Jenny's Blog

Green looks good on me...

2011-12-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a text conversation that didn't go so well. But then again, when do they ever? This one was a request for our family to arrive a day early for a Christmas celebration. I said no. Again. For at least the 5th time. Why did I say no? Am I the Grinchiest of siblings? Am I the Scroogiest of sisters? Hmm... Maybe you guys should weigh in.

This is our first year back in Mississippi, and as expected, this Christmas has been a bit of an adjustment for us. For the last 12 Christmases (not even gonna look up the proper spelling on that), we've done our own thing. We've developed our own traditions and celebrations - initially out of necessity, then out of enjoyment and joy. It wasn't always happy...

I remember my first Christmas away from home. Jonathon and I weren't even married yet, but he wasn't going to let me be alone on Christmas, so he joined me in Atlanta. Well, Smyrna, to be exact. I worked overnights at CNN at the time, so I went to work at 11pm on Christmas Eve, worked ALL night, did my show at 7am on Christmas, got off work at 8am, and then drove home to my condo. Once home, I changed into Christmas pajamas, woke Jonathon, and we opened Christmas presents. In the dark. I'm not sure why we didn't turn on any lights. Maybe a reflection of the depressing mood? The only one happy that day was the dog, Sampson, who I remember being overjoyed by his gift of a giant squeaky reindeer. I don't even think we cooked a Christmas dinner. I'm pretty sure I cried.

Things got better over the years as we added to our stable of friends and family in the city, and we built a comfortable and joyful roster of traditions, ones that grew even more meaningful after James was born. From our annual Christmas Eve party at our house to checking Santa's progress on Google Earth to baking cookies for the fat guy, to our big Christmas dinner at our house attended by family and friends, we've been doing things a certain way for over a decade. We've loved it, and we've been happy doing it.

Now, we are back in Mississippi, home of those traditions of the past, and suddenly we are on uncertain footing - uncertain of what we should do, where we belong, and who we should be making happy. Number one, we absolutely know our families love us and that they want us with them at all times.

But that's kind of the problem, right? We don't want to let them down. But we can't be with them both...while also still honoring those same traditions we've created ourselves that are special to our own little family. I should say this. Not everyone is putting pressure on us. Some family members are totally cool with us doing whatever we want. Others...not so much.

So what do we do? How do we strike this balance? I had one sibling tell me recently that we need to be careful this year, that what we do this year will set the precedent for what we do for every other year we live in Mississippi. No pressure, right? I had another sibling tell me that I owed it to them to be there. No pressure right? And when I replied that all this pressure is really just making me want to move back to Georgia where everyone knew that we weren't available? Well, I was told to just go ahead and move back to Georgia.

Merry Christmas to me. The reality is that we - my small little family - have spent over a decade creating our own unique traditions, and while I am perfectly willing to adapt them and create new ones, I'm not willing to give them up entirely. So back to what I said in the beginning of this post. Does that make me the grinchiest, the scroogiest of them all? Well, I hope I look good in green.

Well, it's been a while

2011-12-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

I have no excuse.

Well, I have lots of excuses.

I got a new job. I moved. Then James moved to be with me. Then we bought a house. Then we rehabbed the house. Then we lived as a fractured family for almost a year as Jonathon continued to work in Georgia, and I managed as a single parent (with a lot of help from family and friends). I worked hard at a new job I love, and James worked hard a new school he loves (he's learned to READ!). And now, finally, Jonathon is here living with us. We are finally, 100% a family under one (albeit, much smaller) roof again.

So, yes, I have lots of excuses, but none of those are good enough to keep me from spreading my blogging wisdom to the world. I'm a girl with lots to say!

Now, with one week to go before Christmas - and my shopping all done - and just two weeks (give or take a few days) to go before New Years, I'm already making my New Year's Resolution. That resolution is to be a better blogger. I pledge to blog AT LEAST once a week.

Maybe no one will read it. Maybe a few will. But at the very least, this is a place where I can put my two cents out there, in a way that is cathartic and innocent. I'll do my very best not to offend anyone. I'm not that kind of blogger. Hopefully you guys will enjoy my musings...

Feel free to leave a comment. Now that we're so far away from the friends and neighbors we've known for the past decade+, I'm hoping this can be yet another way to stay in touch. Here's to talking on the web!

So long, Larry. You'll be missed.

2010-06-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today was big in the media world. It was even bigger at CNN.

Legendary broadcaster Larry King announced that he's ready to hang up his suspenders. That he's done with his nightly show, and that starting in the fall, he'll only contribute every now and then to the network who has been loyal to him for thirty plus years.

And, believe it or not, I'm actually a bit emotional about it.

Larry King is a legend, and he will be for the rest of time. In recent years and months, he'd also become the brunt of more than a few jokes. His ratings have fallen way down to unthinkable TV proportions, and his private life became the brunt of just about every late night comic's jokes. But he was still Larry King, you know?

He was a CNN employee favorite imitation. Everyone there does their Larry impression at least once a month. A lot of times because of silly questions asked on his show (my favorites came after the Asian tsunami), and a lot of times just because we weren't very funny people. But by working at CNN, Larry was a part of who and what we all were. I can't imagine that not being the case. The thought of that light bulb background not being there every single night is almost inconceivable.

It truly sucks that Larry's leaving at such a screwy time. His ratings are bad and his personal life is tabloid fodder. He deserves more respect than that, but then again, we are talking about TV here.

On a more selfish level, Larry's departure makes me even more sad. Recently, I flipped on CNN to see oil spill coverage, only to watch a reporter I'd never seen or met before. CNN and I parted ways only eight months ago. How could I not know that reporter? Now, with Larry leaving, that's one more spot opened up to someone who has less credibility and will work for far less money.

Now, I'm hoping CNN does the right thing. I hope they work hard to find a good way to fill Larry's shoes (which in reality were tiny!). I hope they don't bow to the pressure of FOX, that they find a way of intelligently filling that spot. I also hope they take care of Larry's staff. I know a lot of amazing people who work their asses off every day on that show. They don't deserve to be put out of work because their elderly boss has decided to take time for himself.

Forty years and counting...

