The Adventures of Jàgùdà !

2017-10-20T04:51:00.000-07:00

and he is back

Phew

what a holiday..

ok guys forgive me,

so i got a new job in another country and had to put a hold on my first love.
playing with words.

but a couple of years on that treadmill and lots of finger twitching sleepless nights has brought me back to the passion that feeds my flames and cools my madness of-course.

So here is to old friends and lovers who have crept in here surreptitiously to find out if there was new content.

Im dusting and cleaning cobwebs

I am Jàgùdà – that very good bad guy

Tales by Moonlight--- One Night's Stand

2014-08-11T05:18:00.001-07:00

The Adventures of Jaguda 3D:- Tales by Moonlight--- One Night's Stand

(coming soon)

I hate MONDAYS!!!

2012-03-16T11:57:00.002-07:00

So yeah i hate mondays and , here i am on a friday thinking of how monday is only 2 days away and feeling so morose.

Can i get an amen somebodi?????

My Alarm jarrs me awake from the cozy solitude of my sweet bed and the head fitting mould of teh pillow caressing me .

No ooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Death to MONDAYS!!!!

The Power of SEX!!!

2012-03-03T03:01:00.000-08:00

The Power of SEX!!!

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue.

Teacher to Jàgùdà:-
Jàgùdà what do you think of the Power of Sex?

Jàgùdà to Teacher:-

SEX???!!

It makes some religious: "oh god, yes, oh my god, jesusssss! Yes!"

It gives u ur 1st start to singing lesson: "mmmmmm, annnnnnn, oooooooooh"

It makes you a natural competitor: "fast, faster, faster!"

You suddenly become Boss for NDLEA: "shit, o shit, shit, shit, shit!
(Abi, who else dey order person 2 shit 4 9ja?)"

You announce your own obituary: "yeee! Ah! You are killing me, I'm dead, shit I'm finished, I'll die 2day"

Some babes suddenly become terrorist: " jack it, destroy it, don't have mercy, just tear it!"

It makes you so respectful: "give it to me pls, pls I'm begging, plsssss."

It brings out the loyalty in some: "yea, I love you, you are the owner, no one else, you are the best."

It turns some into beggars: "yea, please don't stop, don't stop, just continue please."

Then, you go come dey answer the call of your ancestors wey no one else go dey hear except you:
"Yes! Yes! I'm coming, I'm comingggg, heeey,I'm coming ooooo!"

It also makes some positive:"Yes O yess yeah yea yes "

Money!!!

2012-03-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà continue!

Dear Money,

You can like to have sex inside my wallet, pocket and bank accounts and other hiding places,i dont mind.

If you like sef Naira can nack Pounds and Dollars, etc,

i dont mind .

Honetly...

As long as u multiply, and the PRODUCT can be SPENT!!!

As long as the result is spendable.

www.iamjaguda.blogspot.com
Its all about Money!

Much Ado About Perfume: Dirty English- For Men...

2012-02-23T01:50:00.003-08:00

Dirty English for Men

So i just got this bottle of Dirty English for Men as a Valentine's gift and it is exciting me.
The Scent is classy; a mix of leathery, spicy,and Loud!!!

It really does give of an extremely masculine smell and definitely something to wear on a really cold day.
It reminds me of sitting by a fireplace in an English mansion (in my mind of course feeling really cool with myself whilst lighting a pipe in playboy pyjamas).

A little dab goes a long way.

From the moment you press SPRAY, till about 6 hours it envelopes nice sung like a cocoon.

Excellent for hiding other smells eg smoke, food smell and of course fresh from the loo

The packaging and heavy bottle with the steel inscribe coat of arms on the glass from make it feel antique in the hands with he leather strip with the metal crams dangling.

Surprisingly affordable, £19.99 on E-bay (minus shipping of-course)

The only down side is it doesn’t last too long and it stains white shirts(which i wear almost daily).

This scent will have women from 16-45 smiling at you for no reason at random times of the day, believe.

