I Miss Bacon

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens....

2011-12-06T14:31:00.001-08:00

Oprah's no longer around so I have taken it upon myself to share my FAVORITE THINGS!

This idea started because I couldn't stop talking about the book I'd just read... and I wanted to tell everyone about it. Then I started thinking of all the OTHER stuff I love that I should share. Now, a lot of people try to convince me to love the stuff they love- NPR, U2, Twilight, Meat.... this is not the point of my favorite things list. In fact, there is really no point to the list.

Enjoy.

Favorite song I forgot I loved: Banditos by the Refreshments.
However, if it happened in the 90s- I probably love it anyway.

Favorite song that is super sad sounding but really not too sad, all things considered: Librarian by My Morning Jacket
Really, I just love the library and anything library related. Also they use the word "interweb" haha.

Favorite tv show with the most random guest stars ever: American Horror Story
Albie from Big Love? That guy in the Star Trek movie I never saw? This show is scary. Period. And Dylan McDermott is a sexy, sexy man.

Favorite book about Hitler before World War 2: In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Lawson
The last page of this book blew my mind.

Favorite book with the word "goon" in the title: A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
This is by far my favorite book of 2011. And not because it involves music in the 90s.

Favorite way to waste time: Bestweekevertv.com
So funny.

Favorite way to instantly cheer up: Reba McEntire's Does He Love You video.
I call dibs on that white outfit because my next Halloween costume will be "Cheated on Reba" circa 1993.

Favorite picture of Estella pretending to be a mummy:

This creeps me out and makes me laugh all at the same time.

And finally..... for my friend B, who every Sunday morning texts me how disappointed he is in me......... in the words of Sheryl Crow

My Favorite Mistake: Saturdays at 10pm MST on BET

I heart Roberts.

2011-11-18T13:29:00.001-08:00

If you've read my blog you know I have had a tumultuous past with men named Rob, even as recently as this last week ... oh... sweet, adorable 24 year old Rob...And I spent the entire day after Thanksgiving watching a marathon of Restaurant Impossible with Robert Irvine (have you SEEN his arms?).

Roberts haunt me.

The summer my father died, Bob Ross became a consistent male presence in my life. Every day at 3pm J.S. and I would talk on the phone during The Joy of Painting. And when we'd sign off (this happened for years not just that summer) we'd repeat Bob's well wishes of "Happy Painting and God Bless."

That was also the last year I attended Vacation Bible School. I LOVED Vacation Bible School and that year was probably my favorite. One project was to come up with a slogan for a bumper sticker- after our ironic viewing of the OH GOD! movies, J. and I submitted THINK GOD! for our sticker. I was sure ours was most clever... but another group had "SIN HAPPENS." Way funnier.

We also made shrinky dinks that summer. Remember when you could draw on a piece of plastic... bake it in the oven and TA DA! Magic! It was a tiny rendering of your original work! I think most kids drew crosses or something related to the material. J. drew Rainbow Head (Played by Christopher Walken on Saturday Night Live) and I drew Bob Ross. We were 12 and clearly... very hilarious. These shrinky dinks were then made into pins which we stylishly affixed to our jean jackets, etc.

I have no idea where mine is now... but I drew Bob as a skinny guy in a green t shirt... Bob's afro was mainly just a big brown circle around his head and his skin was yellow so... he looked jaundiced. They didn't make flesh colored markers in 1990.

Later that summer PBS announced that Bob Ross would be appearing 30 miles away in SPRINGFIELD MISSOURI! AT MICHAELS! the sky opened and heavenly sunshine came through. Happy Days are HERE AGAIN! J. and I would meet our idol. Screw you, New Kids on the Block!

Before I go further I should mention, Bob was the first in a long string of celebrities I've embarrassed myself in front of (all of Radiohead, Dave Schools from Widespread Panic, Cheryl and Kim from Dancing with the Stars, Brad Pitt... but I'll save those stories for another day.)

Bob was a ladies man, let's face it. There were women EVERYWHERE. And they were fawning all over him! He looked exactly like he did on the show. And was just as pleasant and kind as you might imagine.

J. and I arrived and waited in line with all the other ladies, and when it was finally my turn I stood next to him wearing... My Bob Ross shrinky dink pin. What happened next was probably the first moment I realized that I could be funny for people outside of my family and friends...

Bob Ross: What a beautiful lady on your pin!
Kacee: THAT'S YOU BOB!!!!!!!

Laughter and applause from the crowd. Sheepish smiling and nodding from Bob Ross. Invisible pat on my back from a million angels.

Like most adolescents I was terribly skinny, had bad skin, and hadn't quite grown into my hair. But Bob autographed my piece of white notebook paper "To Kacee, a beautiful young lady."

That day will always be such an important part of my life. I was just talking to my boss about how we affect others lives in ways we may never know... maybe just saying hello or giving a compliment could turn someone's day around.

Expect the Unexpected

2011-11-16T07:20:00.001-08:00

Sometimes things don't go the way you expect them to. Sometimes you mistake paprika for cinnamon and put in your pancakes... Sometimes you wake up and see that your ex is now on a reality show... awesome... if I so choose I can see him on tv every week. Yay.

My cat Estella is named after the bitchy object of Pip's affection in Great Expectations. (Why did I do that? She's grown into the name. Again- Yay.) But as far as the book goes... Pip's expectations changed as he changed... and that isn't easy.

Expectations can be dumb. The odds of your expectations actually becoming reality are terrible. 50%? MAYBE? Well, unless you say you are "expecting" and mean you're pregnant. That's different. However, we EXPECTED my friend C. to have a baby boy... and guess what? No penis. It's a girl!!!

For many people I know, the last few weeks our expectations have led to nothing but trouble...

Mostly it's been in relationships.... and if Miss Cleo were still around she could predict "you and your significant other will break up this month" and she'd be fairly accurate. A lot of my friends either went through break ups or the beginnings of a break up... in relationships they EXPECTED to last. We tend to believe that the intent of most relationships (romantic, professional, friendships, etc...) is that it will work out - unless it's for money.... Kim Kardashian.

If you are familiar with my blog you'll know how much I love the show Big Brother- and what does Julie Chen always say?? "Expect the unexpected." Julie's chunky jewelry and robotic movements drive me nuts- but she makes a good point.

You just never know... and your great expectations will make you crazy... if you let them.

Porch Moments

2011-11-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

Many of you may know that I just went through a break up. I'm not spiteful and I have no reason to say unkind things about him or what happened. He's a great guy and we had a good run. I will say that the break up to me was a bit unexpected which will be much more understandable further along in the blog. We were at my house... and after we had the "talk" he asked to use the restroom and I said sure, and I walked into the kitchen and turned around to see him just looking at me. I think neither of us really expected this to happen and I just remember standing there and asked "WHAT?"

