A small flaking white house in lost Spain

I have a new hero...

2009-11-04T10:54:00.005+01:00

and her name is Soile Lautsi.

Why you might ask?

Well Soile is a portrait of what Europe and moreover its recent EU status pretends to be. A Finnish-born woman who took advantage of the free mobility offered within the union and decided to settle in sunny and warm northern Italy (might ring a bell to some of you reading this).

In the process of settling down into her new community, she integrated even further and began sending her 2 children to a local public school. Of course, being a caring mother she went to the school to meet the teachers and have a closer look at the place where her children would be spending large parts of their day.

Imagine her surprise when she walked into her children's classroom, looked around and saw...the alphabet on the wall, numbers 1-10, student made posters depicting the seasons and the image of a tortured, bloody dead man.

Wait a minute...

Letters? Right...the children are there to learn to read.
Numbers? Right...that whole mathematics thing that people need to master.
Seasons!? Oh ya, science...discovering the world around them.

Tortured and bloody dead man on a cross???

She asked herself, had she enrolled her kids in a how-to-torture seminar? No

A radical Islamic Madrassa? No

A segregated Opus Dei brainwash camp?

No....she had enrolled her children in a public school in a country that dropped Catholicism as the official state religion back in 1984.

She complained and was unfortunately laughed out of courts in Italy who cited laws dating back to the 20's when Mussolini was goose stepping around the Piazzas. Not to be beaten, she persevered all the way to Italy's constitutional court which also subsequently threw out her case.

Where to go from there? Well, she is an 'EU' citizen, right? Well she took her case all the way to the European Court of Human Rights who ruled, obviously, that state schools had to "observe confessional neutrality". They went on, "The presence of the crucifix could easily be interpreted by pupils of all ages as a religious sign, and they would feel that they were being educated in a school environment bearing the stamp of a given religion ," ordering the Italian state to pay Lautsi €5,000 (£4,476) in damages."

Before nutters go off in the comments, I do want to stress that by insisting on a religion-free classroom, she is not imposing anything. She doesn't want Sharia law, nor is she expressing that private individuals cannot show their faiths (by wearing headscarves, crosses or yamakas), simply that her rights as a minority are respected as well.

Those of us in Spain know how the PSOE love to portray themselves as more 'modern' than the Berlusconi circus, it will be interesting to see if they pay heed to this ruling and do what they should have a long time ago!

I Knew it! Zapatero's a closet S+M freak!

2009-11-01T19:02:00.009+01:00

It's all becoming clearer now. First there was the polemic raised over the official White House photo with the new messiah (Obama), where his daughters were dressed as Goths, and now this.

It seems that old Zappy is really into a little bit of the 'ol "Yes Sir! Thank you very much! May I have another!" No wonder his daughters turned out to be Goths, if he is so into punishment well...monkey see, monkey do.

Before giving the bruises on his knees a chance to heal after fellating the banking sector with public funds, it looks like he has once again assumed the position...this time taking it long and hard from none other than Pope Rat himself! Long and 25 Million Euros hard that is.

Why?

Cause hooray! Hooray! The Pope is coming to town.

Hot on the heels of his sham apology Down Under, next stop for the pedophile circus (AKA World Youth Day) is none other than the Spanish capital, Madrid.

In 2011, not only will there be more pedophiles in Madrid per square meter than in Patpong Thailand, but the state is happily going to foot at least half the bill!

Forget the constant aggressiveness that the Church has shown regarding nearly every move his government has made, let bygones be bygones. A few Hail Marys and a couple of How's your Fathers and all's good and forgotten I suppose.

I mean really, in times of such supposedly severe economic crisis, what better way to spend public funds than to officially invite a pedophile absconder to your country and lay out the red carpet? I'm almost positive that the loyal opposition party won't so much as make a peep regarding this one either.

If they're so into wasting money, well, with 25 Million Euros we could:

- Build at least 3 temples honouring Zeus and Odin

- Send every family in Spain a pair of socks

- Simply give the money to corrupt politicians so they don't have to go through the trouble of stealing it

- One word...more Franco statues (well maybe more than one word)

Any other ideas?

