Stefanella's Drive-Thru

Moved House...

2008-01-11T06:43:00.000+02:00

I've relocated across town. Check out my new place at the WordPress Estates.

I'm still in boxes, putting up pictures and curtains and such but come on over anyhow...

See you there!

Wedding Fun

2008-01-08T12:04:00.000+02:00

Now THIS is a couple destined to stay together...

R.A.F, HIT IT!

2008-01-05T21:39:00.000+02:00

Well, we all learn something new every day, hmmmm? For me it was "marshalling"...Cheers n' Beers, RAF.

Go here to find out just what I'm talkin' about...(the Blogger format doesn't do it justice - view it in its original, YouTube format...)

At the Pede's

2008-01-04T13:35:00.001+02:00

Israel is a lively country.

But hell, you knew that. If you picked up any major newspaper almost anywhere in the world on any given day over the past year you probably read that fer yerself.

Naturally, then, the country's residents are for the most part "lively" people. But that, also, goes without saying.

So then it follows that yesterday's visit to the pediatrician's office would bring with it that same flow and sparkle inherent to habitation in these parts.

When we walked into our doc's 15 x 8 (foot) waiting room at 6 p.m. the house was full. A dozen glossy eyed, ruddy-cheeked kids in various stages of flu, fever and upper respiratory complication sniffled, sneezed and emitted mucus-laden barking coughs.

Their conditions, however, didn't stop the little ones from maintaining energy flow. As my son and I settled together into the sole remaining waiting room chair, a stuffed lamb whizzed past at eye level.

The culprit, a 6-year-old sporting a fake neck tattoo and Doc Martens, shouted: "Goal!" when the lamb landed on the receptionist's desk.

The receptionist - a Rosie O'Donnell look-alike sans humor - didn't miss a beat as, cellphone glued to ear, she retrieved the lamb and held it out to the young convict-in-training with a stern "no" nod of the head.

Meanwhile, two pre-teen siblings playing cards on the parquet floor got into a tussle and began rolling around in the dust and broken biscuit pieces at our feet. "Stop" their tired, bored mother unenthusiastically muttered.

The floor action directed our attention to a miniature black and white mutt sitting underneath a waiting room chair opposite ours. "Ooh, cute!" my son announced. "Yeah, but what's it doing here?" I grumbled.

The doctor's inner office door suddenly burst open and a pixie-haired mom cradling a naked-from-the-waist down toddler came rushing out towards the WC. "It's still our turn! It's still our turn! It's still our turn!" she chanted loudly to the waiting room parents to ward off any clandestine plans for locking her & junior in the loo and rushing into the examination room in her stead.

Meanwhile, a ringlet haired, dull-eyed 2-year-old idly digging for gold in her nose wiped her finds on the receptionist stand outer wall.

As I was observing this and simultaneously noticing intermittent, stinky gas emissions coming from a kid two chairs over, derelict tattoo-neck boy suddenly came rushing out of nowhere toward the frightened black and white dog hiding under the chair. Uttering guttural, tribal-type chanting, he managed to drive the frightened creature in our direction.

My son and I reached maximum "this is surreal" capacity at the same instant and burst into gales of belly laughter in unison.

This-is-not-happening-at-the-doctor's-office. OUR doctor is Berkeley educated, has practiced all over the world, sits in a ritzy office (when you can see the floor) and counts among her clients the offspring of some of Israel's A-listers.

Alas, however, it was happening there.

And THAT is why things are lively in this country.

And a bit frightening too.

Mine's Bigger!

2007-12-24T16:37:00.000+02:00

I came across the following headline and nearly spontaneously combusted:

US report: Israel would weather nuclear war with Iran

Wait. Correction. It wasn't the headline that set my teeth ajar. It was the graph below it.

'Israel would win nuclear war' - Study compiled by U.S. Center for Strategic and Int'l Studies says nuclear war in region could lead to death of 16-28 million Iranians, 200-800 thousand Israelis. 'Iran would be completely obliterated,' researchers say.

Phew! Oh Happy Day and what a relief! They'll lose more than we will! I feel sooooooo much better knowing that only a fifth of Israel's population will be incinerated. Compared to millions upon millions of Iranians. Civilians. Women. Children. Obliterated! Mercy me.

WTF? Read the story here. Jeez. Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year, eh?

Up to Interpretation

2007-12-19T21:29:00.000+02:00

This is for anyone who has struggled through it...And you know what I mean.

Cubicle Hell

2007-12-18T10:46:00.000+02:00

When I lived in San Francisco, I pulled a short stint as a "video coordinator" for Macromedia's advertising department. My job was to sit and watch CD-Rom's that had been Made With Macromedia. Adverts, mini-movies, cool music videos and the like from all over the world. I catalogued the video and picked out the best of the heap for the ad department to run in campaigns.

Until that point, I had never worked in a cubicle. And after that job, I swore never to do it again. Cubicles, I decided then, are modern day insanity-inducers robbing people of human contact and comraderie while also stealing privacy - you hear every phone conversation from the other side of that walled "rat maze".

