rebuildingamy

Lists... and goals... and June Cleaver...

2013-02-25T14:46:00.000-08:00

I am a very visual person. I have to have lists or pictures or texts that say "I know you told me you need ____ but can you email me so I don't forget?" So today, as it was after 10AM and I was still lounging around the house (don't tell my husband) I realized it was time to make some goals for 2013. Some of the goals, such as "finish [refinishing] that damned dresser" will be easy to mark off the list while others are more abstract, such as "be more trusting." The official list will be posted in my bathroom on a lovely fabric covered bulletin board that I easily see every day. #visual. (I love the inappropriate and obnoxious use of hash tags.)

If you follow my blog (you know, the one I post on twice a year...) you know that I've been in school at OIT for the last year. I felt very fulfilled by attending classes, turning papers in, and being handed back my A's. I took a term off to regroup and was getting ready to enroll until my therapist (what, doesn't everyone have a therapist?) said "are you planning on going back to work? (no.) Are you going to complete a degree? (no...) Then why are you going?" I said "because I like it! I get A's!" He then said "forgive me for saying this but your going to school is kind of masturbatory, isn't it? If you're not going to get a degree or planning a career, isn't it a waste of money? Will you still be going to school when you're 70 to fulfill yourself? Find something that you CAN do for years that makes you feel good and helps others." #sigh #he'sright #ihatethat.

Since becoming a "stay-at-home-mother" I felt that being a SAHM was enough. The house is clean, laundry is caught up, meals are prepared. I considered myself a June Cleaver, minus the apron and then sprinkle in an occasional lewd comment. I looked around at my closest friends and was comforted that they are all SAHMs, too. But I recently took a closer look at my peers, wiped the sleep out of my eyes, and realized:

Carissa: stay at home mother and blogger. And volunteers at the school. And runs cub scouts.
Julie: stay at home mother and blogger. And has babies at home. Makes cool crafts & does graphic design until 2AM most nights.
Christy: stay at home mother and working part time at her kid's preschool.
Cathy: stay at home mother and involved with school politics. And does a lot of church volunteer work and involved in sports. A runner.
Kathy: former stay at home mother who now works part time at a cool cafe, waiting tables.

If someone had to summarize what Amy was doing... well... my house is really clean?

IN SUMMARY: (this blog post has been wandering and random but I know where I'm headed, here...) It's time for me to make a little more of this life. There are people I need to meet, weight I need to lose, dressers I need to finish refinishing, and differences I need to make in myself and it's never too late to start. I'm even going to make some of that crap I've pinned on Pinterest. Watch me. I'm 41, now, and this life is short. Truthfully, I'm on the downhill slide. I want to make each day count, have no regrets, and create new habits that WILL fulfill me and make me the best person I can be. #i'mgonnabeawesome.

What are YOU doing to better yourself? What makes YOU feel more balanced and fulfilled? (come on, guys, I need more ideas!!)

Pumpkin Bars, Friendship and Pinterest FAIL?

2012-09-23T17:54:00.001-07:00

If you were to peek in my bedroom window at night, you'd be pretty disappointed. Most nights you'd find me sitting in my bed, zoning out on Pinterest . I'm assuming everyone is on board with what website I'm talking about?

I click... and click... and click as I find DIY projects where I could theoretically create FAN-TAS-TIC holiday crafts with my children (It’ll never happen). Then I click... and click... and click... as I discover AMA-ZING recipes I intend to make that will WOW my friends and family (I don’t cook). I have “pinned” decorating ideas, favorite quotes, places to go and things to do.

My only issue is click... click... clicking... the computer off, going to the store, and purchasing the ingredients/supplies to make my life OH-SO-MUCH-MORE-QUAINT. I get so busy “pinning” my intentions that I fail to bring them into fruition.

That was until Carissa had surgery.

My dearest friend, the one who has been there with me through thick and thin. The one who has shuttled my children and been my movie date many-a-night. She’s the person who, when I had my own surgery, rounded up the other mothers and designated who would bring soup to me and when. When it was Carissa’s turn to go under the knife I asked what I could do to bring comfort during her recovery. She had one request: The Gingerbread Pumpkin Bars I had found on Pinterest.

Surgery Day: With good intentions I purchased the ingredients for Carissa’s treat. After school I kept my kids and her kids and along with other daily distractions, I didn’t get to making the bars.

Carissa’s post-op day one: I’m busy again. I had to do some interivews for the practice, had some personal appointments, and I just couldn’t get to the bars. The ingredients sat on the counter, mocking me and making me feel a little bit guilty. To comfort myself I got back on Pinterest and pinned ideas about strengthening my friendships.

Post-op day two: Carissa came to my kitchen demanding her bars and scornfully eyeballed the ingredients on the counter.


Two days post-baking & after 10 people have helped themselves

I opened the recipe on my laptop and began gathering the ingredients. As I was pulling everything together, Carissa started pouring and measuring what we would need to make our bars. Then I realized my floors were looking kind of bad so I got the broom out. Carissa continued to cut, measure and stir; occasionally asking me for a certain kind of bowl or spoon. After sweeping the floors I decided mopping would make them look even better! My friend seemed busy and distracted so I found some of my delicious Basil scented cleaning products and went to work. Before I knew it, Carissa was asking me how to set the timer on my oven. WAH-LAH! She had her bars and my kitchen looked & smelled PERFECT!

Pumpkin bars baked? Done. Kitchen cleaned? Check. Me being an amazing friend...? Maybe?
Eh... If Carissa was hanging out with me for my cooking she would have been gone a long time ago. Pin that.

Here's a SNAPPY solution!

2012-07-07T16:54:00.003-07:00

Boy oh boy do I love this guy, right down to the dirt on the bridge of his naughty back-yard-digging nose.

HOWEVER:

Baxter has a few bad habits and one of those bad habits involves my two brand-new Pottery Barn couches.

Have you ever had a dog or cat that likes to sit on your couch cushions? (If you've ever owned a dog or cat in your lifetime the answer is "yes.")

SOLUTION:
One mouse trap per cushion. *

Baxter is an intelligent, sensitive animal. Thankfully, he is observant enough that I didn't need to set the traps for him. He watched me closely as I set them, snapping my own fingers, and decided he didn't want any part of that.
* No French Bulldogs were actually harmed in this process.

And wah-lah! Dog-butt free cushions!! Once they know about the potential SNAP, you can eventually quit setting the traps- just place them on the cushions. After a little more time, the couch will no longer be an option for your furry friend & you can go "trap-free!"

It may not sound super friendly but IT WORKS! If you've had the same problem, let me know how that works out for you!

when the trail gets steep

2012-07-02T14:08:00.001-07:00

Brooke (my amazing niece) has taken on the task of watching three SUPER nice kids this summer while their parents are working. She and I decided that we should take all five kids to hike "The O" this morning. For those of you who don't have hills or mountains where you live, often there are large letters on the side of the hills to make reference to the town or school below. (We had no hills in Memphis where I grew up; only heat and humidity.) The "O" sits high on the hill above OIT, the Oregon Institute of Technology-- where I go to school.

