Tokeri Japan

ありがとう、さようなら

2013-03-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day at the Elementary school where I work. In Japan, they finish around March and start the new school year in April after only a week for Spring Break. I've decided not to renew my contract since I really don't need the money like I did before (this was a part-time job btw), and my pay at my main job is set to increase this fiscal year.Plus, I have a lot of studying to do for GREs, Japanese, etc so I would rather have more than a few hours of free time. But even though I was stretched very thin and absolutely exhausted doing this job along with my others, I think it was a great experience. I DEFINATELY can say I learned what hard work was...but I think it was enough to make me realize that 15 hour days were not for me....

Teaching in an Elementary school was a wonderful experience, because it really made me remember alot about what I had forgotten was important to children. I suppose that in five years or so I'll be having my own, so it was good to work with all these kids and relate to them. I think it prepared me well for what's to come. Also, the Elementary school was a great experience in terms of learning about Japanese culture. Elementary school in Japan is very different from American elementary school in terms of the teaching style, values they instill, ceremonies, etc...though it's definately not a perfect system, I think I can say with confidence that I perfer the Japanese elementary school to the American ones in a number of ways, and I would be comfortable sending my kids there if they are born in Japan. It really feels like a big community, and I love the way each grade is encouraged to help out the others. In fact, while I couldn't name more than 3 people from Elementary school, in Japan, most people seem to introduce me to their friends saying, "This is my friend_______________. We went to the same elementary school!". I feel like in America, we tend to have friends more from high school or college.

There were a lot of different ceremonies and parties for the kids today and it's crazy to see how much everyone has grown. I taught over 700 kids, and I although I still feel much more like a big sister than a mother, I think this experience will be a very important one to help me make the transition.

Ran Ragged

2013-02-25T18:07:00.002-08:00

I haven't uploaded this blog in months! I actually forgot about it while I was in the throws of working and everything.I just finished approving comments that have been on here since like...November? I'm so sorry!

I feel that ever since I've gotten to Okinawa I have not had a bit of "stablity"...it's one transition to another...I know that it's basically my fault. I actually feel that I have commitment issues...not necessarily relationship type ones, but in terms of working, living in a certain place etc...Change is stressful for me, but if it's not happening CONSTANTLY I feel like I'm in some sort of standstill and my life isn't progressing at all...does that make sense? I don't like stillness for whatever reason. So I (stupidly) decided to work 3 jobs....translating/radio, teaching and another part-time teaching. I enjoy all of the jobs to a certain extent I guess, but doing them all at once is running me ragged.There was a time when we really needed this extra income...new car, plane tickets, loans, etc...but now that everything has been paid off, I am really questioning my need to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't do well with silence, which makes me think I have some kind of psychological issues I need to work on. Anyway, I am having a hard time deciding which jobs I will drop since I will miss everyone so much...And for whatever reason, I feel like having so much free time makes me "lazy" in a way, as I have always done a lot at once, (jobs, club activities, etc) but I think I need to take more time to reflect on my life and the direction and I want it to go. To-ki is very supportive and tolerant of my craziness so I'm thankful for that.

All that to say, I've been busy...sorry for the LONG absence...and hopefully I will be more consistent with writing. I doubt it, but we'll see...And I'm writing this while I'm at work so I guess I really am addicted to doing two things at once.

Home Sweet Home

2012-08-03T23:43:00.001-07:00

I'm currently on vacation at home which has given me some time to reflect on life. It's been about a year since I started living in Japan full time and as I've said before it's been pretty tough at times. I think just starting out as a young person and a young married couple in general is hard, so I guess I should keep that in mind too.

It's interesting how much can change in a year. Seems like BB creams and crazy short shorts have migrated from asia over to the states. I swear when I was working in the states last year people didn't dress like this. But I will say I just appreciate America so much ever since living there. I really hope everyone has a chance to travel abroad someday so they can get a renewed view of where they're from.

I love the variety of foods in America! I think Japan has better restaurants to be honest, but when it comes to frozen/instant foods, America is king. Some people might say that's nothing to be proud of but when you don't feel like cooking and your only microwave options are basically noodles and rice, your opinion changes. It's funny, when I walked through the airport in Tokyo, I was walking around forever to find something I wanted to eat. There were lots of designer goods and souvenir shops though. In America, it seemed like I couldn't go one minute without running into a food option. And on TV, there are so many more food commercials in America than in Japan. I feel like I'm constantly hungry over here.

Ahh how I missed it here. I don't HATE Japan, but it's become "the place I live". And anywhere that becomes "the place you live" rather than the "place you play" gets to be kind of "blah" after a while. So I'm happy to be back for this short bit of time.

It's the first time I've been away from To-Ki this long since we've been married though. That feels weird, but I think it also gives us a chance to miss each other, you know? I think every couple needs that once in a while. I'll be back in time for our first month anniversary though :) My, how time flies.

It Can't Be Helped

2012-06-30T03:04:00.004-07:00

Japan is somewhat infamous for the ridiculous levels of bureaucracy that seem to permeate many facets of work life. I never realized how very true this was until I started working at this Japanese school.

As I've mentioned, I have two jobs at the moment. Ironically, working in the office is not nearly as steeped in bureaucratic nonsense as the school where I teach.

When you are an AET/ALT at a public school, (at least in my case) you are essentially separate from the other teachers. So you don't have to go through all the things that they go through. Lately, I'm becoming good friends with the Music teacher there, and she tells me all about what she does. Essentially, there are the homeroom teachers and then everyone else. In Japan, the teachers don't get the summer vacation off. They are allowed to take 5 days off, but that's it (as opposed to the 10 days paid vacation I get and the month unpaid vacation I get in the summer). "What will you be doing all summer while the kids are gone?" I asked her. "Preparing for the second semester...and next year." she said.

This made absolutely no sense to me. For one, everyone makes lesson plans every week...so why would you spend the summer doing something you already do every week anyway? Also, the school year in Japan starts in April...not September. So they will have already had the same class for about 4 months...and you're telling me you have to be there for the whole month to prepare for the next 7? The other thing is, in Japan, the teachers move from school to school every 3-5 years. So...a good number of these teacher's won't even be at the school next year. Also, not only do the teachers change SCHOOLS regularly, but they also change grade levels EVERY YEAR. And when do they find out what school they're going to or what class they'll teach next year? THE MONTH BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS...How does this make any sense? How can you plan for next year when you don't know where you'll be (thus, you don't know the policies at that particular school), or when you don't know what you'll teach (because there is a HUGE difference between 1st grade and 6th grade...which are the grade levels in Japanese Elementary school).

So I asked her these questions...and she said, the truth is, they will basically just be sitting there from 7 to 5:30 everyday doing nothing, but pretending to be busy. Yeah...that makes a lot of sense. Why not just give the teachers the month off (or at least 2 weeks, or a half-work day or something) to help them feel refreshed and appreciated? That is just my American thinking though.

The other thing is, one of the 4th grade classes (There are 3) has two extremely misbehaved kids. These kids are not only majorly disruptive talking, walking around during class, and randomly leaving to roam the halls, but they also get physically violent with the other students at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, their homeroom teacher has something going on (an observation, a particularly difficult activity, etc) where she cannot handle them both being in the class, so one of the two goes to another 4th grade class. When the two are split up, it's so much better. While neither becomes a perfect little angel, without each's bad energy other to feed on, they pretty much leave the other kids alone and are much much more manageable. So, I suggested "Why don't they just split those two kids up?"
Everyone looked at me like I was the craziest person they had ever seen.
"It's already been decided. They are in 4-3 class" my music teacher explained.
"But the teacher is practically pulling her hair out everyday...other kids are getting hurt...and it all stops if those two aren't together." I shot back.
"Well...it's already been decided. It can't change. But next year they will be split up." she said.
"So...it's okay for the kids to go another 7 months feeling physically threatened and constantly disrupted during their class?" I asked, bewildered.
"Of course, it's not okay....but it's already been decided. It can't be helped" she said simply.

Does this make sense to anyone?

I don't want to disrespect cultural beliefs but it's just hard for me to wrap my head around these kinds of situations. Why not make things easier for everyone? This stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. Now I know why my husband says he doesn't want to work for a traditional/big Japanese company. Trying to help when "it can't be helped" and being considered radical must be stifling for a lot of people here.

