Do you speak Polish?

Big brother in Turkmenistan

2013-01-19T14:44:00.001+01:00

Turkmenistan at night - Taken close to the Oguzkent hotel

Immediately upon my arrival in Turkmenistan, colleagues began to give me advice on the various ways I could try and find the surveillance bugs which had undoubtedly been installed in my apartment. Turkmenistan is such a closed country with so few foreign visitors living outside state controlled hotels, that I thought this could be entirely possible. After spending a few hours our so sheepishly checking under things and in things and sweeping my room with an FM radio for tell tale signs of surveillance… I found nothing.

Not surprising as it turned out my neighbour was a captain with the Turkmen Police and any surveillance equipment, if any, would be probably be hard wired inside his apartment eavesdropping into mine.

Not that the idea of being listened upon really bothered me. I am a pretty boring guy and it’s not as if I am talking to myself in my apartment.

In a closed society like Turkmenistan where the government tries to keep a hold on everything, being watched is something pretty normal. Every major street corner is inhabited by a uniformed policeman and if the president is in town you can often spot the not so inconspicuous plain clothes officers with their earpieces.

To this day, I am not sure if in my apartment I was being listened upon. I suspect they rather checked my mobile communication traffic or asked my colleagues within the Turkmen government about me, what I am sure of however, is that my pizza delivery guy was an agent / informer/ co-operator for the secret police.

How I know this? Well, he definitely never confessed it to me, but the story goes like this…

Being the idiot I am, one tired day after work, I left my passport and some cash in a taxi (this passport and money would later be returned). I realized my loss at around 10pm in the evening and after searching my house and office, finally got to the police station at about 1am. All the officers at the police station where nice and helpful enough but seemed completely surprised by my visit. You see, no one is on the streets at 1am, because there is no reason to be, everything without fail closes at 11pm so by 1am, the city is super quiet.

Any way, at the police station, I was left waiting a while, I guessed, while they decided what to do with me. Then around an hour later, ‘magically’ walking past the police station was a guy who spoke English! A Turkmen guy! How lucky, almost no one speaks English in Turkmenistan! Even more surprising, he offered to take me, with the consent of the police, in the middle of the night to the Foreign Relations building to fill out all the necessary paperwork and procedures for a lost passport with a diplomatic stamp in it.

No, from the beginning, I knew this guy worked for the secret police and had been sent to guide me through the process and make sure no Turkmen citizen would be stupid enough to actually try and steal a foreign passport. Crime doesn’t exist in Turkmenistan. We got talking, and it turned out he had no job he could describe to me (although he drove a BMW) and had spent a little time abroad. He was also planning to open a new pizza restaurant within the next few months.

Again, private enterprise is strictly controlled in Turkmenistan and for him to get all the necessary permissions to open a pizza restaurant required more than one good government connection.

With my new friends help, I did all the paperwork in the various government ministries and went home to sleep. When I got to work the next day my passport had already been returned, with every cent of the 200$ I had in it. Nice huh? I also had the telephone number of my new friend from the night before and quite regularly over the next few weeks he would call up to ask me how I was, how work is, how is Turkmenistan etc, etc. All the time I made sure to give the right answers.

Not pizza but...

About two months later, he called me up to say his pizza place was now open and if I wouldn’t mind sharing this info with my friends and colleagues. I said ‘sure! but I need to try one first!’. About 30mins later, a police car delivered a fairly respectable pizza to just outside my apartment. Nice connections.

I made sure to tell my friends about this great service and ordered a pizza a fortnight from my mysterious English speaking friend. In Turkmenistan, it’s always a good idea to have good relations with people like this!

But the truth about Turkmenistan is this, there are police informers everywhere. could be your neighbour, your friend, the women who runs the little shop next to your house. I have other Turkmen friends and I am still not sure who informed on me and who didn’t. My philosophy was to try and stay on the good side of everybody. I honestly had very little to gripe about in Turkmenistan anyway but when I did, I always made sure I kept it to myself.

Did it bother me being watched? Not at all. Because I had nothing to hide, and I am sure the vast majority of governments would do the same if it was feasible, it's only in Turkmenistan due to the small number of foreigners that it is feasible to keep a tabs on every potentially troublesome foreigner.

Life in Turkmenistan

2013-01-18T10:27:00.002+01:00


Lot's of greenery and water despite being in the desert.

So DYSP blog and Teflsecretagent is back in action! Sorry for the long break but for the last year I was living in Turkmenistan, but now I am happily back in Poland! My lack of blogging mainly stemmed from the poor internet access, heavy workload and fear of the authorities or the organization I worked for, picking up on something I wrote and kicking me out of the country!

So more about Turkmenistan… some basic facts…

Population: 5,1 million

Capital: Ashgabat

GDP per capita: $7,000

Government: Single party - communist style

What can I say about Turkmenistan?

Firstly, before I went to Turkmenistan, I read up about the country on the net and I can honestly say, majority of the information out there including information I read provided by the U.S government, is either out of date or just wrong in general. Before landing in Turkmenistan, based on the information I had read from the net, I was expecting to be living in a desert version of North Korea.

This is not the case, Turkmenistan was quite a pleasant place to spend a year.

The biggest surprise for me was how different the administration of the country was to anything I had experienced previously. Despite what the Turkmen government says, the government system is still a communist one. The government controls absolutely everything. But the government also provides a lot to the people… for example...


Russian Bazaar in Ashgabat, buy anything you want here

120litres of Petrol free per month to every citizen – and after that a crazily cheap price, of around 30 cents a litre.

Subsidized (to the point of being almost free) – Gas, electricity, water, salt.

The state heavy controls prices of basic food stuffs ensuring affordability

And of course, if you work for the government (which majority of people do) you get the benefits of subsidized housing and subsidized holidays every year.