I haven't been to the gym in a month or so (I'll blame summer vacation) so I was thankful for the two boys and the French Bulldog who were lagging behind. My endurance isn't where it needs to be and the trail is pretty steep. As we were huffing and puffing I heard comments like "Mommy it's SO FAR up there" and "LAUREN is already there-- I can't do this!" (Notice that the comments were coming from my kid...) I held my head down and watched as I took each step and the drops of sweat were rolling from my forehead onto the dry cracked ground. As the adult, you have to be stoic even though my own mind was screaming "CAN YOU FEEL OUR CALVES?"

I finally offered a bit of advice to the boys, "when I'm walking up a steep path, I keep my eyes down and focus on each step I take rather than looking ahead towards my destination." Corbin looked ahead, then at me, and said "why wouldn't you want to see where you're going, Mommy?" And I answered "because when you look ahead the destination can seem so far away and impossible to reach. When you watch your feet, you only have to think about where you're at and focus on finishing one step at a time."

Following my advice, the three of us fell into a few minutes of silence as we watched our feet and forged ahead. I thought about the advice I had just given the boys--

don't focus only on the destination; carefully consider each step you take and eventually you'll reach your goal.

There are so many things in my own life where this advice could apply. I want to be a better person, a better wife, a more active mother, lose more weight, be more spiritual... And I have choices to make: I can glare at my goals and cry about how far away they are, I can lay down on the trail and pound my fists into the dirt and cry about how hot and tired I am, or I can put one foot in front of the other, and through endurance and determination I'll eventually be exactly where I want to be.

Baxter, Lauren, me, Corbin & OIT (in the background)

It's hard to be patient. However, I know that if I remain focused and take one step at a time towards my goal, the effort will only make me stronger and the view is TOTALLY worth it!

.... where am I ...?

2012-03-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

"My name is Amy Hempel. I am a part time student at OIT and I have two children." This is what I came up with when I was asked to introduce myself to a group on Sunday. When I sat back down in my chair, I was kind of stunned. Really? Is that all I had to say about myself? I used to be a hell-raiser. I had a VOICE. I would go to clubs. I was creative and daring. I was the manager of the coolest clothing store, US Male, for four years when I lived in Memphis. I've lived in 5 states. I have been married to Eric for 15 years and during that time supported him while he was in graduate and medical school. I've had a successful career in sales and marketing. I was a regional-marketing-director-of-a-health-care-company. I ran a care facility in Missouri for about three years. I've met famous people and politicians. I'm FUNNY. I can be sarcastic- too sarcastic. Then I'm willing to swallow my pride and apologize. I'm reliable. I'm a mother. I adopted two children and had to fight like hell to keep one of them but we did it. I'm proud of my family. I'm proud of my relationships.

And now. Now I'm a part time student and the mother of 2 kids.

The lines are starting to show on my face, softly around my eyes. I'm obsessive about keeping the laundry caught up. I want the house to be neat and tidy. I have to keep my hair colored or the grey starts to show. I record my favorite shows and watch them while I fold the aforementioned laundry. I make sure dinner is ready every day. I make sure homework is completed. I make the bed every morning the minute we get out of it. I have the kids' friends over and feed them all snacks.

Don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining. I'll take a drama-free life any day. I'm thankful for all that I have. I'm just not sure when I became so... vanilla?

At 40 and beyond, what do YOU do to keep yourself... inspired?

School and recovery and studying and... how old am I??

2012-02-21T17:49:00.001-08:00

Well I have completed over half of my first term at OIT. I had someone ask me today "have you registered for spring term, yet?" And I replied "is that the next one?" My biology professor busted out laughing. See... I'm not what you would call a traditional student. No... I'm officially the "old lady in the class." I'm taking two classes- Biology and Speech. I LOVE Speech class but don't care for the instructor. (I have an A) And Biology is a mental stretch for me but I'm hanging in there because I adore the professor. (I have a B+) I'm realizing that there is more to learn at school then what's in the books. It has been quite interesting, being in a classroom again after 20 years. I'm learning things like cell phone etiquette. Apparently the instructors don't like it if they ask you a question and you google the answer from your phone. HUH?? We did have a SUPER cute guest lecturer in biology class one week... Dr. Hempel taught my class! I'd love to tell you what he covered but I was too busy being enamored with the teacher.

Healing from the mouth surgery took a lot more out of me then I thought it would. I honestly thought I would be sore for a couple of days... maybe a week... and then right back to my normal level of activity. WRONG. I couldn't believe how completely fatigued I was as well as enduring a tremendous amount of pain. And the deficit in my mouth was SO much larger then I thought it would be. And deep. Some of my skull was exposed. From inside of my mouth. It still is. Yeah.... And my speech was quite effected so THAT was cute. Especially when I'm presenting speeches in class. Now I'm old AND I sound totally weird.

I'm happy to say that I am now feeling MUCH better. The granulation tissue is filling in nicely. There has been some talk about doing a skin graft but I'm going to hold out and hope my body heals the wound. I'm cancer free, which is a total blessing. And I am FINALLY back to exercising. I had to take an entire month off from working out because I could not increase my heart rate too much. If I did, I would feel my heart BEATING INSIDE THE HOLE IN THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH. I don't know how I did it but I only gained 2 pounds in the last month however, my body is much softer then it was before surgery. I have work to do!!

I'd LOVE to share a photo with you of the opening inside my mouth because it's gnarly... but I'll spare you. Unless you beg. I do love whipping it out at parties and formal dinners. Or while in class. Sharing my huge mouth sore in class makes me the "old-crazy-lady-in-class-who-talks-weird-and-is-disgusting." (What more could I want from a room full of 19 year olds?)

Surgery in your mouth = not so sexy.

2012-01-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Twenty years ago I had a small bump in the top of my mouth. Small... meaning the size of a pencil eraser. Nothing too concerning however I went ahead and made an appointment to see my family physician. Dr. W took one look at the bump and said "nothing to worry about." These were the words I wanted to hear: "NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT." Never mind that my physician was 300+ pounds and a smoker. As long as he felt I was healthy, I could retreat back into my blissful 20-year-old world where nothing was wrong. COOL! Fast-forward to 2010 when Dr. Wedam (my dentist) was checking my teeth and said "WHAT IS THIS HUGE BLUE LUMP IN THE TOP OF YOUR MOUTH...?" Of course, I quickly comforted him by saying "oh, I had that looked at (twenty years ago) and it's nothing." Next thing I know, I'm getting an MRI and a referral to an ENT. Dr. Todd biopsied the mass and our local pathologists were unable to determine exactly what the tissue sample was- it had to be sent to the Mayo Clinic. Thankfully, it's NOT cancer however the tumor needed to be removed.

I took this photo in the parking lot of the gym the day before my surgery. Since having the operation, I'm not going to be able to work out for 2 weeks which SUCKS. And it seems that most "soft foods" are things like ice cream, pudding... not a lot of protein choices, there. Of course, I can have a protein drink but I'm getting a little tired of the sweet stuff.