Help To-ki and I Win a Honeymoon!

2012-06-03T06:57:00.002-07:00

Since I've written before about how To-Ki and I are still saving up for a marriage ceremony, you can probably guess that we haven't been on a proper honeymoon yet either...but we heard about this contest on Facebook and it's a long shot of course, but we thought we'd give it a try. If you have a facebook profile, please vote for To-Ki's page here: http://www.onthegotours.com/facebook/winatrip2/index.php?s=profile&u=1026657963

This would seriously be a dream come true, and we would be SO GRATEFUL if you all could vote for us! And of course we would share pictures, videos and movies of the trip if we were lucky enough to win!!!

Thank you!!!!

Poor Babies

2012-05-31T05:10:00.000-07:00

Everyone is always asking To-Ki and I when we're going to have kids. It's so funny to me, because we are both so young. He's 25 and I'm 24...I never even thought I'd be married this early to be honest. But when I say "everyone" I mean the people in Okinawa...except for his mom and dad because they both know how poor we are :(

None of my friends and contacts in Tokyo ever ask me when I'm having babies. Actually, it's a well known fact that Japan's population is in generally in decline. The main exceptions are Tokyo and Okinawa prefectures. I haven't really looked into it that much, but I guess Tokyo's birthrate is pretty good for the basic reason that it has the largest population...so I guess it would have the largest population of married (and single) people, and and people giving birth (and not). In Okinawa, the joke is that's nothing to do here BUT make babies...which is kind of true. It's pretty boring here and there isn't much in the way of attractions except for the beach. It's changing I guess, but even Naha, the capital of the prefecture, is a ghost town compared to most wards in Tokyo. Okinawa is also really behind in terms of development; it seems like the minute a space is cleared out, all that ever gets built are inkan shops or convenient stores, neither of which are particularly useful for employing people in positions that would allow them to provide for their families. Okinawa is the poorest prefecture in all of Japan and to be honest, I don't see that changing soon. I've spent time in Tokyo and Okinawa and it seems to me that difference in priorities and among the average person seem to be worlds apart. Many grown men and women here not only work at supermarkets, bars, and as clerks in hotels, but they ASPIRE to it. Now, there's nothing wrong with providing for your family any way you can, with any honest job you can. But I will say that I have never met anyone in Tokyo who said it was their dream to work at a hotel..not OWN or MANAGE the hotel mind you, but simply work the front counter or be a bell hop. Of course Okinawa has it's doctors, lawyers, engineers etc...but it seems to be a very small, very elite circle of people occupying those highbrow jobs here. Anyway, I guess there is far more pressure in mainland to focus on a career rather than babies whereas I really feel the opposite is true sometimes.

I wish I could say that I could see Okinawa getting better in terms of economics in the near future, but I really don't see that happening at all, especially since Japan as a whole is on a steep economic decline. Anyway, I know I can't stay here much longer-the opportunities for the future are just so limited. And if we do have kids someday, I will let them be their own person, but I will be hoping really really hard that they dream bigger than working the night shift at Family Mart.

Rant on Work Privacy

2012-05-29T05:54:00.003-07:00

It's said that people in Japan really value their privacy. For some reason though, it seems like my bosses in Japan don't value mine.

At my first job (which was absolutely HORRIFIC, but that's a story for another day...) people from my company would randomly come into my house when I wasn't there, just to drop something off. And if I was there, they wouldn't even knock on the door! They'd just let themselves in...it was very irritating and I really can't imagine this would be normal behavior ANYWHERE let alone Japan. So for those of you looking to come here, be wary of company housing...people may have the key and you might end up working for psychos like I did...Luckily I was only there for 3 months or so before I bounced and came to Okinawa.

But even in Okinawa, I get a lot of nosy questions. Okinawa is really, really small so literally everyone seems to be connected in some way. My one job is connected to my old part-time job and is also connected my new part-time job. Every job I go to asks me where I'm working now, what I'm doing now etc...my question is, why does it matter as long as I'm at this job on time, and you have nothing to complain about?

I was especially irritated today when one of my jobs called me while I was at my other job telling them to call them. WHAT? Why would you leave a message at my job, when they knew I was obviously working at that time? Of course I'm not going to call you back...I'M WORKING! Plus, they found the number to that job on their own...it's not like I gave them the contact information. Stalker much?

The problem with working in Japan as a woman is that a lot of times, they don't understand the concept that women need to work a full-time job with benefits and whatever else...even though there more and more households with 2 workers, it is still widely assumed that the women's income is just a secondary, non-essential thing used for fun things like trips, frivolous purchases and what-not. But what about single women? Oh, it's the same thing. They stay with their parents who provide most things for them until they get married and then it's back to the husband to do all of the heavy duty provision. However, since I have my own student loans to pay, a car (a necessity in Okinawa) I need to save for, moving costs, and a million other things, obviously, my situation isn't like that. And even if it was, so what? Whatever happened to equal work, equal pay? Japan is still light years behind the States in that respect.

I'm not a doctor-I'm not on call! If they wanted me to be at their beck and call, they should give me a higher salary and better benefits...so I DON'T have to work somewhere else!

I have tried explaining that concept to them on more than one occasion but it doesn't seem to register. This is one of those occasions where definitely feel a disconnect in cultures when it comes to this point. I understand that Japanese working culture is a lot more rigorous and demanding than it's American counterpart but sorry-without full-time pay, you won't get full-time (ie extra) work out of me. END OF STORY.

A New Job for a New Year???

2012-04-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

I seem to go a long time in between blog posts...and it's basically because I have nothing to write about. Well, I do, I guess. Things cross my mind everyday, but they are just basically a few sentences I'd like to note rather than a full blown post. Because of that, I think I'll actually have to try out Tumblr. It seems to be more suited to that kind of thing.

Anyway, recently I started a new job. In Japan, the new fiscal year starts in April so that's when most people begin a new job. As I've mentioned before, I work two jobs (gotta make that wedding ceremony money!). My more "businessy" type job is nice, but I really don't make a lot of money. The experience of it will be more useful when we go to the states, because obviously there isn't much of an an ESL marketing a country where most people speak English, but right now the pay is low. In general, people who have just graduated from college in Japan don't make a lot of money at all once they enter the work force even if they enter a prestigious company because work culture/structure Japan is still a very very hierarchical and rather sexist place. My company is different and more merit based, but being that I haven't even been here a year, I'm still at the bottom of the totem pole >.<. Thus, my extra work.

Anyway, I quit my old English teaching job at a community/cultural center and exchanged it for another as an Assistant English Teacher/AET (or ALT) at an Elementary school. Usually AETs are from the JET program, but sometimes they are local hires which is what happened in my case. My other job allows me to work from home a lot and in the afternoons/evenings. So I work as an AET until about 1 or 2, and then at my other job. If I was a JET program participant, I"d probably go to a middle school and an Elementary school, since many JETs travel from school to school. AETs get paid too much money in my opinion for what most of them do, but obviously I'm not complaining. It's been a bit of an adjustment since the other English teaching job I had was a completely solo gig. As an Assistant English Teacher, I'm technically supposed to simply "assist" the head teacher, but since it's an Elementary school, most of the teacher's don't know English at any workable level. In the middle school and high school they do, so I suppose those AETs can "Assist" more often rather than teach the class, but basically in the Elementary school I teach the whole lesson. I have no problem with that since it's what I was doing anyway and since I have a background in teaching but I bet for some people it could be a bit of a shock. The only thing that's annoying is when teacher's try to add something to the lesson that wasn't planned and thus take up time in the lesson that was actually thought out. But even that's not too annoying because if I run out of time because of them I can always continue next week which means I have even less to do. Basically though, they discipline the kids so it's good to have them in there.

Anyway, everyone at the school is so kind and welcoming. I am happy for this opportunity because since basically NO ONE speaks English, I get to practice Japanese all the time. But the job is so easy which is kind of boring. Sometimes I have 4 classes to teach, sometimes only 2...but I get paid the same every day. Even if all I have planned is a one hour meeting, the pay is the same. Foreign teachers in Japan get paid more than their Japanese counterparts, I guess to counter balance the fact that most don't get bonuses and the fact that being far from your country they expect you to have more expenses? I don't really know, but it seems like the Japanese teachers have to work so hard while most foreign teachers in the public schools seem to do little of anything comparatively.

