Write around the corner

Movie trials

2019-01-02T01:50:00.000-05:00

There was a time when my husband and I were regular movie cinema goers. For obvious reasons, since my son's birth there have been only a few occasions when we have gone to the theater to watch a film. Feeling that the time spent was worth it has become quite important for me. Recently, we came out of the movie hall in the intermission of the newly released film, K.G.F. While we saw its Tamil-dubbed version, it was still possible for me to understand the film overall because the story was so standard fare. Practically every scene was dark and had multitudes of goons belonging to different gangs, who finally were easily getting beaten by the hero. However, I am hearing that despite the redundancy, K.G.F. has become a success even in its dubbed Hindi version.

Another film that I saw in the theater to have disheartened me last year was Mani Ratnam's Chekka Chivantha Vaanam (meaning the crimson red sky). Boasting of a stellar cast of Aravind Swamy, Jyothika, Vijay Sethupathi, Simbu, and Prakash Raj, the movie was interesting in its first half, leaving me guessing which of the three brothers was responsible for ordering the attack on their father, a don's life to inherit the empire after him. However, post interval the film lost its intrigue, and the ending seemed to be as if Mani Ratnam and his co-writer did not know how to close the movie. I found it even comical, though I am sure that was not the director's intent, so much so that it diluted whatever impact Chekka Chivantha Vaanam had initially registered.

My movie trials are far from over even watching a film together with my husband at home. At the end of a tiring day, if it is not able to hold my attention, I end up falling asleep even if I am the one to have selected the film. Therefore, it was a pleasant surprise to watch Andhadhun on Netflix on Christmas. We could not see it in one shot as our son woke up after his afternoon nap. However, despite the breaks, the movie did not lose its flow for me.

The story line of Andhadhun is that a blind piano player, Akash (Ayushman Khurana), becomes an "eye witness" to the murder of an aging film star. Akash had been invited by the film star to give a private concert to his wife Simi on their wedding anniversary. While Akash is giving his musical performance, Simi is disposing off the film star's body with the help of her lover. In the events that follow both the witness and murderers make all possible efforts to protect themselves. These situations are thrilling, scary, and even funny occasionally.

After a long time, I felt completely invested in a film. I would recommend anybody who has not yet watched Andhadhun to definitely see it. Considering that I have such high standards these days, you will not be left disappointed.

(Photo source: all are official movie posters)

Season to be Hopeful

2018-12-27T23:38:00.003-05:00

Recently, I got to know that Prof. Aditi Simha, a faculty at the Department of Physics, IIT Madras passed away. I had worked in the same department and seen her many times in the corridors, but never had the chance to talk to her. Still the news was shocking as she was young. It is being said that she committed suicide by consuming some poisonous fruits taken from the campus. I am reading online that Prof. Aditi Simha was depressed related to personal problems, which might have prompted her to take her own life. However, I am unaware for how long she was battling depression.

Life can indeed be harsh and hard. In the current times, what with Facebook and Instagram, everyone's life seems to be an open book. It looks like all our friends are always travelling, eating great food, and having fun. This facade would make anyone going through a low point in his/her life feel hesitant to approach even someone they have known since childhood.

When things are troublesome, we must remind ourselves that no one can say that he or she has never had to struggle. Even for stepping into this world we have to wriggle our way out. How many times babies push themselves up when first learning to simply raise their bodies. As I watch my son grow, I see how in a desire to walk, run, and jump there is no fear of falling and he is willing to repeat the same exercise countless times with the same level of excitement and without tiredness.

If you will simply look around, then you will find someone facing a greater ordeal than you. I travel by local train sometimes to get to my office. Indeed I only have to step on to the railway station to see poverty and the sorry state of some people's lives to know how much more I have. At the same time, I also come across men and women trying to make an honest living despite their unfortunate circumstances. When a blind man in return for buying only ten rupees of chikki (a sweet made of peanuts and jaggery) says "God bless you", I realize how much more I should be thankful.

Our God is full of mercy and grace. From the time of our birth He has given us the inner strength to face our life's challenges. The proof of God's love for us is His great sacrifice of sending His only begotten Son to save us. Let this Christmas season be not only about being joyful but also hopeful. Believe that however difficult the times may be, He will hear us. Know that He is always with us, even if no one else is. So hold on and do not let go.

(Photo source: www.angels-ad-pbb.com)

My Comeback

2018-12-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

There is something about year endings that pushes me to want to make a change. Way back in 2012 when I was in the US, it got me to start this blog. Now that 2018 is coming to a close, I am once again in contemplation mode.

