Breaking Boundaries

My Personal Diary of the Hunger Strike at San Quentin Part III

2013-07-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

My Personal Diary of the Hunger Strike at San Quentin Part II

2013-07-24T13:54:00.001-07:00

My Personal Diary of the Hunger Strike at San Quentin Part I

2013-07-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hunger Strike California: San Quentin

2013-06-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings

Death Row prisoners in the Adjustment Center (A/C) Unit at San Quentin State Prison are organized and united in planning and executing a Hunger Strike this summer of 2013 to protest inhumane conditions of isolation and long-term confinement of prisoners in the A/C:

· the lack of law library access

· the lack of exercise and yard equipment

· the unfair administration and classification committee practices

· the controversial and unfair practice of using inmate informants, anonymous informants and confidential information

· to retain prisoners in the A/C for years

· the unlawful and under the table use of labeling a prisoner as an alleged prison gang member, associate or affiliate

· using prisoners alleged gang status, validation, confirmation and documents (such as 130s, 128 A/B, staff information) to hold them in the A/C as grade B prisoners, yet treating them as S.H.U. / ad-seg –grade D prisoners for an indeterminate amount of time

· the unlawful practice of group punishment tactics and lockdowns

· the unlawful practice policy of “interviewing” / forced interrogation

· the illegal use and excessive practice of property restriction or “property control”

· the degrading practice and policy of “shower shoes only”, stripping prisoners at yard in front of everyone, and not allowing prisoners to be fully dressed in state blues when going to Law Library

· the denial of religious, hobby craft, library books and educational programs or materials

· the unlawful practice of withholding, censoring, denying and returning prisoners´mail without notification or legitimate reasons to do so

· the denial of contact visits, phone calls, participation in food charity drives, nutritional items, honoring medical chromos and legal books or materials

· the excessive abuse of power and authority by Warden, his administration and staff to do as they wish with condemned, S.H.U./ ad-seg prisoners in the A/C

In spite of the ongoing negotiations between the Pelican Bay Human Rights Movement and top CDCR administrators, the San Quentin administration is resisting any attempt to improve the plight of death row prisoners housed in the A/C. Unlike the Title 15- California´s Code of Regulation for all California State prisoners- San Quentin top officials have concocted and enacted an exclusive code of regulations called the O.P.608., which mandates that death row prisoners are under the control of the Warden of San Quentin. It is this illegal and repressive code of regulations that A/C death row prisoners are vigorously challenging as well.

Some may know about the A/C, but for those that don´t, it´s a prison within a prison and S.H.U. unit, housing 102 prisoners with over 90% of it being condemned prisoners. Many of us have been housed here since our arrival into the prison system as condemned men. The majority hasn´t have a disciplinary infraction and for those that have, have exceeded the time limitations triple the max set to be served for them. It´s a punishment unit and a psychologically torturous dungeon. We hardly ever leave the unit unless it is to see medical specialists. We´re fed and shit in our cells. We´re kept confined to our cells 22-24 hours a day, only to come out for five purposes:

1. yard, which is held three times a week for 2-3 hours

2. showers, which are done three times a week

3. medical sick calls

4. visiting (that is behind a dirty plexiglass window, through a 25 year old 2way intercom that interferes with and shares everyone´s conversations, leading everyone to shout over one another for an hour. You hardly ever get extended visits, even when it´s possible, or a courteous staff.)

5. Law library, which takes up to three months to physically access it

Prisoners here are constantly deprived, harassed, ridiculed, psychologically tortured and have our only form of communication (mail) withheld for weeks and months –both incoming and outgoing. Often times we will learn of the death / passing of a family member or friend three months after the fact. Not allowing us to send our condolences, or what we would like to have shared in our absence at their burials, causing our family and friends to worry about us and not allowing us to pay our last respects to the dearly departed. All with the purpose of intimidating and breaking a prisoner´s spirit. In order to have them submit and fabricate information on fellow prisoners to be released from this torturous dungeon and gain better privileges for themselves and their loved ones.

Our Hunger Strike begins July 2013 in solidarity with the National Strike. Our demands are fair, reasonable, create no serious threat to the safety and security of the A/C, and are all within the power of authority of the San Quentin Warden to order the following immediate changes without delay. It´ll create a more positive and productive environment because it will ensure that prisoners be treated with human dignity and fairly.

