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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 13: "Nightmare in Silver"

2013-05-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

This episode has three selling points.

1. NEIL GAIMAN
This episode is the second one penned by the famous writer. I think he set the precedent for high-brow authors writing for low-brow television.

Litstack

"I'm simply following in Neil's footsteps."

2. CYBERMEN
Like heroes, even villains need a reboot. And that's what Gaiman did, creating a whole new backstory according to showrunner Steven Moffat's mandate of making the Cybermen scary again.

BBC

So scary even armed soldiers can't do a thing.

3. THE KIDS
And by "kids", I mean Angie and Artie Maitland. Yes, those two kids that Clara babysits. They're technically companions now, having flown in the TARDIS. I know, right?

BBC

"I told you, kids, that's Warwick Davis. Not Peter Dinklage."

VERDICT
Not as good as "The Doctor's Wife".

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Star Trek: Into Darkness Review, And How to Properly Watch an IMAX Film

2013-05-17T17:36:00.004+08:00

YouTube

Even the title has lens flares.

QUESTION: What genre does Star Trek: Into Darkness fall under?

Is it sci-fi? Of course it is. To not call it science fiction would be an insult to Gene Rodenberry.

G4TV

Nothing says "science fiction" like a facial display console.

Is it action? Of course it is. Though of course J.J. Abrams does not have the over-the-top flair of Michael Bay.

GeekTyrant

"Isn't this Michael Bay enough for you?"

Is it comedy? No, it isn't. Despite the presence of Simon Pegg, and the funny banter between character pairs.

Beyond Hollywood

Why so serious, Pegg?

So what then is its genre? The answer: buddy movie. Or as Wikipedia puts it, the "buddy film".

Star Pulse

Dramedy?

The buddies in this film are of course Captain James Tiberius Kirk and the weird half-Vulcan Mr. Spock. That's not to say that Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto are the stars of this film. That position belongs to Benedict Cumberbatch.

IGN

As seen in the poster.

If there's one converted 3D flick you're going to watch this year, this has to be it. J.J. Abrams pushed the envelope of 3D conversion, creating a truly immersive cinematic experience best viewed in IMAX cinemas (although Into Darkness was neither shot in IMAX nor 3D).

Beyond Hollywood

You can also immerse yourself by watching as a Star Trek cosplayer.

And for the last part of the review, here's a short lesson on the best way to watch an IMAX film. The secret here lies in your field of vision. When looking directly at the screen, you should not be able to see the theater walls in your periphery. Your entire vision should be filled with nothing but the IMAX screen. And why is that? It's because the point of watching in IMAX in the first place is because it is the most immersive cinematic experience ever. It totally defeats the purpose when one does not drown oneself in the projected image. The movie should be so much bigger, so much larger than life, that the viewers feel like they're insignificant specks in front of the gigantic god that is the movie screen.

Star Trek

Behold the Holy Trinity.

And in the SM North IMAX theater, with a screen almost ten feet smaller than the one in MOA, you'd do best to sit in the first four rows only. Those rows are prime IMAX real estate. And yet no one sits there.

Digital Spy

Her abs would've been bigger than your head.

Star Trek: Into Darkness. USA. 2013.

Original rating: 7.9 / 10
John Cho's serious acting: + 0.05
Anton Yelchin's accent: + 0.05
Chris Pine's manliest eyeroll: + 0.1
No Zoe Saldana nudity: - 0.1
Alice Eve's abs: + 0.1
Under-utilizing Noel Clarke's acting: - 0.1
Getting used to Karl Urban without facial hair: + 0.05
Mr. Peter "Robocop" Weller: + 0.25
Final rating: 8.30

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Game of Thrones. Season 3, Episode 6: "The Climb"

2013-05-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

HBO via DCT

I mentioned in a previous review about season arcs, where I said that the climax would either be in episode 6 (this one) or episode 7. Let's assume it's this one, because this was written by the showrunners Benioff and Weiss.

HBO

These two seen here wanting to "climax" inside Melisandre.

Although Westeros is at war, this supposed climax lacked the action sequences most fans have become used to. The best action here is the scaling of the Wall, and even there nobody died.

HBO

Except for the other three columns.

But what about Theon Greyjoy? Will he die? Why doesn't that unknown villain kill him already? So does that mean this episode has no deaths? Really?

HBO

No, not really. Here's a gruesome death for you.

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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 12: "The Crimson Horror"

2013-05-09T17:07:00.001+08:00

BBC via DCT

This episode can actually be summed up in just four words:

Awesome writing. Awesome directing.

BBC

And great acting.

This, in my opinion, is the best episode so far in Series 7. Thanks of course to Mark Gatiss, who shows us just how action-packed his writing can get, after the earlier, not-so-action-packed episode "Cold War".

