Barn Full Of Blessings

Thoughts From A Heart In Winter

2020-02-24T17:37:00.004-06:00

Reason To Sing by All Sons and Daughters

Sometimes, completely out of the blue, something will hit my heart dead center and send me down an emotional path that I may or may not be ready to travel. A scent, a taste, a texture, the way the breeze blows, a sound, a particular sight, maybe even an expression that flashes across one of my daughter's faces...or a song.

Honestly, I've spent most of my life avoiding these rabbit trails until the last several years. I wasn't running from anything, but allowing myself to process everything my life has entailed was overwhelming. I am not one to wallow in anything ~ good or bad; I've always focused on the task at hand and lived in the present.

My days have always been FULL and busy, and as our family has grown, I'd even say "organized chaos" would be an accurate description of most of my days;) Going in 18 different directions at the same time left little time for reflection, and I was more than fine with that. All that said, at my core I'm wired to be a dreamer. It's not uncommon for dinner to get a bit burnt because I was lost in thought and forgot about it. My thoughts often are pondering dreams, big and small, as I go about all the busyness of my days. Quilts and other projects are planned in detail as I'm washing dishes and laundry. Rooms get new looks in my mind as we go through our lessons. Spring/Summer projects (that may or may not ever get done) are constantly running through my head.... a garden so the girls can learn to grown things (hopefully better than their mom...I'm horrible at growing anything that doesn't voice it's opinion in some way, such as sassiness or barking; I've been dubbed as a plant hospice, making them comfortable until they finally give up and turn to mulch), painting and repurposing the barn shed in the back yard as the ultimate playhouse, building a fire pit and building an outdoor "movie screen" to enjoy on summer and autumn nights... if you can search it on Pinterest, it's likely floating through my mind at any given moment, while I'm busy with everything our days hold.

Dreaming.... I've always gotten lost in my thoughts since I was a child. I've come to realize that God gifted me this tendency, in part, as self-preservation. A way to escape things going on that weren't in my control, and to not drown in the aftermath that was left scattered across the floor at times. He gifted me the ability to always see what can be, to see the possibilities rather than the glaring problems. Yup, I'm the one that looks at old farmhouses and barns, barely standing, as something still savable..."It only has a few holes in the roof..." or "It's still standing.... It's perfect" What others see as nothing more than a pile of barn board, I see as just needing some TLC and it will be brimming with life again. There's nothing I love more than giving something old and thrown away a new life and purpose with a little elbow grease and paint. Others would rather have something new, but I'd rather have something with a history and it's own story to tell. WHY? Why is my heart drawn to broken and worn out things from generations past? Quirky. Hippie. Stubborn. Marches to her own beat. Has her own way of doing things. Born in the wrong time. These are a few of the things I've heard people say about me since I was little...it's all completely true, and doesn't bother me at all.... But, for some reason, God has sent me on a journey over the past several years to try to figure out why He created me as He did, come to terms with who I am and why I am the way I am, and to finally be willing to use my story to maybe help others see His AMAZING love, grace, redemption, provision, and to maybe find their salvation through faith in Him. How have I managed to keep a spirit of JOY throughout my life, even during times of crisis and hopelessness.... I firmly believe it's because God gifted me the ability to never stop dreaming.

My childhood wasn't easy, by any measure. That said, I never doubted a single moment that I was loved. My parents loved me and made sure I knew that without a doubt. God blessed me with a grandmother that invested her entire heart and soul into me and was my life's compass. Aunts and uncles, cousins, and other grandparents that showed me love in their own ways. While they were all facing their own giants, God used it all to shape me into the person He created me to be. God gave me the gift of being a dreamer as a way to protect my heart and mind from all that went on around me when I was young; to build a foundation of JOY even in an atmosphere of abuse and insecurity, and to keep my heart and mind secure in Him, knowing He kept his hand of protection over me. Dreaming was God's gift of escape, protection, acceptance...

ACCEPTANCE. It's easy to accept things if you don't overthink. But is that what God wants of us? He created us. He gave us our very life. He created us with a purpose to minister to others and reach them for His Kingdom. Eventually we need to stop escaping ourselves and all that our lives have entailed, and start seeking God's true purpose for all we've been through over our life. That means that we likely need to wrestle with some hard things, making ourselves and those we love uncomfortable as we come to truly understand who we are and how God used everything in our life for His Glory. It means that we need to give up hiding behind our carefully placed walls, allowing God to come in fully and deal with the really hard stuff, knowing it's going to hurt as He molds us further and puts us through a refiner's fire.

Honestly, I didn't want to go on this journey. I was content to just live each day as they came along. Praying, enjoying Bible study, caring for my family, trying to serve God through serving others in any way I could find. It never crossed my mind that in order to truly draw near to God I would have to understand how He hardwired me. He wants me to understand why I am like I am, wrestle with the hard stuff that formed some of my "quirks", and accept the things that caused me to build up my protective walls, in order for me to be willing to allow Him to tear them down and heal the broken pieces. I needed to finally seek to be who I was created to be instead of continuing to be whatever others wanted or expected me to be. I needed to find my strength in God rather than the fortified walls I've spent a lifetime building.

Sunday morning we sang that song up above and it was one of those heart piercing moments. As I read the words on the screen, my mind ran clips of many of the hard times over my life. The little girl with her hiding place plan and her little suitcase of her most important treasures always tucked under her bed. The smell of cigarettes and beer which would inevitably lead to the sounds of anger and rage on the other side of the door as her dad wrestled with his own demons. Her mom's voice trying to appease and calm him, willing to accept his wrath to keep him from ever potentially hurting me. The sound of broken glass and pounding walls. The feelings of immense guilt because I secretly wished I could have a dad like my uncle, who was gentle and soft spoken, with a soft crooked smile that made me feel safe and cherished. The child who felt worthless and that she was to blame for all the bad stuff, and if she could just be what she thought everyone expected then things would be calm and her dad wouldn't get so angry. The strength of all the women in her family and their fierce love for her...Love that showed in their constant protection and their diligence in turning her toward God. On and on and on these little clips of memories flashed.

As the words of this song echoed in my heart, I could see God picking away at my walls, brick by brick. You see, just because I've spent my entire life fortifying my wall, God comes in through the cracks. I may not know how to tear my wall down, and frankly it's terrifying to even contemplate being so completely vulnerable, but that doesn't stop God. With each brick that he hammers through, he gives me more memories that show He will reach me and protect me without the help of my self made wall. Memories of my mom and I having daily devotions in secret, hiding my little devotional and bible under the sofa so Dad wouldn't find them. My aunt helping me memorize scripture, LOTS of Scripture, so that God's word and His promises were engraved on my heart and I could draw on those scriptures while hiding in the dark, drowning out the sounds of rage outside my door. My grandma loving on me in every possible way... singing to me, humming her little made up tune, teaching me to sew and bake, and all the while pointing me to Jesus each and every day.

Why am I rambling on? Who knows! All I know is that this song completely pierced my spirit and helped me remember that God always shows up. ALWAYS. And, through it, He showed me yet again, that by taking ownership of all that my life has entailed, being willing to share my story with others rather than keeping all the hard stuff hidden away, He will be glorified. Yes, He will be glorified in all the messiness of life. He uses the bad as well as the good. I'm still learning...still a work in progress...still a hot mess. But God loves me. He has never abandoned me. He has always given me a way to keep a spirit of joy no matter what my circumstances. I believe there's a reason he made yellow my favorite color....because he can feed my joy, even in the midst of tremendous grief or crisis, with something as simple as the sight of a field of dandelions. Drops of sunshine that are turned into tiny bouquets from the tiny fingers of toddlers, to bless their mamas. There's a reason God gifted me to be a dreamer...bringing joy even in the midst of life's storms. There's a reason God has chosen the past 10 years or so to start chipping away at my wall and making me come to terms with who and why I am what I am....to help guide my own precious daughters through their struggles by being authentic and vulnerable for them to see that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND IN ALL THINGS.

Footnote: Contrary to what some might think after reading this post...while my life has had some tough circumstances, I had a wonderful childhood which I look back on and smile. The things in this post were only a small part. I feel beyond blessed to have been able to see God working and feel His presence in very real and tangible ways throughout my entire life. I was a very loved child and I knew that without a doubt. I was given a strong foundation of Faith, I saw what true sacrifice looked like, and I am blessed to have witnessed my grandma, mom, and aunt grow strong in their relationships with God, encouraging each other in their faith, and leave a legacy of faith in their children and grandchildren. They were the first in our family to come to salvation, and it is their faith that changed the course of our family for the generations since.

Life Thru A Veil of Tears....

2020-01-27T23:37:00.000-06:00

(Remember Me This Way - Jordan Hill)

As we jumped into 2020, I was contemplating blogging again. I hadn't really "chosen" to take a break, it just happened. Life got busy... daughters continued to grow up, move out on their own, one married and they've even had their first baby, my little ones are now full-fledged teenagers, we've added to our menagerie as we've also had to say goodbye and help a few cross the Rainbow Bridge... blogging just fell by the wayside without me giving it too much thought over the past couple of years. That is until Hannah commented over the holidays that she loves reading my blog; she enjoys reading the old posts and remembering, and she said "Mom, you need to start blogging again so that we don't forget." I hadn't fully realized that what I'd created was an electronic scrapbook of our life... the good, the bad, the blessings, the struggles. MEMORIES and FAMILY LEGACY. I have nearly two years to catch up on, and I will. But right now what is on my mind is just how fragile and instant life and loss is.

Just like everyone else, it seems, we were thankful to see 2020 roll in with the promise of not only a brand new year, but a brand new decade as well. 2019 seemed exceptionally hard for some reason nobody can seem to put their finger on, and we were happy to see what God has in store for our family and friends in this new chapter. "CHOOSE JOY" are the words God laid on my heart for this new year, new decade. J O Y... it's not a feeling (happy is a feeling), rather it's a state of mind/heart/spirit. Furthermore, God was telling me to "CHOOSE" it, implying that I needed to take action. As Christians we find our joy in the salvation and hope given to us by God through His Son, Jesus Christ. Even in the worst of times, the hardest struggles, the times we feel we are drowning, our HOPE is in God's promise. And in our HOPE, we find the gift of JOY. Joy in all circumstances, even the hard ones. I had no way of knowing over the last few months that God was laying "Choose Joy" on my heart because I, along with my family and our friends were going to need to cling to our Hope in God, because life just wasn't going to make sense to us pretty quickly.