Ahhh, remember when...

2009-10-25T20:10:00.005+01:00

- People used to disappear in the middle of the night?

- The only Moors here were the ones fighting for the Nationalists?

- If you didn't like someone you could claim they were Reds and they would become one of those mentioned above? (and I don't mean Moors)

- Schools were good and Catholic and the nuns could terrorize the kids while the priests kept happy with some touchy feely without pesky suits against them?

Well, if you too hark back to the good 'ol days here in Spain, drop by the main square in Jaraiz de la Vera and ring this fellow's doorbell. I'm sure the reminiscing will be great.

And the Golden Coat Hanger goes to...

2009-10-17T18:08:00.008+02:00

Silence please...as we are about to present the prestigious award that is given out every year.

First given to Pope Urban VIII for his advocacy of the Earth being at the centre of God's universe, this sought after prize has also been given out to illustrious people like J. Edgar Hoover, Pol Pot and Osama Bin Laden. It is of course given out to those who defend true thought in the face of mountains of proof and scientific studies.

This year has been a tough decision. For both our candidates have shown extreme belligerence in the face of overwhelming evidence. One for his tireless fight against those who actually think that the planet's climate is changing and the other for her crusade against public, not-for-profit health care.

The decision was nearly impossible until the tribunal saw them at the head of today's protest in Madrid and realized that really they are one and the same person. One with a moustache and the other with a face full of botox.

So, after great deliberation, it was decided to present the sometimes bloody award to both.

Ladies and Gentlemen, today's winners of the Golden Coat Hanger are...

The recipients at the awards ceremony

Thought for a Sunday Returns

2009-10-11T11:03:00.002+02:00

It's been awhile since I published a Thought for a Sunday piece, but after being woken up this morning by the bloody clanging church bells, I thought I would start up once again.

I almost feel guilty using the following clip...almost that is. I mean not all believers are so completely and utterly warped and irrational as Bill O'Reilly, nor are all unbelievers as eloquent and well spoken as Richard Dawkins, but I suppose we have to start somewhere.

Enjoy

A Question of Civics

2009-10-08T09:00:00.000+02:00

OK, while I'm not a dog owner, I'm also not any kind of dog hater. I can pet 'em with the best of them and don't mind a game or 2 of fetch but am at a complete loss at how many behave when it comes to their dogs.

Walking home from work this evening a door opened a crack on the street. Just enough so that little Rover could sneak out, take a shit on the front step of the house opposite and then skirt back in.

Then I asked myself, "What the hell was that!?"

I mean does this person really think that because they only opened the door a crack that no one will see? Christ, I was tempted to walk up, take a piss on their door and then ring the doorbell midstream! "Hi there! Mind if I relieve myself on your door? Good thing number 2 wasn't calling, eh!?"

Is there some sort of defense for this behaviour that I am missing? I'm sure that responsible dog owners will comment, saying that they clean up after their canine friend...and I do believe them. Here in Spain, I see ever growing numbers of civic minded people with their little plastic bags in hand, but what about the others?

I really would like to hear some sort of rational beyond the simple FUCK YOU WORLD that it seems to me?

Congratulations Greece

2009-10-06T07:05:00.000+02:00

Just a quick note to give my congrats to Greece for voting out the Right and for not falling into the trap that so many seem to be eagerly swallowing. As we all know, Europe is swinging to the Right and hard. Completely understandable of course when it is so very fucking clear that bankers and laissez faire right-wing robbery has got us where we are today.

Oh, and I'd also like to welcome the Greek who somehow got to my blog by typing in greek+teen+homemade+fuck. Hope it didn't disappoint!

Maybe the Pope's Divine Email is Down?

2009-10-05T08:47:00.004+02:00

Multiple choice question here today.

Who said the following:

"Africa is at risk of the virus of religious fundamentalism spreading and also has been afflicted by materialism – the "toxic spiritual garbage" exported by developed countries."