So my friend and I have this thing called Porch Moments... and today I was chatting with her and she was telling me that my standing in the kitchen post break up made her laugh... like her porch moment.

She had been in town visiting this guy whom she was truly in love with. She did all of this stuff for him for Christmas, knowing that at the end of the week she would have to tell him that the relationship was over and she needed to just say good bye. I knew this was going to happen so I planned to pick her up about 3pm from his house. But at 1:30 I get this call and she's says "come now" so I go pick her up and she is just sitting on his porch.... wearing her coat... with her suitcase next to her. They had just broken up and she couldn't deal with being in the same room with him.... so she sat in the cold. It was so sad and awful but I just started laughing.... the look on her face was priceless. She was so miserable and she was just sitting on the porch... alone.... with her suitcase...

So she told me she has this image in her head of me in the kitchen standing there while my ex silently looked at me... and I had my little nightgown on and saying "What?" She said that was my porch moment... and so I googled what I was wearing so she could really get the impact....

http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=69680&vid=1&pid=863815&scid=863815022

It does make me laugh thinking of me standing there just wearing that...I was so angry and confused and ... wearing a baby doll nightie.

We've all got our porch moments. In fact, Dtaylo says she's had a few... Sometimes life sucks- but we move on- and eventually we laugh about it.

Twice in a week?

2011-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

You.Are.Welcome.

Actually I've decided to quit facebooking for a bit and that has freed up a significant amount of time. Why? Facebook can be a bitch. There. I said it. However, according to my blog "stats" (My new obsession) I realize that the majority of my readers access the blog through facebook. So I will make exceptions to post... and to comment on Debbie Gibson being on Celebrity Apprentice (Holla!)

I also received a lot of kind emails and posts and chats from you guys so I thought I'd keep it up. Plus someone found the blog by searching "CRUSH BOB COSTAS" so maybe there is someone else out there? We could make a two person support group.

My friend C.P. really liked the "That's just Kacee" idea... so in keeping with that theme here are some TJK moments that occurred just this week... and it's only Thursday.

Enjoy.

On Phil Collins:
Yesterday morning I caught myself JAMMING to Sussudio by Phil Collins. Like bobbing my head, tapping my feet, eating cheez its to the beat. The sad part was that not only did I catch myself doing it. I mentioned it to my friend Figs- and then kept on chair dancing. Whatever. Phil Collins is awesome. I'm totally secure saying that.

On Jimminy Cricket:
C.P. also told me she described me to someone as “her Jimminy Cricket- except with fewer top hats.”
Kacee: I do have a top hat!
C.P.: This is not a surprise.

On The Two Year Old Ninja:
Kendall is Kristal’s 2 year old and she LOVES LOVES Jill. she likes me but loves Jill and so Tuesday night she was all about Jill- who brought her skittles- which Kendall called m and ms.Kendall just got a new kitchen as a gift and she was making "M and M soup." Well, she does this thing called Mad Ninja and she wouldn't do it and so i said I'll eat your m and m soup if you do it so she's like ok.... she does it... we laugh... and then I "pretend" to eat an m and m...granted they had been in her hands forever and the DOG had stuck its face in the bowl,etc. and she looks at me. SUPER serious. And says....

“BITE IT”

And everyone is dying laughing. And I am like uh... because it’s pretty nasty. And again she looks at me and says...

“BITE.IT.”

so I look in the bowl and try to find the shiniest one... that didn't look like it had too much wear and tear...

and i put it on the spoon with the two year old Ninja staring me down.... and I bit it. I believe photos were taken.

On Perseverance:
I had had a rough week but was determined to keep my spirits up. I was talking to Figs about this and began to sing the old 80s gem "Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Ain't nothin' gonna slow me down. Oh no!" And she replied "I got to keep on movin!" Which led me to remember that as a child I thought the words were "I got to keep my boobies"

What? That makes no sense.

On My Workout
Usually at work I try to do the basement workout. What is this? Is there a workout room in our building? No. I go down to the conference room in the basement and basically jazzercise by myself for about 20 minutes. I've been caught multiple times. In fact the last time the young maintenance guy walked in on me I just said, "What? You know I do this." Since it's been nice this week I've been walking instead. So yesterday I'm walking and listening to my Ol Dirty Bastard Pandora station. It was playing "Still D.R.E." which I like to think I can rap along to (I can't) but I'm mouthing the words as I go. I see this nice older gentleman in his yard and for some reason I think he's talking to me. I take off my headphones and we have a moment of severely uncomfortable eye contact.... then I just say "HI!" and keep going. I'll be taking a different route today, thank you.

On Slacker Radio:
There have been a few times this week on my Slacker “Favorite Songs” station that some weird songs come on and I think why did it just play "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul? Oh. Because I said it was a favorite. Also "Toy Soldier" by Martika. Clearly 13 year old Kacee was making herself a playlist unbeknownst to 33 year old Kacee who was listening to Phil Collins...

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down… by my nightguard.

2011-10-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

My nightguard isn’t the focus of this blog… (audible sigh of relief by readers)… but how the nightguard signifies the importance of not taking yourself too seriously.

I had really funny parents. And let’s be honest- my childhood had all the makings of an After School Special (sans braces and creepers leering at me as I walked home from school.) But my parents taught me early on to laugh at myself. In fact- I still remember some of the dumb things I said as a kid (upon opening a Totino’s pizza at Heather Payne’s house “There is so much cheese on that pizza!” The pizza looked like it was covered in cheese.... because it was upside down.) I remember my mom telling the story about how my dad walked around all day on campus with one of the lenses missing from his sunglasses… and how when he realized it he thought it was so funny.

So last week I went to brunch with some dear friends from out of town, my friend M. and her new man, and the BF (who for blogging purposes shall be referred to as Master Bacon- this is a nod to both bacon and our favorite superhero... and yes I know what other word Master Bacon sounds like... This is not intentional). So during brunch in an effort to simply make conversation, I realized that 85% of what comes out of my mouth is pure ridiculousness. (The other 15% percent includes: commentary on hair care, Early Childhood Education, animals in costume, and reality television.)

So readers here are some of the brunch highlights:
• My dream about being served a deli sandwich at some fancy charity event where I was seated next to Susan Sarandon. Susan had a plate of beans and I was irritated, because as a vegetarian I should have been served beans- not a turkey sandwich. I left the event to attend a friend’s party and walked in at the same time as (gasp!) Dream Guy Bob Costas. But I had to leave early to help my friend with his food truck. This is the most unbelievable part of the dream actually, because everyone knows I can’t cook.
• I also mentioned that the night before I had come home and decided to open a PBR and considered “drinking it in the shower like a man does” I didn’t realize this was so funny. My two girlfriends couldn’t stop laughing, their gentlemen seemed confused yet complimentary and Master Bacon just lowered and shook his head. If my life were a 90s sitcom, we would cut to me looking into the camera and shrugging my shoulders and a “That’s just Kacee!” theme song would play.