Don't agree? Watch this video and see if you don't get caught between that sad/pitiful place of laughing out loud and wanting to cry.

Erykah & Tyrone

2007-12-16T12:19:00.000+02:00

Just heard that Ms. Badu is headed to Israel. Yahoo. This has to be her best number.

Rapping it Out

2007-12-15T07:33:00.000+02:00

While living in San Fran, I tutored inner city kids in my spare time. I would go into the "rougher" neighborhoods and help kids hone literacy skills. Reading, comprehension, essay writing..

It was never daunting but the challenges were built-in. Their essays didn't cover "what I did during summer vacation"...their stories were about the homeless man lying in his own urine at the apartment building entrance, living on welfare, dreams of escaping the projects, crime scenes, shoot-outs, gang warfare. . .

"Reaching" a kid or passing on a love of literature was my reward.

I came across this series on VBS.TV. It reminded me of the kids.

Wedding Blues

2007-12-14T10:19:00.000+02:00

This is what happens when the mother-in-law issues the invite...Thanks to my friend "G" in Europe for this one...

Taking a Smoke Break

2007-12-12T11:38:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I rang up an old colleague to get some news industry information. In the throes of home renovation hell for over a year, my friend was "having a moment" when I called.

How's it going?

If one more contractor pulls a no show I'm going to kill myself! There are two, maybe three days left on this job and then we can FINALLY move into the house. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???!!!

To top it off, my husband's way of dealing is to take off for hours without a trace, my father is having an old-age depression breakdown and our family has been living out of suitcases in temporary homes for over a year. This should've been finished 6 months ago. Any day now the woman who has been kind enough to let us stay in her place is gonna tell us to hit the road. I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!

Ummm...Well...Er....Do you smoke pot?

Are you kidding? Five minutes ago. Five times a day. All the time. I hate to think what state I'd be in if I didn't. . . Why? Do you?

Naah. If I did I'd never get anything done. I wouldn't leave the house. I'd sit around eating Dorito's all day.

Well what's wrong with that?

Think about it: All we have in this life is time. Just time. And the meter's running. But we get stressed about building houses and arguments with in-laws and messy divorces...all this CRAP! We're all gonna end up in the same place. So what are we running for and stressing about? Sitting around the house relaxing and eating Dorito's may not be such a bad thing!

Queen of Mean

2007-12-08T10:19:00.000+02:00

Jury for me is really really really out on this comedienne...Most of her stuff's way over the top and all racist, sexist, etc.

But this is a "tame" bit of her schtick..

Paint Jam

2007-12-01T09:12:00.000+02:00

Check it out. Thanks, Elif!

How a One Nighter Shouldn't End

2007-11-27T15:59:00.000+02:00

Blind Via Facebook?

2007-11-23T09:31:00.000+02:00

I found out this week I'm legally blind in one eye. But that's not the topic of this entry. Because the blindness is a "no big whoop" thing because the "legally" part means "according to the books". I see, read and all's good for the most part in that eye; I simply have (very) limited vision; it's not new so I'm already adjusted. Yay.

The cool part of the "blind" revelation is how I found out.

Messing around on Facebook I found an old high school mate/ex-neighbor. We exchanged greetings and caught up; I'll call him "George" (because that's his name). Turns out George graduated Harvard Med School and practices opthamology and specializes in glaucoma in San Francisco.

Hey! I lived in San Francisco! I wrote back. And I have advanced glaucoma!

George asked for details. And wondered why I haven't had surgery.

As luck would have it, I had an appointment with my glaucoma specialist the same week. So I posed George's question to him. And funny thing is, my doc knows George's name from the American Glaucoma Society. They're both members.

And so my doc explains that when I came in to see him the 1st time, I was legally blind then. And he and his glaucoma surgeon colleague (consulted on my case) chose not to operate because they fear a drop in pressure during surgery will kill off remaining live fiber optic nerves.

Mystery solved.

The breakdown:
By way of a childhood classmate from Cincinnati who now lives in San Francisco, a person in Israel who used to live in San Francisco discovered details of her medical condition through another specialist living in Israel who studied in Chicago (Northwestern).

All thanks to and via Facebook. Tres, tres cool. Welcome to the New World.

The Candy Shop

2007-11-19T06:25:00.000+02:00

Let's preface this next one by saying that while I do like some of 50 Cent's stuff - In Da Club, despite the gangster theme, reminds me of an old friend who lovingly addressed me with: Yo, Whassup shorty? - I don't necessarily agree with 50's themes. I certainly don't troll for his material.

This came to me sort of by accident. I was looking for a Bar Refaeli video to put up on another blogsite and came across a video with images of Bar and the music from this video as backdrop.

I listened to the lyrics and knew I had to take a peek.

Listen to the lyrics. 50 definitely has a sense of humor.

Viagra & the Black Market

2007-11-17T08:33:00.000+02:00

If I open my Inbox and find Spam mail there, I am generally not amused.

