The Sexy Armpit - A Whiff of Pop Culture from New Jersey

New Jersey's Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.63: Night Shift

2012-01-22T23:07:00.002-05:00

Sure, the line "Take LIVE tuna fish and feed 'em mayonnaise!" may not be as iconic as "Nice f*ckin' model," and definitely not as imitated as "I'm Batman," but it's also from a film in the career of an actor who has personified a multitude of quirky and hilarious characters. Many roles Micheal Keaton has chosen are zany and often outlandish, but those are the ones that continue to make me laugh 'til this day.

One of the early films I wore out on VHS was 1983's Mr. Mom. Jack Butler is still one of my favorite characters ever even though he's a lot more laid back than Bill Blazejowski in his first major movie role in Night Shift the previous year. Night Shift is right up there with Keaton's best work. It's hard to beat the team-up of The Fonz and Michael Keaton as morgue attendants who become pimps and start a brothel.

Keaton's Billy Blaze was always amped up, humming The Rolling Stones "Jumpin' Jack Flash," and chock full of so many ideas that he had to dictate them into his handheld tape recorder so he wouldn't forget them. Sounds a lot like what I do with the notes app on my iPhone. I related to Blaze since I worked the night shift for a few years and it's certainly a whole other culture.

To pass the time, Blaze was always yapping a mile a minute to his partner Chuck (Winkler). A couple of the stories he told involved his trips down to Atlantic City to gamble. I always love watching movies that were filmed in New York City in the '80s and the proximity to A.C is what gives this film that extra coolness. As Blaze told his stories I could just imagine him driving across the river and hopping on the GSP all the way down to Atlantic City, humming Stones songs all the way. In the early '80s A.C was the Northeast's answer to Las Vegas, but according to Blaze "Vegas knows how to treat you right... cause they got broads...and Wayne Newton..."

BILL BLAZEJOWSKI GOES TO ATLANTIC CITY:

"Chuck, I'm really getting good at remembering these cards. (21 jeez!) Boy I'll tell ya Chuck...this weekend is it. This weekend I go to Atlantic City and I do nothing but play blackjack straight through. I'm not even gonna get a room I'm just gonna get those wash'n dries...ya know? Did I tell you I thought of them first?"

"You know I've been working on my blackjack system, right? All right, so, I get down to Atlantic City this weekend and I'm sitting in the casino with my wash'n dries; Did I tell you I had the idea for them first? Anyway I'm sitting there and I'm playing blackjack right...they bar me, they bar me, I'm out, I'm barred, I can't get in now, right. You know why? Being too good a player..."

The Beatles "Every Little Thing" Written in Atlantic City, NJ

2012-01-16T19:22:00.000-05:00

This cool piece of New Jersey rock and roll history comes from The Beatles Bible, a boundless online source of everything Beatles. While reading this amazing site, I discovered some trivia about the track "Every Little Thing," from The Beatles For Sale album which was released at the end of 1964. Several months prior to the album's release, The Beatles played Convention Hall in Atlantic City on August 30th, 1964.

After The Beatles played to 18,000 fans at Convention Hall in A.C, they stayed at the Marquis De Lafayette in Cape May. There was no pay per view porn back then so they did what all typical rockers did in their down time, they played cards, had a fiercely competitive game of Monopoly, chatted with Elvis on the phone, and oh yeah...wrote another song. It was "Every Little Thing," a love song about how lucky this guy was to have such a great girl.

"John and I got this one written in Atlantic City during our last tour of the States. John does the guitar riff for this one, and George is on acoustic. Ringo bashes some timpani drums for the big noises you hear." - Paul McCartney, The Beatles Off The Record Keith Badman

Take a look at a collection of ticket stubs from The Beatles A.C concert HERE

Giants' CRUZ: From Paterson To The NFC Championship!

2012-01-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

You see those numbers under his eyes? That's the Paterson NJ area code!

CRUUUUUZ!!!!

The Sexy Armpit is celebrating The New York Giants huge win over the Green Bay Packers tonight. Next week The G-Men will be facing off against the San Francisco 49ers for the NFC Championship. Before that we'd like to pay tribute to one of the G-Men who has been so instrumental to the team this year and that is Victor Cruz.

If you think you hear boos when he makes a huge catch or scores of TD, that's actually a CRUUUUZ chant. It's just like the BRUUUUCE chants at a Springsteen concert, maybe that's because Cruz is also a Jersey boy. Cruz hails from Paterson, NJ, amid gangs, drug busts, and shootouts. That strife clearly could not distract him from becoming the NFL superstar that he has become.

There have been a slew of kickass Cruz moments this year. Cruz made a 99 yard touchdown on Christmas Eve 2011 against the Jets and he also now holds a Giants record for most receiving yards in a single season, but perhaps his biggest accomplishment was becoming a dad just last week. He's already turned down the chance to be on Dancing With The Stars because he's onto bigger and better things such as possibly taking a vacation to Disney World! Be sure to check him out next Sunday when he salsa dances all the way to the SUPER BOWL after the Giants beat the 49ers!!!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 91: How I Met Your Mother

2012-01-10T22:55:00.000-05:00

More than a year before MTV's Jersey Shore began giving New Jersey a bad name, How I Met Your Mother was innovating the prevalent "NJ on TV" trend.