One of the interesting things about Japanese public school in my opinion, is that teachers switch schools every 3-5 years and go to a new school which the government assigns them. I asked why and they told me that it's to maintain a sense of excitement and freshness every year. When I asked my husband, he told me it's to spread out Educational opportunity because most teachers would not want to go into a rural part of Japan to teach if they had the choice. So, good teachers get rotated around an area which means that theoretically, more students will have access to a solid education. However, ALL teachers have to move around, so that means even the bad teachers will make their rounds across a region. But I guess it still spreads the risk? The truth is though, that in Japan, most of the important preperation for tests that determine so much of the future for kids here seems to take place at private cram schools anyway, so if you don't have the money for that, then you're really out of luck it seems.

Anyway, I'm enjoying working here more than my other job, and since it's a public school, I'm learning a lot about Japanese school culture which I'm keeping in mind as I consider the fact that one day, I will have to choose which kind of school system, (International or Japanese) I will send my child into...That is, if I still even want children after dealing with some of these brats all day :p

Love and the Language Barrier

2012-04-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

Some people might wonder how To-ki and I communicate since neither one of us is completely bilingual. Our daily conversations are mix of random Japanese and English, made-up phrases and round about descriptions to describe simple words. I don't think that having perfect grammar and a large vocabulary is necessary to form a loving relationship. Actually, I think it makes things simpler. You can't be as tricky with words and it's harder to beat around the bush.When we communicate, it may be in simple words, but it's raw honesty and emotion because those are the most basic and consequently, easiest ways to speak to one another when you are simply trying to get your point across.

I've cried more with To-ki than anyone else-NOT because he treats me worse than anyone, but because it is the easiest way to express my feelings sometimes. With someone who can understand all the neuances and complexities of Native English conversation, I would probably go on a diatribe, point-by-point analysis of what that person did wrong, why I thought they were wrong, and link it to a million other things that might give me the sadistic pleasure of dragging out an arguement. And where would that get me? Probably into a bigger argument, with the main point getting lost beneath a sea of rising resentment. So many people go on and on with their "talking it out" that they forget what they were mad about in the first place. But To-ki's language level is not to the point where I can give complex analysis and have him understand completely or refute it on equal terms. And my Japanese is not high enough for me to express my hurt to the most minute detail or understand him if he decided to tell me. So usually, our conversations come out as the simplest thing possible: crying and a clear-cut explanation. "You did X. It made me sad because B. I'm not happy". And then, he says something along the lines of, "Oh. I didn't know X made you feel B. I'm sorry. I love you". And that pretty much ends everything. The same is true when I do something to him. Except he doesn't cry...most of the time, lol. The only time we have a problem is when one party (which is almost always me >.<) refuses to speak AT ALL. But once the ball gets rolling, the simplicity of our feelings comes through.

We have talked about religion, politics and word affairs with our limited language abilities and it's so much fun to hear unadalterated opinions. After all, how can we dress them up if we don't have perfect linguistic capabilities? Some people say that you never really understand something unless you can explain it in terms that even a grade schooler would understand. Perhaps, then, the fact that we force ourselves to break down difficult subject matter into simple sentences and ideas we can express verbally means that we are actually GAINING deeper intellectual abilites? I know it's a stretch, but here's hoping. What I do know though, is that we never really run out of things to talk about which is somewhat surprising.

Basically, in terms of love, our relationship is strong despite, or perhaps even because of our language differences. The only thing I worry about, however, is when we go to the U.S. Even though in Japan, people praise you endlessly for knowing how to say simple words like "Konnichiwa", we all know that Americans aren't as friendly to people with a less-than-perfect grasp of English. So we still have to work hard to raise our respective language levels up.

Good to be in Love

2012-03-31T05:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am just blown away but how awesome my husband is.

Less than one year in, we have had our arguements but I am so happy that we are a couple who can talk about our problems and share things with each other. He has been working so hard lately that sometimes the selflessness of it brings me to tears. It makes me want to be the perfect wife for him and try just as hard to make him happy. I love how being in love and being married has the potential to bring out the best in people. Even if those teenage-esque jitter-inducing butterflies have been replaced by a simple smile most days, there are times I just hug him like a crazy woman and say, "Do you know how amazing you are???" It's a crazy thing to realize that feelings you thought could never get any deeper become even more intense. I truly thank God for bringing us together despite everything.

Nothing particularly great or romantic happened today, but it's a good day. And it's good to be in love.

Japanese Study Advice From a "D" Student Pt. 2

2012-03-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

In Part 1, I talked about my experience in and motivations for learning Japanese. In this post, I would like to list a few of my recommendations for learning Japanese:

www.readthekanji.com

I learn best contextually, so I choose the option that only has the sentence. I don't learn the kanji alone, and I don't learn it with the English beneath it. This is the best way for me, but others will learn differently. It now has audio, but I am not really using that because if I hear it, I will just type the answer. I love this site because it's cheap, you can track your progress, and it has different levels for each area of the JLPT.

www.lang-8.com

I love this site! You can type blogs or diaries in Japanese and then Japanese people will correct it for you. You can help Japanese people too by correcting their English diaries. What's so great about that? Well, it's a great way to see how you can make your Japanese more natural sounding. Sometimes you can make mistakes, even if grammar is right. For instance, wouldn't it be weird if you heard someone say, "I had a splendid time chilling with my homie John at his abode" despite the grammar being correct? Learning when and how to properly use slang or more proper words is something that's hard to get from textbooks. This community can help you out a lot with that.

www.ajatt.com

All Japanese All the Time is a nice motivational website. As far as the tools that are offered for Japanese, I can't say if they are good or not because I don't use them, but I think the guy has great advice.

www.smartfm.com

This is really expensive and I don't subscribe anymore because of that, but if you can afford it, I think it's a nice, interactive website and you can track your progress which I like.

www.anki.com

Anki is also a nice tool to use for those of you who can remember things without typing them or writing them. For me, it doesn't stick in my head that way, but I could see it being useful.

If you're going to use a textbook to learn Japanese, which despite all of the above, I do think is USEFUL for starting out and reference, I would recommend the following.

GENKI- Always seems to be highly recommended. Nice explanations and some funny moments in the book when you get to know the fictional characters.
An Integrated Approach to Intermediate Japanese- Nice explanations of grammar but the readings are very difficult if you go from Genki directly to this book in my opinion.
Situational Functional Japanese- A lot of people don't like this book because they claim it is based too much in certain situations rather than building upon grammar but for ME it was great because I was more interested in how to function in a variety of situations. If you are going to Japan, I think it's a great book because it will prepare you for a lot of different interactions and the appropriate things to say at that time.
A Beginner's/Intermediate/Advanced Guide to Japanese Grammar- When you start having to worry about tests and things, these are good books to have because they cover all the nitty gritty ways to uses a bunch of different or obscure grammar which you won't encounter as much in daily conversation or in a textbook.

Media

If you watch anime or dramas, I would watch them first raw, with no subtitles at all. Then, watch the show with JAPANESE subtitles. Lastly, use English subtitles(or whatever your native language subtitles are) to see how much you picked up.

Reading books/manga that you are interested in is great too.

*One thing to note though, when dealing with authentic Japanese materials, is that they are not all created equal. While textbooks will be geared towards a particular level of Japanese, books and movies and things for natives are obviously going to have a range of difficulty. Some have a lot of slang that makes it really difficult to understand. For instance, my husband really likes a manga called One Piece. Even though it's supposed to be for kids/teenagers (I guess?) It's EXTREMELY hard for me to understand because since it's a book about pirates, it's full of "piratey" words, rough slang, and references that I have no clue what they are referring to since I know next to nothing about the genre. At the same time, I can breeze through a "girly" manga like "Peach Girl", "Marmalade Boy" or anything like that (despite the target age group being potentially older), because they focus more on everyday situations.

