She's Come Undone....

"So, Why Don't You Have a Man?"

2011-07-16T11:35:00.012-04:00

Men love to ask this question. It has always confused me. What do you mean, “Why don’t I have a man?” If I knew the answer to that, guess what? I’d probably have a man! Now of course, sometimes, we women prefer to be single. It’s always important to have that personal time for self- exploration and independence, but for the most part, humans dig companionship. We are communal creatures, and that is just the way it is.

So the last time a man asked me this question – I asked my girl, why the heck do men always ask that??? It's like going on a job interview and them asking that stupid question, “What is your biggest fault?” [I’ve always hated that question. Makes me feel like they are trying to “Freud” me out and mess with my mental.] Anyhoo - The response she gave made perfect sense: “Because, they want to know why a pretty, smart, successful woman is still single. They are thinking that you should be ‘wifed up’ by now, and they are trying to figure out your defect.” Light bulb moment!

Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot! I believe I fall under all of those categories. I am attractive (or so I’ve been told), educated, and I have a good job. My friend made perfect sense, which prompted me to explore, Well girl, why are you single? And I am not the only one; there are a lot of women experiencing the same phenomenon. I know plenty of 'round the way girls that are currently married or engaged, have kids, a home; the whole nine. Now my successful girlfriends, all of whom are attractive – they’re single as the day they were born.

In evaluating myself and evaluating others’ relationships, I have come to the conclusion that, many times, you are single simply because of you.

The Halle Berry Syndrome

I know that with the recent announcement of J-Lo’s divorce from Marc Anthony, many are wondering why these gorgeous, successful women can’t keep a man. Everyone has a friend that continually dates the cheater, or continually dates the abuser, or the unavailable guy or the bum. We women loooove to host boyfriend-bashing sessions to let our girls KNOW what a miserable scrap they are dating and how much better they could do. But really, it is not the men, it is them. If this is a recurring theme, then this is the type of man that you are choosing. Of course your relationships end in failure. There is something within you that compels you to choose that type of man.

The Chilli Syndrome

Do you just want too damn much??? He has to be 6'9, make 6 figures, be a master of the bedroom, have no kids, write poetry, cook well, clean house, have multiple degrees, jump through fire... I mean, my goodness! Not even Beyonce married a 10! She found a man who was a fit for her lifestyle, and who was not intimidated by her accomplishments. When dating, you have to be willing to compromise on what you view as the perfect mate. No one is perfect, especially not you.

The Miss Independent Syndrome

Speaking of Beyonce, I know she and the Beyoncettes started this whole "Independent Woman" movement (and Ne-Yo just can't leave it alone), but really - if you are so self reliant, don't be surprised that you are always riding dolo. It's okay to be able to handle your own, but don't make the mistake of thinking all you need in this world is your purses, shoes and credit cards. A lot of women are so busy chasing wealth and success that they don't stop to realize that the cutie in the 3 piece on the 6 train is giving them the eye. And then when they meet a man, the first thing out of their mouth is, "I don't need a man!" Like Jay said, "Get your independent ass out of here. Question?" Be successful, but in all areas of your life.

It’s important to understand what makes you tic so that you can make adjustments when necessary. I’m not saying you need to find a man, but consciously consider why you don’t have one. This article is not for the lady who wants to be single at the moment, (‘cause hey, ain’t nothin’ wrong with that, ooookaaaay), but rather, this is for the woman who wants to know why she is always taking her bff as her plus 1.

Reality Bites: The Reality of Hope

2011-01-19T16:12:00.004-05:00

I just found out some terrible news about one of the kids I used to to tutor. The child is now a young adult, but something has definitely gone wrong along the way, considering the unfortunate path that their life has taken. Just thinking about it is depressing.

The one thing I've always loved about working with children, is that they are malleable. They are not afflicted, as we adults are, by the limitations and prejudices that society has burdened upon us. Though it is true that sometimes, children experience traumatic events, which build weak, little, brick walls around their feet, these are easily toppled. Children carry with them the reality of hope. We adults do not see hope as a reality, but only as an ideal.

Through children, we adults can experience hope. We invest ourselves in them, and we nurture them, because we believe that through them, our hopes will become reality. It is disheartening to know that future you saw for a bright little person, the future you worked so hard to bolster, has somehow been stolen away. It is disheartening to know that sometime between youth and adulthood, "the reality of hope" can be snatched away like the most worthless of diamonds.

Would You Get A Tattooed Wedding Ring?

