As the Corn Grows... These are the Recipes of My Life

A New Journey Begins...

2014-08-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

Today’s the first day of school. My son is starting second grade and my daughter is starting kindergarten.

Before you check out thinking this is another mom getting weepy about her kids going back to school, let me assure you it’s not.

I love our school. I love the teachers my kids have this year. I love the administrators and staff.

But I hate today. It’s not for the reasons you may think. It’s not for the reasons I thought. But through a few weeks of prayer and reflection, I think I know why I hate today.

Of course I’m nervous for my babies because I want them to be safe and happy and because new is hard… NEW IS SO HARD!

For eight years, I have been a work-from-home mom. I have had small people with me every day minus a few hours here and there. That has been my identity. Not in a weird she-has-no-life unhealthy kind of way, but in a this-is-my-world kind of way.

I’m not sitting here wondering how I will fill my days. Good gravy, I have plenty to do. I’m sitting here crying because I don’t know what MY LIFE looks like anymore.

The worst part is that I didn’t choose it. I didn’t choose a new job. I didn’t choose to start a new adventure. And it’s not like God called me into a new ministry and I need to be obedient. The government chose this. They decided it was time.

That’s a tough pill to swallow.

I’m not anti-government or anti-school. I’m just anti-not-being-in-control.

I know that God has a plan and part of me is excited to see what this new chapter will look like. I also know that I am blessed beyond words and I am not losing sight of that. But right now, in this moment, I hate today.

This is by far the hardest "Something Uncomfortable" yet.

Song, Scripture & Story Night

2014-02-22T10:51:00.001-06:00

I recently had the incredible opportunity to share my testimony at a special worship service at my church. Several people that could not attend asked if there was a copy of my testimony available. Nothing could compare to being there in person to experience the worship through the songs led by Jackson and Scripture read by Melissa, but I thought I could at least share the transcript of what happened.

I'm including links to the songs and Scripture in hopes that you can catch a glimpse of what God sis that night.

Song: More Than Life

Song: Lord I Need You

Scripture: Psalm 145 NIV

Song: Amazed

Story Part 1:

I am currently doing the Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of Esther, Thursday mornings here at Hope. A few weeks ago, Beth made this statement:

“You cannot amputate your history from your God-given destiny.”

She was saying this in response to Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Beth went on to say that we need to learn from our history and be humbled by it but we cannot forget it or pretend that it did not happen.

As her words were rushing over me, I let out an internal, “YES! Preach it Sister!” You can imagine my surprise when I received the phone call from Jackson that same evening asking me to share my story with you. We serve a funny God, don’t we?

You see I have quite a history. It’s the type of history that makes some people nervous to talk about. Yet most people can relate to it on some level. Why? Because I have literally broken all Ten Commandments. Even if you can’t say that you are an overachiever like I am, I’m certain you’ve broken a few. If you don’t know my story, you are probably assuming I mean all of them EXCEPT the one about murder, right? Sadly, I can even check that one off of my list.

I was not raised in the church. We were more of a Cheaster kind of family than anything. You know, the ones that go to church on Christmas and Easter? My parents emphasized many good moral principles as they raised me, but going to church was just not important.

I was always a straight A student but by the time my parents started to divorce during my sophomore year, I was burnt out and lost. I started dating my first abusive boyfriend. I quickly mastered the fine art of binge drinking and getting high and before I headed to college I was smoking 2 – 3 packs of cigarettes each day.

A month after my high school graduation, I was raped my one of my best friend’s boyfriend. We later found out that he was a serial rapist who raped or attempted to rape several of my friends. Unfortunately when you are raped, you tend to react in one of two ways. You either never want to have sex again or you try to prove that you aren’t broken by sleeping with an excessive number of people. Being the stubborn overachiever that I am, I sadly chose the latter option.

By the time I was 19, I found myself pregnant, desperate and heartbroken. I’d love to give you the long list of reasons why I justified the choice I made, but the bottom line is that I chose to terminate the pregnancy.

So fast forward to my early 20s. Clearly I was a hot mess. I was caught up in an unhealthy lifestyle full of bad choices. I was going nowhere fast. It always seemed like life wasn’t supposed to be without heartache and stress. It certainly didn’t seem like things were ever going to get any better. I was hanging around the wrong people, working in a negative environment and dating yet another “project” man who needed me to fix his life. I was doing destructive things that always led up to illnesses, and living a lifestyle that continually set me up for failure. I had very little hope.

I never ruled out the possibility of God’s existence, I simply didn’t have time to deal with the likelihood of it at that point in my life. I claimed to be agnostic, and knew that someday I would research the various religious options and would then make an educated decision based upon my discoveries.

When my mom and step-dad became Christians in the mid 90s, I figured they had gotten caught up in some crazy new adventure or cult. I didn’t want to have anything to do with it, and frankly, didn’t want to hear about. Thankfully, they talked about God and Jesus anyway. I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were planting the seeds I needed in order to see the truth.

In January of 1998, I was at a convention with my parents and with my current “project” boyfriend. These particular conventions always close on Sunday morning with a worship service. Begrudgingly, I attended the service and had the opportunity to hear Franklin Graham speak. It was as if he was speaking directly to me. He talked about being Billy Graham’s son and going to church simply because it was expected of him. It wasn’t until he was in his twenties that he really came to know Christ and made the conscious decision to accept Jesus as his Savior. He talked about getting all of the bad influences out of his life and then challenged us to do the same. It was as if he was speaking only to me in this crowd of thousands. He was telling me to make the changes I needed to and to finally admit that I already knew the truth. I left knowing what I wanted, but was still too afraid to make all of the changes I needed to.

In April of 1998, I was diagnosed with having herpes simplex spinal meningitis and spent several days in the hospital. Wait, what? Yes… that’s right. AIDS is NOT the only STD that can kill you. I have 2 other killer viruses: Herpes and HPV. Awesome, right?

While I was at the hospital, only 4 people came to visit me: my mom, my step-dad, my sister, and my parents’ pastor (Hope’s former pastor, Bill Shereos). I realized that I couldn’t deny the truth anymore: I was surrounding myself with people who didn’t really care about me, if they had they would have supported me though what was the scariest illness I had ever had. When I got home from the hospital I cut off all ties with the “bad” people in my life. Although it began as a lonely journey, I knew I could never go back.

One month later, in May, I finally agreed to read a book that my parents had been encouraging me to read, Left Behind, by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. When one of the characters got on his knees and prayed a “sinner’s prayer,” I found myself weeping and praying that same prayer over and over. My life has never been the same since.

Song: Surrender

Scripture: Psalm 130 NLV

Story Part 2:

A few months after surrendering my life to Christ, I met Adam at Hope. After my track record with men, I begged God to take him away. I honestly just wanted to date Jesus. After some seriously cool confirmation that God approved of this relationship, I carefully moved forward.

A month into our relationship, I confessed my sordid past to Adam and told him that I would totally understand if he wanted to head for the hills. To my surprise, Adam held me. He wept with me. And he repeatedly expressed how he wished he could have been there for me. Wow! Right? Folks, don’t settle for anything less in a relationship.

A few months later, Adam told our pastor that he wanted to marry me. Without even knowing my full history, Bill told him that I needed to go into Christian counseling before Adam should even think about proposing. Although that was a painful pill to swallow, it was so very wise.

I began counseling with a Christian counselor in Chatham. She had me go through The Steps to Freedom in Christ by Neil Anderson. This process took me through my past in such a way that I learned to forgive myself for the choices I had made. I remember having difficulty forgiving myself for one of my “big” sins to which Sue said, “By not forgiving yourself, you are saying that Christ’s death on the cross was not good enough for you.”

Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks. My not forgiving myself was an issue of pride. I was belittling what Christ did on the cross. In that moment, I got it. Mind blown. Freedom from my past. My history no longer defined me. I was defined by my relationship with Christ.

Looking back, I can see how God used that freedom to catapult me into a life of service for His Kingdom. He called me to work in youth ministry here at Hope for 9 years, both as a volunteer and as a member of the church staff. He has called me to share my testimony at various churches, in schools, before a committee for the Illinois House of Representatives and even on the radio. He continues to call me to serve the teachers, students and families at my son’s school. He even has me proclaim the victories He has blessed me with on the Internet.

A few years ago, God called me to write a blog. Oh my word, He challenges us in the most unusual ways!

You see, by nature, I am a VERY introverted person. Add to that my OCD and perfectionism and you have one very conflicted person. In my youth, I dealt with my character flaws through escape… drugs, drinking, and other destructive behavior. As a Christ-follower, I found myself shrinking further and further within myself.

While standing in my bathroom, I clearing remember God convicting me to get over myself. I also remembering thinking, “Seriously, God? What now? I’ve laid it all out there for the whole world. Can’t I just hold on to my variety of neurotic behavior?” Apparently the answer was, “No.”

He started me on the journey that would quickly become called “Something Uncomfortable.” Every day, I would consciously do something appropriately uncomfortable and then blog about it to help hold myself accountable. Within short order, I had quite a little following and found myself being used… once again… by God to minister to broken people. Over the course of almost a year, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends and my audience got to watch me break free from the stronghold that my insecurities had over me. Being uncomfortable for Jesus became a part of who I am.

One of the most important things I learned from that chapter in my life was that people CRAVE freedom. And one of the biggest reasons why people don’t experience freedom is because they are too embarrassed to talk about their junk. Why? Because even in the “church” people are shamed for their histories. So I’ve concluded that if more people talked about their junk, there would be a lot less shame and whole lot more freedom.

So as I sit before you today with my junk laid out for all to see, I pray you can learn a few things about the awesome God we serve:

1. God isn’t embarrassed by your history, so you shouldn’t be either. I can stand before you and say that I had an abortion and that I have herpes just as easily as I can say that I have brown hair and blue eyes because I am not defined by my history. I am defined by my identity in Christ.

2. You are worthy of God’s love and forgiveness. Christ died for us all. Assuming He didn’t cover you on the cross is an issue of pride. Throw yourself at the feet of Jesus. Seek His gift of new life and forgive yourself.

3. Be humbled by your history and learn from it. Ask God how He can use you for the greater good of His Kingdom. God doesn’t waste a hurt. Tell Him you are willing and I promise you He will use you to help others.

4. Talk about your junk. Don’t freak out. God isn’t going to call everyone to get up on stage or go on the radio to share your history. But when he does prompt you to share with a friend or with some other person that is hurting… and you’ll know when He does… do it. Get over yourself and do it. You might not know the impact you are having on people on this side of heaven, but I can assure, God will use you.

Being a Christ-follower is NOT easy. In fact, I often think getting high was a lot easier. But a life with Christ is a life of hope. Unexplainable, undeniable hope. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Christ redeemed my life. He took a hot, holy mess and not only forgave me, but gave me value. It is my honor and privilege to serve Him in ways I never thought possible. And I know He wants nothing less for each one of you.

Song: Grace Like Rain

Scripture: Psalm 116 NIV

Song: Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Mind. Blown.

2013-12-16T17:53:00.000-06:00

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There has been a blog post circulating lately talking about the biggest misconceptions about Christianity. I couldn’t agree with it more. (If I can find it, I’ll tag it.) The main point of the post is that life for a Christian is hard. In fact, becoming a follower of Christ often brings a life filled with disappointment… because fellow believers will let you down. Persecution… because people will not understand your convictions and will let you know how wrong you are. And unfounded judgment… because people assume that you are a hypocrite because a lot believers ARE hypocrites.

So why in the world would someone choose to follow Christ?

Because the hope we have in Him far outweighs any of the nonsense we face here on earth.

Adam and I follow Christ with wild abandon. We trust Him with everything we have. When He tells us to give, we give. When He tells us to serve, we serve. When He tells us to share our ugliness and the work He is doing in us because of it, we do it loud and publicly. When He convicts us to take a stand on something, we hold firm in that conviction even when the stones are being thrown.

Why?

Not because we are special.

Not because we are better than anyone else.

Because we love Him. He saved us from ourselves (believe me, there was a LOT to save me from) and sacrificed His only Son so that we can spend eternity with Him.

How can we not trust Him with everything?

The best part is when God shows up with a great big ridiculous hug saying to stay the course.

Today I received several of those “hugs” and felt led to share one with you.

On Saturday, I posted the following on facebook:

Being super cheap with expensive taste is painful. I need a new winter coat and of course the one I've decided that I NEED is not cheap. But I'm too cheap to buy it unless I can find it on sale which isn't going to happen because these coats never go on sale. So it looks like I'll keep wearing my coat with the blue paint on the butt. I blame my OCD and being a part of generation x for boring you with this information.

My point in sharing was to show how ridiculous I am. Instead of being practical, I had my heart set on an unnecessary $300 coat. Honestly, it was just an early morning ramble.

Well, my mom found a similar coat at a fabulous boutique in town. She had me meet her there yesterday to check it out.

The coat is amazing. It is less expensive AND there was an adorable scarf to go with it.

Today, my husband came home with an envelope from our church mailbox addressed to me with $200 in it and the following note:

Beside myself with excitement, I went to the store today and paid for them both. The total? $198.10!

Are you kidding me? Mind. Blown!

I have no clue who gave me the money. I am completely humbled by the gift. That was NOT necessary, nor was it my intention in writing the post.

But that’s what I’m talking about. A huge hug from God. I had a pretty rough week last week dealing with a lot of interpersonal struggles. The coat, is a warm reminder that people are good. AND that God is even better. It’s worth staying the course when life gets bumpy because we are NOT alone.

You can see why I don't take selfies on a regular basis. The coat and scarf are soooooo cute!

Thank you so much to the person who delivered that hug from God!

God is so good. All the time. Even when He doesn't buy you a new coat.

Little White Crosses: A Follow Up

2013-10-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Little white crosses outside a local church.

A year ago, I wrote this post about the Little White Crosses that churches and Christian schools put in their lawns as a memorial to the thousands of children “killed” by abortions each year. If you haven’t read that post, I would encourage you to read it first so you understand where I’m coming from.

The crosses showed up again yesterday. Why? Because today is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day that is particularly painful for those of us who have had abortions.

Yesterday, when I drove past the little graveyard, I knew I needed to re-share my original post.

Today, a brave woman told me that she DREADS this time of year. Why? Because of the little white crosses.

I am horrified to think that the feeling of DREAD would be associated with anything or any place that represents Christ.

HORRIFIED.

And yet, I share her dread. No matter how many years go by and how much I truly understand that I am a new creation in Christ who has been saved by the blood He shed on the cross, the pain associated with my abortion will never fully go away… at least not on this side of heaven.

But let’s be clear… I do NOT dread seeing those crosses because I feel shame. I HAVE NO SHAME BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN BY THE GOD WHO LOVES ME. No, I feel dread because there are men and women who have had abortions that do NOT know the love of Christ and will not step foot into a church because of those crosses.