Whatever you choose to do though, I really believe you must do it consistently. I have to speak in Japanese everyday. I try to listen to Japanese everyday...you'd be surprised at how easy it is to skip out on that, even living here. If you are a visual learner, then you're going to have to look at the kanji and read it every day...not just sometimes. In my opinion, there's no substitute for consistency and time, no matter how smart you are. Don't be discouraged. My Japanese teachers were very rude and disparaging during my time in college because of (what seemed like) my inability to grasp the concepts. They always made snide remarks that I should just stop Japanese, and actually prevented me from taking Japanese a 3rd year (Though I had already decided that my schedule was too full for it anyway). Now, among the students in my class, I am probably one of the most heavily involved in Japanese society, using my (supposedly) business language Japanese ability working at a Japanese company, married to a non-westernized Japanese man. I didn't necessarily aim to end up here, but despite the naysayers, that's how life turned out.

Moral of the story? Japanese is hard, and haters gonna hate, but if you find what works for you and don't give up, you can achieve your goals.

Japanese Study Advice From a "D" Student Pt. 1

2012-03-20T04:04:00.000-07:00

It's always hilarious when people claim that I'm "good at Japanese". I'm not...Seriously. My language ability is alright, I guess, but in my opinion to be "good at" any language, I think you should be pretty fluent. I'm quite far from that, but for the first time since I began studying Japanese, I feel I can actually get there someday. Why? Because I finally have the opportunity to learn, long-term and consistently, in a way that actually makes sense for me.

A lot of people ask me if it's necessary to learn Japanese before coming to Japan. People come to Japan all the time without learning Japanese. I don't think you necessarily have to be interested in learning the language initially to come to Japan. Sure, it helps you navigate and communicate a lot, but for the typical foreigner who seems to come here to teach English for a year or two then head home, I think it's perfectly fine to not speak the language and simply enjoy the sights, culture, food etc. At the same time, you can't blame people for seeing you as an "outsider" when you can't communicate on a reasonable level. I think people need to just accept that.

I took Japanese for two years in college, and then quit for about a year. I went to Japan to study abroad for one semester, which was really only about 5 months. When I got there, I had forgotten almost everything except for basic greetings and such. Then I left again and didn't study for two years, which means that I, once again, could remember next to nothing when I came back. That means, I've had basically 2 1/2 years of formal Japanese study.

As a Japanese student in college, I would definitely rank myself as one of the worst students in class. Most people crazy enough to take Japanese had it or East Asian Languages/Literature as a major or minor, but in my case, it had nothing to do with my course of study. I was simply interested in learning the language. Like many people, I enjoyed watching Japanese dramas, playing video games etc...Actually, while most people seemed to want to work in Japan or something, the way I had hoped to utilize my Japanese language skills was basically to join one of the online communities that subtitled different Japanese shows.

When I was younger, I loved Japanese series because they appealed to my nature more than most American TV shows. I was interested in romance, comedy, drama etc...but I felt at that time that romance and sex in American shows were almost always too heavily intertwined for my innocent thinking. Japanese shows, with their often indirect expressions and sweet gestures appealed to me and my way of thinking. Comedy in American shows are almost always at the expense of someone's race, size, gender or some other personal attribute rather than based more fully on situational plot devices which was something that I also liked. Since watching those shows gave me a bit of reprieve from the stresses of life more effectively than the shows I didn't relate to in America, I really wanted to do the same for others if I ever got the chance to develop fluency.

That being my background, it's no wonder that I wasn't the best performer in class. I wasn't interested in the stiff "textbook" Japanese that I almost never heard or used. I didn't care at all about half the vocabulary we were learning which was usually academic in nature and quite frankly, not that practical. The grammar was good, but when I couldn't use it the way I wanted, I began to get apathetic.

When I got to Japan the first time, I was much better at speaking and listening than reading and writing. I think that's because for me, my main interest always laid in developing personal connections. I went to Japan to make friends with Japanese people, to learn about Japanese history, to get more of a glimpse of this country which I had long seen through the lens of Japanese actors and actresses. A lot of foreign students went all the way to Japan and hung out with other foreign students while getting top marks in Japanese class but having no relationships with Japanese people to show for it. I came back with a deep relationship with the man who would become my fiancee (now husband), a host family who I still talk with almost everyday, and friends in cities all over Japan. I also work in an environment that uses quite a bit of Japanese and I get along fine. Not bad for someone with a "D" average in Japanese.

Despite that though, when it comes to learning Japanese, I still think I am about the last person to tell anyone how to study. But because people ask me, I would like to say this: What's important, I think, is that you focus on what it is you want to do, and the rest will follow. As I said, I'm interested in talking and forming relationships. So I usually ask about words or phrases from friends. I don't go looking everything up in the dictionary first. Now, because my speaking vocabulary has increased, when I do go to learn the kanji, it sticks in my head because I've used it in so many conversations. All I have to do is remember the symbols for words I already know well. Conversely, if you'd like to read manga, than study that way. You would learn vocab and kanji and grammar by reading things and encountering them over and over again. Don't worry to much about talking with other people, because eventually, the time will come when you have to communicate more thoroughly. To prepare for that, I would suggest that instead of reading in your head, read out loud to get your mouth used to pronouncing things. If you have a reaction to a scene or a character, say that out loud instead of in your head. What good is it going to a tutor or extra Japanese class when you want to talk about fantasy realms and characters and they want to talk about the Meiji Era and the Prime Minister? I'm not saying those things aren't important, but I feel people should reach a high level of fluency in what they are interested in first, because that fluency will then carry over to other things you aren't as enthusiastic about.

Little kids rarely learn to read and write before or at the same time they learn to speak. When they learn to read, they are often pronouncing things by thinking back to the vocabulary that they use when speaking-they don't rely soley on the phonetics of the letters. Alternatively, some people can express themselves best through writing. They may be clumsy speakers if asked to suddenly talk about a topic or state their opinion, but give them that pen and paper and they will influence the world. These are people who, if given the chance to write their speech first, can deliver their message with greater clarity and forcefulness. Language learning can be quite similar.

For many people, developing an integrated approach to Japanese (one that combines writing, reading, listening and speaking) can come later, in my opinion. You don't have to start out being able to do everything. For some people, using their strengths to charge their weakness, could be a better approach. Now that I've spent more time actually SPEAKING and LISTENING my strengths in those areas have given me a place from which I can approach reading and writing, and Japanese is much more interesting and doable for me. I simply didn't have the chance in college because speaking and listening were worth next to nothing in Japanese class. It was all about Kanji, grammar and vocabulary.

In Part Two, I will list some of my recommendations for Japanese study.

TMI

2012-03-15T18:12:00.001-07:00

I have found that in Japan there seems to be a very strange fascination with poop. It may just be that I haven't been around kids in America for a long time-I could have forgotten what they are interested in. But I still feel that it is the topic of too many conversations that I've been in with Japanese children.

Yesterday, I went to my weekly teaching job, and I couldn't start until 10 minutes later because the kids could not get off the topic of poop. These kids are little, like 5 and 6 so they have to go to the restroom before class. I walk in to just a few kids, and ask, "Where is everyone?". The 5 or so that were there said enthusiastically, "They're pooping!!!"Ummm. Okay. Why that made them so happy I have a no idea. But soon after, most of the rest of the class filed in. While I was taking attendence, it was kind of noisy to get through because of all the talking. But they weren't talking about the latest episode of Doraemon, or Anpan Man. They didn't seem to be interested in all the candies and what-not they recieved, even though was White Day. The reason I had to shout to be heard, use hand claps to quiet them and look them at menacingly is because they were all throughly engrossed in poop talk.

Makoto: Hey, what color was your poop today, Risa?
Risa: It was really dark today! Like the color of the floor.
Me: RISA. No one needs to hear that!
Risa: But it's true!

Ryusei: My poop was floating today. Wasn't so big though.
Rua: Mine was really small and round. I think mommy said that means I have to eat more vegetables.
Me...RYUSEI! RUA!
Them. o.0
(At this point, I really didn't know what to say, because I couldn't really fault them for making those important bodily observations...it did have to do with health I guess. But I'm not their doctor and I DON'T want to hear it.)

The principle walked in a bit later and saw me trying to calm them down. She asked, "Why are you all talking? It's time for English". I nodded in agreement. She then proceeds to say, "I realize that pooping feels good, but you can do that later. It's time to study now". Yeah...umm. Well. Okay.