We ask you for your support as we place our health, bodies and lives on the line in order to bring about a positive change –peacefully. None of us want to die, but due to our deteriorating circumstances, having been sentenced to death and now the administration has unjustly sentenced us all to an unlawful and indeterminate S.H.U./ grade B program. A “civil” and psychologically torturous death in the A/C as well as their abuse of power and authority and abuse of discretion has left us with no other alternative but to place what we value most at stake – our lives, for positive change and human dignity. We would truly appreciate and welcome your support. Your help will give us strength and will nourish our starving bodies.

Here´s what you can do to support:

Call/ write letters/e-mails to the addresses listed in this post consistently until we have finally announced we are off. Which will be addressed by our lawyers. Your support will put pressure on the prison to comply with our reasonable requests. You can also inform the media and share this post to ensure that as many people as possible get involved. Thank you.

Sample script:

Hi, I´m______________________and I´m calling/writing/e-mailing about the state wide prisoners hunger strike, more specifically the Death Row Adjustment Center strikers. I support the prisoners and their reasonable 10 core demands. I am alarmed by your (or CDCRs) refusal to comply, intervene and implement these demands. By your refusal to intervene as the prisoners´medical conditions are rapidly deteriorating. I urge you to make sure the demands are implemented for all condemned S.H.U./ad-seg, CDCR prisoners in California immediately. Please also contact the Office of the Inspector General (OIA) and request them to investigate the practices as well as the policies and procedures conducted on Death Row Adjustment Center inmates or grade B Death Row prisoners. The prisoners may be on death row, they may have done wrongs for which they pay with their physical freedom, yet they are human beings nevertheless. Deserving of human rights and dignity. To be free from long-term isolation and program deprivation.

Prison Law Office

General Delivery

San Quentin, CA 94964

Office of the Inspector General

P.o. Box 348780

Sacramento, CA 95834

http://oag.ca.gov/contact

Governor Jerry Brown

c/o State Capitol, Suite 1173

Sacramento, CA 95814

(916) 445-2841

www.gov.ca.gov

Judge Thelton Henderson

San Francisco Courthouse,
Courtroom 12 - 19th Floor
450 Golden Gate Avenue,
San Francisco, CA 94102
TEHpo@cand.uscourts.gov

CALIFORNIA APPELLATE PROJECT
101 Second Street
Suite 600 San Francisco, California 94105
Telephone: 415.495.0500 Fax: 415.495.5616

http://www.capsf.org/Contact-form.asp

Warden

10111 Old Placerville Rd, Ste 200

San Quentin, CA 94974

(415) 454-1460

Internal Affairs CDCR

San Quentin State Prison

Sacramento, CA 95827

CDCR, Office of the Ombudsman

1515 S. Street, Room 540 North

Sacramento, CA 95811

The California State Senate Research Team

Attn: Senator Darrell Steinberg

Room 205

State Capitol

Sacramento, CA 94248
https://lcmspubcontact.lc.ca.gov/PublicLCMS/ContactPopup.php?district=SD06

Los Angeles State Senator
Attn: Curren D. Price
700 State Drive, Suite 105
Los Angeles, CA 90034
Phone: (213)745-6656
Fax: (213) 745-6722

Marin Assemblyman
Attn: Marc Levine
State Capitol, Room 2137
P.O. Box 942849
Sacramento, CA 94203

https://lcmspubcontact.lc.ca.gov/PublicLCMS/ContactPopup.php?district=AD10

Marin State Senator
Attn: Noreen Evans
State Capitol, Room 4085
Sacramento, CA 95814
http://sd02.senate.ca.gov/contact

Regulation and Policy Management Branch
Department of Corrections
P.O. Box 942883
Sacramento, CA 94283
RPMB@executive.corr.ca.gove

I´m more than

2013-05-05T03:22:00.002-07:00

Sitting on death row

With no alternative means given

And nothing left to lose

But so much to give.

Can´t they see, I´m more

More than the monster

They´ve painted me to be?

I´m more than just another prisoner

More than a number

Thrown into this human death chamber

Without any consideration given.

I lay behind these brick walls

Awaiting for the executioner to arrive

Struggling to survive

Attempting to leave a piece of me behind

That´ll contradict all the negative things

That have been said about me

And remove the monstrous mask

That was welded onto me.

Maybe then, just maybe

They´ll see that I´m also human

Just like you

And not the monster they´ve depicted me as

So you´d fear me immensely.