Since I had my operation on Friday the 13th, I was pretty sure I was going to die. And every person should be entitled to their "last meal." I dined on cinnamon rolls, sour gummy worms, the BIG Fritos with bean dip, and washed it all down with grape soda. It was amazing... until the acid reflux kicked up at about 3:00AM. Yeah. Now I remember why I don't eat like that, anymore.

This is me, right before the surgery. I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish with the pose- but I can tell you that I have not been quite that chipper since the procedure has been done! I have a hole in the top of my mouth about the size of a ping pong ball... But it will fill. I'm quite tired and trying to get lots of rest. The good news is that the worst of it is behind me! My friends are all bringing me soup this week which is SUPER nice and a couple of them have signed up to give me a sponge baths... even though I don't need a sponge bath. Should I tell them? ; )

Eric has been so attentive- making sure I have all of the help I need with my food, medication, the house, and the kids. And even the kids are being good! I'm thankful for my family, my health, and the good doctors who have taken care of me. And I'm ESPECIALLY thankful for Dr. Wedam!! If I ever come across another bump... I think I'll get a second opinion. I'm just glad everything has turned out okay!

I've made it... it's official... FOURTY. This is how it looks:

2012-01-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

What an AMAZING month December turned out to be! As you may recall, I realized in a previous blog post that I had FOUR MONTHS TO 40 and wanted to lose some weight. I'm happy to report that I have lost some weight... a little over fifty pounds! I'm currently around 175 (I say "around" since it fluctuates but that's the average) and my new goal is 160. I have a feeling that the next 15 pounds aren't going to come off easily... One problem could be my addiction to all that is sweet over the last few days. But we won't talk about that right now. And I'm punishing myself for my sins by going to the gym regularly and drinking meal replacement drinks. I'll be FINE! Just having a moment... MOVING ON.

One of the highlights of the "month of my birth" was a spontaneous trip with my darling niece, Brooke. She's 19 however she thinks I'm hip and doesn't treat me like the crypt keeper. We had an overnight trip planned for Sacramento that turned in to two additional nights in San Francisco. SO MUCH FUN! Here we are at one of MY favorite stores- IKEA. It was Brooke's first time. She didn't understand it. She indulged me the same way I indulged her in all of those dark, teen stores that reek of cologne. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.

While in San Francisco, I was SO HAPPY to be able to reunite with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Scott! We were very close about 53 years ago when I lived in Memphis. We worked together, lived together, and PARTIED together. Now I drive a mini-van. He's still cool. How did THAT happen? OH... that's right... he doesn't have any kids. He and his partner, Mark, took Brooke and I to an amazing German restaurant. That's right- German. When they said GERMAN I was all... "OH! That sounds amazing!" trying to be cool... but really I was NOT excited. However the food was SO GOOD and the company was even better. It was so good to snuggle with Scott's arm around my shoulder. Just like the old days when I had a crush on him before I knew he was gay- comforting, yet got me nowhere. ; )

This is the view from our hotel room in San Francisco - it was the first time I had ever had a room on the TOP floor. AMAZING. And a little unsettling if you stood against the window and looked straight down. Fancy hotels are nice but not nearly as fun if you're staying with your niece and not your husband. She's not nearly as good of a kisser as Eric is. And she hogs the covers.

Back to reality... We enjoyed a wonderful Christmas holiday together as a family. There's something extra special about Christmas when it's on a Sunday. We opened gifts, had a delicious breakfast, and headed to church where we could enjoy the choir's Christmas program. I am so thankful for my family- even more-so during the holidays. It's all so magical. (except for Baxter... he's kind of annoying.)

My birthday is on New Years Eve. We had big plans for a party but honestly, as the year drew to a close, I realized the only people I wanted to share the new year with were already right there in my house. The kids are finally at that age where they can get along and not CONSTANTLY WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER. And Eric and I have been major home bodies, lately. It was good! And the kiss at midnight from my husband was perfect. TMI? Sorry about that...

My favorite day was January 3, 2012, when Eric and I celebrated our 15 year anniversary. We got all dolled up and went to the new Mission Impossible film. Eric gave me a beautiful watch to commemorate the years- he put so much thought into my gift. I don't know if you can tell, but I really do have a crush on this man. I'm looking forward to the next 15 years and beyond!

And finally, you can see that I made another trip to the dump. My BFF Carissa and I had a couple of loads. Nothing like purging old junk, right? You can take that comment any way you'd like to. Whether it's 50 pounds, a stupid person in your life, bad habits... what ever it may be. Why hang on to the crap in your life? DUMP IT. I'm looking forward to 2012! We're working on finishing construction in the house this year, I'm starting school at OIT next week... (they told me I could qualify for a backpack with wheels. Seriously.) 40 isn't so bad, so far! I'll be sure to keep you posted... until then~ DUMP THE JUNK and take care of YOU!!!

Who... me?

2011-11-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

Tired. Busy. Distracted. Funny to some. Obnoxious to most. Knocking on 40's door. Hoping it doesn't answer. It will. Trying. Succeeding. Sometimes failing. Loved. Forgiven. Mother. Housekeeper. Homemaker. Wife. (did I say loved?) Business owner. Taxi driver. Grocery store shopper. Provider of encouragement. Keeper of the most wonderful friends. Dog lover. Terrible dog trainer. Cat owner when he allows me to be. Often humbled. Always thankful. Sweating. Watching what I eat. Trying. Stepping backwards. Trying again. And again. And again. Never complacent. Wanting to be better. Striving to be the person I want to be. Happy with my family. Amazed by my children. In love with my husband. Ready to learn. Wanting to help. Listening. Thinking. Reflecting. Active. Healthy. Engaged with life. Going to ski this winter. More then once. Finding the right path to happiness. Honest. Sincere. Imperfect.

These are the things I am.

Enough pills to choke a ....

2011-09-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

OH what we will do to look fabulous! This is the cocktail that Eric has prescribed for me each morning:
1) 30g of protein. (made by him this morning & included a nice spoon full of peanut butter- VERY yummy!
2) PILLS: Fish oil (2), Ultra CLA, Chromium GTF, EPA-DHA, 5000u vitamin D, Phentermine to help with appetite, and an ibuprofen SINCE MY BODY HURTS THIS WEEK.
There could be more in this pile and I wouldn't even know it. How do you begin YOUR morning?

Four Months to Fourty.

2011-09-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

(Let's be clear: I'm not 40, YET.)

I've never been one to lament about age. However: I will be turning 40 the end of December. My husband is FREAKED OUT about getting older and the other day the topic of my birthday came up. "Turning 40 is no big deal," I said. Eric stopped what he was doing. Looking up at me he solemnly replied "40 times two is 80. Most people are dead by 80. You're less than half way there." Well... now that you put it THAT way... I'm not quite as giddy about it.