So I had to log on to a website for perfumes (yes I am that serious about my fragrances), and read some of the hilarious review which strikingly matched my own.
An except that tickled my spine extensively is from Eric Rico:-

“This smells like a wealthy London businessman who is in the hardwood-floored back parlor of a "gentleman's club" who has just enjoyed a very fine Cuban cigar and a glass of XO Cognac and is now getting whipped with his own leather belt by a very sexy dominatrix in a skintight catsuit who is doused in Prada Amber perfume (amber/orange fragrance with some bite)!!!! ;-)

Now, that my fellow reviewers is Dirty "Fuc$in'" English as I perceive it.

Yeah, it won't last too long, but neither will the whipping or you'll have to pay extra.
This is all the cheap thrills you can pour into a bottle and still have a sense of class and an aire of sophistication...8/10. If you don't have this in your wardrobe, then I don't want you in my "gentlemen's club"...cheerio."

So I’m laughing as I read this in the lift and people think the pressure is getting to me, (HOW???).

Aaah! Today is gonna be great!!!

I am Jàgùdà ©

23rd Feb 2012

Revival. Revival. Revival. - THIS VALENTINE!!!

2012-02-13T23:40:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà continue!!!

His Holiness, Holy Prophet( Badly Drawn Dobs) Is Coming To deliver all the witches in Nigeria.

Joining Him exclusively on the pulpit will be Senior Reverend,Apostle, Evangelist, Jàgùdà!

Also featuring Heavenly Virgin Voices,
-12 of the most succulent makossa dancers from Africa.

Bring your mothers, girlfriends, wives, concubines, mistresses and lovers for divine deliverance and restoration

They will stop demanding for Brazilian hair, Blackberry Porsche, and all those expensive things that keeps poverty squeezing your neck.

Free Jaguda Juice for the first 1,000 women-fruit of the womb solution.
Believe!

www.iamjaguda.blogspot.com

A touch from the Holy ones will conceive you!!!

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.

2012-02-13T11:24:00.000-08:00

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.

If you come across a hot young,beautiful woman who is mature, smart, humble,
educated, passionate, patient and is a great cook,
who is not materialistic,

Who is loving and is attentive to her partner...

Please be assured the marijuana you have just smoked is of superior grade!!!
Feel free to visit the dealer for MORE INSTANTLY.

Your Sincerly,

2012-02-13T11:22:00.000-08:00

Jaguda is a BIG BOY!!!

The Adventures Of Jàgùdà Continue:-

Téacher to Jàguda:- Jàgùdà, you are now a big boy, ehn.

See how you dey shine?

Jàguda to Téacher:-
Aaaah, Teacher.
I am living suspiscioiusly above my income and even I cant explain.

You sef check am,
How much is my salary?

I dey pay transport,
I dey load phone follow babe talk,
I dey nack babe,give am thanks for coming
I dey pay offering+ thithes
I dey do donation,
I dey Do BIS,

I give alms.

Some days I go chop suya, drink.
Other days I go send credit to babes

I no even understang.

Pls help me to check,
Maybe I am laundering money.

Are you Jealous?

2012-02-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue...

Jàgùdà: Babe, are u jealous?

Her: Me? Jelous ke? no ooo.

Jàgùdà: Are u sure?

Her: Yes now, no big deal.

Jàgùdà: Oya kiss me.

Her: GO AND KISS THAT WHORE WHO LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!!!

HE-DIOT!

What u think about Breasts? Yeah i said it !!!

2012-02-13T11:10:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue...

Téacher to Jàguda:-
What do you think of the term "Booby"?

Jàguda to Téacher:-

Aaah! Bubby!

Bubby sweet to press,
Bubby soft to the touch.

Bubby loyal,
Bubby always obey gravity.

Bubby complete,
Bubby get 2 nipple.

Bubby combatant ,
Bubby dey wear uniform (bra).

Bubby shy,
bubby look ground.

Bubby confident,
Bubby stand at attention.

Bubby aggresive,
Bubby look me in the eye.

Bubby nice,
Bubby give inspiration.
(U no see wetin I dey write?)

Bubby comfortable,
Bubby give me good sleep.