A slew of episodes mention the Garden State, but "I Heart NJ" is one of the best. It originally aired in October of 2008 and in this episode Ted's been complaining about having to travel to New Jersey to visit his girlfriend Stella. (In the picture above, Ted's t-shirt summarizes his thoughts about the state.) Both he and his friends hate New Jersey, well, not counting Marshall - he secretly loves it.

Marshall especially loves the "dog t-shirts" that he found at the local wholesale club. Apparently one of the show's writers thought dog t-shirts are big in New Jersey. I can't say I've ever seen anyone ever wear one of them, but the jab didn't offend me since Jason Segel makes everything funny.

Regardless of the fact that it's just over a few years old, "I Heart NJ" is a real classic episode. In it, the gang gets into a heated debate of New York vs. New Jersey, Barney just can't seem to get props in the form of a fist bump, and Robin finds herself pulling some Evel Knievel type stuff while racing to get her old job back. If you haven't seen this episode and you don't feel like waiting for the rerun, How I Met Your Mother is streaming on Netflix.

Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway!!!

2012-01-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

The title of the post says it all. We are giving away a set of DC Direct Arkham City Series 1 Batman and Robin figures. These are sold out all over and quickly becoming collector's items. You don't have to jump through hoops to win these either. To enter you have two options. All you need to do is:

1) Follow us on Twitter @sexyarmpit and Retweet "@sexyarmpit Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway: http://tinyurl.com/6nw2j9t"

OR

2) If you refuse to join Twitter like some people I know, then just e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net with the subject line ARKHAM and you will be entered.

Winner will be chosen randomly using a generator and will be contacted for shipping information. Winner will be announced on 1/31/2011. Thanks for swinging by The Sexy Armpit!

Card Subject To Change Review

2012-01-05T22:25:00.000-05:00

Have you ever passed by a barber shop or a dry cleaner and noticed a poster for a local independent wrestling event? Out of the nearly 20 wrestlers that appear on the poster, occasionally you've heard of at least a few. Events like this are usually much more reasonable than going to a WWE event, and a lot closer, there may even be one this weekend at your local VFW hall. OK, so you won't see John Cena, CM Punk, or Zack Ryder, but it will still be a lot of fun. Even as a lifelong, hardcore wrestling fan, the dedication of indy promoters and wrestlers never ceases to amaze me. What keeps these guys performing at these events? It's definitely NOT the wrestlers paltry payout at the end of the night, it's the devotion for the business.

Since the hype started hitting the Internet a couple of years ago for the indy wrestling documentary Card Subject To Change: Pro Wrestling's Underground, I wanted to see it desperately. I went so far as to email the addresses listed on their official site to find out more info on the film or if I could somehow review it. I never heard back from them. You'd think a mere mention of The Sexy Armpit would elicit some sort of response after the several moments of snickering and confusion clears the air. I forgave the filmmakers since the operation was headed by a fellow Kean University graduate, Tim Disbrow. He directed, produced, and edited Card which is now streaming on Netflix. George "The Animal" Steele had his plush creature "Mine," and Tim has his documentary. Creating a documentary that's actually entertaining and not boring is quite an accomplishment and I have to hand it to Tim for producing a film with such reverence for the business.

Lots of places around the U.S claim to be exclusive hotbeds for professional wrestling. Actually, the truth is that aside from Madison Square Garden, the state of New Jersey has cultivated so many superstars and continues to have tons of indy wrestling shows all throughout the state. This made it easy for Tim to capture scenes with promoter Johnny Falco who runs shows all over New Jersey.

While The Wrestler illustrated the end of Randy "The Ram" Robinson's career, Card Subject to Change shines the spotlight on a broader look at the indy wrestling scene. From the outset, Tim Disbrow's film establishes that there are literally thousands of active professional wrestlers in the country, but probably only around a hundred are signed to full time contracts with the large companies. So DVR the glitz of Smackdown for one night and power up your Netflix. Update your status as "watching a documentary" so they think you're very cultured and intelligent. Meanwhile you'll be seeing the local exploits of some of the most well known indy wrestlers.

Appearing in the film are NJ's Rob Eckos (now Robbie E. in TNA), the late Trent Acid, Kamala, Kevin Sullivan, the late Sensational Sherri in her last interview, ROH's Rhett Titus (Also from NJ),

Necro Butcher (whom you may know from his appearance in The Wrestler), Corvis Fear, and Sabu among others.

At times, Card shows aspects of the indy scene that are far from glamorous. There are a few wrestlers interviewed who are no longer with us and some actually shoot steroids on film, but the train keeps rolling. The show must continue and every now and then you'll come across a kid at one of these VGW halls with a dream who is doing everything in his power to make it big. He or she will be the one to look out for...the next one snatched up by the all mighty Vince.

Santa Brought Me Some Cool Shit

2012-01-04T23:03:00.000-05:00

KISS + The Beatles = The Beats T-Shirt and Batman lounge pants and Bat-Beer Koozie

Coal is some HOT shit. Instead, I got some cool shit for Christmas. Every year I'm very appreciative of the gifts people give me, the time and effort they put into choosing, buying, and wrapping them, and this year is no different. As usual, the holidays passed by so fast, and now I finally have the chance to look back at some of my gifts.

Usually it's hard to even think of ideas to tell the people in my life who aren't sure what to get me for Christmas. But it should actually be pretty easy come to think of it. I've liked comics, Batman, WWE/WWF, music, movies, KISS, SNL, Disney, and horror movies since I was a little kid so there's a wide range of stuff to choose from right there. You can't go wrong with a person who has a lot of interests.

