Inside the Outside.

An Accident, An Update, and a Blessing & a Curse, For Your Meal.

2010-05-09T18:10:00.008-05:00

B"H

So a lot has been going on, as usual when I don't update my blog.
A few weeks ago, on a wednesday evening at 7:30 or so, I was driving my honda civic through a back road in Arkansas, a County road, that ends up going through a Church parking lot.
I slowed down to the approximate speed limit of 20 miles per hour (which isn't posted by the way), due to the amount of cars parked, as it was a congregating night for the Christian folk.
There was a line of cars to my right, all parked on the side of the road, about six or so.
As I reached the very last car in that line, a lincoln navigator SUV plowed into the passenger side of my car, destroying my axel, my frame, while simultaneously removing my mirror, into the SUV's grill. A loud crash, amongst flying civic skirts, metal, and plastic, introduced the screams, and disruption of my passengers. A friend of mine, sitting in the front seat passenger side, had his elbow on the head rest of my seat, which plowed into the side of my face, shoving me into my car's frame. Luckily, I lean my seat back pretty far, because had I been sitting up normal, my head would have hit my window, likely shattering it. My friend's girlfriend was in the back seat, passenger side, ending up with some bruising on her arms and legs, along with my front passenger, who suffered some minor injuries to his leg. Nothing but bruises, and a pit of post-accident recuperating for all of us, B"H none of us were seriously injured.
After the initial shock of the accident was over, I made sure my passengers were alright, and as I exited my vehicle, I asked if the lady who hit me, and her passengers were alright.
She replied with a "Yeah.", in a sly tone, the sound of someone who knew they were in the wrong, but refused to admit it.
She accused me of speeding, "flying by". I replied "No maam, this is a church zone, I was going 20 mph." Keeping a solid, respectable head in a situation like that, is the only way you can properly keep the peace between offender, and offended.
It's important at this time, to note that, I asked the lady about her safety, AS I was exiting my car.
I gathered my insurance and vehicle registration, and waited for the Sherrif to arrive.
As it's a County road, the Sherrif was necessary.
A few moments later, before the Sherrif arrived, the lady gathered my car parts (mostly side skirts) out of the road, and relocated them to the side of the parking lot. I'm not entirely sure if that's tampering with evidence, but it doesn't particularly matter now.
Some ladies stopped in a car, and asked me what happened, and after I explained, they claimed it was her fault for hitting me. They asked me to move my car out of the road, and reluctantly, I did, as they were members of the church, who I assume had precedence over that kind of thing. I asked if they witnessed the accident, and they promptly said no, and left.
The Sherrif arrived, spent a few moments with the lady, and as I found out later, he might have been flirting a bit with her? I can't rightly accuse any of the such, as I didn't see it, but that's what some parties said.
He called me over, and asked me if it was my car, I said yes.
He asked in a very intrusive tone, "Are you aware I have two witnesses claiming you weren't driving that car?"

Me: "Absolutely not. I wouldn't let anyone drive my car, as it's my parents, and insurance company's policy, not to do so, and I can't afford to let anything happen like that."
Officer: "Were your parents here at the time of the accident?"
Me: "No."
Officer: "Well then they couldn't have stopped you, could they?"
Me: "Yes, I respect my parents wishes."
Officer: "Alright, have a seat over there."
Later, he brought me and my passengers witness statements, which we filled out.
I watched my small, devastated car be anchored onto a tower, and drive away, it's last road trip.
It was actually quite sad for me, I loved that car.
Even though it had it's problems, (which were abundant, I assure you) it had character, and on top of that, it was mine.
Later on, the insurance company took my statements, and informed me of the witness statements against me.
My father did a lot of investigation on the accident, and it turned out the cars that were lined up on the side of the road, were all parked in no parking zones.
Diagraming maps, and taking photographs, he proved that there was no possible way the lady could have seen me. Which means her claim of my speeding, was not valid.
Eventually, the insurance company dropped the claim of someone else driving my car, for obvious reasons.
It's disappointing, in the least, the dishonesty of people who make mistakes.
I don't judge her, or the insurance company for falsely accusing me, I just hope that one day, may it be so, that these occurrences are Divinely judged, so that there may be no false accusations.
In any event, I've settled for a claim of $2,900 or so for my vehicle, after arguing with the insurance company, who tried to low ball me at a mere $2k to start off with.

I'm looking for a new (used) car now, hopefully I'll be blessed with another safe, small car, with good gas mileage. I hope for another civic, a honda at the least.
Add a cool air intake, and some exhaust work, and I can get my 45mpg that I long for again.
In any event, I know HaShem will bless me with what I need.

On top of all of this, I am going to Israel in June, to volunteer for the military for six weeks!
I'll be staying on an undisclosed base, somewhere close to Tel Aviv hopefully, doing any type of work that is needed to aid the soldiers. It'll be hard work, but I look forward to it, as I'll be giving back to a community I so heavily support.
Hopefully, I'll be able to bring back memories, stories, and enough information, to present it to local synagogues, and congregations. It would be wonderful, if my story could help others volunteer, or donate even a small amount to VFI, or other organizations.
But most of all, bring a warm welcome, to those who wish to help Israel, in her fight for independence, and security.

Parshah Bechukotai

A wonderful Parshah, explaining some of the blessings, and cursings that can come from adhering, or neglecting HaShem's mitzvot.

There are some hidden gems in this Parshah, that I'd like to share with you, just a few.

Leviticus 26:5:

5. Your threshing will last until the vintage, and the vintage will last until the sowing; you will eat your food to satiety, and you will live in security in your land.

ה. וְהִשִּׂיג לָכֶם דַּיִשׁ אֶת בָּצִיר וּבָצִיר יַשִּׂיג אֶת זָרַע וַאֲכַלְתֶּם לַחְמְכֶם לָשֹׂבַע וִישַׁבְתֶּם לָבֶטַח בְּאַרְצְכֶם

Rashi, and the Talmud both have similar input on this verse, as follows is Rashi's commentary:

you will eat your food to satiety: One will eat only a little [food], but it will become blessed in one’s innards. — [Torath Kohanim 26:6]

ואכלתם לחמכם לשבע: אוכל קמעא והוא מתברך במעיו:

What does this mean to us?

That only a little food, will become blessed in one's stomach. Or in other words, you will be satisfied, and filled, by a small portion!

Does that mean, only a small portion will be granted? Certainly not!

For the Torah concurs later:

Verse 10:

10. You will eat very old [produce], and you will clear out the old from before the new.

Clearly, there will be abundance for the children of Israel, who follow HaShem's mitzvot and covenant.
But again, is it a blessing to eat the old produce, instead of the new?
Certainly! Rashi follows:

You will eat very old [produce]: [But what blessing is it to eat old food? The Torah, means, however, that] the produce will remain well preserved, growing mellow with age, so that very old produce from three years ago will be better to eat than that of last year. — [B.B. 91b]

ואכלתם ישן נושן: הפירות יהיו משתמרין וטובים להתיישן, שיהא ישן הנושן של שלש שנים יפה לאכול משל אשתקד:

So, in concordance, we not only find it will be a blessing unto those who hear His word, and keep his mitzvot, that they will be filled with a small older portion, that is just as good, if not better than new, abundant produce!

What a blessing it is, to fill yourself with a small amount, and give the rest to those who need it, than to feast oneself with all of the new produce, and or to give the old to the needy.

I personally advocate to each of you, that you might remember these passages, each time you eat your meal, that it might be a witness to you, and the portion and quality of your meal.
Think not, what your meal can do for you, but what your meal could be doing for 10 of you. If you had 9 other hungry people, standing over you as you eat, would you ignore them?
Their physical bodies may not be there, but their souls, may very well. I urge anyone, to contribute even the smallest fraction of their meals and budget, to a charitable cause.
For it's a blessing to assist the poor, and the needy.

B"H

Azariah.

י. וַאֲכַלְתֶּם יָשָׁן נוֹשָׁן וְיָשָׁן מִפְּנֵי חָדָשׁ תּוֹצִיאוּ:

The Man Who Gave Me a Choice

2009-10-23T15:09:00.002-05:00

On a summer night, where the wind blows,

On a cold dusty road, I met a man who said,

He could help me with my troubles, and sorrows.