That´s never been me

You´ll one day come to see.

Finally Raising Our Voices

2013-03-18T11:35:00.001-07:00

I open this with a salutation to all those of like-mind, who in solidarity stand as one. My name is Carlos. I come to you from San Quentin´s Death Row. Here in the Adjustment Center (A/C)[1], like other S.H.U. units, for decades we have endured mental as well as physical torture and injustice by the administration and correctional officers. However, the time has come to respond to this injustice and remain silent no longer.

Never again will we be quiet about the discrimination, the inhumane treatment and torturous practices that take place behind these walls. The misuse and abuse of authority by Prison Officials and Correctional Officers can no longer continue to be kept quiet. The injustice being done here needs to be exposed, with the hope that this injustice may be brought to an end.

Maybe then we can be treated with the dignity and self-respect that is entitled to all human beings. For though we are prisoners sitting on Death Row, who have already lost our physical freedom, we have not ceased to be human and still have our rights: Human Rights and Civil Rights. When we were sentenced to death, we weren´t sentenced to be mistreated, humiliated, discriminated against, psychologically tortured and kept in solitary dungeons until the day of our executions. Never once did the judge say that was to be part of our sentence.

This is why now is the time for us, too, to make our voices heard. To shed light on the injustice that continues to take place here. The time has come to seek to be treated fairly, with human dignity and have our human rights recognized.

For here in the infamous San Quentin State Prison resides a population of prisoners that have been shunned by the state. Allowing prison officials to get away with too many rule violations for far too long. That group of prisoners resides in the Adjustment Center. A prison within a prison and a solitary confinement torture unit used to seclude prisoners from the rest of the prison population. It´s a `punishment unit` otherwise known as a S.H.U.[2] for those who have committed an alleged infraction of the rules. Some are immediately placed in the A/C without any due process afforded or write-up. It is supposed to be only for a set amount of time; after that rule infraction is adjudicated. Once that set amount of time expires they are supposed to be released back to general population. Yet, some are held here without any further rule violations or without ever having had one to begin with. It is supposed to be a unit of “Temporary Punishment” of sorts for rule violators. However, it has only been a unit of torture, sensory deprivation and mental abuse. It is where no prisoner wants to go.

Unfortunately for death row prisoners, there´s no choice but to start serving our death sentence here in this unit upon our arrival from county jail. It is home to 102 prisoners and over 90% of us are death row inmates. Many of us have not left this unit since our arrival at San Quentin. Never being given the opportunity to program as moderate inmates. A custom afforded to all prisoners when sentenced to state prison. We are held here indefinitely since our arrival, without even, for some, a single rule violation. We have been subjected to a different form of treatment and in truth, we are being punished without merit. We have been housed here in this unit under the false pretense that we are being monitored / observed before we can be given a regular program. The reality though is we have been treated to a harsh and psychologically torturous environment. One where throughout the day and late at night, you can hear the screams of those who have been driven over the edge and into mental illness by this environment. We have been subjected to a different set of rules, a set of rules called `I.P. No. 608`[3]. A set of rules that mirrors the CDCR Title 15 Rules book[4] (that governs all CDCR inmates) but gives more authority to death row prison officials and administration to do as they please with us. To violate our rights under the cover of “The Law”, to discriminate against us and hold us here in the A/C –Solitary Confinement indefinitely. But only to a set of certain prisoners for whom they seem to hold disdain and dislike. Being that, that set of prisoners is a small fraction of the condemned they have been able to get away with this for decades.

This though is only the tip of the iceberg. For the problems here on Death Row go far beyond this. To cover them all, we need more time, space and patience from you. We want to disclose it all so you can understand why we also choose to peacefully protest this injustice being done. Why we, too, will be joining the national hunger strike. Pitching our own demands for change. The change needed here and everywhere else. Where there is the continued abuse of authority and solitary confinement torture units. That all needs to come to an end for the greater good of humanity.

In solidarity,

Carlos

[1] Adjustment Center also referred to A/C in this article.

[2] S.H.U. short for Security Housing Unit.

[3] I.P. No. 608 is the Condemn Manual and rules and regulations sets forth policies and procedures, details organizational framework, and describes criteria and standards governing the operation of the condemned male inmates house at S.Q. I.P. No. 608 can be found on the C.A.P. (Cali Appellate Project) site at www.capsf.org.

