Empowering You...

RIP White Supremacy: Welcome, The New Face of "We The People."

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 15:01:00 +0000

Behold, the new commander-in-chief; 4 more years!
From HelloBeautiful

Oooooo baby, here I am, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours! Yes, that's the song the first family came out to last night, for the victory speech.

I love all people, Caucasian, African Americans, Africans, All black people, Hispanics, Asians, everybody. But I abhor prejudice, and racism.

And I can't for the life of me understand this statement I kept seeing from Caucasians about "taking our country back" and "we the people."

And even Mitt Romney was big enough last night to say we should "put the people before the politics." I truly hope he does that, as well as the top Republicans and the whole country in general. I hope he and Ann will not only pray for the country but actively work with President Obama to effect positive change in this country.

As someone who has never been a big fan of folk having too many kids, and being a big supporter of birth control, I don't want to jubilate about the increasing percentage of Hispanics in certain key states and in the entire US in general, but I have to. Because that right there is the key to the changing face of "we the people." America is a melting pot and it's for everybody that makes it here and becomes a citizen, whether you got here 20 years ago, or your ancestors did 100 years ago. As long as you're not Native American, you or your ancestors came from somewhere. So, how dare you feel more entitled than the next man?

"...you cannot take America back from Americans. We are America too!"--Angelia Vernon Menchan, author, blogger, mentor.

Get with the program and take heed. When I see Latino voters in FL going up between 2008 and 2012 and I hear CNN say they now constitute 10% of the US population which for the first time is in double digits, I can safely say, "God don't like ugly," to those prejudiced extreme right winger tea party types.

Here are the CNN numbers: Florida Latinos 17%, Nevada Latinos 17%, New Mexico Latinos 37%, Colorado Latinos 11%

First Family

We prayed and he answered. God, that is. Search yourself, look within and if you cannot truly say there has been no prejudice involved in this "we the people" and "take our country back attitude," I urge you to repent, and embrace your fellow man. I especially say this to so-called Christians and pastors who don't believe they're racist but really act like it. There is no room in heaven for prejudice.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Ana Novarro (R) said on CNN: (Of President Obama) It was because he tried, we knew he liked us...his tone was the correct tone. And because he tried, he tried on immigration reform. I will tell you, Mitt Romney lost this race in the Republican primaries. He self-deported from the White House. He didn't have to go...we cannot pretend that some of the things that were said about Latinos and about immigrants in the Republican primaries were not hurtful. Look at the numbers, they speak for themselves...Latinos were disillusioned with Barack Obama, but they were absolutely terrified of Mitt Romney.

When we look at a room full of Republicans, it should look like America. It should not be a room full of Caucasians and barely any other group of people. In addition, alienating groups of people such as women, the 47% freeloading, those on government assistance, students, the low socioeconomic group in general, veterans and gay Americans does not help your plight.

And we all need to work together.

House Speaker Boehner's (R) initial statement last night was that Republicans offered solutions while their opponents chose inaction. And that GOP's retaining of the House majority meant that there was no mandate to raise taxes. This morning, he says that the decision by voters to keep a Democrat in the White House and Republicans in control of the House means they are looking for political leaders to find common ground. Boehner said that the elections were a mandate to take "steps together" to boost the economy. Guess he slept on it. Hahaha.

Congratulations President Barack Hussein Obama. You're one of a kind!

We the people have spoken. Accept it and let's get the work done. TOGETHER.

Blessings.

Folake.

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Barack and Michelle
Huffington Post

SVT: The Thorn in my Flesh

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 14:45:00 +0000

The highest HR this device
could read on me.
At > 200, it gave an error.
Normal HR=60-90

Do you know what it feels like to have all these things in your mind that you want to do, and your body, your heart can't take it?

What's SVT? Supra ventricular tachycardia. It's these episodes where your heart beats so fast (in my case, in the 200s) that you can see and feel it jumping in your chest. And you usually have some chest tightness, shortness of breath and lightheadedness with it. You could even pass out. For days after, one could feel sapped of all energy. And it can be dangerous but so far, God has been good. People have had heart attacks from it. With my medication and a certain bearing down maneuver that we call the valsalva, I am able to break an episode without calling 911, at least not since the first one when I ended up in the ER two and half years ago.

But it's that thing among a few others that stops me from being the superwoman I want to be in my head. The one that doesn't allow me to juggle wife, mother, MD, author, blogger, mentor as well as I would like. I know how Apostle Paul felt when he spoke about the thorn in his flesh that God didn't take away.

But I don't write this for pity. I write it to encourage others that they are not alone in dealing with health problems and limiting factors in their bodies. The good thing is this. My soul and my spirit are untouchable. And the joy of The Lord which is my strength makes me sing this morning as I get over an episode, "I'm reaping the harvest God promised me. Take back what the devil stole from me. And I rejoice today. I shall recover it all." As you can see in the 2nd HR (heart rate) reading below, my HR is back to normal.

Sing with me. God is good. Will work on getting that ablation to fix the SVT (where they burn off the extra nerves in the heart firing abnormally) and pray it succeeds. The devil has stolen a lot more than my health from my family this year but we cling unto God in faith because it is well with our souls.

Any type of heart disease is no joke. Author Dee Stewart recently died at my age after a decade of battling heart failure from peripartum cardiomyopathy. May her sould RIP.

What thorn do you have in your flesh that you are pushing through?

Blessings.

Folake.

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I Am Done With Nigerian Chauvinistic Males! It's 2012.

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD) — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 13:49:00 +0000

There I was going about my business... Let's back up a little, actually. Just a little background here. Granted that I have more time on my hands these days due to circumstances beyond my control. But I make the best of it. I do a lot of constructive things on Facebook, especially with the US general elections coming up--Obama 2012. I do a lot of things. I have a platform. And I get inbox messages daily about how much people enjoy my posts and love coming to my page. There are people who come to my page every evening after work to see what I posted for that day and digest it. Be it health, politics, religion, marriage, raising kids, pop culture, I do it all. And I appreciate you all.

L-R: Dr. Lara Agbaje, nee Lawal; Dr. Mackay Ola;
Dr. Folake Taylor, nee Kolawole (me)

So, like I was saying, I was minding my own business when this photo of me and some friends from 18 years ago was posted on one of their pages. I was so young, barely an adult. We all looked great. I was excited. I tagged us girls in the photo and shared on my page. After all, that's what Facebook is about, generating conversation. Then comes a certain Mr. Olowu with his negativity:

1st comment: hmmm Mackay ladies man

2nd comment: Asewo Doctor

3rd comment: Ujesha ashewo binu ori ke temi to mi ru now

I tried really hard to ignore it, after all, he wasn't directly talking about me. Mind you, asewo in Yoruba means prostitute or ho. So when you call a man that, you're calling him a male ho. After deliberating a little further, I decided that I was definitely offended. Here's the comment I left:

My comment: Meanwhile, Mr Olowu, have you considered that the male prostitute comment might be offensive to the females in the picture? It's degrading and uncalled for because it's not just a comment about Mackay, it's about us in the photo too. I am offended. We are fully clothed and doing nothing worthy of such a comment.

I don't know if he got to read my comment or not but he was promptly deleted by my friend and old colleague, Mackay, who posted the picture, the object of the comments. It makes me sad that even in 20 years, Mr. Olowu might still be the same. He probably has a wife at home, who has to live with that attitude and behavior.

Dodo (Fried Plantain)
Courtesy of Heart-to-heart with Jumoke
on Facebook

Now, earlier in the evening, I'd seen a photo of a plate of dodo on Facebook, which I'd shared on my page and generated a lot of comments (see left). I'd also gone out and bought me some plantains from Kroger , which they kept calling ripe bananas, grrrrr. Lol. Anyway, I made a dish of the dodo, with beans and efo elegusi (greens with melon seed), hen and stew. I took photos with my iPhone and posted (see below), and it generated even more conversation about food and we generally had a fun time on my page. Then comes a certain somebody I grew up with. I'll skip his name because I see the comment is missing this morning, which shows me that he probably realized it was inappropriate later on last night and took it down. I will paraphrase what he said however:

My dinner of dodo, efo elegusi,
beans, hen and stew

"You confuse me. Which one is it. This minute you are talking about Obama, the next minute, dodo, and the next, who knows? Why don't you face yourself, your family, your work? Are you alright?"

Before I get mad about stuff or protest, I do step back and think about it. After all, the Bible says "Be angry and sin not." I try to make sure that by the time I address issues, I am completely in my right mind and civil, so I don't say things I will want to take back later, especially since it's in writing, on Facebook. So here was my initial response:

You're too funny. Is eating not part of family life? Did you not eat dinner today? Abeg, leave me o.

But I could not stop thinking about it. And by the time I woke up this morning, I knew I was going to address it, because these stereotypes, and biases against women, and the fact that we don't even realize it is rude and disrespectful to say these things, is a problem. I'm not sure if someone else on that thread 'checked' him about it or he 'checked' himself, but his comment went poof overnight.

