Monson's Adventures

The Cernys

2009-08-03T11:29:00.004-07:00

Sexsmith

2009-06-14T20:33:00.009-07:00

Hammond M3 Organ from Oregon

2009-03-01T13:10:00.002-07:00

Bokeh Shapes

2008-11-11T12:03:00.005-07:00

The above images were achieved by cutting small shapes into pieces of card stock and fitting them over a lens capable of an aperture of 1.8 or larger:

Big thanks to Kristine (with a K) and her magic paper cutter.

Aerials

2008-08-07T22:06:00.001-07:00

I remember...

2008-06-07T13:34:00.002-07:00

I remember when I was walking home from the bus stop in elementary school and my mom met me half way.
I remember seeing a bulge beneath her coat and poking it.
I remember my excitement when she opened her coat to reveal a little black puppy in it.
I remember us kids sitting in the family room trying to decide on a name for the puppy.
I remember us bringing up the story of Little Black Sambo which was often told to us as we grew up.
I remember when we decided to call her Samba, the feminine version of Sambo.
I remember sitting on the kitchen floor playing with Samba the first night we had her.
I remember how she would piddle on the floor every time she met someone new.
I remember how excited she would be when we would get home from school each day.
I remember one time when I was wrestling with Samba in the kitchen. My head somehow got caught under a barstool while Samba pounced on me from behind.
I remember one of her teeth somehow got caught in my nostril and I couldn’t free it because my head was stuck under the barstool.
I remember the newspapers we spread all over the kitchen when we were potty training Samba
I remember how she would sit at the door when she wanted outside.
I remember how she would jump up on her hind legs to look in the window as we would eat dinner.
I remember how she would roll around in the grass to itch her back.
I remember how hard we laughed when my dad gave Samba some salsa that she had been begging for. She promptly ran over to her water dish and dunked her head in it.
I remember she sat there blowing bubbles in her water for a good three minutes.
I remember throwing blankets over her and watching her run around the house not knowing where she was going.
I remember when Samba saw herself in a full length mirror for the first time. She ran straight into the mirror and made me laugh so hard.
I remember when a few of us were in the basement and Samba suddenly ran the length of the room with her body pushed against the wall for no reason at all.
I remember how hyper Samba would get when we played out in the yard. Sometimes she would suddenly take off and start running laps around the yard at full speed.
I remember how gentle Samba was, even when we were play-fighting. If she ever grabbed my hand in her teeth, she would quickly loosen her grip to ensure she wasn’t hurting me.
I remember the dog mansion we built for Samba to live in.
I remember when we both jumped in there to hide from a sudden rainstorm.
I remember how both of us sat in there watching the rain pour down outside.
I remember how adamantly Samba would bark every time someone walked down the walkway next to our backyard.
I remember how she used to jump on the trampoline with us, and bark when we started jumping really high.
I remember how she used to fall asleep on my chest, or how she would turn around ten times before finally lying down in my lap to fall asleep.
I remember how I would stomp out to the backyard when I was angry or sad and how Samba would sit quietly beside me, licking the tears off of my face.
I remember when Samba would sometimes follow me into the bathroom when I had to go pee. I would always make her look the other way, ‘cause she was a girl.
I remember when our family took a trip out to Jasper and walked around the lake.
I remember when Samba took off chasing something half-way along the walk.
I remember searching, and shouting, but never finding her.
I remember how sad and distraught I was as we gave up the search and made our way back to the camper.
I also remember how happy I was to see Samba sitting there waiting for us when we arrived at the camper.
I remember the birthday party we had for Samba with one of the neighbour dogs.
I also remember hearing about how Samba barely dodged getting hit by a semi-truck that day.
I remember when I would go away to camp for a week, and how ecstatic Samba would be when I would return. Her tail would be wagging so hard that her whole body would wag with it. She would whimper with excitement and lick me every chance she got.
I remember teaching Samba to shake-a-paw or to say ‘please’ .
I remember how carsick Samba would get on long road trips. Especially on the curvy roads going down into Golden.
I remember Samba’s terror of thunder.
I remember romping around the woods with Samba when we moved out to the country.
I remember how she would always run ahead of me, but never forget to swiftly return to make sure I was still with her.
I remember how excited Samba would get when we asked her if she wanted to go for a walk.
I remember how sad Samba would get when we would go on walks without her.
I remember how much Samba seemed to enjoy getting scratched under her chin.
I remember how worried I was when I saw that Samba was leaving a trail of blood wherever she went.
I remember how disgusted I was when I learned why that was.
I remember when we brought a golden retriever over to ‘play’ with Samba during one of those times. I remember how funny they looked stuck together, butt-to-butt.
I remember that for the next day it seemed like every time I looked outside, there they were, stuck together looking sheepish.
I remember all the puppies running around a couple months later.
I remember how tired Samba looked, and wondering if she’d ever be that puppy I remembered her as.
I remember when her spunk returned many months later and how she still rolled around the grass like she did as a puppy.
I remember when her and two of her puppies went off on an adventure one day and returned looking like porcupines.
I remember coming back from college one year and noticing all the gray hairs showing up on her.
I remember coming to visit another time and noticing how Samba limped up and down the stairs.
I remember coming home again to hear that Samba was losing her bark.
I remember the last time I saw her... we slowly walked around the backyard. She would stop every few feet and look up at me.
I remember that even on that last walk Samba rolled around in the grass like the puppy I grew up with.