He said his name was a thousand rains, of problems.

He lives where we go, to find our souls.

I asked him, sir how can you help me?

And he said just one thing,

Hand me all of your memories, and I will paint them with gold.

I asked him the price, and he told me my life.

Gladly did I hand him the key to my destiny,

What have I to lose?

He laughed and took away my chance, and told me I had already chose.

As for me, I am now the rose, on which the thorns grow.

Lady Love

2009-10-22T13:54:00.002-05:00

There I was, alone, so cold, open a story untold.

Much to my demise, there she stood, a woman in disguise.

With the name of love tattooed to her chest.

She looked me in the eyes, spoke the sweetest of lies.

Who was I to challenge her?

Instead I welcomed her, and she embraced me.

From then on, we were two in one, like a trigger on a gun,

She blew me away.

Since that day, I've not seen her way, seems she has lost touch

With all that she took from me.

The facade I once knew, that kept me alive and true,

Has left me, hopeless, and blue.

I call, to you, with no answer to review,

I play back the memories, in my head, but what I remember, is closer to dead.

How is it my mind, plays only the rhymes, of lonely times?

Oh Lady Love, when will I see you again?

Melodrama pointing towards a past full of future.

2009-10-14T12:58:00.003-05:00

Writing: The simple act of transferring free information from a convoluted space of immeasurable length, onto a contract of tearable paper.

The drive, that sends human beings into a mode of undistracted pure concentration, is envied in proportion numbers.

What starts a soul into the depths of writing, and how can it be controlled?

Albeit, music, style, skill, the very breaths we take can be altered into this movement of fuel pumping adrenaline, and mind throbbing focus.

The force that I speak of, lay in the realms of undisclosed information, of internal thoughts, emotions and feelings, grasping at every chance to get out.

And yet, there are those who seem to never let it loose.

The individuals out there, who have all the potential to unleash the most unmasked forces on the world, are the ones who never relieve their thoughts to the outside.

... half a year later.

The car I finally bought on my lovely $3,500 budget, was a black Honda Civic, with 17" ADR rims, carbon fiber headlights, a cool air intake, among other little things I oogled over.

But meh, I have spent nearly $2,000 on fixing the car, and audio equipment since I've gotten it.

I was employed at Sonic for this entire time, having quit Monday.

I suppose I was tired of horrible management, in reality. Among my other niches and issues with the job. A lot has certainly happened, emotionally speaking, and otherwise. I'll spare the long and winded version of everything, and merely hint that it has been incredibly overwhelming. Seems lately I haven't been able to grasp reality as properly as I normally can.

Things take their tolls for the worst when it comes to me in most cases. Nothing I'm not used to, I just wish it would let up sometimes.

Either way, I have problems, and I deal, just like anyone else, even if my methods are somewhat unorthodox.

Most of the time, I'm just looking for an escape, whatever that may be. And lately, it hasn't been the most prestigious things.

Isn't there someone out there who could possibly throw in some info that I haven't heard before? Something I'd care about? Highly unlikely.

Total depress trip, I know, but it is what it is.

I'm sure I'll write some more posts pretty soon, I have plenty of free time now, at least for the next few days.

Time to smoke a cigarette.

And then... There was Ryan.

2009-04-10T13:07:00.002-05:00

It's been a 2 months, and 9 days since my last blog post.

Not much has happened to be honest, my birthday is coming up, which is pretty melancholy, except for the fact that I am going to see Cheryl in 6 days.

That's pretty exciting, in fact the only thing exciting.

I finished up my last day of High School a little over a week ago, which means nothing but merely harder work. I'm going to see about going for a degree in Criminal Justice at The University of Phoenix. We'll see how that'll work out, with no money dedicated to that. I'll spare you on my life plans, as they seem to rotate with my desires, and available resources. It appears that I will be coming across around $3,000 for an automobile, possibly. In such a case, it's likely I'll save my money. $3,000 isn't going to buy much worth driving. But meh. I'm not complaining, nor do I have my hopes up. I don't expect to get any money, and I definitely don't expect to get any vehicle. I for sure don't expect to have a job, go to college, or have any real part in such things for a long time.

As is it seems, when I was conceived, no apparent plan for my life was established, or even concerned with *rubs whiskers*.

I'll live.

I'll go to Burma, pick up some AK's, and live in the jungle for the rest of my life, eating worms.

A late morning, Terrorism, USMC, and Coffee.

2009-01-19T11:12:00.002-06:00

*sniff, sip, click*

That's the sound of me blowing my noes, sipping coffee, and typing. It's a routine every morning for me, I always have to blow my noes, and the other two are nearly requirements to allow my life to continue.

I bought Gears of War last night, pretty nice game.

I play it on 1280x768, and high settings. It's fairly intense, I'll be picking up Fallout 3 and iLife '09 next.

I was woken up today being queried on whether or not I'd "Like to help go get hay." As if it's really an option, my father is almost sixty-one years old, I think it's safe to say that, yes, I will indeed help him, every day :P.

But it's a funny situation, because he wakes me up, and then 3 hours later we go. He has to sit down with his HP laptop, so my addiction could be somewhat genetic. This morning, while I was asleep, he was watching a video of an interview with Hamas' son, which was loud, and all about terrorism. So, I dreamt about terrorism in the middle east, and being a Marine.

This leads me to my next section: The USMC.

I have wanted to join The Marine Corps for awhile now, probably around a year, but only recently got serious about it, because I can enlist next year. That's what I plan on doing, either that, or transfer my citizenship over to Israel, and join the IDF, they're a little tougher.

Either way, Military appears to be the life for me.

Then, there is the National Geographic Student program that I'd like to be a part in. Traveling the world with a camera in my hands would be a dream come true.

Unfortunately, my dream requires a $700 deposit, and having just purchased a $1,300 laptop, and some other items, my money is on a leash currently.

That's about all I have for today, dull, and boring, indeed.

I hope you didn't expect to come to this page for excitement, because it's not here.

Azariah

Imaging, External Belief, and Judgements.

2009-01-17T14:07:00.002-06:00

"No man is an island unto himself!" ~ John Donne.

I have been informed of this reference, in a drastically large numerical form by individuals relating it to me. Most of the correlations, come from my family.

"You don't talk enough."

"You talk too quietly."

"You need to get off the computer, and do something once in a while."

These informative sentences plague my every day life without warning, and without a break.

As more of a test, I went ahead and took some of the guidance of the individuals granting me this wonderfully giving advice, and went public, with more internal situations.

I decided to take my internal belief systems, and make them nonresidential to my thoughts.

I wore the same thing, everyday, constantly conversed Torah, and that's about all I did.

At first, people were excited for me. Happy, that I had apparently "found G-d", unbeknownst to them, I have always had Him, and He has always had me, I just didn't care to share Him with the world. I took a radical turn in changing what people saw, into what I really was. Letting everyone know, exactly who I was. Serious about my relationship with The Father.

That, became exactly what I was afraid it would. All people wanted to do, was tell me how I was wrong, and how I fit into this "stereotypical" hype, where people define me as "Chassidic", and couldn't wait for a moment to judge me, and didn't even wait when I wasn't there. I quickly found out, exactly who people are, and what they want. All they want, is something to discuss about, and rag on with their friends, and according to them, I was the perfect specimen.

So, having come to the realization that even my family just wanted to conventionalize me down to a pinhole, I decided that it just wasn't worth it. What is the point, in sharing my closest relationship, and the most important, with people who don't want it? I have no grounds to give everyone a reason to judge me.

I'm not saying everyone wanted that, there were a scarce sincere people, but they were far and few. They are the ones worth sharing it with, and to this day, I do.

My main point here, is that my relationship with G-d, is my relationship, and no one should have the right to judge that, so why should I just put my rawest self on a platter for people to devour? Now that I don't wear a suit everyday, apparently, I am just a heathen who has nothing to do with G-d, because I don't raise my hand every second in Tikvah, or post a thousand bulletins on myspace declaring what I believe, and why you should believe that too.

It's just a silly game.

The only way, I could ever satisfy everyone, is if I never saw them again.

So I'd really love it, if people would stop and think for a second, quit looking for my faith, and just ask me what you want to know, clean and cut, else-wise, you are running on a rabbit trail that proves that all you can see, is a stereotypical idea.