Hear ye, hear ye. Nigerian men, this is 2012. Wake up. If I can go to school, get a job and earn more money than many of you, I can have an opinion about politics and express it. And it doesn't take away from me being domesticated, or a real woman. I can still cook, clean, bathe my child, attend to my husband and be a great wife and mother. You may not understand or be able to fathom it because it doesn't work that way in your home, but be open to new things. We are no longer in the 19th century. Some women are the breadwinners in their home. We need to be respected and appreciated for it, not put down.

Making history picketing for Health Care Reform,
the Affordable Care Act, in 2009

I am an activist. I will always be, to some degree, because I abhor injustice. I will continue to help people, entertain others, and just simply hang out with the rest. It's OK. In addition to being a wife and mother, I'm a doctor, I'm an author, a mentor, a blogger, and of course an activist. One does not get in the way of the other. I speak for those who do not have a voice. For more information about what I do, Please visit my page on Facebook and check out these photos.

Most importantly, Mr. Taylor is not complaining. He is very pleased with me, in fact. Tend to your own flower and let another tend to his.

Blessings.

Folake.

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"Be thankful child. Some folk just lost their homes to Sandy."

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD) — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 00:18:00 +0000

NJ Photo courtesy of Washington Times

As I picked my child up from after school today, she wanted to pitch a fit because I had no snack in the car for her. So, I had to set her straight. After all, some people just got displaced by the flood, as a result of Sandy.

I make sure that I don't have a snack in my vehicle every single day, because the house is only 5 minutes away, and I don't want her to take things for granted, and stop appreciating treats. At 5 years old, she can wait five minutes. So, I quickly reminded her that if she didn't stop talking, her TV privilege would quickly follow and go poof.

As we got home, I turned on the TV to CNN for a 5 minute lecture. I normally don't let her watch the news, but this was a teachable moment. She saw enough. A couple who survived the storm and flooding, but stepped on a live wire while walking their dog. They both perished. A couple who had a mishap with their truck after surviving the initial storm. They both died, and their two kids survived, also in the truck. A man who died while helping someone who had a tree fall on their house. A volunteer firefighter from Connecticut who died in the line of duty. Then came the pictures of flooding, aerial views of whole streets still filled with water on the grid system, looking like little boxes of houses on water.

Cuba
Courtesy of Popdecay

By the time I switched the channel back to Smile of a Child, her favorite, she'd learned a new lesson, to be thankful that we are alive, Daddy, Mommy and Jordan. To still have our home, to have food, and to have electricity to watch TV. Those who were affected by the storm are not being punished, it's just life. And we are not better than them. That was the last I heard about her pouting.

Haiti
Courtesy of Popdecay

We are thankful and feel blessed and our hearts go out to the victims of Sandy. We appreciate Chris Christie, President Obama, Mayor Bloomberg, FEMA, firefighters, the National Guard, the Police and all of the elected officials and volunteers working hard to fix this. Everybody has put politics aside on this. Well, almost everybody. Moving on.

We pray for a speedy recovery.

Blessings.

Folake.

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The Way Forward: Tyler Perry the Guardian Angel

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD) — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 13:10:00 +0000

What does it mean when someone says to you, "So, what are your plans now?" It can mean a host of things. Depending on how old you are, what skills you have, how much education you have. Or not.

When I watched Oprah's interview with Bobby Christina after Whitney Houston passed, and Oprah asked her something to that effect, my heart went out to her when she said something in the neighborhood of singing and dancing.

Why?

Well, my first instinct was this. Poor child. Maybe you can dance, baby girl, but if you could sing, at 19, shouldn't we already know it? With no plan for college or further education, your skill had better be good, even as Whitney Houston's daughter. People will forget you very fast, and that fortune that seems endless today, will go poof if handled improperly. After all, Willow Smith isn't telling us she will sing, she is singing. But then again, her family might have been telling her all of her life that she can sing just like her mama!

So, when I started to see Bobby Christina on episodes of For Better or Worse by Tyler Perry on TBS on Friday nights, I wanted to jump for joy. And he said it himself to Katie Couric recently. He wanted to help her because Whitney was a friend and the circumstances around her death, her struggles and finally succumbing to that evil were so tragic, but boy, was he glad when he realized she actually didn't suck at acting! This goes to say that at least some element of skill or a gift is needed, to succeed at anything in life, no matter who you are.

TP truly is her guardian angel. I'm sure he can help her excel at acting. And as Bobby and Whitney's daughter, maybe she can sing and dance, or one or the other. But it doesn't always work that way. She can act though.

Even Gary Houston when interviewed about his sister kept saying, "The gift came through her." That is, the gift of singing that Cissy Houston has was inherited by Whitney specifically. And even though the whole family sang, including Gary, he knew he needed another day job and that was not his primary calling in life, unlike his little sister who was born to sing.

When I look at Jordan's drawings, I don't see much of Layi's artistic genes in there, or mine. Considering that Layi could have made art his primary job, and that I was so good as a child that teachers would have me do huge portrait drawings for posters to hang up on the walls in class as a permanent fixture, if Jordan has some art in her, I am yet to see much of it. But she is one smart cookie. :)

Consider the Braxton sisters, I watched Toni Braxton on TVOne recently, talking about how she could never get rid of that guilt about being the talented singer and always feeling the need to include her sisters. But it never worked, because it was her gift, not theirs, though very gracious and sweet of her. They could sing, and they backed her up fine, but they were not mega superstar singers. And though I've never seen their reality show, it seems they're on to something there. Ya can't force it, you can only tap into what's already there, and build on it. Joe Jackson pushed all his kids but we can see we only truly have 2 mega superstar singers in the mix: Michael and Janet.

The next time someone asks you what your plans are for the future, or the next time your mind wanders in that direction, ask yourself first, what am I good at? Is there a way that I can improve that skill, either with education, certifications, training, or just practice? Who can help me get there? What can help me get there?It's not magic. There's the God-given skill or gift and then, to complement it, there's the hard work like what Beyonce, Whitney, etc have exhibited in their career.

And if your skill or gift does not yet pay your bills, find something else that can pay your bills in the meantime, unless off course, you're Bobby Christina and your bills are paid. God bless her.

Recognize your skill, or gift. Then build on it, nurture it, hone it, feed it, practice it, and pray for God's blessing on it. And don't forget to ask someone who is not your friend or family member if they really think you're good at it too.

Blessings.

Folake.

PS:
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The Neighborhood

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 00:11:00 +0000

I'm back!

Are you friends on Facebook with your co-workers and neighbors?
How do those pre-existing or otherwise stable relationships tie into social media?

So, here's the deal. As hard as his might be for you to believe, especially those of you who are on my personal Facebook page and know how vocal I am about politics and religion, I am not that way 24/7. And I am serious as a heart attack. I gotta exercise wisdom, preserve relationships. I also don't go around expressing my view without holding back, on other people's pages and all over the Internet. I'd be kicked out of a lot of places if I did. I can safely say that has happened only a few times. Teehee.

I don't usually do Facebook friendships with current coworkers, with some exceptions. And so far, no current neighbors.

I had cause to review my unofficial policy yesterday. (I actually wrote this yesterday which would make that 2 days ago, but due to some Blogger issues, I'm just now posting.) I love my neighborhood. We have only 12 houses. All the kids get along. Most of the moms are stay-at-home moms, so we're safe. You'd have to be stupid to drive to my subdivision to try and rob somebody. It's a good feeling.

Anyway, yesterday, we had a neighborhood potluck. Some of you might have seen one or two pictures of a "frozen Jordan" on Facebook. (Jordan is my 5 year old.) Then somehow, this idea of starting a page for the neighborhood brewed and as soon as I woke up this morning, I had an email inviting me to become friends with our neighborhood.

Screech to a halt.

I was expecting a closed group. I knew we couldn't do a page because it would be open. So I start to think. Hmmm. If I become friends with "the neighborhood," they can access my profile. Y'all know I live in an Atlanta suburb, right? Surrounded by none other than Republicans. Yes, the GOP. Just the other day, a mom came up to me in Jordan's school and said, "I could have sworn we were the only Democrats in this school." I figured she saw my bumper stickers. She made me smile. Anyway, I digress.

So I think to myself. Should I suggest that we do a closed group? But then, a few people had already become friends with, you got it, "the neighborhood." Should I explain why I can't do it? Should I share my past experience- the one where all the moms in Jordan's home daycare descended on my Facebook page because I posted the video of someone throwing a shoe at George Bush. I felt like they were clawing my face out. It's OK to disagree with me, but it's my page, and my opinion, and I already knew the guy was safe so excuse me for offending you. It was very awkward because in real life, even though these ladies were not my best friends, we had no issues and got along fine. Eventually, I deleted the ones who didn't delete me first, because Facebook with them was just not necessary. While I never went to their pages to comment when they upheld their Republican views, I didn't care for the Nobama stickers and things I was subjected to either. And I realized, Facebook didn't add to our relationship, it took away from it. They had never made one positive comment on my page, or liked even one photo of Jordan. They were not my friends.