A) Hugo Chavez
B) Obama
C) Richard Dawkins
D) The Pope

If you answered A, you would have done so by using a rational process. By keeping the man and his ideology in mind, it would be natural to come to this conclusion.

If you answered B, once again you would have done so using logic. Here is a president who must talk about terrorists and fundamentalists to get on the nightly news.

If you chose C, you would have surely done so by taking into account the fact that this man is an evolutionary scientist who has written a book called 'The God Delusion.' Again, as Spock would have said...logical.

Now, if you had for some reason marked down D... The only logical possibility would be because you had read the title of this post and therefore drew a conclusion. Otherwise where would the sense be in a man with a penchant for Prada shoes who preaches against condom use in the fight against AIDS simply because he feels a bronze-age book tells him to do so against all scientific proof (fundamentalism anyone?) and who proselytizes his Roman faith at every chance he gets (toxic spiritual garbage from the developing world anyone?), saying the above?

Divine and Infallible?

Well, D is the answer and like I said, I think either his email is down or the Holy Spirit is holidaying in Mallorca.

Move your Seat up Man!

2009-10-04T21:29:00.003+02:00

A bus ride from Madrid to Caceres over here.

Get the Fuck out of your Car!

2009-09-22T23:07:00.003+02:00

It's World Car Free day and the same geniuses here in Caceres who paint little bicycles on roads that can't even fit 2 cars in the first place then call it a bike lane have decided to cancel planned celebrations because at the moment it would be too inconvenient!?

That's right, Zappy's little plan E has the streets all torn up and therefore closing off certain streets would simply inconvenience drivers too much.

Well...THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!

But I am not going to go off on a rant today as it was done much better here.

The Interview Nazi's Question List

2009-09-17T21:09:00.011+02:00

My First Candidate

A strange twist of fate, mixed with a dash of squeamish irony has me taking off my child-hating teacher cap for a moment next Monday and will see me donning that of a responsible interviewer extraordinaire (have to admit I added that last bit).

Yes that's right, those of you out there who can't believe that a creep like me can actually be put in front of groups of cherubs will be appalled to know that I have actually been put in charge of hiring another teacher for Young Learners!

An ad has been put out there (true story if you're looking for a job) looking for a diligent 'teacher' who won't mind being bitten by 3 year old kids expressing their frustration with the freak in front of them speaking in a foreign tongue.

Native speakers of course would be preferred, but as the beach is further away from us than a flight from London to Malaga, not to mention the scant hours offered, few (read:none) have applied. I have called several non-natives who emailed C.V's though , ranging from a very pommy sounding Austrian, an extremely pleasant Bulgarian girl, 3 Spanish girls who said the job was too far from their house (uhh, why the fuck did you apply in the first place!) and several others who effectively hid their fear when I mentioned that one of their students might be as young as 2.

My next step is to formulate my interview questions, a Machiavellian task that I was hoping some of you out there could help me with. I'm thinking a broad range questions covering the TEFL spectrum would be nice. From Humanistic questions (think: What does the colour blue smell like to you?) to Dogmeish versions (Can you cope if the photocopier breaks?) onto Grammar ballbreakers (When do we use the subjunctive in English?).

Here's my provisional list:

- Do you have any serious allergies or would the sight of 13 runny noses make you nauseous?

- Have you ever spent more than a week hanging around Cambodian orphanages?

- When I say the word 'photocopy', does it make you very happy?

- When I say we don't have a photocopier, does that make you sad?

- Imagine this situation, you are writing something on the board then turn to face the class and find that one child has eaten his partner's ponytail, what would you do?

- Imagine a similar situation to the one above, but upon turning around, half your class is missing?

- Does the expression "under the table" mean anything to you?

- Can you work through a hangover? We don't have enough staff to cover for you.

- Are you so sweaty because of nerves?

- I take it you are particularly fond of that perfume/cologne that is burning my eyes?

- I can see here that it took you 9 years to finish your degree. Did you walk to school?

- Do you dislike kids as much as me?

