Squirrel Stories

E-Lo Travels

2011-07-14T00:28:00.000-04:00

Friday morning I'm leaving on a jet plane. Well, Ryan and I are leaving. We're going to Seattle for a wedding and to visit friends - and we're leaving the kids home. What a strange sensation that will be. I've literally had this baby close to me every single day since February 2010. And now I'm traveling across the country. I feel like puking. The liberation makes me want to drink. A lot. Hopefully I won't be sick to my stomach the whole time because right now I feel a cold sweat coming on. I'm addicted to my children. Eeegh.

Lyric is also addicted to us. She gets a little tearful about us leaving, which sucks.

I'm looking at this as a well deserved break, and a chance for us to just be a married couple, and not just mom and dad. We need that. And I need a break. Did I mention that I deserve a break?

A year in hiding...

2011-07-05T22:12:00.003-04:00

Well, almost. Give or take a month. But still.

So, I gave birth to another girl, Fallon Ann, almost 8 months ago. It was quick and painful, but I got this chubby little bundle out of it. She's awesome. Lyric is a great big sister, and we're a happy family of 4. Fallon is now crawling and has been working on her teeth since she was 2 months.

On April 15, I lost my job of almost 5 years. I strongly feel that had I not been pregnant and had a baby, I'd still have that job. I liked my job for the most part, but since being away from it I've had nightmares that I've had to go back. So... yeah, that tells me something about just how much I really liked my job.

So I'm rediscovering myself as a SAHM who collects unemployment. If only unemployment could last say, 5 years, cause that would be great.

Things

2010-08-23T10:30:00.003-04:00

So yeah. Wow. It's like, almost the end of August. Yup, still pregnant. Yup, everything is going well. I'm 29 weeks today. Or yesterday, or in a few days, depending on who you ask. People always ask me my due date and I'm hesitant to tell, because as I found out the last time, just because they give you a date doesn't mean you'll deliver on that date. Or by that date. Or even within a week of that date. Try 12 days. I'm hoping this little butternut comes out earlier.

Speaking of which, what is it with people commenting on your size when you're pregnant? I get it all the FUCKING time. I hate it. I don't comment on the size of your ass, so quit commenting on mine. I've gained 30 pounds. Yes, I have. But that's not even remotely close to the SEVENTY FUCKING FIVE pounds I gained the last time, so I think I'm doing pretty damn good, thanksverymuch.

Yeah, that's a sore subject with me. Pretty sure I had the same problem last time. Rightfully so. And chances are I'll end up weighing the same as I did when I went in to deliver Lyric. Hopefully not, but it's looking good. I mean, I'm not going on a diet. And I exercise more and eat better this time around, so it's pretty obvious my body just does whatever it wants. Or better yet, WHAT IT NEEDS TO DO to support and build a human life.

She's a girl, by the way. Have I mentioned that? I'm so excited to be a mom to girls. Yay!

Wrapping my head around it...

2010-05-18T13:49:00.002-04:00

So, it took a while this time, but I'm officially out of the first trimester, and dare I say it... I'm ENJOYING being pregnant. That first trimester is rough - mentally and physically. On certain days I had small mental breakdowns. On the other days I just wanted to sleep. Lyric kept me going though. I had moments where I thought - yeah, I DEFINITELY don't want to do this again. I still feel that way - I know this will be my last pregnancy and I'm still totally cool with that. But that's just more reason to sort of savor it this time.

The difference between this pregnancy and the last is that I don't feel so completely alone. Not that I was "alone" last time - I just didn't have anyone to relate to, really. Especially at first. Now I have TONS of mommy friends and it's awesome. Another difference is that it's not a total SHOCKING lifestyle change - Lyric is a great kid, we love having her, and we know she'll be a great big sister. We also have "been there, done that," when it comes to a baby, so it's not nearly as scary. This will be a breeze.

So I've been wrapping my brain around that for the past few months, and kind of loving it.

