Living With Emetophobia

Could It Be?

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 24 Oct 2013 17:24:00 +0000

Norovirus season is back.

I am not nervous. We can get through this together.

Update: I am Still Here, But.....

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 19:39:00 +0000

Hi everyone.

I am happy to announce that May 4th we welcomed the newest member to our family.


C.K.and her toys

Which means I am not pregnant anymore, but I am sleep deprived and running around like a goofball after three little ones six and under. It doesn't give me much time to blog, manage my facebook group, or apparently even read blogging comments (I had 18!).

The good news, to all you pregnant mamma's out there that have Hyperemesis Gravidarium - it goes away pretty much instantly after you have the baby. I was sick several times a day up until I gave birth. I had little C.K. and now nothing. I no longer take Zofran, and didn't even ask for a refill during my six week follow up.

So I apologize for not being around much. I still have emetophobia, but after the nine (actually ten) month long puke fest I feel like I have had so much exposure therapy to knock my phobia down to a seriously manageable level. I can even touch raw meat and didn't go wild bleaching after we had a cookout. I am not 100% cured, but feeling pretty darn positive that I have gotten through my bought with emetophobia and I am just going to kick the rest of the fear that is left in me out whether it wants to leave or not.

So stay tuned for more updates, how I am doing, wether I will every do anything with my facebook Emetophobia group, and when I am going to get around to writing that darn e-book.

Best wishes,

Robin

Shannon's Story - Guest Blogger Kicks Emetophobia's Butt

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 19:10:00 +0000

My emetophobia started around the age of 11. My dad had been terminally ill since before I can remember. It was so bad I do not remember him never needing an oxygen tank 24/7. When I was around 11, he got his lung transplant. That is when the terror started. The terror of him dying, me dying, everyone I knew around me dying. I would have panic attacks at night, and no one could calm me down. My parents had me later in life because they struggled with fertility issues. I had a half brother and sister who were over a decade older than I was, and I used to wish that my parents had me sooner, so I could have more time with my dad. I used to wish, he would go away, and my mom would remarry to someone younger and healthier. Then I would feel guilty for having those thoughts.

When I was in the 6^th grade, on a three-day weekend, I got very sick. I threw up a few times throughout the night. It was the first time I had vomited in a few years. It was around this time that I realized I had been molested a year or two before. This developed into a fear of men, including my dad. Shortly after his lung transplant, we were told that he was rejecting his lung, and was going to die in about two years. I did not tell anyone about the molestation, because I did not want that to be one of the last thoughts on my dad’s mind before he died.

In my teen years, my phobia got worse. One time when I was in Junior High, I was in the bathroom, and through the walls heard my dad throwing up in the other bathroom. I walked in on him the next time he was doing it, and I still remember the sight and sound of it. Face red, cheeks puffed, trash can up to his face, and loud as hell. I went to school that day different. I was scared of what was waiting me when I got home. Maybe I thought my dad would be dead. Or maybe I thought that since he had breathing problems he would stop breathing. Whatever it was, for me I think that is when emet really started.

My grades started dropping. I was still very phobic of death, and men. I could not figure out what was scarier, vomiting, dying, or marrying a rapist or child abuser. My mother’s and my relationship became very strained. She became depressed, and emotionally abusive. Nothing I did or said was right, and I had very little control of my own life. When I was 17, I started going downhill. I was smoking, getting into bad relationships, and before my 18^th birthday, I ran away from home.

By the time December came around, I was pregnant. I was so scared of morning sickness I contemplated abortion. I could not bring myself to have one though. I am happy to say that my daughter turned my life around. I became more responsible, got a college degree, and found a love I never thought I could have. I married my now husband, and had a son. Life was good, but I was still very emetophobic. I thought after having two kids, I was mostly cured of my fear of vomiting. It kind of went on the backburner, unless one of us got sick. Then the panic would set in. Once when I had a stomach virus, I was in the bathroom with diarrhea, just knowing I was going to throw up, and screaming to God to make it stop. I did not throw up that time.

Things hit rock bottom in February of last year. I was getting pretty fed up with being phobic by then. My husband, son, and daughter all got sick within days of each other. I remember freaking out pretty bad, and getting in the car driving, thinking I would never go home again. Of course, I did go home, but I knew this could not go on anymore. First, I told my husband about my emetophobia, then my doctor, then a counselor. I made the decision I would do ANYTHING I could to overcome this phobia. I started frequenting emetophobia websites, learning about norovirus, and telling myself to just let myself throw up already. I thought for certain I would catch their stomach virus. I was bad off. I would have panic attack after panic attack. I could not sleep, work, or take care of anyone. I was either pacing, or in the rocking chair just waiting for when it would happen. I cried all the time, got very angry, and started having flashbacks of my very scary childhood. I lost sleep, stopped eating, and lost 30 lbs almost instantly. I was scared all the time, sick with worry, in pain, exhausted. Nothing my doctor or counselor did was helping. I began contemplating suicide. When they suggested checking into a psych ward, I was scared beyond belief. I did not know what would happen in there. Would they make me throw up? Would the medications they gave me make me throw up? Was I going crazy? It took a little persuasion, but I remembered that I said I would do anything to conquer this phobia, and this was the next step.

My time at inpatient worked wonders! The anxiety started decreasing, and has been decreasing over this last year. However, I am far from cured. I finally found a counselor who was able, and willing to work on the phobia with me, and I have been going to see him for six months now. We have tackled words, sentences, movies, and YouTube videos. I am proud to say I have completed my last video, the walrus vomiting in 50 First Dates, and what seemed impossible then is now possible. I do not suffer from OCD anymore. My son recently had a stomach virus and I stayed with him the whole time, and took care of him. I did not run away.