So I was almost done taking attendance and one kid wasn't there. "Is Riichi here?" I asked. "HE'S POOPING!" They all answer in unison before breaking out in rauceous laughter. At this point, I was so annoyed because I thought they were over this by now. One of the better kids in class saw my frustration and shouted to the other kids, "QUIET! Everyone poops, anyway!" Some of the other kids nodded in agreement. Then one kid proclaimed, "I don't!" To which the other kids respond, "Really????Wow!!!". The principle causally remarked, "Well, I think you did last week when we had to change your pants." And then he said simply, "Oh...well, if I get too excited, SOMETIMES I poop".

Right then I decided that the day he gets overly excited in my class is the day I quit.

Anyway, it's not just them. The other students I have are constantly drawing pictures of a pile of poop. I walked in a store bathroom the other day and one kid was asking her mother, "Mom, are you pooping or peeing?" WHY DOES SHE WANT TO KNOW? Of course, the mother answered brightly, "I'm pooping!" The kid said, "Me too!" in a way that made me think if she wasn't too busy pushing out feces, she'd have rolled under the stall to give her mother a congradulatory high five. It was seriously weird to me that this mother would happily admit what she was doing, in a country where it is commonplace to find buttons to push that make flushing or birds chirping sounds to mask the sound of your own bathroom activities.

I don't get it. I really don't remember this facination with bowel movements being an "in" thing as a kid. I remember having the bathroom talk being embarrassing/private from a very young age. The only time I can think kids are proudly displaying their poop and pee is RIGHT after they learned how to do it in the toilet. However, I guess it's a good thing that bodies and their function tend to be less taboo over hear, because the more you know about your body, the sooner you can spot problems right? (Although I've heard that sex education here is very lacking...and when I talk to my husband, I can definitely believe that). When I first came, I was floored at how often the kids are just running around either fully naked or with no underwear or pants and simply didn't seem to care. I was so scared when I saw the "blue-butt" that a lot of the kids were sporting because I didn't know that was a thing. My husband explained it to me later. He told me that he remembers poop being really interesting as a kid. In fact, he still talks about it too much for my liking. And for those of you who have seen that youtube video, "Pigs and Crap", it may look like I iniated most of that talk, but it was really his influence. Seriously.

Wedding Daze

2012-02-24T05:56:00.002-08:00

Soon, it will be 6 months since To-ki and I have been married. It's really crazy to think about that, since it was such a hectic time. In actuality, we intended to get married this year in November, but for a bunch of reasons we just sped up the process.

At the time, I was a little unsure about getting married so quickly. To-ki wanted to get married a long time ago, but I think I was really focused on having everything happen when I wanted and the way I wanted. I loved him, or course, and I already thought I wanted to marry him for a while too. But I had wanted to wait until we were more financially stable and I had a more decent job. I wanted my mom to see it happen. I wanted to have the ceremony just before or just after the official documents were signed. None of that happened. I don't regret getting married, of course. But it's always interesting when you have all these plans in your head and life chews them up and spits them out at you. As the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans".

Anyway, the reason I started thinking about this is because To-ki was invited to a wedding ceremony which he'll be going to tomorrow. I kind of wish I could come too, but I'm not sure how wedding ceremonies in Japan work (which is ironic, considering that I just said I wanted one a long time ago). I was invited to one in Tokyo, but sadly, I couldn't go. But I remember my friend just invited me and didn't ask if I was bringing a guest or anything. I know that ceremonies are usually really expensive in Japan, so maybe it's some kind of cost-cutting measure. But anyway, I would like to go, because I want to see what a ceremony looks like and I want to see To-ki play the piano there.

Even though I am happy we got married, I am still sad about the fact that we haven't done any "wedding" type things. In Japan, it seems that most people do these things 6 months to a year after they are officially "married" at city hall because of the expense, but we still haven't. We didn't take engagement pictures (I don't know if they do that in Japan, but still...). We haven't taken wedding photos either, which seems to be the more Japanese thing to do. These photos aren't is not the same as photos taken at the CEREMONY, rather, they are pics of the two people in wedding outfits, but before the actual wedding. We haven't gone looking at dresses or venues or anything, and every time I mention it, To-ki doesn't really say anything. I think it's because he knew that I wanted to do all that, but he's kind of embarassed that we can't. We got married around the time Kim Kardashian did, and pictures of her wedding were everywhere. I am not a big Kim fan or anything, but at that time, I couldn't help looking at the pictures and commenting on how beautiful everything looked. I kept looking and commenting, "ooh" ing and "ahh"ing, until he finally said, with sadness in his voice, "I wanted to give you a Cinderella/ Princess story too. But I can't. I'm sorry". I told him that, of course, the most important thing is how how we feel about each other and how we treat each other. But ever since then, whenever I mention a wedding dress is pretty or this place would be good for a reception, etc., he just gets really quiet.

Most of my friends and family haven't even had the chance to meet To-ki, which is the main reason that I want to have the ceremony. I haven't been able to celebrate the fact we're married with anyone close to me, which makes me sad sometimes. I want people to be able to see us together and be happy for us instead of worrying about everything oceans apart. I want to be able to thank everyone, collectively, for the roles they've played in my life which made me the person I am today, the person that To-ki chose, and the person that chose To-ki. It's kind of depressing to think that might not happen for years now, if ever.

Being in an international marriage, finances inevitably play a large role on your decisions. I can't just "go home" for a weekend. I have to SAVE to visit home for a week. When we go to America, To-ki will have to do the same. I have to save thousands of dollars for an emergency that might happen with my family. You really have to get your ducks in a row while you can, because, in addition to other problems, in an international relationship, the likelihood that one person will have to be completely dependent on the other for a period of time if you move goes up dramatically. For example, in the states I was completely independent, had my own job, place, car, etc. I came to Okinawa and was suddenly hit by a series of problems and crazy circumstances, and emergencies that cost me over 6000 dollars. Thankfully, I had savings, but all of that (and the crazy low dollar to yen exchange rate) quickly wiped me out. At that time, I didn't have a job here yet, so I was relying on To-ki to pay all of my expenses for a month. It's a miracle it wasn't longer than that. Plus, we both owe thousands in student loans and we are looking to buy another car this year. Then, if you factor in daily living expenses and whatever minor emergencies that might come up, you can probably imagine how an expensive wedding ceremony might not work out right now.

At the end of the day, marriage is about the relationship and not the wedding. I know that. As beautiful as Kim Kardashian's wedding was, we all know how that ended up. But at the same time, it's hard to let go of the fairytale. It is even more so when I have other friends constantly posting their own wedding pictures, and sending me "Save the Dates", because in those moments, those deep-seated images I have about weddings immediately becomes real instead of some far-off celebrity reality.

But I can't let it go. Despite signing that paper, getting the legal recognition/protection, and being with the one I love for 6 months without any pomp and circumstance, I am still woefully ensnared by societal norms. We have been getting along just fine without one, yet I haven't stopped hoping that something will happen (A crazy high raise? A contest win? A 'Great Expectations' esque benefactor?) that will allow us to have a ceremony in the next year or so.

I guess I am simply weak-minded.

Grapefruits

2012-02-21T08:15:00.001-08:00

(2/23/12: I changed some spelling and grammar so it is easier to understand)

Hi, this is Toki.
Nice to meet you.

I`m doing music activity though, I can`t make enough money yet, that`s why sometimes I`m working at the American military base as bartender.

You can come to the facility without pass, that`s why there`re so many Japanese customers.
There`re a lot of slot machines in the bar and a lot of Japanese people`re addicted to the slot machines.
I don`t know why though, almost all the customers are ladies.

The same customers always come to the bar to play the slot machines. There spend money every day on the slot machine. Basically, they`re so rich, that`s why they can spend money every day.

Old ladies like me. I think I`m like a grand kid for them. Some ladies give me foods. Some ladies give me 20 dollars tip, even if they just buy a cup of coffee. I`m a bartender though, my work is like a Japanese host.

Anyway, old ladies are really nice to me, but of course some old ladies are weird. Like, even if they mess up (note: He means urinate or defecate on themselves because of their incontinence) they still keep playing machine.

There is one really interesting lady. Her (nick)name is grapefruits, because she gave me some and her body is round like one. Her fashion style is really sexy (But she is not at all). She never wears a bra and sometimes she doesn't wear panties. I`ve never seen it though, some of the waitresses said she doesn't wear panties and she`s always wearing sexy dress.

The day before yesterday, she sat on the counter and talked to me.