So, after much deliberation, I decided that none of the options before me on what to do with "the neighborhood" was a good option. I'd go with the option that would not take away from our good neighborly relationship (even if it didn't add to it), and not become Facebook friends with, wait for it, "the neighborhood."

What say you? What has been your experience?

Blessings.

Folake.

PS:
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Sister, Let that Fool Go!

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 26 May 2011 12:03:00 +0000

Folk look at you and wonder what’s wrong with you
“Why she can’t keep a man?” they say behind your back
“Somethin’ wrooooong with her,” they say in a deep southern drawl
But you know what?
It’s those fools you keep going out with
Those fools you open your heart up to
The same fool in different forms
Over and over
That fool, who was beneath you on day one
That fool, who was still beneath you when you finally moved on
Why don’t we value ourselves, my sisters?
Why don’t we wait for a worthy man?
A man that will compliment us
A man that will bring out the best in us
A man who is NOT threatened by a strong (black) woman
Get tired of the abuse
Take control of who you choose

© 2011 Folake Taylor

God is Good all the Time...(Part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Silly me! In the post yesterday, I didn't talk about what made it so clear to me that truly, God does want us to be thankful all the time and he is indeed good all the time.

On Saturday morning, after that train wreck episode on Friday that I spoke about in my first post--God is Good all the Time...(Part 1)--I woke up to an apparently legitimate bill for $395 for something we wanted as a family. Needless to say, I was none too happy about it.

By some stroke of favor (not luck), by the afternoon when I had finally accepted we would either be paying the $395 or not getting that service, I suddenly got an email saying it would be done at NC, in other words, No Charge. Why? Because they wanted us to have it and be happy.

Wow! That's what I said. Now, nobody can tell me that was not a miracle. If I had spent the past day brooding about the loss of the $99 in spilled gas and could not find it in my heart to be thankful for God's protection, I doubt I would have received favor worth $395, putting me way ahead of where I would have been financially if the Friday episode had not occurred at all.

Another thing I almost did on Friday immediately after the gas spill when I momentarily wanted to ask God why was to remind God that I pay my tithe, like I'm doing him a favor or something! It's a very bad habit that I have and even though I never say it out loud, I start to think it each time before I shut it down. I owe God tithe regardless. I don't pay tithe to get favors from him. But I do know I am covered under his wings by following his commandments, including but not limited to paying tithe.

I thank God once again that what the devil meant for evil turned around and became a testimony, but I strongly believe it was only because I managed to get my attitude right. If I hadn't, I would have missed the blessing of the following day and not even have known it.

Let us be full of gratitude and thanks and appreciation of God for his awesomeness at all times.

BLESSINGS.

Folake.

(Singing "Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above, With wisdom power and love, Our God is an awesome God..." Thank you Michael W. Smith)

God is Good all the Time...(Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:16:00 +0000

...and all the time, God is good!

That is Ms Jordan's latest saying and I love to hear it. She initially used to say God is good sometimes however! But now she understands he is good all the time.

On Friday afternoon, I drove up to a gas station and started to pump gas. Then I got back in my truck and drove off, all the while with some troubling issues weighing heavily on my mind. About two minutes down the road, I noticed my gas tank was half full and not full and that's when it hit me that I never finished pumping. A quick check on my tank door revealed it was indeed open.

What to do? I turned around and headed back there, all the while expecting the worst because I was sure I had ripped the pump out or damaged my truck or something. When I got back there and surveyed the damaged, my truck was fine and the pump had finally stopped at $99, with most of that gas spilled on the floor of the gas station. The pump was still attached. I sighed with relief.

They were all so gracious and sweet and after making sure I was OK and back in my right mind, they let me go. Of course, I gave them my cell number.

And even as I started to question God about why, I immediately switched gears to thanking him instead for forestalling what could have been a disaster such as my truck or the station catching on fire or something huge that I am sure the devil planned. I did not have $99 to spare but it was a much lesser evil than what it could have spiralled to.

My dear people, there's always something to be thankful for and if you think you're alone, remember others are going through something too.

So once again I say, God is good all the time.

BLESSINGS.

Folake.

Book Review and Release: A Love Rekindled by Myne Whitman

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 13:19:00 +0000

Pre-Publication Review of A Love Rekindled by Myne Whitman

If you liked A Heart to Mend, you’ll love A Love Rekindled.

Myne Whitman is on her A-game and her second novel definitely has the makings of a bestseller. She is an amazing storyteller with a fresh twist on her story plot each time, as evidenced by A Love Rekindled. Her growth as an author is also phenomenal.

The novel is not only a romance novel that affirms one’s belief in true love and that it truly does conquer all. It also proves that though external forces can cause a delay, they cannot kill love.

A Love Rekindled is very entertaining and written in a unique style where the flashbacks are as interesting and real as the present. There was no stone left unturned in this multi-faceted plot and intriguing storyline. I learnt a lot about our tribal wars in Nigeria and it was as much informative and real as it was pleasurable to read. Characters were well developed and multi-layered. They literally leapt off the pages of the book and drew me into their world, hearts and minds.

I look forward to her next novel and seeing Myne Whitman’s success unfold in this industry. The book comes highly recommended.

I give A Love Rekindled a 5 out of 5 stars.

About A Love Rekindled (Book Blurb)

Efe returns to Nigeria after years in the United States, dreaming of a happy, independent life. However, her nights become plagued by nightmares of Kevwe Mukoro, her ex-fiancé. Long hours at work and drinking in nightclubs only provide temporary relief, and when she encounters Kevwe's twin brother, she knows it's a matter of time before Kevwe is back in her life.
Sparks fly when they finally meet again, but desire is no match for bitter memories of heartbreak. All these years, Efe believed she was rejected; now Kevwe claims he'd never stopped loving her. Stuck at a crossroads, Kevwe prefers to look to the future, but Efe is not so sure. Can the traumatic events of the past be resolved, and will she give in to rekindled love?

About the author, Myne Whitman

Myne Whitman was born and raised in Enugu, Nigeria, where she spent most of her time, studying, reading and daydreaming, or climbing trees and playing with the boys. She has a Master's degree in Public Health Research but chose to go back to her childhood dream of spinning stories. Myne is living her own love story with her husband in Bellevue, Washington and volunteers as an ESL tutor for a local charity, writing and blogging the rest of the time. She critiques with the Seattle Eastside Writers Meet-up and is a member of the Pacific Northwest Writers Association.

A Love Rekindled is available on amazon.com in paperback as well as the Kindle format. The paperback is available for sale already but the official release date is April 3rd, 2011.

So there ya have it folks. Why not scoot on over to her blog and become a subscriber? While you're at it, you can follow my blog too. If nothing else, I have cool writer friends that I feature on this blog and sometimes, you can win something.

Check out this teaser on YouTube as well:

Well people, what are you waiting for? Get you a copy of A Love Rekindled. And if you haven't read A Heart to Mend, you might want to pick up a copy of that too.

Sheltered Gladys Eborah has spent most of her life in a suburb of Enugu brought up in a deprived single parent household after losing her father as a young girl. After finishing her education, she moves to Lagos to seek a job and moves in with an estranged aunt. New friendships and career achievements gradually transition Gladys into an independent young woman. Soon, she begins to fall for wealthy Edward Bestman who, though physically attracted to her, is emotionally unavailable. Edward is very wealthy, but he is haunted by the past of his illegitimate birth and other secrets he will not share.

A Heart to Mend was released in December of 2009 and you can find my review on amazon.com.

One other thing about Myne, she was selected for the first round of the ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award) with her pitch for A Love Rekindled and we are cheering her on for the overall contest. Just one more reason why you should want to read anything written by this author.

Blessings!

Folake.

BLOG TOUR: We Ain't The Brontes by Rosalyn McMillan

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Exclusive Interview with Rosalyn McMillan
1) How did you come up with the idea for this book? I am intrigued already.
From the original Bronte sisters from the 1900's. There were three sisters who wrote literature and were very successful.
2) How long have you been writing?
Since January of 1992.
3) How long have you been a published author?
Since January of 1996
4) As a bestselling author, what's the secret to your success in the publishing industry?
A good work ethic. I work eight to ten hours a day, five and six days a week. I'm very consistent.
5) What advice would you give to new authors like myself?
Learn the mechanics of writing. Take creative writing and advanced creative writing classes. Finally, find a good agent who believes in you and your work.
6) As an MD, I couldn't help but admire you for finding your inner strength even through medical challenges that could break others. What is the source of your strength?
My children and grandchildren. I want to be an inspiration to them and a good role model.
7) What can we expect from Rosalyn McMillan in the near future in terms of more books?
An e-book. It's entitled Midnight Pawn. It's a series and will be out this month.
Thank you!