Looking back, although it was not a deliberate move, I stopped writing some time beginning of September 2015 when I found I was pregnant. From then on life became quite different. I would become tired, emotional, irritated, and absentminded (occasionally). After a point, sleeping comfortably was a challenge. Amidst all this, our house was flooded twice during the heavy Chennai rains in 2015. In the last three months before the due date, the focus was on keeping active and preparing for the new member of the family.

My little bundle of joy arrived in April 2016. Since then things got busier in a way that I hadn't imagined despite all the "What to Expect" series of books that I had read. However, the craziness is worth it because it comes with these countless moments of joy.

My days are quite tied up as I am also working in a company. We have a six day week, and Sunday just flies away doing some household chores. My me time is now limited to watching videos at night for a couple of hours if I have the energy, but it is not satisfying. The movies, serials, and reality shows are all just too predictable or have disappointing endings.

I am feeling the need to do something that will make me more happy and the time spent more meaningful. Having refreshed my memories by going through some of my older posts, I am hoping that writing will do this for me.

Therefore, just as it is said for film actresses returning to the screen after a long hiatus, here I am, making a "comeback". So wish me good luck.

(Photo source: steemit.com)

Satyamev Jayate (8): Rupaiyya… song

2015-08-15T11:05:00.002-04:00

Babul pyaare, sajan, sakha re

Sun o meri maiyya

Bojh nahi main kisi ke sar ka

Na majhdhar mein naiyya

Patwaar banoongi, lehron se ladoongi

Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

Ho… Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

Kal baba ki ungli ko thaame chali thi

Kal baba ki laathi bhi ban jaaongi

Amma tere gharonde ki chidiya hoon main

Daana lekar hi waapas ghar aaoongi

Jiski fitrat mein hairat samaayi nahi

Jisko daulat se jyaada main bhaayi nahi

Aise saajan ki mujhko zaroorat nahi

Na kehne ka sunlo mahurat yahi

Akeli chaloongi, kismet se miloongi

Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

Ho… Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

Dil se dil ke taar toh jude nahi

Toh rasmon main daulat yeh kaahe bahe?

Hum toh pyar ki khwaish mein rishte bune

Toh rishton mein laalach hum kaahe sahe?

Kya shaadi ke aage zindagi hi nahi?

Jo shaadi hisaabon ki keval hai bahi

Aisi shaadi ki mujhko zaroot nah

Na kehne ka sunlo mahurat yahi

Subah si khiloongi, ratiya si bharoongi

Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

Ho… Arrey mujhe kya bechega rupaiyya!

The above song Rupaiyya… was played live at the end of Episode 3 of Satyamev Jayate, which tackled the issue of dowry in Indian weddings. This song has been composed by Ram Sampath, written by Swanand Kirkire and sung by Sona Mohapatra. The lyrics translate like this…

Dear father, my beloved, my friend

Hear oh my mother

A burden I am not on anyone's head

Neither is my boat in the stream's mid

A rudder I will become, the waves will I confront

How can money sell me!

Yesterday holding my father's finger I had walked

Tomorrow I will become his walking stick

Mother, I am your nest's bird

When returning home, food I will surely bring

In who's nature baffling us did not fit

Who did not like me more than wealth

Of such a lover I have no need

To say "no" this is the appointed time, pay heed

Walk I will as a loner, my destiny will I encounter

How can money sell me!

The heart to heart strings never did connect

Then for customs why is this wealth being spent?

In the desire of love, relations we knit

Then in relations why greed should we accept?

Beyond marriage is there no life?

A marriage which by keeping accounts only drifts

Of such a marriage I have no need

To say "no" this is the appointed time, pay heed

Like morning I will bloom, like night will I loom

How can money sell me!

Satyamev Jayate (7): Episode 3 Big Fat Indian Wedding

2015-08-09T01:41:00.002-04:00

I know I am lagging way behind in my writings on Satyamev Jayate considering the progress that it has made by completing three seasons. But I guess it is never too late to talk about something important. So instead of giving up, I am choosing to continuing to go on.

Theme of the episode
In this episode the audience was specially comprised of men and women considered to be of marriageable age. Calling weddings as the national passion of India, host Aamir Khan involved the youngsters by asking them about their wedding plans. If a boy wants to arrive at the venue in a helicopter, then a girl knows for sure what she will wear during her marriage ceremony and later at her reception. But not all such dream weddings lead to happy endings.

Stories
We are first told of Komal, a resident of Delhi, whose marriage was fixed by her parents. While everything was nice in the beginning, as the date of the wedding approached the boys family started demanding dowry, which her parents agreed to give. On the day of the wedding itself while Komal was on the stage and the guests had arrived they asked for gold chain as a gift. After the marriage the demands escalated to funding her husband's trip to US and furniture for the home there. In US Komal was mistreated, assaulted, and deprived of her basic rights of even food when she refused to ask her parents to transfer the deeds of their home in her husband's name. Finally her husband locked her in their home without food to eat, water to drink and electricity to keep warm from the snow outside. In desperation she called a women's shelter who then covered her medical expenses and helped her to call her parents. In hindsight Komal's parents have realised that they should never have met any of the demands made by the boy and his family.

