78 Notes to Self: A Tarot Journal

Home Sweet Home

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sat, 03 Nov 2018 16:32:00 +0000

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”— Maya Angelou

I did it! I found a home! It's beautiful and cozy and sweet and happy and it's just the sort of house I imagined for myself. It was built by the seller's grandfather in the 40's. He owned a sawmill that made doors. So he used his "extras" from unclaimed door orders in his own house. No two doors/door-frames are the same size. He used red oak for the floor throughout the house, even in the kitchen. The baseboards and moldings are generous with deep windowsills, stained to match the floors. I have a vestibule (!) with windowed doors. The house has a rather unremarkable exterior, but inside it's an adorable cottage with bright yellow kitchen cabinets that line the length of the large kitchen. We moved in June and couldn't be happier with our new home. At last, I am home.


1JJ Swiss Tarot Created by Stuart Kaplan Tarot Deck - 78 Cards - AGM-Urania 1970

The "Congrats! You did it" card in tarot is The World. As I wrote in "The Spiral World" the World card is about those times on our journey when we overcome obstacles, complete an objective successfully and feel joy, freedom and a sense of accomplishment. But with every accomplishment is a new beginning, a new level, a new set of challenges to face. As a homeowner, I am responsible for repairs, improvements, maintenance, insurance, trash pickup, and all that comes with having a home of one's own. There's a learning experience almost weekly here but I'm welcoming even the hard stuff.

Tarot of Dürer
Created by Giacinto Gaudenzi Published by Lo Scarabeo

It begins as this 4 of Wands from the Tarot of Durer, a dream on a foundation. The woman's expression in this card is hilarious. She's all "Yeah, yeah, whatever. We've got four poles and a lion skin rug. This is not a house. Let me close my eyes to try and imagine because this ain't it." It reminds me of the many houses we toured and tried to envision as our own but which were inadequate and in need of work beyond our means.

Housewives Tarot Created by Paul Kepple
Tarot Deck - 78 Cards - Quirk Books

It ends in 4 of Wands moments like this one from The Housewives Tarot. Moments of bliss like the housewarming party when my family brought laughter and love and blessed my home with appreciation and most of all, their presence. Friends hanging out on the back porch into the night, lit only by a garden torch and the glow of cigarettes. Crockpot buffets, friends sitting at the kitchen table creating their own culinary delights to share, all of us smooshed together on the living room sofa and loveseat. Hauling the extra chairs in from the kitchen so we can all be together in one room. Scooting past laughing people in my kitchen to reach the refrigerator to get someone a beer. It is nothing short of delightful.

Also delightful are the quiet starry skies I find myself drinking in while sitting on my back porch by myself. How starved I had been for outside space while living our apartment life! We didn't have even a balcony there. I'm dotted with mosquito bites but I am undeterred from watching the fireflies dance and rise from the grass in my back yard. As the evenings chill I am to be found wrapped in a quilt on the porch enjoying the outside until inevitably the cold forces me back inside.

When Habitat for Humanity -- a non-profit that builds homes for people and families in need of a decent and affordable home -- asked Habitat homeowners "What does home mean to you?" the most often repeated word I noticed among the answers was "stability." Fours in tarot mean exactly that. The 4 of Wands stability is unique because of the fire element in the Wands suit. Fire, by nature, must be continuously fed to produce heat, light, energy. Likewise, the stability of a home must be continuously nourished with the ongoing process of home keeping -- everything from maintenance and repairs, decorating and landscaping to entertaining and making memories with friends and family.

Wands symbolize the energetic force behind creativity and bringing things dreamed into being. Our homes are rich with personal investment and expression. One might think a house should be represented by the suit of Pentacles, made of earthly substance such as wood and stone. But houses are more than that. They shelter us and speak of our identity. They offer warmth and safety, but also frustration and grief. They serve as a place where we are safe to pursue and express our creativity, devote our energies, and nurture the soul as well as the body. How very Wands-like.

I'll close this with a song that kept me going through the long and arduous search. Enjoy.

Home
Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Bebe Rexha
Atlantic Records
from Bright the Album

A Necessary Revival

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 31 Mar 2018 02:21:00 +0000

I've been tossing stuff in the apartment complex dumpster more than usual lately. See, I'm in the process of house hunting and I'd rather not take anything with us to the new house that we don't need or want anymore. While the search for a proper and affordable home is taking much longer than I anticipated, it has granted me enough time to de-clutter and reorganize the pantry, the bathroom cabinets, the walk-in closet, my dresser drawers, and the laundry closet. So far. There's always more. The process has been at times difficult, not because I cling to my stuff but because I realized in mid-purge that I haven't truly claimed this space in which I have been living for the last ten years.

Subconsciously, I viewed this apartment as temporary and didn't invest myself or care as much for it as I had when I lived in my own home. Not that anyone else could tell. No one who has visited me here would think that the place wasn't "mine." It, like every other space I've ever lived in, reflects my personality and very much looks like home. When I left my old life to make a new one, I naturally brought my stuff with me -- my furniture, my art, my books. I realize now that many of those things symbolically tied me to my old life and to the old me. Some items never quite fit right in this new space and always reminded me where they used to be, the spaces they were meant to fill, spaces that were no longer mine.

I have a nagging sense that one of the reasons it has taken so long to find a new home is that I had yet to completely let go of my old one. I haven't lived there in ten years, but I've missed it so much. My ex-husband Steve and I had the good fortune to customize the home as it was built, and I was able to choose so much about the space in which we lived and raised our children. Our children are grown now. Only one still lives at home, but he is in college and is looking toward a near future independence. Steve remarried last year. That's probably significant, but not as significant as the fact that because he did I am no longer welcome in the home I built. His new wife is "uncomfortable" with me visiting. Despite ten years of a close, co-parenting friendship shared with my ex-husband, and despite that I am happily ensconced in a solid and committed relationship with Mike, despite that I still have belongings stored in that home, I am persona non grata in his new life. For that, I am hurt. I have a very compelling and irrational desire to scoop up all of my stuff out of that house, including the wallpaper, the floors, the jacuzzi tub, the stained glass window at the stair landing, and my son -- who would not be scooped -- and close the door to that house forever. I want to raze it to the ground. I don't want any pieces of me left there, but there is no helping that. I played a huge part in creating and maintaining that house, that home. I blessed it with my self and now I must truly let it go. It's time. And it's hard.

It's rather like shedding a skin, a kind of arduous renewal. Like the Judgement card in tarot. There's nothing left in the past but ghosts, fond memories, and regret. Now, I am replacing the art on my walls with new perspective. I've tossed books in the dumpster, yes I did. (Don't judge me! I needed to do it.) I'm heeding the internal call to rise up and leave my old self in the grave. Meanwhile, I bought new pillows for the sofa and a new quilt for the bed. The outer is giving voice to the inner, one that speaks of fresh starts even as I stay, for now, in the same space. Feeling accomplished as I admire the organized pantry, the clean (empty!) spaces in my closets, and feeling lighter each time I toss another bag or box into the dumpster, I am moving ever so steadily out of the past me and into the future me.

This is precisely the sort of experience the Judgement card is referencing. In the Druid Craft tarot the artists renamed it "Rebirth" which places the focus more on the result of the process whereas "Judgement" places the focus on the process itself.

Druid Craft Tarot

judg·ment

ˈjəjmənt

noun

noun: judgement

the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

Judgement is discernment and choosing. As I sift through my home spaces, I must discern the current value of the thing in my hand. Things that once held value but are no longer useful to me are removed, tossed, or donated to others who may find value in them. It requires objectivity and wisdom. The Judgement card is also about completing a major life cycle and is a time when one frees oneself from the past and its longstanding thought-patterns and behaviors that are no longer serving you and are, in fact, dragging you down, robbing you of energy and preventing progress, just like those clothes that don't fit are silently judging you and hogging up space in the closet. Ultimately, you are your own judge and jury and your own higher calling, so there really is no outside source judging you. It's all you, baby. You're in control of the process and the pace. Unlike Death, which is also a kind of metamorphosis, Judgement isn't thrust upon you by chance. Judgement is a choice made consciously and with intent. I have taken it slowly, one small space at a time, and I have broken up the process with choosing art and other decorative things that bring me pleasure. It's hard work digging out of a grave, so the breaks are necessary and restorative.

The Illuminated Tarot

I am certainly not purging everything from my home. I am actually keeping many, if not most of the things. But I am giving some things new uses and assimilating other things and the rest placed into organized spaces. So too the life I have lived so far has been rich with experience and lessons. I am holding on to all that is worthy, both internally and externally. The process is not a rejection of one's history but an assessment and incorporation of it so that one can put it to new use. Judgement is also an act of faith. Every step into the blank page of one's future is done by faith and with hope. I believe we will find our new home. I have hope for it. Meanwhile, I am preparing myself to truly own it rather than just occupy space there.

Sex, Lies and the Three of Swords

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Fri, 10 Nov 2017 23:52:00 +0000

Look, I'm not a generally hopeful person. I am a realist, practical and grounded, most of the time. It's not hard for me to lose hope, I do it all the time. I am rarely disappointed because my expectations are low. I take life at face value and see things and people for what they are, not what I hoped they would be. This time, though, I've reached a level of hopelessness that I haven't felt in a very long time. I have spent many months in a state of "What is the point?"

I don't have an existential answer to that.

But what is happening now, across the country, in full view of everyone, is tempting me to hope. It is at least a Three of Swords if not a Tower. I don't feel it's a Tower, really, but a Three of Swords, definitely. Harsh truth, blindfolds removed, facing what is true and real. Men and women are publicly speaking out against those who have sexually harassed, assaulted, and harmed them and --here's the best part-- we are LISTENING. Well, many of us are.

Robin Wood Tarot

So many women, especially, are feeling triggered. #MeToo. Who knew so many of us have various shades of PTSD just from living our lives in this very bent society that treats us like morsels for male entertainment. Personally, I'm freaking out internally on a daily basis hearing about men creeping on underage girls. My first marriage was to a man who, among other abusive crimes, persistently preyed on adolescent girls, including me at 17 when he was 32. He was arrested on sexual assault of teenage girls several times during our brief marriage and I don't know how many times since. My second husband, a man in his fifties, just married a young Russian woman he groomed at 18 on the internet and then persuaded to come to the US to visit him when she was 19. She's now 23, only 2 years older than our youngest child -- who, by the way, is a young woman herself and has been struggling with the creepy implications of her father in a romantic relationship with someone she considers her peer. A lifelong friend of Mike's has recently been charged with possession of child pornography. He had spent five years in jail for "messing around," he said, with a "seventeen year-old," he said, when he was twenty. He spent ten years in therapy following his release. Although he had to register as a sex offender, he swore he never had The Problem for what he was convicted but said he used the therapy to help himself become a better person. It was all bullshit. We subsequently learned he had actually been convicted for having sex with a girl "13 or younger." The cache of child pornography was discovered by another good friend, his roommate, who went to the police because it was that bad. And of course there is Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, and Roy Moore, and...all of the men on this list. I expect the list to continue to grow.

Truth revealed. Three of Swords. Old wounds and betrayals resurface. Three of Swords.

The Druidcraft Tarot

Not all men? Three of Swords says "Bet me." Because if "good men" are surprised, shocked, and dismayed at what they are witnessing now, they haven't been listening to women. If they haven't been listening, they were dismissive, complicit, and participated in the culture that allowed it. Too harsh? No -- that's real truth. Three of Swords.

What is the point? Truth, if told, needs time to journey from our ears and our minds to our hearts and our character. Being quiet. Listening from the inside. Four of Swords. Healing. Integration. Peace. We'll get there, if we listen, accept the truth, and listen some more.

The Druidcraft Tarot

Meanwhile, now you know why I've been quiet. Too much to say and I don't have the words.

Hello Again

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Mon, 08 May 2017 23:28:00 +0000

Hello...Testing...1,2,3. I have finally gotten around to uploading ye olde podcasts from ages ago and they have now gone live on Google Play Music and are almost live on iTunes. They are also over at PodOmatic. The Series on the Aces, The Tarot Court and other miscellaneous podcasts are now up and I'll be adding more until I exhaust my collection. Then I'll start recording new ones.

About time, right?