- And last but not least, do you find it as hard to believe as I do that unqualified people are allowed to teach kids and no one really cares?

Ideas?

12-steps to Loving Kids Classes

2009-09-11T21:35:00.010+02:00

Pencil Stabbings, bathroom emergencies, needless screaming, table carving, irate parents, runny noses, blank stares, twitchy movements from the spaz in the corner....ahhh, the beauty of a classroom full of kids.

Fed up with your boss? Want to get out and see the world? Why not teach English?

In Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, Japan, China, Taiwan, Turkey, Greece, Italy, here in Spain, in fact just about anywhere, someone out there is dying to give you a job!

Criminal record? No problem! No qualifications? No worries! No one cares!

In most cases, all you have to do is learn to love kids.

Love kids you say?

Yes, that's right! All over the world, academies will hire someone like you with absolutely no qualifications or training and allow you to be in a room alone, with large groups of kids.

With varying degrees of clarity, your 'contract' will tell you in very opaque terms just who you're going to be teaching. 16 years old or 6, what's the difference, none of them can vote! With our 12 step program, we'll get you through the day and to the local watering hole for that memory erasing relaxer.

But of course these 12 steps aren't only for the newly-minted TEFL-Knight, these are also for those of you who find yourselves standing in front of the little pricks day in and day out, constantly scanning the wanted ads on TEFL.com and wondering what exactly would happen if you just disappeared tomorrow.

So whether you're running away from a student loan, blown your return ticket on Beer Lao or simply have nowhere else to go and need to teach kids in order to buy the next meal, these 12 jewels will turn all of those piercing screams into Celine Dionish warbles.

Repeat after me, as many times as it takes...

We admit we are powerless over the brats—that our classes have become unmanageable but as long as no one is complaining, do as little as possible and if someone peeks in, start singing the alphabet.
Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Having a few drinks before class really isn't a bad thing, is it? In fact one of the little darlings might say your breath smells just like Daddy's.
Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of St. Arnold from Different Strokes (our patron saint). Remember, he was a handful, but in the end oh so funny. His guiding hand will help you clean the shit dripping down little Jorge's leg.
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Yes, those young teen girls do look nice in their short skirts. Looking is good, touching is bad.
Admit to St. Arnold, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Admit that the little rascals provoke a physically revulsion inside us and yet the teens another physical response. They too may feel the same way as you and may show you the DVD collection they picked up in Bangkok.
To be entirely ready to have St. Arnold remove all these defects of character or at least that nervous tick that you seem to have picked up since being foisted with a group of 4 year olds.
Humbly ask St.Arnold to remove our shortcomings and if not that, at least remove that little shit who always seems to smell like a bathroom accident from your class.
Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and then quickly burn it. Worst case scenario you can always blame the kid who can't speak yet.
Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Which of course means, all the time.
Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it or once again, you can always blame the mute kid.
Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with St.Arnold, praying only for knowledge and a way to make those 60 minutes of class time just go a whole fucking lot faster!
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps and hope that the new swine flu shuts the school down for the rest of the year with pay!

Billy Goat Gruff's 12-step Program for Kid Haters

2009-09-07T22:52:00.009+02:00

Our Patron Saint

You're afraid to open your eyes.

...The last thing you remember seeing is one of your lovely little pupils plunging his pencil into his partner's back, you heard a scream but can't tell if it was simply out of shock or in fact serious pain...

Where to go from here? Eyes closed, think....The pencil wielder is the boss' best friend's son who obviously can do no wrong (in fact you've been specifically told this on more than one occasion), the victim or maybe even instigator, is the son of that crazy over-make-uped bitch who continuously asks you why her 5 year old son isn't asking her questions yet in English, when he receives 2 hours of lessons a week. Come to think of it, I actually think she has fangs.

...eyes closed just a little while longer, the screaming continues but is still undefinable...Think they can hear in the next classroom?

Options?

-Keep eyes closed, no one will notice and it will go away.... No, that's not going to work, 3 little hands are already pulling on your shirt.