Whatever happened to judging yourself, before you judge others? Look inside, before you look outside, that's exactly what I am doing, I don't understand why you can't do the same.

I'll never be what people want me as, all I am, is me. And you can never know me, unless you speak to me. So come on, really, I don't think wrong of other people that play this game, it's just part of who they are, I'm no one to judge them. No harsh feelings whatsoever, but when involved with me, I'd rather you just be blunt, come right out and talk to me, I'd appreciate the honesty, and sincerity, much more than you could imagine. I love the concept of "love your neighbor as yourself.", it really brings out the concept, that if you wanted to find yourself in something, you'd better start looking inside.

More Than Words Can Say

2009-01-16T17:12:00.003-06:00

Take it slow, just breath, and I will let you, be free.

From the life, that holds you, back from me.

Let your problems go, you know, I'm here to hold, when you need me, oh Baby, sing to me.

Regardless of the other's, it is just you and me, living with each other.

Give me your heart, and I'll give you, this, song.

I'll write you, a story, about, all the glory, that you've given me, and I'll paint you, a picture, of the first time that I kissed you, in my mind.

I'll put the world, on my shoulders, just for you and I, brush your hair back, look into your eyes, and tell you

I love you.

I promise, to remember, every moment, that I spend, holding you in my arms, cause god knows every second, I'm hopin' that's where you are.

You're the last chapter, in my life, so let me ask you why you are here with me today, I know how you'll reply, it's more than words can say.

Memories in Time, the Prologue

2009-01-16T11:54:00.001-06:00

Entering into the foggy mist, opening the door down to a new moment in time, he proceeded slowly. “It really is the end of the world, isn't it?” “That's what I thought when I first saw it too.”

“It's almost as if the water mirrors the sky.” “I know, it's beautiful isn't it?” “Incredibly.”

He looked into her eyes, slowly pulled her close, and spoke to her with a smooth, toned voice; “I love you.”

A tear fell down the side of her face, alluding to a smile, and a tighter hug. They walked a little further, holding hands, pushing the fog away with their hands as if they could see clearer. “What if this was the last time we saw each other?” “Why do you always have to talk like that?” “I'm serious, I want to know what you would say if it was the last time you ever got to look into my eyes.”
“I would say that you are a beautiful, and wonderful girl, and life would not be worth living, if you were not here to spend it with me.”

“Good. I wouldn't want you spending it with someone else any way.”

With a playful smile she continued walking, but he didn't move.

“Why aren't you coming?”
“I can't help but wonder if there is a reason why you keep bringing those questions up. It's really bothering me.” “Don't worry about it, I am just fishing for compliments.”

“That's what you always say.”

“That's what I always mean.”

Moving along the side of the beach, she occasionally looked at him and smiled, she knew what he was going to say.

He looked at her and said...

“You know, Sarah, I...”

A warm, reassuring hand fell on his shoulder, and a firm smile broke his conscious.

“Tim, wake up.”

“I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes...”

“Uh huh. You have been here all night, you really need to get some sleep.”

“I'll be alright, I am not leaving her side.”

“If you insist.”

Leaving to go get coffee, Sarah's mother started to imagine what her daughters life would have been like if this had never happened to her. The things she could have done, the person she could have been. She began talking to herself, just trying to figure out what she could do.

“What have I done to deserve this? What has she done?”

“Stop it Rebbecca. There is still hope, cancer doesn't take everyone.”

She sat down in the waiting room, picturing the colors in the multi pattern floor in a rainbow, wrapping themselves around the shady future. It was all she could do to distract herself from the subject at hand. Too many sleepless nights in a hospital, the cold air, and the gloomy feeling of death and sickness plagued her mind with unimaginable dreams and thoughts.

“If I don't find some release, I am going to go insane. I need something to do, someone to talk to...”

Later in the room assigned to Sarah Marks, Tim kept dozing off.

“I need to stay awake. She needs me.” Brushing the hair from her face, he whispered into her ear “I'll never leave you. Life would not be worth living if you weren't here with me...”

[Insert Title Here]

2009-01-14T18:06:00.000-06:00

Yeah.

That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

An Aluminum Macbook, and a Special Lady

2009-01-12T12:20:00.001-06:00

Mernin. Just waking up, drinking some coffee, and listening to music.

On my new Aluminum MacBook.

Be envious, it's ok.

I have always wanted a MB for some reason, the minimalist, simple appearance, UNIX environment, battery life, power, it all applies to me. Not to mention that it even looks sexy.

I used to literally dream about getting a MB, lame I know, but true.

It was just a piece of technology that I really desired incredibly badly.

I think I have pretty much decided that the touchpad gestures, and the incredibly bright LED screen however, are my favorite features.

But anyway, I don't really want to babble on just about my new MB. Well, I do, but I don't think you are too interested in that.

Any of you who are friends with me on facebook, will have noticed my status change, that is if you pay attention to it, which is not likely. I, indeed, am in a relationship right now, with a wonderful young lady.

I haven't released info on who she is yet, thats forthcoming, but I thought i'd talk a little about her here, if you wanted to know what she is like.

For one, she is incredibly gorgeous. She has beautiful hair, a very sweet smile, gorgeous eyes, a petite figure, she is short, sweet, and fun.

She is very passionate about me, and everything she does. I have known her for a very long time, and I know a very significant amount of information about her, and her life. We are both familiar with each other's life's, and are aware of each other's faults and problems, so it isn't really just a spur of the moment thing, it's been preconceived for a while now.

She makes me happy, and that's what's important.

That's probably more than enough of that as of right now, next up on the update list is my forthcoming album.

I write music for bands, and for personal use, so it only makes sense for me to release an album of my own. Currently, I am involved in a band titled Awaiting Shiloh, and one named Logical 505. The latter of which is my current project running, as soon as I get all of the tracks set correctly, I'll make sure to let everyone know.

I have a sample from the album, if anyone wants it, just email me. (hendrix.ryan@gmail.com)

It's an instrumental album, it's just a project right now, the more concerned section of the band's interest is the album to follow that, it's a deeper, lyrical album. I move fast, so hopefully I'll have all of this up pretty quick, and I am sure I'll post updates here.

That's about it for this week/month or what have you.

Azariah

Cognitive Psychology, Wanted, and Worthless People?

2008-12-20T19:57:00.003-06:00

Evening.

I always hate starting these introductory type things, I am no good at it. I don't know what to say, and you generally need something to say when you write a blog.

At least from my perspective, I know there are a lot of pointless blogs out there.

I just finished watching Wanted, great movie. I loved it, it's definitely a newly found favorite. And then along with the title, I got another book on psychology - Fundamentals of Cognitive Psychology.

So far so good, haven't had enough time to read it and make a sufficient synopsis of its quality.

I hate to sound so optomistic, but don't you just love it when you find out people you thought you could depend on, you couldn't? It's a lovely feeling of adrenaline pumping from your sympathetic system sending neurons to your brain, knowing that people you loved have left you.

It's nothing I haven't felt before, and nothing I'll ever stop feeling, I just thought maybe there was a nice break somewhere in life, where people where happy? Apparently not for some. Unfortunately, we don't define what class we fit into, we can't tell ourselves to leave and hop over to the class of euphoria.

But if we could, what would life be?
I have so many questions I need answered right now, theological, historical, friendships, loves, but I don't think they will ever be answered. And that scares me.

I'm afraid that I am going to focus so much on it, that I am not going to be able to make it.
I am a realist, I like facts, reasons, answers, and when I don't get them, I am in a very confused mental position. Why's, how's, when's, they all run through my mind.

But what about things that can be answered? Where do I classify those things? Where can I define them? I can't. And it's disturbing to me. I can wrap my head around everything at once, but I can't answer it all at once.

It's hurtful you know, when people you love dearly and closely leave you. The moment you know they're gone, forever, and you're not ready - it's humbling. It's reducing, it brings me down to my lowest point, something I never let anyone see. It's terrifying, I am so afraid of losing a loved one, I'm scared of keeping them loved.

I have had social problems since I was old enough to talk. An image that I was a terrible person, regardless of facts, or evidence, it really makes me wonder if it's true. Do people need a reason to define someone else as wrong? Evil? I am not even sure if what's real matters any more.