Farewell, old girl. I’ll always remember you. 06-07-08.

My New Website

2008-04-13T15:32:00.002-07:00

A few people have been asking to see my photography portfolio lately. Until now I've been directing them either to this blog, or to my Flickr page. But today, this glorious day, that is changing. I have finally purchased ryanmonson.com for $2 a year. Check it out from time to time to see what I've been shooting.

Portraits

2008-02-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Tara Cerney, due March 2008. Pictures range from October 2007 to February 2008.

Chairlift Smalltalk

2008-01-21T14:42:00.001-07:00

In case you are planning on hitting the slopes one of these days, here are some ways to avoid the boring smalltalk on a chairlift with strangers:

10. Start naming random people you know and see if they know them.
9. Ask them if they're single. Ignore their answer and start hitting on them. Don't worry if their partner is sitting next to them.
8. Offer them a quarter to lick the side of the chairlift. Ridicule them when they don't accept.
7. Start the wave.
6. Sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat'. After you get through it once, ask them to join in a round.
5. Ask what their favorite movies are. Be sure to inform them of what you dislike about each of the movies they mention.
4. Shout down to anyone that wipes out, asking if they're alright. Pretend you're their parent. The older they are, the better.
3. Pretend you have diarrhea.
2. Fall asleep on their shoulder.
1. Just before you get off, tell them how all your friends say you're the nicest person they've ever known.

My Dogs

2008-01-04T21:19:00.001-07:00

Tribute

2008-01-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Is Facebook a Plague?

2007-11-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

Below is an email conversation between my friend, Rob, and I regarding the subject of Facebook.