Oh, and of course there's my little obsession with the toxic sludge flooded state I call home. As highlighted here on The Sexy Armpit, pretty much anything Jersey related will also do the trick. To avoid having to do the previous rundown every time someone asks me for ideas, I usually just ask for some Tinker Toys...and iTunes and Amazon gift cards. The 'Pit Crew picked out some really great ones this year. Let's take a look at some of them:

Disney Traditions Hitchhiking Ghosts Statue by artist Jim Shore

I'm a foolish mortal, and a HUGE Haunted Mansion fan. Last time I was in Disney World, I drooled over this baby in every store we shopped in. Thanks to Ms. Sexy Armpit for this badass surprise!

Funky Chunks Soaps!

When you're done reading this, click over to FunkyChunks.net and pick up some of their creatively handmade 100% Vegan soaps. Their soaps smell amazing and lather up nicely. After you're done perusing, read about Michele Rosta, the former punk rocker from Cleveland turned New Jersey soap maker. I was happy to receive The Jersey Devil soap (pictured above) with an order I placed for Christmas. This gray, concrete looking bar of soap smells awesome and has a masculine sensibility, while their Jersey Girl soap (below) is more of a chick soap.

For you non-Jersey maniacs out there, don't worry, they also offer soaps that aren't Jersey related such as Frosted Pumpkin, Bewitched, Secret Sin, and Lavender Lemonade to name a few. Trust me, if your mom is going to put soap in your mouth for dropping an F-bomb, you better pray it's Funky Chunks!

Ghosts of Central New Jersey and Hot Wheels FrankenBerry Van

My sister picked me up The Ghosts of Central Jersey by Richard J. Kimmel which is right up my alley, but I must confess, I bought the Franken Berry van for myself at Pathmark of all places.

Top 10 Best Sexy Armpit Moments of 2011

2011-12-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

Plenty of sights brag about their amazing accomplishments. It's pretty damn easy to kiss your own ass. Almost weekly I come across a post that states something to the effect of "We are celebrating a bajillion hits! YAY FOR US!" The Sexy Armpit does indeed celebrate it's yearly birthday, but other than that we try to keep the boasting to a minimum because it gets annoying. On the other hand though, I do toot my own horn because blogging doesn't yield many benefits. Aside from a degree of personal satisfaction, and the occasional media review copy, blogging is simply a lot of work. With that said, allow me to repay myself for all that hard work as I steal a few minutes of your time exploiting the BEST Sexy Armpit moments of 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

10. Showered With Deb and Hilly! - OK So I didn't actually take a shower with them, it was more like I showered them...with my adoration. The Chiller Theatre Convention in Spring 2011 featured Judie Aronson and Suzanne Snyder (the girls from Weird Science) and as I stood sandwiched in between these ladies, for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a total dick.

9. My Kick Buttowski Halloween Costume! - Every year for Halloween I have to feel some sort of inspiration or else I won't dress up. This year I became my favorite child daredevil from the Disney XD cartoon Kick Buttowski.

8. The Sexy Armpit Turns 8 Years Old! - It sounds like a really long time to be blogging but I've actually been running websites since the year 2000 which at one time would sound futuristic, but now just makes me a relic! Can you say Geocities?

7. Appeared On The Nerd Lunch Podcast! - It was definitely cool to be a guest on Nerd Lunch. Being on their podcast was a lot different than my former career in rock radio and then doing some podcasting of my own, but it was still a blast!

6. Interviewed By Geof At The Man Cave! - I was able to hang with my friends Geof and Dan at Monster Mania this year and they filmed an interview with me for The Man Cave. I had a lot of fun and it was very cool that they asked me to be on!

5. Oh Yeah, I Wrote Some More Articles - If you liked The Wrestler you should read this. If you were a fan of Macho Man Randy Savage you should read this. If you bought tickets to see Sammi Curr back in the day, read this. Fans of Transformers should read this while fans of G.I Joe might want to read this and this. Finally, if you're going to take part in the All-Valley Karate tournament, then you might be interested in this.

4. New and Improved Sexy Armpit T-Shirts! - I bought a few for myself! They are available now on Red Bubble right HERE!

3. Interviewed on Star Ledger Live on NJ.com! - Brian Donohue's online video show is part of The Star Ledger and NJ.com and he invited me on to talk about my article Gotham City, NJ? to coincide with the filming of The Dark Knight Rises in Newark.

2. Premiered Two Sexy Armpit Shorts For Our YouTube Channel! Watch Get Sludgey to The Starland and The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2011.

1. The Sexy Armpit Got Its Own Theme Song! - Our friends, NJ's retro inspired rockers Lipstick and Cigarettes whipped up the perfect theme song for our upcoming YouTube series! This list has a lot of cool entries, but like my friend Lori said, "...there's nothing cooler than having your own theme song!" Click the link to watch the band perform it live!

A Theme: What I Want For Christmas

2011-12-24T11:53:00.002-05:00

Stealing from a couple of classic Christmas movies and songs, there are a few ways I can start this. Mrs. Shields wanted us to write a theme so here goes or if anyone wants any last minute gift ideas for me, (that means YOU Cousin Eddie) and there's also the Tenacious D/Sum 41 song "Hey now Santa I'm writing to you cause there's a lot of cool shit I want..." Either way, like Bob & Doug said, "There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck":

Dear Santa,

These are just a few of the things I want. I know I can't have them all, but if I don't write them down I might forget. Would you mind keeping these on file for next year in case you can't make one or two of them happen? Thank you, and you can be sure we'll leave some good shit for you in case you have the munchies.