Sounds pretty good eh? And yeah it is. Turkmenistan really was a pretty happy place with most people without the huge amounts of stress in life that plague Westerners. Many locals I met in Turkmenistan said that average wage equated to about 500$ per month in reality, and whilst this sounds quite small, I can assure you, in a country where most things are free or crazily cheap, that money goes a long, long way. In fact, I spent about 600$ on average every month but I was definitely not getting Turkmen prices in the markets, bars and restaurants.


Mr President

Ashgabat, the capital and city of my residence, was also by far the safest city I have ever lived in. Police officers are stationed on every street corner and there is not a single part of the city I wouldn’t feel comfortable walking down drunk at 2pm in the morning.

Communism, who thought it could be so good eh? Of course, if you start to fuck around with the Turkmen government they will make your life very difficult. But who cares about that? If you fuck around with the U.S government they will make your life pretty difficult – ask the victims of U.S drone strikes in Yemen or Pakistan.

More about Turkmenistan in the days to come!

Where is TEFLsecretagent?

2012-07-11T09:06:00.002+02:00

I've been gone a while I know, truth is the place I am in now doesn't take well to blogging... but fear not, in seven months time I will return to Polska and be able to write all about it!

Here is a little clue to my location....

Understanding your language teacher....

2011-12-13T18:28:00.001+01:00

Student: "How was my grammar?"

Teacher: "Ermm....I understood and that's the important thing."

Translation: Dogs, and probably cats, understand the concept of grammar in this language more than you.

Euro 2012 Survival Guide Poland Ukraine - A Guide by Paddy and Lee

2011-12-07T04:00:00.000+01:00

Heading to Poland or Ukraine for Euro 2012? Then you’re going to want a bloody good guide aren’t you? Then look no further because here it is: Euro 2012 Survival Guide Poland Ukraine!

Created by two beer swilling, globetrotting expats – yours truly and the top bloke writer of PzU. We like to think we have enough experience of football, beer, Poland and Ukraine combined to write something of actual use to football fans coming over to these beautiful countries next summer.

But, we’re well aware we are far from experts at doing this kind of stuff so I’m putting it out to all the readers of DYSP for some ‘constructive’ criticism. There’s a long way to go before the competition and before people will actually start needing the guide but if we get some feedback now, we’ve got plenty of time to create a shit hot second addition prior to the competition.

Those of you, who use Smashwords, can download a free copy here:

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/108505

Using this coupon code: MN64D

Kindle users:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B006EJFQYG

or if you prefer – a plain old PDF file here
http://bit.ly/Euro2012guide

So, download it for free, take a look at it and give us some advice how we can make it better and maybe even write something nice about us on Smashwords or Amazon...

Both authors can be jointly emailed here (for more brutal criticism or enquiries)
pluk2012guide@gmail.com

Cheers!

Dzięki!

Будь ласка!
FB Fan Page https://www.facebook.com/Euro2012survivalguide

Centrum Językowe Y.E.S. Your English School (Wroclaw Krzyki)

2011-12-05T09:17:00.001+01:00

Some teachers don't like to name and shame schools they have had a bad experience with, I on the other hand, do not have such reservations. I would even go as far as saying it's my duty...so here goes...

I worked for Y.E.S Your English School, a language school in Krzyki, Wroclaw, for around two years. Mostly my relationship with the school was happy. In fact, during my time there the owner or DOS never complained at all about the quality of my work or what I was doing. If I am honest, I enjoyed working for the school too, I only did a few hours there every week on top of my normal teaching work, the language school is in Krzyki - South Wroclaw (handy location for me) I was happy enough - ok, the classrooms are a little dated and technology available to teachers is non-existent but that's relatively normal in Wroclaw and the school always paid me so...I was happy enough….

Imagine my shock when the school decides to NOT PAY ME for my final months work. Ok, the amount is relatively small (600pln) – No communication, no justification – just no pay! but it really irritates me that schools every where believe they can get away with this shitty behavior, I hear it from teachers all the time.

Why screw over a teacher you had no qualms with, who contributed two years of work, for the sake of 600PLN? It goes to show that what many other TEFL bloggers say is completely true - Language school owners are generally money pinching gits! This is the second time this has happened to me in Wroclaw and I'm happy to say the first school that did it, now no longer operates.

So now, the owner, RenataMarko, doesn't answer my calls, respond to my texts or emails - bloody cheek! I'm just lucky it's a small amount which I'm not relying on... I've heard horror stories from other teachers in similar situations who depended on their final pay.

So anyone, thinking of studying or teaching in Y.E.S Your English School - don't be surprised if you have a bad experience…

Here are the full details of the school... remember...AVOID!
Centrum Językowe Y.E.S. Your English School Renata Marko
al. Kasztanowa 18-20, 53-110 Wrocław, Krzyki, Poland +48 71 789 55 77 +48 791 963 353 (Mobile)
http://szkolajezykowwroclawkrzyki.pl/

Your first English class...

2011-11-26T17:03:00.001+01:00

So, you’ve got a fresh, ink-still-wet, CELTA?

Feel like you’re ready to Take a giant leap into the Word of TEFL and find your first proper Job and teach your first proper class? Well, I’ve got news for you…YOU KNOW FUCK ALL!!

That CELTA will be more useful to use if you used it to filter your coffee before your first class. Fuck knows how the ramblings of a crazed CELTA trainer, who probably last taught an actual class in the early 90’s, will help you.

And don’t expect the school to train you either… no, they’ll force you to adopt some crazed mish mash of teaching methods they scraped from Wikipedia, or the back of leaflets distributed by other schools no doubt.

