Finding Sunday

Adoption Updates

2013-05-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

Just to keep you all posted with where we are at, I will give you a little update. Our home study has officially been approved! Yay! And it was so much easier than I thought it would be. We have sent everything in to our agency and are just waiting on a couple of letters of recommendation, then we will be officially waiting to be matched! So, we are almost there! The agency we are working with told us that we will most likely be matched within two months, so we are hoping that this waiting part will go fast. Or I should say that I am hoping it will go fast. Nick is going to bed every night saying that he just really wants to enjoy his sleep right now. As if he is going to be the one getting up in the night anyways.

Now that our home study is approved, we are applying for a couple of grants. We still have a lot of money to raise and are hoping to get some of it that way. I also added a couple new options to my sidebar for ways to help out. I am selling all kinds of stuff in my etsy and storenvy shops and am continually adding new stuff, so keep shopping there! And there is our Just Love Coffee shop that you can buy from as well. Everyone needs their coffee (except me....I don't like it). You can read about how much of the proceeds will go towards our adoption here.

I also have a new section selling bracelets that are made in Haiti through the Apparent Project. The money for the bracelets goes towards our adoption and back to Haiti. Here are some examples. You can see more and read more about it here.

Thanks so much for all your support! We will keep you posted with more updates. Hopefully the next one will be a match!

A Birthday

2013-05-19T15:14:00.002-07:00

Today my sister Kristina is 27. Funny....I always thought she was 5 years younger than me, but I guess she's really only a year younger. Somehow she caught up to me.

We are very excited that she is going to be having her first baby this fall! And it's a boy. Crazy! I'm not sure this family of all girls is going to know what to do with a boy, but I suppose we will figure it out.

Happy Birthday Kristina!

I love you very much!

Our Adoption Profile Book

2013-05-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

For our adoption, we had to make a profile book for the birth parents to look at. I started this back in September because, at that point, I knew we would most likely be adopting sooner, rather than later. I'm glad I started then because it took me forever to finish. But, I am really happy with how it turned out. I designed each page in a separate photoshop-esque program (since I have never really learned how to use photoshop.)Then I just uploaded them into the book. I ordered the book through blurb, and I am really happy with the quality. I originally ordered one from a different company and was not impressed, so I tried again with blurb, and it is much better....

For some of you, those pictures may be enough. But, I am sure that most of you would like to spend half your day reading all about us. So for you guys, I have uploaded each individual page of the book just so you can really soak it all in.

So, Belle is still in our book, as it should be. She will always be a part of our family, and our children are going to know all about her and the source of joy and comfort she was to me while we waited for them.

My Belle

2013-05-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

I have avoided this blog the last couple of weeks because I haven't had the heart to write this post. We had to put Belle down two weeks ago. My heart is broken. She was so much more than my pet. She was my baby while I couldn't have babies. She let me take care of her and baby her and snuggle her, but really she was the one taking care of me.

She always knew when I was having a hard time. She'd see it and come up to me and nudge me with her nose over and over again. She'd nuzzle her face into my lap or my arms to try to comfort me. And it worked. She could always make me feel better. I'll never, ever forget this story. I was so broken by infertility, and I just laid with her and cried. She wrapped her paws around my arm and started licking my face...comforting me.

There were many nights where I would lay awake in bed and hear her breathing below me and be overcome with gratitude that she was alive and that she was mine. I loved the sound of her little paws tapping on our wood floor. It was so loud, but it meant she was walking around, that she was healthy, that she was looking for me. Two years ago, she stopped walking, and I thought we might have to let her go then. But I was able to help her then.

I couldn't help her this time. She suddenly stopped walking and nothing was making her better. We got the diagnosis that she most likely had a brain tumor. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't make her better. Belle was the one thing I actually could take care of these last few years, so it was heartbreaking for me to not be able to do anything for her.

I know that 17 1/2 years is a really long time for a dog to live, and I am so thankful that I had more than half my life with this amazing little pup. I could never express the amount of joy she brought to my life. But, right now, it hurts. The house isn't right without her, and we miss her a lot.

