IN MY SHOES

SHOUT OUT SI AWON GOONS MI

2015-02-19T13:23:00.000+01:00

Wait a minute...

You mean I have not done any writing since September 2014? Lord have mercy!!! Blood of Jisos!!!

This my off and on has got to stop...what is wrong with you sef this boy? Abi your head need resetting ni?

See make I talk true give una, I honestly do not know what to write about. I am usually confused as to how much information about my life I should even put out there on this blog, other times I have started writing and then half-way into the whole thing, I just cancel it and dump it into the bin...

I read posts from other blogs and I get fascinated as to how these people sit down and come up with really fantastic pieces for their blogs or even as contributors for someone else's blog.

There are also times when I talk to people and I find myself encouraging them to put down their thoughts in journals or set up blogs and the likes... but you see me ehn! I am just one lazy Okafor!

Right now as I am typing all of these it feels like I have not had sex with a woman in a long time, and now I don set p with one babe and we are about to get down to the "do".

I remember when a friend once said to me that I may end up using my writing skills to nack so many babes, see ehn...I told the guy that it won't happen; but deep down I was secretly wishing it would happen. (If you like abuse me for being honest).

But to all the people out there that own blogs and are religious with all the updates and tweaks...una strong o! How do you guys even do it anyway? I can read a post off a blog and I'm saying to myself "Bia...Wale, so you can not write like this? Which kind brain you get sef? After you will say you don"t want to have children with akamu brain...simple blog you can not update! Anuoffia!"

Aside from the bloggers or blog owners; there's a set of people that I always admire their dedication: THE READERS!

Una dey try o! This is when I wish I could do some promo for this my blog by giving out some cash and devices just like Aunty Linda...but Nwanne I broke! I can't afford such biko...maybe if I see endorsement or sponsor...ehen! Now we are talking *licks lips*

The readers of blogs (Yeah I know I am one of you...) strong-minded humans, dropping comments, sharing the posts and making topics trend! Bajinatu si awon goons mi! Una too quality biko, una workshop no go burn...I loyal to una conglomerate!

I f***ing sound like I am campaigning or something...ngwa let us stop all the washing, right now my washing soap don dey finish and month nova end...so no salary yet.

Oh have I told you that I enjoy my job? I work with a radio station in Ibadan, and I swear...the fact that I get paid to talk seems somewhat unbelievable but maka chukwu...e dey sweet when month reach and I get alert! Ibadan isn't such a bad place, quite calm (at least the area where I live); and maybe because of my kind of job, I get to meet all sorts of interesting folks.

Some people say I am a celeb...see forget that thing...na packaging abeg. I am still that guy that would wear shorts, tshirt and slippers (you think I would use the word flip-flops abi?) and take a 50 Naira bike to down some Abula at SkyeBank (No..not the bank itself...it's a spot close to the bank sha)! I am still that guy that if I mess up my mum may just be tempted to pull my ears, put my head in between my thighs and reset my spine with some "Abara" way get NAFDAC number.

I am still that guy that enjoys Moin Moin Elemi Meje! If you haven't had it...you are sitting on a bicylce I swear.

How did I even get to this part of our conversation? My guy, I no sabi o!

Make I stop here...need to work on another post...I dey come first.

I Want To Love

2014-09-27T13:44:00.000+01:00

Once again I have left this space empty, once again I am here to apologise for the silence, but this time I won’t be making any promises about writing more frequently.

I have friends who ask me if I still write, and my answer is always the same…haven’t gotten any inspiration to write for a long time. I am not so sure if the lack of inspiration is the right phrase to use to describe exactly how I have not been able to come up with a post for this space that holds the thoughts which occupy my mind.

Looking at the paragraph above, I just noticed how I haven’t used any punctuation marks; okay now I have digressed. Sincere apologies for that.

I have changed in so many ways since I moved to Ibadan, West Africa’s largest city. I love my job, I get to be silly and express myself, well at least a side of me that only comes out when I am with friends. I work along-side a beautiful hardworking young woman. She is good at what she does, and she’s an amazing friend as well. My colleagues? Amazing bunch! We have our days when we disagree on things though; but it’s how we always come together and look beyond our differences and work as a force, yeah we are a force. We are more than a team; #BeatNation rocks I swear!

You’re wondering how I have changed right? I have learned how to be more honest, my communication skills has improved and I have met really awesome people in this city. I am still learning more about myself everyday, sounds way too cliché doesn’t it? Yeah I think so as well. I am not perfect, I have made mistakes since I moved here a year ago, I have made good and bad decisions, but the truth is…I am human and I would just strive to be the best that I can be.

With all the changes in my life, one thing that seems to elude me is love. I am still single and I can’t wait to fall in love. I do have one fear though, I have this crazy fear that I just do not know exactly what love feels like anymore. Is it hard? How would I even know I am in love? When would it happen? How would it happen?

There are nights I lie on my bed wishing I had a woman beside me, or at least just around me. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? I do know that I know I’m not the only one with such thoughts. Please don’t ask me what my “specs” are when looking for a woman, I honestly do not have. One thing is for sure though, I do not want to be in a boring relationship.

The last time I had any form of attraction for a woman, it didn’t end well at all. I have even gotten to the point where friends try to introduce me to ladies they think would be right for me, you see the problem with such platforms is that it is always filled with loads of expectations. Some are very unrealistic, other times the expectations can be good. It hurts even more when none of these expectations are never met.

If you are out there reading this, dear future girlfriend please be patient with me as I also intend to be patient with you. I would want to learn what it takes to make you smile, I would love to hold you and just watch as day turns into night. I would like to fall in love, grow in love and stay in love.