No, the only sure fire way of delivering a good class and becoming a decent teacher is through experience. Honest hard work and learning from your mistakes.

‘Hard work?’ ‘Experience’ – all sounds a bit long winded doesn’t it? Well then relax because I can heartily recommend the newest book by ETX – ‘Speaking Activities That Don’tSuck’ – which will shave years from the time it takes to progress from ‘shitty, school hopping, TEFL teacher’ to ‘barely employable TEFL teacher’.

It’s a HUGE book – 177 pages or so of advice and tips on how to teach – each facet of information derived from hours of classroom toil and learning by doing – and yours to take and freely integrate into your lessons.

Everything is there – a breakdown of what a modern English class should look like through to the most important bits, like private classes and sure fire ways to get people to talk – that’s why students pay the money after all.

I think for most, this book will be good toilet fodder (and I mean that in a good way, scientists have proven time on the toilet is where we come up with our best ideas) – Something to read progressively, every day, whilst trying to take what you’ve just read and implement it into your next lesson.

I think the true advantage of this book, or guide, is that fact that the situation is very much presented ‘as is’, without all that hippy bollocks your teacher trainer fed you. Plus it’s entertaining enough to keep you reading, not like the horrible ‘How to teach English’ tomes you’ll find in a British Council library.

For ‘experienced’ Teflers, there is still something to be gained from reading ‘Speaking ActivitiesThat Don’t Suck’ – if only to absorb the different perspective of the everyday situations we all endure as TEFL teachers – and perhaps to laugh, and cry at comedic (yet sadly true) observations made by ETX through his book.

SUMMARY – USEFUL, FUNNY, CHEAP

GOSMASHWORDS BUY NOW!

or buy for Kindle here

Ukrainian Cartoons - and life lessons about women

2011-11-24T19:20:00.001+01:00

My Ukrainian teacher this week, got me to watch a small cartoon in Ukrainian and then translate the script into English. A nice, easy, way to pick up some new vocabulary and consolidate existing words.

I couldn't help but laugh however, at the nature of the cartoon. It's about a hedgehog (he) that falls in love with a fish (she). But the fish is a looker, and she knows she's a looker so she starts to play the poor hedgehog. She basically ridicules every attempt he makes to romance her... eventually prompting the hedgehog to attempt suicide by drowning himself in the same pond the fish lives in. Sort of like blowing your brains out on your girlfriend’s front porch...

Glad to see in Ukraine they teach important life lessons about women from an early age :p

Got Ink?

2011-11-05T11:07:00.000+01:00

Do you remember this song? Which I talked about in a blog post not too long ago?

For those that don't remember, it was sort of my 'summer anthem' in honour of my recent adventures in Ukraine. Some of you might also remember this post, which featured my small back tattoo with Polish colours on it.

I have a collection of five tattoos now which most people would probably describe as either 'shit', 'pointless' or 'downright pathetic', but to me, I love each and everyone of them. Each tattoo more or less exists as an honour to a specific, defining, moment in my life. I decided to get the colours of the Polish flag added to my back tattoo to honour my thoroughly enjoyable life here in Poland.

I've been thinking for a while or so now about a tattoo that would honour my love affair with Ukraine and it's language. Here's what I came up with...

Tat's great!

Sorry for the grainy quality (phone camera) and I've put it in black and white because...well, everything looks better in B+W...

ти просто кохай - is the title of the 'summer anthem' I mentioned above. So far the few or so people I've shown it too seemed quite impressed. But it's far from over; when I get a bit more free cash I'll put a background to it with the colours of the Ukrainian flag.

Even further down the line, I want to get some proper Polish wording done on my opposite arm but I'm a bit lost for words in that respect. Maybe it's because I know Polish a little better than Ukrainian and hence I have more ideas floating around my head... anyways, I've put up a poll with some ideas on the right... so cast your votes and maybe you'll influence my next 'ink' idea!

Polish LOT plane makes kickass emergency landing at Warsaw...

2011-11-01T17:35:00.002+01:00

I've always thought it funny how Polish travellers clap whenever their flight lands. I mean, no disrespect to the pilots but they are only doing their jobs. We don't feel the need to applaud bus drivers or tram drivers when they guide us safely to our destinations? so why pilots?

That said, even I would have clapped the pilot of the Polish LOT Boeing 767, which landed on its belly at Warsaw airport today after the landing gear failed. People criticise LOT for being expensive but I'm not sure a Ryanair pilot would've pulled this one off...

You can see the landing here - Smooth as a duck...

British versus Polish women - Most beautiful?

2011-11-01T12:53:00.000+01:00

This is going to be a bit of a contentious post, and probably it’s going to seem a little unpatriotic, but often when I do a conversation class at Uni about ‘beauty’, I often get asked about the standard of beauty in women between Britain and Poland. Interestingly, this question doesn’t normally get fired at me from the boys but usually the girls....

So what’s my opinion regarding British versus Polish women? Well, hands down – The average Polish woman is more beautiful than the average British girl. Sorry but it has to be said. Whilst I’m not going to say that all British women are munters – far from it – When English girls are at their best, English girls can be the best in the world (ThinkAudrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor or for more modern tastes, Elizabeth Hurley), however when we talk about the general standard of beauty, Polish girls win it.

Polska kobieta...

It was one of the first things I noticed in Poland, my head was constantly turning as gorgeous girl after gorgeous girl passed me in the street. I’m really sorry if this offends anybody, but I’m going to say it anyway, a lot of it is to do with the size of Polish women, they are simply in better shape. I also think that Polish women are less susceptible to unquestioningly surrendering to the rules of fashion that particular season and wearing what makes them look good, not what magazines say they should wear.