I think reminders of where we have been are a good thing. They keep us focused on God and what He has done to pull us out of the pits we have created for ourselves. We NEED to be reminded that we cannot do this alone. We NEED Him. That’s why I have shared my story EVERY time He’s asked. Even when it’s embarrassing. Even when it’s painful. Even when I run the risk of being judged by man.

I remember seeing those crosses before I knew God’s grace. They were condemning and judgmental. They screamed, “Get away, you wretched sinner! You are NOT welcome here!”

I don’t think the people that put the crosses in the lawns are bad people. I just don’t think they comprehend the real message they are sending. It’s difficult to stand up for what is right in a loving way. And it’s easy to be more concerned with telling people they are wrong rather than loving them into a relationship with Christ.

I had a thought this morning… what if the sign read instead, “In honor of the thousands of men and women affected by abortion each year. May you know the love God has for you and may you find refuge and healing in this place of worship.”

Something.

Anything other than what it says.

If you agree with what I’ve said, would you please help take away the dread that comes with this time of year? Would you consider sharing these thoughts or your own? But I implore you, do it in the spirit in which it is intended and that is a spirit of love. Help me educate people about the message they are sending. I have every confidence that it is NOT the one they intended.

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Talk About Something Uncomfortable…

2013-08-04T14:51:00.002-05:00

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So if you’ve read my blog at all you know that there are certain things that terrify me… new people and using the phone are two of the biggest. The main reason why I started the Something Uncomfortable journey was to get over some of my paralyzing fears so I can live life to the fullest.

God has used many unexpected things to help me tackle my fears over the last 17 months. I think it’s safe to say that I never thought He would use pretty bags to work on my character.

Near the end of the school year, a mom (Kat) did a Thirty-One fundraiser at my son’s school. I LOVE their products and jumped all over the opportunity to have a party without having a party. “My son” sold so many bags that he won some prizes and helped to earn a pizza party for his class.

I thought that would be the end of it.

I’m such a silly girl.

In June, I received an email from Kat telling me that the Large Utility Totes were on special for $10. Well, I clearly NEEDED a second LUT and I’m a sucker for a great deal. And in all honesty, I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to connect with Kat so I could meet more people at my son’s school. So I signed up to do an online/catalog party.

Before I knew it, Kat was at my house dropping off the catalogs and supplies. Obviously, I didn’t think it through. If I had, I would have realized this endeavor would require talking to people. While she was here, I noticed the enrollment kit:

Ummm… it has a retail value of over $300 but only costs $99 and it has 3 of the bags I wanted to purchase anyway in the colors/prints I want. As a bargain shopper, that kit haunted me all month.

Poor Kat. Near the end of the month, I grilled her with a million questions. She told me that consultants make 25% of the party totals. What?!?! That’s unbelievable! And when my party went over $600 (that was an ONLINE party… I didn’t even show anyone the products in person), she agreed to split the part with me. I signed up.

Oh. My. Goodness! What did I do?????

And then someone asked to do an in-home party. Which I swore I wouldn’t do. EVER! I mean, I was fully intending to hide behind my computer and watch this thing fizzle away… But clearly God had something else in mind. (BTW, the party was a blast and I cannot wait to do another one.)

My family and I just went on our first real family vacation. And it was wonderful!! Why? Because my poor husband works 18+ hour days 5 days/week and 6-8 hours on Saturday. We own a small construction company and are desperately trying to get out of debt. We took a break for 10 whole days. And it was GLORIOUS!

What does this have to do with Thirty-One? Well, as a family, we agreed that we NEED to take a vacation EVERY year. And we NEED to get out of debt so we can buy a house that better suits our family. Our solution: Mommy is going to work Thirty-One and save the profits so we can go on vacations and have family time while Daddy keeps the construction company going.

And are you ready for the real kicker? Last year, I volunteered 2 days each week in my son’s class and intend to do the same this year. Because of that commitment along with doing the books for the construction company, I didn’t think I could help out with the PTO. Guess what Kat is? Besides being an awesome person and a great Thirty-One sponsor, she is the incoming president of the PTO. BAH! Are you dying? Cuz I thought I was going to when I heard that! Guess who’s going to be helping the PTO this year?

God is so funny! I love (and sometimes hate) how He sneaks up on you and gives you opportunities to grow when you least expect it. And I LOVE how He blesses you immensely when you follow His lead.

How has He challenged you to be uncomfortable lately?

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #3

2013-05-28T15:47:00.001-05:00

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Life’s Lemonade Lesson #1: Go out of your way to be thankful and never miss an opportunity to lift someone up.

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #2: Don’t let your kids get away with murder just because life is hard right now.

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #3: Don’t let insensitive people make you feel guilty because you are struggling with your current situation.

Let me start by saying that my family and I have been surrounded by an overwhelming amount of love, support, help and prayer throughout this meningitis nightmare. I honestly do NOT know how we would have survived without them and we are forever grateful.

However… a couple of people made some cutting comments while I was in the hospital that I have really struggled with. Instead of dwelling on their negativity, I’m trying to focus on what God might be trying to teach me through their insensitive words. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

It’s alright to struggle. God allows us to struggle because He draws us closer to Him when we do. In our darkest, most painful moments, we realize just how much we need Him. And if we are smart, we will hang on to Him and stay focused on that need when life gets better.

There will always be someone who is in a situation that is “worse” than the one you are experiencing. There will always be babies starving in Africa… someone who just lost a loved one… a person suffering from a more painful illness… and someone who suddenly lost everything. But other people’s “worse” situations shouldn’t make us feel guilty about our “lesser” misery. Instead, our misery should make us more compassionate about those that are also struggling.

It’s alright to feel. It’s alright to be depressed because an illness hurts really badly and you are quarantined in the hospital for 5 days. It’s alright to be down because you don’t like your job. It’s alright to struggle because you feel lonely. It IS alright to feel.

But it’s NOT alright to wallow. So instead of letting those not-so-nice comments get to you, use your pain as motivation to help someone else… even if it’s just to pray for them. The devil wants nothing more than to make us feel alone and he has no problem getting ugly to make that happen. Feel what you need to feel but do it without letting him win.

Every Child Should Own A Book: WE DID IT!!

2013-05-21T16:41:00.002-05:00

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2 blog posts in 1 day!?!? What’s going on? Well, I was just too excited to wait to tell you about this one…

Do you remember when I freaked out because my son’s kindergarten teacher indicated that some of the kids in his school don’t own any books? And I just couldn’t handle it? So I suggested that instead of buying junk for school party treat bags, we should be purchasing the $1 books from Scholastic.

And then I had the crazy idea that EVERY student in my son’s school should own a book before the end of the year. So I had my kids sell an insane amount of pumpkin muffins, chocolate chip cookies and water at our garage sale. All of the money was set aside to buy $1 books. And then some of you generously donated some extra books to the cause.

Guess what? We were able to purchase close to 400 books – one for EVERY student in my son’s school!!!!! How cool is that???

And these are junk books, my friends. They are just books that are on sale. I purposely purchased books that were one grade higher than each class so that each child would have something challenging to read over the summer. And if the book is too much for a particular student, I figured it would serve as a good goal… to be able to read the book that they own.

Here are a sampling of the books.

My son’s teacher told me that the first graders were thrilled to own a chapter book. Some of them have not even been able to touch one yet, so they are excited to work on reading their very own chapter book.

Here is a thank you card we got from one of the classes. How fun!

Thank you… thank you for praying about this… thank you for donating… thank you for “buying muffins for Jesus!”