BBC

Yup, that's simulated film dirt.

Brilliant directing by relatively new director Saul Metzstein, whose first Doctor Who gig was the "Pond Life" webisodes earlier in this series*. What I loved in this episode was of course the flashback sequence.

BBC

And Catrin Stewart.

And Mark Gatiss has just raised the writing bar for Neil Gaiman and Steven Moffat.

BBC

But they should do it without using these three.

*Because this is a British show, when I say "series", I mean "season".

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The Vampire Diaries. Season 4. Episode 21: "She's Come Undone"

2013-05-08T13:14:00.001+08:00

To prove to you she's scorching hot

Alas, the episode where Elena turns her humanity back on, thanks to Matt's sacrifice and the Salvatore brothers' not giving up on her. If there's something I'd miss about no-humanity vampire Elena, it would be her matter-of-fact, direct, honest, and no-nonsense speeches that never fail to hit the bulls-eye and strike a nerve. That's a different kind of bitch. I am assuming they are keeping the curls and highlights here.

Nina Dobrev is earning my best actress nod.

I don't believe Stefan can leave her alone for long.

I'm still waiting for Elena to run back to Stefan's arms. For a moment, when Stefan tells her to anchor in an emotion, I swear she would just suddenly kiss him passionately and poor Damon couldn't do anything but watch in shock. But of course, the writers have to keep the triangle open, so Elena chose to anchor in on her hatred of Katherine. So, are we suddenly back to Season 1 then, when the big-bad is Katerina?

Admittedly in a different circumstance, this would be a huge turn-on.

Silas is back to pretending to be other people to stalk his prey. This time, he's looking for Bonnie via disturbing Caroline's thoughts. I wonder what happened to Bonnie's dad or mom. Aren't they supposed to be the first on Bonnie's list of family?

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The Vampire Diaries. Season 4. Episode 20: "The Originals"

2013-05-08T11:59:00.000+08:00

"Finally, brother, we get our own show."

At last, we get to see the backdoor pilot of the spin-off entitled, well, The Originals. I can't say I hate it, nor do I love it. But I'm quite optimistic. I remember the The Vampire Diaries's first four to six episodes were slow and boring before the story picked up tempo and the dead bodies have been falling left and right almost every episode since.

"Let's take a rest first before we slaughter everyone."

You'd think she's a smart girl who'd use protection, right?

I think it's a good enough idea: Klaus, Elijah, and Rebecca (after she's all done and bored with Matt in Mystic Falls) will come together (finally as a family?) to raise, care, and of course, protect a supernatural baby who's their own blood. Resist the urge to imagine a little fast-growing girl of the other vampire-werewolf universe, alright? Then try to imagine conflicting emotions and morals this supernatural baby would entail for our Originals.

His discipline style: "Behave, or─unless you'll be useful to me
or I'm busy with something else─I'll bite you."

One thing I know I hate about this episode/pilot is the actor who plays Marcel. I'm not going to even bother myself to google his name. He's over-the-top to the point of trying too hard, and I would have slashed his throat the minute he opened his big cocky mouth. Klaus has become less of a horrible monster and would rather stare than kill one of the gang for Caroline's favor, yes, but he still strikes terror once in a while. Therefore, it would be far less wimpy (for a lack of a better term) for Klaus to go back to his ruthless-as-ever self, especially to people who cross him─former proteges included. That said, I think the character Marcel himself needs a boost if he's supposedly "the villain to a villain" of this show.

Of course, a TVD spin-off wouldn't be complete without witches.
(Or, I would rather not post Marcel's photo here.)

See, there's also gypsy-kind(?)... all of them sadly and oddly afraid of vamps.

And there's also a beautiful new-in-town (human, I suppose) waitress
who wears the apron even after work hours.
(Wait, have you noticed there are more women than men? Tsk, tsk.)

But why would you root for a badass villain (or should I say "former villain"?) who's now going to be a protagonist daddy; that is, if they do decide to keep the baby? It's the gray areas of The Vampire Diaries that made the Original Hybrid likable; maybe the child would help him be a hero of some sort as his redeeming factor. Then there's always Elijah, who needs a better story/character arc than finding love and settling down. I'm excited, but also cautious.

He should also be careful not to put a dagger in Junior or stick him in a box for time-out.

I do hope Caroline will stop by and let Klaus show her around. Haley would be a nice regular cast only if she would be a rockin' mom to─what would it be, 3/4 werewolf-1/4 vampire, or 2/3 werewolf-1/3 vampire?─the baby.

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The Vampire Diaries. Season 4. Episode 19: "Pictures of You"

2013-05-08T10:19:00.000+08:00

Miss Bitch-Elena won't linger on any photograph.