I still have a ton of anxiety and depression to work on, and my next few tasks are the trickiest because they all involve the power of the mind. I have to visualize helping my daughter throw up, holding her hair, stroking her back, and staying with her instead of heading for the hills. I also have to visualize the last time I was sick, and my dad being sick, and find a way to be ok with that. I am sure I will have to let go of the past hurts, past transgressions, and find a way to move on from that and be ok with being me. I know now that developing emetophobia was not triggered by one event, but a series of events that led to a very anxious adult, and that my real problem is anxiety not vomiting. Eventually I will also have to learn to be ok with myself vomiting. I am not sure how to go about this, but the desire is there, and I hope to be free from these mental blocks someday if I keep working on it.

Emetophobes Norovirus Season is OVER!

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 14:05:00 +0000

Okay so I don't have the authority to officially declare it over, but from all experts in the field I have talked to it has greatly died down.

Let's take this one step further and pretend their was no such thing as norovirus season? What would your life be like? For me I would do the following:

Leave my house a heck of a lot more in the Winter.
Use less hand sanitizer.
Wash my hands less frequently.
Not stress about running my kids to the bathroom every time they come home from somewhere to wash up and let them be kids.
Not freak out when I don't have hand wipes or hand sanitizer available.

Sounds nice, doesn't it.

So this weeks challenge in overcoming emetophobia is to live life like norovirus season does not exist. Are you ready?

-Robin

Emetophobia and Pregnancy

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:13:00 +0000

I feel like the best part of having this blog is the ability to share my stories with people who "get it".

The funny thing is, in my case at least, I could care less about getting sick when I am pregnant. I seriously do not suffer from panick attacks, anxiety, worry, heart palpitations, or any other form of fright when I am sick from pregnancy.

I have been sick (dry heaving and actually vomitting) for the first 28 weeks of this pregnancy. It has been miserable. I have been miserable. Fortunately, I am hovering around week thrity and can say that although I still get sick, it is a lot less frequently. I am even going full days without running towards the toilet.

Will this happen to you? Hopefully emetophobia for you will not be bad when you are pregnant. Hopefully, you will be able to get through your pregnancy with no issues, no morning sickness, not tummy trouble. If you do become ill hopefully the excitement and joy will overshadow your fear of vomit.

I believe that you can do this. you can have emetophobia and get pregnant.

I can not guarentee that you will not be sick, I know that you can do this. You can survive pregnancy and emetophobia.

Best wishes,

Robin

John: Licensed Mental Health Therapist with Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 21:02:00 +0000

              We all have fears. Some of us have more fears, or greater, or different fears. The fact still
remains. All of us as human beings experience fear and much of that fear is longstanding fear. Fear is
the stuff of phobias and anxieties. I’ll tell you a little of my story about one of my fears. At some point when I was younger, maybe around 12, I realized I had a fear of physically getting sick, more specifically, throwing up. I hated it and would find myself fixated on what it was like to be sick again, if I ever would get sick again, and what I would do to avoid being sick in the meantime. I think somewhere in my 12 year old self I realized that my thinking and behavior was irrational. Right down to the obsessive hand washing and complete avoidance of those who even “might” be sick. As I entered high school, with a new world of change and experiences, my fears diminished quite a bit. My obsessive thoughts stopped. This isn’t to say that I didn’t still wash my hands and avoid people who were sick, because I did. What changed for me was that I was establishing control in my life as a young adult. It was that control that enabled me the freedom from the overwhelming obsession I had dealt with as a child. I was able to keep my phobia at bay and under control through college, 8 years in the Army, living in different cities, exposed to different environments and different countries. I was living my life as free as I had ever lived it. This freedom I experienced didn’t last.

           I’m now 36 years old. I’ve been a licensed mental health therapist for almost 3 years and have
been working in the mental health setting for almost 6 years. I’m the happiest I have ever been and part of that happiness is because my wife and I brought our daughter into the world in November of 2011. She’s the highlight of every day and a pivotal reason for any change I have made in my life recently. She’s also the reason my emetophobia has returned (I’ll get to explaining why). It returned last winter just after her birth. I didn’t even realize what was happening. Then spring time came, and then summer nd I was better, but still not great. (I tend to tie in fall and winter months with fearing getting sick). Then, of course, the cooler weather and shorter days returned this past fall, endless facebook posts of people with norovirus, and with it all of my ruminating and obsessing.

          A few weeks ago I did something I have never done. I told someone I have this phobia of being
sick. I told my wife, Karen. I’ve been so embarrassed about this coming back that I had forgotten that
talking and sharing can be one of the best remedies out there. Luckily she didn’t think I was crazy or
weird for coming out with this admission (one of the many reasons I married her). When I opened
up about my phobia, my fears, and even the mild anxiety attacks I was having, I realized something.
My daughter was a huge reason for the return of my emetophobia. Not only that but I realize my
emetophobia is a direct result of “losing control” or “not having control”, or even simply “letting go”
(For me vomiting is the absolute definition of “losing control”, only 2 nd to dying in my mind). I had never had to take care of another human being before. There was no rhyme or reason for the crying, the fussing, or the agitation. There was also no answer for me how to fix it. I’ve always been a “fix it” guy as some of you are probably “A type” personalities. I certainly know now that there are times where you can’t stop a baby from being a baby. There are times I just cannot have control. For the first time in my life I was faced with having to complete turn to faith, trust in myself, and let go. I had made it through 8 years in the Army, 1 tour in Iraq being shot at, and college for 2 degrees. Here was this little innocent, perfect human being was the reason for my undoing. She has completely leveled me in every way, both good and not so good.

            I would bet that it is probably safe to say that you, just as I, have other areas of your life where you fear not having control. Whether it’s being a parent, facing death and losing a loved one, dealing with relationship issues, or maybe fearing physical injury. There are endless areas of our life that we can have fear, and/or anxiety, from losing control. Emetophobia is no different. In fact, I would argue that working on all issues of control in your life will not only help you as a whole person it can certainly help your emetophobia.