Now since we aren’t doing garage sales anymore, I have to come up with a creative way for my kids to earn money to buy books for next year’s classes…

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #2

2013-05-21T11:23:00.000-05:00

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Life’s Lemonade Lesson #1: Go out of your way to be thankful and never miss an opportunity to lift someone up.

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #2: Don’t let your kids get away with murder just because life is hard right now.

Life is hard. And sometimes it’s really hard.

Sometimes I think, as parents, we feel so guilty when life gets difficult that we allow our kids to behave badly and act out. I think we are actually doing them a great disservice when we let that happen.

The last three months in Schneiderland have been hard. My mom had her hip replaced in February. I injured my back at the same time. On Easter, my daughter had pinkeye which turned out to be an adenovirus. The entire family got it. It was BRUTAL. No sooner did we get over that then my husband got a bad case of bursitis in his knee that led to bleeding in his entire leg. The poor guy still has swelling and I go down with meningitis on OUR BIRTHDAY which was 3 days before Mother’s Day. Needless to say, we are meeting our insurance deductible early this year.

We spent 3 or 4 weeks helping my parents after her surgery. Life was far from normal. This was particularly difficult for my sweet babies who like and seem to need order. And there was some whining. Understandably so. We quickly learned that this was an amazing opportunity from God to teach our children a few things:

Life is unpredictable. You have to be able to go with the flow when it becomes necessary.
When people are hurt, you help. Why? Because being hurt or sick is hard enough, doing it alone is impossible. That’s why God wants us to live in community.
It’s lonely when you are in pain. Being present with someone is an amazing and FREE gift we can give them to help them heal faster.

So when I spent 5 days in the hospital, my kids knew the drill. Life is not going to be normal for awhile, but it’s going to be alright… even if alright is a new normal. They have had a few moments, but some friendly reminders have quickly gotten them back on track.

Look, I’m not crazy nor am I unrealistic. We are all going to have our moments when stuff goes wrong. I even think it’s healthy to have an ugly cry or two along the way. What I don’t think is ok is to wallow in it. And I really don’t want to raise my little people to be wallowers. God is too big to waste our time wallowing. And people are too amazing to waste our time with them behaving badly.

Kids are stronger than we often give them credit for. Don’t waste opportunities to help them to grow even stronger and to help build their character.

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #1

2013-05-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

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As I shared yesterday, I’ve learned some pretty remarkable things about myself and other people throughout this bout of meningitis. Today, I’m going to tell you about the first.

Life’s Lemonade Lesson #1: Go out of your way to be thankful and never miss an opportunity to lift someone up.

Like most parents, Adam and I have taught our kids to say please and thank you. Beyond telling them they should do it, we try to be a good example for them.

While in the hospital, he and I made a point to thank everyone that stepped into my room. I mean everyone EVERY TIME. When you are sick and in pain and vomiting it’s easy to get caught up in your own misery. But as I would step back and watch these men and women take care of me, I couldn’t help but be grateful. And I felt it was my duty to make sure everyone knew it. I mean not only were they bringing my meds, but these people emptied the potty hat in the toilet. They took care of my vomit. They brought me ice water when I was thirsty. They even emptied my trash.

But that’s their job, you say? So? I like when my kids thank me for feeding them even though it’s my job. Don’t you like to be thanked for the things you are expected to do?

And let me tell you it made a difference.

There was one gal who came into my room to clean it. She gathered the trash and headed for the door. I said, “Thank you so much!”

She looked at me funny and said, “I still have to mop the floor.”

“Oh, alright.”

When she was finished and leaving for good I said, “Thanks again!”

This time she looked back with a smile and replied, “You’re welcome!”

Based on her reaction, I’d think it’s safe to say she goes unnoticed most of the time.

My husband is a walking rolodex. He makes a point of learning everyone’s name… a skill that I am lacking and long to have. He NEVER missed a beat in the hospital. Nurses would bring me meds in the middle of the night. He would wake up out of a deep sleep and thank them by name. They were always astonished and always left with a smile.

While I can’t remember names, I can always find something to compliment a person for: cute hair, a pretty top, etc. I don't beat myself up over what I'm NOT good at. Rather, I focus at what I AM good at.

The nurse that helped me on my last day did NOT show up in a good mood, yet she desperately tried to be nice.

I could tell she was struggling so I said, “I just wanted to let you know that everyone has been so kind to me while I’ve been here and I really appreciate it. I can only imagine how hard your job is. I thought you should know that you all have made this miserable situation more bearable. Thank you!”

I’m not exaggerating when I say you could visibly see some of the tension leave her face. She seemed a little lighter throughout the rest of the day.

We all like to be appreciated and acknowledged. And it’s so simple to thank and compliment the people who cross our paths. I’m so thankful God took the time to make this so clear to me this week. An easy way to thank God for His many blessings is to take the time to bless people.

Will you join me in finding ways to thank and uplift the people that come into our lives?

Life’s Lemonade Lessons

2013-05-19T14:20:00.001-05:00

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I am on day 14 of my second battle with viral spinal meningitis. Yeah, you read it correctly. Meningitis almost killed me 15 years ago and here we are again. Fortunately, this is some other random virus which is NOT deadly. Unfortunately, I’m having a MUCH harder time battling this one. I’ll be alright, but man, this thing is doing a number on me.

Last week, I spent 5 days quarantined in the hospital. I don’t remember most of it because I was in pretty bad shape. I mean there is at least one person who visited me that I barely remember seeing.

When I was awake and with it, I wasn’t doing a whole bunch. The TV was mounted near the ceiling, making it painful to watch because of my head and neck pain. So I spent a lot of time thinking. And observing. And praying. And reflecting.

For whatever reason, I haven’t spent a whole lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Trust me, I’ve had my moments, but I’ve just been so overwhelmed by the blessings I’m experiencing that there’s just not much room to wallow.

You know the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?” Through this, I feel like I’ve learned a few of Life’s Lemonade Lessons that are worth sharing. So expect some posts containing my thoughts.

I will leave you with the general theme of my Lemonade Lessons: Every situation you are in whether they are good, bad or ugly are opportunities for God to grow you into the person He wants you to be. And I think most of us would agree that if He wants you to learn something, He will keep giving you opportunities to learn it. So to make life easier, do your best to learn the lesson the first time. (And NEVER pray for patience. Trust me, He can come up with endless opportunities for you to get it.)

I hope you are enjoying today’s blessings!

It was so worth waiting 21 years for my 3rd birthday present!

2013-05-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

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To say that I was really bad at choosing who to “date” is a gross understatement. I mean it’s embarrassing to think about. So when I gave my life to Christ at the age of 23, I decided I was going to stop trying to find Mr. Right and just date Jesus instead.

Calm down… I didn’t mean in some cult-like creepy way. I just meant that I had entered into this new relationship with my Lord and Savior and it was time to get to know Him. Clearly, I was no good at making decisions in my life. I knew I needed to focus on learning how to live the life God longed for me to have and thus learn how to make better relationship decisions.

One of my new Christian friends was a lovely girl named Diana. She had been a missionary through YWAM and spent several years at their Hawaii location. I know… God if you are going to call me to serve somewhere, let it be Hawaii, right? She and I had similar pasts and could relate on many levels.

She told me about having a YWAM professor who had been a hot mess. When he turned his life over to Christ, he swore off women and wanted to just focus on Jesus. Then he met a girl. He begged God to take her away or to give him a sign that he should pursue her. He quickly learned that they shared a birthday. He knew that it was a sign from God and ended up marrying her.

