davidmarkwell.com

I went for a walk. It was nice.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 10:20:00 +0000

One day I went for a walk.
It was nice.
Michaela came with me.
She is my best wife so far.
She is nice.
I took her up the Transpennine.
It was nice.
It was sweaty.
We took a picnic.
It was nice.
There were some cows.
They were after my Greek Salad.
Which had feta cheese, and olives, and tomatoes, and olives, and feta cheese, and green stuff, and tomatoes.
Nom nom it was nice.
There was a lady with a cute Chihuahua.
She let me stroke it.
It was nice.
She smiled.
I smiled.
It was nice.
My best wife so far stroked a strange man's Cocker.
She said it was nice.
The man smiled.
I didn't like his smile or his Cocker.
Twat!
It was 5 o'clock somewhere.
So we called at The Station Pub.
It was nice.
We caught the train home.
It was free.
The guard couldn't be arsed to collect the fare.
I liked her for that.
Bless.
So it was free and nice and nom nom.
Then I woke up.
The end.

Tom Treddlehoyle's, Thowts, Joakes, an Smiles For Midsummer Day 1845

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 16:04:00 +0000

Here I come fair midsummer, dond in my holiday cloths; to ask if you will just be so good as at all walk up and down nature’s green carpet , look at furniture, picktas and to warm myself in your nice sunshine; for you will know I’m not without a stranger in these parts, having but just come into , what I may call, literary life like.

You will perhaps think it very strange in me saying so, but true it is; and if you will but be so obliging as grant me the favour, I don’t mind being catched in a bit of thunder and lightening at times for I am used to that as young as I am.

Thank you; Mum, it’s very good of you ‘ it is indeed, to say that you never saw me before; and there is not one in a hundred would have it, that there is not, for these no knowing folks, now a days, what they are, well they are well tried and sort into, and then it’s doubtful. Then you will excuse me, now i’m at full liberty to have a bit of a flush, like a hen on an arse midden, for a sort of rejoicing like; but mind I don’t mean to cackle, or yet set up my heckle, because I am favoured in the way I am; no, I think not, indeed; and it makes me uncomfortable to think that I can carry corn without being inoculated other with sauce of pride. So, good morning, Mum.

Hello world, my lad is that you?

Well there is room for mountains of book yet I see. Who would have thought it? As many folk as there is are trying their hand and squeezing their brains day by day are making them. Come, then, here another old cock to throw in amongst the lot; but just wipe the dust off your table tops, drawers, window-bottoms and shelves if you please; first ; and wash your hands beside , for there are some of you are hardly fit to handle a frying pan let alone a book.

There, now you look middling decent; After having a good sneeze with taking the dust off your furniture and spoiling the colour of a two gallon of water with your hands; so read away as hard as you like; and as you go on keep finding fault, be sure and do that; cos if you don’t, it won't be behaving right as human nature. And at times , you may laugh if you like, if there is anything to laugh at; but doing, it, mind and don’t go and kick up such of a scare as to frighten the Sky Lark, so as they don’t come down, up to the sod again to their young ones.

Another thing; don’t you go and rive me it on pieces, and lap boild trackle in, soap light to canal, or to curl your toppins up with, same as you do to many poor unfortunates books while they have nothing but their bare backs left; no before you do this , take a bit of reason home to yourself, and see what sort of a scuffle you could make with a pen and ink like; to go before a multitude has and speckteckles thats the time of day for trying what wisealers and cunninaker are made of . And as good old ancient job said,

“O that my enemy would write a book”.

Well done little Midsummer Joker, it is a nauper , is that, for some folks, if they have nothing but sense to feel; But I’m right doubtful for I’ve always found such like , and them that has reckoned to have had their ears moved when they’ve been cloth pinned, to have cannisters like cobbler (lapstans) , and brains as senseless as calis-sand. But I must drop it, or else I shall be doing my young friend harm , for folks don’t like to hear a bit of plain truth at all times especially when; it comes nearish their own home.

With this I’ll now leave you to do and to act as you like; and very politely wish that you may live while you die, in full possession of improved minds and better ways.

The Author,

Pogmoor by Barnsley

1845

(Charles Rodgers)

Here are some some trails I wrote and produced for the Tony Capstick Show.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Jun 2015 16:27:00 +0000

Here are some trails I wrote and produced for The Tony Capstick Show on BBC Radio Sheffield in the mid to late 1990's. With thanks to Keith Skues, Rony Robinson (well at least his laugh), Pete Simester and the late Winton Cooper and Long John Baldry. The photo is of Studio 2 on Westbourne Road.

listen to ‘Some trails I wrote and produced for the Tony Capstick Show mid 1990's on BBC Radio Sheffield. ’ on audioBoom

The Coolest Bricky In Barnsley

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 06 May 2014 22:00:00 +0000

Bib and brace, flat cap and tie,

Herbert was the coolest bricky in Barnsley.

