading Dante's "Paradiso", the 3rd part of his Divine Comedy, following naturally after the Inferno and the Purgatorio. I hear many people read just the Inferno without moving on to the other two books, for its greater entertainment value. I don't understand this. The Inferno was hard for me to read; it's about souls in self-inflicted torment; all darkness and pain. The Paradiso is a greater accomplishment; from Scripture we know that the mind cannot conceive what awaits the blessed; so Dante can't come close to describing the real thing, but it is a noble attempt nonetheless.

When I have spare time in the evening I read a mystery or some other novel. Currently it's "Trunk Music" by Michael Connelly, part of a series featuring the detective Harry Bosch. I really like this series; I'm trying to read the whole series in order of publication. Previously I read "A Small Death in Lisbon" by Robert Wilson which is one of the finest mysteries I ever read.

At night I read a few pages from a spiritual book before falling asleep. Currently it's "In Silence With God" by Benedict Baur, another very good book about your personal relationship with God; something I continue to struggle with.

Stretching a metaphor until it breaks

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 02:03:00 +0000

I baked two loaves of bread last weekend. They turned out great, thanks to Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book. But that's not the point of this post.

A few minutes after I began kneading the bread, I realized it was very hard to work with. Then I looked up and saw the bowl of yeast on my counter... not in the dough I was kneading, where it should have been! Many years ago I forgot the yeast in a bread maker; the bread came out like a brick, and that's what I was on my way to making.

So, I poured the yeast over my brick-in-the-making, and began to work it in. The gluten was pretty solid by then and didn't want to break up. I had to really squish and pull and press and mash. It kind of brought me back to my childhood days of playing in the sand and the mud. Finally everything was mixed into a very nice dough and the bread turned out just great.

That's the literal story. Now let's take an allegorical look... my allegory is a little goofy but it works in a weird kind of way.

The original brick I was kneading is like a dead human soul - lost in sin, immured in the world, unable to look up to Heaven or contemplate God's love and mercy, loving nothing, itself least of all. Such is the fate of the soul turned in upon itself, lacking faith, hope, and charity.

The yeast is like God's word, living and active in Scripture and the church. The yeast is capable of turning a brick (or to use more Scriptural language, a stony heart) into a pliant, life-giving, joyful substance.

But it takes some work. When I first poured the yeast on the brick, all I had was yeast and a brick; I had to do some work to break down the brick and work the yeast into it. That is the action of the Holy Spirit, transforming the stony heart into a living heart. The Spirit transforms us, operating on us even without our knowledge.

And the whole operation is pretty hard on the brick. Once a soul realizes it's in the midst of a dark wood (as Dante found himself at the start of The Inferno), there's a lot of hard work and pain ahead. Turning towards God means turning away from yourself; it's the hardest thing I've ever done. That first turning towards God suffices for your salvation; but God calls us to be holy, and so long as we remain in this vale of tears, we are called upon to let the Holy Spirit continue working on us.

Then you realize the truth about the horror you are leaving behind, and the truth about the glory you are approaching. And then you know it's worthwhile; you are on your way to becoming an aromatic offering to our Savior.

The Bostonians

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:49:00 +0000

Last weekend I finished An Outcast of the Islands. How exhilarating it is to finish a great book, and how depressing to realize there is no more of said great book to read!

I am moving on to an author I'm still struggling with. I loved Henry James' book "Washington Square." But I didn't like "The Turn of the Screw" at all. And I've started a few other of his books, and not gotten very far.

But there's no denying that the man can write like nobody's business, and anyone who's books still fill a shelf at Border's a hundred years after he wrote them is a force to be reckoned with. So I've started The Bostonians. Reviews indicate it is a relatively light and satirical book; perhaps not so heavy as, say, "The Golden Bowl". Perhaps this will be the breakthrough book that The Reivers was for my reading of William Faulkner... "The Reivers" set me on fire.