I know people my age get confused easily. Something I constantly talk about is the development of the prefrontal cortex, teenagers don't have the neurological advances as adults, and they can't handle emotions properly. Which is one thing that reminds me, that it's out of my hands.

But at the same time, I know it should be.

Why can't people just love me? What do I do so wrong that makes the closest people to me, leave me?

These questions will go unanswered for the rest of my life, and that may be pretty short.

Azariah.

Bearded Wisdom, A ticket back to the nickel, and a Stereotype

2008-12-12T18:15:00.004-06:00

*sniff*
That's the smell of Starbucks warm, roasted, dark, espresso, ground coffee. I like it.
I decided to have myself a pot, as I haven't had this particular bag yet.
I have trimmed my beard back again. Only took about a week to come in nicely, and I decided to go with a nice cheek bone trim, with goatee.
That's completely unimportant, but that's pretty much the definition of this blog, and especially what I have to write in it.

Tickets to the nickelback concert are pricey, and I don't know if I am getting floor tickets or not. I am completely dependent on my sister in this arena, as I don't have a credit card.
But hey, you can't walk with a broken leg unless you have a crutch ;).
I love it when people jump to conclusions.
Especially stereotypical ones.
Because I don't dress necessarily the way I used to around people, everyone thinks I am a child of satan. It's wonderful.
I love feeding people what they want to eat, because it just reminds me they don't know me at all. And it reminds me who is who in the world.
Does someone look inside me, or do they define me by what I wear?
That's one of the reasons I have significantly changed my dress, from chassidic, to rocker, to cowboy, to indie, to preppy, does it really matter? People are going to fit you into a stereotype by their own lack of intelligent understanding, so it does and it doesn't.
If you want to fit into a stereotype, it does.
If you want a good outlook, so that people will think you have a good in look, it does.
If you want people to accept you for who you are, it doesn't.
Because a gothic person is much more likely to receive shock when they stand up in class to talk about Freud, than a sweater, glasses, geeky boy would receive.
You are going to be whoever people think you are to them, so why bother?
It depends on where you are going in life.
I personally, want people to see my inside. Once they realize that they can't judge me by my looks, because they change too often, they'll look for something else.
If that doesn't happen, then they'll just think I am mixed up, and don't know where I am going - that's fine too.
Hasty judgments won't get you anywhere, and if that's where you want to end up, be my guest.
But despite all of that, looks are still important. Why?
Because you allow people to stereotype you, it's your own fault. So don't get all angry when people do it, it's inevitable, but that doesn't make it right either.
Fit in with what you think is right, and do what you believe in.
That's all that matters.

Piercings, Funyuns, Indiana, and 4 months and 8 days.

2008-12-08T18:12:00.002-06:00

Resign - The Click Five.
That's what is currently playing on my device of musical festivities, or iPod as the current generation likes to call it.
I probably need a new one. The scratches, marks, indentures, and painful memories of having dropped it indicate seniority.
Oh well, fat chance for now. No paycheck reminds me that I have to pick and choose my purchases wisely, and right now, all of my funds are going towards a car. Negating wheels, negates a job, which negates money, which negates practical living. But hey, I can't complain, my food is payed for, my roof is provided, and look at all the useless crap I have laying around my room - I think I am fending pretty decently for not having any funds coming in.
To the title, I got my ears pierced by my sister. Before I go any further, let me violently shove a warning in anyone's direction who is contemplating allowing someone related to you put a metal through your body - make sure you know what you're doing before you just say yes ;). It was good and fine, didn't hurt or anything, but she got the cartridge stuck in my ear. Amidst my questioning with a fearful tone, she began to shake and laugh, tugging at it, and then I began to laugh and shake and what not, in general, it didn't host well movements to the foreign object in my cartilage. All in all, it was productive and fine though, and I'll post a picture or something some time. Or you could just meet who you're reading about. I just devoured a massive bag of funyuns that I had been eyeballing all day, tastemgoods.
The trip to Indiana was hell up and back, but pretty neutral while I was there. Can't blame anyone though, long trips in claustrophobic inducing environments can emotionally change an individual, you could be just fine, and drop a French fry in the floorboard, and decide your life isn't worth it, and jump out the car door going 65 mph on the highway :P.
4 months. 8 days. The long haul.
That is the length of time until I can acquire my license, which is pretty epic, but I am only slightly excited. Three days after that, Nickelback, Seether, and Saving Abel are playing at the Alltel Arena, to which I will be attending said concert. Tickets are pricey right now, accordingly, at the present time, they are on pre-sale, where at the moment the general public can purchase floor seats, only with a $25 subscription to the Nickelback fan club. That being said, taking the handling charges and everything into context, the price is $103.04. Ouch. But I'll make it, they are worth it. I'll see if Chelcie wants to go, and if any of her friends want to join in. It should be pretty wicked, I have always loved Nickelback (Since their first CD in fact), same with Seether, and I like Saving Abel too (just not as scarily stalkerishlike).
On a completely unrelated note, I picked up two video games for a total of $10, which is pretty much stealing them.

S.O.S Rihanna.

I am pretty much dealing with my whole 'single' state of being, as there isn't anything else I can do. But that should change soon, I think.
Don't get me wrong, I am not socially challenged or anything, I can get a girlfriend, but I am just kind of holding out for someone more special than a girlfriend.
And hopefully that will work out for me.

Comments are appreciated, demanded, needed, wanted, loved, cared for, brushed, cleaned, hugged, kissed, consoled, felt, held, nudged, assisted, and metaphysically contracted to perform the job they are designed for \:D/.

Flavius Victor ftw.

A fork, Converse, and a Goatee.

2008-11-13T14:10:00.002-06:00

I finally got the camera! Exciting, after having read so many reviews, and details on it's specifications, it was like having my firstborn child. I was expecting it to be in terrible shape, with cracks or wash marks on the screen or something, but fortunately, it has none of those. It's in perfect condition, takes wonderful photos, and I love it to death. In actuality, I couldn't find anything to take a picture of last night, so Cheryl gave me random objects, and I took pictures of those. I ended up with around 100 photos, and then after deciding which ones I liked, I ended up with about 5. I also picked up a book called "Mastering Digital DSLR Photography", so I am pretty much all set on the mechanical, and historical values of DSLR cameras. Did you know the first DSLR camera was invented in 1975 by an individual working for Kodak? It was about the size of a toaster ;).
This morning I had the opportunity to go outside at about 1:00 or so and take some pictures, so I'll post the converse, fork, and macros. I also ended up shaving amidst all of this, leaving a goatee, which you can see by viewing my profile!
I am very satisfied with my purchase, now I just need to wait for my filters, and charger to come in. This particular camera batter lasts around 2000 shots, so I have plenty of time before my charger comes in. It's also 13:43 and I am starving, so I think I will cut this one short too, and grab a bite to eat.
Here's the link to my Flickr page, check it out, and comment on a picture or two!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/leviphotography/

A camera, The Cold, and Chabad Lubavitch.

2008-11-10T12:48:00.003-06:00

Well, I finally purchased a camera. Ended up being a Nikon D50, with the kit 18-55mm lens.
In purchasing this, I also bought a car/AC charger for it, and a three piece filter set (UV, Circular Polarizer, and a Soft Focus filter). I actually hadn't planned on winning the bid, as there were almost 40 other people bidding at the same time I was, but I waited until the last ten seconds, and swiped it from them.
Let's just hope that my purchase is without defect, as there is no return policy ;).
I am excited about getting this camera now, because I'll be going to IN close to thanksgiving, and hopefully be in Chicago around that time as well, so plenty of picture opportunities. I think it would be pretty awesome to get some HDR photos of buildings in Chicago. Another plus of having this camera, is because I have an item I want to sell on ebay, (An HP iPaq H4355), and I can't very well do that without taking pictures of it ;).
I suppose I could, but it is likely my bid wouldn't go very far.
So if I sell that, I could probably afford a nicer Nikkor lens, 55-200mm or maybe higher.
I would just like everything to work out, which it rarely does.
On another note, for this Shabbat, I'll be heading over to Chabad Lubavitch with Aharon, to meet up with a friend there. That should be fun, as I love Chabad, but seldom every get to go due to no wheels.
But that should change soon as well, I am shooting for some time in 6 months for a vehicle. With all my purchasing of electronic items however, that may not be as clear cut as I would like. But that's alright too, it should teach me patience.
I would say that this week has been a fairly productive, and exciting, as well as stressful one.
Finding and researching cameras took up many of my late nights, and early mornings, waking up comparing the aperture size to kit lenses on cameras, and spouting off shutter speed numbers, I started to get a little tired of dealing with all of this stuff. But hopefully, (again) everything will work out for the best.
Well, that should just about sum up my week, it's getting prettu mundane again, so my future blog posts probably won't be as colorful.
Azariah

A pointless blog, and boring events.