Nishana, well educated with a Ph.D., was a lecturer in a college in Madurai. Though married into a well-off family, nearly 820 g of gold and one lakh rupees in cash had to be given as part of the dowry. After the wedding a demand for a car was made. Later the in-laws and her husband started finding fault in her appearance and forced her to undergo plastic surgery. All this affected her negatively and pushed her to commit suicide.

Paramjeet Kaur's marriage was arranged in Punjab to a boy who was about to leave for Australia for his studies. In this process her parents were made to pay for his fees and tickets. Though originally she was supposed to join him there, he eventually left her behind within a week of their wedding. At her in-laws house she was continually ill-treated and insulted, not given any freedom and asked to bring in more money. Then one fine day they threw her out of the house. At the time of the episode telecast it had been three years since her husband has not returned back. Instead through his uncle's intervention he was asking for divorce over the internet.

The cause
When a girl's parents agree to spend lavishly for the wedding and give dowry, they do so thinking it is for their daughter's happiness. They worry that if the marriage falls apart then the society will look down on them. The fancy trends followed by the rich seep into the lives of the poor too, who also go beyond their means and take loans to to meet the needs of the rituals and celebrations.

The effect
In the episode the story of Santosh Kumar and Ruby Devi is also narrated. In order to circumvent the problem of paying dowry Ruby Devi's father kidnapped Santosh Kumar in whom he found a suitable groom and forced him into marrying his daughter. It is a surprise that despite such unusual circumstances their marriage turned out to be a success.

Turning it around
We are told that the group Tanzeem Khudaam E Millat has started the tradition of "no band, no baraat (groom's wedding procession), no dowry" during weddings. As part of the festivities only juice and water are served whether the involved families are rich or poor. Mr. Ummedi from the this group told that in Burhanpur which follows this model not one girl has been burnt in 60 years over the issue of dowry.

Finally Rani Tripathi was invited on the stage and her bravado was brought into limelight. Like other girls whose story we heard in the episode, her wedding was fixed and similarly at the heels of the marriage the soon to be in-laws demanded a car. On hearing this she was angered and decided to not accept things lying down. Rani along with her brothers and parents did a sting operation on the in-laws. The recorded video shockingly caught the guilty party shouting with arrogance and demanding for car and money. Interestingly when this video was telecast on tv many people came out in support of her and men sought her for marriage for her gutsy nature, which is how she met her husband.

Action
Before winding the episode Aamir Khan asked the audience of their views after hearing everything. A sea change occurred in the thinking of the girl who at the start of the episode knew perfectly how her wedding would be. Very wisely she said that she'd come to the conclusion that she'd rather have a simple and lasting marriage over an elaborate wedding. She added that if the couple still wanted something fancy then they should do it from their own money and not of the parents'. Aamir Khan ended by saying that we should aim to prepare our children for their entire lives instead of being consumed by the desire to achieve one perfect day.

My comments
I have an indirect connection with this theme. I had a classmate in school, Amit Goyal. I remember him as a brilliant student, loved by the teachers, friends with everyone and yet without arrogance. Everybody knew he would become something in life. But that was not to be. One day when I was in Class 4th I reached my classroom room to learn that he had died. His mother who was being harassed for dowry could not take it any longer. She put her son to sleep and then set him and herself on fire. Neither survived.

I have lived a major portion of my life in Delhi. The weddings there were grand. On some occasions there would be week-long pre-wedding celebrations like sangeet (music and dance night) and mehndi (henna design). The food spread was always lavish. There would also be separate elaborate counters for chaat (all kinds of savouries), desserts and drinks. The clothes worn by the bride and groom were gorgeous. I have heard of occasions where parents have travelled to other cities like Jaipur and Lucknow to get specially designed dresses made. But the expenses however do not end with the marriage and reception. I have heard of traditions in which during the first year of marriage at each and every festival (holy, diwali, christmas, new year, etc) the girl's parents must give gifts to the boy and his family. One of my friends who was going to get married was excited at the prospect of shopping for an all new wardrobe as the custom is that the bride is not supposed to bring with her any of her old clothes.

One point where I felt this episode of Satyamev Jayate lacked was in discussing the history behind dowry. Questions like when did giving dowry become a part of weddings, why was it made a part in the first place and when did it change to becoming a matter of show should have been discussed. I am sure there are researchers who must have studied this.

