Bookee's Thots

IMOLE YIO TAN (The Light Will Shine)

2018-08-06T11:48:00.005+01:00

That Light Will Shine (again)!

I remember asking certain rhetorical questions when there were no suitors coming; I'd ask myself:

'What it would feel like to get married'
'What my wedding day would look like'
'What it would feel like to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy'
(I remember, I once asked myself) 'if I would even ever be married or be pregnant or experience what it feels like to breastfeed a child'

You see, all those questions were answered, even though I asked them within myself, with no one but God to provide the answers. As a matter of fact, they were answered physically, publicly (not privately)!

I woke up this morning asking myself yet again certain questions, and God chose the time to remind me of the questions above and the time I asked them. He reminded me of how I thought I was just asking myself rhetorical questions, when indeed there would be answers and there would be someone to answer them (HIM)!

Then suddenly, while still meditating this morning, I heard it subtly in Yoruba: "Imole Yo Tan", meaning 'The Light will Shine'! Hallelujah! I just knew I got my answers already!

Friends, a state of "what ifs" is a state of total darkness. It's a state of confusion or a state of uncertainty or being unsure....unsure of what it would be like tomorrow, in future; unsure of what life holds; unsure of what path or direction to take. But guess what, THE LIGHT WILL SHINE! The solution will come! The answer will come....it will be given publicly, for good, for joy! The light will shine and YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY, the direction to take and the path to tow.

Yio dara (it will be well)! Imole yio tan (that light, your light will shine - Isaiah 60:1)!

Ask those questions, you are allowed; you are human! He will shine His light through and through them until the answers show forth!

(NKJV)Job 33:28, 30
He will redeem his soul from going down to the Pit, And his life shall see the light. [30] To bring back his soul from the Pit, That he may be enlightened with the light of life.

Psalm 18:28

Lord, You light my lamp;
my God illuminates my darkness.

Good Monday morning!

Bloom - Episode 1: The Ladies' Man

2018-03-22T13:06:00.001+00:00

The stories are based on SOS 1:14:

My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms in the vineyards of En Gedi

Dressed in a new mustard-yellow knee length dress with a matching belt by the waist, I check myself in the mirror again for the umpteenth time. I decided to let my lustre hair down for the first time in months – it’s full and shoulder length with a glow. I had permed it the day before; I didn’t need an attachment because my hair is long enough. Turning around in front of the mirror, with my dress twirling round me, I just want to be sure I look breath-taking enough for Dennis, my very handsome Dennis.

Dennis had invited me for their end of year party at the office and this time he won’t take a ‘no’ for an answer. Ever since we started our courtship 3 months ago, he had wanted to introduce me to his boss, who supposedly wanted to meet her best staff’s fiancée, but I just couldn’t go. I didn’t see the need to, or better still, I didn’t think I was ready to meet her. I wanted her to see me on our wedding day, looking all radiant (after all, all brides always look stunning on their wedding day).

One of my many flops is that I’m not fair, I’m very dark in complexion; and to top it off, I’m a 5:1’’; in other words, I’m very short. I think the only things I can boast of about my look are my long hair and dimpled-chin. My face is oval-shaped and I’m slightly fleshy. There’s nothing super-duper about me. To think that Dennis would look my way is really beyond me. I’m 33 and wasn’t so surprised that men weren’t coming my way, until Dennis.

He had been transferred to their Lagos branch from Port-Harcourt due to expansion, a year ago; he works with an oil and gas firm. He was transferred alongside his immediate boss and three other people to set-up their Lagos office. He joined our parish immediately he got to Lagos and was made minister in charge of choir department, since that was his office at his Port-Harcourt church. Coincidentally, I am the choir leader.

Before Dennis came, I had been trusting God for a life partner, but I kept hearing the word ‘wait!”. I was a bit worried because I didn’t think guys would be interested in a plain looking girl like me. But I learnt to trust God’s words. To the glory of God, I can clearly distinguish God’s voice. I hear Him and He shows me things to come. So, I kept waiting. However, the day Dennis first came into our church as a first-timer, the Word of God came clearly as soon as I saw Him: “this is he”. This is he ke? I would have doubted it if I didn’t know God’s voice. I just couldn’t believe he’d be the one. This is because this guy, Dennis, is not only super handsome, he’s tall, chocolatey-dark, and clean. He looks already made, if you get what I mean. Too good to be true. I questioned God:

This is not he God. This one won’t look at me twice; this one can never be interested in a nobody-somebody like me”.

I expected a response, but nothing came. God decided to be silent. Then I knew I’d overdone it. Then I stopped talking and started watching and waiting for things to unfold. I know God would never lie, even though I have my doubts.

Soon after he joined our church, we had become best of friends. He’s the minister and I’m the choir leader, so we get to work together most times. I found out so many things about him…that although he dresses well, speaks well, has clean cash, he has BIG love for God. I also found out he wasn’t dating anyone (that works for me, somehow), although he didn’t show me any sign of being interested in me either. We were just very good friends...we choose songs together, work on songs before we share it with the whole choir, share scriptures, and gist generally. That was it. And even though God had told me he was the one, I decided not to push him or show any sign of desperation. I just wanted to see what God would do.

One Sunday morning in September, immediately after our workers’ meeting, my parish pastor asked me to see him in his office immediately after service. I thought he was going to discuss an upcoming programme and wanted us (the choir) to prepare for it. So, after service I went to see Pastor, and here’s what he told me:

“Sister Lois, are you in a relationship presently? Seeing anyone in particular?”

“No Sir.”

“Ok. What I want to discuss is important. It concerns your marital life. I’m not one to impose anyone and I like getting a go-ahead from God before taking any step. As your spiritual father, I have prayed sincerely about this and God has given us the go-ahead.”

“What do you mean by us Sir and what are you saying in essence?”

“A brother spoke to me about you 6 months ago, I asked him to pray more and I also prayed along with him. Now, I am convinced that the man is he. And the man is Bro Dennis.”

Long story short, Dennis heard the same thing I heard the day he joined the church. I told pastor my version, he called us together, prayed for us, and asked us to go ahead with courtship and counselling….

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dennis had picked me up at home, looking dapper as usual. He was dressed in a bluish-grey suit with a plum tie. He looked oh so handsome. I had decked a high-heel, but still his height is way above mine.

As we entered the well decorated Civic Centre at Ozumba Mbadiwe, Victoria Island, I noticed so many glances at my Dennis, a lot of them from beautiful girls. I felt proud and anxious at the same time. Proud to be seen with a handsome dude; anxious they might steal him from me. Dennis greeted some of them courteously and then led me to our seat. As soon as we were seated, a young, tall, and fair lady in her late 20s walked up to us, she was dressed in the most gorgeous plum dress I’ve ever seen. As she got to our table, Dennis’ face lit up with a huge smile, soon she hugged Dennis tightly and then pecked him on both cheeks…ouch, I felt a sting of jealousy. All of a sudden, the room started spinning and I felt like fainting.

I started saying within me: ‘why would this kind of ladies’ man come my way; I can’t compete with the kinds of ladies I see around him’.

After about 3 minutes of exchanging pleasantries, Dennis finally remembered me and introduced the lady as Yinka, his boss and the CEO’s daughter. I managed to mutter some greetings and then quickly took my seat before I embarrassed myself. I felt out of place beside Yinka. She’s everything called sophisticated and classy.

Soon after, Yinka came to sit at our table and was being flirty with Dennis, who seemed not to notice her gestures or didn’t think she was being flirty. He tried being chatty with me, but Yinka wouldn’t let him. She had one thing or the other to say about the event, the work, the country and so on.

I decided I’d had enough after about 40 minutes of being ignored and went to the restroom. No I wasn’t going to take this anymore, so I met a concierge by the hallway to the restroom and asked him for another way out of the place. As soon as I got out, I flagged an available taxi…. “Maryland, please”. That was it. I left Dennis at the party without a goodbye.

Psalm 139:13-14

For it was You who created my inward parts;

You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You

because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful,

and I know this very well

Marriage’s Work-Out: 5 Must Haves

2018-03-22T13:01:00.005+00:00

Hmmm, whatever happened to the fluttery butterflies sensation your stomach? The one you had when you were. Now that you are married, it's no longer jittery! Suddenly, the butterflies stopped flying! Could it be that someone cut their wings? Could you be that someone?

credit: huffingtonpost.com

Whatever happened to that touch - that magical touch that sends butterflies down your stomach? Ah, it just feels like a mere touch now. No sparkle. No magic. No butterflies in the stomach!