My thoughts are running wild right now and Sam Smith isn’t helping matters right now all thanks to my iPod.

Anyway, when the time comes for love, I would definitely have an open mind and I pray to God for the strength to accept it and I promise you dear future girlfriend to learn how to love you just the way you deserve.

Love will come, I don’t know when…but I know She will come!

Have a splendid weekend…

FISH AND CHIPS

2014-01-21T15:47:00.000+01:00

When I told Sam I wasn't in hibernation mode tonight, and that I felt like writing; she said something no one has ever said to me … “May the Holy Spirit inspire you!” No one has ever said that to me when I tell them I feel like writing, no one, except Sam.

I am not so sure this piece was inspired by the Holy Spirit, I am not even sure what the title of this piece should be, so I would just stick with FISH AND CHIPS; and I am not so sure I even have the right words in my head (or is it heart?) to really express how I feel right now.

Some years ago, I fell in love with a woman, some years ago; I was willing to give all I had to a woman I that I thought felt the same way about me, as I did about her. But… with the way things panned out, I was wrong.

It hurt then, and it still hurts now. I thought I could find closure, or some form of escape from the pain. I only found out that each time I think about her, I clench my fists so hard and tight that I can feel my nails digging into my palms.

I always thought that by moving to a new city, I would have a new lease of life and hopefully find new love… in the words of Dido “…it’s just a thought, only a thought”. I felt I had dealt with the pain that came with a name that was supposed to mean “…I have found joy”; I was as wrong as a bad grand-father clock without functioning batteries.

I moved to a new city, and started a new job with the thought of moving on, but then I ended up waking up a part of me I had struggled very hard to shut down in Lagos.

I have come to understand the essence of love: You can never force yourself to love someone, you can never force someone to love you.

Tonight, I got some home-truth from a woman I see as special in several ways. She said to me “You’re a good guy, but I hate it when you throw yourself on a woman who doesn't appreciate you…”

She also said to me “…let the pain work through you… feel the pain pass through you” “…don’t try to work around the pain…”

Every time I meet a girl, I force myself to make it work with her, but I keep shutting down because of a past love that was not meant to be. I know she would read this, I am sure she would.

~~*Takes bite from plate filled with fish and chips*~~

She came back again, you came back…and I foolishly let my guard down and I fell for you, again. Guess what, she left me flat on my face, much worse than the previous “dropping”

As I type this, I honestly do not have any single idea as to how to even end this post, I guess I can’t see clearly because of the pain. You can never substitute love, it’s either love or not. I need to stop hoping that the next woman I meet would help me forget the past.

The thing about past love is that it taught me what love is not. At least now I know there’s a difference; and I intend to stay in perfect mind condition for the next woman that walks into my life.

How would I go about it? *SHRUGS* I would begin by not forcing myself to love other people; then from there I would let go of the pain and move on with my life.

If I get to fall in love with someone again, it would be because I truly love that person for who she is and what she represents as a woman.

I think I should stop here and focus on my fish and chips… it’s getting cold!

I've fallen out of love, but not for this meal!

Samsung Galaxy Note 3 + Gear: "Amazing Race"

2013-09-19T12:55:00.001+01:00

I Fell Hard...

2013-09-18T16:31:00.000+01:00

I am a grown-ass man with emotions I thought I had control of; I was wrong, so bloody wrong!

I just found out that all this while I've been trying hard to connect with a lady who doesn't know what she wants. Sounds a bit harsh yes? Yeah! I know, and between you and I I am so not sorry for saying it.

I used to think women liked guys who came out straight and said exactly what they wanted. I used to think women loved being with men who had a purpose, a focus on life...

I used to think women appreciated a guy who is honest with them on all fronts...

I used to think I could get off this train of being single to get into a committed relationship...

See, I was wrong on all counts!

Did she break my heart? NO!

You might ask me "So why you come dey shout guy?" It's got nothing to do with heart breaks, its's just me being a love-goat not knowing I was just being dropped into the friend-zone. I have no bloody idea how I even got myself into it, and right now I honestly feel like trashing an electronic guitar, but I don't own one, so I might as well just trash my emotions with a keyboard and a computer screen ( that doesn't even sound right abi?)

The most heart-wrenching part of this part of my life is that I have been down this road before; I'm sure y'all remember Morayo? Once bitten, twice shy...

I am going to look for closure; haven't figured out what form it would take. But I've got this new job in a new city; I might as well soak myself in work and let go of all the woman drama.

Do I still want to go into a relationship? Between you and I, I honestly don't know. One thing I do know is that I am going to throw myself at my job and generally become better at it.

New Job! New City! New Opportunities! Fresh Start! I just pray to God I would learn from this experience and not throw my heart out to get into a relationship; the scary thing is I am not getting younger by the day, and I don't want to get "stuck in my ways"; when I should be evolving and growing into a man with a woman on my side as my partner.

I have so many things to get off my chest as regards this matter; it just feels like I have been brought down so hard to my knees, blindfolded and beaten with a wire stripped off its rubber linings (not sure how much pain that sentence expresses).

If i think hard about it, I am not sure I even know what love is, and I can't remember if I have fallen in love before! Oh well, nothing cures me of this "crisis" better than a nice hot plate of food; I have a picture of steamed Basmati rice, grilled fish, curry sauce and Mexican salad in my head.
Damn, I'm hungry......I guess that's where the true love is

Would talk to you guys later, really appreciate your patience!

RE-BIRTH

2013-05-13T22:37:00.001+01:00

I met him just as I was moving into my second year in the university. I never imagined it would happen, but it did.