The Spiral World

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 12 Feb 2017 23:24:00 +0000

“Life is a journey up a spiral staircase; as we grow older we cover the ground we have covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places where we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward.”
―William Butler Yeats

I love metaphors to a fault. I know when I've traveled too far into metaphor land when my children snap back, "OK, Mom, ok, I get it, I get it." It's like when you've walked along a beach for so long that because the scenery still looks the same you have no idea how far you've gone. Enough with the metaphors. I can never get enough. Tarot, like metaphor, is illustrative language that tells a story and paints a literal picture in order to communicate a vital truth. I love tarot and I love metaphor, so yeah, not going to stop with the metaphors.

I have often heard the metaphor of an onion used to describe an internal process, be it of healing, maturity, or self-discovery. The idea of the onion metaphor is that we continually peel away layers of self to get to the core. The onion metaphor, however, did not line up with what I actually experienced on my personal trek through life. I found that when I overcame a particular personal obstacle or had a breakthrough that allowed me to move on, at some point later I would revisit the same issue. I thought that layer of the onion had been removed. Then a friend of mine shared that she thinks the path is more of a spiral. As we travel the spiral we certainly do revisit the same issues time and again but at a different level. Now that's a picture I can relate to because it mirrors what I have experienced in a more precise way than the onion metaphor.

From the golden ratio and the Fibonacci sequence, the spiral is a constant pattern in the universe. This is a widely observed phenomenon, though scientists have not figured out the "why." Maybe that's better left to philosophers, but the pattern is evident in everything in nature, art, biology, and The Universe itself.

The Major Arcana XXI, The World, or in some decks, The Universe, relates intimately to the spiral pattern that maps our life's journey, collectively and individually. XXI (21) is the smallest non-trivial example of a Fibonacci number whose digits are Fibonacci numbers and whose digit sum is also a Fibonacci number. It's also the winning number in the games of Blackjack and ping pong. In Kabbalah Numerology 21 is pictured as “The Universe”, and is also called “The Crown of the Magi”. It promises general success, and guarantees advancement, honors, awards, and general elevation in life and career. It indicates victory after a long struggle, for the “Crown” is gained only after long initiation, much soul testing and various other tests of determination. However, the person or entity blessed with the number 21 may be certain of final victory over all odds and opposition. It is a most fortunate vibration – a number of karmic reward.

The World card is about those times on our journey when we overcome obstacles, complete an objective successfully and feel joy, freedom and a sense of accomplishment. The wreath that encircles the dancer reminds us of these cycles and that we are never really finished. If you've ever played a video game with "levels" you'll know what I mean when I say this is the "Leveled Up" card. Completing a level is an accomplishment worthy of dancing in celebration, but as any gamer knows the next level will undoubtedly be more challenging and many of the same obstacles you met in the previous level will be presented again but will be more difficult to overcome. However, all along your journey through the levels of the game you have picked up tools and skills and armor to help you in the succeeding levels. In some games, you've also picked up allies who will help you as well.

Wait, these cycles, aren't they what The Wheel of Fortune is about? Yes, but different cycles. The Wheel is most definitely about cycles but they are the typical rotations of life's whims and follies. In other words, fate. While our actions do certainly shape our destinies, we are never free from those events that occur outside of our control that impact our lives. The World, on the other hand, focuses more on how the individual has responded to those and other experiences in order to achieve the successful completion of a goal. The similarities between the two cards doesn't stop there. They each have heavenly beings in each of the four corners. They can be attributed to Christian symbolism of the four evangelists whose books are canonized in the reformed New Testament: Matthew -- a man; Mark -- a lion; Luke -- an ox, and John -- an eagle. These four Evangelists are also represented by the four fixed astrological signs: Leo, Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio. In The Wheel's imagery they are each busily writing in books whereas in The World they are celebrating the success of the figure in the center. This conveys the message that the Divine was in the seemingly arbitrary events and that heaven was rooting for you all along.


By Rolf Süssbrich - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2567511 The four winged creatures that symbolise the Four Evangelists surround Christ in Majesty on the Romanesque tympanum of the Church of St. Trophime in Arles, France.

The World has a key similarity to another Major Arcana card: The Hanged Man. Both figures leg positions are the same. In the World, she is dancing. Does this mean The Hanged Man is likewise "dancing"? Well, sort of. The legs form a fylfot cross, or what is known as a swastika cross. Before the German Nazi Party co opted it, the fylfot cross was and is a spiritual symbol that meant "well being" and "balance." In The Hanged Man it communicates that although he is in a painful circumstance, all is well with his soul. He will come through it intact and blessed. There is also the balance concept seen in The Wheel of Fortune. The swastika is a type of solar cross with arms bent at right angles suggesting a whirling or turning motion. Likewise, the dancer in The World, with her fylfot cross position and flowing hair and scarf suggest the same.

Yet another symbol in The World card can be found at the very beginning of the Major Arcana within The Magician. The Magician holds a wand. The figure in The World holds two. This wand is distinct from the suit of Wands in the Minor Arcana. On the table before the Magician, that wand is lying along with symbols of the other suits. So the wand in his right hand with his left hand pointing downward is to symbolize his connection to the Divine and the power to bring forth the adage, "As above, so below." He is, in Waite's tarot, an adept who, unlike the charlatans of previous tarot magicians, seeks to express the Divine within as direct manifestation in his life on earth. The wands in the hands of the woman in The World card are not directly engaged in a concerted effort. She's barely grasping them and they are balanced equally. She's mastered something in her Divine nature and the manifestation is complete. Bravo!

Resting on that laurel wreath is transitory because the next turn of the spiral is right after her last spin on the dance floor. She will find herself back at one, as a Magician, attempting to manifest yet another aspect of the Divine into her earthly existence. No doubt she will go over the same ground previously trod but with a new perspective gained from her last level.

In readings, some situations are readily seen as World events. Graduations, new parenthood, a promotion, an award, etc. I've seen The World show up when someone has been struggling to overcome a broken heart and is a very encouraging indication they are ready, finally, to move on. I've seen it say, "You're above this, don't stoop to their level." and "No need to go through that again, don't reinvent the wheel" (note reference to The Wheel). To a lesser extent this card can be associated with travel, not just a road trip, but more like the kind of travel that requires a passport or visa. However, more often it is a celebratory message that says "Go you!" The question remains, "What's next?"

Me And My Shadow

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 22:45:00 +0000

“You spoke your words as though you denied the very existence of the shadows or of evil. Think, now: where would your good be if there were no evil and what would the world look like without shadow?”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

It has been a hard year or so. That saying that goes, "Bad things come in three's" is a load of shit. Bad things come in two's, three's, four's, five's and so on. In the last year these are the things:

The car died.
The laptop died.
My father died.
My sister died.
America died.

That last one was a wry joke my daughter made that still makes me laugh. Tori called me a few days after the election and upon hearing the depressed tone of my voice asked, "What's wrong, Mama?"

Sighing heavily I answered, "It's just hard to be positive right now. I know I'm depressed but I also know it's with good reason given this difficult year. I mean, my sister just died."

"And then America died," she quipped, and I burst into laughter. Thank goodness for dark humor right now.

The world seems a rather dark place at the moment. Putin and Assad are bombing children and kittens in Aleppo. Our soldiers are still killing and being killed in Afghanistan. President Elect Donald Trump (!) is surrounding himself with dark minions. I've gained 20 pounds in the last year, probably due to stress. The rent went up. My salary didn't. Mike lost his job. Despite mine and my family's efforts to save her, my sister died from leukemia four weeks ago. I've every reason to be depressed, but I don't want to be. I never want to be. Depression is a liar, a cheat, and a thief and it's running that train through my daily life.

I have learned from previous treks through this valley that I cannot combat depression by shaming it away. I can't deny it away. I can't smile it away. I also can't do nothing. The shadow of depression will thrive unless I sit with it, face it, and accept the reasons it is here. I must remember not to listen to its lies, but understand why it tells them. Every day, I am determined to move in the direction of health and wholeness, but determined in bringing my shadow with me for the lessons it teaches me are valuable.

So I've been thinking this recent turn in cultural events is like getting the light switched off in a room and having to live with the shadows for a while. That isn't all bad. Just as individuals have a "shadow side" so do countries and governments. I'm not speaking politics here -- so this isn't me saying Democrats are light and Republicans are shadow, that would be nonsense. I am talking about the impulses that we'd rather not have or deal with in others: rage, jealousy, cravings, lust for power, despair and fear. These are the shadows that compel people to violence and petty meanness. These are the shadows we fear in ourselves and in others.

After all, one can’t leave his shadow lying about… and not miss it sooner or later, don’t you agree?

One of the most famous shadows in American literature is Peter Pan's shadow. At one point in the story, Peter Pan loses his shadow as it gets caught in the window at the Darling's. He comes back to retrieve it and Wendy ends up sewing it back on for him, for which he takes credit as his own accomplishment, a rather shady thing to do. Separated, his shadow takes on an independent life of its own and cannot be controlled by Peter. Most importantly, Peter was not complete without it. Although Peter Pan is the eternal child, his approach to his shadow is very mature. It's only as we grow up and learn that certain actions and even feelings are not condoned in our society do we attempt to dissociate ourselves from our shadow, thus giving it more power and independence than had we accepted it and kept ourselves whole.

Carl Jung said that anything of substance will cast a shadow. “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole” We can't pretend these feelings and the actions based on them aren't real. We can't shush them away. Many in our society have tried through censure and shaming but that doesn't work.

Light & Shadow Tarot by Michael Goepferd

On a cultural level we're seeing a lot of unrestrained shadows and I do think this may be because we've spent a tremendous amount of effort to deny their existence, a shadow-lash of sorts. I've heard white people who did not vote for Trump, post election, expressing that they were feeling on edge, frightened and ill at ease in their own communities. People of color, on the other hand, responded that this is how they have always felt. Confronting our own shadow now many are finally experiencing the reality that so many others have lived and we're learning that proclaiming oneself to be "color blind" is revealed to be the mechanic of denial that it is. "Safe spaces" are important, but in practice merely served to silence dissenting speech. We thought we could shush our shadows away.

To be clear, I am not speaking of individuals here -- not the guy with the Confederate flag on his truck chasing motorists of color, not those assaulting Muslim women, not the hurlers of racial and homophobic epithets, not even the ones sexually assaulting women a la Donald Trump in this post-election freedom of shadow expression euphoria. I am speaking of the impulse behind these acts, the parts of human personalities we try so hard to stuff away, ignore, deny, excuse, but never accept.

When we judge others so quickly and harshly, we're doing it. Blame is simply deflecting attention from the shadow. The parents whose child was killed by an alligator in Florida were met not with condolences, but attacks and shaming. Those who overdose on drugs are made fun of in videos. Black men shot by police are subject to a shaming post mortem. The unemployed are told to "get a job!" like that hadn't entered their minds before. We are such a weak and fearful society that cannot deal with shadows but this is precisely the environment in which shadows, separated, thrive.

Y'all need Jesus or group therapy or something.

Is It Worth It?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 19 Jun 2016 18:12:00 +0000

When we find ourselves on a particular path that we've devoted a great deal of time and energy to, and the future being what it is, always uncertain, tarot can provide some valuable feedback that we can use to decide "is it worth it?" In fact, there is a specific tarot card for just this dilemma, the 7 of Pentacles:


Cosmic Tarot by Norbert LoscheUS Games 1986

This card represents those moments in a project, a relationship, or any goal process where we begin to have second thoughts after already having started. We may have even seen some progress, some reward or at least the promise of it, but we're starting to tire of the work involved. We may not see enough progress for the amount of energy we've put in. Seven is a dreamer's number, full of what if's, possibilities, fantasies, and hopes. Pentacles represent the earth, the solid ground under our feet, things we can touch and own and give and take. It's not always about money, but it can be. Depending on the goal, a certain relationship for example, it could mean a physical reality coming to be such as moving in together or some other show of commitment that you can see and touch, not mere words or promises. Here is that moment where we are weighing the pros and cons of continuing forward with our plans and efforts. This can be harder than starting something because when one has already invested time, energy, and financial resources, it can be extremely difficult to change course.

Other cards in a reading can give important feedback for us to use when making this decision. The reading itself cannot and should not make your decision for you. Only you can do that. In reading for someone in this situation, even if the other cards show some unpleasant experiences, I always communicate that sometimes we have to get to that really tough place before we know for sure what to do. Or the cards may indicate a struggle to come before a success. So we have to be careful not to jump to conclusions based on seemingly "negative" cards surrounding this dilemma. For example, we might see this sequence:

Original Rider Waite Smith

It appears there may be a tangible setback and a time of material change and struggle, missed opportunities for success or assistance, leading to some disappointment, loss, and regret, but then followed by a period of recovery and healing with clear signs you are now on the way to your goal. In this case, I would say don't give up when the going gets tough. You will come through to the other side having learned important lessons and with a clearer vision of where you are going, even though you will not have reached your goal, you will see what you are supposed to do. This still doesn't say whether the person will ultimately choose to continue or abandon the current project, but it lays out the likely progression which leads to knowing what to do.