I believe that I will see Belle again, that God resurrects our animals and our eternity with God will include them. I would not be surprised at all if God, in his generous love for us, restored our pets and allowed us the joy of living with them in the perfect union that he intended at creation. I know I'm in good company with this belief (C.S. Lewis, Peter Kreeft, Randy Alcorn, Nicholas Kinnier to name a few).

C.S Lewis paints a beautiful picture of animals in heaven in his book, The Great Divorce. (He describes a lady who has a procession of angels and people and animals.)

"'And how...but hullo! What are all these animals? A cat-two cats-dozens of cats. And all these dogs....why, I can't count them. And the birds. And the horses.'

'They are her beasts.'

'Did she keep a sort of zoo? I mean, this is a bit too much.'

'Every beast and bird that came near her had its place in her love. In her they became themselves. And now the abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows over into them.'

I looked at my Teacher in amazement.

'Yes,' he said. 'It is like when you throw a stone into a pool, and the concentric waves spread out further and further. Who knows where it will end? Redeemed humanity is still young, it has hardly come to its full strength. But already there is joy enough in the little finger of a great saint such as yonder lady to waken all the dead things of the universe to life.'"

I love you forever my sweet, sweet Belle. You were a gift from God, and you made my life better. Thank you for loving me so well. I will see you again.

Mom

2013-05-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

I love you!

$20 Giveaway

2013-04-14T16:07:00.003-07:00

I need to get the word out about my Etsy and Storenvy shops so that we can start to bring in some more money for our adoption. I thought I would do a little giveaway so that you guys can help me out. So basically, if you can help me get the word out, one way or another, you can enter to win this giveaway.

Here are some ways that you can help us out, AND have a chance to win a $20 shop credit to either my Etsy shop or my Storenvy shop (your choice). You can do one, some, or all of these option. Just leave a comment for each one, and you will be entered into the giveaway that many times.

Here you go:

1) Pin items from my Etsy shop, Storenvy shop, or blog onto Pinterest--the number of items you pin will be the number of entries you get in the giveaway--just leave me a comment with the link(s)

2) Share my Etsy, Storenvy, or blog on Facebook, twitter, or your own blog--share all three, and you get 3 entries--leave a comment with the link(s)

3) Follow Finding Sunday by clicking "Join this site" in the sidebar and leave a comment that you did.

4) Like Finding Sunday on Facebook and leave a comment that you did.

5) Follow Finding Sunday on Bloglovin' and leave a comment that you did.

6) Share this giveaway on your Facebook, twitter, or blog and leave a comment with the link.

Things I've Missed

2013-04-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

I hope these people will please forgive me. I have not been on top of blogging because I can barely keep on top of all the adoption paperwork we are consumed with at the moment. But, I NEED to comment on these special events that I have failed to mention on their very important dates. So, we will start at the beginning.

Way back in February, February 4th to be exact, my brother-in-law, Sean, turned 28. I did not forget his birthday.....I called you, right Sean? There is no way I could have forgotten that one, since, unbeknownst to my sister who made me a new planner, Sean had left a reminder for me before she sent it my way.

Happy Birthday Sean!

Okay, next on the agenda is my sister-in-law, Molly's birthday. Her birthday was April 4. We called her and left her a message with a lovely birthday song that I am sure she will save forever.

Happy Birthday Molly!

And last, but definitely not least, my parents celebrated their 39th anniversary on April 5th!

WHOA!!!!

Next year's gonna be a BIG one!!

I love you Mom and Dad!

Happy Anniversary!

Easter 2013

2013-04-09T14:41:00.002-07:00

I have been very busy getting ready for our first home study interview, which is TOMORROW, so I haven't really gotten around to blogging. But, I am giving myself a minute to sit down and do a post about Easter before it's too late. So, here it is, short and sweet.