2008-11-06T12:19:00.002-06:00

It appears as if I have not been as dedicated to this as I hoped. Albeit, I was expecting that, as my previous blogs seem to die out in about the same time frame. But never fear, avid reader, for I am trying. I'll just jump straight to the issues.
Unfortunately, with the well pump having died this early week, we had no water. Which isn't necessarily a set back, I can go other places for that, but what was most inconvenient, was fixing it. It's about 250 feet under the ground, so that means pulling it up *a 50 lb. object in the first place* out of the ground, and checking it, and all the wire that is associated with it. The entire process took several days, not including the trips to Home Depot for random parts, and trips to the hardware store here, for even more random parts. This means, it has cut into a lot of my time for study, and school, so I am a little behind on both. Then yesterday, my sister wanted to come pick me up and go shopping for a weapon; she wants to go hunting with her friends this next weekend, so she wanted my advice on purchasing a gun. I took her outside here, and let her shoot a .22, then later my 12 gauge shotgun.
She is probably going to end up borrowing the shotgun, but she is pretty reckless with it. She was scared of it, and then when she finally did shoot it, she let the barrel hit the ground <_<. She is pretty tiny though, so she wasn't expecting the recoil. It was rather humorous actually. We also bought new phones for the house, a much needed accessory. We had two individual line phones, one in my room, and one here in the living room, and now we have three individual handsets. Wireless is so much easier for me. There isn't an entirety of a whole lot to blog about, I am still saving for that camera. I am actually considering a bit more expensive, entry level DSLR camera now, a Nikon D40. It's going to take a while, but I can swing it. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to afford it before the trip to Indiana, so that rules out any pictures you could have possibly gotten for that.
Oh by the way, did I mention that we take an annual trip to see my mother's side of the family around July time?
We couldn't make it this year due to my dad's health problems, but we are shooting for Thanksgiving this year.
And I am afraid that would be a wonderful time to take some shots, but obviously I don't think that is going to work out well. It's not a large problem though, I just prefer to be the one looking through the camera lens, not being pointed at with it ;).

Anywho, I have probably rambled enough.
I believe this shall conclude my blog post.

A collage and a camera.

2008-11-02T20:59:00.002-06:00

That there, would be a collage I edited together, of pictures that Marisa, Cheryl, and I believe Stephanie had taken during Sukkot '08.
Tonight, I was out with my sister and her friend, shopping, and having fun, and I was personally shopping for a certain item.
A camera.
Fortunately, after literally hours upon hours of research on photography, and cameras, everything from aperture and shutter speed, to
batter length and ISO strengths, I landed on my decision being an Olympus SP-570uz. 10mp camera with good quality, and a good aperture size for what I want to do. I already have an external flash that will go on the hotshoe, so that is one less thing I'll need to purchase.
The camera itself is $350, a 2gb xD card is $15 or so, and I'll eventually buy some accessories with it.
I want to buy a CLA-10 ($25) adapter that will allow me to attach other lenses, and I'd like to purchase a TCON-1.7 magnification lens, which is almost a hundred dollars. But the first lens I plan on buying is a DCR-250 Macro lens. The camera already has a 20x zoom, which is incredible for the price, and has a macro, and super macro mode. But you need to be a good 1cm for super macro, and just a slight bit farther back for regular macro. It's pretty hard to get 1cm away from say, a bug, without it being scared away, so I will be buying the lens to be quite a few more inches back, with twice the quality. There is also a few $50 or so HD2 Raynox lenses I'll be looing into. I have always loved photography, but never had a good enough camera to exercise my passion.
I think that about wraps it up for this update on what's going on in my life.

Bagels, Coffee, Olives, and The Lubavitcher Rebbe

2008-10-27T12:37:00.002-05:00

It has indeed been some amount of time since the last obscure vision of a blog post has been emitted from my fingertips. Nonetheless, I am here to save this dying hidden blog from a deeper fate of the black holes of the internet.
I had a wonderful Sukkot, of which if you would like to hear more about, shoot me a comment, and we'll converse personally. As so many things happened, it would take too much of my procrastinating will to even type one event up here. The month of Tishrei has gone by so fast, it's hard to think that it is nearly over now! Leading into Cheshvan, which has no Holy Days at all. I'll just go ahead and say up front, a lot of what is going into the forthcoming sections of this post will be paraphrased from The Rebbe, so bear with me. As I was reading a wonderful article this morning, about the upcoming parshah, Noach, I noticed a wonderful hidden transitional phrase located in the wonderful essay; The need for Jewish scholars. I was reading said article, completely enthused with its ideas and thoughts, and I noticed this little trickle of humor almost. Without the Jewish people, people like us, have absolutely no fate. Let me explain, the article I was reading was explaining the corresponding idea of The Flood, to today's time, and how it could possibly apply to us. The idea, was that much like Noach's time, where the world was full of such negative influences, G-d wanted to destroy the inhabitants of the earth. However he found favor in the sight of Noach, and he decided that his family would be the carrier of the generations to come. I am sure even those who are not literately involved in the works of The Torah to the letter are at least familiar with the story. But how does this apply to us today? And what does it have to do with our need for the Jewish people? Well some background information on the history of the Jews would be nice, I suppose. The Jewish people, for as long as time could profess, have been the largest commentators (historically) on The Torah. Taking small sentences, and designing a mass of deep inspiration to what applies to them here and now. Commentators like Rashi, Rambam, The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Shneur Zalman of Liadi, all of these individuals carried the torch of the Torah into their times. And leave a trail for us to glean even today. The Jewish scholars have left us such a vast amount of information to wield, it is almost incomprehensible! They have taken The Torah as we know it, and applied it to everything, built a fence around it, and designed a way for us to cherish it, no matter what type of civilization, culture, or society we live in. Now the question should be, what brought this out in the article I was reading? Surely I had known all of this before, which of course I had, but it just tickled me, to find a hint of it, in an article I read online. The paper continued about the account of The Flood, and how it could apply to us today. Correlating the flood, as our daily lives: work, school, daily activities. And Noach as an embodiment of our time with G-d: prayer, doing mitzvot, studying Torah, this all puts us into a direct connection with G-d. The Flood started as just a regular rain, (just as the descendants started as perfectly fine people), but it grew, to a mass overturning of waters, flooding the entire earth (like Adam-Noach, the descendants became a negative force, designating destruction). This is as our daily lives are, our work, school, and secular activities are perfectly fine, when they are in a right contrast with the more spiritually influenced activities. But when they start to take over, that is when they become "a flood" to us. Another interesting comparison, is that of the moon and the sun. The sun lights the day with it's own radiance. The moon lights the night however, not with it's own light, but reflecting the sun's. The sun can be seen as our spiritual being, our willingness to do the right things, and be closer to G-d. It's spawned from our own body, our own minds. The moon, as our physical inclination to do the normal, should also be influenced by our physical side. Where it is fine to indulge in secular activities, don't let them overdue themselves. Keep everything in context, and allow yourself to be a spiritually minded person. In the book, "To Be a Jew", the Author, introduces the idea that Judaism is not becoming spiritually set apart from the secular, but keeping everything in check, and allowing yourself separation from the perverted, and vain. Not to completely separate yourself from the world, but be a light inside it, that illuminates a Holier purpose. The idea is not to be on the left, or the right, but in the middle. I am sure we would all love to be completely spiritually perfect people, but there is a reason why we aren't. How are we to be an example to other people, when we are on such a different plain? This is a psychological experience I have had to tune myself, with my clothing, and with my character. Let me elaborate a little bit for you. All throughout the feast of Sukkot, I was embraced by a few individuals who seemed to be a little bit new to this walk, people who had the heart, and new what they were doing was right, but couldn't put it into a mathematical form of words. What I mean, is that they had the feeling, but not the idea. They didn't really understand the "why", or "what do I do?". So these people were seeking the answers to their questions, and occasionally, I was there to give them. As you could probably incur, I dress a little bit differently generally, and I don't discuss anything accept for Torah on Holy Days/Shabbat. But I couldn't really level with these people when I was on such a different plain than them. Not a Holier plain, but just a different level. So how am I supposed to be a light to them, and maintain my own individuality in what I do? I think the real question lies with "Should I be a light to ten souls, or a spark to myself?". The answer is pretty clear, I should probably adapt who I am to help others. Not adapting into wrong things, like an evil inclination, but instead, adapt my physicality, and personality. In which case, I dressed more acceptable to the communities standard, with some of my own interest. Slacks, and a nice button up shirt. I didn't look like I was on a different plain, and I could level with people. And as far as my discussing things on Shabbat and Holy Days, I merely decided that I would graph that for the individual I was talking to. I didn't discuss anything like money, politics, or things like that, but more of an important subject, that could grasp people. And the reason why I wanted to do this, was so that people wouldn't look at me and get the wrong idea. For instance "Look at him, he never speaks, and he looks so different! Shall that be me, in 10 years? Surely I do not want that!". Your image, as The Good Book says, is worth more than great riches.
So, does that mean I am any lesser of a person because I can mold my personification into a different being, keeping the same theology? Am I a hypocrite for saying one thing, and molding to another? Surely not in this case I would hope. As I love the way I dress, and I love the way I choose to sanctify Shabbat, sometimes your life needs to revolve around others, not yourself.