Sincerely,

The Sexy Armpit

1) The He-Man Power Sword - offered by Toonseum and Filmation, it was the actual sword He-Man used on the float at the 1986 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

2) A flyby from TokiDoki Tattoo Barbie in her Barbie Glamour Jet - Please instruct her to blow me a kiss before she drops a huge shipment of Margaritaville Salsa.

3) Rhonda Shear and Up All Night is making a comeback - you can check that one off the list

4) Force Chris Collinsworth into retirement from sportscasting

5) Convince Hef to Let The Sexy Armpit Re-Open The Great Gorge Playboy Club in NJ
In this Christmas wish the old Playboy Club in New Jersey is back in action, and it's rocking better than ever. Hugh personally tapped me to be in charge of it. On one cold Friday night I'm chilling in a hot tub sipping Bubble Gum flavored Kool Aid that Amber Heard served to me in her bunny outfit. To my right is Katy Perry in Rainbow Brite getup. The Bella Twins are laying behind me sprawled out on the deck whispering cute little flirtations into my ear and giggling while sipping a moderately priced champagne. To the left of me is my pal Larry Dallas who's cracking me up while his on again off again lady friend Princess Giselle looks on with a smile in awe. Providing tunes up on the nearby stage is none other than Prince who just invited Meatwad to join him for a duet of "Little Red Corvette."

Louis Tully stands by in pajamas with feet and his earmuffs on grasping his canon and saturating us with pink mood slime. Seconds later the record scratches as the maniacal Purple Pie Man crashes the party. We thought he was going to wreak havoc, but he just had a huge blowout with Sour Grapes and wanted to come see if Raspberry Tart and her pet monkey wanted to get into some late night mischief. After some mind altering experiences we take the Batplane to Houlihans and enjoy a shitlaod of their delectable So. Cal Fish Tacos. I can't stay out too late though because I have a mini-golf outing planned the next morning with Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein. I need to be on point because he's a bad ass on the course.

6) CGI Danny Devito as a normal Penguin into Batman Returns
I tend to watch Batman Returns during Christmas time and as much as I love Tim Burton I always feel like it needs a lot of improvement. What I'd really love to see with modern computer technology is a revamped version that makes it more of a traditional Batman film. One of the making of documentaries explained that Burton was hesitant to do a sequel to Batman but was coerced into it when the WB big-wigs said he could "make it a Tim Burton movie." That's what makes Batman Returns so different than Batman. There would be more of a connection to the first movie if it wasn't so warped. Penguin never had flippers for hands or ate raw fish right out of it's scaly body. He was a little rich pipsqueak. There's a lot of haters of the '60s Batman show, but Burgess Meredith really nailed the original vision of The Penguin. I know that Burton's freakish take on The Penguin was just an alternate way to see the character, but I think making DeVito's Penguin more like the Batman Returns figure that was released by Kenner would've made a better Bat-film.

7) Goldust vs. Cody Rhodes

Sure I'd love to see Stone Cold or Jericho come back to fight CM Punk, but there's also lots of talk on Twitter trying to gear up for this family feud. I'm instigating it as well. I was never really a fan of Dustin until he premiered the character Goldust in WWE in 1995. I immediately became obsessed with his bizarre ways. I went so far as to dress up as him for our backyard wrestling events, face paint and all. I creeped out all my friends. My first ever AOL screen name was even Goldust1. To see him make a comeback against his brother Cody would be awesome, especially with that kickass classic white Intercontinental title on the line! Make it happen WWE!

A New Jersey Christmas Card by David Price

2011-12-21T07:37:00.000-05:00

A New Jersey Christmas by Allport Cards

Mother Armpit found these cards for me when she was out shopping. Don't moms always find the best stuff? These limited edition cards are 100% sustainable and made in the USA by Allport Cards in Oregon. A portion of the profits from the cards go to charitable causes. In case you were getting jealous, several other states are available as well as other variations such as wine lovers, Shakespeare lovers, etc, but the NJ card is a best seller according to the Allport site. The art by David Price was done with pen and ink on paper and you can check out his other work that appears on cards and towels here.

Elizabeth Gillies is December's Garden State Playmate

2011-12-19T14:37:00.000-05:00

Santa Claus informed me that he has too many good girls and boys to deliver to this year so he won't have time to visit The Sexy Armpit. The good news is that he's dropping off our present early this year. It's New Jersey native Elizabeth Gillies, one of the stars of Nickelodeon's Victorious. Don't get all up in arms...she's 18.

Looks-wise, Gillies is reminiscent of a young Lindsay Lohan before the skankiness and the drugs. Lohan starred in the film Mean Girls while Gillies just plays one on TV, but the similarities end there. As bitchy Jade West on Victorious, her goth punk stylings would've made me putty in her hand if I was a kid. Jade certainly has an attitude problem, but those blue-green eyes give her a pass. Those colored streaks in her hair, her piercings, tattoos, ohhh...and her fixation for scissors - be still my beating heart!

If you ever catch Victorious, you'll see that Gillies is cast perfectly in her role and it's obvious she's going to become a big star. Gillies also appeared in the 2008 film Harold and some of her other TV credits include The Black Donnellys and White Collar. She grew up in Haworth, NJ and attended Northern Valley Regional High School in Demarest, NJ.