So what’s the nightguard have to do with it?

Master Bacon and I had only been on one date when I learned I’d have to start sleeping with a mouth guard for my TMJ, his exact words were… “Wow, you sleep in an eye patch (he meant mask) and wear a night guard? You’re a catch.”

Yay, me.

Oddly enough I never knew that the night guard would change my life. Not only do I no longer wake up with headaches, but I became much more entertaining.

At night I’ll typically say “Ok, I’m putting the night guard in” which means Master Bacon will have prepared a series of questions ….The answers to which have many s’s…. when I speak -everything with an s sound is now replaced with a shhhh sound.

For example:
What’s my favorite football team?
The Shanfranshico Forty Ninersh

What state is next to North Dakota?
Minneshota

And so on and so forth.

I could’ve made the nightguard a big deal. I could’ve been awkward and embarrassed to wear it in front of him. But I wasn’t. And I’m glad… talking in my nightguard is frankly, hilarious.

Dtaylo always says, “One day you’ll look back on this and laugh.”

So why not just start laughing now?

Post Script: I began this post about a week ago and then a bunch of crappy stuff happened and I didn't feel I could post this since I wasn't being true to what I had written. However, today as I came in to work (late because I'm not sleeping well and have had a lot on my mind- I know boo hoo.) I realized that the air is on in our office and so I've been forced to wear gloves. Unfortunately this meant that my fingers are fat and while facebook stalking (shut up- we all do it) I accidentally added a friend when I just meant to "like" the post. Then I had to unfriend her so as not to seem like a creeper but probably made it worse by writing a message that I was sorry I friended her by mistake. So what was once a terribly frustrating and freezing cold morning- is now just funny... That's just Kacee.

Dream On.

2011-08-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

I have a recurring dream that I’m back in Springfield going back to college and I have nowhere to live.

It changes a bit from time to time. Sometimes I literally have NO where to live and am thinking I’ll have to commute from my parent’s house. In last night’s dream I lived back in the sorority house. The funniest part of living in the house in my dream- was that I did not have DVR and I missed all the episodes of New Jersey Housewives. I just kept thinking- I can’t wait until I can go back home and get caught up on my shows. However, I was deeply grateful for the never ending supply of choco tacos and mango madness Snapple icees- remember those? Oh Donna…

Sometimes in the dream I can’t find a roommate. Sometimes in the dream I have to find an apartment really far from campus and DRIVE to school. NONE of these things ever happened.

Part of me thinks the dream means I’m not where I am supposed to be. Too deep? Probably. I had some vodka last night … that doesn’t help.

Someone I know might say I am yearning to find a time when I was not a vegetarian- so I could eat bacon again.

Yesterday I was talking about the poem I wrote in college that was put on the side of the bus- remember that, Bears? And I thought about how much I love words. I re read my favorite poem, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"… and how it sounds so painfully beautiful when you read it aloud… and I felt sad.

I wanted to be a writer. And now the closest thing I get to writing is this blog (kinda sorta), and quarterly reports, and witty gchats.

So maybe the dream means I need to focus on writing?

Maybe the dream means I need to focus on my house... fix the basement carpet I ripped up by myself.

Or maybe it just means I really miss mango madness Snapple.

Attitudes are contagious...

2011-03-31T07:04:00.000-07:00

I got home last night and rather than greeting me at the door like he always does, Eliot was standing on the steps that lead to the basement… I couldn’t figure it out I just assumed he was hungry- because he is a huge fatty – so I went to feed him.

About 10 minutes later he was still in the basement. I went down and he was staring intently at the floor.. I just assumed a bug I couldn’t see.. so I went upstairs.

Two hours later he is STILL down there staring and what do you know? It’s almost like he was a detective cat! There was a leak in the hot water heater. Eliot reminds me of a little old man with OCD. He gets terrible anxiety if things are out of order and he also likes to follow the rules- which is why he is not so fond of Estella, the bratty bad girls club cat. Anyway- it's no surprise he was so caught up in this leak...

Anyway- the moment I noticed there was a problem, did my googling about water heater leaking, and called a plumber, Eliot was able to relax.

But the point of this post is not to talk about my cat’s anxiety. It’s mostly to talk about attitude.

In our sorority house, my friend Lindsey once posted a sign in our bathroom that said “Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?” It still rings true. And last night as I discovered I was about to shell out well over $1,000 for water heater repair, I realized in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that big of a deal. I thought about how others may get pissed, and post something about how crappy it was on their facebook page, or just bitch about it constantly for the rest of the week. But why bother? It’s a water heater. It’s going to have to be replaced at some point. At least Eliot caught the issue in time and my floor won’t be ruined. Plus watching a cat so concerned over a water heater is pretty funny.

Basically you get two choices in how you can react to something like this.. you can get pissed and throw a fit, or you can deal with it and go back upstairs finish watching Top Chef and move on. Not saying that you can’t have your moments of being irritated.. but eventually you have to let it go. Because your attitude is contagious…

One of my favorite stories about having a good attitude comes from my mom (who when told about the leak says to me, “Oh that’s too bad. Do you want to hear a funny story?” And totally changes the subject. Classic Dtaylo.)

Anyone who knows Dtaylo knows she LOVES to gamble. A few years ago we were in Las Vegas for my birthday visiting Julia and Tim. We had gone to lunch at Mesa Grill (my all time favorite place) and mom realizes she’s lost her wallet. The wallet contains not only her money, credit cards, ID – but MY credit cards, ID as well… so she says “OH NO! I must have left it at the King of Cash slot machine!” So she takes off to go find the wallet. Julia and I pay for lunch and head off to find Dtaylo- we assume she’s at Lost and Found.

Nope. There’s Dtaylo at King of Cash again.

Kacee: “Mom, did you find your wallet?”
Mom: “Oh, I haven’t gone to look yet.”

Dtaylo had found a hot machine and she wasn’t giving it up for anything. She did find her wallet and thankfully only the cash was gone… but this story makes me laugh because that’s my mom’s attitude. She could’ve freaked out. She could’ve ruined the day by having a terrible attitude about the whole ordeal but instead she chose to assume that by that point if the wallet was stolen, it was stolen…

So she might as well make the most of the situation and try to go for the bonus.

I don't like NPR. There I said it.