This past Tuesday, January 21st, Sarah was as work and I was at Scheels with Tess, Thatcher, Gracie and Hannah, getting the new Nikes we'd promised Tess for her birthday the week before. A very normal day, until THE phone call... I hadn't heard my phone pinging with texts and calls from Sarah, so she called one of her sisters phones. At first, I couldn't quite hear her, but I knew instantly that something was very wrong. I walked out to a quieter area, then heard through her sobs "MOM! Kaylan died!" I nearly crumbled in the middle of the store at those words. What? How? When? Kaylan??? They'd just talked the day before and had made plans to get their nails done the upcoming weekend. I must've heard her wrong. She must have said a different name. It can't be Kaylan....she's only 18, her whole life is ahead of her. Yes, her life is ahead of her.... in Heaven, in the presence of God whom she loved with all her heart. The tears started to fall. All I could see was Kaylan and Sarah as little girls and young teens... two peas in a pod, so alike in some ways and yet so different in others. And in every image floating through my mind I saw her beautiful smile and those beautiful eyes that always sparkled.

Sarah and Kaylan have been friends since they were kindergarteners. Kaylan's mom, Stacy was Sarah's Awana leader at church. Sarah was such a shy little girl, but she loved Jesus and loved going to church; the first night, she crawled right up into Stacy's lap and stayed there. Kaylan stood by her side offering her friendship, right along with her mama's lap. Every Wednesday night, it was the same thing...Sarah snuggled in Stacy's lap and Kaylan making her giggle. This lasted, I swear, for three years; but through it all, Sarah had found a lifelong best friend. Sarah the ballerina, Kaylan the athlete. They complimented each other perfectly and loved each other like sisters, and they could count on each other for anything. Watching them grow up together was pure joy; when I think about it, I still hear all the giggles and laughter.

What do we do with this? A loss so immeasurable and huge. A hole that will never fill. God's words keep bouncing around in my head and penetrating my heart.... "CHOOSE JOY"

Kaylan is dancing in Heaven, healthy and whole, at the feet of our Lord and Savior....she knew that God had a purpose for her life while she was here with us all and she lived her life fully, desiring to fulfill the purpose for which God created her. She loved kids and she loved teaching; God allowed her to enjoy being a pre-school teacher while she worked toward her teaching degree. We choose to find joy in knowing how much she loved her young students and how she loved sharing Jesus' love with them in the care she gave them each day. We choose to find joy in knowing she loved her family completely and that she was dearly loved by them. We choose to find joy in knowing that she touched every life that crossed her path, and found ways to share the love of Jesus with everyone in one way or another. We choose to find joy in seeing God's work come to completion in Kaylan's young life, rewarding her with her beautiful heavenly crown, filled with the jewels of the lives she reached for His Kingdom. We choose to find joy in the Hope of God's promise, knowing that we will be reunited with her at our appointed time, and until then, living by the example she gave us.... to live fully, with purpose, sharing the love of Jesus with everyone and in every circumstance; with humor and a fierce spirit, with compassion, seeking God's direction then following His lead.

Life has changed dramatically because of the loss of this sweet, beautiful young woman; but even more importantly, so many lives have been changed because of her beautiful heart and her presence in each one of our lives. Choosing Joy is choosing to feel the tremendous grief right now and knowing the reason it hurts so deeply is because of such deep love... love she had for everyone in her life and the love her family and everyone privileged to have called her family and/or friend had for her. That love is pure and it's a gift that we can wrap around our grieving hearts. This love is a gift and through it the memories will come. Memories that will help us cling to our eternal hope in our salvation and will help us to find the JOY God has for us once again. As a mom, my heart is shattered at the loss of someone I loved, someone I watched grow up, and I looked forward to seeing her live out the purpose she was so certain God created her for. But, it's my hope that each one of us that loved her dearly can honor her memory in how we live the lives God has given to us. It's my prayer that my own daughters can be as in love with Jesus as Kaylan was, and that they seek Him and strive to live out the purpose that He created each one of them for. Kaylan changed our lives, yes through our loss of her physical presence, but more so because of how she chose to live and love everyone of us. Kaylan taught me a life changing lesson when she was barely 6 years old....meet people where they are, show them they're important, treat them with kindness, and ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING TO GIGGLE OR LAUGH ABOUT. She never knew that she taught me such a life changing lesson so many years ago, but it's thanks to her 6 year old self that I'm the mom and hopefully I'm the wife/daughter/cousin/niece/friend that I am today (some days I'm better about it than others;) She showed me what "meeting others where they are" truly looks like when she stood at her mom's knee, becoming best friends to the timid little girl who claimed her mom's lap. Don't think for a moment God can't use you, because He can and He will <3

Kaylan Umbenhower 2/16/2001 - 1/21/2020 Dancing at the feet of Jesus, with those sparkling eyes and that beautiful smile that lit up a room.

Choosing Grace....

2018-06-09T22:14:00.001-05:00

This song came up on my playlist the other day and struck a chord with me. It's poignant, vulnerable, raw emotion... It's not a song of defiance, rather it's a song about choosing grace.

Many don't know my life story, and while I won't go into the details right now, I will say that I grew up in a life I knew wasn't the norm. My family has a long history of abuse on both sides, and I was raised by loving parents whom had their own struggles. My dad was an alcoholic and became very abusive when he would get drunk. My mom grew up, herself, with an abusive father. My grandmother knew only abuse from the men in her life (from her father and husband) as well. Through it all, God was there.

I can honestly say that at the absolute worst times in my life, I felt the presence of God the strongest. I absolutely KNEW my guardian angels were with me, keeping me from great harm from the time I was very young. I never once have questioned if they are real, or if they were there, creating a protective hedge around me. My mom and grandmother went to great lengths to keep me safe when I was young. Was my life different than my friends? I'd guess so.... but then again, I have no more way of knowing that, than they would have known what my life entailed. You see, while I knew it wasn't "normal", it was nonetheless MY normal, and I learned quickly how to live with it and how to cover it up so others wouldn't see. By doing so, it would have been easy for me to continue down the same path and ultimately place my children into the same familial cycle. However, God had His hand in my life and I was fortunate enough to feel Him working for as long as I can remember.

This song has really made me think... not only about my life, but about where society is now and will continue to head. I think back to how society was long before I was born... I LOVE history, after all, and love to dig in deep, so studying how society ran has always held a special interest to me. Something that has really been standing out to me for quite awhile now is that grace is being replaced by defiance. Hang with me here;)...

There once was a time, not so long ago, when we would "just deal with it", no matter what "it" was. We took responsibility ourselves, and walked away from situations we didn't want to deal with, without creating fuss and drama. These days, on the other hand, everyone is offended about everything, and they take it all as a personal affront, which in turn gives them reason to become defiant. And, to make matters even worse, everyone feels entitled to always feel good or happy, and when confronted with something that makes them uncomfortable in the least, they lash out.... because, you know, they have "the right" to. That's where this song comes into play....

When I heard this song, I realized that it's about not only facing your giants, but facing them with grace. It's about CHOOSING to become better BECAUSE of what was suppose to tear you completely down. It's about not bothering to assign blame, but rather realizing even though you didn't choose the circumstances that are meant to tear you apart, you are in control of how you CHOOSE to react and of what you choose to do with it all. Nobody decides how your story is written, but you. Each day is a new beginning, each hour may be another battle fought... and the battle may be to not let your past define your present. Rather than only seeing the bad, look at it all as a gift that has allowed you to prevail. By choosing to offer grace even in times of chaos and trouble, you in turn receive the blessing of grace showered down on you, and that very grace will go on through the generations. Can we as a society get back to living lives of grace? Well, it quite literally starts with one person and spreads from there.

"This is the sound of surviving. This is my farewell to fear. This is my whole heart deciding. I'm still here, I'm still here. And I'm not done fighting. This is the sound of surviving." (This Is Sound Of Surviving by Nichole Nordeman. Every Mile Mattered)

Do You Ever Wonder?

2018-05-15T21:59:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered if you have made a differnce? Have you spent time thinking back over your life and tried to find even one way you've made a difference in some small way? Have you made someone else's life better, even in the smallest way? If you ceased to exist, would it matter to anyone? Would you leave any kind of a legacy or would anyone think of you and smile as they remembered the way you impacted their life?

Maybe it's just that we celebrated Mothers Day, but I've been pondering these things. I truly hope I'd be missed if I didn't wake up tomorrow, but would I be? I hope my children have good memories of their mom. Memories that make them smile and laugh. And that my husband would smile, remembering the good times we've enjoyed over the past thirty years. I hope they laugh, remembering how I always burn the pancakes because I get distracted by a song, or how I have never learned my right from left because I'm ambidextrous. I hope they look at the things I've made and smile instead of just seeing clutter to be tossed away. I truly hope they see a bit of me in themselves and in each other, and find comfort and maybe even joy in those traits and characteristics.

What about those you considered friends? Will they miss you or will they just miss what you do for them? There is a big difference in those two things. Have you truly impacted their lives and left your mark on their hearts? In our disposable society, that's a harder question to answer. It's easy to get lost or to just " make it thru" without leaving any lasting impact. We help others, we try to meet their needs, but does it really matter in the scheme of things? Will anyone remember you enough to actually miss you when you're gone?

I don't have the answers to any of these questions; I'm wondering about these things myself . One thing I do know...it's not worth losing yourself just to try to fit in. But, we are all wired with a deep desire to know our life mattered, that we made a good difference in some small way. It doesn't mean we need to travel to third-world countries and dig wells, or sponsor a dozen children in other countries to be sure they get food and an education; it is just working to make our little patch of the world a better place for everyone that comes across our path. Be kind, especially when you may feel like striking out. Give your family your best, not just the crumbs leftover at the end of each day. Seek ways to bring joy to others. But thru it all, don't lose who and what God created you to be, by falling into the pit others dig for you. Know, even when it doesn't seem to be the case, that you and your life do matter and that someone's world is better just because you were in it for awhile. Leave your mark so others can see God's fingerprint in this crazy, messy world .

A Gentle Life....

2018-02-27T14:15:00.000-06:00

My heart is conflicted lately..... Bursting with joy and love for my family and our life together; greatly grieved as I watch our society unravel at the seams. I'm truly heartbroken by all that I see each and every day.

People wonder why I LOVE anything old and "vintage"... well, yes, I absolutely have a vintage soul; it's who and what I am. But it's become stronger of late as society becomes angrier and completely self-focused. I long for the days of my childhood, because in those days there was not the complete falling apart of society that we have today. Families were strong, neighbors were friends, churches took care of not only their congregation, but their community as well, there was optimism, patriotism, unity. No, it wasn't perfect. I've lived long enough to see several wars, starting with Viet Nam. While I was too young to remember the civil unrest at that time, looking back through our history we can clearly see that even as horrible as it was at the time, it wasn't what we are witnessing now. Why? Because through it all, families were still mostly intact and communities still pulled together... eventually.