Victorious: "A Christmas Tori: It's Not Christmas Without You"
Get More: Victorious Episodes,Victorious,Victorious Games

If Disney Made MTV's Jersey Shore

2011-12-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

Stumbled onto this parody while on YouTube. Many of you might just say..."wow, this user has too much time on their hands," but xXCaraTabrettXx actually did a pretty damn good job. I'm surprised Disney hasn't yanked it off yet.

A Jersey Christmas Review

2011-12-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

Remember those family gatherings when someone at the dinner table would caution everyone not to discuss politics and religion? Well the 2008 film A Jersey Christmas obviously didn't heed that warning because its abundant racial and moral commentary spoils this festivus for the rest of us.

My intention is always to give credit to indie filmmakers, not to needlessly rip them like some a-hole critics who know nothing about films anyway. Making an actual film that doesn't look like it was slapped together accidentally by a 3 year old on his parents iPhone is a huge undertaking, and even if the movie sucks, most young directors and cast deserve an A for effort at the very least. If I was only judging it on effort, A Jersey Christmas would receive and A+ with a possible induction to the National Honor Society. Unfortunately, it boils down to one question for me: Will I ever want to watch it again? The answer is no, although, if some tweaks were made I'd make it part of my annual Christmas viewing tradition.

Clerks influence on indie filmmakers based in New Jersey is apparent since the story centers around a group of Christmas store employees. Kevin Smith would have a field day writing a film about this place because it's way more diverse than the local Quick Stop. Coincidentally, mostly all of The Xmas-O-Rama employees don't celebrate Christmas because of their various religious backgrounds. There's a Jewish guy, a reformed Jewish girl, an Indian girl, an Arab, and a former Christian gay male who graduated from Rutgers with a masters in American Literature because he "likes to read." The gist of the story focuses on how Christmas is viewed in the eyes of non-Christian twentysomethings. The group discovers that even though they express jealousy and frustration about the holiday, they are all brought together by the Christmas spirit.

As described on IMDB, "degenerate gambler" Mike Malcolm (James Villemaire) is in deep debt (or shit as we say here in Jersey) and owes a couple of thugs a lot of money. He runs a Christmas store to try to recoup some cash to pay his debts, but winds up screwing his employees out of several weeks pay. The action takes place on Christmas Eve when he demands that the store stay open until midnight to intercept last minute shoppers. Malcolm escapes to a poker game to try to win back some of his losses while the diverse crew at the Christmas store works late and hashes out their differences in religion, thoughts on Christmas, and even share some romantic moments.

I guess I was expecting something with a little more wacky hijinks. Often, the film teetered on the verge of being fun, but never officially made the jump. Sadly, the dialogue is so dumbed down and the characters refer to being Jewish and Arabic excessively. A Jersey Christmas would've benefited from making the racial/religious differences a minor theme instead of the main attraction. Regardless of these flaws, the cast is surprisingly natural and talented for a bunch of predominantly unknown actors. Anitha Gandhi and James Villemaire's performances resonated with me.

Villemaire, who seems to be attempting to channel a young Mickey Rourke or Bruce Willis in this film, also co-directs with Eric Weber. Weber wrote the film, but I think it should've stayed on paper rather than been brought to life as a movie. This is the type of film that could be shown in college classes studying religious or racial tolerance; not so much the light hearted Christmas movie based in Jersey that I was hoping for. Ultimately, there really aren't any similarities to Kevin Smith's Clerks, but there should've been. I for one wouldn't mind seeing a Christmas styled knockoff of Clerks. In that case the racial and religious references would be welcome. Snoogans.

What keeps me from ripping A Jersey Christmas is the fact that the film isn't necessarily funny, but it's not heart wrenching or dramatic either. Being middle of the road is it's best attribute, since it would've totally lost my attention if it got bogged down in too much drama. This is one film you should only sink your time into if you just dig indie movies, or you have a serious obsession for all things Jersey like The Sexy Armpit does.

Since the production company, Tenafly Films, is named after a city in New Jersey, they not only filmed on location in Bergen County, NJ but they also infused plenty of Jersey shout-outs into the movie. Among others there were mentions of Garden State Plaza Mall, Kearny, Hackensack, and the Elmwood Park Diner.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 90: The Misfits For Christmas!

2011-12-13T22:46:00.000-05:00

The Grinch is a mean one...and a FIEND!!!

It's never been depicted on a map and Santa Claus isn't even aware of it, but right beside the Island of Misfit Toys lies the Island of Fiends. Everyone who resides there is covered in ghoulish fiend makeup and Misfits songs are piped through speakers all over the island. During Christmas you might see a lot of people wearing these holiday themed Misfits t-shirts. The first one features a fiendish creature who bares a resemblance to The Grinch and is rocking a skeleton jacket and gloves. We know The Grinch is a humbug, but who knew he was such a punk?

The Misfits Santa T-Shirt

What do you think this scary Santa will leave for you under your tree? Maybe The Misfits latest album The Devil's Rain? I'd like to have The Misfits record a cover of "The Most Wonderful Day of the Year" from the scene on the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer specifically for me!

New Jersey's Great Pop Culture Moments 62: Christmas Evil

2011-12-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

I hope you're not planning on asking Santa for a lifetime subscription to Penthouse magazine or you're in for it. Released the same year as To All a Good Night, Christmas Evil is the true classic of Christmas horror films. If Psycho and Halloween are looked at as pioneering films in the genre, Christmas Evil holds the same honor when it comes to Christmas horror movies. Don't get me wrong, I still love Silent Night, Deadly Night, but the majority of Christmas Evil was actually filmed right here in New Jersey. Originally released as You Better Watch Out and also known as Terror in Toyland, this largely overlooked horror movie offers dark humor and a creepy, yet yuletide atmosphere.