Also - this kid loves to bounce on my pelvis. *thump*

On the job front - oh, you didn't know there was a job front? Yup. I've been slowly weeding out my part time gig as an instructor - it was getting waaaaaay too stressful. Am I quitting it completely? Well... not yet. The money is nice, especially since my full time job barely pays the bills. And although I used to love my job - I'm really starting to sort of hate it lately. Maybe it's a side effect of pregnancy - or maybe because this week I'll be forced to downgrade my giant desk to a tiny cubicle - ala my old job. There I went from my own office to a desk in the middle of a room with 4 other people. So it's like an evil flashback. That and many other things (lack of a raise, more work, for one) are making me actively start looking at monster.com daily. Although I realize this is a terrible time to switch jobs. So I'll probably start being a little more active towards next January. I dream of having a work from home job. Heaven.

Or being independently wealthy would work too.

Well lookie here...

2010-04-20T09:32:00.002-04:00

The months have seriously been flying by this year - which is actually fantastic for me, because it brings me closer to summer and having a pool in my backyard (yay!) and because I'm PREGGO! Yup, it's in there. The Fetus. The Squirt. The Flutterbutt. I don't have a good name yet. I'm only about 11 weeks, but I feel it moving already, which my midwife said was pretty common the second time around.

This time is much different. Not that I like being pregnant any more this time - I definitely don't. But I'm not oddly depressed. My kid keeps me active, even when I just want to crash on the couch. I'm still not thrilled about my growing body, but I haven't been thrilled with it in a few years, so nothing new there. I just hope I can be as successful this time around shedding weight as I was the first time - and KEEP it off. It was way too easy to gain back 25 pounds after I lost, oh I don't know... 74 pounds?

Another challenge this time is not GAINING 74 pounds. Easier said than done. I'm not exactly sure how I put on that much weight - could have been the daily footlong subs or Panera bread sandwiches AND soup... plus king sized candy bars and daily ice cream. I've been really trying not to do that again and walk a few miles a day. It's just so hard because even as I type this I'm ready to fall asleep.

Oh, and I'm nauseous this time. Not throw up nauseous, just "I feel shitty" nauseous. I didn't experience that at all last time. And my belly has already popped out this time. I'm comfortably wearing my maternity jeans.

Next appointment - May 7th - we should be able to hear Flutterbutt's heartbeat. Hopefully I'll come up with a better name by then.

I’ve got a Feeva...

2010-02-01T14:50:00.000-05:00

And unfortunately, the only prescription is a BEBEH in MA BELLAH.

I’ve never gotten to experience the feeling that my biological clock was tick, tick, ticking away. And boy, now it is. In full force. It’s been a few months since we started trying, and there’s been a few bumps and potholes in an otherwise smoothly paved highway. It’s interesting to chart my ovulation, pee on those sticks (that never seem to work for me – according to those, I NEVER ovulate), and mark the days on the calendar in which to try (usually illustrated by two little hearts). I’ve read that the “rear-entry” position and having your husband/partner drink a cup of strong coffee is conducive to making a boy, I’ve learned that although the boys are the faster swimmers the girls are the heartiest survivors, and I’ve learned not to do it on certain days to make one or the other. Sure, we’re trying to have a boy this time – mainly since Ryan is the Last of the Mohicans, being an only child and the only Hays boy. But if it happens to be a girl, more power to us, since we already have everything that little girls need and boy would that save us a lot of cash. So either way, we’ll be happy, and as long as we get a healthy little Hays out of it, it’s all good. Sounds cliche, but at least it’s honest.

In my fervor I’ve been reading up on all things baby and all things pregnancy, and I’m currently in what Those Who Are Trying call “the Two-Week Wait.” This is the span of two weeks from the time you ovulate to the time you get your period. It’s a bitch. I’ve been through this period already, and since I’ve already seen one positive pregnancy test as a result that crapped out on me, it’s a little stressful. Every little twitch that I feel in my belly feels like it could be SOMETHING, every day I wonder if my boobs are really sore or if it’s just my imagination. Did I pass out on the couch on Friday night because it was a long week or because I’m pregnant? Should I continue working out? Should I pick Lyric up when she asks me to? What if I do something wrong? What if I am pregnant and I miscarry again? What if I can’t carry a baby to term again? What if I miscarry further down the road, after seeing pictures of the kid in my belly and having a doctor confirm that it’s there? What if? What if? WHAT IF?

It’s enough to drive a person somewhat insane.