Aaaaaah Bubby.

Oriki Jaguda.

2012-02-13T11:04:00.000-08:00

Mo le korin moju ti irin ise o ba lana,
loju omo to ta ide reke

To gbe sun mo mi,

ti emi gaaan o se kuru kere.
Emi ti o mo ni alujo to le je ki omo gbagbe ile.

Mi go iru e ri,
ki olorun ma ba ile ayo me je ni.

Mo le pe ara mi ni oko iyawo, loju aya to mo ere se.

To baa ni igbago,
Ka wo ile mi ka lo dan ra wo, ka ri na.

Ko ma ma wo mi bi pe mi o le.

Eni ga gaaaan,
kilo tun bo lola?

Valentine's Day Massacare

2012-02-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

The adventures of Jaguda continue:-

This season,

Your stingy boyfriend could be another girl's ATM.

Watch!

Shadow!!

Revival. Revival. Revival.!!!

2012-02-13T10:47:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà continue!!!

Revival. Revival. Revival.
His holiness Prophet Dobs (Badly Drawn Dobs) Is Comin To Town To Turn Water To Petrol in Nigeria.
Joining Him on the pulpit will be
Senior Reverend Apostle Evangelist Jàgùdà! Also featuring Heavenly Virgin Voices,
12 of the most succulent makossa dancers from Africa.

Bring ur kegs, buckets, Jerry-can, bottles and containers.

Jàgùdà IS A BIBLE BELIVER!!! U don’t believe??? See below!!!

2012-02-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue!
Jàgùdà IS A BIBLE BELIVER!!! U don’t believe??? See below!!!

Bible says "do 2 others wt u want them 2 do 2 u".

A lady shows up @ your door 4 Valentine wit nothin; its notin.
But if a guy does dt, ewoo! YAWA don gas!!!

But come how can a gal give man boxers & expect a Blackberry?
A tie & expect Brazilian hair?
Singlet &expect I-Pad 2?
Cufflinks & expect BB Porsche of 500k?
Or nothing @ all n expects an expensive dinner @ KFC or Chicken Republic?

Guys, it should b trade by barter this Vals!!!
DO NOT SUBSIDIZE YOUR LOVE!!!

Boxers should b exchanged wit a pant(g-string).
Singlet should b exchanged wt a bra.

If she gives u roll-on, buy her sure spray,
If she buy u come, give her hair-brush.
She gives u cufflinks; give her rubber band 2 tie her natural hair. I
f she shows up @ your door empty-handed, pls put NTA or STV for her 2 watch. Don’t let her watch ur subscribed cable (no free thing).
If she asks for an expensive dinner, take her 2 an expensive night vigil @ the nearest MFM (they pray 24hrs there)

She gives u a flower, give her igneous rock 4m Olumo (all is nature). . . .

Guys, wise up o!
Do me, I do u.
GOD no go vex. . .

Lekki Toll Gate Wahala

2012-01-27T05:27:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue

If you live in lekki area of Lagos Nigeria,and own a car, and are thinking of how you will pay toll for the rest of your lagos life bla bla bla,

I have a cheaper alternative for you!Buy a nice donkey!

You need not N40,000 to buy FRSC number plates,
you need no drivers licence,

GEJ may as well use his fuel to smoke gari and LASTMA no fit catch you!

You wont even need to settle police and "wey ya particulars"!

But if donkey is too much,buy a bicycle
Free exercise all day long especially if u are OROBO!!!

Good thinking,good product!

No,dont thank me,thank our oppressors!

Stori Stori - Dr Jàgùdà ft Madam "Lady"

2012-01-26T07:23:00.000-08:00

One sunny day like this in an African city called Lagos.................

Dr Jàgùdà was on his own thinking of the garri and groundnut he would drink for lunch when suddenly, "knock knock "

Dr Jàgùdà:-(Hurriedly banishing the garri thoughts) Come in.

Madam "Lady": Dr., Help ooo,
My period is becoming brown in color,
Is there any infection?

Dr Jàgùdà: Wow!
Brown in Color???
So How often u have sex?