About the Book
The relationship between Charity Evans and her sister Lynzee Lavender brings new meaning to the term “sibling rivalry.” Lynzee writes science fiction, and her New York Times bestseller status gets her into A-list parties and fattens her bank account. She can’t stand the fact that Charity is a published author too, though she swears that Charity is nowhere near as good.

It seems like the publishing industry might agree, because Charity is having trouble getting her contract renewed. Is it possible that Lynzee has had her blacklisted? With her savings dwindling, Charity struggles to pay her bills, and the pressure is putting incredible strain on her marriage. Things only get worse when Lynzee drops a bomb: she reveals that Charity’s husband is the father of a child she gave up for adoption years ago.
Charity’s life goes into a tailspin as she struggles with the shocking news. Should she tell her husband about the child he never knew he had, or would that be more drama than their already fragile marriage can handle? Charity chooses to fight back against her sister in a very creative way, but the fallout from all this drama might leave plenty of casualties in its wake.
Bestselling author Rosalyn McMillan narrates the tale of two literary sisters that will make readers ask: How much of this is based on actual events?

Here is my amazon.com review of We Ain't The Brontes.

Purchase the Book Online at:
Amazon.com
BooksaMillion.com
BarnesandNoble.com

About the Author
Rosalyn McMillan is a dedicated wife and devoted mother of four, and grandmother of five, who is currently surviving both rheumatoid arthritis and Alopecia Totalis, a disease that causes bodily hair loss. Rosalyn worked as a sewing machine operator at Ford Motor Company for nineteen years before medically retiring. She used the challenges in her own life as inspiration to become a successful novelist. Rosalyn loves to research newsworthy stories and use them as sub-plots in her real-life novels.

Her first novel, Knowing, debuted as a highly successful initial achievement. Knowing sold over 70,000 hardcover copies and over 400,000 paperbacks. It was a national best-seller and charted admirably on many book lists.

Rosalyn then followed the success of her first book with One Better, then Blue Collar Blues, The Flip Side of Sin. This Side of Eternity was Rosalyn’s fifth novel; the plot centered around the sanitation workers strike in 1968.

Rosalyn remains a loyal student of her profession by reading two to three hundred books a year. She feels that it’s imperative for an author to keep abreast of the New York Times best-sellers as well as fresh voices of fiction.

Currently, she lives in Memphis, TN, with her husband, John, where they relax fishing in their stocked pond.

Some of her favorite authors are John Sanford, Alice Walker, Maya Angelou, John Grisham, Toni Morrison, Eric Jerome Dickey, Kimberla Lawson-Roby and Terry McMillan.

By the way, Terry McMillan does happen to be her sister. I found this biography quite interesting.

Visit the full blog tour and LIVE Radio schedule at http://bit.ly/WeAintTheBrontes

Want to invite Rosalyn McMillan to Your Book Club Meetings? Take a sneak peak at this book trailer for the fun you can have with author Rosalyn McMillan.

For More Information:
Visit the author online at http://www.rosalynmcmillan.com/
View the blog tour schedule at http://bit.ly/WeAintTheBrontes

Good Teachers versus Bad Teachers

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:22:00 +0000

I'd like to start off by quoting (and paraphrasing) Michael Baisden from sometime last week. Quoting Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu, Mr. Baisden said, "Two consecutive bad teachers can ruin your child academically."

Boy! Can I tell some stories, especially about High School; Moremi High School Ife and St. Saviour's & St. Olave's in London.

I will leave out some names to protect the guilty! And if you know who they are, please keep their names out of your comments people. Thank you in advance. Not that I can remember all their names after more than twenty years anyway. Sad.

I had a certain Physics teacher who was an alright person but a bad teacher. Let me just add that I would be a bad teacher myself if I'd gone into teaching, and so I didn't. Moving right along. Anyway, this person made me lose interest in Physics, be it in the classroom or in the lab where it was supposed to be fun. Back then, we would go home for a quick lunch after regular school hours and then head out to evening lessons on the O.A.U campus. At some point, we realized we would be getting this same person as our Physics tutor at our evening lessons. We all started to mumble amongst ourselves, we were unhappy and somehow, we voiced it out to Mr. Osuji, the organizer. Y'all have to realize I have always been vocal, and I have never been scared to tell the truth, even at fourteen or so years old. Being the simple honest man that Mr. Osuji was, he told her exactly why he would not hire her, the students didn't want her.

This lady now went ahead and called a meeting with all of us and wanted to know why we tried to sabotage her. I can't remember how it all panned out at this point but I know she had her eyes all glassy and she was close to tears. And I did feel bad. But my point was this: if you made me hate it in school, and then you teach it to me after hours, I am doomed with Physics, for life. Till this day, I never did get to love Physics quite the same anymore. In University, I only studied for it the night before a test and that was it. Thankfully, I was not an engineering major and I somehow scaled through but I know I never did excel in Physics.

On the other hand, in the same year in high School, we had an amazing Geography teacher, Mrs. Ige. She made me go from a slight dislike of Geography to loving it. She was smart, she was tough, she was a no-nonsense person but whatever she did worked for me. And even though I didn't major in it, I will never forget her.

I also had a great Chemistry teacher and in this case, I looked forward to the classes, and especially the lab sessions. Whatever he did worked for me as well. And I remember.

My English teacher in London was a class act. Mrs Leach loved a well travelled young person, as she would call me. If there weren't so many people by that name in the UK, and if I could remember her first name, I would try to find her. I might just need to contact the school. Ding, dong! That whole year was a wonderful and different learning experience for me that I still cherish after a very long time.

This reminiscing cannot be complete until I remember Mrs. Adeniyi in Integrated Science when I was ten or eleven years old. That's like early Biology. She taught us reproductive health. She taught us many more things but that stuck. Really stuck. She was an amazing teacher and even now, she is my facebook friend. I might even tag her on this post! Her office used to be on the other side of that square that was our Assembly, in lieu of a hall. Thank you Pastor Mrs. Lakishokun-Adeniyi. She used her full name back then. Good times.

But four years after she had taught me, I found myself losing interest in Biology. This was the same year we were going to sit for our GCE/WASC, the equivalent of a High School Diploma here. It was not teacher related this time, it was me. Then looking at myself, and realizing I wanted to be a doctor and Biology would be the foundation for a future with a lot of Anatomy in it, I went and got myself a copy of a big book called Modern Biology, and read it from cover to cover as we used to say. From pali to pali. That changed my life. Here I was at age fifteen, taking control of my life and my future.

I didn't discuss it with anyone, nor did I discuss the episode with the Physics teacher with my parents. At some point in early life, they had given me the tools to be independent, to think for myself, to be confident and to voice out my opinion, and most importantly, to take charge of my own affairs. At some point. And it worked, even at age fifteen. Sometimes it worked so much that I didn't seek their help when I needed to!

I am thankful that one or more bad teachers did not affect my destiny, but how about those kids who had a bad teacher for the very thing that was their passion, the very thing they had a gift for? Instead of being guided correctly, maybe they had a teacher who made them turn their back on it instead. Try to imagine that.

As parents, we need to pay attention. Not all kids are take charge kids. I was, but I know everyone wasn't. And this is not to say I didn't have any bumps in the road but that is for another post. Or you can just catch up with my book, The Only Way is Up for a dose of some of the struggle!

May our kids not run into that teacher that antagonizes them in the very thing their destiny is connected to, and if they do, may the good Lord give them the fortitude to pass through it and come out in flying colors on the other side.

A bad teacher truly can change your life, and not in a good way.

Kudos to the good teachers. Our future is closely linked to who teaches us and what we are taught.

BLESSINGS.

PS: And don't y'all laugh about the state of my old school now as you can see in the pictures. We're going to fix it. Yes, we can. For those who have never been to Nigeria, we had the most amazing times in these places and did not see any ugliness; just love, education and lifelong friendships. Can I get an amen?

And as for St. Saviour's, we just lacked space. It's the UK after all.

Christianese?

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 13:28:00 +0000

When we write Christian Fiction, are we writing about heaven? And if we’re not in heaven yet, are all our characters Christians? I am so tired of the so-called constraints of the genre. The main character cannot drink alcohol, or curse, or have sex before marriage. What world are you writing about? And what if the main character did all those things before they got saved? Must the book start only after they met Jesus? And surely, even if the main character was a clone of Jesus, all their friends and acquaintances couldn’t possibly be clones of Jesus too. I’m just saying. That’s not the real world. I have been told even words like "crap" as an exclamation are borderline and it's best to stay away from it.

While we must not overdo the negatives and we must make sure to paint the negatives as negatives and show a positive progression or have an underlying Christian message, can we not just write about how it is in real life, how people talk in real life, how people act in real life and for Pete’s sake how people live in real life?

