Newport RI Divorce Lawyers and Mediators

RI Mediation Client Testimonial

2012-02-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

“As the year comes to an end, I can not let another day go by without properly thanking you. The work you did with my husband and I during mediation was creative, resourceful and simply clever. You both were attentive to our present and future needs- emotionally, financially and legally. There were many occasions throughout the time you spent with us where I thought there was no possible way to come to a middle ground. Luckily, with your guidance and perseverance you made the impossible, possible. Thank you … from the bottom of my heart for your determination and consideration while working with us. My gratitude is endless.”

Don't Forget the Tax Refund!

2012-01-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

As family law attorneys, we often think of income taxes as a means to review income and available assets as we go through the case. It is only at this time of year where, for most (if not all) of our clients, we also need to think about the potential income tax return and refund.

It is important to note that if you are in a contested divorce situation, then your attorney should at least consider asking the court for a restraining order with regard to spending the 2011 refund. Specific options include restraining the parties from cashing the refund until further order of the court, or perhaps more commonly, asking the court to order that the funds be deposited into an "escrow account" so that those funds are not spent without an agreement of the parties or by further court order. A restraining order can also be useful in child support cases that have not been running through the Child Support System. (Those child support cases which are running through the system should be intercepted if someone owes money to the custodial parent automatically.)

Parties can be tempted to file together without speaking to their attorney because the case is in the early stages, there aren't any issues yet, or the promise of "quick cash" is alluring. However, doing so could be a mistake for tax reasons, as well as the fact that the funds could be easily deposited into a joint account, and then removed by one party. It is much easier to "hold" the funds, than it is to "chase" the funds.

If you have questions about your income tax refund and you are in the process of a divorce, contact your attorney and ask the question. If you are thinking about a divorce and are not sure what to do, call us at 401-841-5700 or go to www.CounselFirst.com.

***WE DO NOT GIVE TAX ADVICE, BUT WE CAN POINT OUT POTENTIAL PITFULLS AND NOTIFY YOU OF THE ISSUES SO YOU CAN ASK YOUR TAX EXPERT THE CORRECT QUESTIONS.***

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Affordable Medical Membership Plan

2012-01-11T09:30:00.000-05:00

I received this article as part of a monthly newsletter this week, and I thought it could be useful to our clients and friends. The contact person is Robin at Robin G Smith Consulting. Call her at 888-363-3914 or go to her website at is www.robingsmith.com for more information, or call us!

As 2012 begins, many people will find themselves with new health benefits and higher deductibles, or, increasingly, with no health insurance at all, particularly in the 50—64 year old age category. Additionally, the latest focus of healthcare reform has become prevention, or wellness, vs “sickness” care. Companies are struggling to find solutions to health cost inflation, and new paradigms are emerging that feature “worksite” clinics, and direct, af?fordable pre-paid primary care (another story here). I offer one such program, Medical Membership Plans (MMP).

A MMP is a prepaid primary care plan for companies and individuals ($84/month individual, $99/family), where care is delivered by a national network of urgent care cen?ters. There are no copays, no deductibles, no pre-existing conditions, and care generally includes all services that can be delivered at the urgent care center (x-rays, injections, labs, etc.) This plan is open to all, and is a membership plan, not health insurance. Many clinics are available, al?though, geographically, some areas are better covered than others— e.g. Worcester and Boston area, MA, great, Cape Cod, not so good. RI has many clinics available, and CT has good coverage in the urban areas. Call me (Robin) for more information, or a list of participating providers in your area. The MMP model may help drive down health costs.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Unemployment Benefits Until March

2012-01-06T09:30:00.000-05:00

The Temporary Payroll Tax Cut Continuation Act of 2011 was passed this month by Congress, and the Emergency federal benefits for the unemployed, which were scheduled to expire on December 31, were extended for two months. The legislation will need to be revisited by March, but for those of you who received a notice and expected your benefits to end as of January 1, 2012, you now have a bit of a chance to re-group in the event the checks will stop coming as of March 1, 2012.
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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

What if my spouse does not want to mediate?

2011-12-21T09:30:00.000-05:00

A common mediation Question: “My spouse does not want to mediate. He or she says that we already have agreed upon the terms of the divorce property settlement. He wants to hire an attorney for a flat-fee price. I want to mediate. What are my options?

Your spouse may not want to mediate because your spouse may see it as unnecessary. The agreement is “done” in your spouse’s mind. If the offer is “fair and equitable”, your spouse could be correct. The “fly in the ointment” is that your spouse may be viewing things through his (or her) own prism or may not have considered all issues. In the final analysis, the offer may not be “fair” to you (or to an attorney you have consulted). In that case, you could still negotiate the terms of the property settlement with the help of your attorney and still do it inexpensively provided that your spouse and attorney are flexible enough to accept a counter-offer or that the “back-and forth” negotiations do not require too many attorney contacts.