Easter was at the Pacific Amphitheatre, as per usual. It was once again an excellent service. I love it every year. After the service, we headed over to my aunt and uncle's house, where some of us slept (it was a work day for him, after all, and he had to be up before dawn) and some of us played a rousing game of Dominoes.

Here's a recap of our Easter service....

I asked Kim if she wants to try out to be a dancer with me next year. She said yes. What? You didn't know we are dancers? Hello...have you seen us? We totally get it from our parents.

Because this video never gets old....

An Easter Devotion

2013-03-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Nick wrote a devotional letter to our church for Easter, and after much review, I decided that it was decent enough to be posted on such a prestigious blog as this. Plus, I like to take partial credit for the devotional, seeing as how I edited it. Nick might be an eloquent writer and speaker, but he's not too good at knowing where to put his commas.

{Nick teaching at our church on Good Friday}

Here you go....Enjoy!

Dear Church Family,

I seem to find myself writing these covenant devotionals around the holidays, so this week leading up to Easter I was thinking about the cross. I noticed how the cross is a familiar symbol for us as Christians. So familiar, that it can breed apathy or disinterest, which makes it difficult to see our lives in light of the cross. The reality is, our identity in Christ is cross-shaped. We are a cruciform people as followers of Jesus. So this letter, or devotional, is a humble effort to dust off one of our most familiar Christian words.

Death by crucifixion was a common execution device used by the Roman Empire in the first century A.D. It involved pounding stakes through the wrists and ankles of the victim and into the wood beams from which they “hung”. Death did not come fast with this process, and some accounts record individuals living for days until they died from exposure or blood loss. This process was specifically reserved for non-Romans, foreigners, and ethnic peoples who had been conquered by the Roman Empire and consequently were forced to live under the rule of Caesar. As you might imagine, these conquered peoples attempted rebellion from time to time, but in the 1^st century A.D., Rome proved very successful at stomping out these revolts. So, crucifixion became an effective tool used by Rome in the outer reaches of the empire to squash revolts and uprisings that welled up among oppressed people groups. There were certainly more efficient methods of killing someone, but the brutality and shame of crucifixion was excellent propaganda for the Roman Empire. The hanging bodies of ethnic rebels and insurrectionists communicated quite clearly the consequences of trying to revolt against Rome. Caesar was King, and periodic crucifixions seared this reality into the minds of everyone living under his rule. So, the cross was a symbol of death and profound shame, continually reminding the Jewish people that things just hadn’t gotten much better since returning from exile. Sure, they lived in the “promised land”, but they were still subservient to Rome, and they lived as a defeated people.

Fast-forward two thousand years or so. Mindy and I are running errands the other day, and on the wall of the office building where we were hung a crafty, decorative sign with a jeweled cross and the words: “be happy, love life, live well.” Hopefully, our brief foray into the 1^st century helps us see the banal irony of a jeweled cross, pictured next to trite, feel-good truisms. Somehow, a Roman torture device has morphed into a marketable logo for our generalized pursuit of the “good life.” Maybe you’re doing what I did, and you’re smugly patting yourself on the back for not owning “Christian” kitsch like this. We know what the cross is really about. But do we? Does the cross shape the way we see our life? Don’t we want Jesus on our terms? Don’t we want the Christian life to make us happy, to fix our problems, and get us to heaven? Don’t we get angry and impatient when God doesn’t follow our plans? If we’re honest, I think we understand and appreciate what Jesus did on the cross, but like this sign, we don’t really want the offense and suffering of the cross to mark our lives. We are all sorting through our selfish love of Jesus, where we love him for what he does for us, rather than loving him and following him because He IS.

In his letter to the Corinthians Paul says the cross is foolishness to the world around us, but we preach Christ crucified anyway. There is a reason Paul doesn’t preach Jesus raised from the dead before preaching Jesus crucified. We don’t get resurrection Jesus without crucified Jesus. This means we, as his followers, don’t get a resurrected life without a crucified life or a cross-shaped life. In John’s gospel Jesus explains it this way: “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life will lose it, while those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me….” Our lives are compared to kernels of wheat, which must be buried and die in order to live and multiply. This is a wonderful image, because it connects our death, our turning from sin, addiction, and brokenness with growth and flourishing. This is the only way to understand our sin. It’s not about what we have to give up. It’s about the abundant life we step into when we allow the Spirit to “put to death the misdeeds of the body” (Rom. 8).