In other readings there may be a very clear message to dramatically change direction. For example we might see something like this:

The 10 of Swords tells us it's done, there's no more that can be accomplished in the way you have been approaching things. The 8 of Cups shows an abandoning of a way of being that has become emotionally draining, unsatisfying, or stale. The Ace of Pentacles shows a new opportunity that has much more promise. So in this scenario I would urge my client to consider other options and to critically evaluate their current situation for signs that letting go and moving on would be the right choice for them.

This kind of objective feedback is extraordinarily helpful to one in the middle of a quandary over that assessment of whether something truly is worth seeing through or not. We're often given generic cheerleading advise to keep pushing, never give up, anything that's worth doing is worth giving your all, but sometimes that advice may not work for the specific situation you're dealing with. We also have to take into consideration our own patterns. Do we tend to start things and not finish, or only go halfway and give up? Or do we have a history of holding on to something long past its expiry date? Maybe it's time to change that.

Hypervigilance Masquerading as Intuition

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 15 May 2016 16:35:00 +0000

When we're ready to deal with some aspect of ourselves it often bubbles up just to the edges of our consciousness and we start seeing signs and clues for it everywhere. Like connect-the-dot puzzles, those clues lead us to confront, research, and deal with an issue that has been holding us back or hurting us in some way. The symptom of hypervigilance is my connect-the-dot puzzle right now. Specifically, as it relates to intuition. The other day I heard someone on the radio mention one of the symptoms of hypervigilance, which in itself is usually a symptom of PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This was just one of many "dots" that have presented lately. I have been in PTSD recovery for most of my adult life following an extremely abusive marriage in my early twenties. I have been somewhat hypervigilant all my life, probably stemming from childhood abuse.

When I escaped from the abusive asshole husband, I moved back in with my mom for a while. My brother was eighteen or nineteen and still living at home. One evening as my brother and I were talking in the living room we simultaneously noticed we were both nervously and repeatedly glancing out the front window during our conversation. We realized that we were mentally "on alert" for our mother's return from work. During our childhood our mother's mood upon arriving home from work tired and "hangry" was often very bad. We tried to secure her good favor by scurrying around, cleaning up, and whichever one of us was assigned dinner duty had to make sure it was well in process before she walked in the door. We sometimes sat nervously waiting for the car to pull into the driveway. Trying to work out from the way the car was driven, the way she opened and shut the door, what kind of mood she was in. Would this be an evening of calm or anger? At the time my brother and I noticed our behavior in the living room that day we were adults and had nothing to fear from the return of our mother. We awkwardly laughed at ourselves, aren't we being silly? Hypervigilance is subtle.

The negative emotional effects of my childhood were not severe. Like everyone, I had imperfect parents but my childhood experiences did not cause my PTSD. My mother was raised by an emotionally abusive mother and grandmother and alcoholic father who himself suffered from extreme combat PTSD. She married at nineteen and had four children. My parents divorced when the oldest child was nine and the youngest was two. My father was not involved in the child rearing except as financial support. Needless to say, my mother was emotionally ill-equipped to deal with it all and she made mistakes, some horrible. Still, she did her best and she did succeed in parenting better than her parents. Nevertheless, there were damages as there usually are, but I did not display the symptoms of PTSD proper until during and after my first marriage when I was faced with the perpetual threat of being seriously injured or killed by my intimate partner.

While many of my PTSD symptoms have diminished with therapy and the healing of time, I continue to be hypervigilant. I rarely experience flashbacks anymore. The more intense and obvious flashbacks are actually easier to manage after the initial freak-out. I can rationally understand that my current emotions are responding to a past situation and I ride it out, coping by focusing on the present reality. The smaller ones, however, fly under my radar and can trigger extreme hypervigilance that I don't immediately recognize as an inappropriate reaction. I think it's normal for me.

In a dictionary definition nutshell, hypervigilance is the condition of maintaining an abnormal awareness of environmental stimuli. It causes one's body and brain to perpetually maintain a heightened state of awareness which is part of the natural fight-or-flight response. What served as a necessary survival tool during the time of trauma continues on to become a part of one's everyday existence, seamlessly woven into every waking moment, every interaction.

On the plus side, it makes one very observant, keenly so. When it comes to "reading people" and scoping situations out, hypervigilance is like a sixth sense. Those with hypervigilance know more about what is going on than most people ever will. They pick up on others' moods and stresses, hone in on details most people miss, and spot the smallest change in their environments. In practice, hypervigilance seems a lot like intuition because this constant scanning for threats becomes second nature. We don't try to do it, we don't think about it, we just do it. It feels like a gift from the trauma endured. In some situations, truly potentially dangerous ones, it is a gift, but it comes at a cost. The price is paid in depleted mental and physical energy and it could cost your relationships with others.

I think intuition and hypervigilance can merge. It can be difficult to identify which is at work because they share similar "knowing" and results. The main difference is in the physical sensations that accompany them. Hypervigilance is tiring. Exhausting, actually. I often get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach or a clenching in my throat, and I become restless and there is a strong sense of urgency. That is how I feel fear. By contrast, intuition feels effortless. I am calm and relaxed and my mind just "knows" something or I mentally "hear" a phrase in my head. Hypervigilance develops out of fear and relentlessly gathers external clues. Intuition develops by following one's internal cues rather than external. This is one reason I prefer providing email tarot readings over face-to-face. I can't unconsciously scan the client's facial expressions or body language via text. There is less involvement of my hypervigilance and I can trust that my intuition is coming to the fore. The feedback from my clients suggests that my intuition is quite strong without the hypervigilance in play.

I suspect many people who have what they believe to be very strong intuition are also hypervigilant stemming from a past trauma. Identifying which is operating is key to reducing the cost of the hypervigilance -- stress. Stress, as we know, is incredibly unhealthy and damages the body and brain in measurable ways.

I'm partly loathe to give up hypervigilance as it has been my faithful superpower, but it has degraded my health and well being. I may never release it entirely but I plan to work to replace its function with my intuition. It is comforting to know that I also have developed keen intuition and can continue to strengthen that as I work to reduce the other. For now, I plan to take this wonderful advice given in this in-depth article, Searching for Bad News: The Circuitous Path of Obsessive Thinking by Dr. Heather Stone:

Live with ambiguity. Relax into knowing that, without hyper-vigilance, you have relatively complete and accurate information. The ambiguity that is in and around you is an unclear, imperfect, benign presence that can be trusted and accepted.

The Unknown that you fight so vehemently – that you fear, blame, rail against, and pray would become Real so that it could finally leave you alone – is often better than every known thing you have ever wanted to control. Let me put it another way: every good thing in your life that surprised you was previously unknown to you. You didn’t anticipate or create the people who showed up and loved you. You didn’t manage or direct the gifts that you were given, either literally or metaphorically. Live with the Unknown, because the stuff that will make you happy in life will be the stuff that you can’t control.

It's Not About You

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 30 Jan 2016 16:17:00 +0000

"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."

-- Jesus, Matthew 6:1

When we are doing something that is intended to help someone else the most important thing to remember is that it's not about you. If you respond to that statement, "Well, of course it isn't, silly, I know that." I'm telling you it's harder than you think. Our ego is strong. And smart. And cunning. And it will sneak in self-congratulatory shit when you're not looking.

I read a really thoughtful article the other day on the dilemma of "Good White People" in the fight against racism. The comment section was full of irony, full of "good white people" making it about themselves and then noticing they made it all about themselves and trying to figure out how not to do that. It's hard. The main idea is that no one should feel the need to be congratulated for being a decent human being. You just be one as a matter of course. There are ways to bring important things to the attention of others without also saying, "Look at what a great person I am!" Sometimes we do this with good intention, but it still reeks.

I saw this today: Spiritual Molestation in Chik-Fil-A which I feel really nailed how I have always felt about people doing this sort of thing in public. What made this worse was the underlying coercion of food under condition of prayer. We might say, "What's the big deal? Even if you don't believe, prayer never hurt anyone." True. But to say that one will only help IF the recipient will oblige you is not giving, it's a negotiation. This kind of negotiation is sometimes appropriate but when we are holding something as crucial to life as food as a bargaining tool, we need to be very careful. If the manager of this restaurant really wanted to help this guy he had several options, none of which included making a display of his own faith for others to applaud. He could have asked the guy to meet him around back and take out the trash in exchange for the meal. He might have been able to offer him a job if he showed up every day to take the trash out (and get fed). The manager could have prayed for him silently without drawing attention to himself. I understand God can hear silent prayers.

I also saw this today on why this woman stopped "being a Voluntourist," that is, stopped going on aid missions to third world countries and started coordinating aid efforts that didn't involve her actually being there. The part about the workers coming behind them and tearing down their shoddily laid bricks and relaying them properly (and safely) in the night so the volunteers wouldn't know really brought the point home that these programs are too often set up in a way to be more about the volunteers feeling good about themselves than about the people they are trying to help.

Those who read tarot for others have that "helping others" gene. We truly want to facilitate growth in others and support them in their struggles. That's often the foundational impulse behind what we do. Like any other helping profession it can attract narcissists who get off on various twists of gaining attention, power, and ego stroking, but most of us just want to help. However, even the genuinely motivated ones among us can fall into the "About Me" trap. When we focus on whether or not we did it right, had the right answer, or found the correct interpretation. When we worry too much about the feedback from our clients. When we promote ourselves as super intuitive or act like our readings aren't wrong, the client just isn't in a place to accept the truth. Stop it. It's not about you. Yes, you are the one the client is looking to, but you know better. It's not you, it's them. It's their issue, their struggle, their dilemma, their questions. You're helping only if you understand this and take yourself out of it. The dialogue is between themselves and their understanding of the cards you have done your best to translate for them. You are the interpreter. The conversation is not about you. This subtle but important shift in focus will make such a huge difference in the impact of your readings. By impact I don't mean "accuracy," although that will likely be perceived as such, but by the real and actual help provided by the reading.

All this stuff about helping in a certain way gave me such food for thought because I find myself in a situation now where the last thing I want to do is bring attention to myself for doing something "good" when really, I feel that it's the only human option. My sister was diagnosed with leukemia in 2014. Chemotherapy put her in remission for almost a year. Then she relapsed. The next step is a bone marrow stem cell transplant. Of her three siblings tested, I am the match. In all honesty, I wasn't thrilled with the news and felt like an asshole for not being thrilled. It's not like giving blood, it's a much bigger deal. And the hospital where this will be done is 1000 miles away. There will be missed work, FMLA paperwork, travel time and costs, hotel costs -- all of which our mother is generously financing because it's not covered by my sister's health insurance. Not to mention the procedure itself will require me to be injected with a drug originally meant for cancer patients that disrupts my own bone marrow and causing bone pain for several days and having to sit immobile for six hours or more to have the stem cells harvested. So yeah, it's not nothing. But it really IS nothing when compared to what my sister has endured and will have to endure as the recipient of the transplant. Cancer has turned her life and the lives of her husband and children totally upside down and inside out in ways I'm sure no one but they understand. She recently started a GoFundMe drive in an effort to defray the monster costs of all of this. In my attempts to get the word out to others to hopefully increase donations, I have mentioned my participation in this effort as her donor, but I have tried not to make it about me. Because it's not. Even though it is a little, ultimately it's not. And I know people are just being kind and supportive when they laud me for the act of donating, and I thank them genuinely, but I cringe a bit at the comments that I am "being an angel" or that I am "so awesome." Thank you, and I mean that, but no, I'm not. I don't really see any other option except to be a shitty human being that would deny her the best chance she has to live. And to be honest, I felt weird about posting the GoFundMe thing because I didn't want to bring attention to my part in this but it seemed the best way to get donations for my sister.

I've been taking a break from reading tarot for others until the transplant is over. Just because it's not about me doesn't erase me from the equation. I must still be aware of my own needs else I become useless to others. Making it not about you doesn't mean nothing is about you. You are about you and you need to take care of you. Always remember the flight attendant adage -- "Place your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others."