2010-12-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

I don’t like NPR. There I said it.

I’m a smart girl. I have a Masters Degree in International and Intercultural Communication (sounds fancy right?) I read smart books. I watch smart movies. ( I do however watch tragically DUMB tv) but I can’t stand NPR. I don’t like their mellow voices. That is all there is to it.

Worse than not liking NPR is being judged for not liking NPR.

You don’t listen to NPR?
No.
Really?
Really.
Why?
I don’ t like it. I’ve tried. I just don’t like it.
Oh. Not even This American Life?
No.

One of my biggest, craziest fears is that I will die without reading all the books I want to read. Therefore, I listen to books in the car. And sometimes I listen to one of my girlfriends who is on a morning radio show. And sometimes I have dance parties. And sometimes I sing really loudly to the Glee soundtracks. With hand motions.

My friend’s little boy doesn’t like chocolate… people are like what! You don’t like chocolate?

So to him and to everyone else out there who is left handed, or has never seen a Star Wars movie, or still has a Myspace… it’s ok to not like NPR. It’s ok to not like chocolate. It's ok to be different.

It gets better... but bad perms don't.

2010-11-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

So a lot has been going on lately about bullying. Bullying comes from a place of insecurity and therefore breeds insecurity. Last night an incident occurred that I consider my “It Gets Better” tribute. Sadly, even as an adult it’s still possible to get bullied.

I remember being a kid and a teenager and hearing the boys on the bus or in gym class making fun of me for a whole host of reasons and thankfully I got over that. I may not ever like them, but I’ll be their facebook friend… because at this point? Who cares? And I also know that I was probably a bully too. I know that if I felt uncomfortable or wanted to fit in… the go to reaction is to make fun… and recognizing that I acted that way has made me a better person.

Last night some friends and I were at a wine bar and we were telling stories and laughing and probably being loud and my friend B. says about the couple across from us (a man and a woman) “I think they are talking about us.” So I look over and the guy at the table says DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? Taken aback, I say …no… First of all.. who says that? second of all... I didn't have a problem.

Then the two proceed to make fun of me… well, my hair… calling it a bad perm. Ok- there are MILLIONS of things to make fun of about me… but my hair? Really? Ok. So this goes on and on and they are being obvious about what they are saying and doing (which is drawing a picture of my “bad perm”)… and it was completely obvious that they had nothing else to talk about except our table… and the lovely Amelia Earhart from Channel 9 news… sitting next to us. Who seemed to be on a first date or something? Anyway.. she’s really tall.

As this went on I thought… make fun of me all you want… I’m probably way better at it than you.. so my friends and I start laughing about all the real reasons they should make fun of us… because let’s face it… we are all our own biggest bullies.
So I need to use the restroom and I decide it’s time to confront them…
I went over to their table and squatted down and said, "Listen if you want to make fun of me letme give you some real reasons because my hair is naturally curly." then I was like here are some actual reasons you should make fun of me and listed a few things about myself… and then I said, “I'm sorry that you and your friend are having such a bad time that the only thing that entertains you is making fun of other people." And then I got up and went to the bathroom...

My friends had no idea what I had said to them. I go to the bathroom and in my mind a fist fight must have broken out… they must be screaming back and forth with my friends… but then I get back and the couple is paying their check and left without a word.

It just goes to show that remaining calm and speaking with intelligence is bully kryptonite.

And don’t mess with a girl with naturally curly hair. We’re feisty.

Did you win?

2010-10-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

“Did you win?” asked Landon after the marathon. For those of you who don’t know, Landon is 3 and one of my biggest supporters.

So now that it’s all said and done what do I think? Well, from mile 22 through mile 25.5 I thought this is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life. But my mom says it’s just like having a baby- you forget the pain. AND a little part of me really wants to try it again…

Before I forget- here are a few minor details about the race as a whole:
1. The Denver police were AMAZING! They did a great job of controlling traffic and were so encouraging… every time we passed they would say looking strong or way to go… love it.
2. The Rock n Roll portion of the race was not so rock n roll. If the bands weren’t on breaks.. they were playing like slow jamz.
3. The cheerleaders along the way were the best! There were Denver Metro high school cheerleaders along the course and they were so enthusiastic and it really helped.
4. Also the text messaging alerts that told my friends and family where I was along with the fact that friends could watch the finish line online was really cool.
And now…

Here’s a rundown of the day:
4:30 I get up and get ready. Everyone knows I am quite a planner so I had everything laid out and ready to go. We take pictures like it’s the first day of Kindergarten, Kristal arrives to drive my parents around town.
5:30 I hear my mom open up the champagne in the back seat. I get jealous. No mimosa for me.
5:55 Kristal reads me a list of funny quotes from Modern Family to make me laugh.
From 6- 7:21 it’s basically waiting for the port a potty, finding our corral and standing… and by 7:21 we finally cross the starting line.

Things are going great- we are laughing- running a good pace- feeling strong—singing Fresh Prince of Bel Air. .. and then we get to City Park.

Right in front of me I notice my office mate, Linda. Linda is probably the greatest inspiration for me when it comes to running and in so many ways she is my Colorado Mom. She is running the half… So I run next to her for a bit and say, “I’ll text you when I finish” and she says, “I signed up for the automatic texts so I’ll know when you finish.” Me= waterworks. I was so touched. So I run ahead and Kara asks, “Are you crying?” and I said “Um, no.” Liar.

So City park isn’t too bad. I see friends, we see some pretty great signs, most people are in great moods, lots of cheering… then we hit Cheeseman and I see my friends and family… super exciting… and still feeling good and strong about mile 11 and then we have to separate. Vivian and Nathalie have to go one way for the Half Marathoners and Nicole, Kara, and I go the other way. In my mind I thought- they only have two miles to go… and I have 15. Ouch.

Once we turn that corner it suddenly became silent. The street opened up and rather than seeing hundreds of people line the streets we saw just a few. Granted- the people who were out were amazing- handing out everything from water to donuts, to Twizzlers to beer. Denver people know what’s up. Also one house kept playing Don’t Stop Believing…

We also totally pick up our pace at that point… probably because there was really no one else around and we didn’t have any crazy hills to contend with…. But Cry #2 came right around mile 13 when I overheard some dude say “We’re running a marathon!” and I was like HOLY Toledo! This is real. AND really far from being over…

So I’m having fun and feeling great until we stop at the port a potties at mile 15 and I get a look at myself in the mirror and think uh oh… I don’t look so hot… and by that I looked super hot. Red face… frazzled… and my fuel belt was starting to hurt me… I trained with it so I felt like I should run with it. Note: Not doing that again.