Madam "Lady" : SEX???!!
Twice in a year

Dr Jàgùdà: Twice in a year??
Its not an infection jooor, its RUST!!!
Go and get a MAN!!!

The Adventures of Jàgùdà !

Tales by Moonlight--- One Night's Stand

I hate MONDAYS!!!

The Power of SEX!!!

The Power of SEX!!!

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue. Teacher to Jàgùdà:-Jàgùdà what do you think of the Power of Sex?

Jàgùdà to Teacher:-

Money!!!

The Adventures of Jàgùdà continue! Dear Money, You can like to have sex inside my wallet, pocket and bank accounts and other hiding places,i dont mind. If you like sef Naira can nack Pounds and Dollars, etc,

i dont mind .

Honetly... As long as u multiply, and the PRODUCT can be SPENT!!! As long as the result is spendable. www.iamjaguda.blogspot.com Its all about Money!

Much Ado About Perfume: Dirty English- For Men...

Dirty English for Men

Revival. Revival. Revival. - THIS VALENTINE!!!

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.

Jaguda is a BIG BOY!!!

The Adventures Of Jàgùdà Continue:- Téacher to Jàguda:- Jàgùdà, you are now a big boy, ehn.

Are you Jealous?

What u think about Breasts? Yeah i said it !!!

Oriki Jaguda.

Valentine's Day Massacare

The adventures of Jaguda continue:-

This season,

Your stingy boyfriend could be another girl's ATM. Watch!

Shadow!!

Revival. Revival. Revival.!!!

Jàgùdà IS A BIBLE BELIVER!!! U don’t believe??? See below!!!

Lekki Toll Gate Wahala

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue

If you live in lekki area of Lagos Nigeria,and own a car, and are thinking of how you will pay toll for the rest of your lagos life bla bla bla,

I have a cheaper alternative for you!Buy a nice donkey!

You need not N40,000 to buy FRSC number plates, you need no drivers licence,

GEJ may as well use his fuel to smoke gari and LASTMA no fit catch you! You wont even need to settle police and "wey ya particulars"! But if donkey is too much,buy a bicycle Free exercise all day long especially if u are OROBO!!! Good thinking,good product! No,dont thank me,thank our oppressors!

Stori Stori - Dr Jàgùdà ft Madam "Lady"

One sunny day like this in an African city called Lagos.................

Dr Jàgùdà was on his own thinking of the garri and groundnut he would drink for lunch when suddenly, "knock knock "

Dr Jàgùdà:-(Hurriedly banishing the garri thoughts) Come in.

Madam "Lady": Dr., Help ooo, My period is becoming brown in color, Is there any infection? Dr Jàgùdà: Wow! Brown in Color??? So How often u have sex? Madam "Lady" : SEX???!! Twice in a year Dr Jàgùdà: Twice in a year?? Its not an infection jooor, its RUST!!! Go and get a MAN!!!

The Adventures of Jàgùdà Continue.

Teacher to Jàgùdà:-
Jàgùdà what do you think of the Power of Sex?

The Adventures of Jàgùdà continue!

Dear Money,

You can like to have sex inside my wallet, pocket and bank accounts and other hiding places,i dont mind.

If you like sef Naira can nack Pounds and Dollars, etc,

Honetly...

As long as u multiply, and the PRODUCT can be SPENT!!!

As long as the result is spendable.

www.iamjaguda.blogspot.com
Its all about Money!

The Adventures Of Jàgùdà Continue:-

Téacher to Jàguda:- Jàgùdà, you are now a big boy, ehn.

Your stingy boyfriend could be another girl's ATM.

Watch!

You need not N40,000 to buy FRSC number plates,
you need no drivers licence,

Madam "Lady": Dr., Help ooo,
My period is becoming brown in color,
Is there any infection?

Dr Jàgùdà: Wow!
Brown in Color???
So How often u have sex?

Madam "Lady" : SEX???!!
Twice in a year

Dr Jàgùdà: Twice in a year??
Its not an infection jooor, its RUST!!!
Go and get a MAN!!!