During Easter, we celebrate the stunning reality that God’s rule crashed into earth through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. But we can’t forget how heaven crashed in- by way of the cross, by way of foolishness, shame, humility and death. This was the only way to atone for our sin and the world’s brokenness. The cross reminds us that we’re forgiven and it’s the only way if we’re to live as his disciples. So, this Easter, as we contemplate and celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord, would the cross give us courage and strength to see the ways we must die. And would the resurrection give us eyes to see and to hear God’s Spirit inviting us to new life.

In Christ,

Nicholas Kinnier

Summit 9 Blogger Contest

2013-03-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am writing this post as part of the Summit 9 Blogger Giveaway. Check out all the details at www.summit9.org.

Nick and I have always been passionate about adoption and have always known we would adopt. Of course, we didn't foresee infertility playing into the timing of our adoption, but here we are, adopting earlier than expected. And, I am so glad. Now that we are in the process, we are so convinced that this is the right thing for us and exactly where God wants us. We are learning so much and becoming more and more aware of the world outside our sheltered life. And now that we are here, there's no going back. We can't see the faces of these innocent children who are being denied the basic human rights of family and love and attachment, and not feel compelled to do something about it. When I think about the difference that Christians could make in the lives of orphans across the world, it's mind blowing. It's exciting, but it's also disheartening. There are approximately 13 million orphans in the world and 2 BILLION Christians. Do the math. There's no doubt that God has called Christians to care for the orphans. I don't know if that means adoption for everyone, but it certainly means that the church should be a part of supporting and encouraging adoption and orphan care.

Since Nick is a pastor at our church, we feel a burden to bring more awareness about adoption to our church body and to help create a culture where adoption is supported and celebrated and encouraged. Summit 9 offers workshops that could help us make an adoption ministry a reality at our church. We feel passionate about raising awareness and want the people in our community to share God's heart for the orphan. We would love to get some practical tips for making this happen in our church.

There are also many personal reasons why we would like to go to this conference. We will most likely be a multi-racial family (yay!) in the near future, and we have a lot to learn about providing for the needs of our children who will look nothing like us and who will be in the minority. We also still have a lot of fundraising to do, for this adoption and for future adoptions, and would love to get some new ideas and be able to share them with others who plan to adopt. We also want to learn more about international adoption, older child adoption, and foster care....all things we would like to be a part of in the future.

Nick and I went to see the movie Stuck on Wednesday night when they came to Laguna Niguel, and our minds have been racing ever since. We are so ready to jump into adoption and do everything we can in our little corner of the world to make a difference for orphans and to inspire people to action.

I am so excited for the future God has for us through adoption. Adoption is God's heart, plain and simple. And, it's good, and humbling, and a privilege to step into the rhythms of God's love for the world through adoption.
It would be awesome if we had the opportunity to attend Summit 9.

Ten Years

2013-03-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today, Nick and I took a walk to the top of a hill in Fullerton, where we had the conversation that made us a couple. We also had this thing where we would tell each other 5 things we liked about the other person. The only one I remember from that night was Nick saying that he liked that I was quiet....mwahahahaha.....he had a lot to learn still.

{On the phone with Nick while he asking me out on our first date....so glad my roommates thought to capture it.}

It makes me happy and proud and awed and OLD to think about how much life we've lived together. To see how our love has grown and changed and carried us through this process of becoming one.

We had no clue what we were in for ten years ago. No clue about the good and the bad, the bitter and the sweet that would come our way. We were happy and we loved each other, more because we loved how we felt with each other than because we actually, truly loved each other.