2010-06-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Numbers. They aren't my thing, never have been, never will be.

But, I'm ruminating on one number tonight. 40. As in 40 years. Today marks my parent's 40th wedding anniversary.

My mind is officially blown.

In 40 years, you can do a lot. You could build 30ish Empire State Buildings. You could build 2 Great Pyramids like the one in Egypt. Heck, you could even throw 10 or so American Civil Wars.

But, in 40 years, my parents did what is seemingly impossible. They built a marriage, they stayed happy, and raised a family strong in the love and knowledge that they can always depend on each other.

For 33 of those years, I've known them and loved them. I seriously hit the jackpot when it comes to parents. With so much divorce and so much drama in the world, our home was always a place of love, affection and entertainment. I have my parents to thank for that. I know that all of my siblings feel the same, that they know how unique and how lucky we are.

They are my role models. If I can provide half the home for my son, then I know that I will have raised a son who knows how much he is loved and supported.

So, all that's left to do now is to raise a glass. To Susie and Mal Riddell. Looking forward to the next 40.

Love you.

(And seriously, go to Vegas or something)

The liberation of Jenny

2010-06-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

It's (not) so hard... to say goodbye...etc, etc.

I figured out yesterday and today what I absolutely love the most about being my own boss. Deciding who to work with. That's it, it's that simple.

When I had a regular job, one with a 401k, benefits, and all that other fluffy stuff, I also had a boss. Lots of them. Seemed like they were everywhere. What's the old saying? Can't swing a dead cat without.... well, that was about it.

Now, I only answer to one person. Me.

Recently, a client started to get a little difficult, a little too much drama for my tastes. For a little while, I sucked it up. That's life, right? You often have to deal with people you don't want to.

Not anymore!!!

So, how did I handle it? I quietly looked around, found someone to work with that had a more realistic expectations and sensibilities. I made sure my financial bases were covered, and then I said goodbye. See you later. Done-zo. How absolutely mature!

And now, I will waste zero time working with someone who was causing me stress for absolutely no reason. I feel like I've been liberated. Who knew this world was out there!

What I'd say to that guy in the store...

2010-06-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting moment today.

I was in a store, quickly picking something up for Jonathon before I had to get James from day camp (he made a volcano today, was seriously pumped). The clerk was a complete airhead, but the moment wasn't really about her. A guy friend was there talking to her. As I began to check out with her, he told her he was headed to work and that he may stop by later. When he was gone, the clerk continued to ring up my purchase then said, "Poor guy, I've never seen someone who hated their job so much."

I have. Me.

No, not the job I'm currently doing. My old job.

That comment has been with me all day long. I feel very sympathetic for that guy. I wanted to run after him, tell him to get out - that a paycheck isn't worth the misery. Easy for me to say, I know, but it's true. I just didn't realize it until after.

I keep thinking of him walking away and what must have been going on in his mind. Was the death march playing in his mind as he walked towards his place of employment? Were his thoughts getting darker, his muscles getting tenser? Was he trying to come up with a reason not to go? What family member could he say died without karma coming back to get him?

That is exactly how I felt each and everyday. Even when I was at home, the anger and tenseness overwhelmed me, spilling over into other parts of my life. I resented anything that took up the time I had away from work.

Then, I start to think of how it was when I first started that job - way back in 1999. I loved it. I loved every single second of going to work at midnight to get off at 8am when my show was done. I loved the beeper I kept in a box so I could deny hearing it. I loved the police chases and the plane crashes and the political scandals, and I loved just being a part of it all.

If I actually think about it, it isn't hard to pinpoint when it all changed for me. There came a time when my priorities changed. That time coincided with some internal company changes, and that was pretty much it. I stuck it out for a few more years, but it wasn't good.

Recently, I found out that someone I'm close to told Jonathon that they'd really seen a change in me since November, that I seem less harsh. At first, I found that a little offensive! Harsh! I'm not harsh! But when I think of my life over the last 7 months (holy crap, it's been 7 months?!), it is easy to see the difference.

I really wish I could say something to that guy in the store. Yes, the economy sucks, and we all have bills to pay. But somewhere along the line, it has to be about you, and it has to be about the people you love. It may take something dramatic to make you realize it, but I have, and I couldn't be happier.

How do I ask for money??

2010-04-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

Times are tight. Who knows that better than I do? My tiny neighborhood alone has been nailed by layoffs, and everyone I know is keeping a close eye on their bank balances.

Yet, I've taken some work with a charity that is really working to expand their visibility in the Atlanta area. It's an incredible group, and I absolutely 100% believe in what they're doing. But now, as I tighten my own budget and stop eating out, I realize that part of my job is actually to ask people for money.

How the hell am I going to do that?

A few years ago, when the economy was soaring, I ran a marathon and raised money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It was a smashing success, and I raised far more than I was supposed to raise. Even then, I felt crappy asking for money, despite knowing what a good cause I was supporting and funding.

So now, I'm looking for different ways to raise money. I'm looking for different ways to get people involved. I'm open to all of your suggestions! Tell me how you'd like to be approached, what you'd be willing to do for a great charity? What does it take to get you involved? Is there anything that could make you give up a Saturday afternoon?

Too busy to blog?!

2010-03-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

Well, one minute I'm lamenting the society. The next, I'm too busy to talk. I guess the world keeps on spinning.

Some of you probably already knew that I was striking out on my own, launching my own media consulting company. If not, check out my snazzy website: http://www.triplejmediaconsulting.com/ and tell me what you think! You can also follow me on Twitter: @triplejmedia.

Since nearly the moment I actually got all my ducks in a row - got the website finished, filed the necessary state forms, etc - I had clients. Some pretty cool ones. I won't bore you all here with the details, but if you want to know, you know how to get me. I'd be happy to fill you in.

In the meantime, for you friendly blog readers, an apology for slacking so. One of the things I've found is that I'm not as great with time management as I'd like to think. In my new life, I'm technically being paid by the hour. Each client gets a few hours out of my day, etc. So far, I'm not doing such a good job with that concept, instead, giving every waking minute to those who need me professionally. This has caused a little stress and strain in our household (10a and 9p conference calls, with the day filled in between, do not a happy husband make). I feel badly that my son has watched so much TV. I won't even tell you how late those library books were that I snuck into the drop box today - because I didn't want to face the angry librarian.