And if I am pregnant? Do I want to tell everyone right away like I did with Lyric, or do I wait? Only a few people knew about my pregnancy that ended in December. And I wish that I wouldn’t have mentioned it at all. I didn’t even tell my mom. A friend of mine that I work with just announced her pregnancy, and she found out in December. We would have had close to the same due date, in late August. I really wanted to have a summer baby. But life isn’t about getting what you want, right? It’s about getting what you need, and taking what you are given, and being happy with that. Making the most of it.

Lyric knows that this has been a long time coming, and I wonder how she’ll deal if and/or when the day comes. She loves babies, and I know she’ll be a good big sis, but she’s already so needy and occasionally clingy. How will I deal with that? How will I continue to do both of my jobs – my full time graphic design job and my part time online instructor job? I don’t want to give either up – unless by some miracle of miracles the instructor job turns into full time (which would be a dream come true, because who DOESN’T want a full time work from home job?). How will my husband adjust to staying home in the winters with not just one, but TWO kids? Am I making a huge mistake?

Perhaps I should title this entry “Question Mark.”

All these questions are valid, but I can only think of the end result: a small, wriggly, pink, sweet smelling bundle of love. The fact of the matter is – for a woman who thought she never wanted to be a mother – I AM ONE. Through and through. One kid or two kids, or even three kids (although Ryan says we’re done after one more... but hey, twins run in my family). No matter how many jobs I have, the main one will always be Mom.

Haiti

2010-01-14T10:25:00.000-05:00

The more I learn about Haiti, and the more I can picture the suffering that must be going on there, the more my heart breaks. I know that words can’t help, but now, as a mother, I can’t imagine how scared and alone the children that have lost their parents must feel. The fact that we can just go on with our mundane lives, sending emails, updating our facebook statuses, and taking everything for granted just blows my fucking mind. Every once in a while I get jarred back into reality, and as I was reading a story just now about the people who are sleeping outside the hospital – a little girl with broken legs telling her dad that she’s ok – I started bawling at my desk.

Whenever you feel like the trival things in life are getting you down, stop to think about that – and thank your lucky stars for what a blessed life you live.

Holidays!

2009-12-29T13:45:00.002-05:00

I remember dreading this time of year - when I worked in retail. If you go back to the 2003 posts around this time, you'll see how I was counting the days and hours when I was working at Target. I'm so glad that I'm sitting in an office, pretty much playing Farmville on Facebook all day.

Speaking of Farmville - if you're one of those people who bitch about seeing Farmville posts all the time in your news feed, how about you "hide" those notifications, huh? Quit being lazy. Your bitching about it isn't going to stop me from leveling up and sharing my bonus, emeffer.

I'm sitting here in my office, wondering why the hell I bothered to come to work today. I've gotten a few things done, but wow. I'm bored. I feel like drinking coffee and watching the snow fall. I have the coffee - now if I only had a window in my office.

I started working out again yesterday. I took a month off after doing a few weeks of P90X. Here's the problem with working out - for me, anyway - once I start, I can't stop. Once I do stop, I immediately put on weight. WTF? And it's not like I'm in bad shape - I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred yesterday without even taking a break (except for the pushups - I still do girl ones). So I don't get it.

Ok, I'm going to go make some coffee and stand by a window somewhere. Happy Holidays!

Win some, lose some

2009-12-15T15:55:00.003-05:00

In our collective efforts at baby making, we were successful. For a minute.

I took a pregnancy test on Thursday. I could faintly see a second line. Not satisfied with that, I ran to the store and bought one of the digital readout tests - I will never resort to buying cheap pregnancy tests again. Peed on a stick, and there it was, "pregnant." Whoa! That was fast!

I told Ryan later in the evening, and he was surprised, but proud of himself. His efforts mean a lot to him. We made plans to tell our parents on Christmas Eve, and were pretty damn excited.

Something woke me up early Sunday, and I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. Then the cramps started, which I would liken to labor pains. Not nearly as intense, but because I rarely get cramps even when I have my period, they were pretty crazy. I knew what was happening, and I was not happy. At all.

Thankfully the cramping part didn't last long - when you're already a mom, other things distract you from your own drama - which can be a good thing sometimes. I went to the doctor yesterday and my test result was negative - and they told me my pregnancy test results could have been a false positive, or a very, very early miscarriage. I vote for the latter. I know I was pregnant - I could feel it. I recognized it. I could smell EVERYTHING.