“Flat fee” quotations for divorce representation can be problematical because a case can easily move from a $2,000 “nominal” (uncontested) case to a $6,000 to $10,000 case (each) or more. I take it that the flat fee price assumes that you will agree upon the terms of the agreement quickly. When I wear my attorney hat, I do not give flat fee quotations unless and until both parties are represented by counsel and have reached an agreement; or, unless I have prepared an agreement on behalf of one person and the other has accepted it, with or without counsel. The fact is that many clients come in thinking that they have a “done deal” but once all issues are surfaced, they do not. While one person can decide not to engage an attorney, I never advise it. One attorney can never represent two persons with opposing interests, even if they are in agreement.

Mediation tries to assist the divorcing couple to reality-test the offers and counter-offers and to make certain that they understand all issues. We have a high rate of success in guiding couples through the process so that they reach a “Memorandum of Understanding”. That memorandum is then taken to an attorney to draft a Property Settlement Agreement (the contract) and to file all other papers to complete the divorce. Even in that case, we recommend that the non-filing person hire an attorney for at least the limited purpose of reviewing the contract prepared by the Plaintiff’s attorney.

So, my first recommendation is to mediate. It is like an insurance policy because it gives both of you some assurance that you will not end up in a contested divorce. The second option is that you hire your own attorney to review any and all offers from your husband and to negotiate in good faith. There is nothing in this second scenario that prohibits you and your attorney from reaching an Agreement at a reasonable price.

I would not recommend that you proceed without an attorney under any circumstances.

I can mediate for both of you as was originally intended. In that case his attorney can still represent your spouse during the mediation and post-mediation. It might be worth one session of 1.5 hours to discuss where both of you are in the process.

I can also represent you individually and negotiate with your husband’s attorney.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Military Member, Family and Veterans Benefits

2011-11-10T10:49:00.001-05:00

I recently attended a Continuing Education Seminar with regard to Veterans Benefits.

We covered benefits available to the military member, their spouse and/or children if they die while enlisted, disabled military members, and other benefits for retired Veterans.

It continues to amaze me that there are benefits available that the military members and their families may or may not be aware of.

Top Five Things I Took Away From the Program

1. A military member must complete a DD Form 93, together with their estate planning documents, in order to determine who will get the $100,000 death benefit if the member is killed on duty; who will get their remains, who will get the flag at the funeral, and even letting the military know who should be told first in the event you are killed. The military will follow the Form, regardless of the terms of the Member's Will.

2. Disabled Veterans claims can take several months, or even years to complete. If appealed with the help of an attorney or Veterans' Group, there is a high success rate to overturn the original decisions.

3. The Veteran can get disability benefits for drug and/or alcohol abuse of they can prove that such abuse is directly caused from another diagnosis as a result of a service connected disability.

4. There are new diagnoses added to the list that a Veteran can collect for, where payments can be made retroactively from the original claim.

5. If you know Veteran or a Military Member (or their family) that have questions, please do not hesitate to contact our office or direct them to their nearest Veteran Administration Office.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Providing Advice to other Attorneys in Family Law

2011-11-07T09:20:00.002-05:00

I have signed up for the Rhode Island Bar Association’s Online Attorney Resources (OAR) as a Volunteer in the area of Domestic/Family Law. I expect to be most helpful for military family law questions, and division of retirement plans.

This service is exclusively for Bar members and available through the Members Only section of the Bar's web site at www.ribar.com, to help Bar members provide and receive timely and direct assistance with practice-related questions.

OAR provides Bar members with the names, contact information and Bar admission date of volunteer attorneys willing to answer questions concerning particular practice areas based on the volunteer's professional knowledge and experience. As the Rhode Island Bar Association does not and cannot certify attorney expertise in a given practice area, the Bar does not verify any information or advice provided by OAR volunteers. Questions channeled through OAR volunteers may range from inquiries concerning specific court procedures and expectations to current and future opportunities within practice areas. However, OAR is NOT a forum for Bar members to engage other Bar members as unofficial co-counsel in an on-going case.

As everyone's time is a limited and precious commodity, all Bar members who contact volunteers must formulate their questions concisely prior to contact and ensure the initial contact takes no longer than 3 to 5 minutes unless mutually-agreed upon by both parties.

OAR offers two options:

1) Bar members willing to volunteer as information resources.

2) Bar members with questions about a particular area of the law.