Your Mind is Mission Control

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 01 Nov 2015 22:55:00 +0000

If I keep putting quotes like this out there, I'm liable to put myself out of business. But if one person, upon reading that quote by Marcus Aurelius decided that rather than trying to control the outcome of a situation by force of tarot and made some mental adjustments that allowed them to be at peace with whatever, I would feel that I had done my job well.

Knowing what to expect and expecting to know are two very different things. Miles apart, in fact. No matter how well prepared one may be for a particular possible outcome, when it happens it still comes with all its attending emotional baggage and camps out with you for however long it wishes. Therefore, knowing via tarot that the guy you've been seeing is likely seeing someone else on the side doesn't help the heartbreak or anger. We also can't expect tarot to provide all the solutions. It does help with many things -- a kind of psychic weather prediction or roadmap, a projection into what is probable and likely -- but not definitive. And it can't make your decisions for you. It can be quite informational but what you do with that information, how you choose to form your thoughts about that information will make all the difference in the actual outcome of any given situation.

Getting a reading on a situation is great for exploring. Possibilities, options, directions. A reading can reveal our own attitudes, intentions, and confirm our own intuition, but in the end how we choose to think about the information is what will impact our own outcome no matter what the external outcome of the situation turns out to be. Keeping tabs on your ex may be interesting and satisfying to that part of you that can't seem to let go -- out of love or vengeance, no matter -- but if the reading shows they are happily going about their lives, shouldn't you do the same? We can go back to the reader a month later and ask what the ex has been up to OR we could choose to think differently about the information and use it to release ourselves to our own lives. Going back to the reader is satisfying on some level, but it's a futile action, keeping watch on others (outside our control) or situations (outside our control). We become mere observers in our own lives rather than actively creating and participating.

Many readers will refuse to read on the same topic/person/situation on these grounds. They believe more readings won't help, it amounts to spying, and/or the repetitive readings may enable someone in a kind of tarot dependence. I don't really subscribe to all of that and I will read on the same topic/person/situation multiple times for a client because They Aren't Done Yet. When they are done, they will stop. When they are able to choose their thoughts more effectively, they will stop. Some people require only one reading for this and others require multiple. Each person is at their own level or ability to control their thoughts about any given situation. The more emotionally triggered they are, the harder that is to accomplish.

So we get that we can't control outside events or other people. What if the problem is we cannot control our own thoughts? Marcus, dude, it's not that easy. It's really not easy but it is crucial to one's well being and happiness. I suck at meditation because I can't control my thoughts. They scatter like a herd of cats being chased by a herd of puppies. Then I learned this ---

Some situations will never feel okay. One may never feel "at peace" with a particular outcome. But one can accept it and move on. It's a choice, a conscious decision. We make mistakes. We fuck up. Bad things happen that are our fault, but if we allow guilt, regret, or fear of making the same mistake again to control our choices and decisions going forward, we will simply have different regrets to obsess on later. I think regret is an inevitable constant in life, so we just have to learn not to let it control us.

When we experience something we feel feelings about it. Most of us believe those feelings are what inform our thoughts about the experience -- and they can. However, feelings actually reside in the brain and how we think results in feelings not the other way around. How we perceive an event or experience is a kind of thinking and feelings are a kind of thinking. So the real process looks like this:

Ever wonder why, no matter how many times you tell yourself you will not do something, no matter how many thoughts of inspiration, encouragement and willpower you think you end up doing that thing you specifically told yourself not to do? That's because our actions come from our feelings. BUT -- our feelings come from our thoughts. Sometimes it takes a while for our feelings to catch up to our new or different thought process, but we will finally see our actions in alignment with our thoughts if we force ourselves into the rather uncomfortable process of re-directing of our thoughts. Thinking about things a different way than we are used to, seeing it from a completely different angle. Eventually we will feel differently about the situation and once that happens, actions happen in accordance to the thoughts. But it can take a while. You know, like this:

Laboring for a Living Wage

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 19:32:00 +0000

Non-tarot post ahead. I may or may not get political. As today is Labor Day, it's a good time to remember what the hell we're supposed to recognize amid the sales and barbecues. Since we collectively seem doomed to repeat history due to our societal amnesia and reluctance to read more than the blips that flit across our various screens, myself included, I did us all a favor and looked it up. Given the current political climate, I think you'll see why this stroll down memory lane is ironic and a little eerie in its similarity.

If we ask most anyone what Labor Day is for, we'd probably get an answer that says it commemorates the American worker. That's only part right, though. It was meant to honor not just the individual worker, but what workers accomplished together through activism. In fact, in the first 20 years since the first Labor Day observance, even though roughly half the states officially recognized it, most employers assuredly did not. Therefore, Labor Day was pretty much a general strike more than a leisurely day off.

Most of us know the labor movement fought for fair wages and to improve working conditions. It also led the fight against child labor and for the eight-hour workday and the New Deal, which gave us Social Security and unemployment insurance. The driving slogan was "8 hours of work, 8 hours of rest, 8 hours for what we will."

Even tarot has an opinion. It always does about everything. I can't help but notice that the principle card for "work" in tarot is 8 of Pentacles (coins). Eight.

The employers and the government didn't just say, "OK, hard workers, you've earned some quality of life, here you go." These advancements in humane conditions in workplaces were fought for in the streets in bloody riots, strikes, marches, and other collective actions. Employers fought back with strikebreaking, blacklisting, vigilante violence, and by enlisting government force to their side by ~~paying for~~ lobbying for and getting local governments to pass anti-sedition laws that severely curtailed the free speech of those at the Labor Day gatherings. President Grover Cleveland deployed more than 10,0000 troops to break the Pullman strike in Chicago. Protesters were arrested, jailed, injured, and killed. Since 1850, according to one estimate, over 700 people died as a result of anti-union violence during strikes.

While these protests are similar to the recent Occupy Wall Street protests, the main difference seems to be focus and purpose. The Occupy movement has identified a broad number of specific concerns and calls for a general overhaul of many aspects of our economic system. The Labor Movement was focused primarily on working conditions. I think maybe it's easier to raise awareness and ire about focused issues rather than broad, amorphous Change. Unions won in the end and with them the luxurious working conditions we now take for granted.

Recent anti-union sentiment has diminished the pull and members of these organizations as well as internal strife being their own undoing. Recently the governor of Wisconsin wrote into law the seven-day work week. Contrasting that, we also have the Raise The Minimum Wage movement gaining momentum along with local organizations of workers that aren't unions, per se, but where workers in a common industry will gather and organize activism.

Wherever you may stand on these issues these facts remain:

One cannot live on $7.25 an hour. Being below the poverty line qualifies one for federal assistance in the form of SNAP (food stamps), Medicaid, and possibly other benefits depending on one's family situation. If we want to reduce the taxpayer burden of welfare, workers need to earn a Living Wage that allows a family to pay for rent, transportation, food, utilities, and clothing without having to rely on welfare. Across the country, costs of living varies, but the average living wage -- which is the bare minimum one can earn to meet one's basic needs -- is around $12 an hour. This issue is a true working class issue and one worth considering today, on Labor Day.

What Your Brave Is

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 05 Apr 2015 02:49:00 +0000

There are generally two types of courage. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement. Which tarot card represents courage? Strength, of course. Strength illustrates both inner and outer fortitude, strength, and bravery often emerging from the most unlikeliest of sources. It is a fairly obvious depiction and one that we associate easily with Courage.

But have you thought about others? Courage is displayed throughout the deck. The 7 of Wands displays a kind of crazy, madman courage in the face of overwhelming odds and besides, he's not ready. He didn't have time to put on proper footwear. The 5 of Pentacles shows the inner strength to persevere when one is at the rope's frayed end but to keep going despite hardships and challenges. The 8 of Cups shows the courage to strike out on one's own, leaving behind what once was cherished.

“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.

But sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.

That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”

~Veronica Roth, Allegiant (Divergent Series)

The 8 of Pentacles is about the everyday courage it takes to do what has to be done, again and again. The 7 of Swords shows someone taking a lot of risk into one's own hands, for better or worse. The 6 of Swords sets out to unknown shores in the hope of something better. All of these actions take courage in varying degrees and measures.

Stories. We all have our stories, our moments, however brief, of striking courage that surprised ourselves most of all. We look back and wonder at our own bravery, or foolish recklessness, because sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. Sometimes we don't even recognize it as bravery. We were just doing what had to be done and didn't feel any special commission that stated, "This is bravery, right here." It was just necessary and we did it.

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Bravery isn't usually on display. It rarely is and that's why we have such high standards for it and don't recognize it in ourselves. We have a Hollywood expectation of bravery. We think that once we ~~do something rash~~ exhibit courage that it should be a game changer, that all will be set right because we finally did what we were afraid to do. That's bullshit. There are times in life when we must find the courage to keep going every single day. That's no better or worse than any other kind of bravery. It's made of the same stuff.

We need to understand that we're not going to understand someone else's brave. What may come easy to one is a daunting struggle to another. My experience of a similar or even the same event is not your experience. I come from a family of introverts, of which I am one just less so, who thought I was brave to dance in front of an audience, speak to large crowds, and tell off a judge (and gained his favor in doing so). These things come easy to me so I don't see the bravery. Sometimes I can look back and see it, but never in the moment. Some of the most courageous things I've ever done were done where no one could see, and even had they seen they probably would not call what I did courageous. Dragging myself off the sofa to take a walk in the midst of a debilitating depression was brave. Leaving one life behind for another while everyone, even I, disapproved was brave. Someone else's brave may be leaving the house determined not to re-check that the stove is off.

My sister was recently diagnosed with leukemia. The chemo made her feel much worse than the disease and she had to go through four agonizing rounds that made her guts raw, her body weak, and took away her beautiful long hair. There were times she said she had frightening thoughts of dying, but overall she tried to remain positive. She told me, "It's just a ride. A crazy ride, but we'll get through it." I don't understand this brave. Were it me, I'd have my funeral planned, written long letters to my loved ones, taken videos to leave them, and cried and cried in mournful self-pity. I once had a biopsy (benign, of course) and did all these things. My sister is now in remission and cancer-free. Brave, not just to face the disease but also to take control of her wellness. She might say no, it was not brave, just something that had to be done. But that's what courage is made of: doing what needs to be done.

“To try to be brave is to be brave.”
~ George MacDonald

Lazy Tarot

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 22 Mar 2015 15:04:00 +0000

Photo Attribution
Photo by NikBoiv / CC BY 2.0

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

~Bill Gates

Confession: I am a lazy tarot reader. I don't do a lot of things commonly recommended. I am not against these practices at all. I don't do them because, for me, they are too much work and don't yield any tangible benefits. Mostly, too much work. For example, I don't:

Cleanse decks
Use a classic Significator
Use astrological associations
Use Kaballah associations
Do anything about "energies" (no smudging here)
Use Reversals
Look at the "Shadow Card"
Ruminate on a reading

The first book I read on practicing tarot provided an ~~elaborate~~ simple ritual to perform before reading. I tried it, thinking the author certainly knew more about this stuff than I did, and I didn't notice anything different after doing it so I stopped doing it. I tried "cleansing" decks by the light of the moon and the only thing that happened was they became dew damp. Then I read you can cleanse them by laying them all out on the floor and swishing them around. I tried that but concluded it was just a version of 78-Card Pickup.

I'm not an astrologer and feel that trying to learn a whole 'nother vast metaphysical art to overlay tarot is just too much work. If I wanted to learn astrology, I would, and maybe someday I will, but not today. Kabballah, same. I've tried using various stones and crystals and noticed nothing different, so whatever floats your boat is fine, no rocks in my boat. I don't "ground" myself other than one deep ~~sigh~~ breath before beginning a reading. Oh, maybe I do "smudge" -- I smoke a cigarette.

I don't turn the cards physically upside down to read "reversals," I generally get a sense by the position, the cards next to/around it, and the question asked whether the card's meaning is "reversed." I forget to look at the bottom card in the deck, so the Shadow Card remains in the shadows. Sometimes other tarot readers have said they will leave a reading out on a table for days to think about it, ruminate over it, journal it to go back to later. I don't. I have journaled specific readings but I always forgot to go back to them, so what was the point?