            So what can we do to get this phobia back in check or maybe in check for the first time? The
first, and most important, step is to empower yourself. (Writing this blog post for me has been
extremely empowering and therapeutic). Since the essence of fear is the loss of empowerment, we
must empower ourselves. Realizing that every single person has the ability to deal with this phobia, as nobody died yet to my knowledge, we must believe in ourselves that we can make our situations better. Not only can we make things better by empowering ourselves and improving our emetophobia, we can improve our lives. We can actually learn a lot from dealing with this.

The following are my ways to find my center, balance, and peace:

1) Finding a way to relax is a great way to take your control back. Getting involved in
meditation practice, or yoga, is a sure way to teach your mind and response systems to relax
and “let go”. So, in a way, we’re almost “letting go” to take control back. I hope that makes
sense.

2) I’m an avid exerciser. I’m also very consistent with meditation, and I do yoga once a week.
I’ve noticed that physical activity is crucial for me to maintain my immune system health.
Just enough exercise to maintain strength and balance. Too much will cause fatigue and
actually lower your immune system’s capabilities.

3) Keep your routine as much as possible. Stay busy with the things you need to do, as well as
the things you find rewarding. Simply doing nothing and “over relaxing” in the past for me
has led to feeling “out of sorts” and then sometimes becoming ill with whatever it might be,
a cold, the flu, etc.

4) Turn off the news. The news seeks for our attention. A lot of our attention is based on fear
and/or terrifying situations or events. 5-6% of the population will get norovirus this year.
94% won’t. Focus on the positive.

5) See a counselor. I do. It’s done great things for me. This therapist sees a therapist. It’s
healthy for everyone to process emotional issues. Excess stress and bottled up emotion are
not healthy in the long or short term.

6) Learn to be happier. Being happy is the best medicine for anything. Find the things you love
to do and work them into your life. It’s all about balance!

7) Try a different perspective. Recognize that this fear, called emetophobia, while it might
seem like an insurmountable monster is actually the key for many of us to unlimited growth
and change if we try and see it that way.

Remember change takes change. The moment we begin to change our own reality is the very
moment we move closer to not letting this phobia control us and our happiness. I hope in sharing my

experiences and thoughts you might find some new insights that can help you live freer, fuller, and
happier. The catalyst for any solution or lasting change will always come from within. I wish you all the best.

John

Norovirus Is Not going To Kill You

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 22:39:00 +0000

One of my main fears about norovirus and the leading issue I have with my emetophobia is that if I throw up, I will die.

Seriously, I think that if I start to vomit I will not stop. It's ridiculous.

I just looked up wether or not anyone has ever died of vomiting, and while they have in fact died, it was from dehydration, not the act of getting sick itself.

So with this knowledge I should be okay. I should be able to get through until the first day of Spring (Emetophobe Party Day).

The other thing I have going for me is the fact that I am vomiting all of the darn time anyway with Hyperemesis Gravidarium, so I probably would not even know if I had the stomach bug. I haven't died from it, and thanks to a prescription of Zofran I mostly dry heave with nothing coming up.

So what the heck is my problem. Why am I still afraid.

The answer is that this is not a rational fear. What we do when we suffer from emetophobia is not a rational reaction. I know in my head everything is going to be okay, but that does not matter. The phobia does not make any sense at all.

Alot lot of people tell me that I am amazing for dealing with having Hyperemesis Gravidarium while being an emet. The thing is my brain doesn't freak at morning sickness like it does at food poisoning or the dreaded norovirus. It's like the fact that I love this baby more then anything outweighs any emet scare that I might have.

I was afraid when I was pregnant with my first. I was terrified that I would vomit. That was seven years ago (wow). I did get sick, and it was no big deal.

So if you do get norovirus, food poisoning, morning sickness, you will not die.

It's true you will survive!

***But hopefully you will never have to find out***

The Great Norovirus Scare

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:42:00 +0000

Yes it is norovirus season, but in our facebook group a wonderful poster reminded us that only 5-6% of us will get it.

The new strain is being hyped up like i have never seen norovirus hyped up before. The good news is that not everyone is going to be sick from gastro.

A whopping 94% of us will not be suffering from the dreaded gastro crisis of the month.

That is a heck of a lot of people out there who will be perfectly fine.

As always take plenty of percautions and wash your hands before eating. Fingers crossed you will not get it.

Exposure Therapy for Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 13:24:00 +0000

I know a lot of people who are having some success with exposure therapy and emetophobia. Basically, they are desensitizing themselves to vomit by watching youtube videos over and over again until it is doesn't bother them anymore. Apparently this can also be done with any episode of Tosh.O as I learned last night.

I think exposure therapy is great for some people. It is not for me, because when someone gets sick onscreen I am generally not bothered by it. i just close my eyes and then open them when it is over. I am lucky. Watching it on TV does not cause me to have a panic attack.

This is not the case with every emetophobe. Some of us can't handle the sound, sight, or even the word. I highly recommend going outside of your comfort zone and researching exposure therapy for emetophobia. It seems to me that it works.

That being said I do not recommend using any method where you make yourself actually throw up. This might help some people, but 95% of the time it won't. I can say this from personal experience as I am vomiting several times a day (down to about two) with this pregnancy and I am still scared to death of vomit. Put me in a room with one of my children when they have a stomach ache and I will find the nearest possible exit.

Have you tried exposure therapy? Did it work for you? Please comment because a lot of readers want to know.

Surviving Emetophobia: Manage your Life with Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 17:13:00 +0000

It's the most wonderful time of the year, right?