Two weeks in, I think (hope) I'm getting a handle on it. The kid is a lot happier, and so am I. The weather has been decent, so we've actually spent some time outside, riding bikes and chasing the dog. This doesn't mean my iPhone isn't ever-present, chiming whenever there is another email or rocking out an MWK song if there is a call from some random person who got my number from an equally as random person.

This whole 'outside world' is new to me, and so far so good. Getting paid will be even better, allegedly that's happening soon. In the meantime, I'm going to keep at it. Maybe somewhere along the line, I'll find a few hours for myself.

The humanity deficit

2010-02-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

I've had a rough few weeks... sorry about the no blog posts. As most of you know, I'm on the job hunt. For the first time in over a decade, I'm looking for a job, and I'm not finding it very satisfying.

I got my first job straight out of college, and nine months later got a call from CNN. Times and economies were different, of course, but I never really thought about all of that until now. As I spend more time sending out resumes, it makes me worry about every single person out there who falls under the 'jobless' banner. I'm not worrying because their joblessness, although putting food on the table is probably a concern for many. I worry about their dignity and humanity in the face of such disdain and disregard for those looking for jobs.

In my previous life, I replied to every single email sent to me. I returned (or at least attempted to) every single call that came to me. If you were nagging me about a guest that would never see air, I'd tell you. If you were a college student looking to get into the TV business, I'd have coffee with you. That's just what I consider being a decent human being.

Maybe I'm just too Southern (as if that's even possible!), but I've been really annoyed by unreturned phone calls, ignored emails, lack of response - even when told there would be a response. You get the feeling that some people just don't want to have anything to do with you - or anyone else looking for a job.

Then, there's the money stuff. Times are tight, and no one gets that better than I do. In a few weeks, our two salaries become one, and that's going to make things tight around our house. But, does the economy really make it ok for employers to take advantage of people's desperation for jobs? I'm not necessarily talking about myself (but there was one interview where the term 'entry level' came up at least four times), but about anyone applying for a job. A position that might have scored you $20 an hour two years ago is now only worth $10 an hour. When you might have made $50,000 in your last job, now you're being offered $30,000. It almost makes me feel as though I'm less of a human than I was before I got laid off. Am I to be punished for a business decision made by someone several pay grades above me? I wasn't fired for insubordination or poor work. I got laid off, along with several friends and co-workers, and not very many of us have had positive experiences in looking for a job.

Seriously, I get it. Times are tight - for everyone. Individuals and employers alike. But I'd like to see humanity being less tight. Be courteous, be kind. Know that the people sending you resumes and calling your offices are genuinely interested in speaking with you. Have the decency to either return the call or pound out an email. The world is a small, small place - and you never know when you'll see one of these people again.

As for me, I'm tentatively opening up my own business, doing some media consulting. I have a website about to go hot (let me know if you need a web designer, got a good one!), I'm actively looking for clients (email me if you want in!!), and I guarantee to call each and every one of you back if you call me or email me.

What is wrong with this lady???

2010-02-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

Alright, I'm going to say something. I'm not going to take it anymore. This is completely ridiculous.

The head librarian at our local library can't read.

I've found that one of the most challenging things for a stay-at-home mom to do is find something to do. Does that make sense? Seriously, despite the temptation, it ain't cool to sit your kid down in front of Scooby Doo and spend 6 hours surfing bad websites. So, what do you do when it's stupid cold outside and you need to get away out of the house? There's always Target, of course, but I may have mentioned: I'm unemployed. Target is dangerous when you're employed. It's the devil when you're unemployed.

So, James and I started visiting the local library on Wednesday's for story time. My first clue should have been that there were only 2 other kids there. Surely there are more stay-at-home moms around here. Hell, plenty of the women in my neighborhood stay at home. Why weren't any of them there?

Whatever right, let's just go for it! Whoo hooo! Today's theme is chickens! What's more exciting than that?! We started things off with a little 'You're Happy and You Know It', then the kids shouted out colors and shapes. It's when the real reading begins that I hang my head in order to hide the disgust on my face.

Now, I know what stage fright is. There's a reason I was always BEHIND the camera instead of in front of it. Some people just weren't meant to be the faces. BUT MY GOD, this woman is a head librarian! Her JOB is to read books! Well, and to file them too, I'm sure. I'm not exactly clear on what librarians do, but I bet there is some reading involved.

There are usually 3-4 books to read, and each and every sentence is like nails on a chalkboard to me. She's changing words, she's using incorrect sentence structure, verbs are changing tense. Lady, it's written right there for you. What's your problem?!!! Get the cranky old lady who checks in the books to fill in for you! Maybe she'll know that the chicken can't crossed the road when he's doing it. Maybe she'll know that the name 'Minerva' isn't pronounced 'meanwhile.'

Why do we go back, you ask? Well, James loves it, and despite the fact that he may be grammatically scarred for the rest of his life, I'm fine with taking him. I'm just not fine with listening to this lady butcher books.

Listen, I love the library. I remember my mom taking me when I was a little girl. I would listen to that day's story (the lady reading actually dressed up!), then I would run over and grab the next Boxcar Children book. I even remember where they were in the library. I want my son to have that same love of books and the library that I still have.

Maybe we should start going to a different library. It's not like we live in a small town, I'm sure there is another one not too far away. At this point, it's the principle. Now, I'm to the point of saying something, but she's the head librarian. Who do you complain to if not the head librarian?

What would you guys do? Suck it up and keep going back to story time? Find out if there is some sort of library superintendent? Or just go the passive-aggressive route, tell your kid the library burned down and find a new spot for story time?

I'm giving myself a break

2010-01-23T08:32:00.000-08:00

Last night, as Jonathon watched the latest Angelina Jolie flick, I sat on my couch and watched the Hope for Haiti telethon.

I saw an endless stream of celebs interspersed with the pictures from Haiti along with Anderson and Sanjay out in the field. While Justin Timberlake totally blew away 'Hallelujah,' it was those bits in the field that I really watched.