So it's back to the drawing board for us - and although it sucks, it makes me appreciate that I have a healthy, although BRATTY, little girl. I love her more than anything, and I'm so thankful that I have her in my life.

Coming back ya'll

2009-12-04T14:51:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I realize that I haven't had a post up in 3 months.

BUT!

Me and Ryan... we're trying to get preggo. So let the fun baby talk commence!

I'm working on updating the look here, and what the hell, I might just get a domain name. We'll see.

Lots of boring shit has been going on in my life lately, like playing Farmville on Facebook and making certificate after certificate for "Files Tech of the Month" at work and mundane shit like that. My house has been turned upside down for a few months too, and I think the long awaited bathroom remodel is about to begin. At least I hope. But at this point it's kind of like hearing that I'm going to get a raise at work - I'll believe it when I see it.

More soon...

Starting Over

2009-10-01T10:52:00.002-04:00

October marks the beginning of the fiscal year at the company that I work at. Not that I care much about all things fiscal, but the sense of starting fresh is always a good thing. I, for one, am always starting over. For all the good it does me, I might as well just keep on keepin’ on with what I’m doing, but it’s the thought that counts right?

Have I mentioned that Lyric, my smart, beautiful, crazy daughter has started pre-school? She’s been going for the past month, and it’s amazing to me. She loves school and often voices her disappointment about the fact that she can only go two days a week. And she’s like a sponge when it comes to new information. Do you know what I caught her doing the other night? Do you? SHE WAS WRITING HER NAME. Oh my god. How did that happen? How does my three year old know how to write? Of course, there are plenty of three year olds out there who are already reading, like, Harry Potter, and crap like that. But in that moment I felt like I had the smarter pre-schooler alive.

And when she gets frustrated? OMG. She’s worse than even her hot headed mother. I’ve been known to throw phones, kick doors, and one time I even broke the horn in my car by punching the steering wheel. I’m not even kidding you, I punched it so hard that the horn just stayed on, as if it were feeling my very emotions – blaring my angry thoughts until I pulled over and had to pull the fuse. Of course, that was after trying to punch it again to get it to stop. These days my anger fueled rages are tampered by prescription medication, but my kid? Not so much. After practicing her name a couple times and messing up a few letters, she flung the pad of paper and the pen all the way across the basement, and threw herself facedown on to the couch. But that’s pretty typical three year old behavior, right? RIGHT?

One problem that I’m faced with is her need for violence. She’s a mom abuser. Yes, I say that jokingly, but she does like to hit, push, and pinch. Particularly when she’s overly tired and doesn’t get her way. My arm just healed from a pinch that she planted on me a week ago, and last night, I went to take my book light out of her hand and she hauled off and slapped me across the face. HARD. I could feel the miniature handprint. It’s moments like those when me as a person and not as a mom bubbles to the surface and I physically see red for a moment. I swear it’s the hand of a higher power that holds me back and calms me down and allows me to say, “NO, YOU DON’T DO THAT,” and walk out of the room. Anyone but my child who would slap me would see the WRATH. Not pretty.

I still haven’t found the solution to the hitting/pinching/pushing problem. Thankfully there have been no reports of Lyric related violence from pre-school.

Overall, I’m amazed that this kid will be four in two months. And while I miss my cuddly baby, I’m liking the kid that’s developing, minus the violence, of course. She’s fun, and funny, and she sings! She totally lives up to her name with her musical abilities. We were watching Tarzan the other night – the one where Phil Collins does the soundtrack – and she sang along to all the songs. I was like, “how many times have you seen this?” She held up two fingers.

Outrageous!

2009-08-26T14:04:00.001-04:00

I'm sure the majority of the people that are friends with me on Facebook are sick to death of me posting articles and blurbs and stuff like this... but I can't help it. I voted for change, and THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

from our sponsors...

2009-08-24T07:01:00.000-04:00

Weighty Issues

2009-07-13T11:05:00.003-04:00

It's been quite a couple of weeks. Things have been going BADLY in my life.