Here is what Rob wrote:
All over the world, people are caught up with Facebook. Multiple times a day, they have to check whether they have any new wall posts, or new comments on their photos. It becomes an obsession to stalk each other's profiles, to keep up with who is friends with who, to keep up with any messages they send and receive. To see the latest pictures of everyone. It is an obsession that takes up more and more time. Some spend hours a day checking their Facebook, even in the boss' time.
Is it a new thing though? Didn't the same thing happen with MySpace before Facebook, or the many similar sites on a smaller scale? Don't we spend as much time on MSN or checking our email? Does anyone even turn off their cell phone at night anymore, let alone at any time during the day?
It seems to me that it's a trend that has been going on for years now. In the Western world, we have become more and more obsessed with being in touch with each other, in whichever way possible. A lot of older societies didn't spend nearly as much time on social interaction. Today, not only do we spend more time interacting face to face, we also use all the new technological devices available to us. The danger with them is that they are much more easily available to us. And so they lend themselves to addiction. Arranging with a friend requires time and effort from both. MSN means talking to whoever of your 200 friends is available, without having to leave the house. Facebook or Myspace don't even require the other person to be online, and, unlike email, they allow you to see your friends' activities too. Nothing is easier, and nothing requires as little personal effort. But it can end up taking a lot more time, simply because it is so easy.
So there are two very closely related dimensions to the problem. One, that we are obsessed with our social life, and two, that we are easily addicted. I distinguish between the two, because they have different implications. First, obsession with our social life. In itself, there should be nothing wrong with the increased importance of social interaction. But it either stems from, or helps to cause, a need to base our self-value on the opinions of other people. Our identity is found in who our friends are, even how many friends we have, what the group likes or dislikes. Even those who dress or act in such a way as to shock people, or to be different, do so in order to gain a certain kind of recognition. We measure everything we do according to the tastes and preferences of, or simply to impress those near us. In doing so, we rely on others for our own gratification. And I think Facebook and all the other devices I have mentioned are only a symptom of that, not the disease. Second, our easy addiction. That, too, is part of a bigger trend. Or is it a trend? Today, we turn to friends, computers, the internet, sex, drugs, alcohol and so many other things to find satisfaction. In the past, people turned to other things. For instance, in ancient Greece, and even in Europe during the Renaissance, prostitution was much more accepted than it is today. The difference, I think, is that, again, it has become more easily available to us. As humans, we are prone to looking for satisfaction outside of ourselves (unlike animals, for instance). That is the power of religion. And though we don't call it religion nowadays, we still worship all kinds of things in the same way, by devoting our time and resources to them. I think it is much easier to get addicted to such things these days, simply because things like Facebook and pornography are found in our own homes, where no one sees them. By making it hidden, we have increased its power.
My conclusion would be that Facebook, or any of the other devices I mentioned, is not a plague, or any kind of disease. It is a symptom of a much bigger plague. That plague touches us all. It is the plague of humanity. Facebook stands out as an example because of its novelty (the same has been said about things like televisions and computers, in their day). I don't see any reason to quit all these things. What is needed is an awareness of what they are and what they are not. They are not devices that are worth devoting our time to. They can be used for entertainment and communication purposes, but little more than that.

My Response:
Well put. I agree with you. My grandparents were the same way
about the internet when it first came out. They don't condemn people
for using it, but they still don't have it. They see it as
unnecessarily complicating life, and so, they choose not to use it. I
respect them for that. I even made sure my mom printed off my blogs
and monthly updates so they could stay informed as to what I was doing
while I was in Egypt.

The thing is, all of these addictions have snuck up on our
civilization until we have begun to rely upon them for life. I can't
imagine giving up the internet. I wouldn't mind giving up TV, but
movies would be horrible to give up. These things are useful in my
life. Not just for entertainment, but also to get me thinking, and to
learn more. But how can I stop at just that when I am only human? I'm
sure I abuse these things as well. That is why when I see the next
iteration of social entertainment come up, which, in this case seems to
be Facebook, I want to steer clear of becoming addicted to it and
relying on it like we rely on electricity. I have chosen to abstain
from it, and I think that choice should be respected. Such is not the
case with the people I talk to, however. Many of my friends argue with
me over why I won't get Facebook. Nobody can understand why I hate it
so much, and I can never articulate why I think it is so horrible. The
fact is exactly what you pointed out: Facebook isn't the problem.
People's addictive consumerist behaviors are. I know I, like most people,
can have an addictive personality, so I choose to steer clear of things that can
be of danger. I steer clear of alcohol, too. If I don't feel I need
these things, why should I subject myself to them? This has helped me
to understand those older generations that claimed TV was 'the devil'.
I always thought those people were just stuck in the stone ages and
scared of progress. They probably know that progress isn't what it has
cracked up to be.

