TwentyTen

FAR ABOVE

2012-05-16T13:53:00.002-06:00

Send me far above the Earth, Where my heart cannot send it’s screaming words. Where in the light my fear loses its way. Send for them as the King would, for all my thoughts. Arrest them as prisoners to our sovereignty. Cast away as a curse that pain that causes The bleeding in my lungs. Let loose all the words in my mouth, May their bitter flames be put out. For the stirring of the dragon that Is me will surely uncurl his wicked body. His dry scales draw my tears. His words draw thorns from my skin. I had only to flinch to Have agony sent all over my body. I would not worry over your death! I would not miss all that you are! Your dreams as you sleep, appear before me as foolish, sick and vain. If I could I would murder you there, As you lay slumbering, with your despicable Breaths and that silly grin. Your throat would gush the color red. Because you take me from His hand. With your sly words, with your weakness, I let you draw me away. Making me long for the day in this present night. As all things are hidden from me. To know is but to hide my face even more. Causing in my soul a tremor of some Unknown and terrible fright. Was I your slave? To have waited in that cell for your company. To be so low then, as to long for it… But I know now what I did not then. I was king before you. Set up high in the heavens , The center of His eye. There I could catch glimpses of his greatness. Seeing what made His people tremble in terror. A massive power far beyond my own. Who am I? I would ask. To be so favored… Speaking in mysteries from a love I could Not fully understand. I could only grasp I was His son. Before all the wars and endless sins. He covered me and safely Hid me away from my enemies.

2012-04-05T13:14:00.000-06:00

who hath thy brawn might? so that whence came our trials, in the darkest void you shone bright. To be as he and not he where he spirited in fierce agitation a cause for our laughs and smiles Then as a soft breeze blows from our lips came our whispered affection As pain breaks like a tide of hopes against slags and our fears confide to steal from us our peace which the arching Sun through the passing of days grew like a flower's head.

DAISY

2012-01-04T07:11:00.001-07:00

That is one girl I haven't seen in a while. Her memory turns my head with thoughts. Her eyes shifted to the right while trying to explain; hands clasped on her lap. I never caught a momment like this where I thought its passing I would never miss. But I fight all the same to maintain the feelings it brought and just the same lose them. What if I would look at her one last time and say... knowing all that I know now... I would never let her go. Knowing now how three years could steal into nothingness. All I know now is that they were spent without her. Could anyone ever mean as much as her. 10 years built into one simple smile and one simple look. Then wonder now how my heart could be so exposed and open, because all that filled it is gone. Sometimes I look up so confused at all that I see around me. Suddenly I notice people I don't recognize at all. I have to focus really hard to remind myself of all that has past. But each momment loses it worth in the churning of my heart. I want you to know of my bitter war. I was a captain on a High Hill, I would motion the ranks forward. My wish was to obliterate my enemy, that which was all my pain. I fought it so hard or rather I endured sleepless nights and lost feelings of trying to chase her fading ghost. Then momments came where I looked back full of remorse on the crest of those hills of my life. However, I kept moving looking back at us dancing in the yard of our simple cottage. There is a bright sun back there, and every momment filled with a vibrant understanding. All that I knew stood before me. But I guess I only forget that I looked back just as I do now. I forget and remember everything with a bit exaggeration.

2011-11-17T12:34:00.001-07:00

From fiction to fact. I have been painted red, with what words I could not say. All the things I had never yet spoken were printed on my face, streaks of crimson truth. The king speaks several levels up and within the castle walls I walk a labyrinth. Where is the one I loved and who am I now. I lost me a hundred turns back. When you do no know what to say, say only that which you know. Say nothing.

For All Time

2011-10-19T12:32:00.003-06:00

Instance and meaning. Place and being. Its her words I "felt" had faded, which at the time meant nothing, but now mean everything. Place and being. We are the Heroes saving one one another, saved once and for all time. Sure its complicated to try and explain something so simple. But explanation or understanding was never the point. Only belief. Only one point to another. It is what it is, this life is what it is. What I say and write will only ever be what they are. Now I don't want to talk none sense, as I have been often known to write of. Because most of the time all I feel is nonsense. No clarity, no sanity. I only feel chaos and tearing. However this may be just more words I end up throwing up just to see how fascinating they could be. Therefore, I would like to say I regret forgetting memories I'd rather keep and holding with a death-grip the moments I would be most inclined to forget. But what is it in this soul of mine that traces the ridges of my scars like a fond madman. With his lop-sided smile and cackles; he is crazy and I shiver.