In ten years, I've learned a lot. I've learned that Nick likes to leave cupboards open and doesn't like to throw his floss in the trash. I've learned that he is smart and thoughtful. That he loves to read almost as much as he loves me and could write his own books if he really wanted to. That, if he had the chance, he'd drop everything right now and go learn how to farm from Wendell Berry. I've learned to love road trips and camping and big dopey dogs. I've learned what humility is by watching him live it every day. I've learned that he is passionate about knowing Jesus and becoming like Him, and that being married to Nick makes me a better person. I've learned that he can hold the broken pieces of my heart. That we're stronger because we've struggled, more united because we've been broken together. I've learned that becoming one doesn't happen overnight. That it's a process of joy and pain and happiness and heartbreak. That it's taking these broken pieces of our lives and rebuilding them into one life together. And I love our life together.

I've learned that God is good. That marriage is a gift. That I am blessed to have found the one my soul loves.

So, how are we celebrating? Well, this morning I yelled at him for leaving his orange peel on the counter instead of throwing it in the trash, then I wished him a Happy Anniversary. But tonight! Tonight was the real celebration....Gelato Paradiso...and now we are catching up on our new favorite show, The Americans.

FYI: We don't typically celebrate this anniversary. But, come on....ten years! That's kind of a big deal. And I will use any excuse to go out for gelato.

New Etsy Listings

2013-03-17T08:26:00.002-07:00

After our boutique, we had a lot left over, so I have added new items to my etsy shop. Here are just some of the new additions to my etsy shop....

See everything here.

Thanks to everyone who has bought stuff! I am selling more than ever! Also, don't forget to enter the raffle for the Plum Paper Planner. You only have to donate $5 to get 5 entries....not too many people have entered, so you have a good chance!

Two Years Old

2013-03-16T17:14:00.002-07:00

This little guy is 2 today!

And he's not so little anymore.

When we first got Brontie, I wasn't too sure having another dog was a good idea. I was worried about Belle (since she was already 15), and how she would react to having a puppy around. But getting Brontie was one of the best decisions we have ever made. He's brought so much energy and life into our house. I actually think he's prolonged Belle's life, since she has to try to keep up with him, and I am so thankful for that.

I told myself when we got him that I would not get too attached to Brontie. I'm already too attached to Belle (just ask Nick) and can't bear the thought of losing her, and I didn't want to go through that with another dog. But, I couldn't help it...I am so very attached to this guy. Just look at how handsome he is....

Happy Birthday Buddy!

I love you!!

Plum Paper Planner Raffle

2013-03-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

So, today I am raffling off a Plum Paper Planner!

We had a few left from the boutique yesterday, so you will get your choice from the remaining planners.

Here are the options:

Since these are already made, they say "Planner" on the front instead of your name. Here's a peek at the inside:

In the back of the planner, there is a cute little pocket that matches your cover. Also, these planners were made especially for our boutique, so they go from March of 2013 through February of 2014. So, you will get a whole year's use out of it!

To enter, all you have to do is donate $5 to our adoption. You can use the donate button in the sidebar of the blog. The planners are normally $30 + $10 for shipping. But, you could win it for just $5! And you will be helping us raise money for our adoption!

I'm using rafflecopter to help run the raffle. You get 5 entries into the raffle each time you donate $5. You can do it once every day if you want. There are also several other optional things you can do to earn extra entries, like sharing the raffle on facebook or twitter.

Or, if you prefer not to use rafflecopter, just donate in the sidebar of the blog, and leave me a comment that you did. I'll make sure you are included in the raffle.

Thanks so much for all your support!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Our First Boutique

2013-03-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

We had our first official fundraiser yesterday for our adoption! Kim (my sister) and I set up a booth at the spring boutique at Crossline Church. I made a bunch of stuff, my friend, Andrea, gave me some of her adorable hair clips, my sister Kristina made sent me some of her Plum Paper goodies, my mother-in-law made cute little wallets, and Kim made a ton of chocolate and caramel covered pretzels to sell. I honestly wasn't expecting to make a ton of money, so we were very excited when by the end of the day we had made $700!! This was our booth.