Suddenly, she said "I wanna die by myself, because everybody hates me including slot machine."
(Actually, she lost her family because of gambling.) And she kept saying "I wanna die, let`s die together Toki."

I said "No~, Why do I have to die with you!?"
She said "Because If I could die with such a young guy, I`m so happy"
I said "I`m unhappy, I don`t wanna die with you"

She said "People playing slot machine is bitch. They`re ass hole. I wanna kill them like I cut their head and take brain out and wash their brain. I need to clean their brain"

I was so shocked when I heard such radical saying, but I was laughing so much.
It was so crazy and dramatic.

They`re enjoying playing the slot machines with such a thinking and with such a lady.

No Place Like Home

2012-02-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote before about the fact that as much as I enjoy living in Japan and being with my husband, I still miss America a lot. One thing I think a lot of people don't realize is that America, for all it's problems, has an absolutely amazing standard of living. Japan is an economic powerhouse, the 3rd largest economy in the world, and yet, the way that the average person lives is so very different than in America in terms of daily comforts (Although of course, it's very hard to succinctly summerize what an average person's life is anywhere because...what's an "average" person anyway?). Anyway, Japan is well-known for being expensive, and it is in many respects. Food (especially meat and vegetables) is expensive no matter where I've traveled in this country. For example, one apple here in Okinawa will go for around 250 yen, which now, is over 3 dollars. The price was more or less the same in Tokyo. A double cheeseburger meal at McDonalds is, I think, 610 yen or so, which would be about 8 dollars in the US. The typical US family will have a washing machine and a dryer....most Japanese still line dry their clothes because electricity is expensive and dryers are expensive as well (I will say though, that any Japanese people seem to be more environmentally conscious than many Americans, so that's another reason too). When I studied abroad in Japan, my host family had a dryer and I was the envy of all the other students in my program. I've yet to see a house or apartment in Japan with central heating and air conditioning. Even my host father, who is the president of a very successful company in Tokyo didn't have that. I now understand that when I stayed with them during my first visit to Japan that I was living in what was basically the lap of luxury. I didn't realize it at the time, but the more that I heard from other people and the more I saw after coming back again, the more I realized that my living experience (in terms of food and housing) while studying abroad was not at all typical.

Anyway, since To-ki nor I are are presidents of any company, we are definately far from many of the material comforts that were common for me in America. I miss western style beds, towels (big fluffy ones!), ovens (not popular here AT ALL), large trashcans, sinks, dishwashers, big couches, high tables...etc. all of which are either just not available or crazy, crazy expensive. And even though I'm not a chef (or perhaps BECAUSE I'm not), I miss a lot of western style food.

In Japan, people are not as into the processed/fake foods that reign in America and provide sustenance to lazy and/or untalented cooks across the coutry. The idea of an overfilled cupboard (which was commonplace in most American households I've been in, including my own growing up) is almost non-existent, and most people go food shopping daily or every other day in order to get the freshest ingredients. Seasonings, sauces, soup bases and rice are about the only things that I see perpetually stocked instead of bought daily here in Japan. It was an adjustment for me to go from shopping once a month or so, freezing my meat, ziplocking my vegetables and stocking the cupboard to suddenly being expected to plan out a menu and shop for the ingredients everyday. So basically...I don't do it. My husband cooks (which he's GREAT at) and I just enjoy the fruits of his labor...sometimes I'll wash the dishes though.

Yesterday though, I got the chance to "revisit" America by going to the military base! One of my teaching co-workers (who is basically like my overseas mother <3 ) has access, so she took me there since she new I was yearning for a taste of America for quite some time.

I got there and I was floored. I used to work on a military base in America so it's not like I didn't know what they were like. But to go from "Japan" to "America" in seconds was mindboggling to me. The streets were wider-like in America. The architecture was different-like in America. Even the grass was cut American style. It was totally weird, because when you are a gone for a while, you tend to think things aren't "that different" because in your head, you simply forget the small details that actually make up the whole of the world in which you live.

We went to the commissary and I was just amazed at the hugeness of the building. It was nothing at all impressive by American standards, I'm sure, but having been in the comparatively tiny stores in Japan for so long, I was suddenly overwhelmed. Apples there were 3.29 dollars...A POUND. That's like...maybe a less than 100 yen an apple. And there were all the American vegetables I missed...salad packs, varieties of spinach and asparagus...cheese available in more than the 3 flavors I find in Japan, and canned foods and boxes (aka do-able meals for me) were everywhere. The frozen food section was three aisles long instead of three paces, and the selection of bread seemed endless when I compared it to the 4 types of bread I can usually find in my Japanese grocery store. It was food heaven. So I just threw things into the cart like a mad woman. While I shopped I kept thinking back to the things my husband enjoyed eating when he came to America and somehow and before I knew it, half the cart was full of stuff for To-ki. I guess that means I kinda like him....

After that, we went to the BX (which is the "everyday items" focused store for military personnel) and I just went crazy. My favorite make-up in all shades... was even on sale for only 10 dollars! The conditioner and shampoo I've missed for months selling for less than 3 dollars...it really made me think about how seriously cheap every day things are in America. We are very very lucky country to have so much, available so widely, and for so cheap. You truly cannot realize the extent of it until you travel abroad.

We topped it all off by going somewhere I had yearned and wished for several times since coming to Japan...a trip to TACO BELL!!! Japan has a number of American fast food restaurants-McDonalds, A&W, KFC, Subway and maybe a few more, but sadly, tragically, almost unbearably, Taco Bell has not made it's way over here. I don't know if they ever tried, but if they did something went terribly wrong because now they have basically no presence here. So when my co-worker asked me where she could take me to dinner, she couldn't believe that I chose Taco Bell instead of some other, nicer restaurant on the base. But I feel that Japan has a number of very diverse and delicious restaurants, so there is no void in my taste buds in terms of fine dining. But as far as junk food goes, there is a lot to be desired by the sugarcoated fatty American palette that lies beneath the healthier, more sophisticated tastes I've acquired in Japan. Some habits really die hard, kicking and screaming to the very end, and if my love for Taco Bell ever went away I'm sure there would be a number of casualties.

I was so grateful to her for taking me on base. I feel a lot of comfort simply being surrounded by things that make me feel closer to home...even if none of them can talk to me and most of them will be ingested. It was also great to spend time with a friend, even if she is in her 60's. Relating to each other isn't always dependent on age, and being alone simply isn't good for most people, despite how introverted or hermit-like some of us may be.

I love Japan. But I REALLY love America. Both places are wonderful and special, but there is only once place that will always and forever be home to me, so I'm glad I had the chance to stop by, say hello, stay for dinner, and remember how much I love it.

The End of the World As We Know It?

2012-02-16T05:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I suppose you all better get to work on building those fall out shelters and look over your bucket lists, because I actually had a lovely and romantic Valentine's Day! There. That's the short version. But I promised I'd let you all know what we did if we did anything, so for those of you crazy enough to want to spend time reading about To-ki and I during what may very well be Earth's final days, here is a (somewhat long) recap of how the holiday went.

As I said before, I really didn't expect to do anything for Valentine's day because I am not an overly romantic person, my husband is not a good planner, and the cultural expectations surrounding V-day are flipped so what to do and how to do it seemed just seemed too convoluted to deal with. But there was another, more prevalent reason I wasn't expecting anything: We were having a fight.

I won't go in to the details, but I was really upset for a few days. So upset that I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him, I didn't want to talk to him for a few days, and I spent every free moment looking for tickets to the U.S. I did everything but talk to him about the problem, which puts me in that "annoying, sterotypical woman" category and disqualifies me from offering anyone advice about communicating with their partners . The truth is, I've never been great at conflict resolution. But the good thing about To-ki is he is always always willing to interact with me even when I won't respond. He won't stop until he can solve the problem. While he isn't the most practical person in the world, and cannot intuit feelings or situations well (which drives him crazy in a society where the ability to do so is key to most personal and business interactions), when it comes to our relationship, he is truly the more emotionally mature party. I am working everyday toward becoming more like him in that respect, but it's very hard to reprogram acts that have undergone 20-odd years of conditioning. Anyway, Valentine's eve ended emotionally with mutual tears and lots of "I love you"'s, so when we woke up on Valentine's Day we both had this renewed sense of love for each other, which I believe is a good sign. Fights are bound to happen, but when they do, they should always help strengthen a relationship.