The title is basically referring to the pictures of our gang at prom, where the theme is sort of a trip down memory lane because they're hoping to "kill" Bitch-Elena with kindness and nostalgia. Others have other reasons, of course, like Rebecca's attempt as a human for a day, which she fails because of kindness.

Agree or Disagree: Matt is too naive to think humans are kind.
Agree or Disagree: Rebecca is a desperate brat.

Suits you, Elena; you seem to have forgotten how powerful Bonnie is now.

Events like prom in Mystic Falls usually bring such catastrophic loss of lives, but not this one (thank God, that would've been so predictable). But thanks to Bonnie's superpowers, Elena is in Salvatore detention for trying to kill her (and Caroline days or weeks before). The witch also earned a peek at Silas' real face. Did I mention Silas now has the cure and Bonnie's word that she'll help him drop the veil to the other side?

Is that you, V for Vendetta guy?

Elijah isn't totally lost because he dumped Katherine after Klaus refused him his request to live happily ever after. Please, love all you can, Elijah, but pick someone else aside from your hybrid brother's five-century (wo)manhunt.

Just an excuse to include his photo.

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Elementary. Episode 21: "A Landmark Story"

2013-05-07T15:56:00.001+08:00

CBS via DCT

As the season draws to a close, one character must inevitably make an appearance, considering this is a show about Sherlock Holmes. That character is none other than Professor James Moriarty.

CBS

"I'm not him."

We've seen Episode 12, which is the first time Moriarty's name was mentioned in this series. This is also the first time we meet Sebastian Moran, played by the despicably adorable Vinnie Jones.

CBS

"I'm not him."

But when will we see Moriarty? Who is he? We know he's not F. Murray Abraham. And he's not that guy who looks like Seal. I can't wait to find out what race he will be.

CBS

"I told you, I'm not him."

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Re: Sa Wakas

2013-05-07T06:23:00.003+08:00

Putting up a rock musical is always challenging. How do you weave a story with a set of pre-existing songs, some related and some perhaps not?

The Sugarfree rock musical Sa Wakas offered feats of good plot-writing, but could've done more to improve on its characters.

SPOILER ALERT:
The plot is in reverse chronological order. And this is brilliant because in a rom-com, which this is, people usually grow anticipation for who the lead character ends up with. Good job, Andrei Nikolai Pamintuan and Mariane Abuan.

The characters were realistic save for some details. Unless that doctor-girl character's parents were funding her, she wouldn't be able to support herself and her beau. My sister's in med school. I should know.

The lead character, a photographer, wears the same formal shirt. The other characters change clothes. How many photographers do you know wear Makati business-casual attire everyday?

The actors didn't help make the characters relatable either. Laura Cabochan kept enunciating her lines, which were meant to be natural.

My boyfriend also says they only used one song from the first album.

Some transitions were also hurried. Slow down. Savor the journey. We already know where you're headed.

Anyway, I'd say that Sa Wakas is definitely a start, pun intended, when it comes to rock musicals here.

GIF taken from marzren.tumblr.com

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Trance

2013-05-04T12:30:00.001+08:00

YouTube

I've been told to watch Trance, because "It's a great mindfuck film, like Inception." Then I found out it's directed by Danny Boyle, so I said, "I'm watching this because it's Danny Boyle. Also, 'mindfuck' is not a film genre."

Film School Rejects

"How about 'brainfuck'?"

True, this film is a bit Inception-y, in that they're both heist films (now that is a proper genre). And like Inception, Trance deviates from the standard heist format by putting in the element of the supernatural – hypnosis.

YouTube

"So... what part do I get to see your full frontal?"

Now let us discuss the elements of a Danny Boyle film, as seen in Trance (and his other films as well).

RARELY REPEATS ACTORS
This film stars James McAvoy, Vincent Cassel, and Rosario Dawson in the lead roles. And according to IMDb, this is all their first collaboration with Mr. Boyle.

YouTube

Give him more American roles, Hollywood.

NON-LINEAR STORYTELLING
The reason for this is because Boyle loves directing non-linear screenplays, which is basically self-explanatory.

Cinema Blend

During filming, he's also a fan of non-linear hair.

FANCY EDITING
The editing style in Danny Boyle's films can be described as something like "music video". His style in this regard is like Tony Scott's, but a bit more traditional. Good work, Jon Harris (who also edited 127 Hours)!

The Guardian

We're waiting for that full frontal, Ms. Dawson.

ELECTRONICA MUSICAL SCORE
This is the most recognizable element of a Danny Boyle film – the score. For this film, it's no longer A.R. Rahman, but relative newcomer Rick Smith. I say "relative" because he's written tracks for previous Boyle films.

Time

"Oy, Danny... any plans on using The Prodigy for your next film?"