The reason the system of dowry continues is that we have accepted it. In the hit movie 2 States released last year, Ananya (Alia Bhatt) is visiting her boyfriend Kirsh (Arjun Kapoor) in Delhi when they go to attend a wedding. Just before the rituals can begin the groom's parents demand a bigger car than they are being gifted. To arrange for the equivalent money all the relatives start chipping in, the women by giving their jewellery. Then Ananya decides to intervene and has a chat with the groom. She makes him realise how lucky he is to have found a lovely and smart wife who is better than him and so he should settle for the small car and get married. The groom finally finds his voice and does exactly that. In the movie Ananya is applauded for this act as she is able to save the day. But isn't this giving a wrong message? After all the groom still took the small car as a "gift". Don't you think Ananya should have instead talked to the bride and asked her to walk out? Could she guarantee that after the marriage this groom would manage to take a stand against his family in the secure confines of their home?

Rani Tripathi's sting operation video showed how the demands of the in-laws are sometimes not even made subtly, but with screaming. They feel that as they have invested a lot for their son (education, career, etc) who will now be taking care of his wife they deserve what they are asking for, that it is their right. The sons who either themselves want to benefit from this situation or are controlled by their parents, do not raise any opposition. Though it is in the presence of God that the vows are taken and the wedding ceremony is performed, such men and women definitely do not fear Him. Clearly their sight is fixed on all that is worldly. But this not what the Lord wants us to go for. In Matthew Chapter 6, Jesus Christ tells us:

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things[a] shall be added to you.

[a] such as food, clothes, money, necessities of life, etc.

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(Image source: http://stjohns-dc.org/worship/baptisms/)

Papanasam

2015-08-01T06:27:00.003-04:00

Remade in Tamil from a Malayam film Drishyam, Papanasam stars Kamal Haasan, Gauthami and Asha Sharath. After a long time I found a movie with no frills managing to keep me gripped solely on the strength of its story and acting.

Suyambulingam is a cable operator living with his wife and two daughters in a small town by the same name. Though educated only till 4th class, he has acquired for himself a home, 5 acres land, a jeep and a bike. Many of the things that he has learnt have come through the movies that he watches daily. Everything is going well, until one night in his absence his elder daughter Selvi accidentally kills her blackmailer Varun (IG Geetha's son) and his wife helps to dispose off the body. When Suyambulingam returns and finds what has happened, he quickly grasps that an inquiry regarding Varun's disappearnce would be imminent and the connection to his daughter will for sure be revealed. He then uses all his knowledge from films to protect his family. The fact that the steps that he takes are intelligently crafted and are not predictable make the film interesting till the end.

Keeping the entertainment quotient of the film aside, I would like to highlight something which struck me here. In the first half of Papanasam, Suyambulingam is shown as a hardworking and upright man. He refuses to accept a delayed dowry from his father-in-law. He stands up against an arrogant, local constable, Perumal who tries to make use of his power and troubles people for personal gain. When told to be careful in his behaviour towards men with authority, he says that being innocent he is not scared of the police and only fears God. But this God fearing nature is instantaneously pushed aside the moment Suyambulingam is himself put to test. He does not take much time in hatching plans to keep the truth from coming out. As he proceeds in his endeavour, that he has a guilty conscience is never really shown. Only towards the close does he express his sadness at having taught his children to lie.

It appeared to me that the story tends to justify the protagonist's actions in terms of his belief that the law will not consider Varun's death an accident, that Varun was blackmailing would not be revealed and that his daughter and wife would be sent to jail which would besmirch their names. But God knows our hearts and we wouldn't be able to absolve ourselves as easily in front of Him.

The Bible tells us that He wants us to be holy and perfect, just the way He is. In Matthew Chapter 8, Jesus Christ has warned:

7 Woe to the world because of offences! For offences must come, but woe to that man by whom the offence comes!

What He says further in verses 8 and 9 tells us how strict or disciplined we have to be with ourselves to match the standards expected of us.

8 If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it out from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.

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(Image source: http://www.deccanchronicle.com)

Upper bound

2015-03-19T03:31:00.001-04:00

Early January I heard the following statement:

"Our limitations are self-inflicted."

Though these profound words were said in the context of doing science, they do ring a bell even in our daily lives. One can say that if you let distractions like gossip, worries, jealousy, and even success affect the way you function, then these are limitations that you have created yourself. In my opinion, however, not everything that stops us from moving ahead is of our own doing. For instance, certain health issues crop up sometimes due to a family history or simply out of nowhere. The world economy crumbles and the jobs once considered secure, are lost. Your best laid plans fall flat for no fault of yours.