Leaning against the wall like a teapot,

left arm the handle,

right arm the spout.

A cig hangs on his lip for dear life.

Makes him look cooler than Sinatra in Vegas.

Bert is the original master mixer,

two sand, one cement and a lap of water.

It is gobo heaven.

Herbert Cawthorne, the coolest bricky in Barnsley.

And my Grandad.

Goodnight Sweetheart

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 May 2014 10:15:00 +0000

According to that esteemed organ The Barnsley Chronicle, a planned World War 2 re-enactment event at Elsecar Heritage Centre has been cancelled by the Council.

The reason is reported as being that some people taking part would wear Nazi uniforms.

A council spokesman said "A similar event held in 2010 generated a number of complaints from the public and local residents."

Personally I don't understand why anybody would want to spend their weekend walking around Elsecar dressed as Heinrich Himmler or Churchill but everybody to their own.

But what do people expect to see at a 1940s' 'Goodnight Sweetheart' weekend, well if its held in Barnsley, everything but the Nazis.

And does this mean all future re-enactments will be cancelled? No more Sealed Knot battles up at Wentworth Castle? and no more school children from Silkstone learning the history of the Great War through re-enactment?

The re-enactment event at Elsecar was, like the school children at Silkstone, an educational experience that was providing a living history display. And anything that reminds us of the horrors and evil of the Second World War and acts as a warning to what can happen when the far right gain power should be welcomed.

In loving memory of my dad’s little blue Volvo.1994-2011

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:52:00 +0000

In loving memory of my dad’s little blue Volvo.

1994-2011

Little did I know that Friday was to be your last day?
It should have been Thursday but I left your immobiliser at home.

MOT was calling you, but you didn’t want to go.
Was that because you knew what was to come? or cos your brakes were knackered and you’d never stop at the bottom of Old Mill Lane.

Yes your rear bumper was stuck on with a roll of gaffer tape, but this was only to match the wing mirror covers those little twats knocked off on Bonfire night.

Thank you for the happy times, I wish there could have been more,
To be honest I wish there could have been one!

When I got the call from Gary at the Garage my heart dropped,
Just like your suspension and sub frame.

Driving you was like going on an ocean cruise, due to all the water in the bottom of the doors.

I remember braking too fast once and the dog, who was sitting in the front, nearly drowned in the Tsunami that followed.

It broke our hearts to loose you, but it would have broke the bank to get you fixed.

Like your spare tyre my heart in now flat.

I’ll be lost without you as I was when I drove you.

So Little Blue Volvo the time has come to say goodbye.

RIP (Rest in Pieces)

David Markwell
PS110% of people who read this will not have the guts to copy and paste it to their profile and quite frankly I don't blame em. Of the other 19% who get this far do you want a car? It’s a good runner, it just doesn’t stop very well.

Poor Service. So I changed insurance. I save £174 and get what I want so it's

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 20:13:00 +0000

Dear Swiftcover.com,

Thanks.

Even though you offered me a direct debit option on one car, I was surprise to discover the same option had not been offered for my other vehicle I insure with you.

When I rang to enquire why this was I was told that it was because of my postcode. I questioned how one car could have a DD payment but the other one could not when my postcode was the same.

I was then told that both cars could now only be paid with a one off payment, (even tho your website would allow me to renew it right now by one simple click if I wanted cos I've just had a look).

When I asked what my postcode had to do with whether I could pay or not pay monthly I was told that, "well some people in your area may not have paid on their insurance so it's an high risk postcode". I believe two things about this, 1) It's discriminatory, 2) It's a bad business plan.

So I have decided to cancel both polices with swiftcover.com, which has turn out to be a "win win" for me. I've managed to save £174.01 on your renewal quotes plus both insurance's are paid by direct debit. Which is all I wanted to start with. So thanks. Your "bonkers" way of dealing with loyal customers has made me money and lost you business. I'll never use you again.

Regards,

David Markwell

First Audio Boo For A Bit.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 30 May 2010 21:28:00 +0000

Listen!

Ban the England Flag- The truth is out there.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 25 May 2010 22:25:00 +0000

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've seen and heard quite a bit across the last week about "the police" banning people wearing replica England football shirts in pubs during the World Cup.