I do know that my husband has a birthday surprise up his sleeve and I'm WAY excited about that! I'm going to try very hard to not ask too many questions, to not snoop around the bank accounts... And I don't believe I'll be HOME on my birthday which is a sign of something to look forward to. My birthday is FOUR MONTHS away (New Years Eve, for those who are interested) and that gives me some time to shed some weight. I've been wanting to get back on track for some time and I'm starting to have that "it's now or never" feeling. So, with 4 months to go, I think there's enough time to work VERY hard and make a REAL difference before New Years Eve. I have rejoined the gym at Harbor Isles.... again. For a minute there I had three gym memberships at the same time. I'm beginning to feel like a gym-floozie. And now I've made a full-circle, back at Harbor Isles which was the first membership I had when I moved here. It's a nice gym, though- lots of people there I know.

That's where I'm at, today! Four months... I had a great workout this morning and will be heading back there in the AM.

(So why is it I'm dying for a mouth full of chocolate cake right now? Maybe all of this talk about birthdays?)

September 10, 2001

2011-09-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while... however today I needed to find a place to get my thoughts down.

I remember September of 2001. I honestly don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning... but I do remember September, 2001. We were living in Kansas City and Eric had just began his second year of medical school. I was working as the manager of an assisted living facility in rural Missouri, Lauren was a year away, and it was just the two of us. We had recently moved into the Riverside Townhomes which was a small community filled with families who were also going to medical & dental school. We knew many of the people living there- they were our friends and, with everyone so far from home, for the most part our family as well.

September 2001 was when I found out I had an eye disease called Ocular Histoplasmosis. I had started losing vision in my left eye & after being referred from one specialist to the next, I received the news that I needed a laser surgery immediately. I was scared - 29 years old and losing my sight. I had a lot of pressure from the retinal specialist to have the laser procedure that same week. Eric supported the physician's decision but I really wanted to talk with my parents or my uncles to see what they thought... and they were all on an Alaskan cruise so I was on my own. We decided to go ahead and schedule the procedure which would take place on Monday, September 10th.

The laser treatment was really not a big deal- the biggest inconvenience was that I couldn't go into the sun for a few days after it had been administered because the medication reacted to light. I went home and laid down in a dark room until the sun went down. That evening, Monday the 10th of September, was a beautiful night. When it was safe for me to be outside, Eric and I went out on our stoop to enjoy the late mid-west summer warmth. And even though it was a school night, many of the other families also came out to visit. It was picturesque and I felt blessed. People were concerned about my procedure and came over to talk but really, we all just wanted to be outside. It was dusk and the children were running around, reliving the summer that had just slipped away. Parents were chasing kids and catching up with whatever assignment or rotation they were on. Mothers were chatting about the upcoming school events and church responsibilities. And I was there- realizing what a great life I had and how content I was. One by one, families headed inside but I didn't want the evening to end. I was hopeful that there would be many more nights like this one and we finally headed inside, ourselves.

The next morning Eric had already left for school & I was still laying in bed. I turned on the Today show and when it was announced that a plane full of people had just crashed into a building in New York, I sat straight up in bed. I had to cover my left eye so that I could focus on the television screen and when I did... another plane disappeared inside the World Trade Center. I couldn't get my mind around it and I still can't. Instead, I try to hold on, tightly, to how I felt the evening before when everything was so right. I can't undo what happened to those poor people. I can't begin to understand the evil that hurt our country and our sense security so badly. But what I can do is try my very best to recreate September 10th, 2001, each day. I can work to love my neighbors, appreciate what is in front of me, speak kindly to my children, and create a sense of peace and love in my home. I will never forget September 11, 2001. And, because of that day, I will also never forget September 10, 2001. For that day, I am forever grateful.

The day I almost killed a polar bear with an apple.

2011-01-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

It was 1983 & I was a freckly faced, flat chested, loud, immature volunteer at the Memphis Zoo. I love animals and my position at the zoo served two purposes: I was able to learn about the animals while my parents enjoyed a break from the responsibility of "raising Amy" a couple of Saturdays a month. One of my duties at the zoo was cutting up fruit and selling it for $.50 a bag so that the patrons could feed the animals. Whenever I tell this story, I have to wonder why we were feeding apples and carrots to the bears, to begin with, however that's a minor detail.

Being the stellar marketer that I am, simply cutting up the fruit and selling it over the counter wasn't enough for me. No.... I needed a CROWD. I would leave my co-worker to cut up the goods while I entertained the public by making the bears do tricks. This particular day I approached the railing, armed with a bright red apple. I raised the apple high into the air, putting my hands together over my head. In return, the bear would stand up on his hind legs and put his giant paws into the "praying" position. People took notice and stopped to watch the free show. Next I would hold the apple in the air and wave it from left to right. Then the bear would wave at me in return. The zoo patrons loved the show - especially the children. And honestly, I loved the attention. I was the Master of the Bears. After a few tricks, it was time to reward the impatient beast. I had around 50 people standing behind me and I raised the apple in the air. The bear stood at full stance- all 10 feet of him. His mouth was wide open, anticipating his well-deserved treat. I drew my hand back and threw the apple as hard as I could and watched in horror as the apple sailed directly into the bear's mouth and lodged straight into the back of his throat.

The bear stood there for about 15 seconds that felt like an eternity.

People gasped and screamed.

Mothers shielded their childrens' eyes.

I believe most of the blood ran out of my head.

After struggling for a moment, the polar bear finally puked up carrots and apples, all over the ground. The show was over & I never used an apple for my antics again. (Not to mention the fact that I didn't volunteer at the zoo much longer... there were snakes involved... but that's another story.)

What does this have to do with health and fitness? Not much- it's just a good story. However I got on the elliptical today for the first time in a couple of months and I thought I was going to die. And I didn't.

I'm back!

...ouch...?

2010-11-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

Oh. I guess I should introduce you... this is my WONDERFUL friend, Jodi Orlando. She's a circuit trainer. She likes to go from machine to machine to stretching to abs (do I have an "ab"?) back to machines... ME? I like to climb onto one of the beastly machines and... veg. I like to people watch. And you may have heard (or... possibly experienced) that I like to talk while I'm working out. For me, moving from place to place is only more painful, I can't CONSTANTLY MONITOR MY HEART RATE (I need to get a grip on this one), and I can't keep PERFECT track of the time if I'm distracted.

I'm sure many people out there are psycho about their exercise routines. Right? Do I have an amen? ...is this microphone even on...?

So last night I went to the gym for the first time in... FOREVER. Or August. I believe it was August. There are a couple of things that are GOOD about not going to the gym in forever. 1) You're so out of shape you can put in a minimal effort and your heart rate is through the roof and 2) you get a GOOD sweat in. It's odd- as I get more "in shape" I tend to sweat less. And the sweat I produce is like my little medal I wear around my neck that says "YES I'M FAT BUT LOOK- I'M SWEATY SO YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME." At least that's what's going on in MY head. Most people are probably steering clear of the sweaty fat lady because she probably stinks. (and that's true, too.)