In comparison I feel our fears are perhaps always self-imposed. A classic example is my fear of dogs since school days (see an old post on it here). Now well into my 30s, I am still not prepared to overcome this phobia. Even today I will do everything possible to keep the longest distance from stray dogs on the streets. On a more serious note, there can be other deeper fears, such as a fear of opening your heart to love, a fear of commitment, a fear of abandonment, a fear of losing someone dear, a fear of falling short of people's expectations, etc. that can hold you back from finding happiness and peace.

When I discussed this topic of fears with a colleague I met during a conference, she said that in her opinion our fears can also keep us safe. The fear of getting duped, robbed, assaulted or raped can force us to be more aware of our surroundings, to not be naively trusting and to take certain precautionary measures. Indeed it may be one such step that could ultimately protect us from an untoward happening. However, the unease lurking in our minds can also bind us, curtail our independence and hinder us from what we might otherwise be capable of achieving were we living in a utopian world.

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Image (top) source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/madhanac

Me time

2014-11-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

(Image source: http://pixabay.com)

What do you consider as your Me Time?

Is it the moment when you wake up in the morning and fix a cup of tea?
Or is it the extra time you take on a weekend to sleep?
Is it the 60 minutes you spend in the gym or out jogging?
Or is it when a new recipe in the kitchen you are cooking?
Is it the evening hours of togetherness with family?
Or is it when you go on a holiday separately?
Is it when you read, write, watch tv or play?
Or is it in bed at night when you quietly pray?

I've always thought me time to be as the time which belongs to you, doing things allowing you to unwind.

Can our work also be our me time? If it were, then would we put more into it than we otherwise do? Would it reduce the stress we normally feel around deadlines? Would then peer pressure and the need to perform not bother us? On the other side, will we end up devoting ourselves to work exclusively? Will we forget to appreciate the beauty around us?

Should I feel apologetic if my work is or isn't my me time?

Looking back

2014-11-02T01:51:00.001-04:00

(Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/katerha)

There is a part in Genesis (Chapter 18-19) where the Lord is going to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of the extreme sinning in the cities and He reveals this plan to Abraham. But when Abraham pleads to the Lord for the righteous living there, He agrees to not destroy the cities even if there are only ten good people remaining. Two angels arrive in Sodom and are taken in by Abraham's nephew, Lot. Not only does he provide them a meal but also intervenes when a maddening crowd surrounds his house. These angels who are about to bring the destruction then bring Lot, his wife and daughters out of the city. They tell Lot and his family to escape and not look back. But Lot's wife does and is turned into a pillar of salt.

Recently I was asked whether looking back I would have liked to change something I did or didn't do from a professional standpoint. Initially stumped by the question my answer was no. Not that I imagine myself to be perfect, requiring no polishing, I feel such attempts in general can leave you questioning everything specially if life is not going your way. Wondering years or even moments after the decision was made if one should have taken a different path altogether or chosen to keep walking on the road one was already on could be detrimental to your present happiness.

It is better to introspect where you are currently and if you are not satisfied with what you see then try to improve that aspect in the future. Even after this process it may be a while before an opportunity arises or you are able to create one yourself. Until then we do as it says in Hebrews, Chapter 12:

1... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfect of faith.

Trial and error (8): Paalak murg or Spinach chicken

2014-03-24T16:03:00.000-04:00

Continuing with my effort to cheer myself up I tried this simple recipe of Paalak Murg (Spinach Chicken) gravy. Living abroad I have often found the lamb meat does not taste as nice as back home. As a result I mostly cook chicken or sometimes prawns. So I thought that I should try something new using chicken.

How I did it?
I have been following Mehan's Kitchen blog for some time now. Previously I have made broccoli cutlets using a recipe from the blog. This time I chose Chicken and Spinach Curry recipe there. The one minor addition that I made was using two diced tomatoes to make the gravy along with the onion. As I did not have garam masala, I substituted it with biryani masala.

Notes on cooking technique.
I have to admit that for once I did not come across any difficulties while cooking Paalak Murg. In the future too I don't see any reason to deviate from the methodology.

My verdict.
It was totally yummy and I enjoyed eating Paalak Murg with chapatis. Here are is a picture for you to see:

Paalak murg or Spinach chicken gravy

Trial and error (7): Broccoli quiche

2014-03-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

Last week I was feeling a bit low. So I thought of changing things a bit over the weekend by trying out a couple of new and of course easy recipes. :) Yesterday evening I gave making Broccoli Quiche a try.

How I did it?
I followed the video for the above dish on allrecipes.com (see here). I used shredded cheddar cheese and a store bought readymade pie crust which made the cooking very simple. The other small difference was that instead of using broccoli heads as it is, I chopped them into smaller pieces.