OAR practice areas include: Domestic/Family Law Practice; Civil Practice in Rhode Island District Court - Collections Law & Evictions; Civil Practice in Rhode Island Superior Court - Plaintiff's Personal Injury Practice; Criminal Law Practice; Commercial Real Estate Transactions; Organizing a Rhode Island Business; Probate and Estate Planning; Residential Real Estate Closings; Workers' Compensation Practice; Creditors' and Debtors' Rights: Federal Court Practice; and Administrative Law

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Barrington RI Real Estate Closing by Divorce Agreement

2011-09-28T05:41:00.005-04:00

In a recent Barrington RI divorce and real estate matter, we represented our client as the seller’s agent at a real estate closing on the marital home, several months after the Final Judgment had entered. Our client had since moved out of state, and needed to appoint a Power of Attorney to attend the closing on his behalf. We also reviewed the closing settlement statement with regard to disbursement of the final proceeds. We were able to point out that overdue motor vehicle taxes should have been allocated to the ex-Wife’s portion, and that our client should not be responsible for those. This resulted in a savings of more than $800.00 to our client.

Kristy J. Garside, Esq.
Associate Attorney

If you are filing for divorce in Rhode Island, or need help with a real estate closing or transaction, contact The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe at (401) 841-5700, or use our contact form HERE for more information.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Divorce and the Retirement Assets

2011-05-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

I recently read an article on SmartMoney.com, which is put out by Fidelity.com that discussed "Divorce over 50: 3 Mistakes to Avoid" by Catey Hill.

The first "mistake" referred to was to ignore the tax consequences of retirement funds. Our office happens to be very knowledgeable regarding retirement accounts because we study the plans for our own clients, and we are also often hired by other attorneys to assist their clients in drafting the documents required to divide the retirement assets.

In order for an employer to give a portion of an employee's pension or retirement account (ex. 401(k), savings plans, etc.) to someone other than the employee, a document that is separate from the divorce decree or settlement agreement must be drafted, submitted to the court, and then sent to the employer. We are often hired to draft such orders, also known as Qualified Domestic Relations Orders, or QDROs. These orders have to address all the provisions of the plan, including but not limited to: the amount awarded, what happens if the employee dies prior to or after they retire, and when the former spouse can begin to collect his or her portion of the pension. You do not always need to wait until he or she retires before you can get your share!

You may think it would be common sense for an attorney to understand the plan and to know what the value of that plan is before they attempt to negotiate a settlement, but this is not always true. We are available to consult with attorneys if they have questions, and advise one party or the other how the terms of the Order could be written to achieve the most favorable result.

If you are getting divorced, and your attorney does not seem to have a handle on how the retirement plan works or what the value of that plan is in today's dollars and in the future, I suggest you call our office before you sign a settlement agreement.

Additionally, if you have been divorced and were awarded a piece of your ex's pension, but you have never seen a QDRO on your behalf, CONTACT OUR OFFICE. We can help.

www.CounselFirst.com or 401-841-5700.
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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Spouses of Military Members Need to be Proactive - We Can Help!

2011-04-11T09:13:00.006-04:00

I have attached a recent section of a newsletter we receive from EX-POSE, "Ex-Partners of Servicemembers for Equality." They can be contacted at www.ex-pose.org or by phone at (703)212-6951.

The article suggests things that the spouse of a military member can do to be proactive in their situation. ALl of the suggestions may not be perfect in all situations, but it is important to take an active role in your case. Taking these steps can be crucial to getting a good result, quickly and efficiently.

Our office has more than thirty years of military experience, and can assist by answering questions, handling your case, and helping you to come out on the other side knowing you had all the information you needed to make informed decisions throughout the process.

We will also consult with you if you already have an attorney that you are comfortable with, but you and your attorney feel you are not as familiar with military benefits as you should be in order to make educated decisions.

***THE MILITARY PENSION IS TYPICALLY THE LARGEST MARITAL ASSET TO BE DIVIDED AND MOST ATTORNEYS ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE PENSION OR ITS VARIOUS DIMENSIONS.***

STARTING THE JOURNEY OF DIVORCE

Once you are aware that your marriage is not going to continue, the questions will start. It is not unusual to be burdened with concerns for your future. First and foremost, DO NOT sign your name on anything that you have not read, understand fully, consulted with your lawyer, and read again. This includes, but is not limited to, tax returns, titles or deeds, investments, life insurance forms, bank accounts, and survivor benefit plans.

It is in your best interest to interview at least three lawyers and find the one that best fits your needs. Be sure that he/she understands military divorce and what that involves. This means that you should have some knowledge of what your benefits and interests are concerning health care, child support, SBP, and property. Don't move out of your home before consulting with your attorney. This could be construed as abandonment. If you are in an abusive marriage, your attorney will be able to advise you.

Use your time to compile monthly bank statements and make copies for your attorney. Locate all tax returns filed jointly or separately and make copies. Be sure that all of the taxes have been paid up to date. Go to your bank and be sure that all of your accounts are intact, check on your safe deposit box (if this applies), be sure that documents have not been removed and make copies of anything you think is relevant. If you have joint accounts, ask the bank manager if you can have the accounts "flagged". This would make the provision that no large amounts are taken out or transferred without you knowing.