Marriage is serious work! Hard work. Real work. It’s surprising how the first few weeks of marriage is beautiful and sweet. And then suddenly things start to get awry because, we soon forget that we need to put as much (even more) energy, attention and time that we put on other things and people on our marriage. Sadly, our jobs, extended families, friends, religion, and oftentimes children, get the most of us. And sometimes, we often forget the primary LAW of marriage, which is:

For this cause (this reason; the reason of MARRIAGE), shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave (hold fast, be smitten with, be joined) to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh (above all else; above parents, children; jobs; money or anything or anyone): so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man (no man; no man’s ideas; job; no child; parents; friends, etc.) put a-sunder.

Apparently, most married couples on the brink of divorce, have either tossed this law into the bin or are taking themselves and God for granted – because God is the prime mover of marriage, and whatever he creates is perfect!

credit: connectnigeria.com

Great Marriage is Huge Work

I recently just discovered five key ingredients that will keep every marriage going provided couples are ready to put them into good use. Mind you, they are not easy to apply, their application depends on having mutual agreement in wanting to make the union work, having strong will and determination, and of course, the help of the Holy Spirit.

1. Energy: Many men and women get up every day with a determination to succeed and get promotion at their places of work. The zeal to seal a deal burns in them like wildfire, and they can even get insomnia to make that happen. But when it comes to their marriages, that can wait, after all, marriage isn’t the thing bringing in the money.

How beautiful will it be if couples can exact the same vigour, drive, determination on their marriages as they do on their jobs? Your marriage needs similar energy and more to really really work.

2. Innovation: Ideas, they say, rule the world. People, the world over, come up with diverse ideas daily that catch global attention. Glory to God for giving us the ability to innovate. But should innovation, inventions or creativity be limited to the educational, career, religious, and governmental world alone? How about we get creative with our partners – creative in the room, kitchen, in our friendship style, in relating with one another, in our dates times, when we call ourselves on phone – creative in our love life in general?

3. Time: Time is money. Time is life. Time is love. For most people in a 9-5 kind of occupation, time is that scarce commodity. But perhaps, the little, once in a while time can be spent judiciously and deliberately with yours truly. No children. No gadgets. No third-parties! Trust me, your other half will relish the moment.

4. Attention: Attention is key in any relationship. Tell me that someone that loves being ignored, and I will tell you that the person either doesn’t exist or needs psychiatric attention. Even the people that appear nonchalant silently crave attention. When you give each other attention often, it shows you still matter a great deal to one another. It shows you’re both important to one another. It shows you are each other’s priority. And that way you have less problems.

5. Love: You often hear people say “I love what I do” and truly you see the passion they give to whatever they do because they love doing it. In the same manner, they claim to love their spouses. They even tell them they love them, but at the slightest form of provocation, they want out! Meanwhile, they won’t give up that job they are passionate about even if the workload is much, or there’s a difficult boss/colleague who poses a threat to them or they are not meeting targets or they are losing customers. They will want to do all they can to breakthrough because they are passionate about what they do.

“Love bears all things”. Does the love you have for your spouse bear his/her flaws, inadequacies, down times, illnesses, lacks, naggings, snoring, mess and disorders, grammatical blunders, prayerlessness, stubbornness, etc.?

Love is the most important ingredient in any marriage, because God Himself is that LOVE. Rekindle it!

Examine your relationship with your spouse today and see if all of these ingredients are there. If not, find a way to add them. They must go along with you in your marital journey, and they will do you and yours a world of good.

RACHAEL

2018-03-22T12:38:00.000+00:00

(NKJV)Genesis 29:9-10

Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. [10] And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.

(MSG)Genesis 29:9-10

While Jacob was in conversation with them, Rachel came up with her father's sheep. She was the shepherd. The moment Jacob spotted Rachel, daughter of Laban his mother's brother, saw her arriving with his uncle Laban's sheep, he went and single-handedly rolled the stone from the mouth of the well and watered the sheep of his uncle Laban.

Dear Sis,

Please see some salient points from this story:

1. Every Man’s Woman: Rachael here was described as the shepherd or shepherdess... This kind of work was, and still is, common to men. But Rachael, a woman, chose this profession. This shows some impeccable qualities in her: independence, fearlessness, diligence, security, high self-esteem, capability, reliability, the list goes on. The husband of ladies like Rachael need not worry because they are married to a wife who is capable of playing a wife and a husband when the need arises. A Rachael will not wait on her husband to survive, eat, live, or take care of the household. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. (Proverbs 31:11) Are you dependable, reliable, are you a worthy servant? Are you the type that thinks your security is in a man/marriage or do you stand up, live up and be whom God wants you to be? Can your husband find in you an independent, yet dependable partner? Do you see yourself being strong in the face of storms or cowering, and waiting for hubby to stand up and fight the fight you should fight?

2. In Her Father’s Business. According to the scripture, Rachael came with her father's sheep. In other words, she was in the father's business. The heart of her father can trust her with inheritance, riches, wealth, jobs, because she will use/do it with all her might, strength and in the right way. God can trust a Rachael with ministries and missions because this Rachael will not only do it well, she will take care of God's sheep. Remember how God boasted about Abraham when He said about him, “For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice.” (Genesis 18:19). Can God boast about you? Can He trust you enough to commit a work into your hand? Are you in God's business or you're just a spectator in the house of your Father? Can God trust you with His sheep/children/converts/or even wealth?

3. Rightly Placed. Jacob spotted/saw her because she was in the RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME. Positioning matters too. While prayer works, positioning yourself right will speed up things too. Remember, faith without work profiteth little. You've prayed, you've exercised your faith, then get to work. Be strategic. Position yourself right. Be at the right spot where you'd be spotted. Meet great friends; network; move with great minds. Christianity doesn't mean isolation. Remember, Rachael was with her other shepherd friends. They even told Jacob about her before she came. And when you meet these friends, your character will also go a long way in how they will present you to your Jacob. Friends, where are you now? What type of friends do you hangout with? Who's in your network and how do you treat them? What do your friends, family, and neighbours have to say about the real you?

4. Taken in Limelight. Jacob had been discussing with her friends without making a move to roll the stone blocking the well (Genesis 29:2-8); it wasn't until he saw Rachael (in limelight, in her beauty) that he made a MOVE (to ask her hand in marriage; to love her) to help them. Friends, come to LIMELIGHT. Your Jacob is waiting for you! As soon as he sees you in beauty, in glory, in limelight, in the Father's business, in all seriousness, he will make a MOVE. He won't make a move when you're still in obscurity; in idleness; wallowing in self-pity; crying in the corners of your room. Come to limelight. Do things that will get you noticed. Work for the Father and He will work for you; live within your purpose and your purposeful partner will find you. Yes you have to wait, but wait smartly, diligently, spiritually, strategically, academically, and career-wise. Be bold, be beautiful, be you, be better, before he spots you; and when he does, he’d never ever want to let you go. Are you in limelight or in obscurity?

Let's ponder.

REBECCA

2018-03-22T12:27:00.002+00:00

Rebecca is one bundle of great lessons. God didn’t just choose her to birth a mighty, strong and undefeatable nation; God saw in her rare virtues that weren’t common in their days (and in our days). Let’s take a look at the life of this virtuous woman from Genesis 24:

1. Rebekah…CAME OUT with her pitcher on her shoulder (Vs.15): this great woman came out or went out to work; she was hardworking and would not have her maids do the dirty work (vs. 61) and would not delegate. She would work all by herself irrespective of her status, background, and wealth (Gen 24:61). She was not ashamed to work or flaunt her work tool (her pitcher on her shoulder); she would not sit idle at home when others are working on the field.

2. Now the young woman was very BEAUTIFUL TO BEHOLD (Vs 16a): she was a woman of class and beauty. She was good looking; well dressed; she was presentable and good to associate with.