With all this increase of communication throughout the world, the ease
of it, the convenience of it, people are 'communicating' more than
ever, yet it seems so many people are lonelier than ever. You can walk
through a city, filled with people, yet nobody talks with those around
them. They are on cell phones, or reading newspapers, or listening to
music. I look around at people on trains and buses and I see lifeless,
lonely people, searching for meaning. Families hardly even communicate
any more. People are so busy that they don't sit around a table
together to share a meal. Parents work longer hours, students spend
more time in school or doing extra-curricular activities. With the
ease of communication that surrounds us, we live in a pretty shallow
and ignorant world. We busy ourselves so we don't feel our emptiness
or loneliness. All we are doing is stuffing square pegs into round
holes.

Another Week, Another Fire

2007-10-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first band concert of the school year. If you read my review about the last band concert I went to, you would have known how much I was looking forward to attending this concert. I remember sitting in the van as we drove home from work, thinking to myself, "Will someone barf at tonight's concert? How are they going to top their last performance?" My curiosity was interrupted as we rounded a corner and caught sight of my apartment building. I don't live in a flashy apartment building, so looking at it doesn't usually interrupt my thought process... but this time was different. There was smoke billowing out of the chimneys and pouring out of the windows. Flames were peeking out of the roof a couple apartments to the left of mine. Things were not looking good, especially on such a windy day.

My first thought was, "I hope my camera is alright!"
My next thought was, "I hope my laptop is alright!"
My next thought was, "What's with this town!?"

As I stepped out of the van I saw pastor Ted and Matt rescuing an elderly lady from the burning building. They said they just helped her across the street, but they were only being humble. What heroes! We sat on the Lyall's front lawn and watched our home get singed with fire and soggy with water. The elderly lady was taken into the Lyall's house to catch her breath (she was hooked up to an oxygen tank inside the burning building before the heroes escorted her away from there). Soon a gentleman from the Fording River mine rescue team stopped by to give her some oxygen until the ambulance arrived. By this time the streets were busy with small town folk walking and driving by to check out the excitement.

Eventually someone noticed a cat in the window of an apartment on the second floor. A man bolted forward and climbed up to the balcony of that apartment and opened the sliding door. He didn't come out valiantly holding the cat, but at least he opened the door and gave the cat a way out. Not only that, he increased the oxygen to that apartment so the fire could be fuelled further. What a hero! Actually, it was probably not a bad idea to open up the door. It rules out the possibility of a backdraft. I'm sure none of us want to sit through a sequel to that movie!

As the fire continued, more fire trucks arrived and the blaze was brought under control. It looked like my camera and laptop might've actually made it through the ordeal. Too bad I couldn't have been taking pictures of the event, though. I always miss out on these things! Like the time I watched a movie while the old school burnt down. How was I to know I was missing out on great photo ops just a block away? Nevertheless, I'm sure you're all dying to know if I made it to last night's band concert. I'm sorry to say, I missed it. I was too busy trying to figure out how to get a pair of underwear for today. We're a small town, remember. No Wal-Mart here!

Don't worry, the evening wasn't a total loss. The Calgary Flames beat Minnesota 5-3 last night! Before you make a bunch of jokes about flames and fire, I'll save you some time and let you know I've already heard them all. Don't even bother!

The Friendly Neighbourhood RCMP

2007-10-17T11:19:00.001-07:00

Today I finally got around to driving my car to the glass shop to get the windshield replaced. On the way to the glass shop, an RCMP truck passed me going the opposite direction. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever passed an RCMP vehicle on this highway. It's also the first time I was driving down the highway with a broken windshield. Naturally the cop turned around and chased me down. They're never around when kids are breaking windshields, but you can always count on them to be there when you're driving to the glass shop to get the windshield fixed!

Elkford Crime Scene!