As long as it’s not young adult fiction, surely, adults can keep it real? One would assume, but maybe not.

I am so tired of seeing the phrase, she called me anything but a child of God. Whenever was the last time someone said to you, “You are anything but a child of God” and you were offended by it in the same sense? I know we can’t dwell on the curse words and all but come on, can we be a little more innovative here? I have to say I have only seen that phrase used well in one book recently and because of how true to life the whole story was, it didn’t bother me the same. That would be Delilah by Ms Shelia Goss. Kudos!

And even if all our characters were Christians, do these people never falter? Do Christian brothers and sisters never have sex outside of marriage? Seriously? Do they never have an evil thought or do they never do something bad when nobody is looking?

Pre-marital sex can be explored in a secondary character but not in the main character. That’s a common one in those submission guidelines. I sigh every time I see that phrase. How do you truly connect with the people if your characters don’t sound anything like them or like anyone they know? While I am not advocating for full sex scenes, surely, in the history of this world, there has been a Christian sister who did things she was not supposed to do. Does anybody know one?

I am reading A Woman’s Secret by a friend of mine, Toyin Adon-Abel and I love that it is not all stiff and uptight because it is a Christian book. He slips in the Christian undertone even without you noticing. He gets around the issues of language with a few scattered explicit words in some parts and yet in other parts, some dashes (–) and dots (…). While I’m not quite sure about the dashes and dots, he definitely made progress on what I’ve seen commonly. It’s a great read with an unusual and thought provoking plot and anyone will enjoy it.

Thank God for the few authors who are keeping it real but every time I read the submission guidelines for traditional publishers, I have to ask myself how do I write what I want to write, make it as real as I want it to be but still get a book deal from one of them? It seems almost impossible. But I will forge ahead till I get where I want.

Most of what we have on the market now is still for a restricted audience is what I’m saying. Thankfully, it's not all. If only Christians can stomach reading your book, then have you really helped save a soul? Fine, you’re touching and inspiring Christians. But what is being written for the non-saved who just wants a good read? I’m not saying there are none of such. I’m just saying we need more.

I know I’m a newbie and I don’t know much yet but is it too much to ask that Christian books sound like real life? And while I know that style works perfectly for some, how about others, like me? Can some of us please, please, please not write in Christianese 100% of the time?

Where are my overcomers at? Let’s do this. Watch out for my next book, Anonymous Gift Giver, coming soon. I have not queried anyone yet but I’m getting there. I will not disappoint you!

PEACE.

Steppin’ Into the Good Life Blog Tour

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 04:16:00 +0000

Steppin' Into the Good Life by Tia McCollors will be released on February 1st.

About the Book

Shelia Rushmore thought she’d be the last woman standing when it was time to fight for her man. Instead Ace, her boyfriend of two years, chose to reunite with his ex-wife, leaving Shelia emotionally devastated. It’s a year later when Sheila is convinced that sneaking into their wedding ceremony will put closure on the gaping hole in her heart.

But it’s on the back pew of the church where a new relationship begins for Shelia. She can’t explain the touch she received from God on that day, but she’s determined to be a better woman-a woman of faith. Since high school, Shelia has been chasing her definition of the good life – it’s left her with no home, no man, and no money. But now that’s she’s living life for God, things should get better, right? Shelia learns that living a faith-filled life isn’t always easy.

With faith, tough love, and some tough decisions, Shelia realizes that the life she’d been praying for she could have for herself is actually attainable. Being wrapped in God’s arms, she decided, was by far the safest place she’d ever been.
Purchase the Book Online at:

• Amazon.com

• BarnesandNoble.com

• BooksaMillion.com

• Christianbook.com

About the Author

TIA MCCOLLORS is a national bestselling author who secured her spot in the publishing industry with the release of her debut novel, Zora’s Cry. She received her B.A. in Journalism and Mass Communication from the University of North Carolina. After ten years as a public relations professional, Tia emerged as an inspirational speaker and author of faith-based novels. Her other titles include The Truth About Love and A Heart of Devotion. She continues to pen inspirational works and is currently writing a series of children’s early reader chapter books targeted towards girls, ages 7-9.

In addition to being a novelist, Tia is a motivational speaker and instructor for writing workshops. She is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers organization, and serves as the vice president of Visions In Print. Tia was voted as the Breakout Author of the Year by the Open Book Awards of the African American Literary Awards Show.

Tia lives in the Atlanta, Georgia area with her husband and son. For more information, visit her online at http://www.tiamccollors.com/

Interview

How did you come up with the concept for this novel?

I think it was a natural “literary reaction.” After reading my previous book, The Last Woman Standing, some readers felt sorry for Sheila and others didn’t care for her at all. But regardless of how they felt, readers wanted to know what happened to Sheila Rushmore, the girlfriend of two years that was kicked [to] the curb. Well, she’s dusted herself off and trying to get back into life.
I guess the concept for both of these stories boils down to me asking the “What if?” question. I knew an associate who had a close relationship with her ex-spouse. I had a chance to see how they reacted and treated each other, and wondered if there was still an attraction for either. I couldn’t help but think that they would give each other a “second chance” if one of them was brave enough to express their feelings.

And so was birthed…The Last Woman Standing…and the Steppin’ Into The Good Life.

Do you write only Christian fiction?

Currently all of my books are fiction. I do have an idea for a devotional floating around in my head that would uplift and inspire women like me. By “women like me,” I mean those who are driven to live a purpose-filled life, and do so while taking care of children who pull out toys as soon as you’ve cleaned up, being a helpmate to your husband, and trying to think of something new to put on the table instead of recycling old recipes, etc. The list goes on!

How long have you been a published author?

My first novel, A Heart of Devotion, was released by Moody Publishers in January 2005. That was an awesome way to celebrate the new year!

When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

I think it originally started in seventh grade when I had an “advice column” in my school’s newspaper, called Tia Talks. When I entered high school, I decided to take “Newspaper” as one of my electives…and I was hooked. But even before that I used to enter every fiction writing competition that was school and county-wide. However, I never fathomed that my love for writing would lead to a career as a novelist. I’d planned on going into broadcast journalism…and writing the truth, and nothing but the truth! It wasn’t until I was included in a round of layoffs at a job in 1999 that God I truly began to search for my passion and purpose. I guess you could say God married my love for reading and my love for writing!

Any advice for other authors or aspiring authors?

Keep writing until the end, even if it’s not your best. In fact, your first draft WON’T be your best. But you can’t edit or revise blank pages.

For More Information
• Visit the author online at http://www.tiamccollors.com/
• View the blog tour schedule at http://bit.ly/SteppinIntotheGoodLife

The African Divide in America

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 05:54:00 +0000

That was the topic of our panel discussion yesterday in which I had the honor of being a panelist. I didn't voice out even a tenth of what I wanted to say during the discussion, because I didn't want to cry and we would run out of time. But as I sat in church this morning, I let it all out. I cried.

Here's what I had to let out and let go of, so I can move forward: How long will I have to pay for my ancestors being among those who were left behind? It is not my fault and every single day in this country, I feel guilty about slavery. I can never come to terms with it. But I can't change slavery. I can only change what is going on now; help to fix the aftermath of slavery. As I assimilate and imbibe the beautiful things about the American culture, I would like to share those things about the Nigerian culture that I intend to teach to my child which have been lost through the years in the African American culture, those things I never want to forget. But nobody wants to listen to me. Maybe not nobody! But you get the drift. There aren't enough people who want to know.

I even wrote a book about it. And while some understood and loved it, others have called me prideful and arrogant, perceiving my confidence and pride in my heritage to be me looking down on African Americans. Some think that I am saying Nigeria is better than America and I have to remind them that Nigeria is a developing country and though there are several good things about Nigeria that you don't see on TV, they are missing the point.

We do have tribalism and religious divides in Nigeria. But we will come together in a heartbeat against any other group of people. The one thing nobody expects in a developed country is resistance from other black folk because it does not happen like that among blacks in Europe.

Yesterday, we all agreed that to fix the divide between African American and Africans, we would need to collaborate and unite more, we would need to educate our kids, African Americans would need to visit Africa more, we would need to show people in Africa the worst of America (for balance), we would all need to study each other's cultures more and be more tolerant of our differences. Most of all, if we concentrate more on the ways we are alike than the ways we are different, the world would be a much better place.

One of the statements I found to be the most profound yesterday was when John McQueen mentioned that what changed his life was when he spent a year and a half in Europe and he got a chance to see America as the world sees it and realize there truly are opportunities. And it saddened me when he mentioned that he did not grow up knowing America was full of opportunities and it was not taught to him. I realized that growing up to see and know that the world is full of opportunity was special and we all need to make sure we instill that in our kids. If you want it, go get it. It's there. But nobody is going to hand it to you.