The diocesan shuffle

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:54:00 +0000

My diocese moves priests on a regular schedule. Pastors typically stay at a parish for 6 years (or maybe 10 - I forget). Parochial vicars (all priests other than the pastor) generally stay for 2 years.

At my parish our two parochial vicars came two years ago; so on July 1 they are moving on, and two new parochial vicars arrive.

I like the effects this has on the diocese as a corporate body, on the priests, and on the individual parishioners.

The diocese gets a flexible way to move priests to where they are needed, and a way to expose priests to all parts of the diocese, from the more rural to the near-city.

The priests get to know and work with more of their brethren. Parish priests tend to get tunnel-vision, seeing only their parish, so the regular reassignments broaden their horizons. Plus they meet more of the faithful.

Individual parishioners get to meet and work with more priests. This is very important for me. I've talked with people who've had the same pastor for 20+ years. Such a parish inevitably revolves around the person and personality of that one pastor. With priests coming and going relatively frequently, the faithful get to see that the Church's teachings remain the same, just expressed in a different style by each pastor. The focus is more on the person of Jesus Christ and the Catholic faith, less on any one priest.

I am always sorry to see my parish's priests leave, and at the same time I always look forward to meeting the new ones. What a great gift God has given us in the ordinary parish priest! The homilies, Masses, confessions, and counseling I've received from my humble parish priests have done more for my spiritual life than any other human interaction.

Too Many Curses

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:44:00 +0000

"Too Many Curses" by A. Lee Martinez is the 5th book from this great fantasy writer - I've also read the previous 4. Almost unheard of for a modern fantasy writer is that all 5 books have different characters, plots, and styles. No trilogies, no series, no continuity from book to book. They are all totally different! How refreshing!

And they are all funny, lighthearted books; but not completely without depth, and internally logical and consistent. I had about decided there would be no more great fantasy writers - maybe I was wrong.

Our daily bread

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 01:55:00 +0000

A few years ago I would get discouraged thinking about all the Masses and confessions I would be going to over the years. Isn't it possible just finally to become the ultimate Christian and stop having to invest the time and effort into driving to church day after day after day?

Then I read a story about an older gentleman who counted up the thousands of sermons he'd heard over the years. He couldn't remember the details of a single one. He thought they were all wasted! His pastor asked him if he could remember any of the thousands of meals his wife had made him, over the same number of years... He couldn't remember them either.

The lesson is clear. We eat three times a day (more or less) to keep up our physical strength and vitality. I attend Mass six times a week (more or less) to keep up my spiritual strength... The homily, the Eucharist, daily spiritual reading, is all food for the mind. On days I neglect Mass, prayer, and reading, my clarity of vision and focus on God suffers; just like my body suffers if I skip a few meals.

Viva Cristo Rey

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 02:02:00 +0000

"Viva Cristo Rey!" - Long live Christ the King - was Miguel Pro's exclamation before his execution by firing squad in Mexico in 1927, during the terrible persecution of Catholics.

The government took this famous picture of the firing squad, intending it to belittle Pro's Catholicity, showing the weakness of the Faith compared to the government. His hands were not tied in that position - he deliberately spread his arms in imitation of the Crucifixion, just before he was shot and killed. Copies of the picture were distributed like postcards, to discourage the faithful. It had the opposite effect, inspiring the Catholics to such an extent the government soon outlawed the pictures.

At last year's Opus Dei retreat, they played Miguel Pro's story during the lunches. The story is hard to forget.

Recently I struggled with the real truth of my life in terms of pride and humility. The catchphrase - "Viva Cristo Rey!" - popped into my head and comforted me greatly. I still repeat it to myself from time to time during the day - when I'm tired, or discouraged, or just to remind myself of God. It clarifies my thoughts and gives me energy.

Long live Christ the King!

The Object Primer 3rd Edition

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:41:00 +0000

The Object Primer: Agile Model Driven Development by Scott Ambler is the book I'm reading at work during lunch. In terms of introducing object-oriented concepts it is, in fact, a primer; very basic, starting off almost from scratch. Going back to basics is something everyone should do every once in a while... I have a definite tendency to make things as complicated as I can, and it's good to read a text that boils a topic down to the very basics.