2010-12-24T09:29:00.001-05:00

Fashion Trend Alert:Celebs ditching the bling for Tattoo rings. | e-zine

Afro-dectomies and Other Hollywood Secrets by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez

2010-12-22T19:50:00.001-05:00

http://alisavaldes.wordpress.com/2010/12/23/afro-dectomies-and-other-hollywood-secrets/

GUYSPEAK SPOTLIGHT: Do I have to go down on her if she goes down on me?

2010-12-21T23:50:00.001-05:00

http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/do-i-have-to-go-down-on-her-if-she-goes-down-on-me/

ESPN Alabama Roll Tide Commercial

2010-12-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows a smidgen about college ball will find this commercial hilarious!

Reality Ridiculous: The Tall Man/Short Woman Phenomenon

2010-12-21T11:12:00.005-05:00

Listen up. I am about 5’9”, well above the average height of women in the United States, which is approximately 5’4”. I have an inexplicable urge to wear stiletto heels, this disorder having emerged at the age of 6 months old – the higher the better. As you can imagine, a pair of four inch heels will put me at about 6’1”, while a pair of six inch heels boost me to a towering 6’3”. Now if the average height of an American male is approximately 5’9 ½”, you can imagine that I have a tough time finding a man of adequate height to complement my stature. So why, pray tell, do I always find extremely tall men, accompanied by women who have only barely escaped midget status, by the skin of their teeth??? Not only that, but both of these parties are known to actively seek one another out! And to add insult to injury, why is it always the pint sized males who are emboldened enough to approach me and the rest of my Amazon friends?

If I put my obvious partiality aside, this phenomenon makes sense, as the old adage states, “opposites attract.” I believe that many men of extreme height felt somewhat awkward or embarrassed while growing up, thus finding a short woman seemed attractive to them. It’s as if her below average stature would somehow serve to make him appear closer to normal. I think that the same may be said for very short women. Most of my short friends are extremely insulted by any reference to their having below average height. I might say, “That dress looks better on you because you are short,” but somehow it translates as, “You little freak! Go get some stilts!” This has always left me perplexed because short women seem to have an advantage. They NEVER have to sacrifice heels for a short date. Generally speaking, their shoe size is always available at the stores. They’ve never had a pair of pantyhose stop at their knee caps. And for goodness sakes – you can hem a pair of pant legs, but have you ever tried to make them grow?!

Furthermore – super tall people with extremely tall people look utterly ridiculous! Madame, if your head stops at his waist, you leave me only one conclusion as to how you won him over. I mean, don’t you want to dance with someone without having your face buried into his stomach? And men, does not your neck hurt from craning over to kiss or hug your freakishly short mate? (Okay, I apologize, that last statement was simply uncalled for.)

Please excuse me if I am less than sympathetic to the plight of short women, but you must understand my exasperation. For all of the height disadvantaged women of the world, I have only one thing to say: Know your place, shorties! There are enough men of average height for you to acquire a virtual male harem! Why must you seek out the paltry number of eligible tall men, sprinkled amongst the male populace? My summation is that you are selfish little midgets, evil trolls unconcerned with the well being of your fellow man. Even with heels, you barely break the 5’8” barrier. Shame on you! And as for the men, a short woman will only make you look like a towering giant (re: CIRCUS FREAK!). I don’t care what psychological hold ups you have from your childhood, there are a number of statuesque women that are starving out here! No one, good sir, and I mean NO ONE, should have to choose between a man and fashionable shoes. It’s just not right.

So, the next time you go out looking for a mate, keep in mind this sage piece of advice: Although everyone is the same height lying down, things are quite boring if only experienced in that manner, are they not?

Now that's just sad....

Kinky Curly Coily Me!: Natural Hair Disasters! - Don't BeWEAVE the Hype!

2010-12-20T14:28:00.000-05:00

Kinky Curly Coily Me!: Natural Hair Disasters! - Don't BeWEAVE the Hype!: "Dear KCCM, My sisters and I have always had long hair, withstanding that one “Rio” debacle, but it eventually it grew back (re: THANK GOD)!..."

Happy Monday!

2010-12-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

My theme song for the year :) [Fabolous - You Be Killin Em]

2010-12-20T11:21:00.000-05:00

Unless Your Name is Oprah, Keep Reading

2010-12-20T10:37:00.001-05:00

Okay – you can admit it. We love to shop. I do not care from what corner of the world you hail; women have an insuppressible urge to purchase things. It is somewhat of an athletic event for us, and we prepare for it as such. In preparation for a serious shopping excursion, I don my sneakers and yoga pants (I’m not the only one!). As exhilarating as this pastime (re: life sustaining action) may be, it does come certain drawbacks - like say, a serious hole in your bank account. Despite our innate urge to go bat shit crazy during this time of year, it is important to remember that financial responsibility is integral to the survival of today’s independent woman (cue catchy pop song).