3. A VIRGIN; no man had known her (Vs.16b): she wasn’t just beautiful, she was chaste in all ways. In other words, Rebecca was beautiful, classy, sophisticated yet a virgin. And she wasn’t just a virgin, she knew no man and no man had known her! Simply put, she had not been smooched, kissed, caressed by any man. For her, it isn’t just about being a virgin, it is about complete chastity!

4. And she WENT DOWN to the well (Vs.16c): So, she wasn’t just sophisticated and a virgin, she was down to earth! She was humble. She was someone who would go down and even get her hands dirty regardless of her beauty, class, social status, position (verses 59 and 61), and any other important thing she might be.

Two stories of the Vice President of Nigeria’s wife, Mrs. Dolapo Osinbajo, recently went viral: 1 of her kneeling down with her 2 knees on the floor to greet an elder-stateman; the other of her baking her daughter’s wedding cake. Many had a lot to say about how simple and humble she is in spite of her social status, but the question is this: why should our status, position, beauty, class, etc., define who we are?

This woman wasn’t ashamed to come out with her pitcher (her profession) and she wasn’t ashamed to get her hands dirty too. She could have hired a world-class caterer to bake an extraordinary and exquisite cake; she could have hidden under the guise of being a busy mother of the bride; she could have asked that the cake be 10 steps just to prove it’s her 1^st daughter’s wedding and that she had more than enough money to throw around; but she chose to show not only her cultured and modest side; but also her humble side so you and I could learn that fat bank account; social status; position, or our successes are not equal to good character, and should not define our person.

5. FILLED her pitcher (Vs. 16d): Patience is a virtue, and Rebecca had it. She filled her pitcher; she didn’t put half water; she didn’t do a haphazard kind of job; she took time to do it right. She meticulously got it right and with patience too. A Rebecca would be patient in all circumstances and would take time to do the needful and do it right.

We can also say a Rebecca will fill her pitcher of wisdom; knowledge and talents. She’s an all-rounder who won’t stop at being the best in all her chosen profession. She’s one who will take on courses to grow professionally; she’s one who will study the Word of God exhaustively to be a better Christian; she’s one who will stop at nothing to be the very best wherever she finds herself.

6. and CAME UP (Vs. 16e): This Rebecca knows how to go down to the valley because she will always come up. She will joyfully do the valley because she’s one who will never stay in the valley – she will never wallow in self-pity; she will take times and seasons as they come because she knows the one who owns times and seasons; she will go through the tribulations because she knows it’s for a time; she will never stay down or at the bottom; she will never give up on life even if she has to go through the valley. She is one to come up no matter what she’s faced with or what she’s going through. She’s one who will fall time and again and rise again.

7. So she said, “DRINK… (Vs. 18a): A Rebecca who isn’t only kind hearted but willing to share, she was. She won’t give based on whether she knows you or not; she won’t share because she wants to please you or because she has any form of relationship with you. She’s a cheerful, generous, selfless and wiling giver!

8. 'MY LORD’ (Vs. 18a): I’m very sure in those days, there are ways to identify a servant. Rebecca knew the man talking to her was a servant, yet she addressed him as “my lord”. That is respect. Some of us would only respect people because they are wealthy; they have what we don’t have; we are seeking help from them; or out of necessity. This woman Rebecca had undiluted and genuine respect for people no matter who they are.

9. She said, “I WILL DRAW WATER FOR YOUR CAMELS ALSO, until they have finished drinking.” (Vs.19b): A compassionate Rebecca who not only care for humans but also for animals. She will do her best to take care of people and nurture the things around her.

10. Then she QUICKLY EMPTIED her pitcher into the trough, ran back to the well to draw water (Vs.20): she would give her all genuinely and selflessly; and she will do it without procrastinating or lazing around.

11. She said to him, “WE HAVE BOTH STRAW AND FEED ENOUGH, AND ROOM TO LODGE.” (Vs.24b): And she will soon show you she has yet more inside of her. She is all of the above and she’s accommodating too.

12. Then they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?”

And she said, “I WILL GO.” (Vs.58): She was sensitive to the timing of God too. So, she wasn’t just one with good character; she was also one with godly discretion; godly sensitivity, and godly discernment. She wouldn’t waste unnecessary time because she knows the man was ordered and directed by God and because she perceived that it was God’s timing. She would allow God to lead her and she would move in accordance to God’s timing.

After all’s been said, do you then dare to be a Rebecca? Little wonder God singled her out to birth huge greatness (Israel, one of God’s favourites) because she had some great things going for her. Her seed still stands, to date, in the enemies’ gate without needing to fear or cower.

Love, Family, Culture: Lauding 'Yoruba Lakotun'

2015-11-20T17:57:00.000+00:00

I recently did a post on 'The Bilingual Child and Grammar' (see here), because I noticed grammar is gradually loosing it's grip as a result of bilingualism. So I was glad when my friend, Olutayo Irantiola, invited my family and some of our friends, to his quarterly cultural showpiece 'Yoruba Lakotun' at Ethnic Heritage Centre in Ikoyi, in September.

It was a family outing for us in a way - my family saw it as an opportunity to unwind. But in another way, it was a means of embracing our 'slipping' culture again. And even better, we thought our child could start getting familiar with his culture (at an early age).

We, as well as other guests, didn't regret honouring the invitation. The programme was colourful and rich - there was the 'ewi' (chant) session, interview of a Yoruba scholar and writer, dance, entertainment, refreshment and more. It was so beautiful, and all for FREE. See video here.

Another one of such programme is here again. Come December 6th, 2015, by 4pm at the same venue, Irantiola is set to host us. I want to use this medium to invite lovers of art and culture to make it a date. I'm sure you'd want to go again.

I really commend Irantiola for such a novelty idea. In a society where all we are concerned about is how to make money or look good, it is such a relief that someone is doing something out of the norm. His effort in ensuring that the Yoruba language and culture is preserved and nutured is remarkable. It will be a delight to see other language speakers follow suit. Thank you Olutayo.

The venue, Ethnic Heritage Center, located at 35A, Raymond Njoku Street, off Awolowo road, Ikoyi, Lagos - Nigeria, is a non-profit ethnic heritage archives, museum, and research centre, where first rate language tutoring services are offered for both young and adults. Languages offered include Hausa, Igbo, Yoruba and French. A visit to the centre won't be a bad idea.

Two Cultures, One Marriage, No Big Deal

2015-10-21T01:26:00.002+01:00

David Folowo is a Nigerian, married to an Irish woman, and together they have a son. But being married to a white woman, living in a white man's land, or learning the Irish culture will not make David forget his culture so easily. He loves the Nigerian way of life and would not hesitate to teach his wife how to be a Nigerian. No wonder David had his son backed as a way of teaching the wife how it's done in his part of the world (see picture). Now, that is a real man!

David and Dara
(Picture source: David Folowo)

Not many people (male and female) in interracial marriage are like David. They're either ashamed of their culture or their language isn't funky enough for learning. And as you've guessed, it will be stressful to put their other half through culinary lessons. Their dishes are either boring or impossible.

In my opinion, there should be a proper balance of the different cultures and languages involved. The problem, however, is that many parents in such categories are too busy for these supposedly "trivial" issues. Their children are left at the mercy of school teachers, maids or friends who may only influence them in the way they know best. And as such, culture dies and languages are lost. All they will be left with will be the culture or language of their immediate environment.

Finland, for instance, is a country that values culture and language. No language is belittled in the country. Forty years ago, the Finnish Government created an educational policy that enables the non-Finnish to protect their culture and language. It is reported that the country runs a curriculum that allows children at pre-primary age (6 years) who have a mother tongue other than Finnish to be taught their native language in school. The policy is still on to date. (Read more on Village Square: http://nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/articles-comments/8201-nigerian-child-diaspora.html). If a country knows the importance of culture, then interracial or inter-tribal marriage should not end it.

So far, Finland has been the only country with such report. This leaves the parents with the bulk of the work. They need to ensure their cultures and languages are preserved and passed on, irrespective of whom they're married to or their country of residence. And the only way to achieve this is to teach their spouses and children. No culture is superior to the other and no language is better than the other. It takes a legitimate son, or daughter, one who isn't ashamed of his culture or language to pull this through.

So next time you see a man like David Folowo who is a proud son of the soil, give him a thumbs up. That guy's got my admiration.

Get Real, Get Naked!