2 men, one office, 2 worlds apart yet connected by blood. He smiled and his eyes lit up as he offered me a handshake; soft hands yet firm. As he held me, he asked "How are you?" It felt like staring at an older version of me for the resemblance was uncanny. If someone had told me this day would come, I'd have said "Are you insane?"

I looked into his eyes, brown they were but they had darkened with age. I stood transfixed as he asked me again "How are you?" Sister had begged me not to cause a scene when we left the house, I had plans to cause a stir, but somehow... I just stood there amazed by it all. My head was blank, all the questions I had memorized went off like PHCN on a rainy day. The door to a new world I never knew existed opened and I walked in with no idea as to how I got there or where the door leads to.

Looking back at how it has all played out today, I now know I have started a journey; a rebirth; a new life-cycle.

I have just begun a new book, I would have said a new chapter, no. I prefer "a new book". I would make mistakes, but I intend to become a better man through it all.

Today, he has helped me be a better person. I am more honest and I now appreciate my circumstances. I know this path I have chosen will not be an easy one, but I am excited because I know the outcome will be a better one for me and my grand children to come.

Today and always, my thoughts shall be "Working to fix the past won't work. Create the future instead"

TODAY I HAD BLUE BALLS

2012-11-22T16:59:00.000+01:00

Please do not for any reason hit me on the head for wanting talk about this. I was supposed to have finished my episode with Morayo (that girl show me pepper)...

Yes...BLUE BALLS! My first experience with blue balls was as expected, painful. I never imagined it could happen to me, I had arranged everything - music, food, movies...I even put fresh sheets on the bed that evening and spent my last 2k ensuring I had the entire apartment smelling lovely.

And my Returns On Investment was BLUE BALLS! Who send me message? 30 minutes of plenty touching and squeezing and no ACTION! I felt like "this babe is wicked!"

Did she not see all the efforts I had put in to ensure this was the best night she ever had? (okay I am actually playing John Legend's Tonight ).

Someone may just ask "what are blue balls na?"

Okay. This is what Wikipedia has to say about blue balls: "Blue balls is a slang term^[1] for the condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles and prostate region, accompanied by acute testicular pain,^[2] or a prolonged dull aching pain emanating from the prostate, caused by prolonged and unsatisfied sexual arousal in the human male"

So, do you understand what I am ranting about? Do you get the picture? You don't? Okay wait...see how I felt like after that session

No, I am not hairy and I do not have a tail either. Anyway, after that day I assured myself I won't carry last again on this matter. I told myself it won't happen again...NEVER!!! Haba! Little did I know that history was going to repeat itself.

This time there was no arranging the apartment, I didn't change the sheets. Didn't buy room sprays or anything, I thought it was all good until she said to me "You know we can't be straffin' on a first date na" Chineke!!!!! Dis girl is a weeeeensh from the village of my enemies (wherever that is). I look the babe hard...as in that kind of fuel subsidy hardness after a long day of hustling for fuel. I wanted to do craze for the babe, but i took a look at the body...the babe fine no be small.

Come see begging! I mean, I no fit just hustle up fine babe from my bag of tricks na can I? Na so the babe begin do she can't she can't! Even the face i put up to get her to gree for me sef, na waste of muscular extensions of the face. In the end, she got up and left saying "maybe we can re-schedule for this session, if I am in the mood".

Before I could respond she had closed the door behind her and said her good bye from the stairs.

BLUE BALLS!

THE FIRST KISS

2012-06-22T15:44:00.002+01:00

I had thought of several ways I wanted this to happen...I had imagined several "perfect" moments and scenes...I had thought of several conversation lines that would lead to this moment, what I hadn't thought of was what it would feel like.

Call me whatever you like, but I'm that guy that prefers to ask for permission for a kiss. It could be in the line of "may I kiss you?" "Do you mind if I kiss you?" "Is it okay if I kiss you right now?". I honestly can't say why I am like this, its just the way I am. I'm not the kind of guy that makes the first move, a woman can show me a dozen green lights, I may not notice them because I'm staring at my shoes wondering "yes" or "no".

I'm a sucker for "lip massages" (that's the way I describe kissing sessions). Please do not take this as a cue that I go around looking for kissing partners...no I don't. Okay I digress...let's head back to regular programming!

The day came, I knew it would happen, but I didn't have any clue as to how to even start. My well-rehearsed "perfect moments" went off without a sign and I felt I was going to choke.

We had talked, laughed, and the conversation kept going on and on. It seemed like we were playing catch-up with words...my thoughts kept going in different tangents and coming back to me with hard thuds I prayed she didn't hear them. I knew I wanted to kiss her, but a part of me kept saying, "Nna, make sure u kiss dis girl or else u r a slacker"... Another part of me said "Guy u dey craze oh, babe nova siddon na to kiss am u dey tink. Okafor like u!!!" At this point, I was left with one option: fiddle with my Blackberry and let the gist flow. Yup!

After some minutes, she dropped her ipad, looked at me with her brown eyes and she kissed me! No wait...I kissed her first...no man! She kissed you first... OH JESUS!!! My heart stopped beating, time paused, I couldn't hear anything, God what's happening? It wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? Then slowly, I could hear a tiny beat...my heart had kicked in, beating slowly but surely. I could see light, but my eyes were shut- all of a sudden I could feel blood rising to my face, a new energy and I felt warm inside.

It was that kind of kiss where during the first one, you both pause and you catch your breath, you're both thinking..."What just happened?" "Oh my days! That felt good" And then you go in for a longer dive...

Soft...
Subtle...
Smooth...

Exploring the sensational feelings that can be gotten from gentle bites of the lower lips.Allowing the tongue to go over the lips in small circular motions.