It was written in 2004, and it's interesting how technology changes. One of the first chapters introduces the basic building blocks of business-oriented application development: object technology, relational databases, Web services, and XML. By "object technology" he means a rich domain model expressed in terms of the problem domain. I hardly ever see object technology applied in the disciplined way he describes... Maybe I've been working on the wrong projects. As for relational databases, they have certainly been everyone's bread and butter for over a generation now, but it is amazing how few programmers really know anything about them. The very largest Web sites don't seem to use traditional relational databases for the most part but every application I've written for over 20 years now is backed by one. Web services seem to be falling out of fashion in favor of plain old XML ("POX") and URL-driven interfaces.

But that is just the first chapter. I'm reading the book for practical experience and guidance on modeling - something I hardly ever do - I prefer writing paragraphs of text (much like this post that you are reading now), over boxes and arrows. But long and painful experience shows that modeling can be a huge help to team communication, team thought, communicating with the customer and management, etc. And it can help you write better software... All the problems arise from too much modeling, too early in the project; pro forma modeling done to fulfill a checklist by people who could care less about the model itself; and models that only partly reflect reality so they can't be trusted as a description of the actual software.

My hope from reading this book is to help me use models effectively, avoiding these traps.

Pride, humility, adherence to God's will

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:22:00 +0000

It's been a while since I wrote about This Tremendous Lover. Like my retreat last November, it has caused tremendous upheaval in my spiritual life.

The upheaval came after I read the chapter on humility and adherence to God's will. Humility means having a clear understanding ourselves; adherence to God's will means losing ourselves to let God live in us.

In reading this chapter, I recognized myself in M. Eugene Boylan's description of the proud man who has hope only in himself.

One of the reasons why men are so anxious to exalt themselves -- to overestimate their own value and their own powers -- to resent anything that would tend to lower themselves in their own esteem or that of others -- is because they see no hope for their happiness save in themselves. That is often why they are so "touchy," so resentful of criticism, so impatient of opposition, so insistent on getting their own way, so eager be known, so anxious for praise, so determined on ruling their surroundings. They clutch at themselves like drowning men clutch at a straw. And as life goes on, and they are still far from being satisfied, their attitude borders on the feverish and the hysterical; whatever they may have got, they are certainly far from having found peace....

Some men are quite adroit in turning the conversation to topics in which they can display their knowledge or ability. The patronizing person is generally a a proud person.... There are those who insist upon maintaining their own opinion, those who cannot let any slip pass without correcting it, those who are only too glad to correct others.... Contemptuous sarcasm and mordant wit often come from pride.

I didn't recognize myself in any part of his description of the humble man who lives for God.

The attitude of the man who has true Christian humility is just the opposite. His hope is placed in God; he sees no hope in himself. He has not to worry about getting his own way; all that matters is that God should get His way. He knows that the less he has to do with the arranging of things, the more likely it is that things will turn out for the best. He is by no means spineless or inert. On the contrary, let him but once be certain that God wills him to undertake a certain work, and he will tackle it, no matter what it may be, because he knows his sufficiency is from God....

The avoidance of all those manifestations of pride which we mentioned above would be sound forms of practical humility. To speak as little of one's own self or affairs as possible; to mind one's own business; to avoid curiosity; not to want to manage other people's affairs; to accept contradiction or correction; not to insist upon one's own opinion unless truth or justice require it, and then to do so moderately, but with courage; to pass over the mistakes of others, to cover them up; to yield to will of others, where neither duty nor charity nor genuine Christian principle is involved; to hide one's own ability or talents; to avoid ostentation; all such are works of humility that are within the power of all.

I've known for some time the extent of my my problem with pride... But this was basically just an intellectual surface knowledge. Reading this chapter was enough to bring it home in a real, concrete fashion.