Notes on cooking technique.
As the pie crust was not pre-baked in the oven before placing all the filling over it, the base remains soft. The next time I will probably try to make it crispy and brown by baking it first initially for 10 min with weights and then without them for another 15 min. I did set the oven to 350 F but after 20 min when I did not find the filling to solidify and set, I increased the temperature 400 F and baked for another 10 min.

My verdict.
I definitely enjoyed the end result. As the broccoli quiche was made for dinner time I served it with pasta. One could also have salad on the side as a more healthy option.

Here are the photos of my effort:

Home made broccoli quiche

Gulaab Gang - violence begets violence

2014-03-16T21:30:00.000-04:00

(Image source: official poster)

Gulaab Gang is one movie that I was very much looking forward to. Starring the once competitors Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla this was meant to be a clash of the titans. When its trailer first came out I had thought the film will be crackling. But sadly it was a great let down for me.

Simply put the story is of Rajjo (Madhuri Dixit) who runs a group called Gulaab Gang which is ever ready to put the danda (or rod) to use. Enters Sumitra Devi (Juhi Chawala) as the vicious politician to add to their troubles. Both power wielding ladies are soon pitted against each other. Who wins - the good or the evil? forms the rest of the movie.

Personally I felt that all the good dialogues were used up in the trailer. The songs and dance seemed ill placed and slowed the pace. I wish the story to have been more of a battle of wits than weapons. In my view the character of Sumitra devi dripped of vileness in every scene and expression from the get go which robbed the audience of any twists or surprises. On a different note it also made me ask some questions. For instance,

If those who use their positions for personal gain, do so as openly? While extreme in nature, Sumitra devi mirrors the reality. I was revisiting the first season of Satyamev Jayate - Episode 3 in which a video recorded as part of a sting operation carried out by a bride-to-be showed her prospective in-laws loudly shouting and unabashedly demanding dowry from her parents and brothers.

Why is it that having a choice between the right and wrong and between heaven and hell some people would still go for the latter option in each case? I suppose knowing is one thing and believing another.

If today the Lord was to speak from the heaven would it help? The book of Exodus is full of instances of His glory and power. Most of us are at least aware of the part where He saved His people from the Egyptian Pharaoh and his soldiers by parting the Red Sea. Through their journey He was with them - as a cloud during the day and as fire by night. But when Moses did not come down from the mountain for a long time, they turned to other gods.

In the film some cases were shown in which Gulaab Gang went to the rescue of ill treated women. But not once were they successful in appealing to the reason of the perpetrators and always ended up resorting to various forms of violence - slapping, breaking bones, cutting ears, and even killing. The action packed climax ends with Sumitra devi's mighty hand being both literally and figuratively cut off and with Rajjo also getting jailed. It reiterated for me what Jesus Christ had said when stopping his disciple from coming to his defence against arrest:

"… for all who take the sword will perish by the sword." (Matthew, Chapter 26, verse 52)

A lot of young men and women these days are inclined to think that the solution to all corrupt and deplorable acts is to simply lynch the criminals and offenders. But that does not change wrong practices nor put an end to all kinds of deceit and lawlessness. Martin Luther King, Jr. had phrased it way better:

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy, instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder the hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." (Ref: Where do we go from here: chaos or community, 1967, pp 62-63)

What goes into a great marriage - Part 2

2014-03-15T11:22:00.002-04:00

(Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dark_ghetto28)

Continuing from where I left in Part 1 of this two post series, I am going to list out now the remaining five pointers for a great marriage.

(6) Show grace
What we receive from God is through His grace and not because of our good works. In a relationship we must extend the same grace to our partner. Living together spouses are likely to hurt each other on occasions. But it does no good to hold on to the anger. An advice my father-in-law gave to my husband and me was to end a fight before going to sleep at night and to not take it over to the next day. Be kind and forgiving in love. Do not keep pointing out your spouse's mistakes and don't get upset when they are unable to change the way you want them to. Realise that everyone's journey to God is different and that He works on each person in a unique way. Let your home be a place where your heart always wants to return however bad the day might have gone.

(7) Stay open
I have to admit that when I was in school and college I used to feel shy to speak up in class. Even now sometimes in parties or get-togethers I enjoy listening more. It is with those close to me that I love to talk. Not surprisingly a top priority for was me was to find a husband with whom I'll have a great comfort and vice versa so that neither would feel awkward in saying anything. In a marriage being able to communicate is so important. Couples must forge a bond of trust which allows them to share their stories with the confidence that they will not be made fun of. I think that specially when we are stressed we tend to keep our worries to ourselves in our desire to protect the other person. But such secrets only build up with time and make your heart heavy burdened. So whatever the difficulty don't shut your spouse out. Whether it is about a thought eating you or your love - openly express it.