This tragedy in Haiti is the first major event since I left CNN. To be honest, I haven't paid much attention at all. I've enjoyed my time off, and I took the opportunity to step away from the gloom and doom that has become mainstream media.

Now, after watching the entire telethon and then hopping over to watch Anderson's show afterwards, I feel bad. I feel like I've let my profession down. I feel as though I've let myself down. I am a journalist. For the last decade, I've been on the front line of every single story you can think of.

So when I watched the story of Monley last night, heard him cough so much that George Clooney couldn't concentrate, I cried. Partly because of my compassion for this little boy who no longer has a mother or father. But, my tears were also because of my disappointment in myself. I've been so wrapped up in my life, searching for a job, spending time with James, that I stopped paying attention to the world around me.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I am one of the most obnoxious, nosey people you'll meet. I need to know what's going on, and I need to be one of the first people to know it. Watching these stories of survival and death in Haiti brought that back to me.

I ended up watching several hours of the coverage on CNN, and I could not be prouder of my former colleagues. I thought about sending a few emails to them, but think that probably won't be helpful to them right now. Instead, I texted the word 'Give' to 50555.

And I'm giving myself a break. News is part of who I am. Just because I'm not at CNN anymore doesn't mean I can't still love it. Even if I never set a foot again in a newsroom, I'll always be a journalist.

Who am I?

2010-01-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

Who am I?

That's the question on repeat in my head these days. For a long time, I was a career woman. I traveled the country, working hard to make sure everyone out there saw what I deemed to be important. Then I had a child, and I stopped being so much the career woman and became a mom with a job. When I stopped working, I relished in being a stay-at-home mom.

Now, a new career looms on the horizon, and I'm trying to figure out just who I am.

When I was younger, I always maintained that I'd go crazy if I didn't have a job. I also said that I'd go crazy if my job was a typical, 9-5 gig. My biggest goal in life was to never wear a business suit. Things are changing, and now it looks at if my future might hold all the things I said I never wanted.

But maybe now I do.

In this new future, I'll never have to worry about getting Christmas off. I'll never have to worry about making sure my vacation time matches up with my family's and I probably won't have to worry that the next natural disaster could mean a week without the people I love more than anything. But this new future also means more management, more decision-making, more hands-off people skills. Egads, it may also mean business suits.

Another thing this new future may mean is less time with my family - at least initially. On the flip side, it may also mean more financial security.

So, right now, all of this makes me an indecisive ninny. One minute I lean one way, another the next. Is what's best for me, best for my family? Is what's best for my family the best for me? Are they the same thing?? Does it even matter?

I'm guessing that question of who I am may stick around for a while. This could be a new life for us, and that new life may have to help me redefine myself. At the very least - I'm happy. Happy to be married to my husband, happy to be a mom to the greatest son in the world.

As long as I'm not wearing a business suit, that's probably enough for now.

My little Chubbie

2010-01-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

My kid is getting chubby. His cheeks are getting rounder (and they were already pretty round), and his belly is protruding more. He had started to stretch out like little boys do. He was losing all of that baby fat, his legs were getting longer.

But now, that baby fat is staying stuck. He has me to thank for it.

My husband pointed this out to me today. I hadn't noticed, but that's probably because I am almost physically attached to my son at all times. (I swear, if it wasn't creepy, I'd put him in my pocket and take him everywhere.)

So why is my little chubbster getting chubbier? Because mommy is home. Mommy is making sure he gets and actually eats three meals a day and a few snacks too. Those of you who know James know what a picky eater he is. He makes Jonathon look like a foodie. When he was at daycare, he didn't eat anything but snacks. Each day, they'd serve him lunch, and he'd sometimes eat the fruit. That's an entire meal each day he wasn't eating!

Tonight, we made pizza. He pulled a chair next to the counter so he could help roll out the dough. I asked him to get the pepperoni out of the fridge, and before he even got the door open he asked me if he could eat some. I told him he could have a few. He would eat two or three slices, then ask if he could have more. He'd ask so politely, "Mommy, may I eat some?" He probably ate 20 pieces of pepperoni as I was making the pizza. When I pulled out the cheese to throw it on the pizza, he also asked if he could eat that. I wondered what in the world had happened to my kid?? When did he start eating all this food?!

Then I remembered my conversation with Jonathon. Yet another reason getting laid off was a good thing.

What I learned from George Clooney

2010-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had somewhat of a surreal experience. I went with a few friends to see the new George Clooney movie 'Up in the Air.' It was a good movie, and George Clooney continues to be super hot. When he was sad during the movie, I felt every woman in the theater (and probably a few guys too), reach out to comfort him.

But what was surreal was the topic of the movie. I vaguely knew what it was supposed to be about, and at the last minute, right as the movie began, I leaned over to my friend and said, "This is a strange movie for us to see." The plot of the movie - without giving anything away - is about a man who's job it is to fly around the world, and lay people off for companies that don't have the you know what to do it themselves. A good chunk of the movie was people reacting to that news. Many of them were told, "Your job is no longer available.'

For myself and those friends at the movie with me, we were told, "Your job is being eliminated." Basically the same thing. The reactions of the people on the giant movie screen were actually very similar to my reaction. So many of the words coming from the characters' mouths echoed mine in November.

My fellow laid-off friends and I were almost rolling in the aisles in hysterics. All of us seem to be somewhat relieved in our unemployment, but now we are beginning to get a little nervous. The movie made us all think about what's out there and what isn't. We are all very smart people, all very good at our jobs, but what is the reality for us?

By the end of the movie, Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) had his epiphany, but so did I. It is time for me to get off my ass.

If anyone reading this might want to hire me, please check out my resume! Jenny's Resume

All by myself

2009-12-13T17:02:00.000-08:00

In a few days, I'm getting radiated.
I'm voluntarily swallowing a pill full of radiation in order to kill one of my body parts. That's right, I'm seriously going to kill one of my glands.

But that's not the point of this post. As a result of the homicide of my thyroid, I'm going to be spending a few days all by myself. I don't want to poison any of my friends or family with my radioactive presence, so I'm going to go off by myself until the doctor says it is ok for me to go home.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I'm really, really excited that I'm going to be all by myself for a few days. Seriously, all by myself. No one in the house but me. And I'm excited. What does this say about me?