The fact is that standing on my own, being self-sufficient, is close to the heart of my personality. Turning my gaze from myself to God amounts to a leap into the unknown, a jump off the cliff, an embrace of the abyss. It means turning myself inside out.

It means trusting God, allowing His Word to re-shape me. For the word of God is living and effectual, and more piercing than any two edged sword; and reaching unto the division of the soul and the spirit, of the joints also and the marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) I pray for the Word of God to twist between my soul and spirit, to scour me and turn me to Him.

An Outcast of the Islands

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 01:22:00 +0000

This book is Joseph Conrad's second novel, published in 1886.

Conrad is quite an author; he was Polish, and didn't even learn English until his twenties, and yet became one of the finest novelists ever to write in English. The Wikipedia article I linked to above says he is a forerunner to modern writers, his style influencing everyone from D.H. Lawrence to Herman Melville. Personally I feel William Faulkner (another of my favorites) owes something to Conrad as well. Listening to Conrad's novel Nostromo on CD was a peak experience of my reading life.

"An Outcast of the Islands" depiction of obsession and alienation is so intense that I actually had to stop reading it for a few months. Even with the few month's gap, the story made such an impression on me that when I picked it back up last week, the whole story was still in my mind... In fact I never really stopped thinking about it. Not too many books have made such an impression on me.

The cover shown here is the cover of my copy. I can't find a better image online. I find the cover itself very evocative; it's from a painting called "Old Boathouse and Riverside Vegetation, Sarawak", by Marianne North.

But I'm not eloquent enough to explain Conrad's appeal. His sentences are simple and declarative, like Tolstoy's. The stories tend to shift back and forth in time and perspective, like Faulkner. But mainly, his stories are very interior; Conrad externalizes in narrative action the deepest functioning of the human soul.

There's a few authors that I've made a point of collecting and reading all their works that I could find... and they are an eclectic group. Donald Hamilton (espionage), William Faulkner (best writer ever), Glen Cook (fantasy), Robert E. Howard (fantasy), Ross MacDonald (mysteries), and Erich Maria Remarque (war). Conrad is well on his way to joining this group!

Exit Music

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:42:00 +0000

This book by Ian Rankin is the 17th and last in Rankin's series featuring Detective Inspector John Rebus. Needless to say I've read all 17; just finished Exit Music last weekend. Just recently I wrote about the mini-depression that comes from finishing a great book. How much worse it is to finish a great series! Rebus is one of the most interesting and real characters I've ever come across. Totally different from Dashiell Hammett's Continental Op, but the same sense of life and struggle.

Rebus was an outsider, somebody that never fit in the police force or anywhere else; he sacrificed his marriage, most of his friendships, and his faith to the job itself. I'm not that kind of brooding obsessive; there's no way my work will expand to fill my entire life. Still I have the same sense of being an outsider. To really get ahead requires some devotion to consensus-building, to a quid-pro-quo maintenance of favors received vice favors given, and looking to advance your ally's self-interest and squelch your opponents. These are games John Rebus never played, and I've never succeeded at. One of the best things about Rankin's books is that he doesn't glamorize Rebus's iconoclasm and outsider-ness; a trap so many boring and tedious private eye writers fall into. The cost to his career and private life is pretty obvious.

And now it's all over... no more Rebus!

Standing down

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Wed, 27 May 2009 02:31:00 +0000

Tonight my Knights of Columbus council had the annual election of officers for the next fraternal year (which starts July 1). For the last 9 years I've been on the slate of incoming officers. This year breaks the streak - starting July 1 I will not be an officer in my council.

9 years ago I was a liberal Democrat cafeteria Catholic; while not so pro-death as our current President I was certainly not truly pro-life. Today I'm a life-voting orthodox Catholic. My experience as a Knights officer was part of this growth...