To You For Sure

2011-10-19T12:14:00.003-06:00

All peace in all peace out. Fisherman I am and I have hooks in every today; next day maybe. I had to be there; of course for you, but my props are inventive. I gots hooks there sure, hooks in you. All peace in all peace out, lets breath together. All together... all in all out. When 'ur born, all in. When you dead, all out. In love all in. In pain all out. All peace in all peace out, watch what you take in, sneaky what you get out. 20 years to the day, I've sped through a thousand momments. ahhahah, game, her, pain, them. All of it is a river in my head, debris of yesterday and the river bends to some unknown tomorrow. I have thought long and hard on what it was I am to say to you. What I am to say to myself. Steer, this is where we shall go. Avoid the sharp pointy rocks and choose the clear path. Never back away from your convictions, always be honest. Endure hardship and learn their lessons. Feel pain but accept it. It fades after a momment. I wish I had... so many "wish I HAD".. never held a bloody knife, never bit until skin broke. Its not very pretty, the picture of me. Painting all over the walls. Honesty? Honesty can be very frighting, not in what it is, but what it reveals. But a light breaks in when all is unveiled. I thought long and hard about all my thoughts. Futile mostly. Most are a waste of time, lost on a path that doesn't even exist. But you're real, my pen is real. This room is real. How about I think about that. You were here yesterday, laughing at me. We left the house and walked to the end of the lane. Where ever that is and wherever we were. Who ever we were. Silence. In this room I remember you. I always think back on all that you said, I recall how you cried. Tears of joy and perhaps pain. But I remember your smile and exactly what made you smile. I was always a sucker for those smiles. I couldn't even be serious. But without you I always am. Serious as death. I face it everyday. I obey all the rules I can, but I know some radical possibility is always out there that could snuff out my life. But most likely not. So whatever. All the cliche sayings have been branded on my mind, "MAKE THE MOST OF TODAY". Perhaps they have all exhausted their striking wisdom. But still I always have to admit the truth in their words. And I will. I will make most of these momments without you. The One I Love Who Now Is Gone.

Somebody Pushed Me From Behind

2011-10-19T12:14:00.001-06:00

In the silence of an evening I notice nothing but the wind pushing it's way through trees. Its quite out here in a home that sits at the edge of town. The setting sun has swung to the far side of the horizon. For only a momment, I wish I didn't know where it disappeared to. I wish I didn't know what lay beyond the moutains rising far to the west. Why am I here I asked myself... Yesterday I was suppose to leave this place. It didn't make much sense but I was suppose to die. Just like that I would have been gone. It was suppose to be fate, I saw it and I knew for sure it was my time. But... somebody pushed me from behind. Staring hard at all that was around me, I looked accusingly at everything. The swaying trees, the grass, rocks, clouds. Culprits. Conspiritators in the henious crime of my salvation. All of them! I grip the grass at my knees and played again in my mind what happened that day. The day... I was born. Still to this day it is difficult to understand. Here I was making my merry way into Possiblity. Far away in a place of dreams, I sat wide-eyed as they pieced me together. Commisioned by a master who I could not understand. He mumbled sounds and there was such a light shining in his eyes; especially when he looked at my unnit form. I was careless as all these forms bustled around hurridly inputing data into machines, scratching notes, frowning at me in thought. Light shone everywhere. Lights were even being placed in me. I didn't know what it was but I felt like was waning, being pushed away. But I never moved. As I felt myself sliping away the workers hurried even more till everything I saw became a blur. The master came and went like a wirlwind with his bright smile. Flash. Flash. After a while the sounds of creation started to die down and I struggled to stay where I was. Now the only worker there was the master himself. I couldn't take it and started to make frantic movements and strange muffled sounds. With only a light flash of concern he chuckled and kneeled down next to me. With careful hands he looked at me for a long time. Smiling, sighing, even laughing. All the while looking into me. At last far away a horn gave a loud rumbling blast. He didn't stop looking at me as he raised me up. Bringing me close he breathed on me like one breathes on glass to clear it up. But instantly I solidified like frozen glass. Happiness floated all around him and I didn't understand why I was the focus of it all. A tiny tear formed at the croner of his left eye. Brushing it with a finger he chuckled and placed a strong hand on me. Then he said the only thing I could understand, "Live". Suddenly as if his touch was the only thing keeping me there he let go and I vanished. In the darkness I felt nothing, heard nothing, and saw nothing. But only for a momment. A wind started to push me and I remembered the master's breath. There was a weight all around me and I struggled towards the source of the wind. All around lights started to blink into existence, like stars. These far away dots slowly became larger and I could tell they were just like me. Also like me they rushed to the source of the wind. The wind became a howl and the space around me cut and ripped at me. As we raced along in the screaming darkness lights disappeared. Everywhere the space was glittering. I began to feel a tug on my form, I suddenly realized I wasn't moving myself. I was being rushed to a fixed point. A tiny ball flew past me around it was wrapped noises of its passing and in a tiny flash it disappeared. Then I saw it. The point in my mind where I was being guided, it pulled at me and I longed for it. I knew for sure it was my time. The wind howled around me as I fell faster and faster. Just at the point when I knew I was about to disappear a tiny ball suddenly hit me from behind. I was pushed out of the vortex and away from the point of entry. The tiny ball made sounds like the others and disappeared. For a brief momment I was left to wonder what happened and then the howling built up again and soon after I disappeared. I ended in far away from the world I was suppose to enter. Far away from the death of my baby sister. Far away from the war that ravages my whole country. Far away from a life that would have been mine. But this is where I am. Here beneatht this sky and everyday I grow my certain it was for a well-thought out and intended purpose. And everyday I grow more deteremined to exact that purpose.