(8) Plan romance
A few years into marriage a routine can set in a couple's life. Marketing for groceries, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc take up a lot of your time and focus. For those who have kids things are still busier. Taking them to school, helping them with home work and assignments, activity classes, sports practice sessions, their friends' birthday parties, … the list is endless. Along with that in India many married couples stay with parents and some even in joint families. Given this scenario it is much needed to take that special time out for each other. It is not about spending a lot of money but being together by yourselves.

(9) Be flexible
On my older blog I had once written a post (see here) inspired by Somerset Maugham's quote:

We are not the same person this year as the last; nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

Indeed we as individuals evolve with time. You are affected by the happenings around the world, challenges you face, various experiences which you undergo, interesting people with their unusual outlooks whom you meet, and even by the vast knowledge that is now so easily available through the internet. A primary reason I started Write Around the Corner was because I felt different from the girl who used to write on My Scribbling Space. But it is not a happy chance that will keep us on track to loving a changed person while changing ourselves. It requires us to not be simply absorbed in ourselves but study our partner. Hear what he or she is saying and read between the lines. Don't always do things your way. Be considerate and be flexible enough to give in to your spouse's needs and wishes.

(10) Relax
I remember throughout my Ph.D. I used to be very serious when preparing for presentations. I would rehearse speaking so many times beforehand that on the actual event I would sound too practiced. But in the last one year I have learnt to relax more. I still go through my slides and make tweaks but I don't get worked up about it. I suppose it should be the same when it comes to our relationships. We shouldn't be obsessed about making everything perfect. The worst thing you could do to yourself is compare your life with others and give it a rating. Instead be calm and enjoy the journey. Make those changes which are needed but give them time to settle. Take up hobbies that you like and don't isolate yourselves. And when frustrated call upon God for help.

Unanswered prayers

2014-03-13T14:51:00.002-04:00

(Image source: http://abureauphoto.deviantart.com)

I am sure it has happened to many of us when we've been praying for something incessantly but still found God not granting that to us. Does it mean He is not even listening to us? I don't think so. I am beginning to see that His not answering is an answer in itself- a resounding NO, which we are mostly not prepared and willing to accept.

Yesterday in the Bible study I go to, one of the girls said that she feels that the things that God is not giving to her are really her wants and not needs. However, even our needs He may not provide us at the time we think is right but when He knows its the most appropriate. Until then what you have on your hands is a seemingly endless wait in which you tend to battle with questions.

Questions about our future often plague us. You may even seem to be lost in the woods. As living creatures we are prone to be lead by what we can see, hear, or feel. We find it easier to base our belief on something tangible. It would take a lot to stop oneself from turning to a person who gives you the impression that he can "tell" you all. It is in exactly such blurriness that God wants us to hold on to our faith in Him. This requires us to trust in the Lord leaving aside our anxiousness and apprehensions. Such a conviction only comes when you love with all your heart, mind, and soul. Then we too will be able to say like King David:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil,
For You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
(Psalm, Chapter 23, verse 4)

So today let us pray that we may no longer be afraid of the unknown that is lying ahead.

What goes into a great marriage - Part 1

2014-03-02T23:25:00.001-05:00

(Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/timdorr)

Last Sunday at our church service the sermon was on the ways to have a great marriage. In our pastor's words a marriage is like a garden which needs careful tending. He gave us ten practical instructions based on his 23 year old marriage. In this post I am going to talk about five of those points based on what I heard during the sermon with my own thoughts mixed in.

(1) Motive
In India they say if your children are married then they are settled. For some girls marriage means security. Others consider it to be their fairytale ending. Romantic movie dialogues give the impression that it is a way to complete oneself and a key to finding happiness. Our Pastor however, equated this to a form of idolatry as you are putting a person on an even higher pedestal than God. If you do feel that there is a part that is lacking in your life then you should look to God to satisfy it. What then you might question is the purpose of marriage. A Christian marriage is the coming together of two persons to serve and honour God and it is meant to be demonstrative of God's love for the world. Just as the vows that my husband and I took at the altar said, a marriage is a commitment

to love, comfort, honour, and keep (your spouse), for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, so long as both shall live.

Rightly so it should not be entered into lightly.

(2) Be thankful
Living together for years can bring in a sense of overfamiliarity. It is very easy to take the other person for granted. With time you are no longer shy or intimidated to say or do things as you were in the beginning of the relationship. After a while your focus may shift to noticing all that is wrong in your spouse. This can obviously build up resentment in your heart and cause you get angry. In such a scenario it is very important to remember to recognise the good qualities your spouse has, to acknowledge the efforts they put in daily, and to praise him/her for the support and comfort they give you. Our Pastor suggested writing your spouse a letter or saying a prayer specially for your husband/wife to remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place. Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 8 also tells us that we should meditate on

...whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise.