Diana then told me about Eddie. A guy she met at YWAM. A guy that she wanted God to take away because she wanted to focus on Jesus. Guess what? Yep. Same birthday. They ended up getting married and now have 5 kids.

Shortly after hearing this story, I met Adam. He was so fun and handsome and kind. Yet I begged God to take Him away. I had only been a believer for a few months and did NOT want the distraction. We hung out with a group of friends from church, but I refused to give in to my emotions.

One night, Adam, Lindy and I went to Steak and Shake. Somehow we started talking about birthdays. Adam said his was the same as mine. Lindy also knew about Diana’s story. We immediately demanded to see his driver’s license. Upon confirmation, she and I completely freaked out. Needless to say, a year and half later I got to marry my best friend.

Having worked in youth ministry for almost a decade, I always feel the need to clarify a couple of things:

No, you will probably not share a birthday with your future spouse, so don’t put it on your list of things you must have in a spouse.
I don’t believe that everyone will or should get married. Just look at Paul. So don’t get hung up on where you’ll find a spouse, instead focus on living for Christ. If you are going to find a spouse, trust God to bring him/her to you.

What our story shows me is that God is amazing and He is still very active in our lives today. Sometimes He speaks in a still small voice. Other times He screams through a megaphone… or driver’s license… whatever the case may be. The bottom line is that when you focus on Him… and I mean truly focus on Him… He’ll let you know when He’s got something to say to you.

If it weren’t for having the same birthday, I would have stuck to my guns and continued to date Jesus and Jesus alone. And I would have missed out on sharing my life with and serving the Lord with my best friend who just so happens to be the most amazing father and husband that I know.

I didn’t meet my third birthday present until I was 24. I think it’s safe to say it was worth the wait, because he’s the best present I’ve ever gotten!

Are we connected?

2013-04-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

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I know my posts have been scarce over the past several months. If you’ve read the few posts that have made it out of my brain and into the computer, you know that this has been a crazy season for me and my family. I swear I have had a half a dozen posts floating in my mind, but just haven’t had time to write them down.

My kids are on spring break, so we are currently outside enjoying the sunny warm weather… Oh wait. No. That’s what I had hoped we would be doing. Instead we are inside battling plague #485 of the school year: Pinkeye Gone Bad… Very, VERY BAD! So I thought I would steal a quick moment and de-clutter my brain a little.

Several weeks ago, a dear friend called me and asked, “Are we connected? I feel like God is bringing us together in this difficult time so we can battle this war together.” Or something to that effect anyway. ;)

My answer was, “Yes, I think we are connected.”

The more I think about it, the more I realize that we are ALL connected. And we are all supposed to fight our battles together.

In our times of woe and turmoil, we tend to be self-focused and throw pity parties for ourselves. And, if we are honest, we get kind of irritated that others aren’t taking pity on us.

Since my conversation with my friend, I’ve been trying to use life’s chaotic moments to remind myself to pray for others that I know are suffering. For example…

I was awake on and off throughout the night last night because my poor son has a croupy cough from the pinkeye virus – that we are all suffering from. I could give you a 2o minute sermon on the nasty that is pinkeye. Just ask my poor Facebook friends. Let me just tell you this: If your kid has an eye irritation, get drops IMMEDIATELY.

While lying in bed and feeling sorry for myself, God gently reminded me of the family at my son’s school that tragically lost their father last week. And of the many friends and relatives that are waging war with cancer. And of my mom who had to have her hip replaced and whose bones are like those of someone 20 years her senior. Sure, this virus stinks and it changed the plans we had for spring break, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal.

So I prayed. I prayed for each of those dear people. In the middle of the night. While my throat hurt and my son gasped for air.

Why?

Because we are all connected.

Can you imagine what the world would look like if we took the time and deliberately stopped in the middle of our own crisis to pray for someone else’s crisis?

When we hear a siren, whether it’s from a fire truck or an ambulance or a police car, my family stops where they are at and prays. We pray for protection and guidance for all involved. And we pray for God’s peace to surround each one of them.

Maybe our personal moments of angst should serve as sirens. Perhaps we should stop in our tracks and pray for whomever God brings to mind. Not only would we be praying for someone in need, but we would be taking our focus off of ourselves and redirecting it toward God.

We can’t change what happens to us and what happens around us. But we CAN change our attitude and how we react to things.

A Big Win

2013-02-13T14:49:00.000-06:00

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It’s amazing how talking about something can diffuse it. Don’t you think?

Since talking with my friend and sharing with you the other day, I seem to be moving in a much better direction. Life is far from perfect, but my reaction to it seems to be a bit better.

I told you that I would share as I go through this battle, so I wanted to take a moment to tell you about a big win…

Because of Lincoln’s birthday, my kids were off of school for the past 5 days. Since our Christmas break was high jacked by the flu, I wanted to make sure I really engaged with the kids each of those five days. And I did. We had at least one adventure each day including Chuck E Cheese’s, ice cream, breakfast at our favorite café, baking cookies and a long excursion at Scheels. I even said yes to playdough… 3 days in a row! It’s been glorious!

Over the course of those 5 days, subtle and not-so-subtle attacks came. And on a few occasions, I wanted to throw in the towel. But I didn’t. Instead, I’ve been crying out to Jesus and sending quick texts back and forth to my sweet friend. And I’ve been focusing on the I-got-it-dones rather than the I’ve-got-to-get-that-dones. Whatever. It’s my blog. I can make up words if I want to. ;)

Bottom line… I feel hopeful. And that’s a great thing to feel when you are battling against the one who is trying to steal it from you.

Are you feeling hopeful? Or has your hope been stolen from you?

Are you one of us?

2013-02-09T08:49:00.000-06:00

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A friend of mine and I have been talking about how there seems to be a cloud of depression covering a lot of people we know… ourselves included. It’s not surprising considering the state of our world globally, nationally and locally. And personally, we have entered into the stage of life where death and looming death are prominent. Add to that, other difficult everyday situations and you’ve got a breeding ground for the blues. And guess who couldn’t be happier…

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

I mean really, is there a better way to win a spiritual battle than to make people question their sanity, to make them not be able to function and to make them question their worth? Oh. My. Goodness! GET BEHIND ME satan!

In our desperation, my friend and I decided to hold one another accountable in fighting against it. Here are some of the things we are going to attempt to do:

Cry out to Jesus in prayer throughout the day. I’m not talking about anything fancy here, folks. I literally mean, “Jesus, help me please!” We have to redirect our thoughts to God if we want to truly conquer this. And the only One who can actually fight this battle for us is Jesus.

Stop making “To Do” lists and start making “I Got It Done” lists. We have to focus on the successes, NOT the failures.

Focus on the day’s blessings rather than ruminating on what’s wrong in our lives and the world.

Stop trying to fix anyone else. We have to focus on what God is trying to accomplish in us.

I’m sure there will be more, but that’s where I’m starting. And after a little bit of wrestling with God about it, I think I’m supposed to share those struggles and wins with you. So you can expect little posts about this battle I’m in. For example:

This morning, I got up, put on my makeup and fixed my hair. However, the thought of brushing my teeth was overwhelming. Gross, I know. Especially gross for someone who has some severe germ issues. Thankfully, I remembered my conversation with my friend yesterday. With that, I forged ahead and brushed my teeth. It sounds so ridiculous as I write this, but I literally had to convince myself to brush my teeth. Considering the spiritual battle we are fighting, it makes perfect sense. I mean, can you imagine how I would have beaten myself up all day if I hadn’t done it? I can.