So now that my Danny Boyle craving has been satisfied, let us all wait until 2014, when Christopher Nolan releases his next film Interstellar.

Trance. U.K. 2013.

Original rating: 8.0 / 10
Anthony Dod Mantle's Storaro-like cinematography: + 0.2
Rosario Dawson's full frontal nudity: + 0.05
Vincent Cassel's under-appreciated performance: + 0.05
James McAvoy's Scottish accent: + 0.05
Final rating: 8.35 / 10

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Gangster Squad, or Why Grey is the New Black and White

2013-05-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

Warner Bros.

Love the font.

I'm not an expert in the genre of "film noir", but I'm guessing Gangster Squad falls under it, for three reasons: 1) it's a crime drama of the organized crime variety; 2) it's set in 1930s Los Angeles; and 3) it reminds me of Rockstar Games's L.A. Noire.

HD WPapers

Still haven't played this game.

But I'd like to focus this discussion on only one aspect: Sean Penn (who plays gangster Mickey Cohen), a source of both strength and weakness for this film.

Warner Bros.

"How come we're not part of the discussion?"

STRENGTH
Sean Penn's strength lies in his performance. Excellent, as usual. Rarely does Sean Penn fail to deliver. Penn is one of those actors who just raises the performance level of every actor who shares a scene with him. I'm not saying that the likes of Josh Brolin can't function well without Penn. I'm saying that the likes of Ryan Gosling probably wouldn't have tried that whiny voice if Sean Penn wasn't in this film.

Warner Bros.

"Oh. It's you again."

WEAKNESS
The weakness here lies in the characterization of Mickey Cohen. Granted that this film takes place in the 1930s, this film was nevertheless made recently. And we know that in this day and age, there is no longer room for one-dimensional, purely evil characters. The most effective characterizations are those that portray both the good and bad sides of a person. Just like in real life, there are no people who are purely good or purely evil. Except maybe Pope Francis or the Dalai Lama. So the most important lesson here: Grey is the new black and white.

Warner Bros.

I've seen this act done a lot of times, but this is the first time I've seen the aftermath.

Gangster Squad. USA. 2013.

Original rating: 6.9 / 10
Attempt at racial diversity by casting Anthony Mackie and Michael Peña: + 0.2 each
Robert Patrick's and Giovanni Ribisi's untimely deaths: - 0.1 each
Not enough Emma Stone sex scenes: - 0.1
Too much Nick Nolte: - 0.1
Final rating: 6.9 / 10

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Game of Thrones. Season 3, Episode 5: "Kissed By Fire"

2013-04-30T13:37:00.002+08:00

HBO via DCT

This is possibly the only show I watch without skipping the opening credits. That's why I get to notice new stuff.

HBO

Like this.

And thus continues this show's body count, which started last week with the deaths of Craster and Ser Jeor Mormont. This week, we say goodbye to

Jon Snow's virginity

HBO

"You know nothing, Jon Snow. Except cunnilingus. Ooohh... "

The Lannister kids

HBO

"I lost Bran and Rickon, too. But I'm no murderer."

Lord Karstark

HBO

And with his head went the entire Karstark army.

and

Beric Dondarrion

HBO

Died 6 times already. Twice at the hands of a Clegane.

So, what happened to Stannis's daughter's face? Was she kissed by fire, like accidentally burned or something?

HBO

Like the Hound, but younger. And female.

And what about the Kingslayer and Brienne? Will they find romance after bathing naked?

HBO

Lady Brienne: Proof that women are always hotter naked.

And how long will Sers Jorah and Barristan squabble like school boys?

HBO

Until one of them gets hurt.

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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 11: "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS"

2013-04-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

BBC via DCT

Although the Doctor and his trusty TARDIS can move through both space and time, I personally prefer the Doctor Who stories which take place in space rather than time. Which means I'd prefer spacemen over Roman centurions any day.

BBC

Even three black spacemen. Because I'm not racist.

We've seen the TARDIS's sentience before. We've also seen her labyrinthine passageways. But here we'll see places in the TARDIS we've never laid eyes on, such as:

Observatory

BBC

That's either a telescope or a cannon.

Swimming pool

BBC

Yep, we've heard it splash before.

Library

BBC

Includes a complete set of Encyclopaedia Gallifreya. Seriously.

And the star at the heart of the TARDIS

BBC

Now how did a star find itself inside a blue box?

Also, they don't seem to be getting any closer to solving the mystery that is Clara Oswald. What's up, Mr. Moffat?

BBC

"Doctor, your real name is... "
"Shhh! That entire subplot can be stretched for three seasons at least!"

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Elementary. Episode 20: "Dead Man's Switch"

2013-04-29T15:12:00.001+08:00

CBS via DCT

Charles Augustus Milverton: a name that fans of the canon would recognize immediately.