Tell your insurance agencies and be sure that the Beneficiary on all accounts has not been changed. Also, tell them to mark the accounts so that the beneficiary cannot be changed without your knowledge. Do the same for any investments and properties you may own.

I would also recommend making a list of all assets, income, and expenses. Ask your lawyer what documentation they need to prepare your case. The more you have, the better they can assist you.

Now, take a deep breath! The journey is not going to be an easy one but you are not alone.

EX-POSE, P.O. Box 11191, Alexandria, VA 22312-0191

Call us to schedule an appointment today, 401-841-5700 or email me at kgarside@counselfirst.com.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

The Statement of Assets and Liabilities Needs to be Accurate From The Start.

2011-03-24T08:58:00.005-04:00

As a family court practitioner, the statement of assets and liabilities has become an integral part of my intake meetings with clients. This statement is required to be filed with the family court for any matter. My clients are asked to complete a first draft with their "homework" and I use that draft for several things.

First, and most practically, I review the document for accuracy with relation to the family dynamics, the parties' employment status, the parties' occupations, and the number of dependents. I can tell relatively quickly whether a family is living beyond their means, and in what ways will things need to change in order to support two households.

When I receive the Statement from the opposing party, I use the document to determine what assets my client may not be aware of in the other party's control, and also what assets that party may not have listed at all or listed differently than my client.

In my opinion, it happens all too often that attorneys let clients complete the document, the attorney do not thoroughly review the document but files as completed by the client, and it later becomes an integral part of my cross examination later when issues become contested.

The document is signed by a party under oath, and it can used by the court as evidence. If a person over values or undervalues their assets, those incorrect numbers can be used against them later. These documents can be amended throughout the process, but an attorney should be very careful to make sure this document is done correctly the first time! As soon as something is filed, it is considered "fair game" when the battle begins.

Let us answer any questions you may have about marital assets and how those might be divided if you are considering divorce.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Law Office of Jeremy Howe Attorney Carlson to Speak at RI Forum on Aging Seminar

2011-03-22T18:25:00.002-04:00

March 31, 2011 – Cranston, RI – Attorney Hilary Carlson, LICSW of The Law Offices of Jeremy Howe, Ltd. will speak at the RI Forum on Aging First Annual “Seniors Staying in Charge” Seminar. The seminar is scheduled for Thursday, March 31, 2011 at the Imperial Room on Rhodes Avenue in Cranston, RI.

When asked about her involvement in the program, Attorney Carlson remarked, "I am excited to be part of an event that provides important information to Seniors at no charge."

RI Forum on Aging is a state senior action network promoting responsible public policy for seniors in Rhode Island and nationally through an organized voice on federal and state public policy issues. A member of the National Council on Aging (NOCA) and is affiliated with the National Coalition of Consumer Organizations, (NCCO) a constituent unit of NCOA.The seminar will cover topics on Medicare and Social Security, Housing, Transportation, Food Stamps, and End of Life Planning. Reservations can be made by calling (401) 523-1679 or via email at RiForumonAging@gmail.com.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Child Custody Order: Toronto v. Rhode Island

2011-02-17T16:08:00.005-05:00

Our office was recently hired to write a legal opinion letter as to whether a Toronto Ontario child custody order would be followed in the Rhode Island Family Court. Our opinion was presented to a Judge by the attorney for a mother (resident of Toronto) who wanted her aunt (resident in RI) to take custody of her daughter. We do not know how the case turned out, but we were glad to assist.

In the opinion, the answer could be found in the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act adopted by Rhode Island in 1997. The Act outlines what a court should do when there are multiple states involved with multiple orders.

This is not an uncommon concept given that people are much more mobile than they used to be. Family Court attorneys need to be aware of these rules in order to know whether a client is filing an action in the correct court. If the court does not have jurisdiction, and the attorney files anyway, there can be hefty penalties and sanctions to that attorney which can be awarded by the Judge to the opposing side.

A quick rule of thumb would be to look at what order entered first, and who still lives there. The original state always has jurisdiction until that court decides it does not, or all parties assent to a change. It is always a good idea to consult the Act again before making a determination.

If you have questions about whether your case can be heard in Rhode Island, please contact us at the Law Offices of Jeremy Howe, Ltd. We can help you save time and money by getting it right the first time!

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Kristy J. Garside, Esq., Named to VNS of Newport & Bristol Counties’ Board of Directors

2011-02-02T20:06:00.001-05:00

Portsmouth, RI – February 2011 -- Kristy J. Garside, Esquire of Tiverton, has been named to Visiting Nurse Services of Newport & Bristol Counties’ Board of Directors.