The girls and I were out and about this morning, running a couple of errands; and in those two hours I was barraged with the harshness that has become the norm for our time. I'm saddened that, it appears anyway, regardless of the generation very few people can see past themselves anymore. I stopped into the doctor's office to pay our bill, the young girl at the desk didn't even greet me with anything more than "Next.." From there we stopped at Dunkin Donuts to say hi to Sarah and enjoy yummy coffee concoctions (May I just say that an iced blueberry-vanilla coffee with extra cream and sugar is perfect for a spring-like day;). Sarah worked, and the girls and I enjoyed chatting at the table for a bit before heading onto Sams Club for groceries. The older lady at another table seemed put out that we were there, constantly shooting us "the look" until we left. I'm not sure why a mom and her daughters enjoying coffee together put a bee in her bonnet, but it certainly seemed to. Once we were on our way to Sams, I was stopped at a stop sign, waiting to turn left onto a somewhat busy street. There was a car behind me waiting to turn right. There is only one lane, so everyone waits their turn. I feel the need to point out here, this other car with a female driver in her late 60s I'd guess, just pulled out of the church parking lot on the corner.... At any rate, I was waiting to safely make my turn while two cars headed my way. One had their blinker on to turn right at this corner, the other appeared to be intent on going straight.... Since I was stopped at the intersection, I was able to see these two cars and wait for them. The lady behind me could not see them from her vantage point....but that didn't stop her from getting agitated and blaring her horn long and loud at me to get me moving. I could not move till these two cars passed; doing so would've caused an accident.... but that didn't matter to the woman behind me (who just pulled out from church). She was upset and only focused on herself. Up the road at Sams Club (we haven't been there in over a month), I noticed lots of new employees; and sadly, not a single one was polite let alone kind. Customers too, are so focused on themselves that it doesn't occur to them to be polite to those around them who are also shopping. I had two people actually tell me girls to "move it" because they perceived them as being in their way, no concept that we were also choosing a bag of cheese and then looking at the apples. Seriously? We can't be polite anymore? Topping it all off was the young lady checking me out. To say she was rude and disrespectful is putting it mildly. I'm the customer... I do not OWE anyone my business, I give you my business because I CHOOSE to do so. Making your customers feel disrespected and like they're a bother for you to deal with (I chose not to use the self-serve lines) is unacceptable. But... how do we stop this? Can we stop this decline?

We now live in a society where everyone is angry, all the time and about everything. There is no filter any longer. Manners are considered too authoritative. Authority is considered abusive. Personal opinion is all that matters, regardless of any facts that may prove otherwise. There is no "agree to disagree" mentality any longer. If you disagree, you open yourself up to bullying and harassment. Truth of any kind is considered intolerant. Look, this isn't just our kids generation setting the pace; it's the baby boomers that have bought into it and they've set the example. Why should 20 year olds behave any differently when their grandparents can't be bothered with setting a better example? When I was growing up my grandparents had a HUGE impact on my life; they were also part of my daily life, investing themselves into me in every way imaginable. They came alongside my parents to help shore up our family. They showed me by the way they lived and loved, how to be a positive part of our community, church, neighborhood, and family. They didn't let me ever once think that everything revolved around me, rather they showed me how I could impact things, both for good and bad, by my attitude/behavior/response/mindset. It's because of them that I am able to stop and think before I react (usually;). I realize that I have no way of knowing what others are going through at any given moment, but that I can choose to either be a blessing or a burden to them by my response. What if the hurried woman in the car behind me, blaring her horn to make her point, had done that to an elderly person or even a brand new driver? The result could have been devastating. And for what good reason? Is someone's life really worth getting somewhere 2 seconds earlier for you? Instead of assuming I wasn't paying attention, how about assume the best, that maybe I see something you don't? Instead of being the rude and disrespectful cashier who makes a lasting impression on the customer, how about making the choice to be kind rather than "better than" to those who come through your line? You don't know what they are dealing with in their life. On the other hand, instead of being the rude customer focused only on yourself, why not CHOOSE to brighten someone else's day by being kind and, dare I say, saying thank you?

Everyone has struggles in their life. Everyone also has blessings if they choose to look for them. Our opinions mean nothing, but our hearts, our hearts hold the key to every good thing. Yes, we all have bad days. It's life. But if we could all just make the CHOICE to think about others rather than ourselves, society wouldn't be so angry ALL THE TIME. This society runs on nothing but feelings and feelings are ever-changing. It's no wonder things are spiraling down so fast. There are no longer any hard and fast truths...even scientific facts are thrown out because "people don't like them". Everything is up in the air and open for personal interpretation based on personal feelings "at the moment". That, however, does not foster positive and strong relationships. For relationships to grow and last, they need to stand on something more solid than a mere feeling; but we are seeing families fall apart because nobody knows how to handle tough feelings anymore. Society thinks that when the going gets tough.... you bully your way to get what you want. NO! There once was a time when we knew how to respectfully discuss things, even hard things. And, it all starts with thinking of others before yourself, being polite, not assuming the worst in others, accepting differences and challenges, and RESPECT. Tolerance has been the battle cry for far too long.... when in all reality our battle cry should be RESPECT ~ for others and ourselves. Start there, and you will naturally move into kindness, which will lead you down the path to gentleness. I don't know about all of you, but I much prefer living a gentle life than being angry all the time. A gentle spirit changes the world; an angry heart just sows the seeds of discord and war. #kindnesschallenge #gentlelife

We Are Heartbroken...

2018-02-08T14:31:00.000-06:00

It's with great sadness that we had no other choice but to help our boy cross the rainbow bridge. Max was such a trooper and while he wanted and tried so hard to get better, his body just couldn't overcome the ravages of his epilepsy. Our hearts and home are feeling the emptiness he left behind.

Max was intended to be Gracie's Diabetic Alert Dog.... but due to circumstances out of his (and our) control, that was just never a role he was able to fully fill. That doesn't mean his life was without purpose, however. While he was not able to alert us to Gracie's fluctuating blood sugars, Gracie found a kindred spirit in her Max William.... one that offered her the comfort and strength to face her battles with T1D on a daily basis. Max was diagnosed with his own disease, epilepsy, at barely a year and a half old; and it was through that very diagnosis that he and Gracie bonded their hearts fully and committed to care for each other. It was no longer a one way street of Max looking out for his Gracie Girl; now it was this sweet child learning to care for her special boy as well.

Max was our family dog, but he and Gracie shared the same spirit... they were (are) both warriors, strong and fiercely loyal to each other. I truly don't believe Gracie would be the beautiful person she is today, had it not been for Max William. He helped her to fully tap into her nurturing spirit and learn to tune into others (both animal and human) and to be strong enough to meet their needs. It's because of Max, that Gracie is able to be the voice for so many who have no voice otherwise. This goofy little lab, nothing but a loud bundle of energy, blew into our lives and changed everything... and we are all better because of him.

We seemed to have spent Max's entire life fighting for him, in one capacity or another; some day maybe I'll put pen to paper and write his story so that others can truly see what an amazing little guy he truly was. Max and Gracie's Grand Adventure....
Through it all, our love for Max and his love for us remained strong and true, right up until the very end. Max crossed that bridge surrounded by the family that loved and adored him, feeling our fingers brush his fur and stroke his ears, telling him how loved he was and how very thankful we were to get to call him ours.

There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called Angel By Your Side, it's always been Max and Gracie's song. You see, Max was Gracie's angel for his entire little life, but Gracie was also his angel; one who sacrificially took care of him right up until his last breath. While we still find ourselves in tears, missing Max William, we know that he will always be with us in our hearts and we will find a way to honor his memory.

Max William 8/6/2011 - 2/2/2018 #Beloved #Cherished #foreverloved

Max's Tough Journey....

2018-01-17T00:21:00.001-06:00

Many of you know that Max, our yellow lab, was suppose to be Gracie's Diabetic Alert Dog, but due to many factors from the start, that just was never going to happen. One of the reasons was that Max was diagnosed with epilepsy when he was less than two years old and the medication to control his seizures dulls his senses, including his sense of smell, which he would've needed to rely on to do the job we'd hoped he'd do. Max and his life still had a purpose along the way, even though it wasn't the one that was originally chosen for him. He and Gracie are still strongly bonded and Gracie takes great comfort in Max, especially when she's struggling with her T1D. He offers her comfort, unconditional love, and no judgement. Max also offers Gracie the opportunity to serve from her heart....as she cares for Max and his needs. They understand one another as they both battle what is [usually] their own invisible disabilities. You see, you'd never guess either Gracie or Max have life altering conditions....that is, until their illness rears it's head.

Back in early December we noticed Max was babying his front foot/leg. He seemed totally normal, so we looked him over closely but didn't see anything and chalked it up to his age and the weather. This came and went, off and on, for about a week. Other than holding his front leg up like it was injured, he acted just fine. He was eating, drinking, running, annoying his sister, barking, playing, everything you would expect any 6 year old lab to be doing. We kept a close eye on him but didn't see anything to really send up red flags. We know what his breakthrough seizures look like, even though he's on medication to control them, and this wasn't even on our radar. By mid-December we were traveling for 3 days, so Tess was zoo sitting for us. She noticed that Max was walking funny, but also thought it was his age because otherwise he seemed "ok". By the time we got home on the third day (really only 2 1/2 days since seeing him) it was clear he was having major seizures and he was really struggling.

I called the emergency vet for suggestions. They advised an extra dose of his meds and to watch him closely overnight. The next morning I called our normal vet and took him right in. He was seizing almost continuously with little rest in between. She gave him valium intravenously, and we took him home along with some anti-inflammatory meds and instructions to increase his seizure meds. He was loopy but seemed better. That only lasted a day and things started back again. If you're not familiar with seizure treatment, you need to understand that the drugs to treat it are therapeutic, meaning it takes a couple weeks to build up in your system fully to work as you want it to. Those couple of weeks are excruciating for you and all those who love you, because you're still seizing and feeling crappy. Through it all Max has been such a good boy. He knows we are here for him, helping him as best we can. But we wait...

Over the weeks since this all began, we realized that we were fighting two things: 1) controlling his seizures, and 2) Max was in a lot of pain from the seizures so any movement was excruciating for him. We promptly put him back on the pain pills to help him relax and not have to fight the pain, but he was still so loopy from the double dose of seizure meds he was taking that he was much like a lump of pudding, unable to do anything at all. Our vet decided to change his meds to see if that would help... but it would mean another waiting game before we would see any results. Each day we loved on Max, fed him by hand, got him water through a turkey baster because he was too weak to drink or eat on his own power. And now he was too weak and tired to even try getting up anymore on his own.