Emet's know Christmas and New Years equal Facebook posts full of people coming down with the stomach flu and scaring the senses out of us.

Now is a great time to work on surviving life with emetophobia.

As I have said numerous times, I really do not believe that their is a cure for emetophobia. All of the shiny "cure-all" books are basically a waste of your money. They might give a sense of hope that one day you will be rid of the fear, but it is doubtful that it will truly all go away.

What you can do is manage it, and manage it to a point where frankly, you are not thinking about germs and vomiting every single day of your life. How? Well it takes a lot of work, and time, and energy, but here are a few tips.

Get a good therapist. Do your research and find someone who has dealt with emetophobia before with some results. This will take a lot of calling around and internet research, but it can be done. If therapy is helpful to you do it. It works and can provide your with some amazing coping techniques to get you through the emet related panic attacks.
Consider medication. I know to some it is taboo, something that you would rather live without, a stigma that you can't go through your day without a little pill. For me I can't. I find that having two children who are busy bees and surrounded by germy other little ones is somehow manageable with my 50mg of Zoloft a day. I am not ashamed that taking my pill every night helps me and allows me to give my kids the life they deserve because with it I am not anxiety ridden over leaving the house.
Do one thing out of your comfort zone every week and pretty soon you will be amazed at how your little rituals melt away. Honestly I would not eat salad at any restaurant regardless of my love of fancy dressings. I sucked it up, started ordering salad again after a ten year lack of lettuce, and I have not gotten sick once. This also applies to letting your children play in those play areas in restaurants. I don't want to let them, but I do. You know what, other then a cold they have not caught anything.
Love yourself. Know you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with having this phobia. It doesn't make you a freak and it is not something to be ashamed of. It defines you and makes you unique. It makes you who you are.
Embrace some form of relaxation and do it often. It could be meditation, Yoga, or knitting. Have on thing that relaxes you. I personally love running (although I am the worlds slowest runner). I go outside and I am free to breathe the amazing fresh air, listen to my ipod, and rock a 14 minute mile (which is really more of a slow jog/fast walk, but whatever). I love races, the atmosphere, the fun, the medals at the end (or at least t-shirts). Do something and enjoy the heck out of it.

Here is to another wonderful year of Living with Emetophobia and rocking the heck out of it!

Surviving Norovirus in Your Home

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 18:14:00 +0000

I am personally going to avoid norovirus this season. I mean why not?

I was my hands, I clean door handles, I do what I need to do.

Sadly, I have kids, they bring in funky little viruses, and Norovirus is one of them. So what do you do if it happens?

First, keep calm. You will get through this, it is not the end of the world, and in a few days you will forget it even happened.

Secondly, if it is not you who gets hit, you can pretty much avoid it 90% of the time. It's true, I have done it. The trick, do not inhale any vomit particles. What?

Seriously, as long as you do not inhale it, you will not get it. You can be covered in vomit from head to toe, but if you have a face mask on, wash everything in hot water, bleach and Lysol the heck out of your house you will be fine.

Thirdly, take a deep breath. It is honestly almost over. You have made it this far, heck you are on the internet, things can not be that horrible. You are fine.

Fourth, pat yourself on the back. You did it!

ST's Story: Surviving Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 22:41:00 +0000

I have had a fear of throwing up as long as I can remember.... my brother had asthma, so he got sick on a regular basis. It was totally unannounced and would scare me at how uncontrolled it was. I would plug my ears or run away if I could. I can remember exactly when I was personally sick last--I was almost 10 years old and in the 4th grade. I remember thinking it wasn't that bad at the time, but for some reason my fears have remained. I've had a stomach bug since then that make everyone else quite ill, but I didn't get sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if it was God's mercy or sheer determination... Even with my fear, I never second guessed having children. And, through both of my pregnancies, I was super nauseous for 10 weeks each time. I never got sick, but I felt like I would 24 hours a day during that time. Though, interestingly enough, I didn't fear it happening.

For me, my fears seemed to increase after having children. Kids get sick. They just do. I have had to deal with it a few times with our children, but it has never been a contagious bug. I think it's the contagious nature to where I could catch it and I would get sick that is most unnerving to me. Though, I would still do anything in my power to avoid being present at anytime someone was ill.

The fear has remained under the surface, for the most part, because I felt like I could control my environment to some extent and my husband's as well. We are both medical professionals, so we wash our hands frequently. We also use our elbow to open doors, etc. But, now that we have 2 young kids, I've had to relinquish my "control" and it's been really hard. My toddler is in preschool and he sucks his thumb, so I feel like he catches everything (and he gives us everything). I've talked to my husband a lot about my fear of being sick to my stomach and he's super supportive, but definitely doesn't "get it." He is encouraging and tells me it's not as bad as I remember, but it still plagues me.

When there has been word of a stomach bug circulating, I have kept our toddler out of school for a few weeks until it seems to pass (or so I hope). I can just imagine what the teachers think about me being so over protective. I dislike colds, strep throat, ear infections, etc., but I dread what would happen if our son got the stomach virus and in turn passed it on to any of us. I really think if I deleted my facebook account, it would eliminate a lot of unnecessary fear since ignorance is bliss. I really don't want to know when everyone is sick.... or do I? It's like I want to know, but not really, if that makes any sense.

I would definitely classify it as a phobia because it's so strong, and I feel like it's starting to control my actions, like not wanting to take him in public around other kids, or take him to school.... and, losing joy in things I used to love! I really thrive on being around others, though I've isolated myself more recently. I really don't want it to get any worse and I'm already dreading the day he starts kindergarten (though I've joked to my husband I'll just homeschool him).

I'm not a superstitious person, but I do find that I get more anxious around certain dates (when myself or someone was sick in the past) or, as strange as it sounds, I avoid the outfit that I wore at that time. My mom always gave me ginger ale to drink when I was sick, so I avoid even making eye contact with it when at the grocery store. I try to challenge myself to get over these things, but often times it's easier said than done.

