Lesley Vance

2010-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

Infertility Journeys: Finding Your Happy Ending — available on Amazon and Lesley's website.

How to Encourage Friends with Infertility

2010-09-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from my new book Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending

It’s tough knowing the right thing to say to someone who is struggling with a pregnancy loss or infertility. Of course you want to be supportive and give your loved one encouragement in the midst of his or her crisis. You have the best intentions but might not know how to help. Often your presence is the best medicine and shows your care. But when you want to go the extra mile, find a small gift to give your friend. We all love presents—big and small—and it's sure to brighten his/her day.

Encouraging Things You Might Consider Saying

“I am sorry for your loss.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I don’t know what to say, but my heart goes out to you.”
“This must be a difficult time for you.”
“I am sorry.”
“I am here for you.”

Click here to visit my website, www.lesleyvance.com and to learn more about my new book Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending

San Diego Family Magazine

2010-08-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

I wrote an article for the September issue of San Diego Family Magazine. The article, "Mourning a Pregnancy Loss: Steps to Help Move You Through the Grief Process," can be found online at: http://www.smpdigitaledition.com/publication/?i=45289&p=26

Homemade Carrot Soup: Yummy!

2010-08-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

A farmer goes to my husband's work every week bringing organic produce. He gave Brian several bunches of carrots for free b/c the carrots were a little soft...they needed to be used soon. So, I'm making homemade carrot soup out of them and using Emeril's recipe. Every recipe I've used by Emeril is sooooooo fabulous! Try this one with me and let me know how yours turns out? I've got the chicken stock and carrots simmering now.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter
1 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
2 apples, peeled, cored, and diced
4 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch pieces
1 cup white wine
1 quart chicken stock
1 teaspoon cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Chopped chives, as garnish
Directions
Melt butter in a medium saucepan. Add onion and garlic and saute until softened, about 4 minutes. Add apple and carrots and saute for 2 minutes. Carefully add the white wine, chicken, stock, and cumin. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the apples and carrots are soft, about 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or, in batches, in a blender. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper. Garnish with chives and serve.

Infertility Resource: March of Dimes

2010-07-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

Have you been trying to get pregnant for a months or even years? Do you wonder why it seems so difficult to conceive? Are you wondering if something is wrong with your partner's reproductive system or even your own?

If you have been trying to get pregnant for a year or more, then you and your partner may have infertility issues. Now, don't sound the alarms or panic. It could be something simple like you need estrogen/progesterone supplements, or maybe your guy needs to quit wearing tighty whities.

Make an appointment with your Ob-gyn and tell your man to visit a urologist to discover what might be preventing you from conceiving. In the meantime, if you want reliable information on the subject of fertility and pregnancy, check out the March of Dimes website. They have a lot of helpful information about preconception healthcare, pregnancy after 35, male infertility and much more.

All Joy and No Fun

2010-07-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a good read for today.

"Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.)"

Read My Article in WHOA Women Magazine

2010-07-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

I am a contributing writer for WHOA Women Magazine and our latest issue just hit the stands! The entire issue is focused on grace and forgiveness. What do you do when you're angry with God? How do you forgive someone who has hurt you? When will the pain subside? Is it okay to be angry at God? These are questions many of us ask from time to time. Check out my article on page 45 in the online magazine.

You can subscribe to the magazine for $12/year.

Let me know what you think of the magazine! Enjoy!

2010-07-04T19:21:00.001-07:00

fireworks will go off here at sunset...beautiful hills in Solvang.

How to Beat the Blues During Fertility Challenges

2010-06-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

1. Put on an apron and make a big batch of Pine Bark, a fabulous recipe by Paula Deen (see details below). Eat half a dozen and give the rest away to your friends and neighbors. Now, just because you're depressed doesn't mean you want to get chubby so don't go overboard on eating these things, because they are addictive! Believe me! They make great gifts wrapped in pretty packages and bows.

2. Schedule a day at the salon for a mani/pedicure. A little pampering is good for the soul! Invite a friend to go with you so you can catch up on the latest gossip!

3. Read a good book that's not about babies or getting pregnant. Find a funny book such as "The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love." It will make you laugh, and teach you a few things about crazy Southern women.

4. Take a walk around the neighborhood, park, lake, river, ocean....wherever you can get out and breathe in fresh air. Your soul needs it! Find a friend who will keep you company.

5. Most importantly...keep your social calendar full. Stay busy.

PINE BARK by Paula Deen

35 saltine crackers

1 cup butter

1 cup packed light brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

5 (4-ounce) milk chocolate bars, broken into pieces

Here's how you do it: Put oven on 400 degrees F.