1. My eyes have regressed. I can no longer see without the aid of glasses. And the glasses that I have - oh my LORD. I so need to upload a photo of me in them. They're my mom's glasses from when she had her lasik done 10 years ago - the same thing happened to her eyes. Turns out that I have my mom's eyes - in more ways than one. We had the same prescription, surgery, and same regression. I'm going to have to have an enhancement done, which is fine. If my eyes keep the trend of following my mom's, I shouldn't have a problem.

2. My jobs BLOW right now. End of story. And I'm so unmotivated. I'm not sure why I'm unmotivated. My new classes start today, and I have so many projects at work-work. The more projects I get, the less inclined I feel to work. It's a terrible downward spiral. I just want a vacation.

3. My relationship with my husband was getting rocky there for a while. There were lots of reasons, and I don't want to get into any of them, but I will admit that I was at fault for most of it. I'm a terrible communicator for someone who has a bachelors and masters in COMMUNICATION. I have to learn to put my fears to rest, and not let my insecurities get the best of me. Thankfully, we're better now than we have been in years, because we put everything out there and had some heart to heart conversations over the past few weeks. I'm very optimistic about US. We're a team.

4. Speaking of insecurities, I have some ISSUES with my ass. It's getting huge. It's amazing how quickly weight can creep back on to me since I had a kid. I was doing great for a while - going to the gym, keeping track of what I was doing with food... then I had my eye surgery and couldn't exercise for a few weeks, and my gym trips became pretty sporadic. And my thighs are once again out of control. I'm less than happy about this, so I just signed up for Weight Watchers online, and I really really hope I can stick it out. Because I have to do something. Oh, and pilates. Pilates helps.

So I woke up today with a new outlook. I need to get my shit together, and fast, because if I don't, the world will start crashing down on me. I've got to turn a new leaf, and I'm trying like hell. My main goal is to be a role model for my daughter - who isn't afraid to say, "mom, you have a big butt." She's the kick in the ass I've always needed.

On Rebranding...

2009-07-02T10:22:00.003-04:00

My company is in the process of rebranding, something that they did a couple years back, just before I came on board as one of four graphic designers. Keep in mind we are a company of roughly 8,000 employees, all over the U.S. And now we have 5 designers. Hmm. So it falls on our team to redesign EVERY SINGLE ITEM that is in circulation internally and externally. The powers that be hired a large firm based out of NYC to come up with the new brand. Which brings up the question of market research. Did they do it? I have no idea, being a lowly graphic designer.

Case in point - Tropicana.

image courtesy of http://blogs.ft.com/gapperblog/2009/02/pulp-friction-at-tropicana/

Most people have noticed that they redesigned their cartons. But they failed in the market research department, because the public HATED the new design. So they're forced to go back to the boring old, straw in the orange design. Personally, I really like the design of the new carton. But I'm a graphic designer, and I appreciate contemporary design. But I do understand how this could look generic to consumers, and be confusing. And it earned a spot on Yahoo's dumbest business moments of 2009.

What's the message here? Don't eff with what people KNOW. The average person is easily confused by this. I know that when I saw that Tropicana had a new design, I thought, that's cool, they're keeping up the the times. I think the old design is a bit dated - but it's what people know and trust. I've also learned that as a designer, it doesn't matter what I think - it matters what the audience thinks. So my expertise in all things graphical means jack shit.

So we're in for an exciting, yet scary time with our rebrand. Of course, what we sell can't be bought in the cooler section of your local grocery store. Yet, we have an image that's out there, that people are familiar with, and it's scary to turn the page to something completely different.

But hey, it's job security for me. Ha!

feeling down, down, down

2009-06-30T11:56:00.002-04:00

Wow, yeah, it's been a month. I'm a terrible blogger.

I'm feeling quite down on myself today - it seems like everything I try to do, I fail miserably at. I'm not sure what it is about me - I seem to be my own worst enemy.

I think I need a creative hobby - not necessarily what I do for a living, which is designing all day. I'm so burnt out on ideas, I need something else to stoke my brain for a while.

AGGGGH. It's one of those days.

32 boo hoo hoo

2009-05-28T10:13:00.002-04:00

Day 1 of 365 - Happy Birthday to me!

My birthday was not all that great yesterday. It started out fantastic, then my husband's grandmother died. She was one of the sweetest little old ladies that I've ever known, so that was a definite bummer - to put it lightly. She and Ryan's grandpa were married somewhere around 60 years, so I'm mostly concerned about him - when you spend that amount of time with someone and one day they're suddenly gone, what do you do?