I realized the first time I saw it, it was cobblers, but it still upset me because for some it was an opportunity to stir the cesspit of hate. So the Facebook groups have been created and statuses updated by some eager join the campaign, defy the law, attack minorities and fight PC gone mad!

I thought it might help if there was a bit of research done on the matter, not surprisingly it was easy to find the truth

England flag police crackdown rumour 'nonsense'

Police: England football shirt pub ban is a myth

So Come On England! if you wish you "can" wear your England shirt, fly your England flag, sit in your England Gazebo or push your England wheelbarrow with pride this summer and enjoy the football, but please don't use it as an excuse to attack and hate your fellow English citizens.

PS: You can get the wheelbarrows from B&Q @ £32.98, tell em Davos send you..

"Having sex while making unreliable cars"

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:47:00 +0000

Apologies if I've told you about this in the past but I am a huge fan of a radio programme called This American Life. It's a weekly show from Chicago Public Radio and quite frankly it has produced some of the finest radio programming I have ever heard. Earlier this week I listened to one of their shows from the 26th of March 2010, called "Nummi".

It's the story of how two major car manufacturers with very different cultures managed to run an automobile factory together. At one of the car plants workers were buying drugs, turning up drunk and having sex while they were making unreliable cars. The other carmaker needed to expand into a new market place.

Here's the radio programmes description

A car plant in Fremont California that might have saved the U.S. car industry. In 1984, General Motors and Toyota opened NUMMI as a joint venture. Toyota showed GM the secrets of its production system: how it made cars of much higher quality and much lower cost than GM achieved. Frank Langfitt explains why GM didn't learn the lessons – until it was too late.

It is wonderful radio. You can listen to the programme here: This American Life
Added extra: Recently the TAL team launched an application for iPhones that costs under 2 quid, it is the best app on my phone. If you love great story telling and you've got an iPhone you must buy this app. What do you get for your cash? well every programme the TAL team have produced for radio and TV and it's all searchable!

Lets try again shall we!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:53:00 +0000

As the eagle eyed ones amongst you might be able to tell, if you've had the inclination to have a look at davidmarkwell.co.uk, a lack of blogging going off. Well without going into all the details all I'll say is that 2010 could nearly have started the way 2008 ended, but thanks to the wonderful NHS staff at Barnsley General Hospital and The Northern General in Sheffield, I'm still here, I've got a pulse, I'm 19 lbs lighter and a new outlook on life

So it gives my great pleasure to say,

I'm back blogging, audio booing, twittering and talking fluent Markwell crap. So get ready for lots of bad spelling - which comes to you thanks to a very poor teacher who would shout at me and make me look at twat in front of the whole class, when all I wanted was help with a word. Thanks Mrs O.
I hope you enjoy what I do here, but just in case you don't or you're offended with what I say or write, in the worlds of my dear old grim gram, you can go "Nallocks yor sen" (copywrite Nellie Cawthorne 1984, Balla Street, Barnsley)

(Photo our Nellie as I remember her during the power cuts of the 1970's)

Enjoying My McMuff

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:22:00 +0000

Listen!

April Showers In May

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:08:00 +0000

Rainbow In Dodworth

Taken with the iPhone

Barnsley Town Centre On A Saturday Afternoon In May

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 May 2009 17:51:00 +0000

Listen!

It's Prom Night At Kingstone And What's That In The Sky?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 May 2009 17:42:00 +0000

Listen!

Sheffield In The Sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 May 2009 17:34:00 +0000

Listen!

Shall We Go For Walkies?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 May 2009 17:28:00 +0000

Listen!

Walking From Silkstone Common

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 May 2009 20:45:00 +0000

Sunday Afternoon at 1300.

Taken with my iPhone. Field full of Rapeseed.
Ben Bank Road, between Silkstone Common and Dodworth Barnsley

Ok Boo Boo.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 May 2009 19:15:00 +0000

I've downloaded a new application for my iphone, it's a mirco podcasting app called Audio Boo. Basically the software allows you to record an audio message upto 3 mins long (in broadcast quality) , add a photo, a bit of text and tag the lot.

What I really love about it is that you can subscribe via RSS to a persons AudioBoo with iTunes.

Here is one I did this morning...

Listen!

Why Radio & Music Industry Sucks Nowadays

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 07:43:00 +0000

Just seen this and thought it was very interesting. Like to know what you think?