The fact that everything was resolved was enough for me.To-ki had the day off, but I had to go to work as usual. However, on Tuesdays I work my regular job and then a teaching job so we decided to go to our favorite cafe after my first job ended around 11. (By the way, cafes are super popular in Okinawa because, according to To-ki, Okinawans like the slow life). After lunch, the school I was supposed to go to called and said that both of my students were going to be absent, so they asked if I wanted to come in and help at the office or take the day off. It happened to be a gorgeous sunny day (almost 80 degrees) which is rare, because when To-ki takes off work, somehow the day always ends up being overcast and cold or rainy. I wasn't sweating missing out on a few hours worth of teaching so opted for the day off to spend time with my husband, which was the start to our whole-day date!

We walked to the pier and we looked ocean, which is interesting to me, because I didn't grow up near an ocean and all, and he knows all about them. I am scared of swimming with the fish, (which he tortures me about, so all you complaining about me making fun of him about the ferris wheel seriously don't know the whole story of our relationship!) but looking at them from the safety of the dock was really relaxing. We walked around then he admitted that he wanted to buy something for me while I was at work but now he couldn't do it because we'd be together all day. (Why he couldn't do this any other day of the month is beyond me, but there's that 'bad at planning' thing again...) So I told him I could go somewhere while he shopped, but he said he wanted to spend time with me so we should just go together. He showed me the Vivianne Westwood wallet he was going to get me, which I laughed at because it was so expensive (like 300 dollars). I'm not a brand person and he knows good and well that I can't tell the difference between a 500 dollar Prada bag and a 10 dollar knock-off. So if I had gotten it, I probably would have smiled, thanked him and tossed it into my bag where it would be ruined with uncapped makeup, melted chewing gum, and pen stains within a week. Instead, I picked out some 4 dollar earrings and let him put them in. I was happy, but he wanted to do more because he had planned on spending a bunch of money. I really think money burns a hole in his pocket because that man always seems determined to get rid of it somehow, and as soon as possible.

Our favorite thing to do on dates is go to the arcade to play "House of the Dead", which is a shoot-em up zombie game, but we recently beat that, so we decided to play a taiko drum game, a racing game, and take a purikura instead. I usually love purikura, but this one made us look like space aliens because it enlarged our eyes so much. Usually, the enlargement feature is supposed to make you look more alluring or whatever, but we both have naturally big eyes so it just looked ridiculous. However, it was a funny way to commemorate our very first Valentine's day together.

When we finished with all of that it was evening, so we walked on the beach while we looked for somewhere to eat. I have been to the beach a lot since living in Okinawa, but this was the first time we went at dusk. The sky was a mix of deep purple and pink with a mix of blue and orange. It was right out of a movie and the weather was amazing. Even though it was a perfect location for couples, it was pretty much deserted which added to the romance. It was wonderful to simply talk and connect with my husband in front of such a gorgeous backdrop.

The walk eventually led us to Tony Roma's, which is a kind of expensive restaurant famous for ribs. You would think that on a date we'd order something a little more sophisticated but us, being the casual couple we are, went straight for the rack and complimented each other on how well we could clean the meat off the bones. Yes, even I am amazed at our superior amount of class.

You can't have dinner without a movie, right? So we went to see Mission Impossible 4 (which is probably on DVD in America but Japan gets movies kind of late). It was a pretty weird choice since neither of us have seen any of the other Mission Impossible movies. But for some reason, he has been dying to see it for a while now, so I finally caved. I am really the slowest person ever when it comes to action movies or war movies which is kind of embarrassing since people claim those movies are only mindless entertainment. But I seriously had no idea what was going on.... So I had him break it down for me over coffee at Starbucks at the end of the night. How did he get me to understand? He related the whole thing to that zombie game I told you about. We are such nerds.

All in all, while I wasn't serenaded by a 4-string quartet, and despite the fact that his love for me wasn't the focus of a trailing airplane banner, I still had an absolutely wonderful day. It was such a blessing to be able to spend so much time with him, especially after the sadness of the previous days. We both had the chance to be together and express how much we loved each other through actions, words and non-intellectual (yet nerdy) pursuits, which meant more to me than any grand gesture. I felt extremely lucky to be his wife. And yesterday, he got me a box of chocolates. He picked them out by himself from a fancy chocolate shop, and said "I wanted to get only your favorite kinds of chocolate". It was a sweet gesture (even if I don't know who impersonated me and told him that I like raspberry, green tea, cherry or cream filled chocolates...) because it let me know he was thinking about me, holiday or not. And in the end, that's all any wife really wants or needs to know.

My Red Day Reality

2012-02-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day in Japan, but I'm not expecting to do or get anything. For those of you who are familiar with Japanese culture, you probably already know that here in Japan, the gift giving, lovey-dovey onus is on the women. They give the chocolates and the boys repay the favor later on White Day. But I don't know what married couples do.

I've never been a Valentine's Day person. In fact, I don't think I even know any Valentine's people. Every time I turn around, I hear someone complaining about how it's such a commercial holiday, or how you should show someone you love them every day of the year. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with having a special day to celebrate love, or to put it on a pedestal. And actually, I think it's a great time for guys, (in the U.S.) who are often embarrassed to do romantic things for their girlfriends, because it gives them a free pass to be sweet and not get too much flack for it. No one can fault a guy for being extra sentimental on Valentine's Day, unless they want to end up looking like a lonely hater.

That being said, I still don't care about Valentine's Day. Holidays in general are just annoying to me for whatever reason, and it seems to be getting worse with age. I'm not sure if To-ki's been thinking about it at all. He hasn't said anything, and he is really not the romantic type. He's very emotional, but not romantic. His idea of suave is sending 10 text messages saying "I love you" everyday. That probably comes from the fact that Japanese people aren't well known for saying "I love you" so directly or even so often, but it's actually kind of annoying, which I have told him before. But he just wants to say it, and say it often, and I can't really complain about something like that.

This will be our first Valentine's Day together which makes me feel guilty for not feeling any sort of way about it, but maybe something miraculous will happen and we will sweep each other off our feet. However, I don't even take the time to have a hot dinner of cup noodle ramen waiting for him when he gets home on a regular day, so the odds that a chubby cherub working overtime will convince me to try pulling off some 5-star meal in the name of romance are pretty slim, even with an arrow laced with love. And my husband is so clueless and paranoid about gift-giving and mood-setting that to even ask him to go through it would probably land Cupid in court for trying to inflict cruel and unusual punishment. So I expect tomorrow to be nothing special at all. But if anything wonderfully Disney-esque happens, I'll be sure to let ya'll know. After all, it is 2012 and I know a number of people are looking for signs of the end times. Something that crazy would surely be considered an omen from the Universe.

Crazy Comes in Small Containers

2012-02-11T05:29:00.000-08:00

Neither To-ki nor I are overly blessed in the financial department, so I teach on the side to make money. We still haven't had a wedding ceremony because we can't afford it. Plus, trips from Okinawa to America aren't cheap, so if I'd like to see my family in the next decade, it means I have to spend some time ~~taming~~ teaching some wild kids.

I like children, but I have to say, teaching them is the best form of birth control ever. Dealing with them on a semi-regular basis has helped me realize that if my favorite time in class is when we sing the "Goodbye Song", having my own any time soon is not a good idea. But for all you aspiring English teachers out there, l'd like to provide a bit of observation about my experience.

In Japan, you can teach people of all ages-toddlers, elementary school children, middle schoolers, high schoolers, adults...and whatever else might be in between. I deal primarily with toddlers and elementary school children. I do NOT recommend this if you don't have: A. ) the ability to project, B.) a crapload of patience C.) the ability to handle B.S. and loud noises and D.) tons and tons of energy.

One thing about kids is they will not lie(unless it's about something stupid like who broke Timmy's firetruck). They are completely uncensored and they will say the first thing that comes to their tiny little brains. Some things that happen on a regular basis are:

One of my classes, made up of 5-6 year olds, will constantly ask me where I am from. I see them once a week, and every week, without fail, they will ask the Japanese equivalent of " Teacher, where are you from?". I will then answer,"America". Every week they give me a shocked, "EEEEHHHHH??????" and say, "Where are you really from?" and I will repeat, "America", and they will be just as shocked, but cannot press on because class has to start eventually. If my Japanese co-worker isn't there (and he usually isn't) when I get mad at them, or have to explain the directions to a game, I will speak in Japanese so that they understand and things will move along quicker. After my tirade/ explanation, they will they say "Woooah! You speak Japanese! Our teacher is Japanese!" and then I have to explain that "NO, I am an American"...but they will insist on my Japanese identity. This exchange has been going on weekly for over 5 months.