Miles 15-20 were in Washington Park… and as a general rule I don’t LOVE running there. I love the park- but all the loops make me crazy. And this was even worse because now there were even more loops… At this point Nicole’s dad joined us and ran along for a bit and that was cry #3.

Side note- the first thing in the morning Jill sent me a text that says, “You’ve got this” and that is what I told myself the entire time… “you’ve got this, you’ve got this, you’ve got this.”

At mile 19 I saw Joan from work and that made me feel better and then I handed off my belt to Nicole’s parents- assuming at that point I would now be able to run like the wind. Wrong.

Around mile 20 I had to walk for the first time… it wasn’t necessarily that I hit the “wall” but I was having a hard time breathing. So for the rest of the race I ran/walked until about mile 25. I was never in any pain physically I was just SO tired and could not catch my breath.

At mile 21 I see all my friends and family and realize for the first time … Oh.. they have TEAM KACEE shirts on… surprisingly I didn’t cry then… but probably b/c I needed all the fluids I could get.

We’re finally out of Wash park and things are going ok with the walk/run until at mile 23 I realize we have to basically run up and back down a bridge. But the worst part is that there is NO place for anyone to stand along the sidelines and cheer.
This is also when I began to see other people struggling… a lot of other people were walking at this point too. I had to keep my eye on Nicole and Kara ahead and I would let them get just so far ahead of me then I would run and catch up and do it again. I’d even told them at one point if they needed to leave me I would be fine.

At mile 25 I realize we are almost there and I really expected this surge of adrenaline to kick in and I’d run so fast and just finish. NOPE.

It was tough, it was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. When it was over I just walked around with my medal in a total daze… I didn’t know what to do or think or feel.. Meghan took a great pic of me just sitting there with a smile on my face, but my eyes are totally glazed over… I had no words.

And in the winner’s photo on the marathon website Ronald McDonald is standing there clapping… um first of all huh? And Second of all… where was he when I finished?
It was truly the best feeling in the world to know that I had so many people supporting me along the way. I mean people were wearing shirts with my name on it? WHAT? How unbelievable is that?

So what now? I just spent the last 8 months mentally preparing, and the last 4 months physically preparing… so now what do I do?

Again- a huge thank you to everyone. It meant so much knowing that I had so many people on my side. Not just during the race- but all those months of training. Yesterday I was finally able to catch up with all the texts and facebook messages and I was completely overwhelmed with all the love.

So to answer Landon’s question- yeah I guess I did win.

Way to go Jogging Babes... much love to you all!

It's the final countdown... nah nah nah nah... nah nah nah nah nah...

2010-10-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

So I love running, I do.

I love getting up super early on a Saturday and running for three hours. I love going for coffee after and laughing about whatever ridiculous thing happened during the run… like the Santa Claus walking down 13th, or the number of times Kara fell, or the fact that we sang the entire theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel Air out of nowhere and we all remembered all the words. I’m thankful to the Joggin Babes who kept me going… ps – we didn’t name ourselves the joggin babes… some kind stranger once yelled out “Hey, it’s the Joggin Babes!” and though creepy - at that point we needed that support-so the name stuck.

That being said… I hope I continue to run after this marathon… who knows what will happen and if I’ll continue with full marathons… or if I’ll stick to halves. I am SO happy I did it… BUT I am ready to have my life back.

I’m ready for my pants to fit again. I didn’t realize my thighs would get so huge. I thought they’d get small and cute… wrong.

I’m ready to say Yes, I can attend that function…

I’m ready to go to the gym and do something other than run.

I’m ready to STOP eating bananas.

I’m ready to stop worrying if my toenails will turn black or fall off (neither happened).

I’m ready to start drinking mimosas at 9 am on a Wildcat Saturday.

I’m ready to not spend a weekend lying under bags of frozen vegetables. From my experience- Brussels sprouts work best.

I’m also ready to finish this as a thank you to all my friends and family who have stood by me and supported me the entire way. More than anything I’ve learned that I am one lucky girl. I can’t believe how many amazing people I have in my life.

I’m ready to cross the finish line....

and then drink a really big, ice cold beer.

Natural Gatorade = Natural Disaster

2010-09-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

I know you all are DYING for updates on my training… but first what you REALLY want to know…

1.Last night on Big Brother After Dark, Lane used Just for Men on his beard. It stung a little and Hayden thought he should have left it on a little longer so it would be darker, however, Enzo thinks it’s dark enough.
2.I watched the entire second season of Everest: Beyond the Limit and ANOTHER documentary on Mt. Everest. It’s like I’m stalking the mountain. Last night I was recognizing landmarks without the help of the narrator. Seriously… this has gotten out of hand.

This last weekend marked my longest run to date. I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday… drank my coffee.. watched Big Brother and ate my Power Bar. I met my friends at 7 and thought.. ok last week for 16 miles I drank only Gatorade during the run and I felt great. I’ll do that this time- but because I’ve lost a bottle on my fuel belt (which would normally just hold water) I’ll bring an extra Gatorade with me. And not just regular Gatorade… “NATURAL” Gatorade—bought on a whim at Whole Foods. Spoiler Alert… this was not a good whim.

So we’re off. I drink all the Gatorades and I’m feeling ok until we climb a huge hill at about mile 16… we’ve had to stop because of traffic a few times and I really am not sure my legs can take it… but even worse- I realize that my stomach can’t take it… in fact it’s pissed about this Natural Gatorade and wants to make sure I know it. I’m already sensitive to sugar … and the “natural” gatorade was sitting like a rock in my stomach and I feared the worst… I’ve seen the pictures.. I know what can happen.

I tell the girls to go on ahead when we reach mile 17… I’m going to have to walk. I couldn’t believe it. I’d made it 17 miles and I was going to WALK the last mile? I jog/walked the rest of the way… and as my stomach began to feel better, my ego felt worse.

On my drive home I called my mom nearly in tears. I felt like a failure. I didn't make it... and I should have. However, two of my friends ran 12.5 miles on Saturday rather than the 13 they’d planned. Was I disappointed in them? No… I was happy for them and excited… so why would I be so hard on myself?

I went home and paced around the house… I couldn't relax and I couldn't even get into my post race routine … I just couldn't get it out of my head that I didn’t “RUN” 18 miles… I couldn’t see that what I had accomplished was a pretty big deal.

Yesterday I was telling my massage therapist about it and she says, “Kacee, you are stupid.” That made me laugh 1. Because she is Ukrainian and her voice always sounds like she’s scolding me and 2. I realized she was completely right. One way or another I accomplished my 18 mile training run… and it’s called “training” for a reason. So for the next five weeks I’m not only training my body, I’m training my mind and trying to realize that sometimes everyone has to walk.