3 years ago my term as Grand Knight (chief officer of the council) was ending. My year as Grand Knight was very difficult for me personally; when my term started I was very active and gung-ho; at the end I was embittered and on my way to ending my involvement in the council programs. Even so, this experience was basically a good thing. Considering all that happened that year and contemplating exactly why I reacted so negatively taught me a lot about myself and how I affect other people and how they affect me.

So - I don't regret my time as an officer, but I would never repeat it!

Reasonable

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Thu, 21 May 2009 02:49:00 +0000

I meant to write about the President's ludicrous speech at Notre Dame, but Ann Coulter beat me to it.

I have been thinking how the baby killers like to portray themselves as the reasonable, tolerant people, and like to portray the pro-life crowd as humorless theocratic ideologues.

The following activities are fully endorsed by the pro-choice regime; when I say "fully endorsed" I mean the pro-choice regime will fiercely resist the slightest effort to place the slightest limit on any of these activities:

use a syringe to suck a baby's brain out of its skull
use a pair of pliers to crush a baby's skull
use a hacksaw to cut a baby's arms off
throw living babies in the trash; just imagine how dead babies are treated!
inject saline solution into the baby's sac, poisoning the baby; similar to how mean little boys kill garden slugs

Read about more ways to kill babies here. Planned Parenthood, NARAL, the Democratic Party, and the President of the United States support all of them!

Remember that it's the people that support these activities who are moral, tolerant, upright, and reasonable (at least, if you read the Washington Post). And remember it's the people who want to save, love, and treasure all babies who are intolerant, demonic, and bigoted; at least, if you listen to Fr. John Jenkins, the president of Notre Dame, a fine school that used to be Catholic.

How did this country end up like this? The U.S. gives equal weight to the life of a human child - and a garden slug.

The purpose of the Mass

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Tue, 19 May 2009 02:26:00 +0000

This Tremendous Lover has been tremendous reading. Chapter 11 is on the sacraments in general; Chapter 12, on the Eucharist; and I'm in the middle of Chapter 13, on the Mass. I wish I had the time and ability to write about all these topics! I certainly recommend everyone read this book.

Boylan presents the Mass with passion and clarity. The Mass is a sacrifice: the re-presentation of Jesus Christ's sacrifice of himself on Calvary. What is the purpose of sacrifice? To remind ourselves of our dependence on God; to provide an outward, sensible sign of our inward devotion. The outward sign means nothing without the inward turning towards God.

From page 183:

Our Lord's whole life was one long act of adoration and complete submission to God's will. His "interior" sacrifice was continual from the first moment of His life.... The external sacrifice on Calvary was the perfect expression of that interior sacrifice that was our Lord's whole life of submission to the will of God. That external sacrifice is given to us in the Mass, and we have to make our life one similar interior sacrifice.... There is the plan of the whole Christian life -- to live up to what we say in the action of the Mass.

So the purpose of the Mass is our sanctification (1 Thess 4:3 "This is the will of God, your sanctification"); to conform our will with God's will, for us to live with Him and in Him.

Such are the fruits of faithful participation in the Mass. What of faithless participation? As always it is easy, indeed easier now than ever, to attend the Mass and even partake of the Eucharist, without the inward consent of the will. This is the same outward piety and inward hard-heartedness condemned so often in both the Old and New Testaments. We must all strive for constant increase in our knowledge of God, in our faith and trust in Him, and in our conformance of our will to His.

5/8/77 Cornell University

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 15 May 2009 01:53:00 +0000

The Grateful Dead's concert on May 8, 1977 at Cornell University is widely regarded as the best ever. Mostly because of this show's impact on the tape trader community at the time. This show was the first high quality soundboard tape that got into wide circulation and really changed the entire Grateful Dead community.

So I downloaded the show from etree... etree has most all the GD concerts. It's the first time I downloaded a community-hosted show vice ordering from dead.net. Pretty easy all in all - the download comes in Shorten format, and the shn2make tool easily unpacks the Shorten files onto CD-R discs, complete with CD-Text.