-Pretend the little rascal was playing and fell on an upright pencil? Nope, hardly believable...The unstable bookcase and rickety chairs maybe, but upright pencils are hard enough in magic shows.

-Accept all responsibility and serious reflect on my teaching as it is obviously my class planning that led the little darling to assault his partner? No, now that's total shit.

-Grab the little bastard and flay his ass...Hmmm, nope, they stopped giving wine to prisoners here in Spain a ways back...

But wait! Instead of asking "What am I going to do?", I should be asking, "How the fuck did I get here and WHY am I surrounded by 15 snotty little brats!? I have absolutely no qualifications for this and I freaking Hate kids!"

What's that you say!? Hate KIDS!? Impossible!

But if indeed this is true and those around you look at you like you are the devil incarnate for not finding joy in the shrieking, illness prone little monkeys. Stay tuned, for I have a 12-step program for you!

Help! I'm Trapped in an Online Oprah Winfrey Show!

2009-09-06T19:45:00.007+02:00

I've gone and done it.

The child friendly fascists are calling for my head. Here I thought it would be the religious zealots that came for me first, but no, the Kids 'R King brigade has come to string me up first.

In addition to my recent September Teaching Kids Rant, I also posted over on an English Teacher's community site regarding my wish for a no-nonsense, idiot proof, no-prep coursebook for Young Learners to help me get through the pain that is teaching children (for me).

Suddenly my vocation as a teacher was being called into question simply because...dare I say it...I DON'T LIKE KIDS!

The Shame!

Imagine...someone trained to teach adults not wanting, nor feeling qualified to teach rats? Surely they must be a pedophile, no?

The original post can be found here and there in the comment section you can see where I'm suddenly pulled onto the couch with a Dr. Phil telling me how wrong I am for not loving the little bastards...bad Troy...bad bad bad Troy. The feel-good talk was then taken over to our do-gooder's blog over here where more crispy nuggets of wisdom were thrown my way.

Christ am I glad I'm not exposed to this sugary feel good crap very often, gives me more gas than a Coca-Cola.

* Postscript to all this. It appears things have been cleared up...check the comment section in the above linked post. Perhaps fascists was a bit strong, but I will stick with Rats...

September Teaching Kids Rant

2009-09-06T12:33:00.002+02:00

Well it's that time of year once again, the dog days of August are gone yet the temperature still hangs over 30. No complaints here though due to the weather, the longer it hangs on, the less bloody cold we have to suffer in my climactic refugee books.

That said, each day less and less light fills the sky and my body instinctively begins to fret. Gone though are my fears of winter, those have been replaced by the fear of Bozo the English Teaching Clown's return. For it looks as though the mortgage monster will once again force me to do battle with the forces of evil for yet another year.

Every year I tell myself that this will be the last, and every year I find myself dropping to my knees and assuming the position to the classes offered. Ask around to the other academies and the answer is always the same, "If you want to work here, you've got to teach Young Learners."

So here we are once again, October is just around the corner and June 2010 seems as far off as the next solar system.

This year however, I have decided to be a bit proactive and reduce the pain. The woman I work with has always insisted that coursebooks reduce the 'fun' that our learners have in class. When adults are concerned, I completely agree, however with kids...bullshit. I can bring in interesting articles that I read to class with adults, with kids? Can't say the Very Hungry Caterpillar is on my regular reading list.

I've asked over on another blogsite, but I'm asking all of you out there who suffer through the same torture as I, what books are you using with kids that aren't absolute crap?

May your struggle be as painless as possible and may the complaining parents take down your number wrong.

Did She Say Jehovah?

2009-08-31T19:59:00.004+02:00

What a way to ruin an afternoon on the eve of my much anticipated return to work!

Here I was sweating out the afternoon reading Byron's "Road to Oxiana" drinking a rather lovely homemade wine from the Sierra de Gata when the bloody doorbell rang.

Under normal circumstances I would consider not even answering the door, but today I got up.

"Who is it?"

"Oh, just some neighours saying hello."

- Right, neighbours saying hello...I know all of my neighbours and this voice sounded strange, but whatever, I answered the door.