Rumble Tumble

2011-10-19T12:13:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I am as real as a glass window and on the misted panes I write letters to you. I can never really show who I really am and niether can you really show me who you are. We all write to one another, through actions, through words, and through thoughts. Showing shadows of our real selves hidden in these decaying shells. No I can never really show myself to you, so I write on these window panes. "This kid loves you". Silence. "This guy needs you". Silence. A small fingertip traces the words quickly and frantically. All that I ever wanted to say sits plainly on the outside of my heart, but to trust anyone to draw near those treasured words is a notion I run from. Upon hearing a man in a forest, a deer instintively poised to run. To run for life to run from pain. Danger. I would admit I have often felt this way. My dear sister is always quick to get the heart of a matter and I mean the very heart. That is what I love most about her. She is the only one that seems to want to know what I truely feel. And if others have wanted to know, they never asked. Perhaps I wouldn't tell her all my mistakes, but my mistakes are not my feelings. So, I could imagine myself always being able to speak with her about those things that hurt me the most. But with others this an intimacy I dread. You have not speant the years with me, to deserve these words. I want my words to worth their weight in gold, with which we buy the purest love. I know from this seeing you as you really are takes time. Knowing and loving you as you are takes time. I know from hurts you also would like to hide from me. Sometimes people's questions can seem like knife stabs rather than caring hands, but such is the matter of hearts. I remember one time in highschool I was asked a question along the lines of: "What does a guy want in the world". I said, "To be appreciated". Everyone laughed. Then at the time I didn't know, but I my answer related to my own desire to be appreciated. However, being a methodical and deep thinking as I am I gave the answer I thought everyone could relate to. Not the superficial answer like money, cars, or women. Perhaps it wasn't what I wanted or needed most in the world. But it sure was one of the many things we all have been designed to want. This reminds me of that thought that says that every human has been created with a "God" shaped hole in their hearts. That in these longings to be appreciated, to be respected, or to ultimately be loved. It is only God our maker, who fits and completes that hole. I like to think of myself as a robot, and Jesus bought a lost and vital peice that is key to my functionality. Without that peice I can never fully work or to do what I was engineered to do. You all know how Jesus bought this precious part of all of us. :)

Sleep

2011-09-20T11:07:00.001-06:00

Heavy are my eyes, heavy and sleepy
There's blood I've known and of my own mistakes and falling The prize I envy but without which I'm still trying To break the peek of another day The moon arc does not wait and acting likewise love will say, "Thought of me only once to remember me always".

A Fist(Short Story)

2011-09-20T11:07:00.000-06:00

Its the fist to the gut, as a fist to the wall. The sudden pain of useless fighting, i find myself beneath the shelf. Where things are laid to be forgotten. I would run, if not for the wasting sickness in my lungs. That makes me weeze, makes me cough, then choke, haggle and yoke. This one burden I do own. So I sit below the shelf, in the dim light. You can catch the scent of this flower, a putrid green tower, of the lesser half of likeness. Making weary all this foolish business. I burn. Yearning ever vigil in a cold steady aim, which preceeds each blood-colored stroke of all the words I wrote.

Yet... yet still you would see more, pages burned, the ash that floats in a dusky room. You were the lone rider, happened upon a dead town. Your horse frisked nervously, eyeing all the dark corners and you felt it shudder as it could not watch them all. Feeling the weight of your body as you hit the ground upon your dismount, you straigtened youself slowly you took careful examination of the whole town. It only consisted of a few admistrative buildings, perhaps one inn housing a tavern. In the silence you heard the echoes of life that resounded the stillness quaking it to thunder. It was so loud. You carried on, hardened your heart, made fast your steps, you were confident becuase you were the only one in this dead town. You paced across the baked earth, hearing it crack beneath your shoes. You made a path of broken dirt to the only house, it's face leaned haphazardly and the windows where broken glasses covering black eyes. You happened upon a room, with fist holes in the wall, dry wall bodies, crumbling to show their insides. It was feeble support for the rotting shelf. Where below sat a limp and dusty puppet. Its vacant button eyes stared past the revolving stillness, through your shoes, and into a world far beyond the one you inhabit. He saw the future, the present, and the past. What he is to be. What he is and always was. His stubborn stitches would stretch, wither and fray. In time he would lay lower even more limp, even more dead. Not disposed to live, but to lay upon the dust still staring blank. But he would always be a puppet, even if one day he was only found to be cloth and cotton. Still he would be a puppet, even if his button eyes one day laid upond a small mass of decaying material half-eaten and destroyed by insects and scavanger birds.