Are you one of us? Are you fighting a cloud of depression? Do you want to join us in tackling the root of the problem? I hope you’ll join us as we battle “the spiritual forces of evil” and delight in our identity in Christ.

Pearls, Pigs and A Little Perspective

2013-01-25T16:46:00.000-06:00

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I bet you’ve been wondering where I’ve been. OK, maybe not. But in case you have been curious as to why Chatty Cathy hasn’t been so chatty, I’m going to fill you in.

I wish I could tell you that there hasn’t been anything to write about. Nothing could be farther/further (whatever, the English language confuses me) from the truth. I’ve been wanting to write… OK, rant… about a lot of things. Because a lot of MAJOR things have been happening in my world. So why haven’t I? Well, some of the junk is not mine to share. Some of it is inappropriate to share because it involves other people. And some of it, well, God basically told me to keep my big mouth shut.

Want to know what’s more uncomfortable for me than dealing with a bunch of major junk at once? NOT being able to talk about said junk. Ugh. I hate when God decides to work on the hard stuff.

Although I can’t go into the details, I CAN share some valuable lessons I’ve learned and I’m trying to apply to my life.

You can’t change anyone but yourself. I already knew that, but I’m really trying to focus on my involvement in the problem. Instead of ruminating on what other people are doing wrong, I’m focusing on what I need to do right.

You CAN change your reaction to what others are doing. This is really hard for me. I’m very good at being right. I’m even better at telling people how right I am. That’s not always helpful.

People can’t always hear the truth and it’s not always my job to tell it to them. God keeps reminding me of Matthew 7:6 "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.” If people aren’t ready for the truth, you telling them will only cause them to turn on you. And sometimes God reveals things to you for you, not for you to tell everyone else.

God’s blessings ALWAYS outnumber the bad things in your life. You just have to refocus your attention and be deliberate in thanking Him when it’s the most difficult.

A little bit of perspective goes a long way. All of a sudden, I’m old enough to be surrounded by hospitals and funerals. I’m not sure how it happened, but here I am. People I know and love are dying or suffering from horrific diseases or having parts of their bodies stop working. It’s becoming the norm and I don’t like it. But somehow in the last 7 days, I’ve become thankful for it. Only God knows how many days we have left. Who am I to waste the days He’s gifted me with on nonsense? I’d much rather focus my efforts on fixing relationships and glorifying the Lord with all I do and say.

So let me leave you with this thought… Are you really living today? Or are you wasting time on things you can’t control anyway?

How to Overhaul Your Eating Habits

2013-01-05T10:37:00.001-06:00

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I recently had a friend tell me that she wants to overhaul her eating habits. She is overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start. We are meeting next week so she can pick my brain and ask me questions about what I have done to get where I’m at.

Lt: Summer 2009, almost 1 year after baby #2. Rt: Oct 2012 - 15 mos after learning how to eat right, exercising regularly and improving my overall health.

Obviously, I’ve been thinking a lot about it and thought it might be helpful to come up with my top five things that I have changed in my diet that have led to a healthier me.

STOP DRINKING SODA. It’s poison… glorious, tasty, addictive poison. I drank 2-3 Sam’s Club cups of regular Cherry-Coke for years. Oh.my.goodness!! I get the “need” for the bubbly. But it’s so not worth it. Most soda contains artificial food coloring. The bubbles bloat you. Caffeine can cause breast tenderness and other problems. Of course the calories in regular soda are just stupid crazy. In general, it’s definitely NOT making you feel better or live healthier.
COUNT CALORIES. There are NO quick fixes to weight loss and maintenance. It’s all about calories in verses calories out. If you want to lose weight, you must burn more calories than you consume. If you want to maintain your weight, you must burn the same amount of calories that you consume. It’s as simple (and difficult) as that. I had no idea how to eat properly until I started using MyFitnessPal. You can learn more about that process here.
DITCH THE DYES. Artificial food coloring is also poison. It’s made from petroleum. Would you eat Vaseline? Um, no. Right? So why do food manufacturers put petroleum based food coloring in our foods? If you avoid the dyes, you will be eating more whole foods. It’s a win-win situation really. You can learn why we started avoiding the stuff here.
EAT AS MUCH ORGANIC AS YOU CAN AFFORD. But don’t beat yourself up over what you can’t. Milk and processed snack foods are my top two. If it’s going to be processed, I want it to have as few chemicals in it as possible. And regular milk has hormones and other nastiness in it. God knows, I don’t need any unsolicited hormones going into my body.
TREAT YOURSELF. Seriously. All this business about not being able to eat fat or carbohydrates or sugar is insane. We need all of that stuff. We just need to know how to eat it properly. Again, count calories and you’ll start to figure that part out. So if you like candy-coffee, like I do… drink it! Or if you like chocolate… eat it! Or if you like holiday cookies… bake them! Just do it all in moderation.

Am I saying anything you haven’t heard before? NO. That’s because proper diet, exercise, healthy foods and eating in moderation have always worked.

My advice: take it slow. Tackle one thing at a time. And don’t beat yourself up when you mess up. Life happens and sometime a good old-fashioned binge on M&Ms makes us feel better. Just don’t let yourself stay there. That’s when we get in trouble and that’s why I weigh myself every morning (as non-neurotically as this OCD perfectionist can do it). Monitoring my weight daily holds me accountable and keeps me on track because I only gain weight when I’m not eating healthy.

I hope this helps. And I pray that you will be blessed with good physical health in this new year!

What the...?

2012-12-28T15:12:00.001-06:00

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If you know me at all, you should know to be thankful that I have a filter at all right now. Because all I really want to do is sit and cry and smoke and drink and curse like a *@#&ing sailor.

I hate pity parties and I refuse to participate in them for longer than 2-3 days. Just when I move past one, something else happens and I’m right back in another pity party. December 2012 has sucked and I‘m pretty much over it.

Oh my goodness, what is she rambling about NOW?

Not only do I have a golf-ball sized itchy hive on my back that will NOT GO AWAY. But I am also having a herpes outbreak for the first time in about 5 years. What the…? Well, let me tell you what the… This flipping flu virus is so brutal that my immune system just can’t handle it anymore. My strong, healthy immune system has gone on strike and now every dormant disease in my body is running around having a party. WHAT THE…?

So today, when our pediatrician asked if I wanted to give my kids -who have the flu- the flu shot, I didn’t know if I should cry or punch her. My daughter has been randomly crying all day because she has been sick for a month… no, I don’t want to put one more thing in her little body so her immune system can completely shut down. And no, I do NOT want her to get the flu again.

SHOOT.ME.NOW!

We didn’t get it. And won’t. And the doctor was really sweet about it. She was just trying to be helpful. I really do adore her.

I am naturally a very negative person. I have to actively work at being positive and looking on the bright side of things. I am failing miserably right now. Just ask my poor facebook friends. Shoot, most have probably blocked me at this point. I’m sure I would have. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

So what is my point in writing this post? I have no clue. I know God is big and holy and just and that I’m being a big baby. And I totally get that things could be so much worse. But right now, my world is as bad as I’d like it for awhile. And I’m really struggling not to be completely depressed while continuing to be trapped in the sick ward in Schneiderland. So maybe my point in writing this post is to say that I’m real and I’m broken right now and I’m really sorry for being so negative. And maybe if you are struggling in this season like I am, it will help to know that someone else who “gets” God is having an annoying pity party too.

Bleh.

Why Does Everything Seem to Go Wrong During the Holidays?