Clockwise and anti clockwise...
Another pause...
Breath catching mode...
And then another dive...

I didn't want it to end...it wasn't going to end...I want this forever

The First Kiss!

MORAYO MY MONA LISA

2012-06-19T07:00:00.000+01:00

Morayo, Morayo men have named you
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile.

Its 3:15AM and I've spent my night and "half" of the morning listening to Nat King Cole reminding me of how much you mean to me.

The high point of today was hearing your voice...and all at once I knew everything around me was going to be okay.

While fixing dinner for myself, I had the image of how you and I spent time in the kitchen; you stood behind me with a smile of confidence and a ready kiss as I made food for us. My heart paused for a second when you said "...you really are good at this.You will definitely make a good husband..."

I had dinner alone tonight, but I had memories of you sitting beside me. I still want you beside me all the time...Morayo I can't wait to have you beside me!

Minutes after I had cleared up in the kitchen, my phone rang and I picked up, when I heard you say "...how are you?" I knew I would have difficulties sleeping without thinking of you.

Morayo, you are special to me and you are right where you belong - in my heart!

Hearing your voice this night gave me that instant feeling of rubbing my hand against soft Arabian silk; sending me back to when I first heard your voice. That day I had no idea how to start the conversation, then you said "hello" ... Making me feel like fresh butter in between oven fresh bread.

Morayo, your voice; sultry yet captivating...gave me that feeling of an awakening inside me.

Morayo, your voice doesn't sound like that of an opera singer hitting high notes...your voice reminds me of a stream flowing slowly and smoothly over smooth rocks.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Morayo My Monalisa!

SCENTS OF MORAYO

2012-06-18T13:23:00.000+01:00

As I type this piece, all I can see is your face and your smile as it brightens the room I'm in right now.

When you left, my heart sank and I felt this pain I've never felt before. My eyes watered and I struggled hard not to breakdown because I'm supposed to be a man. All I could do when I stared at the spot were u lay with me was to call out your name: MORAYO! At that point, a whiff of your perfume hit me and your voice came ringing in my ears like angels singing the hallelujah chorus. That moment spelt one thing for me - I MISS YOU!

As I walked around the house, and touched the spots where you sat, images of you moving around played in my head.

It got worse as I tried to sleep last night...I kept opening my eyes to look on the other side of the bed, hoping to see you.

I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at my phone. The red light kept blinking and my heart did a back-flip as I prayed it would be messages from you. I got up and picked the phone, all I saw were messages from a BBM Group chat. Then I saw 2 missed calls, I quickly went thru my call history and saw ur name...I bit my lower lip as I asked myself why I didn't hear the phone ring.

Oh! Morayo...I miss you, a lot...a whole lot!

Started the day with Obianuju from Duncan Mighty, tried to push away thoughts of you with it, but J.Holiday came up with Suffocate and my head went on a spiral mode!

Wish you were here Morayo, won't mind staying awake to watch you sleep.

I miss you!

I AM 30

2012-06-17T11:46:00.001+01:00

Today I hit 30...today I am a year older. Today I transit into that phase of life called "early adulthood".

I thank God for bringing me thus far and for keeping me alive.

The journey from the 15th May 1982 till today 15th May 2012 has been one of mixed feelings literally jumping out to be expressed. Anger,Sadness,Fear,Happiness the whole works.

I am however reminded that I am 30 when certain forms require writing my age. Also, most of my friends who are the same age are either getting married, married or have children already. To think I still have not had a girlfriend. But am not losing hope. I just want to enjoy whatever life brings me.

“You are as young as you feel. It is just a number" they say.
I've been having a real tough time getting used to the idea of being 30 and this does not help lol.

A few months ago I woke up utterly depressed about hitting the big three zero. And each day I felt more and more disheartened as I realized 30 was just around the corner.
What was going on with me? This wasn’t worry over wrinkles. I’m blessed with great genes (thanks, Mom) and I look much younger than I really am.

First of all, the goals on my list of lofty aspirations aren’t getting accomplished fast enough. And since I am 30 deep down, I fear I am running out of time.

Second, the life I imagined for my 30-year-old self when I was in my 20s looks nothing like the one I’m currently living. Most of the goals on my vision board are all those things I failed to achieve in my 20s. If I couldn’t do it then, I thought to myself, why do I think I can do it now?

After a phone call and some BBM chats later, I've decided to do the following things;

Ditch the deadlines. I had to let go of the unrealistic timeline I’d set for accomplishing my dreams. No, I’ll never be on one of those “30 Under 30” lists but that’s certainly no reason to throw in the towel.

Be thankful. Since I have such a love for lists I decided to make a few new ones. I made a list of all the things I have already accomplished and when I’m feeling down I pat myself on the back for those instead always dwelling on what I haven’t done yet. It’s important to be thankful for what we have.

Celebrate the small stuff. I decided to take my daunting dreams and break them up into smaller, less intimidating goals and that I would rejoice over each tiny triumph.

Yes, my 20s were adventurous and fun, but I was a mess. Life doesn’t become perfect at 30, but by then, you have a lot figured out. Though all your dreams haven’t come true, thanks to life experience, you have a pretty good idea of how to bring them to fruition. You know who you are, what you want and how to get it. Now it’s time to act.

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

MORAYO

2012-06-17T11:26:00.000+01:00

Its 5:15AM and I've been awake for like 2 hours prior to writing this.