We are firm believers in following our animals lead and Max was no different. We have spent the past 6 weeks meeting every need Max has and allowing him the time to recover on his terms. That means helping him in every way... standing, walking, eating, drinking, even making sure he knows that he is a good, brave, and strong boy, and that he can do this. The weather here hasn't been helpful in all of this. Single digit temps with sub-zero wind chills and snow.... not good for Max and his recovery. But we make sure he's warm, toasty, cozy, comfortable, and loved.... very very loved. I'm not gonna lie, we've had our doubts over the weeks of whether or not he was going to make it through this, or even if it was right for us to ask it of him. But Max and God, both, have been pretty clear along the way, that yes, we are doing the right thing and that Max is going to pull through.

He's eating more these days; of course he gets just about anything he wants (I'm kind of doubting he will ever be willing to go back to his kibble;) and drinking plenty of water. He tries to do these things on his own but becomes tired easily and we help him so that we are sure he's getting enough. He's eliminating well each day, with no problems whatsoever, and his vitals are all strong. And twice over the past few days, he managed to come out of his kennel on his own power. He doesn't make it far, only a few steps out, but its a huge step in the right direction. Not only does it do him good but it also gives us the chance to clean his kennel thoroughly and get it all freshened up and cozy with fresh blankets. At this point he still needs carried beyond those few steps he takes on his own, but each day is another milestone for him, and we see his determination.

Through all of this (and it's been grueling and exhausting), Gracie has been right there tending to her boy, Max. She gently gives him his medications, feeds him bite by bite, by hand, makes sure he gets plenty of water throughout the day, gives him his essential oil rubs several times each day, helps Craig and I deep clean his kennel, and she crawls in with him to love on him, and tucks him in with warm blankets every time she sees he's wiggled out of them. This is true beauty from ashes..... watching this beautiful child tenderly take care of the dog that was intended to take care of her. Yes, God most definitely works in mysterious ways! I know this because I witness it each and every day in my own home and my own family. I watch a 13 year old girl grow her servant's heart as she takes care of her sick dog. I've watched for 6 years a little girl who always felt different from everyone because of her T1D find acceptance and similarity in her dog who shares a battle with his own chronic, life-threatening health condition. These two are true partners; maybe not like we had intended and envisioned they would be, but they are just exactly what each other needs. God Does NOT Make Mistakes...EVER. We have battled for Max from the start and we will continue to tirelessly battle for him in all he needs, because he is a gift and blessing to our family and we thank God for sending him to us.

I will continue to update y'all on how Max is doing. Our big goal right now, especially since the weather will start cooperating for a few days, is to get him walking again. He's weak, especially his front legs, so we are going to help him walk using a sling to help give him the support and stability he needs right now. Please pray he continues to recover fully.

As Our Year Winds Down....

2017-12-29T17:32:00.002-06:00

What a Christmas it's been for the Schroeder clan. So cold you feel you're in the Polar Express stream, Snow!, and lots of time together.

Max has had a rough go of it with his epilepsy. He had breakthrough seizures while we were in Minnesota the middle of the month and it's been a tough time ever since. It has taken a couple of weeks to stop the seizures; the only way to do that was with heavy doses of his medications, which makes him pretty much a bump on a log. Once he'd gone a couple days without seizures we started to lower his dose and are hoping to have him back to his goofy self sometime soon. He is a bit more alert than he has been, but still isn't any more active than a lump of pudding. It's been hard on us all to watch our active boy take such a down turn, but we have hope that he will continue to bounce back even if it is at a snails pace.

Max and Gracie, this past summer in their little music video

We had a lovely Christmas. We enjoyed our traditional breakfast of cinnamon rolls while opening gifts, then we headed off to the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City for Christmas dinner. Stress free and nearly mess free:) I loved the opportunity to spend the entire day with my family with no distractions whatsoever... a rare treat to be sure.

Hard to keep Annie still with all the excitement, but she had a christmas tree sweater complete with a lighted star :)

Grammy gave her a gift card to her favorite place to eat

She'd been wanting those for two months

Sarah found a mug for her that says "World's Greatest Mimi"

Our free-spirited little explorer

The other BIG NEWS around here is that Sarah started on her insulin pump the day after Christmas. She is loving the ease of managing her insulin with a push of a button rather than multiple injections every day. She and Gracie are now "podding twins":)

We hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas, surrounded by those you love, along with sweet memories of Christmases long past. Praying that 2018 brings God's amazing blessings. Happy New Year!

Chaos and Christmas Cookies...

2017-12-17T12:04:00.001-06:00

What a week it's been! It was time for our semi-annual trek to Rochester, MN for the girls routine endo appointment. This trip was a bit longer than our normal over night due to extra appointments at the end of the year, so we were gone for three days. Honestly, it was a fun trip, filled with making fun memories. The girls appointments went well. Gracie improved her a1c by over half a point and Sarah was given the go ahead to start training for her new insulin pump. Since we were there extra days, and Dad came with us this time, we decided to trek a bit further to the Mall of America to have dinner and see if we could get into the Christmas spirit. Craig has been there once, but the rest of us have never been. We honestly had a great time, for a family of (mostly) non-shoppers/mall avoiders. Our first stop was the American Girl store. While the girls don't really play with their dolls like they use to, they still LOVE them and they absolutely adore this store. Craig treated us to a special dinner in the AG diner...something they've always wanted to do, but the KC store we usually shop in doesn't have. It was charming. They loaned the girls dolls to dine with since they hadn't brought theirs along and we had the entire diner basically to ourselves. We enjoyed chatting, watching the people walk by below us through the window (Hannah commenting on every receding hairline she noticed;) and playing the game that was on our table. Dinner was actually quite yummy! Not gonna lie, I was surprised and impressed. From there, we decided to walk the mall and take in all the Christmas splendor. There were hardly any other shoppers so it was actually a pretty nice way to spend the evening, complete with Christmas concerts in the center of the mall. Thursday, on our way home, Craig treated us to lunch at The Machine Shed in Urbandale IA. If you ever have a chance to stop in there, TAKE IT. We really enjoy the atmosphere and their food.

We got home to discover our poor boy, Max, was having seizures and had most likely been having them for a day or two. Poor Tess, who was taking care of everyone while we were gone, thought he was just moving slow from old age and the cold weather. She honestly had no way of knowing what was going on. We gave him extra dose of his meds to try to help overnight and we took him in to our vet on Friday. At his age, it's going to take him awhile to get back to feeling better, but as of this morning (Sunday), he was moving a bit better and seemed to be able to see better again. He is such a goofy boy and can make you crazy with his lab antics, but we adore him and want to see him back to his goofball ways quickly.

Yesterday, Gracie and Hannah had a Holiday Fun Day horse show. Hannah's first show ever:) They really had a lot of fun showing alongside their friends and team mates. They have such a great team of girls and it's truly heartwarming to watch them encourage and cheer each other on. They all did AMAZING and won lots of ribbons. I think it's safe to say that this little team is hooked on showing and going to make their coach, Anne, and Double Clear Equestrian Center proud as they all grow and continue to improve in their abilities. Shatara, one of their team mates, wind reserve champion in her division, and Gracie won champion in hers. All told, every one of these girls went home with huge smiles and I'm sure they all slept as well as my two did last night;) On a side note: It was truly amazing to see Gracie and Hannah showing together. Watching Gracie calm Hannah's nerves and helping her calm down and warm up her horse beforehand, and keep him calm during their division, made my heart burst with joy and a little pride in the young ladies they are growing into.

Well, we are officially 8 days away from Christmas and we just aren't feeling it around here. This is a first for our family! We usually have the trees up by the first week in November and the house decorated along with the gingerbread village made by December 1st. We are struggling with the festivity this year. So.... We are taking Kyah (Sarah's puppy) to visit Santa today and hope that puts a bit of the magic in our spirits so we can get it together. There's a lot to be done in the next week! The smell of christmas cookies baking might help move us along, so that may need to be on the top of the list. Stay posted to see how this all goes around here..... Christmas in the barn surrounded by horses and hay may be in the works because there doesn't seem to be much incentive to get moving on things around this house;) We've already hung stockings on all the stall doors, so it's more festive than our house already;) Merry Christmas!!!!!

Merry Christmas....

2017-12-06T23:35:00.000-06:00

Yup! Those are my monkeys and this is my circus... I will claim them along with all the chaos that surrounds us all ;)

2017 was NOT the year we expected it to be. We saw much happiness and much loss. The girls have thrived and grown through it all. Craig and I are in awe of all the blessings God pours down on us and try not to get overwhelmed with the dailyness of it all.

The biggest and most exciting news is that Tess said YES! She and Logan have been together for 3 years; he proposed on Thanksgiving with both our families gathered round. It's been a joy to watch these two grow together over the years and we look forward to seeing them build their life together. For now, we are consumed with wedding plans and lots of shopping. Being a family of predominately females... I don't see a problem with this, one bit ;) Stayed tuned for more details as we get things set in stone.

We faced lots of sadness this year as we said goodbye to many of our 4-legged family. Our precious Brody James, a golden retriever/border collie/great Pyr mix that Craig brought home (along with his brother and sister) over 10 years ago, passed away in June. We'd gotten his cancer diagnosis in March and spent the next many weeks loving on him and enjoying every moment we had left. He was always one of the most special dogs we've ever had and will always hold a special place in our hearts and memories. There's not a day that goes by we don't enjoy thoughts and memories of him. Gracie's bunny, Oliver and her last gerbil Daisy also passed away this summer. Oliver was our very first bunny and was such a joy that we gladly opened our hearts to others because of him. Daisy was our geriatric little gerbil, living over twice as long as most her species. She was nearly 5 years old and we were blessed to call her ours for 4 of those years. Mom's dog, Teddy passed away this fall as well, and our entire family feels the void he left. Sarah was just a toddler when Mom adopted him. Frankly, none of the girls remember life without him. He was such a good boy and brought great joy and companionship to Mom, as well as to Mamo when she was still alive. We love knowing that Mamo and Teddy are together again.

We added new family members to our ark this year too :) I'm sure y'all saw that coming;) Tess adopted Doug, a 100+ pound black lab with the personality to suit his name, back in January. He has been a HUGE blessing to Tess as well as all of us. He's turned out to be an awesome, laid back boy. Sarah adopted Kyah May, a tiny black chihuahua in July. Kyah is as tiny as Doug is huge, but they are the best of friends. Doug looks out for his baby cousin and Kyah keeps Doug young. Gracie was given Peaches, an adorable angora bunny in May as an early birthday surprise from her Dad. Peaches would make the grumpiest person smile with his adorable face and crazy hair. Of course we also got Wendy Lou Hoo, our beautiful paint pony, back in March....you've heard of the Easter Bunny? Well, Wendy was kinda the Easter pony;) She has been such a sweet girl and we love doting on her each day. The girls have proven themselves to be responsible, sacrificial, and hard working as they care for her each day. They are working to get her cross-trained from a western ride to an english hunter/jumper. It's a work in progress, but she's coming right along. CJ joined our family just in time for Craig's birthday in July. He's the most adorable golden retriever you could possibly imagine. As sweet as can be, with just enough puppy left in him to keep us on our toes. He has us all wrapped around his sweet little paw. Then there's little Miss Pearyle Joy, the kitten we got to keep Mom company after Teddy's passing. She is a little spitfire! She gives Mom endless reasons to laugh and keeps her company. Of course, we still have Felicity, Max, and Annie, our other dogs (who are all a bit spoiled) along with Benjamin, Ginger, Smokey, Jolly, and Mistletoe our cats, Peter the rabbit and Joey the guinea pig. There is no shortage of critters in this ark!