Having pity on the lifeless toy you pick it up in your arms and hold it close. It was the only object resembling anything of the people who once lived in these empty tombs.

The Miss Step

2011-04-12T21:03:00.001-06:00

Of the barest site danced I

Through as bare skeletons

Beneath a fearsome wild sky

to prance the dance of fauns

Oh they hide so well

In well timed step

behind the bones that fell

behind the trees that wept

Where oh where my gaze

shall site your fair face

trough the hated haze

of doubt's obscure lace

there also be swords

edges to cut and bleed hope

arrows do become words

flying to pierce what I'd cope

I own my dark past

of time left uncaught

wasted by purity I did fast

I let my flower rot

To know your here in some place

hidden as a clever sprite

I'll hide with my turned face

and think my love not right

Fairious

2011-04-12T21:02:00.004-06:00

How many hours has it been since yesterday where I walk upon time itself. I stood not still as the mountains neither was I unchanging as the sun. As it is famously known I will not tarry here when at least they never considered me immobile. Oh but to contentedly tread and blissfully fall and return to the top. Where all the danger lies I'll smile a knowing beam below my shining eyes. It's for all I don't understand that I need so much. You could include love you can also include hope. None of which I could live without and in their absence consider life a useless existence. I'll twist it all! Everything I think I know so well! When something can be said and understood one way can it not be understood and said in another way... I never proposed to be right in such things as writing or at all proficient; only to be consider but not sworn upon that is far too much pressure. I only enjoy seeing how these words twist.

For all those who look at the sunsets and let the colors of life bleed into their souls. Then grab a spoon and find the superhero in you. Its meticulous work for sure, but its profits are well-paying.

What is the next line in my rhyme when at last I was only left breathless before the site in my eyes. The blasts I could hardly stand, the sounds, those looks, it curled me confused. I have paid a great deal for these words, bought with blood and tears. But patience is one who waits beneath the shifting moon, arching through the night. A single dark star. Yet I wait and through the months the stars say all I need to write. Many times I have caught myself saying, "I have been here before". It was one tantalizing reminder and a hint of the world long dead. As in the past world, the one which swirls in our minds. Yesterday. Yet I catch it creeping into today, its subtle bleeds of color on white cloth. However silent it is also painfully vibrant and somehow I always feel powerless to stop those spider web spins; filling pure emptiness with another perfect existence and sustaining occupation of an individual identity. All is fair when the outcomes must be absolute that is why I write in such a way. The colors are all over the place, a mess. Hasn't it been decreed the order of the universe tends to disorder. So isn't the key to understand where I will be is understand the path of that disorder. But to do that I must create disorder or nonsense. At least as much as I can. But this is all nonsense too right? I am just a kid saying what he wants to figure out his emotions in a literary form. Isn't that ripping the mask off a clown! Then you can see who he truly is. These words are only a distraction.

This will be awesome, something to open your eyes. You're upon a cliff staring over an endless ocean, receding into the bended horizon. It is sundown and the colors are brilliant. The rocks beneath your feet are weak, unstable beneath the pressure of your awe. What is the sky? Who are you? The dirt is grainy grinding at your fingertips. Smelling the air, it is full of heat and dust. The wind catches your hair from the east; blowing from a land that now only knows darkness. It is a cool breeze and you know it will permeate everything. What is it to live? You awake in a dream and to fall asleep to life eternal. What is to live though? Falling asleep, you fall and you rise like the tides, yet ever constant. You're a sea and you may change; you colors shift from deep green to deep blue. You are the dark abyss and the safe shallows. Some know you well and others fear you. You are loved and hated. You are the hope of some and the end of others. However you are not a sea. You may tempest and you may rage, the fury of your depths may be known and feared by all. But you are the calm and the peace all long for. You're words are the humming through the reeds. But still more.

Tout à coup

2011-04-12T21:02:00.002-06:00

Much of what we had has been lost. Sent to a depth that cannot be reached. But upon this ridge where now we gather as family. I see that we also have gained muched. As the sun rises from the east and a new beginning is seen, great hope rises for the future. It has thus given us strength in our expectant future loss, because it is now known that loss can be gain. Everytime a thief steals from you and still you persist in trying; you win. It is a simple path though difficult to tread upon, its this life that I consider. Maybe you have made peace with all your secret hurt, where as I have still have much to learn. I know it is but a matter of perspective to put to rest those things which bother my side.