We posted this sign at the booth so that people would know they were supporting our adoption by buying from us. That was probably the most interesting part of the whole experience, since we had about 10 different people ask, "What are you adopting? A pet?"

Hmmmmm.....

We still have a lot of stuff left over, so tomorrow I will be adding more to my Etsy shop.

AND...

I am going to be raffling off a Plum Paper Planner on the blog!! My sister Kristina made planners specifically for this sale that start in March 2013 and go through the end of February 2014. So you will have a full year to use it! We have a couple left, so stop by the blog tomorrow for a chance to win!

Thank you to everyone who supported us yesterday! We are so incredibly thankful!!

A Birthday

2013-03-05T20:38:00.001-08:00

Today, my sister-in-law turned 25.

A quarter of a century is complete!

Happy Birthday Alyssa!!

Just Love Coffee Fundraiser

2013-03-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

I was very excited this morning to see that we already have had a few orders from Just Love Coffee that are going towards our adoption! So, I thought I would give you all a little more info about where your money goes when you order through our account. Here is the breakdown of how much money goes towards our adoption with the purchase of each item:

13 oz. Coffees (non-small lot): $5

Taste of Africa (4) 6oz. Sampler: $7

Tour of The World (4) 6oz. Sampler: $7

Coffee Cupper's Sampler: $19

Jamaica Blue Mountain (small lot): 4oz. ($3) 13oz. ($9)

5oz. Tin Colombian Cup of Excellence Lot #1: $5

6oz. Kenya AA (small lot): $3

Special Blend–I Love Mom: $5

Special Blend–Pinky Beans (Available in October only): $0

T-Shirts: $5

Sale T-Shirts: $3

Sale Hoodie: $4

Beanie: $3

Hat: $3

Travel Mug: $3

Stoneware Mug: $2

16oz. Steel Tumbler: $2

Aeropress: $5

Aeropress Microfilters: $.25

Coffee Scoop: $1

Chemex Brewer: $3

Chemex Filters: $0

LaMarzocco Espresso Machine: $0

And just for fun, someone got a haircut and is looking pretty goofy....

Fundraising

2013-03-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you all so much for your excitement and encouragement about our adoption!

Announcing the adoption was the fun part.

The part that feels a little more overwhelming is coming up with the $30,000 to $40,000 we are going to need to pay for the adoption (since we don't really have that much spare money lying around at this point). But actually, I am really excited about this part. I'm excited to see the ways that God shows up to make this adoption happen. Because I know he will.

We are going to work our butts off to bring in as much money as we can, and we already have lots of ideas for ways we can raise some extra money. But, we know we will not be able to do it on our own.

We are going to need help. So, if you are interested in helping out in any way, I am going to be sharing lots of opportunities here on the blog, and don't worry...they won't all involve forking out money. There are some ongoing things in the sidebar on the right that can be done at anytime, like shopping in our etsy shop, buying coffee from our site, or donating through PayPal or WePay.

Our first fundraising event is going to be on Tuesday, March 12. My sister and I are going to have a booth at the Crossline Church Spring Boutique. We will be selling a variety of handmade accessories, and we will also have a nice selection of Plum Paper products! Of course, there will be lots of Caramel Cup goodies, including cupcakes and our famous caramel and chocolate covered pretzels. All profits will go towards our adoption. So, stop by if you'd like!

If you happen to be talented at making anything that we could sell and would be willing to donate some items, we would LOVE it!
As much as I wish I was good at making stuff, I know there are people out there who are much much more talented than I am.

Feel free to spread the word about our adoption and pass along our blog address. We could use all the prayers and support we can get! We just ordered these postcards to help get the word out...

So exciting!