Another issue that touched me was when Alistair Edwards said he was taught that when you meet people, the next thing you do is ask what you can do for them to make their life better. That is a winner!

Delson Adeoye and Muyiwa Babalola went so deep into history and research on this issue, they had my head spinning!!! Brandi Mitchell reminded us that whether giving service, or being serviced, as African Americans/ Blacks in general, we need to step it up and make sure we are competitive in the business world and providing quality service. And if we are receiving service, appreciate and value it, pay what it is worth and don't try to get it for free.

While Klarque Garrison was helping me with my things and walking me to my vehicle last night, I casually looked up at Grady hospital and mentioned how I worked out of there for three years during residency. I also mentioned some other places farther out where I had worked and he wondered how I had worked in all these cities he'd never been to. When I explained to him how needing a work visa almost guarantees you can't get a job in certain desired locations as a foreigner, he was almost speechless. "We have a different set of challenges that y'all don't understand," I had said to him. And because we're programmed to be resilient as Africans, you might look at me and think I have it all, because I don't complain. But you don't know how many thousands of dollars go to my attorney to process immigration related issues or the challenges that are unique to me as a non-American.

For Africans in America, our challenges are current. We don't hold on to the past, we let that go. Whatever things were lacked while back home are quickly forgotten. Whatever you suffered in your early years here become something to laugh over. For African Americans, half of the challenges are perceived, psychological or emotional (which doesn't make it less important) and half is current. Like Brandi said last night, slavery is a mindset that is hard to break. But we all have unique problems and only in coming together can we have power in numbers.

When I got home last night, I was rejuvenated and drained at the same time, so much so that I felt weak in my body, like I had run a marathon. My hips hurt and I hadn't been standing all day. That was my personal breakthrough working through every fiber of my being. So while I was giving, I received as well.

After I let it all out in church today, I fell in love all over again with my blackness, my Africaness and especially being black in America. I love this country. I love living here and this is my home now. I love Atlanta especially. I'm here to stay. And I won't give up, until all our voices are heard and we all become one.

Give us a chance people. We are one!

Thank you Survive 365 and Klarque Garrison for giving me this opportunity and I look forward to future collaborations with you.

Blessings

Invite to FREE Panel Discussion: "The African Divide in America"

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 14:15:00 +0000

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

D.K. Garrison, Author/Speaker

(866) 642-9125 office

(404) 447-8265 local

www.survivethenext365.com

klarque@survivethenext365.com

Atlanta based author hosts 6 panel discussion: African vs African-American sociological divide

“The African Divide in America”

Atlanta, Ga.—January 22, 2011—Since 1865, blacks in America have had their freedoms. Soon after, African immigrants started migrating to the US for better education and opportunities. Almost instantly African-Americans and their brothers from Africa have had an invisible divide between the two communities. Rarely is there an economic or social collaboration anywhere in the US between them.

On Saturday January 22, 2011 4pm-6pm EST at the Auburn Ave. Research Library, 4th floor (101 Auburn Ave. NE Atlanta,Ga. 30303), a panel of six successful entrepreneurs (3 Africans, 3 African Americans) will meet to openly discuss why? The event will be hosted by D. Klarque Garrison author of “How to Survive the Next 365” & Moderated by Michael McFadden host of the wildly popular radio show “Real Talk with Michael McFadden”. Special Presenter/Speaker will be Mr. Chris Gloss who is the Nation’s #1 Possibility speaker. The six person panel includes stalwarts Dr. Folake Taylor (Author), John McQueen (entrepreneur), Delson Adeoye (businessman), Alistair Edwards (motivational speaker), Chloe Taylor-Brown (Life Coach), Muyiwa Babalola (attorney). The event is FREE and open to the general public. The format will be a moderated forum with a Q&A period for the audience. Our goal is to enlighten, provide insight and create an open dialog for future partnerships.

For more information, contact D. Klarque Garrison (404) 447-8265, Folake Taylor (770) 312-7973, or Delson Adeoye (404) 781-5909

Media: Contact Host D. Klarque Garrison for interviews or coverage at klarque@survivethenext365. For ad, bios, headshots or more info call (866) 642-9125.

A New Day, A New Year...

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 22:32:00 +0000

Happy New Year!

Now, about those New Year Resolutions we all insist on having every year. Though I have a slightly different take on those, since it is January now, whatever was not already implemented in 2010 is now something we are struggling with and hopefull succeeding at. First rule of thumb is this: If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. My second rule is I have renamed them All Year Resolutions and not just to be implemented at the start of a new year. I believe that as soon as you recognize and decide the change is needed, you should plan for it in the near future if not immediately, so as not to load up this one magical day of the year with too many changes that you couldn't possibly keep to.

That being said. If you have more than three things on your list of New Year Resolutions, I suggest you stagger them. By that I mean set a date to implement each one so that you are not working on ten different things at once. I say that because if you get overwhelmed, you stand a huge chance of not succeeding at any of it. This is the advice I give with any kind of life changes, except if they are related. For example, if your resolutions are all along the lines of "I'll stop cheating on my spouse; I'll spend more time with family; I'll skip the strip clubs..." those to me don't count as different resolutions! They essentially count as one. But if on the other hand they are "I'll lose twenty pounds; I'll stop smoking; I'll stop taking prescription pain medications I'm dependent on..." then you might need to stagger it. I give the last example of course with my dear patients in minds. Those are probably three of the most common changes I hear people wanting to make, especially at the beginning of the year. Other common ones of course are alcoholism, non-adherence to medications or diets for diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol as well as preventive care.

Let me break it down for you. One of the hardest things to do at the same time is stop smoking and lose weight. This is because when you stop smoking, you gain weight. I think this is multi-factorial. People who smoke are used to having something to do with their fingers a lot of the time. They replace the cigarette with food. Also, many people have anxiety which the nicotin deals with and without the nicotine, they suddenly get very nervous and jittery and comfort eat. What I normally suggest is that you stop smoking first, allow yourself to gain whatever weight might come with it and figure out how to get past that and be at a stable weight before you try to lose weight, with or without help.

I know this is not the scenrio for the general populace or outside of a doctor's office setting of course. On the street, you might hear more of "I want to be closer to God this year; I want to start a business and be successful with it; I want to write a book; I want to be a better parent to my children; I want to be a better spouse; I want to be a better child to my parents..." etc.

We are not machines. We are humans. We want to do all these things but rather than set ourselves up to fail, I suggest we map out a plan to stagger it and once we achieve one or two goals and master them, we can take up the next challenge. I use the same technique with lifetyle nutritional changes (note we are not saying diet anymore) and that way, the ability to stick with the changes are permanent and not temporary or intermittent. In turn, the results are also more permanent.

I think the traditional way of approaching New Year Resolutions sets us up for failure and by the third month, many people have given up on many of their resolutions. It seems like it's too hard.

If you chose to adopt my approach, I would love to hear back from you by email or otherwise. I wish us all a fantastic year full of blessings, progress and growth. More importanly, let us remember to give back. Be a blessing to somebody else. That is the only resolution I am working on presently; to be a blessing. With the exception of less time on fecebook. Shhhh. You'll be surprised that by the time you are done, God has taken care of your business.

BLESSINGS.

The Hair Issue...

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:54:00 +0000

For the better part of the past few years, I had relatively short hair which was mostly natural. I say mostly because as much as I would love to not have to touch it with any chemical at all, I do have to go against my wishes to loosen up the very tight kinky curls of most of us "native Africans" as I have recently been called, as opposed to African Americans. In other words, those of us not necessarily blessed with "Good Hair" or something like that. HA!

In recent months, I decided to switch it up. I got long wet and wavy braids from human hair, along with the simple braids my baby girl sported for her third birthday. Like mother, like daughter, eh? (Laughing). I got a lot of positive response with that hair, especially at work. I was told I looked younger, like in my twenties or something. Some folk thought my hair had grown and the surprise is not only in them thinking it was my real hair but in thinking it can grow that fast. Now, I have lived in the United States for almost eleven years, but the past few months is the first time that I will work in an area where I hardly see black folk. I have had two black patients in nine months, so to speak. Anyway, what I am trying to say is most of these responses have come from Caucasians.

When my long braids were about to expire or combust if I didn't change something, I had to take them out and that I did, even though I did not have enough time to get another hair do that same weekend. That left me with one week of looking quite afrocentric with my headwrap, if you catch my drift! I got a totally different set of responses. From "can I see your hair underneath?" to thinking the little frilly stuff at the edge of the fabric might be my hair to wondering if my braids were still inside it and just bunched up. I even joked and told some people they could have found roaches or rodents in my hair before I took the long braids out.

After a week of the wrap, I got a chance to sport another do. This time, I got short twists just about the length of my real hair, which is what I would call mid-length now. Of course mid-length black hair would be short for some other folk. Moving on. Here's the real kicker. People have been touching my hair. Most think it is my real hair. Many think I got a hair cut because my previous hair was down to past my shoulders.