We are still homeschooling (our 14th year, I think). Sarah only has one class to finish up and she will graduate. Gracie and Hannah enjoy all the freedom and flexibility that homeschooling offers. They thrive in the non-traditional environment with the freedom to delve deep into everything they want to learn more about. A truly child-directed education is beautiful to see when your children love to learn and are given the freedom to do it in the way that works best for them.

Tess loves being a dance teacher. It's truly what God created her to be. She spends her mornings working for Kids Educational Dance Express, traveling around town teaching educational dance to preschoolers. I see what she does and am constantly amazed by my daughter's passion and talent. She teaches at Greater Impact in the evenings and is also the dance and gymnastic instructor at the new YMCA in town. Logan, Tess's fiance', is a nursing student and he works at the dialysis center. These two are pretty busy, but when you're in your 20's I guess you have that kind of energy;)

Sarah is still working at Runza. She transferred to a different location this fall and is really enjoying the new store and coworkers. She is planning on pursuing a degree in early childhood development and wants to become a preschool teacher. She enjoys teaching first grade Sunday School each week and it's been a joy to watch her prepare her lessons.... she is much more organized than her mom;)

Gracie and Hannah are consumed with their animals. They would live in the barn if we'd let them. They fly through their school lessons each day so they can get outside to spend time with all their critters. They love riding their horses; Gracie is now jumping at 2 1/2 feet and is hoping to qualify for the Omaha Int'l in April. Hannah is finally ready to start jumping and showing as well. These two surprise us with their ability and diligence to their sport.

Craig is still traveling the country to work with small communities; growing young entrepreneurs and helping small towns retain their population in the face of population decline. God created him with a passion for small towns and their people. I'm extremely proud of the work he does... and am in wonder of it all. He's also picking his love of photography back up again and enjoying having a camera back in hand.

I am finally able to make time to quilt again. What a joy it's been to get back to putting needle and thread to fabric and creating quilts for my family.

Alrighty.... that pretty much sums up our year. We pray the Christmas season brings peace and joy to all our friends and family. Merry Christmas!

Let Us Be Kind...

2017-11-21T15:23:00.002-06:00

It's that time of the year again. The time of year when everyone feels things a bit sharper than they may normally feel them; both good and bad. Take the time to filter your thoughts, opinions, and most certainly your tongue. None of us truly know what others have been or are going through. We only see what they allow us to see; and, human nature is to cover up our struggles and shortfalls. We have no way of knowing what someone is going through in their life, but we can all take the extra step to be kind.

The golden rule is still a good rule to live by..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I would add to it..."and remember, you can not build yourself up by tearing others down." This time of year, I see where we all, myself included, need a reminder about this. Take for example, what you or others post in social media. I see a lot of judgment being posted. Things about Black Friday shopping, clean homes, gifts, etc. Why does anyone feel it necessary to post something about how they keep a spotless home and don't understand how others can't? Or, posts about people needing to get their priorities in order if they look forward to Black Friday shopping more than they do Thanksgiving itself. My personal favorites are the posts about how sinful it is to "over-indulge" those you love with Christmas gifts, especially store bought ones; or the reverse of that, how you have it all together because you don't buy into the materialistic side of the holiday season. There are plenty more examples I could list off, but you get my drift. My point is: you have no idea of what others are dealing with, be it at that moment or throughout their lives, therefore, you have no business making such black and white assumptions about things and thinking you're way is the right way.

We all filter things through our own lens and that can cause problems for everyone involved. How about we all make the choice to give others the benefit of the doubt before we become offended and strike back at them? Take our blinders off and try to see things from a panoramic view rather than tunnel vision. You don't like Black Friday shopping because you see it as the picture of greed and over-indulgence. That may not be the case for others though. They may love it because it's an annual family tradition, and it's a way that they can stretch their budget a long way on things they need or gifts they want to give. They, as a family, may save a little bit of money back from each paycheck over the year so they can enjoy a crazy night and day of shopping and eating in the food court at 2AM.... and have fun memories to share over the next year. You manage to keep a spotless home even though you're busy and have kids still living at home, while juggling all your work and family responsibilities on a daily basis? That's AWESOME and we all applaud you for that. But don't post about it in the light of "there's no reason everyone can't as well" because you have no way of knowing if that's the case or not; and by doing so you most likely just added more weight on an already over-burdened spirit, who's flame is about to go out. Instead, why not find ways to extend help to others, whether you know they are struggling or not. You don't want to buy a bunch of "plastic junk from China" to clog up our landfills? Totally fine and understandable, but don't belittle someone who chooses to shop for the gift they want to bless you or someone else with because you feel you're more enlightened than they are.

GRATITUDE. GRACE. RESPECT. HUMILITY. LOVE. Where have these traits gone as social media has taken over our society? We all post things, and now actually say things, that we never would have 10 years ago, because we have become use to the protection of a computer/phone screen. We all need to remember though, there are very real people with very real hearts on the other side of our screens. They feel the sting of your words, and they filter them through their own lens; and, sadly, many times it's filtered through as "you've failed yet again". I challenge us all to actively choose kindness. Gentle our spirits and attitudes. Quiet our words. Find JOY and share it with others. Stop looking for ways we are offended and start looking for ways we can be a blessing in the lives of those we touch on a daily basis.... be it online or in person. #KindnessChallenge

Warriors....

2017-11-16T15:26:00.000-06:00

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and every year I ponder our family's journey. Over the past 12+ years we've seen changes, transformations, growth, frustration, amazing advances in technology and management.... things have come a loooooooong way since my own dad was diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic when I was in Junior High School (back in the day when you sharpened your metal needle before injections and a finger poke seemed to take a chunk of your finger with it each time). The BIG thing we've learned along the way is that there is no guarantees: you can do everything precisely right and something can (and usually will) go downhill.... much like in the video up there of Gracie's AMAZING ride yesterday. It was nearly picture perfect, right up through her last jump... the landing, however, was monumental, just not in the way you'd like it to be. We've watched over and over to see if we could see what caused her tumble, all to no avail. It was a near perfect jump; maybe she looked down for a split second, causing everything to adjust mid-air and her to land back in her saddle a bit too far forward causing both her and her horse to end up unbalanced and ultimately for her to end up "diving" to the ground. But you know what? Just like with Type 1 Diabetes, she collected herself, hopped back up, dusted herself off, and climbed right back on to her horse to finish her ride. That is what Warriors do.... they finish well and strong, no matter the struggles they face along the way.

Most all of you know our story: Gracie was 14 months old when she was Diagnosed with T1D; a mere baby. She'd gotten the chicken pox vaccination 6 or so weeks earlier, then ended up with chicken pox the same night her baby sister was born. She never bounced back from that, matter of fact, she seemed to get weaker over the following 3 weeks. She had NO stamina, and I'd find her sound asleep in the middle of the floor after playing for half an hour. She was drinking water like crazy, eating non-stop, going thru diapers like nothing I'd ever experienced (even requiring middle of the night baths and bed changes because of it)...then one night, after finding her soaked yet again, she was so weak she couldn't even hold her little head up on her own. Bathed and swaddled in fresh PJs, she laid on my chest for the rest of the night, sleeping, while I was afraid to lay her down not knowing what was wrong. There were no typical signs of sickness... no fever, no cold symptoms, no sore throat or tugging at ears, nothing you look for in a baby. Early the next morning, the doctor sent her for lab work trying to figure it all out as well. As I sat in the exam room for what seemed like hours (but was actually only about 40 minutes) holding my limp, lethargic baby, I feared the absolute worst. So many things went through my mind, everything horrible, but never once did I think "diabetes". The doctor walked in, knelt down in front of me and said two little words that turned our world upside down...."She's diabetic". The tears flowed hot, burning tracks down my cheeks. Relief washed over me.... she wasn't dying (Well, at that very moment, that was a very real possibility had we not caught this right then, but I didn't realize that). A week in the pediatric ICU, lots of education for Craig and I, too much to actually wrap our minds around, and she was sent home. A new "normal" had begun. A new life full of testing, injections, counting and monitoring everything she ate, monitoring all her toddler activities, no longer able to sleep through the night again due to multiple night time testing, poking her tiny baby fingers to get drops of blood numerous times a day... all just to keep her alive and healthy. Within a few months we'd fallen into a new "normal" without really realizing. A normal that entailed learning to roll with the punches on a daily basis, learning to finally understand that change is to be expected moment to moment, and that once you think you've figured it all out, you'll be thrown for a loop again because maybe it's a full moon and that's going to cause blood sugar issues (yes, believe it or not, it actually does. Just ask any T1 parent). Over the next decade however, we rode the ups and downs and adjusted with every rolling change and tweak that needed to be made. We made it through the toddler years, the pre-school age, all of early childhood and just about into the teen years. Ebbs and Flows of T1 can be rough and each phase of life has it's own challenges. We were preparing for the challenge of T1D in the teen years, when we once again heard those same two little words that would cause our world to upend itself yet again....

Last fall Sarah (16 years old) hadn't been feeling all that great since recovering from walking pneumonia earlier that spring. We'd treated each symptom as they appeared, not really giving it much thought, but she just wasn't fully recovering... matter of fact, she seemed to be getting worse. Off to the doctor again. The doctor agreed that something was up, so she ran some lab work. Like me, she was expecting to see results showing inflammation issues; she was blindsided when she saw that Sarah was actually T1D. That was not a phone call she wanted to make, but make it she did...."Dawn, I don't really know how to say this; I'm completely shocked myself. Sarah has T1 Diabetes". WOW! How is this happening????? I could almost feel a physical slap across my face as those words hit me. My mind started spinning; only this time it wasn't with unknowns, it was with all that we actually know about life with T1D and how on earth was I going to tell our sweet 16 year old daughter, that with just 2 little words her life was forever changed. I texted Craig who was a footage with Sarah at that particular moment. We let her blissfully enjoy the game.... no reason to ruin a sweet father/daughter date. But when she asked me at dinner if the doctor had called, I knew there was no putting it off. I had to tell her the truth, "yes, she called. I'm sorry sweetie, but you have T1D." NO NO NO NO NO NO.... that was all she could say as the tears flowed freely.