2015-10-17T22:33:00.001+01:00

source:shutterstock.com

Hahahaha, I got you there. This isn't what you're thinking at all. C'mon, I still have my dig....'witty' :D. But hey, before you hit the close button, read this...

How often do you have a heart to heart, real talk with your partner? When you're offended by your partner's action, do you bottle it up till you die of cancer or heart attack; do you tell it to someone who in turn tells it to someone who tells it to another someone till you become an object of ridicule; or do you genuinely discuss it with your partner without being judgmental? It's up to you to answer the questions.

We've all heard the saying that communication goes a long way in building relationships. But it doesn't hurt to emphasise and re-emphasise it. Again I'll say communicate, communicate, and communicate with your partner. Don't just get naked on the bed, get naked while sitting together holding hands, with your heart and words. Talk, cry, let it out, bare your mind (in love) without using hurtful words. It won't just help your relationship, it will help your health.

I remember having a disagreement with hubby over some family issues. I didn't know how to bring it up without hurting him and creating an unnecessary impression. The first thing I did was pray on how to present the issue. Still I had no peace. But I was determined to bring it up anyway, otherwise we won't be able to prevent the issue from re-occurring and it will bring up resentment. So I gathered all the courage I had in me, looked straight into his eyes, and bared my mind. Oh, how I chose my words cleverly. I wasn't going to hurt his feelings, I just needed to clear the misunderstanding. To my utmost surprise, he didn't get offended; he instead saw reasons and explained his side of the story. Apologies were made, and we were cool again. :).

3 Naked Steps

source: pinterest.com

Aside from praying before bringing up such discussions, there are things I do to make the atmosphere easy and free of tension. Here are they:

1. Rehearse, write it out: if you don't know how to present the issue; or the issue is making you 'foam' with anger and bringing up a discussion in that condition will just ruin the event, then write it out. I do this at times because I have a very short temper, and in order for me not to react in anger, I get a pen and paper and I write. I write about the whole issue - my role, his role, what we can both do to calm the tension, etc. By the time I'll finish, my anger will have dissipated a bit. So I write it out, you should try same.

2. Look at the good side: even if your partner is a "monster", he'll definitely have his good sides. When angry, it pays to think of your spouse's good sides before you react, get judgmental or hurl out insultive words. When you do this, you will have a smooth conversation. Yes he can be a 'he-devil' sometimes, but he's definitely an angel all the time.

3. Be prepared: you're hurt and you've been matured enough to bring up the conversation; you're the victim here, and so he has no say. Ney, ney, ney, my friend. There are always 2 sides to a story. Let him speak too. He has his own side of the story. Remember, it's a discussion, conversation, communication. And when he tells his side of his story, don't go being defensive. You're there to quench the fire not add fuel to it. Be prepared for whatever is coming from your spouse. Apologise where and when necessary. Note the notables. Kiss and make up. Don't forget, it takes 2 to tango.

This list isn't exhaustive. Please feel free to add yours to the list. I have loads of what I do to get by in dispute settling at home, but this 3 works for me.

Waiting to read from you guys. Xo xo.

Grace Adenekan Berths 'Bigger than the Biggest'

2015-09-22T13:41:00.000+01:00

It's refreshing to see new artistes pop up, and Grace Adenekan is one of such. Popularly called Akorin, Grace is out with her debut gospel album and video tagged 'Bigger than the Biggest'.

According to an official statement, Grace Adenekan has been a gospel artiste for many years. She started as a youngster in the church choir and has since followed her passion by proclaiming the gospel through music.

Set for launch on the November 1, 2015 at the Centre for Management Development Hall, Magodo, Lagos, the album has 8 tracks, and has been produced in partnership with her husband, Kehinde Adenekan, who composed and co-arranged the songs with Segun Joshua. Akin Jazzy, featured in the track that the album is named after ‘Bigger than the Biggest’, and EMX mixed the track, ‘Sope’ and directed the video.

Currently, one of the songs titled ‘Most High’ is trending on Youtube. Some of the A-list gospel artistes billed for the launch include Kenny Kore, Mike Abdul, Pelumi Strings, Nixon Sax and Ann.

Note

To view the track on Youtube, check here.

For press enquiries please call 07062021341 or e-mail abolz2001@yahoo.com

The Bilingual Child and Grammar

2015-09-19T15:22:00.000+01:00

“Aunt, if table is ‘tabili’ in Yoruba, what do you call an ottoman then?”

“Hmm, I’m not so sure”

“But I thought you understood your local language?”

Being bilingual is beautiful. I am bilingual, and have enjoyed its tremendous benefits. However, many bilingual speakers find themselves in the situation described above - attempting to describe something, or trying to translate a term or an expression into another language.

Bilingualism is the ability to speak more than one language. One of its beauties is that it gives you an edge over monolingual speakers (people who speak fluently only in one language). According to Jeffery Nelson, if you are bilingual, people automatically think you’re a genius!

Most children are capable of learning more than one language. Research has shown that one in five people over the age of five speak a language other than English at home. And, for such children, this comes with blessings such as good cognitive functions; learning new words easily; connecting with others, among others.

I have a little one whom I would love to have a good grasp of English grammar as well as my indigenous language, Yoruba (a Nigerian language) - so I won’t be guilty of Dot Wordsworth’s claim that “It’s cruel not to teach grammar to children”. But I recently discovered this is a bit challenging.

While bilingualism comes with a lot of advantages, it is not without its woes. Studies have shown that bilingual speakers have smaller vocabulary than monolingual speakers. Also, some bilingual speakers are prone to making agreement errors such as subject-verb, subject-object or object-verb agreement. These and other issues could affect children’s equal skill in both languages.

In my opinion, English seems richer than some other languages. Maybe, linguists will consider working on developing more languages other than English, so parents and bilingual speakers like me wouldn’t have to sweat over teaching grammar to our little ones.

PS: it's good to be back :).

Other work consulted:

Jeffery Nelson. The Benefits of Being Bilingual: People Think You’re a Genius Omniglot (http://www.omniglot.com/language/articles/benefitsofbeingbilingual.htm)

Marriage Isn’t For You

2013-11-04T15:27:00.001+00:00

By Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

PS: I so agree with the writer that I had to reblog it.

Unlovable!

2013-02-21T15:01:00.002+00:00

I met Pius Semilore Samuel on a cool Saturday afternoon in March. He had gone to visit a friend on the Street where the hairdressing salon I use is situated. I'd gone to retouch my hair that day. Coincidentally, his friend was seeing him off at the same time I was leaving the salon. As I was walking down the street, he drove up to me and asked me to hop that he'd take me wherever I was going. Now, that was rude and uncalled for. Some more decent girls wouldn't even look at him much less enter his car. But my case was different. I'll explain why.

As soon as he said it, I opened the door of the car and in I was. He looked at me like I was weird - then he started explaining how he usually didn't go after girls asking to lift them, how I was different and how he got captivated by my looks...blah, blah, blah. After his explanation, I just told him "take me to Kure Street, No 5...it's about 3 streets from here". I expected him to move immediately, but when he didn't I looked at him, and I saw that he was still stunned by my actions.

Well, you don't have to be 'lover boy', I don't have a thing men. I hate them; I use them...and I'll hate you too!

Before Meets After

I'm Tamilore Akinjobi - beautiful, young and smart but wayward. I lost my dad when I was 7 and was left in the care of my mum as an only child. Mum tried to raise me the best way she could but was financially incapable and so resorted to seeking help from my late father's friends. Some helped to an extent, but there was one in particular, Chief Gbolahan, who was willing to shoulder all my responsibilities. At last, mum was relieved!

11 years after - precisely when I turned 18 and in my 200 level at the Uni, mum had an accident that took her life. I became an orphan! Dear Chief Gbolahan came to my aid as usual. Promised heaven on earth, howbeit with a price! The price was for me to become the next Mrs. Gbolahan.

At 18 I was already grown, fully endowed, with all my female assets in place. So Chief thought it was wise for us to start sleeping together as man and wife. The whole plan seemed awkward, I hadn't known any man before Chief; so I felt bitter about the whole situation; but then I had no one to turn to. Oh well he was responsible for my upkeep -so I thought I was indebted to him.