Couple that with the fact that Lyric puked all over me in a restaurant. I'm not talking about a little baby spit up here, people, I'm talking full fledged projectile vomit. In Rey Azteca, where my mom took us for my birthday dinner.

I was quite ready to have a beer by the time I got home. Unfortunately, me and Papst Blue Ribbon don't get along, and that's all that was in my fridge. I really wanted - and still do - a Corona. And a hammock on the beach. I really had some Calgon take me away moments on my birthday, let me tell you.

On the plus side I did find out that my vision is perfectly 20/20 and my eyes are healing up well. Yay me!

New Project time!

2009-05-26T08:46:00.002-04:00

So last Wednesday, I had my lasik surgery. It was the COOLEST. I'm typing this without any help from glasses or contacts - and I can see great. My eyes are still healing, and they'll gradually get better with time, but as of now - they're completely awesome. I love it. Best thing I've ever done.

I'm starting a new project tomorrow - it's my birthday. I'm going to do a 365 project - take a photo of myself every day and post to Flickr. I've seen so many of them, and I think it's kind of cool - a little self absorbed, but that suits me well. But the thing is, I suck at doing things on a daily basis, so this is going to be a challenge for me.

ALSO - it's been two weeks since I've been at the gym, and that's killing me. I'm allowed to return tomorrow, my BIRTHDAY. I need to start going at LEAST four times a week. So that's another challenge I'm up for. My last years summer clothes are still a little tight (god, how much weight can a woman gain in a winter?), so I need to crack down.

It's on!

Elo Lexenstar

2009-05-11T12:35:00.005-04:00

So... there are some definite dangers when it comes to Second Life. Like - the fact that it's crack? Yeah, that's one. My fingers itch for my laptop when I'm home - why it's so addicting, I'm not even sure.

Ok so... ahem. Yeah. I'm an SL vampire now. Unfortunately not a very good one - although I have been kind of busy in the past week BUILDING MY SECOND LIFE HOUSE. WTF.

God, I need to get a life. A FIRST life.

Elo has gotten a little slutty since embracing the vampire lifestyle... hello nipples!

This is what makes it tough to be a vamp... lots of discrimination - LOL!

Elo hanging out in her vampire clan's land...

GEEK MUCH?

Old House on the Hill

2009-04-13T15:01:00.000-04:00

This is the story of the place that I call home – a mid century Cape Cod that sits at the top of 10th Street in East Butler, in close proximity to the baseball fields. It’s a house that’s going on around 60 years old, and believe me, it shows its age.

My husband and I purchased our house in July of 2006, and receiving the key at the end of our closing (in which our real estate agents provided pizza and beer), was one of the best moments in my life, short of my wedding day and giving birth to my daughter Lyric. One thing that I always knew that I wanted to do was buy a house, but I never thought that it would actually happen. The possibilities for home ownership were endless. My husband and I had always rented – from our first tiny efficiency with a spider infestation, to an apartment in a building that had faulty wiring, to a very strange haunted house, to one wayward mobile home with horribly unfriendly neighbors that we rudely nicknamed “the Mullets”... we always had to deal with landlords. I don’t know what it is about me, but landlords and I don’t mix. I don’t think it has anything to do with my personality, because I’m pretty easygoing – I just think I’ve always had horrible landlords. So you can understand my profound excitement at becoming the “lord” so to speak, of my own land.

We knew going into this, that our house was old – but my husband and I fell in love with it and did everything we could to get it. The neighborhood is perfect – there’s a lot of kids around and my daughter has a nice yard to play in. Summer is a busy time in my neighborhood, what with all the baseball games going on. We have great neighbors, particularly our next door neighbors, who go as far as leaving Lyric Easter baskets on the back porch, and invite us over to go swimming in their pool in the summer. But have I mentioned that our house is OLD? Old with a capital OLD old? And with any old house, there’s LOTS of renovations to do – capital LOTS lots. Renovating our house has been a slow process. The thing is, I have lots of ideas, and not a clue how to make them happen, and my husband – well, he has tools but not much of an idea how to use them. See, if it were up to me – these things would be done in my own creative way – but I have this large thing holding me back – my husband. He wants to do things the “right” way, whatever that means. So that involves saving money and crap like that – you know, things normal people do. But I have no patience.