I remember the days of college, dating, hoping to fall in love. When not dating a guy, I didn't go anwhere without girlfriends. I didn't even live by myself until I was 21 years old. Then, I got married and have lived with Jonathon for a decade. There were months here and there where we lived apart for work, but for the most part, we've lived together since college.

Why now does the idea of a few days all by myself seem like such a luxury? I've been planning what I'll do all by myself. I'll read lots and lots of books and I'll watch lots and lots of TV, and I'll probably surf lots and lots of pointless websites. I'll sleep, by gosh, I'm going to sleep.

When I mention to friends that I'm about to spend a few days alone, they don't seem as impressed by my soon-to-be aloneness as I am. I swear that I love my husband and son, that I'll miss them terribly and that my heart hurts at the thought of not seeing my little boy every day. But, for a few days, I'm going to be alone, and I'm going to enjoy it.

So this is what fun is...

2009-12-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

Warning: I'm about to spew some of those cliches I just wrote about.

There is a definite silver lining to getting laid off. For the first time since I graduated from college, I have time to have fun. Sure, I had plenty of fun before, but since day one of my career, I've always watched a clock.

I started at CNN on overnights, and anyone who has ever worked overnights can tell you how the clock becomes your enemy.   You spend your entire non-working day calculating how much sleep you might or might not get. Then, I got my own show, and my entire brain was focused on whether or not I'd have time to get everything done. Then I moved to New York, and if you live in New York, you know time is a joke, and it's all about work. Then I moved back and had a baby... and at that point, there just wasn't any time. For anything.

Now, the biggest time portion of my life no longer exists.   I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I don't have to spend all of my non-work time scrolling through blogs and news websites to make sure I know absolutely everything that's going on. I don't spend every single second checking my BlackBerry.

I was just at my first Book Club meeting since I was laid off. I wonder if anyone there noticed the difference. In the past, despite the discussion going on around me, I was still nose to my BlackBerry. I was always the first to leave, hurrying home to make sure Drudge didn't report something big. Tonight, I was one of the last to walk out the door... and never once did I feel the black cloud of worry hovering over my head.   I just enjoyed myself. And it rocked.

On Saturday, some friends came over - friends who also did and do work at my former employer. At the end of the night, one of my friends commented, said they were proud of me. I asked why, and her reply was that I didn't touch my cell phone once when they were there. To be honest, it never even occurred to me TO touch it.

I think, for the very first time in my life post-college, I'm not in a hurry. I know that it won't last long, that soon enough, I'll be back on the treadmill, working hard to fit everything into a day that I must fit in. For now, though, I think I'll just enjoy having fun.

The hardest thing to prepare for

2009-12-04T11:57:00.000-08:00

I'll be the first one on the planet to laugh at any cliches you throw at me. I've spent my entire career avoiding the use of them - at all costs! (ha)

So, why does one keep coming back to me? The saying is, "When a door closes, a windown opens" - or something along those lines. I've also spent a career finding ways to shorten sentences.

As many of you know, I got laid off. While, the reality sucks - I don't have a job - the good news is that I now have a few minutes to relax and breathe. I have the holidays off for the first time since COLLEGE.

The question that remains is 'what's next?' for me? Am I a TV person, destined to spend years in dark rooms shouting at people? Is this an opportunity for me to start playing the lottery, win it big, and buy my own televison network so that I can sit in dark rooms and shout at people who can't fire me? Or is this an opportunity for me to do something completely different.

A few things have come my way over the last three weeks, all of them interesting and intriguing. I have been presented with some opportunities that would allow me to slow down, to enjoy James' toddlerhood. I've also been shown some things that would keep me really busy - but in a good way.

No matter what comes for me in the (hopefully) near future, it's going to be a change, and that's probably the hardest thing to prepare for.

My first Presidential speech as a civilian

2009-12-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. CNNers work their butts off to be unbiased in everything they do - no matter how they really do feel.

Tonight's speech by the President at West Point was my very first actual political event (that I've watched) not worried about the opposing party's rebuttal. Will they get the same time? Will one or the other be interesting? If one is good and the other isn't, it'll be a pain balancing them out.

Nope, none of that is my concern tonight, and if I'm being completely honest, the thing that stood out more to me than anything else was... the cutting between cameras.

The speech was fine, Pres. Obama's an incredible speaker. He almost always makes me feel patriotic. But what in the world was going on on air? I only watched CNN, though, so I don't know if they were getting a switched feed (one shot going to all the networks, different cameras cut at the location) or several different feeds, with a CNN director/EP making the shot calls. I have my thoughts on who was in the control room for CNN, so I'm guessing it was a switched feed.

Whoever was responsible, they should go back to Directing 101. There were some incredible images there for the taking - so many young faces, listening to the man who will be sending them to a place where IED's are seemingly as common as mountains. Yet, the shots lasted anywhere from 2-7 seconds. The short ones were beautiful, the long ones not at all. And every time I looked at a young cadet's face, tried to see what they were thinking - the shot changed again.

Sec. Clinton looked good. I found myself wondering if she's now using Bump-its. Pres. Obama looked ridiculously skinny. And all those cadets looked... young. The producer in me wants to talk to those kids. Find out who they are, why they decided West Point was the way to go. I wonder if we look at that picture two years from now, will all those cadets be alive?

I can't imagine having to make the decision the President made. I am no war expert and I am no peacenik. I believe in our country and the greatness of it, but I can't help but worry about all of those cadets.

Maybe this 'temporary surge' is the answer to the mess that Afghanistan has become. Pres. Obama said that it was hard to believe that when that war began, the entire country was behind it. It's dangerously easy to forget those early days, when all of America was getting a crash course on Afghan cities such as Mazar e Sharif, Kandahar and Jalalabad. Remember those first pictures of women in burkhas? It seemed ridiculously easy for America to go in, take out the bad guys, and make the world safe for everyone.

Eight years later, 35,000 more American men and women are getting ready to ship out. I wonder how many of them were sitting in that room tonight.

When the panic sets in...