Here we are, over 12 years down the road from Gracie's diagnosis as a baby and over a year on this same journey with Sarah as a teenager heading into life as an independent young lady. I'd be lying if I told y'all that it was pretty easy to deal with all this, that we just keep chugging along as normal. Our normal is not what most others would say is a normal life.... but it's a beautiful life. We choose to keep our sense of humor in all of this, to not drown in self-pity (which can be a challenge some days), to stay very real, and to support and encourage others through their own challenges. Our life is about numbers, and trust me that can be a challenge in and of itself. Craig nor I have truly slept thru the night in over a dozen years, as we are up checking on the girls every couple of hours. If you think that is overboard, think again.... T1D kids can easily slip away during night from low blood sugar that goes un-noticed till morning. Packing for a day trip (let alone a vacation) is no small task with all the extra things you must bring along "Just in case". Not to mention all the extra stops along the way for much needed bathroom and snack breaks (T1D kids drink more water than "normal"). A simple cold or virus can easily land them in the hospital. iPhones are not indulgences, they are medical devices and lifelines. Sleeping in isn't laziness, it's necessary at times due to being up for hours in the middle of the night managing blood sugar (which one reason I'm so thankful we homeschool and have the flexibility to adjust our school day schedule easily). Normal? It truly is only a setting on my clothes dryer. But I LOVE my life and my role as a T1 Mom to two amazing Warrior Princesses. They battle to stay alive and healthy every single day. They face every challenge head on with the confidence and knowledge that God is 1- in control, they aren't and 2- God knows what's going on because He is the Master Architect of our lives and has a perfect plan according to His perfect Design.

That video up at the top is the perfect example of life with Type 1 Diabetes.... smooth sailing, everything going as planned...then BAM! You get thrown for a loop. What you choose to do at that moment sets the course for the rest of your journey. I hope we all do what Gracie did; Get back up, dust ourselves off, and finish the ride with grace and courage.

My two Warrior Princesses with their two four-legged encouragers ;)

Even after a rough ride... it's best to get back in the saddle and finish your ride strong :)

Sisters... readings like this are a beautiful site to behold. Too bad they don't always look this perfect ;) Funny sidetone: you know you're a T1D parent when the words "are you high?" come out of your mouth, directed at your teenagers, on a regular basis.... and you're talking about their blood sugar, but people around you truly give you the strangest looks when they hear you ask that so point blank. Seriously funny EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

Oh, My Vintage Loving Heart.....

2017-10-01T12:08:00.000-05:00

Oh my word😍😍😍. Seriously, can this get any cuter??? Yes, I ordered mine today and can't wait till it arrives. The October warmer of the month is this sweet little pickup with working lights. The pumpkins in the back are removable for year-round decor. I'm going to have it displayed with my vintage Shasta styled trailer warmer, enjoying coordinating scents to mingle in the air and lift my spirit. This can be yours as well, and it's 10% off this month. You just can't beat that! www.cowboyandmoonbeam.scentsy.us

My Annual Day of Indulgence...

2017-09-16T15:55:00.000-05:00

Yes, that is the message I give everyone on this day every year. I'm blessed with a family that not only understands, but encourages me to fully enjoy my day.

I began by hitting a couple of Drive-thrus for important ingredients to make the day complete...Sonic, for a diet cherry coke with lime, McDonalds for a small frappe (not enough time for Starbucks), and Dunkin Donuts for donuts, not only for me but for the family. Then, it's home to tuck in for the day.

Once home and tucked away, I get online and wait for my Living Proof Live simulcast to start. This year's theme was "Captivate" and let me tell you, I was captivated from the start. God speaks to my heart each year thru this simulcast and this year was no different. My heart was pierced with His message. He even blessed me with this sweet notebook just for this occasion. Seriously, I found it abandoned on a shelf at Walmart, and went back to the school supply section to see if there were any others and there was nothing even remotely like it. God knows how I love sweet and pretty things like this and I just know He gave it to me (after I paid $2 of course;).

Something y'all need to know about me is that this truly is one of my very favorite days each year. I honestly look forward to it for months. I prepare my space the night before so it's enjoyable and not distracting, I choose my clothes which always consists of the official conference tee shirt;), I quiet my spirit and pray that God speaks to my soul and that I can hear His voice. You'd better bet that I fully engage in this simulcast. I sing when the worship team is on stage, I speak out loud when Beth Moore asks us to repeat or read something, I pray when she prays, and I jot down notes like crazy of everything I don't want to forget. Anyone looking in my window might think I've lost my mind;)

God is powerful. He meets us where we are. We can count on Him at all times and in all things. He will never loosen His hold on us and He will never abandon us. When we are struggling to hear His voice in our heart, He's breathing love into our souls. The message today was exactly what I needed. I feel like God spoke to me face to face, and for that I am beyond blessed.

My lunch wasn't my normal indulgence of Slim Chicken with fried pickles. That just wasn't going to work today. Taco Bell it was ;)

Yup, this is why my kids get so embarassed😂😂😂. I'm on my feet, singing praises to God.

It's been a day of drawing near to my Lord and Savior in a way I wish I could everyday. It's been such a blessing and I'm so thankful that my family encourages my indulgence like they do:) I'll leave y'all with the video that opened the first session of this year's simulcast...heart-achingly beautiful. Be Thou My Vision by Audrey Assad. ENJOY!!!

My Baby Isn't A Baby Anymore.....

2017-08-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

How does it happen? You close your eyes for a bit, only to open them and realize time has flown by. That has happened to me yet again....Hannah turned 12 years old today❤️❤️❤️

I think back to the day she was born; the baby who kept trying to come early suddenly wanted to stay put. Hurricane Katrina was happening hundreds of miles to our south, I was watching the news coverage from my hospital bed...since there was a delay for my C-section and I'd already re-arranged the room more to my liking😂. They finally wheeled me down the hall to have this child, but she wasn't having any of it that day. Seriously, she slipped from their grasp three times and they finally brought the vacuum out to get her here. That was a good indication of her personality...she is wired to do things in her own way and in her own time. But, boy was she precious! A tiny little thing with the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen. Beautiful soft blonde curls and rosebud lips...she looked like she belonged on display in the window of American Girl...matter of fact, she was so little that she actually fit into some of the girls Bitty Baby clothes 😃

Hannah has always been our free spirit; the child who can melt my heart at any moment in time. She is smart and sassy, fierce and fearless, a heart of gold behind a veneer of steel. She has her own style and marches to her own beat....and I wouldn't change a single thing about her, not even her feisty red-headed temper.

12 years old! The Baby of the family...my baby. She still enjoys snuggling with me, telling me all her dreams, falling asleep as she lays on top of me like she's done since she was tiny. She loves curling up to watch movies and eat popcorn with me, or just hanging out wherever I'm working...and if there's any furry four-legged critter nearby, her life is complete at that moment. I adore this child of mine; my last one, and may I say she perfectly fills the "baby of the family" role like nobody else could😍. So much like me yet so much an original. Our Hannah Irene ❤️❤️❤️

Another Sad Goodbye....And A Sweet Hello...

2017-08-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

My mom's dog Teddy has been a part of our lives for about 15 years. He was a rescue Mom picked at our local shelter when she was looking for a smaller dog to keep my grandma company after losing her sweet little yorkie. There was just something about this little boy that spoke to Mom as she was looking in each kennel. If I remember right, she took him to the groomer before bringing him home because nobody could really tell what he was at that point....he looked like a teddy bear; hence his name, Teddy.

I'm not sure if Tess remembers a time before Teddy, but I know my younger three do not. He was not exactly a playmate, but he loved their attention...especially when they would sneak him some treats. I'm sure they would all say they remember him being Mamo's constant companion. He was always by her side or on her lap. She would sit him on her scooter and take him around the yard. And, when she was still able to walk with the assistance of a walker, she'd set him on the fold down seat of that walker and they'd walk everywhere around the house and yard, tossing out bread crumbs for the birds and squirrels. Teddy was a part of our family and we all loved him dearly....but yesterday, we had to say goodbye.

We have known the time was near. He was well over 16 years old, after all. But, that doesn't mean it was any easier. He'd been declining over the past year, rapidly over this spring and summer. He made it clear yesterday that he was ready to make his final journey across the rainbow bridge. We prayed over him, thanking God for blessing us with him for so many years, we told him what a good boy he was and how he'd done such a good job. We told him that it was okay for him to close his eyes and rest, knowing he'd open them again and see Mamo waiting for him. And then...he was gone.

The emptiness and loneliness was overwhelming for Mom. It occurred to her that for the very first time ever, she had nobody to take care of. It was a very empty feeling. I'd already been giving thought to her next companion, unbeknownst to her. And, I'd talked with a dear friend about it earlier while the girls were taking care of Wendy Loo and Mom was enjoying looking at all the horses. Another dog was pretty much out of the question...winter (translated into snowy and icy) is not an easy time for Mom and walking a dog 2-3 times a day was a worry for Craig and I. We did not want to chance her falling. I suggested a cat. I had in mind a full grown cat; one who loves snuggles and someone to talk to him...but Mom was thinking more along the lines of a little one that could grow a close bond with her as she grows up. I had that one covered as well 😉

Back out to the barn we went, to meet little Miss Pearyle. The petite little girl of the last litter, Goodles (the way too "easy" mama cat at the barn) had. It was an instant match:) Mom was taking her home. Hannah and Gracie suggested Joy for her middle name which not only suit her perfectly, but also seemed perfect for her new role...she was bringing joy back into Mom's days.

The girls adore Pearyle Joy. They spent the night to "help her transition" to life away from her mama and litter mates. Pretty easy transition since she's the center of attention and already a bit spoiled;). We made a stop at Petco to get some necessities...you know, a pink litter box, litter, scratching post, and TOYS. And once home she settled right in.

Mom is smiling, laughing even. This little one is living up to her name and has brought joy back. She's been quickly initiated into the world of "baby" which was a bit shocking after so many years with sweet, "old" Teddy, who pretty much slept all the time. We didn't want to say goodbye to such a good boy like Teddy, but we are so thankful to welcome little Pearyle Joy into the family.

The Missing Piece....

2017-08-14T10:50:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked at your family as a jigsaw puzzle? Every member is an odd shape, but when fit together with the rest of the family, it's a perfectly snug fit. But, what happens when you try to force pieces into spaces they don't belong, or worse yet, you lose pieces? The puzzle is never whole and the picture ends up skewed. Sadly, that is a perfect demonstration of many families today.