I've always been a "worrier." I definitely have a driven, Type A personality. And, I know that a lot of it is a control issue and thinking I have any control, which isn't really true. I'm learning slowly to relinquish control and have faith that no matter what--I can get through anything.

I love my children so much and don't want to pass along my fear of being sick or repetitive hand washing, etc. on to them.... and, with that being said, at times, I'm really scared to have anymore children for that reason. Sad, huh?

However, I'm not content with it, I'm not going to accept it, and I'm going to get through it and relinquish this fear and turn it over to God! (I'm determined!!). I'm so thankful that I do not have panic attacks or require medication at this time. Though, I would absolutely pursue treatment if it got to the point I was too fearful to function on a daily basis. God has truly sustained me through some difficult times. I'm thankful I have my faith to rely on. And, also helpful, I made a list and I'm working on it-- not stressing over eating out, or how I prepare food, or wash my hands as frequently. One thing at a time, right?

So, I compiled a list of things I do out of fear (I wrote this last year when I was really struggling). I'll share (feel free to skip down, if you would rather not read it or if it would be triggering for you)....

Wash hands frequently, even if unnecessary

Avoid doorknobs or other things frequently touched by general public

Follow people on FB to determine how/why they are sick; play 6 degrees of separation, even if 100's of miles away

Rarely eat meat; triple wash produce, stick with "safe" foods

Get anxious around certain dates, won't wear outfit I wore when last sick

Will not eat or drink after kids/husband

Keep kids out of sunday school and occasionally preschool

Constantly "size" people up to determine if they're feeling ill

Worry needlessly for 2-3 days after being exposed to any sick individual

Dislike taking kids shopping, especially walmart (I never let them ride in the cart)

Dislike kids being in a large group of other children

Absolutely dreading public school

Evaluate stains on carpet in a public place to determine if it's from someone being sick

Hate going to doctors office of any kind, especially pediatricians

Dislike buffets/potluck and avoid food that has set out for more than an hour or two

Discard food near expiration date or that I "think" has something wrong with it

Cringe going to playgrounds or indoor playgrounds

Will not touch my face in public, or EVER eat without washing my hands

No joy in eating out; wondering how it was prepared or if the person preparing it was ill

Monitor how often my family washes their hands; I try to control their environment

Constantly watch my kids for any signs of illness and sometimes avoid cuddling or kissing them for that reason

Hold breath when walking by someone that just coughed

Wash hands after touching money, mail, delivery packages, or groceries I just purchased

Feel need to "protect" kids

Dread winter months

Wish time away

Afraid of "ruining" my kids or passing along my fears to them

Afraid of driving my husband away

Afraid of needing medication

Afraid of not being able to take care of the kids by myself if they are sick

Afraid of having another child and being pushed "over the edge"

So, working on my "list" has helped me tremendously! I celebrate the small things that I haven't let take over. I now keep a Sharpie marker in my kitchen to mark when I've opened foods, so I don't throw away perfectly good food thinking it's bad from being open too long (which I've done a lot). I go on monthly date nights with my husband and eat at restaurants because I know it makes him happy. I love and cuddle on my kids and never have a second thought. And, I take my kids on outings and to play dates on a regular basis now. And, each time I choose to be strong and overcome a particular fear, it's me proving to myself I can be bigger than this fear within me and my fear truly goes down a notch. One step at a time...

I try to celebrate my victories and not beat myself down when fear takes over. I don't know that I'll ever be totally over my fear, but I am determined to allow my children to enjoy their childhood and for me to cherish these precious years with them. To all of you dealing with this, know you're not alone!

Facebook Helps and Hurts

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 22:31:00 +0000

You know I never knew when my friends kids were sick until the invention of Facebook.

People love to post how their little one has been up all night sick. Darn it, when they don't say what they are sick with I automatically dream up some elaborate form of the stomach flu in my head. That makes me question whether or not I have actually seen them or their kidlets ( sure they live in Chicago and I live in Cleveland).

So does Facebook make our emetophobia worse?

If you let it, yes.

The thing is you need to not let it. You need to make sure that your obsession with the health of your friends kids does not make you check facebook every for few minutes for facebook updates.

We do have a facebook group where, when in a jam we support each other. We don't do the what if's we just support.

If you need help this year, or the next just email me and I will add you to the group (did I mention it is private).

Thanks,

Robin
rneorr@yahoo.com

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 22:30:00 +0000

You know what time it is. Norovirus time!

Here is the thing you have a choice this norovirus season, you can let it control your life, or you can do something about it and get proactive with your emetophobia.

Tell your emetophobia to suck it!

Blunt,, but seriously think about how much fun you miss in life because you are afraid of germs. Think about how many times you have missed an event "just in case" someone there got sick.

How often does someone actually get sick at the event you have avoided?

Not often.

If you ever want to get over your emetophobia (or at least live with it) you need to get crazy and live your life as if you don't suffer from emetophobia.

So enjoy this holiday season. Chances are you will actually be fine.

Book Review: Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 12:52:00 +0000

There is nothing I love more than a good book. So when the world was talking 50 Shades of Grey I was all over it. Then I read it, or at least tried to. That stupid inner-goddess of the obviously mentally ill Ana had me wanting to stab my eyes out. It was painful, poorly written, and not anything anyone should be subjected to.

When I was approached to read Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening, I was excited. I thought it would be the real tale of how a woman becomes a submissive. I’ll admit it, I was curious.

Sophia Morgan takes great pains to inform the reader that she grew up with a completely normal childhood. She was not an abused child and was not a deviant. She simply saw Robin Hood at the age of 13 or 14 and was excited by the scenes where Made Marian was tied up awaiting Robin Hoods rescue.