Often I write not in understanding, but to understand; tossing out my thoughts like bones and reading their encrypted message. Only I have the need to understand myself, because I am the one I have to live with. Sometimes I view myself as two people, the one you all see and it may be unto shame that I pretend. Because I know what harsh thoughts or words may break my weak disposition. As of now I think of how weak I feel, how frail. I do not know my own strength or rather my strength in you. It seems I find my identity not just within myself, but within those around me. When I am alone it feels as if this weakness is the only standing truth. But with you, I have a past, a present and future. I have experience and I have substance. In my solitude I debase. I look past all my outer rims that so often distract you and I get to the very center. To the man as a person that is neither male or female and there is this chaos. Emotions and thoughts. I need to understand.

A Fist(Short Story)

2011-04-12T21:01:00.003-06:00

Shifting Gaze

2011-01-05T23:09:00.002-07:00

I am alone, alone in this room. With only memories to speak to. With only shades of the past to bide with in this darkness. The empty cans, unfilled clothes, I empty everything that once was full. I think of a time when the day meant something, now it is meaningless next to the night. I catch the haunting wisp, of the sweetness of a hour, even just a minute. I did not regret their passing. With whom can I speak with that is real, for they are all just human. Just as lost as me, in a sense they cannot find their own way. Just as I cannot find mine. Thus we are fake, cast of what we hope to become until we know where the path of Life is. The time does pass as you well know, like taps on an empty bell which is held still so that the quaking rim cannot resound. I am almost wasted, as if I was drunk. As if I had too much of that intoxicating liquid to even forget any longer. All that is left are all the regrets I have tried to drown. I would not call this depression, for I have known of that boxed place well. Its is more of a haunting and I am the ghost. Cursed to remain when others have moved on and found their rest.

Evening Star

2010-12-15T06:41:00.002-07:00

My heart lives on this December night
On this weighted drift in time
In a land of blissful blue moonlight
The Evening Star mirrors all who pine
Beneath the Night’s Eye she swings
As a girl who within her love no peace sings
How it is my Evening Star that night is your best light
How does the darkness make of you the fairest sight
The Bright and Morning Star has saved me
A tear drop of the sun.
But you tell of a road to be long treaded;
Of the fierce battle, the loss I long dreaded
When I headed east to snatch the day
While beside the shifting moon
You blocked my way
So say I to you, the one beside the shifting moon
“What is love if he leaves too soon?
If only himself one blissful night and only part the rest?
You cheat yourself and that’s true
And is really what makes the night blue
Some nights its only you.
On this weighted drift in time
You, Evening Star, mirror all who pine

Tragic Sense Of Life

2010-12-09T16:13:00.002-07:00

I would like to write of the tragic sense of life, which is a topic I consider a lot. No I do not walk around depressed, just thinking about life makes me wonder what life is about. It really has a sense of sadness, because despite how you live life and what you do, it will all disappear and all you have done will come to nothing. It will all fade. What’s the point?
So we must start to ask ourselves, what in the world could be done that would last? Most have figured that transforming another person's life or "making a difference" is a worthy and noble cause, one that would be remembered at least. Some call their children their hope... their hope of what? I think it is the hope that that child would accomplish the dream the parents could not, perhaps make that difference they wanted to be remembered for. A parents words to his children could be said like this, "Son you will be greater than me, I am proud of you" "Daughter you are so wonderful, don't let anybody say you cannot, because I know you can, I love you". We all go through life knowing there is something or many things we have not done. Something we wish in the depths of our heart that we had done. This next part is a portrayal of life.
Let’s start it now, the beginning of the end. As in old age an old man understands all he ever knew has faded from memory and the tragic sense of life becomes his name, death waits upon him to take a stained mantle full of the memories of the past and the pain sits there in the pool of blood. Still, waiting for him to take a final breath and for him to accept the end, while he the one once full of life knows it was not always this way...
But he knows it all began somewhere. He could imagine cries in a darkness a baby did not understand why he is taken from the home he once knew so well. Soon, opened his eyes to a world of light, blank pages fluttered in a wet world of color, all are ready to be soaked. All are ready to be stained, then, for the first time, burned to ashes, fringed with black ash and glowing embers that sparked the first flame of terror. The happy colors burned, where once only perfect bliss stood beneath a bright sun as a small body took a deep breath of the perfect day. Upon the ridges of a cliff and against the wind, against all the laws, stood a baby to declare, "Someday I will learn to fly and someday I will be like all my dreams".
With this in mind he added weights to his feet and began to see dreams only as pretty paintings never to copied, never to be followed. "I still will be like all my dreams". Hurt unspoken, tears unbidden accepted as sacrifices for a simple joy that can never be forgotten. On a rainy day, he remembers a young love and the kiss of a mother still softly touches the cheek and pierces his heart. The eyes fill with the water of the soul, closing his yes to the mist of a now gray world. Here it comes... "I-I remember... I remember much different days. I remember a time long ago in a place that seems so far away".
What’s the point? When it all is to fade and much as a life is lived to gain no regrets those regrets still come. As tightly as dreams are held, in time those fade even when change was wanted the least nothing is ever the same. In fact, these terrible tragedies are the exact things that one always desires to change but never can. However, rather than to our demise it is through these tragedies that we grow the most. By being burned you will never forget caution around fire and failing in one test is to hopefully succeed the next time that difficulty comes around. When facing the tragic sense of life and knowing that some part is not quite perfect is no reason not attempt to make a mark. It is still a good purpose try to be remembered and a great purpose to try to be remembered for something good.