Financial conservatism is not a dirty or depressing concept. In fact, it should inspire you. The common trend that I see amongst a lot of young women today is frivolous spending on the latest trend. It seems that with all of the images that the media feeds us, it has become essential for us to have the latest bag, the latest, shoes, the latest clothes, but at what cost? Enjoying shopping is one thing; however, crippling your livelihood for this sake is an entirely different matter. When did we become so consumed by consumerism?

When we took this turn doesn’t really matter, what matters is that we become more conscious of our spending habits, particularly during holiday season. I believe that the holidays become an excuse for us to satisfy our shopping desires. It’s like second hand smoke to a former chain smoker. Holiday shopping should not be an excuse to go into debt. It is important to understand that the lavish gift is not always the best gift; it’s high time we got creative.

Sometimes, you may not have the money to give, and if that is the case, think of alternative gift ideas. Why not bake cookies or make holiday candy, wrapped in pretty boxes or paper? You might also take a nice photograph in black and white, print it and frame it in an economical black or white cardboard frame. You could even do a teacup filled with specialty teas. These are just a few suggestions, but my point is, when holiday shopping, pick a gift tailored to suit your loved one, and stay within your budget. Your budget may accommodate a Louis Vuitton hand bag, or it may accommodate a free movie pass. Either way, you should purchase with a mind for what your expenditures will mean for your future saving or investment plans.

The most important thing that a woman can do for herself is to ensure her independent security. Trust me - wealthy husbands are not being handed out like Christmas cards. And even if they were, a woman should always have the option of self determination. The most integral part of establishing freedom is economic sustainability. Financial dependence has, historically, been used to bind women, slaves and nations alike; do not allow it to bind you.

Tank - Emergency [Official Music Video]

2010-12-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

Ken Doll of the Day

2010-12-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

Ken Doll: Tank
Nationality: American
Description: Singer, Song Writer, Producer, Actor
Caption: Tank is is unuquivocally one of the most talented R&B musicians today. He has an extensive resume that spans singing, mucial production and composition, song writing and acting. Not only is he fine and talented, he has a winning personality. If this music thing ever tanks (pun intended) he is sure to have a fall back career in comedy! Do I really need to explain any further why he is the Ken Doll of the day?

Do You have Sizephobia?

2010-12-15T12:04:00.003-05:00

Sizephobia is a real disorder effecting millions of women across the globe every day. There is no known cure for the disease, outside of getagripidone, which may be very hard to come by in certain cultures. Do you know someone who suffers from sizephobia? Perhaps you suffer from the disorder. If you are unsure, here are a few signs that you may need to seek help.

     - Do you constantly have muffin top?
     - Do you find yourself having to return numerous clothing gifts because they "just didn't fit right?"
     - Does it take you an extra ten minutes to put on a pair of jeans or pants?
     - Have you found that all of your dresses that are small or extra-small are primarily comprised
        of spandex?
     - Do you have an inexplicable fear of constrictive fibers?
     - Do you still maintain that you wear a size six, despite only having a single article of clothing in your
        wardrobe that is actually a size six (and when worn can lead to a horrible deformity known as
        backfat?)?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be suffering from the disorder known as sizephobia. Do not feel defeat, because there is help available for sufferers.
I have comprised a one step program, which should alleviate a majority of these symptoms. The main order of this revolutionary program is:

        1. STOP THE MADNESS!

Why do we do it to ourselves, ladies? The one mistake in fashion that I continue to see over and over again is that of women wearing clothes that are too tight for their form. This does not make you skinnier! I REPEAT: THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU SKINNIER! There is no study, which has credibly denoted that wearing clothes two sizes too small will make you slimmer. The only thing that you can look forward to achieving is making yourself look like a stuffed sausage.

Women always like to adhere to a single size. I guess society has inflicted this obstinate desire upon us, which I guess is why women typically try to claim the lowest size that they have ever been able to fit into. The fact of the matter is that we typically wear a number of different sizes, and this is many times dictated by the cut, make or fabric of a particular clothing item.