2009-11-29T07:16:00.000-08:00

Every now and then, I'm hit by panic. Panic that I don't have a job right now, that maybe I won't get a job by the time my severance is up.

I've had a few people contact me about certain things, but so far, I haven't done any full-on, hard-core searching for a job.

Here's my problem: I'm good at what I do. I consider myself to be a pretty smart person who works well with others. BUT - I've been working so hard for so long, that I don't even know how to look for a job.
I suppose I need to put together a tape, right? Or would that be disc now? Should I format it to play in computers or DVD players?

Where does one even look for jobs based on my skill set? I'm very fast, able to get news out there almost as fast as it's happening. I've been front and center for some of the biggest stories of my time - 9/11, Maryland Sniper, War in Afghanistan, War in Iraq, death of Ronald Reagan, death of Yassir Arafat. I work incredibly well under pressure, and the word deadline doesn't even exist to me. I get things done. Simple as that.

In recent years, I've become fairly knowledgeable in new media. I know my way around social media, and I can figure out just about anything when it comes to my computer. I like technology, and I'm one of the first to embrace anything new.

You'd think all this would make it easy for me to find a new job. Maybe it will be, maybe I should try something completely new. Or maybe I should just purchase some alpacas. At least I'd always have plenty of sweaters.

I'm pretty damn lucky

2009-11-25T06:43:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to be thankful for. I've seen a lot of people posting things on Facebook and/or Twitter about what they're thankful for. To me, 140 characters just isn't enough to fit it all in.

I'm thankful for James. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to have kids, but my husband desperately did. I held out for so long, that much of our family was sure it was never going happen. Of course, I'm from Mississippi, so that while was 5 years. But, I did hold out, and even when I agreed to try to get pregnant, I still wasn't sure. Then, faster than you can say Happy Thanksgiving, I was pregnant. I hated every minute of it, from that diabetes test to the enormous amount of weight I gained. Then, James was born, and none of that mattered anymore. I am so in love with this clever, beautiful, funny little boy, that often it hurts to look at him. We constantly get the questions about having more children. Nope, we're done. I have all I never knew I wanted.

I'm thankful for Jonathon. We were children when we met - only sophomores in college. I asked HIM out, despite his having just shaved his head in solidarity with his MSU tennis teammates. We'd met months ago when he took his younger brother to a tennis tournament I was working. As his brother struggled on court, Jonathon - his coach and cheering section - was inside the clubhouse talking with me. Now, 14 years later, it seems like he's always been there. It's hard to remember life before him. We make each other happy and we make each other crazy. I don't believe there are two more different people on the planet, but somehow it works.

I'm thankful for the time we had with Sampson. The dog who started out as a holy terror matured in a stately gentleman, one who can never be replaced. I'm thankful that he's no longer struggling to stand up and that his belly is full of heaven's dog food. Surely, it must be steak and mashed potatoes. Maybe chocolate chip cookies too.

I'm thankful for my family, for my parents and siblings. We've seen how bad families can be, and we promise we'll never be that way. My parents supported every single one of us - and they still do. Somehow, they managed to turn out 4 kids who are relatively decent people, and that's pretty amazing in this day and age. I love that we can be in the same room after months of separation and immediately fall into stupidity. I remember the ice storm years - and there were plenty - sitting in the dark with my siblings, making up stupid rhymes, and later having those rhymes come back as gifts typed up and laminated by my mom. I remember the millions of rides to school each day, the hundreds of wrecks caused by my older sister. Now, there are plenty of grandchildren to go around, and hopefully they'll love our family as much as we do. In addition to my immediate family, I'm also thankful for my extended family. I have, it seems, millions of aunts, uncles and cousins. I'm thankful for all of them, even if I rarely see them. I'm also thankful for Jonathon's family - especially his brother who is always there for Jonathon, whenever he needs him.

I'm thankful for CNN. I spent 8 months after college at a local television station in Mississippi. It was an excellent start, but it was at CNN that I became a good producer. It was also CNN that allowed me to travel so much and see so much news as it happened. I'll never forget my first political convention in Philadelphia in 2000 as George W. Bush was nominated amid cheers of his middle initial. My last was in St. Paul where John McCain's nomination was overshadowed by Sarah Palin. CNN also allowed me to meet thousands of people who believed in the same things I did - even if the general public only believed those things involved a liberal agenda. It didn't, and until the day I die, I will defend CNN and tell people how hard everyone there works to be fair to every side of every issue. CNN is also where I worked on NewsNight with Aaron Brown - to this day, still the best job I've ever had. We all believed in our show, and we all believed in our anchor - and our anchor believed in us. That job probably ruined me for any job ever again.

I'm thankful for my Addie's Pond neighbors. We moved in here to give our unborn child a good life. We didn't realize we were moving into Utopia. It seems as if everyone in this neighborhood took a step back in time - back to a time when it was a good thing to know and like your neighbors. A time where I'd watch their kids, and they'll watch mine. A time when the cul de sac was a happening place. A time when everyone would step up if another neighbor was going through a tough time. We're incredibly lucky to be here, and hopefully we'll be here forever.

This blog post could go on forever - but at this point, I'm getting a bit sappy. Just know that I'm thankful to you for reading this.

Three hours I'll never get back

2009-11-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

I watched the AMA's last night for the first time... ever, I think. Probably the last.

First off, isn't it an awards show? In the 3+ hours it was on, I think they may have given away 10 awards. MAYBE. One of them by Kate Hudson who was clearly out of double-sided tape yesterday.

With only 10 awards handed out, there was plenty of time left over for performances.

They ranged from cute little Keith Urban singing a song about kissing a girl - surely not inspired by his scary wife, she's more robot than girl - to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys rocking it out to Adam Lambert's ridiculous homage to his sexuality. We'll talk more about that later.

Let's start with Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty. Now, I'm totally part of the Rhythm Nation, and I'm always asking people what have you done for me lately. But, come on. First - that outfit was not flattering. It made her butt look the size of her hair in the 80's. I'm going to say it here, and let you guys decide whether or not to join me. It's time for the Jackson's to let go of the military look. That's it, just let it go. And while I'm talking about the Jackson's, Jermaine's acceptance speeches cannot go without mention. Who the hell was he thanking? He didn't win the awards. His dead brother did. Instead, he should have been apologizing to his son for taking him up the stage and letting the world know his name is Jermajesty! But, back to Janet. I was disappointed with the lip syncing. I don't care about the dancing, it wasn't that good anyway. Let me hear you sing.