It is, in fact, a very good show... May 1977 is about as good as it gets. But I prefer the Closing of Winterland concert on 12/31/78, and there's a couple other in my collection I like more. It is comforting to know that etree basically has as many concerts as I can stand to download... No worries about running out!

The Inferno - Canto I

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:34:00 +0000

Finishing a book like Lord of the Silent Kingdom causes some problems.

Reading the book is exhilarating; finishing the book is depressing! No more pages to flip to!
What to read next? What could match the experience?

Fortunately The Inferno is a worthy followup! I read John Ciardi's translation before, but this translation is the classic Longfellow one, and plus, this is an oversize hardback edition with Gustave Dore's woodcuts! Truly a visual treat.

A few nights ago I read the famous first canto. Dante finds himself midway through his life's journey (35 of his Biblical 3-score-and-10), lost in a dark and thorny wood, with no recollection how he got there... just exactly like I found myself some 15 years ago, mired in sin. He sees a mountainous slope ahead - a way out! He starts climbing eagerly - just like I eagerly latched back onto the Faith. He finds himself trapped by his own sinful past! Try as he might he cannot escape. A trustworthy guide appears to show him the way - for Dante it is Virgil, the icon of human reason, who promises to guide him through Hell and Purgatory; but Virgil is not able to guide Dante through Paradise; a full understanding of revelation is beyond the reach of human reason. Needless to say, my trustworthy guide is the Holy Catholic Church!

Reading, reflection, prayer

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Sat, 09 May 2009 02:30:00 +0000

I've been reading more in this book about a basic plan for growth in the spiritual life. Boylan lays out three basic needs: reading, reflection, and prayer.

Reading is to learn more about our Lord and Savior; when we love someone, we want to know more about them, and we love our Lord more than our own lives! Plus, there is so much sentimental and malicious distortion of His life and teachings that it takes some time to root out our built-in misconceptions and replace them with the wonderful truth. Reading should be done every day, at least ten to fifteen minutes worth. We should read carefully, with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Reflection is to prayerfully consider what we have read, to turn it over in our minds, discuss it with Our Lord, and drive it deep into our subconscious. Reflection is how we root out the misconceptions and lies I mentioned above, and plant the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Prayer is conversation with God, recalling Him to our mind and placing ourselves in His presence. We should get used to talking with Him from time to time throughout the day, and practice being aware of His presence. The phrase I use is "practicing the presence of God"; taking a few moments to become of aware of Him and recall Him to my mind.

All of these are closely intertwined. Reading can be a form of prayer, and many people mix in reflection during their prayer time. All three of them combined into a daily practice will have a singular effect: to make us Christ-centered, to put Him at the center of lives and thoughts. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei, used to say that we should be able to close our eyes and mentally play back scenes from our Savior's life, placing ourself in the scene. I often picture myself in the crowd when Christ was passing by. Reading, reflection, and prayer is what allows us to bury such scenes and images so deep into our souls that we can close our eyes at any time and find ourselves crying out for Jesus, like the tax collector that climbed the sycamore tree to see Him.

The need to excel vs. fortitude

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Sat, 09 May 2009 02:00:00 +0000

All my life I've wanted to do everything the way it should be done, and do it well. They aren't quite the same thing. The first part is to do things the way they should be done - by the book. In fact, the main way I learn new things is to read the classic book on the topic. The second part is to do things very well. From making popcorn to implementing customer requirements, I want to do it right, and do it well.

This approach is a big factor in whatever success I've had in life. To this day I still don't understand how people can put their names on work they know isn't very good. I still remember the shock when I realized it didn't bother my stepchildren to turn in shoddy homework, or even not turn in the homework at all.

But life is a hard problem, and any approach that gives you strength in some ways, makes you weaker than others. My weakness is fear to take on things where I might not succeed. When confronted with tasks that could well be beyond my abilities, I tend to freeze or become passive-aggressive.