What Makes A Great Podcast?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:47:00 +0000

Just a few thoughts on what I think needs to be in place to create a great podcast.
Nothing earth shattering here but there are a couple of key points that I believe the majority of podcast producers forget.

What Makes A Great Podcast?

Content:
• Subject Clarity.
• Subject Authority.
• Subject Awareness.

Creativity:
• Ideas.
• Treatments.
• Engagement.
• Production technical standards.

Connectivity:
• Use the net and applications do the promotional work for you.
• Availability.
• SEO / Meta Data “let people find you.”

Let me know what you think.

NPR's This American Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:07:00 +0000

I’m a huge fan of “This American Life” on National Public Radio in the USA. I listen to its weekly podcast. It really is the finest radio programme I’ve every heard. It’s brilliant story telling, well produced audio that engages its audience. It must take ages to produce some of the content.

This last weekend I was spellbound listening to an episode called “My Big Break” here are the shows notes:

“Sometimes, getting your big break isn't all it's cracked up to be. A comedy duo lands the gig that can make them famous. A third-grader gets his big chance to please his mother and push his drunken father out of the picture. And other stories. “

The story that grabbed my ears was from “Act One. Take My Break, Please.”

Again here is the show notes from This American Life’s website

“Charlie Brill and Mitzi McCall were a comedy duo back in the mid-1960s, playing clubs around Los Angeles, when their agent called to tell them he'd landed them the gig of a lifetime: They were going to be on The Ed Sullivan Show. The only problem was that their performance was a total fiasco, for a bunch of reasons, including one they never saw coming. David Segal of The New York Times reports. (18 minutes)”

I’m going to repeat myself but it is just one of the best examples of story telling I’ve every heard, mixed with great archive audio and two brilliant subjects who know how to perform and deliver the show biz. Brilliant job, well done by whoever produced it.

I’d love to spend a month with the team at “This American Life” ….

Please give it a try you’ll find it at thisamericanlife.org

16 stone is enough!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 10:17:00 +0000

I’ve been trying to loose some weight recently and after 3 weeks of much talking about it and not much action I now weigh 16 stone which is crap because when I started I was 15'10". So enough is enough and yesterday I joined a gym, I’ve got my induction at noon today.

What I like about this gym is that its not part of a big corporate organisation like JJB or Bannatynes. Its based in a local schools community centre It has all the same equipment (apart from a pool) of the bigger gyms and that’s all I want. The fees are great ……no minimum 12 month contract, where you have to give at least 30 days notice if you wanted to quit like I had to at Bannatynes. You pay £20 a month for an adult membership and that is it. None of this on / off peak cobblers, when it’s open its open and that’s it.

So this is me now….. in all my sixteen stone glory

And this is my target weight for the start of July.

Aren’t IMac’s brilliant?

Charlie and The Chillout Factory

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:37:00 +0000

I've been listening to a great podcast recently from a chap called Charlie North, who I've met and had a couple of business meetings with.

Charlie is a music and video producer, who is based in a village very close to where I live. If you like ambient / chillout music you'll love his work. Give him a try. You'll find him at thechilloutfactory.co.uk

You'll also find Charlie at charlienorth.com

The Shops Of Today

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 22:30:00 +0000

"Unless you're a Youth"

I’ve seen a sign on a shop door that I’ll not be using again until it's removed. It reads “Polite Notice: No more than two youths are allowed in the shop at any one time.” In these Credit Crunchy times when a business, no matter how big or small it is, needs to do all it can to make a living it struck me that this was a great way to alienate customers and reduce income.

With 24 hour shopping in two local supermarkets I now have the choice to go somewhere else rather than a local convenience shop.

I have no knowledge of what’s happened at the shop in the past but I live in the real world and I’m aware that “some people” shoplift and that shop workers get abuse or worse are attacked which is wrong and needs to be dealt with, but to be selective just because a customer looks like a youth is not the right way. If this shop’s owners do have a problem then they need to improve their security system, employ more staff or provide better training.

I’d class my eldest son as a “youth”, he’s a great kid, he works very hard at school, he gets brilliant results, he’s not a threat to anybody and I’m very prod of him, but now if he and two mates want to go into Costcutter’s on Pogmoor Road, Barnsley they’re not welcome to spend his (my) cash.

This shop is saying we don’t trust youths being in our shop so sod off. Well fair enough, if my son and his friends are not good enough to use your shop, neither will I. Somerfield will now get an extra 40 - 60 quid a month more from me.

It’s not the youths that need to change, it’s old business practices, ideas and intolerance.