Grace

2010-12-02T14:50:00.000-07:00

You brought me out of my shame
Lived to die as I ought
spilled blood to ignite a flame
a flame from above
a gift of life, a gift of love
This pardon goes beyond shame
frees your hert; an' clears your name
sets my joy firm
and my ignorance starts to learn

A Day In The Life

2010-11-30T10:41:00.003-07:00

If only to hear her heart near
Unsaid, undone, in shameless love so dear
I will know the best of it all
Her smile, her laugh, and every idle call
Still would I know more of thirst not quenched
To see the truth in the blood of a wound
It all quells afar from war made tame
This beast in me becomes stilled by sleep
I saw the truth in the blood of a wound
Hence all became clear to me
No longer hope in hope so unfound to slay joy
But met in the clash of willful desire
These two became naked though with no shame
Akin to bareness of soul; shieldless hearts revealed
"I do love you" "I do also love you"
Echoes hardly went then fled all care
Then they belittled eternal life as well
Becoming two like mirrors of foolish love
"Heaven has no equal next to my love,
no purer world and to thine a god is lesser
Who dares to heighten her beauty?
Who dares to dress her?
Its a cold act, bold and useless"

Love is a Falling

2010-11-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

“That is what I love about you. You think before you act”. Jackie said smiling. She meant the thought before he loved her, but really he thought of nothing. He still could not understand how Jackie could become everything. No, he never knew of a place called Love. Not of the hills and spires covered with trees that populate that wasteland of overgrown vegetation. For as alive as it could be, dead also as rotten flesh; pungent and inescapable. Something sickly perverse draws a like a dream only a child could conceive; making one like Death, to haunt a land of Affection. He drew like a ghoul upon something holy, Becoming drunk as dry sand drinks water and likewise always wanting. “oh! How the lights sparkle here dear, Oh! How they shine”. After a while the undead became false life. Flowers grew from his mouth and the petals covered her face. Now her face was lovely above all. The green vines thick from his hands grew upon her head. Her hair became the finest thread. As lovely as lovely could be, Saw only he the loveliest she. “My love, my love the petals that fall are still falling on your face”.