As for another who didn't sing, let's cover Shakira. I have no idea what that was. Lots of girls in black leather jumping around in front of the audience, clapping a lot, and a few growls from Shakira. I watched the entire performance, then turned to Jonathon and asked, 'What was that?'

There were a few good performances: Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, Carrie Underwood (huh, all American Idol folks), Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. Even Slim Shady wasn't too shabby. Loved Timbaland, love everything he does, in fact. (I ain't got no motorboat, but I can float your boat.)

Sadly, those good performances were completely overshadowed by the bad. Rihanna sucked, could barely hear her sing, but liked the laser beam shoulder pads. Someone said her neck tattoo said 'Choke here' - but haven't looked hard enough to figure it out myself. Lady Gaga was her typical self. Creepy with a dash of strange thrown in. I worried that she was going to cut herself with all that bottle smashing going on. Whitney Houston proved that crack is again whack when she tried to sing. She won't be hitting those high notes any time soon. Didn't really understand Jennifer Lopez's performance, but enjoyed the tumbling she did. Didn't like the crowd shot of Marc Anthony.

But, hands down, the worst performance of the show was held until the very end. Adam Lambert. Now, I've said it before, and Peter Grumbine probably hates me for it, I'm a fan of American Idol. I watch that damn show every year, and every year, I buy one of the contestant's CD. This go around, I didn't care one way or the other for Adam Lambert. He's a bit nutty, but nutty can be fun, right?

Last night, he went full on cracker jacks. The set for the performance looked as though it has been jacked from a 1990's Paula Abdul music video. All the people on the set looked like they were there the day CBGB's opened up in New York. And as for Adam himself, well, he looked alright. His hair looked nice!

I won't go into the specifics of his performance. If you haven't seen it, don't waste your time. His singing was not that great, and the performance was worse. He also took a tumble - a la J.Lo - but did a few somersaults to recover.

Right after his performance, I was on Twitter, and I noticed just about everyone talking about the head grabbing, crotch thrusting and the kiss. For me, it wasn't about any of those. It was about how bad he sounded. He should have checked out Janet's lip syncing machine.

I need advice...

2009-11-20T06:16:00.000-08:00

I have the greatest kid on the planet. Maybe even in the galaxy. He's smart, he's clever, he's absolutely hilarious. In fact, he's just like me.

Which may be the problem.

Now that I'm spending plenty of time at home, I've decided to work on James' manners. No more shouting, no more snapping at his mommy and daddy (he's a perfect angel when not around us) and absolutely no more licking people. Yes, licking. Enter our house at your own risk. He thinks it’s hilarious. Jonathon's determined that now's the time for James to learn to eat with his mouth closed.

All these seem so intuitive, right? I bet you don't lick people and then laugh hysterically. You probably chew with your mouth closed, and you probably don't shove garbage into the couch cushions instead of walking the 10 steps to the garbage can.

Why do I have to teach him these things? Isn't it learn by example? I don't even have to work at not licking people! And although I'm a bit of a slob, I've never forced my garbage into any couch cushions - mine or anyone else’s.

So, back to what my problem is. I've read all the books, I've devoured Parents magazine, I talk to friends who have kids. How do you get your message across to someone who is just as stubborn as you?

James has a temper, but he comes by it honestly. Mommy has a temper. I work hard to stay very calm around him because of that whole learn by example thing I've already mentioned. But even without seeing my temper as often as he could, he still has it. Mommy says: What do you want for breakfast? Eggs, cereal or toast and bacon? The reply: I want Tot Rots (what he calls Pop Tarts). I calmly say: No, maybe tomorrow. Today you need to choose from eggs, cereal or toast and bacon. He replies: I want Tot Rots.

The cycle continues for about 10 minutes with me asserting to him that he may have Tot Rots tomorrow, but he needs to choose one of my options today. The result of the argument - James throws a fit, and I throw him in Time Out. In the end, he goes for bacon and toast and yogurt.

So, back to the licking, shouting, etc.

If I have this much trouble daily (and I do) getting him to eat his breakfast - and don't get me started on the other meals - how am I supposed to get him to change certain behaviors? Seriously, the licking HAS to stop.

I'm opening it up to the mommy's out there who may read my blog. Is it eat or be eaten or should I be a nicer, kinder, more passive mommy?

That's a children's movie?!

2009-11-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of post this morning.

I've spent all day attempting to figure out my iPhone. Damn, but that thing is meant for people with tiny model fingers. I consider myself to be a very average-size person, but my emails look like something straight out of Flowers for Algernon.

On to the topic at hand.

James' birthday was a few weeks ago, and one of the gifts given to him was the movie 'Up!' You've seen the ads: cute chubby boy teams up with crotchety elderly man who attaches millions of balloons to his house, they lift off and hijinks ensue. Looks like a laugh a minute. AND, it's made by Pixar, the amazing people who brought us Cars, Toy Story (1, 2 & 3 - opening in a theater near you next summer), Monsters Inc, etc. These guys pretty much invented cute and charming with an underlying moral message.

So, I'm baffled as to what they were trying to do with Up! Let's see... in the first 30 minutes, we have a woman with fertility issues who loses a baby. Then that lady dies. Next, her husband is so overcome with grief, he uses his walking cane to bash in the head of an innocent bystander. So what does he do? Not go to jail, not apologize for his actions... he attaches a ton of balloons to his house and escapes from the law. And the nursing home.