I hope anyone who reads this can glean the central ideas in my post, and if not apply them to your own lives, consider your life, and what you really do need to work on. There is always something that can be done, to truly make your daily life, more than just "yours".

Shalom, Shofars and Pirkei Avot

2008-10-04T20:54:00.002-05:00

I sit here in my living room typing on my laptop reflecting today's earlier statements and emotions. Prayers, feelings.
As I have previously said, and I continue to say I don't typically experience awkward moments, or embarrassment.
The reason for this, is partially how I see people. I have a friend whom I had a conversation with recently, and I thought I'd outline it for you.

Him: "Man, it's going to be awkward seeing her...I don't think I'm ready."
Me: "Why?"
"Because, the woman I happen to love, who I dumped because we were on different levels is going to be there..."
"Why is that awkward?"
"...Are you serious? It's pretty obvious..."
"I guess I just don't see people the way you do."
"How's that?"

And this spawned the conversation that I am noting here. We got into a bit of a topic that involved what I saw in people. Beforehand, I could have told him exactly what he expected to hear, and what everyone else says, but as of recent times I have reorganized the way I view people. When I look at someone now, I rarely see physicality, problems, awkward moments, faults in people, but instead I see something a little different. I can look at someone, and see a radiating good, I see their neshama. By looking at someone in the face, picturing an or (light) emitting from them, ascending into the heavens offering praise to The Most High. If you can imagine that each individual, regardless of their idiosyncrasies, their issues in life, or how bad of a person they may be according to your interpretation. Picture them as a creation from The Creator, a blessing that He placed on the earth to glorify Him. Then you really can't judge anyone. Look to the inside, and look at yourself before you look at others. It's really easy to point a finger, but that doesn't make it something you should do.

Anyway, I did the Shofar service for Rosh Hashanah. I loved it, and had a lot of fun doing it as well. Then this morning I actually led the liturgy, as my father wasn't doing so well, and he stayed up at the house. Anyway, that was the first time I had really led the congregation, so that was pretty exciting.

Anyway, after Shabbat services, and prayer, I sat on the porch and read some of the Pirkei Avot in my sidur, amazing writings. The weather was perfect, the setting was perfect, I just absolutely fell in love with it.

In any event, I'll stop talking your ear off and you can get back to whatever else you were doing that was so important.

Nitzavim, and Iron Man.

2008-09-28T21:54:00.002-05:00

So, hello to all again. I suppose I will start from Erev Shabbat, while I was studying the upcoming Torah section, Nitzavim. Enjoying the evening, and Shteiging (deep concentration) in Torah as I generally like to get in some study time for the upcoming reading. It's much nicer for me to have some commentary on Shabbat services when I actually know what I am commenting on ;).
Anywho, I was looking at sections from the Talmud about it, and I'll share some of them with you here in a bit. Anyway, on through my evening, I went over to Yosef's as I usually do. Prepared for Erev Shabbat, Aharon came, and we had Shabbat dinner together, as is the usual tradition. We had Kiddush, then we ate a nice kosher chicken dinner, that was very delicious might I add, with corn as a side dish. Very lovely, and well cooking.That was enjoyable, of course, so after we had finished Bircat Hamazon, we did our prayers, and we were ready to begin the night. We went to Yiremeyahu's to practice our musical abilities on Kol Nidrei, came home, and listened to a trope trainer that Yosef has. I have a nice Sefer Torah that I use that is in all Hebrew, that has the tropes, which I use frequently. It's nice to have it in all Hebrew, and no transliteration or any English, because it keeps my mind on what I should be learning. Albeit, I am a slow reader, I can get through it well enough to at least say I can read it. After that, and some discussions on Creation science that Aharon and Yosef had, we decided to do the Bedtime Shema, and hit the sack. As 9:00 can come early for late night owls. I should probably mention that I have a personal tradition of mine, to not speak on Erev Shabbat, or Shabbat. The only things I will say are mandatory yes/no questions, being polite, and Torah. I feel that it is important for me to keep my mind on what the day is about, and it's holiness, and keeping quiet really portrays that for me. I can keep discussions that I would normally have on a week day, outside of Shabbat. Shabbat for me is my own personal reserve, and the only time I embrace it with others, is in discussion of Torah! It's a beautiful way for me, to keep my thoughts in check anyway. Anywho, we awake, and leave for Shabbat morning Shacrit service. It's refreshing sometimes to pray with other individuals, especially Aharon, since he does a wonderful job in doing the liturgy in Hebrew, within a timely matter as well. The Torah service was good, music was good, it was all very well. I noticed that I had lost a button on my jacket unfortunately, however I received it, and my mother, bless her soul, sowed it for me that night, even though she wanted to go to bed. Because I was leaving with the guys that night to go the next morning to the mens meeting. We get to Yosef's, Dustin joins us, and we watch Iron Man. Pretty decent movie, amongst the majority these days. Anyway, continuing this brief informative, we leave for the mens meeting (at 6:20, a forsaken time of day :| ) Darran has a very nice session furthering the Integrity Quotient that Boaz Michaels had done the month before. The main subject of the meeting however, was free will, the "core of Judaism". It's always tickling to see Aharon's face when a discussion regarding such appears, because he does not believe in free will. He looked at me, and I looked at him, and we both smiled. Needless to say, I'll be picking up "Code of Jewish Ethics" by Rabbi Telushkin. After the meeting, we did Shacrit, and that was my weekend!

Now it's time to go more into this last weeks portion, Nitzavim, literally, "ones standing".

I am sad to say that I hadn't compiled a lot of my notes, Rashi's comments, or much really of anything, except for these handy Talmud passages correlating to some verses. Hopefully for Rosh Hashanah coming up, or maybe this upcoming Erev Shabbat, I'll have some better information. Right now, what I have to work with, is a book called "Torah Revealed" by Avraham Yaakov Finkel. It's basically a compilation of Oral Torah commentary and sides with Written Torah.

This particular reading is The Renewed Covenant.

I'll state the chapter and verse number that I'll be talking about, but to save copy/paste, I won't give you the actual verse.

Deut. 29:9

The Yerushalmi Talmud teaches...