Can you dig it? Santa traded in his sleigh for a custom van!

It's a familiar story, one that has been copied numerous times after the release of both Christmas Evil and To All a Good Night. At the time in 1980, these two films just seemed like cheap throwaway horror film gimmicks, but to many horror film buffs they are classics now.

You can read about Christmas Evil all over the Internet, but the basic gist of it is that on Christmas 1947 little Harry loses his shit and starts cutting himself after witnessing Santa Claus getting naughty with his mother. When Harry realizes it was his father under the Santa suit he grows up wanting to be like the Santa he thought existed. Fast forward to his adult years, Harry has become straight up obsessed with Christmas and becoming Santa. He even keeps a book of all the good and bad kids around town. Dressed as Santa, Harry begins to go on a rampage around town to right all the wrongs he's witnessed in various ways. The difference about this film and other Santa slashers is that Harry is actually playing a moral judge, he's just not going around hacking up everyone in his path.

In the horror sub genre of Christmas or Holiday horror films, there aren't too many that are worth revisiting. Christmas Evil is the type of perennial classic that you can go back to in the same way you re-watch A Christmas Story and How The Grinch Stole Christmas every holiday season. Every time I watch it I wonder why it hasn't been labelled the quintessential Christmas horror movie yet. Is Silent Night Deadly Night better? I don't think it is and neither do my fellow bloggers:

"It's one of my favorite film endings of all time, the absolute perfect end cap to what is a madly magical film." - Freddy in Space

"...the pedigree of most holiday-themed slasher movies isn't very high, but Christmas Evil is pretty exceptional." As perfectly summed up at Marcus' Movie Life

And while I disagree with his Silent Night Deadly Night sentiment, I tend to agree with Charles Tatum's Review overall which states that "Christmas Evil belongs just below Gremlins and Black Christmas and well above Elves and the moronic Silent Night Deadly Night when it comes to the unique Christmas horror genre."

After a little girl says to him "Santa, your shirt's dirty," Harry replies "There's a...a lot of pollution between here and the North Pole." That sure is true, and although it's never claimed outright in the film, the story itself takes place in suburban New Jersey. At least from my countless viewings over the years, aside from a couple of glimpses of NJ license plates, Christmas Evil doesn't mention the state except for thanking Montclair and Glen Ridge in the closing credits.

Also check out Christmas Evil at one of our favorite horror blogs, Kindertrauma!

Crazy Christmas Cavalcade From Quasi Interesting Paraphenalia Inc.

2011-12-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

I'm a long time reader of David W.'s blog, Quasi Interesting Paraphernalia Inc. There you'll find a blend of nostalgia, pop culture, vintage books, ads, and brochures, as well as original works from David as well. To get his readers into the holiday spirit he's decorated the blog with a How The Grinch Stole Christmas theme and he's also gone and done a little something special. Check out David's original series of holiday video shorts he's producing called the Crazy Christmas Cavalcade at his YouTube page! The first installment is posted above. It brought back memories for me and it was really funny. I can't wait for the next one! Great job David!

Jersey Shornaments

2011-12-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

Vinny, Sammie, J-Woww, Snooki, and Situation all had a nice run on MTV's Jersey Shore. With the low attention span of the public eye and the constant need for something new, It seems that Jersey Shore peaked before heading off to Italy. This doesn't mean that next season won't score high ratings, it just means that the novelty is about to wear off, and I'm thankful for that.

Considering that more than half of the cast isn't even from New Jersey the authenticity is shot down. Several seasons into the show the entire country now believes that these people represent New Jersey. Here's the rundown: The Situation was born in Staten Island and grew up in New Jersey, Sammi is from Hazlet NJ, and late to the party is Deena from New Egypt NJ.

It's not about being proud that I was born and bred in New Jersey, it's more about the fact that people throughout Jersey are JERSEY...these people are not. The fact that much of the cast is from Staten Island and New York is a pretty good indication of the type of demographic that visits the Jersey shore. The stereotypes we are being punished with stemming from this show should actually be transferred to the out- of-towners who give us a bad rap.

After all of that, how could I bring myself to put Jersey Shore ornaments on my Christmas tree? I'd love to know how many people around the world have these on their trees this year! If you have one let us know in the comments!

Did You Buy a Crummy Christmas Tree?

2011-11-30T22:00:00.000-05:00

You may not have known that Newark NJ native Fred "And bring your jukebox money" Schneider of the B52's has a side band called The Superions. The song "Crummy Christmas Tree" appears on the whimsical synth pop act's 2010 Holiday album called Destination...Christmas! We used to call them Charlie Brown Trees but "Crummy" is definitely another way to describe one.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 89: Boardwalk Empire

2011-11-29T21:40:00.000-05:00

Steve Gelenter's Boardwalk Empire/Monopoly parody T-shirt Design

The incomparable artist Tom Krohne aka @Monsterfink recently tweeted about how awesome the ShirtPunch.com site is. Until reading his tweet I had never heard of it so I typed it in and what I found was not just a typical ironic t-shirt store.