Once again I spent the most part of my night watching you sleep, and again it felt good (though I would pay for it by going off air later in the day). I've said this before, and I have no intentions of stopping, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

Your smile, your voice, your laughter, your eyes, I so love the way you pay attention to keeping yourself pretty all the time. Don't call me vain, but I definitely won't mind spending a day just to watch you during your beauty session. My hand froze in mid-air this morning when I looked at the tiny smile that flashed across your face while you turned to adjust the duvet (yes! Sleep bn still dey ur eyes sef!) God knows what must have made you smile.

I'm not good at saying goodbyes, and I doubt if I would perfect it anyway. I'm going to miss you like crazy, haven't felt this hunger,excitement over a woman in a long time. I'm scared I may crash with all these "unhealthy" feelings and emotions that have turned into a weak point in my life (I don't think that statement makes sense sef).

I so want to hold you right now...hold you tight...NO! Scratch that, I'd rather you do the holding.

I know deep down that I want to be with you, I don't even know if I'm what you want; this is the scary part, that uncertainty!

God help me! God guide me!! God give me wisdom!!! This woman is irresistible.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY CHILDHOOD?

2011-11-21T19:38:00.001+01:00

Good evening people. How's it going? Hope the day has being stress-free and I bet you had a spectacular weekend.Have you had one of those days when you say something or see something that sends you back to your childhood days?

I grew up in a 3 bedroom flat with so many adults that at one point we were 13 in number. I had too many Uncles, Aunts and Cousins running around the house. There was cousin Okenwa, Chile, Chinenye(Bournvita) etc...the list plenty names cant fit in. We never had a room to ourselves as kids and we all had different spots of sleeping in the living-room with mats and different colours of wrappers. I still don't know how my grandparents managed with the number of relatives in the flat (even more shocking was the fact that the landlord didn't increase the rent because of us).

I grew up with wonderful neighbours who i am pretty sure would read this and laugh (I hope they do laugh sha...) I remember the Babatunde's who had a father with 3 wives all in a 3 bedroom flat Trust me with them, there was always drama. I remember how they used to beat each other up for stuff like refusing to flush the toilet after use, doing the dishes, taking out the trash etc. Regardless, they made growing up on Ishaga Road a wonderful experience for me; one I would never forget. Then there was Baba Ego who had a knack for standing on the toilet seat while doing his thing and the windows were always open so we saw him doing his business! One chap in the area, Matthias, had a cock we called HULK HOGAN! That Hulk had an aggressive attitude that it feared no chicken or man, can't remember how it died sef!

Christmases in Ishaga Road was filled with one thing: FIREWORKS!!! Back then na BANGER we dey call am! I remember one time some policemen chased us down the road for throwing banger and we all ran into a compound and straight into Baba Mercy's flat almost breaking down the door. I and my cousin Chile went straight into the kitchen and it felt like we were the bad guys in a police chase from a Hollywood movie scene. I had to calm my cousin down because he was really scared. We didnt get caught sha but Jide had a good beating from one officer and he kept begging "please sir".

I also remember when bell bottoms and all those old school shirts came back into fashion. Boy i raided my Grandpa's wardrobe and come and see homeboy! Cheeeeeeei!While my pals were saving up to buy one or two shirts and pants, I had a whole wardrobe to run crazy in. Grace my friend can't stop reminding me of how I used to go to parties to display my Michael Jackson and M.C Hammer skills on the dance floor. Yeah! I was really good...can't remember losing a dance competition sef!

I and Chile used to draw like mad while growing up, everything ended up on a sheet of paper and pencil for the both of us. When we couldn't afford to buy SNES or FamilyCom, we went to game-houses (UNDERGROUND,MATRIX) and filled our heads with images of fighters from Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. When we get home, out came pencils and crayons with papers and we drew our hearts out. The images were neat, really good. We put them on the wall and with broken mirrors, we used the reflection of the sun and had our own gaming experience; making game sounds by ourselves.

There are so many things I may have left out in this write-up; one day I go complete am. Till then, have a splendid evening.

I'M A GROWING CHILD

2011-10-08T17:34:00.003+01:00

I haven't written anything in a very long time. I haven't made out enough time to actually put my thoughts on paper, let's just say I've being somewhat busy.

Why I decided to write today was because of a session of "polis and teef" with my little cousin in our Grandma's living-room. We chased ourselves round the dining table screaming at each other and laughing. Now I have several images of my growing up years in Surulere, Lagos running in my head.

I grew up in a 3 bedroom flat with so many adults around me that some of them I didn't know by name and only called them "broda" or "sistah". My grandparents had the huge task of keeping me and everyone in that household fed 3 times daily. I had a string of nicknames that my aunts called me at different intervals. My Aunt Sandra still calls me "Roger The Dodger" all because i had a very good way of escaping issues like household chores which included: taking out the trash, doing the dishes at night while "Things Fall Apart" was on or going to buy dun-dun and akara at Mabo Junction. I honestly can't remember how I convinced my Grandma to always make "isi-ewu" anytime I come down with a bout of malaria; funny thing be say everytime i got the delicacy, the next day I was as active as ever! Today, I'm a huge fan of the following: "isiewu, nkwobi, and abacha'a ".

Growing up on Ishaga Road was filled with tears, sweat, laughter, and fights...Oh the fights! You dare not start a fight and run to your house. I had fun flying kites on the roof of an incomplete building down the road, playing table soccer with Akeem Tiamiyu and some other chaps who till today are tight buddies of mine. There was never a dull moment on Ishaga Road, I had several crushes while growing up...the last one was so severe that today if I tell the girl she go just abuse me call me slacker.