[4] CDCR Title 15 is California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation Rules and Regulations, www.cdcr.ca.gov/regulations

Forgetting my old life

2013-03-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

Like a dying starfish

Whose tentacles slowly

Lose their grip and slip

And slip off the surface

I was holding onto for dear life.

My hold on my old life slips

While I rest behind these prison walls.

Contacts diminish, trickling away

With every passing day.

Slowly forgetting faces, phone numbers,

Streets and names

Of all I once knew

All slipping through my fingers

As I hold on for dear life

To my old life and memories

But I keep losing my grip

Like a dying starfish.

I´m slipping and slowly falling

Away from my old life

Into the abyss.

Going Through Imprisonment

2012-11-24T02:53:00.000-08:00

Imprisoned.

Stripped of all my worth possessions I hold dear,

With nothing to call my own…mine.

Left naked and bare to be branded

With a prison number and labeled like cattle,

Clothed with prisoner-made clothes,

Given a strict limit of linen

Lent to me and handed down from prisoner to prisoner.

Sometimes I wonder who last wore them,

These very clothes that cloth me now,

Fed just enough to live…today.

Not a calorie more as that´ll “spoil” me.

Told when to do what and how,

Never mind your rights

As you´re made to squat down naked and cough

Before a group of guards,

Degraded and dehumanized,

Humiliated and psychologically tortured,

Time and time again, relentlessly,

Till I´m no longer me but # F63367,

No longer my own entity but a condemned Southern Hispanic.

No longer ”free” but held captive in hell´s chambers,

No longer living, but a dead man amongst those still alive.

That is what imprisonment is,

That is what I´m struggling to survive.

When Will Solitary Confinement End?

2012-11-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

I sit in Solitary Confinement,

Monitored and evaluated,

Psychologically tested,

Tortured in more ways than I care

to remember or burden you with,

With hopes I´d crack and beg,

Beg to be let out of this torturous place

And crack, losing the bit of sanity I have left

Like so many others before me and so many others

Yet to fall, fall prey to the prison´s administrators,

To their countless of tactical torturous games they play.

I am but one of a few hundred who still stand strong,

Fighting to survive, accumulating deep embedded scars

With each passing day, learning to be resilient to all

That´s thrown and piled up against me

In such a difficult, miserable place.

Lonely and deprived of so much I sit in Solitary Confinement.

Beyond desperate for a helping hand, for something,

Someone, for a movement, for human rights lawyers

And all the advocates out there to put an end

To this heinous practice of Solitary Confinement

And take me away from this place with my dignity intact.

I just hope it´s soon before many more fall prey

And lose themselves in this dungeon of hell and misery

That´s been in place for far too long.

What will it take before you realize that time is essential

To one´s sanity within these circumstances,

To one´s self-respect and humanity.

What will it take to end Solitary Confinement?

Prisoner´s Survival Tactics

2011-12-31T04:51:00.000-08:00

Living in a world full of coldness

I couldn´t help but detach myself

From the world outside these walls

As I stand guard and hard

Clenching unto the remaining scraps of my being

Within my balled up fist

Losing all sense of what is right or wrong

Fighting countless of demons,

Being demoralized and epitomized,

Never forgetting to diminish

The consequences of me being chained.

So, I won´t unleash all my pinned up venomous rage

On the caring few, who still stay true…

Prisons made an animal out of me

At the brink of losing my sanity,

At the brink of losing my stability

At the brink…at the brink…

Hanging on the edge off of a loosely brick.

Survival, truth be told

Is what this is for.

It´s what we´re all fighting for

In this cold prison world.

So, when my hand clenches this pen

Scribbling down whatever comes to my head

What you´re getting is another side of me

The one that can´t be shown here

In this cold, cold world

Where being compassionate and kind

Is a scent of weakness

To the hungry pack of wolves

That reside within this cold, cold world.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

When we return to our ancient land

2011-12-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

Quando regresemos a nuestra antigua tierra

Que nunca conocimos

Y platiquemos de todas esas cosas

Que nunca han sucedido

Caminaremos llevando de la mano niños

Que nunca han existido

Escucharemos sus voces y viviremos

Esa vida de la que tanto hablamos

Y nunca hemos vivido.

Daisy Zamora

When we return to our ancient land

Which we never knew

And talk about all those things

That have never happened

We will walk holding the hands of children

Who have never existed

We will listen to their voices and we will live

That life which we have spoken of so often

And have never lived.