Chief introduced me to all kinds of dirty things. At first I was frigid; but I got used to the whole nonsense. Two years into our ungodly relationship, I was already a pro. By then I was in my 500 level and final year as a Computer Engineering student. I expected Chief to propose so we could seal the deal, since I had no other man in my life and because I had already accepted my fate. That year, I discovered I was 2 months pregnant; somehow my preventive pills failed; and I thought things were working out fine. So I broke the news to Chief and he seemed overjoyed. Then he took me to the family hospital and asked them to register me for ante-natal. A week later, Chief's personal doctor asked me to see him for some medical check-ups. After series check-ups, I was given some drugs. The drugs succeeded in, not taking my life but, taking my womb. It happened that Chief had planned with his doctor to terminate the pregnancy, because, according to him, he was not ready to take a second wife and that I was too young for him.

I fell ill after the whole ordeal, lost that academic year because I was ill and because I had no money to finish my project. It was a devastating experience.

Devil's Incarnate?

After that ordeal with Chief, I stopped school, squatted with a few friends from school, got a job at a Business Centre as a Receptionist and eventually got a 2-bedroom mini-flat with the savings from my salary. Then I decided to start again. This time, I thought that if I could find love, maybe we'd reach an agreement to adopt a baby or two since I had no womb.

Then I met Kingsley. He had nothing materially, but prospects. A young, goal-oriented graduate seeking for job. I fed him; I cared for him; I loved him. I thought he loved me too - at least it looked that way because we were a pair. Always together. So I told him my story. He was so furious that he could kill Chief Gbolahan if he saw him then. My Kingsley, in spite of my past, was as loving as ever. We played, we laughed, we talked, we had things in common - food, music, colours, places, etc - we were intimate too. I knew his family and they loved me. So I thought heaven was here.

But Kingsley left. I used my office connection to get him a job with an Oil Company in Port-Harcourt, and after a week his phone line wasn't going through. I tried contacting his folks, and they told me I to seek spiritual help, that their Kingsley has moved on. Now that's hell!

Dayo came along after Kingsley and as usual I gave him my heart. Talk about being weak. Dayo only dated me for 6 months and broke up with me after he heard my story. Kingsley and I dated for 2 years! But the difference between the two was that Dayo was honest, and didn't pretend he could continue to love me after all I'd been through.

After Dayo was Toba, Funsho, Haruna...they all left! Those were shattering experiences but they left me hardened and mean.

Only You Will Be My Lover

"Love is patient, love is kind....It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil...it never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now, I don't have a drop of love left in my system. I detest men. I get any man I want with my beauty. I sleep with them once and we're done. No feelings! Some come back telling me how they've falling in love with me; but I didn't care anymore. Maybe I wasn't created to be loved, and so I can't love either.

But Semilore is different. Handsome, lively, funny, God-fearing, Barrister Semilore wants love. I don't have it! It's not in me anymore. It's dead!

He took me home that day, and has never stopped being a part of my life. You see, Semilore isn't the kind of guy that is into women. His folks were even doubted his celibacy at some point because he doesn't do women. But like he said something like a force made him lift me that said day.

After our first meeting, I did all I could to get rid of him, but he wouldn't bulge. I'd lie that I wasn't home even when I was home and he'd wait patiently in his car till I opened the door. I tried disgracing him on the street, but all he did was tell onlookers that we were engaged to be married, and having some issues that they shouldn't mind me.

I even tried using sex as a tactic to send him away because I know he's a born again Christian, but it didn't work - I went stark naked thinking that it would turn him on, but all he said was "Tami", (that's what he calls me) "just get dressed because you've got the wrong man". What?! I was convinced that that would work. I am a beautiful and well endowed woman and there's no man that has seen my nakedness that didn't fall. What is it with this guy?

After all said and done, Semilore, the son of a pastor, started taking me to church with him every Sunday. He introduced me to Christ, and things started happening in my life - great things. I found love. I found hope. I knew love again. Soon, I discovered we were inseparable - always together and very much in love. We spent our weekends together - no not having sex; but enjoying each other's company. He's my best friend; my helper; my heart, my love. I told him my story, and my Semilore didn't even condemn, judge or neglect me. Oh, how I love this man.

Old Flame

It's been a year and six months now and my Semilore thinks it is time for us to take things to the next level. We both know we were made for each other - talk about two hearts that beat as one. I have met and been accepted by the Samuels - such a wonderful family. The wedding is scheduled for June 15, 2013. All is going well. Or so it seemed.

On February 10th, Semilore told me we were going to the airport together later in the evening to pick his friend who is arriving from the States. He was coming for a short visit and would be staying over at Semilore's house. Semilore's friend arrived that Sunday, but alas he was an 'old flame'...my 'old flame'. 'Lore's friend is Funsho, my ex. When he saw me, after 'Lore had done introducing us, I expressed shock and shame, but he (Funsho) pretended as if nothing happened. But because I wanted to clear the air, and my conscience, and because there has never been any secret between 'Lore and I, I was quick to ask Funsho "Don't I know you?", "Yes, I do now. You're my ex....I met you at....We dated for about 3 months, before you left for the States..." And he was like "Oh, I remember vaguely, you know I dated a lot of people back then".

I felt bad! But 'Lore knew what was going on and decided to change the subject.

Fast forward to February 14th, 'Lore and I had planned to meet at an eatery in GRA, Ikeja after work for dinner, but a particular case that he was working on held him up at the office, so I decided to go and wait for him at his house. I'd even forgotten that Funsho would be at home since he was staying with 'Lore on his visit. Since I had a spare key, I let myself in and met Funsho.

"Oh, hi", I said. "I didn't know you were still here".

He greeted me with a big grin. I decided to keep a distance judging from the way he behaved at the airport. He noticed that and offered a quick apology for his behaviour blaming it on jet-lag. I accepted his apology, dropped my bag in the sitting room and went in search of something to eat in the kitchen. Then I heard Funsho's voice; he'd probably tip-toed into the kitchen because I didn't hear him come in. He was telling me I still looked hot as ever and that 'Lore was lucky to have me.'

This was the same Funsho that dumped me after hearing my story ooo. I just ignored him and had my back to him. Before I knew it, he grabbed me from behind, forced me to the floor, tore my panties, and forced his way into me. I was helpless; I struggled but he was stronger....this must have gone on for minutes or so with me screaming and fighting for my life...after what seemed like hours, I just heard someone scream "This is disgusting...."

It was my Semilore. He saw Funsho on top of me and ran out....away....................................

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39

Marriage Proposal: Just How Creative Can You Be?

2012-12-18T15:28:00.002+00:00

Love is such a beautiful thing! Yeah we know that. But it is hot when the people involved act ‘crazy’; do the unusual; go extra miles to prove their love.

Ok so, you, a guy, have found the girl that makes your world spin. And then you go:

‘I’d love her to be the mother of my kids’;

‘I’d love to spend forever with her’;

‘She means the world to me’;

‘She’s my heartbeat’;

‘I just can’t imagine life without her’;

‘Teminikan’; ‘oloomi’; ‘sweetie mi’; ‘ewa mi’; ‘ife mi’; ‘onyekemu-o’...blah blah blah...

And you’re like, I’ll propose to her on her birthday; in front her family members or yours; I’ll take her to this cosy restaurant, liaise with the chef and ask her to bake this beautiful cake with an engagement ring inserted in the cake; I’ll take her on a boat cruise and ask her to marry me otherwise I’ll push her into the ocean (lol...please don’t try that guys); and so we can go on and on and on. But just how creative are you when it comes to Marriage Proposal?

A Big Deal? Yes

Well, some might argue that this shouldn’t be a big deal as it isn’t marriage itself. Well, it can be a big deal in a way. It’d be fun to do something crazy; just a lil out of place. It’s always beautiful! It adds spice to a relationship; and after you’ve been married for years, you can both look back and laugh at your nerdy marriage proposal.

Just who says that romance should be boring? They surely have not met Jeff Gurwin, the head over heels in love fellow who orchestrated a graffiti mural proposal on the streets of New York City. Can you feel the love? Please view the video here: World's Most Creative Marriage Proposal ...and ‘get creative’ guyzzz.