Shirt Punch offers a new t-shirt every day and once each shirt is sold out...they're gone FOREVER! That's a cool concept since it makes the shirts more rare and original rather than having the chance that every other person has the same t-shirt. Artists can sign up and submit their art and also make a commission off the sale. In today's case, New Jersey artist and graphic designer Steve Gelenter of CoDdesigns came up with one of the coolest t-shirt designs ever in our NJ T-shirt column.

His Boardwalk Empire parody incorporates the Monopoly connection to Atlantic City. The Rich Uncle Pennybags is modeled after Nucky Thompson while underneath the graphic there's a quote that reads "When the bankers weren't looking the outlaws became kings!"

Steve changed the name of some of the properties including Atlantic City Boardwalk in place of simply Boardwalk, Capone's Place instead of Park Place, Chalky's Tax (named after Chalky White) instead of Luxury Tax, and it's all accented by the crime scene outline of a dead body. Unfortunately his design sold out in no time so all we can do now is beg for him to sell it elsewhere!

The Sexy Armpit Will Return Tomorrow!

2011-11-28T20:07:00.001-05:00

We hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving celebrations! We'll return tomorrow!

Giving Thanks For Substitute Toys

2011-11-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

Me playing with Castle Zendo from The Other World collection which

was my temporary substitute Castle Grayskull until I got the real thing

A while back I wrote a post called Knockoffs in Disguise about a Go-Bot that I had when I was a kid. Thinking back, it was sort of ridiculous that I owned what was basically a knockoff of a knockoff. In the '80s there were so many successful toy lines that getting "scabs," of He-Man, GI Joe, and Transformers was very common. Remember back in school when you had a substitute? The day could go either way. Either the sub was young, cool, and just waiting for the bell to ring OR they were an overachiever and pretended to be a real teacher for the day. Substitute toys had the potential for the same conflicting possibilities. Substitute toys were sometimes cool because NONE of your friends had anything like the freak sub, but most of the time BAD because they were just completely wrong in every way.

Before fans of superheroes, toys, and collectibles were referred to as "geeks," a term which I still don't buy into, I was just a normal kid who collected toys like most of my friends. As many of you can relate, growing up in the '80s was pretty cookie cutter in that most of your friends owned and took part in the same exact crap that we all did. I had a box of Star Wars figures and 2 laundry baskets full of WWF LJN figures. My friends had nearly the same haul, but perhaps not as many. We all had the basic Masters of the Universe and Thundercats figures, as well as G.I Joe's. What was always different in my world was that I had several severe gaps in my collections.

Vehicles and playsets were always more expensive and usually I had to angle my requisition strategically. My burning desire for the Millennium Falcon and other larger ticket items didn't carry the dangerous red flag that Ralphie's Red Ryder BB Gun did. The memory of staring at the box of the Kenner Millennium Falcon on the shelf in a store with my parents and telling them that I wanted it so bad is as clear as Crystal Pepsi in my mind. I never did get the Millennium Falcon because my parents said it was too expensive. Now that I'm an adult I don't blame them, although I don't remember the exact price of the Falcon in the post ESB, pre-ROTJ era. For some reason it was a piece of cake to con them into buying me enough Star Wars figures that equated to the price of 2 or 3 Millennium Falcons through those few years.

Since I never had what Luke called a "hunk of junk," I had to envy other peoples. My Dad did buy me a consolation ship though. You're probably thinking it was the X-wing, A-wing, Y-wing or any number of other ships from the Kenner Star Wars collection. Actually, the ship he got me wasn't made by Kenner, heck, it wasn't even a Star Wars knockoff. The ship he got me was intended as a replacement for not getting the Falcon and let me tell you...it wasn't anything like the Falcon. This generic silver ship with orange plastic cockpits was more along the lines of an X-wing which was what I typically used it for because you guessed it, I didn't have the X-wing either. The idea that I had to use a replacement toy would be a stretch for other kids I knew, as well as a lot of kids nowadays. A replacement toy meant that I had to grudgingly incorporate it into my storylines while I sat and drooled at the toy catalogs dreaming that someday the real thing would be mine.

Another substitute toy that still sticks out in my mind was the race car stand-in I had for the Kenner Super Powers Batmobile. A couple of my friends had the Super Powers Batmobile and they really beat it up. I couldn't believe a kid could have such an awesome vehicle yet not care that they broke the plastic windshields off or that the entire battering ram part was completely missing. Toy abuse if you ask me. I remember that I received a green toy race car for my birthday one year that resembled a futuristic formula one car. I really liked it, but rarely played with it. I never made a huge scene about not getting the Super Powers Batmobile because in this instance it wasn't an issue of it being too expensive, there was actually no trace of it in any stores in my area. I let my parents slide for that one. As another consolation my Dad did something pretty damn awesome as a surprise for me.

One day my Dad said to me "I bet you'd really like to have that Batmobile for your Batman and Robin figures" and I said "yeah I would!" Next thing I knew he handed me what looked like my old green race car but it was spray painted to resemble the color scheme of the Super Powers Batmobile! I couldn't have been happier with it. I wound up playing with that car more than I ever did the entire time I owned it. Years later, when we heard about the upcoming '89 Batman movie, my Dad sprayed the car all black which extended it's life until I got the Toy Biz Batmobile.