Daisy Zamora

Manifesting the Obstacles

2011-09-22T03:46:00.000-07:00

Metal!

Metal fences, metal bars, metal doors, metal bunks,

Metal chains, metal handcuffs, metal stools,

Metal locks, metal sinks and metal toilets

Metal everywhere I look

In everything I touch.

Metal!

Hard, cold, smooth steel,

Strong...and transitional metal.

Stands solid and shines brilliantly.

Never thought that it would be my life.

That if you cut me, I´d bleed metal molecules

But it´s true.

Metal!

It surrounds me, it consumes me!

And with due time, I became as smooth as it is,

As hard as it is and as strong as it is.

Standing solidly.

In this cold metal steel world of mine,

Hoping to shine brilliantly

And radiate the joys of living

Despite this life full of metal substances.

Humanities Warrior

2011-03-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve been called a revolutionist,

A soldier, warrior of life’s struggles,

And a rebel with a cause…

A man who upholds his morals;

Opposes unjust laws and the

Discrimination of all…

One that gears up when the time is just

Ready to defend what I define.

Marked by scars of old battles

I’m committed to say the least.

The armor I carry

Won’t stop bullets nor spears

And the weapons of my choice

Are my trusty pen, mind and fist!!

For every one of my confrontations

Is a life and death situation

So losing isn’t optional,

Without really giving it my all.

For this battle I fight

Depends on the humanity of all.

Ghetto Child

2011-03-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

They call me a ghetto child

Because I come from the streets

The streets of dirt-filled roads

And homemade tortillas.

The sound of my speech

Has a funny ring

What´s with me adding a Spanish word

Every now and then when I speak.

We´re in thee America, they say,

Speak thy English!

As if I haven´t noticed,

With the big buildings and fancy cars.

The way I dress isn´t cool or hip,

It´s too raggedy they say.

But how else am I supposed to dress?

`Old School´they call it,

Too cheap and not enough bling bling.

Did they forget I´m a ghetto child?

I like the simple things.

Catch on, they say,

To which I reply:

There´s nothing to catch on to,

I´d rather be the ghetto child

That I am.

Living my simple life,

Trying to make ends meet.

That´s living poor, they yell,

But it´s the only way I know how to live

And I wouldn´t change it for a thing.

Ghetto child!! Ghetto child!!

There goes the ghetto child

Walking with his head held high and mighty,

Wearing the most raggedy things.

They chant and I smile joining in.

Yes, that be me!

Perplexed they stand

Not knowing what else to say

So I let them be, as I walk my streets

Living my life, as a ghetto child.

Yes, that be me!

Keep Envisioning

2011-03-05T04:52:00.001-08:00

Look around you…

What do you see?

Do you see what I see?

Can you tell,

That you’re not alone.

That you can still hope

Beyond your wildest dreams.

Can’t you see it?

Really see,

That behind everyone’s eyes

There lies a grand dream.

You’re not the first

To have stopped wishful thinking

Or wishful hoping.

Everyone stumbles in this life.

Look around you.

We all bear our scars

But we continue on

Dreaming of a better world.

Can you see it now?

Then grab hold of your dream

For they really can become a reality.

2011-03-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

Swimming in our struggles

2011-02-27T05:07:00.000-08:00

Swimming, in the powerful waves,

With so many obstacles

Blocking our way.

We’ve fought and struggled

Fighting against all the current’s strength

To break through the waves.

Keeping what we have

Untouched and unharmed

By our determinate ways.

Our trials and tribulations set the pace,

But we make the final decisions

To continue on

Swimming in our fretful waves.

Death Row’s Empty Eyes

2011-02-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a man on death row?

The word ‘Empty’ does it no justice.

They seem dark and hollow, as if their light has been extinguished!

Their hopes and dreams, crushed and non-existent

Like puppets they walk

With two guards pulling their chains.

It’s sad, isn’t it?

Yet…

It only takes one caring person

To bring light into someone’s abyss,

One caring person’s letter and friendship

To cause someone to dream and hope,

One person’s smile to switch on the light in one’s eyes!

For I know this all too well,

For I was one of those men with empty eyes

Until someone’s caring words and smiles

Brought light into my life.

Sometimes

2010-12-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes…

Sometimes I live in a world of self-denial

With a veil over my eyes

Obscuring every hideous and evil act

That occurs behind these prison brick walls

That I’ve come to despise!