2007-09-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

As pleasant as the town of Elkford is, it has come to my attention that it is not the innocent little mountain town I once thought it to be. Sure, I began to wonder when the old school mysteriously burnt down and a local church sign was ripped apart. It wasn't until I was personally victim to the town's plague of vandalism that I connected all the dots and realized that there is a major problem here. Earlier this week Matt walked into the room and asked me if I'd taken a look at my car recently. It seems the windshield got smashed by someone. The smash was dead center and definitely not an accident. The RCMP offered no help, naturally.

This brings me to the launch of the my new blog: Elkford Crime Scene. Why fall victim to the torrential onslaught of vandalism in this town without doing something about it? The Elkford Crime Scene site shall be dedicated to getting to the bottom of Elkford's vandals. If I hear about some vandalism going on in the town, I will post a summary of it on there. If anyone knows anything about the crime, they can leave comments on the post. If people wish to remain anonymous to the public, they can email their tips to elkfordcrimescene@gmail.com. Together we can catch the vandals! So far, my greatest resource is the high school students. I have a few of them working on investigating my windshield vandalism. We've already got a few leads, but will continue to gather evidence before approaching the suspects.

If the RCMP will not patrol this town, we citizens must band together to patrol it!

In other news, my credit card number was stolen this week. I noticed a charge on my credit card statement that I hadn't made. While I was checking it out online, Royal Bank phoned me up and asked if I'd made thousands of dollars of purchases online today. I had not. I don't think this was an Elkford crime, but it's annoying nonetheless. At least I won't be charged for all the purchases I didn't make. If only I wouldn't have to pay for the windshield that I didn't break.

Funny, while living in downtown Calgary I was victim to less crime than I am here...

Film Reviews

2007-09-10T17:08:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to announce the creation of a new blog in conjunction with my roommate, Matt Yeomans. The blog is entitled Monson & Yeomans and it is a film review website. Check it out!

Bear Hunting

2007-09-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

Last night pastor Ted and I went out looking for bears again. We found the remains of a moose that had been shot and a couple moose that were still alive and kicking, but no bear. These are a couple of shots I took last evening.

Office Excitement

2007-08-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

This morning I was sitting in my office, working away like usual, when out of nowhere I heard a woman scream. Naturally I didn't investigate. As I continued working away on my computer, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. I looked to my right and saw a little mouse sitting in the doorway of my office. As soon as I acknowledged it, it scurried towards me as if I were calling it. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to try out my rubber band shooting skills on a moving target. The mouse ran off before I could get a decent shot off. I sat back down and continued working. I've come to realize that after living in Egypt, nothing phases me. Minutes later I heard another woman scream, this time from the opposite side of the floor as the first woman.

Following the second scream I heard the first woman call out, "How did he get over there?!"

I smiled to myself and continued working. A short while later I heard a smash that sounded a bit like wood against the floor. Then I heard jubilant laughing from the women in accounting. I assume that means Stewart Little is no more. Poor little guy. He was so friendly!

News

2007-08-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

The Heagys have a new baby.
Andrew has a new wife.
I've got a 'new' car.

What's new with you?

School's Out For-EVER!

2007-08-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

At 7 o clock morning I was awoken by the sound of sirens. After living in downtown Calgary for a few years, this seemed like nothing out of the ordinary, so I fell asleep again. After all, it was a Saturday and I deserved to sleep at least until 9 am. When I got out of bed a couple hours later, I realized that I'm a small town guy now and sirens should be a big deal to me. I figured this would be one of those things I'd hear around the water cooler for the next week or two.

I smelled smoke, similar to the smell of a camp fire. But there's a fire ban on right now, which should've been more reason for me to get excited. Yet I still didn't bother to look outside. After checking my email and reading up on the world news, I noticed the smell of smoke was even more prevalent. I finally sauntered over to the balcony and looked outside. It was quite smokey out there. Not only that, but it was snowing large pieces of ash. Again, you would think that this would pique my curiosity and send me outside in search for the excitement. Instead, I decided to have a shower... just in case the town was evacuated due to an uncontrolled forest fire (I wouldn't want to be driving around, looking for lodgings with bedhead).