From my conversation classes at Uni, a few theories emerged to as of why Polish women look better – it’s not just me who has observed this trend, nearly everyone in my classes, male or female, agree that Polish women look better than most.

1. 1. The gender ratio in Poland has a higher level of females than in the U.K. – This means that for every man in Poland there are more women competing for him. Maybe there is a subliminal message in Polish society saying if you want to find a man, you’ll need to fight for him thus putting more pressure on looking good.

2. 2. Polish diet – Polish diet is arguably as fatty as that of a British diet but what I, and others, have noticed is that Polish diet is generally lower in quantity than in the U.K. For me I can observe this almost everywhere; chocolate bars are smaller, crisp packets are smaller and food portions in general are smaller. Often an acceptable meal in Poland would be a hearty soup and some bread – in the U.K. this would be nothing more than a starter....

3. 3. Money – When we talk about money, this means that in a month, the average Polish girl has less disposable income spare to spend on calorific vodka drinks or fast food/ convenience food. Simply put, you need to be rich to eat a British/ U.S. diet, and money for most in Poland is still a scarcity.

I suspect it’s probably a combination of all of the above. But regardless, it’s definitely true. And of course, there are other interesting positives which can be added to our stereotype of the average Polish woman such as University graduate or experience in foreign languages but that will be the content of another conversation class and another blog post!

Na zdrowie Polskie kobiety!

Conversation/Speaking class ideas - Call my bluff

2011-10-31T14:08:00.002+01:00

It's my second year of running conversation (technically, speaking) classes at University and one thing I've learnt over the past year and a bit is that a conversation class must be more than just 'discussing' things. There are many elements of conversation, and the ability to discuss things, is only one of those elements.

I began to list some of the other communicative uses of speech and one of the most interesting things to appear was - lying...

Lying is an essential part of communication and whilst many of the 'skills' in lying are probably quite universal, I nevertheless thought it would be interesting to integrate the component of lying into an English class.

Whilst watching 'Would Ilie to you?' one day, I decided I liked the idea of a team of contestants concocting two false stories alongside a true story and then the opposite team sifts the truth from the lies. I used a book donated to me by somebody a long time ago, titled '1000 English Idioms Explained' and I selected 12 quite unusual idioms to use in my classroom recreation of the comedy panel show. The book is a beauty because it often details the unusual aspect of history or culture from where the idiom is derived.

I created this list of idioms plus true stories.
(Please feel free to use this in your attempts to recreate my ideas in your classroom)

In class I normally split the teams into girls versus boys and give them half an hour to come up with the most convincing alternative definitions or histories. This game is great because people really get into the fabrication of the alternative stories coming up with some really interesting but painfully untrue lies. Once the teams have come up with their 'lies' I get them to pitch at each other and points are awarded for each lie detected. The winning team obviously has bragging rights being the best 'liars', normally, the girls win.

Whilst playing the game you can really see the students get into controlling their body language, throwing bluffs and other sorts of deceptionary tactics.

Plus, this can provide excellent sources of discussion topics after the game has finished - 'Who liesbetter? Men or Women?', 'What are the signs of a liar?', etc...

Give it a try!

p.s. Of course, people have since informed me this type of game looks more like 'Call my bluff' than 'Would I lie to you' but I don't care, my original inspiration came from the latter...

If you're unsure what the finished result should look like in your classroom, watch this!

A little bit of translation - Hej Sokoły, Гей Соколи

2011-10-25T11:01:00.002+02:00

I made a very quick visit back to Ukraine last week and boy did it feel good to be there, I swear the best beer in the world is from Ukraine. Wrocław is a surprisingly comfortable twelve hour train journey from Ukraine and on my return leg back to Poland I decided to translate from Ukrainian and song which has a special place in many Polish and Ukrainian people's hearts (alongside, of course, drinking a few sneaky Ukrainian beers on the train)

Like all good literature, its background is slightly murky. The content is about Ukraine but probably it was penned by Tomasz Padura, a Ukrainian/Polish poet. Despite being clearly about Ukraine and Ukrainian women, the song was adopted by Polish troops during the Polish/Soviet war and after having its lyrics tweaked slightly, is still extremely popular today as it is in Ukraine. Interestingly, this song is chanted on terraces in Poland and Ukraine so I wouldn't be surprised if this song also becomes sort of an unofficial anthem of the Euro competition next year.

The song in question?

Hej Sokoły (Polish Version)

Гей,Соколи (Ukrainian Version)

And here's my interpretation of the lyrics, from the Ukrainian version....

Hey, somewhere, by the Black Sea,

A Cossack sits on his colt,

And a young girl cries,

For he rides from Ukraine.

Chorus,

Hey, Hey, Hey, Falcons!

Through mountains, forests, fields, valleys,

Sound, sound, sound the bells,

My little country bird.

Pity, sorrow, because of her,

Because of Ukraine,

Pity, sorrow, my heart cries,

I'll never see again.

Chorus,

Crying, Crying, my lover,

My little bird,

For I'm in a foreign land,

My heart can not sleep.

Chorus,

Drink, Drink, Give to me,

If I die, bury me,

In faraway Ukraine,

Close to my girl.

Worst English class...

2011-09-19T13:02:00.004+02:00

So, not too long ago I was asked by a fellow teacher, if I could remember the worst teaching assignment I’d ever had.
Well yes, I can.

It was about 1 year ago now and I was asked to go and teach in a factory outside of the city. Originally, I was told it was a straight forward business English class just out of town. Obviously, one important lesson you learn in teaching is that you should NEVER believe your DOS... In reality, it turned out to be a nightmare about 1.5 hours drive away. So, firstly, It was shit because I had to get up at a deathly early hour for a driver to take me to the factory, then teach three hours continuously (without a break) and then be taken home. Financially, it didn't really work for me because I'd be out of the city for most of the day for only three hours teaching, so that's the first minus.