Having embedded themselves into my flesh

Thus making me institutionalized.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I remove that veil

Becoming one with this world…

And the reality of it is…it’s just too much!

I fear I’ll become like the very walls themselves

Stone cold heartless!

Sometimes…

Sometimes I let myself daydream…

Of a better, more peaceful place

Where shackles, handcuffs and prisons

Don’t exist.

A world rid of hate and injustice…

Where I’m with the one I cherish…

And my freedom isn’t just in mental form.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I just simply live

For my life has been one with many surprises…

Both good and bad.

Yet, I’ve managed to prevail thus far

But for now, I simply live my sometimes.

The Continuation of Executions

2010-12-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

“There is no question in my mind at all that the death penalty has no place in a civilized society. We cannot, as human beings who are imperfect and in a system that is imperfect, try to come out with a perfect solution.”

Former Florida Supreme Court Justice Gerald Kogan

I couldn’t agree more with Justice Gerald Kogan’s statement as talks continue to take place about the upcoming execution here at San Quentin. This announcement is so unexpected, a real surprise to everyone on death row. For the past several years news on the death penalty was looking favorable or rather promising, with more details coming to light, for example that the execution methods are in fact violating the Eighth and Fourteenth Amendments (cruel and unusual punishment). Let’s not forget that murder in any form, whether unlawful or under the false pretence of the law is immoral. It demonstrates a lack of respect for human life. That is to be respected.

Such unforeseen news caused many to have a reality check. Including myself. Don’t get me wrong. I awaken every day knowing I’m sitting in Death Row, knowing the government is set out to kill me and many others who find themselves in my situation. Yet, I was never present to witness the ripple effect the news has, to see the changes in everyone’s demeanors. That’s…well, a mind-boggling experience.

Everyone took the news differently. Of course the prison reacted by tightening up security, briefing their staff to watch for certain changes in our demeanors, to be on alert for everything. It’s pretty intense for everyone. Psychologists make their presence known, walking the tiers more often, and attempting to evaluate us all. But there’s something they’ll never be able to detect, as some couldn’t handle the news of executions resuming once again. So, in the hour that no one was looking, they decided to hang themselves. Unsuccessfully, thank goodness! Some chose to distance themselves. Some remained silent being ever so vigilant to the occurrence taken place. Some prayed or held prayer calls[1] in attempts to keep everyone hopeful. Some remained indifferent, or just acted like it was no big thing. Few talked about what their last ours might be like, if they’ll go willingly or fight till the end. While others joked, laughed and discussed what they’ll ask for in their last meal.

If you ask me, these individuals need serious help. These are indications that solitary confinement is having a psychological affect on them. I’ve seen it numerous of times. It starts off with senseless laughter or rambling. Then enters depression led by a huge outcry for help and attention. Usually by acting out, banging on walls, toilet, doors, or even screaming obscenities until their lungs go out. After their outcries go unheeded comes the suicide attempts. Believe me, I’ve lived amongst these men. I’ve seen the deteriorating of many people. Simply being in the hole[2] is a psychological challenge. Add the extra weight of having the death sentence hanging above your head and you’re just asking for an emotional breakdown. I see this on a daily basis and I wonder what this man is going through. What it would be like to receive a slip, stating when you’ll die and when will be the hour of your last breath.

For me, the news discombobulated me, saddened me, depressed me, angered and worried me. It’s always a sad, depressing time when someone is about to be murdered, under the false pretense of the law. I’m angry because I can’t do anything to stop it. I’m just one man in this world I’ve come to call Death Dormitories, attempting to give everyone a glimpse into my world, my mind and my soul. Hopefully it is enough to shed light on this important issue. What worries me is that this will be the beginning of many more executions. There’s a waiting list and at least 703 more of us, trying to survive this ordeal. We’re dependent on overworked, underpaid lawyers and the very system that placed us here. The outcome doesn’t look too good, but everyday another individual joins the fight to abolish the death penalty. Everyday another person becomes aware of the injustice and inhumanity occurring behind these walls. And everyday we get closer to our objective that’s to stop capital punishment, this inhumane practice, and the injustice going on here. That’s my hope, the core I draw my strength from.