I'm a good observer and while I was working out, I was watching one of the men who was there. He was close to my machine, working out on a mat. I'm sure there's a name for what he was doing but it involved a lot of body movement, stretching, odd positions, standing on his hands... Like, if he wasn't in a gym, someone would have called the authorities. When he was done, the guy next to me struck up a conversation with the "mat guy" about how often he does his routine and how difficult it must be. I really appreciated some of the things this gentleman had to say. I don't think the guy next to me was picking up what Mat Guy was putting down but I was... I took cell-phone notes. The guy next to me was going on about how many different types of exercise he has to do in a week to stay interested and how he has to read AND listen to music AND talk (sound familiar, Amy?) while working out. He said he had noticed that Mat Guy doesn't listen to music, or anything. This guy said "the goal of working out is what...?" The man next to me replied "well, to get into better shape." Mat Guru said "that's correct but within that, it's about challenging your resistance. Consistency is part of that resistance. Maybe silence could be part of your resistance." Consistency. That really struck a chord with me. I can go to the gym, faithfully, in wonderful spurts but will I be able to look back on my life and say "I was consistent in my efforts towards better health?" And is there a bigger picture to this whole exercise/fitness thing? Not just the "how much weight have I lost" part of it but also the "what am I learning and how am I growing" part of it.

Consistency is part of the resistance.

Think about that one today.

I'm sore. But I'm going again tonight so suck it, Jodi Orlando.

Drowning in a Sea of Blue. Carpet.

2010-11-14T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have not even opened this page for months. And I'm sorry. I shut down, turned away, and literally have not entered the blog address. I'm too chicken to even read the comments on the last entry. But I will. I need to put on my big-girl-panties and face the music.

Let's back up.

Remember when we went on that camping trip with the Jones'? (one of our BEST summer memories!) When we were packing up to leave, we received a phone call from our real estate broker. There is a house we had been looking at for about 6 months that we both loved... we talked about it every day... but we simply couldn't pay what they were asking. Or anything near it. Lisa called us to let us know the family was VERY ready to sell the house and they REALLY wanted our family to buy it. The home had been built in 1978 and owned by a local physician and after 32 years of memories, he needed to join his sons in Portland. And it meant something to him that Eric is a young physician with young children who could now be the steward of the home. And I get that, since I'm sentimental. We had already made the decision that as much as we reeeaaaalllllllyyyyy wanted this home, we weren't going to buy it. We were going to stay where we were at & enjoy our simple life. Why make things more complicated?

But then there was that phone call.

And the fact that we discussed that home, every single day. For over six months. And if someone else purchased the home, we knew it was going to make us sad and we would look at each other and say "...what if...?"

Eric and I pride ourselves in being risk-takers. MANY times we have jumped, with our eyes shut, and trusted that things will be all right. And I believe this will be all right, too...

So we jumped. We listed our home on Hilldale Street that we loved and that we still love. There are a handful of things left in that house and whenever I go there, it still feels so familiar. It was home. The new house isn't home... it's a place where we live. I know, I know... "HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS." Well, my heart can't get around the blue carpeting or the Spanish tile on the kitchen island that is so busy, I can't find my car keys on it. This house needs a TREMENDOUS amount of work done to it. We went from 1800 square feet of updated coziness to 5000+ square feet of well-taken-care-of-1978.
There's wall-to-wall-to-kitchen-to-bathroom-to-EVERYWHERE carpeting. Like, when I vacuum, it takes me a solid 45 minutes to get the main level completed. That's ALMOST AN HOUR of solid vacuuming. I'm pretty sure the wonderful woman who occupied this home before me vacuumed her way around the world. Five times.

We have a lot of plans for what's going to happen to this home. We have tile samples and wood flooring samples and new appliance ideas and demo plans and drawings on the walls where walls are going to come down and light fixture catalogs and blue prints and aspirations and dreams... (Notice I didn't say two things: 1) carpeting samples or 2) a pile of money to get started.) I have to be patient. Maybe this is going to result in a series of lessons I need to learn, right?

In the meantime, I haven't been to the gym in months and I'm INCREDIBLY unhappy with myself. I'm sorry if you've been disappointed in the lack-of-blog. I'm sorry I've gain weight. I'm disappointed, too. I feel rather gross, however, my husband still thinks I'm hot. I'm sorry (KELDA) if I haven't been able to talk about it. I'm sorry if you've Facebook'd me, asking me to start blogging again and I haven't responded. When I'm stressed, I'm AWESOME at hiding inside my shell and not peeking out. (says the person who only opened her blog site TODAY.) I hope you'll forgive me.

Damned Jodi Orlando has thrown down the gauntlet and let me know it's time to start up with my fitness again. Tomorrow it begins. I'm not going to make you any promises because, please don't take this personally, it's not about you. It's about me. However, I can tell you that I'm not happy like this. I know how I feel when I'm living a healthy lifestyle and, ladies and gentlemen, THIS AIN'T IT. But there's always time to start again and this I will do.

Someone recently told me that this blog, RebuildingAmy, could not only be a place to document my journey to health and fitness but also the progress on the new home. Get it? Re BUILDING Amy?? So, I think I'll do that! I mean, who doesn't like watching someone ELSE'S construction project? While they get thin? It's a two-fer!

That's where I'm at, today. Unless I have a heart attack at the gym tomorrow, I'll be back. And for the 3-4 people who read this, thanks for hanging with me....

DAY 61: Change is... good...?

2010-08-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

Eric, an Oregonian, attended medical school in Kansas City, Missouri. Eric was certain, from the first day we moved to KC, that we would be swept away by a tornado. Being the more sensible one about these things, I assured him that there was not a gigantic image on his back of a middle finger pointed at the sky and I was sure we'd be fine. At the time I was managing a care facility and I told Eric that I took care of people each day that were in their 80's, had lived in the area their entire lives, and had NEVER seen a tornado. Hush up.

During Eric's fourth year of medical school, a tornado went over the top of our town home while we were cowering in the basement under a desk, holding a baby Lauren & our dog. Thankfully we were okay but that sealed the deal: we were heading back to Oregon as quickly as possible.

Purchasing a home is a nightmare, to begin with. And this was 2004, when the housing market was just starting to "boom." Homes that were once affordable were quickly becoming unobtainable. I remember getting the call from the real estate agent who was scouting out houses in Klamath Falls for us. She said "Amy, I have found a house for you. And you need to put it a contract on it. Today." I replied "...what color is it?" I didn't know the Klamath Falls area at all. Heck, I didn't even know the real estate agent. But sometimes you have to trust that things will be okay and this home has served us well.

It's odd, seeing the sign in the yard. It's sitting underneath the tree that Lauren loves to climb. The tree used to have a swing in it but over time, the swing went a different direction, I guess. When we first entered this house, Lauren was two. We had a different dog, different cars, the house had pink wall-to-wall carpeting... (Thankfully there was beautiful hard wood underneath.) There was work to be done so Eric and I rolled up our sleeves and we made the house into a home. It was a work in progress and we tackled what ever job we could afford, at the time. We removed carpeting, refinished floors, added sheet rock, built patios, redesigned landscape, cut down trees, fertilized trees, planted gardens, leveled the dirt, refurbished bathrooms, took the kitchen down to the studs, rebuilt the kitchen, resided the house, and whatever other ambitious thing we felt we needed to do. And most importantly, we brought Corbin home through the front door and completed our little family right here on Hilldale Street. I'm so proud of our house and what we accomplished.