I do:

Shuffle, a lot
Use a Sort of Significator
Use symbolism: colors, numbers, elemental, suits, objects, etc.
Use history
Pay attention to patterns
Listen to random observations my mind blurts out
Use common sense

To completely randomize a deck of playing cards, dealers at casinos will shuffle a deck around 5-7 times. This is assuming you're good at shuffling and not leaving whole chunks of the deck unshuffled. Depending on the questions being asked, I might shuffle the deck between them, leaving the already-drawn cards on the table. If I'm clarifying a card, I will shuffle. I randomize those cards like nobody's business.

Most of the readings I do include a card that speaks to what the client is thinking, feeling, and/or how they are approaching the issue at hand. This is a Sort of Significator, and I use it because it gives very useful information for the client to use when formulating a plan of action. They can see whether their approach is helpful or not based on what the reading reveals about the other factors and influences.

For me, symbolism is absolutely key in interpreting tarot. Symbols are the language of all humans in all of history. Language itself is symbolism and vice versa. Connected to this is my understanding of history, culture, and the human experience. I notice patterns in the cards. Numbers, suits, colors that appear repeatedly or in a progression or order mean something. Sometimes my mind will say something really random, like an idiom or lyrics from a song and I've learned these random phrases are hugely significant to the reading. I always use them. There was a time I ignored them and was routinely surprised when the client gave feedback that included that exact phrase! When I started speaking them I found my client's feedback often confirmed that phrase played a key role in the situation.

Finally, I use common sense. When the Lovers card appears in a reading that has nothing whatsoever to do with romance, I do not imply the client will fall in love in the middle of updating her resume. While it is possible she may meet a charming person at a job fair, it just isn't sensible to talk romance when she's trying to find out her best option to advance her career. Not ruling it out, just saying, keep on topic.

The practice of tarot reading is so unique to each reader. What works well for one is cumbersome for another. I have been known to spend untold hours researching symbolism and cultural history in my pursuit to understand tarot card meanings. Many readers would shake their head and say, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" But I love it. I love the research and the richness of history and how people lived in times before, how that relates to the images we see now, the connections, the gaps, all of it. Others feel and experience a very tangible difference when using cleansing rituals or objects. Some can't help but see the astrological or Kabbalistic connections and feel they would be remiss if they didn't include them. Whatever you do or don't do in your reading process matters only to you.

But seriously, lazy is good. Keeping what works efficiently and either re-working or tossing out what doesn't makes sense in everything we do. Time and effort are both valuable resources. Be lazy and enjoy what you do.

Worrisome Worry

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 15:08:00 +0000

I should never leave a health-issue-related blog post for months without a follow up as several people have written to be sure I haven't succumbed to whatever-it-was. Sorry about that. I tend to withdraw from social interaction when I'm dealing with stuff, like cats hide when they're hurting or sick, me too. UPDATE: Nerve compression is all but gone. I am left with some lingering muscle spasms and twitches but no pain. (Yay!) I'm still working on another issue that will need some outpatient surgery in about a month and that has me worried, still, about finances. All the tests and doctor visits at the end of last year took all of the HSA money and I still owe hundreds of dollars, not counting the upcoming procedure, which I expect will be a few thousand. I am genuinely worried how to fund necessary health care.

Worry is something I'm very good at. If medals were given I'd have a trophy wall dedicated to worry. Logically I know that worry is harmful and doesn't solve anything. I have much improved in the area of worry-control and find I can tame it faster, but I think it's just a natural by-product of my over-thinking mind. Also, worry has actually served me well at times so it's hard to let go of it.

I read this and completely related:

You have mixed feelings about your worries. On one hand, your worries are bothering you—you can't sleep, and you can't get these pessimistic thoughts out of your head. But there is a way that these worries make sense to you. For example, you think:

Maybe I'll find a solution.

I don't want to overlook anything.

If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I'll figure it out.

I don't want to be surprised.

I want to be responsible.

You have a hard time giving up on your worries because, in a sense, your worries have been working for you.

The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You by Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D.

I have found solutions to problems this way. I have come up with plans to deal with unknown outcomes, if they happen. I have figured stuff out this way. So it's hard to completely let go of worry because it has worked for me. And since one of the most common reasons someone requests a tarot reading is due to worry, I bet I have plenty of company in this problem area.

One suggestion I've read is to postpone your worries to a set "worry time." This one doesn't work for me but it may work for others. I do a different but similar thing: I distract myself by telling myself I can't spend time on the worry-of-the-moment right now and I'll deal with it later. So while I don't set aside a certain time, I do push it away for "later."

"If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever." -- Dalai Lama XIV

One really helpful step to do is to parse out whether the worry thing is actually solvable. If it's an imaginary "what-if?" it's probably not worth your time. Unfortunately, these are precisely the kinds of worries that so many dwell on. If you are able to take action on your problem right away, then it is probably a productive worry. If not, then it's unproductive. Recognizing the difference helps because action on a problem reduces or eliminates worry and for the ones you cannot act on, such as "What if my child is in a terrible accident someday?" you can more easily let go.

Worrying itself feels productive but it isn't. When we are worrying our emotions are somewhat suspended because the worry keeps us in our heads and distracts us from feeling. While we are thinking about how to solve the problem (or so we tell ourselves that's what we're doing) we're avoiding the underlying emotions. Who wouldn't want to avoid feeling anxious, sad, or other negative emotions? However, suppressed emotions don't go away and tend to fuel even more anxiety to the point that we end up worrying about why we're feeling what we're feeling! Crazy. It can be helpful to tell yourself to just feel whatever it is you're feeling, then cry, get angry, feel sad, have a brief pity party. This one is hard for me, but I'm working on it.

For the solvable worries, brainstorming possible solutions and/or doing a tarot reading can help tremendously. The problem you're worrying about is often real and the steps toward a solution are very real and actionable, too.

Doctor Google & Tarot

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 15:20:00 +0000


Image by MaricorMaricar Studio.......

I've been really out of sorts for a few months. This blog and many other things have taken a back seat to some sudden onset health issues I've been dealing with. It has been stressful but I'm finally taking action and I'm finally starting to feel more like myself again.

It started in June, more or less. I'd had a pinched nerve in my upper back a few years ago and it went away on its own. It took six weeks but when it was gone, it was gone. Until a few months ago. This time it didn't go away. Instead, after four weeks it changed. It became much sharper and sent more than a dull ache down my right arm. Shocks of nerve pain were constantly traveling up into my neck, down my arm and to my fingers. Walking hurt. Working hurt. Cooking hurt. Cleaning hurt. Driving hurt. I lived on anti-inflammatory meds and rest.

I delayed going to the doctor because insurance. I have it, but it's not affordable. High Deductible Plan with only $500 in my Health Savings Account. I know that nerves cannot be seen on lower cost x-rays and that I would need a pricey MRI. I didn't know what kinds of medications I would need to pay for out of pocket. I also have to pay for non-preventive doctor visits out of pocket and I also have another pressing health issue I must see a doctor for which will likely lead to more imaging tests and lab work that, again, I must pay for out of pocket. My pocket is not that deep. My rent is being raised $50 a month starting next month and I still don't know how that will be adjusted for in my no-wiggle-room budget. In addition to the pain and ongoing symptoms and concern for my health, I was also very concerned about my finances.

And then of course, there's Doctor Google. I was pretty sure I was dying of cancer by the time I had researched my symptoms. Possibly three or four types of cancer. And maybe a rare genetic disorder, I'm not sure.

Driven by pain and worry I scheduled my appointments and said fuck it to the finances. About a week before my appointment, the pain subsided a lot. The nerve shocks still occur when triggered, but the unrelenting pain is gone. Sweet relief! The doctor prescribed prednisone which gave me ~~heart attacks~~ indigestion, and x-rays that ruled out fractures and tumors and referred me to a neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon said I don't need an MRI yet because the treatment for nerve compression is focused on pain management and I seem to be progressing. I have another appointment with another kind of doctor in a week for something entirely unrelated, so I'm still concerned about Doctor Google's diagnosis about that, but at least my overall ~~hypochondria~~ health worries have been reduced.

The Thinker in the Dark - A5 by

Hartwig HKD Creative Commons License

This is why I don't read tarot for health issues: Anxiety. I may have pulled a few cards for my situation over the last few months but the swords cards always made me think I was going to have surgery and the pentacles cards made me think I would have to pay a lot of money. I pulled one before my visit to the neurosurgeon and it was the King of Swords, which cracked me up because that's a surgeon card if there ever was one. It was like tarot saying, "Just go see the doctor." Which is probably what I'll tell you if you ask me for a health reading.

Pamela A. tarot

I will read about how you can make the most productive use of your time while you are dealing with health issues. I will ask tarot for advice how you can focus on self-care. But the advice will be general to your health issue and specific to you. I will not attempt to, nor should I, diagnose your issue. We may discover, for example, that stress is contributing to your issue, but stress will not be the issue. If the Death card appears, I will tell you that something will end, hopefully your health issue, and you will need to adjust to something new in the way of living life after that -- and we'll draw a card to see how to navigate that. I will not tell you that Death means death in a health related tarot reading. I will not give you a prognosis because how foolish and irresponsible would that be? The last thing anyone needs is a reading that echoes Doctor Google. I will interpret the cards in light of what you can do today, tomorrow, in your present and immediate future to aid in your recovery and wholeness and this is often how tarot readings work anyway. It approaches your situation from a holistic view.

There really are very, very few things I won't read tarot about. Sometimes I will tell a client that the proposed reading is a waste of their time and money and allow them to reconsider, but I will usually read on whatever my clients ask. They know their pressing questions far better than I. Health issues, both physical and mental, are different because they usually need the attention of a professional trained in that discipline. I am a tarot professional not a health professional and that is where the line is drawn. Besides, more often than not when health issues have played a part in the reading the cards recommend seeing a physician or mental health professional. I often see Kings, Queens, Hierophants, and Hermits in those readings. Kings and Queens often represent professionals, Hierophants often symbolize established institutions such as traditional medicine, and Hermits can be counselors and therapists. So if you ask me about a worrisome health issue I will tell you to see a doctor and we'll read about how to cope in the meantime.

As for me, I'm firing Doctor Google and seeing real ones.

The Tarot Bones

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Tue, 13 May 2014 00:50:00 +0000

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Tarot cards do not mean anything and everything you think they might mean. There is a foundational framework of symbolism that has been collectively accepted and agreed upon by human culture over space, time, and history.

There seems to be a certain hesitancy in social tarot groups to tell someone they goofed, ~~they got it wrong~~, they missed something when they state their take on a particular card. While there is a whole wide area of wiggle room within the confines of that framework, there is a framework. They are the bones of tarot over which everything else rests, is connected to, grows and moves. If you remove the bones you are left with a blob of inert, gloopy stuff that doesn't hold together very well.

So don't tell me the Ace of Swords is about passion without logic, or that the 2 of Cups is about taking a gym class with a friend. No. Just no. While the Ace does contain energetic passion and the 2 is about duality and togetherness, the suit characteristics were mixed up. Wrong.

The problem arises when someone has the cajons to say, "Hey, I don't think that's quite accurate," and are met with predictable nonsense about how tarot card meanings are not "set in stone" and can mean anything to anybody and we all see things differently but equally valid. Nope. If your interpretation isn't tied by even the finest thread to the bones of tarot, your interpretation is invalid.

The bones of the Minor Arcana are the suit and the number or member of court. That isn't too hard or restrictive. Hard, cold steel of the Swords does not equate to illogical, firey passion of a burning brand (Wand) but to precise facts. Flowing liquid in Cups cannot be held in one's hand like a Pentacle. These are the basics and the basis of tarot interpretation and just make sense.

HOWEVER --- (disclaimer time) --- There are people who read cards in just this formless, boneless way and they read beautifully. I am not negating this style of divination. The cool thing about this style is one doesn't even need a tarot deck. Any image or collection of images will work. Oracle decks are wonderfully suited for this sort of reading. There are no rules, there is no framework, one simply allows intuition to guide and bubble up meaningful connections and phrases and ideas and so forth. It's a tremendously useful way to strengthen one's intuition and learn to trust it and hone it.

But if you're setting about reading tarot then read tarot and don't try and serve up some oracular mishmash and claim it's because the meanings are not "set in stone" and "that's the beauty of tarot." Yes, there are some meanings set in stone and no, pulling something contradictory to those foundational meanings is not beautiful, it's tripe. See, if a singular tarot card can mean anything to anyone then there is no way you can teach what you know about tarot. Because you don't know anything until you are faced with a question and a card that has changed its meaning based on the situation. You can certainly coach others to use this same talent, to draw meaning from images relevant to the client's situation, but you aren't teaching tarot. You are helping them develop their intuitive skill. Different.