I find myself having to refer people to the movie "Good Hair" by Chris Rock, or should I say the documentary. Contrary to some of the responses I have heard, I believe it is not only informative but necessary to see what other people go through to get their hair to look like something you can walk out of your bedroom in. The only disclaimer I add is that I do not spend $2K on my hair but rather, closer to a few tens or when it is to last a few months such as what I have on now, I might spend a little under $200. But that would be my limit. The $180 hair would have to last three months for it to be worth the expense.

What really gets me is that as many black people as there are in this country, other races really have close to no idea how our hair care differs from theirs or that a black person can go from short hair to long hair in six hours and of course it's not their real hair, duh. I have had so many different hairstyles in my time that I think I'll display some of them here for your perusal, as long as I can locate a photo for you.

But you know what? We are all guilty of not knowing enough about the other race, of not paying enough attention, of maybe even not being interested. In as much as some of the statements people have made about my various hairstyles in the last year have been sometimes annoying or ignorant, at least it beats lack of interest. Someone even gave me hair product earlier this week and I realized when I looked at it that it was most likely made for curly Caucasian hair and not black hair. But the important thing is that she reached out to me in friendship and gave me a gift which I truly appreciate.

I am not without fault in this matter. It was only in recent years that I realized how much stuff Caucasians also do to their hair, sometimes on a daily basis. People with curly hair straighten it to get the straight look. People put highlights in their hair or constantly dye it for a preferred hair color. It's a little more than just jumping in the shower and using a blow dryer and ruffling their hands through it like I used to think. It sounds so ignorant now but I really didn't know better. I now know my Caucasian sisters also get perms and have to buy lots of hair product from holding sprays, gels and mousse to just about anything to get it to be anything other than in a pony tail. Even the men might need some mousse for a mohawk or the Brad Pitt effect.

Shouldn't we be a little more interested in not only our similarities but our differences? Shouldn't we care more about the next person? Even an African American with good hair may not fully understand what the rest of us go through. And I admit I am totally hating now but hey, I can't just put olive oil in my hair and walk out the door looking fly. It will most likely all end up on my forehead later in the day and the hair will still be the same. And I couldn't possibly just jump in the pool for a swim (if I could swim) and have hair looking great again thirty minutes later. But by the same token, the sister with the good hair is so much harrassed and hated on about it that it's crazy. One said to me recently that people have told her to her face that they believe she relaxes her hair secretly. Now that's just hurtful.

Maybe I'm alone in this but I absolutely am almost at a loss for words about how much more we ALL need to try harder to be in someone else's shoes and to see life outside of our little sphere. Can it really be so hard to just look around and pay attention to things other than our immediate business? Would a little quest for knowledge or a little interest hurt?

What say you?

As we approach the new year, BLESSINGS!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year....

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:40:00 +0000

I somehow forgot to post this when I wrote it so here goes...Lol.

I am one of those people who have a different twist on New Year Resolutions. Some people understand my point, yet others disagree because I dare to challenge a notion they were raised with and that they believe is just the way it should be at the beginning of the year.

Let me start by clearing this up. I am not opposed to New Year Resolutions. I am a huge fan of change and progression so why would I be opposed? Here's my take on it however. Both from personal experience and from watching people around me over the four decaded I have been blessed to be on planet earth, over and over again, I realized we would all make up this list of New Year Resolutions near the end of each year, hoping to implement them on the following January first. Sounds like a good idea right? After all, we all want to grow and be better people. We all want to advance in life. We all want to achieve something in 2011 that we did not achieve in 2010. The only problem I see repeatedly is that there is too much burden placed on that magical day, January first. We adopt this attitude of procrastination under the guise of New Year Resolutions.

What I see happening is this. The first two or so weeks of the year, everyone is happy and keeping to all their new rules. Some even make it up to a whole month on their new rules. Then what happens? We start to slip. By the second month, I am sure you will agree with me that most people have fallen off the wagon with at least half of their new practices. By the third month, probably another quater of your new practices have yet again proven impossible to keep up with. Most people by the end of the first quarter are right back where they started. Why is this?

This is my theory. We have good intentions but we place too much of a burden on this one magical day that is supposed to miraculously change everything. Here is how I have overcome it over the years. Rather than the conventional New Year Resolutions, I choose to see them as life changes or All Year Resolutions. Whenever I come to the realization that I need to change or improve on any area of my life, or take on something new, I start. I don't put it on a list with twenty-nine other things to start on January first. At every point in time, I am working on a few things and constantly re-evaluating how good I am doing, what I can do to improve my performance and what I have fallen off the wagon with and what I can do to fix it. I'm like an analyst but what I'm analyzing is my life and it is daily, it is constant and if I am falling short, I get back up and start again. What I am not doing however is starting too many things at once, decreasing the chance of me succeeding.

It's like with making a lifestyle change with our nutrition. I always admonish people to pick one thing they can work on and when they have it down, try something else. If you make all your dietary changes in one day, you will most likely fall off the wagon. It can be as simple as stopping carbonated drinks. When you have that down, you can add avoiding fried and fast foods on most days and you can even pick a day of the week when you will eat that one decadent meal, or once a month. I have found that to work better and to last longer than starting ten different dietary changes on one day because you are "going on a diet," a term I almost detest.

So, as we come to the end of the year, instead of pilling up a long list of New Year Resolutions to start on January first, I admonish you to adopt a system to start making those changes now, with now being anytime you come to the realization that change is needed. One or two things at a time, then when you have it down, add another positive change. And it is not too late to adopt this attitude. See how that works for you as you make 2011 your best year yet.

Be thankful for seeing 2010 through. It is a blessing and not to be taken for granted. Commune with your God and step into 2011 with confidence and renewed vigor. May God bless our efforts.

BLESSINGS.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 04:11:00 +0000

Confection Dazzle Christmas

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The Holiday Season...

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:36:00 +0000

It's almost scary to think about for some, isn't it? You remember it's almost Christmas and you shudder. Why is that? Is it because you feel the need to buy present for all the kids in your life and some as well as a host of adults? Is it because there are so many festivities and food starting right about now that you add weight and you are concerned you will slip in your weight loss efforts? Is it because it's cold and dark and that sometimes gets your mood down in the dumps? Or do you have several family birthday in December like me which means your vehicle tag and tax are also up for renewal? Are you feeling blue because you were unable to keep to your new year resolutions at the beginning of 2010 and another year is about to roll in and you feel like a failure?

Whatever might be bothering you, take heart. There is still a light at the end of the tunnel. The rainbow will once again show its face. We need to strategize.

1) Christmas is not about spending money and presents primarily. It's about remembering the birth of Jesus. If you cannot afford expensive or multiple presents as you please, how about making something or offering service to someone as a Christmas present? How about a book? A nice book as a present still shows you care and makes the person feel better about themselves. The ability to make a person feel empowered at the end of the day would be good. How about The Only Way is Up by yours truly? All these issues are actually discussed in this book.

2) Concerning the tendency to overeat, you can resolve right now to be disciplined. If you need to tell yourself "food is the enemy" to make you stop at that sizeable portion, or skip that white bread, then do that. The Only Way is Up also has a chapter on nutrition, exercise, weight and health which chronicles the system that has worked for me and helped to reduce my cholesterol. And I promise it is not any heavy diet plan, it is all just basic principles.

3) If you're down because it's cold and dark a lot around this time of year, you'll need to get comfort from within, from God, and from company. We may not be able to change the season but we can change our reaction to it. Focus on the spirit of Christmas, togetherness, giving including giving of service and be thankful you are alive and for everything that is going well in your life.

4) If your expenses seem like they're coming at you like an airplane about to crash, take a deep breath and just take it one step at a time. Next year, start to plan earlier. Whatever is not a necessity needs to go. Make a list of wants and needs and go with the needs first. You might just find out at the end of the day that everything important has been taken care of and the world did not end because you did not get to the other column on your list.

5) If you missed your mark with New Year resolutions, start now. Don't wait till January 1st 2011 to start going to the gym, start eating healthy, start calling your parents regularly, start respecting your spouse, stop being difficult or argumentative, put more effort into your job, stop telling fibs, start going to church regularly, start volunteering, start paying tithe, stop buying a gazillion shoes in every color, or what have you. Once you identify the need to make that change, go ahead and make it. That way you don't set up January 1st to not have a chance at survival because of the impossible burdens you have put on that one day.

I discuss a lot of these issues in my book and yes, you have the name down by now, The Only Way is Up. And it truly is. It would make a perfect Christmas present for your loved ones. Please visit my website for more information on the book and pick up a discounted copy on amazon.com. The Kindle edition is even less expensive.

Christmas time should be a great time. Make it so. You have the power.

BLESSINGS!

Should You Ask a Man About His Sexual Orientation? (Book Giveaway opportunity...)