Marathon training has turned me into an insomniac and an obsessive.

2010-09-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

Marathon training has turned me into an insomniac and obsessive. Perhaps that’s going a bit too far- you won’t see me on any TLC programs any time soon… Let’s just say that I am not sleeping well and I have developed a great interest in the following:
• Big Brother After Dark
• Mt. Everest documentaries, television shows, books, google searches, etc.

The Big Brother After Dark obsession would never have developed if I could fall asleep at night. Last night I lay on the couch watching Hayden and Lane cut Enzo’s hair. This took an hour. And I watched ALL OF IT. It’s ridiculously pathetic. I dvr After Dark every single day and watch the majority of it while recovering after a long run on the weekend when I don’t want to think. I just want to watch people do mundane things around the house. OR more accurately I want to fall asleep to people doing mundane things around the house. .. never happens. I get wrapped up in the absurdity of it all. Will they play pool after dinner? Will they work out? Will Lane trim his beard tonight?? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS!

Anyway…

About a year ago I read Into Thin Air, which for a time created an obsession with any adventure based books– note these are not CHOOSE your own adventure books- recently this obsession has returned. Maybe it's because I'm pushing myself.. and watching others do the same helps? Maybe not.

The last two weekends I’ve watched nothing but documentaries about climbing Mt. Everest (well documentaries and Big Brother). Don't worry- I am not planning a trip to Kathmandu any time soon. Remember when the Real World took vacations to places that didn’t have hot tubs? And Real World Seattle went to Nepal and David says they were going to “Legit Nepal?” Their experience is just about as close to climbing Everest as I will get.

Besides the treacherous terrain, the intense mental and physical strength required, etc, etc… climbing Mt. Everest takes a lot of cash and let’s face it- I have expensive taste in handbags. AND if you know anything about climbing Mt. Everest you know that involves months of camping. CAMPING. This chick doesn’t camp… And these documentaries have yet to show me how one uses the restroom in this situation.

So as I lie awake last night I was thinking about these obsessions and how they relate to my insomnia and ultimately my running… I thought maybe if I write them down… It will all make sense… and yet..

It doesn’t. I think more than anything I realize that I ramble when exhausted and that I’ve just exposed exactly how much tv I watch…

Marathon training has turned me into a sap.

2010-09-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Usually my blog posts are meant to be funny- and sometimes they are… but this one is much more personal…

I just finished a book called What I Talk about When I Talk about Running. For those of you who know amazing literature you will notice that this is based on What We Talk about When We Talk about Love by Raymond Carver. Anyway… the book really touched me and inspired me to write about my own running experience.

Marathon training has turned me into a sap.
I tear up over everything.

Looking at pictures of a guy running the Leadville 100? Cry.

Reading about the Endurance 50? Cry.

Seeing Jeff Lewis hold a baby on Flipping Out? Cry.

For reals. I don’t know what happened to me… the last two months my life have basically been nothing but running. I read about running, I talk about running, I run, and then I rest so I can run again. Then everything that has to do with running makes me really emotional. I don’t know if it’s about the strength of the human spirit and the training and everything that goes into the running that gets me? For example on a 10 mile run the other day we were behind a blind runner. He was tethered to a runner in front of him and wore a shirt that said “blind runner” and this guy was blowing our pace out of the water and he had no clue where he was going. He was running just because he loves running. WHAT? Tears….

And all this emotion has crossed over into everything. …
I get my feelings hurt more easily.
I laugh more. Mostly at myself.
I’ve become very sentimental.
I’m realizing the friends and relationships that really matter in my life… and also the ones that don’t.

I also realize that I am capable of much more than I imagined. And a lot of the second rate bullshit that I have put up with for way too long is ridiculous.

I didn’t expect this. I thought I would just run and it would be a good time and it would probably hurt (and it does) and in the end I’d get a nice medal and check another goal off the list. But now I realize that I don’t want to stop because marathon training Kacee ( and the eventual marathon completing Kacee) is a lot stronger than the old Kacee. And I like her.

My Amazing Race

2010-08-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to my mother and Lindsey- without whom I never would have made it to Jaime’s wedding in one piece. Oh- and Mike... just for being Mike.

So… Friday morning I get up at 5 am and drive to the airport for my 8 am flight to St. Louis. Jaime’s wedding was that night at 5pm but I wanted to get to St. Louis in time to go to Chuck E. Cheese with Lindsey and the kids. My mom was driving from Springfield that day so she could be at the airport with the Reuss’ to pick me up.

Well, I get to the airport and discover that my flight had been cancelled. They said that I would arrive in St. Louis at 5:45 that night unless I was able to get on the stand by flight that left at 10:45 am. I'm basically crying now because I don't want to miss the wedding and I had no idea what to do... At the last minute I decide to throw my dress and shoes for the wedding in my carry on bag.. I then take my time and get to the gate to put my name in for standby… and at that time they were boarding a flight for Kansas City.

(I reenacted this scene with Lindsey’s kids as the United employees which is much better than my description of it here.)

Me: Can I get on the stand by list.
United Dude: Sure. Got you on the list. Thanks.
Me: Wait, is this flight going to Kansas City now?
United Dude: It is.
Me: Can I get on it?
Unitded Dude: Yes… but I can’t get you to St. Louis.
Me: No problem.

I then proceed to call Lindsey and tell her I’m flying to KC. I’ll get a rental car there and just drive the four hours to her house and should make it there by 4pm. Total Amazing Race style. Lindsey, my mom and Lindsey’s kids went to Target to get me what I would need – pajamas, clothes for Saturday, etc.

So I drive to STL in my HHR (which is basically a boxier version of a PT Cruiser and obviously super cool)… I get there by 4…. Stupid weather or I would’ve made it earlier. But I made it. However, we didn’t have time to make it to the wedding- only the reception.

Now, Mike’s car only has air conditioning if you put it on full blast. So we are freezing… and then all of a sudden the air goes out. It’s raining like crazy outside and the car is totally fogging up. AND we are late for the reception.

All of a sudden I say, “My dress feels weird.” I look down and the zipper had totally split. Mind you, it wasn’t that the dress was too small.. but putting it on we’d had trouble with the zipper… and now it was off track and there was NO way to get it to stay on.

Lindsey says, “There’s a Macy’s just a few blocks away!” Oddly enough, that day Mike had won an “Ugliest Shirt” Contest at work and it was still in the backseat.
So Mike drives up on the curb, I throw the ugly shirt on and we run inside. Macy’s closed in 20 minutes.