CBS

I don't remember if Sherlock's ambidexterity is also in the canon.

In the books, Milverton was a master blackmailer, and in their investigation, Holmes and Watson break into Milverton's house to steal the blackmail materials. Then they witness justice dispensed as one of the blackmail victims shoots Milverton dead, and also stomps on Milverton's face.

CBS

Eeeeeewwwwww.

All these facts were adapted into this episode's storyline, which makes this episode one of the few in this series with noticeable ties to the canon. You'd also think that this was a Rob Doherty-penned screenplay (it isn't), but it is nevertheless well-written.

CBS

"You can thank Liz Friedman and Christopher Silber for that."

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Iron Man 3, or How to Bleed a Franchise Dry

2013-04-26T17:49:00.001+08:00

YouTube

*PISS OFF IF YOU HATE SPOILERS*

Through this movie, I shall be teaching you "How to Bleed a Franchise Dry".

1. First, let everyone know that the studio owns the brand, not the actors. Any actor is basically expendable. And yes, I still have hang-ups over Don Cheadle replacing Terrence Howard.

Incoherent Boy

Yeah, just stay in that armor, so I can imagine it's still Terrence Howard.

2. Second, bring in a new female character. Make her hot enough to be a potential love interest, but not hot enough for people to expect her in another sequel. Because there won't be one.

Collider

Rebecca Hall's legs look great in short shorts and sneakers.

3. Third, no sex. No nudity. Not even partial nudity. Have you seen the lines on Gwyneth Paltrow's face whenever the camera moves for a close-up? Exactly.

The Hollywood Reporter

Sorry, no robot on human sex here.

4. Fourth, even if this third installment has a relatively new (a.k.a. unknown) director, make sure that the previous director has a cameo in there. This is to make it appear that it has a sort of stamp of approval from Jon Favreau. (Stan Lee's cameo has no bearing on whether a Marvel flick is good or bad.)

Popscreen

"Actually, I'm just in this for the money."

5. Fifth, reference Downton Abbey. Because Iron Man is not just for nerds and geeks. It's for wusses, too. (Just kidding. I love Downton Abbey.)

Esquire

I have a strong feeling this was Favreau's idea.

6. Sixth, put in an adorable kid (whose career will probably not take off).

Getty via Google

"Just don't grow up to be like me, kid."

7. Seventh, since this is hopefully the last film of the franchise, give the audience what they want: Iron Men. Lots of them. Throw in a fat Iron Man as well.

Gawker Assets

I guess they're like Green Lanterns, but made of iron?

8. And lastly, since you basically drained the franchise of everything good, throw in Sir Ben Kingsley in there to save the day.

Blogger

"There's a reason why I don't look Asian." (LOL spoilers!)

Iron Man 3. USA. 2013.

Original rating: 6.9 / 10
Ben Kingsley's performance: + 0.5
Under-utilizing Guy Pearce's performance: - 0.3
Not showing enough of Rebecca Hall's legs: - 0.2
Ty Simpkins's annoying cuteness: + 0.05
Robert Downey, Jr.'s classic quips: + 0.05
Casting James Badge Dale a.k.a. that guy from The Pacific: + 0.1
Referencing Downton Abbey: + 0.1
Final rating: 7.2 / 10

You might also want to check out the reviews of Iron Man and Iron Man 2.

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Game of Thrones. Season 3, Episode 4: "And Now His Watch Is Ended"

2013-04-25T13:55:00.000+08:00

HBO via DCT

Some viewers have observed that Season 3 of Game of Thrones seems to have started quite slow. That is not the show's weakness, really, but its strength – an entire season actually has one complete narrative arc.

HBO

Yes, I am strangely attracted to Bran Stark. What.

The first three episodes are mostly exposition. Then the rising action starts in episode 4 (this episode) and culminates with the climax at the end of episode 6 or 7. Then we get the falling action in episodes 8 and 9, and then we have the season finale as the denoument.

HBO

"Episode 4 is where I usually go 'full bitch mode'."

If you liked this episode a lot, brace yourself. Because winter is coming.

HBO

And so are the Khaleesi's dragons.

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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 10: "Hide"

2013-04-25T12:38:00.002+08:00

BBC via DCT

This is the second Doctor Who episode in a row where the story is grounded in the real world. In the previous episode, it was a Cold War submarine. In this episode, it's a decade earlier in 1974, in some haunted house.

BBC

Yup, looks like a ghost to me.

But of course, since this is the Doctor Who universe, there are no ghosts. There's only a spaceman-slash-time traveller named Hila Tacorien, stranded in a pocket universe. What's a pocket universe anyway, and what does it have to do with ghost stories? Well, like the Doctor says, "This isn't a ghost story. It's a love story."