Everyone wants the pretty picture. However, it takes effort to achieve that beauty. It takes finding the beauty in the different; it means setting aside your idea of perfection and accepting God's perfection...even if you see it as damaged and marred. What happens when you try to pound the wrong piece into an empty space? It usually results in lots of frustration, along with a damage puzzle piece from all your pounding to get it to fit in. At that point, the piece most likely won't even look right when you finally put it in the right place; the edges will be worn, the color may be faded, and there's the possibility that in all your frustration, you may actually lose that piece and not even notice it's gone until you see the gaping hole in the pretty picture. Family is just like that. You can not spend years pounding someone into a place they don't belong and still expect them to fit perfectly when you realize you'd been trying to keep them from their appointed place. Truth is, you may realize all too late that you've lost them long ago.

You are not always going to agree with your family. Kids, parents, cousins, grandparents, aunts/uncles, extended generations... The Bible tells us that we are each uniquely and wonderfully made; it doesn't say that we are all alike within our family. The differences are what make it beautiful.

Sadly, too many families can't accept the differences. It's ok to not see eye to eye, or to have vastly different goals and ambitions in life. We are not little armies of familial clones. My own four daughters couldn't be more different than night and day. Yes, there are certain shared characteristics...the red hue in their hair, the freckles they all have regardless of my militant use of sunscreen, their opinionated spirits (even if their opinions most likely differ). Yet the differences among them abound. Drastically! And, I'm ok with that. Craig and I have never tried to fit them into a place they don't belong. We've raised them to believe in God, to understand that they are sinners saved by the blood of Christ alone, and that their salvation and personal relationship to God is what matters most in this life and to us as their parents. Beyond that, they have been raised to be strong, independent, and capable of taking on the life that they live. Will Craig and I always like the path they choose? Absolutely not; but it's at those times we sit down with them to talk about why they are making the choice they are, making sure they understand the rewards and consequences, and, especially the long term effect their choice will have. It's also a time that we are honest about our concerns, we voice our own opinions, and yes, we tell them what we truly feel is right for them. In the end, it's their choice and they have been raised to be strong enough to handle what comes their way. That said, in all of this, we are sure that they know our love is unconditional and we will always be there for and with them. When hard times come, we are there to help. The door to our heart and our home is always open to them, without judgement. We are not the "I told you so" parents, rather we are the "I love you and will help you pick up the pieces" parents. (Disclaimer: yes, there have been a time or two the words "I told you so" have come out of my mouth, but even the girls will say it was most likely in a joking, albeit true, manner).

What happens when you have family that just won't stop trying to pound you into an ill-fitting spot? You get worn down, you lose your shiny veneer, you know you don't fit in the way they think you should and end up feeling that you just don't fit in at all. Most likely, you quietly walk away because you're exhausted from the years, decades maybe, of the constant battle. You may end up spending a long time putting yourself back together and through that process you build up walls to guard yourself from future hurt. Pretty soon you realize that years have gone by and you wonder if you are even missed because you've not heard from them unless it's been a dire necessity, or maybe you realize you only hear responses back from them if you've initiated contact. Any attempt on your part to reconcile leaves you regretful because you're met with a harsh response once they realize you still won't fit into their preconceived place. It's a vicious cycle: hurt, distance, guilt, attempted reconciliation, then the hurts starts over again. Finally, you decide to give up.... and the family jigsaw puzzle is missing pieces; not just you, but your spouse and children as well. Down the road, more pieces are missing as grandchildren come along. Holidays go by with no invitations, family get togethers are held without your knowledge; you extend invitations for them to join you only to be disregarded and given pat excuses. The message is clear: YOU DON'T BELONG

Be careful with your family, so as not to end this way. I look around and see so many who are hurt deeply and those wounds affect future generations. There once was a time when families were the strong bond that held society together; now it's disintegrated into dust and destruction. Most importantly, if this is the situation you find yourself in, don't let it destroy you. God made you according to His perfect design and His plan for you is PERFECTION. Don't throw away God's beautiful design to try to fit into someone else's box. Forgive them for the hurt they've inflicted and move on. Maybe you'll find you're called back into relation with them, maybe not (forgiveness does not always mean dusting everything under the rug and going back into toxic relationships), but focus your site on God and His plan for you, not what other's (whether they share a family tree with you or not) want you to be/do. Live the life God created you to live. Raise your children with grace, compassion, and kindness. For it's these things that will be passed down to future generations. If you find yourself cut off from family due to a life of hurt, don't allow that to define who you are. Your identity is in Christ not a history of relational dysfunction. Allow the hurt you've endured to help you show compassion. Be strong and courageous; strong enough to be the you that God made you to be even in the face of crushing cruelty by those who should love and accept you as you are. Hold your head high as you remember that you are the child of the One True King. Live your life, love your spouse, raise your children in love, and don't let the hurt of not fitting into your own family ever destroy who God wonderfully designed you to be.

This Is What Family Is....

2017-08-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

I think that people, many times, have a romanticized idea of what family is. I mean, Hollywood either paints it idealically or as a tragic disaster in movies and TV; and whether we admit it or not, that's what most people use as their measure, even subconsciously. Truth is, family is usually a combination of messy and beautiful, at the same time.

I mean seriously, families are made up of humans that share many traits, but they're also very different in almost every way. Introverts, extroverts, quiet, loud, control freak, scattered, messy, neat as a pin, animal lovers, not so much animal people, artsy, analytical, financially sound, always broke, early all the time, always late, meat eaters, vegans, liberals, conservatives, sports-minded, inside only, readers, book haters....you get the idea. A family is its own little society all sharing limbs on a tree. But the beauty to this little microcosim of society is the bonds that tie them all together.

See the picture up there? Tess's car broke down this afternoon in the middle of that intersection. She called me right away; problem was, I was in the middle of a hair appt. I called Craig; he was across town at the barn with the girls doing their barn chores, I called Sarah, who immediately copped a U-turn to head to her sister to help. A nice guy helped push the car out of harms way while waiting for everyone to get there. Sarah arrived first, soon followed by Craig and the two younger ones. I hurried fast as I could and arrived about half an hour after she called. I parked in the coffee shop parking lot across the street and snapped that picture as I walked over to my FAMILY. Yes...our entire family was ther, all six of us, to help one who needed help right then and there. There was no hesitation and no complaints about it. Help was needed, and help arrived in force. That is the beautiful mess which is FAMILY.

Let me describe the last 24 hours: Sarah had locked her keys in her car at midnight last night when she went out to get her hoodie. Since she needed to be to work early today, it meant waking up Mimi so I could get the spare key. Then Tess's car breakdown today...which was drawn out by AAA giving the tow truck driver the wrong location, hence making it a two hour+ ordeal, and her still needing to get to the gym to coach tonight. Her sister took her to work, her dad stuck with the tow truck (who incidentally wrote her address down wrong AGAIN and got lost AGAIN), and I hopefully helped to diffuse some tense moments along the way with all involved (not always succeeding, but trying nonetheless). That is the picture of a real family. It's not picture perfect, Pinterest worth, or something you'd see splashed all over Facebook and Snapchat. It's real, raw, vulnerable, and yes, even humorous...especially when the day culminates in your daughter and her boyfriend driving home, coming up on the busy intersection a block from her home, only to see her 100lb black lab having the time of his life running thru yards and darting thru traffic. YIKES!!!!! Really not the way you want to end a totally no good, horrible, really bad day. Once you take a breath however, you look at a stupid picture of a broken down car, with your other daughter's car behind it followed by your husband's; you see your entire family standing on the medium and you realize that you wouldn't have it any other way. Broken down cars, escaped dogs, grueling days aside, it's still a beautiful sight to behold...your crazy, chaotic family pulling together like they always do :)

P.S. Doug was captured and is home safe and sound, all tuckered out and snoring;)

Ginger and Gracie....

2017-08-08T19:58:00.000-05:00

I kid you not, I've never seen a cat as closely bonded to a person as Ginger is to Gracie. These pictures can't begin to show the depth of love this goofy cat has her girl, but you can get an idea❤️

😂😂😂

2017-07-23T18:23:00.000-05:00

That text between Sarah and myself pretty much epitomizes my goal as a parent....make my kids roll their eyes in embarrassment. I think I achieved it yet again today😂😂😂

Our Family Has Grown...

2017-07-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

We've said for years that the next dog we get would be for Craig. He's always giving us all the joy of choosing and claiming our critters, we wanted him to have a turn. This weekend, his turn finally came:)

About a week after we lost our Brody Boy, one of my dearest friends messaged me about her sweet golden. She has had him since he was 5 months old but due to circumstances out of her control, she wondered if we would consider becoming his forever family. I approached Craig with this and then stepped back as he thought it over from all sides. Of course I showed him tons of pictures and videos of this sweet boy to help sweeten the deal;). Friday night (Craig's 54th birthday) he looked at me and said "Let's do it! Can you be ready to go at 6am?" Being the morning owl that I am (NOT) I got a twinkle in my eyes and said ABSOLUTELY! Since I'd said not one peep to the girls about this, I had to figure out a way to get around them so they could be surprised. I enlisted Tess's help. The girls spent the night with her and Saturday gracie would hang out with her while Hannah headed to a special birthday celebration with her BFF. Craig and I got up at 3:45am to get ready and hit the road at 5am (an hour earlier than planned). We had a near 400 miles to go to get our sweet boy.

It was such a fun journey and it was the first time in years that we'd gotten away by ourselves. We were cracking up at the names of some of the towns along the way. One in particular really took the cake....

Craig thinks I should transfer my banking to this bank 😂😂😂

We arrived in southern Missouri just in time to enjoy lunch with my dear friend and her daughters. It was so awesome to see them and hug them since it's been way too long since the last time. After lunch and catching up, we headed black to her home to meet CJ. It was love at first sight!!!!

We didn't get to stay near as long as we would have like because we needed to make the almost 400 mile drive back home. But we do promise to go soon:).

We loaded up, settled CJ in the back seat, and headed home. About two hours of our trip was tons of hills and curves...poor little boy got car sick. Once we were on flat land again, he did awesome. Perfect little traveler!!!

Now, we had two issues at hand: 1- since the girls were kinda spread out and we weren't getting home till 8:30, how to spring the surprise and 2- sarah had actually totally guessed what was up and we wanted to keep her off her game. We ran across a barn/shed dealer on the way so we stopped to take some pictures. I sent her a few and said we ordered a cottage. It was being delivered to the farm in 15 days (we wish!). Ok so yeah...there are times it's kinda ok to lie to your children😉

I sent her pictures to show her proof;). She bought it, albeit reservedly.

We settled CJ at home, made arrangements for Gracie to stay with Tess again, then headed to the barn for what's turning into our weekly grill out with our barn family. We celebrated Shatara's 12th birthday, enjoyed Anne's specialty of Pinchos, and even tyedyed birthday cake:). Everyone was there except Hannah, who was living high on the hog at her BFF's birthday celebration.