I once rubbed Macleans toothpaste on my cousin's eyes while he was asleep and woke him up with a lie that food was ready...you should have seen the guy run wild with pain. The first time i lit a cigarette was one time i was in primary school and found a stub right in front of our door.Somehow, i picked it up and called my cousins to come and "do like dem broda tejude". Yeah! We lit the thing maaaaan...it wasn't funny in anyway. My mother's twin brother whip my behind till I couldn't shed anymore tears. The first time i opened a porn magazine was when in Secondary School, we(me and my cousins) stumbled on a stash of PLAYBOY magazine with the pull-out calendar. Kai!!! I was hailed as a king in class when I brought it out for viewing and all the boys hailed me UCHEEEEEEEEEEEEE BABA!!! My Uncle Chiboy didn't find it funny and of course i felt the whip as well. My love for the orchestra and classicals is as a result of my Grandfather's passion for such master-pieces when he was alive. He made me listen to news from the BBC and VOA, and today I can actually play the theme music for the BBC in my head. When I tell friends i grew up with my grandparents, some always have this look of "I'm sure they spoilt you." I didn't have that luxury as a kid, I did my share of work in the house like every other person (at least the ones I didn't dodge).
I need to stop here so I don't bore you with a long read, will do another one some other time.

Have a peaceful weekend!!!

SUPER-VIRGINS IN LAGOS!

2011-08-23T10:52:00.000+01:00

I was having a BBM conversation with my 4U2NV partner and the jist now streamed down to the issue of the search for 50 virgins to appease the gods to prevent another torrential rainfall.

When she asked me if had heard the prophecy, i told her no and went on to tell her that it must be some sick joke. The babe no gree say na joke oh! She even said The council of Lagos State Spiritualist paid a visit to the state governor on the matter. Now the first thing i asked her was "Fashola no run?" I had no idea that there exists an umbrella body for babalawos and their female counterparts a.k.a mamalawo abi is it iya-alawo (my Yoruba has failed me here).

Please when did we stoop so low as to believe that ritual (mal)practices can counter the forces of mother nature? So, mothers have to now place GPS tracking devices on their daughters to be sure they havent strayed far from the building...

Check out the requirements to belong to this clique of SUPER-VIRGINS...

"The virgins, who must be native Lagosians, be old enough to marry and be very beautiful, will dance naked to Bar Beach in the dead of night, singing and pleading with Yemoja to please spare the state and its people."

Virgin ko, Atlantic ni... some people are jobless honestly. The kind of thoughts that spill out of the mind of some people is enough to tear down the walls of any mosque or church (well not literally sha!)

My pal just asked me "how much dem go pay d virgins and who go dey there when dem dey dance?" Someone else now said "some people are just looking for free show to watch under the guise of SPIRTUAL SOLUTION."

Whatever the reason for such thoughts, if u get pikin wey be virgin, look am well oh! make babalawo and mamalawo no kom kidnap am oh!!!

MY WOMAN...

2011-07-22T16:08:00.000+01:00

I’ve been asked a few times what type of woman do I like since I am single. Someone once said to me, "Dude you're pushing 30 and you no get babe! Guy u go waste oh..."! Okay, hold up...to be honest it's not really my fault I am still single @ my age.

I can't say why I am still single but I am DEFINITELY working on settling down to begin a relationship (as soon as I can sort out some stuff...please don't ask me what). So when that question comes to me about my type of woman, I find it hard to put everything into words and its all because I don’t have a type. I have a like. Yup! I don't have a list of "FEATURES" my woman must have.

The key for me is to have a woman who can accept my past, because I am prepared to look beyond her past as well. I'm a firm supporter of "F**K THE PAST, MAKE LOVE TO THE FUTURE!!!" I like a woman who has her own style.She doesn't put a price on anything. But doesn't mind to be spoiled. She is single. Emotionally single. Mentally single. Financially single. Can swear when she’s pissed but doesn’t talk like a "danfo" driver. I like a woman who can be as sweet as the babe next door, but when I'm with her in the bedroom...
I like me a lady who can laugh, and her laughter is infectious that it isn't annoying. I like a woman who would allow me make food for her and treat her to some good cooking(I sabi cook and I am proud to say it). I am definitely into a woman who wants to hang out with me and my boys, I like a woman who doesn't think am looking to "DO" her friends...that's bkos she's definitely MY WOMAN! ~~I like a woman who sends text messages, but doesn't get pissed when I don't reply immediately!~~ My woman can have the remote, no wahala, but when Manchester United is playing...she go chill for 90minutes for me, that's all. I like a woman who enjoys standing on the line with me when we are trying to buy tickets to see a movie, I don't mind going to see "a chick movie" with her...film na film as long as my babe dey with me! I like a woman who doesn't mind me going to out to go see Manchester United on TV @ the bar with the boys, I can do the dishes, clean up the carpet if she allows the boys come once in a while to watch soccer or just play PS3. I like a woman who enjoys movies, and we can both sit down and analyse the movie after. I like a woman who won't wonder what's wrong with me when I am yelling @ the TV when Man-U is losing. I like a woman who doesn't mind just chilling with me on the floor and we share some slices of pizza together and a bottle of wine.My woman doesn't have to know what Alex Ferguson has for lunch before every game, but for no reason must she like the following: ARSENAL, CHELSEA, MANCITY, LIVERPOOL!!!
I like a woman who won't compare me to her ex, bkos I won't even dare compare her to my own mother in the first place. I like me a woman who won't laugh @ me for not knowing how to dance to her favourite jam...she can teach me and I am a fast learner sef!

Okay, that should do for now...till i come up with other likes!

SEX: THE WORD, THE ACT, THE ART

2011-07-14T15:21:00.000+01:00

~~"If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast."~~

I "googled" the word SEX and i got about 2,960,000,000 results in 0.10 seconds! Amazing how much information there is on just that word.