Toy Story 3 pretty much summed up every thoughtful sentiment that ever existed about toys. More than an emotional attachment, the most important function that toys and figures had in my life was sparking my imagination. Whether I was simply setting up my collection or having an intense space adventure, wrestling a main event, or a battle for the power sword, ultimately I was being creative. A hunk of plastic doesn't really mean a damn thing until your mind makes it come alive. If George Lucas could CGI and superimpose different characters and landscapes into and out of the Star Wars films, there's no reason why a child's young mind can't do the same thing with their own imagination. Getting used to that generic silver spaceship was uncomfortable at first, but after a while I grew to love it as if it was an official Kenner toy. It comes down to being thankful for what we have and also realizing and appreciating the fact that fun can actually exist in what you don't have. I don't think I've ever been able to replicate the feeling of excitement and anticipation of getting the real toys that I had been yearning for all year from Santa Claus! Always remember that what you own now is plenty and while you may have some gaps in your collection, someone else might be overwhelmed and delighted to have what you have.

I've Got Cookies Out The Ass!!!

2011-11-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

The Official Cookie of The Sexy Armpit

The holidays usually bring about an unusual amount of pie. Do you like PIE? Well call me a savage, but I actually prefer cookies...home baked if I have the choice. Well what do you know, just in time for Thanksgiving, Miss Sexy Armpit surprised me and put a little twist on my favorite cookies of all time and incorporated The Sexy Armpit color scheme into them! My family has always called them Venetian cookies, but they are also referred to as seven layer cookies, and making them is a pretty laborious task. The Sexy Armpit colors gave these cookies that added rush of flavor, even if it was just in my mind. There's nothing like the official cookie of The Sexy Armpit for the finale of a huge delicious home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner.

Here are a few different links with recipes for these cookies:

Smitten Kitchen

Epicurious

Bowl of Mush

Also on the cookie front, a while back on Twitter my good ol' pal Darius Whiteplume of one of my favorite blogs, Adventures of Nerdliness, tweeted about some Smurf Animal Crackers that he picked up in the store. Even though they are called crackers, they will always be cookies to me. The Smurf movie has since came and went and I think I may have been one of 12 people who actually kind of enjoyed it. My niece and nephew even seemed pretty bored by it when I took them to see it. Meanwhile Darius kept in mind that I mentioned I wanted to try these gimmick animal crackers, but I had a hard time finding them so he sent me a box of both the strawberry and Smurfberry varieties of the cookies. They are actually pretty damn tasty. I'm thinking of crushing them up and putting them in a bowl of milk to try to recreate Smurfberry Crunch. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Thanks to Darius and Miss Sexy Armpit for the surprise treats!

April "AJ" Lee Is November's Garden State Playmate!

2011-11-20T19:21:00.000-05:00

"Growing up this New Jersey native faced multiple hardships, overcoming extreme poverty and even homelessness. But through it all, she never lost sight of her lifelong goal to thrive as a Diva in WWE."

- AJ's bio on WWE.com

In a strange twist, November's Garden State Playmate was actually once known as Miss April early in her career. Some personalities in pro wrestling wind up changing their names more than they change their ring attire, but in AJ Lee's case it has only signified her ascent to stardom. For those WWE fans out there you know her simply as A.J, the cute and energetic diva from Union City, New Jersey.

Unlike many of the WWE Divas who have won contests or were simply models plucked off a magazine page, AJ has worked hard to climb the pro wrestling ladder. As Miss April she started out in New Jersey's female indy promotion, WSU. Not too long after that she signed with Florida Championship Wrestling, WWE's developmental company. From there, now known as A.J, she made it to WWE's NXT show and presently she can be seen on Friday Night Smackdown in tag team action as The Chickbusters with fellow Diva, Kaitlyn.

AJ, a Pisces, is constantly described as a comic book and video game lover. She was trained by her ex boyfriend, a Sexy Armpit favorite, New Jersey's own Jay Lethal! Her fast, high flying style is "inspired by the likes of Rey Mysterio, Macho Man Randy Savage, and WWE Hall of Famer Ricky The Dragon Steamboat..." according to her bio on WWE.com. I'm sure you'll be seeing and hearing a lot more from AJ as WWE seems to be working her into bigger storylines. On a recent episode of Smackdown it was hinted that her character may have a thing for another indy favorite who made it big, Daniel Bryan.

Steel Panther's Stix Zadinia, A Jersey Drummer!

2011-11-18T15:49:00.000-05:00

http://steelpantherrocks.com

Steel Panther are the Viagra addicted, horny hair metal sons of Spinal Tap. The band has been on a tear since 2003's Hole Patrol, and 2009's Feel The Steel. Just a few weeks ago Steel Panther released their latest album BALLS OUT available through iTunes, Amazon or wherever you BUY music. Don't illegally download this album because these m'fers need the money. Especially Stix cause he's obviously been in therapy ever since missing out on the chance of drumming for Bon Jovi. Read all about the Jersey drummer in his bio pictured above that appeared in Feel The Steel's CD booklet.

SEE STEEL PANTHER ON DECEMBER 1st at STARLAND BALLROOM!

NJ Transit Window Display In NY Penn Station

2011-11-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

November is Model Railroad Month! Lots of kids and adults alike are getting ready to set up their toy trains for the holidays. Until then, check out the above video that I filmed back in the summer while waiting for a train at New York Penn Station. This window display is on the NJ Transit side and it's pretty damn cool, especially if you're a fan of Jersey history or just dig cool window displays. I never thought I'd see such a tribute to New Jersey in New York Penn Station but it's actually right there near the waiting area so you can witness it for yourself the next time you are there, OR just watch this video! Of course, it's not a traditional model train set, but since it's the work of NJ Transit this will serve as our observation of Model Railroad Month!