The first thing we did was make the basement livable – we knew that we were going to have Lyric’s first birthday party at our new house, so we wanted there to be some room for people to hang out. We painted the walls down there, and the floors, built a bar out of the old workbench in the corner – it was like a whole new place. Of course now, three years later, it all needs redone, but it works for what it is, as my husband calls it – “the mancave,” where he hangs out and his band practices. The kitchen was our second project – we started on that two years ago – replacing the carpet (who puts a carpet in a kitchen?) with new flooring, painting the walls – and really – it’s my favorite room in the house, because I made it mine in many ways – the color scheme was my idea, and yes, it still needs work – the oven is a Hotpoint drop-in from the 1970’s, and that will be replaced this summer, along with the countertops. Eventually we’ll get around to replacing the cabinets and adding an island, but at the rate we’re going, I look for my daughter – who is three right now- to be in high school by then.

The bathroom is another story completely. Our bathroom is the bane of my existence. There’s linoleum tiles on the floor that are coming up, paneling on the walls – and a bathtub that was never meant to have a shower – have I mentioned the paneling? Yeah, it’s paneled around the tub. With a window right smack in the middle of it. And when paneling gets wet??? Well, let’s just say it’s ugly. The whole room is a drab grey. When it’s done it might possibly be the brightest room in the house – I have a palette of turquoise and coral in mind. See, what’s hard for me is being a creative person, someone who designs things everyday, having no control over my home. I’m itching to just paint the walls – another argument that my husband and I have – almost all the walls in my house are covered with 1970’s paneling – or PLASTER. No drywall. Anywhere. My living room is covered in a lovely – please sense my sarcasm – wood colored paneling. And my husband LOVES it. I hate it. He won’t get rid of it. The carpet was at one time WHITE. Yeah – try having a cheap white carpet with a toddler, a golden retriever, a black cat, and a husband who paves roads. It doesn’t work. I think the majority of my house strife would be eased if I could just get new carpeting, preferably a shade of brown in a premium brand of StainMaster.

Right now we’re working on converting what was once a spare bedroom into the computer room, and what was once a room the size of a closet where we previously had the computer into a utility room – no more going down the rickety basement stairs to do laundry. Yeah, the basement stairs need replaced. The roof will be replaced this summer – along with hopefully the siding, and with any luck, the windows, which are very drafty. I might have to get several part time jobs to make this happen, but it will happen. We’re to the point now where I think my husband is ready just to give up, sell the house, and buy a brand new house just to get out of doing what I’m asking of him. His motto previously was, “we have 30 years on our mortgage! There’s no need to rush!”

But here’s the thing I’ve learned – our house may not be perfect, and the way it looks might annoy me, probably because I don’t have my own cleaning lady, but it’s where my daughter has taken her first steps, where we’ve had many get togethers with friends... there are so many memories that have taken place in the past three years, that there’s no where else that I would call home. The saying, “home is where the heart is?” now I know exactly what that means, and my heart is in that old house on top of the hill in East Butler.

Toastmasters project #4

First Life and Second Life updates

2009-04-08T16:38:00.001-04:00

Wow, I’ve really fallen off the wagon when it comes to this blog. Three years ago, if you would have told me that I could live without posting here, I’d say you were crazy. Now this little corner of my world is dust covered and musty.

I don’t think I’ve talked about how I’m determined to become a better public speaker. I joined Toastmasters at work – we get together once every couple of weeks and give speeches. I’ve never been the best with public speaking – or speaking in general – I’m typically pretty awkward. But I’ve found this to be incredibly helpful, and now I look forward to getting up in front of my little group.

The first time I ever had to give a speech was in high school English class. I can’t even remember what I was supposed to talk about. I think I was somewhat prepared, notes-wise, but when I got in front of the class, I blanked, and I practically passed out from sheer terror. Not to mention the fact that I’m naturally kind of shy and socially awkward. Needless to say, I never got in front of a group again until I was forced to take Speech in college.