She later enters into the world of submission and never looks back. Her lovers bring her pain and tears. Thomas, who seems to be an egotistical sadist, is her main lover in the book. He has no feelings of love, or even like towards her as she endures, and rumoredly enjoys his torture. I cringe as I read the book because frankly, how can someone in his or her right mind enjoy being collared? In the end she meets a seemingly normal lover, James, who wines and dines her, as well as fulfils her submissive desires. My joy comes not in her finding a real life Christian Grey, but rather in the fact that the book is over.

I am not saying that it was a horrible read, it was well written. I am just not sure that Sophia Morgan is an actual person. It read a little too cliché and had a few too many nods to 50 Shades (blushing anyone?) to not have been contrived.

If sexual topics make you squeamish, this book is definitely not for you. If you read it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In the interest of full disclosure, this is a book review as part of the BlogHer Book Club. I was compensated for writing this post, but all opinions remain my own.

Pregnancy, Emetophobia, and Hyperemesis Gravida

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 01:19:00 +0000

So you have emetophobia and you want to have a baby.

Here is the thing, your biggest fear is being one of those rare women who has Hyperemesis Gradiva, and how the heck will you manage a 24 hour panic attack.

Well guess what, you will be fine.

How do I know? I am on baby number three and guess what I have.

Honestly, the vomitting and dry heaving are not as bothersome as the fact that I have no control over when it is going to happen. I am taking 16mg of Zofran a day and I still throw up. I still feel nauseous way to much and I am doing everything I am supposed to (sea bands on my wrist, tiny meals 6 times a day, drinking sour beverages, b6, preggie pops, ginger chews, you name it).

Not encouraging yet? Please do not let it scare you. I thought I would NEVER have a baby, let alone be on my third child, but I am so darn excited. I thought emetophobia would win, but even having morning sickness with my last little guy I did it again.

I am on my third pregnancy and I have emetophobia. I am not afraid of the morning, or all day, sickness that this pregnancy has given me, I don't panic at all about it. I am fine.

Granted if the stomache flu came into my house I would be a raging mess, but pregnancy, no big deal.

From my experience talking to other emets this is a pretty common occurance. They are not phased by the morning sickness. Maybe it is a control thing? Pregnancy is a choice, stomach flu's are not. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I honestly feel like it is the truth. I feel like because we choose to get pregnant the whole getting sick experience doesn't feel so out of control. It is doable, we can do this.

I will try my hardest to keep you updated, but I am also pretty darn tired so who knows how often I will be awake enough to write.

I am doing this, and I truly believe that you can too.

Guest Blogger - Ambers Story

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:20:00 +0000

Hi I'd better start of by saying I am only 14! But I have been suffering from emetophobia ever since I can remember. I don't think there was a specific event that triggered it, but my fear of vomit has always been there.

My first memories are from the age of 4 when I started school. I had never really encountered it much until then. It was a bit of a shock to say the least! I was lining up for lunch one day and word spread along the line someone had been sick. Instantly I felt nervous and my palms became sweaty, when I at last came close to it I held my breath, closed my eyes and ran quickly past. At this age I thought everyone felt this way!

The next incident was by far a lot worse. I was sat at the table eating my lunch ( age 7? ) , when the boy day opposite threw up all over his lunch. This sparked a chain of two or three more people around me also vomiting. I froze in my seat and plugged my fingers in my ears, closed my eyes and buried my face into my jumper. This was and still is my method of coping with the situation, I just block it out and hum a tune.

There were many more events like this throughout my primary school years, and all as bad as each other. When my brother became older was when the major issue began though. He seemed a rather sickly child and was ill every 3-6 months. I would dread the days when he fell ill. I would hide in my room all day, not even coming down to eat, " incase the germs spread onto my food " . When he came upstairs to go to bed I would stay stiffly in my bed not moving an inch, the duvet covering my face and would fall asleep with my fingers in my ears, as not to hear him vomiting.

I have managed to avoid any major incidents since he has grown up a bit, however the fear is most deffinatley still there and just as strong. At secondary school if I even so much as suspect someone is nauseous I will avoid them at all costs for the rest if the day. I am slowly trying to manage my fear, step by step. Although I have not yet seen a doctor about it , I guess my mother just never took me. However I am determined to minimise my fear as my dream is to become a doctor in emergency medicine when I am older. The process will be long, but one I'm willing try to have a chance of " normal " life and get my dream job. I hope I have helped at least someone with my story, yours Amber xx (UK)

Emetophobia and College - C.S.'s Story

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 02:14:00 +0000

College from an Emetophobe’s Perspective

I went through my first year of college without seeing someone actually throw up.

Even when I look back on my freshman year, I still find it hard to believe that I was so lucky, especially since I am attending a university that is somewhat notorious for being big on partying.

What is more surprising is that I did not necessarily hole myself up in my room to avoid having to witness anything that would evoke my emetophobic instincts.

At my very first “college” party, I was extremely cautious. I did not drink, mostly for the fear of getting sick if I had too much, so I was very vigilant and wary of everyone. If someone started to stagger towards me, I would quickly walk in the other direction. If I found myself standing near a frat boy who was having far too much to drink, I also tried to get away from him. I guess I hid my jitteriness well enough that no one noticed.

There have also been incidents where some of the guys from down the hall would come in on a Saturday night, drunk, and wander into my room. I did not want to take the risk of someone getting ill in my room, so I did all that I could to shoo them out.

I had some close calls, some that were a little too close, but somehow I survived freshman year without a single panic attack derived from emetophobia. And as an emetophobe, I could not be more thankful.

But even though I got lucky – very lucky – I still worry. Going a whole year without having to see someone become ill has not served as the best reinforcement to overcome emetophobia which, unfortunately, I do not know if I will ever overcome.