Secondary School Lovers Marry Nearly 50 Years after Breakup

2012-11-15T10:07:00.002+00:00

“Many waters cannot extinguish love, and rivers will never wash it away. If a man exchanged all his family's wealth for love, people would utterly despise him...” Songs of Solomon 8:7

They say true love stands the test of time. And for Emilie Danielson, 70, and Terry Britton, 69, that has certainly proven true.

On Nov. 11, 52 years after they originally met as college freshmen attending Chapman University in Orange, Calif., the blushing bride and her now very grateful groom finally had the opportunity to say their "I do's" to one another.

The couple first began dating in 1960 and admittedly fell fast and hard for each other. "We would walk down to this tiny little church down the road and make out like crazy in the back of the pew," Danielson told ABCNews.com.

I Lost My Love

But over the years, although the passion was strong between them, they somehow lost touch and can't even explain today how or why it happened.

"We do not know how we lost touch. That's the weirdest thing," Danielson said. "We dated for two years. The second year we decided to leave [Chapman] and go to junior college to save money for a year. And then something happened, but we don't know what happened. We just don't remember."

Neither of them have any recollection of a specific fight that tore them apart, but Britton was at least able to explain part of the reason they lost touch. As most young men in the 1960s did, he went into the Vietnam War, serving a year in Vietnam and three more years after that in Berlin. At the time, Danielson didn't even know he was overseas.

"We went on different paths because of life. That's how life happens," Britton explained. "Going to the war was quite an interruption, but I survived that."

As time passed, Danielson went on to marry someone else, has since been widowed twice, and has three children and seven grandchildren. Britton, on the other hand, was never married.

"I think it's because I had been spoiled by Emilie," Britton joked.

Danielson and Britton may not have remained in contact with each other, but the ties between their families remained strong, and ultimately led their two paths to cross once more.

"The thread was always there because our parents had all gotten together in Oakland," Britton said. "They loved me, her parents did. And wished we would get married at some point. And my parents always loved her and wished we would get married.

"She corresponded by Christmas cards with my mother for 50 years. My mom didn't want her to even know that I was touring in the war."

But unbeknownst to Britton, his mother had responded to one of Danielson's Christmas cards with a letter explaining that her son had always wanted to be with Danielson. However, Danielson was married at the time and was obviously not going to jeopardize that relationship. Nonetheless, she always held those words close.

Some True Fairy Tale

As more time elapsed, Britton's parents eventually passed away, and he temporarily moved to Arkansas to tend to their belongings and sort out their affairs.

"I didn't know his parents had died so I kept sending Christmas cards to their home in Arkansas," Danielson said. "I sent my usual picture of the family, but I didn't think too much about it when I didn't get one back."

But as fate would have it, Britton was the one that received the Christmas card revealing a picture of Danielson's face. It was the first time he had laid eyes on her since college.

"Terry received it instead because he had to move to his parent's house to help in Arkansas. He had to live there and inherited the home and had to straighten out business," Danielson said. "He received the letter I thought was going to his parents. So he sent me a letter back to my address saying 'Oh my goodness. My parents are gone, but I'd love to talk to you.'"

I’ll Still Marry You

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death...” Songs of Solomon 8:6

They finally gave each other a call, enjoyed many conversations reminiscing on old times, and decided it was best not to deny their feelings any longer.

"He said 'I want to marry you, but I think I should see you after 50 years,'" Danielson explained. "He said 'I'm afraid I don't look the same way I looked when I was 17.' He wanted to move back to California and us to be married."

Fast forward to June 10, 2012, when Danielson made the cross-country trip to Arkansas to visit Britton, and the rest as they say, is history.

"It's a god thing. There was some divine intervention in there," Danielson said. "He's the only being that could have ever put this together after all these years. It's beyond our wildest dreams. We had friends in the wedding that we knew in college. It was like a fairy tale come true."

The lovebirds moved back to Santa Ana, Calif., and were married in Waverly Chapel on Sunday.

"We never forgot each other," Britton quietly added.

The newlyweds left today for a brief honeymoon in Laguna Beach, Calif., before they have to hurry home to host Thanksgiving for Danielson's children and grandchildren.

************

Me: Sigh....Love is soooo beautiful :)

Culled from Yahoo!

A Remarkable Love Letter

2012-09-18T12:51:00.003+01:00

"Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also"

It’s been a while, yeah I know. But I’m back now. And I’d like to appease you with this love letter. Yes, it’s a beautiful love letter from me to you.

Many of us have received love letters – especially when we were just starting out on relationships and when technology hasn’t so advanced. We look forward to those words that will make us smile or make our head swoon; words that’ll assure us that we are indeed loved. Hmmm. I could remember the first love letter I received (lol); that’s a story for another day.

This is a letter from a father to a son who had just fallen in love. It has a lot of keynotes, and lots of advice on love. I believe you’ll find something useful in it....

"If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so..."

Nothing Good Gets Away

In November of 1958, John Steinbeck — the renowned author of, most notably, The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, and Of Mice and Men — received a letter from his eldest son, Thom, who was attending boarding school. In it, the teenager spoke of Susan, a young girl with whom he believed he had fallen in love.

Steinbeck replied the same day. His beautiful letter of advice can be enjoyed below.

(Source: Steinbeck: A Life in Letters; Image: Thom and John Steinbeck with their father in 1954, courtesy of UC Berkeley.)

New York

November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Till Looks Do Us Part

2012-07-20T12:23:00.003+01:00

I am sure some of us have seen this picture. It was, at a time, circulated on the internet - blogs, social networks, even as DP on BBM (BlackBerry Messenger). I recently got it off a friend on BB and used it as my DP - display picture (that explains its fuzziness); and bang did it generate lots of comments! I received loads of 'pings' (BBM chat buzzes), with different views on the picture. It was actually supposed to be fun - for laughs actually - but a lot of my contacts saw a big deal in it. They took it so serious like it was a real union, whereas, I think it's just a photoshop or photo magic, if you will.

Many of my contacts had a lot to say. Some rejected the union out-rightly; some said it was jazz - diabolical; some concluded it wasn't possible; a doctor friend even went as far as looking at the odds of the union from the genetics point of view - he argued that the children that will come forth from the union will suffer the consequence, especially if the guy's gene is stronger than the lady's. Another friend had this to say: Love is blind... And I was like, ok, it's possible the lady's eyes are blind to the guy's looks, since beauty is also in the eye of the beholder.

But really, what do people look out for when it comes to choosing a life partner? I know looks or outward appearance is of importance to a lot of people. Who is beautiful/handsome and who is not? What's the definition of good looks? If the looks fade out, what then?

A story was told of a lady who got married - with all parts intact. The face could be described as radiant; the figure, excellent; everything, wonderful. Fast forward to 3 years into the marriage, she had a fatal accident that turned her face into something horrible, and the figure disfigured, but guess what, the hubby never left her side for a second! The love grew and is still growing. Why? This love isn't based on looks!

So, should being beautiful or handsome be a constant-k when choosing a life partner? If the looks fade-away, will you still remain loving as ever to your spouse? I am sure a lot of people will answer in affirmative, but then, it's better said than done. We do not pray for evil occurrence, but just in case, just so in case, just in case, remember: Marriage is for better or worse.

This issue applies to all areas - finances, health, and so on. If any of them ceases, love shouldn't cease!

Trivial Questions: Trust issues in relationships. How should we trust...

2012-07-06T17:41:00.001+01:00

Trivial Questions: Trust issues in relationships. How should we trust...: Having read a few books on relationships, partnership, love, courtship and marriage, i found a common factor to them all. i realized ho...

20 Marital ‘Magic-Wands’ My Friend Shared with Me

2012-06-08T13:52:00.001+01:00

“Love itself is invisible, but wherever it dwells it produces such effects that its presence soon becomes known. It makes people gentle, kindly, thoughtful, unselfish, and fills them with new desires to do good, and to serve and bless others. And wherever Christ is, love is, in all its pervasive, transforming influence ” ~ the Vine

I have many friends. I really do. They are so many that I find it difficult to constantly stay in touch with them. Some I don’t even contact for weeks, even months, yet they still find ‘a place for me in their hearts’. I’m sure they’re reading this and they’ll understand...*wink*.