Ms. Garside is a graduate of the University of Massachusetts and earned her juris doctorate at the Roger Williams University School of Law. She is a member of the Rhode Island Bar Association, the American Bar Association, the Family Court Bench Bar Committee, the American Family Law Inn of Court (Rhode Island) and is an accredited attorney with the Department of Veterans' Affairs.

Ms. Garside is also a member of the Community Advocacy and Resources for Elders and Seniors RULE: Resources Unlimited and Liaisons for Elders, Newport Group.

Ms. Garside is an attorney with the Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, Ltd. in Newport, Rhode Island. Among her presentations are "Military Family Law Issues, Health Care and Retirement Benefits," for the Inn of Court; "Estate Planning and Long Term Care," for the Rhode Association for Deaf Senior Citizens; "QDROS: From A - Z, Food for Thought re: Avoiding Malpractice," for the Rhode Island Bar Association; and conducted the Rhode Island Bar Association's FREE Health Care Durable Power of Attorney Clinic in Newport at the Edward King House.
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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Pension Issues: Counsel First, Negotiate, then go on the Record!

2011-01-06T09:36:00.005-05:00

I have recently been working on a case where we have agreed to draft a Qualified Domestic Relations Order for a client pursuant to her divorce.

Both parties are represented by attorneys, but the extent of the negotiation regarding the pension and the terms on the record were, "Wife is entitled to half." Unfortunately, this is extremely typical and very problematic. There are important additional aspects of the pension plan that were not addressed and could result in the former spouse getting nothing at all, and leaving them out may be considered malpractice.

In this case, the pension is a defined benefit plan, which means the employee will receive a fixed amount of money each month for the rest of his life based on his service and earnings when he reaches an eligible retirement age.

"Half" is insufficient because the employee has not yet retired, and there was no negotiation regarding "half of what?" The employee expects the Wife to get half as of court date, and the former spouse expects half of the whole thing. These parties will probably end up back in the courtroom, when they expect that the divorce has already been completed.

Additionally, when awarding an interest in the pension to the spouse pursuant to the divorce, ATTORNEYS MUST CONSIDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THEIR CLIENT'S PORTION OF THE PENSION IF THE EMPLOYEE DIES. Death can occur before the employee begins collecting retirement pay, or after he or she begins collecting, and most plans usually treat the event differently. If the attorney puts no provision in the Orders regarding the former spouse's interest if the death occurs, he or she could be left with nothing!

If you getting divorced and you or your spouse have retirement plans, your attorney should be familiar with the type of plan and its provisions, as well as the ways in which it can be divided. If the attorney does not know about the plan, or does not even know the questions he or she needs to ask, then you or your attorney should call our office for a consultation.

Our attorneys can provide information, suggestions for discovery and language for court orders, or be hired to offer expert testimony in the event of contested issues.

We can be reached at (401)841-5700 or visit our website at www.CounselFirst.com for more information about our office.
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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

2010-12-21T09:56:00.003-05:00

A recent Massachusetts Family Court decision, In re Adoption of Mariano, 77 Mass. App. Ct. 656 (Massachusetts Court of Appeals, September 14, 2010), denied a parent's ability to voluntarily give up their parental rights to the other parent based on the theory of the child's best interest and the parent's financial responsibility to that child.

The fact pattern, noted on the American Bar Association Family Law Section Case Update for September/October/November 2010, was as follows: By agreement, the divorcing parents of an infant son proposed a single parent adoption by which the father would relinquish all rights and duties toward the son and the mother would assume the role of sole parent. A judge of the Probate and Family Court conducted an evidentiary hearing, composed findings of fact and conclusions of law, and rejected the father's adoption surrender and the mother's adoption petition. The appellate court affirmed, holding that divorcing parents may not bargain away the best interests of their children in general, and the children's right to support, financial or otherwise, from either one of them in particular.

To Read the opinion (Social Law Library @ www.socialaw.com)

In my practice, I am often asked by one parent if the other parent can give up their rights to the child(ren) because that other parent is uninvolved or disinterested. My response is typically "not likely" given the existing Rhode Island decisions that have addressed similar issues, but we do not have to stop there. I am not aware of a current Rhode Island case addressing this specific question and Rhode Island is not bound by a Massachusetts decision, but a Rhode Island Court can consider what other states have decided when they are reaching a decision for a the first time on a specific issue.