If one does not assign meaning to any particular card, suit, number, court, etc. then fine, but that's not tarot reading. That's divining with a tarot deck, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm drawing this line for reasons of clarity because I'm tired, so tired, of the argument among tarot readers that the cards can mean anything to anyone at any time. I think maybe we confuse our intuitive flashes with reading tarot because they happen often while reading tarot. Those flashes are cool and often strikingly accurate but they don't change the foundational meaning of the card for the next reading. The bones are the starting point and the body that each reader fleshes out from the bones to the outer layer of skin will fluctuate and change depending on the conditions, but the bones don't change. Your understanding of them will deepen as you learn, but they will always be what they are and placed where they belong or the tarot reading will not run, walk, or move.

Sometimes we'll get stumped on a card because what we know about a situation (the flesh) or what we are getting intuitively (also flesh) does not appear to fit well over the bones. Good tarot readers don't discard the bones because the flesh doesn't seem to fit. A good tarot reader digs deeper to see how the flesh connects, finds the sinews, ligaments and muscle fibers that latch to the bone.

Get digging. Find the connective tissue. That's tarot reading.

It's Your Own Damn Fault

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 18:31:00 +0000

Regret. Cyn McCurry

When I was sixteen I did a really dumb thing. (Who hasn't at sixteen?) See, when I was fourteen I was diagnosed with severe scoliosis and was promptly fitted with a Milwaukee brace, a neck to pelvis contraption that I wore 23 hours a day. My tummy had not seen the sun in two years and I went with my friends on a day trip to the beach, fell asleep on the sand, and woke with a very red belly. I shook and shivered on the way home but couldn't tolerate the scratchy, wool blanket I was given to wrap up in. It hurt my skin. I passed out once on the way into the house. My boyfriend stayed with me until my mother came home and explained to her what happened. I was crying in pain and my mother snapped, "It's your own damn fault!"

Yes. She was right. However, her being right didn't help. It never helps me to point out this obvious fact that my suffering is my own doing. That's right, it NEVER helps. It hurts. It comes under the category of if you don't have anything nice (or helpful) to say, don't say anything at all. That's because my default is to blame myself for everything that happens to me. This is why I don't say certain things out loud because I am sure that someone will say, "Well, it's your own fault." I miss my kids. I miss them with everything in me. I hurt tangibly and physically sometimes because I miss them. I made the heart-wrenching decision seven years ago to be the one to leave the family home when their father and I divorced. I moved a two hour's drive away. It's still close enough to see them and they have spent time with me, but that pain never lessened or went away. Now that they're older and have less time to spend with their mom, it's harder to arrange time to see them. We talk on the phone and on Facebook, but, well, you know, not the same. This pain is my fault. I know this and beat myself up about it on a regular basis. Yes, I know that's not helpful.

There are people who don't take enough responsibility for their choices. These are the blamers, the ones who point their finger at everyone and everything else for their pain. Stuck in victim mode, their misfortune is always the result of something outside of themselves. Saying, "It's your own damn fault," to them only helps if you first acknowledge their pain and accept that they are hurting. It's difficult to show compassion to someone like this, but it's absolutely necessary if your goal is to speak a harsh truth to them. They have to know first that you care, that you have their best interest in mind and you're not just another outside force causing more pain.

On both ends of the spectrum, whether one takes on too much responsibility for the painful situation or not enough the most helpful advice is to focus on right now. Before someone can take steps in a positive, forward moving direction, they have to release themselves of the blame, both directed at themselves and others. The self-blamer believes that if she can isolate the actions and circumstances that caused the pain in the first place she can avoid the pain in the future. The other-blamer relieves themselves of the responsibility to make changes and keep doing what they're doing because they aren't in control. One assumes too much control while the other assumes too little. Regardless of their locus of control, neither has the ability to move forward. The fear of pain keeps them stuck.

In my tarot practice, I focus not on what will happen but on looking for ways to view the situation as it currently is and on steps one can take from here forward. Taking responsibility for the choices we make in life is one thing. Regretting them is something that happens often because once choices have been made they can't be unmade and they come with unknown and unintentional consequences. The last thing anyone needs when they cry out in pain from shooting themselves in the foot is the reminder that they did it to themselves. They already know that. They're already kicking themselves with the uninjured foot.

Not You Again?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:08:00 +0000

Recently a tarot reader wrote to me asking about how to discern the meaning of cards that keep showing up in one's readings. It will happen from time to time when reading for oneself where the same card or cards will reappear no matter what the subject or question. It would be fine if we knew what message these nagging cards were trying to convey, but we often don't. Their reappearance becomes more of a frustration than anything else and they seem to block us from figuring out the rest of the reading, too.

So what to do when these naggers show up time and time again? I think just the fact that they're being repetitive can cause a kind of "block" to our understanding of them. If a card or series of cards shows up once, we have no problem interpreting them, but once they start becoming frequent visitors we start to wonder what else they're trying to say apart from the original reading. The more we try to figure it out, we tend to over-think. Over-thinking usually blocks us from hearing our intuition and the situation gets frustrating as we pour over the individual card meanings, looking up definitions, and searching tarot websites for clues. One meaning leads to another, and another, and another....

I've experienced the best results from simply doing another reading on what the recurring cards are messaging. You'll want to remove the repetitive cards from the deck before laying out your reading because the last thing you want is for tarot to answer with those same cards, which is what usually happens. What does the 2 of Pentacles mean for me in these readings? The 2 of Pentacles. Thanks a lot, tarot. In the case of multiple recurring cards, I would do a reading on each and one for them together. A short, two or three card spread asking a direct question is best such as, "What does this card mean for me now?" is best. It is also helpful to have a position in your reading for "The card does not mean this," which will help rule out some of the various things your mind has been mulling over. Most importantly, do not over-think these readings and go with your initial intuitive meanings that come to you.

Another option is to consult another trusted tarot reader. I often receive feedback after a reading that the cards I pulled were the same cards the client had been seeing repetitively in their own readings but my more objective view was able to see what they had not.

Do you have another way to figure out those nagging recurring cards? I'd like to hear your suggestions!

Healing Without Wholeness

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sun, 03 Nov 2013 17:21:00 +0000


heal (v.)

Old English hælan "cure; save; make whole, sound and well," from Proto-Germanic *hailjan (cf. Old Saxon helian, Old Norse heila, Old Frisian hela, Dutch helen, German heilen, Gothic ga-hailjan "to heal, cure"), literally "to make whole."

I struggle with this. I have been on this quest for most of my life, the quest to "become whole." I laid down my sword in this battle recently. I'm done. No, I haven't reached "wholeness" or at least I don't think I have. I remain scarred, broken, and wounded. I'm just tired of the search and the work for something I now think is unattainable.

I question the idea that we come into this world whole and if only the best things happen to us we would remain so. Some of us enter life already injured, mentally or physically, or both. Some who endure deeply wounding experiences are incredibly resilient and move forward in living their lives to their fullest. Others, to whom nothing horrible appears to have happened, feel crippled by even getting up in the morning. Many of us are combinations of both, depending on the day.

Physically, I've been mostly healthy, but the places in my body that have been made un-whole bear the evidence. There are scars and small fractures where the experience left its mark. There is no such thing as putting something back the way it was before. It works much the same way with emotional injuries. Healing is, at best, mostly. Not whole, not complete, not ever.

One of the most compelling things about Christianity for me was its focus on healing. I embraced the religion in the aftermath of a deeply traumatic and abusive marriage and the promises of healing in the Bible gave me intense hope. But looking back at my time within that religion, I can't say for certain that healing came, at least not specifically through practicing the religion. Time, love, experience -- these things helped greatly. Therapy helped a lot more.

whole (adj.)

Old English hal "entire, unhurt, healthy," from Proto-Germanic *khailaz "undamaged" (cf. Old Saxon hel, Old Norse heill, Old Frisian hal, Middle Dutch hiel, Dutch heel, Old High German, German heil "salvation, welfare"), from PIE *koilas (cf. Old Church Slavonic celu "whole, complete.") The spelling with wh- developed early 15c.

According to the dictionary, the whole is all there is, every part, member, aspect. It is the complete sum, amount, quantity of anything. Something that is whole is not divided. It is undiminished, integral, complete, unimpaired, perfect.

So I needed a different definition since it became clear this kind of return to emotional Eden was not going to happen. I am now inspired by people who, though damaged and decidedly not whole, live in peace with themselves and others. Who, despite not having much to offer, are generous and outreaching. Not because they don't hurt, but because they understand hurt. These people are patient with others because they understand that living broken makes us walk with our own peculiar limp. They're not offended when their efforts to embrace are rebuffed because sometimes just touching raw, wounded people can hurt them. These people have not erased their injuries but incorporated them into themselves as part of the package.

For me, wholeness is better described by acceptance. My spine, for example, is crooked. Extremely crooked. It looks something like this but more pronounced:

My spine will never be straight. I will never know a pain free day. It hasn't stopped me from dancing, working out, hiking, running -- well, ok, sometimes running hurts. I have learned that strengthening the muscles around my spine helps reduce the pain tremendously. I am not on pain medications. I have some limitations, but I work around them. I accept that my spine will forever be crooked, I accept that I will never be "whole." For me this works a lot better than trying to become whole in reality. It is a kind of "wholeness in spite of not whole." This is the same approach I now use in terms of emotional wholeness. Healing, then, is not a quest to return to some untarnished state but to move forward with acceptance of one's broken pieces. Where there are limitations, find a way to work around them. There are days when my back hurts so much I can't do the things I planned. Those days I am gentle with my body and rest. So it is with emotional hurts, even those from long ago that, for some reason, have flared up with an unintentional trigger experience. Give yourself time and space. Don't berate yourself for not having healed yet. Who said you will? Who told you that there would come a time when you would never hurt again from that injury or damage? Maybe so, but maybe not. Instead of hoping for some future time when it won't hurt ever again, find your way through the pain now. Do things that strengthen the muscles around the injured parts. Be kind to yourself and rest. Tell that nagging voice in your head to sit down and shut up because it is what it is and you are who you are, broken parts and all.

Back To School with Tarot?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sun, 06 Oct 2013 15:15:00 +0000

So my car died. The transmission was being stupid and every day it was being a little more stupid. My mom bought herself a new car and gave me her older one, a PT Cruiser. If I had won the lottery, the PT Cruiser is not the car I would have chosen but it is very nice and it certainly beats a dead car. So I'm extraordinarily grateful to my mother. In the process of registering the car, I had to produce my birth certificate to prove I am my mother's daughter but the problem was I couldn't find it. I tore through some boxes of stuff in storage and found not what I was looking for but a whole slew of old tarot journals from when I was learning to read. I didn't realize how many notes I'd taken, how many readings I wrote down, card meanings, musings, etc. Many.

I'm frequently asked how to learn to read tarot. Several people have asked if I offer classes. I can do that. One of the roles I play at my day job has been as a trainer. I can teach adults the stuff I know. But tarot is different. Some people thrive in a classroom setting and there are some wonderful readers offering wonderful tarot courses and classes, but I'm hesitant. Because that's not the way I learned tarot. I realize not everyone is an autodidact, a self-taught person, but I learn best when I research and practice on my own. Besides, I'm not sure I can teach anyone how to read tarot exactly. I can teach the history of tarot cards and I can show how to lay them out in spreads and I can hand out a set of acceptable meanings, but that's not reading. Besides, you can get that within the little booklet that comes packaged with almost every tarot deck. So what would a class really offer that one can't get on their own?

Maybe I'm being dense. Learning tarot in a class is much like learning anything else. If I took a class on cake decorating but then didn't practice on my own at home, I wouldn't get any better at creating rosettes. If I took a language class and yet continued to use the translation dictionary, the words, the subtle meanings and the natural flow of speaking and understanding wouldn't embed itself in my brain. Maybe this is why I don't take classes unless they are a means to an end such as earning credits toward a degree. If I have a passion to learn something, I just go do it and learn as I go. I have thoroughly enjoyed taking classes, don't misunderstand. I love learning new things. But learning a skill is different and learning tarot is more different still.