And so, one of my numerous dear friends sent me series of relationship/marital advice (edited) that I think are worth sharing on my blog. (Did I mention he sent them via SMS? Yes, he did!). Peodavies as he is often called, or Olutayo Irantiola if you will, is married and has these for the married (as well as the singles). I find them exhilarating, and I believe they’ll inspire you too. As we look forward to the weekend, grab your popcorn, and explore...............kisses.

1. “The (marital) club has many rules: silence - ability to learn fast, taking to correction; patience, endurance; giving all to make it work; knowing how to rock and still storms; encouragement; caring and closeness to one's spouse alone and committing all to God at all times. God help you in all. Have a great experience in marriage.”

2. “I speak that which I have seen with my Father: and ye do that which ye have seen with your father - John 8:38. Such a challenge from Jesus! What is your family seeing from you? Go show them the best example. Stay teaching”

3. Let's reason again. Men are the head of the family; Christ is the head of the church. What is the head expected 2 do?

* Provide 4 family 1Tim 5:8.

* Love his wife. Col3:19a

* Don't be bitter against them. Col3:19b.

* Be spiritual in charge to avoid doing what does not please God. If Adam had been in charge Eve would not sin. Gen 3.

* Dwell with your spouse with knowledge 1Pet3:7a

* Give honour unto them as unto weaker vessels meaning that when one knows something is not strong, it must be handled with care. 1Pet3:7b

* Equality before God.1Pet3:7c

* That your prayer be not hindered.1Pet3:7d

* To avoid sickness-hypertension etc

* So that you won't miss heaven.

4. “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. Pro19:13, better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Pro21:19. A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. Pro27:15-16. Men love living with virtuous wives and not quarrelsome one.”

5. “The man is the giver; the woman is the receiver and incubator. The woman does not initiate life but she responds to what is initiated. She gives to her children what she receives from her husband. It's time to teach your family, my man!”

6. “I wish you a (marriage) filled with all fruits of love such as kiss, hugs, use good ornaments, celebrate with the love of your youth, say lovely words, stir love when you are up to the task, bright countenance, never allow third-parties, treat special, thinking about him/her, take him/her to your people, share gifts, let issues not kill your love. All attributes in the Songs of Solomon.”

7. “Guys: Our lives are our wives and our wives are our lives. Remember, they were taken out of us. The way we want our lives to be is the state that we keep them. When they are gloomy, we have headache, when they are happy, we have peace. Congrats!”

8. "‘If there are two leaders in a marriage then one of them is unnecessary' - Ruth Graham. If a woman says this, then you need to re-examine your stand in your union.”

9. Ladies: how comfortable is your guy to stay at home with you? How neat is your abode? How good are your meals? What do you say to him? How do you say it? How supportive are you? How much do you tell him? How long do you listen 2 him? Stay positive in all these and retain the man of your dream.”

10. “Ladies, do you call your man your Lord? Do you obey him? Do you honour him? Do you respect him? Do you submit to him sufficiently? Sarah did those. Do these to make your man the best for your life. Never say complacently that he is used to me. Your change could be the magic wand to much more love.”

11. Friends, these words are powerful than we think: SOULMATE, SWEETHEART, BETTER HALF, MY COUPLE, MY DARLING, MY LOVE. Look deep into these words and live up to them! Stay loving.

12. “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband; that she notices him, regards him, honour him, prefers him, venerates him and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly. Eph 5:33-amplified bible. What else can be called total submission?”

13. “Guys, let us cry to God and not loss our respect, self esteem and worth in our perspective about money with our women. Remember, u should provide...”

14. “Guys: Bouncing! Accusing! Punching! Nagging! Beating (worse of it all)! Quarrelling! Forcing! Unloving! Never wrong! Always Angry! Unforgiving! Egoism! Unapproachable! Mood undeterminable! Which of these are you to your lady? You need to change!”

15. “Pal, why do you think the Governor of Niger State uses the title Chief Servant? To lead is to serve. Jesus gave us an example by washing the feet of his disciples (John 13:5). It is your turn to lead her and family by serving them also.”

16. “How successful are you at managing people outside? How glad are you to help others? How easy is it for you to forgive outsiders? That woman with you, how successful is she? How often and willingly do you help her? How easy is it for you to forgive her? Be the best to her first then extend it to others. Love(charity) begins at home.”

17. “Guys: why do we always behave as if we don't have mothers? You can tolerate your mum but not your lady. Remember, whatever will not make you tolerate this lady is just like writing a note to hypertension. Also, we keep in mind that our lives were raised differently even if we are now one.”

18. “Guys, let us unlearn (erase) those theories. Men are strong! Men are not, it is easier for a woman to frustrate a guy than we can attempt. Men must be rigid! The more rigid you are, the more you chase people away from you. Men can do anything they want in and out of marriage! Your pocket, health and destiny will suffer for it. A lady must be pregnant before you marry her! God gives children not you. Whatever theories we have heard, let us unlearn and do all to make our relationship and marriage work!”

19. “I would be glad 2 see that the two of you have studied one another, understand one another and as such win one another's heart. There is no better way 2 live in harmony...If we are prudent in the same way, think in the same manner, act the same way, share the same feelings. There is no need to be helpmeet then.”

20. “'Mo iwa fun oniwa, lo n je ore jore' (Yoruba proverb). Understanding one another...My wish is that in few hours, I see you guys bond more and it starts from now. Apologise, be close as much as possible, speak out your hurts and the two of u come 2 agreement. Please, be flexible as much as possible. The Lord help you and bless your union. You will not regret it in Jesus name. Much love.”

Should I Take Him Back?

2012-05-31T10:56:00.001+01:00

I saw this on someone’s Facebook wall, and couldn’t resist sharing. Please read on and advice...

My hubby came home one night calmed and happy, I was surprised but happy. He's been out of control for sometime now, actually since I lost my dad two years ago. He became the CEO since my dad died, it was on the will for my husband to become the CEO and my baby brother the Managing director.

I've done everything in my power to make things right but whatever I do is not good enough. This wasn't the same Tayo that I married. My parents were rich but their two children were trained well. I was working in my dad's company until I had my second child. My dad told me to stay at home and take care of the kids because I refused to get a maid and my grandma that was helping passed away at the time.(I lost my mom five years ago too) I enjoyed every minute of being a wife and a mom until I lost my dad.

My husband came in that fateful day about three months ago, looked at me and said "I don't love you Kemi, I never did. I appreciate everything you have done but it is time I move on with my life. You can stay in this house, keep the cars and I'll arrange for monthly allowance for you and the kids. If your brother agrees with my lawyer's terms, I'll pay him generously for his share in the company. Thanks to your father, I owe the 70% of the company. Don't try to fight this, it is clearly written in your father's will."

I woke up the following day at the hospital and by my side was dad's lawyer, she looked at me and smiled! Two weeks later, the lawyer came to see me at home and to my surprise, she brought with her a letter handwritten by my dad. I wish I could hug dad at that very minute.

There was a clause in the will, if Tayo leaves me without any fault of mine or if he dies before me, I have to take over the company. Dad knew I could handle it, I've been working in the company since my first year in the university! Tayo came to the house two days after I saw dad's letter, begging me to forgive him. Should she forgive?

In-Laws or Out-Laws!

2012-04-19T11:24:00.000+01:00

'...A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife...' Jesus - Matthew 19:5

“In marriage, 'two is company, three is a crowd!”

After arguing for hours, a couple drove along in silence. Suddenly they passed a barnyard filled with mules and jackasses. Sarcastically, the husband asked, 'Relatives of yours?' The wife replied, 'Yes, in-laws.'

Marriage was God's idea, and it was a good one. Picking up the theme, Jesus said, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife.' In marriage, 'two's company, three's a crowd!'

So here are 10 Commandments for being a good in-law:

1. Thou shalt love, honour and respect the couple

2. Thou shalt grant them independence, resisting the urge to show them 'a better way' of doing things.

3. Thou shalt be loyal and not criticise them, for, '...That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging...' (Matthew 7:2 TM).

4. Thou shalt not find fault: 'Don't...jump on their failures...unless...you want the same treatment...' (Matthew 7:1 TM).

5. Thou shalt not outwear thy welcome, and always call before thou showest up at their dwelling. '...Don't...show up at all hours...[they will]...get fed up' (Proverbs 25:17 TM).