I have no intentions of ruining your afternoon with this write-up, I just want to express my thoughts on sex and I would welcome honest and practical criticisms and or corrections if there are any. Mind you I am listening to Eminem's Marshall Mathers LP while typing this piece

A lot of us have friends who have claimed to be "spectacular" in bed and some go as far as giving graphic details of their "sex-capades". Others are amazed at the "stamina" and dexterity of porn stars as they display acrobatic skills while doing what they do in front of the camera. Some individuals have been labeled as "slackers" if they venture into a relationship with the opposite sex and end up not hitting the (according to some) the "PUTTU".

Amazingly, some of the guys (and girls alike) who claim to be spectacular in the art have no idea what it entails to make the session become mind-blowing.For the guys, they go in blazing and crumble like a pack of cards...no foreplay no nothing! For the ladies, they just lay on the bed expecting the homeboy to work wonders on them...like his middle name is ABRACADABRA! Put some life into it abeg... I had a conversation with my guy Fregz, and when i told him about my thoughts on giving a woman head, he called me HEADMASTER from then on! *sigh* (i am not saying I am an expert in it either abeg! but for sure I go learn the ropes with my wife)

I've come to that stage in my life where i see sex as an art to behold; it becomes a masterpiece when man and wife explore the entire canvass of their matrimonial home in a bid to create that atmosphere of SEXUAL HEALING! For me there's more to just the thrusting and "wham-bam-thank-you-ma" action...there should be that part where both parties are panting and still want more. Fixing your eyes on naked ladies and muscled up chaps wont give you that needed knowledge when it comes to satisfying your partner. As the saying goes, "different strokes for different folks". The ideal art piece on sex should be(in my opinion) a session where both partners take their time in exploring every thing about each other.

You may have all the skills required for this job, but if you don't apply them properly and efficiently, you may end up trying to force a square peg down a round hole(pun intended!)

So ladies and gentlemen, get to know your partner more, and what he or she likes and how he or she likes it.
Stop being selfish when the time comes to throw it down, remember it takes two to tango!

I WANT TO HOLD YOU...

2011-06-23T21:23:00.001+01:00

Your smile, your laughter, your eyes! I miss you...wish I could hold you...wish I could hear your voice (that means I have to call, but I doubt if I know what to say to you). I close my eyes and an image of you plays in my mind's eyes and your smile makes me reach for you.

The distance is killing, my head spins @ d fact that you're far away from me. I've tried everything to close the gap between us (maybe not everything in the book!) Everytime I look @ your pictures on my phone, I ask myself where I went wrong. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't say? Was it something I didn't do?

Calling you is like telling me to stick my hand out in a moving car, I may just lose it during the ride. I have lost my head in trying to decipher where it all went wrong...

It hurts when I remember the words you said to me that night, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that you don't feel anything like I do.

Guess it wasn't meant to be...or can we work things out? Thinking of it all makes me feel like I've been swallowed in the sea.

Right now I want to hold you...

THAT WORD...DUHHH

2011-06-20T08:34:00.001+01:00

Good morning, I trust you all had a great weekend. I had a good one myself but for some odd reason, someone just decided to make it end sour for me.

This posting may seem like I am over reacting over a small issue, but let's face it, there are certain things we shouldn't take for granted.

I had a BBM conversation with a female pal last night that ended with me been angry.

She asked me I why was using images depicting Dark Art as my Display Picture (D.P) on my BBM profile. I told her what the images were for and when and how it was used, instead of the girl to say “Okay, I don hear” she had no other way to respond but to use the word I have no single idea where it originated from “DUHHH”. I begged this girl (out of courtesy) not to use the word when having conversations with me in anyway…she figured I was talking trash and she repeated it again! At this point, permit me to say WHAT DA F**K?!?!?!?!?!?!

I have serious issues with ladies (and I hear some guys do itas well) who use the word "DUHHH" in their conversations with others. DUHHH is usually said when a question is asked and instead of either choosing to answer the person or not to respond in anyway, why use DUHHH? Even during regular conversations, I've seen or is it heard ladies respond thus: "...like duhhh..." WTF is that? If u no wan talk just say so and let the other party find a willing talk-mate!

I even had to Google the word and it turned up on URBAN-DICTIONARY as: "To imply someone's stupidity over a question asked." Do half of these peeps know that this is what DUHHH means? Fancy been told, "You’re stupid for asking such a question" or "how can you make such a stupid comment."

Yes, you can say I am over-reacting. But please let us consider the feelings of those of us that are probably "sensitive" to such issues (if you like put me for that category na you sabi!) We just use terms anyhow without any knowledge as to what it means! DUHHH ko, DOOR ni!

Good Morning!

WET FRIDAY

2011-06-17T12:40:00.000+01:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain playing a drum line on my window. I picked up my phone to look at the time and i hissed loudly when i found out it was just 4:15AM! Trust your boy, I went back to bed sharply...somehow I started praying for the rain to keep dropping but I had to cut the prayer short when it hit me that someone close to me may have some money to make but the rain fit turn to obstacle!

I finally got up an hour later or so...can't remember again and strolled to the kitchen (yes, I like food...Chef Fregz says I get all emotional when it comes to food). I got to work a bit wet, thank God for the free ride to Falomo, Ikoyi!

Maybe I should post some pictures of today's downpour for you guys to see.

Okay! Just a minute...

As at the time of posting this, the rain had stopped. I honestly won't mind 2 shots of vodka, tonic, lime and ice! Still thinking of going to have a bowl of asun later this evening. What do you guys think?