If you are in a situation where your child's other parent is uninvolved or disinterested, or you feel he or she should not be involved with the child for the child's best interest, you should call our office to discuss what is happening, and what options may be available to you. In the alternative, if the parent of your child is trying to have your rights as a parent terminated because you cannot be involved on a day to day basis for reasons such as military deployment or other occupational commitments, we may be able to help. Call 401-841-5700 or visit our website at www.CounselFirst.com for more information about our services and let us answer your questions.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Helping Children Cope with Divorce

2010-12-17T12:52:00.000-05:00

DIVORCE BOOK REVIEWS

Reviewer: Nancy Johnson-Gallagher. LICSW, Mediator

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce, The Sandcastles Way, Gary Neuman, LMHC, 1998

A Great guide for helping children adjust. The book is based on the “The Sandcastles Way Divorce Therapy Program” which has been implemented in many family courts. This book is a great reference book that focuses in deeply on the children’s experience with a lot of case presentation to normalize even the most complicated cases.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Newport RI Divorce Attorneys Communicate

2010-12-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

A lawyer is asking our office to prepare a Military Qualifying Court Order (like a QDRO) to divide a pension of a military member who is in the reserves. She sent the following message this week which illustrates that we will confer with divorce attorneys in advance of their negotiation or their court date as a “good will” gesture in hopes that when the time comes to draft the pension division order we will be asked to draft that Order:

Your office is prompt as always; I have already heard from Kristy in regard to the two QDROs. You were a big help to me on this same case last spring, and it is very appropriate that your office receive a thank you.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

RI Divorce Attorney Speaks at RI Mediators Seminar

2010-12-10T16:28:00.002-05:00

Law Office of Jeremy Howe Provides Training With RI Mediators Association

December, 2010 – Newport, RI – On October 27, 2010, Attorney Jeremy Howe and Nancy Johnson-Gallagher, LICSW, presented a two hour training seminar for the Rhode Island Mediators Association regarding Mediating Divorce Cases, Advanced Financial Considerations. The seminar was held at the Providence campus of Roger William University and was attended by 22 individuals including two retired judge-mediators, experienced mediators, new mediators and students.

Attorney Howe commented on his involvement by stating, “We were pleased with the evaluations and were especially pleased that they seemed to appreciate our emphasis on 'Organizing the Data and Balancing the Power.'”

The Rhode Island Mediators Association is a non-profit association dedicated to serving and supporting Rhode Island Mediators, and serves as a resource for locating practicing mediators in RI.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

RI Child Support Issues and Financial Matters

2010-12-09T18:14:00.000-05:00

Newport RI Child Support Attorney Jeremy Howe posts the following testimonial from a client:

A client came in to see Jeremy in early November (2010) regarding a post-divorce issue regarding child support and other financial issues regarding the children. Jeremy’s advice was more “interest-based” than “law-based”: What was the client’s primary interest? Answer, “The well-being of my children.” What action best promotes that interest? Answer, “Letting matters lie.” After the consultation, the client decided not to file a Motion in the Family Court. Any other response would have put the client and his ex-wife back into a contested hearing in court and the children would inevitably suffer from the discord. About a week after the consultation, the client paid his bill and wrote these words: “Thank you so very much for the wise counsel… as always.”

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Mom's House, Dad's House Helps Children Cope with Divorce

2010-12-01T17:26:00.000-05:00

DIVORCE BOOK REVIEWS

Reviewer: Nancy Johnson-Gallagher. LICSW, Mediator

PARENT’S BOOKS

Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, Isolina Ricci, PhD, 1980, 1997.

A classic, this book has been helping parents transition to co-parenting in separate homes for 30 years, and is still the “go to” book on the issues. The real strength of this book is that it helps the adults to understand where they are in the process of divorce (and developmentally) and how that impacts their children. It gives great specifics on how to communicate better, identifying styles of conflict in divorcing couples, and setting up “two homes” for your children.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Divorce Courts Revalue Business Assets

2010-11-17T16:53:00.001-05:00

The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD found this information about modern day divorce settlements to be relevant and important reading for anyone going through a divorce or settlement. Our office has used Barrett Evaluation Services in our legal and mediation practice on several occasions.

Roundup on Divorce Cases: Discounts, Valuation Dates,

and the Economic Downturn

Is the severe economic downturn sufficient reason for a divorce court to revalue business assets? Does the statutory fair value standard preclude marketability and minority discounts in divorce? And what happens when a trial court combines the income and market approach to valuing a business?

The following four recent divorce cases answer these questions and more.

An unprecedented recession. In Mistretta v. Mistretta, 2010 WL 547149 (Fla. App. 1 Dist)(Feb. 18, 2010), the trial court valued the parties' restaurant at $845,000, based on expert appraisals conducted in 2007. Not long after the divorce was final, the husband filed a motion to reconsider. The economic recession caused the restaurant to lose nearly $57,700 in 2008, the husband claimed, and this "newly discovered evidence" merited a new trial and valuation. The trial court granted the motion, finding the 2007-2008 recession was "totally unforeseen."