6. Thou shalt not expect them to visit thee too often.

7. Thou shalt refrain from giving unsolicited advice: 'A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in...' (Proverbs 29:11).

8. Thou shalt not talk about how thou wantest grandchildren unless they are already on the way.

9. Thou shalt respect their home decorating taste even when it differeth from thine.

10. Thou shalt pray for them daily and without fail. If you are an in-law who doesn't want to be viewed as an out-law, live by these commandments!

I hope this will really be useful for those couples having issues with their in-laws. (Although I wouldn’t advice you paste this at the door-post *wink*). And I hope they (in-laws) will always remember “three is a crowd”.

Source: TWFT

I Love To Love Weddings

2012-03-19T16:23:00.002+00:00

Well, we don't have Autumn in Nigeria, but it doesn't hurt to try out here. More importantly, it doesn't hurt to marry in Dubai, UK, US....or far away Australia.

I just love to love weddings.

Autumn Wedding Inspiration Board by weddingblogger on polyvore.com

Fall & Autumn Theme Wedding Trends
$59 - squidoo.com

Autumn Wedding Inspiration | San Francisco Wedding Photographer Blog -...
blog.geoffwhite.com

The Knot - My Real Wedding - Laura and Ryan's Autumn Car Museum...
myrealwedding.theknot.com

autumn
weddingbycolor.com

The Knot - My Real Wedding - James and Tiffany Tassani's Autumn...
myrealwedding.theknot.com

Ideas for an Autumn Wedding Theme: Charlotte Geary Photography
charlottegeary.com

The Knot - My Real Wedding - Charlotte and Michael's Autumn Inspired...
myrealwedding.theknot.com

Bubbly Bride: Falling into Autumn for your Wedding | OneWed.com
onewed.com

Ideas for an Autumn Wedding Theme: Charlotte Geary Photography
charlottegeary.com

The Knot - My Real Wedding - Our Autumn Wedding in the Mountains of...
myrealwedding.theknot.com

Marry on Christmas Day...

2012-03-19T16:19:00.002+00:00

I posted a winter themed wedding inspirations, so what stops me from giving you...and me a Christmas inspiration?

You'll fall in love with red....

Shoot.

Christmas Wedding Inspiration Board by weddingblogger featuring a red and white dress

Bridal wedding gown
$180 - peridress.com

Red and white dress
redhotbrides.com

Real Weddings: Winter: Heidi & Michael in Indianapolis, IN from The...
weddings.theknot.com

Real Winter Weddings
winter.weddings.com

Wedding Wedding Party Information: Winter Wedding | Brides.com
brides.com

Real Weddings - Amanda and Franck: A Destination Wedding in Chambord,...
weddings.theknot.com

Christmas Wedding Cake - Vox
carmenrose.vox.com

Christmas Wedding Favors - 10 Simple Gift Ideas For Your Guests
wedthemes.com

WedIdeas.com - Wedding Silk Flowers for the Unique Bride - Christmas...
wedideas.com

Winter Weddings | | Brides.com
brides.com

Real Weddings - Holly & Trey: A Winter Wedding in Southaven, MS - The...
weddings.theknot.com

Photos of Winter Wedding Flowers and Centerpieces
do-it-yourself-weddings.com

Weddings...Always Beautiful

2012-03-19T16:14:00.000+00:00

Okk. I was just surfing the net and came across these beautiful wedding themes. And I'm like, it doesn't hurt to give someone an idea....

So see and like.

Winter Wedding Inspiration Board by weddingblogger featuring wedding ball gowns

Wedding ball gown
dressestutor.com

Winter Wonder Toasting Set
wedding-favours.ca

Winter Weddings | | Brides.com
brides.com

Wintry Sparkle - Winter Wonderland Sponsored by Godiva Liqueur - Stars...
instyle.com

Bridal Bubbly: Let It Snow!
bridalbubbly.blogspot.com

How to pull off a winter wedding « Engagement 101 Magazine
engagement101mag.wordpress.com

Snowflake Wedding Cake, Winter Wedding Cake Design
dianescakesandmore.com

Winter Weddings | | Brides.com
brides.com

Australia Entertains » Blog Archive » Winter Wedding Inspiration
australiaentertains.com.au

Winter Weddings | | Brides.com
brides.com

The Knot - My Real Wedding - Winter Wonderland at the Navy Football...
myrealwedding.theknot.com

Beaded Snowflake Ornaments - A Wedding Less Ordinary
aweddinglessordinary.co.uk

The Blue Porch: Winter Wonderland Dessert Buffet
hostessblog.com

winter wonderland
emblibrary.com

Do I have to Stop?

2012-02-21T07:03:00.000+00:00

Life is not fair at times. Day-by-day, there’s one challenge or the other to deal with. We’ve been wounded and we have caused pains for others; had to go through pains or hurts, comfort others, and even wonder why we had to go through the pains we go through. But I ask, do we have to stop laughing?

The past few weeks have been rather eventful; there was the January fuel subsidy removal, hike in prices of items and fares, subsidy-driven industrial action or strike, non-salary payment, and so on. But do we have to stop spending?

There have been issues of boko haram, bomb blasts, accidents, kidnappings, killings, rituals and many of such; but do we have to stop being adventurous or stop travelling?

Many of us have wanted some things so badly – indeed, they are things that we rightfully ought to have or own. We even give ourselves time frame, and say to ourselves that if we don’t get such things by the stipulated time, then that means life is just so unfair to us. However, do we have to stop hoping?

We here stories about deaths – timely and untimely; and there was Whitney Houston who gave her all to her marriage but was instead taken for granted, lost her happiness (or marriage) and recently passed at a young age. Hmmm, do we have to stop living?

Indeed some of us have had encounter with deceitful people – the wolves in sheep clothing, whose demeanour do not quite match what they would have you believe they are. They are the heart breakers and the ones who toy with people's emotions….but yet, do we have to stop loving?

One of my dear friends has often told me she would never allow high blood pressure in her veins. To her, those pains, cheatings, violence, deaths, heart breaks, and as many incidences that make life look unfair, are part of life, and you just must be prepared for them.

Even in the Holy Book, we were warned that life is full of tribulations and afflictions. But the good news is that we were also told to be of good cheer because help will come, victory is certain, no matter how bad the situation is. Assurance!

And I want to add that while we yet go through the rigours of life, it will do us good to surround ourselves with great people. People who wouldn’t hesitate to share our visions and appreciate them; share our joys and celebrate them; share our pains and offer comfort; share our cries and offer a shoulder; share our confusions and offer the right counsel; share our hates and show love; share our lives and even be with us when death comes calling….that’s the power of relationship!

So do we have to stop hoping, laughing, trusting, living or loving? No! Live, while you can; Love freely, and allow yourself to be loved completely.

Much love.

Staying When You Feel Like Quitting

2011-12-15T10:55:00.000+00:00

Love...keeps going to the end. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“In every relationship there are times when it seems it would be easier to quit than to hang in”

When Ed and Alice went for marriage counselling the therapist asked Alice, 'What first attracted you to Ed?' She replied, 'His strong, silent temperament.' The counsellor continued, 'So why do you want a divorce?' Alice answered, 'His strong, silent temperament!'

Sometimes what drew us together ends up a major irritant. In every relationship there are times when it seems it would be easier to quit than to hang in. But short of physical and emotional abuse, there are advantages to working through your issues. For example, there are:

1) Emotional benefits

Contrary to what Hollywood's culture would have us believe, divorced people are more likely to feel depressed due to loneliness. In fact, many say although there were disagreements in the relationship, they miss having somebody to come home to.

2) Health benefits

Emotional stress leads to physical problems, and being in a relationship, especially a good marriage, can be beneficial for your health. It's like having your own nurse or therapist.

3) Community benefits

What your kids see influences their future choices. Staying in your marriage teaches them how to work through relationship challenges. Couples with strong marriages are helping to build a nation of loving, responsible parents who can guide their children onto the right track. 'Love...keeps going to the end.'

Author Christy Scannell says, 'When [my husband and I] got married, we agreed it was for life...Weeks before our wedding we made a pact to work out whatever problems came our way...Yes, we fight. We accuse. We toss barbs...but we will NOT be moving out or filing papers...whatever happens we're staying.'

Culled from TWFT