"...the heads of your tribes, your elders..." "Elders" refers to Torah scholars; "heads of tribes" refers to communal leaders who are not necessarily Torah scholars.
Moshe placed "heads" before "elders", whereas "[Yehoshua] summoned the elders of Israel, their heads, and their officers" (Yehoshua 24:1), placing "elders" before "heads."The reason Moshe placed heads before elders is that both the heads and the elders were his disciples, so that they were each other's colleagues. That's why the elders did not feel slighted being placed after the heads. By contrast, in the case of Yehoshua, the heads and the elders were not all his disciples; that's why Yehoshua placed the elders, who were greater scholars, before the heads of the tribes.
Another reason: Moshe did not need the elders for the conquest of the and, because he was to die before entering the Land of Yisrael. Therefore, he placed the heads before the elders. But Yehoshua needed the elders' support for the conquest; that's why he placed them before the heads of the tribes. Another view: Because Moshe was not exhausted by Torah study and did not need the advice of the elders, he placed heads before elders, but Yehoshua was exhausted and needed he advice of the elders, so he placed elders before heads. Another opinion: Because Moshe foresaw prophetically that Yisrael was destined to be subjugated by the nations, and that heads, that is, spokesmen, would be appointed over them to mediate with the kings of the nations in their behalf, he placed heads before elders. If the Jewish communal leaders do not appease hostile government officials, persuading them to cancel harsh decrees, Torah scholars have no peace of mind to learn. (Yerushalmi Talmud, Horayot 3:5).

It's interesting to note this section, having to do with the different setting that the Heads and Elders were in. It points out that there is always an order with a ruler, especially HaShem. It's also interesting to note that the individuals who were placed behind the other, are not noted to be jealous at all. Each individual respects his order, his place, and his authority, in correlation with higher and lower people over them. This should be a model to life, society, and government, that each person is within his bounds, and stay there. We can see with instances of Korach (Who wanted the authority of Moshe, and was swallowed up by the earth), and Uzzah (Who was struck down for keeping the Ark of the Covenant from falling, because he wasn't a Levite).

Deut. 29:14

The Talmud Teaches...

"...and also with those who are not [yet] here with us today..." How do we know that the coming generations and proselytes who are later to be converted were also placed under this oath? Because it says "and also with those who are not yet here with us today," meaning, future generations and converts. From here we know that they were placed under the oath for the commandments they received at Sinai. How do we know that they were placed under oath for the commandments that were going to given later, such as the reading of the Megillah, ordained by Mordechai, a thousand years after the giving of the Torah? Because it says regarding Purim, "The Jews undertook and obligated themselves" (Esther 9:27). They undertook to fulfill what they had long ago obligated themselves in principle to do. (Shevuot 39a).

It is said that every soul, to accept Torah, was at Mt. Sinai when Yod Hamitzvot were given. They each said "We will do" after the proclamation of each mitzvah. The idea that each individual willingly said "I will", then and there is very humbling. Think about this for a second;
You have a soul. A Nefesh, a pure part of you that always wants yetzer hatov (The good inclination). Your soul said at Mt. Sinai, with the rest of the people "I will do this which you have said".
You said, before you were physically born, that you will attach yourself to those mitzvot.
Now look at this:
There is a spiritual image of you in Hashamayim (The heavens). This spiritual you, constantly strives for yetzer hatov, wanting to do good, but has a daily battle, just as you do every day. Individual decisions, and wars over yetzer hatov versus yetzer harah (the evil inclination). How should you feel, that the decisions you make here on earth, make up what happens to this spiritual you in heaven? You can really bring home the philosophy that "the things you do, effect everyone, not just yourself", an idea my father has driven into my life very hard. Everything you do here, may not only affect your future, and your past, but something else's as well. Think about that the next time your thought wanders to something it shouldn't, and see if that does not humble you. I know it does me.

Anyway, I am going to graph the rest of these here into kind of a melting pot. When it says in chapter 30, verse 12, The Talmud says "R. Avdimi b. Chama said 'it is not in heaven,' for if it were in heaven, you would have to go up after it; and if it were over the sea, you would have to go across the sea to get it." (Eruvin 55a).
Another important one I read was one of Rava:
"Rava said: This means that the Torah cannot be found in a person whose haughtiness is as high as the heavens. R. Yochanan said: 'It is not in heaven' means the Torah cannot be found among the arrogant (Eruvin 55a).
Verse 17 in chapter 30 is an important verse for me. Think about the ramifications before you do something. The Talmud says "This teaches you that if you turn your heart away, meaning if you give up hope of ever grasping the Torah teachings and do not review your lessons, you will no longer listen, and you will gain no further knowledge" (Sukkah 46b).
Verse 19 outlines the free will each man has, and his obligation to choose life, a blessing, so that you may live. Verse 20 clearly states that you must make your own choice to love HaShem. The Talmud teaches "Torah study is one of the mitzvot whose fruits a person enjoys in this world but whose principle remains intact for the world to come, as it says 'For the Torah is your life -- in this world -- and the length of your days -- in the world to come". (Kiddushin 40a).

I hope that these words of wisdom can remain with us each day. As that last section is part of the morning blessings over the Torah, it should be part of our every day. Studying Torah is important for more reasons than just knowing what happened, but also to know what is going to happen, and where you should go with your life. As it says "The Torah is your life", it is our guidelines on how to live, and if we choose the blessing of Torah, we choose life.

Azariah Ben Yaakov.

Pizza and a cell phone

2008-09-25T22:33:00.002-05:00

"What a wonderful world..."

Sometimes I look at today's society, and I just shake my head in disappointment and laughter.
I'll start off from the beginning of my evening, in leaving for the arrival at the new restaurant my sister works at.
We got there, and my sister greeted us, (as that is her job) with a warm smile, and reassurance that the vegetarian meals were cooked on separate areas, with separate utensils, and I smiled and nodded my head in approval. I thought it was very nice of her to go out of her way to check the place out for her brother, it's something that I appreciate dearly, and I am not sure anyone can know how much.
You can say you care any day, but showing it is truly beautiful.
The waitress that attended us was very nice, a fun personality, and she worked well with my mother, who is a very personable person. Which made the beginning of the evening receive a nice air about it.
I was a little reluctant to order anything, what with my beliefs, but I settled for a cup of tea. I spoke in sort of an accent on accident at the beginning, because on the way there I had been reading from a Hebrew sidur. So instead of embarrassing myself, I just talked like that for the rest of the night. When I received my cup of tea, equipped with side dish of water, tea bags, and a container of honey, I poured the water, and snatched a bag from it's holder. Before I opened it, I read the package, and noticed a nice 'Kaph K', a Kashrut symbol, assuring me the product was preferable for my standards. After having steeped my tea, I picked up the honey, and noticed an Orthodox Union stamp, now this just caught me out of nowhere, because I was not prepared for so many kosher products for the evening, so before I poured my honey into my wonderfully kosher tea, I looked up, and said Boruch HaShem (Blessed is HaShem) under my breath. This event made me smile, and later on the waitress asked us for our appetizers, to which we all ordered salads. She came to me and asked me what I wanted for my dressing, and I showed her the honey, and asked her to inspect her inventory of dressings, and see if she can spot one of "these little symbols" on a bottle, and bring that. She asked me what it was, and I explained that it was the orthodox union symbol, informing me that it was Kosher.
Unfortunately, she returned empty handed for me, merely bringing the required salad, as there was no salad bearing the symbol.
This was fine, as I don't particularly enjoy salad dressing too much.
After a few moments, she returned, questioning whether we had completed the inspection of the menu, to decide whether we were prepared for ordering. We all were, and I ordered a vegetarian pizza, which I ate with delight.
Skipping on, we decided to do our shopping after we had departed from the restaurant. We arrive at wal mart, and I decide to do a little bit of perusing on my own account before joining them in picking out kosher products for myself. I walk around, and receive the usual stares and profiling. Fast forwarding through the evening, as I am in the bread section, I notice a taller, dark/light skinned individual, semi overweight wearing a red hat, red short, shorts, and sneakers give me a more dedicated look. He assumed my character from hat to shoe, and I just looked him in the eye, and decided whether his intent was kind or not as I generally do. Continuing walking we finally compile our items and decide to hit the road. In the checkout lane, I am standing with my father conversing over Rosh Hashana, and as I gather in my surroundings, I notice the same individual as previously mentioned holding a cell phone about 4 or 5 aisles down. I decide that it would be within my best interest to watch him, but not allow myself to blow my cover. So I am nonchalantly talking to my father, and I notice he is taking a video of me. My dad looks at me, and before he says anything I say "I know. I am watching him too", and he just smiles and we pause our conversation momentarily. To prove the theory that he was taking video, I decided to move around a bit to see if I had a "following eye". As I was correct, moving about, the cell phone followed me. My father says that I should design some receipts that say I charge $75 for pictures. I laugh and I just continue about my whatever it is I was doing that was so interesting to the guy. I thought about saying something, obviously, since it isn't everyday I am volunteered for an involuntary movie production. We pack our bags into the cart, and he and his mother and sister(?) get through a little earlier, and they walk by me. I just stand completely still, and let them pass behind me, I decided it was best not to inquire, the last thing I need is for someone to be anti-semitic, start a fight, and then have a newspaper entitled "Jew beats down guy in wal mart".