But now it's time to go. We knew, moving into this house, that it wasn't our last. And we have found another beautiful home that needs our attention... Today I feel somewhat sentimental about our house. It's as though I know the end is coming and I'm saying good bye to a friend. We made our mark on this place, had some wonderful times, and will look back fondly over our years here.

I look forward to meeting the new owners, whoever they may be! I wonder what projects they will see here... Will they like my "white trash half bath"? That's right. I decorated one room in my house with a "white trash" theme including a quote from the movie Joe Dirt on the wall. Because 1) it's one of the best movies ever made and 2) who wouldn't want a Joe Dirt quote posted, somewhere, in their home? I mean... really? And in case you're wondering... yes... the letters are easily removable. Not that anyone would want to take that awesomeness down.

That's where I'm at, today. In the midst of signing all kinds of paperwork and taking care of a sick Dr. Hempel, I managed to get an hour of cardio in. Now I'm going to put on some PJ's, lay in bed, and watch HGTV. I've got a new house to pimp out.

See you tomorrow...

Day 60: Cutting the cheese.

2010-08-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

I've been noticing something about Sissy. You remember Sissy, don't you? She's my SUPER-AMAZING-INTELLIGENT-MAJESTIC Boston Terrier. And she's getting fat. You may remember that she had some pretty serious health problems about six weeks ago and at that time she lost a pound or so. Since then, she found those pounds and added ANOTHER pound. When you weigh 12 pounds, to begin with, and gain a pound, you've increased your body weight by 10%. Think about that! Today I took Sissy to the Pet Medical Center to visit Dr. Hill (he's GREAT and pictured on the left). It was time for her vaccinations, trimming her nails, and to discuss her... WEIGHT. I was chatting away (I know it's hard to believe) and I told Dr. Hill and his assistant about yesterday's video blog. Dr. Hill said "you might want to watch the cheese..." WHAT? Every dog I've ever had is in love with cheese, right??? Then Dr. Hill grabbed a chart about animals and food and it BLEW MY MIND. Here's the chart (my wonderful husband scanned it for me):

One ounce of cheese, for a dog, is equal to 2.5 cheeseburgers. I believe Sissy happily ate her weight in cheese last night. And one hot dog is the equivalent of THREE cheeseburgers! How many times have you fed your dog a hot dog, thinking you were giving them an extra-special treat? This information was SUCH an eye-opener for me. And it makes sense- I am usually aware of how many calories I'm consuming with my 200 pound body. Now pass the same food along to a little 12 pound body... that's a BIG difference.

Thanks to my visit with Dr. Hill today, I'm making some changes to Sissy's diet and exercise. We're going to cut out the table scraps for Sissy. And the cheese. (sorry, Sissy... I'm feeling your pain. Really.) And we're going to be taking Sissy on daily walks. Sissy loves to go for a walk and I've been bad, in the past, about taking her. But walks are good for dogs. And children. And mommies. (daddies, too, but sometimes daddies enjoy a few minutes of silence after a long, hard day...)

IN CONCLUSION: We're going to be more aware of what EVERYONE is eating, in the Hempel house, including Sissy! And taking a walk after dinner is a good thing in so many ways... It's 20 minutes of quality time spent with the people/fur-people we love that results in better health. Why wouldn't you want to do that??

Today was a great day that included visiting our favorite vet, an hour of cardio, and hanging out with some of my best gym-friends! Hope your day was just as good! See you tomorrow!

GOOD GOLLY, WOMAN... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

2010-08-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Internet,

Can you forgive me? I left you. I disappeared. I ran and hid. I started SUCKING at my goals & ran into a dark place and ate some bread with butter & jelly on it. Several times. And some chips with dip. And a donut. Or two. And I couldn't get on my blog and tell you all how naughty I was because you were sitting there, looking hot, wishing I'd had that figure I had back in 1993, when we first met. But that was 17 years and two babies ago (never mind that they are both adopted) and this body has CHANGED. *sigh*

There are days that I have to seriously consider- is it worth it? Lucky for me, I have a husband who would love me the same if I weighed 130 pounds or 330 pounds. And I realize that sometimes I resent being in a position where I have to make perfect choices ALL OF THE TIME. However, if I want to live the life I want to live, I don't really have a choice. And that sucks. But there must be something inside of me that wants to move in the right direction. As I was working out today, I was watching Oprah and it was the show where she had the author of "Women, Food, and God" discussing her book. Listen, I have the book and I've tried to read it but I just fall asleep. Nothing against the book, that's just me. And I've tried to watch this episode of Oprah before and it had the same effect on me... zzzzzz..... But today I noticed there was a woman on the show who had finally "got it" with her own weight loss. She had lost 80 pounds and she looked beautiful and young and fit and confident. And as I looked at her face, I realized my legs were pumping harder on the elliptical machine. That's how I know that I want to get to that point, more then I want a bowl of Captain Crunch cereal at 10:12PM. That's why I came back. (That, and you smell so good.)

And speaking of being back... I OWE YOU a giveaway! (I really am sorry I skipped out on you. I hope we can get back together and you can take me for a nice long car ride so that we can talk it out.) Please watch the following VLOG to see who won the set of FANCY sheets! And Winner, please email me at rebuildingamy@gmail.com to claim your prize!

I did get my hour of cardio in today (hence the picture at the top) and it felt really good. When I'm not exercising and eating poorly, I feel pretty sad... and bloated... and empty. THANKS to those of you who have stuck with me over the last month and a half! We have a ways to go so let's pick up with DAY 60 and move forward from here, shall we?

(From the person who had her tail between her legs and is now holding her head up proudly and saying "I'M HUMAN.")

See you TOMORROW!

Day 59: SLEEP, my pretty, SLEEP. (and a GIVEAWAY!)

2010-08-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

I have very few memories of taking care of Lauren as a baby. Eric was in medical school then & he would get up, every night, and feed her and rock her back to sleep. It was a difficult time for us - we were new parents, Eric was in school, I was working full time by running a care facility... And I was a walking zombie. My inability to wake up in the night only got worse. I was constantly tired. The minute Eric would come home in the evenings, I would pass out on the couch from fatigue. I was "off duty" and poor Eric had to take the parenting over. I also snored so loudly I could shake the paint off of the walls. Eric would do whatever he could to fall asleep before I did so that he could get some rest before the snoring began. (I have such a selfless husband... I look back on these years and I feel terrible, thinking about how he put up with so much and never complained...)

As the years went on, my fatigue only got worse. Eric suggested that I may have Sleep Apnea but I didn't really want to hear it. In the meantime, I could fall asleep anywhere. I couldn't make it through a television show without falling asleep. If we got in the car to go to Wal-Mart, I'd be asleep in my seat before we got there. On a couple of occasions, I had to drive on short trips and I would have to pull over and take a quick nap before proceeding because I was falling asleep at the wheel. I knew I couldn't put it off any longer... I couldn't continue to deny it... I had a problem and I needed to get some help.