The wife appealed, arguing that the economic down-turn was merely a change in circumstance, and the appellate court agreed. Business valuation is a forward-looking exercise, based on financial facts currently in existence as well as projected revenues and cash flows. "Economic recessions, like other vagaries in the business cycle, are contingencies appraisers must take into account in valuing a business," the court said. Although no valuation expert could have predicted the severe economic crisis, the trial court's order did not explain why, on rehearing, these same experts were more likely to accurately predict future economic conditions. "A cloudy crystal ball is no basis for a new trial," the court held, and it denied the motion.

Application of discounts and the statutory fair value standard. In Lemmen v. Lemmen, 2010 WL 454959 (Mich. App.)(Feb. 9, 2010), the husband owned a minority (25%) interest in a profitable, privately held oil and gas business with his brothers. The husband's expert valued his interest at $5.5 million; the wife's expert said it was worth $17.5 million. The trial court rejected the husband's valuation expert, finding that he incorrectly applied a discount rate to the company's dividend stream rather than net cash flows. This left testimony from the wife's expert, who declined to discount his $17.5 million value for lack of marketability or lack of control because the company enjoyed exceptionally strong cash flows, low debt, and a substantial cash base. Four years prior to the divorce, however, the same expert had valued the same company for one of the co-owners, applying a 25% minority discount and a 30% marketability discount. He did so only at the behest of the lawyers, the expert explained; it was not his general practice to discount the valuation of closely held stock. Nevertheless, the trial court applied the expert's prior discounts to his current valuation in divorce, and valued the husband's 25% interest at $11 million.

Both parties appealed. The appellate court deferred to the trial court's broad latitude to determine the value of stock in closely held corporations and accepted its valuations, including discounts. It also rejected the wife's arguments that the statutory fair value standard should apply to divorce cases. One judge on the panel dissented, which may set the case for an appeal to the state Supreme Court.

Emphasis on the correct date. In Goodwin v. Goodwin, 2010 WL 669244 (Tenn. App.)(Feb 25, 2010), the parties owned and operated a steel detailing business together. The husband's expert valued it at $385,000, excluding goodwill. Importantly, he valued the company as of the date the wife stopped working for the company as a bookkeeper, in 2007, and the husband took over sole operations.

By contrast, the wife's expert concluded that the steel business was worth $1.65 million, valued as of December 31, 2008-just months before the parties' trial. After considering the evidence and applicable law, the trial court adopted the value as calculated by the wife's expert, and the husband appealed.

Resolving such a wide range of values is "one of the main roles of a trial court," the appellate court said. A trial court is free to value a marital business within the range of evidence presented, and "that is exactly what (this) court did." Further, state law requires valuing a marital business as close as "reasonably possible" to the date of trial. Since the wife's expert valuation was 19 months closer to this date than the husband's, the wife's evidence was more in line with the law, and the appellate court confirmed the lower court's $1.65 million valuation.

A mix of valuation methods. In Rozenman v. Rozenman, 2010 WL 845924 (Ariz. App.)(March 11, 201O)(unpub.), the husband owned a separate cigar business, which appreciated during the marriage (2003-2008). As a start value, the trial court adopted a net asset valuation of the business at $177 ,000, not because an asset value is generally superior to an income or market approach, it said, but simply because it was the only evidence available. The parties each presented experts to value the business at the end of the marriage. The husband's expert relied on a net asset approach ($274,000); he also applied a market approach ($518,000) but said it wasn't "financially feasible."

By contrast, the wife's expert preferred the market approach because the comparables were good and the method adequately accounted for the business's strong, ongoing operations, its workforce, and goodwill. The trial court adopted the market approach by the husband's expert ($517,800) and the husband appealed, claiming the court should have adopted a net asset value to measure the business both before and after the marriage. Under the circumstances, however, the rationale of the trial court was reasonable, the appellate court held, especially given the lack of market analysis for the start-up business at the beginning of the marriage."

This newsletter is a publication of Barrett Valuation Services, Inc. This firm specializes in providing business valuation services for closely-held companies, primarily for estate planning and litigation support purposes. John E. Barrett, Jr. is a Certified Valuation Analyst and a member of the National Association of Certified Valuation Analysts (NACVA), a Certified Business Appraiser and a member of the Institute of Business Appraisers (IBA), and an associate member of the American Society of Appraisers (ASA). This firm subscribes to the Uniform Standards of Professional Appraisal Practice (USPAP) and has experience in providing valuation conclusions that are supportable and defensible. For further information on how BVS can serve your business valuation needs please call.

John E. Barrett, Jr., CPAIABV, CBA, CVA
Barrett Valuation Services, Inc.
989 Reservoir Avenue
Cranston, RI 02910
Phone: (401) 942-3900
Fax: (401) 942-3988

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Children's Books for Divorcing Parents

2010-11-07T18:01:00.000-05:00

Divorce Book Review by Nancy Johnson-Gallagher highlights a book for parents to read with children during the divorce process.