Next year I am going to be living in an apartment with three other girls. In a way, this could be better when compared to a dorm, since there are less people to worry about. But since we only have one toilet in our whole apartment, if someone does in fact get sick during the year, I would not be able to use that toilet for at least a week or two. Plus, much can be heard through the walls, so if I hear any coughing or any sounds that get my heart racing and thinking that someone might be ill, I will undoubtedly be freaking out in my room.

I wish I could say there is a happy ending to this. Unfortunately, there is not. Well, not yet anyway. I still have three more years of college left, and I will do my best to not let emetophobia stop me from enjoying these precious years.

But from all that has happened relating to emetophobia this year, I can say that I’ve learned to accept one thing: let things happen. If someone gets ill, there is nothing I can do about it because things just happen. Sure, my palms will start to sweat and I’ll freeze up and try to run away, but what is done is done. Of course, this is easier said than done, but I’ll do what I can to think like this and then, maybe then, I won’t be so afraid anymore.

The Summer of Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:07:00 +0000

Summer time is the easiest for emetophobes.

Norovirus is not nearly as prevalent, and hearing about the dreaded gastro virus that attacks whole families leaving no one standing are pretty rare. Sure you run into a few cases of food poisoning from family reunions (never eat the potato salad or anything with mayo and you will be fine), but for the most part we are all happy and healthy.

Then I started to read things. Someone brought out an article on superbugs, my friend was hospitalized with some virus that never seemed to end (she was also pregnant so let's just blame that), and the facebook newsfeed isn't as nice and safe as it should be.

So I decided screw it. I have forgotten most of the superbug article and put it in that part of my brain that suffered through reading the wretched book Fifty Shades of Grey, that part that just forgets things ever existed.

I decided not to read facebook for a while and just look at the pictures (it's kind of boring and I would have been better off just hanging out on pintrest but whatever) and I have moved on.

So I am having and emetophobia free summer, and I hope you will too!

Puke in the Pool

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:02:00 +0000

Someone threw up in the pool on Monday.

This is of course something that sets an emetophobe off. It would set anyone off.

They made an announcement. "All individuals, including adults must leave the pool immediately, their will be a half hour rest period."

I saw them scoop, I saw mass quantities of bleach thrown in the water, I asked questions.

Apparently the whole pool cycles through completely in a half an hour. The CDC website says that the majority of people who vomit in the pool do it because they inhale too much water. You clean the pool from vomit in the same manner you would if it was a solid piece of poop.

I waited the half hour with my 3 and five year olds, and you know what, I went back in because emetophobia can suck it. I need to live life, trust I have an immune system, and live my life.

So far so good. So if someone pukes in a pool, remember you will be fine.

Guest Blogger - Emily New to Emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 00:02:00 +0000

I guess I'll start of with the fact that I'm only 18 and I only really developed emetophobia last year, but even a year can be really tough work.

So as I said, it all started a year ago, and I don't think there was a particular turning point or anything. During my early teens I was sick very often (due to an undiagnosed intolerance to caffeine and poultry) and I guess I would always do whatever I could to avoid being sick, And to be fair, I probably did begin to create little OC behaviors earlier than last summer, but that's when it began to snowball.

Last June I realised that I was only ever really sick at night times or very early morning, so I started staying up until 2am every night, to make sure I went to sleep with an empty stomach (I had to leave at least 9 hours between eating and sleeping, meaning I never ate past 5pm). At this point I had stopped eating rice (threw up with it in the previous march) along with caffeine and poultry and I'd spend my whole evening/night sitting in the same room, on the computer, same routine every night, using hand sanitizer every few minutes or so. I found that I'd stay away from ANYTHING I'd once done before being sick the one time in march, I wouldn't ever "touch wood" for luck as I'd done that the night previous to being sick. I went to bed at 1.30am that night, so I'd never go to bed before then (Hence the staying up til 2).

But honestly at this point it wasn't so bad, I was coping fine, but as time went by I'd do more and more and start eating less and less to prevent sickness.

It wasn't until November it started to get a lot worse.

From the age of 11 I had started to develop chronic depression and in November (now 18) I had a severe breakdown. I even dropped out of school because of how late I was staying up and consequently was unable to get up in time for school and I felt I couldn't cope with it on top of everything else anyway. I was sent to the doctors for some antidepressant meds. Now, normally with the meds I was given, they start you off at 20mg and increase over a few months... I was given 100mg and didnt know at the time this would be way too much for my body to handle (I think it's obvious where this is going). So that morning I had an egg sandwich and a sausage roll, took my tablet, and headed out. 2 hours later I was feeling incredibly nauseous, and was being told that it would pass, I was fine. Sparing the details, walking down the street, I was horribly sick in front of a lot of people. And not being near a toilet or bin, this went on for about half an hour.

After this day, my phobia got REALLY bad. Starting with cutting all meat out of my diet, never eating egg again, was terrified of taking any tablets any doctor would give me. I'd stay up until 7/8am until it was light outside and slept throughout the day, finding it less scary as i still relate sickness to nighttime. I'd have to leave at least 12 hours between eating and sleeping now and the list of "safe foods" i had was tiny. I'd only really eat chocolate without much fear, other foods like toast, cake, some fruit and biscuits i could eat, but they'd still scare me. I'd lost about 15lbs now, and out of my safe foods i'd only eat a few bites here and there. I can remember days when I'd eat nothing at all, and other days where id only eat half a grilled cheese or so.

In my mind ALL food meant I'd be sick. I'd think about what the food I was about to eat would look like if i was to be sick with it because I assumed it would be the inevitable result.