This morning, Craig let me sleep in while he got up and spent 2 hours playing outside with his boy❤️. I can honestly say that those two ADORE each other. After that, we decided to enjoy the morning together. We went to the farmers market and Whole Foods. By noon we were finally ready to introduce the girls to CJ...

Welcome to the ark CJ, aka Captain Jaxon Samuel. Jaxon means God has been gracious; has shown favor. Samuel means God has heard. This was the name my sweet friend had given him when he was a pup. It's perfect in every way! We chose to keep it and add Captain to it because he is Craig's little sidekick😍. We truly believe that God brought him to us through my friend and her dear family. He is loved beyond measure!

An Unexpected Angel.....

2017-07-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

That is a picture of an unlikely little duo :) Ginger was actually suppose to be Hannah's cat. Hannah is the one who came home for dinner about 4 years ago, asking if she could have one of the kittens a neighbor the next cut-de-sac over was giving away. To my utter shock, Craig asked if she had a carrier ready, we hopped into the car and went to see these kittens... coming home with the little spit-fire of the two sisters in the litter. It became very clear within about 2 days, Ginger was going to claim Gracie as her girl and she has literally clung to her ever since.

We seriously wonder if Ginger actually knows she's a cat. Gracie has raised her from 8 weeks old, treating her like a baby. She dresses her up, totes her around in baby carriers and strollers, entertains her in baby walkers and swings, and speaks to her like she would a toddler rather than a cat. She will sit Ginger down on my bed, tell her to "stay", and that silly cat obeys because her mama will reprimand her if she doesn't . Ginger ADORES Gracie and tolerates the rest of us. She literally HUGS gracie with her paws around Gracie's neck. She purrs and mews as she snuggles in with her mama. They spend all their time together; sleeping, watching TV, doing school work, and playing. If Gracie is eating, Ginger is getting little bites of it too. Sometimes I swear they share not only a heart, but a brain ;)

Over the past couple of years we started noticing that Ginger seemed to be occasionally alerting Gracie when her blood sugar would drop low. At first we thought it was just a fluke. I mean, this is a strange (said very lovingly;) little cat to begin with; one who doesn't even realize she's actually a cat. But, it's become undeniable that she is intentionally alerting Gracie to her low BG. This morning, around 5am, while Craig and I were soundly sleeping, unbeknownst to us at that time, Gracie had crashed on us. I'd checked her less than an hour before and she was 108 and level. Neither of us heard Dexcom alarm nor felt our phones vibrate with the warning. When we woke up at 6:30 and saw that she had dropped to 40 and had been low for near an hour we were shocked.... the only thing keeping us from bolting out of bed and running to her room was her current BG at that moment of 233. What on earth???? Over lunch today, Gracie asked me if I'd seen that she had crashed early this morning. I said I had and asked her if she had woken herself up and gotten some juice. She nodded yes, then told me "Ginger woke me up to tell me I was low." I asked if she woke up to Ginger biting on her (that's how she usually alerts Gracie, not hard biting, just biting hard enough to get her attention, not causing any injury or breaking her skin). She said no, that this morning Ginger kept kneading her in the chest and meowing to get her to wake up. WOW!

We joke with Gracie about how spoiled Ginger is. She is a cat with a diva attitude and she can be a bit of a brat at times. But she's a sweet little diva nonetheless and we all love her like crazy. This petite little cat, who is literally spoiled rotten and expects everyone to cater to her whims, truly has taken on the role of Diabetes Alert CAT and has decided that she is her girl's lifesaver. We no longer think her alerts are flukes; we know that she alerts Gracie when Gracie is in danger, and she's persistent enough to keep at it until something is done about it.

It's really rare that we miss a low BG like we did this morning. I am incredibly thankful that she has Ginger, her goofy little cat, looking out for her like she does. I never expected or anticipated that she would grow into a service role like she has, but I also couldn't ask for a better little furry partner to keep an extra eye on my girl. I am happy to repay her in love, snuggles, and all the tuna she could ever possibly want. We LOVE you Miss Ginger Snap!!!!

It's That Time Of Year Again....

2017-07-10T15:13:00.001-05:00

Well, it's kinda snuck up on us once again....can y'all even believe how fast time flies??? This will mark the 12 year that we've Walked To Cure T1Diabetes. And, this year we have TWO daughters to walk for!

I'll never forget the first time we showed up at the annual JDRF Walk To Cure.... It was quite literally the day after Gracie had been released from the hospital as a Type 1 Diabetic. She was 15 months old! We were still in the "dumbstruck" phase and were still trying to wrap our mind around those two little words the doctor had said to me just 7 days earlier..."She's diabetic". It was an incredibly windy Nebraska day; the type of wind you expect in November along the Maine coastline ~ gale force. We showed up with a twin stroller, Gracie in the front seat with her paci in her mouth and trademark bow in her hair, Hannah at 3 weeks old in her carrier in the back seat covered as completely as possible to keep the wind from taking her newborn breath away, Tess and Sarah excited to run around. We wandered around the park, looking at the vendors and not really understanding anything about what they were "selling", eating hotdogs, and basically absorbing our new community of families like our own. I'm completely sure we had the "deer in the headlights" stare going on;)

Over the year following that walk, we settled into our new normal. Life was no longer what we had expected... but in many ways it was better. No, I would not wish T1D on anyone! However, when faced with a chronic illness, an invisible disease, you tend to embrace life a bit more and you learn how to roll with the punches like pros. You focus in on what's important and you suddenly no longer worry about the rest. It is THANKS to JDRF for the amazing life both our daughters have now as well as the bright future they have to look forward to. JDRF is integral in the advances in diabetes care and management: new technology, less long term health complications, better management of this life threatening disease. Thanks to continuous glucose monitors (CGM) both Gracie and Sarah lead healthier and more "normal" lives than they would have 10-15 years ago. We are able to stave off complications, DKA, and hospital stays because we know have real-time trends that we can watch on each of the girls from our phones ~ we can see ahead of time if Blood Glucose is climbing or crashing and do something about it to avoid a crisis, we can easily see when their insulin doses need tweaking, we can even tell if they are beginning to get sick thanks to their CGMs and get them into the doctor quickly to keep them out of the ER with complications. This year the brand new Closed-Loop system has been made available.... the predecessor to an artificial pancreas. This system will read algorithms and self adjust ~ add insulin when needed, decrease insulin, and even turn itself off if the diabetic is crashing. AMAZING! The days of only 3 finger pokes with a small knife blade and injections with steel needles that you sterilized and sharpened (I remember this from when my Dad was diagnosed as a Type 2 when I was in Jr High) are long gone :)

It was only a week after last year's Walk To Cure that Sarah was diagnosed with T1D. Yes, our world was suddenly shaken to the core yet again with those same two little words. But over the past months we've watched Sarah take ownership of her T1D and we've watched as Gracie came alongside her big sister in a mentorship role. This is a really hard life and unless you're living with the life and death decisions you must make each and every day, all day long, you have no way of understanding. Our girls, and everyone like them, don't look sick. By all accounts they look like very healthy kids leading active, normal lives. What y'all don't see under the surface is the struggle to stay healthy and feeling good. Life for T1D kids is like a 3 ring circus that nobody ever sees. It's a balancing act: insulin, carbs, food (yes, separate from the carbs for many reasons), activity, emotions, stress, hormones, weather...you name it and it affects them and their BG. Once you hear those two little words, nobody in your family sleeps straight through the night EVER AGAIN, because doing so could have fatal results. You want to hop in your car and run to the grocery store? If you're living with T1D you can't do that until you know your BG first; if you're low, you must get some fast acting carbs into yourself and wait for them to bring your BG up before you ever turn the key in that ignition. Want to go visit family an hour from home, even for the day? You must pack extra supplies "just in case". What are those supplies, you're wondering? How about a small duffle bag full of extra pump supplies, sensors for your CGM, 3 kinds of tape, short acting insulin, long acting insulin, syringes, Glucagon kits, scissors, juice, snacks, lots of water.... and that is just the short list off the top of my head.

So why do we raise money every year for our local JDRF chapter's Walk To Cure? Because we hope and pray every day that our daughters and everyone like them, live to see a cure and they no longer have to live with T1D. But until then, we walk to ensure that they have a better life with fewer complications from this life threatening disease. T1D is not something you can "grow out of" or change your diet and exercise routine to get rid of.... It's an autoimmune disease and it's LIFELONG, and as of right now, there is no cure. Insulin is not a cure, it is LIFE SUPPORT... without it they die. That is the reality of T1D. The other side of our reality, however, is the amazing community that is as strong as it is because of JDRF and their mission to finding a cure and bettering the lives of all kids like Gracie and Sarah along the way. Please join us as we fundraise for this year's JDRF Walk. I'll be posting about fundraising opportunities as we schedule them, and of course we'd love for ya'll to join our Saving Grace Team (Schroeder Family Team). While our team was named over a decade ago and life threw us another curve ball with Sarah joining the T1D ranks, Saving Grace is aptly named... for it is by the Grace of God alone that these two girls are living the amazing lives they are. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God knows the plans HE HAS FOR THEM and those plans are awesome, even if we don't understand or see His vision while we are on the journey.

Right now I would like to share a link with ya'll. Tupperware graciously donates 40% of all sales from this link to JDRF:) http://www.tupperware.com/?fundraiser=5963cfdf1f800b180743e9da
I'll be setting up our team page tonight and will post the link to that this week. We'd love for everyone to join us as we Walk To Cure T1D

A New Addition....

2017-07-09T23:24:00.000-05:00

Even tho we are all grieving Sweet Oliver's passing, we are thrilled to welcome little Kyah May into the family. Sarah fell in love with her when her eyes fell upon her picture on Facebook. She drove 5 hours west today to pick her up and bring her home.

Princess Kyah is just a bitty little pup...8 weeks old Chihuahua. She was exhausted after her long drive to her new home and leaving her mom and litter mates, but we are all in love already. She hasn't met her cousin Doug yet, however he seemed enchanted by his baby cousin, from the safety behind the baby gate. She is just too bitty right now to meet Doug nose to nose, but I'm pretty sure they'll enjoy some adventures in the future.

Welcome to the tribe Kyah May!

Another Unwanted Goodbye...

2017-07-09T20:46:00.000-05:00

Gracie's sweet bunny, Oliver, passed away today. This was totally unexpected. She was making music videos with him yesterday, he was fine this morning...tonight, when I went to check on the critters and give them their evening petting, I found him "asleep" in his litter box (his favorite place to nap). I reached in to scratch his long, soft ears and found he was gone. Telling Gracie was so hard. She adored that fluffy boy.

Oliver....you were an amazing friend. We all loved you dearly. You were such a joy, it allowed us to open our hearts and home to other critters, other bunnies among them. We miss you sweet, quiet presence already.

Oliver....beloved and cherished 2012-2017