Inevitably, I'd miss my breakfast...so second minus.

The three hours were for three groups all of different levels and obviously the school had managed to get the groupings incorrect with intermediate students in the elementary class (who were quite rightly a little disgruntled) and intermediates in the advanced class (who were quite rightly, completely lost).

Generally, the students were actually ok, apart from one person who kept making a fuss because they wanted to study 'Engineering' English whilst the rest of the group were happy with the business course. What I couldn't understand was the fact that said student insisted on raising this issue with me every lesson; despite the fact all colleagues were completely not interested in 'Engineering' English. There was also one student who insisted that I prep her for CAE exam. This might not have been to bad, after all she was an advanced level English speaker, but she had willingly elected to put herself in the intermediate group because 'that's were all her friends were'....WTF?! you want me to prepare you for CAE exam in an intemediate level Business English exam? oh, ok, I'll stay behind afterwards because I'm nice a personally coach you for no extra dollar.... I think not....

However, what made the whole situation stink was the fact that the company was far too political. The company had just been taken over and the students were forced to attend English classes, which obviously didn't lend itself towards a great class atmosphere. But by 'political' I mean that many of the students had put themselves into little 'cliques'. Fuck knows why these grown adults decided to act like playground school kids I will never know, but the situation in class was a nightmare. People would openly argue with each other one day or if I was lucky, the next class, people would just make snide comments to each other.

Some students would just change groups each week (despite my protests) just to escape their enemies or bickering colleagues. I just couldn’t teach a normal class. It was impossible to plan anything because people would change their expectations one wee to the next, alongside changing their frigging group. I ran out the contract by copying various communicative activities from Business Result which I could pretty much get to work in any shitty class.
All of the above made me absolutely hate these classes, I ended up feeling like shit afterwards and would go and cheer myself up with a big greasy kebab....and maybe a beer.

Any other teaching nightmares to share my dear readers?

How to write a syllabus in Polish (mini Polish lesson)

2011-09-10T21:52:00.000+02:00

It’s a busy time of year for me, as my place of work requires me to construct a year long syllabus and teaching plan to satisfy the Polish education inspectors. This year I have a small mountain to climb as I must produce the syllabus in both Polish and English – what’s more, to satisfy the government inspectors I have to ensure my syllabus contain the following verbs...

definiować - define
dobierać - select
formułować - formulate
nazywać - name
objaśniać - explain
odtwarzać - reproduce
opisać - describe
podsumować - summarise
rozpoznać - recognise
rozpoznawać - identify
rozróżniać - distinguish
scharakteryzować - describe/characterise
wskazać - identify
wybrać - select
wyliczać - enumerate
wymieniać - share
zaproponować - propose

These are of course, my personal translations (or how I 'feel' the word in my head) so I'm welcome to any comments.

But I think this list is a useful way to give yourself the ability to describe your teaching in an academic interview or review (or indeed syllabus writing).

So get learning!

Stary ale jary - DYSP blog gets some wheels!

2011-09-03T12:44:00.001+02:00

Well, here's my current set of wheels purchased with the intention of helping me commute to the city in winter. Failed it's 'Przegląd'(or MOT) recently on a few minor things but money in the right hands and it was surprisingly easy to get a pass stamp without doing any work to the car. I'm not totally irresponsible and I have since fixed the faults by myself. Thanks to my Dad, I am reasonably handy with cars and these skills have definitely saved me a few bob here...so thanks Dad =)

Of course, my last car was a company car (that's right, an English teacher with a company car). I hated driving in it on Polish roads and I also had one or two run ins with the Policja (Read here).

I've named this car 'Lenore' and she is a 1.6l 1989 Golf - she set me back a meagre 700PLN and she, surprisingly, runs perfect and is also fast enough to worry aggressive overtakers.

Expect more posts in the future venting my hatred towards Polish drivers and Polish roads.

New academic year - new targets

2011-08-29T07:36:00.000+02:00

Well, My Ukrainian summer officially comes to a close this week with the start of a new teaching year in Poland.

I'm very happy I spent this summer (and this year in general) learning about Ukraine and its language. For sure, I will aim to maintain my A2 graded Ukrainian abilities at that level next year, even if I re-focus my language learning back to Polish and Russian. And also, I'm sure I'll be back in Ukraine very soon, especially considering the ease and cheapness of travel there from Wrocław.

Already I can see my rota becoming jam packed with classes and I still need to squeeze in my University obligations when they begin in October. From a professional point of view, my targets for this year are more of the same. Last year was quite good for me professionally, teaching classes at Uni alongside some really decent private contracts I managed to nail, if I can keep it up this year, I’ll be satisfied.

Of course, I need a new teaching destination? Where will that be? Despite the result of the poll that I put on this blog a few months ago, which suggested Norway, I have decided for Belarus. I will go in the early months of 2012, definitely by first visit will be short, as I need to scout of the destination, depending on what I find will dictate my future plans.

Why Belarus? Well, I think that having some concrete experience in Belarus would be a good complement to this year’s Ukrainian adventure. The only problem is Belarus is definitely more closed than Ukraine so I'm open to any contacts or suggestions my readers have regarding getting a foot on the TEFL ladder in Belarus?

Україна - до побачення і спасибі!

p.s. I've linked this video from a soppy and sentimental point of view as it's one of those songs I really enjoy and will always remind me of Ukraine.

Ружин

2011-08-12T16:09:00.001+02:00

Ruzhyn Welcomes You! (It certainly did!)