More anger-filled fun continues, complete with the man's house being set on fire by the bad guy, as the little boy's favorite pet is tied up in a net, stolen and locked in a cage. The loveable curmudgeon then yells at the little kid and stomps away. But wait! The fun isn't over yet! The kid runs away, grabs a few balloons and a leaf blower and launches himself into the sky - only to be tied up by the bad guy and thrown out the back of a derigible. (I had to look up how to spell that.) Lucky for him, the curmudgeon arrives in the nick of time to save the boy and then leaves him unsupervised (again) inside the floating house. Of course, the kid manages to fall out (again) and holds on to a water hose. He's not out of the woods yet, though, as from out of the back of the derigible, fly three dogs in WWII era fighter planes who shoot SYRINGES at the little boy as he hangs on for dear life. OH, and I haven't mentioned all the dogs – hundreds of mean, scary, angry, vicious dogs - who spend the entire movie trying to attack the little boy and the loveable curmudgeon.

All’s well that ends well as the bad guy ends up being thrown off the side of the derigible instead (of course, not before he tried to kill the kid and the curmudgeon with a sword), and our heroes fly the derigible back to the city for ice cream.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!

Several times during the movie, I actually covered my son's eyes, and twice I looked over at my husband to decide if we wanted to continue letting our son watch. This is a kid with a Lightning McQueen bed. Pixar is one of our very favorite babysitters. How could they do this to us?!

Next up from Pixar is the new version of Toy Story. I'm afraid now. Afraid that maybe the violence between Woody and Buzz may get out of hand. Maybe those toy soldiers start shooting real guns. And can you imagine the horror if Slink and Mr. Potato Head come to blows over the Etch-A-Sketch time share?

I'm Jenny, and I have a BlackBerry addiction

2009-11-17T10:42:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, I had to give up my BlackBerry. Those of you who know me, know that it might as well have been surgically attached to my hand.

I've had a BlackBerry since 2003. Back then, they were tiny little rectangles that had a little trackwheel on the side. They got email - and that was it. They didn't have pictures, they weren't in color, and they buzzed all the time. Only two or three lines of text worked showed up on the screen, so you scrolled, scrolled scrolled.

I used to have phantom buzzes when I wasn't wearing my BlackBerry. I'd feel my hip or hand vibrate when nothing was there. That is how attached I was to my BlackBerry. Every now and then - even though my BlackBerry hasn't been on vibrate since 2006, I feel a little buzz in my back pocket.

Then, the BIG BlackBerries came along. My first big one was blue. In my head I wondered why it was still called a BlackBerry when it was blue. Shouldn't it be called a BLUEBerry? I secretly called it that, but didn't tell anyone.

I was in mourning when the BlackBerry stopped using a track wheel and went to a little pearl. I refused to get the new one. Why would BlackBerry screw this up? What was wrong with them?! Clearly, this was the dumbest idea ever, and it was destined to fail. Then I dropped my BlackBerry in a pedicure bath, and was forced into the new era.

I suddenly saw what millions of BlackBerry users around the world knew. This delightful glowing orb was the future of smartphones. Hell, it was really the beginning and end of smartphones. Who is Mr. or Mrs. Pearl?! Where can I send my thank you note?

My son was able to manipulate my BlackBerry by the age of 2. He could move the pearl, watch videos and make calls before he could make full sentences. If he got unruly in public, I gave him the BlackBerry. It was better than Benedryl. The same held true for me. If was ever somewhere bored, all I had to do was click the spacebar on my BlackBerry. It's no iPhone with a million plus apps to choose from, but it did just fine. I had Facebook and I had UberTwitter. What else did I need?

I've been without it for 4 1/2 days now, and I still reach for it. When I'm driving, I put my hand down, intending to pick it up. When I'm in my kitchen, I look over to where it always charged. Where or where, has my little BlackBerry gone?

I realize I have a problem, but maybe this was better than a 12 step program. Maybe I needed the clean break.

I have an iPhone coming. I'm told it's the most amazing invention since the Sham Wow. I don't know. I don't know how it could ever replace my BlackBerry.

I just don't get it

2009-11-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

Let's start with this. I'm not sad that I'm not working at CNN. I miss some of the people, others not so much. That's pretty normal.

That said, there are ways to know what is happening (I'm a journalist, after all), to know how things are inside the building. If there weren't, there are plenty of TV insider websites who have everything you need to know about anything.

Now, business is business. If something is not performing the way you'd like it to, you have to deal with it. You have to rebuild, changes strategies, or sometimes you just have to cut it off. When you make these decisions, I'd guess that you have your audience in mind. Right?

I don't know what my managers were thinking, and I don't know what the future goals of my former company are. I do know the feedback that is out there. I know that regular viewers are upset and angered by the decision. I've seen the comments on sites about how dissatisfied people are with the changes - both on the site and with my department.

I believe we had something good, something - that if we'd had actual support - could have been great. The rest of the world wasn't like us. They didn't have three TV's and access to any website in the world sitting on their desk.

Many of the staff felt like we never got the support we deserved and needed to survive. From the very beginning, we weren't present in a place that the normal internet user could easily find. You had to be pretty computer literate to find us in the beginning. After that, you had to be pretty damn savy.

Our problems were many, but all easily fixable. On my very last day of employment there, I called someone asking for a guest to appear on a Black Friday topic. The publicist I spoke too was incredibly enthusiastic. 'That sounds great! It's live? You have live stuff online? You gotta let people know about that!' I replied back that we'd been there for 4 years. This was a man who's job is to find ways of getting his company's people on TV and online, and he had no idea we existed.

People outside the company were very supportive. Daily, we did a blogger segment, in which up to 4 bloggers would tackle a big issue of the day. Those bloggers loved doing the segments, and they worked hard to promote their appearances on the show. We had some of the biggest bloggers in the world join us - from iJustine to Chris Pirillo to Gina Cooper to Arsalan Iftikhar. These guys got it. They understood what we were trying to do, and they embraced it far more than many people inside my own company did.

We had days when we were front and center. Election day and inauguration day. We set massive records that blew internet history out of the water, but we didn't have a way to cultivate that audience. People didn't know they could come back the next day and get the same product. As far as the normal user knew. we didn't exist except for those big events.

Many of you have probably heard me say that I went into TV because I don't do numbers, and that probably applies in this case. I don't know the business end, I only know the editorial end. We, and everyone else with me, worked our asses off. We worked hard because we believed in what we were doing. We believed that our work could make a difference. Our online community seemed to feel the same way, as did the blogosphere. It seems the only ones who didn't were the ones who signed our paychecks.