When I went to have my sleep study, I remember being so sad. There's no other way to describe it- I was just sad. I felt like my life had finally come to "this." I had to be connected to all kinds of electrodes and sleep in an unfamiliar place because I was not like everyone else. Sad. I met with the physician a few days later and he said I had one of the worst cases of sleep apnea he had seen. While I was being tested, I was experiencing an average of 130 apneic events per hour.

I remember the doctor telling me I needed to lose weight. I was 244 pounds, that day. I said "I don't have time to exercise." He said "you haven't made it a priority." That comment stayed with me over the last few years because it was true. And that's one of the reasons I'm writing this post, today. We always make time for the things we WANT to do. And listen, I'm not in love with working out. Trust me. I can find a hundred excuses why I CAN'T make it to the gym... but I HAVE to make it a priority. My days MUST be scheduled around my gym time or I'm not going to go. I have a lot to do tomorrow but as I think about what I need to accomplish and in what order, I'm also thinking about where my gym time is going to fit in my day. I really don't have a choice.

And to conclude my sleep apnea story - - there's a HAPPY ENDING! I received my c-pap machine & we haven't been without each other ever since. It was love at first sight! It took me a couple of weeks to get used to waking up in the morning and being... AWAKE. I was so used to fighting for five more minutes of rest and now, all of the sudden, I open my eyes and I'm... refreshed. I felt like I could conquer the world and had more energy then I had in years. It's wonderful. Eric is also more rested now that I'm not snoring, anymore. He didn't realize how sleep deprived he had also become. And when the kids wake up in the night, I pull my mask off, pop out of bed, and act as their mother. That's the greatest reward of all.

If you think that you may have a sleep disorder, please talk to your physician about it. You owe it to your family, your friends, your co-workers, the other people driving in traffic with you, but most of all, you owe it to yourself. Getting the right treatment for sleep apnea will change your life. I promise.

NOW... let's have a "the weekend is over" giveaway! All of this talk about sleep... is making me... want to give you something that is comfy... soft... sleep inducing... And nothing is better, at the end of a long day, then slipping into a bed made with quality sheets. Listen, Hempels tend to be a bit snobby when it comes to our fabric content and thread count. It's true. Today I'm giving away a set of 500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets...

The winner may choose the color & size, using the choices provided by the link:

If you would like to enter to win these soft, wonderful sheets.... please answer the following question in the comments section of this post:

Do you have any specific REQUIREMENTS or RITUALS that help you get to sleep at night? (sorry... I'm a TV watcher... I do set the "timer" so it shuts off. Eric sleeps with his music & head phones EVERY night. Started out with a Walkman, 13 years ago... now it's an iPad...)

I will accept entries through Wednesday, August 4th, at midnight. The winner will be announced on Thursday, August 5th, 2010. Only one entry per person, please... The winner will be responsible for claiming their prize and I will communicate with the winner to solidify what color and size of sheet set.

And, in conclusion, I'm going to bed. It's 1:14AM and I have a BUSY day tomorrow. Goodnight!!

Day 53... the damage report.

2010-07-30T00:28:00.000-07:00

WELL... vacation. Vacation tacked 2 pounds onto my already-voluptuous frame. It's a good thing Dr. Hempel finds me so hot or I'd be in some hot water, know what I'm sayin'?? UGH!

There is a bright side to getting fat and out of shape again... Really! I'm not even kidding! I went to the gym today, for a real "gym" workout (meaning I've been stretching myself in other ways that are outside of the gym) and it kicked my BUTT. I was all... straining for breath... covered in sweat.... stinky.... wanting to die... but it was good- truly, it was!

Here's the deal: when I don't work out in a way I can measure and feel proud of, my self esteem tanks. And I become painfully aware of my shortcomings. And my shame takes away all of the "shiny good feelings" of accomplishment and all I can think about is the fact that I didn't make it to the gym. However, when I DO work out, I feel like a champion. I feel healthier, happier, and thinner from the inside out. It's a good thing!

There's a wonderful saying that I created some time ago. I should have it copyrighted:

"Exercise is like sex- you're not always in the mood but you never regret it when it's over."

(my husband is now officially going to kill me.)

Day 52: From THIS to THAT

2010-07-29T00:14:00.000-07:00

... did you know 52 is my lucky number? Just a little Amy Trivia for you...

How did I go from this ------------------------------->

A wonderful vacation with friends, camping, exploring, and swimming...

to...

a kitchen full of fruit flies? I mean, a few days ago life was so good... so picturesque... And then I come home to these boogers. I believe it has something to do with the old bananas I left in the house before we left town. The bananas I should have thrown away... but I forgot...

So now I'm surrounded by these little guys. I'm trying to kill them. I really am. And I've bleached everything. I've set up kill traps like the one in the photograph. I'm pretty sure that one way or another, I'll beat them.

But for now, they are the fly in my ointment. No pun intended.

Since getting home, Monday night, I've been playing catch-up. It's amazing how far behind I can get after 10 days of vacation. But it was worth it, fruit files and all. I'll be back to my "normal routine" tomorrow. (May I say that I can't FREAKING WAIT for the kids to be back in school so that I can get back to a REAL routine?) And for the record, I have determined that it is completely impossible to watch what you eat while on vacation. Don't even try it. (and don't tell my husband I gave you that advice. I'll deny it.)

I owe you a giveaway... tune in tomorrow! And if you have any additional tips on killing fruit flies, feel free to post them here! I'm all ears. And flies.

Day 51: CUT A LADY SOME SLACK... I know... I know... I've been AWOL.

2010-07-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back from vacation... the trailer is cleaned out... there is laundry to be done... but I'm here. So far, our ability to camp AND have Internet connection has been thwarted. The first time, no wi-fi. The second trip (to Lake Shasta- it was AMAZING!) the campground "has wi-fi" but I didn't ask WHERE it had Internet connection because the cut off was one camp space next to where we were parked. *sigh*

For tonight, I'm posting the VLOG that contains the WINNER of the Weber Grill prize! And I'll be back tomorrow with more insightful yet useless information. In the meantime.... enjoy: (and sorry but you're going to have to turn your volume UP for this one!)

(and so there is no confusion, the winner's initials are A.W...)

See you tomorrow!

PS~ Cool chicks wear hats.

Day 45: I totally blame the shoes. Yup... it's the shoes' fault. (and a SUMMER GIVEAWAY)

2010-07-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

You don't really want to hear about my vacation, do you? Okay... I'll give you the Readers Digest version:

My darling husband, the fantastic Dr. Eric Hempel, never takes time off from work. Unless the "time off" includes going to a CME course somewhere so that he can vacation while learning about metabolic syndrome/nutrition/doctor stuff. (yawn.) So I decided a couple of months ago to BLOCK him off of the schedule. No CME courses... no work obligations... just a week off with the family doing family stuff.