"See I am Doing a New Thing"

2013-02-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

When Nick and I first started trying to get pregnant, I sort of anticipated that we might have a hard time. Things weren't right with my body, and I knew it. I just didn't know what it was, and the doctor wrote me off like it was no big deal. So, I decided it really wasn't a big deal and that if we weren't pregnant after six months, we would adopt. I never really cared what happened first...biological kids or adopted kids...we just knew we wanted both. We thought we'd start trying to get pregnant because obviously age plays a factor in the whole fertility thing, and I was thirty.

Six months in, we were not pregnant. But, I felt like I needed to try to figure out what was wrong with my body. So, the testing began. That was the fun part...except it wasn't. All those tests showed that everything was perfect, and no one could figure out why we couldn't get pregnant. So, we gave ourselves until the end of the summer to get pregnant because that would put us at one year of trying to conceive (and three years of wanting to conceive) unsuccessfully. The end of August came, and when that last cycle failed, I didn't even cry. I was sick of the chronic grief that is infertility and ready to move on.

I poured myself into adoption. I finished our home study application, I read tons of adoption books, I made our adoption profile book. But not knowing what was wrong with me was still eating at me, and I honestly felt God telling me not to give up looking. So, I started researching. I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist. I wanted to have more blood work done for all my hormone levels. I kept reading about the thyroid and how it affects all your hormones. It was a long shot based on my lack of symptoms, but I decided I wanted it checked during the blood work too. My doctor wasn't even going to let me have it checked, but I insisted. She had my blood work sent to the fertility specialist so we could have the results at our appointment. We showed up to the appointment, and lo and behold, I have hypothyroidism. The doctor immediately prescribed me medication, told me to come back in a month to have it rechecked and that we could do insemination. We thought this sounded like a good plan (especially since insurance covers insemination....awesome!).

Within a week of taking the medicine, I could feel a difference. I started feeling like a totally new person. I went back for the blood test and my thyroid was pretty much down to the normal range. And now, the things that were going wrong with my body for the last two years are suddenly no longer a problem. So, we've figured it out! We should be able to get pregnant! Let's do insemination and speed up the process, right?!?

We waited for the next cycle to come so we could get started, but everything changed in that month of waiting. I knew what was wrong with my body. I knew that now we could get pregnant. But, suddenly my desire had shifted.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in the infertility. I tried so hard to be like everyone else...everyone who got pregnant so easily around me. I never lost my passion and conviction for adoption, but I became consumed by my lack, plagued by fears of being left on the outside.

The helplessness of our situation drove me to God. I had no control, and he had total control. I begged Him to give me what I wanted, the same thing he was giving to so many others, and he didn't. Instead, he gradually guided me to an answer, while being present with me in the pain. And along the way, He renewed my excitement and desire for adoption.

The honest truth is, I still don't really get it. I don't know why infertility is part of our story. I don't know why we've had to struggle for so long. And God still hasn't answered the question of why. But, we've found scripture to be true when it says our suffering produces perseverance and character and hope and that all things work together for our good. Not the egocentric "good" where we get God on our terms and our timing, but the sort of good where we find ourselves still called to God's purposes in the world.

I don't know what will happen with our fertility at this point. But what I do know is that God called us a long time ago to adoption, and it had absolutely nothing to do with infertility. And right now, even though we may have treated the cause of the infertility, God has made it abundantly clear that the time is right for us to take seriously his call to care for the orphan.

So, without further ado, I am thrilled to announce,

Adoption is God's heart, plain and simple. And regardless of whatever way we got here now, it's good, and humbling, and a privilege to step into the rhythms of God's love for the world through adoption.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19

Holy Jim

2013-02-23T12:24:00.001-08:00

I know my blogging has been scarce lately. I have been SO busy, and I have more to write on that very soon. For now, I have a few catch up posts to do.

Last weekend, Nick's parents came down for a visit. They picked the best weekend, because our weather was glorious. We decided to go on a hike to Holy Jim Waterfall and bring Brontie along, even though he is deathly afraid of water.

The stream crossings were quite traumatic for poor Brontie. You can see how tormented he was in this little video.

But, he got used to it.

And we made it.

Football Champs

2013-02-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

Our church had their annual football tournament last weekend, where the campuses all play each other. Of course, our campus won, because we are the BEST! Duh.