Line a large 1-inch jelly roll pan with tin foil. Spray foil with non-stick cooking spray.

Place saltine crackers, salty side up, in prepared pan. In a saucepan, boil butter and sugar for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in almond extract. Pour mixture over crackers and bake for 4 to 6 minutes. Remove from oven, top with candy bars, and spread evenly as chocolate begins to melt. Cool slightly and transfer onto waxed paper. Allow to cool completely. This is so yummy!!!! Enjoy!

"I Hear a Heartbeat"

2010-06-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I was at a local club watching the Psychedelic Furs perform. Richard Butler is the lead singer, having originally created the band in 1977 with his brother and guitarist John Ashton. I remember hearing the Psychedelic Furs music for the first time when I was in high school. I watched the movie "Pretty in Pink" at least 20 times and loved the entire soundtrack. Needless to say the music brought back memories from high school. It seemed like only yesterday.

Then, the Furs sung another song I had never heard before titled "Heartbeat". One of the lines was, "I hear a heartbeat". That was the only line I could understand as the music blared in my ears and people cheered all around.

I never thought much about heartbeats, my heartbeat or other people's heartbeats, until I was pregnant. That one line in the song took me back to another place in time. I remember seeing my baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was an amazing moment. My baby's heartbeat was a little white flicker on the screen. It looked like a little star twinkling so bright.

Sadness filled my heart as I stood among hundreds of Psychedelic Furs fans. I wondered if I was the only one in the room thinking about sorrow and pain. As I looked around heads were nodding and people were throwing back beers. They all looked so happy and mellow. Not a worry in the world. I thought I want to be free from my memories. I don't want a simple lyric in a song to always remind me of my loss. When will this ever end? How long will I be reminded of the babies I lost?

I let out a long sigh and refocused on the band. The music. The vibrations of energy pulsing all around brought me back to the present moment. Loss stays with us, but in time it gets easier to let go and be present.

My reminder to self: focus on my blessings such as my health and the love and support of family and friends. Today I am especially thankful for the beautiful blue skies and the fact that I am healthy and able to play tennis, a sport that I truly love. I am thankful for the friends with whom I played tennis this morning and am thankful I have a full day ahead of me to be productive and continue working toward my personal goals.

What are you thankful for today?

Freezing Ovaries for Later Use

2010-06-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

I have one obsession, watching The Young and the Restless. I blame my obsession on my baby sitter who took care of me when I was 4 years old. I don't remember the baby sitter's name, but vividly remember her daily routine. At 10:30 a.m. she would start cooking the bacon, slicing the tomatoes and washing the lettuce. She made BLTs on white bread, one for me and one for her. Then at 11 a.m. she would place our lunches on trays in front of the TV and we would sit for an hour to watch The Young and the Restless. It was a ritual that I have continued to this day with one exception: I watch the recorded episode.

I know so much about Victor and Nikki Newman that I feel they are my surrogate parents. I have watched their children, Victoria and Nicholas, grow up. In my imagination, we are one big happy family even with our flaws and dysfunctions.

The show writers are very creative in keeping the content fresh and relevant. I have been surprised to see the show touching on tough topics like miscarriages, infertility, surrogacy and adoption.

Recently, one of the characters named Lily was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She's in her early 20s and recently married to a really cute guy named Cane. They want children so badly and are desperate to build their family. Because of her condition, Lily went online to do some research and found out that she could harvest the eggs from her ovaries and freeze them to be used at a later time. I was impressed that the writers for Y&R would touch on such an obscure subject. They have crafted the story line to be educational and dramatic. It has definitely raised viewer's awareness level of infertility issues.

How are eggs retrieved from the ovaries?

Here's the short answer I found on American Pregnancy Association's website: Your eggs are retrieved through a minor surgical procedure which uses ultrasound imaging to guide a hollow needle through the pelvic cavity. Sedation and local anesthesia are provided to remove any discomfort that you might experience. The eggs are removed from the ovaries using the hollow needle, which is called follicular aspiration. Some women may experience cramping on the day of retrieval, which usually subsides the following day; however, a feeling of fullness or pressure may last for several weeks following the procedure.

When I experienced the egg retrieval process during my IVF cycle, I did not have any bad side effects. Plus, I was given anesthesia during the out-patient procedure.

"Mommy, where do babies come from?"

2010-06-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

Once they've reached a certain age, children inevitably ask, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" The heart of the question is really, "Mommy, where did I come from?" Every child wants to know how he or she came into being. It's a question that demands an answer.