After my shower I looked outside once again and saw more people than usual driving around town. I also heard someone on a loudspeaker outside. I put on an episode of the BBC's "Planet Earth" and closed the window to block out the noise and smoke. I had to get through this DVD if I wanted to fit in my maximum number of movies for the month!

Later that day Kristine with a 'K' phoned me up and asked, "So, did you hear the school burned down today?" I hadn't heard. The morning made a lot more sense now, though. Turns out I had that shower for nothing. We walked over to the smoldering rubble and I snapped a few shots. The fire chief came over and talked to us. Apparently his vacation isn't going very well. This is possibly the biggest fire Elkford has ever seen. Surely this event will be talked about for years to come!

Don't worry. This school was not in use any more so next month's classes will not be affected by this 'disaster'.

Movies

2007-08-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

My roommate, Matt, left for vacation a few weeks ago. That left me home alone with little to do... so I signed up for a free trial from Zip.ca! Zip.ca is an online movie rental distributor. You choose a bunch of movies you want to see, and they mail them out to you. Simple as that! There are a number of different plans available to suit your movie watching needs. For instance, I get three movies out at a time, with unlimited monthly DVD rentals. So, if I watch movies fast enough, I can watch about 20 movies a month, all for one monthly fee of $24.99 or something like that.

Anyways, I thought I'd fill you in on the movies I've watched so far:

The first movie I received was 'Festival Express', which is a documentary about a rock festival that travelled across Canada in the 1970's. The film included performances from bands such as Janis Joplin, the Grateful Dead, the Band, Buddy Guy, the Flying Burrito Brothers, etc. The movie was enjoyable to watch, with entertaining performances, but it fell short of content. Showing a few performances took up a good portion of the 90 minute running time and left you feeling like you didn't get much out of the experience. At the same time, however, there are many extras on the DVD that include additional performances not shown in the film. Perhaps those would make up for the seeming lack of content.

The next movie to show up was 'Syriana', starring George Clooney. I had heard good things about this movie, so was expecting a good performance. For the most part, it was an entertaining movie. It took place in the Middle East, so naturally I liked it because it took me back to a familiar place. Clooney's Arabic wasn't entirely convincing, but I'm sure mine isn't either. I already forget the premise of this movie (which happens quite often with movies that don't really strike me), but I remember being disappointed with the end result of the movie. Don't even remember why, though.

Next up was 'Maria Full of Grace'. I thought this film was great. It's about a young Colombian girl who becomes a drug mule to America in order to make a lot of money. It's a disturbing movie of desperation, but has a tinge of hope, which I always require movies to have if I am to enjoy them. The story draws you into it which helps you relate to the emotions being portrayed on screen. I gave this film 5 stars out of 5.

'Control Room' was the fourth movie sent to me. It is a documentary about the Al Jazeera news network. The Al Jazeera network is the most prominent news network in the Middle East. It has many journalists working for them who were formerly associated with the BBC and other acclaimed news networks. The documentary takes place during the 2003 war with Iraq where Saddam's regime fell. It was a very interesting movie that showed how different networks spin stories different ways depending on the audience they are catering to. It sort of revealed that there is no objectivity in journalism. Still, Al Jazeera tries to claim as much objectivity as possible in their journalistic endeavours. This movie is certainly worth checking out.

'United 93' is the next film that arrived. I didn't really want to see this movie, but felt that I should check it out anyways. I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, I thought it was a terrible movie. Most of the acting was just horrible. I guess that's what happens when you let actual air traffic controllers do their own acting. I might hand it to them for giving it a try, but the truth is they shouldn't have given it a try. Anyways, the movie was really boring and could have done without the first 100 minutes. It's only a 111 minute film, by the way. I wonder what Americans think of this movie. One out of five stars from me.

The most recent film I watched was Ingmar Bergman's 'Winter Light'. This is a movie about a pastor of a small church who becomes uncertain about his faith in God. It's a short movie, yet it packs a lot of thought into it. Of all these movies, this is the one I have been thinking about the most since watching it. Defintely worth checking out if you don't rely on Hollywood gimmicks to make a movie enjoyable for you.