While there is a right and wrong way to bake a cake and pronounce a word in another language, there is no right or wrong way to read tarot (or pronounce it, for that matter). While I can equip you with the basics, you must take it from there. You will need to work with your cards every day several times a day. You will be thinking about them even when you're not working with them. You will be reading about them, talking with others about them, writing about them and yes, reading, reading, reading them. You will make discoveries and apply them to your readings. You will study the cards, research symbols, colors, numbers, and incorporate what you find. Or not. Maybe you will find whatever you find in the cards. Maybe you will develop your own set of meanings and symbols and use those. No one can teach you these things.

Because the language of tarot comes from your own conscious and subconscious connections and experiences, every reader speaks a different dialect of tarot. When I read for someone who also reads tarot, I am often asked how I arrived at a particular card meaning. I don't know? I can only tell you what I know about the card itself but how the connection came to be made between that and what I told you in the context of your reading is a complex domino effect of associations that happens so quickly in my brain that I couldn't begin to unravel it for you.

The first tarot reading I received was so mind blowing for me that when I began the process of learning tarot, I wanted to read like THAT. I wanted to be able to read those cards like a story, connecting them in a way that not only made sense linguistically but made sense in the life of the one I was reading for. Just as learning a language is best done by immersing oneself in the culture and environment of the language, so it was for me with tarot, too.

That said, I've been thinking about offering something, though, along the lines of teaching tarot. Just because I learn best on my own doesn't mean everyone does. I'm not against a tarot class, per se, but maybe a kind of tarot mentoring or coaching would be more beneficial? For those who might be interested in a tarot class, what would you be looking for? What would you want to accomplish by taking such a class? When the class was over, what would you expect to be equipped to do?

Get Lost

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 23:24:00 +0000

It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.

~Erika Harris

Looking out of the car window in the dark, nothing looked familiar. I could hear my mom mutter under her breath. One of us would inevitably ask the question, "Are we there yet?" and then the snapped answer, "We're LOST!" Gasp! Oh no! Our eyes would widen as we scanned the foreign land around us. How will we make it home? What will happen to us in this dangerous, unknown place? "Lock the doors," Mom commanded. We quickly obliged, then slunk down into the seats, not wanting the people of the outside to see us. Sitting ducks. Inevitably, being lost meant wandering through the "bad" parts of town. Anything could happen. We could run out of gas. A gang of rabid squirrels could attack the car. We could keep going round in circles and not get out of there, wherever there was. It's a scary, frustrating thing being lost.

Those were the days before GPS, before Google Maps. There were no cell phones. Mom was a single mother and had no back up partner to call from a pay phone at a well lit gas station. Being kids who didn't know how to drive or how we got to where we were in the first place, we were no help. To the contrary, I'm sure we made her feel even more vulnerable and our nervous questions added to her own anxiety. She had to figure it out on her own and though my mother has many talents, a sense of direction is not one of them. I remember hanging over the front seat during one of these "adventures" and making the observation, "You know, Mom, whenever we get lost, we always end up home eventually." This made her laugh and relax a little. "Yeah, " she said, "We do. We always do get home."

The thing about getting lost is that it just happens. You can't make it happen, I've tried. I've intentionally taken wrong turns, driven until the road ends, went places I had no idea where they went to, and still mostly knew where I was. It's pretty much an exercise in bullshit trying to get lost, so I'd end up back home not feeling at all satisfied. When you're truly lost it happens in what seems like a blink of an eye. You're in familiar territory then all of a sudden you're not. Nothing looks right. It dawns on you that you have never seen that building, that road, that sign. Uh oh. So you try very hard to listen to your intuition to guide you out and you feel very strongly you need to take that turn, go that way. So you do, and keep following your gut. And you end up going in a big goddamn circle. Now you've lost faith in yourself, your inner compass, and you really don't know how to find your way home. Now it's at least an hour later and it's dark and you can't see the road signs. Not that they'd help you because you don't know the names and you don't know which one you're supposed to take. One leads to a cul-de-sac, so you just turn around. Another leads to a dead end. Yet another ends up in someone's driveway. You're getting more hopeless and frustrated but you know you can't stay where you are. You don't belong there. You begin to feel like prey. Don't act lost, you think, someone will smell your fear. Someone will take advantage of you. You try to act like you belong there even though everything inside of you feels like a gnawing, nagging desperation that knows you don't.

What to do? Might as well pray. Got nothing to lose. Please, God, show me the way home and I'll never get lost again! Then you look around and keep your eyes peeled for a sign. Nothing. Crickets. A beautiful night sky blinks in starry silence. Fuck it. Go. This way. Then that way. Keep going. Stop, get more gas. Ask directions. Get laughed at as they tell you the highway exit you've been looking for is a mile away. That way. Feel relieved and stupid at the same time. Laugh at yourself. Turn the radio back on, relax and go. As you drive into familiar areas, you relax even more, turn the volume up and start dancing in your seat as you feel the stress of the evening leave your body as you sing along with the radio at the top of your lungs. You know where you are. You're home.

“Getting lost is just another way of saying 'going exploring.”
― Justina Chen, North of Beautiful

Getting lost is an unnerving experience for many. For others, it's an adventure. It's a matter of perspective and circumstances. For my mother, the responsibility of four young children added to her stress because she felt responsible for our safety and well being, too. If you're on your own and have no pressing external obligations or responsibilities, no one worrying about you being dead in a ditch, you're less likely to freak out. If you have a lifeline like a cell phone or a GPS in your car, you're also less likely to panic. If your internal compass leads you in the right direction the first time, it's all good. But I don't consider those kinds of circumstances truly lost. You're simply misdirected, misaligned, out of your way. Being truly lost is to be without lifelines, directions, internal compasses, and sometimes even hope.

It gets harder and harder to literally get lost these days. The world is a smaller and smaller place and increasingly interconnected. With all the franchise and chain stores in the strip malls and shopping centers, most towns look a lot the same. While you may not know where you are, at least things look familiar. Pull into the McDonald's and use the free WiFi and figure it out. Get on Facebook and ask your friends. Google it. Get instant answers. We're not able to get lost these days it seems, except inside, except in life. There isn't a roadmap for your inner journey. No GPS for your life. Your Facebook friends can't direct you. That friendly guy at the gas station? Nope. And the stars just stare and blink, still silent.

And it's not even that you're stuck, but maybe running in circles. There are plenty of roads, but not a clue which one to take. All the familiar storefronts are here, but it doesn't feel like home. We can divine tarot for direction, but ultimately even that advice must resonate with your internal compass before you agree to take it. Ultimately, in life as in being lost on the road, we just say "Fuck it" and go. Any direction different from the circles you've been going. Because it doesn't really matter which way you go as long as you go. Because there's one thing you know: here is not home. It may not feel like it, but this is a good experience. Even as a child I knew we would make it home. Somehow.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. ~Douglas Adams

When Tarot Says Wait

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 15:25:00 +0000

Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.
-Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

Tarot is a master of dilemmas. One of the finest uses for tarot is sorting through the angles and what if's and projecting possible outcomes. It's what makes it such a great tool for brainstorming and decision making. So when the advice the cards give is to wait it can be extremely frustrating. We've been waiting, hence the stalemate of the stubborn problem, and we decide to give tarot a go at the situation and even tarot is being stubborn! At first you might think tarot is being obtuse. Like, no shit Sherlock, I already know I'm stuck, give me a freaking answer already!

There are several cards in the deck that indicate waiting. The Hanged Man is probably the most obvious as he's got no other option.

In some ways, as frustrating as any kind of waiting can be, this kind of waiting is one of those "Oh well, may as well make the best of it" kind of times. And with this card you really do make the best of the waiting time and come away from it better off. What's more, you don't have to do much externally. (Well, you can't anyway.) All the good stuff happens internally. Your focus and perspective takes a major shift so when the waiting is over, you're all set to move forward. Getting this card as a signal to wait is a bit easier because you already know if you're caught up like the guy in the card and there's nothing you can do. It's nice to have this acknowledged by a tarot reading so you can accept the situation and get to the internal business rather than struggle against the ropes.

The 4 of Swords is another kind of waiting.

The waiting in this card can be either self-imposed or externally demanded. It indicates a time out either due to illness, imprisonment, a short retreat, even spending time catching up on desperately needed sleep. Like the Hanged Man, it involves gaining perspective, indicated by the swords, as the mental blockade becomes less impenetrable during the time spent in rest. This card advises stepping back and waiting so your mind has an opportunity to settle and in that time you will be better able to go back and deal with the issue. With waiting, time seems suspended and that can be the most frustrating part. Waiting is always less frustrating when we have something to do. But doing isn't always active or physical, it can be mental doing that occupies the time. However, this card says we shouldn't even be doing that. Stop tossing the problem back and forth in your mind for a while. Let it just be and go take care of yourself. Stop obsessing.

And then we have the 2 of Swords:

If ever there was a dilemma card, this one's it. It's not always indicative of indecision. Sometimes it can be a conscious choice to remain neutral in a situation. In terms of waiting, however, this card advises to take that neutral stance until a truth of some kind reveals itself that will undoubtedly break the stalemate. That revelation often comes as the 3 of Swords, an unpleasant truth, but necessary to understand clearly before one knows what to think and do.

Active waiting is another kind, somewhat better to deal with, but still frustrating to get in a reading. The 7 of Pentacles can represent this kind:

In the situation represented by the 7 of Pentacles, you've already put so much time, energy and investment into the situation but you're wondering if you should expend any more. It may be starting to look like it was all a wasted effort and if you continue you may just be throwing good resources after bad. Or maybe when you started you felt more positive about the whole thing but now, you're just not sure it's what you really want. And it's turning out to be a lot more work than you bargained for, too. This card is full of doubt and wishful thinking. Still, there's stuff you can do in the meantime while you're waiting for the situation to ripen. Until something indicates it's time to go in a different direction, you can keep tending to the situation as you have been. I wouldn't invest any more additional resources if you can help it, but just watch and wait to see if things turn out well (or not). This means you'll still be busy, which makes the waiting somewhat more bearable.

Fours in tarot often show stillness, a time of unmoving stability. The 4 of Cups is interesting because cups, emotions, are often anything but still:

Here's the kind of waiting that one does when you're just not feeling it. You had hoped for more and you didn't get it. There's disappointment and feelings of hopelessness. These emotions have a way of dragging you down so you don't even want to keep trying or hoping. Just fuck it, you think, I should just forget it. But you can't. So you wait until something happens to engage your emotions or passions again. Waiting through this card can feel awful, so the advice would be to try not to be so pessimistic and look around you for opportunities you may be missing that would fill your cup again. Take time to just sit with your emotions (or lack of them) and accept that we all go through times like this. I definitely wouldn't make any decisions during this time. Probably unwise. So wait it out.

I really hate the next one, the 8 of Swords:

Stuck. So goddamn stuck. I always get the sense that this woman didn't get into this predicament by herself. While her own thoughts may be keeping her there, she's been hoodwinked and tied up, too. It's as if someone has deceived her and she is now realizing she has been deceived but doesn't know what to do about it and can't find her way out of the deception. The advice here isn't about waiting for rescue, because that isn't going to happen. The waiting in this card is less about standing still any longer, but waiting on your own senses to engage and give you important clues how to release yourself. This woman can use her sense of smell and hearing to gather crucial information. She can smell the sea and hear the waves and know not to move in that direction. She can feel the sand under her feet and take tentative, careful steps across the sand, feeling her way forward. This card can also indicate you've been accepting of your victimization and it's now time to take some control. This card can reveal why you have been waiting but it doesn't exactly advise to keep waiting. It does, however, advise that whatever you decide to do, do carefully and calculatingly.

Usually the 4 of Pentacles is viewed in a rather negative light, as a miserly, greedy, stubborn kind of energy. But in terms of advice and waiting it can mean not these traits but something different:

This is mine and you can't have any. It's telling you to not give any of your stuff, your time, your resources, your attention. Be stubborn and stick to your boundaries. Don't give in. It's not so much about waiting as about taking a stand and refusing to be manipulated or victimized. So if you're wondering what you can do about a situation and this card comes up as advice, don't do anything. Don't give anything. Let them come to you, and even then, don't budge.

While waiting is hard, really hard sometimes, when the advice is clear that waiting is the best course of action, er, non-action, we can at least use the time wisely and productively by following the other clues in the card's advice. If we need to take a break from the situation, do that. Take a long drive, go to a movie, whatever it takes to get away from the anxiousness of waiting. If the card says just keep doing what you've been doing, then do that and try not to stress over what if's. If you're supposed to start taking baby steps, take one. Doesn't matter which one, just move in a direction. If you can't actually do anything, try to see the situation from other perspectives. A change of mind and understanding can actually be the key to getting unstuck. Waiting is always difficult, but with something to do it seems to pass more quickly.