I’m scheduled to give my fourth speech next week – there’s a total of 10 speech projects until you’re titled a “Competent Communicator.” I’m determined to make it there. And what’s really crazy about all this, considering my past experiences, is that I’m pretty good at it. I’m kind of a natural when it comes to being in front of a crowd. I guess I missed my calling.

So, what should I give my next speech on?

Another thing I’ve recently fallen into the abyss of is Second Life – and if you haven’t played it, you should try it – and I can only hope you don’t have the addictive personality that I have, because I can’t tear myself away – as if I HAVE any extra time. It’s bascially a virtual world – you create your avatar and make friends and dress up and you can buy things and start businesses, and it’s CRAZY. I’m Elo Lexenstar if anyone wants to look me up!

Elo Lexenstar... she's so cute!

Lator gators - see ya next month! Just kidding. Or am I?

In like a lion, but I'm out like a lamb

2009-03-12T14:56:00.001-04:00

Remember how I joined a gym? That’s going pretty well. I’ve neither lost weight nor gained weight, which sucks (the part about not losing, that is). I’ve gotten a little stronger along the way. My legs are definitely a lot stronger. Which is good. I can pick Lyric up and carry her around a little longer, which at 40 pounds, is pretty significant.

This week I’ve been so tired. The time change once again killed me. I’ve been oversleeping, turning off my alarm, all the regular things that happen when my body can’t adjust. I’ve been floating through this day in a sleep deprived haze – I don’t remember feeling this tired since I had Lyric. On Monday I went to the gym and almost died. I couldn’t run. Not sure why – I’ve been working my way up to running for a while now. I listen to podrunner intervals on my ipod, which is fantastic, it’s a great way to build up stamina without pushing yourself too far. Monday (and pretty much every day) my right knee and foot were killing me, and I just couldn’t do it. I haven’t been to the gym since, not because I’ve given up, but because Lyric has been sick, and when she’s sick, it’s all about Mommy – she wants nothing to do with anyone else.

I know I need to go today, but I’m just SO TIRED. I’ve probably yawned 20 times since I started typing this. Gotta wake up... but first, a nap.

Overtime... the benefit of being an hourly employee

2009-02-19T22:58:00.002-05:00

Last week, I packed my jet setter self up and headed off to Fort Lauderdale for a long week of work. We had our annual "Leadership" conference for work, and as usual, since I'm not a leader at my job by any means, my department was there for video and photo support. This was my second leadership conference and it probably won't be my last - it's kind of cool being surrounded by the highest executives at my company and being recognized for the behind the scenes stuff that my department takes care of.

You might think one of the downfalls of this is that I'm there to actually work - and by work I mean working intensely - not the normal sitting in front of a computer designing - this entails running around, making sure AV equipment is working, running a video camera, directing cameras from the switcher, making last minute changes to presentations - and getting paid some sweet overtime. I had 37.5 hours of overtime last week. And I got to be in FLORIDA. It was 80 degrees and sunny. I got beers bought for me all week by my bosses. I got to have dinner and drinks on a yacht. I got a free hour massage at the spa at our hotel. Free lunch and dinner all week (and oh my gaaaaaah - it was good food). So there are some definite perks to taking this trip on a yearly basis, regardless of the fact that I'm there to work.

Now that I'm back to the "normal" grind, I've found myself in the odd position of taking over some of the responsiblities of my manager as she heads up another project. This morning I spent a few hours just getting myself organized to actually take on this task. One of my worst traits is that I'm horribly unorganized with my projects - but now, I get to dish them out AND remember who's working on them, when they're due, and follow up on them.

So it's been an interesting few weeks in my work life. Plus I started teaching 2 new online classes today. It's no wonder that Lyric has been running around my in circles screaming, "mama, mama, mama! Look at me! Look at me!" I think she's feeling a little neglected. If only it were a little easier to balance career/motherhood. It would make life a lot less messy.

Dear Deer

2009-02-04T23:05:00.000-05:00

Listening...

2009-02-02T14:22:00.002-05:00

To Ida Maria - the song OhMyGod is fan-freaking-tastic. I can't wait until iTunes actually has her music. If you haven't heard of her - it's no surprise as she's Norwegian. I mean, how many musicians from Norway actually get popular in the U.S.?

How about those Steelers??? Have I mentioned that yet today? Oh, I did? Ok, cool.