BBC

"So, shouldn't we have referenced Love Boat instead of Ghostbusters?"

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The Little Matrix Corner Movie Called The Adjustment Bureau

2013-04-24T08:23:00.003+08:00

I can remember when "love" sucked for Neo and Trinity...

Reloaded: Neo returning the favor in high, transcendental fashion.

...and when it didn't ─ and worked!

Being the man that I am, I tear up only when Keanu cries like a kid.

*No, seriously, you can check this intense scene out for yourself. But it demands that you watch the Trilogy, for a fuller context.*

When filmmakers use "love" or "romance" in non-romantic creations, you understand why ─ because it is formulaic. And when they overdo this, you also understand that it sucked.

What the Matrices used as device, they "adjusted" in Bureau to be the driving theme (pun intended). The effect is a letdown, considering I waited for it to somehow turn around; however, it was inevitably leading me to. Jeez. How disappointing can it be for PKD?

Not if he's given his royalties he's not. Joke.

BTS pic.

So, what has eluded us from The Adjustment Bureau these few paragraphs long?

Now that we did ask, I'm suddenly made aware of another symbolism: the hat. **spoiler alert (in color.)

The hat, I would presume for myself, symbolizes the crown chakra. In the movie, the hat is a tech device that acts like a key for the adjustment team to ─ tadah! ─ teleport through ─ tadah! ─ the doors. In all decency though, I think this serves as an ideal hint to a greater endeavor, but at the same time falls short of redeeming the whole film, in spite of it delivering a hearty message in the end: that of "free will".

My rating? 3.5 / 5 (4 would probably mean a successful film, and 5 being "perfect".)

That said: my rating for Wikipedia's synopsis of Adjustment Team? 4.5 for the Twilight-Zone-like grim!

Herd Commander is a Facebook whore. Be his friend. Or his whore. Whichever comes first.

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Hey, Joe! What Next?

2013-04-22T02:14:00.001+08:00

By far the best Joe movie is an anime ─ G.I. Joe: Resolute. And that is not surprising. Anime versions tend to explore the more adult-bent, while live-action Hollywood is more on securing a larger, family-friendly fan base. That, and because cartoons are far easier produced and distributed.

Evidently, while The Rise of Cobra more than successfully stirred some old and dormant Yo Joe! energies, the sequel Retaliation managed to bring it all down by relying on bad-school sequel-for-the-trilogy-in-waiting tactics.

While all these were going on, the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow story arc seemed to be keeping them all in place. (I remember my first of only two Joe action figures back in the day. Guess who? He had a companion white dog Timber here, and it was the best issue my mum's money and my constant prodding and crying could buy. It kinda broke easily in the end. *Sniff* The second toy doll was Salvo. He mostly resembled Roadblock in Retaliation. Except that Salvo was white.) My only guess as to why the ninjas prefigured in all these is the same as when I was a kid ─ they are wildly interesting.

But Snake Eyes was not in the same light as he is in now. In the animated series, he was mostly in the background. And him being mute added to his place among the other Joes. However, the franchise has grown, and capitalizing on its strengths is but a natural course of action. How this "capitalizing" was carried out is a mixed bag.

A mixed bag of nuts. Like these guys.

In Resolute, you also don't have hoarding of Joes. You can have as many Joes as you want there, and you never have to suffer from lack of characterization or style. Where Hollywood falls short in casting, cartoons make up for in highly executable imagination. It's quite ironic in fact, because it would seem that the same stakeholders are bringing us these apparently conflicting styles. The technique probably lies in whether one is capable of seeing beyond or behind the commercial structures, so that one is finally made available to the meaty stories.

Because, after all, it is all about what kind of story is out there. Because the bad stories are certainly out there doing their goddamn jobs. (And) We certainly need antidotes.

You may also want to read Sting Lacson's review of G.I. Joe: Resolute.

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Game of Thrones. Season 3, Episode 3: "Walk of Punishment"

2013-04-18T11:06:00.000+08:00

HBO via DCT

Does anyone know why Tobias Menzies is suddenly making a comeback? He was also in the most recent Doctor Who episode. Good job, Tobias Menzies's agent!

HBO

"I play bumbling idiots quite well."

This episode has no scenes with the Stark boys and the Reed siblings, and hopefully the next episode will give them more screen time. As for the scenes beyond the Wall, bring on the action please!

HBO

Wait, how do the White Walkers know the shape of the Milky Way?

This episode also has its shares of hellos and goodbyes.

HELLO

Riverrun

HBO

Aww, how cute.

The Blackfish

HBO

"That's why I'm wearing black, scaly armor. 'Blackfish', get it?"