In any event, it made my night interesting, nonetheless. Now I am sitting here in a chair, typing this to the avid nonexistent readers of this dull blog. If you have any similar occasions, email me!

Late night...Phone?

2008-09-25T14:24:00.002-05:00

*yawns* I was up until 3:00 AM again on the phone, a rather non awkward conversation, that seemed to take a twist into the disturbing realms of...disturbinglikethings.

Anyway, I woke up today, and I began my daily dose of education, and about 10 minutes into it, my father tells me that we are going into town for something. To which I am fine with, I stop school, pack everything, and after I am nearly through packing, he changes his mind, and here I am :<.

Anyway, tonight is some dinner thing at a new restaurant my sister is working at. Apparently employees' families can come and eat for free at this establishment for the grand opening. Or maybe it isn't open yet, and we get a sneak peak, who knows. To continue my actual point, I do not eat out obviously. There are some serious codes of eating that I apply myself to, which cannot be applied at restaurants. Unless of course they were certified kosher, which I guarantee they are not ;). Not even the restaurant entitled "Lamed" is kosher, and it has a Hebrew letter on the front of the place! Anyway, putting aside the laws of not eating pork, and other unclean related items; The food must be slaughtered a certain way (Laws of Shechita). This includes the least painful method possible of slaughtering, and it is fairly cleanly, and least detrimental to the animal. We are commanded to "Slaughter the animals by which I have commanded you", so that's what we go by. You can read more about Shechita here.
Now not only to put those aside, there are the laws on separating meat and dairy from each other. They cannot be cooked together, they cannot be on the same plate together, and they cannot be eaten together. There are endless reasons why eating out at a restaurant is just not something I can do, so therein lays my dilemma. I couldn't eat meat at a restaurant, I couldn't eat dairy products, and I couldn't eat anything if they were cooked or designed in the same section/compartment as meat and dairy are.
Yet my sister wants me to attend this event.
She informs me that the salads they make are for vegetarians, so they are made in a separate section, and no meat or dairy touches them however. So this is relieving, I may actually eat a salad. However that leads me to another problem: The dishes. If the dishes had ever been used for some other purpose that was unclean, that would render the dishes unclean, and my food unclean.
Not to mention that, but my parents want me to invite a friend, and the only rurally close friend I have keeps the same laws I do. I can see where it would be different for me to eat the food, having been referred that it was clean, 100% as my sister tells me, but for ME to refer someone else, would take that guarantee that I have not personally inspected, and then I would have to tell my friend that I know it is kosher, when I don't know firsthand.
This is an example of how my life goes everyday, for those of you interested. Living in a religious, but not strict household, whilst trying to keep the Torah is not something I would wish on the weak hearted. It's also rather interesting, to be able to have a discussion every day with someone who has studied Torah for over thirty years. But I don't understand how things end up being so one dimensional. A congregation that has lessened in numbers down to merely two and a half families, from nearly 70 people, moving in a direction that seems to be walking backward for me, where do I fit? Where are the people that I know? That I can agree on, that love me for me, and don't think I am some oddball who always wears a knee length suit and a black hat? I just explained last week that everyone is in their own stage, according to Romans 14. So for them, they may be just fine where they are at, because they just can't go any further right now. But for me, where is my path? When do I take the next step and decide what is right for me?
The Talmud lines out clearly what has happened in my life.
According to the Talmud, a father should teach his son a trade, so that he would not have to learn it on his own. Which seems logical, would you not say?
It's a mirror image for what has happened to me, and I have been told that is how I was raised. I was placed decisions in front of me, and expected to choose the right ones. I was never told to pick this or that, and when I made the wrong ones, I learned from that, and I gained the insight and logical not to do it again.
So that is what has happened here. Well over ten years I observed what was happening around me, and I decided to take the next step. And once I have done that, I have stepped out of my house, and I have stepped out of my place. It's not a wrong place to be, it's just a difficult road to walk.

Ahh, the smell of coffee and the arts.

2008-09-24T13:31:00.002-05:00

There is a point when each individual wakes up, before you are completely coherent, and completely asleep. It is in this state in which a person recites a very special prayer. It should begin the first word that comes out of Jewish lips every morning, before anything else. In this state one is in between the levels of dream, and life. A surreal state that transcends the normality of everyday living. In the realm of dream, certain fundamentals are intact, but the details, and specifics are not. According to Jewish tradition, belief in monotheism, and your basic way of life stays with you in this form, but things like fear, and logic are blurred. Emotions, implemented by the prefrontal cortex of your brain, they seem to disappear in the world of dream. On the other hand, you have the world in which you live your life. It seems that logic can overcome your basic notion of emotion, and that life seems too predicting at times. This is the reason why the Modeh Ani prayer is said at this time. It is the perfect blend of surreal, and logic. The time in which your imagination is allowed leverage, and your logical sense is still about you.
Imagine, waking up every morning, and your first words are offering a praise to your Creator, for allowing you to live another day. The appreciation that goes through your mind, every morning. A conscious decision to have the first sentence out of your mouth be one of thanks.

The Modeh Ani prayer is one of my favorites, as I can take a few seconds to a minute before it, meditating, preparing myself for a confrontation with HaKadosh Echad (The Holy One). The moment that the words run through the clear slate of my mind for the day, I feel a spark of happiness overcome me. A sense of feeling, that tells me every day "Your presence is appreciated". How can we go through every day, with our activities, without stopping to thank HaAbba (The Father) for something he has given us? What then is our purpose? People wander aimlessly around, asking themselves all the time "What am I here for?", "What is my purpose in life?". The answer is understood once one has accepted the idea of an appreciation. Once you know that something you have done has pleased someone else, you feel satisfied. How much more then should we desire to please our Heavenly Father?

The Modeh Ani prayer is as follows:

Modeh anee lifanecha melech chai vikayam, she-he-chezarta bee nishmatee b'chemla, raba emunatecha.

I offer thanks to You, living and eternal king, for You have restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

The interesting thing here, is that in Jewish lives, HaShem (literally, THE Name) is not spoken in any form until the hand washing is done in the morning. No cavity is touched on your body until after you have washed your hands, and said the appropriate blessing, so why is the Modeh Ani prayer said before the washing of hands? It's the only prayer that is, in fact. And if you'll notice, no specific Name for Him was used. Names in Hebrew concept are attributes, the Divine Attributes of El Elyon (G-d Most High) are as I have mentioned them here, HaShem, HaKadosh Echad, El Elyon, HaAbba, those all tell us something about him. His Name is Holy, He is the only Holy One, He is the Most High, He is our Father. But the Modeh Ani prayer doesn't use any of these. It has a special relationship, as the first thing that is said when you wake up. The inflection and focus is not upon who He is, but what He has done for you. I encourage anyone, Jewish or not, to say this prayer each morning with devotion, it's a very beautiful and wonderful prayer, and it offers divine insight to the everyday humdrum of our lives.

The Untitled Song

2008-09-23T18:01:00.004-05:00

This song is pretty upbeat, I'll try and record it some time soon. No name, and I wrote it a few days (maybe weeks) ago, just writing whatever came out. Leave me a comment, and tell me what you think about it.

I see your face, inside the crowd.
Humbling away.
Are you here to stay?

Come with me, on this twisted path.
We walk today, and we stop tomorrow.

Temporary souls, feelin' lonely.
Holding on, to the one and only.

Find the time, for you and I.
Singin' the songs, that we used to know.

Open wide, let me see inside,
the girl I used to know.

I see it in your eyes, the letters in disguise.
When - you will show.

I know you well, and you seem to tell.
Your secrets too fast, caught in this hell.

Let me know, and I will show -
You, who you really are.

You're so special, and so lovable.
More beautiful than the stars.