Esther wanted us to make love to the camera. Only one of us did.

Nick has this thing about only making love to his wife. It's weird. I know.

January in Review

2013-02-03T11:26:00.001-08:00

Are you on the new Vine App? Everybody else was doing it, so I had to too.

Enjoy your Super Bowl Sunday!

Go 49ers!!!!

Tandeming

2013-02-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

Our January weather has been pretty fickle, and a couple of weeks ago, we enjoyed a weekend that felt like it was smack in the middle of summer. So, we decided to take the tandem down to San Clemente for a long ride and laugh at all our friends who decided to visit the snow that weekend and missed our glorious weather.

Twenty-Three

2013-01-29T19:01:00.001-08:00

Today, the baby of the family, Kimberly Joy Swenson, turns 23....

and her boyfriend, Nestor, turns 22.

Yeah, she's a cradle robber, but so am I.

Happy Birthday Kimmy!!!

I love you!

And Happy Birthday to you too Nestor!

We be celebrating all night!

...isn't it kind of sad that you guys have to share a blog post?

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2013-01-21T22:41:00.000-08:00

I've been reading the biography of Martin Luther King, Jr. to my class this past week. It is amazing how God used this flawed man to speak truth into a world that needed to change. Nick and I have been talking about what we would like to see the kids take away from hearing his story.

Yesterday, I was reading through some of his speeches and sermons (I also ordered this book), and I kept choking back tears, taking in the power of his words. The power of his words and the truth he spoke are forever relevant, not just for racial equality but for the injustices that will always be a part of this broken world until Jesus returns. And I found him saying perfectly the thing I want most for my kids to know...

“I said to my children, 'I'm going to work and do everything that I can do to see that you get a good education. I don't ever want you to forget that there are millions of God's children who will not and cannot get a good education, and I don't want you feeling that you are better than they are. For you will never be what you ought to be until they are what they ought to be.”

And I am personally getting so much out of hearing his story again and reading his words. My mind hasn't stopped racing since I started reading, and I'm feeling challenged and convicted.

There is so much injustice in the world. It might not be as in your face as it was then, but it's there....it's here. I want to become more aware of the injustices that pervade our society and our world. I don't want to sit back and be silent in a world filled with so much suffering and wrongdoing. It's easy to get too comfortable, and for me, it's easy to get wrapped up in my own pain. But, I don't want my comfort or my struggle to cause me to be ignorant towards the broken world we live in.

Martin Luther King's words make me evaluate what I believe because I'm an American vs. what I believe because I'm a Christian. Sometimes, as Christians, I think we get these two jumbled up and forget to think critically about the ways we've been influenced by an individualistic society that teaches us that we are entitled to live the "American Dream". But, we forget that Jesus taught the opposite...."If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:24-25). It's scary to think about the fact that so many American Christians promoted and defended slavery and segregation because they failed to think critically about the norms of society. We may not have things as blatant as slavery and segregation today, but what injustices do we turn a blind eye to because we would rather live in comfortable ignorance?

"I still believe that standing up for the truth of God is the greatest thing in the world. This is the end of life. The end of life is not to be happy. The end of life is not to achieve pleasure and avoid pain. The end of life is to do the will of God, come what may." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

When it comes down to it, I am not entitled to live some sort of American dream, especially in a world where others have to fight to live at all. The only thing I'm entitled to live for is Jesus, and if I am going to live for Jesus, I actually really have to try be like Him. Jesus came to love a world that hated him, and so "we love because he first loved us." Martin Luther King believed that God's love was more powerful and compelling in his fight than any material weapon.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” -Martin Luther King, Jr (duh)

I am so grateful for the change Martin Luther King, Jr brought about and the change he continues to inspire today, in others and in me. I pray that we will not become complacent, and that we will never stop fighting for truth and justice and equality.

Good gracious this is a long post!

These people say things way better than me:

An incredible sermon by MLK
An article from Desiring God