I remember one day specifically I was terrified of everything, I had a crippling stomach ache due the the excess acid I had, and I was walking around a supermarket looking for anything id be okay with eating. I chose to eat a small amount of chocolate purely because I knew my stomach would feel worse if I didn't. But I didnt want anything. I didnt feel like Id ever want to eat again.

I also found trouble in friends not really understanding emet at all. It was planned that we were going out to a restaurant to celebrate a friends birthday. It was all my worst fears, eating late AND eating out. I tried to explain to them why I couldnt deal with it and it started a massive argument about how selfish I was and how I was just seeking attention and being stupid and childish. They didnt seem to get that its not something I can help!

My first panic attack i experienced was around march when my mums partner came home very drunk (and after suffering from a stroke the previous year he can't really look after himself, or walk to the toilet if he was to be sick) I remember sitting in the lounge and he threw up down himself, and I just freaked out, I just started screaming, and crying, I ran into my bedroom, grabbed my sheets from the bed and curled up under them in the corner of my room. I was shaking so bad and I couldnt breathe. I was just so terrified.

Another VERY odd problem I had from about January onwards was that I developed a rather bad OC behavior around the word "Courage". If I saw it, or heard it, or any word like it- encourage, discourage, courageous, I'd have to repeat it. First only once, a month later, 5 times, and soon repeatedly until I felt I could stop, sometimes over 100 times. It was insane, I was convinced I'd be sick if I didnt. I could go only a few seconds before I felt truly compelled to say it. I couldnt not repeat it.

Luckily it does start to get a little better, and I'm happy to say that I got completely over my depression a few months ago and now I'm slowly but surely getting over emet. I still dont eat large quantities very late, but I can snack a little later than before. I've found that I can fall asleep reasonably early now, i'm eating a hell of a lot more and i've gotten over other OC behaviors I had, courage is fine now! I used to have to sleep with the curtains open, tv volume on 24, facing right. None of that matters now.

I still have some hang ups, I'm obviously still scared of being sick, and on top of that, I really freak out if meat (even packaged) comes into contact with food i'm going to eat. I'm still extremely dubious about eating out and I avoid it as much as possible, I don't eat hot meals, or dinner at all. I cant stand feeling full, But overall Its alot better than it was. I'm even feeling well enough to go back to school.

The turning point I've found really is when you begin to break a few of your own rules and see that nothing happens, you arent sick like you assumed you wouldnt be. It really does make you start to think that all your rules and fears hold much truth.

So, I guess that was my year of Emetophobia, I'll keep you updated on an other improvements!

And thank you ever so much for your blog, it helps to know you really aren't alone, and you aren't a total nutter!

Emily

Guest Bloggers Needed

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 01:54:00 +0000

It's that time again, time to share your story about how Living with Emetophobia has effected your lives.

Please email me at rneorr@yahoo.com and I will share your story with the world:

Robin

I am living with emetophobia

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 12:53:00 +0000

It is funny, true, and crazy, but yes I am a real everyday person with a crazy phobia of all things vomit related.

This blog is about life with emetophobia and how I cope. I am not trying to sell you anything, I am just sharing about being me.

Heck I even have a Facebook page, email me at rneorr@yahoo.com if you are interested. Again I am not making money off of any of this.

So now you know, I am real, my stories are real, and I really do have emetophobia.

An Emetophobe Does The Warrior Dash

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 01:46:00 +0000

I love American Ninja Warrior. I am not a Ninja, but after this weekend, I am a warrior!

Start!

Before

My husband wanted to do the Warrior Dash for his 40th birthday. I have been running for the past two years so I thought, why not.


We started out relatively clean.

I honestly was not prepared for the fact that the event started with a mile long run up a muddy hill. I mean how the heck do you train for that one.

It of course did not end there.

We swam through dirty ponds of questionable cleanliness (an emet nightmare), ran over fire, walked on tightropes, climbed a two story cargo net, jumped over barricades, crawled through the mud under barbed wire, climbed a bunch of ropes walls, waded through a knee deep river, and of course swam under barbed wire in the mud to complete the wildest 3.5 miles of my life.

Oh and emetophobes there were no sinks to was up at. No soap and water, and I survived! I even used a porta-potty probably ten times.

I seriously did this.

So we made it out a muddy mess.

They give you beer and a warrior helmet so it was worth it.

I think I will make this one my facebook picture.

Hubsters was pretty proud (he finished the course in 35 minutes!) How did I do? Well I finished. I have this attitude towards fitness, I don't do it to win I do it to have fun. So I finished in one hour and 19 minutes! Yep more then twice the time it took hubsters. In fact instead of watching me cross the finish line he was living in fear that I had injured myself and went to the medical tent to make sure I wasn't there. Hey, if I have to climb up then down two stories of cargo net then I am going to take my time :)

Beer and Turkey Legs

Turning 40 Tastes good

So one of the traditions is eating a Turkey Leg and drinking some delish beer (Summer Shandy anyone?)

Oh and did I mention some of these people dress up in the craziest costumes.

This is me with a group of Chippendale wannabe's. What they lacked in the Chippendale bodies they made up for in hilarious dances around the stage.

It's okay hubby took the picture.

So while I wasn't crafting this weekend I was having a wild time and loving every warrior moment of it!

Giving Up The Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Robin Neorr) — Tue, 22 May 2012 15:02:00 +0000

It really is easier then I would have ever imagined.

This weekend I just pretty much said screw it. I am done being afraid of everything. Maybe it was the good weather, maybe it is the fact that I am getting older, but I am just done being afraid of vomit. or things that could lead to vomit.

I went to a baseball game, ate hot dogs (which are so unsanitary in my opinion,) and didn't get sick. I also dug in the dirt, we got a dog, I went four hours without washing my hands.

I am tired of this phobia and I have to say living life phobia free is very freeing and fun.

Everyone needs to try it!

Do something outside of your comfort zone today!

Robin