Last year I convinced Eric that we needed to buy a boat. He wanted a camper/trailer but I wanted a boat so we ended up with the boat. This year we bought the camper trailer. We took our maiden voyage and headed to the Oregon coast. I thought we had reserved a place that had wi-fi but I was wrong... Sorry, Internet. And you'd think that time without distractions would be a good thing for the Hempels however we wilt, wither, and fade if we can't have our stock reports or people.com websites. (I'll let you decided who looks at what.)

I am married to a man who is almost always correct. I used to argue with him and try to prove my point but in the end, I'd find out that his idea/opinion/thought was right and I was wrong. It's the price I pay for being married to the smartest person I know. I accept it. And after being married 13 years, I've learned to (this is hard to say) listen to him. As we were packing for our trip, he asked me what shoes I was taking. Well, my FitFlops , of course, because they were comfortable and matched all of my outfits. ONE pair. Minimal packing. Easy. Eric said "you're not going to be able to hike or bike in those" and I said "I'll be FINE." Should have listened...

When we got to the coast and I started climbing around on the rocks, I quickly realized that my FitFlops weren't very stable. They shifted and were hard to maneuver in. I lost my confidence and my drive to be...

active.

This is where the trouble began.

See, when my shoes weren't working for me... I had an excuse. I couldn't go hiking because I didn't have the right shoes. I couldn't ride my bike because my shoes were too loose and it would be too cumbersome. And when you go to the Oregon coast, there's a lot of clam chowder. And the fish and chips... WOW. And while we're out to dinner, let's have a dessert because WE'RE ON VACATION AND ALL, right???

Do you see where I'm going with this...?

And being married to the man I am married to... he offered to buy me a new pair of shoes. (I believe he could see how badly I was tanking.) We went to the Nike store and as I stood in the aisle with hundreds of pairs of Nike tennis shoes staring at me from floor to ceiling I said "I just can't justify buying another pair of athletic shoes. I have three pairs at home. Now, where did you want to get lunch?" Yes... yes, it was that bad.

Now we're home. And I have not gotten on the scale but I can tell that I gained a couple few pounds. Dang it. I bought and paid for those pounds. And I ate my way right to them. And really... they didn't bring me that much joy. Each meal made me feel guilty because I knew I was making bad choices. And then I was down on myself and my confidence was gone and I would see my reflection in the shop windows and I didn't see myself as a work in progress but more as a chubby chick with a hot husband. And I began to dig myself deeper... and deeper... and deeper... (I know none of you can relate, right?)

But listen, I forgive myself. I'm wearing my naughtiness around my waist and I've seen the light. It's all about being prepared. I didn't think things through. When we know better we do better. This weekend we're heading to Lake Shasta to meet up with some med school friends and we're taking a lot of protein drinks, water, healthy foods, and tennis shoes. Maybe 2 pairs.

One thing I've found that I like to eat in the summer (and really all year round) is shish kabobs. You can load them up with all kinds of healthy/yummy meats, fruits, and vegetables. They look fancy and they taste GREAT. When you cook on the grill, you don't heat up the house which is a TOTAL bonus. I want you to eat shish kabobs, too. And since I can't come over to your place to make them for you, I'm going to have to give you the proper tools to make your own. Today I'm giving away one Weber 1520 Propane Gas Grill. I chose this giftie because it's something you can use at home OR at the Oregon coast. (and if you take it to the coast, let me know & I'll meet you over there.)

I'm also including a set of four Outset Stainless Steel skewers to the winner because I only have the bamboo sticks. And I forget to soak them in water so they catch on fire while I'm grilling & I get all mad at myself. If I had the stainless steel ones, I wouldn't have that problem now, would I?

If you would like to be entered to win the Weber gas grill along with the Outset skewers, please answer the following question in this post's comments section:

How do YOU stay motivated towards your weight loss/fitness goals while you're on vacation?

I will accept entries for this contest through midnight, July 25th, 2010. The winner will be announced on Monday, July 26th, 2010. Only one entry per person... The winner is responsible for claiming their prize by emailing me at rebuildingamy@gmail.com. Meaning: I won't come hunt you down unless you have a bowl of clam chowder and some fish and chips tied around your neck. Wait... I gave that bad stuff up. Just email me if you win. Is that so hard?

I'll be posting tomorrow (Thursday) and then I'm off to Shasta. I'll probably post Friday, too, since I ditched you last week. See? I really DO care!

She's ALIVE!!! (and on the road....)

2010-07-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

Being the high tech people we are, Eric and I never go anywhere without making sure we have Internet access.... Cell phone signals... Wi-fi... So imagine our SHOCK!!! and DISAPPOINTMENT!!! when we found out that only "certain areas" of our campsite had Internet. And now I'm finding out that patients are calling, wanting to make sure I'm okay... And Dr. Metz has texted me to remind me that it has been "four days since you have blogged." I KNOW... Believe me- it hurts me more then it does you. I mean, who else am I going to tell about my first RVing experience? Have you ever heard of a "Honey Truck"? Neither had I... And now I know it's a good thing to have clothing on when those people show up at your camper. That way no one goes blind.

Right now I'm using the iPad to send this but I'll be back to blogging tomorrow (Wednesday) with stories, pictures, prizes, and big squeezy cyber-hugs. Because I've missed you. And maybe, just maybe, you've missed me too.'Cause we're tight like that.

Day 39: The good news. And the bad news.

2010-07-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

The good news: It has been so long since I ordered a pizza, I had forgotten their phone number that I used to have memorized.

The bad news: I have google on my iPhone which makes it easy to locate forgotten phone numbers.

The good news: I only had 2 pieces of cheesy bread for dinner and topped it off with a protein drink. Could have been worse.

The good news: I enjoyed hanging out with one of my friends today who I have not seen in a long time. We visited, poolside, and our kids played really well together.

The bad news: She enticed me over to her new home with promises of home made cherry pie & almond ice cream (also home made). And she's one of the best cooks I know. The pie was so delicious it made me want to cry.

The good news: Her pie only contains a quarter cup of sugar. It could have been a worse scenario. And since I was visiting her home and using my manners, I only had one piece. If this pie had been left on my doorstep, I believe I would have ate the whole thing and then denied ever seeing it.

The bad news: I had to stop by Dr. Hempel's office today and have some skin procedures done. And it hurt. And he implied that I'm a wimp. He told me that other patients have the same things done every day and they don't complain one bit. (They are trying to be polite... I don't have to. I'm his wife. I can squeal and squirm- it's in the contract.)

The good news: While at the practice today, I met this AWESOME guy named Will. Will is a regular reader of RebuildingAmy & he's putting me to shame this summer with his outdoor activities and exercise - what an inspiration! And I'm just thrilled to know there's at least ONE MAN reading my blog! And I got to meet him today... how cool is that??!
Here's the shout-out..... HEY WILL!! : )

Nothing can top that. I'm outta here. (and I did get my cardio in today, sucka's... but DANG my muscles are hurting from that 20 minutes of weight training yesterday. Maybe I AM a wimp.)