This is where fortitude comes into play. Fortitude is the virtue that gives us the courage and energy to tackle problems that could overwhelm us. Josef Pieper's book on the four cardinal virtues includes an excellent, even life-changing, discussion of fortitude.

So with fortitude (one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit) to give me strength, and faith and trust in God to give me peace of mind, I hope to be more willing to try new things and very difficult things.

"This Tremendous Lover": a plan of life

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Wed, 06 May 2009 02:41:00 +0000

In This Tremendous Lover, Boylan discusses a methodical approach towards growth in our spiritual life. So far he recommends a daily plan that is pretty similar to other spiritual writers. As always, every element of the plan must be approached from the heart with faith! Every Old Testament prophet rails against empty ritual observances that are not animated by love for God. Every day our hearts must overflow with love for Him. That being said:

a daily short formal prayer spoken in a formal posture (i.e. kneeling). I say the Angelus every day, but not usually kneeling or in other formal posture.
"A habit of talking to our Lord frequently during the day, quite informally"
10 to 15 minutes of private prayer every day. This is contemplative prayer where we are loving and adoring God. 15 minutes is not a maximum; longer prayer always pays off. But I can say from practical experience that 10 minutes is a minimum. 10 minutes of loving and adoring God every day will change your life. Fewer than 10 just doesn't seem to accomplish anything. I hope to write more articles on private prayer...
10 to 15 minutes of spiritual reading every day; especially the Gospels and the Psalms

Boylan has much more to say on prayer and spiritual reading and our whole life with Christ and in Him... This little book is well worth the read.

Which direction to face?

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Wed, 06 May 2009 02:33:00 +0000

In my previous post I mentioned my struggle with sin and ways to resist my temptations. In a weird way this orientation towards sin is a big part of the problem. One of the priests at my parish had a saying: "When you face your shadow you can't see the sun; turn towards the sun and you can't see your shadow." The shadow is sin; the sun is the Son, our Lord and Savior. Being preoccupied with sin takes time away from being preoccupied with God. When we face in His direction our temptations become insubstantial shadows we can't even see.

Lifeless faith

noreply@blogger.com (David Miller) — Fri, 01 May 2009 02:20:00 +0000

My pastor recently told me that while I have the Catholic faith, all too often I fail to live it; comparing my lifeless faith with my family members that don't have the faith at all. His comment struck a chord (as he meant it to).

It so happens I am reading the section of the Summa Theologica about charity. The link I just gave discusses whether charity can be lost through a single mortal sin. St. Thomas' answer is yes; "Charity denotes union with God", and mortal sin which destroys this union with God removes God's infusion of charity.

But faith remains after mortal sin, and faith without charity is the lifeless faith that I am discussing in this article. Faith that is not animated by charity is hard to live with. I mean this very concretely and literally; the man of faith that lacks charity is the caricature of the humorless, stiffnecked, hypocritical, joyless, angry dry husk of a man that popular culture paints all religious as being. If I lack sufficient love of God, my adherence to the Faith is a matter of will alone, while in my inner heart and deepest soul, I really prefer myself to God (which is the very definition of insufficient love of God). Outwardly, I can appear orthodox and pious, but in reality I am dry, sharp, and empty; in fact the very whited sepulchre our Lord condemned the Pharisees for being (Matthew 23:27 "Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites; because you are like to whited sepulchres, which outwardly appear to men beautiful, but within are full of dead men's bones, and of all filthiness.")

For years in my struggle with sin I've focused on lack of will as the problem - if only I had a stronger will I could best my temptations. But my pastor's directness opened up a new line of thought. The more I love God, the smaller my temptations will seem. I should fan the flames of my love for Him... If you read my posts from last December and January you may recall that friendship with God is not something to be taken lightly. Scripture is clear that our hearts should be on fire with love for Him: Deuteronomy 30:6, Matthew 22:37, Joshua 22:5, 1 John 4:19, etc, etc. Now it is clear that no man can love God as He ought to be loved. But I can certainly strive to love Him more!