My dress was black and white and my shoes were red so my options for the dress were limited. Lindsey gets all the employees to help and we run all over Macy’s and finally find a cute little black one that I actually really like… I run out and yell “GOT IT!” And Lindsey begins yelling to all the employees “WE’RE GOOD! WE’RE GOOD!”
We buy the dress (well, my mom does- I didn’t have any money with me) They take the tags off at the counter and we make it to the reception. As Lindsey said after, “For awhile that was a very dark moment.”

All in all it was probably one of my most memorable trips to St. Louis. I’m so so lucky to have such an amazing mom (who now loves White Castle) and best friend (who makes me stiff drinks the minute I get to her house).

What did you do over the summer? I ate my weight in wedding cake.

2010-07-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

So this summer I started working part time running a super fun photo booth at weddings. I won’t mention the name of the company in the event they read this and hate it… especially because my bosses are super cool and this job is really fun. I get to eat wedding cake, flirt with boys and perfect my Cupid Shuffle moves.

That being said, I have attended over ten weddings this summer. And every time I leave a wedding, I think man I hope _____ doesn’t happen at my first wedding. ;)

One of my friends suggested I write down some of the highlights so far… here are my thoughts…and you are welcome… future wedding having people.

1. DO NOT play the following songs: “Single Ladies” during the bouquet toss. EVERY single wedding they do this. Every one. “Who Let the Dogs Out” (yeah it still exists) during the garter toss. Also the Macarena and Electric slide should no longer be in the rotation of your dj. If it is- you hired a dj from 1996.

2. DO NOT walk down the aisle or come in to the reception to “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” (Everyone does it) OR the Chris Brown song popular from both the You Tube video from LAST YEAR and the Office season finale. Again. FROM LAST YEAR. I have seen two weddings do this over the summer. And both times it fell flat. Everyone’s seen it and now they just feel sorry for you.

3. Fondant tastes gross.

4. Don’t have your wedding anywhere near small bodies of water if you plan to invite children. I attended a wedding in Platteville this weekend and guess what? All the kids kept catching FROGS! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am afraid of Frogs more than anything in life. I was terrified. Also it invites mosquitos. This weekend I was bitten on the eyebrow and drove home with a huge welt on my eye so that I vaguely resembled Sloth from the Goonies.

5. If there is an open bar I promise you are always ten times more drunk than you think you are and the following pick up lines do not work, “ssooyouliveinDenver?” or “Will you help me zip up my pants?”

6. The mother of the bride (or groom) should not be wearing a dress that is sold at Forever 21 with the prom dresses.

7. Don't have the wedding at a location where guests have to do their own dishes. Yup. That happened.

As the summer goes on I’m sure more will come to mind. And as a guest of a wedding next weekend (Congrats Jaime and Jarod!) I will be very excited to be on the receiving end of the fun….

Busted.

2010-06-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been dealing with a ton of issues with my internet in the last week. Wednesday they sent out a technician who spent the entire time trying to convince me he was not an alcoholic but simply had a summer cold. To be honest, I didn’t think that coughing a lot was a sign of an alcoholic, but whatever. He also kept asking me if I owned my house, had it gone down in value, etc… um… just fix the internets please….

So… I get home that night… no internets… the following day another technician comes out… he was quiet but took a few moments to stop and watch tv… but he was fine and left. Next thing you know- no internet.

Yesterday a third tecnhician comes out and I open the door and think oh, he’s pretty cute. So he starts working and we start to chit chat and suddenly I realize we are flirting… this goes on for a bit and then he asks me for a piece of paper and gives me his number… in case I have problems with my service. So I immediately call Jill and tell her the story and then I get a phone call.. “IT’S HIM!” I yell and transfer over… he wanted to know if I wanted three months of free HBO or Showtime or a $20 credit for all the bad luck I’ve had. I took the credit… I already have those channels.

So my next step is to obviously look for him on facebook. It’s been a long time since I met someone cute and funny and easy to talk to and is not named Rob.

Well, tonight I am starting to teach a public speaking course and before I can teach I have to take this test about learning and the brain (dumb). So the test is online and I’m halfway through it AND…… no internet. So I call the technician, we’ll call him Joe, and he says ok I’ll be over in ten minutes.
So we flirt a bit more… and we talk about the test and the class I’m teaching and he says.. well, let me help you with the test… super cute, right? So I log on and it won’t let me get back into the test… so Joe being the expert he is says, “Let me try to trick it.” Well, this means pulling up ALL THE PAGES I’ve visited… including the facebook search for him.
Um. Yeah.

So he says “You weren’t taking your test! You were on facebook!”
Busted.

Needless to say, Joe has not called me back. So word to the wise.. do not facebook stalk unless your internet is up and running and no one can check your searches.

Oh- and by the way- the internet went down again about twenty minutes later….

Why I need to break up with MTV....

2010-06-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am an old person, so I clearly have no right to comment on last night’s MTV Music Awards but I will anyway.

First of all, I love Parks and Rec. In my opinion it is 10,000 times funnier than The Office… and if you started watching it about a year ago and stopped… start again. The first season wasn’t that great- but it’s better now. If nothing else watch simply for Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford. Last night his “Swagga Coach” bit was great. AND his reenactment of Precious. Loved it.

BUT why on Earth was Tom Cruise on there doing his Les Whoever character from Tropic Thunder? That movie came out like three years ago. I had totally forgotten who he was… I don’t get it. Go back to saying weird stuff, Tom Cruise.And if you are going to revive a character what about Maverick? I’d like to see what happened to that guy. I’d like to see him dance with J.Lo.

My other issue was with all the F bombs. I’ll admit every so often I’m totally fine with using curse words and in fact I applaud it with friends and family. HOWEVER, when every other word is F*ck… you begin to sound childish. I know that commonly this word is used to get a reaction… however why not write great skits or banter to do the same thing? A perfectly timed curse word is a gift… let’s not turn it into mainstream language so it loses it’s gratification for the speaker.

I'd really like to break up with MTV... but I'm not ready. I still need to see the new season of Jersey Shore- although it will guaranteed disappoint me- and I love True Life because documentary shows make me feel better about myself. So until Bravo gets just a touch more trashy... I'll still want my MTV.

It's been awhile...

2010-05-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe because I've been sick... or maybe because I haven't felt funny... but I haven't blogged lately. However, this morning I was telling my friend Vivian about the dream I had about her and she said I should blog it. So here goes..

This is an excerpt from a chat to Vivian regarding the dream I had about her.... I'm too lazy to recreate it.