"Hi, we're Jehovah's Witnesses, would you mind if we dropped off a little information?"

Suddenly I knew what a bull felt like in the ring, that bloody red cape was causing all of this...anger...

"Neighbours you say!? Where the hell do you live!? Never seen you around...not very neighbourly coming 'round to tell me my whole belief system is wrong now, is it? Where the fuck do you live? Come on, tell me! Why don't I come over and tell you that I don't like the way your house looks, the colour's all wrong? While we're at it, that outfit is brutal, you look like a bloated plastic bag that has been rotting in the dump for years."

"Well...well, we never said we were neighbours, just saying hello..."

"...and besides what gives you the right to bother me in my house!?"

Admittedly this was followed by rather aggressive gestures, but Spanish Jehovah's seem a bit less brazen than others I have encountered around the world and these seemed to want to back away rather than convert an obviously instable freak, and back away they did...

I guess my outburst was a bit over the top, as my North African neighbours popped their heads out to see what was happening. As they were about to ring their doorbell, I let them know, in Arabic, that they were heathens...infidels, and not to answer the door.

Then I saw them walking up the street and trying out their lie on other neighbours that I do know, so I kindly followed them shouting all along that they were not neighbours, but fucking missionaries!

Guess they didn't make any God points in this street, and I may have earned myself a broken window...but at least I had forgotten about tomorrow.

Breaking Down Gender Stereotypes

2009-08-18T00:13:00.003+02:00

Once again the outdated walls of gender bias are coming crashing down here in Spain.

First there was Zapatero's little cabinet stunt with more women than men and now this...

Walked into my favourite discount supermarket (where a litre of beer happens to cost about 0.56€) and what surprise was I met with?

A man working the till...

Take that all of those who dare say that Spain is behind in gender laws.

What do...

2009-08-13T19:10:00.002+02:00

...virgins and used condoms have in common?

Sound like a knock-knock joke?

Something similar, click here.

Friendly Reminder

2009-08-09T13:23:00.004+02:00

Traveling through the lost but beautiful region of the Sierra de Gata here in Extremadura, I came across this handy reminder in the little town of Acebo. Emblazoned on the side of the town's church a friendly little reminder whose side they were on.

Summertime

2009-08-06T19:02:00.010+02:00

August and life is on pause.

Well, not entirely, seems that I'm still getting up ridiculously early but now rather than facing the blank faces of students, I am dealing with surly bus drivers working the milk routes of Northern Extremadura.

I'm falling for all this talk of the "crisis" and am holidaying locally, traveling deeper than further (or at least using it as an excuse rather than the broke truth). Not such a bad idea really, especially when you live in a country that everyone seems to want to visit but it leaves little time to catch up with summer events.

While doing so I have once again noticed some differences between the ways Spaniards do things and the ways I would do them. True, it's never good to generalize, but there are indeed certain things that some groups of people tend to do more than others.

Case in point: swimming and eating

Anyone who has lived in Spain for longer than a year or so must surely have heard of the dreaded 'corte de digestion'. Literally this translates as a cut in the digestion process and is often described in the most painful of terms. I have often been regaled with stories of distant relatives who literally died from eating too much Tortilla de Patata or who spent time in hospital for eating one too many fillets.

So with this in mind, as I was sitting alongside some of the lovely natural swimming pools up in the Sierra de Gata, I seriously empathized with sad-faced children who were forced to wait 2 hours after eating before they could swim again. Not only did I empathize under the brutal 40º summer sun, but was asked not to swim myself in order to set an example.

I'm all for respecting local norms, taking shoes off before entering houses, not touching Buddhist kids on the head or even wearing appropriate clothes in certain places, but when forced to comply with old wives' tales my patience thins a bit.

Wonder how many more toes I can step on this summer? Be back full time come September.

Atheists in the Great White North

2009-07-12T18:00:00.005+02:00

Looks like Canada has something else to be proud of these days, of course if we forget their currently elected retard that is. Religious fundamentalists can now forget their put on outrage that he pocketed one of their cookies for later (see above) and focus on more a serious assault on their freedom to believe in fairies.