But I have to hand it to the inexorable hawkers of black market Viagra: They DO NOT cease attempting to cajole into clicking on provided links.

On any given day I average 4-5 messages with eye catching, dramatic subject lines and garbled text containing glowing links which, if clicked, will undoubtedly cast me into Viagra hell and render my computer viral. I "Delete All" and don't give it much thought otherwise.

This week, however, I received a message that made me cluck my tongue and nod appreciatively.

"Even James Bond uses Viagra"

Well done, underworld marketeers. I'll drink a martini to that.

I'm still not clicking.

Rapper's Delight

2007-11-13T20:09:00.000+02:00

Living in Holy Land Central (HLC), you get some way out there Hebrew to English translations sometimes. On menus. Public signs. Or the web. And it can be really really funny. Or unfortunate. I guess it depends upon where you're sitting while taking in the view.

One Tel Aviv wedding/bar mitzvah rapper put up a website, for instance, in an attempt to advertise his wares.

He should have had someone help him choose his URL. Big time.

Click and read the URL.

See what I mean? No wonder Google traffic's a problem.

Revenge

2007-11-12T21:01:00.000+02:00

You know how I'm going through the change and how I wake up every night at all hours?
Well I decided that if I'm awake, he's darned well going to be awake too. I call him at 2 a.m., 4 a.m. - whenever I get up. And then I hang up.

But doesn't he have caller i.d.?

Who cares? Let him know it's me! It makes me feel great!

Menopausal friend sharing her method of revenge against an ex-lover who scammed and then jilted her.

The U.S. in Iraq

2007-11-09T09:20:00.000+02:00

I'm not one of those who supports a U.S. military presence in Iraq.

& IF I had doubts (which I don't), these Reuters pictures further bolstered my stance.

Toilet Treasures

2007-10-14T20:12:00.000+02:00

My friend Jellyfish SMS'd the other day.

The Hotzaah La'Poel people were just here. They say I owe NIS 18,000 ($4500) in taxes. If I don't pay within 48 hours, they say they'll come back and cart me off to jail.

For the non-Holy Land Central (Israel) dwellers, Hotzaah La'Poel is the equivalent of the "Repo Man". They take away your stuff should you fall behind in tax payments, alimony, child support, mortgage payments, etc. No"stuff" to seize? No problem. They'll throw you, the person, in jail instead until a friend or family member pays up on your behalf.

Sh*t man! I SMS'd back. You must be freaking!

My accountant is checking it out. He messages back.

Very calm, I think. Wow. I'd be pretty darned frightened.

A few hours later, Jelly calls.

Guess what, he poses. I'm afraid to guess.

I went to the bank to ask for a loan just in case I really do owe the government the money. And I'm talking to the bank manager. And he says to me: I understand your predicament but why do you think you might need a loan?

To cover the tax debt, I tell him.

But why a loan? he asks me over and over again.

I'm like: He's the bank manager. Is he that thick?

Then he swings the computer monitor around to face me. And I see my bank balance. I have five times the amount I thought I had in my savings account.

DUDE! What's wrong with you? I ask.

How in the hell could you have that much $ in your account and not know about it. Would you PLEASE, for the love of God, invest it or something? Sheesh!

And he tells me it's all because this morning, when he was on cup #4 of coffee, he thought he saw the Virgin Mary's reflection in the toilet bowl. I told him it was too much caffeine. He insists it was an omen.

Damn. I either need to up my caffeine intake or start looking for omens. Damn.

Doubled Over

2007-10-05T05:40:00.000+02:00

For 18 years this is what I've done. I've been Ella* - ABC News producer. I'm not sure what it's going to be like without all this.

On the other hand, my kids are growing up and this is it. You get one shot with them. Pretty soon they won't want me around. So I want to be with them and not have to run off to London or Turkey or a suicide bombing or war.

And let me tell you: things got so bad during the early 2000's that I woke up literally doubled over with stomach pain every morning. I went to specialists and had X-Rays and blood work done. Nada.

Then I visited a gastroenterologist and we got to chatting. And we started talking about my work. I mentioned to him that there wasn't one suicide bombing outside Jerusalem I didn't cover throughout the years. Not one!

I'd get the page or call and have to pry my 6-year-old daughter off me to run to the scene. At bombings I was literally walking through a sea of dead bodies and body parts.

Then I'd get home and all I wanted to do was shower. And my daughter would run and cling to me because she wanted to be with me. And I'd dream about the bombings. Then wake up doubled over.

The doc closed my file and told me: Your problem isn't here in the charts. It's your work. You need to see a psychiatrist.

So I did. And the pain stopped.

Maybe not being a news producer will be a good thing.
**********
Conversation with a recently laid off former colleague

Freak Show

2007-10-01T09:24:00.000+02:00

Clearly someone who has too much time on his hands

Anorexia Campaign

2007-09-29T06:30:00.000+02:00

This is a controversial new ad campaign aimed at stirring awareness around anorexia. What do you think?

American Woman

2007-09-25T00:40:00.001+02:00

Compliments of my friend Karin