I Don't Know Kung Fu

2010-11-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. It seems so much time has passed since last I met you. You're an angel in my life; I cannot help but laugh around you. Is it not your very presence that brings me happiness. I once heard where there is love that can exist no fear. Since love is the absence of fear. But I fear now. I am terrified now! I do not know how to sing and I do not know how to fight. What class did I miss when they taught Kung Fu of the heart? I feel so lame, how can I say what I need to and still feel like a man. But it is honor not pride I would lose. I would feel desperate and low. I'd rather us both be strong in love. What if's turn my mind blank. In the end I am the smooth killer of my dreams, I play the friend and all the while wish for so much more. What is the wisdom you can give my dear Grandfather? Wish you were here now... Mother? Where are you? Where is your advice in this? Because my heart is now thoroughly distressed. I can only imagine now how she will be caught. My angel will be taken by another. I once thought I was equal to all the other warriors and I once thought I was as deadly as they... I once thought I had game. Yet now I see what a fool I have been. This weakness has got to count against me... saying nothing of my small size. What is it now that I can bring that would fascinate her. Character? it is only a star to be stared upon, you know you cannot reach stars. I have ran out of options and I have tried almost everything. Yet brute honesty will help me the most. When I think about it, it seems so simple. Tell her! Tell her! Tell her! Yet would such a destructive action cripple our friendship? I don't want to be the cause of that again... I don't want to be the cause of that again. I was so bold back then when I told that lovely girl how I felt. Then it was as if I died and went to heaven. My darling turned into a light that even silence and separation could not penetrate. But now 2 years later that massive explosion I would have to call a failed relationship I have learned not to be so bold. I cannot stand it! It is as if I am hanging from a ledge over a furious sea. Dare I fall into the thunderous depths? Dare I fall in love? But Love is not love... But Love is not love... I know it to be true by scars... Up until I have loved her in every way i can think of to truly love a person. I have not judged her character when it was less than perfect. I have not betrayed her trust. I have complimented her good abilities and encouraged her in her strengths. I have often helped her when I did not need to. I have been her friend. How I wish I could advise her in a matter that would give me the greatest joy. To help her in someway. I have found true Love to be more of an action rather than a feeling. I will know when it is true when the fear is gone and I am not going in because I "feel" so strongly. But when I do, I will "know" it is right. Maybe my Kung Fu is good... is it not good technique to be offensive and also secretive? I do not hide love though. But I hide my stupidity. I am a stupid human, foolish and simple hearted. I swear i will not hurt her in this way! I have thought humans are so silly. If they love just to take risks no wonder their hearts are so broken. A shoot-or-miss-or-miss philosophy, the odds are against you. I think it should be sure-shot! I know it is not long now. These days will pass and I will ponder so many words I could have said. I would replay the situation a thousand time until I was Mr. Smooth and her my captive audience. Yet now it all makes sense to me, now this point of contact seems right. This is where we meet my friend and I am sure glad I have you today. Just as a friend. It seems I am not ready for that jump. I am just not ready.

Changing of a Heart

2010-11-09T01:08:00.003-07:00

I took it as it was something to be had. But I only deceived myself and spent my days with it at my side. Little did I know how it weakly shimmered and its thin substance was everyday on the brink of disappearance. I looked to the horizon full of hope and thoughtless happiness, it was nothing I had fought for or by any force claimed as my own. In this life I cared for nothing it all came to me, none of it a was conquered. The day today was ending and I knew tomorrow was already anticipated to be peaceful as always. I walked away from that shimmering mist knowing it would follow, expecting it to follow. It always did. It would never leave me. I took to bed in the forest as I always did, the mild climate sustained its temperate conditions day and night. I did not fear the cold or the heat. i did not fear thirst or hunger. I would never know the consequences of my careless living.

I went to sleep quickly that night with the soft ground holding me delicately in its earthy arms. In a dream the mist glided lightly with me into a vibrant sky. High in the wispy clouds we basked in the brilliance of the high noon sun. Fearlessly I took to the sky, Taris fallowed slowly. Taris was the mist and in my dream he became a man. He looked strong, reserved, yet it was a calm of a lion who knew none could challenge him. I was confident as I looked at the world beneath me. "Together Taris, you and I will conquer the world". He smiled nodding his shaven head in compliance. In this world though there was nothing to conquer, but everything we saw was ours. From the sea bed, to the highest mountain peak. It was all ours. There existed no one to defy our dominance. For a long time we rested in the great power we had over all creation. "Taris, this is our creation, this is what we made". He nodded. I grew to know the rhythms of the earth, the pounding tides and the fierce winds. The devastation of an earthquake and an eruption of a volcano became displays of my power. I could no longer recognize that I caused none it. Over time I looked at Taris as a nuisance. He was always following me. I despised his calm reserve and even began to dislike his compliance. Why did he have to always agree with me? In my dream I flew to far side of the Earth far from the place we called our home. I smiled in a new kind of freedom. Yet as I turned to revel in my solitude there he floated. Calm. Powerful. Silent. I became so furious I couldn't speak. To me he became my master, watching my every step. I reached a conclusion out of my rapidly increasing paranoia that he was jealous of me. I began to have fits of outburst and rage against Taris. Soon I could tell that my anger started to spark agitation in Taris, it was the only thing I feared. It was like watching small cracks forming before an earthquake. Where once the earth had been so pristine and calm. I saw something inside Taris shift when he would no longer smile at me and even felt the ominous terror when he would no longer look at me. Nonetheless he followed me as always, he became like a weight when I flew and when I swam I could vividly imagine his iron like hands clamping to my heals and dragging me to the cold depths. Taris... when did this happen I thought. In a praire it was no longer a simple happiness in the tranquil waves of the grass. It was only a mockery of my inner turmoil. Suddenly as if my mind was a pane a glass my thoughts shattered with the abrupt realization. I felt the ground, it bunched in the curling of my fists. I breathed out hot air until my lungs were empty and I gasped for air in panic. The air was cold, no it was warm, but if felt cold as sweat formed all over my body. It all felt so...so...real! I wasn't in a dream anymore. Taris! The sharp feeling of terror pierced my heart, I felt like I was going fall off the planet. Taris! The horizon was hazy. I tried to run; stomping slowly across the ground, it hurt to run I was so heavy. The forest behind loomed out to me, from the recesses crooked branches reached out to me. I felt empty and cold. The world felt empty and cold. "TARIS"! I screamed.