50% of the world live in urban areas, so by my reasoning 50% of the population must live in villages. So part of my traveling logic is the necessity to spend some time in a village. We all flock as travellers to the 'cliché' sights associated with a region but how many of us try to embrace the day to day life of people living in everyday towns and villages? I can assure you from experience, when I lived in a big urban area in Poland the shock was incredible when I went on to live in a village.

The contrast is incredible: People have different lifestyles, different beliefs therefore to travel and only see the urbanised part of your destination is the equivalent of not really traveling at all - especially when we consider how globalised cities tend to be.

Kyiv was great. Now, I want to talk about Ружин (Ruzhyn). Kyiv has a population of over 3 million and is fully globalised. Ружин has a population of under 5k and has no real man made sights worth mentioning. That said, the natural beauty is breathtaking. Untouched forests and a crystal clear river on your doorstep. The problem is a haven't really got anything to say about Ружин, it's just a village. I wouldn't recommend that people go and visit it, no, you need to find your own rural area of Ukraine to embrace.

Great place to sit with a beer

Not that I regret my time in Ружин. I got to experience first hand how the idea of community is essential to many Ukrainians, as people swap and traded home produced foodstuff and wares on a daily basis. I observed how people take the time to open their eyes and really experience the nature so close to them. Fishing, swimming, hiking or just enjoying the view. I got to experience how people welcomed me as a foreigner with open arms and fed and washed me. The openess and generosity was incredible, particularily because I never imagine ex-soviet countries to be particularily open places yet it was also slightly humbling, I can't say that I would myself be that welcoming or generous; especially to a foriegner who hadn't washed in a few days.

Upon leaving Ружин, I had learned more about Ukraine than a month in Kyiv or L'viv. So my message to all fellow travellers out there, head to the village! and embrace the different lifestyle and philosophy you're sure to encounter.

How do you fight homesickness?

2011-08-07T06:14:00.002+02:00

For me, homesickness surprisingly strikes hardest on the very first day (or first few days) - I like perfect continuation in my life and I guess the sudden ability to not be able to do all the stuff I could do in my last location frustrates me. For others, homesickness can strike after the first few months - after the novelty of a new location has worn off and some people can just wake up one day after many happy years abroad with an insatiable yearning to return 'home'.

The Times recommends that homesickness is something which should be indulged in for the short term. Take those feelings and turn them into something positive like going through old photos, remembering old relationships and maybe even writing a blog to keep everyone back home in the loop.

Aside from my obligatory first day blues in Ukraine, I rarely feel homesick because with modern technology - home is here with me now. Undoubtedly, the most important thing in my life is my Samsung Smartphone. I rate Samsungs as I find them more or less indestructible which is useful for a clumsy fool like myself. Apart from being indestructible, my smartphone enables me to generate an artificial home where ever I am using a local SIM card and a few downloaded apps.

The first thing I did when I got to Ukraine was to set myself up with a SIM card from Life:) Life seem to be one of the better operators in Ukraine, most of their stores have people who can speak a little English and they have some good internet tariff options. As soon as my phone is connected to the internet, I immediately use the small Gmail, Facebook and Twitter apps to restore contact with my social network. Being able to communicate instantly with friends and family is one of the surest ways to beat homesickness - social networking has the added benefit of letting you avoid meeting family or friends face to face and the inconvenience of remembering just how annoying their company was in the first place.

The second thing I do to battle homesickness, Is to read a few books or listen to some music. After spending all day surrounded by Cyrillic characters and being immersed in Ukrainian, it’s genuinely refreshing to get home and read a few pages of the latest bond novel in PDF or listen to an audio book with the relaxing tone of Stephen Fry. Being able to do exactly the same things in a new country, as in your old country, really does add comfort to your expat experience.

After all of the above, if I'm still pining for home, I watch a movie. Yeah, I know Hollywood movies perfectly capture how life was back home :p so immersing myself in one for a few hours always seems to make me more motivated to be abroad. Currently, I'm using the excellent Drive Through Reviews, to sort out the wheat from the chaff. Basically, whatever DTR recommends, I watch.

I guess all of my ideas focus around using technology to make a ‘little home’ in your new country. Technology really does make the world a smaller place.

So this is my advice for combating homesickness, what do others recommend?

Best place to stay in L'viv?

2011-08-05T07:16:00.003+02:00

Like minded companions

I’ve used Central Square Hostel twice now, the latter occasion for Just under two weeks and I can clearly say this hostel is Kick ass good.

Firstly, look at the location – right on the Rynek. You don’t need to get out a map and walk to the rear end of nowhere with Central Square, just ask a taxi driver or tourist or local for the Rynek (Central Square) and you’re there!

Secondly, the people who work there are quite decent and fun. Ok, maybe they are a bit over worked at times but they will always help you out and give you advice. If you need train tickets, no problem, they will book them for you online. When I was staying there, they even arranged FREE sightseeing tours for guests (leaving daily, around midday) and you can rent a bike from them for a decent price too.

Obviously, it goes without saying that the hostel is clean and comfortable. Maybe the kitchen gets a little cramped when the hostel is busy but generally it’s cramped with other cool, like minded travellers so it’s not too bad.

Central Square has WIFI and even a shared laptop you can use if you haven’t got your own PLUS there is no curfew meaning you can party as late as you like.

I booked my bed a month or so in advance and paid 65UAH per night (23 PLN, 5GBP) which is an absolute bargain. Ukraine is a cheap country any way couple that with a cheap bed and you can really stretch out your cash. However, if you roll up on the day and want I bed, you pay around 95 UAH (33PLN 7.5GBP) – which is not exactly expensive.

There are definitely more expensive, poorly located and poorly equipped hostels in L’viv so trust me and use Central Square!

Oh nearly forgot – BREAKFAST IS FREE! – Ok, it’s only muesli and coffee/tea but hey, a freebie is a freebie.