Edmure Tully

HBO

"Yeah, you said hello already."

David Benioff's directing

Showrunning is also a stepping stone to directing.

GOODBYE

Hot Pie

HBO

I really thought Arya was going to kiss him.

Podrick Payne's virginity

HBO

Brace yourself, lad.

Lord Petyr Baelish as the Master of Coin

HBO

The new Master of Coin.

and

Ser Jamie Lannister's right hand

HBO

"What the... ?"

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Adventure Time with the E-Heads God*

2013-04-17T05:50:00.000+08:00

*Updated and with slight revisions. First seen on Da Couch Tomato's Facebook homepage.

The E-heads God came to me via a dream just recently, and I am scurrying to remember and get on point and give justice. It's really not the Eraserheads "God" per se, but really more of its "spirit". I just thought it sounds better.

(Okay sleepyheads, let's get those steam punk rising!)

The words were clear, but the meaning, still swimming in the ether: "Gusto ko lang sanang 'ma-isabatas' ('Yung mga kanta? Ideya?)...", sabi ni Ely. Ito na yata 'yung pinakamagandang kalidad ng boses na narinig ko mula sa kanya, na nagsasalita, hindi kumakanta. This is probably the best quality of voice I heard from Ely. And rightly so, because this was the "dream" Ely – the best anyone can ever be. The E-heads God strictly reminded me also to smack the daylights out of the many pretentious fanatics they have incurred over the years. (I am quite sure it meant that literally – because it wouldn't be the "E-heads God" if it didn't.)

Why would The God tell me this? Right?

Well, it's 'cause around here, around me, I'm probably the truest, and FIRST AND truest E-head Fan. Not 'EVER'. But only when it probably served me right. Especially not when they were clamored over in their Reunion gigs. Not now. Not when they broke up. Not when they reunited for the million(s?) bucks. Not when they didn't "truly" reunite as a band and go to the studio and write NEW songs. Not when there's too much personal interests and EGOS flying around.

Wait. I may retract re: Reunion gigs's "millions" deals. But really – no. No E-heads God would ever approve of that. It's just unnecessary. It's only the worldly side taking over. Hello? Spirit knocking!

(Don't run just yet, I have worse things to say before I get to the good, great parts.)

Why do I keep using Reunion "gigs" and not "Concert" with a capital C? Because those were all they were to me. Gigs. They may have been heavily attended and well-produced, but The 'Heads never does "concerts". Concerts are for good, great performers. And Ely, specifically, is a BAD perfor─ ... He may be a great artist, but he still has that awful vibe onstage and in public. It's the lack of honesty he sends off when he restrains, when in fact inside, he is enjoying the fame and appreciation. Douche. He should just let go.

That same vibe ruined it for me the first time I saw them live in college, around 2000 during the The UP Fair at the magickal Sunken Garden. College was a truly magickal time for me. I was already working then, and the people at my workplace added immensely to my re-experiencing of "university". UP would provide fertile, liberal grounds for our brewing, growing minds. I'd remember the three-piece jazz band Majam gracing the garden opposite the Arts & Letters Faculty Center, flanked by a few whispered-to pot-smoking students of Fine Arts and Film, would-be culture rebels, "dissociates", and the so-called "Mushroom King" of our batch set.

Image source: http://kawaii-darling.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html. Stylized and cropped.

And who could ever forget their "first times" at the UP Fair? Imago reverberating from afar and close, Pinikpikan leading the tribe up late, Lolita Carbon emanating from backstage and beyond ─ SHUCKS. How can a now popular E-heads measure to that? Ely was already reeking of false jadedness back then. It was evident in his voice, let alone his stinking demeanor ─ man-down couldn't sing! They were studio-proficient, but not live and performing.

'Tis the same reason I abhor the Reunion/s. 'Tis a money-making corporate scheme dressed up in something like an ambitious and egoistic "Beatles reunion that did not happen, but would like to", complete with the borrowed stage antics of a famed rock n' roll type; the offstage mishaps; the hype, the excitement, the "band"-wagon and all that shit. Meh. I watched them almost for free and got embarrassed at their stage "un-presence" vibe, AND THEN thousands payed quite exorbitantly for a little more than a dressed-up, corporate event? How's that? Did that even include food? Why did the Eraserheads God, or the Music God, or Muse or Writing God visit me in the first place?