"So for some reason I decided for Rick's bday I was getting him coffee and peanut butter. So I went to the store to get it for him and they didn't have what I needed. So you picked me up and we went back to your house. BUT on the way we stopped at this salon and guess who was getting her hair did? Miley Cyrus. So we were like wha??? so all the way to your house we sang Party in the USA. So we get to your house and hang out... and then Tony gets home and I'm like ok.. bye everyone. So I go to leave... and there are all these parking levels.. and i can't remember where my car is. so not only is your apartment complex apartments- it's also a dorm. So i get lost and this cute college boy escorts me to my car. I really want him to kiss me- but it doesn't happen. Well- turns out it ISN'T my car! And then the rest of the dream I kind of forget... I just couldn't find my car and I was too embarrassed to call you and tell you."

For the Birds!

2010-04-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a hate/hate relationship with birds.
Yesterday I was taking the garbage out and there in the driveway I saw it… a big black bird resembling my arch enemy.. the Magpie.

Now, I don’t know if Magpies are in Colorado but whether this bird was real or imagined- but for me it signals danger.

Many of you may not know this but nearly 10 years ago, (man, I am old!) I lived in Brisbane, Australia. My neighborhood was beautiful and lush and fragrant. Nearly every day I took a walk… it was gorgeous. But one day out of nowhere something pricked the top of my head. It was so fast I almost thought I made it up… but hours later I realized my hair had a big dried blood spot. Hmmm… compelling.
Two days later I made the same trek around the neighborhood and it happened AGAIN. But this time I saw the assailant fly away. It was big and black and larger than life. It came swooping down and attacked the top of my head again. BAHHHHH!!!! I screamed…. Once again… I had a bloody head… and not in the English sense like if I had a headache. No- real blood… coagulated.

So I go home and ask Suzi, the nice lady I lived with, what the heck? And she tells me “You probably got too close to the nest.” Fine. Too close. So I will go another way.

Days go by and it happens AGAIN! In a totally different place! Now the thing about being attacked by a magpie that is different from being attacked by another creature… your panther, your ferret… is that you don’t see them coming. They have an advantage and that is that they live in trees.

So once again I get poked in the head. And if you have never been attacked by a bird let me tell you it HURTS. So I do some investigating and turns out that there are two possible reasons I keep getting attacked. 1. I have super blonde hair that the magpies don’t like and think they need to attack or 2. I am from the United States.

I start wearing hats… and guess what? STILL ATTACKED! Birds must know I hate them… and will retaliate against me at any moment. Finally I moved back to the U.S. where birds know their place.

I think it’s all things about birds that I hate. I hated the movie “The Birds.” I hated the way in the Heidi Fleiss documentary she went crazy on meth and only had birds as friends. (Side note- if you haven’t seen this – you have to. It’s so crazy.) AND I hate the way that once on a trip to China with several New Zealanders they made me say the word “bird” over and over… “Listen to her say it! HAHAHA… She pronounces buhd as BIRRRRD… hahahaha.

Yesterday, the magpie in the driveway did give me the side eye and this time I gave him the side eye right back…. So dear friends.. in the event I ever get married… so help me if one person throws bird seed as I exit the chapel… you will NOT be enjoying the cheese buffet at my wedding.

One more thing.

2010-04-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

This is not meant as disrespectful in ANY WAY… but I have to ask… why do people have all these pictures of themselves in the car? I'm fascinated by this- and I think it's another sign that I am super old since I've never done it.

When I am in the car… I am driving. I have never thought to photograph myself. HOWEVER- that being said… If I am traveling with a cat as I am wont to do… I do take a picture of the cat. Doing something funny… Like pretending to sing.

Maybe I never think I look that good while I’m driving… I don’t know. The thought has never occurred to me- but it seems to be pretty popular… so I’m just asking… I say-- keep it up - but ONLY if you are at a complete stop... otherwise Oprah will have you sign a pledge about it.

My new business idea!

2010-04-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to start a line of greeting cards that are completely blunt and to the point about things we rarely like to discuss with those we love.

On the outside it will say…
“I know something you don’t know”

And you would open it up… and the inside could say things like…

Everyone hates it when you tell that story
That’s a really terrible idea
You are probably getting fired
We all know you were the one who left that stain
It doesn’t look as good as we said it did
Your facebook postings are getting old (clearly…. that one I could send to myself!)

Sometimes things suck.. here's a funny story.

2010-04-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

It’s interesting to me that all of a sudden a bunch of bad stuff seems to be happening. Terrible things have happened to friends lately: death, cancer, adoption issues, and just flat out bitchiness.

So it’s time for a funny story. I had almost forgotten about this but something reminded me yesterday…

A few years ago I used to get my bikini line lasered. As a general rule, I hate body hair. And if I can permanently remove it… I will. So..

If you have never done this—it’s not as fun as it sounds. The laser is like a million little hot rubber bands beating the crap out of your bikini area. And THEN… it scabs! Incredibly alluring.. just ask the guy I was dating at the time.

You basically go in- strip off your pants and undies and sit there while someone’s face and hands holding a LASER are right next to your most personal area… you have to have a good sense of humor and be fairly comfortable with yourself to do this. Oh- and you are wearing space age goggles.

Anyway- I used to schedule all my appointments with one nurse specifically because she would always have these crazy stories about putting her dog in dog shows. She had a Lhasa Apso named Moonshadow… and she would show me pictures and tell me all about the training, and the shows, and the grooming—all while lasering my bikini line… OH- and she used to call individual hairs “little guys” which made me laugh. As in, “This little guy just won’t burn off”

SO.. the point of this story is that one day… MOONSHADOW WAS IN THE OFFICE! So I am all excited to hang out with Moonshadow—maybe watch her do a trick while my nether regions are on fire… But the nurse goes one better….

After I undress and put my goggles on, the nurse ( I wish I remembered her name) decides that I should HOLD MOONSHADOW IN MY LAP! So she picks him up and puts him on top of me.

So there I am… no clothes on my bottom half, goggles, and a Lhasa Apso in my lap. So I kind of was like.. hey doggie… and just gave him a little pat.

Happy Friday.

Defriendship stings....

2010-04-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

I have been defriended- it’s true. The last person to defriend me was a sorority sister. I don’t know why—but my assumption is that she found my posts annoying. The other person who defriended me is a girl I knew in high school. She actually told someone my posts annoyed her. That’s ok- sometimes my posts annoy me too.

I do know that I made a comment a few weeks ago about health care and I posted about it on my blog. I was defriended by that I am sure. But let’s be honest… I don’t agree with the many of the views of friends on facebook.

But I don’t always agree with everyone I know in REAL LIFE—no one does. If we were all the same life would be incredibly boring and sad.

Maybe you don’t agree with how I conduct my life? That’s fine. “Hide” me—I don’t care. In fact I don’t really care that I got defriended- it’s more funny than anything else.

But just remember I sat in the same room with you and played “I never” and I didn’t judge.

And... if you are curious- I'm not going to say who it was.