The Cougar in The Lovers Card

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 02:39:00 +0000

Although we don't really know what is happening in the scene in the Marseilles "The Lover" card, some have suggested it may be an allegorical choice between two women, one older (Virtue), one younger (Sensuality). The card can indicate the need for guidance in decisions, taking into account what you believe in, your moral standing, before moving forward with a choice. As far as literal romance goes, we expect he'll choose the younger. Did you ever wonder what if he chose the older woman? How might that go?

I am happily partnered with a man who is 16 years younger than me. Does this make me a "cougar?" Maybe. I mean, it kind of started off in a cougar-like fashion. Mike was the first younger man I'd ever considered being romantically involved with, but I wasn't looking for long term at the time. I met him nine years ago. He was handsome, sexy, charming and 25. I was 41 and just wanted a fun fling with that sweet young thang. So I kissed him. Right on the mouth. But falling in love? Not on the agenda for either of us. During the course of that "fling" we unexpectedly connected on a really deep, loving level. We've been in a committed relationship for six years now.

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For anyone considering this kind of relationship, I gotta warn you, it's not all the stuff of steamy fantasy, although that is one of the perks. Some think being with a much younger partner would make you feel younger. It decidedly does not. If anything it makes me feel older. I mean, there he is in all his youngness and, by comparison, I'm not. He'll talk about coming of age in the 90's when I had already had two marriages, four children, and a mortgage. I graduated high school when he was still using fat crayons. When I get in an oldies music mood and turn on some obscure classic rock song, he'll surprise me and sing along. He smiles and says, "My dad used to listen to that." Nice. When I am moody, he doesn't blame it on PMS, he blames it on perimenopause. Needless to say, a host of insecurities can rise to the surface and cause problems if not dealt with.

Insecurity: He will probably leave me for a younger woman.

Truth: He might, but so could any guy. How is age a guarantee he won't? Plenty of men do this whether they are older, the same age, or younger. Trust is an issue in relationships, period.

Insecurity: He must have mommy issues and I'm the cure.

Truth: I see women in their twenties "mothering" grown ass men all the time. I'm careful not to nurture too much but not because he's younger than me. Because its my nature to do so and then resent the hell out of it. I have learned a thing or two from my past relationships, so I check that impulse. It has nothing to do with his age and everything to do with my own unhealthy patterns. But even if he did have "mommy issues," so what? Who doesn't bring their issues into relationships? We all have them and the trick is to find someone who fits into your particular emotional curves. In this scene from the movie Rocky Paulie asks Rocky why he wants to be with his sister, why Adrian?

Paulie: [talking about Adrian] You like her?
Rocky: Sure, I like her.
Paulie: What's the attraction?
Rocky: I dunno... she fills gaps.
Paulie: What's 'gaps'?
Rocky: I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.

Insecurity: He's embarrassed by my age when we go out together.

Truth: He brags about my age to his friends and anyone who will listen. Stop it, I shush him, but that's because I'm usually the one thinking I look foolish with this younger man, not the other way around. He tells his guy friends they should find an older woman to settle down with and proudly states our age difference. This is new to him, too. He's never been in a relationship with an older woman and while he struggled with the idea at first, he says its the best decision he's ever made. I do present as younger than I am, and I won't deny that's part of what attracted Mike to me. I'm comfortable with my age but I'm also fine with letting people think I'm only slightly older than him. No such luck as he usually lets that cat out of the bag. I don't really focus on "looking younger." If I did I'd exercise a lot more than I do. If you're going to be with someone a lot younger than you, confidence in yourself and satisfaction with who you are is key. Then again, that's key in any relationship, isn't it?

Insecurity: He's so immature.

Truth: Yeah, in some ways. And so am I in some ways. Nobody grows up in a linear fashion. One of the things that attracted me to him was his mental and emotional maturity, the way he thinks through issues and leaves room for change. When he's being stupid and immature, I roll my eyes and let it roll off my shoulders. Thankfully, he does the same for me. Sometimes we'll call each other out on it. Nobody gets defensive. How we deal with each others immaturity is actually quite mature.

Insecurity: I'll tire of him eventually.

Truth: How is this an age thing? I might get tired or bored with any partner.

Other things, not age difference, are more likely to doom our relationship, things that most couples struggle with such as stress, finances, and the fact that he avoids doing the dishes. We both have so much baggage, issues, and past stuff that could potentially create impasse, but we navigate through all that with honesty and courage. As far as interpersonal relating goes, it's the most equal and emotionally healthy relationship I've ever had. I'm not saying age isn't an issue here. It is, but it's just one among others and frankly it's a much lesser issue in the whole scheme of our relationship.

There were those who thought Mike was my mid-life crisis boy toy and I was his cougar/MILF experience. Mostly the negative comments and cautionary concern came from people my age and older. Younger men and women in their 20's and 30's have been very supportive and affirming. The older folks have experience and wisdom, but love doesn't listen to that. There's just no rhyme or reason to love, there really isn't. I'm as surprised as anyone that this man grabbed my heart and I his. The heart apparently does not count the years lived. It is more concerned with the immediate and present and sees beyond, under, around and through.

Ginny & Mike

Fear: Taming Our Overprotective Guard Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sat, 04 May 2013 18:50:00 +0000

“What difference do it make if the thing you scared of is real or not?”

~ Toni Morrison

Original image: Album cover by Alfatec, Brainphobia

Fear. It is one of our basic, instinctive, primal responses. Fear is necessary to survival and so our brains are hard-wired with this complex response to real or imagined threats to our safety. Fear demands a response, any response, immediately. It prompts our entire body and mind to react and react now.

To produce the fight-or-flight response, the brain releases chemicals that activate the release of approximately 30 different hormones that get the body prepared to deal with a threat.
The sudden flood of these hormones cause changes in the body that include:

heart rate and blood pressure increase
pupils dilate to take in as much light as possible
veins in skin constrict to send more blood to major muscle groups (responsible for the "chill" sometimes associated with fear -- less blood in the skin to keep it warm)
blood-glucose level increases
muscles tense up, energized by adrenaline and glucose (responsible for goose bumps -- when tiny muscles attached to each hair on surface of skin tense up, the hairs are forced upright, pulling skin with them)
smooth muscle relaxes in order to allow more oxygen into the lungs
nonessential systems (like digestion and immune system) shut down to allow more energy for emergency functions
trouble focusing on small tasks (brain is directed to focus only on big picture in order to determine where threat is coming from)

All of these physical responses are to help you survive a dangerous situation by preparing you to either run or fight for your life. (Source: How Fear Works)

Each of us find different situations threatening, so what produces these responses in one person may not in another. When we see someone reacting in the throes of fear we may not immediately understand why they are so uptight and anxious just as others don't always get why we're freaking out. We can understand why a survivor of trauma fears similar situations to the original event, but our minds are so good at fear that we can fear things that have never happened to us. Therein lies the immobilizing power of fear. It holds us back from doing things because we imagine the outcome as dangerous. We can even interpret fear as intuition -- and sometimes it is, hence the confusion -- and refrain from something simply because we are afraid. It's very difficult to move against the onslaught of all those physical chemicals and consciously choose not to react immediately, but that is precisely what we need to do when we are in fear's grip and we are actually not in any immediate danger.

Time permitting, we should examine the source of the fear and determine whether it is real or imagined. Imagined fears aren't necessarily less real. I've never been bitten by a lion, but I am pretty certain I shouldn't waltz into the lion's enclosure at the zoo. There are risks we shouldn't be willing to take. But so many perceived risks have good odds of turning out well, but our brains want to protect us so fear takes over. While I appreciate my body's concern for my well-being, it can get out of hand and smother me with its protection like an overprotective guard dog. So I need to determine whether I am responding to something from a place of fear or a place of curiosity and confidence. Fear holds us back or makes us run willy-nilly in the opposite direction while confidence moves us forward and gives us the inspiration to try new things.

Tarot readings can help sort this. We can ask if we are responding in fear and if so, what is that fear based upon. Is it helping or hurting? We can examine alternative responses and then make conscious, not reactive, choices to a stressful or confusing situation. Because fear can wear many disguises such as anger, apathy, and sadness, sometimes we don't even recognize it as fear. Fear is not weakness, it just is. We simply need to acknowledge it and pat it on its head, thank it for its protection, but not allow it to dictate our decisions.

Here is an example of a simple reading on fear:

Deck: Original Rider Waite

What do I fear in this situation? The Emperor. I fear losing control, of having the ultimate last word on what happens in my world. I fear giving up that control to someone else who may or may not have my best interests at heart.

What is a more confident response? Knight of Cups. The Knights are pretty courageous guys. They move towards their goal in spite of their fear and this one does so for the cause of love. Despite the very real danger of heartbreak, humiliation, and emotional pain, this knight recommends putting yourself out there for love's sake and to do so from a place of love, not fear.

What is likely to happen if I choose this response? The Tower. This card can by itself provoke fear in many, but take a deep breath and another look. It represents a breaking down of false fronts, walls, and artifices that shouldn't have been erected in the first place. In this reading it shows that the very thing that is needed, courage and love, will break through lies, deception, and ego. From there, things may be lost and rebuilt, but it must happen and will happen regardless. It will clear the air and bring much needed change. Maybe it won't be pleasant, but it will be worth it. Will you maintain control? Probably not. Your fear is justified, but the Tower shows it is necessary to release it and lose it to gain much more.

Scary? Sure. But acknowledging the fear and seeing what is likely to happen when the situation is approached with courage produces confidence which then prompts us to move forward rather than remaining stuck in unhealthy patterns and behavior. We can also likewise determine if the fear is worthy of heeding, if approaching the situation in confidence would actually be foolhardy. Either way, we are consciously choosing our actions rather than merely reacting.

Luck O' The Irish

noreply@blogger.com (Ginny Clayton Hunt) — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 19:50:00 +0000

“Luck enters into every contingency.

You are a fool if you forget it -- and a greater fool if you count upon it.”

― Phyllis Bottome

Today being St. Patrick's Day, I was thinking of the ironic term, "The Luck of the Irish." Historically, to be Irish is certainly not very lucky. I suppose if it weren't for bad luck the Irish would have no luck at all. Just like Irish humor tends to be wry, ironic and a wee bit dark, the phrase is actually meant to point out one's unlucky experiences and its earliest roots can be traced back to Ireland before any immigration to the United States. In coming to the US, the Irish have withstood not a small amount of racism over the years and when Americans used the phrase it was because they couldn't believe the Irish were actually smart enough to succeed on their own merits, such as when they frequently struck gold in the American West, so it must be luck. So while the Irish use the term ironically, Americans tend to use it literally. It's like an inside joke, and now you get it.

For some perspective, Cracked.com has a great piece on this called "6 Reasons the Irish Aren't So Lucky."

Luck in the tarot is Fortuna, better known as The Wheel of Fortune, and just like the Luck of the Irish, it isn't always good luck that is portrayed. The name Fortuna may have its root in the Latin fero, meaning "to bring, win, receive, or get" or Fortuna's name may derive from the Etruscan Goddess Voltumna, whose name encompasses ideas of turning and the alternating seasons.

Her temples were virtual casinos in Rome where Fortuna, the lot distributor, reigned and was honored through dice games and roulette. However, everyone knew of her fickle and capricious nature, so there were no guarantees if you left an offering that she would bless your fate.

In reading for clients I often stress less fate and more direct control over the circumstances in one's life. However, I cannot deny the reason most people want a tarot reading is to gain a bit of an edge over Fortuna, to glimpse into her plans, if she even has any. I am not convinced she does. While some are happier with the notion that "everything happens for a reason" I really don't believe that. I think we make reason and sense of things in hindsight, after the fact, because we have a need to believe there is an orderly parade to Fate's decisions. I think Fate can conspire with other forces, most of which lie within ourselves, to bring about good fortune. We often say, "But if that [insert Bad Luck Thing] didn't happen, I wouldn't be who I am today." True enough, but I am not certain that it was Fortuna's plan to assist your growth. It all depends how you use the Bad Luck Thing in your life. We can, like the Irish, persevere and overcome with strength and humor, or we can let it beat us under the crushing weight of the Wheel. Therein I believe is the true "Luck of the Irish." It is the ability to turn our fates to good no matter what Bad Thing may happen.

“When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.” ― Edna O'Brien