This is important. And it takes me back to why I claimed to be their first and truest fan, the God urged me on. It's because I had paid my dues earlier on: I bought the tapes, co-formed a high school tribute band even before Raimund got it in his mind to egg on others to "get out and form a fucking band" on MTV or Myx. In retrospect, hell, I even attended the very same college Ely and Raimund attended! I was there. I was beside the radio and player, listening and amping the volume so everyone else could hint at how great it was. Which, in hindsight, may have had a positive effect. Because most were slow then, and were either too young, or too old and busy and deaf. And yet I was there. Back when the local music genre was overridden with foreign voices, I was there. And was FLYING with their "devil" music ─ "suma(sa)ma"! Even when I still hadn't puffed the "bite"(?) Really, what IS great about their songs and lyrics is (also) what great artistic form and expression is really about. That it should take and transcend one sensitive receiver-appreciator to The Beyond. And Beyond The Beyond. Which is Infinite. The Dream God ─ este, E-heads God ─ reminded me this, and by playing "Ha Ha Ha":

"...
'Di makapaghintay
Nagpakamatay
Para lang malaman ang katotohanan
(Ha-hayop na banal
Haplos sa dangal
Nagkasala, pinagpala
Ako'y biglang nakarinig ng tawa
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Hare hare peace na, peace na
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha...)"

And the mainstream wouldn't catch on to this. Even critics would argue that it is their ordinariness that makes them so easily relatable to the masses. Ugh. Everyone knows that! But not even a few know it's that same mindset that keeps them in mundane shackles and keeps them from going deeper, beyond.

The underappreciation of their least popular music continues, inversely with the hyping of their more senti-mental records and falsely-placed images.

The Erasherheads God has spoken!

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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 9: "Cold War"

2013-04-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

BBC via DCT

Liam Cunningham, who plays Davos Seaworth in Game of Thrones, shows us his sea worth (See what I did there?) once more – in a submarine not unlike K-19. Tobias Menzies (Brutus from Rome) and David Warner (Lovejoy from Titanic) are here as well.

BBC

JENNA: It'd be cool to be on Game of Thrones, wouldn't it, Matt?
MATT: You'd have to strip naked and kiss Peter Dinklage, Jenna.

Wait, if they're supposed to be Russian, why do they like British bands? They mention Ultravox, and even sing a few bars of "Hungry Like the Wolf".

BBC

DOCTOR: What about "Wet Like the Wolf"?
CLARA: Shut up, Doctor!

Mark Gatiss isn't your typical Doctor Who writer. Instead of the wonders of the universe, he chooses to take relatively-new companion Clara on a Cold War submarine. Nice going, Gatiss.

BBC

What the hell kind of creature is that, Mark Gatiss?

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Game of Thrones. Season 3, Episode 2: "Dark Wings, Dark Words"

2013-04-16T12:05:00.001+08:00

HBO via DCT

Bran Stark is growing up to be quite the handsome young man. And then we find out he’s a warg.

HBO

His voice has also grown bigger.

Why are we only learning that word now? Well, because so have they. Bran doesn’t know what a warg is. Jon Snow doesn’t, either. Apart from the wildlings, only Jojen Reed knows it, and you may remember him as that kid who vaulted over airport security to chase a girl in Love Actually.

HBO

"Here, kitty, kitty... oh, wait."

And in case you thought last week’s starter seemed to have forgotten about Arya Stark and the visually awkward bromance of Brienne and the Kingslayer: they’re back.

HBO

"Are you sure you want to do this, m'lady?"

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Doctor Who. Series 7, Episode 8: "The Rings of Akhaten"

2013-04-16T10:27:00.000+08:00

BBC via DCT

Maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling that the villains of Doctor Who are starting to feel the same. In this Neil Cross episode, it’s a god-slash-monster, a giant, alien fireball (okay, “star”) where the rings of Akhaten orbit. This alien-slash-parasite feeds on – drumroll – memories. Or stories. Or souls. They’re basically one and the same thing, says the Doctor.

BBC

Those scars and Wolverine's claw marks are one and the same thing.

In any case, he changes this monster’s diet, and then the villain-slash-star implodes on itself. The story arcs will always be excellent as long as Steven Moffat is showrunner, but they need new blood in their alien creation department.

BBC

Aren't you one of those Jedi from Star Wars?

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Elementary. Episode 19: "Snow Angels"

2013-04-16T09:50:00.000+08:00

CBS via DCT

There's a new character on the show, although isn't this a bit late, with five episodes left in the season?

CBS

Even the snowplow driver Pam looks like she wants in as a regular cast member.

Anyway, this new character goes by the name Ms. Hudson, and the moment Sherlock mentioned that she was good in ancient Greek, I immediately thought "The Greek Interpreter", which was a story from the canon.

CBS

"Where the hell are we going in this snowstorm, Sherlock?"

But this episode is about a storm, a killing, and a burglary – no sign of Greek anywhere. Then it hit me. Ms. Hudson was THE Mrs. Hudson: the landlady. Her being a tranny is just another attempt by CBS to be television's most diversely-casted procedural.

CBS

Yes, she is a tranny in real life. Deal with it.

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