What assault you may ask?

The most heinous assault to those who gleefully profess blind faith and expect others to do the same...

...the assault of questioning!

The Supreme Court of Canada has overturned a ridiculous previous reading that prohibited Atheist Organizations from running ads questioning the existence of supreme celestial dictators on the sides of buses.

Imagine the offense the devout will now face as they board buses that read, "There’s probably no god, now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

I have to say that I think it's a little unimaginative of the Canadian groups to use the exact words that were used on buses in the U.K.

I was thinking something more along the lines of, "My God has more superpowers than yours!"

Holy Corn Ears Batman!

2009-07-03T07:29:00.000+02:00

Drivers through the Midwest and beyond must be getting a little relief from the endless expanse these days, or at least those driving Highway 95.

The American Humanist Association has started putting up billboards around the state reading, "Want a better world? Prayer not required."

This was their second attempt as apparently the predecessor, "Don't believe in God? You are not alone" was deemed a little too controversial.

Perhaps those thinking it was in bad taste have missed billboards like the one below that dot the roads of America. Talk about controversial?

Happy Canada Day! Who's the Old Bat? #2

2009-07-01T22:00:00.002+02:00

Call it lazy, but I'm repeating last year's Canada day post. Kinda like watching the same movie every Christmas. If you've read it before, click over here for something else to cheer about.

The fireworks are set, the beer is chilling and hopefully the snow isn't flying. As you get ready to celebrate your national day and possibly take part in that truly Canadian tradition of pondering, "What does it mean to be Canadian?" A good question, and one that should be reflected upon often and critically at that. A question that can have many answers, depending on who you are, but one that doesn't have this one answer: British

Yes, Canada was a colony and historically has links to the U.K, but if the British want to revel in a modern day, absurd, anachronism such as a monarchy, it is their choice. One that actually costs them around 150 million pounds a year. Why on earth would a country as racially integrated as Canada want to continue with such an elitist system defies logic. A country that welcomes anyone under the pretext of being equal is in fact ruled by a privileged family that lives in another country and thus the newly arrived immigrant nor their offspring, nor someone born in Canada can ever aspire to be head of state in their country. A fine welcome indeed.

What is not often thought of though is the real and ultimate threat that the link to a foreign power having a foreign queen can actually lead Canada into. We only have to look back to the Iraq war for a case in point. A turning point in the history of Canada where they were able to say no to their strong neighbours to the south and refuse to participate in an illegal war. The irony in their decision though was that their head of state, the Queen of England, actually gave her blessing to the illegal war and later bungled occupation. If the world ever gets around to trying injustice in international court, will Canadians be forced to stand trial for the decision of a foreign leader?

Monarchist apologists often use the lame excuse that if the monarchy is done away with, then there will be nothing left to distinguish Canada from its neighbour to the south. An argument like this doesn't even merit a response as it is so utterly insulting, a semi-socialized medical system would be a far better argument, or perhaps the country's non-bellicose past.

Which leaves us with the last gasp comment by feeble-minded monarchists who pine for the days of white-rule and colonial ways. Somehow, they state, a Queen can protect the country from evil-doing Prime Ministers. The mass protests in the U.K before the Iraqi war aside, how is it that an unelected head of state can protect a country from a supposedly democratically elected Prime Minister? The conundrum confounds really.

So enjoy the fireworks and for the moment we'll forget the travesty of your current Prime Minister combined with possibly one of the world's greatest environmental disasters and drink a toast to the forthcoming Canadian, Australian and Kiwi republics!

Classroom Epiphany #31

2009-06-29T07:17:00.001+02:00

June's now coming to an end...last classes for some, the beginning for others. My 'last classes' start at 9am, is that too early to take them to the bar?

Teens aren't as Dumb as we Think!

2009-06-28T17:26:00.003+02:00

Nearly two thirds of teenagers don't believe in God, according to a study by Penguin books.

Makes you wonder what happens to people as they age, doesn't it?