The size of your pant or dress should not matter. It should be more important that your clothes fit well and that you feel comfortable and sexy in them. (And btw, you can feel sexy in sweats, so get your minds right, chickies!) When people ask my size, I sometimes feel tempted to spout some outrageous number, because really, who cares? Think about it. Why are we letting the size of the skirt that we bought at the mall last week ruin our moods for the entire month? (Dislaimer: If you have increased ten dress sizes in the span of thirty days, consult your physician, as this does not apply to you.) That's crazy, and we need to stop the madness!

Now, I can recall getting a pair of pants tailored, which were previously a size 10 or 8, but had to be taken in to about a 6. Afterwards, I was so upset that the size posted did not reflect the actual fit, that I cut the tag out. Now, my motives in doing so were all kinds of messed up, but I think I was on to something. I propose that we cut the size out of clothes that make us feel insecure due to the little number posted on the inner label. I think that this is a step in the right direction. You are a sexy diva, and you are not defined by the numbers printed on a piece of fabric. As a mater of fact, sizes are not constant; they have fluctuated through out the years. I love vintage clothes, and most of them are not posted with the sizes I usually pick up when I go shopping at the modern clothing stores.

The bottom line - Size is relative. Do not be afraid of it, just use it as a gauge for which side of the rack to wander toward when shopping.

Versace Spring Summer 2011 Womenswear Full Fashion Show

2010-12-13T19:28:00.000-05:00

Gianni Versace’s Death Linked to Mafia Debts

2010-12-13T19:21:00.003-05:00

Gianni Versace’s Death Linked to Mafia Debts

Monday's Soundtrack - Keri Hilson - Pretty Girl Rock

2010-12-13T14:09:00.000-05:00

Girl Talk

2010-12-13T13:58:00.000-05:00

Midge: "In this day and age, is it okay for a woman to propose to a man?"

Cocoa Barbie: "It's not okay for this woman. And if he is not man enough to take my hint or point blank ultimatum - he is obviously not the man for me. That is the problem with men these days. They want their cake and to eat it too, while women are all too willing to bake it and serve it to them on a silver platter."

[HD] Desean Jackson 91 yard Touchdown vs Dallas Cowboys 12/12/2010

2010-12-13T11:41:00.004-05:00

Ken Doll of the Day

2010-12-13T11:41:00.003-05:00

Ken Doll: DeSean Jackson
Nationality: American
Description: Wide reciever for the Philadelphia Eagles
Caption: Originally from California, he attended UC Berkley. He was a second round draft pick for the 2008 NFL Draft, and was picked up by the Eagles, his current team. Jackson made it as our Ken Doll of the Day due to that unforgetable touchdown during yesterday's game against the Cowgirls. He covered 91 yards before elaborately falling into the endzone! Now his touchdown antics have gotten him into some trouble in the past, however, I think this last performance was well worth the 15 yard penalty (BTW - He wasn't even in the endzone when he began showing out - so I don't even know how legitimate that call was!). Do check out the video!

Friday Classics [Lauryn Hill (HQ) - Tell Him]

2010-12-10T12:47:00.000-05:00

Girl Talk

2010-12-07T21:35:00.002-05:00

Cocoa Barbie: I need to boycott Facebook.

Midge: Your boycotts last a day.

Cocoa Barbie: Hey! That is why i said "need." I suck at follow through. Stop judging me!

Midge: You would have sucked in the 50s. Like, "Damn, I gotta walk now?!"

Ken Doll of the Day

2010-12-07T21:10:00.002-05:00

Ken Doll: Boris Kodjoe
Nationality: Ghanaian/German Austrian
Description: Model; Actor
Caption: This sexy experiment in caramelocity was born and raised in Austria. He is fluent in 3 languages: French; English; Spanish; and semi-fluent in German. He attended Virginia Commonwealth University on a tennis scholarship, and has gone on to become a successful model and actor. Mr. Kodjoe is our tantalizing Ken Doll of the Day. He's so fine, I had to post two of him!

10 Things That Men Check Out About Women

2010-12-06T19:50:00.000-05:00

10 Things That Men Check Out About Women

Girl Talk

2010-12-06T15:35:00.006-05:00

Christie: "That's why white people get depressed when they get old; they don't understand the culture of complaint. This is actually a real study that was done."

Cocoa Barbie: "Hahaha!"

Christie: "Foreigners, minorities, we like to complain, hear other people's problems, get the gory details, and it's actually good for us. We don't have to pretend that we're happy when we're not. That's the only reason the receptionist likes me; I ask her questions about her health and pray.

Cocoa Barbie: "Hahaha! That is all you need to do for old people to like you - ask about their health and pray."

Christie: "You know they love them some God."