You can either explain it in truth or gloss over the question with a story about belly buttons. Today, with Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) at our disposal the answer can be even more tricky to articulate.

One of the techniques of ART is surrogacy, an option for those who cannot conceive and give birth to a child. When surrogacy enters the picture, it's a much more complicated story to tell a child. I certainly don't have all the answers, and I'm wondering what should you tell a child who asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" or "Mommy where did I come from?" This question came to my mind today while I was reading about women in India who serve as surrogates.

What are your ideas? What do you think is the best way to explain to a child (who was birthed by a surrogate) how he/she came into the world?

Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending

2010-06-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

I wrote Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending, a narrative nonfiction book, to give a voice to the men and women who wanted to share their stories of pregnancy loss and infertility. None of us are alone on this journey, and with that knowledge comes hope.

I stepped out of my comfort zone by writing this book because I want to offer encouragement and support to others who struggle with pregnancy loss and infertility. There are millions of other women and men who have experienced the same loss, grief, pain, fear, hope, longing and frustrations that I have struggled with for years. This book is for all of you.

I use storytelling to share my personal challenges and other couples’ struggles with pregnancy loss and infertility. Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending presents the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual difficulties couples experience when faced with infertility. Getting pregnant and carrying a baby full-term is not easy. Each year in the United States 2,000,000 pregnancies end in loss. There are 7,300,000 women ages 15-44 who experience fertility problems. The high number of ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages and stillbirths occurring each year remind us that things don’t always work out.

Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending demystifies fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) and intrauterine insemination (IUI). It explores the stages of grief people experience. Chapter 3 highlights 16 important questions couples should ask their doctors. Chapter 5 is dedicated to men who are too often forgotten and left standing on the sidelines during pelvic exams and ultrasounds. Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending also explores holistic techniques to increase fertility and much more. This book is for anyone who has been affected by pregnancy loss or infertility, including family and friends of couples who struggle.

What is a Hysterosalpingogram?

2010-05-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Can you pronounce Hysterosalpingogram?

Here's a hint: hys·ter·o·sal·pin·go·gram. If you're still tripping over the word, check out the Merriam-Webster online dictionary which has audio pronunciation.

Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is a very helpful and informative fertility test. It is used to determine if both of the fallopian tubes are open and whether the shape of the uterine cavity is normal. The tubes should be connected to the uterus and ovaries which allows sperm to travel up the tubes to meet and fertilize an egg. If you really want to know how tough you are, then have an HSG. I wouldn’t wish the test on my worst enemy especially if she had a blocked tube.

Image source

Pregnancy Loss: Where to Place the Blame?

2010-05-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

I wonder what I did wrong? Did I overexert myself working too many long hours? Did I take enough prenatal vitamins? What could I have done differently? Those are the questions that I berated myself with after having an ectopic pregnancy at nine weeks. I needed to figure out “why” it happened. Why did my fetus get stuck in my fallopian tube? Why couldn’t the doctors fix it? Nothing made sense and I was completely devastated.

The word ectopic comes from the Greek word ektopos and literally means “out of place.” One out of 50 pregnancies is “out of place,” meaning the pregnancy is not in the uterus.

It's human nature to want to blame someone or something when things go wrong. I expected my pregnancy to be a breeze. I was young, healthy and responsible. I took prenatal vitamins, walked for exercise and ate balanced meals. I never dreamed I would have a tubal pregnancy.

Women in my family had never experienced tubal pregnancies, miscarriages or stillbirths. My mother birthed my brother and me almost effortlessly. My maternal grandmother had four children and my paternal grandmother had one child, my dad. And she never had any reproductive issues. So, why am I the "special" one?

It's tough not to blame something or someone because my pregnancy went wrong. The truth is that in most cases of ectopic pregnancies the cause is unknown. About 10 to 15 percent of women having ectopic pregnancies will never be able to have children. For the most part, the cause of tubal pregnancies is unknown. Suspected culprits may be sexually transmitted infections in the uterus, tubes or ovaries which can cause scarring leading to an ectopic pregnancy. Other causes of tubal pregnancies include:

fallopian tube damage from previous surgeries or scarring
endometriosis (when uterine tissue implants outside the uterus)
aging
smoking nicotine
fertility drugs

After having an HSG, I found out that I have a blocked fallopian tube. That's another story for another day....

What French Women Eat

2010-04-27T07:45:00.001-07:00

Eating like the French woman that I am. Great recipe for oatmeal from "French Women Don't Get Fat."