DIVORCE BOOK REVIEWS

Reviewer: Nancy Johnson-Gallagher. LICSW, Mediator

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read Together Book For Parents and Young Children During Divorce

Vick Lansky: author of Divorce Book for Parents (1998)

This book has been a standard in the field for parents and counselors alike for years. Children whose parents are divorcing have their world shaken, and their parents abilities to parent are often shaken concurrently. The beauty of this book is that each issue is addressed for the child and there is complementary commentary on each page for the parents on how best to address their children’s feelings of loss, anger, self-blame and fear. Dependent upon the child’s maturity this book is best used for the child between the ages of two or three, to seven or eight.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO), Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Divorce Recovery

2010-11-01T20:19:00.000-04:00

By Nancy Johnson-Gallagher, LICSW

Psychotherapist and Divorce Mediator

Is there such a thing as divorce recovery? We can all cite instances of friends, family or acquaintance who just never seem to get over their divorce. They continue to talk about, think about and, in general, complain about their divorce as if it happened yesterday, when in reality their divorce may have occurred years prior. It often becomes difficult to be around such people and we don’t know how to support or be a friend to them. Oftentimes we find ourselves pulling back from these people as we just don’t know what to say anymore.

However, we cannot ignore the realities of divorce in our society. In the United States the statistics are clear, but cold. Fifty percent of all marriages will end in divorce, with sixty percent of second marriages ending in divorce. Divorce affects many people beyond those divorcing spouses. Children especially are hit hard, with one-half of all American children witnessing the breakup of their parents’ marriage. Divorce is very stressful and is rated second only to the death of a spouse on the Social Readjustment Scale of stressful life events.

What can we do? Divorce makes everyone so uncomfortable, because if it happened to them, it COULD happen to us. Here’s what you can do:

1) Listen (without criticism or judgment). Divorce is a loss, just as death is a loss. There are a lot of emotions which must be acknowledged and talked about. Would you expect a friend to get over the death of a spouse or child in a few weeks time?? A divorce is different for everyone, but in general expect the roller coast of emotions to continue as long as 18 months to two years, dependent upon the length of the marriage.

2) Encourage mediation and alternatives to adversarial divorce when indicated. The hardest part of the process for kids (and everyone in general) is conflict. Kids whose parents engage in ongoing conflict have the most profound problems. Encourage professional counseling help if you have the opportunity.

3) Help with the physical tasks of readjustment-your friend or family member needs your support in transitioning from being married where there were two people to perform the necessities of daily living and child rearing to being single and “doing it all.” Moving, yard work, going back to school, learning to cook, finding baby-sitters, etc. can be overwhelming without support.

4) Suggest alternative support systems. Many organizations and websites offer divorce recovery workshops and materials to assist with the readjustment phase following divorce. There are also many self-help groups to assist with adjustments that must be made.

5) Offer Acceptance in general. Clearly, divorce is not going away. Don’t let your friends feel as if they are now “different.” Let them know you are there for them in all ways.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.

Books for Children and Adults to Help Explain and Ease the Divorce Process

2010-10-28T09:35:00.001-04:00

From time to time, we find books that deal with divorce topics that are of immense benefit to children and parents alike. Dinosaurs Divorce, a book for children, is reviewed below and can also be found with other similar books on our website here.

DIVORCE BOOK REVIEWS

Reviewer: Nancy Johnson-Gallagher. LICSW, Mediator

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families

Laura Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (1986).

A classic, this book has been helping families adjust to divorce since 1986. It addresses just about every issue that can occur during divorce including verbal violence and substance abuse, and offers empowering strategies for the child. It gives permission for the child to “not listen” to a parent’s berating of the other, or even to ask a parent not to say bad things about the other parent. Despite the very young art, this book is comfortable reading for the two year old to the eight year old.

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The Law Offices of Jeremy W. Howe, LTD. are Newport RI Divorce lawyers, attorneys, mediators, and arbitrators providing services for family law issues such as divorce, child custody and visitation, support, and Military family law. They also are ElderLaw attorneys in RI for wills and trusts, estate planning, guardianship, probate, and Veterans Aid and Attendance Benefits. They practice Pension and Retirement law as well with a focus on Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO),

Military Pension Orders, Civil Service Orders, as well as Consultation on Pension issues.
Mediation and Arbitration is also offered by the firm for divorce mediation, separation, and all family law issues pre and post divorce. They offer Elderlaw Mediation for disputes and intergenerational issues as well as probate court resolution. They also do Superior Court Mediation and Arbitration as well as Pension Mediation.

Call them today at 401-841-5700 or visit them on the web at http://www.CounselFirst.com.