Canoeing the Elk River

2007-08-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

On Friday afternoon Aaron, his cousin Devon, and I grabbed a three-man lake 'Scanoe' and headed down to the Elk River. This was to be our test run to see if the lake canoe was river-worthy. If it passed the test, we would do a longer trip on Saturday.

We drove just upriver of Elkford to our launching point. As we turned off the road, a young teenage couple were making out where we wanted to drive through. They stopped and looked at us, not thinking to move out of the way. Devon had to open his window and say to them, "We'd like to back in here if you don't mind!" They reluctantly got up and moved out of the way.

As we backed the truck towards the river, another teenage girl in a bikini came staggering towards us. "Oooh! Are you guys from ALBERTA?" Looking inside the truck, "Whoa! Theres a GIRL in here!" This chick was clearly inebriated with 'shrooms' since one of them was holding them in their hand as we passed by. There were a couple other bikini clad girls swimming in the muddy pool of water that connected to the river.

As we lowered the canoe into the water, I reminded Aaron that I can't swim. I figured now was as good a time as any to bring that to everyone's attention. Shortly after, we pushed off from the riverbank and started rowing away from the drugged up girls. One of them shouted to out us, "You guys aren't gonna swim in the water? You guys are pussies!"

Soon we were out on the river, shooting through white-cap rapids, bouncing off massive rocks, and plummeting over waterfalls. Just kidding. The main challenge to our canoeing was dodging the many fallen trees and log jams that litter the river. At times the current from the river would pull us towards the log jams where the water rushed beneath them and threatened to pull us under as well. For the most part, however, the river was fairly navigable. For three guys who had no idea how to work together to control our canoe, we managed to reach our rendezvous point in one piece. This meant that our Saturday canoe trip was a go!

---

Saturday afternoon we found ourselves floating down the Elk river once again. Devon was in the back providing rudder action for us, Aaron was in the middle shouting out paddling directions, (mostly to himself, I think) and I sat in the front navigating. Some highlights from the trip were floating beneath a tree that had fallen across the river, shooting through the 'rapids' where the river narrowed, and just enjoying the beauty around us during the calm stretches. Not-so-highlights consisted of having to portage a couple times past log jams, somehow spinning around backwards while trying to avoid a log jam, and launching off from crap/algae infested waters. Even the not-so-highlights added to the fun of the adventure, though.

Bear Hunting

2007-08-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I went bear hunting with Pastor Ted and his son-in-law Craig. My weapon of choice was a Canon Digital Rebel XTi with a 75-300mm lens. We had no luck in locating a bear, though. All we saw were a few deer, a moose, and some elk far off in the distance.

The Story of the Suicidal Fan

2007-07-29T19:07:00.000-07:00

Elkford has been a much hotter place to live than I originally anticipated. Of course, part of that is probably due to being on the third floor, facing the evening sun. But still, it's been 33 degrees quite steadily for about the past month. I think my apartment in Egypt was cooler than the one I have now. Hard to say due to the fact that I've gone through another Canadian winter since then and have probably been reclimatized to Canadian weather. At any rate, sleeping has been difficult in this steady heat.

Luckily, while complaining to friends about the sweltering heat in our apartment, Aaron (with an 'a') mentioned that they probably had a fan they could lend me. After a peek downstairs, Kristine (with a 'k') came up with a small retro fan. It was a light blue thing that weighed as though it was made entirely of metal. And it probably was, too. The actual fan portion of it could probably double as a boat propeller. The grill on the front of the fan was not much of a grill, either. You could probably stick your fist in there and lose your entire hand. At any rate, I think it is safe to say that this fan was not built to run through the entire night, day after day, week after week. My first clue to this was when I would wake up in the morning and notice that my bedroom was much hotter than any other room in the apartment. I put my hand over the back of the fan and felt waves of heat billowing out of it. Had the surface been fit for cooking an egg, I certainly could have cooked an egg on it.