Central Square Hostel
5 Rynok Square
L'viv

cshostel@gmail.com

+38 095-225-66-54

+38 097-222-41-36

+38 032-254-61-69

+48 12-376-51-51

Личаківський цвинтар - Lychakiv Cemetery (L'viv)

2011-08-02T12:58:00.002+02:00

One of the best places to go in L'viv? The cemetery.

No, I'm not going all emo on you, Lychakiv Cemetery really is a great place to begin or end your sightseeing in L’viv. It enables you to not only fully experience the turbulent history of L'viv, but also experience truly magnificent art. All of which is handily tucked away in a quiet corner of the city.

From its creation in 1787, Lychakiv has been the final resting place of the well to do or politically connected in L'viv. Over 400,000 have been laid to rest in Lychakiv and maybe that will give you some kind of idea regarding the collossal nature of the cemetery. It's very easy to get lost in Lychakiv as pathways (unlike any other cemetery that I’ve experienced) wind up and down through the peaks and troughs of the cemetery’s unusual topography.


Hilly, almost overgrown

But getting lost in a place like this is a good thing because around every corner you'll find a surprise. Some of the tombs are architecturally beyond description in words. Stumbling around the cemetery you’re bound to connect with the quintessential nature of L'viv - A German soldier, next to a Polish architect, next to a hero of Ukrainian literature. What might come as a small shock is that the Soviet memorials, although maybe slightly less pretentious, fit in perfectly against the backdrop of tombs and crypts of the wealthy Polish intelligentsia.

Also nice to see is the fact that the huge Polish memorial and the monolithic Ukrainian memorial to the Polish - Ukrainian War stand side by side. Ok maybe in its inception, a lot of Ukrainian nationals were against a Polish memorial existing, I think now it is the perfect complement to the cemetery creating a great juxtaposition for locals and tourists alike. It also brings focus on an interesting point in Polish history, regarding the 'Eaglets', or the child soldiers who fought and died for Poland in the 1918-1919 war.


Polish memorial - beautifully maintained

Rumour has it that the tombs of Stepan Bandera and other Ukrainian nationalists are to be moved to Lychakiv meaning the cemetery is likely to continue to be a talking point and place of interest for many years to come.

It might be a little way outside the city centre, but with only a 10UAH entry fee - it’s the perfect bargain. Especially for people who are short of time in L'viv and want to experience something with a tangible connection to L'viv: past and present.

EEEC Bronze Prize Winner 2011 - Do you speak Polish!

2011-08-01T11:46:00.006+02:00

Would you look at that, I managed to scrape together enough votes to claim the 'Bronze' (although it looks like brown!) prize in the EEEC comp.

Personally, I'd like to thank social networking for making it possible to beg for enough votes!
On the EEEC site, it says that the intention of the competition was to raise the profile of expat writers in this part of Europe. So it's part of my duty I guess (and one I'm happy to do) to recommend the readers here also check out the...

Silver medal winner - CzechingIn
and of course the Gold medal winner - Christopher's Expat Adventure

Both of these blogs are based in the Czech Republic and I have to say I agree with the comments from EEEC - these blogs are simple and put together well meaning the resulting blogs are pure pleasure to read, so much so, I've added them to my blogroll!

Yay! Go Expats!

Love with a Ukrainian Woman

2011-07-29T13:45:00.003+02:00

One night a few weeks ago, in my hostel in Lviv - I was exchanging Ukrainian travel experiences with a fellow expatriate English teacher and I managed to cajole a blog post out of him as a guest writer. Sure enough, I checked my email box a few days ago and found a blog post all about love in Ukraine which I will share with you all today.

A big thanks to 'B' for writing this and sharing his own unique experiences from Ukraine - this experience is about love and sex! all the juicy things!

Before moving from Canada to Ukraine – I'd had the usual repertoire of girls. Mostly relationships lasting a few months with a small selection of more important partners scattered along the way. I've been in eastern Ukraine for over a year now and Ukrainian girls have never been in short supply. I don't set out to find woman but they seem to appear in my life. My problem is that after the initial thrill of the chase with a few night time escapades – I lose interest quickly.

And then I met Oxcana.

Oxcana personified what I like about Ukraine: Strong, beautiful and cultured. It wasn't love at first sight by any means but like the other girls we just happened to get together without any real effort. I never even put much focus on what Oxcana was in my life until those three days in May this year.

We left the capital Kiev together to spend some time at her parents’ home in the country. I wasn't even that interested in going but I didn't have a lot else to do in my spirng/summer break from English teaching so I'd talked myself into going. Maybe I'd learn something about Ukraine spending some time in the assend of nowhere.

After a day or so traveling with Oxcana I already regretted leaving the quality road system found in Kiev and my butt ached for real, but when we rolled up into the village, aside from the visible signs of dearth and scarcity in people's houses and belongings... I began to feel at home again. I'm a city guy...always have been and always will, but as a Canadian I also have a real strong connection to the great outdoors. When I saw this little Ukrainian village nestled in a huge forest with a galloping river forming the boundary of most back yards, sentimentalism for home bounded through me.

I spent three days in that beautiful place with not much to do besides eating meat fresh off the grill, drinking beer, paddling in the river and making love. I did nothing. With no T.V. bad electricity connection and certainly no Internet what would any red blood male do? The problem was that sinking feeling a get at the bottom of my gut when I was with Oxcana. Damn man – I was falling in love.

Maybe it was the stunning scenery, maybe the beer or maybe it's impossible to have that much sex without developing some kind of attachment? But stupidly, one evening whilst walking in the forest – I said the ‘L’ word (in Russian). Oxcana smiled, and returned the favor.