2012-12-20T08:21:00.001-06:00

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The older I get, I find myself asking that question more and more. Seriously. Why do we experience what seems to be more drama and crisis during this time of year? If you are anything like me, you’ve not only wrestled with that personally, but also with God. I mean, what is He thinking? Why allow the holidays to be difficult?

Here’s what’s happening in my little world right now:

My father-in-law has cancer for the third time. And this time, it’s in his bones. And it hurts. I don’t mean hurt… I mean HURT. Like no one should suffer like that… pain. Why? And why now?
In the last three weeks, my kids have had strep, a stomach virus and the flu. For the record, I do not ever remember experiencing influenza. It’s nasty and mean. My babies have wailed in pain from high fevers and body aches for days. And now my husband has it. I’m refusing to get it. So I should be good. ;)
We found out yesterday that my 93-year-old grandma has blood in her stool… again. She had a horrible bleed last year that almost killed her. I can’t even wrap my brain around this happening again.
And on the way to work this morning, my poor achy husband’s truck started shaking. Apparently it caught the flu too.

To be honest, that’s nothing compared to what some of you are dealing with. So again, why right now?

When my father-in-law was diagnosed a few weeks ago, I had the following thought:

Maybe now is the best time for all of the junk. Maybe God is not being mean, but instead He’s being merciful. How can I say that? Because even amongst all of the pain and heartache, right now we have Christmas. That beautiful moment where we focus on the glorious fact that He sent His Son to us. It doesn’t take away the pain. It doesn’t heal the fevers. It doesn’t fix the cars. But Christmas DOES give us hope. Hope when it’s hard to have hope. Hope when we need it the most.

While we live in this fallen world, there will always be pain, drama and junk. I’m thankful for the reminder that is Christmas… to look to Him when life is the hardest.

I’m praying for God’s peace and hope for all of you who are hurting this holiday season.

There ARE Options…

2012-12-17T14:54:00.000-06:00

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My son has been extremely sick with the flu or flu-like illness since Friday. My daughter finished her antibiotics for strep on Friday only to have a slight fever and 24-hour stomach bug starting yesterday afternoon. Just when that seemed to be resolving itself, she spiked a high fever and is in bed with the flu. Apparently we are sampling all of the lovelies being passed around school. Awesome. Have I mentioned how much I loathe the numerous springs we have had this fall? BRING ON THE FREEZE ALREADY!!!!

Fevers freak me out. Especially ones that make my babies cry in pain. We are only at the beginning of what I’m guessing will be 48-72 hours of fever for my baby girl. (That’s how long it took for my son.)

Add to my freak-out the fact that it’s holiday party week at school… and I’m in charge of one party and have the party favors for the other one at my house. Hello OCD nightmare.

Of course, as I’m freaking out, I’m also beating myself of with guilt because at least we don’t live in Connecticut… my babies may be super-sick, but they are super-here. So I am desperately trying not to be desperate. I AM a problem-solver. Now let’s solve the problem.

The solution: both kids are staying home tomorrow no matter what. No one wants us to give them this for Christmas. I’ve emailed the other room mom in my daughter’s class to see how I can get the goods to her. And on Wednesday, Pa will watch whichever sickies are quarantined to our house. Adam, my mom and I will go to my son’s school and throw a spectacular Holiday Party for his class. And if my son can’t be there, we will have another spectacular Holiday party at my house when we get home. Problems solved.

I’m telling you this to remind you that there ARE options. Even when things look bleak and aren’t turning out the way you planned, there are ways to make it work. Good thing I’ve been practicing being uncomfortable this year… now to work on not being so whiny ;)

Turn Off the News

2012-12-16T07:36:00.000-06:00

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Since the Garden of Eden, mankind has had the insatiable longing for knowledge. So much so that it is what led to the entrance of sin into what was meant to be a perfect world.

Oftentimes we even claim that we are only seeking knowledge so we know how to appropriately pray for someone. It’s an ironic sentiment considering Romans 8:26-27:

Romans 8:26-27

New International Version (NIV)

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

People, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know how to pray. Why do we lie to ourselves about this need to know the details?

As the news unfolded on Friday about the mass shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, I became hysterical. I stood in front of the television crying… needing to know what happened. After all, I have a kindergartener. This could have easily been happening to me. I wanted to know every detail. Why? Because somehow I convinced myself that if I knew what happened, I could protect my babies better. Ridiculous, but a fairly normal reaction

My hysteria wasn’t helping anyone and I quickly realized I needed to turn the news off. But I still wanted to know… Periodically throughout the day, I checked the internet for updates. Each time reading a statement that made me cry. I mean seriously, there are no words to respond to this insanity. How have we become a society where school and other public shootings are commonplace? Isn’t this America… the leader of the free world? What is happening?

Yesterday, I came upon a statement made by Morgan Freeman about why he thinks this keeps happening. But the statement was so profound that I am finding myself sharing it with you on this somber Sunday morning.

“You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here’s why.

It’s because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed People who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he’ll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

CNN’s article says that if the body count “holds up”, this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer’s face on all their reports for hours.

Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer’s identity? None that I’ve seen yet. Because they don’t sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you’ve just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

You can help by forgetting you ever read this man’s name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news.”-Morgan Freeman

So I implore you to turn off the news. Remember the victims. Let the Holy Spirit intercede with wordless groans as you pray. Pray for something to change.

**I have since learned that Morgan Freeman did NOT make this statement. Regardless, it's a statement that was thought-provoking enough to share. And I still believe we should turn off the news.

Are You Missing Out On An Amazing Opportunity?

2012-12-13T14:00:00.000-06:00

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I’ve REALLY wanted to write this post for a while, but I have hesitated because I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. I feel so compelled to write it, so I’m just going to trust that you will get where I’m coming from. Here goes.

I grew up with a mom who volunteered for everything she could at my school. I always knew that I would do the same for my kids. I also always assumed that EVERY other parent would do the same. Yeah, not so much.

I spend 4½ hours each week in my son’s kindergarten class while my daughter is in preschool. I also organize his holiday parties and help with the holiday activities at my daughter’s preschool. I can do that because we own a construction company. I do the books and have the flexibility to do my job when the kids are sleeping or when I can steal a few moments here and there. I’m not telling you this to be a martyr. I’m telling you this because I want you to know what I’ve learned from this experience.

Here’s a few things each parent should know about volunteering in his/her child’s class:

When they are little, having a parent come to class makes your kid feel special.
It’s an opportunity to get to know the kids that your kids are hanging out with.
It allows you to get to know the teachers that are responsible for YOUR kids 6½ hour each day, 5 days each week.
You get to love on other kids that don’t always get enough love at home. In turn, you become a safe adult in their lives.
Teachers barely have enough time to teach our babies everything they need to know. Your presence helps them in ways you can’t image.

I’ve talked at length with my son’s teachers about the fact that more parents aren’t in the classroom. These are the conclusions I’ve drawn:

Some parents work and their schedules just won’t allow them to volunteer.
Some parents are simply overwhelmed by life and can’t handle adding one more thing.
Some parents just have no clue that they CAN volunteer in their child’s class.

I totally believe those are all valid reasons. But I have some ideas that might help you in each case.

If you can’t physically get into the classroom, see what you can do from home. Ask the teacher if she has any cutting to do or stapling or whatever. Ask her for ideas.
If you can afford to buy stuff for the parties… do it. Shoot have your kid help you pick out holiday napkins at the dollar store. EVERY kid that brings something to class to share feels special.
If you have the flexibility, have lunch with your kid at school each quarter. My husband just did this and said all of the kids thought it was fun to have him there.
If you didn’t realize that you could help IN the classroom, it’s not too late! Contact your kid’s teacher. See how they can use you. I cut, copy, help kids read, help with art projects, hang papers on the wall, and so much more.