High Fructose Corn Syrup

2010-04-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

If you eat foods containing High Fructose Corn Syrup this article might convince you to quit or at least cut back:

Here's a long list of foods without HFCS.

Example of breads without HFCS:

Pepperidge Farms whole grain honey oat

Nature's Own Sugar Free 100% Whole Grain bread link

Nature's Own -Honey 7 Grain link

Nature's Own 100% whole wheat link

Martins Potato breads and rolls

Thomas's Low Carb English Muffins

2010-04-17T14:15:00.001-07:00

Mountain biking at DAILY RANCH

WHOA Women Magazine

2010-04-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

WHOA Women Magazine just hit the stands and you can also read it online. I am a regular writer for the magazine and my article, "Shattered Baby Dreams," begins on page 28. I really hope the article brings hope and encouragement to those who struggle with pregnancy loss and infertility.

If you have questions or comments, please email me at info [at] lesleyvance [dot] com

2010-04-10T11:15:00.001-07:00

WHOA Women Ministries

2010-04-09T09:44:00.001-07:00

This is my good friend Laine Lawson Craft who founded WHOA Women Ministries. A few weeks ago we got together in Beverly Hills for lunch, dinner and girl-time. She lives in my hometown, Jackson, Mississippi. We had a blast eating, shopping and talking about God and the ministry she is doing in Jackson. She hosts a radio program, a Christian women's magazine and Brown Bag Bible Studies in Jackson. They have 3 locations and meet every Thursday at Noon for fun, food, and fellowship hearing God's voice one story at a time through real live testimonies shared by women who have overcome trials and problems in victory with the extraordinary power of God.

I am a regular contributing writer for WHOA Women's Magazine. The next issue is being mailed this week and will be posted online next week! View the magazine online or order a subscription for only $12 a year. It's a wonderful magazine that will encourage you in daily life and features articles on family, food, fashion and so much more. Don't forget to read my article, "Shattered Baby Dreams," in the next issue! There's hope for all of us who struggle with pregnancy loss and infertility. If you have questions or comments, please email me at: info (use the "at" sign) lesleyvance (dot) com

You can check out WHOA Women Ministries on Facebook or visit the website.

Favorite Exercise Songs?

2010-04-07T23:06:00.001-07:00

I'm looking for some new tunes to listen to while exercising. Any suggestions? What are your favorite "get-the-adrenaline-pumping" songs? Scroll down my page and you'll see my favorite "Spin Songs." Feel free to click and listen to a few of my current favorites.

2010-04-07T21:19:00.001-07:00

1st time I've seen this sign in California...plenty of these in Mississippi where I'm from.

I Got the Sunshine Award!

2010-03-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you Sandie...aka Chatty Crone...for selecting me to receive the Sunshine Award! You are so fabulous! I'm so excited and appreciate your support!

Now I need to pass on this lovely award, hmmm who should I pick?

The Rules:

1. Post the award

2. Pass on to 12 bloggers that brighten your day

3. Link to nominees

4. Link back to givers.

The blogs I like to read include:

1. Sandie at chattycrone.blogspot.com

2. Michelle for her clever creations

3. DL HAMMONS for sharing his story

4. 365-days-of-novel-writing.blogspot.com -- inspires me to write

5. Barbara for her great photography

6. Brian for his great mind

7. Ashley for her great recipes

8. Rachelle for sharing her expertise on the publishing industry

9. Nathan for his honesty

10. Angela for her love of animals

11. Holly for her hip wedding ideas

12. Jody for getting her 1st publishing deal for The Preacher's Bride

Morning Prayer

2010-03-18T08:25:00.001-07:00

With all the negative news I've seen online this morning I need a word or two of encouragement. Wow, I open my Bible and come across a perplexing verse:

I Samuel 16:14 Now the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord terrorized him.

I don't think it's so obvious today when evil spirits terrorize us. An evil spirit can be disguised as a negative attitude in ourselves or someone around us. Maybe it's a person who is constantly speaking doom and gloom over someone else or in every situation. He or she may not be considered "evil" but a negative attitude and spiteful manner can be just as destructive. It's often subtle and we don't realize the root of the problem -- each one of us has the option to choose grace and love over being negative, evil, numb and careless.

There are so many distractions in my life from day to day. I overlook God's gentle touches and nudges and can even misinterpret warnings that my own spirit needs to be centered and nourished.

My prayer today: Dear Lord God, help me to be focused on being a loving person, speaking and acting out of love so that my words will be encouragement to others. Give me the courage to stand up for what is right, good and true. Amen.