Next day I was back on the bus to Kiev to meet my friends from uni days who had come to visit. It was good to see the friends I'd missed from back home but like any love struck fool I spent my time day dreaming about Oxcana, and then it came. Mid way though of Friday night beers I read a message from Oxcana that basically put me in the category of ‘friend with benefits and not ‘soul mate’.

On any other given day, this would have been a welcomed surprise. It would have saved me the trouble of doing it to her. But this time- it stung. I had always been the heart breaker and now Oxcana was taking revenge on behalf of all woman kind. It sucked.

Now, back in the big city, I have a lot of things to take my mind of her but she's still there. Every time I think of the great outdoors; Oxcana and that village won't be far away in my mind. I thought I was a strong tough guy but now all I know is – Ukrainian woman are something different. No woman from cities all across the world has ever broken my heart. Until Oxcana lured a city boy to the countryside and ripped his heart out.

Kickass Ukrainian Trains

2011-07-28T10:54:00.002+02:00

The thing about Ukraine is that one moment the country infuriates me and the second I’m genuinely impressed by it. Case and point: travelling by rail in Ukraine.

The infuriating part of this story is that trying to buy a ticket from Lviv to Kyiv turned out to be a small nightmare. Despite the fact I can order tickets in Ukrainian (which is a good job because no one in Lviv station speaks English) I was shocked to find out that there was at least a 48hr wait before I could have ANY ticket to Kyiv.

I was literally shocked. Maybe I take for granted the ability to travel freely and easily to my capital at a moments notice but apparently a two or three day wait in Ukraine is the norm.

When I arrived at the train station two days later, it was a miracle that I realized I needed to walk through a stationary train to enter the train to Kyiv on the opposite set of tracks. That said, once I was sat on the train I was genuinely impressed. I was on one of the sixth highly modern trains Ukrainian railways has for long distance journeys. It was perfect… Clean, well organized with blissful air conditioning allowing me to sleep without the burning heat of Lviv city roasting me from the inside.

I had a wonderful sleep that night. My four bed Kupe room was co-inhabited by three very nice Russian woman who helped me with the conductors and even got me coffee in the morning. I get a perverse thrill by going to sleep in one place and waking up, completely rested in another. It feels similar to when Bruce Willis enters stasis in the Fifth Element – or I imagine it feels similar.

The Russian girls also warned me that not all Ukrainian trains are of the same quality that we rode on the way to Kyiv. I had expected this but in all fairness even the old trains are good. Ok, so instead of the Fifth Element it feels more like From Russia with Love but the compartments are clean and comfortable.

I think we’re missing a trick in the U.K. with our rail system, not only is it expensive but it lacks atmosphere and character. I also think that Poland is making a mistake by withdrawing many of the sleeper (Kupe) trains on many Polish routes meaning that on Wrocław to the eastern border route I need to have a bad nights sleep in a chair instead of kicking back in a bed

Ukraine might only have a few nice new spangle trains but what it does with them makes travel genuinely enjoyable.

Kyiv - a big fat bucket of wow!

2011-07-25T16:11:00.003+02:00

So normally I hate capital cities – even London. Why? Probably because every capital I’ve visited from Warsaw to Beijing has the same sense of sameyness. You know, there’s always the predictable mixture of capitalism and national heritage - a few nice buildings, some monuments representing something important from the nation’s history and that’s it. Every capital city for me always seemed strangely devoid of soul.

Kyiv (Kiev) doesn’t break this rule, it destroys it.

Kyiv has the capitalism, Kyiv has the national monuments but also crams in a heavy load of greenery, sovietisms and an atmosphere that I’ve yet to encounter anyway else.

Not my picture.

The first thing that impressed me about Kyiv was the buildings. Not the old ones – every capital has nice old buildings but the new builds impressed me. Everywhere else in the world, capital cities seem to love steel and glass monoliths and whilst Kyiv has those, many of the new buildings where red brick, interestingly shaped things i.e. something different. I’ve included a picture but it doesn’t really do what I’m saying justice but let me just say, I’m glad Kyiv is trying to find its own way with city planning instead of just copying cities in Europe or America.

Another plus about Kyiv is that despite being populated primarily by gangsters, people seemed genuinely friendly. Ladies were smiling at me in the street and people readily offered me help whenever I looked lost. None of the expressionless faces worn by people who are too busy to do anything other than think about themselves can be found in Kyiv. I suppose the friendly nature of the city is what prompted me to do something I’ve never done before and avoid using a hostel or hotel but to try out my Ukrainian with some of the babcias by the train station to see if they had an apartment they would rent to me. Sure enough after about an hour of trying I had the keys to a small flat, only a stone’s throw from the centre for a bargain price of 100pln per day. I had my own toilet, shower and kitchen meaning for all my time in Kyiv, I would be comfortable and well fed and saving a lot from not eating out.

Getting around Kyiv is also a breeze with one of the best public transport systems I’ve experienced. The underground is logical, cheap (2UAH a journey) and a great way to avoid the heat of the city. From day one, moving around the city was a piece of blissful cake. Ok, so the public transport can get busy but hey, that’s only because it works and works well. The advantages of having a good transport system is that a big city like Kyiv suddenly seems to be a small place and sightseeing all of those must do places like the Golden Gate (over rated and not golden) or St.Sophia’s Cathedral is very stress free on the old feet.

One thing that everyone must do is just to find when of the many green areas on the banks of the Dnipro and chillax with a beer or tasty Kvas. Even better go to the beach – that’s right Kyiv is a capital with beaches! (thanks to the Dnipro). Ok so they are busy but I can’t think of a better way to finish a tour of Kyiv than relaxing on the beach in the sun watching the girls and boys go by.

Kyiv rocks, I love it – I can’t say anything other than just go there!