For today, or the rest of the year, there will be no executions. Not because the government decided to act humane. No, not for that reason, but simply because the poison they were going to use expired. Maybe that will give the guy’s legal team enough time to defend him properly and save his life. Until then his life hangs in the balance including ours. It’s not about the crimes that lead to the death sentence being handed down, no. It’s about being the example, being humane. You never know when an innocent man might be wrongly convicted in this imperfect system. But we can start taking steps in being the examples of a just and humane nation, like so many others have. The San Quentin Medical Administration have taken that step. Maybe the guards will as well. One step at a time. Until then, stay strong and continue pushing forward. Thank you.

Peace, kindness and love,

Carlos

[1] Prayer call is when numerous prisoners bow their heads and read verses from the bible and end by saying the Hail Mary together.

[2] Also known as the shoe or its proper name S.H.U. (Security Housing Unit). It is a prison within a prison where prisoners are held 23 ½ hours in a solitary confinement cell with little or no physical contact with human beings. And no recreational programs offered, including church service and school. Prisoners are heavily guarded and restricted.

Life is hard

2010-11-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

Life is hard…

With many obstacles to face and overcome…

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with it all

And I fall.

Into a bottomless pit, with no end in sight.

Until one’s hand, words or light reaches in.

That’s when I realize…I must continue with it all.

For there’s a greater purpose

A change I can cause

With my struggles and experiences

That’s worth it all.

As I overcome another obstacle

Life has thrown

I come to the realization that

Life is hard…

But I can continue on.

Allowing it to enlighten me

Instead of decomposing me.

My 7x6 cell

2010-11-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Four white walls

A stainless steel toilet

And a stainless steel door

A metal slab for a bed

This is my 7x6 cell

Where I am kept in solitary confinement

22 ½ hours, day in and day out

Year after year

Meant to keep my voice from being heard

Kept away from all human contact

Where I’m meant to be forgotten of

Isolation and seclusion is their goal

Losing my sanity is a plus.

Subjected to full body searches

Whenever I’m to leave my cell

Then and only then

Do I have the only physical contact for the day

With metal handcuffs and leg shackles I wear

That dig into my flesh

Leaving me deep embodied scars

That will forever be with me

Like tattoo tears .

This is my abyss

That I attempt to crawl out of

With the beauty I hunger for

Behind my 7x6 cell.

Letter to Obama asking him about his attitude towards the death penalty

2010-11-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

President Obama,

First of all I want to commend you for the amount of progress you have done for this country and the amount of help you have provided for countless of other countries.

I write you today in hopes that you answer the questions we pose. I say ‘we’ for this issue is more important than ‘I’. The issue being Capital Punishment otherwise known as the death penalty.

We are curious to know how such a great man like you supports this? It goes against the image you present and it’s such an inhumane punishment. How do you justify the killing of a human being done for and by the state? When and where will you draw the line? Please help us understand the whys on the matter for we have so many unanswered questions.

Being one of 3.297 death row inmates in the U.S. I can’t help but bear witness to the deterioration of countless of “human beings”. I emphasize “human beings” because even though there’s a statue of limitation on our rights we all still have a beating heart! This inhumane and cruel punishment is slowly but surely doing what it’s meant to do and that is killing us slowly.

Since I’ve been on the row I’ve seen countless of people commit suicide, die of natural causes, lose their mind and the very essence of their soul. If this isn’t cruel and unusual punishment then I don’t want to know what is!

The point is that it is not only a cruel and inhumane punishment, but it also does not deter crime or even prevent it! Numerous false convictions and innocent men/women have shown that this system is faulty. How many more individuals have to lose their lives in order to show that there’s something wrong with the system? How many more people will this country kill? The government shouldn’t become murderers themselves! What about being the example of a humane nation? Gandhi said it best: “Be the change you want to see in the world!” President Obama, we ask you to be that change! I end this letter with a slogan you made famous: “Change we can!”

Respectfully,

Carlos M. Argueta Jr.

http://deathpenaltyusa.blogspot.com/2007/02/barack-obama-and-death-penalty.html

My Guides

2010-10-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

My blood pumps,

The blood of my ancestors,

Carrying with it

Genetic codes,

Specific messages

For me alone.

Warriors, explorers,

Immigrants and developers

They all were,

And are a part of me.

While I grow,

I learn and form my own,

Using the messages left behind;

As a guide,

But not as instructions.

What kicks in,

In this journey of life, of mine,

Are the instincts from within.

From one generation

To the next

We all leave a part of us behind.

It’s up to me to decide

What that will be…

With the amount I give

In this journey

Of life, of mine.