Empircal Feelings

2010-11-04T17:44:00.001-06:00

Ash- may burn as bar-ley
and the
day may burn so early
Lyrical brother to delight like the feather
worst is worst come to fight
the smile, the kiss to bring light
we played, we fought, and loved together
but ends delight the ending twins
of bitter and sad thus lonely spins
next of kin, mirrors broken together
to vex, to test that lyrical brother
but said I to the coming new, "Too Old!"
for the ending in hearty weakling fold
so troubled as I
I said "me" to I
Also says I more words
to blast her memory high
but she stayed high
Like a fortress liken
only to a girl hurt as she

He Spoke Mono

2010-11-04T17:42:00.000-06:00

There is a boy in the back room, his collar is red. He blends into the black velvet curtains. Invisible. He waits in silence, but no one here wants to go to him. I didn't even know he was there until last night, but he cries a lot so you might not want to get close or you can get a little wet if you want to. But as for us, we will stay clear, even this distance is close enough, I feel sick. Another warning, he is really angry and hurt, that is why his collar is red. It keeps him there in that back room, hidden from the rest of us. No one here doesn't even go near him, but we know we couldn't get that collar off. It is too hot, even if you think about it too much, my head starts to hurt. Lets talk of something else. Yeah... this is a strange place, I only started going here last week, but all these people are something dead. A part of something dead, at least- they smell. I can distinguish the smell, but even I am getting tainted, I bring perfume, really potent, could even knock you unconscious, but it doesn't last long in this place. I am becoming tainted. I have to separate myself constantly I don't want to smell dead and not know it. They don't seem to mind though, they just walk around and whisper in corners, they are afraid to disturb each other, but their murmurs drive each other crazy. They are paranoid, I am paranoid. Did you see that shimmer! Oh! I really hope that ghost doesn't talk to me again. He spoke to me to me last time and I froze for the entire night. I almost broke my ankle when I was released, because I had no strength to stand after. You learn to ignore the dull whispers after while, it is almost like you are in a hive. I don't know where the honey is though. I know I should shut up because I am making no sense, but seriously, if you had sense you would leave. Oh! You're gonna stay? Your brother is here! Your friend you say. He must be a close friend to be a brother. I had a brother once, he got swept away in that river, the one that never stops. From what I heard, it won't stop until some guy put it under his foot. I wonder what kind of shoes he will be wearing? Not sandals because that won't stop any water, it will just pass through...

Dream

2010-11-04T17:33:00.002-06:00

In a empty stone room I asked, "Is this the end?".
"This is only the beginning", the guard replied.
I started to turn and whispered, "I've got to get out, I have to leave", the walls were full of puzzles.
Someone spoke again,"This is only the beginning, you cannot escape the end. You cannot escape your end." Suddenly, I didn't want to leave, this place looked so wonderful. Look at that angel! She is called my mother's name. She sat wasting time in a small box... like me and I felt comforted.
I screamed, "Madness, where's the exit? NO! Get away! You're crazy, isn't there a way out? I heard myself whimpering, "There too much blood and so many faces! Why are they crying? Why am I here?" With tears streaming down my face I heard a voice, "Turning is useless, you turn from one Thing only to meet another Thing. Those are monsters and they have come to consume you... if you move".
I stood still in a room of stone, a stone box and there was only one man. Then the man who was the guard appeared and spoke to me again.
"You cannot leave this place of horror and bliss, you will be trapped in this place of nothing and see everything. Nothing is hidden from you, but you are blind.
Without moving I felt my back against the floor covered in blood, but it was silk and still tried to turn with no avail. I squinted confused. There was no ceiling... I turned my head... no walls. The floor! I was suspended in the darkness. I stiffened trying not to fall.
"Is this the end", I asked. I felt a breath on my back, it whispered, "This is only the beginning". Suddenly it became a laughing screech and then a tortured roar. Dark blue tendrils looking like fire wrapped around my form, twirling upwards and fading with my passing. I was falling. Screams jolted me out of my sleep. I looked to the flashing television. Images of blood and war seared my mind. The screen filled with the face of a crying baby. On the wall a clock ticked, it looked like a puzzle. On the wall also hung a canvas that depicted a savage image from Left4Dead. I had painted it last month. The room tilted, exhausted I fell weakly onto the softness of my pillow. The lamp on the stand next to my bed lit up a picture of my mother smiling at me while she held a young child. Her image blurred. Why is she in a box? ... the room went dark.