That was the first problem with that fan. The next problem was that it had a slight rattle to it. It wasn't so bad at first, but each day it seemed to get louder and more annoying. Last night the rattle was so bad that I couldn't even sleep. I lay there, glaring at the fan, willing it to stop rattling. Soon, my wish came true. The fan jumped off the chair it was sitting on and made a giant leap towards my bed. It tried too kill me! Now, when I say it 'jumped' off the chair, I probably mean it fell... but that doesn't make for a very exciting story now, does it? Anyways, that murderous fan jumped to its death, for upon landing, the metal propeller dislodged from it and started clawing at the sad excuse of a grill. Clearly the propeller was making a last ditch effort to kill me. I pulled the plug as it repeatedly bashed against the metal grill. It lay there, motionless. Dead. That was the end of the suicidal retro fan.

There is a happy ending to this story, though. Not for the crazy suicidal retro fan, but for me. I was telling the pastor of my church about the super crazy suicidal retro fan before church started this morning. He couldn't bear the thought of me trying to sleep in my hot apartment without a fan, so during the announcements, he told the congregation about my great need for a fan. Now I sit in my apartment with not one, but TWO working fans, one of which is massive. Tonight I shall sleep like a baby. May that super crazy killer suicidal retro fan rest in pieces. The end.

Customer Support at the Royal Bank

2007-07-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

My new credit card arrived today. The number is 3405 1697 3843 1101, expiry date 4/10. Just kidding. Now, as I called the 1-800 number to activate it, I was welcomed by a woman by the name of Kalifa... or something like that. By the sound of her scripted greeting I wasn't sure if I was talking to a human or if I was still stuck on the automated menu system. Eventually I took a shot in the dark and talked into the phone. Turns out she was real. Sort of. Perhaps she was an intelligent voice activated bot. Hard to say, really. Before she activated my card she gave me a FIVE MINUTE speal - schpeal? - about balance protection. If it weren't for her monotonous reading of the benefits, I would've thought she was quite passionate about the subject. I continued to doubt her humanness throughout the 'conversation' because she ceased to take a breath, which left me unable to say I wasn't interested in the product. At this point I considered hanging up the phone... but my credit card wasn't activated yet! I figured this is the type of torture I'd have to sit through in order to get a time-share or something... not a free credit card. Eventually she asked me if I wanted to activate Balance Protection on my card. I said 'no'. Thirty seconds later she said she was going to activate Balance Protection on my card if it was alright with me. Yet another sign that she wasn't human. The final test was to ask her a question that had little to do with activating a credit card. I asked her if she could increase the balance on my card. She seemed startled that I asked her a question that wasn't on her script. Eventually she said she would transfer me to someone else to complete the task. Before I forget, I want to recommend to you right now, "BOYCOTT BALANCE PROTECTION ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS". Judging by the force with which they are pushing this service on us, they are making a killing off of it. Stay away from it.

The person I was transfered to was a human being. I know this because he actually had a personality. After I gave him my credit card number he kept grunting and mumbling, 'hmmm...' for about two minutes straight. No words, no typing, just 'hmm...' I wondering if he was playing a game with his co-workers, trying to see how long he could string a customer along without actually saying or doing anything. Anyways, eventually he asked me where I worked. When I told him I worked for a coal mining company, he started going off about global warming and the ozone layer. Then he told me about his great aunt who had lymphoma or some other weird disease that she apparently contracted by living a mile away from a coal pit. Multiple times he warned me to stay safe at my workplace. I told him that I was just an office worker, but he was convinced that my health was at risk.
"Try not to breathe," he said.
I told him that all of life's problems would go away if I stopped breathing at work.
Eventually he decided to increase my credit to the amount I suggested after saying, "as long as you think you can handle it."
I thanked him and told him to have a good day.
He responded, "me too."
Not "you too."
"Me too."

Maybe he was a robot too...