ABUJA BOMB BLAST 2

2011-06-16T12:58:00.001+01:00

The reports from REUTERS on the bomb blast in Abuja goes thus:

A suspected suicide bomber was killed and many vehicles were destroyed in an explosion at a police station in Nigeria's capital Abuja on Thursday, the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) said.
"A suicide bomber died in the incident and many vehicles were destroyed," a spokesman for NEMA told Reuters. "NEMA has successfully cordoned off the motorpark site of police headquarters where the explosion occurred"

BOMB BLAST IN POLICE FORCE H.Q, ABUJA

2011-06-16T11:58:00.000+01:00

There are reports streaming in that a bomb went off at the parking lot of the Nigerian Police Force H.Q located in Abuja F.C.T.

No news yet on if lives were lost, and no group has come out to claim responsibility for it (as is common with terrorist group).

Stay tuned for further reports...

G-STRING: THE HISTORY

2011-06-16T10:53:00.003+01:00

Good morning! It's 10AM over here. I haven't posted anything in a long time, blame it on work load and laziness. I will try to keep this blog updated as often as I can (no promises).

How are you guys doing? Work? School? etc... i understand that today, corps members of the NYSC will recieve their discharge certificates after one year of compoulsory service. Nice one! congrats o...welcome to the labour market.

I had a lengthy conversation with my girlfriend one time like that...(na my female friend o abeg and i am so very single right now). Anyway, me and my babe sTorm were talking some nights ago and the conversation went from one lane to another till she asked me to do a research for her on the history of G-STRING(THONG)...And as i am writing this, Sisqo's Thong Song is on repeat (trying to set the mood for the write up ). I asked her why she would make such a request and her answer was thus: "it won't be bad to just have a knowledge on the thing na abi what do u think?"

Mind you, this babe na my paddi...she's one of the few ladies I can express myself to and not feel weird or odd or silly or ... just use whatever word suits you abeg! STORM TOOOH BAAAADT...

So, now is the time to know how we have g-strings featuring in every woman's wardrobe...LET'S GO THERE!

A G-string is a type of underwear a narrow piece of cloth, leather, or plastic, that covers or holds the genitals, passes between the buttocks, and is attached to a band around the hips, worn as swimwear or underwear by women and men. (I know I wont be comfortable wearing one, but I like it on a woman o).It is also a style of thong swimsuit whose rear area can become so narrow that it would disappear between the wearer's buttocks. The two terms G-string and thong are often used interchangeably; however, they can refer to distinct pieces of clothing. A G-string is one variety of thong.

Although it was worn for decades by exotic dancers, the thong first gained mainstream popularity in South America, particularly in Brazil in the 1970s. In Brazil it was originally a style of swimsuit.
Its earliest form was a strip of cloth between the legs secured by a string around the waist and called a "G-string," a name that was in use at least as far back as the late 1800s. Today, a G-string is generally thought of as having a 'T' back whereas a V-String has a 'V' back.
Many tribal peoples, such as some of the Khoisan people of southern Africa, wore a similar style of clothing for many centuries. Their word for it, tanga, is used in languages such as Spanish to refer to the garment, sometimes specifically the type with cloth through the legs and string around the sides. (In English, tangas are briefs that have full rear coverage but only a waistband at the sides.)
According to wikipedia, the term "G-string" is obscure. Since the 19th century, the term geestring referred to the string which held the loincloth of Native Americans and later referred to the narrow loincloth itself.

So there you have it...I hope this was helpful! Stay blessed!!!

Source(s):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G-string

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver Split After 25 Years of Marriage

2011-05-10T10:41:00.000+01:00

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are heading to splitsville. The former California Governor and his wife of 25 years announced, on Monday night, May 9, they are separating. In a joint statement, the couple said, "This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us."

"After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together," the statement continued to read. "At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship." The Los Angeles Times additionally reported that Maria has moved out of their Brentwood home.

Despite the separation, Arnold and Maria stressed that they plan to continue to raise their four children together. "They are the light and the center of both of our lives," they explained in the statement. The couple added, "We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public."

Arnold and Maria met in 1977. The two were introduced by NBC's Tom Brokaw at a charity tennis tournament. They got married in 1986. Maria is the daughter of the late Eunice Kennedy Shriver and served as a guest editor on an issue of Oprah Winfrey's magazine, O.

Whitney Houston Checks Into Rehab

2011-05-10T10:39:00.000+01:00

Grammy winner Whitney Houston is back in rehab once again. The "I Will Always Love You" hitmaker, who has struggled with drugs and alcohol for years, has voluntarily sought treatment in an out-patient treatment program, her representative confirmed.

In a statement, the 47-year-old singer's representative announced, "Whitney Houston is currently in an out-patient rehab program for drug and alcohol treatment." The rep added, "Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process."

TMZ reported that Whitney checked into the program around 10 days ago. A music industry source said before the "Step by Step" singer entered rehab, "she was plastered and she was a mess." Radar Online additionally mentioned that even her ex-husband Bobby Brown is worried "she might not pull through".

About Whitney's relapse, a source close to Bobby spilled, "Whitney is doing crack again." The insider added, "It's the worst it's ever been. Whitney went on tour again, and that's when the relapse occurred." Accordingly, the singer is in "a dire situation" considering she was also "shutting a lot of people out of her life".

Whitney first tasted her rehab stint in 2004. She, at the time, told Diane Sawyer, "You get to a point where you know the party's over." She went back into treatment again in 2005 with the help of her mother Cissy Houston. In 2009, she told Oprah Winfrey she is no longer on drugs but is still tempted to use it again.