Let’s be clear about something: I was a YOUTH pastor. Small people scare me. Drunk, high, pregnant teenagers are no big deal to me. But snotty nosed kids who can’t read scare the living daylights out of me. Oh and I hate new stuff. And talking to people I don’t know makes me want to cry. And germs… little people hugging me with germs. V.O.M.I.T!!! Please don’t use fear as an excuse NOT to do this. I haven’t. And I’m so glad. Because you know what? Those germy hugs make me feel special and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Our kids are only little once. I just really want you to experience this. It’s amazing! And it’s changing my life.

How Big Do You Need God to Be?

2012-12-10T11:28:00.000-06:00

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During yesterday’s sermon, our pastor was asking us how big we need God to be. I was sooooo excited! People limiting God always drives me nuts. I’m not sure if I have some remarkable gift of faith or if I just know how much He can do because He rescued me from the pits of hell. Whatever the case, this was a sermon I EXCITED to hear.

I’ll admit it… something like this went through my mind: Preach it, Dave! Boy, I sure hope So-and-so, What’s-her-name, and That-guy are listening! I think we all like to pretend we don't do that, but I'm pretty sure most of us do.

And that was that.

I’ve been feeling compelled to write again, but I just don’t have time. This morning, I was freaking out trying to come up with a way to fit my blog back into my insane schedule. AND I was trying to come up with something to write.

As the struggle to order my chaotic life ensued, I felt God trying to get my attention:

God: Can I talk to you for a moment?

Me: Not now. I’m too busy panicking and trying to be in control.

God: Clears throat. Perhaps if you come down off of your high horse, I might be of some assistance.

Me: Well, if you put it that way…

God: How big do you need Me to be?

Me: Huh? What are You talking about? You know I know You are huge! Why are you asking me that?

God: How big do you need me to be?

Me: Why do you keep asking me that? This is insulting.

God: Think how I feel. Now, how big do you need Me to be?

Me: …big enough to slow down time and speed me up. Big enough to slow down time and speed me up! Big enough to give me the energy to do what I need to do. Big enough to clear my mind so I can be super productive so I can be a better mom and wife. Big enough for me to realize I need You to be God and I need to get out of Your way.

Yep, it’s been that kind of morning.

Why is it easier for me to believe He can literally move the mountains than it is to allow Him to run my day? I hate when I get in His way.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that I'm So-and-so. ;)

That Thing

2012-11-24T07:14:00.000-06:00

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You know that thing. The one that’s been bothering you for as long as you remember. You’ve dealt with it as much as you can: therapy, prayer, forgiveness, etc. And for 90% of your functioning life, you don’t even think about it.

But then something happens to bring it up and there it is staring you in the face… that thing.

Your feelings become raw again and you just want them to go away. You don’t want to talk to the people involved because it will just make them feel bad. No one can change the situation anyway. Frankly, you are over it intellectually, so why would you hurt them by talking about it? But there you are in your sad little puddle of emotion facing that thing again. UGH!

Why? Seriously, why are we wired this way? I know, I know… the fall… we are human… blah, blah, blah. I get it. I just wish when it came to that thing I could put my emotional big girl panties on and get over it. I want to move on. I want my heart to catch up with my brain already. Grrrrr!!!!!

I want to be free. I want to do whatever something uncomfortable nonsense I need to do to make it go away.

Am I alone here? Or do you struggle with that thing too?

I Hate Hormones, Yes I Do, I Hate Hormones How About You?

2012-11-07T13:19:00.000-06:00

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Seriously. Hormones stink. And no matter how you look at it, we women have to deal with them our ENTIRE lives. Forget the silly election; let’s talk about something that really matters…

As you know by now, I have had the great privilege of starting peri-menopause WAY TOO EARLY. Synthetic hormones turn me into a lunatic. And I’m a big proponent of working to find and treat the problem rather than mask the symptoms.

I’ve had great success with homeopathic hormone therapy for some time. But I started to notice some changes about six months ago: heavier spotting (I had an ablation before I knew better), increased breast tenderness, the glorious return of the hot flash and severe mood crashes that would likely be classified as clinical depression. Just.so.awesome.

So I redid a saliva hormone panel only to find out my hormone levels were doing well with the aid of the progesterone cream. Yay! But then what is the problem?

Then I did an adrenal test to see if the hormones weren’t being processed in my body correctly. I found out today that that looks normal. Yay! But then what is the problem? Wait, did I just say that?

So now what?

Beaux at the Medicine Shoppe had me start taking fiber every day to help with the fibrocystic breast issue. Strange, but it seems to be working. I might just be having a good month, so we will know more over time.

Today, I told Beaux that sudden mood swings have been WAY more intense lately. Frankly, they’ve been scary. Not suicidal scary, but scary enough that this has to be our top priority. The Sepia still helps, but we both agreed that I should try to take the Sepia preventatively rather than as a reaction to the sudden dives. And he is going to do some more research to see if there is something else we can do.

You might be thinking, “Why don’t you get on antidepressants?” Well, to begin with, medication and I don’t typically mix well. I’d like to try to remove as many chemicals from my body as possible, not add to them. I’m allergic to, well, almost everything. And the thought of going through the trial and error phase doesn’t thrill me.

Second, there is a definite pattern with the lows. They don’t happen at the same each month. But when they do happen, it’s during one of the three hormonal shifts I have in my cycle. Again, I’d like to figure out how to deal with the problem rather than the solution.

Let me stress a very important point: I AM NOT AGAINST ANTIDEPRESSANTS. I’m not concerned about the social ramifications that might come with them. And I know that they have saved countless lives. However for me, they are my last resort rather than my first choice.

This is why I’m taking the time to write to you today: You are NOT ALONE and you are NOT CRAZY! Hormones suck. Sorry, but they do. And just when you think you have it figured out, something changes and you are back to square one.

I implore you NOT TO GIVE UP! If you do some testing and they find nothing, don’t be discouraged. If you are experiencing symptoms, then they are real. You just haven’t identified the cause… yet.

And please, DON’T DO THIS ALONE. Talk to someone. Shoot, talk to me. I’ll listen. And this is somewhat anonymous – for you anyway, right?

Stupid apple… stupid serpent… stupid girl… Who am I fooling? I probably would have eaten it too. Bleh.

The Election

2012-11-06T07:44:00.000-06:00

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In spite of the risk of being bombarded with negativity, I am going to be uncomfortable and share a few thoughts on today’s election. So here we go…

As Americans, we are blessed to enjoy the freedom to vote for those who govern our great country. Why? Because countless men and women fought and many even died to give us that right.

I am saddened by the ugliness that many show in response to their sacrifice. Social media has become so littered with hatred and negativity that it's embarrassing. People calling each other stupid for backing a different candidate. Candidates bashing each other and being cruel in their campaigns. It’s all just too ridiculous.

In talking to my 6-year-old about the election, I explained to him that my presidential vote was going to the person whom I agreed with the most. The other person was a good person with good intentions, but I don’t agree with everything he stands for. But no matter who gets elected, I will be kind and support him because he will be our president.

Why can’t we agree to disagree… respectfully?

Today, I pray you vote. Don’t vote in anger. Don’t vote in spite. But vote for the people whose policies you agree with most. And if they don’t get elected, support those who do. We live in a great country that deserves respect. Let’s stop acting like spoiled brats. Instead, let’s act like people who deserve the respect we seek.