(3) Lean on God
Last year I had posted (see here) how we tend to wrongly believe that we can achieve anything by our own efforts alone. In a similar vein in a marriage when couples face difficulties they are inclined to resolving their issues by themselves. While we are (correctly) willing to use different resources available to us, such as articles on the internet, self help books and therapy to fix everything by ourselves, we are reluctant to ask God or may be we even forget that He is in the picture. I believe that if there is one being who will not judge us for our weakness but love us all the more, then that is God. So when the going gets tough follow what Proverbs, Chapter 3 says:

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

(4) Ask for help
A question that was raised in this week's Bible study was "Why do married couples find it difficult to ask for help?" Personally I feel after marriage your problems are no longer just your problems as there are two lives which are now intertwined. While social networking sites are great at connecting with friends, they also tend to give a false sense as if everybody else is having a wonderful life. How then are you supposed to feel comfortable reaching out? These days the one spot I am quite at ease is perhaps our church. I have come to realise that it is not just a place of worship, but also a safe haven where anyone can go to though broken spirited and tired with struggles and still be accepted. For some it is not shame but pride that comes in the way of taking help. Mostly we want to be independent and are wary of taking advice. In either case, not drawing upon somebody else's wisdom could prove detrimental in keeping a marriage. So if you are shying away from friends, talk to the elders in your family. Sometimes it is just a matter of understanding that the difficulties that you are going through are not unusual and can be overcome.

(5) Fight fair
For starters I don't think any marriage can be conflict-free. I have previously written a post (see here) on the fiery aftereffects of anger and how to douse them. Hurtful words indeed have a habit of lingering on long after they have been uttered and can be devastating to a marriage when they are added to a list which is being constantly renewed and reviewed. This makes it all the more necessary to hold oneself from saying anything that could be regrettable. Taking time out and getting away from the situation at hand could help you gain perspective on why you are fighting. Ask yourself if you are simply trying to win a point over your spouse. Our Pastor advised couples to not exaggerate during arguments and avoid beginning sentences with "you never" or "you always". Something that I will surely remember from the sermon is him telling that the most important words in a marriage are not "I love you" but "May be you are right". So be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. (James, Chapter 1, verse 19)

How love should be

2014-02-14T11:34:00.000-05:00

(Image source: http://commons.wikimedia.org)

It is that day of the year when love can be literally found all around us - in the meaningful cards and beautiful flowers, in the first confessions of hidden feelings, in the vows taken for a life together, in the celebrations of what you have, and in the sad remembrances for some who lost. But love is not about what you do on Valentine's Day but how you are with your love every day. Verses 4-8 in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 (see here) provide the best description of what is love. Using these as a guide I have written this short poem.

In love be willing to endure and be gentle

And do not ever be resentful

In love be humble and be modest

And do not be to others insolent

In love be selfless and be slow to anger

And in your heart do not keep things bitter

In love do not revel in the sinful ways

Instead exult when truth reigns

In love take on whatever life may bring

Without your trust even once through it floundering

In love always stand firm and always hold on to your belief

Your love should be such that it does not cease

Satyamev Jayate (6): Haule Haule… song

2014-02-05T20:50:00.000-05:00

Bikhrey tootey tukde saare judh rahe hain 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Betuke se sur woh saare mil rahe hain 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Aainey ka dhundhlaa chehra khil raha hai 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Nanhisi ek jaan ne apna bachpan khoya

Khauff ki maili chadar odhke soya

Bebas, akela, bezubaan, chupchaap royaa 

Barson se yeh behte aansoo tham rahe hain 

Dheere dheere, haule haule 

Khul rahi aankhen jo ab tak nam rahi hain 

Dheere dheere, haule hauley

Aainey ka dhundhlaa chehra khil raha hai 

Dheere dheere, haule hauley

Chura ke khud se aankhein main har pal jiya 

Zahar jo usne ghola maine woh piya 

Chuppi ke aadh mein chipkar usne jurm kiya 

Zubaan par laga woh taala khul raha hai 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Meri nahi koi khata ye pataa chala hai 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Aainey ka dhundhlaa chehra khil raha hai 

Dheere dheere, haule haule

Ram Sampath has both given music and lent his voice to the song Haule haule… which he performed at the end of Episode 2 of Satyamev Jayate. Svati Chakrvarty has penned the lyrics describing the pain and suffering and the long road to recovery of a child who has been sexually abused. Below I have tried to translate the above lyrics in English for those who do not understand Hindi.

Scattered, broken pieces are all unifying