Another thing to keep in mind is this: even if kids don't listen to or remember a word you say, they still pay serious attention to the way you look.

With another group I visit, 3 year olds mostly, we go over simple things like colors. I will say a color and ask them to find it on their clothing or in the room. When the color "brown" comes up, they will ALWAYS says "Teacher's face/hands/feet!". (Side Note: I don't mind this at all, but I just find it interesting that so many people will claim they "don't see color" but these 3 year olds will say what's right in front of them. Please. If a 3 year old sees the color of my skin, why wouldn't I expect a discerning adult to do the same? Don't come at me with that "color-blind" nonsense. Just treat ALL people right and you wouldn't have to pretend you can't see the obvious variation of melanin present in humans. /end rant. )

I am very petite like many Japanese girls here, but I am also rather curvy. The fact that I have a protuding chest and bottom facinates them to no end. "Why do your boobs stick out?" is another reoccuring question. When I answer, "Because I'm a grown-up" and they tell me their "mom's boobs don't do that", I really don't know what to say.

Even at 3 years old they are absolutely fascinated with the fact that I have highly visible curves. Before I even open my mouth, their favorite things to say when I walk in the classroom are : "Hello", "Good Morning" "Sunny" and "Oppai (Boobs)". "Sunny Oppai" as a combo phrase rather than separate words is pretty popular too, but I'm not sure what that means. Anyway, when I leave, all the kids want to me to give them a little high five so they bum rush me until I touch all their tiny, germ infected hands. In the beginning, they regularly "Kancho"ed me, stuck their fingers in my crotch area, but I was able to nip that in the bud after a few weeks or so. One kid though, still isn't content with that sort of goodbye. He runs at full force, does a Micheal Jordan jump, and slaps my boobs like they stole his rent money. At first, I thought he was just overshooting my hand, but when I saw the look of determination that came every week and overheard him saying to his little friend, "I touched the teacher's boobs!" I accepted that the little perv was being fully intentional in his pursuits. I can't believe how early kids are getting started these days. So one day, when I saw him gearing up for another chance to grab the goodies, I took a "smh" moment, then readied my defense. I caught his grimy little hand mid-air and he was completely baffled. The look of shock in his eyes clearly said, "Foiled??? Me! This can't be!" So he tried again. And again. And again, until the other teacher told the class to get ready for story time. Ohhh....if looks could kill. I haven't seen a kid that scary since Pet Sematary. This past week, he didn't want to participate in the lesson, he was still so broken up by the incident.

Of course, this is only the tip of the iceberg. So if you do come to Japan believing that dealing with kids will be a safe option, think again. Because the biggest amount of crazy can come in the smallest of packages.

How It Really Is

2012-02-11T04:28:00.000-08:00

One of the things that always strikes me as interesting when I'm viewing youtube comments is the number of people who say things like, "You're the luckiest girl in the world", or "I am so jealous of you" when they see my husband and I together. It's flattering but also a bit laughable sometimes. I'd like to take a moment ot remove some of the veneer that seems to be blinding people from a certain reality.

There are a lot of things that I feel very blessed and thankful for in my life. The fact that I had a chance to travel to a different country and expand my worldview, for example. Meeting my husband, finding a job... all of that is great. However, I still have my share of problems.

When I was in Tokyo, I had a lot of friends. I made friends from studying abroad, my host family was there, and the fact that I could take the train almost anywhere in the city meant that I could randomly meet up with penpals and friends I had online before going to Mixi. Basically, I had my very own social life, in addition to hanging out with To-ki when I studied abroad, and when I went back and finished school, I had my own life for a good two years before I came back to Japan. However, To-ki is from Okinawa. As an American college grad, it's pretty much a guarantee that I can find SOME kind of work in Japan teaching english. It may not be ideal, but I will always have something if worse comes to worse. Since To-ki lives and works here, and I am able to find work here, this was the first place we have lived . Okinawa is cool, but it in no way compares to Tokyo. Here, you have to drive everywhere, but we only have one car, and I don't have a Japanese license yet so I can't drive. When you are someone who was used to driving by herself in America and catching the train in Tokyo, becoming dependent on your spouse for transportation 24/7 and it can be extremely stifling.

In Okinawa, I have no friends. I have a few co-workers who I talk to, but no real friends who I would hang out with. This is what I mentioned in one of my videos about studying abroad vs. working. As a student, I had 7 people I could call on my phone to hang out with within days. I've been here for months and still have no one close to call a friend. And even if I did, I'd always have to bum a ride from them, which would make me feel guilty and childlike as well.

Also, as one of the VERY VERY few Americans in Okinawa who does NOT have access to the base and has no military association, I feel like I'm in a very different world. Most Americans have come here because the government says they have to, and a good majority of them are counting down the days until they can get back to the states where their "real lives are". This is vastly different from living in Tokyo or other places in Mainland Japan, because the expat community there have, for the most part, chosen to be there. Maybe they are interested in Japanese history or culture. Perhaps they are hardcore Otaku types...for some reason, they made the choice to be there, and that gives you a sort of common bond. Americans and Okinawans to me, are very segregated, unless it's club night at Gate 2.

This is just the tip of the iceburg. I am glad I can be with my husband, but sometimes it is stressful to feel so isolated. I have good times and bad times, sad days and happy ones just like anyone else. More often than not, I simply work and then come home and study or something. Probably not too different from most of you guys out there. And my husband can do the same annoying stuff that your boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/obnoxious brother does some days, and others, he is a super sweet guy when he feels like it. My life is not exciting, and I am just living, day by day. So please don't envy me. I appreciate the compliments, I really do. And the fact that people find my husband and I to be a cute couple is pretty sweet. But, we are sooo not perfect so I hope that people simply enjoy what's awesome about their lives while I share a bit of the good and bad in mine.

This post may seem somewhat depressing but I think of it as a disclaimer. I plan to write about some of the really great things about my life here, but at the same time, I don't want anyone to think it's always sunshine and roses because of my focus on positivity.

To Blog or Not to Blog?

2012-02-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

I had intended to start blogging about my life here in Japan a long time ago, but never really got around to it for a few reasons. One, strange as it may sound, was intimidation. Before coming to Japan, I was absolutely addicted to Gaijin Smash (Now "Gaijin Chronicles". This was around the time when the author would post regularly and I would be fascinated by his amazingly humorous writing style and off-the-wall observations. When I actually started living here myself, I realized that, yeah, a lot of crazy (to my American mind) stuff happens here that I would love to share with the world. But I felt that unforunately, I don't have the ability to write about it in a way that makes people squirt water out of their nose after failing to stifle a laugh, cry at the beauty of my beautifully arranged sentences, or even understand half of what the heck I'm talking about due to my lack of clarity. Obviously, without that, one can feel very unworthy to share anything.

Youtube was the same way. There were a lot of things I wanted to talk about, but I was always so impressed and so admired on JVlogger, Alafia of "Dear Life Japan" that I was too down on myself to try. But somehow, people seemed to be interested in what I had to say.

I'm a shy person; a person who can ramble on and on about nothing without realizing it. But I have realized that at the end of the day, that doesn't mean what I have to say is invalid or not worth sharing. So, I have decided to try. Even if some people will get bored with my unnecessary descriptions and despite the fact that while reading this blog, you will likely be able to keep that water you're drinking from shooting out of your nasal orifices . At least no one will be trying to sue me if they choke to death or something.

So, welcome to Tokeri's Japan. A world with a sweet, musically gifted Japanese guy, a confused and overly-emotional black American girl, the two of whom just happen to be married. Occasionally, there may be mention of some of the world's other inhabitants including: perverted toddlers, a sister-in-law whose favorite pastime is spinning around in circles for a hours at a time, and dog who insists on stepping in his own waste before pouncing on me to say hello. It's a messy space and almost always under construction, but here's your invite.

Just be careful not to trip over that pile of mispelled words and run-ons in the corner while you make yourself at home.