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 02:46:00 +0000

Sounds like a strange topic for a blog post right? Well, not really. The thing is this. I have a whole chapter in my book "The Only Way is Up" about the single life and the search for Mr Right. It's titled "For All My Single Ladies." But I write about so many different things in this book that in the whole year since I released the first edition, I have not gotten to actually breaking down this chapter for the ladies. I need to.

My week started off with a bang on Sunday night, as my second Blog Tour with BooksAnd... took off. I had a great radio interview with Character Corner's Attorneymom, possibly one of my best actually. Monday was great with For Colored Gurls. Then came Tuesday morning and I got one of the most explosive mixed reviews for this book on Reading Has Purpose. Not to bore you, the person's bone of contention was mostly with this chapter for single ladies, especially my comment concerning the issue of sexual orientation (which got me thinking about it), as well as my culture shock chapter. Evidently they have a problem with my delivery. Opinions allowed. Moving right along. It was a fun night on Love Radio with Shivawn Mitchell within a few hours, ending my night with a bang. Today has been just as great with Sol Searching and especially Melissa J Dixon who simply blew me away with her review. Please follow the rest of the tour if you please. I even got Glamazini's review video in advance (another mixed review!) and I'll share it with you before it posts tomorrow. So far, there's been 795 views on youtube!

I digress. So, I thought about it, the issue about sexual orientation and asking a man you are about to get into a relationship with directly about it. And yes, I did advise it in my book and infact, I indeed had this discussion with my husband when I first met him. I came straight out and asked him if he was attracted to men or if he'd ever had a relationship with men. I'm not stupid. I know people lie all the time. But has anyone heard of a group of people who will not lie to you even though they will take advantage of cracks in the wall all day long? And did anyone hear of Dina Matos or Terry McMillan and how these downlow ex-husbands of theirs turned around and said over and over that these women knew they were gay but just ignored it? Can you imagine anything worse happening to you? Not only does he destroy your basic trust in the human race for life and leave you heartbroken, he has also convinced himself that you knew, to free himself of guilt. I know asking will not prevent every case of this but for an inherently honest man, a discussion such as this might make him draw back or even tell the truth if they already harbor an attraction to the same sex. And if they truly thought you were ok with it, then they'll know you're not. It might just help somebody. It was a rule I adopted while I was dating anyway.

Among other things I mentioned is that in the developed world especially, we should conduct background checks on people we have not known for a long time as is often the case. It's easy and inexpensive to do now so why not? Does it hurt anybody? I think not. In the Bible, people married from their hometown so they knew their history. Back home in Nigeria, parents will delve into family history, even if you don't.

I also talk about working on one's self as a woman to get to the point where you are whole and one with God and in a position to be added to someone else, a man. It's 1+1=1 with marriage. Weird math that is. If you are half or a quater, the union will not be whole and may be temporarily or even permanently shaky.

Some of the other important points I harp on are being an individual, self esteem, self worth, confidence, and so much more. I will try to touch on many of the key points I raise in this chapter and the rest of the book over the course of the next few months. I just wanted to give you a teaser. For today, let's just try to share about this sexual orientation thing.

What say you?

(By the way, free copies of "The Only Way is Up" can be won by participating in the Blog Tour, mostly leaving comments or whatever stipulations each blog has put up such as tweeting about it. Get yours! It's FREE.)

BLESSINGS.

Marriage Cheat Sheet

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:46:00 +0000

When I bared my heart about the state of marriage in present times on my facebook status update on Tuesday, little did I know that something very good will actually come of it.

Here is where it all started:

"If people don't know the difference between marriage and a relationship without legal or spiritual commitment, they should not get married. Many of the things that make you break up with a person in a relationship happen in marriage too; you just don't break up. You work it out to the best of your ability. There are very few deal breakers in marriage. I know it's hard but you can make it..."

I woke up on Tuesday morning angry at the state of marriage in the world. The previous night, I had watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta AKA RHOA and it had saddened me that despite not knowing the details or knowing for sure that there was any dealbreaker situation going on with Nene Leakes and her husband of thirteen years Greg, everybody essentially felt the best way to support her was to encourage her to move on if it wasn't working. Nobody considered that it could be a passing phase, that they could still see the mountain top once again after the valley, that the fact that you are unhappy now and it is not good now does not mean it can never get back to where it was.

That was why I wrote that update. It has twenty-five comments to date. Some agreed. Some disagreed. I pissed someone off along the way. But what makes it all worth it for me is that last night, I got this message, also on the thread:

"Folake you might not believe this but this thing you started actually saved a three year old marriage yesterday . Both parties read your post and the comments and canceled their divorce case and gave each other a second chance....I pray they get it right this time.....Bless you Sis"

And this morning, I got an inbox message from another person who had copied and pasted my status update and sent it to her friend who was having problems with his seventeen year marriage. He also sent a message back to the friend asking what he could do to make it right with his wife.

This makes me happier than a shopping spree, or dessert, or comfort food or anything you can think of. I decided to make up a marriage cheat sheet, mostly from a woman's point of view but I can assure you men can gain a thing or two from it as well.

Marriage Cheat Sheet

I ask God not only for the gift of forgiveness but of forgetfulness.

I ask God daily what I can do for the greater good of the relationship and not my selfish needs or wants.

I pray for my husband.

I pray for our relationship.

I concentrate on the good in him.

I accept him as him and stop trying to change him.

I understand and accept my imperfections and that he sometimes struggles to deal with me too.

And when I feel I can't go on, I rebuke the devil and affirm God's will for my marriage! I resolve to stay in it.

God has blessed women with a greater ability to keep a relationship healthy by having a gentle spirit and being wise. I am not gentle in behavior, stupid, a pushover or docile.

If I can do it, almost anybody can.

BLESSINGS.

The Struggle and the Hustle

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 12:13:00 +0000

While we know struggling and hustling are by no means synonymous, I increasingly see a peculiar lack of drive in people who have never lacked, never wanted.

My question is this: Are we doing a disservice to our kids by providing too much for them? More questions still. By providing all their needs and possibly wants, have we killed their get-up-and-go? What's your take on this, people? How do we strike that balance between providing for them and going overboard to spoiling them. Where do we draw the line between housing a grown child for free without any responsibility required of them and helping out a grown child temporarily that is warranted and sometimes necessary.

I couldn't help noticing on the radio the other day that Gladys Knight and the two radio show hosts all said at some point, their mothers had been on food stamps. Yet on the other hand, there are scores of heirs and heiresses to huge business empires who will never do any more than squander the family resources literally. They feel absolutely no need to be gainfully employed or to learn how to make a living because they are already wealthy without it. And they add a good dose of irresponsible public behavior in the mix as a recipe for disaster.

We know that if God has blessed us to be able to provide well for the little ones he has placed in our care, we cannot then pretend that we do not have. How then do we instill these values in them? How do we work hard and make money to provide comfort for our family and still keep their drive? What kinds of conversation keep them in perspective and focused?
PEACE.

We are all selling something!

noreply@blogger.com (Folake Taylor, MD.) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 02:59:00 +0000

We all have something we are selling, be it goods, services or ideas. Whether or not they translate to actual cash versus popularity or acceptance is irrelevant as that is not always the aim for everybody. But it does not make it any less of a sale. We're all still selling something.

In selling, let us be mindful of other people's space and time even as we pitch "our thing" to them. That's why I love facebook as a social networking and marketing tool. You can post whatever you want on your wall all day long and it will show up on your friends' home pages. Whoever is interested will click on it. An interesting question might spur a discussion. A much needed bit of information might encourage clicks to a link. You might actually make money if someone buys something. You might get a thank you for insightful words shared. And whoever is not interested just keeps it moving. Like we say in Nigeria, "Notin spoil."

Of course we have the inbox messages and depending on how you use it, you could actually get on people's nerves. For those with a fan page to push what they are selling, you can also send updates to fans. That can start to get on people's nerves if they are too frequent. The good thing about it however is that anyone who so pleases can "un-friend" you, if that is a word or choose to no longer be a fan of your page, if they are uncomfortable with the pressure or the frequency of your updates. Or they could simply hide your updates and that way, everybody is happy.

Twitter is even better, for those who can keep up with it. It all happens in real time except someone retweets. You only see tweets so far back. It's all dynamic. Whatever you don't catch when it is happening is gone, except you go search it out by hashtag or on the sender's page.

When you are physically selling to people in their own space, the same rules apply. They have invited or allowed you in out of the goodness of their heart. And the fact that you have brought lunch, a fruit bowl, free samples or other incentive does not negate the fact that you are in their space. Try to be mindful of their space and time or you might lose the privilege of being able to pitch to them, just like on facebook.

Always remember, they don't have to listen to you at all, they don't have to visit your page, they don't have to make that comment, and they don't have to press the like button. It is totally of their free will and you cannot force it. Do not push so hard that they wish they had never let you in.

PEACE.